You haven't smiled since we hit the bricks.
I got a premonition. I can't shake it.
I think we're in for a strangeweekend.
Starting with the afternoon briefing.
When you get a premonition, it's usually about Getraer.
Well, that's physical evidence.
Getraer's been studying some printouts from the big computer.
What kind of computer printout?
I don't know.
But I got a feeling something strangeis about to happen.
Hey, coach, can't you speed it up a little?
If we're not there in ten minutes
we forfeit the game.
We're coming up to our turnoff.
'We'll be there in time.'
Just relax and..
You're not changing here?
On the freeway?
Sure, why not?
Then we'll be ready to play when we get there.
Just drive!
No sign of him.
Oh, boy. The police.
Cover up! Get under the seats!
You're a little late with your warnings.
Did he see anything?
He saw everything!
Are you crazy?
There's a motorcycle cop following us.
Make that two.
You think you can outrun them? In this?
I just wanna get to the center!
We made it.
We've got exactly five minutes to be on the court.
Officer, uh, we have a very important game.
'It's the quarterfinals.'
'And if we're not on the court in three minutes--'
It's okay, uh, I just need the driver.
That's me.
Come on, girls.
You know, that wasn't very smart driving
especially with passengers.
I know, uh, but we were late
and-and the girls were were suiting up, getting ready.
Getting undressed.
'Oh, yeah, terrific.'
Right, but..
Fellas, I was scared.
This team is kind of a hobby for me, I'm-I'm really a teacher
at a very conservative private school.
I mean, the headlines would ruin me.
You better learn the law.
You were the only one exposed to public view.
Then then it's not indecent exposure?
No, sir. I'm citing you for speeding.
Oh, I like that.
And failure to yield.
Oh, that's good. That's good.
Uh, volleyball seems to be pretty popular
at places like this.
It's a good icebreaker.
Everyone's looking up.
But that's social volleyball.
This is league competition.
Oh. Oh, they have leagues?
Oh, yeah. I volunteered for the laughs.
I never thought they'd win a game.
Undefeated!
Two more wins and
we're in the national playoffs.
The nationals get a lot of coverage.
News coverage, that is.
Listen, you keep your mind on the road and on your driving.
Understand?
Thanks.
Uh, good luck.
It could catch on.
Popular spectator sport.
Never. No place for the numbers.
Hey, you know what we oughta be doing right now?
Yeah, go on out to the overpass
and see if the dirt-thrower left any clues.
I knew you were gonna say that.
I just knew it.
Hey, Getraer looks different
but I don't see any computer printouts.
Yeah, well, watch for something off the wall
with some spin on it.
'Alright.'
'Can I have your attention, please?'
We have three reports of a man throwing objects
at vehicles on the freeway.
It seems to be localized in the Topanga area.
'Let's maintain a high profile out there.'
'Catch him before he hurts somebody.'
Now.
I've just received the, uh, computerized follow-up
'and the physician's report'
'of the department's, uh, quarterly physical.'
The statewide results of the tests indicate that..
...I'm quoting here.
"We are losing the battle against an insidious killer
"causative agent in heart disease
circulatory ailments, strokes.."
'The list goes on.'
The killer they're talking about is fat.
'"Between quarterly physicals the CHP officers examined'
'"gained an accumulation of weight'
"equal to that of three fully-dressed
'"motorcycles.'
'"Or 3.3 ounces per hour
'of all the time passed in that interval."'
The California Highway Patrol, uh, has been ordered to reduce.
'Pounds per unit have been computed'
'and quotas have been assigned.'
'We have ours.'
Between now and your next quarterly physical
the Central Division of CHP will lose..
One thousand pounds.
That's it.
Getraer lost weight. He saw this coming.
Hey, look at Grossman. I think he's in shock.
'We're talking about more than just weight loss here.'
This is gonna be a comprehensive physical-conditioning program.
We'll start with me.
At the last quarterly physical
I weighed 190 pounds, 10 ounces, duty-dressed.
I've lost 11 pounds.
That leaves 989 pounds to go.
This uh, computerized report here contains suggestions
for individual weight loss.
'I'll give those to you now, if you'll step up here, please.'
You see how computers handle human life?
They grind you up and when they spit you out
you're a number.
Come on, Grossie, get your number.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Oh. Lose a thousand pounds.
Numbers on a sheet of paper. No, individual consideration.
I mean, look at Grossman.
He's really uptight and worried about it.
Uh, Grossie stays fat through everything, through his life
through a dozen programs like this.
Listen, Grossie survives fat.
Yeah, he finds loopholes.
But this time, he's up against the computer.
Oh, boy.
You see?
You see, we're actually on the freeway.
Right.
The freeway.
I never thought I'd make it.
That was the opinion of the driving school
but we showed them, hmm?
Yeah.
We sure did.
Let's try a faster lane. What do you say?
Uh, why not?
That's good! That's good. That's confident.
Now, remember, we drive the car
we don't aim it.
Right.
No honk.
Very good. Very good.
Oh, my G..
Hey, look at that.
- Oh, we're just fine.
He doesn't look alright.
Oh, it takes him a few minutes to come out of it.
He's been this way before.
But this time it was my fault. You were doing fine.
He was doing fine until, I startled him.
L.A. 15, 7 Mary 3. 10-97, 11-82 Westbound
Glendale at Berdoo. Roll..
What startled you?
As you may have guessed, brown eyes.
I don't startle easily.
Thank you.
It's important that I inspire confidence in my students.
I try to retain an inner kind of calm.
But when you look up on the freeway
and you see a weirdo dressed in rags running at you
I mean, it's difficult not to react.
Well, it's a normal response.
I'm bursting with normal responses.
If there's anything else you need, let me know.
We'll just forget about this.
Tomorrow, we'll start at the beginning, okay?
Tomorrow?
Tomorrow.
Alright, Grossman, on the scale.
Come on.
Alright, Grossman
you've gained 5 pounds.
Alright. Put it down on the desk, huh?
That's exactly what you weighed at your last physical.
It's my natural body weight.
Look, sarge.
I've always been a large person.
Look, I don't wanna look at your baby pictures.
Here, I am as a kid.
A fat kid.
Hey, that's cute.
The one on the pony.
I don't care about your childhood, Grossman.
But I'm proving a point, sarge.
See, here I am in high school
the service, just before I got married.
Always large.
Eighteen pounds, Grossman.
That's the medical opinion.
Eighteen pounds?
Do it for your family
'your heart, the good of the department.'
And do it for me, Grossman.
Look, I know it's tough.
But look how much I lost.
Eleven pounds.
You know, sarge, we can all lose
more than the computer figures.
Uh, what do you say, five pounds each?
It might help Grossman, you know.
Every pound counts.
I'll put you guys down
for five extra pounds apiece.
That's a very commendable spirit.
Oh, by the way, sarge
I'm filing another report on the freeway thrower.
Oh, alright.
We're checking all the institutions
and the hospitals.
I want you guys to pay special attention to this
until we put a fix on this guy, alright?
- Okay, sarge. - Okay.
Hey, we've had freeway homesteaders before
but they don't wanna cause accidents
I mean, they don't even wanna be seen.
I don't think this guy wants to hurt anybody.
He'd be throwing rocks.
Well, what's your theory?
He may even wanna be noticed, for sure.
He may even wanna be caught.
Okay, that's your theory. What do you wanna do with it?
Well, Getraer just said give him special attention, right?
Let's give him some, huh?
Hey, you were in the Boy Scouts
do you remember how to read tracks?
Well, I tell you what.
The first rule is that you don't trample the tracks
you're trying to read.
That's gotta be the spot where he's been throwing dirt
that he threw at the student driver's car.
Well, we're in the right place.
Yep.
He knows it.
Let's go.
Hey! Let me go!
Let me go! We gotta get out of here!
It's dynamite. It's gonna blow!
Let me up.
Get me up.
Put me in the cab. I'll drive it outta here.
Man, you can't even see.
I don't need to. Put me in the cab!
If that thing blows, it's gonna take all these cars.
Now, stay here and keep him back.
Alright.
Now, listen, you calm down and keep your hands
away from your face, alright?
Hey, mister, come here.
You-you stay with him, and keep
his hands away from his face.
Take him on the shoulder, right?
- Just a little scared.
You wanna know about scared? I'll give you some lessons.
I thought I told you to stay back through that traffic.
Hey, you know me, impetuous.
That's poor procedure, Ponch.
I mean, risking lives of two men when one can do the job.
So report me.
So, I'll see you after dinner, okay?
Oh, listen, you sure you don't wanna tell me
what this is all about?
Later. I'll pick you up at about 10:00, okay?
'Come on.'
'Come on, you can do it.'
'Come on. Come on.'
That's it.
Okay, that's three.
Let's try another one. Come on.
Alright, come on. Alright, come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
- Oh! - Uh.
Alright.
Look, I'm uh, counting on you guys.
Five pounds a piece, remember?
Can I talk to you?
Yeah, in my office but make it brief, will you?
I'm up to here.
- Hey, Ponch.
Am I any good at my job?
It's the only thing I ever wanted to do.
Come on, Grossie, sure, you're good at it.
I guess my performance doesn't count anymore.
Just my weight.
Hey, lighten up, okay? We'll get your weight down.
No, I think it's too much this time.
I think I've been sabotaged by that computer.
Look, you ever tried jogging?
- Yeah.
Getraer does it every morning. I'll tell you what.
'The four of us will meet tomorrow morning'
one hour before duty.
I'll help you out, alright?
How about dinner?
Carol has a class tonight.
Assertiveness training.
Well, I got a date for dinner, then I'm meeting Jon.
Alright, uh, I'll sit and watch you eat
if you're looking for company, okay?
Terrific.
Alright.
A man who throws objects at vehicles, Frank
has to be treated for what he is, a menace.
All I'm saying is he's a human menace.
He's gotta be stopped by a person.
Well, that's what we're out there for, isn't it?
Fine. If we can get close to him.
Well, get close to him.
Yeah, Sergeant Getraer.
He did? Alright.
I might come up with something good.
Save lives, save the taxpayers some money.
Look, uh, no brainstorms, huh, Frank?
Uh, yeah, Sergeant Getraer, returning the captain's call.
But we should get close to him, right?
Alright, fine, Frank, fine
but would you give me some breathing room while I talk..
Yeah, uh, captain, this is Sergeant Getraer.
You sure Jon will go along with this?
It's not our kind of duty.
He'll go along with it when I tell him about it.
This kind of duty the computer can't do.
Anyway, I got it all wired in with Getraer.
What's your plan?
Wherever this guy is hiding
he's gotta get hungry, right?
So we're going out there tonight
so maybe we can, uh, be there in the morning.
Maybe we can grab him when he comes around
looking for something to eat.
- No.
But speaking of food..
...want some salad?
No, thanks.
I don't wanna spoil my supper.
I'll get the check.
Good, I'll get the tip.
Hey, man.
- He's a cop. - Okay.
- He's trying to help. - Alright.
'The guy is choking.'
'He's tryin' to save him.'
Okay, okay.
I can breathe now.
I'm alright. Thank you, man.
That's alright.
Hey, we feel like fools.
Well, that's how you guys acted.
Uh, the guy is friend of ours.
So you nearly cost him his life.
I thought your buddy was beating up on him.
Listen, it's called the Heimlich Method.
Why don't you guys learn it, huh?
Hey, Ponch, I can't sleep in this shoebox.
Ponch?
Hey, Ponch, wake up.
I'm not sleeping. I'm not sleeping.
I heard every word you said.
You know, I think we're parked in the wrong place.
I mean, we've been here for hours.
It don't seem that long.
Yeah, well, it does if you're awake.
Listen, this isn't our job anyway.
They're gonna find him with ground search.
Ground search is expensive, Jon.
He might kill somebody before the computers
found him dangerous enough to put the money into it.
Okay, okay.
Listen, can you just stay awake and uh, help me pass the time?
Okay, partner, sure.
'Ponch.'
I'm awake. I'm awake.
Wait a minute, friend, alright? Just relax.
Just relax, okay? We're here to help you.
We can't talk to you unless we know your name, okay?
'What's your name?'
Leonard.
I'm Ponch, Leonard.
This is my friend, Jon.
You don't come after me.
Okay, okay. Alright. Relax, alright?
We'll do it your way. Like friends, right?
My friends
are in the great big lawn.
I was reading the stones, and I got lost.
Leonard, where do you go when you're not with your friends?
Leonard. Well, do you live in a house?
In my room.
And once they locked it on me.
Well, that's too bad, Leonard.
I said stay in the car!
Okay, alright, Leonard.
Leonard, listen to me.
We're here to take you anywhere you wanna go.
Leonard.
Wait a minute, Ponch.
This is his own turf.
Yeah, forget it. We don't stand a chance.
I wouldn't jog a yard this morning
if I hadn't promised Grossman.
Hey, Baker, you know the stones Leonard was reading?
- I got a thought that-- - Hey.
- Good-- - Good morning, sarge.
Uh ,never mind the good morning
you already said that to me at 4:00 a.m.
when you woke me up.
Hey, we didn't know you were gonna get sore about it.
I mean, it was your idea.
What do you mean my idea?
Okay, if you wanna give me the credit.
But you said, get close to him, remember?
I never ordered any, uh
the moonlight monkey shines and you know it.
Listen, we found Leonard.
I mean, that's the important thing.
Important thing is that you lost him.
'Look, if you guys wanna play detective games'
'on your time off, I mean, that's your hang-up.'
But to call me up in the middle of the night
to you tell me that you goofed it.
That's too much.
Yeah, but we did get his name.
I mean, you could've called LAPD yourself.
But why wake me up and ask me to do it?
Well, this way you get the credit, sarge.
I don't need the credit.
I need my sleep.
Listen, sarge. You know the stones Leonard was reading?
Mm-hm.
We think they were in a cemetery.
And the biggest cemetery in the area
is near the VA hospital at Sawtelle.
Yeah, well, the hospital's been checked.
Yeah, but he might have friends there, though.
He might even live nearby.
Yeah, well, I suggested that to the LAPD
at 4:15 this morning.
Morning!
This was a great idea.
Good sleep, light breakfast, vitamins.
Let's roll.
I'll take it easy till you guys loosen up.
Come on.
Hey, come on, you guys. I'm not doing this alone.
Oh, but it's just so much better this time, if..
There's all kinds of exercise, you know.
Yeah, if we can't keep up with Grossman
I guess we're doing the wrong kind.
Hey, they're comin' over here.
You short a few players, I hope?
You guys any good?
Well, just for exercise, uh. But it's only a game, right?
Okay, Carol?
Okay. Heh-heh.
I'm Ponch. This is Jon.
Hi. Did you win your game at the center?
I knew, we'd seen you guys before.
Linda, these are the two highway patrolmen.
Oh, yeah, you guys look so different out of your uniforms.
Yeah, you too.
Listen, we were just doing--
Just doing your job.
Yeah, well, we lost the game
and we're out of the league.
And the team has broken up, so--
Hey, how about one of you guys each side of the net, okay?
Yeah, great.
Hey, listen, don't be too hard on 'em, huh?
No. Come on, don't be so chauvinistic.
Let's make 'em earn their points, eh?
Okay, there you go.
Oh, I got it.
Come on, set it up.
I got it.
Oh, good girl.
- Get it. - Yes.
Wait.
Over here.
Over here, over here.
Oh.
Uh, we gotta go, girls.
Oh, are you guys leaving?
- Yeah, uh.
Hey, If we make the team
we'll be working out here every morning.
What do you want, an audience?
Oh, come on
you had to know we were good.
No hard feelings, okay?
Okay, see you later.
Alright, see you around.
- Ciao. - Goodbye.
- Bye. - Bye.
What happened to you guys?
A little volleyball lesson, sarge.
Yeah, you guys teaching volleyball now, huh
Okay, let's hit it. Old spirit.
- Now let's go. - Yeah. Come on, come on.
Leonard is a part-time patient
at the VA hospital at Sawtelle.
See, he lives with his sister about two blocks away.
I've been treating him for years.
She reported him missing three days ago.
Well, we don't usually handle missing persons.
But all under the circumstances.
I understand.
'He hates cars because his wife'
was killed on the freeway.
He was driving.
He took a head wound in Vietnam,
and had just recovered when the accident happened.
Once in a while, he goes around the bend.
Well, does he wanna be found or does he wanna stay lost?
What he wants...is help.
I think I can bring him in.
Uh, he disappeared just about right down there.
Alright, uh, stay out of sight.
Leonard?
Leonard, it's Doc.
'Come on, let's go home, Leonard.'
Doc!
Oh, Leonard.
Alright. Alright, Leonard.
I hate the cars.
They killed her.
You know that, doctor. It was a car that killed my wife.
Everything's gonna be alright, Leonard. Let's go home.
No. No.
No, no! Wait a minute.
I'm alright. Go get him. Stop him, please.
I gotta stop the cars.
Don't.
I gotta stop the cars.
- No, no. Leonard. - My wife!
- Hey, relax. - Leonard, stop it. Stop it.
Seven-pound weight loss.
Very good. We're right on target.
Okay, up on the scales.
Now, you guys know what to do now, don't you?
Yeah. Where did you find it?
An X-ray supply house.
- I have to return it. - Okay.
You may end up wearing it.
Grossman, you're next. Let's listen up here, huh?
Okay, how do you feel? Better, huh?
I feel a little weak, sarge.
Okay, uh,
you lost eight pounds.
Your goal was 18 pounds.
Well, you can't say I didn't try.
Yeah.
Okay, Baker, uh, Poncherello, it's up to you guys.
Five extra pounds apiece, remember.
- Mm-hm. - Uh-huh.
Well, 175, read it and weep.
Perfect. I appreciate that.
Okay, Frank, we're down to you. Up on the scales.
For a guy in great shape, this wasn't easy.
Uh-huh.
One hundred and eighty pounds, on the nose.
We did it. One thousand pounds.
I hope that computer of yours has a nervous breakdown.
Yeah, well, so do I.
'Just let me, uh, figure this out one more time.'
'Let's see, 971'
'Grossman's eight is...979.'
'You guys, 10, 989.'
My 11 pounds, 1000 pounds.
Hold it, sarge. That 11 pounds was last week.
What counts is today's weight.
That's right, sarge.
Proof is what you guys want, proof is what you'll get.
Excuse me, Frank, out of the way.
Uh?
Heh, I don't understand.
Looks like you gained ten pounds, sarge.
Yeah, it's uh, up from 179 to 189.
Sergeant, how could you?
I don't understand.