1 00:00:01,126 --> 00:00:03,294 [Theme music playing] 2 00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:15,348 ♪ Love ♪ 3 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:19,310 ♪ love, exciting and new ♪ 4 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,647 ♪ come aboard ♪ 5 00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:28,862 ♪ we're expecting you ♪ 6 00:00:28,945 --> 00:00:31,322 ♪ and love ♪ 7 00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:35,785 ♪ love is life's sweetest reward ♪ 8 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:38,788 ♪ let it flow ♪ 9 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:44,961 ♪ it floats back to you ♪ 10 00:00:45,044 --> 00:00:47,255 ♪ the love boat ♪ 11 00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:52,969 ♪ soon will be making another run ♪ 12 00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:55,430 ♪ the love boat ♪ 13 00:00:56,598 --> 00:01:00,810 ♪ promises something for everyone ♪ 14 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,313 ♪ set a course for adventure ♪ 15 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:07,817 ♪ your mind on a new romance ♪ 16 00:01:09,068 --> 00:01:12,113 ♪ and love ♪ 17 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:16,201 ♪ love won't hurt anymore ♪ 18 00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:19,913 ♪ it's an open smile ♪ 19 00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:25,502 ♪ on a friendly shore ♪ 20 00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:28,797 ♪ the love boat ♪ 21 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:33,968 ♪ soon will be making another run ♪ 22 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,012 ♪ welcome aboard ♪ 23 00:01:36,095 --> 00:01:41,184 ♪ it's love ♪ 24 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:45,021 ♪ welcome aboard it's love ♪ 25 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:55,323 [Gopher on pa] We would like to welcome the members of lambda rho delta fraternity 26 00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:58,243 and their sister sorority, delta rho chi. 27 00:01:58,326 --> 00:02:00,036 We hope you enjoy your cruise. 28 00:02:00,119 --> 00:02:01,746 Hello. 29 00:02:00,119 --> 00:02:01,746 Hello. 30 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:04,666 We're the bells, buddy and Betty. 31 00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:08,086 I know: It's just too cute for words, but we've learned to live with it. 32 00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:10,922 We're here for the lambda rho delta convention. 33 00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:12,632 Oh, of course. 34 00:02:12,715 --> 00:02:15,218 And you're the couple who wanted a cabin next to the davises. 35 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,303 Is Mr. Davis a fraternity brother of yours? 36 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:20,557 We were all best friends in college. We haven't seen them for years. 37 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,350 We all went to Woodstock together. 38 00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:26,020 Our picture was in life magazine. "Nudes for peace." 39 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:28,773 [Betty laughs] 40 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:28,773 Buddy? 41 00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:34,362 [Exclaims, laughs] 42 00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:38,908 Oh, you two look terrific! How have you been? 43 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,743 Just great. 44 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,580 Hey, buddy. 45 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,580 Hey, Larry. 46 00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,041 You haven't changed a bit. 47 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:50,753 I mean, not at all. [Chuckles] Nothing. 48 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,630 Yeah, well, neither have you. 49 00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:56,217 I mean, you got a suit and tie, but, uh, 50 00:02:56,301 --> 00:03:00,555 you kinda look like, uh-- like my father. 51 00:03:08,187 --> 00:03:10,106 This is-- this is great. 52 00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:12,483 This is terrific, isn't it? 53 00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:12,483 Yeah. 54 00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:14,903 Just great. 55 00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:16,613 Why us? 56 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,698 Why can't this fraternity hold its convention 57 00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:20,950 on something that can withstand the shock? 58 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:24,370 Oh, captain, I assure you there's absolutely nothing to worry about. 59 00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:26,164 The lambdas are a great group of guys. 60 00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:28,625 I ought to know. I was one at dartmouth. 61 00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:32,128 But a lot has happened since you were in college. 62 00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:32,128 Like what? 63 00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:33,838 Animal house. 64 00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:37,342 Will this ship be satisfactory, honorable exalted president? 65 00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:39,135 Mr. Dickford, 66 00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:42,263 queen Elizabeth, President Reagan and the pope have sailed on this ship. 67 00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:45,099 True, but I know how particular you are, sir. 68 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:47,977 Hello. I'm captain stubing. 69 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:47,977 Ah. Grant woodrow, 70 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,063 head of the lambda alumni association. 71 00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:53,650 Yes, and he'll be staying with us Baxter university lambdas, as per my request. 72 00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:57,236 You're not planning on sleeping at the foot of my bed, are you, dickford? 73 00:03:58,154 --> 00:04:00,239 Only if you want me to, sir. 74 00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:03,993 If there's anything I can do to make your stay more comfortable, please let me know. 75 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,371 Super, but all we need right now is the barber shop. 76 00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:08,873 We're all getting a tad shaggy. 77 00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,541 Gentlemen. 78 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:16,673 And you were expecting animals. 79 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:16,673 [Air horn blaring] 80 00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:19,050 [Men grunting rhythmically] 81 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,056 Ooh. 82 00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:27,225 Are you captain stubing? 83 00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:29,727 If I say no, will you leave my ship? 84 00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:34,357 Sorry for the disruption. I'm Eric Matthews, 85 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,484 president of lambda rho delta's scu chapter. 86 00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:39,278 [Chanting] We are scu! We are scu! 87 00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:42,156 We are scu! We are s-- 88 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,283 i-I'm very pleased to meet you. 89 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:47,286 Uh, this is ace Evans, a former lambda. 90 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:51,499 All right, lambdas! 91 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:51,499 [Air horn blaring] 92 00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:53,960 [Blares twice] 93 00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:56,045 And our ship's photographer. 94 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,464 He'll be taking pictures for the insurance claim. 95 00:04:58,548 --> 00:04:59,882 [Chuckles] 96 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:02,468 Captain, these guys are harmless. Trust me. 97 00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:05,388 They're just a little overexcited about the cruise, that's all. 98 00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:07,515 Matthews, let's get to our rooms. 99 00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:09,976 This thing, it's starting to leak. 100 00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:11,394 Leak? 101 00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:11,394 Yeah. 102 00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:14,480 Why would it leak? What do you have in there? 103 00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:19,193 You used the sacred ark of the lambdas for a beer cooler? 104 00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:20,528 Sure. 105 00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:22,864 I want you to take it up to the cabin, clean it out 106 00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:25,116 and guard it with your life until after the ceremony. 107 00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:27,827 All right, Matthews. Don't deviate your septum. 108 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,414 We are scu! We are scu! 109 00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:34,792 We are scu! We are scu! 110 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:37,420 So, uh, how are the women on the ship? 111 00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:40,757 Are they as easy as drama majors? 112 00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,219 Harmless. Trust me. 113 00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:51,601 So one or two of the chapters are a little wild. I say we go with it. 114 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:52,894 [Air horn blaring] 115 00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:55,188 [Shouting, exclaiming] 116 00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,234 [Vicki screams] 117 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:04,155 [Ship's horn blows] 118 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:30,890 [Panicked shouting] 119 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:30,890 [Air horn blares] 120 00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,663 Okay, best party? 121 00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:56,707 Oh, that's easy: New year's Eve, 1970. 122 00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:58,709 [Laughs] Worst hangover? 123 00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:02,171 [All] New year's day, 1971. 124 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,048 [Betty] Oh, I have one, I have one. 125 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,551 Best restaurant for midnight munchies? 126 00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:10,179 -Chang's, home of chow mein on a bun. -You got it. 127 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,973 How did we eat that garbage, huh? 128 00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:15,977 What, this from the guy that used to bribe Chang for the recipe? 129 00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:18,020 Best English professor? 130 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:21,440 Oh, that's easy: Doddering Dr. Dixon. 131 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,985 He never assigned papers. He never gave exams. 132 00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:27,697 All he did was read aloud from the collected works of Charles dickens. 133 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:31,742 "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." 134 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:34,120 [Chuckles] You know, we didn't realize it, 135 00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:36,080 but those really were the best of times. 136 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:39,542 Hey, give me a break. That was college, not the renaissance. 137 00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:43,713 All right, all right, but you can't deny we had some terrific times. 138 00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:46,716 Hey, I'm not. But it was only four years out of our lives. 139 00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:50,428 I've come a long way since the student strike for coed dorms. 140 00:07:50,511 --> 00:07:52,930 Can't we talk about what we're doing now? 141 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:56,517 Hey, the student strike. I forgot all about that. You remember? 142 00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,936 I haven't. I was leading the sit-in 143 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,731 in front of the library when they turned the water hoses on us. 144 00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:05,318 I remember now. The water pressure ripped off your blouse. 145 00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:09,447 Yeah, and you didn't even move. I mean, talk about dedication. 146 00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:12,825 Talk about humiliation. Nobody noticed. 147 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,455 Banzai! 148 00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:20,625 You imbecile! 149 00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:25,755 You-- you splashed water on my swimsuit! 150 00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:27,340 Yeah. 151 00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:29,550 Now I'll have to change! 152 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,973 Okay, hockstein, out of the pool. 153 00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:38,226 Hey, but-- 154 00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:38,226 now! 155 00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,769 Okay. 156 00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:44,774 Be right with you. 157 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,325 Hi. Mind if I sit down? 158 00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:56,452 Uh, no. Be my guest. 159 00:08:56,535 --> 00:08:58,621 So you want to get naked? 160 00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:02,416 Excuse us. He's on a mutant exchange program. 161 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,835 And he looks so humanoid. 162 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:07,213 It's done with silly putty. 163 00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:12,093 Do you understand English? 164 00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:12,093 A little. 165 00:09:12,176 --> 00:09:14,804 Touch one of the women on this ship, and I'll kill you. 166 00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:16,305 Okay. 167 00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:20,017 So, you want to get naked? 168 00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,145 Didn't you hear what I just said? 169 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,856 I can't help it. Major yabos. 170 00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:29,068 Look, zit, if they want to get naked, they'll let you know. 171 00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:30,569 [Woman screams] 172 00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:32,738 [Screams] 173 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,122 All right. That's it. 174 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,122 [Men clamoring] 175 00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:43,833 That's it. Everybody out of the pool. 176 00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:46,669 Hey. Hey. Out of the pool. 177 00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:49,839 Everybody over here. Guys, come here. 178 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,842 I thought I made it clear to you idiots 179 00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:54,844 that we can't cause any trouble on board. 180 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:57,596 May I remind you that our chapter is on probation? 181 00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,181 Yeah. 182 00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,181 We know that. 183 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:02,643 Then act like it. 184 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:02,643 [Belches] Sorry. 185 00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,770 Get out of here. 186 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,024 Hockstein. 187 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,024 Yeah. 188 00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,942 Who's guarding the ark of the lambdas? 189 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:12,528 Feldman. We tied him to it. 190 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,531 Good. 191 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:17,992 You there. 192 00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:20,995 I'm Nolan dickford. 193 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,373 President of the Baxter university chapter. 194 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,418 Oh, I'm Eric Matthews-- 195 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,418 I know. 196 00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:29,754 Matthews, your chapter is a disgrace 197 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,714 to the entire lambda rho delta tradition, 198 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:34,091 not to mention the world. 199 00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:35,926 Well, we do what we can. 200 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:39,388 You see, most of us who have devoted our lives to lambda rho delta 201 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,682 did so because of the benefits that come from being 202 00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:43,809 a member of a prestigious fraternity. 203 00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,561 Thanks to you and your riffraff, 204 00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:47,396 we're going to have a difficult time 205 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,232 getting a job with any of the fortune 500. 206 00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:54,487 Oh, sorry. I seem to have dozed off while you were speaking. 207 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,823 Do us all a favor 208 00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:02,119 and affiliate with an organization more suited to your style. 209 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:04,538 Perhaps hells angels. 210 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:09,001 Always good to meet a brother. 211 00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:13,422 [Stubing on pa] May I have your attention, please? 212 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,258 For those of you who have been making out in the lifeboats, 213 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,969 I'd like to remind you that these are safety devices 214 00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:21,138 and are absolutely off limits. 215 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,391 [Air horn blaring] 216 00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:27,728 And I want all those air horns in my office immediately. 217 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,331 Now, how much of this stuff should we dump in? 218 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,125 Well, let's see. 219 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:52,086 They recommend a quarter cup for one load. 220 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,964 Eight hundred boxes. 221 00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,301 Nolan, what makes you so sure 222 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:02,721 the scu guys are gonna get blamed for this? 223 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,890 Elementary, Mr. Carnegie. 224 00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,945 [Soft jazz music playing] 225 00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:21,991 Okay, that's 71. All you need is one more. 226 00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,784 One more, you're gonna make us all famous. 227 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:26,162 One more for the record books. Come on. 228 00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:30,374 This is getting out of control. I've got four people in the infirmary already. 229 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,293 Hangovers? 230 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,293 Well, three sunburns 231 00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:35,337 and what appears to be a case of third-degree hickey. 232 00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:37,715 Seventy-two. Do it to it. 233 00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:40,843 Okay, hey, guys, guys. Guys, listen. Wait a second. That's it. 234 00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,804 Get him out of here before he explodes. 235 00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,097 Come on. 236 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,141 He's a champion. 237 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,141 Come on, come on. 238 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,854 Oh, and look: Here's our cabin. 239 00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,481 Larry built it. 240 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:56,358 We have a wonderful view of taos. 241 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,113 Honey, show them a picture of our condo. 242 00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,200 When the smog is light, you can see all of la. 243 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,911 Hmm. 244 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,911 Oh, you live in a high-rise, huh? 245 00:13:06,994 --> 00:13:10,122 Yeah. Yeah, we have excellent security. 246 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:13,542 Oh, so do we. See, nobody lives around us. 247 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,169 [Chuckles] 248 00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:19,006 Must get kinda lonely. 249 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:22,760 Well, we like it better than the crowded city. 250 00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:25,513 The city is where it's happening. 251 00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:31,810 Uh-- you know, you look very nice tonight, Larry. 252 00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:34,063 Yeah, this is probably the most dressed up I've been 253 00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:36,190 since the premiere of easy rider. 254 00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:37,399 [Betty chuckles] 255 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,443 I love this necklace you sent me, Larry. 256 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,779 You do beautiful work. 257 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,779 Oh, thank you. 258 00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:45,783 Each one of those stones, by the way, are blessed by an old Indian priest. 259 00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:52,081 Well, I think it's time for dinner. Shall we go inside? 260 00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:53,582 Oh, buddy, Betty tells me 261 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,626 you had something specially prepared for all of us. 262 00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:58,587 Right. I had them do the lamb with a special dar maghreb curry 263 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,548 like I do at home in the microwave. 264 00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:02,091 Oh, the microwave. 265 00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:05,094 Doesn't that put out radiation and poison the body? 266 00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,972 No, it puts out heat and cooks the food. 267 00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:13,227 [Bubbling] 268 00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:17,690 So, will you come? 269 00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:20,109 Well, I don't know. 270 00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:20,109 Hmm. 271 00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:22,111 How many people are gonna be at this party? 272 00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:25,406 Oh, it's hard to tell. These things have a way of mushrooming. 273 00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:27,908 Before the mushroom, how many? 274 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,035 Uh, counting Amy? 275 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,035 Mmm. 276 00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:33,080 Um... ooh. Three. 277 00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:35,958 And let me take a wild guess: 278 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:38,210 It's gonna take place in your cabin. 279 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:42,923 Right. But, um, we're gonna have to keep a very low profile about this. 280 00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:46,510 Yeah, that's no easy thing when you've got a profile like hockstein's. 281 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,305 We have to do a show in an hour, 282 00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:52,016 and afterwards we're really pretty tired. 283 00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:54,852 Yeah, and we hate parties. 284 00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:01,567 So what do you think? 285 00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,527 I don't know. We are gonna have to come up 286 00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:06,739 with some great way to impress these girls. 287 00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:09,867 Girls like guys with a sense of humor. 288 00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:09,867 Mm-hmm. 289 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:13,245 I got some fake vomit in my room. 290 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,913 Hmm. Nope. 291 00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:18,876 We are gonna have to come up with something even better than that. 292 00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,210 Hmm. 293 00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:22,421 Hmm. 294 00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:29,303 Oh, good. 295 00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:32,014 Maybe I can get some work done in this madhouse. 296 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:02,544 Help! Maintenance! Housekeeping! 297 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,297 Somebody! Send a plumber! 298 00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,395 [Soft jazz playing] 299 00:16:30,864 --> 00:16:32,616 Would you like to dance? 300 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,284 Oh, I'd love to. 301 00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:49,925 My name is-- 302 00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:49,925 I know. Eric Matthews. 303 00:16:50,008 --> 00:16:53,846 I've had my eye on you since this cruise started. 304 00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:56,724 I'm Connie disch. Delta rho chi? 305 00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:59,101 A sorority sister. 306 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:00,686 In the flesh. 307 00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:03,272 [Both chuckle] 308 00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:05,149 [Song ends] 309 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,028 [Funky jazz music playing] 310 00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:17,286 I, um... I think I'd like to sit this one out. 311 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:18,537 Okay. 312 00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:22,791 No. Um, I mean out, out. 313 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,210 It's a little stuffy in here. 314 00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:28,756 Do you mind if we take a walk in a more secluded place? 315 00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:32,050 [Chuckles] Are you kidding? Compliance is my middle name. 316 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,635 Mine's Wendy. 317 00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,522 Oh! You know, this is fun. 318 00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:48,650 I think we're in pretty good shape for a bunch of old-timers. 319 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:51,320 Betty and I go down to the health club every other day. 320 00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:54,990 I owe these thighs to my aerobics instructor. 321 00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:57,659 Larry and I work out too. 322 00:17:57,743 --> 00:18:01,622 It's a hundred-yard hike to our well for our spring water. 323 00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:05,209 Isn't it crazy how we've started an entire fitness industry 324 00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:07,628 to do exactly what primitive man did naturally? 325 00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:11,840 It's easier to go down to the health club than it is to drag Betty around by the hair. 326 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,676 I think we've progressed beyond that point. 327 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,345 Are you saying that I'm a neanderthal 328 00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,972 because I don't belong to one of your flesh academies? 329 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:24,311 Actually the fitness center is a very serious health club. 330 00:18:24,394 --> 00:18:26,605 We have a 24-hour nutrition counselor. 331 00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:29,358 Yeah, the people who go there are really into health. 332 00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,193 But it is a bit narcissistic, isn't it? 333 00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:33,821 I mean, mirrors on the walls and leotard boutiques-- 334 00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:36,740 now, hold it just a minute. Are you calling me narcissistic? 335 00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:38,742 Oh, no, buddy. 336 00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:41,370 I think what Larry means is just that 337 00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:44,331 people from southern California tend to 338 00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:47,000 be more conscious of their physical appearance. 339 00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:50,379 Uh-huh. Yeah, well, I guess when you live on a mountaintop, 340 00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:53,423 it doesn't really matter what you look like. 341 00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:56,093 Hey, wait a minute, buddy. 342 00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:04,184 I'm not into confrontation. I'm out of here. 343 00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:10,858 Wow. He could use an hour in the gym to work off some of that hostility. 344 00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:14,069 Oh, yeah? Maybe you'd like to lend him your workout tape. 345 00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:27,541 You know, I thought I'd seen everything, 346 00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:29,418 but that guy was the last straw. 347 00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:33,422 I'm gonna put a sign in all the bars that say "no pants, no service." 348 00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:37,509 Funny, I didn't notice it right away. Probably because of his tan. 349 00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:44,600 [Woman] Ladies and gentlemen, the international lounge is proud to present the mermaids. 350 00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,894 [Upbeat pop music playing] 351 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,116 Don't you want to see the lounge show? 352 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,493 No. 353 00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:51,541 I didn't know I was this easy. 354 00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:53,543 Oh, I'm sorry. 355 00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:56,338 I'm coming on a little too strong, aren't I? 356 00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:57,881 Well, a little. 357 00:20:57,965 --> 00:20:59,883 Do you want me to stop? 358 00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:05,806 What-- what was the question? 359 00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:11,645 [Pop music continues] 360 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:04,698 You know, in my day, the lambdas had more respect for women's clothing. 361 00:22:04,781 --> 00:22:09,077 This is not to say that the occasional pledge didn't dabble in brassiere trafficking, 362 00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:11,580 but these men-- these men were good students. 363 00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:14,583 Petit déjeuner, honorable exalted president. 364 00:22:14,666 --> 00:22:17,544 I took the Liberty of sectioning your grapefruit myself. 365 00:22:17,627 --> 00:22:19,796 I know how fussy you are about the membranes. 366 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,591 [Stifled laughter] 367 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,591 Let it rest, dickford. 368 00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:25,260 What are you laughing at, Matthews? 369 00:22:25,343 --> 00:22:27,179 You're gonna pay for that soap suds prank. 370 00:22:27,262 --> 00:22:29,014 We had nothing to do with it. 371 00:22:29,097 --> 00:22:32,476 We're innocent, sir. We were drinking and chasing women. Honest. 372 00:22:32,559 --> 00:22:35,771 I've about had it with you guys. 373 00:22:35,854 --> 00:22:38,231 Painting "scu" on the lifeboats, 374 00:22:38,315 --> 00:22:40,067 setting off the ship's fire alarm, 375 00:22:40,150 --> 00:22:42,194 putting exploding cigars in the gift shop. 376 00:22:42,277 --> 00:22:44,529 -That's a good one. -Look, one more shenanigan, 377 00:22:44,613 --> 00:22:47,157 one more disruption, and you guys are out of the fraternity. 378 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,202 Sir, we were not responsible for any of that. 379 00:22:50,285 --> 00:22:52,496 Oh, no? [Scoffs] 380 00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:59,628 These were found in the ship's pool. Huh? Huh? 381 00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:01,963 How do you explain that? 382 00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:01,963 My hat! 383 00:23:02,839 --> 00:23:04,633 I've never seen this before in my life. 384 00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:08,345 You know, if I had my way, you guys would never have had custody 385 00:23:08,428 --> 00:23:10,555 of the sacred ark of the lambdas to begin with. 386 00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:13,391 But tradition has it that each chapter must have it for a year. 387 00:23:13,475 --> 00:23:17,896 I'm just glad that this year's over with. Now, get out of here! 388 00:23:25,487 --> 00:23:26,655 Sir... 389 00:23:27,656 --> 00:23:30,158 You gonna eat that? 390 00:23:27,656 --> 00:23:30,158 Get out of here! 391 00:23:32,786 --> 00:23:34,538 Well, you heard him. 392 00:23:34,621 --> 00:23:37,582 Thanks to you guys, we're practically history in this fraternity. 393 00:23:37,666 --> 00:23:39,668 We're sorry, Eric. We can't help it. 394 00:23:39,751 --> 00:23:42,671 It's just that when you're not around, we kinda lose control. 395 00:23:42,754 --> 00:23:44,923 Yeah. We become ourselves. 396 00:23:45,006 --> 00:23:47,843 And what's with the soap suds thing? That's juvenile even for you guys. 397 00:23:47,926 --> 00:23:50,512 Uh-uh. 398 00:23:47,926 --> 00:23:50,512 No, we had nothing to do with that. I swear. 399 00:23:50,595 --> 00:23:52,806 -You swear? -I swear. 400 00:23:54,141 --> 00:23:57,185 You know, I think someone's trying to frame us. 401 00:23:57,269 --> 00:23:58,770 Yeah. 402 00:23:58,854 --> 00:24:03,191 And I think it's fairly obvious who that someone is. 403 00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:06,027 [Stubing] They put a stink bomb in the air-conditioning duct? 404 00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:08,488 Adam, I'm getting tired of all this foolishness. 405 00:24:08,572 --> 00:24:11,575 Well, I finally got all the soap suds cleaned up, sir. 406 00:24:11,658 --> 00:24:13,827 So, no harm, no foul. 407 00:24:11,658 --> 00:24:13,827 Right. 408 00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:16,329 Sir, I think the pool should be off limits to those guys. 409 00:24:16,413 --> 00:24:18,165 And the lounge. 410 00:24:16,413 --> 00:24:18,165 And the dining room. 411 00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:19,708 I'd better check the infirmary. 412 00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:21,751 Is there any way we can close off the passageways? 413 00:24:21,835 --> 00:24:23,503 Captain, you're gonna restrict the lambdas 414 00:24:23,587 --> 00:24:25,380 to their cabins for the rest of the cruise? 415 00:24:25,463 --> 00:24:26,882 Yeah. Now the only remaining question 416 00:24:26,965 --> 00:24:28,925 is whether their doors should be locked or unlocked. 417 00:24:29,009 --> 00:24:30,886 They're just having fun. That's all. 418 00:24:30,969 --> 00:24:32,429 Come on. You guys went to college. 419 00:24:32,512 --> 00:24:34,389 Don't you remember what it was like to have fun? 420 00:24:34,472 --> 00:24:36,266 No. 421 00:24:34,472 --> 00:24:36,266 Come on, captain. 422 00:24:36,349 --> 00:24:38,560 You once told me you were a member of a fraternity. 423 00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:42,022 Didn't you guys ever do anything just for the fun of it? Hmm? 424 00:24:42,105 --> 00:24:44,816 Well-- [clears throat] There was one time, actually... 425 00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:47,360 [Laughs] I knew it. All right, what did you do? 426 00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:47,360 No, no, no. 427 00:24:47,444 --> 00:24:49,696 Come on. Open up. What was the big stunt? 428 00:24:49,779 --> 00:24:54,784 Well, we, uh, loosened the top of the salt shakers in the cafeteria. 429 00:24:56,328 --> 00:24:58,914 That's pathetic. 430 00:24:56,328 --> 00:24:58,914 Mmm. 431 00:24:58,997 --> 00:25:02,626 These kids are dangerous. Lock their doors. 432 00:24:58,997 --> 00:25:02,626 I'm with you, sir. 433 00:25:02,709 --> 00:25:04,753 Now, look, captain, the cruise is almost over. 434 00:25:04,836 --> 00:25:08,715 I'm sure that the lambdas have pulled all the stunts they're gonna pull. 435 00:25:16,806 --> 00:25:19,768 Captain, I know in the bottom of my heart 436 00:25:19,851 --> 00:25:23,772 that when you think this over, you're gonna give the lambdas another chance. 437 00:25:36,868 --> 00:25:39,871 I'll see to it these are recycled, sir. 438 00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:43,792 [Cans clattering] 439 00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:58,306 [Gopher on pa] Good morning, and welcome to acapulco. 440 00:25:58,390 --> 00:26:01,810 Land tours will be leaving in ten minutes from the coral deck gangway. 441 00:26:01,893 --> 00:26:03,603 We hope you'll enjoy your day. 442 00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:05,647 By the way, for you college men, 443 00:26:05,730 --> 00:26:07,649 please note that maritime law defines 444 00:26:07,732 --> 00:26:11,945 unauthorized use of the ship's launch as an act of piracy. 445 00:26:12,028 --> 00:26:16,157 [Men] Power to the pyramid. Power to the pyramid. 446 00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:19,995 Power to the pyramid. Power to the pyramid. 447 00:26:20,078 --> 00:26:22,664 Power to the pyramid. Power to the-- 448 00:26:22,747 --> 00:26:25,292 excuse me, but, uh, what are you guys doing? 449 00:26:25,375 --> 00:26:28,253 Initiating horvath. 450 00:26:25,375 --> 00:26:28,253 How does he feel about that? 451 00:26:28,336 --> 00:26:30,547 He likes it. See? 452 00:26:30,630 --> 00:26:32,382 Horvath-- oh, oh, uh, uh! 453 00:26:32,465 --> 00:26:35,010 Try that again, and you don't get to see the dance of the virgins. 454 00:26:35,093 --> 00:26:36,344 [Chuckles] See you later. 455 00:26:36,428 --> 00:26:40,056 Power to the pyramid. Power to the pyramid. 456 00:26:40,140 --> 00:26:42,851 Power to the pyramid. Power to the pyramid. 457 00:26:42,934 --> 00:26:47,647 You see, I just don't understand why they have to do all these crazy stunts. 458 00:26:47,731 --> 00:26:50,692 In my neighborhood, the loser used to wear the bandages. 459 00:26:50,775 --> 00:26:52,319 It's tradition. 460 00:26:52,402 --> 00:26:54,821 When I went to med school, they made us dress up like women 461 00:26:54,904 --> 00:26:58,158 and try to pick up men at the pfister hotel. 462 00:26:58,241 --> 00:26:59,617 [Chuckles] 463 00:27:00,869 --> 00:27:02,912 Educated men did that? 464 00:27:02,996 --> 00:27:05,623 Isaac, you've gotta learn to be more tolerant. 465 00:27:05,707 --> 00:27:07,876 They didn't do any real harm. 466 00:27:07,959 --> 00:27:11,421 Hmm. Yeah, I guess you're right. 467 00:27:14,507 --> 00:27:18,094 You know, I wonder where they got all those gauze bandages. 468 00:27:19,637 --> 00:27:21,890 I'll kill the little weasels! 469 00:27:35,278 --> 00:27:36,905 [Sighs] 470 00:27:36,988 --> 00:27:39,699 We're all behaving a little childishly, don't you think? 471 00:27:39,783 --> 00:27:41,242 Kinda. 472 00:27:41,326 --> 00:27:43,536 I mean, just because those two are going at each other, 473 00:27:43,620 --> 00:27:46,748 there's no reason for us to get involved in it, is there? 474 00:27:43,620 --> 00:27:46,748 Yeah. 475 00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:51,920 We have a lot of years invested in this friendship, don't we? 476 00:27:53,004 --> 00:27:55,048 We have a lot of memories in common. 477 00:27:55,131 --> 00:27:58,259 I used to tell you everything. 478 00:27:58,343 --> 00:28:00,720 I remember you were the first person I called 479 00:28:00,804 --> 00:28:03,431 on the night I realized I was in love with Larry. 480 00:28:03,515 --> 00:28:06,768 I'll never forget that. It was so romantic. 481 00:28:06,851 --> 00:28:09,437 You got arrested at the campus riot for peace, 482 00:28:09,521 --> 00:28:11,189 fell in love in the paddy wagon. 483 00:28:11,272 --> 00:28:13,108 When I came down to bail you out, 484 00:28:13,191 --> 00:28:16,111 there you were, kissing through the wire mesh. 485 00:28:16,194 --> 00:28:17,987 Yeah. To this day, 486 00:28:18,071 --> 00:28:21,533 the smell of tear gas brings tears to my eyes. 487 00:28:31,459 --> 00:28:34,337 I'm sorry I snapped at you last night. 488 00:28:34,421 --> 00:28:36,631 Look, let's make a pact, okay? 489 00:28:36,714 --> 00:28:41,052 No matter how obnoxious those two get, we're not gonna get involved. 490 00:28:41,136 --> 00:28:43,430 Deal? 491 00:28:41,136 --> 00:28:43,430 Deal. 492 00:28:48,518 --> 00:28:53,481 Say, remember that guy you dated who used to sing in bed? 493 00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:55,567 Whatever happened to him? 494 00:28:55,650 --> 00:28:57,861 I married him. 495 00:28:57,944 --> 00:29:00,280 That was Larry? 496 00:28:57,944 --> 00:29:00,280 Oh, yeah. 497 00:29:00,363 --> 00:29:02,407 I always know when things have gone well. 498 00:29:02,490 --> 00:29:05,994 He does the entire second side of Abbey road. 499 00:29:09,289 --> 00:29:11,332 I can't believe it. 500 00:29:11,416 --> 00:29:14,669 I thought for sure that old bag of republican wind 501 00:29:14,752 --> 00:29:17,297 was finally going to kick them out of the fraternity. 502 00:29:17,380 --> 00:29:20,133 What do we do now, Nolan? Give up? 503 00:29:21,426 --> 00:29:22,510 I beg your pardon? 504 00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:25,180 I said, what do we do now? Give up? 505 00:29:25,263 --> 00:29:28,558 Where did you go to prep school? Okinawa? 506 00:29:29,767 --> 00:29:32,312 -Sorry. -What we do do now 507 00:29:32,395 --> 00:29:36,274 is move on to plan "kick them while they're down." 508 00:29:36,357 --> 00:29:38,860 This is a list of some of the things you'll be needing. 509 00:29:38,943 --> 00:29:41,905 You should have no trouble finding any of these items on shore. 510 00:29:41,988 --> 00:29:45,241 Should, however, an unforeseeable snag arise, 511 00:29:45,325 --> 00:29:49,287 i can be reached at the nueva esparta tennis clinic. 512 00:29:49,370 --> 00:29:52,040 Any questions? Super. 513 00:29:52,123 --> 00:29:54,125 [Knocking] 514 00:29:56,377 --> 00:29:59,506 Miss disch? 515 00:29:56,377 --> 00:29:59,506 I just came to tell you I quit. 516 00:29:59,589 --> 00:30:01,674 Au contraire, miss disch. You can't quit. 517 00:30:01,758 --> 00:30:03,510 Your assignment's just begun. 518 00:30:03,593 --> 00:30:06,804 Look, this Eric's a nice guy. 519 00:30:06,888 --> 00:30:08,556 Why don't we just leave him alone? 520 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,142 Well, if he's so nice, 521 00:30:11,226 --> 00:30:15,396 then you won't mind keeping the divine Mr. M occupied for the night. 522 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:18,650 We have a little surprise planned for the ceremony, 523 00:30:18,733 --> 00:30:20,568 and we want him out of the way. 524 00:30:20,652 --> 00:30:24,239 Forget it. Unlike the rest of the people in this room, 525 00:30:24,322 --> 00:30:28,117 i have been able to retain at least a few of my values. 526 00:30:28,201 --> 00:30:29,410 Really? 527 00:30:29,494 --> 00:30:31,538 Then perhaps we should inform professor erlich 528 00:30:31,621 --> 00:30:35,667 where you purchased your term paper on crime and punishment. 529 00:30:43,007 --> 00:30:46,135 Now, we're going into acapulco with Larry and Rebecca today, 530 00:30:46,219 --> 00:30:49,264 and we're going to have fun, do you understand? 531 00:30:46,219 --> 00:30:49,264 [Knocking] 532 00:30:49,347 --> 00:30:51,140 Yeah, yeah. 533 00:30:49,347 --> 00:30:51,140 Here they are. 534 00:30:53,434 --> 00:30:55,103 Hi. We're just about set. 535 00:30:55,186 --> 00:30:57,564 Hi. I brought my guide book. What should we do first? 536 00:30:57,647 --> 00:31:00,400 -Whatever you want. -Doesn't make any difference to me. 537 00:31:00,483 --> 00:31:02,151 Why don't we start at the open market? 538 00:31:02,235 --> 00:31:03,778 We can pick up a few souvenirs. 539 00:31:03,861 --> 00:31:06,322 It's kinda hot over there, and it's awfully crowded. 540 00:31:06,406 --> 00:31:09,701 Well, we could go to the mission. There's a tour that starts at 2:00. 541 00:31:09,784 --> 00:31:12,453 Honey, we already went to the one in Santa Barbara. 542 00:31:12,537 --> 00:31:16,291 All right. Why don't you two guys decide. 543 00:31:16,374 --> 00:31:19,794 Hey, whatever's fine. It's fine with me. 544 00:31:19,877 --> 00:31:22,130 Yeah, anything's okay with me. 545 00:31:22,213 --> 00:31:24,215 I've got a great idea. Why don't we just wing it? 546 00:31:24,299 --> 00:31:26,342 We'll go wherever our feet take us. 547 00:31:26,426 --> 00:31:29,095 Great plan. 548 00:31:26,426 --> 00:31:29,095 No, it's a good idea. 549 00:31:29,178 --> 00:31:30,847 We won't be slaves to a schedule. 550 00:31:30,930 --> 00:31:32,640 Come on. Let's go catch the launch. 551 00:31:32,724 --> 00:31:35,643 [Sighs] I can feel the fun already. 552 00:32:14,682 --> 00:32:16,434 [Knocking] 553 00:32:20,521 --> 00:32:22,732 [Soft jazz music plays] 554 00:32:29,781 --> 00:32:31,199 Wow. 555 00:32:31,282 --> 00:32:34,035 When you invite a guy to your room, you really set a mood. 556 00:32:34,118 --> 00:32:36,037 Would you like something to drink? 557 00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,539 Wine, beer, iced tea, 558 00:32:38,623 --> 00:32:41,042 champagne, mocha mix? 559 00:32:41,125 --> 00:32:43,294 Iced tea sounds good. 560 00:32:55,139 --> 00:32:58,309 It's, uh, gotta get cold. 561 00:32:59,143 --> 00:33:00,937 You and I, on the other hand... 562 00:33:01,020 --> 00:33:04,524 Uh, Connie, listen, I'm in a little bit of a rush tonight. 563 00:33:07,485 --> 00:33:09,696 That kind of a rush? 564 00:33:09,779 --> 00:33:12,240 Oh, god in heaven, yes. 565 00:33:14,158 --> 00:33:18,246 I really need to, uh, show up at the bank-- at the ceremony tonight. 566 00:33:18,329 --> 00:33:21,624 We're passing the ark of the lambdas, and it's... 567 00:33:23,251 --> 00:33:25,253 What about our ceremony? 568 00:33:25,336 --> 00:33:26,879 Oh, yeah. 569 00:33:28,673 --> 00:33:30,675 I really need to check up on the guys. 570 00:33:30,758 --> 00:33:33,720 No! I can't let you. 571 00:33:36,222 --> 00:33:38,307 Don't worry. I'll come back. 572 00:33:38,391 --> 00:33:41,894 Oh, I'm not worried. It's just that, uh-- 573 00:33:41,978 --> 00:33:44,188 you don't understand. I mean, uh, 574 00:33:44,272 --> 00:33:46,607 the minute you leave, I could lose my mood. 575 00:33:46,691 --> 00:33:49,944 Completely. I mean, I could never, ever get it back again. 576 00:33:50,027 --> 00:33:52,739 I'm sorry, Eric. There's just too much at stake here. 577 00:33:52,822 --> 00:33:54,365 I can't let you leave. 578 00:33:55,867 --> 00:33:57,618 I really have to. 579 00:33:58,995 --> 00:34:00,788 Eric... 580 00:34:00,872 --> 00:34:03,791 Oh, I was hoping I wouldn't have to tell you this, 581 00:34:03,875 --> 00:34:05,626 but you leave me no choice. 582 00:34:05,710 --> 00:34:08,838 There's an even more important reason why I can't let you leave. 583 00:34:08,921 --> 00:34:10,715 What's that? 584 00:34:11,924 --> 00:34:13,760 My entire future's at stake. 585 00:34:14,677 --> 00:34:16,971 Aren't you putting a lot of pressure on yourself? 586 00:34:17,054 --> 00:34:19,140 Oh. It's not me. 587 00:34:19,223 --> 00:34:21,434 It's-- it's Nolan. 588 00:34:21,517 --> 00:34:23,394 Nolan? 589 00:34:23,478 --> 00:34:25,271 He forced me to do this. 590 00:34:25,354 --> 00:34:27,148 Oh, I get it. 591 00:34:27,231 --> 00:34:29,317 Please, let me explain. 592 00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:31,027 No, don't bother. 593 00:34:31,110 --> 00:34:33,237 Just who do you think you're dealing with here, a freshman? 594 00:34:33,321 --> 00:34:35,990 [Scoffs] If I ever pass philosophy, I'll be a senior. 595 00:34:36,074 --> 00:34:38,242 I know when I've been set up. 596 00:34:41,579 --> 00:34:44,916 Look, I've told you I'd buy you a new pair of shoes. What else can I do, huh? 597 00:34:44,999 --> 00:34:47,543 You could stop dressing like Willie Nelson's brother. 598 00:34:47,627 --> 00:34:49,921 You're really being a crybaby about this. 599 00:34:50,004 --> 00:34:52,673 It's not Larry's fault we were robbed. 600 00:34:50,004 --> 00:34:52,673 Not his fault? 601 00:34:52,757 --> 00:34:55,593 All I wanted to do was go into acapulco and have a little fun. 602 00:34:55,676 --> 00:34:58,596 Do some parasailing, lie on the beach, have a piña colada. 603 00:34:58,679 --> 00:35:00,640 We did all have piña coladas. 604 00:35:00,723 --> 00:35:03,476 At the police station. 605 00:35:00,723 --> 00:35:03,476 Hey, those things happen. 606 00:35:03,559 --> 00:35:05,144 No, they don't. 607 00:35:05,228 --> 00:35:07,438 Not unless you've got a hippie friend with some idiot idea 608 00:35:07,522 --> 00:35:09,857 about hiking the mountain trails of acapulco. 609 00:35:09,941 --> 00:35:13,110 Oh, and you'd rather spend your vacation in the lap of crass commercialism? 610 00:35:13,194 --> 00:35:16,447 Hey, I like crass commercialism. It's a lot more comfortable. 611 00:35:16,531 --> 00:35:20,701 And the piña coladas are cold, not served out of a canteen. 612 00:35:20,785 --> 00:35:23,538 Oh, great. They got my key. 613 00:35:23,621 --> 00:35:25,957 [Chuckles] They stole my shoes, my key, 614 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,334 my camera and my gold card. 615 00:35:28,417 --> 00:35:30,127 I loved that gold card. 616 00:35:30,211 --> 00:35:32,713 I guess I'm lucky I don't own a gold card. 617 00:35:32,797 --> 00:35:35,842 Oh, yeah, you're a real lucky guy. All they got off you was $20 cash. 618 00:35:35,925 --> 00:35:37,844 Do you know why they didn't steal your shoes too? 619 00:35:37,927 --> 00:35:40,721 Because they were already wearing better shoes than you've got on. 620 00:35:40,805 --> 00:35:42,557 Buddy, that's enough! 621 00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,225 I see you judge a man by his shoes. 622 00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:45,893 Shut up, Larry. 623 00:35:45,977 --> 00:35:50,106 All Betty and I have done today is listen to you two guys fight. 624 00:35:50,189 --> 00:35:51,649 We are sick of it. 625 00:35:51,732 --> 00:35:54,152 We came on this trip together because we were old friends 626 00:35:54,235 --> 00:35:55,987 who hadn't seen each other for a long time, 627 00:35:56,070 --> 00:35:57,864 and you two have spoiled everything. 628 00:35:57,947 --> 00:36:01,742 Everybody changes. Can't you see that? 629 00:36:01,826 --> 00:36:05,079 If you can't accept it, at least shut up long enough 630 00:36:05,163 --> 00:36:07,957 so Betty and I can enjoy the rest of our trip. 631 00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:10,418 And I have the key. 632 00:36:11,669 --> 00:36:14,005 Hey, you don't have the gold card too, do ya? 633 00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:34,942 [Stubing] Ladies and gentlemen, we hope you enjoyed your stay 634 00:36:35,026 --> 00:36:36,527 in sunny acapulco. 635 00:36:36,611 --> 00:36:39,739 We would like to remind you to stay clear of the lido deck, 636 00:36:39,822 --> 00:36:42,783 as the lambdas will be having their banquet there. 637 00:36:42,867 --> 00:36:45,745 [Upbeat pop music playing] 638 00:36:42,867 --> 00:36:45,745 [Indistinct conversations] 639 00:36:53,753 --> 00:36:55,630 I feel ridiculous in this thing. 640 00:36:55,713 --> 00:36:58,799 I don't see why. You wore caftans all through college. 641 00:36:58,883 --> 00:37:00,593 That was different. 642 00:37:00,676 --> 00:37:03,262 These things make you feel like we're here to sing the Messiah. 643 00:37:03,346 --> 00:37:06,307 Tradition lends continuity to our lives. 644 00:37:06,390 --> 00:37:08,851 Say, remember when we were helping 645 00:37:08,935 --> 00:37:11,270 with voter registration in Mississippi? 646 00:37:11,354 --> 00:37:12,939 We were driving down that back road 647 00:37:13,022 --> 00:37:15,358 and got stopped by a crowd building a bonfire in a field. 648 00:37:15,441 --> 00:37:16,567 Remember, Larry? 649 00:37:16,651 --> 00:37:18,569 We thought it was the ku klux klan. 650 00:37:18,653 --> 00:37:22,406 Of course, it turned out to be a football pep rally for the local high school. 651 00:37:23,574 --> 00:37:27,495 Oh, and remember the summer we hitchhiked to Woodstock, buddy? 652 00:37:27,578 --> 00:37:28,663 Yeah. 653 00:37:28,746 --> 00:37:32,166 The music. The sense of brotherhood. 654 00:37:32,250 --> 00:37:34,669 The long lines for the toilets. 655 00:37:38,130 --> 00:37:41,259 I'm not gonna present the ark of the lambdas looking like an idiot. 656 00:37:41,342 --> 00:37:44,637 Why not? You do everything else looking like an idiot. 657 00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:46,681 Sorry I'm late, guys. 658 00:37:46,764 --> 00:37:49,934 I just found out dickford set Connie up to keep me away from the ceremony tonight. 659 00:37:50,017 --> 00:37:51,602 Kept me locked in her room. 660 00:37:51,686 --> 00:37:54,188 That's disgusting. 661 00:37:54,271 --> 00:37:56,107 Is she still there, by any chance? 662 00:37:56,190 --> 00:37:58,818 Zit, your mind, it's like an open sewer. 663 00:37:59,610 --> 00:38:01,946 Come on, guys. Why aren't you dressed? 664 00:38:02,029 --> 00:38:04,115 Aha. Small problem. 665 00:38:04,198 --> 00:38:05,992 We have been short-robed. 666 00:38:06,075 --> 00:38:08,411 And you know the tradition of the fraternity: 667 00:38:08,494 --> 00:38:10,788 -You can't wear anything underneath them. -Why not? 668 00:38:10,871 --> 00:38:14,166 Because nothing must come between you and your robe but loyalty and honor. 669 00:38:14,250 --> 00:38:16,210 And this thing, 670 00:38:16,293 --> 00:38:18,963 it's just not long enough to cover my honor. 671 00:38:21,173 --> 00:38:23,968 [Tapping on glass] 672 00:38:24,051 --> 00:38:27,680 Welcome, men of fealty and courage, and friends. 673 00:38:27,763 --> 00:38:31,017 We'll open our annual lambda rho delta banquet 674 00:38:31,100 --> 00:38:34,395 with the traditional greeting. 675 00:38:34,478 --> 00:38:36,605 [Speaking mock Latin] 676 00:38:41,819 --> 00:38:44,905 Rejoice in the brotherhood of man. 677 00:38:49,326 --> 00:38:52,580 And now, before we feast together, 678 00:38:52,663 --> 00:38:56,083 we'll have the passing of the sacred lambda ark, 679 00:38:56,167 --> 00:38:57,960 which contains the sacred relics. 680 00:38:58,044 --> 00:39:03,257 Now, the new guardian will be the Baxter university lambdas. 681 00:39:03,340 --> 00:39:05,426 Last year's guardians, 682 00:39:05,509 --> 00:39:07,845 [clears throat] The scu lambdas, 683 00:39:07,928 --> 00:39:09,764 will make the presentation. 684 00:39:09,847 --> 00:39:14,810 [Fanfare playing] 685 00:39:25,196 --> 00:39:27,031 Let's get 'em. 686 00:39:27,114 --> 00:39:29,784 No. That's exactly what they want us to do: Get kicked out on the spot. 687 00:39:29,867 --> 00:39:33,120 Let's go ahead with the ceremony. We'll deal with them later. 688 00:39:36,415 --> 00:39:38,959 Sir, it's obvious these mud dwellers 689 00:39:39,043 --> 00:39:41,170 have nothing but contempt for tradition. 690 00:39:41,253 --> 00:39:44,965 Dickford, can't you ever speak like a normal person? 691 00:39:45,049 --> 00:39:47,301 It's just not my style, sir. 692 00:39:53,474 --> 00:39:57,269 Mr. Matthews, I trust you have an explanation for your attire. 693 00:39:57,353 --> 00:39:59,980 Um, we grew over the summer? 694 00:40:01,107 --> 00:40:02,983 [Grunts] Proceed. 695 00:40:04,151 --> 00:40:05,986 The scu chapter of lambda rho delta 696 00:40:06,070 --> 00:40:10,407 is proud to turn over the sacred ark of relics to our brothers at Baxter. 697 00:40:10,491 --> 00:40:14,161 We have guarded the cherished relics and now present them for your review. 698 00:40:14,245 --> 00:40:16,288 [Clucking] 699 00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:19,792 I don't remember this part. 700 00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:22,169 Yeah, I wonder what the chickens symbolize. 701 00:40:33,973 --> 00:40:37,226 What I don't understand is, how did they get enough ping-pong balls 702 00:40:37,309 --> 00:40:39,145 to fill up the entire casino? 703 00:40:39,228 --> 00:40:40,896 Well, I guess it'd be my fault, sir. 704 00:40:40,980 --> 00:40:43,524 They told me they were gonna have some sort of major tournament. 705 00:40:43,607 --> 00:40:44,608 [Muttering] 706 00:40:43,607 --> 00:40:44,608 Vicki! 707 00:40:44,692 --> 00:40:45,818 What? 708 00:40:44,692 --> 00:40:45,818 What's the matter? 709 00:40:45,901 --> 00:40:47,945 Somebody raided my room. 710 00:40:48,028 --> 00:40:49,405 I wonder who. 711 00:40:50,698 --> 00:40:51,824 [Scoffs] 712 00:40:54,618 --> 00:40:57,705 I-- I'll kill 'em! I will kill them! 713 00:40:57,788 --> 00:41:00,332 I'm putting a lock on my dresser! 714 00:41:04,253 --> 00:41:05,963 Mr. Matthews, 715 00:41:06,046 --> 00:41:09,383 you allowed chickens to roost on our relics. 716 00:41:09,466 --> 00:41:14,096 From this moment, your chapter is officially out of this fraternity! 717 00:41:14,180 --> 00:41:16,182 Oh, come on! 718 00:41:14,180 --> 00:41:16,182 What? 719 00:41:16,265 --> 00:41:19,185 Sir, we didn't know the chickens were in there. We were as surprised as you were. 720 00:41:19,268 --> 00:41:20,561 Talk, talk, talk, talk-- 721 00:41:20,644 --> 00:41:22,354 you're out, Matthews! 722 00:41:23,564 --> 00:41:25,608 That's my final verdict. 723 00:41:26,650 --> 00:41:28,736 Yes, sir. Let's go, guys. 724 00:41:29,904 --> 00:41:33,240 [Dickford] Super! Champagne for everyone! 725 00:41:38,329 --> 00:41:41,749 You know, dickford, something just occurred to me. 726 00:41:41,832 --> 00:41:43,250 If we're out of this fraternity, 727 00:41:43,334 --> 00:41:45,961 we have no reason to be on good behavior, do we? 728 00:41:48,297 --> 00:41:50,299 How about a nice dessert? 729 00:41:50,382 --> 00:41:52,676 You don't have the temerity. 730 00:41:53,219 --> 00:41:54,511 [Chuckles] 731 00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:02,269 -Mr. Matthews, this is conduct-- -duck! 732 00:42:11,570 --> 00:42:13,781 [All] Food fight! 733 00:42:13,864 --> 00:42:15,532 G-Gentlemen? 734 00:42:15,616 --> 00:42:17,701 G-Gentlemen? No! 735 00:42:19,036 --> 00:42:20,788 Gentlemen-- gentlemen-- 736 00:42:20,871 --> 00:42:23,123 gentlemen, I think this is the time 737 00:42:23,207 --> 00:42:26,877 to exercise a little self-control! 738 00:42:28,963 --> 00:42:31,340 Kind of reminds me of Chicago '68. 739 00:42:31,423 --> 00:42:34,551 Yeah, except what we were dodging was a lot more dangerous than pies. 740 00:42:34,635 --> 00:42:37,930 Yeah, but if we threw pies, it was for a better america. 741 00:42:43,269 --> 00:42:46,313 Come on, let's show these kids how it's done. 742 00:42:46,397 --> 00:42:48,649 Come on, guys. 743 00:42:51,610 --> 00:42:53,320 Food fight! 744 00:43:00,494 --> 00:43:03,414 You're in trouble! I'm getting mean now. 745 00:43:09,586 --> 00:43:13,090 People, please! Stop this madness! 746 00:43:15,968 --> 00:43:17,720 [Sighs] 747 00:43:17,803 --> 00:43:19,763 Ladies and gentlemen, 748 00:43:19,847 --> 00:43:22,433 may I remind you that we are not children? 749 00:43:24,435 --> 00:43:27,271 I appreciate your cooperation. 750 00:43:34,111 --> 00:43:36,947 [Stubing on pa] I'm giving the lambdas who are holding my daughter 751 00:43:37,031 --> 00:43:41,118 just five minutes to return her to my cabin, no questions asked. 752 00:43:42,244 --> 00:43:43,620 I admire the way you frisbee'ed 753 00:43:43,704 --> 00:43:45,664 that lemon meringue pie across the room. 754 00:43:45,748 --> 00:43:47,708 Yeah, well, it's all in the wrist. 755 00:43:49,293 --> 00:43:50,919 We kind of got off on the wrong foot 756 00:43:51,003 --> 00:43:52,880 and stayed there for two days, didn't we? 757 00:43:52,963 --> 00:43:54,590 Yeah, it was my fault too. 758 00:43:54,673 --> 00:43:57,718 It's not like we didn't fight in college. 759 00:43:54,673 --> 00:43:57,718 Oh, we fought. 760 00:43:59,595 --> 00:44:01,597 Yeah, but we stayed friends. 761 00:44:07,144 --> 00:44:10,022 Listen, next year, Betty and I are going to be going out to yosemite. 762 00:44:10,105 --> 00:44:13,734 Why don't you guys join us? We've got all kinds of room in the a-frame. 763 00:44:15,152 --> 00:44:18,739 You're gonna go to the wilderness, and you're gonna stay in a house? 764 00:44:18,822 --> 00:44:22,659 Tell you what. You and Rebecca can pitch a tent out in the backyard, all right? 765 00:44:22,743 --> 00:44:25,245 We'll have a great time. 766 00:44:25,329 --> 00:44:27,081 Well... 767 00:44:25,329 --> 00:44:27,081 Tell you what. 768 00:44:27,164 --> 00:44:28,874 If it'll make you feel any better, 769 00:44:28,957 --> 00:44:30,834 we won't let you use the bathrooms. 770 00:44:30,918 --> 00:44:32,878 It's a deal. 771 00:44:36,340 --> 00:44:39,718 I don't believe this. Look at this mess! 772 00:44:39,802 --> 00:44:42,805 All right. Okay. I don't care how long it takes. 773 00:44:42,888 --> 00:44:45,349 I want you to keep everybody out here, at work, 774 00:44:45,432 --> 00:44:47,601 until this deck is sugar-free. 775 00:44:47,684 --> 00:44:49,770 You got that? Good night! 776 00:44:49,853 --> 00:44:54,650 You know, we put limburger cheese in the Dean's light socket back in '48. 777 00:44:54,733 --> 00:44:57,694 That was a funeral compared to this. 778 00:44:57,778 --> 00:45:00,948 Forgive me, sir, but you've got a blueberry in your teeth right there. 779 00:45:01,031 --> 00:45:03,450 Will you stop that? 780 00:45:01,031 --> 00:45:03,450 [Connie] Mr. Woodrow? 781 00:45:03,534 --> 00:45:05,953 Mr. Woodrow, there's something I have to tell you. 782 00:45:06,036 --> 00:45:08,080 You talk and I'll talk, little miss term paper. 783 00:45:08,163 --> 00:45:10,040 Go ahead, 'cause I don't care anymore. 784 00:45:10,124 --> 00:45:11,667 Talk about what? 785 00:45:11,750 --> 00:45:14,128 Eric, Nolan blackmailed me 786 00:45:14,211 --> 00:45:16,547 to help him with his crummy little scheme. 787 00:45:16,630 --> 00:45:18,757 Mr. Woodrow, the scu lambdas 788 00:45:18,841 --> 00:45:21,969 are not responsible for the havoc on this ship. 789 00:45:22,052 --> 00:45:25,597 You mean, they didn't disrupt the mermaids' performance? 790 00:45:26,890 --> 00:45:29,268 No, they did that. 791 00:45:30,436 --> 00:45:33,105 Uh, they didn't start the pie fight? 792 00:45:34,898 --> 00:45:35,983 Oh, my god. 793 00:45:36,066 --> 00:45:38,652 Really, I didn't know. I mean-- 794 00:45:38,735 --> 00:45:41,363 all I know is that they didn't fill the pool with soap suds 795 00:45:41,447 --> 00:45:43,907 or paint the lifeboats or put chickens in the sacred ark, 796 00:45:43,991 --> 00:45:46,952 because this man was responsible for all of that. 797 00:45:47,035 --> 00:45:49,371 He wanted to blame the scu lambdas 798 00:45:49,455 --> 00:45:51,748 for everything so you'd expel them. 799 00:45:51,832 --> 00:45:55,836 I swear, sir, on my mother's life, I did none of those things. 800 00:45:55,919 --> 00:45:57,588 Sure, you did. 801 00:45:57,671 --> 00:46:00,340 Okay, but I meant well. 802 00:46:00,424 --> 00:46:04,178 I wanted a better fraternity for the sake of our founding fathers. 803 00:46:04,261 --> 00:46:07,848 They're dead. Go to your room, dickford. 804 00:46:07,931 --> 00:46:10,476 Please, sir-- 805 00:46:07,931 --> 00:46:10,476 go to your room, dickford! 806 00:46:12,644 --> 00:46:15,397 That was a wonderful thing you did, young lady. 807 00:46:17,608 --> 00:46:19,067 You too, Matthews. 808 00:46:20,277 --> 00:46:22,196 But I didn't say anything, sir. 809 00:46:23,322 --> 00:46:25,240 That's what I mean. 810 00:46:27,075 --> 00:46:29,745 I seem to have this, um, habit 811 00:46:29,828 --> 00:46:32,331 of doing very dramatic things when I'm with you. 812 00:46:32,414 --> 00:46:34,374 I hope so. 813 00:46:32,414 --> 00:46:34,374 Mm-hmm. 814 00:46:36,335 --> 00:46:40,047 [All chanting] Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! 815 00:46:40,130 --> 00:46:42,216 [Chanting continues] 816 00:46:54,728 --> 00:46:57,439 Well, I guess we'll all be seeing each other in taos in June. 817 00:46:57,523 --> 00:47:00,275 Yes, and you're gonna come visit us in Los Angeles, right? 818 00:47:00,359 --> 00:47:01,860 Word of honor. 819 00:47:00,359 --> 00:47:01,860 Okay. 820 00:47:01,944 --> 00:47:03,904 Your son, Robert, will have fun playing with our coyote. 821 00:47:03,987 --> 00:47:07,658 Uh, I'm not sure I want him playing with a wild animal. 822 00:47:07,741 --> 00:47:10,077 [Chuckles] 823 00:47:07,741 --> 00:47:10,077 Coyote's our son. 824 00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:12,120 Oh, he's very tame. 825 00:47:14,248 --> 00:47:18,919 Matthews, you know how a fraternity is bound by those secret things? 826 00:47:19,002 --> 00:47:20,045 Yes, sir. 827 00:47:20,128 --> 00:47:21,755 I think that food fight last night 828 00:47:21,838 --> 00:47:24,091 should remain one of those secret things. 829 00:47:24,174 --> 00:47:25,968 Yes, sir. 830 00:47:24,174 --> 00:47:25,968 Yeah. 831 00:47:28,637 --> 00:47:30,222 Super! 832 00:47:30,305 --> 00:47:31,682 Sorry. 833 00:47:34,351 --> 00:47:37,855 Easy with that, dickford. You're already skating on thin ice. 834 00:47:41,191 --> 00:47:45,779 If another fraternity ever boards this ship again, I'm taking a cruise. 835 00:47:45,862 --> 00:47:47,948 Oh, come on, dad. They weren't that bad. 836 00:47:48,031 --> 00:47:50,117 "They weren't that bad"? What are you talking about? 837 00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:54,037 They kidnapped you. They held you over four hours. 838 00:47:54,121 --> 00:47:55,622 Yeah. 839 00:47:55,706 --> 00:47:59,501 Vicki, what exactly happened? 840 00:47:59,585 --> 00:48:03,088 I can't talk right now, dad. I've got a date. Bye. 841 00:48:03,171 --> 00:48:05,299 A date? Vicki? 842 00:48:05,382 --> 00:48:07,467 With whom? 843 00:48:07,551 --> 00:48:09,094 Vicki!