1 00:00:01,459 --> 00:00:04,963 [Theme - dionne Warwick, "the love boat theme"] 2 00:00:13,012 --> 00:00:19,936 Theme song: Love-- love's exciting and new. 3 00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:29,279 Come aboard-- we're expecting you. 4 00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:36,369 When in love, love is my sweetest reward. 5 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:40,623 Let it flow. 6 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:45,170 It flows back to you. 7 00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:53,094 The love boat soon will be making another run. 8 00:00:53,178 --> 00:01:01,644 The love boat promising something for everyone. 9 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:06,608 Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance. 10 00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:12,697 Yeah, love-- love-- 11 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:17,660 love won't hurt anymore. 12 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:25,585 It's an open smile on a friendly shore. 13 00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:34,594 The love boat soon will be making another run. 14 00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:37,096 Welcome aboard-- it's love! 15 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:45,438 Welcome aboard-- it's love! 16 00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:52,403 [Music playing] 17 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:07,043 At least now they won't have Tyler Hamilton 18 00:02:07,126 --> 00:02:08,545 to kick around anymore. 19 00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:11,422 If I can't be head of surgery, then at least I can be rich. 20 00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,675 [Laughing] 21 00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:18,388 Tyler-- I can't let you take the money from the disabled 22 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:19,597 orphans children's fund. 23 00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:22,934 And how do you think you're going to stop me, Victoria? 24 00:02:23,017 --> 00:02:23,726 [Click] 25 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,689 You don't have the guts to pull that trigger. 26 00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:31,359 You said it yourself the other day in surgery-- 27 00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:33,987 no guts, no glory. 28 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:34,737 [Gunshot] 29 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,281 [Screaming] 30 00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:37,657 [Music playing] 31 00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,617 [Groaning] 32 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,495 Oh, don't-- don't go. 33 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:43,454 It's ok. 34 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:45,456 Everybody-- everybody. 35 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:48,167 You'll get plenty of "mercy hospital" on the cruise, 36 00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:49,586 because two of the stars will be joining us. 37 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:52,088 All right! 38 00:02:52,171 --> 00:02:53,798 And, in their honor, we will be showing 39 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:56,593 "mercy hospital" every day. 40 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,177 [Cheering] 41 00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:01,514 [Applause] 42 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:03,391 Oh. 43 00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:05,476 Isn't my aunt Sylvia wonderful? 44 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,604 You know, she's so nice in person 45 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,522 that it's hard to believe her as a woman who 46 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,566 would marry for money and then poison 47 00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:12,483 her husband in his sleep. 48 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:13,359 Yeah. 49 00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:13,693 Poison him in his sleep? 50 00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:15,111 Mhm. 51 00:03:15,194 --> 00:03:16,070 How do you do that? 52 00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:17,280 She put strychnine in his vaporizer. 53 00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:23,494 [Sigh] And to think, they cancelled "Star Trek." 54 00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:26,664 Adam: Welcome aboard. 55 00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:29,375 Andy singer-- I've read all your fitness books. 56 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,460 Oh, you're the one. 57 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:31,461 [Laughing] Hi. 58 00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:32,420 Welcome. 59 00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:32,712 This is my wife, Valerie. 60 00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:34,172 Hi. 61 00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:35,465 Nice to meet you. 62 00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:36,215 Who are you? 63 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,008 Oh, yeah. 64 00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:37,926 Names would help. 65 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,302 I'm Adam bricker, the ship's doctor. 66 00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:41,471 And this is, uh, berle Smith, the ship's purser. 67 00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:42,221 How do you do? 68 00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:43,306 How do you do? 69 00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:45,475 Are you by any chance on your way to the acapulco 70 00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:46,559 ironman triathlon? 71 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:49,145 I've been doing it every year since it started. 72 00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:49,896 Ok, I give up-- what exactly is 73 00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:53,149 the acapulco ironman triathlon? 74 00:03:53,232 --> 00:03:55,276 Well, first of all, you warm up with an invigorating 75 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,028 2.4-mile swim, and then you take a picturesque 76 00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:59,948 112-mile bike ride, and then you sort 77 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:01,950 of ease into a 26-mile run. 78 00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:04,494 And then you're finished. 79 00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:05,620 And you do all this without anybody chasing you? 80 00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:07,330 [Laughing] 81 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:08,873 Amazing. 82 00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:09,415 Thank you. 83 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,376 Enjoy your cruise. 84 00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:13,002 Uh, excuse me, ladies-- 85 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:13,628 how about a picture? 86 00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:15,463 Of you? 87 00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:16,381 Oh, yes. 88 00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,549 [Chuckling] Uh, no, no. 89 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:18,841 I meant of the three of you. 90 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,843 Oh. 91 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,680 Oh, let's we'll take a picture at the end of the cruise, 92 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:26,516 too-- they say you can see the difference. 93 00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:26,975 Ace: Ok. Here we go. 94 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:27,475 Big smiles. 95 00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:30,228 Come on. 96 00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:31,688 Great. Ok. 97 00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:32,730 Enjoy yourselves. - Thank you. 98 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:33,147 Bye. 99 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:34,190 Bye-bye. 100 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,818 That man's got an obligation to reproduce. 101 00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:38,653 This is it. 102 00:04:38,736 --> 00:04:39,988 We're getting on this ship girls, 103 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,823 but we'll be getting off women. 104 00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:44,158 [Squealing] 105 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:46,452 [Screaming] 106 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:50,832 Aunt Sylvia-- 107 00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:52,375 Judy, dear! 108 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:53,167 How are you? 109 00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,669 Isn't this wonderful? 110 00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:56,421 Oh, I just love you all. 111 00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:57,463 I will sign anything you want later, 112 00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:00,883 but right now I have to talk to my new niece. 113 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,885 Judy, I want you to meet Roger. 114 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,554 (Shouting) Roger! 115 00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:06,514 Oh. 116 00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:09,684 Judy McCoy, Roger Garrett. 117 00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:12,562 [Inaudible] 118 00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:14,731 Judy: Mr. Garrett. 119 00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,566 I just have to know-- 120 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:17,650 did my aunt kill you? 121 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:21,571 Really, my dear, it would take more than bullets 122 00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:22,989 to kill Tyler Hamilton. 123 00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:24,741 Can you get us out of here? 124 00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:25,700 These people are driving me crazy. 125 00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:27,452 Oh, sure. 126 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:28,161 Sure. 127 00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:29,746 Where's, uh, Betsy? 128 00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:32,040 Well, I thought she was right behind me. 129 00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:34,917 Oh, will you, uh, take me to the florist, please? 130 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,170 You see, my boutonniere has passed away. 131 00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:37,920 Oh. 132 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:38,880 [Inaudible] 133 00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:39,839 Thank you. 134 00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:46,971 Oh my goodness! 135 00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:49,474 Betsy, I thought somebody was going to help you! 136 00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:50,683 Who, the luggage fairy? 137 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:52,518 I could have helped you. 138 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:55,772 Oh, I wouldn't want the star to break a nail. 139 00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:56,898 Stop that. 140 00:05:56,981 --> 00:06:00,693 Six months on a soap opera doesn't make me a star. 141 00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,487 In that case-- 142 00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:03,946 [thuds] 143 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:06,783 --You carry it. 144 00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:09,786 If that photographer is a sample of the men on board, 145 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:12,580 this is going to be a dream come true. 146 00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:15,375 What if it takes the whole cruise to find Mr. Right? 147 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:18,127 Denise, you are not looking for Mr. Right. 148 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,630 You're looking for Mr. Hot. 149 00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,256 Unless, of course, you want to be the only virgin 150 00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:23,966 at the university this fall? - [Sigh] 151 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,134 We couldn't have picked a more perfect 152 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,803 settin' for our first time. 153 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,888 I'm so glad it's not gonna happen on a hay 154 00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:31,557 ride or a drive-in movie. 155 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:32,475 Ooh! 156 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:33,810 Ooh! 157 00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:35,144 So what do you think? 158 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,146 My mother picked it out for me. 159 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,189 For this? 160 00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:39,065 Oh, no. 161 00:06:39,148 --> 00:06:40,608 For my sweet sixteen slumber party. 162 00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:42,735 But I've always liked it. 163 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:45,822 Now look, girls-- we are gonna have to be organized. 164 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,365 I've done up this little sketch for the use of the room. 165 00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:50,159 I've divided the day into one-hour blocks. 166 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,536 Oh. 167 00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:54,163 One hour blocks? 168 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,957 Does anybody want to trade their evenin' 169 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:56,624 blocks for my mornin' blocks? 170 00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:58,584 Why? 171 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:00,086 I brought candles. 172 00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:01,337 So pull the shades, Rita. 173 00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:04,674 Sherry: Look, no trades, ok, you guys? 174 00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:07,009 I used my dad's computer to work this thing out. 175 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,345 But what if it takes longer than an hour? 176 00:07:09,428 --> 00:07:10,930 Oh, grow up, Denise. 177 00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:14,934 That only happens in Danielle Steele novels. 178 00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:17,770 I just think it's so dear of the producers of "mercy 179 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:22,191 hospital" to give us this lovely trip during our hiatus 180 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,401 from the show. 181 00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:26,028 You know why they paid for us too is because of Roger-- 182 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,655 he's the one with the real power. 183 00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:28,489 Oh, I know. 184 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:31,325 But he's such a friend anyway. 185 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:35,037 He told me that they were trying to butter him up 186 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,540 because he's renegotiating his contract. 187 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:40,334 Well, they better have champagne in his suite, 188 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:42,879 or it'll cost them another three grand a week. 189 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,964 [Giggling] 190 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:51,554 [Music playing] 191 00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:52,430 Oh! 192 00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:54,390 Betsy, isn't this wonderful? 193 00:07:54,473 --> 00:07:58,186 They gave us great big suites, too! 194 00:07:58,269 --> 00:07:58,477 There must be some mistake. 195 00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:05,610 [Music playing] 196 00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:15,077 My. 197 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:17,246 This is very small. 198 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:20,583 [Horn blaring] 199 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,753 [Shouting] 200 00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:27,131 [Theme music] 201 00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:48,361 Look at these girls. 202 00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:52,615 Oh, Sherry's the only one that has a chance. 203 00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:56,494 I haven't seen skin this good that hasn't been airbrushed. 204 00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:58,538 Granted, it's stiff competition. 205 00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:01,207 But it'll be good trainin' for sorority rush. 206 00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:06,128 Well, I've got first hour in the cabin, and I see my target. 207 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,129 Great. I got it. 208 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,798 Here, let me help you out. 209 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:09,966 Ah! 210 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,801 Oh. 211 00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,344 Amy, I'm sorry. 212 00:09:13,427 --> 00:09:14,679 Amy-- 213 00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:15,513 no thanks. 214 00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:19,141 Aw. 215 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,143 Can we talk? 216 00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:24,021 Uh-- yeah. 217 00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,607 [Music playing] 218 00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:30,820 Andy-- 219 00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,029 mhm? 220 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,906 I told you, I packed your bicycle helmet, 221 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,157 your cycling shoes, your running shoes. 222 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,075 They're all there. 223 00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:37,827 Don't you trust me? - Yeah, i-- I do. 224 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:38,619 I trust you. 225 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:39,370 Mm. 226 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,749 How about my goggles? 227 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,085 Andy, I'm beginning to think all 228 00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:47,503 you care about is this race. - No! 229 00:09:47,586 --> 00:09:48,963 Now, when we came on this cruise, 230 00:09:49,046 --> 00:09:49,964 you promised me you'd relax-- 231 00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:51,173 - i-- I am. - --And be romantic-- 232 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:51,757 I'm relaxed. 233 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:52,925 I'm-- I am really here. 234 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,261 Feel my pulse. 235 00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:56,762 See, that's 52 beats a minute. 236 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:57,513 Mhm. 237 00:09:57,596 --> 00:09:59,557 Mhm. 238 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,684 It should be 48. 239 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:02,727 No, that's when I'm resting. 240 00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:04,103 We were kind of moving around, weren't we? 241 00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:04,687 Oh, yes. 242 00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:05,646 It's called mating. 243 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,773 Mating-- you haven't forgotten, have you? 244 00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,692 - No. - Mhm. 245 00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:10,735 Thanks for reminding me. 246 00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:12,820 My pleasure. 247 00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:13,946 How about my socks my-- my-- 248 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,323 my lucky socks. Did you pack 'em? 249 00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:16,324 [Sigh] 250 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:19,660 Andy: Oh! I love you. 251 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:20,745 I really do. 252 00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:25,625 [Giggling] These may end up being my lucky socks. 253 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:28,919 [Music playing] 254 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,054 I'm not sure this is such a good idea. 255 00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:40,723 Well, sweetheart, you just sit there and think about it. 256 00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:42,933 I see what I've been looking for. 257 00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:50,524 If that's not a Latin lover, there's no cattle in abilene. 258 00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:54,236 Uh-- look, I appreciate your offer. 259 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:54,779 I'm flattered. 260 00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:57,865 It's very generous. 261 00:10:57,948 --> 00:11:00,284 Uh-- but-- 262 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:01,452 maybe I didn't make myself clear. 263 00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:02,912 [Chuckling] No-- no, no. 264 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:06,540 Uh, I understood-- you see, I'm very familiar with the term 265 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:07,625 "whoopie." 266 00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:11,879 It's just that I make it my policy not to, uh, you 267 00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:15,174 know, guh, whoop, with girls I've only 268 00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:17,259 known for 2 and 1/2 minutes. 269 00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:18,260 Thanks a lot, buster. 270 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,596 I wasted a whole time block because of you. 271 00:11:24,683 --> 00:11:27,228 "To Shirley, the elevator girl-- 272 00:11:27,311 --> 00:11:29,438 happy ups and downs." 273 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:34,318 Or, Betsy, should I say, "good to the last drop, love, 274 00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:35,277 Sylvia." 275 00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:36,278 There you go. 276 00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:39,073 Oh, isn't this exciting? 277 00:11:39,156 --> 00:11:41,283 I've been on "mercy hospital" for six months, 278 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,119 and already people recognize me. 279 00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:44,120 [Laughing] 280 00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:46,414 I guess if being known is all you care about, 281 00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:49,708 then you're a big success. 282 00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:50,876 What do you mean? 283 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,170 I mean, there is a difference. 284 00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,673 For instance, I'll be remembered as the woman 285 00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,842 who stopped the show in "footlight follies." 286 00:11:57,925 --> 00:12:01,595 And you'll be remembered as the sleazeball who 287 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,055 went to bed with the three interns 288 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,141 who were about to perform brain surgery on your husband. 289 00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:09,061 I never did that! 290 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,104 Did I? 291 00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:10,938 Well, they didn't show the scene, 292 00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:13,649 but the interns talked about it-- 293 00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:15,943 on last Thursday's show, I think it was. 294 00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:17,111 Don't you ever watch it? 295 00:12:17,194 --> 00:12:18,654 Oh, I don't have time to watch television. 296 00:12:18,737 --> 00:12:22,783 I'm always busy memorizing all those lines. 297 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:26,328 Nothing personal, but I'm just happy that I still 298 00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:28,497 have my professional integrity. 299 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,166 Oh. 300 00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,001 Well, then-- you know, I'm really 301 00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:35,421 glad I didn't ask Roger to get you that part in the show. 302 00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:41,677 What part? 303 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,930 Oh, the show is adding a new character. 304 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:50,060 I suppose I could use it as a springboard to a good stage 305 00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:50,853 role. 306 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:57,651 Hello, Sylvia. 307 00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,862 You know, we've got to look over next week's script. 308 00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:02,907 I was thinking we could get together in my cabin 309 00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:07,077 before dinner and have a little creative pow-wow. 310 00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:08,037 Oh, thank you-- 311 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,706 I do need all the help I can get. 312 00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:12,041 Yes, I know. 313 00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:13,876 Well, 'til then. 314 00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:14,752 Ta. 315 00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:15,544 Ta! 316 00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:19,715 What a nice man. 317 00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:22,343 What a lech. 318 00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:25,596 Betsy, why would you even think such a thing? 319 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:26,680 If he was only interested in your acting, honey, 320 00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:31,227 he wouldn't have sucked in his gut. 321 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,186 [Slurping] 322 00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:36,607 Let me try a bloody Mary, no alcohol. 323 00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,234 Virgin. 324 00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:39,818 Is it that obvious? 325 00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:44,949 That's what you call a drink that doesn't have any alcohol. 326 00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:45,658 Oh, I knew that-- 327 00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:46,825 I have virgins all the time. 328 00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:53,165 I've never seen such eyes. 329 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,417 They sparkle like they're sapphires. 330 00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:57,294 That's my tinted contacts. 331 00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:58,754 And your skin-- 332 00:13:58,837 --> 00:14:01,507 it's like that of a delicate porcelain doll. 333 00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:04,218 Ram n, who's the se orita? 334 00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:05,177 It's my girlfriend. 335 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:06,512 Ignore her-- she doesn't speak any English. 336 00:14:06,595 --> 00:14:07,221 Can she read body language? 337 00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:08,889 It's ok. 338 00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:10,766 We have an understanding. 339 00:14:10,849 --> 00:14:11,767 Excuse me. 340 00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:13,686 This is not the way I pictured it. 341 00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:17,523 You two go right on ahead with your understanding. 342 00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:18,899 [Speaking Spanish] 343 00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:23,279 [Music playing] 344 00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:27,616 Yeah, I've done it all-- booze, 345 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:31,036 cigarettes, and junk food. 346 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,621 So what made you change? 347 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,415 Well, one night I was carrying my son up to bed, 348 00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:37,126 and he was just a month old, and I got winded. 349 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,128 It scared the hell out of me. 350 00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:43,007 The next day I put myself on a diet and exercise program. 351 00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:44,091 Been hooked on feeling good. 352 00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:45,301 It changed my whole way of life. 353 00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:46,135 That's terrific. 354 00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,887 You know, I'll be 40 next month. 355 00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:50,639 I look younger now than I did 10 years ago. 356 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,641 Andy, you said you weren't going 357 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,393 to spend all day in the gym. 358 00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:55,853 We're supposed to be having fun. 359 00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:58,439 We will-- just as soon as I do my 200 push-ups I will. 360 00:14:58,522 --> 00:14:59,481 Well, it's a good thing you're racing tomorrow-- 361 00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,984 give you a chance to rest. 362 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:05,237 [Music playing] 363 00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:09,325 My, you keep yourself in great shape. 364 00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:11,201 Oh, yeah. 365 00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,995 Pump iron every day. 366 00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:14,955 Well, uh, if you want to work out with a partner, I've got 367 00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:16,206 an aerobics tape up in my cabin. 368 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,000 Mm. 369 00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,209 It's an advanced workout to bolero. 370 00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:20,127 [Grunt] 371 00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,589 Uh, maybe some other time is better. 372 00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:25,007 Bye. 373 00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:25,841 Uh, excuse me-- 374 00:15:25,924 --> 00:15:28,010 [inaudible] Because-- 375 00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:30,012 [inaudible] 376 00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:30,846 Thank you, [inaudible]. 377 00:15:30,929 --> 00:15:31,805 Oh. 378 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:34,183 Are you taking up a new hobby, gopher? 379 00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:35,059 No, sir. 380 00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:38,187 I'm giving one up. 381 00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:41,565 [Music playing] 382 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:45,694 Captain stubing: Now wait a minute-- 383 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,072 this character that Sylvia plays on the soap opera 384 00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:51,283 killed her husband by drugging the doctor who was doing 385 00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:52,201 her husband's brain surgery? 386 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:53,619 Right. 387 00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:55,204 Yes, but her husband didn't die-- he went into a coma. 388 00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:56,413 No, no, no. 389 00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:57,539 He didn't go into a coma, because it wasn't her husband. 390 00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:59,792 They thought it was because of the plastic surgery. 391 00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:01,335 Who had plastic surgery? 392 00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:02,670 Nobody. 393 00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:03,629 They just thought he did, but as it turned out, 394 00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:05,172 it was really the husband's twin brother. 395 00:16:05,255 --> 00:16:06,340 I wonder who is the father of Jessica's baby? 396 00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:08,050 Oh, wait. 397 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:09,593 One thing at a time! 398 00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:10,886 The man who had the plastic surgery 399 00:16:10,969 --> 00:16:12,721 has got a twin brother who was married to his former wife? 400 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,808 It was really his adopted sister. 401 00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:16,934 Oh, this is too much for me. 402 00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:19,019 This whole thing sounds too much like doc's life. 403 00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:23,607 Doc didn't have brain surgery, did he? 404 00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:29,822 I'd be discreet, and it would be our little secret. 405 00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:31,699 That's really very sweet, and I really 406 00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:32,574 would like to help you out. 407 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:37,204 But like I told your friend, I can't! 408 00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:40,457 [Music playing] 409 00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:45,212 Listen, I'm going to be real honest with you-- 410 00:16:45,295 --> 00:16:48,424 I came over here to ask you to make love with me. 411 00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:51,009 Now-- now, I know that sounds awfully brazen-- 412 00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:51,844 you probably wouldn't respect a woman 413 00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:54,388 who'd make that kind of offer. 414 00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:55,681 Come to think of it, neither would i-- 415 00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:58,809 which makes me wonder why i'm even doing something like this. 416 00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:01,395 Except for my friends talked me into it. 417 00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:03,230 So believe me when I say, I don't 418 00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:04,940 blame you for turning me down-- 419 00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:07,025 after all, those are the kind of principles 420 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,527 that'll probably make you a wonderful husband someday. 421 00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,070 Good luck. 422 00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:16,410 [Music playing] 423 00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:19,371 Do you know her? 424 00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:22,040 [Music playing] 425 00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:35,471 [Knocking] 426 00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:38,474 [Music playing] 427 00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:42,311 Come in. 428 00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:45,314 Oh, I must thank you for helping me. 429 00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:47,107 You're such a generous man. 430 00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:50,819 Oh, but I have so much more to give. 431 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,112 Oh. 432 00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,323 Sylvia, you know the reason I asked the production company 433 00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:58,160 to send you along on this trip was, well, I thought it would 434 00:17:58,243 --> 00:18:02,080 give us a chance to get to know one another better, 435 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,875 with the objective, of course, of, 436 00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:09,296 uh, bringing a sense of reality to the roles we play. 437 00:18:09,379 --> 00:18:11,215 Oh, I must apologize-- 438 00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:13,091 I haven't read the script. 439 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:16,261 Do we have a champagne scene in the script? 440 00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:17,679 [Sigh] Forget the script. 441 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:21,600 It's all on cue cards, anyway. 442 00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:22,434 Dearest darling-- 443 00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,436 oh! 444 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,395 [Shout] 445 00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:26,355 She was right! 446 00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:29,191 You are, indeed, a gut-sucking lech! 447 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:29,817 Roger: Sylvia! 448 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,027 You've got me all wrong. 449 00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:35,322 I was just trying to improvise a scene! 450 00:18:35,405 --> 00:18:40,452 I happen to be a professional actress, and I may be cheap, 451 00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:43,580 but I have never been easy. 452 00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,374 [Door slams] 453 00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:48,669 [Music playing] 454 00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:55,592 By the way, girls, you can forget about the guys 455 00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:56,802 with the blue name tags-- 456 00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:59,221 they're part of a celibacy support group. 457 00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:00,389 Shoot. 458 00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:02,224 I'm gonna go to the roulette table 459 00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:04,143 and try and pick me a winner. 460 00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:04,893 Bye. 461 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,729 Bye. 462 00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:10,399 You know, Sherry, I'm tired of all this chasing around. 463 00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:12,025 Well, not me. 464 00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:14,611 I just hope when the time comes, I have enough energy left. 465 00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:16,738 Well, I'm going to change for dinner. 466 00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:17,698 You're already dressed. 467 00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:21,869 I can change if I want to-- it's my hour. 468 00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:24,454 Oh, I've been looking for you. 469 00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:25,789 Please. 470 00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:27,249 I have already been through this with your friends. 471 00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:28,250 You're all very sweet, really. 472 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,794 But if I start doing this sort of thing, 473 00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:32,254 I won't get any work done. 474 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:34,381 But I was just going to ask you for an extra copy 475 00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:35,424 of the boarding picture. 476 00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:36,383 Oh. 477 00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:39,094 I-- I'm terribly sorry. 478 00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:40,637 I thought you were, um-- 479 00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,598 well, you know, hitting on me. 480 00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:42,890 [Gasp] Oh, no! 481 00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:44,266 No. 482 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,434 No, no, no. 483 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:47,936 Believe me, I don't do that sort of thing very well. 484 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,771 I hope you're not offended. 485 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:50,606 Offended? 486 00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:51,523 No. 487 00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:52,482 No, I'm relieved. 488 00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:55,193 Frankly, i-- I don't feel too comfortable 489 00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:56,945 being treated like prime beef. 490 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:57,988 [Laughing] 491 00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:01,199 Have you, uh-- 492 00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:01,950 have you had dinner? 493 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,411 Why, no. 494 00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:06,747 You know, it was a problem for me even in kindergarten-- 495 00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:08,457 the prime beef thing. 496 00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:09,625 Y-- y-- you don't understand. 497 00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:12,002 I-- i-- I'm up $1,500. 498 00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:13,629 I can't leave right now. 499 00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:19,635 Well, if you start losing, you can still get lucky in a336. 500 00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:23,138 [Music playing] 501 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,225 Hey, gopher! 502 00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:27,976 Valerie and doc are going to join me 503 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,728 in the dining room for dinner. 504 00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:32,314 Do you want to come? 505 00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:33,482 On foot? 506 00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:35,567 Don't tell me you're that sore from one workout. 507 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,779 Hey-- one two-hour workout, ok? 508 00:20:38,862 --> 00:20:40,572 I think my legs are getting ready to sue me 509 00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:42,115 for cruel and unusual punishment. 510 00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:42,658 No pain, no gain. 511 00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:44,368 Hm. 512 00:20:44,451 --> 00:20:46,912 Cute. 513 00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:47,788 Andy? 514 00:20:47,871 --> 00:20:49,498 Are you ok? 515 00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:51,708 Yeah, i'm-- 516 00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:53,335 [sigh] I'm fine, really. 517 00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:56,713 I think I just, uh, came down, uh, the stairs a little 518 00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:57,506 fast, that's all. 519 00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:58,298 Ok. 520 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:02,177 Of course, I never-- 521 00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:03,971 never really had a normal home life. 522 00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:04,513 Oh. 523 00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:05,639 Parents divorced? 524 00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:07,307 No. 525 00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:08,725 I grew up on a yacht. 526 00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:11,436 I had to wear rubber-soled shoes until I was 18. 527 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:12,854 Oh, you poor thing. 528 00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:16,650 [Laughing] Yeah. 529 00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:19,778 [Laughter] 530 00:21:19,861 --> 00:21:20,654 Oh! 531 00:21:20,737 --> 00:21:22,030 [Applause] 532 00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:24,408 Oh, my. 533 00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:25,075 Just our way of showing how happy 534 00:21:25,158 --> 00:21:27,202 we are about your success. 535 00:21:27,285 --> 00:21:29,705 Oh, thank you, captain. 536 00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:32,207 Isn't that nice, Betsy? 537 00:21:32,290 --> 00:21:33,375 Charming. 538 00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:38,505 So, who is the father of Jessica's baby? 539 00:21:38,588 --> 00:21:40,674 Jessica's pregnant? 540 00:21:40,757 --> 00:21:42,384 She never watches her own show. 541 00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:43,218 [Chuckling] 542 00:21:43,301 --> 00:21:44,219 [Scoffing] 543 00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:49,141 So how was your rehearsal with Roger? 544 00:21:49,224 --> 00:21:51,101 You were right-- he is a lech. 545 00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:52,352 Did he try something? 546 00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:54,229 Yes, and I told him i'd never speak to him again. 547 00:21:54,312 --> 00:21:57,107 Except, of course, when we're working. 548 00:21:57,190 --> 00:22:00,736 Aunt Sylvia, would you and Betsy 549 00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:02,237 dance with the mermaids tomorrow night? 550 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:03,238 Oh, that would be fun! 551 00:22:03,321 --> 00:22:06,283 They never let me dance on "mercy hospital." 552 00:22:06,366 --> 00:22:09,745 That would be fun, wouldn't it, Betsy? 553 00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:10,537 Oh, yes. 554 00:22:10,620 --> 00:22:11,455 Fine. 555 00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:11,788 - Oh, great! - Great! 556 00:22:11,872 --> 00:22:13,415 Good! 557 00:22:13,498 --> 00:22:15,917 [Laughter] 558 00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:17,252 When you dumped Roger, was that 559 00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:21,214 before or after you mentioned my doing a part on the show? 560 00:22:21,298 --> 00:22:23,216 I didn't have a chance. 561 00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:24,426 But it's just as well-- 562 00:22:24,509 --> 00:22:26,386 I know you wouldn't be happy doing a cheap soap opera. 563 00:22:29,765 --> 00:22:30,640 No. 564 00:22:30,724 --> 00:22:30,766 Of course not. 565 00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:37,439 Ah. 566 00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:41,860 Doctors do recommend six to eight glasses of water, 567 00:22:41,943 --> 00:22:42,611 don't you? 568 00:22:42,694 --> 00:22:44,654 Yes. 569 00:22:44,738 --> 00:22:46,073 But we usually mean spread out over a whole day, 570 00:22:46,156 --> 00:22:47,699 not just one meal. 571 00:22:47,783 --> 00:22:48,784 Evening, everyone. 572 00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:49,868 Hi. 573 00:22:49,951 --> 00:22:51,203 Don't let me interrupt anything-- 574 00:22:51,286 --> 00:22:52,496 just wanted to come over here and see how Andy's doing. 575 00:22:52,579 --> 00:22:53,205 Gave me a little bit of a scare there, pal. 576 00:22:53,288 --> 00:22:55,040 Oh, I'm doing fine, thanks. 577 00:22:55,123 --> 00:22:55,832 How about you? 578 00:22:55,916 --> 00:22:56,958 Oh, I'm fine. 579 00:22:57,042 --> 00:22:58,460 Heck, uh, Mrs. Phillips and I were just 580 00:22:58,543 --> 00:23:00,504 discussing her hip replacement. 581 00:23:00,587 --> 00:23:01,254 Well? 582 00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:04,132 Not so fast! 583 00:23:04,216 --> 00:23:07,219 Did you have another fainting spell? 584 00:23:07,302 --> 00:23:08,804 You've been having fainting spells? 585 00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:10,013 No. 586 00:23:10,097 --> 00:23:11,473 Listen, my wife's just a bit of a worrier. 587 00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:13,100 It's the extra training-- sometimes it makes 588 00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:14,142 me a little bit lightheaded. 589 00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:15,519 Well, just to be on the safe side, 590 00:23:15,602 --> 00:23:18,146 why don't you drop down to my office after dinner? 591 00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:20,732 Doc, nothing is wrong with me. 592 00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:22,651 Excuse me. 593 00:23:22,734 --> 00:23:25,987 [Music playing] 594 00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:32,661 Young man: [Laughing] I can't get it undone. 595 00:23:32,744 --> 00:23:33,954 I'm afraid it's stuck. 596 00:23:34,037 --> 00:23:34,746 Sherry: What is the problem? 597 00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:40,502 It-- it kept coming loose, so I tied it in a knot. 598 00:23:40,585 --> 00:23:44,047 D-- do you think I could keep my shirt on? 599 00:23:44,131 --> 00:23:46,842 Let me ask you a personal question-- 600 00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:49,010 is this by any chance your first time? 601 00:23:49,094 --> 00:23:49,636 Oh! 602 00:23:49,719 --> 00:23:52,347 [Laughing] First time? 603 00:23:52,430 --> 00:23:53,557 You kidding? 604 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:57,144 [Laughing] Yeah. 605 00:23:57,227 --> 00:23:57,978 I'm sorry. 606 00:23:58,061 --> 00:24:00,063 This just isn't going to work out. 607 00:24:00,147 --> 00:24:01,314 I mean, one of us should have some idea 608 00:24:01,398 --> 00:24:02,941 how to do this thing right. 609 00:24:03,024 --> 00:24:04,818 I-- it can't be that hard-- 610 00:24:04,901 --> 00:24:08,196 I know a lot of stupid people who do this all the time. 611 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,323 No offense, but my parents have spent a lot of money 612 00:24:10,407 --> 00:24:11,491 on this cruise. 613 00:24:11,575 --> 00:24:12,701 And I would just rather have somebody 614 00:24:12,784 --> 00:24:15,704 a little more experienced than Ricky schroder. 615 00:24:15,787 --> 00:24:17,205 Oh, well thanks a lot! 616 00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:19,332 You know, I left a full pi a colada to come down here! 617 00:24:23,712 --> 00:24:25,672 I have reason to suspect you have diabetes. 618 00:24:28,633 --> 00:24:30,844 Diabetes? 619 00:24:30,927 --> 00:24:32,053 Don't be ridiculous. 620 00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:34,723 I-- I haven't felt better in my whole life. 621 00:24:34,806 --> 00:24:36,558 Andy, if you do have diabetes, and it 622 00:24:36,641 --> 00:24:41,313 continues to go untreated, you could be putting 623 00:24:41,396 --> 00:24:42,439 yourself in great danger. 624 00:24:42,522 --> 00:24:44,733 Doc, I appreciate your professional advice, 625 00:24:44,816 --> 00:24:48,570 but as far as my body goes, I happen to know what's best. 626 00:24:48,653 --> 00:24:51,990 [Music playing] 627 00:24:53,283 --> 00:24:55,160 I do hope you're not mad at me for ruining 628 00:24:55,243 --> 00:24:57,245 your chances to be in the show. 629 00:24:57,329 --> 00:24:58,914 Of course not. 630 00:24:58,997 --> 00:25:02,334 If I did "mercy hospital," I couldn't do summer stock. 631 00:25:02,417 --> 00:25:04,294 I'd be stuck in New York working all the time. 632 00:25:04,377 --> 00:25:08,006 I'd be plagued by fans in restaurants. 633 00:25:08,089 --> 00:25:09,925 I'd be known as-- 634 00:25:10,008 --> 00:25:10,842 I'd be known. 635 00:25:10,926 --> 00:25:11,760 Oh, good. 636 00:25:11,843 --> 00:25:12,761 I'm glad you're not mad. 637 00:25:12,844 --> 00:25:15,055 Tomorrow we'll go shopping in acapulco. 638 00:25:15,138 --> 00:25:17,307 We'll have scads of fun. 639 00:25:17,390 --> 00:25:20,101 We'll be beside ourselves-- our favorite position! 640 00:25:22,896 --> 00:25:27,525 Fan mail, magazines, calls for interviews. 641 00:25:27,609 --> 00:25:30,445 Guest spots on "dynasty!" 642 00:25:30,528 --> 00:25:32,239 Aw. 643 00:25:32,322 --> 00:25:34,115 Lilith. 644 00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:37,869 It's Betsy, but why should anyone remember my name? 645 00:25:37,953 --> 00:25:42,791 Lilith is a new character on the show, as yet uncast. 646 00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:47,170 You know, it just struck me that you are my image of her. 647 00:25:47,254 --> 00:25:47,963 Really? 648 00:25:51,549 --> 00:25:54,344 My instincts are never wrong. 649 00:25:54,427 --> 00:25:57,138 Would you care to join me in a little champagne? 650 00:25:57,222 --> 00:26:00,308 And then we can discuss it further? 651 00:26:00,392 --> 00:26:03,812 Well, it's late. 652 00:26:03,895 --> 00:26:05,730 Good night. 653 00:26:05,814 --> 00:26:08,858 But-- my watch is a little fast. 654 00:26:11,486 --> 00:26:12,153 Oh. 655 00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:14,781 [Music playing] 656 00:26:19,744 --> 00:26:21,079 Oh my goodness! 657 00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:34,551 [Music playing] 658 00:26:39,097 --> 00:26:40,807 [Knocking] 659 00:26:44,060 --> 00:26:45,270 Oh, uh-- excuse me. 660 00:26:45,353 --> 00:26:48,189 I was looking for Sherry? 661 00:26:48,273 --> 00:26:48,815 Oh. 662 00:26:48,898 --> 00:26:52,277 She won't be back for-- 663 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:53,361 two hours. 664 00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:54,529 Two hours? 665 00:26:54,612 --> 00:26:55,363 I don't have that much time. 666 00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:58,366 Well, then-- why don't you come 667 00:26:58,450 --> 00:27:02,203 on in, and we'll make the most of the time you do have. 668 00:27:02,287 --> 00:27:03,496 Should have taken a cruise years ago. 669 00:27:06,249 --> 00:27:08,209 There are glasses over there on the dresser. 670 00:27:08,293 --> 00:27:12,297 Can you pour the champagne? 671 00:27:12,380 --> 00:27:15,258 I thought I'd slip into this-- what do you think? 672 00:27:15,342 --> 00:27:15,800 Ah. 673 00:27:15,884 --> 00:27:16,384 I don't know-- i-- 674 00:27:16,468 --> 00:27:18,094 I can't really see it. 675 00:27:20,805 --> 00:27:21,431 Oh. 676 00:27:21,514 --> 00:27:22,766 Uh-- very-- very, very nice. 677 00:27:25,810 --> 00:27:29,230 Rita: This is just the way I pictured it. 678 00:27:29,314 --> 00:27:31,149 You there. 679 00:27:31,232 --> 00:27:32,192 Me here. 680 00:27:34,903 --> 00:27:37,280 My favorite nighty. 681 00:27:37,364 --> 00:27:38,073 Music. 682 00:27:38,156 --> 00:27:39,115 [Music playing] 683 00:27:39,199 --> 00:27:42,369 Candle light. 684 00:27:42,452 --> 00:27:46,414 The rollin' of the ship. 685 00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:53,088 I'll bet that you're a very romantic man. 686 00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:54,422 Hm. 687 00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:56,007 Wish my wife felt the same way. 688 00:27:56,091 --> 00:27:57,217 Your wife? 689 00:27:57,300 --> 00:27:59,386 [Screaming] 690 00:27:59,469 --> 00:28:01,596 I'll pay for the dress. 691 00:28:01,679 --> 00:28:03,598 If you ever think I'd get involved with a married man, 692 00:28:03,681 --> 00:28:04,182 you just don't know me very well. 693 00:28:04,265 --> 00:28:06,267 I have standards! 694 00:28:06,351 --> 00:28:07,727 [Blowing out candles] 695 00:28:09,938 --> 00:28:13,274 [Music playing] 696 00:28:16,277 --> 00:28:17,779 Oh! 697 00:28:17,862 --> 00:28:18,780 [Panting] 698 00:28:18,863 --> 00:28:20,281 [Inaudible] 699 00:28:20,365 --> 00:28:23,118 How-- how much do I owe you? 700 00:28:23,201 --> 00:28:24,577 For what you did? 701 00:28:24,661 --> 00:28:24,953 At least $50. 702 00:28:25,036 --> 00:28:26,663 Oh. 703 00:28:26,746 --> 00:28:27,622 Here, take this. 704 00:28:27,705 --> 00:28:30,333 But please don't let my wife find out. 705 00:28:30,417 --> 00:28:33,878 [Music playing] 706 00:28:33,962 --> 00:28:37,215 [Knocking] 707 00:28:42,095 --> 00:28:43,138 Ah. 708 00:28:43,221 --> 00:28:45,598 This had better be important, gopher. 709 00:28:45,682 --> 00:28:47,434 The captain needs his sleep-- he is 710 00:28:47,517 --> 00:28:50,145 responsible for lots of passengers, 711 00:28:50,228 --> 00:28:52,439 and a great big boat. 712 00:28:52,522 --> 00:28:53,148 Yes, sir. 713 00:28:53,231 --> 00:28:54,441 I know that, sir. 714 00:28:54,524 --> 00:28:56,359 But there is something I think you should know. 715 00:28:56,443 --> 00:28:57,485 Yes? 716 00:28:57,569 --> 00:28:59,779 Those three-- ha-- 717 00:28:59,863 --> 00:29:01,614 college girls from Texas-- 718 00:29:01,698 --> 00:29:03,408 those girls are turning this ship 719 00:29:03,491 --> 00:29:05,326 into a house of prostitution! 720 00:29:05,410 --> 00:29:06,327 Good evening. 721 00:29:06,411 --> 00:29:08,830 Good evening. 722 00:29:08,913 --> 00:29:12,208 [Music playing] 723 00:29:13,751 --> 00:29:14,335 Judy (on loudspeaker): Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, 724 00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:17,213 and welcome to acapulco. 725 00:29:17,297 --> 00:29:18,673 To help get you started this morning, 726 00:29:18,756 --> 00:29:20,300 our delicious breakfast buffet will be ready on the starlight 727 00:29:20,383 --> 00:29:22,760 deck as soon as we dock. 728 00:29:22,844 --> 00:29:24,012 Andy? 729 00:29:24,095 --> 00:29:26,848 I've been looking all over for you! 730 00:29:26,931 --> 00:29:28,600 I can't believe you're still going through with this. 731 00:29:28,683 --> 00:29:30,310 I thought we settled this last night-- 732 00:29:30,393 --> 00:29:31,853 at least a dozen times. 733 00:29:31,936 --> 00:29:33,938 Andy, please let doc give you a blood test. 734 00:29:34,022 --> 00:29:35,190 If anything ever happened to you-- 735 00:29:35,273 --> 00:29:36,816 nothing is going to happen to me. 736 00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:38,026 Now, I don't want to discuss it. 737 00:29:38,109 --> 00:29:39,611 Well, if that's the way you feel, then you can 738 00:29:39,694 --> 00:29:42,363 just go to the triathlon alone. 739 00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:44,032 Ok. 740 00:29:44,115 --> 00:29:46,910 Andy, wait-- 741 00:29:46,993 --> 00:29:47,869 I'll go with you. 742 00:29:47,952 --> 00:29:50,038 I've never missed one of your races yet. 743 00:29:50,121 --> 00:29:52,582 I'm not about to start now. 744 00:29:52,665 --> 00:29:54,959 And besides, who'll carry your lucky socks? 745 00:29:55,043 --> 00:29:58,338 [Music playing] 746 00:30:02,842 --> 00:30:07,180 Captain stubing: Ladies, it has been brought to my attention 747 00:30:07,263 --> 00:30:09,724 that you have been-- 748 00:30:09,807 --> 00:30:17,607 shall we say-- approaching men on board this ship. 749 00:30:17,690 --> 00:30:18,441 Is that true? 750 00:30:22,487 --> 00:30:25,114 Well, yes. 751 00:30:25,198 --> 00:30:26,699 Is there a problem with that? 752 00:30:26,783 --> 00:30:29,953 Well, I'll say there's a problem with that! 753 00:30:30,036 --> 00:30:32,580 Uh, we feel that our gentlemen passengers 754 00:30:32,664 --> 00:30:34,874 have enough amusements on board the ship 755 00:30:34,958 --> 00:30:39,170 without having to resort to that kind of activity. 756 00:30:39,254 --> 00:30:41,297 We didn't think it was that unusual. 757 00:30:41,381 --> 00:30:46,135 Young lady, it is more than unusual, it is illegal! 758 00:30:46,219 --> 00:30:49,138 You could be arrested! 759 00:30:49,222 --> 00:30:51,099 I hope they're not this strict at college. 760 00:30:51,182 --> 00:30:53,434 You were planning on doing this kind of thing at college? 761 00:30:53,518 --> 00:30:55,728 Well, some. 762 00:30:55,812 --> 00:30:58,106 What ever happened to waiting on tables 763 00:30:58,189 --> 00:30:59,857 or helping out at the library? 764 00:30:59,941 --> 00:31:02,402 Believe us, captain-- this is the first time we've ever 765 00:31:02,485 --> 00:31:04,904 done anything like this. 766 00:31:04,988 --> 00:31:07,782 Well, I hope this will be your last. 767 00:31:07,865 --> 00:31:11,035 [Music playing] 768 00:31:11,119 --> 00:31:12,453 That certainly destroys our plans. 769 00:31:12,537 --> 00:31:13,788 Some romantic holiday. 770 00:31:13,871 --> 00:31:17,625 That cruise brochure was very misleading. 771 00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:19,252 Well, I must admit I'm relieved. 772 00:31:19,335 --> 00:31:21,296 I sort of gave up yesterday, anyway. 773 00:31:21,379 --> 00:31:22,880 Well, not me. 774 00:31:22,964 --> 00:31:24,591 I think the captain's bluffing. 775 00:31:24,674 --> 00:31:25,425 But if you two want to throw in the towel, 776 00:31:25,508 --> 00:31:28,303 you lose your time blocks. 777 00:31:28,386 --> 00:31:30,972 [Latin music] 778 00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:59,083 [Music playing] 779 00:32:01,169 --> 00:32:03,880 Roger: [Laughing] Oh, Betsy, you are a scamp. 780 00:32:03,963 --> 00:32:07,925 Oh, Roger, you say the sweetest things. 781 00:32:08,009 --> 00:32:10,053 Do you really think you can get me that part of Lilith? 782 00:32:10,136 --> 00:32:13,556 Well, you happen to be sitting with the most powerful 783 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,309 man on daytime television. 784 00:32:16,392 --> 00:32:18,269 Next to big bird. 785 00:32:18,353 --> 00:32:21,064 Sylvia! 786 00:32:21,147 --> 00:32:21,606 I hope you slept well. 787 00:32:21,689 --> 00:32:23,816 I hope you slept. 788 00:32:23,900 --> 00:32:27,612 Uh-- ex-- excuse me, won't you? 789 00:32:27,695 --> 00:32:30,406 I must arrange for a limo to take us shopping. 790 00:32:34,952 --> 00:32:37,080 What are you doing? 791 00:32:37,163 --> 00:32:39,415 Just having breakfast with a charming man. 792 00:32:39,499 --> 00:32:41,542 He a lech-- you said so yourself. 793 00:32:41,626 --> 00:32:43,961 Oh, Sylvia. 794 00:32:44,045 --> 00:32:47,048 Sylvia, I think you've really misjudged Roger. 795 00:32:47,131 --> 00:32:49,967 What makes you think he's going to get you 796 00:32:50,051 --> 00:32:53,763 that part on "mercy hospital?" 797 00:32:53,846 --> 00:32:56,224 I did a great audition. 798 00:32:56,307 --> 00:32:59,602 [Music playing] 799 00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:02,522 [Gunshot] 800 00:33:04,023 --> 00:33:06,401 I loaded that pistol with blanks. 801 00:33:06,484 --> 00:33:08,027 Then I'll call the police. 802 00:33:12,323 --> 00:33:14,158 I'll give you half the money. 803 00:33:14,242 --> 00:33:21,082 Sylvia (as Victoria): [Laughing] Tyler, I've always loved you. 804 00:33:21,165 --> 00:33:22,417 [Laughing] 805 00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:24,377 Roger (as Tyler): I have a private jet, lady. 806 00:33:24,460 --> 00:33:26,796 My dear, you will love rio. 807 00:33:26,879 --> 00:33:28,423 [Laughing] 808 00:33:28,506 --> 00:33:30,550 Rio? 809 00:33:30,633 --> 00:33:35,430 Why would Tyler go to rio? 810 00:33:35,513 --> 00:33:36,889 He's wanted for murder there. 811 00:33:43,771 --> 00:33:45,356 Ace: I want to talk to you. 812 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,066 Ace! 813 00:33:47,150 --> 00:33:47,608 Don't call me ace. 814 00:33:47,692 --> 00:33:49,902 Call me Mr. Chump. 815 00:33:49,986 --> 00:33:52,947 I spent an entire evening pouring out 816 00:33:53,030 --> 00:33:56,033 my innermost thoughts and feelings to you, then 817 00:33:56,117 --> 00:33:59,537 I find out that you're a, uh-- 818 00:33:59,620 --> 00:34:01,789 well, there's just no easy way to say it-- you're a, 819 00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:03,583 uh-- you're a hooker. 820 00:34:03,666 --> 00:34:04,167 What? 821 00:34:04,250 --> 00:34:05,168 Where did you hear that? 822 00:34:05,251 --> 00:34:08,296 From the captain and gopher, that's who. 823 00:34:08,379 --> 00:34:10,173 Aw. 824 00:34:10,256 --> 00:34:12,592 [Laughing] Aw, that's funny. 825 00:34:12,675 --> 00:34:13,843 [Laughing] 826 00:34:13,926 --> 00:34:14,802 - You think that that's funny? - That's a hoot. 827 00:34:14,886 --> 00:34:15,970 Huh? Real funny. 828 00:34:16,053 --> 00:34:16,721 Aw, ace. 829 00:34:16,804 --> 00:34:19,390 You don't understand. 830 00:34:19,474 --> 00:34:23,436 We're-- virgins. 831 00:34:23,519 --> 00:34:25,146 Oh, and that makes it all right? 832 00:34:25,229 --> 00:34:27,106 This is disgusting. 833 00:34:27,190 --> 00:34:30,359 [Music playing] 834 00:34:31,235 --> 00:34:33,279 Andy, you're back awfully early. 835 00:34:33,362 --> 00:34:35,990 Wow, you must have set some record for finishing, huh? 836 00:34:36,074 --> 00:34:37,492 Excuse me. I've gotta take a shower. 837 00:34:37,575 --> 00:34:38,284 Ok. 838 00:34:40,077 --> 00:34:42,997 Well, now that's what I call modesty. 839 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:44,999 He never finished the triathlon-- 840 00:34:45,082 --> 00:34:48,795 he passed out right after the swim. 841 00:34:48,878 --> 00:34:51,297 [Dramatic music] 842 00:34:57,512 --> 00:35:01,557 [Music playing] 843 00:35:06,437 --> 00:35:08,981 Ace, I realized what's been going on. 844 00:35:09,065 --> 00:35:11,901 And I thought the captain was acting kind of strange, 845 00:35:11,984 --> 00:35:14,862 then after what you said, I understood. 846 00:35:14,946 --> 00:35:18,866 Look, ace, we're not hookers. 847 00:35:18,950 --> 00:35:21,744 We're three college girls that get a lot of flack 848 00:35:21,828 --> 00:35:23,788 because we're inexperienced. 849 00:35:23,871 --> 00:35:26,791 You're not professionals? 850 00:35:26,874 --> 00:35:29,418 We're not even amateurs. 851 00:35:29,502 --> 00:35:30,878 I guess I'm old-fashioned. 852 00:35:30,962 --> 00:35:34,924 But I'd like to fall in love first. 853 00:35:35,007 --> 00:35:36,801 I'm really glad to hear that. 854 00:35:36,884 --> 00:35:38,261 Well, come on-- let's take a walk, 855 00:35:38,344 --> 00:35:39,428 and I'll tell you how this whole stupid thing started. 856 00:35:39,512 --> 00:35:41,305 All right. 857 00:35:41,389 --> 00:35:42,682 See, I've got this friend, Sherry-- 858 00:35:42,765 --> 00:35:43,224 mhm. 859 00:35:43,307 --> 00:35:44,642 She's a real jerk. 860 00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:49,021 [Knocking] 861 00:35:50,565 --> 00:35:52,817 [Knocking] 862 00:35:53,442 --> 00:35:55,069 Hi. 863 00:35:55,152 --> 00:35:56,070 Hi. 864 00:35:56,153 --> 00:35:58,239 Oh, I'm sorry if I woke you from a nap, 865 00:35:58,322 --> 00:36:01,242 but I've been thinking it over, and, uh, I've reconsidered. 866 00:36:01,325 --> 00:36:03,411 It might be kind of interesting for two people 867 00:36:03,494 --> 00:36:04,829 to share their first time together. 868 00:36:04,912 --> 00:36:06,080 Oh, hi. 869 00:36:06,163 --> 00:36:09,417 Oh, it does sound kind of poetic when you think about it. 870 00:36:09,500 --> 00:36:11,127 Oh. 871 00:36:11,210 --> 00:36:12,003 Beat it, kiddo. 872 00:36:15,464 --> 00:36:18,175 [Door slams] 873 00:36:18,259 --> 00:36:18,301 This is terrible. 874 00:36:20,928 --> 00:36:22,597 Sylvia, I'm a rat. 875 00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:24,891 This is awful! 876 00:36:24,974 --> 00:36:27,143 I know, and it's all my fault. 877 00:36:27,226 --> 00:36:29,937 Well, I don't see how it could be your fault. 878 00:36:30,021 --> 00:36:33,983 Well, that's sweet of you to say so, but you were so right-- 879 00:36:34,066 --> 00:36:35,943 the minute we got in that limo, Roger was 880 00:36:36,027 --> 00:36:38,279 all over me like a cheap suit. 881 00:36:38,362 --> 00:36:39,822 I saw myself in the rear view mirror, and believe me, 882 00:36:39,906 --> 00:36:41,908 it was not a pretty sight. 883 00:36:41,991 --> 00:36:45,494 I realized how low I've stooped. 884 00:36:45,578 --> 00:36:47,246 And the worst part of it is I'm throwing 885 00:36:47,330 --> 00:36:49,957 over my best friend for a stupid little part 886 00:36:50,041 --> 00:36:52,543 in a sleazy soap opera. 887 00:36:52,627 --> 00:36:54,837 Not that I couldn't have used the money, 888 00:36:54,921 --> 00:36:57,548 but our friendship is the important thing. 889 00:36:57,632 --> 00:36:59,383 Have I hurt you terribly? 890 00:36:59,467 --> 00:37:01,802 I'm going to die! 891 00:37:01,886 --> 00:37:04,138 Well, there's no need to lay it on. 892 00:37:04,221 --> 00:37:04,931 Sit down. 893 00:37:05,014 --> 00:37:05,973 Read this. 894 00:37:06,057 --> 00:37:08,392 Look-- there. 895 00:37:08,476 --> 00:37:11,854 Rance-- "did you hear the dreadful news? 896 00:37:11,938 --> 00:37:13,147 Tyler and Victoria both got what they deserved. 897 00:37:13,230 --> 00:37:16,025 Their plane crashed over Argentina. 898 00:37:16,108 --> 00:37:17,693 There were no survivors." 899 00:37:17,777 --> 00:37:19,278 Jessica-- I guess I can tell you now, 900 00:37:19,362 --> 00:37:24,492 Roger was the father of my ba--" oh, so he was 901 00:37:24,575 --> 00:37:27,703 the father of Jessica's baby. 902 00:37:27,787 --> 00:37:29,413 Betsy, you don't seem to understand. 903 00:37:29,497 --> 00:37:32,750 Roger demanded a bigger salary, so they made his plane crash, 904 00:37:32,833 --> 00:37:34,335 and I was on it. 905 00:37:34,418 --> 00:37:36,671 Now we're both out of the show. 906 00:37:36,754 --> 00:37:38,005 But what about Lilith? 907 00:37:38,089 --> 00:37:40,299 She was the stewardess. 908 00:37:44,595 --> 00:37:46,722 Well, I guess that's show business. 909 00:37:46,806 --> 00:37:50,351 We can always do dinner theater together. 910 00:37:50,434 --> 00:37:52,269 Wait a minute-- 911 00:37:52,353 --> 00:37:54,188 Roger hasn't read his script. 912 00:37:54,271 --> 00:37:55,898 He doesn't know. 913 00:37:55,982 --> 00:37:58,234 That show meant everything to him. 914 00:37:58,317 --> 00:37:59,610 When he finds out, it will break his heart. 915 00:37:59,694 --> 00:38:01,862 Aw. 916 00:38:01,946 --> 00:38:04,865 Let me tell him. 917 00:38:04,949 --> 00:38:08,327 [Music playing] 918 00:38:22,466 --> 00:38:26,429 Sherry, have you seen Denise at all today? 919 00:38:26,512 --> 00:38:27,388 No. 920 00:38:27,471 --> 00:38:28,723 From all those straw donkeys on her bed, 921 00:38:28,806 --> 00:38:30,391 I think she went shopping in acapulco. 922 00:38:30,474 --> 00:38:32,018 That's what we should have done. 923 00:38:32,101 --> 00:38:33,144 We should have done a lot of things 924 00:38:33,227 --> 00:38:34,729 different on this cruise. 925 00:38:34,812 --> 00:38:36,772 Yeah, like go to Fort Lauderdale. 926 00:38:36,856 --> 00:38:38,816 Well, I know you can fool around there. 927 00:38:38,899 --> 00:38:40,484 Most be zoned differently. 928 00:38:40,568 --> 00:38:42,069 [Sigh] Why don't we just forget 929 00:38:42,153 --> 00:38:44,864 the manhunt and enjoy the time we have left on this cruise? 930 00:38:44,947 --> 00:38:47,324 I guess you're right. 931 00:38:47,408 --> 00:38:48,576 You want to be my dance partner tonight? 932 00:38:48,659 --> 00:38:50,703 Why not? 933 00:38:50,786 --> 00:38:53,622 That's how we got through junior high, isn't it? 934 00:38:53,706 --> 00:38:56,834 [Music playing] 935 00:38:57,960 --> 00:38:58,294 Good evening. 936 00:38:58,377 --> 00:38:59,712 Hey, Andy. 937 00:38:59,795 --> 00:39:00,921 Can I have a beer, please? 938 00:39:01,005 --> 00:39:02,256 Oh, certainly. 939 00:39:02,339 --> 00:39:06,552 Uh-- I really don't think that's advisable, Andy-- 940 00:39:06,635 --> 00:39:08,387 not until the diabetes is under control. 941 00:39:08,471 --> 00:39:10,514 If you don't mind, I'd like to have a beer. 942 00:39:10,598 --> 00:39:11,932 Thank you. 943 00:39:12,016 --> 00:39:12,600 All right. 944 00:39:12,683 --> 00:39:14,810 May I ask you a question? 945 00:39:14,894 --> 00:39:17,063 Do I have a choice? 946 00:39:17,146 --> 00:39:18,147 Well, I was wondering what the author of fitness books 947 00:39:18,230 --> 00:39:19,732 would say to a guy like you? 948 00:39:19,815 --> 00:39:21,776 Tough luck. 949 00:39:21,859 --> 00:39:23,486 Doc: I think you'd better reread your own book. 950 00:39:23,569 --> 00:39:26,655 You spend about 300 pages talking 951 00:39:26,739 --> 00:39:28,532 about self-discipline, and how important 952 00:39:28,616 --> 00:39:30,367 it is to overcome obstacles. 953 00:39:30,451 --> 00:39:33,120 I guess you meant only the easy ones, huh? 954 00:39:33,204 --> 00:39:33,996 You don't understand-- 955 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:35,539 doc: You're right, I don't understand 956 00:39:35,623 --> 00:39:37,625 how that man and the one standing next to me 957 00:39:37,708 --> 00:39:39,877 could be the same person. 958 00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:41,587 Andy, having diabetes does mean that you're 959 00:39:41,670 --> 00:39:44,965 going to have to conform to some rather strict changes 960 00:39:45,049 --> 00:39:47,134 in your lifestyle. 961 00:39:47,218 --> 00:39:49,095 But Andy, you've been doing that for years, anyway. 962 00:39:49,178 --> 00:39:50,596 That's who you are-- 963 00:39:50,679 --> 00:39:55,810 somebody who goes after a challenge head-on, and wins. 964 00:39:55,893 --> 00:40:00,272 [Music playing] 965 00:40:04,902 --> 00:40:09,281 [Band playing] 966 00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:12,993 What a beautiful day we've had. 967 00:40:13,077 --> 00:40:14,203 Yes. 968 00:40:14,286 --> 00:40:14,995 I just wish I hadn't asked that man to take 969 00:40:15,079 --> 00:40:17,456 our picture in acapulco. 970 00:40:17,540 --> 00:40:19,834 Oh, I'm sure when he realizes it's your camera, 971 00:40:19,917 --> 00:40:21,252 he'll bring it back. 972 00:40:24,672 --> 00:40:26,507 Hi. 973 00:40:26,590 --> 00:40:27,341 Valerie: Hi. 974 00:40:28,676 --> 00:40:30,302 Oh! 975 00:40:30,386 --> 00:40:31,637 What are these for? 976 00:40:31,720 --> 00:40:32,680 Acting like a spoiled child. 977 00:40:32,763 --> 00:40:34,932 Mm. 978 00:40:35,015 --> 00:40:36,684 And this is for acting like a big jerk. 979 00:40:36,767 --> 00:40:42,857 And these are for various miscellaneous personality 980 00:40:42,940 --> 00:40:43,315 flaws. 981 00:40:43,399 --> 00:40:46,694 [Laughing] 982 00:40:47,820 --> 00:40:51,198 Valerie, I'm gonna need your help. 983 00:40:51,282 --> 00:40:53,325 You've always had it. 984 00:40:53,409 --> 00:40:54,118 [Kiss] 985 00:40:55,327 --> 00:40:57,538 And since we're on the subject of gifts, 986 00:40:57,621 --> 00:41:00,040 there's something I want to give you. 987 00:41:00,124 --> 00:41:01,000 Aw. 988 00:41:01,083 --> 00:41:03,169 A new pair of lucky socks. 989 00:41:03,252 --> 00:41:04,086 [Giggling] 990 00:41:04,170 --> 00:41:04,879 Thank you. 991 00:41:04,962 --> 00:41:08,007 [Music playing] 992 00:41:15,431 --> 00:41:20,060 Hello, Roger, you big, strong galoot. 993 00:41:20,144 --> 00:41:21,770 I thought you were mad at me. 994 00:41:21,854 --> 00:41:23,647 I thought you were both mad at me. 995 00:41:23,731 --> 00:41:24,732 Oh, we were. 996 00:41:24,815 --> 00:41:26,317 But we made up with each other. 997 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:30,154 And now, we will make up with you. 998 00:41:30,237 --> 00:41:30,905 Yes. 999 00:41:30,988 --> 00:41:31,280 Both of you? 1000 00:41:31,363 --> 00:41:32,615 Why not? 1001 00:41:32,698 --> 00:41:33,240 We're all consenting adults. 1002 00:41:33,324 --> 00:41:36,202 [Laughing] Cash me in. 1003 00:41:36,285 --> 00:41:39,205 Oh, no hurry. 1004 00:41:39,288 --> 00:41:43,292 I find it stimulating to watch a man gamble. 1005 00:41:43,375 --> 00:41:46,921 The bigger the bet, the bigger the man. 1006 00:41:47,004 --> 00:41:50,424 My favorite number is sex. 1007 00:41:50,507 --> 00:41:53,302 I mean six. 1008 00:41:53,385 --> 00:41:54,845 Six it is. 1009 00:41:54,929 --> 00:41:55,804 Ooh. 1010 00:41:55,888 --> 00:41:57,598 I feel a tingle already. 1011 00:41:57,681 --> 00:41:57,932 [Laughing] 1012 00:41:58,015 --> 00:41:59,600 Ooh! 1013 00:41:59,683 --> 00:42:02,728 That is an awful lot of money. 1014 00:42:02,811 --> 00:42:03,437 Not when you're the highest paid 1015 00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:05,981 star on daytime television. 1016 00:42:06,065 --> 00:42:06,523 Oh! 1017 00:42:06,607 --> 00:42:08,984 That reminds me. 1018 00:42:09,068 --> 00:42:11,237 I took a look at that script the producer 1019 00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:13,197 gave you before you left. 1020 00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:15,658 I guess all that money you were asking the show 1021 00:42:15,741 --> 00:42:20,704 for was too much, so the plane that you and Victoria were on 1022 00:42:20,788 --> 00:42:21,455 crashed. 1023 00:42:21,538 --> 00:42:23,791 No survivors. 1024 00:42:23,874 --> 00:42:26,752 We're out, Roger. 1025 00:42:26,835 --> 00:42:28,837 23 red, the winner. 1026 00:42:28,921 --> 00:42:31,840 Looks like you're a loser, Roger. 1027 00:42:31,924 --> 00:42:34,385 Nighty-night, Roger. 1028 00:42:34,468 --> 00:42:36,720 Hope that cough gets better. 1029 00:42:39,306 --> 00:42:42,977 I enjoyed that so much! 1030 00:42:43,060 --> 00:42:44,061 It's fun to do things together. 1031 00:42:44,144 --> 00:42:46,188 [Laughing] 1032 00:42:46,272 --> 00:42:49,066 Let's make a pact-- let's never let men, or money-- 1033 00:42:49,149 --> 00:42:50,109 or work. 1034 00:42:50,192 --> 00:42:51,652 --Or work come between us again. 1035 00:42:51,735 --> 00:42:53,237 Agree. 1036 00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:54,363 I have one quarter left. 1037 00:42:57,032 --> 00:42:58,951 You pull. 1038 00:42:59,034 --> 00:43:00,744 [Grinding] 1039 00:43:01,787 --> 00:43:02,121 [Clicking] 1040 00:43:02,204 --> 00:43:06,000 [Jingling] 1041 00:43:07,209 --> 00:43:09,253 Sylvia: Are we good together, or what? 1042 00:43:09,336 --> 00:43:12,756 [Music playing] 1043 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:16,427 (Singing) We've always been bosom buddies-- 1044 00:43:16,510 --> 00:43:19,179 friends, sisters, and pals. 1045 00:43:19,263 --> 00:43:23,726 We've always been bosom buddies. 1046 00:43:23,809 --> 00:43:27,271 If life should reject you, there's me to protect you. 1047 00:43:27,354 --> 00:43:30,983 (Singing) If I say that your tongue is vicious-- 1048 00:43:31,066 --> 00:43:32,568 (singing) If I call you uncouth-- 1049 00:43:32,651 --> 00:43:36,447 (singing) It's simply that who else 1050 00:43:36,530 --> 00:43:41,910 but a bosom buddy will sit down and tell you the truth? 1051 00:43:41,994 --> 00:43:44,371 [Music playing] 1052 00:43:44,455 --> 00:43:47,750 (Singing) They've always been bosom buddies-- 1053 00:43:47,833 --> 00:43:51,712 friends, and sisters, and pals. 1054 00:43:51,795 --> 00:43:54,131 Aren't they adorable? 1055 00:43:54,214 --> 00:43:55,049 [Laughing] 1056 00:43:55,132 --> 00:43:57,718 [Music playing] 1057 00:44:05,225 --> 00:44:07,144 (Singing) It's simply that who else 1058 00:44:07,227 --> 00:44:13,734 but a bosom buddy will sit down and tell you the truth? 1059 00:44:13,817 --> 00:44:17,654 Though now and again i'm aware that my candid opinion may 1060 00:44:17,738 --> 00:44:18,739 sting-- 1061 00:44:18,822 --> 00:44:22,868 though often my frank observations might scorn-- 1062 00:44:22,951 --> 00:44:25,412 I've been meaning to tell you for years you should keep 1063 00:44:25,496 --> 00:44:28,248 your hair natural, like mine. 1064 00:44:28,332 --> 00:44:31,877 If I kept my hair natural like yours, I'd be bald. 1065 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:33,087 [Laughter] 1066 00:44:33,170 --> 00:44:35,381 I fell it's my duty to tell you it's 1067 00:44:35,464 --> 00:44:38,050 time to adjust to your age. 1068 00:44:38,133 --> 00:44:42,763 You try to be peg o' my heart when you're lady Macbeth. 1069 00:44:42,846 --> 00:44:44,640 Exactly how old are you, Betsy? 1070 00:44:44,723 --> 00:44:45,933 The truth! 1071 00:44:46,016 --> 00:44:47,226 How old do you think? 1072 00:44:47,309 --> 00:44:51,271 I'd say somewhere between 40 and death. 1073 00:44:51,355 --> 00:44:53,148 [Laughter] 1074 00:44:53,232 --> 00:44:57,152 (Singing) But sweetie-- 1075 00:44:57,236 --> 00:45:01,073 (singing) We've always been bosom buddies-- 1076 00:45:01,156 --> 00:45:04,827 friends, sisters, and pals. 1077 00:45:04,910 --> 00:45:08,330 Who else but a bosom buddy-- 1078 00:45:08,414 --> 00:45:10,958 (singing) Would tell you how rotten you are? 1079 00:45:11,041 --> 00:45:17,297 (Singing) Who else but a bosom buddy would sit down and level, 1080 00:45:17,381 --> 00:45:23,178 and give you the devil, will sit down and tell you the truth? 1081 00:45:23,262 --> 00:45:25,848 [Music playing] 1082 00:45:30,227 --> 00:45:32,771 [Applause] 1083 00:45:45,659 --> 00:45:48,996 [Music playing] 1084 00:45:51,206 --> 00:45:53,292 Denise, you were out until 4:00 am. 1085 00:45:53,375 --> 00:45:54,001 Now, we're your best friends. 1086 00:45:54,084 --> 00:45:56,503 We deserve at least a hint. 1087 00:45:56,587 --> 00:45:57,546 All right. 1088 00:45:57,629 --> 00:46:01,133 I was not playing shuffleboard. 1089 00:46:01,216 --> 00:46:01,925 [Scoff] 1090 00:46:04,052 --> 00:46:06,513 Ladies, I promised you some boarding pictures. 1091 00:46:10,142 --> 00:46:10,851 Hm. 1092 00:46:13,187 --> 00:46:16,231 Maybe during, uh, spring break we can get together again. 1093 00:46:16,315 --> 00:46:18,859 I'd like that. 1094 00:46:18,942 --> 00:46:22,154 And I'd like to thank you for a really special evening. 1095 00:46:22,237 --> 00:46:26,492 [Music playing] 1096 00:46:29,495 --> 00:46:30,370 [Sigh] 1097 00:46:30,454 --> 00:46:31,163 Bye-bye. 1098 00:46:35,501 --> 00:46:37,544 Actually, I'm glad we didn't do it. 1099 00:46:37,628 --> 00:46:38,587 Why? 1100 00:46:38,670 --> 00:46:40,547 This way we can save ourselves for a truly 1101 00:46:40,631 --> 00:46:42,299 meaningful occasion. 1102 00:46:42,382 --> 00:46:43,717 You mean like homecomin'? 1103 00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:47,304 Sherry, you have got to be the shallowest person in Texas. 1104 00:46:47,387 --> 00:46:48,263 Come on. 1105 00:46:52,100 --> 00:46:54,061 So the way I look at it, doc, is 1106 00:46:54,144 --> 00:46:55,771 having a body in perfect physical condition 1107 00:46:55,854 --> 00:46:57,231 was getting sort of boring, anyway. 1108 00:46:57,314 --> 00:46:58,190 Yes, I know. 1109 00:46:58,273 --> 00:46:59,900 I gave up perfection years ago. 1110 00:46:59,983 --> 00:47:00,692 [Chuckle] 1111 00:47:01,902 --> 00:47:06,532 Gopher, what are you doing eating that junk? 1112 00:47:06,615 --> 00:47:08,075 Oh, this isn't for me. 1113 00:47:08,158 --> 00:47:08,408 I never touch the stuff. 1114 00:47:08,492 --> 00:47:11,912 Oh. 1115 00:47:11,995 --> 00:47:21,630 "With love and kisses in happy little places, Sylvia Bennett." 1116 00:47:21,713 --> 00:47:22,881 That's my favorite picture. 1117 00:47:22,965 --> 00:47:24,132 [Chuckling] 1118 00:47:24,216 --> 00:47:24,883 There you go. 1119 00:47:24,967 --> 00:47:26,426 Thank you very much. 1120 00:47:26,510 --> 00:47:28,178 Oh, this is for Vicky. 1121 00:47:28,262 --> 00:47:29,805 Oh, then I shouldn't have written your name! 1122 00:47:29,888 --> 00:47:30,722 Oh, that's ok-- 1123 00:47:30,806 --> 00:47:31,848 she'll understand. 1124 00:47:31,932 --> 00:47:34,935 Aunt Sylvia, have you told any of your fans 1125 00:47:35,018 --> 00:47:36,937 that you're not going to be on "mercy hospital" anymore? 1126 00:47:37,020 --> 00:47:38,146 Of course not. 1127 00:47:38,230 --> 00:47:40,899 I figure I have about a week left as a soap opera star, 1128 00:47:40,983 --> 00:47:42,150 and I'm not gonna waste it. 1129 00:47:42,234 --> 00:47:46,863 Well, in that case, let one of your fans carry our luggage. 1130 00:47:46,947 --> 00:47:48,073 [Music playing] 1131 00:47:57,207 --> 00:47:59,084 [Theme music] 1132 00:48:37,581 --> 00:48:40,000 [CBS jingle]