- Yeah, I bought yesterday. - But I bought the day before.
No, Ponch. That was Sunday.
- So we weren't on duty.
Then I bought the day before that.
No, that was a holiday and we were off.
Well, like I said. It was my turn to buy.
Hey, Jon! See the notice about the bowling tournament?
Yeah.
Well, what do you say?
I mean, there's gonna be a trophy in it.
'And it could have your name on it.'
- Right underneath mine. - I don't know, Ponch.
I used to work in a bowling alley when I was in high school.
I think I had my fill.
Come on! I need a partner.
Partner.
You aren't gonna give up, are you?
No way.
Attention, Ventura Freeway units.
'A 2-11 just occurred at Ratner's Market.'
'1300 White Oak.'
'Two 2-11 suspects on motorcycles, southbound'
'on the Hollywood Freeway at Vermont.'
Hey, we were just there.
Let's go.
Hey, I could pull you over and cite you for that!
Hey, Ponch.
'It's them!'
LA, 7 Mary 3 and 4 in pursuit, possible 2-11 suspects, uh
Eastbound Ventura and Reseda.
'10-4, 7 Mary 3.'
- Off your bikes! - Now! And grab some sky!
Move over there. Get over here.
Okay, turn around, take off your helmets.
'Male suspects, huh?'
Oh, yeah.
Somethin' funny, ladies?
- Uh, no, sir. - LA, 7 Mary 3.
Pursuit is code 4, negative on the suspects.
Uh, Eastbound Ventura, West of Haskell.
10-4, 7 Mary 3.
Let me see both of your driver's license.
Mine too.
Why didn't you pull over when you saw us?
Uh, we really didn't think you were serious.
'Oh, uh..'
Oh, you didn't think we were serious?
Right.
Don't you know what red flashing lights mean, huh?
That your pants are on fire?
You ladies aren't doing anything to help yourselves.
'15-40, LA. There's a hitchhiker, northbound..'
'It's kind of cute.'
'Might start a trend.'
Well, what do we have here, a laugh
We thought they were the suspects, sarge.
Oh, is that right?
Suspects were male, remember?
Yeah, well, we didn't know they were girls.
Uh, how long did it take you to figure that out, Baker?
Well, we pulled up behind them and they had their helmets on.
Hey, Frank, I like your underwear.
How did that happen?
Well, this guy flipped a cigarette out of the car window
and it landed on my lap.
- 'And, uh..' - Come on.
'Uh, I would like to know, Frank'
why a cigarette, when it has the whole freeway to land on
decides to land on your lap?
I guess the whole world's got it in for me, huh?
Uh, no, Frank. Just a few of us.
Hey, uh, I hate to break up this friendly chitchat
but Ponch has to be in court in 30 minutes.
And, uh, I don't think those hot pants
are gonna go over too well with Judge Lindheim.
Hey, he's right. I gotta go home and change.
You don't have time. You can borrow a pair at the office.
Hey, sarge, got any salve in your first-aid ki..
Forget it, okay?
Boy.
'And therefore, Your Honor..'
'...if the officer were parked at La Brea.'
'Uh, that is 0.76 miles from where he stopped me.'
And if in fact he clocked me for half a mile..
...it is clear, Your Honor..
..that the officer's motorcycle
must have had an average velocity
of approximately..
...175 miles an hour.
I can calculate again if you wish.
No, that won't be necessary, Mr. Wee.
The court is convinced that reasonable doubt exists.
'Case dismissed.'
Sidney M. Engelhardt.
Hey, you wanna borrow the "Wee" abacus?
Are you kidding? This case is open and shut.
Just watch me.
Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.
State your name, please.
'Officer Frank Poncherello, California Highway Patrol.'
Assigned to motorcycle enforcement.
Central division.
Would you describe for the court
the circumstances surrounding Mr. Engelhardt's citation?
Uh, yes, sir, Your Honor.
There was a minor accident near Stadium Way.
I had just finished laying down
a flare pattern to control traffic
'when Mr. Engelhardt grew impatient'
'and cut through the flare line, and tried to merge'
'with other cars waiting to get into the baseball game.'
When I tried to stop him, he ignored me
and charged ahead even further.
I cited him for violation of section 2800.
'"Failure to obey a traffic officer."'
Mr. Engelhardt, be patient. You'll get your turn.
Officer Poncherello, do you have anything else to add?
No, Your Honor.
It's your turn, Mr. Engelhardt.
Thank you, Your Honor, with your permission
I would like to, uh, make some corrections
in the diagram.
Please feel free.
Okay, because, um..
...see, first of all, the, uh
the flare line is completely and incorrectly stated on here.
'The flare line is out of place, and it's not right.'
The flare line here, I'll tell you exactly where..
um, you see, if the court pleases, may I?
Please, feel free.
Um, you see, the flare line is right--
Oh..
The chalk is..
'The, the flare line is completely wrong.'
See, it's not here as he said.
See, the flare line is here. This is the flare line. See?
'It comes right down here. See?'
Flares, flares, flare, flare. That's the flare line, see?
Ain't that right? That's the flare line.
No, it's wrong. Doesn't, see, it's not..
'cause it's coming over the turn-off here. See, it has..
Ah, here! Here is the flare. Ah, now I see.
'I see flare, flare, flare, flare, flare.'
'The turn-off is not here like, like he said.'
Here is the turn-off. It was north of the flare line. See?
'And the flares come all the way down here. You see that?'
The central divider's here.
'I can tell you exactly what happened, Your Honor.'
'See now.'
I was standing, I was, see? I was right over here.
I was tryin' to come off the freeway.
All of a sudden, I saw all these flares all around.
So, naturally, I was gonna stop because the flares were there.
And, uh, you know, when the, and then
I looked in my rear-view mirror and I saw this giant
black and orange tanker.
Tanker right over here.
'So, naturally, black and orange is right over, just like this.'
'I had to get out of the line' otherwise'
'I would've been creamed.'
'It was really barrelin'
'down on me, behind me.'
Suddenly, I saw this cop comin' at me, waving his flare
like some kind of a, some kind of a pyromaniac
'you know, yellin' his head off.'
'I mean, at first'
I'll tell you the truth, Your Honor.
I thought he was some kind of nut.
'Tell you the truth, I was just tryin' to get out of his way.'
But then, I saw, I saw the things, the junk hang
I knew he was an officer. So I stopped immediately.
And I said, "What can I do? What can I anything?"
Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Engelhardt.
- But he didn't listen to me. - Yes.
The court has heard sufficient evidence.
Thank you, Mr. Engelhardt.
'Officer Poncherello.'
Did you see the tanker that he described?
- No, ma'am, Your Honor. - Of course, he didn't see.
He was too busy runnin' those flares and yellin'
it was like the fourth of July.
All I saw was the defendant's camper.
He crossed my flare line!
It's his word against mine, Your Honor, right?
'That's right.'
Unless you have a witness.
In that case, Your Honor
I respectfully beg the court's indulgence
for a continuance.
What would be the conditions for a continuance?
I would, I need some more time to gather evidence, Your Honor
is what I..
This is a very unusual request, Mr. Engelhardt.
Your honor..
...justice demands it.
The court grants a 48 hour continuance.
Thank you, Your Honor.
You do your best, you bust your butt
day in and day out to make the grade.
What do you get? Some jerk calling you incompetent.
Hey, Ponch, just do yourself a favor
and forget it, alright? The guy is crazy.
Yeah, you're right. Crazy.
You're not gonna give me the shaft too, are you?
- Now you're talkin'.
Don't worry, you won't be sorry.
I better warn you, I need some practice.
I'm a little rusty.
Ah, don't worry, I'll teach you all my tricks.
You'll bowl 300 every time.
Anything you say, old buddy.
Good afternoon, sir. May I see--
- Just fine, thank you.
May I see your driver's license and registration, please?
Look, don't you recognize me?
Yes, sir. May I see your driver's license, please?
Just a minute now.
'Here's the license.'
Thank you. And registration too.
And here's the registration.
Thank you.
Listen, this has expired almost two months now--
I don't believe it. "21
"21 Right?
You're almost right. And how are you today?
Wow, this is really somethin'.
What an honor! Hey, Jon, this is Broderick Crawford.
I know. I knew when I came up here. Besides, I gotta write--
Boy oh boy, I have watched you for years
over and over and over.
Hey, hey.
21-50, bye.
21-50, over. 21-50 to headquarters.
'Huh Huh?'
Yeah, that's right.
You know, I was makin' those highway patrol shows
long before you guys were born.
Yeah, they don't make TV shows like that anymore.
Yeah, that's right. They don't, do they?
Say it for me, please, the guys at the office
will never believe it.
21-50, bye. 21
Alright, alright, alright.
21-50 to headquarters.
Headquarters, bye.
Boy, that was great, huh?
Hey, I'll be right back. Don't go away.
That's great.
Oh. Can I borrow your pen? This thing's out of ink.
What?
Your ink pen, please?
you gotta be kiddin'.
What are you doin' here?
Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.
Well, if you're not doing "nothin' at all"
and you don't have car trouble, then move out.
'Because I could write you up.'
We don't want people to say that I'm harassing you, do we, sir?
No, no. No.
Move out.
- 21-50, over and out. - 10-4.
[woman speaking indistinctly over radio]
Hey!
Hey, Jon, I wanted to get his autograph.
And how could you? How could you do it?
My hero, Mr. Highway patrol, and you give him a ticket.
I only gave him a warning. Don't you see?
I just gave him a mechanical to get his autograph.
I'll give you a Xerox copy.
Yeah, pretty good.
Not that. Over there.
Oh, fantastic, they're comin' this way.
I knew my luck was about to change.
What we need is a foursome, uh..
'I mean, if we're gonna work as a team'
we ought to find a team to compete against, right?
Yeah, we play a little better under pressure.
You got it.
Oh, hi.
Ignore 'em, they'll go away.
I'll bet you ladies never had the opportunity
to bowl against a three-time national champ, huh?
Well, no, now that you mentioned it, never.
Well, isn't that a coincidence.
I never have either.
Look, I'm telling you, that's what our policy is.
Don't tell me about your policy. I want my money back.
But you had 'em all day. You still owe us 5 bucks.
Give me my money.
I got a mind to throw you down one of your alley!
- Excuse me, sir. - Butt out.
- My money! - I said, excuse me.
Butt out.
Uh, my partner.
- You guys aren't on duty. - Twenty-four hours a day.
'What seems to be the problem?'
This guy won't give me my deposit back.
That's because he doesn't have it coming.
- He's a thief.
There's no law against that.
Depends on what you do afterward.
Well, what am I doin'? This guy's rippin' me off!
Hey, why don't you go home and take a little rest, alright?
And, uh..
I trust you aren't driving.
Uh, I'm walkin'.
- Thanks, fellas. - You betcha.
Listen, we need a couple pairs of shoes.
- No.
Nine-and-a-half C and a ten B.
The first key to great bowling is finger spread.
You need the strength of an eagle's talons
'and the finesse of a' watchmaker.'
The second key to great bowling is form.
Form combined with perfect harmony of motion.
Why don't I just show you how?
The third finger was a little snug on me.
Warm-up. Now, that's very important for a good game.
You see, Ponch is such a perfectionist.
'Uh, he's kind of the Beethoven of bowling.'
We got a bad lane, folks.
Hey, Jon..
...if, uh, you shift your weight
on your left leg you'd get a better take-off.
Okay, Ponch.
Not bad. Uh, can you do it again?
I don't know. The release didn't feel right.
I'll give it a shot.
That's great.
Exactly what was your job when you worked
in the bowling alley?
- I was the instructor. - Instruct..
You're a natural, you can't miss.
Being on a team with you is like having a license to steal.
We can clean house.
What-- - Oh, you'll see.
You'll see.
Oh!
Look what you've done! Are you crazy?
You could have killed me.
And my car! Oh, my car!
I did just what you told me to!
You said you were stalled, weren't you?
That is exactly the reason you were supposed to push me.
You, You are so stupid!
Don't call me stupid, I was doing a favor for you.
'If anybody's stupid, it's you!'
'Oh, look what you've done.'
'You smashed up my car!'
- I'm gonna sue you-- - It's not your whole car.
It's just your bumper there. How can you sue me?
- You asked me to do it. - Well..
- Please, ladies. Please. - You said 25 miles an hour.
- That's exactly what I did. - Ladies--
The book says push me up to 25 miles an hour
not hit me at 25 miles an hour!
- Ladies, please-- - Well, then you should have--
Alright! Enough! Stop!
Now, will you please step on the curb, ladies?
'Oh, officer, she told me to push her. And I did.'
'Push. Push. That's exactly what I said. Push, not smash!'
Don't move and don't make a sound.
'3 Adam 42, 1X45 in pursuit, 2-11 suspects.'
And not only that, I'm gonna see my doctor.
Because I'm sure that I have a whiplash.
In fact, I know I have!
- Well, I'm injured too-- - Oh!
LA 15, 7 Mary 3. Roll one 11-85, Vineland and Riverside.
Ladies, stay on the curb! Get back!
Hey, Ponch, there goes a hot roller
and we're stuck here with the debating society.
- I'm gonna call your husband-- - Yeah, our luck, partner.
- Don't you dare. - If you think I'll keep quiet--
'Hey, we drew a bye in the first round.'
- Yeah. We got lucky this time.
'Hope our luck holds.'
Good morning, fellas.
- Hey, Ponch.
- Alright.
Are you guys gonna be in that bowling tournament?
Yeah, me and Fritz are teamed up again.
That's right, you guys won it last year, huh?
Hey, why don't you give the rest of us a break?
Because it's too much fun watching you eat humble pie.
Well, I think I'm gonna give it a try again this year anyway.
I might even be interested in a little side bet.
Be careful, there's cops in here.
A week's lunches at Gitnick's? What do you say?
Hey, wait a minute. Who's your teammate?
Oh, Jon.
I've never seen Jon bowl. Is he any good?
Well, he's got potential.
But I'm gonna have to give him some pointers.
Wanna double the bets?
Later, okay?
Looks like somebody's south 40's about to get plowed.
Yeah, well, uh, at least it isn't yours this time.
Jonathan Baker.
- Yeah. - Please answer this yes or no.
Do you or do you not have in your possession
a gold-plated, monogrammed ballpoint pen
belonging to one Broderick Crawford?
- 21-50, over. - 21-50, bye.
Would you kindly return it, huh?
21-50 to headquarters. 10-4. 10-4.
Hey, turn around.
Okay, let's get down to business.
Those two robbery suspects on motorcycles?
Well, they've been working overtime.
They hit another supermarket this morning.
They got a real bag of tricks up their sleeves.
They used a pedestrian overpass to lose sheriff's units.
Then, they lost an LAPD unit in the Newhall wash.
And while he sat up to his hubs in mud
they disappeared in a cloud of dust.
These characters are armed and considered dangerous.
So if you spot 'em
uh, call for backup.
11-79, with injuries
westbound Santa Barbara off-ramp at Chester Street.
Uh, two motors, uh..
Poncherello, Baker, you wanna take it, please.
Someone's in there.
Hey, stay back!
'Look out!'
Careful, Ponch. Don't touch him.
Okay. Alright.
'Alright.'
- Electric shock. - Okay.
'I can't get it open!'
Help! Would someone help?
You got anything to get that wire out of the water?
Yeah, pike pole in back of the squad.
I'll get it.
- Help me. My baby's in here. - Stay in the car, ma'am.
'Just stay in there. The car is grounding.'
If you get out, you're gonna get electrocuted.
- No. My baby's caught-- - Stay in the car!
- No! Let me go! - Stay in the car!
No! Let me get out.
Stay in the car. If you get out, you'll get electrocuted.
Release me.
Help!
No!
Calm down, would you? Ponch!
Let go!
Calm down, ma'am.
Just a minute. Hurry up, Ponch!
Okay, go!
Okay.
Come here, baby.
I'll get him. Get out. Come on.
Come on. Yeah, he's alright. Come on. Come on.
- Everything's gonna be fine. - I'm scared.
I know. Now, calm yourself. Here. Just relax.
But I could have killed him.
Hey. Take it easy, alright? Look at the baby. Hey.
Hey, he's a cute little tyke, huh?
You're out of danger now. Try and calm yourself.
Today's the first day of my new job.
I was late. I was trying to get the baby to the sitter's.
Yeah, but we gotta be more careful.
Being late is nothing compared to what could've happened to--
I've gotta go.
- No, hold on. - Let me have my baby!
- Wait a minute. - I have to go!
But my boss. You don't understand. My new job..
Only place you're going is, you and your baby are goin'
to the hospital to get checked, alright?
You don't understand. My baby depends on me.
Hey, we do understand.
And if your baby depends on you
then give him a break, alright?
- You're right. I'm sorry. - Let's go.
'10-6-Mary is 10-7 at IHOP's.'
The baby seems fine.
- I think she's okay too. - Alright.
We'll take 'em in just to check 'em.
Okay.
Let's get our gear and get this traffic squared away.
Alright.
See you at the donut shop after court.
Right, partner.
Hey, pull it over.
Yeah, you.
I said pull it over!
I said pull it over right now!
Uh, what?
Oh. I.. You don't speak English?
Je comprend pas.
You speak, uh, Francais?
Francais? Uh, no, I don't understand.
Eh, no, you didn't do anything wrong, sir.
'You're safe. You're okay. Safe.'
- Safe. - Ah.
Look it here, look here. Okay.
You-you-you're missing a tire. See, that's all.
See, the little tires, you're--
Yeah.
Uh, no, no, no, see, um..
Your car, your auto?
- Auto, auto, oui. - Auto.
Your auto has only one, two, three tires.
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh. - But most car..
All these.. See, all these car..
All of the cars mostly have one, two, three, four.
- Yeah.
Hold on a minute. Just let me show you.
You know.. You understand "open"
Ouvrir. Ouvrir.
Yeah. Ouvrir.
Ouvrir.Let's see. Where's number five at?
I don't believe you, monsieur.
Listen, uh, is that the way you drive in France?
With just three little..
'Problem, Jon?'
Oh, uh, nothing.
Just a little language barrier, and, uh, three quarters
'of a wheel allotment.'
He says he got his wheel stolen.
- He had his wheel stolen.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Ouvrir.
It's all yours, uh, Shain.
Tell him to drive carefully, and, uh, merci.
Jon!
'Look, your honor, it-it was almost five o'clock.'
'Y-your honor, 65 miles in heavy traffic like this.'
'It's-it's a hot rider's dream.'
'I mean, that day, they were stacked up like sardines'
'bumper to bumper.'
'Look at the clock.'
'The officer must have made a mistake.'
'Look, I was only going 20 miles per hour.'
'The traffic was crawling.'
So, as Your Honor can clearly see
at five o'clock on the Ventura Freeway
no one could possibly go 65 miles an hour.
- So if the court-- - I've seen enough, Mr. Connell.
I suppose next you're gonna show us pictures of your fa..
...amily.
Uh...lights, please.
The court will take this case under submission.
The verdict will be sent to you in the mail.
Bailiff, would you help Mr. Connell with his equipment?
Um, you take care of this, I'll get the screen.
Sidney M. Engelhardt.
Excuse me, I was, uh..
Sorry.
'Mr. Engelhardt, do you have your evidence?'
Right here, Your Honor.
I have been following this so-called officer around
for the last couple of days, and I have proof
right here as to his total incompetence.
- 'I don't think the court is--' - 'Look at the pictures.'
'Here you go, see for yourself.'
Officer Poncherello, would you like to look at these?
'You don't have to comment, you know.'
I'd be delighted, Your Honor.
In this one, I was helping this lady fetch her spare.
There was an accident at the top of this ramp.
I had to get there in a hurry.
Your Honor, the beer can was evidence.
And here, my partner was giving a ticket to Broderick Crawford.
He didn't.
Thank you.
Mr. Engelhardt, do you have anything to add?
No.
The court finds you guilty. Please see the clerk.
- But, Your Honor.. - The clerk.
'Driver's license, please?'
Would it be possible to get a dozen shots
of me with Broderick Crawford?
No.
Oh, I'm sure you guys could join the tournament.
It's just the fellas in the office.
Sounds like fun, side bet and all.
- Yup.
You're on.
Alright. Excuse me.
Jon, I found a couple of hot bowlers.
Oh, yeah?
Coffee and donuts for a month. Hmm?
Alright.
'Attention, Hollywood units.'
'A 2-11 just occurred at Ocean Savings.'
'Two male suspects on motorcycles'
'wearing black jackets and visor helmets.'
'Hollywood units lASO'
'reports two 2-11 suspects on motorcycles'
'southbound on the Hollywood Freeway at Vermont.'
'One highway patrol unit is in pursuit.'
'Suspects are armed.'
Which one do you want, Sundance or Cassidy?
I'll take Sundance.
Hey, Ponch, you still taking bets?
Are you kidding? Sure.
You know, I always suspected you were crazy.
But now..
- 'Mm-hm.'
- You got it.
Well, for your information, gentlemen
'me and old Jon are gonna clean up.'
I'll take all the action I can get. Come on.
'You've got a bet with every guy on this shift, already.'
'Whether they're bowling or not.'
Yeah, you're gonna have to open up your
own hamburger stand, Ponch.
Ah. Here comes my loyal teammate and ace bowler.
Guess what? I got all these fish to double their bets.
Yeah, I wanna talk to you about--
We're gonna eat free for the rest
of our bike-riding lives.
And when we finish with you guys
'we're gonna take on the sheriff's department.'
- 'Yesterday when we chased--'
Maybe, uh, bowling for dollars--
- Ponch! '
Remember that little mishap at Griffith Park the other day?
- It's not serious, but..
Oh, Jon.