Hey, Ponch! Wake up!
Why?
Clocking a sparrow?
She's beautiful!
Tall, tanned, legs up to here.
You better keep your eyes on the car in front of you.
She wears these short shorts and little flip-flops..
...and she's even got sexy feet!
Feet? How long have you known her?
She just moved into the trailer park.
I haven't met her yet.
Did you see what almost happened to me?
Yeah, well, it was only almost, Ponch.
I'm gonna give that bozo a piece of my mind
and maybe more.
Oh, wh
I was only going 45 maybe 50.
Okay, it's possible that I was going over a little more.
But it's..
- No, but I-I can't-- - Hey, mister.
When you're on the freeway--
Hey, Ponch, uh, the traffic, okay?
Can I see your driver's license, please?
But I-I don't understand how that happened. I just..
Did you lose something?
A few hundred pounds of baby food.
Now, are you gonna help or what?
Sure, sure, okay. No problem.
Call Caltrans and tell 'em to get
a unit out here to clear this up.
And will you take over here?
We're supposed to be down at Central
waiting for a court call!
Alright.
Okay, when you get reloaded
just make sure that latch is secure, okay?
Yeah, I-I'll sit on it if I have to.
I-I-I'm sorry..
...I-I could've sworn I locked her up.
- There you go. - Thank-Thank you.
We're late. Getraer gets nervous when I'm not on time.
Oh, yeah? Well, what's he gonna do?
I mean, you're already on probation.
Oh, yeah?
If he had his way, he'd put
my whole family on probation.
Honey, look!
It gotta be worth at least $40!
'Chippies.'
You folks need any help?
We're fine. We just had a little trouble with a tire.
Well, for your own safety, you shouldn't be on the shoulder
any longer than necessary, okay?
We're leaving now, officer. Thank you.
We're clear.
It's started. Briefing's started.
We're not even going out today. We don't have to go to briefing.
I know, but nervous is nervous, and when he doesn't see me
he starts to think I'm in some kinda trouble.
Yeah, well, that's his overactive imagination, uh..
I have a feeling he's gonna see you soon enough.
So the records, uh, of, uh, gasoline consumption
and mileage, they haven't been accurate.
Therefore, the logs are gonna have to be adjusted.
Now, the following officers will report
to the clerk immediately following briefing.
Patterson.
Yeah. Wilson.
Uh...Sylvian.
Johnson T.J..
Poncherello!
Get away from the door!
I said, get away!
Excuse me.
Sorry, sarge. I couldn't hear you.
We couldn't hear him, right?
Uh, no, actually, we were looking at these files--
'Baker..'
...that's aiding and abetting.
I don't wanna see that face.
Hey, uh, Ponch. Come on, now. We're not even on duty.
You're gonna get us in trouble, now check..
Uh, no.
Oh, give me some room.
'No, Ponch, come on, don't do it. Getraer--'
'Hey, she's my project'
'for the month, remember.'
Oh, how about Ms. Trailer Park?
Legs up to here? Remember, you told me about her?
A bird in the hand, my boy.
A bird in the hand.
Good morning, my lovely!
Not now, Ponch.
The sarge needs these reports.
Saturday night they got a great double bill at the drive-in.
Some of us stopped going to drive-ins
when we graduated from high school.
Accurately you calculate your gas..
Look, this is a drive-in movie anda picnic, all in one date!
- 'It's really far out!'
Think it over, I make a terrific potato salad!
Ponch!
Yeah, thanks.
We did good today, babe.
Yeah, let's celebrate.
Let's get back to the campground.
Far out.
Hm?
Today's gotta be our day.
'A red Chevrolet... southbound to Vermont.'
'15-7 David, L.A.'
'10-21A, ASAP.'
Hey, come on, let's go, it's almost time.
Yeah, for what
No, "The Troubled World." Come on.
Hey, Ponch! This weekend, you're gonna work Dart?
No, Flyer. I need the extra money.
'And now, the continuing story of the people we know.'
'Neighbors of yours and mine.'
'The people living in..'
'..."The Troubled World."'
Oh, you gotta be kidding me!
You mean to tell me, you watch this stuff?
Shh...Carrie just told Bob that she's leaving
for Brazil with Susan and Jamie.
I'll read it when the book comes out.
'Carrie, don't tell me lies. I don't wanna hear more lies.'
'Prove your love by staying with me.'
'But you knowI love you.'
'I left Georgefor you.'
'But not until I left Carla.'
'Carrie, sometimes I doubt your words, doubt our future.'
'Sometimes I'm sure we have nothingtogether.'
'Bob, don't say that. I can't bear it. I won't hear it.'
'Then prove your love. Stay with me forever.'
'I will, my dear, after we return.'
'No, Carrie, it's ifyou return.'
'You know me better than that.'
'You know I've never lied to you.'
'Haven't you, Carrie? Haven't you, really?'
'Oh, Carrie, I love you. I need you.'
'I want you here. Now!'
'I can't, sweetheart. We've got a plane to catch.'
'Oh, every time we're close and I feel something good'
'is about to happen, you've gotta..'
You said you didn't want to see my face or hear my voice.
I can't think in there!
Well, it wasn't myvoice.
I thought you were gonna keep him in check, Baker.
I thought I could dependon you.
Yeah, well, see, Carrie told Bob--
That she's going to Brazil with Jamie--
Please. Jon, please!
Hey, I'm two cases short.
What?
You've gotta be kidding!
You know that baby food was on the way to the lab.
It was contaminated with botulism.
I-I know, I-I probably lost them when I got this.
I gotta make a phone call.
'The four of them were crouched behind their car.'
'It was just me and my bike against four men'
'two 45s and two sawed-offs.'
I pulled my gun, I grabbed my mike and called for backup.
That's when they opened fire. I was hit by a bullet!
Oh, that hurt real bad! I went down!
I got up and I got hit on this side.
Oh, you girls..
I was speaking very low.
Baker, both of you, out.
Uh, we're waiting for a call, sarge--
Look! Stand by at home.
'I will phone you when the call comes in.'
Oh, good, we'll both be at my place.
Look, I don't care where you are
as long as you're not here.
- Right.
Good. Good.
Ponch, hey, why your place?
I want you to see Melinda.
- Yep.
Oh, yeah, the-the one with the sexy feet.
Right, and you'll get a free introductory lesson
to the Poncherello School of Cool.
Hello, Henry.
That's a boy. That's a boy.
See that, uh?
'What do you think I should use?'
'Do I give her my Redford approach'
or maybe I'll be more continental, like, uh
Rex Harrison?
I just wanna see her feet.
Well, maybe I'll try my Stallone.
Hey, hey, come here!
Hey!
Hey, Ponch.
Oh, mister, don't open that hood.
'Don't open that hood, whatever you do.'
Don't open that hood!
- LA 15, 7 Mary 3.. - Easy, take some deep breaths.
Deep breaths!
Gulp some oxygen.
Alright. Fine.
- '7 Mary 3, 10-4.' - 'You're doing fine.'
- 'So take it easy.' - Keep it moving, come on.
- Breathe some air. Go ahead. - Oh, my God, Randy!
- Randy's in the car.
- Randy! Randy's in the car. - Hey, hey!
- 'You gotta do something.' - 'Calm down.'
'Randy's in the car!'
- I'll get him. - Calm down. Relax.
Easy, boy. Easy. Easy, boy, come on.
Come on, now. Easy, hey, hey, hey. Come on. Come on.
Come here, okay, come here.
'Come on, let me in there. Come..'
'Oh, no, I slipped on it. Come on, le..'
'He's.. No, come on, easy boy. Easy.'
'Come on, let me in. Let me in. Come on.'
- 'Come on, boy'
'Come on, come on. No, no, no.'
'Come here, come here, come here, come on.'
Atta boy, easy, now. Easy.
- Come on, Randy, come on. - 'Okay.'
'Let me in there, come on.'
'Let me in there. Hey, hey. Oh, no, no!'
- Easy, boy, easy. Ow! - 'Come on, boy.'
Come on. No, no, no.
Easy, come on, come on.
'Come on. Don't hurt him.'
- 'Come on, Randy!' - Come on.
'Be careful with him.'
- 'Don't hurt him.' - 'Come on, get off there.'
'Come on, hold on, I'll get it.'
He'll be alright, relax.
- Okay, I got it now, come on. - 'Easy with it.'
Come on, boy. Come on, come on, come on. Get out!
- Hurry up. Come on, come on! - You got him.
Come on, boy. Here. Come on.
- Hey, boy. - Here, boy.
- Phew! - Oh, baby, you're alright.
Randy, you're okay, come on.
Oh, Randy.
Are you alright now?
'You didn't get burned.'
- 'Boy, I'm so happy.' Everybody okay?
'Yeah, we're fine.'
'Ha ha ha. Come here, boy.'
'I don't believe you, Ponch.'
Getraer is gonna have a field day with you.
'I'm gonna give you a bath.'
'Randy, you're gonna be beautiful for the weekend.'
'Yeah, you and me, kid.'
'It's okay. Come here, Randy.'
'Come on, give me a hug.'
'Atta boy!'
Hey, Francis, I baked you a rhubarb pie!
- Alright!
Okay, Dirty Harry, we got you covered.
Bang! Bang!
You got your own John Dillinger, huh?
Yeah, and old Al Capone, too.
Be it ever so humble.
Yeah, well, where is, uh, Ms. Sexy Feet?
She's in that nest over there.
Oh, well, you go on. I'll just, uh, wait here and observe.
Not like this. This has to be done right.
Come on.
Well, I see you've, uh, cleaned this up.
Huh? Oh, yeah. Hey, why don't you have a seat over here, Jon?
- No, thanks.
- Uh, let me see.
I got a little apple juice and a piece of watermelon
left over from the fourth.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah, well, this is almost-- - Yeah, I know.
It's a little dried out.
I'll pass.
You know, I coulddo it like in the movies.
I could walk over and, uh, borrow a cup of sugar or flour.
Yeah, if you could find a cup.
Are you kidding? I know where everything is in here.
Uh, lucky it was that pole and not my leg.
Now, what do you think?
Alright, sugar or flour?
Well, what happened to the, uh, Poncherello School Of Cool?
Well, I'm always open for suggestions, Jon.
Just go up to her and say, "Hey, my name is Frank
and, uh, I'd like to get to know you."
And take it from there. Just be honest.
- You're right. - Yeah.
You're absolutely right.
I'm gonna let herdiscover me.
Ah-ha...I'll put these on
and go outside and polish my bike.
Chicks can't resist a nice, shiny bike..
...and me in these shorts.
Oh...there she is!
'Oh!'
Yeah.
I can't see her feet.
Got it. Dalecki's Baby Food.
One of myofficers? Loose load cite?
Not so far, but we'll check right into it.
Yes, sir, we'll start an immediate search
for the two boxes.
Right.
'15-5 Mary LA.'
'11-82, southbound Harbor Freeway at Exposition.'
'15-7, Mary LA.'
'11-79, northbound, Hollywood Freeway to Vermont.'
Attention, all units.
'We are requesting all area agencies'
'to assist in the search for two boxes'
'of contaminated baby food.'
'The boxes were lost on the Golden State'
'southbound, near Ninth.'
'The food is contaminated with botulism.'
'Repeat, botulism.'
I can't find the blue one, but which one
of these shirts goes best with these shorts?
Oh, come on, Ponch, you're not going to a fashion show.
You're going to meet a girl.
Yeah, maybe I don't need a shirt.
No, but then again, I do look good in purple.
Are you sure?
No cites for a loose load on the Golden State?
Thanks.
Ah, of course!
Baker and Poncherello.
They came in this morning.
They didn't respond to their dispatches
because they're not on their bikes
they're at Poncherello's.
Does anybody have Poncherello's phone number?
Yeah.
I should never let him go home.
I shouldn't have..
I'm too nice a guy.
That's it. I'm just too nice a guy.
'You go to the drive-in very often?'
'I don't have to. I can watch it right from here.'
Saves me a fortune.
You know, how do you know what's going on?
You can't even hear it.
Well, during the winter, you kinda
have to figure it out, read lips.
But during the summer, all the car windows are open.
- It's like stereo. - Yeah.
Hey, how do I get my nickel back outta here?
Come on, son of a..
Oh!
Mr. Nice Guy.
I'm gonna have my name
legally changed to Mr. Nice Guy.
Boy, never again! Never again!
- Hey, sarge-- - Just later, Barkley. Later.
'This is your noon news update, Larry McCormick reporting.'
'Earlier today, on the Golden State freeway'
two boxes of deadly baby food were lost.
And this baby food is contaminated with botulism.
The boxes are marked, "Dalecki's."
Why do I do that? I mean just..
I'm too nice a guy.
I don't believe it!
Hey!
'Hey!'
Yeah, you!
What do you think you're doing?
You were doing 68!
You know, I couldgive you a citation for that!
'That's thirteen miles over the speed limit!'
Thirteen miles! Do you know that?
'Yeah, alright. Just keep it under 55!'
And consider yourself warned and advised!
Boy!
Why am I such a nice guy?
Now you stay by the window and watch.
Every move is a picture. Now, go on, by the window.
' - 'Uh-oh!'
What, "Uh Is she with another guy?
'Oh-oh.'
'What's he doing here?'
I don't know. Maybe he heard about Melinda.
If he's here, it means we're in some kind of trouble.
Okay, who's been on the phone?
Hi!
What happened? Did you guys have a fight?
Ever hear of the earthquake of '71?
Look, who's been on the phone?
You're supposed to be reachable by phone!
You know, you're supposed to be on court call.
Hey, we're here all the time, sarge.
Yeah, well, then why has the phone been busy?
Let me see here.
Now, move your feet.
No wonder nobody's called me all week.
You know, Poncherello..
...I could put another Form 2 in your jacket.
Hey, sarge, uh, what brings you out here?
Baby food.
Huh? Not here.
Did you guys cite a baby food truck this morning?
- Yeah, we did. - Yeah, it was a loose load.
In fact, we almost got killed.
Yeah, well, that loose load contained
contaminated baby food, botulism.
'There are two boxes of it missing.'
'Now it's either out on the road somewhere'
'or somebody picked it up.'
Do you remember anybody or...anything?
I was seeing double from my steeplechase ride.
Look, guys, think. It's important.
That stuff's poison.
Well, I wrote the cite, but, uh, Fritz called Caltrans
and then he stayed around to clean things up.
So maybe he remembers.
Alright, I'll call Fritz.
You two guys get back to Central.
But you sent us home, remember?
Yeah, but I want you where I can reach you.
- Oh, yes.
How's it going, Henry?
Oh, that's a boy. It's okay, Henry.
Hang on, Henry. We're almost at the campgrounds.
You all set, Pon..
Hi.
- Hi. - It's kinda hot.
I thought you might like some.
Oh!
Thank you.
You live here?
Yeah.
No, not really, uh, but my partner does.
I kinda hang around here a lot.
It's nice to know your neighbors..
'...especially when they're police officers.'
Yeah, I think so.
Well..
...I gotta run.
'You can return the glass any time.'
Sure....thank you.
Ooh!
Hey, old buddy, did you set me up, huh?
Uh, no.
'Here we go again!'
Yeah, let's just stay away from the flying boxes.
Yeah, isn't this where we cited the truck?
Just up ahead, I think.
Let's take a look around, okay?
What about your buddy Getraer?
He won't miss me for another five more minutes.
'This is important.'
I'll check the divider!
The boxes could have jumped the divider.
Hm, could be.
Pull it over.
What's the matterwith you boys?
Do you want to get yourselves killed?
May I see your driver's license, please, ma'am?
I was so afraidseeing you.
'You boys ought to learn to study those poster signs!'
Ma'am, uh, you were using an off-ramp
to get on the freeway.
And no wonder, ha, with those itty-bitty signs.
Now, youtalk to your police chief!
Oh, no, no, no, we're not LAPD.
See, we're State Highway Patrol.
Well, better yet.
Then talk to the governor!
Watch out. I'llwrite this one.
It's allmine.
And you, boys, stop speeding
along on those motor things.
'You'll get hurt.'
Tell thatto the governor, will you?
- Hey, give me that. - Ah!
Never mind, Ponch. Uh, excuse me, ma'am.
We'll be with you in a minute, okay?
You can't write her a citation.
I could write her three citations for what she did.
We can't write her. Look, She's angry. She's angry with us.
She's angry with the itsy-bit..
The signs. She's angry with the state.
She won't sign the ticket. She just, uh..
She won't accept it.
Look, the kid, huh? I can tell. Okay?
So-so I'll hook her up and take her down.
Yeah. Take her down where? What are you gonna do, tow her in?
That's gonna do a lot to beef up your arrest record.
Excuse me, ma'am, uh, until we have time
to do something about those signs
maybe you can just be a little more careful, okay?
'Now, if you could just slide over, uh'
nice Officer Poncherello will help you turn around, okay?
You be careful now!
We don't wanna get hurt!
She gave me a cookie.
But it's for you.
'But we're still gonna have to have DMV retest her.'
Uh, for me.
Mm-hmm..
Hello, Henry.
That's a boy.
That's a boy!
See, daddy?
Daddy?
Henry.
You know, I wonder if some kids
might have picked up that baby food!
Maybe...but the way those boxes were bouncing out of that truck
they could've gone anywhere.
Oh, no! There's that couple.
Remember that couple yesterday with the flat tire?
Of course!
Scavengers. That's it!
They must have hung around!
I think we're getting senile.
Not me!
Oh, what happened? What did you do now?
We think we know where the baby food is.
- Gypsy van.
- A school bus. - Hey, slow down, now.
- Scavengers. Slow down, slow down.
Hold it. Now, tell me about it.
After we cited the baby food truck
about half a mile further down, we saw a school bus.
'A converted school bus, a gypsy van'
'loaded down like you can't believe.'
They gotta be freeway scavengers.
Headed south on the Golden State.
Attention, all units.
The contaminated baby food dropped
from the Dalecki truck this morning
was possibly picked up and carried off
in a converted school bus.
The bus is described as pre-1960
'still official yellow color.'
'The lettering has been painted over.'
'When last seen, a canvas tarpaulin tied to its roof.'
It's getting late, they gotta stop
somewhere to camp for the night.
Yeah, there aren't many places
a vehicle like that can stop.
Right, they usually can't afford the regular trailer camps.
You know, they stop up in the Santa Monica Canyons a lot.
Yeah, they use the open areas alongside the road to camp.
Okay, right.
You two take the Topanga Canyon.
I'll send some other units to help you out.
Barkley, take Malibu Canyon, alright?
Hold it. There's an accident this side of the tunnel.
It took over an hour to get one tow truck up.
Another one's hung up there. It's a big mess.
'Motor's the only way through.'
Okay, you go, and you two guys better go, too
since you know what it looks like.
Make sure you hit the side roads, alright?
Okay.
There's a rest area up ahead. I'll take it!
I'll ask over here!
It's a yellow school bus.
Yeah, I heard it on the radio, but I ain't seen no school bus.
Thank you.
You kids, now get rid of this..
Hey, alright. Get in the back. Stay back, now.
You stay up here. Leave your brother alone.
- Alright, give me that. - Excuse me, sir.
What do you want?
I'm looking for a yellow bus.
Alright, give me that squirt gun!
Look, all I'm looking to do is get outta here.
- Get up in the front. - Thank you.
Yellow school bus, have you seen one?
Thank you.
Are you sure you didn't see a school bus?
Okay, I'll talk to them.
- Nothing! - Me, neither.
Uh, Tapia Park's just over the hill. Let's check that out.
There it is!
- Uh, that baby food's poisoned.
LA 15, 7 Mary 4. Code 33.
'Attention all units. Code 33.'
All frequencies clear. Go ahead, 7 Mary 4.
We found the baby food.
It has been eaten by an infant.
We're in Tapia Park on Malibu Canyon Road.
We'll need our copter to get the baby out.
The canyon is all jammed up.
Negative, 7 Mary 4.
The CHP helicopter is halfway
to Palm Springs on a blood run.
The sheriff flies a chopper out to Malibu. Let's get it!
10-23, 7 Mary 4.
This is CHP to Station B.
- Hang in there.
I'm trying to get a chopper.
7 Mary 4, negative on the sheriff's helicopter.
'It's at Aero Bureau in Long Beach.'
'Its ETA would be 20 minutes.'
7 Mary 3, contact UC paramedics
and, uh, advise victim, eight months old, weighs 20 pounds.
'Ingested approximately three ounces of a tapioca pudding'
'within the last 10 minutes.'
- Respond with instructions. - '10-4.'
My baby. What can we do?
Yeah, they'll tell us.
Hey, you know, he's cute.
- Henry.
Henry, you know, I got an uncle Henry.
Looks just like you.
- 'LA 15. 7 Mary 3.' - 7 Mary 3.
UC Medical says the baby should have its stomach
pumped immediately,imperative.
'Antitoxin must be administered.'
We have to get him to a hospital!
Don't worry. We will.
Uh, send an ambulance to the Malibu end of the canyon.
- We'll meet them there. - '10-4.'
Carry or lead?
Uh, carry.
Come on, Henry. Hey, hey, hey.
You're gonna go with big Jon.
Hang on, Henry.
'Hey, screw you, cop!'
Get over there!
Easy there. Easy, Henry. Come on. Here. We're here now.
Take it easy. Atta boy.
Hey, his name is Henry!
Uh, what about the baby food?
Oh, it's all accounted for. 15-8's got it.
'Well, you put in a good day, fellas.'
'Ah...there is one other thing.'
I hate to bring it up
but you're gonna have to cut down
on the personal calls here at the office.
But we weren't even there to make any calls.
Oh, it's not making them. It's getting them.
This isn't a personal answering service, you know?
You mean, I got a personal call?
Uh...there are three messages here from a Melinda.
See that? I knew it!
'I knew she'd call me when she saw me.'
No, no, no. They're not for Poncherello.
They're for Baker.