Hey, did you see me swishing it
from the top of the key last night?
Didn't even drive.
Yeah, well, I just hope you can do that during the game.
Are you kidding? I was raised on basketball.
They used to call me High Points Ponch.
- Yeah.
- Globetrotters.
I used to watch 'em on TV all the time.
'Calling street units, LA.'
'There's a disabled female'
'brown four-door 450SEL'
'southbound, one-quarter mile north of Colorado.'
'Golden State Unit responding. Please answer.'
LA-7 Mary 3 and 4.
We'll check out the Mercedes.
'Ten-four, 7 Mary 3.'
Now, give me those rings. Come on, quick, hurry.
There she is.
Well, she sure can't complain about the service.
Gimme that..
'Help!'
Help. Help. Help me!
Hey, what's that joker doin'?
Help me!
'Help. Help.'
Help me.
He robbed me. He took everything.
- Well, do something! - Just take it easy, ma'am.
We'll take care of it, okay? Just take it easy.
Next time, pal.
LA-15 7 Mary 4.
Roll an 11-85, a fire rig and two units for an 11-84.
Uh, did you see the name on the side of the truck, ma'am?
Oh, it was, uh, uh, Teddy.
Uh, Tommy? Uh, no, no, no.
No, no, Toluca. Oh, I don't know.
Well, can you remember anything else?
Well, well, don't you know? I mean, you sent him.
Oh, I can assure you, ma'am, that man had nothin' to do
with the Highway Patrol.
All I know is, I, I called CHP
and a man came and robbed me.
He even took my wedding rings.
Whoo!
- Sure.
I've been in a heck of a lot worse than this.
- Here, let me give you a hand. - Sure.
Are you sure? - Yes, I am. Alright.
You mind if we step away from this?
My pleasure.
Oh, my Lord. Man.
That stuff really does stink, don't it?
Do you know what that is?
- No.
- Don't have none.
Cargo like this has got to have papers.
Look, I asked 'em for papers, and all they said was
"Pull out, you're behind schedule."
So, I did.
Well, do you know if this stuff is explosive?
No, I, I don't think so.
Although the guys that was loading it, they was smoking.
It didn't blow up then.
Spooking a flatbed, huh, Ponch?
I'm surprised at you.
Hey, call Caltrans
and tell 'em to bring their bestperfume.
You got it.
'Hey, he's okay, alright? Yeah, he's been--'
Los Angeles 15-5 Mary.
10-97 to 7 Mary 4.
Notify Caltrans to send home state-paid truck for cleanup.
'Ten-four, 5 Mary.'
Hey, Ponch, that, uh..
Whew! I gotta talk to you about your deodorant, old buddy.
Very funny.
Guess who the, uh, tow
- Don't tell me. - That's right.
- That makes number three. - "Zorro strikes again."
In fact, this time, he took the lady's wedding rings.
All victims women. Stranded and alone.
You know, he's bad news.
Yeah, we gotta catch that turkey.
You know this stuff, uh..
This would make a great stink bomb.
I got news for you, partner. It does.
Now, we better get back to Central
and write that report.
Yeah, well, uh..
I've heard that "we" bit before.
Whee.
Hey, Brouillette, that's nasty stuff, man.
- Oh, thank you, doctor. - Hey, I'm not kidding.
That stuff will make you higher than a jigger of martinis.
And it canreally flip you out.
Whoo!
Hey, where are you going?
Ponch.
What are you doing?
I gotta freshen up. I wanna look my best for Getraer.
What are you gonna do? Ask him out?
Come on, Ponch, there's a bathroom inside.
Oh, yeah.
But I like the great outdoors.
Hey, Ponch, you still got those hot hands?
Bobby, my hands are always hot, and ready.
I'm gonna make many points. Many.
- Alright. - Ugh!
Bill, bill, junk mail
inter-department memo.
- Bill..
You're not gonna check it out?
In order of importance, my boy.
- After the junk mail.
No, just feelin' good.
Well, you better find out what's in those Ding Dongs you eat.
Anything you say, partner.
- This is it.
A message from a beautiful flower.
Oh, another one.
Hey, Joe, my good buddy and favorite sergeant.
How's your day?
Is it raining out, Frank?
Only around the water hose.
Look, Frank, is, uh, something the matter?
Never felt better. I mean, with the basketball game.
It's the biggie. The LA Rams?
And I'm gonna make those oil barrels roll over.
'It's gonna be far out, sergeant.'
Look, Frank
I don't know what you're up to today.
And I don't think I wanna know.
Like, I hear you guys had a, uh, run-in
with our friendly neighborhood tow-truck driver.
Oh, yeah.
Ponch here, gave him quite a run.
I sure did.
Well, why don't you guys write it up, huh?
Right away, sir.
I think you better keep your eye on him.
Uh, yeah.
Would you mind?
Sorry, partner. How you coming?
Not very prolific, huh?
Yeah, well, someone keeps interrupting my concentration.
Okay, okay, I won't bug you anymore.
Target practice over.
Camellia? I mean, uh, Camille?
Hey. Frank.
Ponch.
'You called.'
'Nowyou got it.'
'How you doing?'
Me? Ah, you know. Cruisin' down the freeway.
Oh, come on, that stuff about the quotas is a myth.
I told you that.
Oh, yeah? Yeah?
Then I'd have to pull you over and write you a ticket.
Bribing an officer is a no-no, baby.
Oh, hey, Cam. I'm gonna be starring in a basketball game.
Yeah, that's right, you play your cards right
you could sit right behind me on the bleachers.
- Uh, hey, knock it off. - Just a minute.
What's the matter?
I'm trying to write a report for us
and you're over there playing "The Dating Game."
Now, why don't you go down the hall and use the phone?
In fact, better yet, next time, youcan write the report.
Oh, no. Your penmanship is a lot better than mine.
Sorry, Cam, I gotta go, okay? Listen..
See you at the game, okay? Right, bye, great.
- Come on, Romeo. - Okay.
Looks like a deuce.
'Either that or his wheels are outta line.'
Hey, pull it over.
- Yeah, you!
I want, I don't understand what you're saying.
- Pull it over there!
- Right now! - Alright.
- Police harassment. - Get on that sidewalk.
Now, look.
Look here, young man.
Before you, uh..
LA-15 7 Mary 3.
Roll a car unit for 11-48. Deuce.
...that I am a very prominent attorney
who is very close with the LA...PD.
- Oh, yeah. I see.
- We work very closely-- - 'Ten-four, 7 Mary 3--'
'Well, I'll keep that in mind if ever I need an attorney.'
Officer, can you help me?
- I'm lost. - Yes, ma'am.
Now, have you been drunking?
I'll have you kn-know that I am cold-stone sober.
Well, I'll determine that.
You're gonna have to take a urine test.
No way. No. - Then, maybe a blood test.
Are you crazy, listen, you, you..
- You keep your hands off me. - No, no. Not here.
Those tests are for downtown.
Listen, I know the, the laws in this state
and I'm entitled to three on-the-spot sobriety tests.
Right here, uh, first is the, is the, is the
finger on the nose, walkin' the straight line and--
- Wrong.
We're gonna start with the alphabet.
Alphabet.
♪ A B C D F G I ♪
Wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute. A, A B C D F?
- No kidding.
- Okay, okay, another test. - Alright. Okay.
'Now, I want you to extend your right hand'
'with the index finger out.'
Now, all you have to do is bring it around
and touch the tip of your nose.
- You missed. - Shh! Shh!
I'll get it.
You've been drinking, you--
- Shh! - You had a few..
Thanks a lot, officer.
Good evening. Thank you.
Yeah, yeah, and that was..
Excuse us, sir. Come here.
- And, don't you go anywhere. - I'll be right here.
What's the matter? What are you doing?
Look, Ponch, I think I know what's wrong with you.
What are you talking about?
Remember those chemical cylinders we..
It's gotta be, you inhaled enough
of that stuff to float a blimp.
You're higher than a kite.
Now, you're gonna go to UC for a little observation and detox.
Oh, come on. I don't wanna go to hospital.
- The Rams. The game.
I'm the ace, remember, without me
you guys are not gonna make any points.
Ponch, hey. It'll be our loss, okay?
What about Cam? I don't wanna stand her up.
Well, look here, I'll give her your best, huh?
Come on.
Don't you wanna see my driver's license
and my registra... Look at that, huh?
Huh? Ha?
'I don't think that will be necessary, sir.'
'Oh, really?'
'Alright, uh..'
'Don't say that I wasn't cooperating with LAPD.'
Hey, I got two of 'em for ya.
'Attention Harbor Units LA. Disabled female.'
'Maroon BMW, northbound Harbor'
'to northbound Hollywood.'
Pull it over!
Huh?
Pull it over right now!
Alright, huh..
Party's over, hot dog.
Huh?
'I don't believe you.'
'15-7 Adam.'
'Confirming your ETA of 5 to assist a disabled female.'
'Harbor-Hollywood interchange.'
'Alright. Come on.'
Watch the time.
Hey, terrific, Jon. Attaway! Yippee!
'Pick 'em up. Come on.'
Okay, now, let's go.
Come on.
Alright, set up, you guys. Set a play up. Set a play up.
Come on, move back on defense.
Pick up your man.
Play back.
'Good shot. Good defense.'
Rebound, get the rebound.
Guys, go on.
Pick 'em up. Get inside, get in position.
Hey, Jon. Bring it back.
Time, time, time, time. Come on.
- Come on. - Come on, you guys.
Come on. Look, we're in a lot of trouble out there.
- Yeah, no kidding.
You see the size of those monsters?
One of 'em stepped on my knee.
I'm lucky I can walk, let alone run.
Oh, we could've used Ponch, man.
Look, forget about Ponch.
Hey, has anybody seen his date?
Look, Baker, this is a lousy time to think about girls, huh?
Sorry, sarge. Come on, let's get it going, guys.
Okay, now, look.
Slow it down out there, okay?
And get your shot, and for once
let's put it through the hoop, huh?
- Alright, okay. Here we go. - Come on. Go.
Go. Hey!
Come on, throw it together.
Okay, now set up.
Come on, will ya?
Oh, that we lost the game?
He's gonna find out sooner or later anyway.
What about what's
Yeah, well, uh, I think I'll tell him about her too.
- 10-10. - 10-10.
- Catch you later. - Alright.
'So, this little chickie looks at me'
'like it can only mean one thing, right?'
So, I says to her
"Ain't you a little young to be out so late, sweetheart?"
Excuse me.
So, I figured, this chick is worth
a little ride up to the lake.
- Well, I figured if-- - I said, "Excuse me."
So, I figured this chick is worth a ride up to the lake.
So, we hop into my truck--
- Come on, guys, this is my car.
The wheels ain't even big enough to carry.
- Yeah, sure.
As soon as I finish telling the boys a story.
So, we hop into my truck, we start tooling up the freeway.
Fine, don't get off.
Hey, what do you think you're doing?
I'm gonna drive outta here. You wanna go with me? Fine.
Hey, not till I'm finished.
See what smokin' does to you?
'Attention, visitors.'
Poncherello. 422?
'Visiting hours will end in 10 minutes.'
'Attention, visitors.'
'Visiting hours will end in 10 minutes.'
- Hey, old buddy.
I gotta get out of here. I gotta get out.
Oh, I don't--
My clothes are in that closet. Locked up.
Maybe they want you to pay your bill before you leave.
I'm over the effects. I feel fine.
Now, I wanna get out of here.
Not until the doctor tells you to.
Hey, buddy, friend, you've gotta help me.
Oh, hey, this mattress is real comfortable.
Yeah, great.
Oh, come on, Ponch..
Just stay overnight and you'll be home, free.
I don't think I'm gonna make it.
You look a little grim.
Don't tell me the Rams beat us by 30 points.
- Forty.
Ah, come on, you're putting me on.
You're not putting me on? I don't believe it.
You let those clumsy guys walk all over you?
Clumsy?
Must have been a blow to Cam not to see me there.
You mean she wasn't even there?
I'm sorry, Ponch.
Hey, come on.
She probably thought you weren't gonna be playing
so, she took a rain check.
Yeah, you're right.
She must've called Central.
But she could have come to see me here.
I hope there's a Ding Dong in this.
Two Ding Dongs and a Cream-Puffy.
I'm gettin' out of this prison. Poncherello wants out..
Poncherello gets out.
What's going on in here? What's that?
What is what?
This is unauthorized food.
Go on, get in bed.
Down, sonny.
And visiting's over in twominutes.
Yes, ma'am.
- Got it. Hoo-hoo!
'See what I mean?'
You gotta help me get that closet open.
I got it, let's get out of...where'd she come from?
Oh, I don't know. Friend of Getraer's?
Hi.
Ready for your sponge bath?
See ya, Ponch.
Okay, partner.
Hello, Jon.
Hey, old buddy. How you feeling?
I've never felt better.
I mean, did you hang an eye on that nurse?
Yeah, as a matter of fact
I thought you might be sick for at least another day or so.
She gives a meansponge bath.
Oh, don't tell me that.
Hey, but I wouldn't leave you alone
out here in the front lines, partner.
- Thanks. - Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Now, you know, this is gonna be what I call "My day."
- Yeah.
Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. I mean..
Everything that happens to me today is gonna be right on.
Well, that's good to know, Ponch.
You know, when things are right, they're right.
♪ Sunshine lollipops and that ♪♪
That doesn't look like rainbows, Ponch.
I gotta wash my shield.
Sunshine and lollipops. Love it.
'Help.'
Help. Help me!
'Somebody, please help me!'
'Help! Somebody help me! Please.'
- He stole my money. - Just take it easy.
'You go get him. Hurry. He robbed me. Took my money.'
Easy. Take it easy.
LA 15 7 Mary 3..
Suspect vehicle has TC'd near Pine and, uh, Coxford.
Send an ambulance. Pursuit is Code 4.
- Take it easy. Take it easy. - Get away, pig, get away.
Just take it easy. Come on, where are you hurt?
Get away from me, pig. Just get away.
Where are you hurt?
Hey, what's it to you, bud?
'Just lie still and take it easy.'
Right.
You did this to me, bud.
No, you did it to yourself, man.
Right, right, right, big cop, right.
Just let go of me.
What are you doing?
Hey, It's something we're taught.
Well, just let go of me.
Relax. It's comforting.
Come on, it'll keep you from going into shock.
God! God.
My back's on fire, man.
My back's on fire.
'Man.'
- Man, I hurt, you know. - You'll be alright.
Easy, easy, now. Come on, buddy. You've got it.
I mean, I could, I mean, I could die.
No, hang in there, man. Just lie still, okay?
- Talk to me. - Alright, alright.
I didn't wanna rob that old man back there.
- I needed the bread.
I got kids, you know?
Hadn't worked in six months, that's why.
Yeah, well, you're gonna do your kids a lot of good here.
So, what do I tell them now, huh?
Why don't you tell them the truth?
That you shouldn't have been down at that station.
Why don't you even tell 'em that..
Why don't you tell 'em you made a mistake, alright?
Look, uh, I'll give 'em a call.
I'll tell 'em, uh, be at the hospital when you come.
Would you do that for me?
Sure. Hey, I'd do it for anyone.
Alright.
Hey, bud, I appreciate that.
Different kinda cop, you know?
Yeah. I like to think I'm not.
Hey. You're gonna be fine, man, alright?
Yeah. Alright.
'Just hang in there, old buddy.'
- Good morning, sarge. - Hey..
I thought you were home recuperating.
I have you down for a day's sick leave.
I'm okay. I'm back to duty.
Not without a note from your doctor, you don't.
You can have it notarized, if you wish.
Look at the bloom in these cheeks. That's health.
Yeah.
The briefing's about to begin.
'Hey, you ever get outta cars, you can get in motors.'
Slimy old cars.
'Okay, listen up, guys. This is important.'
Uh, that tow-truck driver hit again.
'Same MO?'
Yeah, almost, except this time
the woman was, uh, not only robbed
but she was roughed up.
'Hospital time.'
'As soon as a disabled female call goes out'
'get there as quick as you can.'
And get a vantage point, lay back and see what turns.
Let's put this creep outta business.
Okay. Now, for the good news.
The Rams are gonna give us a rematch tonight
at 6 o'clock, same place.
- Alright. - Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Except, this time
Mr. Super Jock is gonna be with us, right?
That's my boy.
Okay, let's do it, huh?
- Come on, Ponch. - I got it.
Something still bothers me.
I mean, I know you guys were in a bind without me there.
'But they can't be that quick, that nimble.'
- You'll see.
That good, huh?
Oh, they are fast.
Remember, they run for a living. We have to ride.
- Afternoon, boys. - Hi.
'May I see your driver's license'
'and registration, please?'
Right away. Uh..
Driver's license.
There you are, and, uh, what was that other..
- Uh, registration. - Registration, right.
Uh, there you are. All legal.
Uh, what seemed to be your rush, Mr. Sullivan?
Uh, well, surf's up.
'Surf's up. Surf's up.'
Who's the wise guy in the back?
Uh...nobody.
'Nobody. Nobody.'
Shut up, Bobaloo.
You and your friend better step out.
Well, now, that ain't as easy as it sounds, officer.
And why is that?
Well, he don't exactly take to strangers much.
Yeah, well, we'll try to be as friendly as possible.
'Now, both of you, step out.'
You really did it now, Bobaloo.
'Surf's up.'
'Come on up.'
'Surf's up.'
- 'Babaloo.' - Come on, Bobaloo.
These boys mean business.
- Surf's up. Surf's up. - This is my day for birds.
Pretty bird. Hello.
- Pretty bird. - 'That's a pretty bird.'
Pretty bird.
Hello, hello.
Hello.
You owe these boys an apology.
Apology.
Hey, wait a minute. Look over there.
'Pretty bird.'
Help has arrived.
Yeah, but he's already got a car in tow.
Yeah, kinda hinky, huh?
- Better check it out. - Okay.
Alright, Mr. Sullivan, next time, you leave
a little earlier, you won't have to speed.
Uh, hope you catch a pipeline.
Pipeline. Pipeline.
Ahem. We beat another one, didn't we?
Another one. Another one.
'Am I glad to see you.'
It must be overheated or something. I don't--
Step over here.
Just what do you think you're doing?
LA 50 7 Mary 3 and 4
in pursuit of a 211 tow truck
north on the Golden State approaching Ventura interchange.
'211 tow truck northbound Golden State'
'approaching the Ventura interchange.'
He's gonna overshoot the off-ramp.
We've got him.
'Look out, Ponch.'
Get up here. Get up here.
Put your right hand on the back of your head. Resisting arrest.
That should be good for another year in the slammer.
- Hey, easy, easy, big man. - No, you're the big man.
Especially when you come up against helpless women.
Well, they think you're out there protecting'em.
Hey, we try, you know. We really try.
Until some creep like you comes along
and scares 'em to death.
- Ah, don't take it so personal. - Hey.
Man, I do take it personal. You know why?
Because that could be my mother or my sister--
Hey, okay, Ponch, alright.
I think Slick got the message, alright?
Nice day for a swim, Ponch.
'About that uniform damage you put in for.'
'The guy insisted on dancing in the mud.'
Hey, that was no cherry patch out there, sarge.
Yeah, four counts of robbery.
We did good, huh?
Yeah, you did good, Ponch.
Now, be just as big a hero on the court.
'I'll do my best, sarge.'
Okay, come on, partner, let's hit 'em with both barrels.
Come on.