I hate to see this long weekend comin' up.
- It's always such a hassle. - Yeah.
Everybody rushing to get out of town for one day.
You'd think people wanna just stay home and relax.
If we get through today and tomorrow
I'm gonna sleep on my day off.
What are you gonna do?
I don't know.
I think maybe I'll go out of town for a day.
Sounds like fun.
[engine revving]
Oh, they're cute.
[imitating] Oh, they're cute.
- Mother, make her stop. - Don't involve me, kids.
I'm thinking of how to break the news to your father.
Face it, Mary, they are cute.
Slush.
[giggling]
[Jason laughing] 'Come here.'
- No. - Whoa.
What are you doin', huh?
'Oh, hey. Come on, guys.'
Here they come. Come on.
Hey.
- Hi, girls. - 'Hi.'
Hey, I haven't seen you. How are you?
- Hi, Mrs. Bassett. - 'Uh, hi, Richie.'
Hi, Larry. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Max. Here.
Richie, honey, you hold the baby.
Daddy, Mom can't come with us
and she doesn't know how to tell ya.
Ellen wants to transfer to a boarding school.
- I've to go to the bathroom. - Later, later.
- You're not her brother. - Nah.
Richie, when you put the baby down..
[baby crying] When you put the baby down
get your friends and brothers in the wagon.
No, Jason.
Children, we have to unload the car.
Daddy, I have to go bathroom.
Come here, David. Oh, boy.
Daddy, I have to go to bathroom.
Mother, Ellen told him you're not going.
Oh, darling, the agency called just after you left.
Mr. Prosser is flying in from New York
'and I've to spend the afternoon with him.'
Alright, in that case, what am I gonna do?
I'll take the baby to Grandma and come up early tomorrow.
[Jason] 'Everybody, transfer everything to the station wagon.'
[Martha] 'Hurry up, children, mother has to go to the airport.'
Honey, if you're in a hurry, I'll take the baby to grandma.
Honey, it's practically on my way, I'll take the baby.
Mom, do we take your sleeping bag too?
Yes, Max, mine too.
Mary, leave what's-his-face alone.
- Daddy, I have to go bathroom. - You gotta go to the bathroom.
Come on, guys, give me a hand, will you?
We'll never get to the lake now.
Please. Take.
Honey, take this one.
[Martha] 'Bye-bye.'
Bye-bye.
When our family goes to the lake
we don't have the car so crowded.
Jimmy, we wouldn't have invited you and Larry to come
if we'd known this was gonna happen and then you'd have
missed all the fun, right?
So, lock all doors, batten all hatches.
All ashore that's going to shore.
We're off to sea in our cuspidor.
[together] Yay!
[Jason] Yay!
[indistinct chattering]
[dramatic music]
[crying]
[theme music]
[music continues]
Hey, Danny.
Isn't that a '58 Vette?
If it is, we've got a buyer waiting for it.
Yeah, '58.
[music continues]
What's that guy think? He's at Le Mans?
It could be a deuce. Let's go.
[engines revving]
[instrumental music]
Back off. Back off.
Cops are after him.
[music continues]
At least, they got him before he ruined the merchandise.
Take the next off-ramp and circle back.
See what happens after the cops turn him loose.
[music continues]
[sputtering]
[honking]
There's a trucker with a problem at the roadside park up ahead.
[engine revving]
Ten-wheeler? This is the van.
'I found the bears and clued 'em in.'
'They should be there in a minute.'
- 'Come on.' - Okay.
This is 10-4, good buddy.
'Thank you. Go happy.'
Good morning. What's the problem?
Problem? Come on. I'll show you a problem.
How's that for a problem?
I'll call the unit.
I didn't wanna touch a thing
till somebody got here.
'Got out of the rig, heard her bawling'
'and that's just the way I found her.'
Just like that.
This world is sick.
You think this world ain't sick?
Um, did you find a note or anything?
I told you, man, I never touched anything.
Hey, watch it.
You'll get her scared. You'll make it worse.
Come on, poopsie.
Daddy Bruno gonna got you.
[baby crying] Yes, you're gonna be fine.
Yes, don't cry.
- Excuse me. Sir, excuse me. - You're gonna be fine.
Would you leave him alone a minute, so we can talk?
You got kids? You got kids? I got kids.
Four girls.
'She's a girl.'
Yeah, Jon. Pink is for girls.
Be careful, you hear.
[baby crying] Oh, come here, you sweet little princess.
Hey. Take it easy, will you?
Come on, princess, let's take a little walk.
He's got a way with women.
Listen, when you arrived, was anyone here?
Nope.
I stopped to get a drink and use the bathroom.
I found the kid and got on the CB.
Okay.
You know, you're the foxiest little princess here.
[crying]
You got the wildest eyes.
You know that?
You know that? Yeah.
Now, what's a nice kid like you
doing in a dump like this anyway, huh?
Why don't you let me take you away from all this?
I'll take you to romantic places like Puerto Rico
Paris, Rome
Taj Mahal, Lion Country Safari, huh?
You wanna go? Hm? No? Want to go?
You stick with me and I'll have you
in diamonds, huh?
[Baker] 'Hey, uh, Ponch.'
Hey, look at this little heartbreaker, huh?
Female sorcery written all over that face, huh?
Yeah, she sure isn't underfed, huh?
Yeah, well-dressed, well-cared for too.
- Yeah. - What's wrong?
You know, she isn't too heavy, is she?
Oh, no, light as a feather.
- Look at the eyes on her. - Yeah.
Oh, I-I got a statement from Mr. Klegg.
Good.
Also, I put the call in for the unit.
- It'll be here soon. - Great, great. Yeah.
Listen, uh, you know, I'll carry her for a while
if you're getting tired, okay?
I'm not getting tired.
Hey, you've been carrying her for a long time.
What's the matter, Jon? You getting jealous?
Who, me?
No.
Look at my baby. Yeah, see?
She likes us both, obviously.
That my baby girl, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
[chuckles]
[instrumental music]
Got into any trouble?
Nah. Piece of cake.
[Gilbert] 'Okay. I guess that does it.'
Except for the reports from Baker and Poncherello.
Well, what's going on in here, Webb?
Is this the little lady you apprehended?
Well, actually Baker and Poncherello apprehended her.
I just went out and brought her in.
Well, how come you didn't take her straight to juvenile hall?
Oh, this was quicker. I was in the neighborhood.
Sergeant Getraer, Officer Gilbert, County Juvenile.
How do you do?
'She's a cutie-pie. We got a name on her?'
Poncherello's been calling her princess
so we've been using that.
Oh. Hello there, little princess.
[crying]
Uh, sorry.
Here's the forms. They are all signed.
Watch it, Poncherello. Now, don't frighten her.
What's the matter, princess?
You tired of these strangers, huh?
Baker, uh, now, don't frighten her.
It's okay, sarge, she likes me.
[cooing]
Uh.
Actually, I'm, uh, better with older kids.
Uh, honey, don't you trust these dudes too far.
See you heroes later.
Uh.
- If you don't mind. - Yeah, this is wrapped up now?
The county takes over from now, right?
- Right. - Right.
And you guys are, uh, back on patrol, right?
- Right. - Right, yeah.
[Getraer] 'Uh-huh.'
Yes.
Nobody's gonna hurt you.
Uh, where's she gonna wind up now?
Foster home for a while.
Uh, is it possible
like, if somebody knew a really nice foster couple
that have taken in kids in the past
and are terrific with babies.
Oh, Wait a minute. Who are they?
Virginia and Al Prideman. They're neighbors of mine.
Um, what do you say?
It's possible, if they're on the list.
You recommending them?
Well, we don't wanna get personally involved.
We're recommending them.
'In fact, I've already called, and she's agreed.'
That's good enough for me. I think we can work it out.
Hi.
[babbling]
[laughing]
[clicks tongue]
Nice, nice baby. Yes.
[instrumental music]
She'll get great care, Jon.
The Pridemans are the best. Super people.
She'll get all kinds of good old-fashioned love.
She really got to you, huh, pal?
The princess? Are you kidding? No way.
She's a cute little kid.
'But you gotta know how to let go, Jon, you know?'
Cut the ties that bind.
Let the fledgling leave the nest and fly free.
Hey, look, skydivers.
Now, that's something I've always wanted to try.
[scoffs]
[intense music]
Looks like he's in trouble.
There, he's got a reserve chute. That's what you call lucky.
Yeah, but he's still in trouble. He's too close to the freeway.
[engine revving]
[Poncherello] Correction, he's on the freeway.
[music continues]
Okay, you clear traffic and call it in.
I'll go up there.
LA 15, 7 Mary 4. Requesting a 1-11-41
and additional units from 11-84
eastbound 10, at the East LA interchange.
[music continues]
She's gotta be hurt.
She hit this rail like a ton of bricks.
- Did you see it happen? - Yeah. She screamed.
And then, she must have passed out.
- Okay, give me your belt. - Hm?
Your belt. Will you hold this please?
Here, loop it through mine, you can hold me with it.
You're not going over there, are you?
Yeah, you wanna do me a favor
and, uh, hold on to my legs?
[music continues]
Okay. Hold on to my feet.
Alright.
Yeah, I'll try to take some weight off this signpost.
Man, if that bar let's go, her weight will break your back.
Jon, there's a hook and ladder on the way.
Can you hold on?
Yeah, not for long.
This signpost goes, it's all over.
Let's get the cars, please, and pull them forward.
Sir, get in your car please.
I wanna clear this lane for emergency vehicles only.
So, let's..
Come on, get in your car, please, pull forward.
Move it forward, please.
Sir, I need your crane. Pull it forward.
[whistles]
[metal creaking]
Help.
Oh.
Don't move, ma'am. Just stay still, alright?
You'll be okay.
[intense music]
Move it right here. Come on.
Thank you.
Listen, that's where I gotta go. Take me up.
[groaning] I'm hurt. My arm.
Just don't move, alright?
Just stay still, ma'am. It'll be okay.
[creaking]
Oh, please don't let me fall.
[sobbing]
Help.
You gotta get a hold on me, guys.
I got ya.
Please. Please don't let me fall.
Please.
Just stay still and let me come to you.
[sobbing]
Come on.
Agh! Ah!
[crying]
Alright.
[grunts]
It's alright. It's alright. It's okay. You're safe.
It's alright, honey.
Hey, it's okay.
[crowd cheering]
Thank you.
Hey, you hang in there, alright?
Thank you.
Drop in any time.
What is it about you that you can't hang on to a girl?
I don't know, it's, uh
like I was saying to myself up there.
Jon, you're losing your grip.
[instrumental music]
There.
[doorbell buzzing]
There we go. Oh, yeah.
Yes.
Hi, Virginia.
Well, hello, Frank. Come on in.
I just dropped by to court a princess.
Oh, that's wonderful. Only do it quietly.
'Cause I just put my own kids to sleep.
Okay.
She looks bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
Well, she should be.
She's been sleeping all day long.
I'm real glad you're here.
Here we go, baby.
I'm not interruptin' her supper, huh?
No, no, she finished everything except a cup of milk.
What? No bottle?
No, she does very well.
Can I try?
Sure.
As a matter of fact
there are some things I need to get for her
'and Al's working late tonight.'
'Are you free, maybe you could'
babysit for say, half an hour.
Virginia, I'm sworn to serve.
Well, that's wonderful.
What's in the package, a gift?
Yeah. Well, we can open it later.
How are we doing, princess?
[Virginia] 'Now, you're sure you're gonna be okay?'
You have fed babies before, huh?
Oh, countless times. No sweat.
I won't be long.
Okay.
Have I fed babies before, she asks.
How do you like that?
Nothing to it, right, princess? Huh?
'No, no, no. Don't blow on it.'
'Just sip it.'
Yeah, there you are. That's it.
See? Yeah, you got it.
You finish this and, uh, we'll settle down together
and watch a little television, huh?
'Oh, yeah, that's right. You slept all day.'
Mm.
What do you wanna do? You wanna go dancing, huh?
'Okay, we'll think of something. Never mind.'
[doorbell buzzing]
Uh-oh.
Now, what do you suppose Virginia forgot, huh?
You women, you know, you're always
forgetting something.
I'll be right back.
No, now, you stay here, okay?
Be right back. Don't go anywhere.
Okay?
You stay.
- Hi. - Hey, Mrs..
[door closes]
What are you doin' here?
I'm babysittin' by request.
Oh.
Uh, what's that?
Oh, it's a teddy bear.
Hm.
I was, uh, just going
by this store on the way over here, okay?
[Jon chuckles]
Listen, they were selling toy animals, okay?
I mean, I thought, what the heck?
[baby crying]
Oh, no. It's okay.
Here, princess, look at little old teddy bear.
Come here, yeah.
Man, did I goof?
I left the cup where she could reach it.
She's soaking wet.
[crying]
- Shh. Shh. - 'Here you go'
Hey, did you get her a present too?
Never mind that, Jon.
Jon, we got a problem here.
[laughs]
I don't believe it, two teddy bears.
That's funny, huh?
Yeah.
You're not laughing.
Because I don't think all this wet is milk.
[honking]
[intense music]
[instrumental music]
Looks like the Martians have landed.
Yeah, if those are Martians, I'll take a dozen.
[Poncherello] 'Hey.'
No license plates. No taillights.
Could be hardened criminals. You better be alert.
[dramatic music]
Where the heck have you been?
And who gave you permission to drive this thing away?
Well, you're the one who told us to change our costumes.
You're incredible. The both of you.
Driving off in the very car we're gonna shoot.
You know, I've got a good mind to send you home.
Period.
What are these guys doing here?
Uh, you know this car is improperly equipped
to be driven on the street?
Well, we were only out there a minute.
Look, we're trying to film a TV commercial, officer.
May I see your driver's license and registration, please?
Well, they're in the showroom.
Oh, we'll never do it again, we promise.
Would you please show me your driver's license?
Look, would you please write up the ticket?
Do you know how much this delay is costing me?
I'll tell you how much. Thousands.
Look, I've got to have this car right now, officer.
You can have the car, sir
but, don't take it out of the lot, okay?
Thank you very much.
Bring in the cameras. Turn on the lights.
Vicky, your hair. Julie, you come with me.
Vicky, you have to have your hair fixed now, please.
Don't go away.
Do you know what I just found out about myself?
Well, I can guess though.
You, uh, you got a thing for Martians, right?
Yeah, how'd you know?
[instrumental music]
How come girls always go first? It never fails.
Code of the West, Max, don't fight it.
When our family comes to the lake
we don't have the cabin so crowded.
Jimmy, do me a favor, will you?
Let's not discuss this before breakfast.
Next.
[female #1] 'Hey, wait a minute. Where are you going?'
Ellen, Ellen, do me a favor.
Take my place in line while I talk to Grandma.
Oh, Daddy.
Grandma? Yeah, it's Jason.
- Mr. Basset. - Hold on.
- Larry can go in with David. - What?
Mr. Basset, two can go.
David, will you open up and let Larry in, please?
Open up.
- Grandma? - I'm so sick of boys.
I could die.
Alright. Yeah, everything's fine.
How's the baby?
The baby, Kimmy.
If you don't quit
I'm gonna slap you silly.
Well, Martha said she was gonna leave her with you.
Oh, well, I guess she decided to, uh, keep her herself.
'Well, I guess she changed her mind, decided to keep her.'
No, no, nothing's wrong. Everything's fine.
I'll talk to you. Bye-bye.
- Daddy? - What?
Ellen's tired of standing in line.
Your grandma doesn't have the baby.
Sure, she does. Mama took her there.
Who are you calling?
Go get yourself some orange juice.
[ringing]
Hello.
[Jason] 'That you, darling?'
Oh, Jason.
I was just on my way out the door.
'We'll be there by 11.'
Hey, that's wonderful.
How's the baby?
Uh, I don't know. I haven't talked to Grandma yet.
Well, I have.
Wonderful, how's the baby?
Martha, don't you have the baby?
Uh, no, dear. Grandma has the baby.
Oh?
Darling, you took the baby to Grandma's yesterday morning.
[Jason] 'Yesterday morning? Darling.'
You said it was on your way
and that you would take the baby.
But I didn't.
That's not funny, Martha.
Oh, Jason.
[instrumental music]
Now, I know you're all doing the paperwork
but, just remember that somebody has to read what you write.
So, please..
Uh, Baker.
Uh, we were detained in the line of duty, sir.
Just sit down, okay? Poncherello.
It's true.
We stopped to apprehend a couple of Martians.
[crowd laughing] Martians?
- Two. - Sit down.
Now, the main item today is the increasing thefts of, uh
vintage automobiles.
Uh, yesterday a, uh, '58 Corvette
and a '56 Cadillac were added to the rip-off list.
'Now, there's no real MO'
'that the sheriff's department can pin down.'
'What we do know is that'
'they seem to be selective about the cars they grab.'
'It figures that, uh'
'they're experts at restoring them inside and out.'
'They probably market them'
'maybe sometimes take an order.'
through a sales outlet, uh, that looks legit.
'Now, as you can imagine, a classic car buff'
will pay a small fortune for a car
that he particularly wants.
'Auto Theft is working on this'
but they don't have any solid leads.
So, uh, anything that you guys can come up with, uh
you know.
'Okay, that's all.'
I don't care how confidential the briefing is.
'I want to see your boss.'
'Now, you either send him to me or I'll go in after him myself.'
Sounds like your number one girlfriend.
Yeah, Mrs. Downey. Let's get out of here.
Are you the colonel?
- Uh, Sergeant Getraer, ma'am. - Sergeant?
I've no time for you, young man.
I want to see the head honcho. Send me your colonel.
I'm in charge, ma'am.
We don't have any colonels in this outfit.
'Never mind the excuses.'
'I want my car.'
I reported it stolen last night.
Now, where is it?
Uh, let's see. Is that the, uh, '56 Cad?
Cadillac.
Uh, was the car in good condition, Mrs..
'Downey.'
Margaret Downey.
Yes, it is. It rides like a pussycat.
Uh, did you leave the keys in the car ma'am?
Certainly not.
What do you think I am? A ninny?
Some wise dude cased it at the market
hot-wired it and bugged out.
- I see. - Well, don't just stand there.
Go, find it.
Uh, yes, ma'am.
- Get it? - Uh, right.
- Get. Huh. - Right, right.
[woman on radio] 'LA 15, 7 Mary 3 and 4.'
'Check an 11-24, abandoned'
'1965 Avanti, Hillside and Fuller.'
LA 7 Mary 3 and 4.
10-4, westbound Monroe at Highland.
A '65 Avanti?
That's a classic, you know.
Yeah, we better get it off the streets
before the bad guys do.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[engine sputtering]
[intense music]
[engine revving]
[music continues]
[siren wailing]
[music continues]
[tires screeching]
Apprehended runaway garbage.
You wanna call it in?
LA 15, 7 Mary 3 and 4..
[indistinct chatter]
I really don't know what you call it.
Alright. Quiet. Quiet! Quiet.
Alright.
Now, the County Juvenile authority
'has charge of your baby'
'and if you'll just remain calm and quiet'
it'll take me no longer than five minutes
to find out exactly where your baby is.
How long is it gonna take you to find my car?
Well, we're working on it, Mrs. Downey.
Working on it indeed.
Just put one of your stoolies
on it and it'll work in no time.
- She looks like Grandma. - Shh, honey.
You seem to think that I don't
have anything else to do.
Well, I'm expected at a bingo party
this very afternoon.
Mrs. Downey, if you'd like to go home--
'I can't go home.'
I'm stranded here.
'Because you can't find my car.'
'Which means I've to take a bus.'
Me, an 85-year-old senior citizen
'barely able to walk.'
Now, how do you think that'll look on the TV news tonight.
Uh, not good, Mrs. Downey.
You're right.
Uh, Baricza!
Come here a minute, please.
Yeah, sarge?
Uh.
You know, uh
I like the work you've been doing lately
and I wanna reward you with a special choice assignment.
Drive Mrs. Downey home.
- Drive her home? - Home.
To her door.
- Clear? - Yes, sir. Clear.
Okay, Mrs. Downey, if you'll go with Officer Baricza here
he'll drive you right home to your door
and we'll notify you as soon as we hear about that car.
I kinda like you, son.
[instrumental music]
Alright, hook it up and, uh
take it to the OP garage.
[dramatic music]
Hey, maybe we're in luck.
Yeah? Good or bad?
Well, the lady that called it in
said she saw two guys drive up last night.
'She thinks maybe they tried to start the Avanti, and, uh'
Then gave up and drove away.
Might've been the owner.
Yeah, might not have been too.
I know why they gave it up. Had a broken axle.
Anyway, we got a possible license number here.
LA 15, 7 Mary 3. Uh, 10-98, possible 10-8-51.
'Suspect vehicle, late model pickup.'
Yellow in color.
'California plate 1 David 7-3-7-9-5.'
[woman on radio] '10-4, 7 Mary 3.'
'Also, landline, Virginia Prideman'
'at 553-5473 at your convenience.'
10-4.
It might be the princess. Come on, let's get to a phone.
[instrumental music]
They would always rather eat than talk.
I, uh, I'm an architect and, uh
my wife's in public relations and..
Actually, It doesn't seem very important now, does it?
I-I hope you don't think we're n-negligent or..
[sobbing]
You're back together now, Mrs. Basset.
Everything's gonna be okay.
I-I'm sorry, but the thought of losing her..
[sobbing]
Yeah. We know.
We love her, you know?
Very much. You understand that?
Yes, sir, we do.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Oh, here. Y-you got mine. Heh.
Here, we got a funny old teddy here.
[crying]
Thanks a lot.
Okay, take care.
[dramatic music]
[intense music]
LA 15-8, requesting backup for 10-8-51 vehicle.
California, 1 David 7-3-7-9-5
at 14-840 San Fernando Road
location of possible auto-theft ring.
Take a left at the next corner.
Uh, Mrs. Downey, uh
we took a left at this corner 10 minutes ago.
I'm entitled to one mistake, now take a left.
You're sure this is a shortcut?
Yes, to where I want to go.
Now, Mrs. Downey, I was told to take you home.
Did anyone ever tell you
that you are a very handsome man?
Mrs. Downey.
Ma'am, we were on this street before.
I think you took a wrong turn.
Here, I didn't tell you to do that.
No, ma'am, but the sergeant told me to take you to your door.
You don't know where I live.
'4300 Arcadia Street.'
Really, Mrs. Downey, driving around
is no way to find your car.
[woman on radio] '7 Adam, 7 David, 7 Mary 3 and 4, LA'
'11-98 Auto Theft units at Vermont and 8th'
'for possible 10-8-51.'
LA 15, 7 Mary 3 and 4, uh
responding from 7th and Gill.
[siren wailing]
That's it. That's it.
1-0-8-5-1. Oh, I know what that means.
- Come on, let's go. - Uh.
Uh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
That could be it
but I can't respond with you in the car.
Now, Mrs. Downey, that's your house.
Please.
Oh.
[indistinct chatter]
LA, 7 Adam. Responding from 5th and Arcadia.
[woman on radio] '10-4.'
[intense music]
[instrumental music]
[siren wailing]
[music continues]
Put your hands on your head.
Get down on your knees.
Hey, put your.. Cross your legs!
Cross your legs.
Doesn't look like these guys will make the covers
of any Hot Rod magazines this month, huh?
Yeah, it's a shame, isn't it?
Get your pictures taken anyway. Come on.
Oh, there it is.
There it is.
Oh, it's about time.
- Mrs. Downey. Mrs. Downey. - Yeah?
Ma'am, you can't take the car yet.
- Oh. - Yeah, listen.
We have a lot of paper work to do.
Ah, they're right, Mrs. Downey, uh
all these vehicles are used as evidence.
Oh, it's you again, colonel.
Sergeant.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
[Getraer] 'Hey, w-what did I do?'
- 'What did you do?' - 'Yeah.'
Nothing. That's just it.
I had to find my own car.
[scoffs]
[car door closes]
[engine revving]
Mrs. Downey. Mrs. Downey.
Hey, my bi..
[theme music]
[music continues]