Hi.
What's up?
Put your hands where I can see 'em.
Hey.
Put your right hand on your right ear.
You're not gonna handcuff me.
Okay, so I won't cuff you.
You're gonna regret this.
I heard that one before.
Well, not the way I play it.
Hey, mister, you just made a war zone out on the city streets.
You better count your blessings.
We don't have to call an ambulance.
Read him his rights, Baker.
I know my rights.
Yeah, you just don't know
about the rights of others, right?
LA 15, 7 Mary 4
send an 11-85 for storage
and one unit for an 11-48 to Parker.
'10-4, 15 to 7 Mary 4.'
Believe that guy?
He wants us to call his attorney.
Yeah, well, he can do that after they take him in.
Yeah, don't give him any openings, I've a feeling
he's the type that's gonna try to get even.
He doesn't care who he hurts.
Hey, Ponch, let's get these reports filled out fast.
I gotta make an important phone call.
You start and I'll be right with you.
Ponch?
Hey, I gotta stop by personnel. Honest.
I've heard that one before.
Hey, man, I got my rights too.
Hey, sweetheart. How's my favorite sex object?
- Oh. - Hey, come on, Mamie.
The word's all over headquarters.
You're my favorite.
Only when you want something.
But you summoned me. I was just on my way to your office.
Oh, I'll save you the trouble. Here, sign this.
Right there.
If you can't write, make your mark.
When are you gonna break down
and give me a date, Mamie, huh?
'When are you gonna stop teasing old ladies?'
You know, I've half a mind to take you up on it.
Just to see the expression on your face.
Take a good look, love. This Friday, eight o'clock.
You're kidding.
Almost. It's Jon's birthday.
- And I'm-- - I'm his birthday present.
No, not quite. I'm throwing him--
A birthday party.
Right on. How'd you know?
I'm psychic.
Okay. What kind of a party is it gonna be?
A surprise party. Right again.
So don't breathe a word, and let's each kick in.
Surprise! I haven't got five bucks.
Surprise! It'll cost you ten.
But it just wouldn't be a party without you, Mamie.
See me tomorrow.
You got it.
Hey, Jon, where you been? I thought you'd be--
Yeah, I know, you thought I'd be writing our reports, right?
- Right.
I've just been talking to Sergeant Getraer about
furthering your career and I think, I convinced him
you'll make a better officer.
If you had a little more experience at report writing.
Now, this thing, if you don't know, is a 5-5-5.
This is a 2-0-2.
And, uh, this little unfamiliar object is a pencil.
Now...see you in the AM partner, okay?
That'll about to do it, Gil.
No, there's still room for a couple more.
We been here more than 20 minutes already.
Anyone on those car could've spotted us and blown a whistle.
Let's not get greedy. In and out. Hit and run.
Okay, Buck.
Hey, Jon, I made some plans for us Friday night.
You're free, aren't you?
You mean, this coming Friday night?
Well, I don't mean next year Friday night.
Yeah, well, don't count on it. I got a date.
Well, listen, you tell whoever she is that we can
alldouble-date Saturday night.
Friday night it's you and me, okay?
What do you mean? Something going on I don't know about?
No. No, I just thought we ought to get to know each other.
You know, spend more time together.
Tell you what, we spend 40 hours a week plus overtime
in getting to know each other, if I knew you--
15, 7 Mary 3 and Mary 4, LA.
Report of Livestock on the Golden State
freeway at Calgrove.
Repeat, a report of Livestock on the Golden State
freeway at Calgrove.
LA 15, 7 Mary 3 and 4.
Copy, uh, rolling south from Broadway.
Hey, you ever want to be a cowboy, Tex?
You ever want to be a motor cop?
Come on, let's go.
'Okay, let's get 'em movin'.'
Clean out this place.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Sure did.
It could take hours, though, to put together a real head count.
Hey. Look at that.
They cut the wire
backed the truck right up there.
Now, how come you suppose folks didn't notice?
'Must've taken 'em hours to herd up that many cattle.'
Hey, partner.
They used a dirt bike.
Sure did, and two different kinds too.
You mean a motorsickle?
Heh. Yeah.
Excuse me.
What's the world coming to when folks start using
motorsickles to do cattle rustling?
Listen, how would you like to go to a swinging party?
- Yeah, I would. - 'Alright.'
Slide me ten bucks and, uh, don't let Jon see you do it.
- Yeah, he is.
But he doesn't know it yet.
You got it.
Good morning.
Good morning...ma'am.
Did I do something wrong?
You went through an orange light at red drive.
Red drive, where is that?
'Look, there's no such thing as red drive.'
You ran a red light back there at orange drive.
I just said that.
- You said it backwards. - Oh!
Would you mind stepping over here at the corner, please?
May I see your driver's license, please?
Uh, excuse me. I'm her uncle.
Maybe I can be of some help.
Thank you, dear.
Everything grows beautifully here in California.
Ah, here it is.
You want to take it out, please?
Well, it's, uh..
...it's in your partner's pocket.
Hey, how did you do that?
Well, it's really not very difficult.
We, uh...we do it for a living.
That's very interesting.
Oh, I'll get it.
Now, officer, what time is it?
Um-mm..
Always carry a spare.
- There you are. - Thank you.
There we are.
You are now a magician's assistant.
You owe me $6 dues.
Forget it, I was only kidding.
Hey, would you sign this, please?
Oh, no! Do you have to?
Yes, ma'am.
Do you have a pen?
Right here.
Uh, maybe you better use mine. That way the ink won't vanish.
Uh, my card.
The great Marvello, huh?
Hey, Jon, he's terrific, huh?
Yeah, he's great.
You're so serious. We're just trying to lighten up your life.
No, really, I appreciate it.
It's, uh, just I'm trying to lengthen yours.
Here you go.
Hey, it's been fun.
Don't spoil it.
I'll be in the car.
Gotcha.
Can you believe that guy?
He had my watch, my marksmanship badge--
Your gun, and, uh..
Got a minute, Sarge?
Uh, yeah.
How would you like to go to a party?
Uh, Poncherello, you invite your friends to parties.
- You my friend.
Anyway, the party is for Jon.
His birthday, a surprise.
'And everybody is contributing.'
- 'Mm-hmm.'
Alright, I tell you what, I'll bring you some vegetables
from my garden. How about that?
Great, I was hoping you would.
Uh, listen, bring ten bucks worth
'cause that's what everybody else is kickin' in.
Ten bucks worth of vegetable?
Oh, you mean ten dollars.
Hi, Sarge. Sorry I'm late.
I was filling out the reports alone.
Oh, hey, you should have called me, Jon.
Yeah, Getraer.
Yeah, 'course I know where they are.
They're standing right here.
'Uh, but we didn't get a subpoena.'
Uh-huh. Okay, right.
Thanks.
Uh, that was the CA's office.
'That guy, Ambrose, you busted yesterday?'
He's demanded an immediate trial
and they're gonna give it to him.
Division 65 in 30 minutes.
- Okay, we're gone. - Okay.
Alright, Poncherello.
'Here's your ten bucks.'
I should get a receipt.
- Thanks, Sarge. - 'Hmm.'
Right.
After additional high-speed pursuit
within the parking facility
'the suspect's vehicle collided with another'
which was parked.
After a minor altercation
'the suspect was taken into custody.'
Are you saying that Mr. Ambrose resisted arrest?
Uh, Your Honor, the defense will stipulate
that the defendant apparently...resisted arrest.
- No.
We have no desire to keep this fine young officer
'from his duties any longer than is necessary, your honor.'
'No questions.'
You're excused.
The people rest, your honor.
I, uh, call Mr. Ambrose.
Fine young officer?
It's the old end-around.
You better keep your eye on the ball.
Mr. Ambrose..
...did you in fact..
...resist arrest?
Oh, well.
I admit it might have looked that way
but...in actual fact, when officer Poncherello there
raised his handcuffs
'I thought he was gonna hit me with 'em.'
'So, naturally, I just pushed him away.'
'Little like a sort of a reflex reaction?'
- 'Yes, sir.'
Yes, sir, uh, well, that's what I thought
in the heat of the moment but...after
sober reflection, I realized that..
...I was wrong.
And in fact, Officer Poncherello there
'did not attempt to assault me.'
And, uh..
...I would like to apologize.
'I realize now that he was just doin' his duty.'
Of course.
Now, Mr. Ambrose, did you..
...you have heard the testimony
regarding your alleged reckless driving?
Yes, sir, and I would not challenge one word of it.
Well, now, you were indeed..
...driving recklessly.
No, sir.
But it certainly must have looked that way, uh..
...in fact, I had no more control of that car
than those two officers sitting over there.
'Why wouldn't you explain that further, Mr. Ambrose?'
Here it comes.
Well..
...in order to conserve fuel
I had the car in cruise control.
Now, the device stuck when I approached the off-ramp
and I just simply could not slow down.
'Your honor, we submit that what we have here'
is not reckless driving
but simply a, a failure in equipment.
You may cross-examine, Counselor. If you wish.
Uh, may we have a moment, your honor?
Of course.
Uh, Mr. Ambrose would you explain to the court
the manner in which the uh, cruise control
on your automobile operates?
Sure, uh..
...well, you just get up to speed
you press a button, and it keeps it on that speed
'until you step on the brakes.'
'Only this time, it just didn't cut out.'
'Now, aside from pushing the button and stepping'
on the brake paddle, do you have any understanding
of the mechanics of the cruise control of your automobile?
No, I just drive 'em. I don't build 'em.
Of course.
Now, at the time of your arrest did Officers
Poncherello and Baker conduct a mechanical
'inspection of your car?'
Well, a superficial examination, yeah.
Now, how superficial?
Well, uh, windshield wipers, horns, tail lights, like that.
Stop lights?
Yeah, but they never looked
at the cruise control.
I understand, but the things they did inspect
tail lights, stop lights, horn.
They were all in good working order?
Yes, sir. They all worked perfectly.
Your honor, we have no more questions for Mr. Ambrose.
I'd like to recall Officer Poncherello.
What's this all about? Where's he been?
Officer Poncherello.
Would you tell the court if it's normal procedure
for you to conduct a mechanical inspection
following an arrest such as you described earlier?
No, sir, but we figured Mr. Ambrose
would try to get cute with us.
'He says you didn't inspect his, uh, cruise control.'
We didn't have to. We knew it was in perfect shape.
'Would you tell the court how you knew?'
Yes, sir.
When you press the brake, the cruise control disengages
'and the stop lights are activated.'
'If that circuit..'
...had malfunctioned for any reason..
...the stop lights wouldn't have worked.
Your honor, Officer Baker just stepped out
to his partner's motorcycle
and presented me with this statement
taken yesterday from the service manager
'of the automobile agency'
'where Mr. Ambrose purchased his car.'
'It corroborates Officer Poncherello's testimony.'
'And the uh, service manager's agreed'
to appear as a expert witness
if the court deems necessary.
Your honor..
..,my client begs to change his plea
'to guilty as charged.'
'You may step down, Officer Poncherello.'
The defendant will approach the bench.
Nice work.
You know what the fellows always say
be prepared.
Mr. Ambrose
you recklessly endangered the public safety.
I fine you $250 and damages.
And sentence you to five days in county jail. Remanded.
LA, 7 Mary 3, I have an 11-80 west of Hollywood.
10-4, 15, 7 Mary 3.
'Is there anyone that can hear me?'
'Oh, please get me out of here.'
'Oh, hurry, please?'
Oh, my God! Help me, please. Hurry.
Help me.
Oh! I must be caught on something.
'Help me. Hurry.'
'Oh, God! Oh, God!'
We're on fire!
Okay, just hold on to me, come on.
I'll get you outta here.
Come on, hold on to me.
Help me, please!
Ahh! It hurts, don't.
Okay.
Is that better?
Yeah.
I couldn't breathe.
Just hold me.
It's alright.
Put your hands where I can see 'em.
Look, Officer--
Put your hands on the wheel, now!
You don't understand. I was, uh, going--
- Hey! - Come on.
You don't understand.
You don't, I, uh, I didn't see your lights
until just, I was coming down
Put your right hand over your head.
You didn't see my lights?
No, I didn't see 'em. I didn't see anything.
And I suppose you didn't see what happened a mile back.
No. Was it good?
'Listen, Mister'
you're stone drunk.
You might have killed someone back there.
Ah, that car was--
Minding its own business. Innocent.
Wait, you're not, you're not kidding, are you?
You...you mean I might really..
...I might really have killed somebody.
Mister, why would I kid you?
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
No! Oh, no!
I'm sorry.
- Oh, no. - Move.
Oh, no!
- Spread your feet. - Oh!
The pain seems to be going away.
That's good.
It hurt so much before
and now, I can't feel anything.
I can't move my legs.
Hey, it's okay.
Just don't try. Just lie perfectly still, alright?
Hey, what's your name?
I'm Susan.
Susan Wyatt.
- Listen, Susan. - 'It's Susie.'
Yeah.
Well, how old are you Susie Wyatt?
I'm 17.
- 'Valley High.'
I was going to an awards thing.
At the Palladium.
Are you gonna get an award?
Uh-huh.
I'm the honored graduate.
Bet you got all A's, huh?
No.
I got one B.
'In cooking.'
But it's okay, 'cause I'm gonna be a nurse anyway.
You just remind me to get sick and not to get hungry, okay?
Okay, they're gonna take you away from me now, Susie.
The paramedics are here, okay?
You guys are slowing down. The fire unit beat you here.
Yeah, yeah, okay. What do we got here, Jon?
She had her legs pinned, uh, she's not feeling any pain now.
You're going to be okay, right, Susie?
You'll be okay. You'll probably be in the hospital in no time.
Listen, they'll probably keep you in there for observation.
You keep your eyes open, okay?
Watch those nurses do their thing.
'Okay, easy does it.'
Okay.
I'm gonna have to leave you now, Susan.
Oh, no!
Hey, come on, you're gonna be alright.
Listen, I'll keep in touch. Okay?
No, I will. I promise.
You're going to AM briefing?
Have a choice?
Sure, if you want I'll square with the Sarge.
That's not the point, Ponch.
I wouldn't want to miss anything important, though.
Uh, the cattle rustlers struck again
last night in the Saugus area.
'The same MO.'
'A hole in the fence, dirt bikes.'
'That's their third hit.'
'The section 28, 10-A of the vehicle code'
authorizes you to pull over any vehicle you suspect
is carrying stolen timber
farm produce, poultry or livestock.
And how do we determine if the vehicle load is stolen?
Through examination of the driver's
bills of lading and weight certificates.
Carrying a complete description
of the uh, load, weight
point of origin, and destination.
Now, pay particular attention to the weight certificates.
They can only be issued by authorized
state-approved public weigh stations.
Now, keep in mind that these dudes are, uh..
...rustlers. They're not forgers.
Now there's been some, uh..
...pressure on this.
'Not only the cattle growers'
'but their insurance companies are demanding actions.'
'So, uh..'
...let's, um..
'...let's give it to 'em, huh?'
Okay. Next item.
Uh, Marie Davis, third floor, please.
- Hello. - Hi, Marie. This is Jon.
Not Jon Baker, couldn't be.
'I'm sure he lost my number a long time ago.'
Hey, come on, give me a break, okay?
You know what my life is like.
' I know what mine is like.'
And I know, it's a lot better when I see
some old friends once in a while.
Okay, love, you've properly chastised me now.
Will you want to do me a favor? Check for an accident victim.
I knew it wasn't cupid suddenly getting to you.
- Susie, uh, Susie Wyatt.
- She came in today. - Hold on.
' - Yeah.
'They're getting her ready for surgery now.'
It's too soon to tell if there's any permanent spinal damage.
Okay, thanks a lot. I'll be talking to you soon, okay?
I'm counting on it. Oh, and, Jon, the flowers are beautiful.
Oh, what do you mean?
'The flowers in the kids room.'
The card's signed "From the boys at CHP"
but I assumed they're from you.
Oh, yeah, well, uh, you assumed wrong, but, uh, thanks anyway.
I'll be talking to you later.
- Bye-bye. - 'Bye-bye.'
That was the hospital. They're getting ready to do surgery.
They don't know if she's gonna be paralyzed yet.
Tough.
Oh, by the way, do you--
do you know if there's a florist around here?
Yeah, Wilson's on the corner, but you don't have..
Yeah, you know what, it really bothers me
to work with a partner with such a heart of stone.
Ah, you guys gonna put in a full day's work
or am I gonna have to start awarding half days off
anytime you handle an accident, huh?
- I guess we work. - Oh, well, congratulations.
I'm sure the commissioner will be grateful.
LA 15, 7 Adam.
I'm effecting a stop on a cattle truck.
Southbound San Diego at Mulholland.
License number is VN-6862.
Please roll, uh, a backup unit for assistance.
10-4, 7 Adam.
Any unit in the vicinity of Mulholland
roll and assist 7 Adam
with a stop involving a cattle truck.
LA, 7 Mary 4. We're rolling Northbound from sunset.
10-4, 7 Mary 4.
Gentlemen, could you please climb out?
Hey, Mr. Hoskins, how you doing?
Why, Howdy.
It's, uh, officer, uh, Baricza, ain't it?
Yeah.
Hey, now, wouldn't it be nice
if you was stopping me to tell me
you got my stolen stock back?
Well, no stocks, sir.
That's a job for the sheriff's department.
But I was stopping you to check your bill of lading.
Uh, well, I don't need no bill of lading.
I don't quite understand that, Mr. Hoskins.
Could you step down and follow me over to the shoulder, please?
Oh, you bet.
Yes, sir. Anything to oblige.
Uh, now about this lading bill
see there ain't none because these cattle's ain't been sold.
Matter of fact, this is the same herd
you saw the other day, or what's left of 'em
after them cattle rustlers got through with me.
Ah, I'm just moving 'em up to the north range.
'It's better grazing up there.'
Well, I guess you've a weight certificate, then.
Uh, no, sir. I don't.
I don't have no call for that red tape neither.
You say these are the same cows, huh?
Oh, absolutely.
'Though I really wouldn't expect a city boy'
'to be able to tell one from the other.'
But the brand I saw on those cows the other day was..
...it's a kind of a bar in front of an H.
The brand in there is an X in a circle.
Oh, well, it, uh, don't mean a thing.
Well, I don't know that much about it, sir.
But it seems to me that these steers
come from some other ranch, other than your own.
Well, I can see how you'd think that.
But the truth is, circle X is another
'one of my registered brands.'
As a matter of fact
I think we have our certificate of brand
registration up in there somewhere.
Don't we, Buck?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Here you go, Officer.
Hey, I'm okay. Go get those guys.
Well, what do we got here?
Looks like a couple of wet rats to me.
So, this Hoskins guy was collecting two ways.
First, he sells his cattle, reports 'em stolen.
Then he collects from the insurance company.
No, no, wait a minute, old buddy.
You don't need a key. I know a locksmith.
Surprise!
- 'Happy birthday.' - 'Hey!'
Happy birthday, you handsome thing.
Oh, thank you, Mamie, uh, Fritz, Gross, Bar
Sarge, thanks a lot, but I mean..
Listen, when it's my birthday I'll do the same for you.
When you what does what?
When it's my birthday, in a couple months from now.
Today is your birthday.
I got it right outta your personnel file.
Hey, wait a minute. Come here.
Excuse me, Sarge.
Listen.
Oh, wait a minute, Ponch.
You got my employee number. Not my birthday.
Aww!
Ponch.
'Oh, great, Ponch. Really great.'
Alright, so it's not your birthday.
So, what? Somebody's birthday, huh?
Yeah, that's right.
Here have some.
Uh, what's its name?
Zucchini. I grew it in my garden. Here.
- Oh, no, thanks, Sarge.
Hey, what's wrong? You don't like zucchini?
Hey, I love it, but, uh, I'm the host here.
And I got some hosting to do.
Here, h-have another one.
- Come on.
Folks, listen up.
I want you to meet the classiest magician around.
Known from San Pedro to Burbank as Marvello the great.
Thank you.
And this here is his niece, Virginia.
Well, I brought a few of my friends.
52 to be exact. Let's see what we can do with that.
Have a little fun with a pack of cards, huh?
Few cards hanging around the joint.
Eh, goodnight.
Just a regulation pack of cards.
Let's see what they look like, fanned out.
- Pretty. Hm-mm. - Mmm.
Here's what they look like in a 25-cent poker game.
'How about hitting the big game?'
Awful hand.
Hey, Jon, uh, you got a phone call.
'
I just thought you'd like to know
that Susie Wyatt is outta surgery.
And...it looks like she's gonna be okay.
Hey, alright. You just made my birthday party.
Well, it's not exactly my birthday.
It's a party. You wanna come?
Yeah, what time you get off duty?
Okay, I'll pick you up in an hour.
Alright, thanks a lot. Goodbye.
- Uh, no, he's not the greatest.
Susie Wyatt's the greatest. She's gonna be alright.
Alright.
- Okay. - Excellent cut.
There you are, definitely cut, right?
Behind the back.
In less than 30 seconds, we put the rope back together again.
Watch, One, two!
Three! Made it.
What are you laughing at?
You think that's easy with arthritis?
Oh, that was great, Marvello. But don't you do magic too?
There's a reason one illusion that I've been working on
but I was saving it for my opening in Vegas.
Ah, when you say "was" does that mean you'll do it now, huh?
Well, it's, uh, very extraordinary.
It's never been done on any stage before.
Oh, come on.
You're not gonna, uh, what, disappoint
30 highway patrolmen, are you?
Well, since you put it that way.
Do you have any milk?
Oh, milk? Yeah.
And, I'll need a sheet of newspaper.
- There's some right there.
- Right here. - Fine.
Eh, we'll form this into a...what they call a cornucopia.
'There we are.'
Now, we-we might say that this piece of paper is watertight.
Or should I say...milk-tight.
Watch! Would you mind all stepping back?
- Yeah. - Plenty of room.
It's a big act. There we go.
Watch!
Voila!
Watch everybody. Now watch!
You know this costs 30 bones in Vegas.