♪♪
♪ Love ♪
♪ love exciting and new ♪
♪ come aboard ♪
♪ we're expecting you ♪
♪ and love ♪
♪ love is life's sweetest reward ♪
♪ let it flow ♪
♪ it floats back to you ♪
♪ the love boat ♪
♪ soon will be making another run ♪
♪ the love boat ♪
♪ promises something for everyone ♪
♪ set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance ♪
♪ and love ♪
♪ love won't hurt anymore ♪
♪ it's an open smile ♪
♪ on a friendly shore ♪
♪ the love boat ♪
♪ soon will be making another run ♪
♪ welcome aboard ♪
♪ it's love ♪
♪ welcome aboard it's love ♪
♪♪
All right. This is a class gig.
[ Imitates dog bark ]
Spencer Wilson, appearing in the lounge.
Oh, really?
[ Imitates cat meowing ]
Spencer Wilson, appearing nightly.
Love your hair.
Thanks.
Emily.
What are you do-- what a pleasant surprise.
Are -- are you, uh, here to see someone off?
No.
I'm a passenger.
But you just finished sailing with us.
I had such a wonderful time on the last cruise
that I thought I'd just stay on for another one,
you know, indulge myself.
Well, I guess being your own boss
allows you to do things like that.
Yes. I'm lucky.
My son is just busting a gut to run my trucking business anyway.
I know the, uh, captain will be happy.
He really enjoyed the time you two spent together
on the last cruise.
Merrill is really an interesting man.
I mean, not at all what I expected.
I guess you really can't get to know somebody, though,
in 5 days.
You can't?
Maybe that's why my marriages never lasted.
Excuse me.
Oh, I'm sorry. May I help you?
Uh, me? No. Uh, I'm just looking for my parents.
There they are.
Oh, here you are.
We're gonna have so much fun on this cruise.
Oh, wait till you see the shops.
Oh, and you're just gonna love the pool.
Bye. Enjoy your trip.
Hey, Larry,
when are you gonna write that new song for the album?
It's hard to write country songs
when you've never been in prison.
Hi. I'm Larry.
Hi.
That's my brother Steve.
Steve.
Hi, Larry.
Brother Rudy.
Rudy.
I'm Isaac Washington.
How you doin'?
The gatlin brothers.
I'm your number one seagoing fan.
We are looking forward to your show.
Well, I hope you weren't expecting anything new.
[ Clears throat ]
They're a little upset.
I'm havin' trouble finishin' a new song for the album.
Oh, well, maybe you can get some work done on the cruise.
Excuse me. Isaac, the brochures.
Oh, um, Mary Beth, I'm sorry. Here you go.
[ Whistles ]
Thank you.
Sheila.
Thanks.
Excuse me.
Looks like we all have our work cut out for us.
[ Ship horn blows ]
♪♪
Well, what do you think?
I think professional baseball players make too much money.
I mean the uniform.
I know what you mean, ace.
You look fine.
All right.
On you, a gunnysack would look like a tuxedo.
Now go help Judy with the passenger list.
All right. Uh... [ Clears throat ] Right.
Well, what do you think?
Very sharp.
I feel like I'm on my way to the army-Navy game.
Hi.
Hello.
I'm looking for the head honcho.
Uh, well, I'm the assistant honcho.
I'm Judy McCoy, the cruise director.
How may I help you?
I'm Spencer Wilson, and I hate to start off by complaining,
but, uh, I've been looking for my room,
and no one seems to know where it is.
Oh, uh, Wilson, hmm.
You don't seem to be on the passenger list.
Well, see, there you go. I'm not a passenger.
I'm a performing artist.
Mr. Wilson, I hire the entertainment.
I didn't hire you.
Who told you you had a job on this ship, Mr. Wilson?
Yeah.
Tony miletti.
He's a big Hollywood agent. He handles all the big stars.
And talk about luck,
I was in L.A. one day and I met Mr. Miletti.
And he helped me get this job and even helped me sell my car
so I could pay him his commission in advance.
You paid him his commission in advance?
Oh, sure. Mr. Miletti said that
since I was gonna be on the ship 6 months breakin' in my act,
I should go on ahead and pay him upfront.
Mr. Wilson,
i think you've been had.
Snookered.
Taken.
Swindled.
Robbed.
Oh.
I think I see what you mean.
You don't have a job on this ship.
I'm terribly sorry.
And since we've already sailed, gotta charge you for the cabin.
Take over.
[ Clears throat ]
Uh, well...
Is it more than $5?
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
You know, Emily, I'm flattered you took another cruise.
I know how expensive they are.
I'll tell the world.
And when you're in trucking, they're very hard to write off.
[ Laughs ]
I just wanted to spend some time with you, merrill.
Well, what are we gonna do on a cruise?
Oh, it doesn't matter. I just enjoy being with you.
Yeah, me, too.
You know, I have the feeling that
you could make doing the laundry interesting. [ Laughs ]
[ Chuckles ] Well, I do have my system.
You know, one thing we could do on this cruise
is just try to get to know each other better.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
Oh, no, no. I mean, how --
how can we become friends if we remain strangers?
Exactly. It's impossible.
Yeah.
You know what we've gotta do is,
we have to define our relationship.
Yeah, so that later on there'll be no misunderstanding.
Right.
Emily?
Emily, suppose we decide to...
Become more than just friends.
Truckers have a saying --
"don't bounce till you get to the bumps in the road."
Hmm.
Well...
Here's to pleasant surprises
and smooth pavement.
Hey, Mr. Washington.
Hmm?
I really appreciate you helping me work my way back to L.A.
Oh, no problem, Spence.
Listen, uh, gopher says you don't have to do this.
So if you don't want to, you know, uh...
No, no, no. Wilsons always pay their way.
Besides, I am no freeloader.
So let's start slingin' that booze.
Okay. Uh, have you ever done this before?
Oh, sure. I've tended bar all over the world.
Gopher said you'd never been out of mobile.
Did I say all over the world?
Yeah.
I meant all over mobile.
Oh.
Well, I'm sure you'll do fine.
Listen, uh, I've gotta go someplace.
Why don't you watch the bar?
Don't touch anything, okay?
And I'll be right back.
Okay.
Yeah. Thanks a lot.
Sure.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
One, two...
Yeah.
Hi. Club soda, please.
[ Imitates cork popping ]
[ Imitates John Wayne ] So, tell me, pilgrim.
You new around here?
[ Imitates prospector ] I ain't never seen him around here.
Smells kinda familiar. Who are ya? [ Laughs ]
I beg your pardon?
[ Normal voice ] Actually, I'm not a bartender.
Spencer Wilson, performing artist.
Oh, hi.
Hi.
Well, I guess it was the bartender's uniform
and standing behind a bar that threw me off.
[ Imitating prospector ] Yeah, but I bet ya got
a real powerful thirst, don't ya?
Not like...Oh!
He's goin' for his gun. Clint, do somethin'!
[ Imitates Clint Eastwood as Harry Callahan ] Yeah.
[ Imitates shotgun cocking ]
Go ahead, make my dinner.
[ Hums "the good, the bad, and the ugly" ]
Don't go away mad.
[ Imitates prospector ] Hey,
got rid of that stranger pretty good. [ Laughs ]
You want your drink, stranger? Here you go.
[ Makes zoom noise ]
[ Cup clatters ]
[ Normal voice ] Uh, like I said, I'm not a real bartender.
Uh, let me get something.
It's okay! It's okay!
I'll get something from the machine downstairs.
Hmm!
♪♪
Easy as she goes.
We don't want any quick turns.
[ Sighs ]
Oh, merrill, I envy you.
You get to say all those swell things like,
"batten down the hatches, Matey.
"Hoist the jib.
Splice the main brace." [ Chuckles ]
What'd I say there?
I think that last one is a medical term.
Excuse me?
Mm-hmm.
Sir?
[ Whispers ] Excuse me.
Uh, Mr. Roberts.
Thank you. Thank you.
I think I'm keeping you from your work.
Oh. No, no, no, no, no.
Just have to check on some things.
And I'm a distraction.
Oh, lookit. This turned out good.
Oh. [ Chuckles ] Yeah.
And I'm probably an irritation.
You should say what you think, merrill.
Oh, well, I didn't mean we couldn't talk.
See? We're doing exactly what we should
to find out about each other.
All those little things that annoy us.
Yeah.
Well, I'll leave you to your work.
Oh, boy.
Now you've made me feel guilty.
See? See how much we're learning about each other.
There's no reason for you to feel guilty.
I wouldn't wanna be distracted if I was driving an 18-Wheeler.
Emily.
Uh...i have an idea.
[ Whispering ] Uh, look, uh, why don't we have
dinner my my cabin?
I'll cook.
We can talk...Alone.
[ Whispers ] That's a wonderful idea.
I'll meet you at 0700.
Pretty good, huh?
Emily, that's tomorrow morning.
I'll see you at 7:00 tonight.
What is that in Navy talk?
1900 hours.
That's very confusing.
I'll meet you at 7:00 tonight.
Bye, Mr. Robert.
Good afternoon, ma'am.
[ Door closes ]
♪♪
Gopher: You know, I can't find my master keys anywhere.
Have you got 'em?
Am I supposed to have 'em?
You -- you -- you told me never to touch 'em.
Relax. I am not blaming you.
I'm just saying that somebody out there has
a set of master keys that'll open up any door on this ship.
Glad it's not my fault.
[ Imitating south Asian accent ] Begging your pardon
very, very much. But is everything all right here?
Thank you very much. Yes, no, no.
Spencer, I thought you were tending bar.
It didn't work out. I told him he could work here.
I did not tell him he could have an accent.
[ Normal voice ] Well, all the other waiters have accents.
So I thought if I should be waiter, I should fit in.
Gopher: Spencer, all the other waiters
have accents from their own countries.
Now why don't you just speak like
Spencer Wilson from mobile, Alabama, all right?
♪♪
[ Indistinct conversations ]
It's fashionable.
You know, they will allow you to come back for seconds.
Oh, I don't have time.
My mom's not feeling well,
and I'm gonna take her some food back to the cabin.
She hates dirty dishes.
I wonder where the captain is.
Oh, he's having dinner in his cabin
with Mrs. Haywood tonight.
Dining alone? How romantic.
Sounds like it's getting pretty serious to me.
It's nothing like that.
My father's just trying to be a good host.
Mm-hmm.
Ah.
You know, the captain's acting pretty strange
since he met Ms. Haywood.
Spending an awful lot of time in the barbershop,
and there's not that much to do there.
My father has always taken pride in his appearance, gopher.
Hmm.
I heard him humming "you light up my life."
Come to think of it,
I saw him writing poetry on a napkin.
You know, you guys are terrible.
Don't you have anything better to do
than to sit around and gossip?
No.
Not really.
I saw him skipping in the passageway.
Drew a happy face on the radar screen.
Oh, he's done that before.
Oh, that's right.
He's buying some stuffed animals.
[ Speaks indistinctly ]
Mm-hmm.
Now, the secret to great cooking is precision.
A pinch of this,
a touch of that,
a smidgen of this.
Oh, silly ole me, I always use measuring spoons.
Now a little tarragon butter.
Does the crew like your cooking?
They have to. I'm the captain.
And you have somebody to cook for.
I hate cooking just for myself.
So do I.
I, uh, I like sharing things with someone.
I didn't realize how much I missed that
till lately.
Me neither.
[ Bell dings ]
What is that?
Vegetable's done.
Vegetables... I'm not hungry.
Me neither.
Forget 'em.
They're burning.
♪♪
[ Woman screams ]
Excuse me.
Nice tan, ma'am.
Larry: That's all right. The room's already been made up.
All right, well, then I'll just, uh, fold down the bed
and leave a chocolate, sir.
Okay.
Um, how long will you be gone?
Uh, we're gonna go do our show.
Uh...I'll be gone a couple hours.
Oh, good. That'll give me enough time.
Uh, i-I'm a perfectionist and --
and I like to have the chocolate
precisely in the center of the pillow.
Come on, Larry. We're gonna be late.
♪♪
Mermaids: ♪ strut, pout, put it out ♪
♪ that's what you want from women ♪
♪ come on, baby, whatcha taking me for? ♪
♪ Strut, pout, cut it out ♪
♪ all taking and no giving ♪
♪ watch me, baby, while I walk out your door ♪
♪ I won't be your baby doll ♪
♪ be your baby doll ♪
♪ I won't be your baby doll ♪
♪ be your baby doll ♪
So I found Spencer a job he can't possibly foul up.
B-5.
This game is comin' alive!
Hey, listen up...
H-4.
Wait, lock my doors.
This is a piece from a scrabble game.
Reading numbers, he oughta be able to do that.
Hi, Spence.
Hi.
You know, I don't think I've ever seen this many people
turn out for a night bingo game before.
Oh, man, I had to turn people away.
Who wouldn't pay $1 for a bingo card
if they had a chance to win a brand-new car?
O-61.
Wait a minute. New car?
Spencer, what are you talking about?
First prize.
I-29.
Spencer, first prize is $50.
G-47.
But I asked around,
and they said last cruise you gave away a new car.
Last cruise was a convention of auto manufacturers.
Hey, no problem. Nobody's won yet.
Bingo! Bingo! I've got it! I won! I won! I won!
[ High-pitched voice ] Yay! Hooray!
[ Woman squealing ]
♪♪
Ahem.
You're not supposed to be back for another hour.
You're not supposed to be here at all.
Who are you?
Uh, the maid.
You don't look like the maid.
You're that strange little girl
that keeps puttin' food in her purse.
Yeah, well, I always wanted to be a waiter.
You act more like a groupie.
Yeah, well, yeah, that's what I am.
I'm crazy about... Everything about you.
Your music, your clothes,
your cabin.
I mean, wow!
I just slept on what's-his-name's bed.
Well, got to go.
You're a stowaway, aren't ya? What's your name?
Anny. No, Alice.
Look, I'm not a stowaway.
I'm running away from home.
I'm going down to Mexico to get a job
and start living my own life.
Okay with you?
I think we need to talk to the captain about this.
Come on.
Oh, no, no, no.
Please, no.
You don't know my parents.
They grounded me for a month.
That is one-twelfth of a year.
I'm sure they had a good reason.
I took the car without permission. Big deal.
That's all?
All right, there was this little wreck.
They have insurance.
Look, I'll get out of your way
and you can forget you've ever seen me.
I have a better idea.
I won't go to the captain if you'll call your parents
and tell them where you are.
Okay. Okay.
I'll call them tomorrow.
It's too late tonight.
Okay.
You can sleep here tonight.
And I'll go bunk in with my brother.
I've gotta song to write anyway.
Thank you.
♪♪
Merrill, do you know what I love?
Foggy mornings...
On mountain lakes.
And rooting for the underdog.
I loved "rocky" I.
And ii.
And III.
I can't wait to see iv.
[ Laughs ]
It's funny, sometimes I think I know what you're thinking.
Really?
What am I thinking now?
Right now, you're thinking,
"this cruise is even better than the one before."
How did you know that?
Because that's what I'm thinking.
And we think the same way. We like the same things.
Oh, we certainly do.
We have so much in common.
Yes.
There's just one thing...
[ Whispering ] When I get close to you,
my palms start sweating.
Mine, too.
Is your stomach all butterflies?
Yes.
And I-I can't concentrate.
My mind keeps wandering.
[ Whispers ] Oh, merrill.
Either we're getting the flu
or we're falling in love.
The flu never felt this good.
♪♪
[ Knock on door ]
Good morning, kiddo.
Thought you might like a little food
that doesn't taste like the inside of your purse.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Finish your song?
Nah, not yet.
Maybe I can help.
I'm good with rhymes.
Well, I'm really not at the rhyme stage yet.
I'm...sorta at the concept stage.
Oh, you got nothing, right?
You're supposed to call your parents this morning.
I will, I will.
Hey, I know they must really be worried.
I'll call. I'll call.
I'm gonna go get a cup of coffee.
Maybe I can find a couple of words that rhyme.
[ Door opens ]
[ Imitates siren wail ]
[ High-pitched voice ] Mr. Gopher.
Spencer, I'm tired.
And I'm irritable.
I was up until 3:00 this morning
trying to explain to Mrs. Zeigler
why she did not really win a new car.
I'm real sorry about that.
I just want you to know I won't be bothering you anymore.
As soon as we get to Puerta vallarta,
I'm going to get off and walk home.
Spencer, we're not gonna throw you off the ship
in Puerta vallarta.
We're gonna take you back to Los Angeles,
and then we're gonna throw you off the ship.
I can't just let you guys give me this cruise
without me doing something to pay you guys back.
It's the way I was raised.
I've got to earn my way.
Uh, don't look at me.
I got all the help I can use.
All right, Spencer.
Look, honestly, I have a gift for making people happy.
I find that hard to believe.
Well, if you just give me 5 minutes in the lounge show,
I guarantee ya, I'll make those people have a good time.
Spencer, will you do yourself a favor?
Just go sit down somewhere,
relax, and enjoy the rest of the cruise.
All right? It's on us.
You don't owe us a thing.
[ High-pitched voice ] Hmm.
[ Knock on door ]
Oh, hi, Emily.
Hi, doc. Are you busy?
No, not at the moment. Come on in.
Okay.
Yeah, how are you and, uh, the captain getting on?
Oh...
Excuse me.
Just wonderfully.
Okay.
In fact, that's what I came to talk to you about.
You probably know him better than anybody else.
Oh, if you're asking my opinion of merrill, he's a fine man.
He enjoys being captain, doesn't he?
He thrives on it.
I can't imagine him doing anything else.
Oh, neither can I. He'd be miserable living ashore.
Well, why would he want to live...
Oh, unless you two...
Oh, now that you mention it,
he -- he did say once he'd like to live in, uh...
Where is it you're from?
Fresno.
That's the place.
He said that?
Well, not Fresno exactly.
But he did say that he would like to live on land?
He...
Not in so many words.
Well, doc, just what did he say?
He said that living on land made him appreciate the sea.
Oh.
Yeah.
Would you do me a favor, doc?
Let's not tell merrill about this little talk.
Oh, I was just about to ask you the same favor.
Have you called your parents?
Uh, yeah. Yeah.
Um, everything's cool.
That's not what your parents told me.
You called my parents?
Yeah.
I found the number in your purse just covered with chicken salad.
You ratted on me. You told them where I was.
Come on, anny, I didn't rat on ya.
I just called 'em to tell 'em you were safe and well.
Your parents are really very upset about what happened.
Oh, yeah. I'm sure they are.
You had no right to interfere in my life.
I was just tryin' to help.
Yeah, well, I don't need your help.
When we dock a Puerta vallarta, I'm getting off.
So why don't you just butt out and get out of my life?
[ Inhales deeply ]
Mmm! Smell that sea air, Adam.
There's no better life for a man than being on the sea.
Of course, I don't know about women.
Uh, do you think a woman might be happy living onboard a ship?
I guess that would depend on the woman.
Uh, what about Emily?
Uh, do you think Emily might be happy living onboard a ship?
Well, what do you think?
Well, uh, if Emily was living onboard a ship,
she'd be separated from her family in Fresno.
That's right.
Yeah, but she could visit them periodically.
Fresno's not that far away.
Uh, but she couldn't run
her trucking business from this ship.
You know, she'd have to give up her career.
That's right. That's a lot to ask.
Adam, would you stop agreeing with me?
Anything you say, merrill.
Adam, don't let Emily know we had this little talk, hmm?
You can count on me.
Everyone else has.
[ Rotary dial whirring ]
Kino-sama... Hey, hey, hey.
Konnichiwa.
[ Imitating Asian accent ] Hello, purser Smith.
My name is yoko arokomoto.
I am a wealthy Sushi bar owner from Osaka.
Would like to book entire ship for a cruise.
Hai, hai, hai.
I knew you'd be very excited.
One stipulation, please -- would like
young performing artist Spencer Wilson
do his act tonight in the lounge,
real a-funny guy.
[ Laughs ]
Laugh riot.
I'm outta here.
Sayonara.
♪♪
Welcome to beautiful Puerta vallarta.
We hope you enjoy your day.
There is shopping and fantastic water sports
available for your pleasure.
♪♪
Uh, gopher, if I'm gonna be the assistant purser,
is there anything different I should do at the staff meetings?
No, just do what you've always done --
be quiet and pretend to take notes.
Right.
Hello, everyone.
Hello, sir.
Oh, Judy, I've had requests all day
for this famous comedian onboard to perform in the lounge.
One Japanese man wants to reserve the entire cruise.
Is there anything you can do about that?
Are you talkin' about Spencer Wilson, sir?
Yes, I believe that's his name.
Sir, Spencer Wilson is not exactly famous.
And that was probably him on the phone.
You mean he's Japanese?
Not even close.
Uh, sir, he does accents, noises, sound effects.
He's, um, performing artist.
Well, he's good. Why don't we have him perform?
Well, uh...
You take care of it.
I've got enough on my mind
without worrying about some entertainer.
Yes, sir.
That's it? Meeting's over?
You heard the man. He's got a lot on his mind.
Judy.
Yes?
Why don't you call Mr. Locomoto and see if he's available?
[ Door opens and closes ]
Don't try to talk me out of it.
You cannot change my mind.
Hey, I'm not gonna try.
If you're this determined,
your home life must really be awful.
Oh, take my word for it. It is.
I guess they beat ya.
No, that's one thing they don't do.
Could you give me that, please?
They starve ya?
Overwork ya?
They lock you in the cellar.
No. Could you give me...
Then what?
They don't like your taste in clothes or music?
They don't understand ya?
[ Singsongy ] They treat ya like a baby?
Yeah. Yeah, how'd you know?
Because that's the same way my kids say I treat them.
What are you guys, all part of the same union or something?
No, I'm just a man who loves his kids
and tries to do the best he can.
I'm sure your parents are the same way.
Oh, give me a break.
Hi, anny. Goin' somewhere?
Are you gonna lock me in this cabin?
Just until we sail.
Make yourself at home, little lady.
I'll return these for ya.
♪♪
[ Knock on door ]
Oh, merrill, you're early.
We weren't gonna go to lunch till oh-11,000 hours.
[ Laughs ]
Emily...
Mm-hmm.
Emily...
[ Chuckles ]
Uh, look, why -- why don't ya sit down?
There's -- there's something I wanna say.
Emily...
[ Breathes deeply ]
Emily...
I love you.
And I want you to marry me.
Oh, merrill.
I would be very happy
to be Mrs. Merrill stubing.
Mrs. Emily stubing. Mrs. Emily Haywood-stubing.
[ Laughs ]
Oh!
Whatever the name is, I just want you to be my wife.
Oh, my husband.
[ Sighs contently ]
My husband.
[ Sniffles ] Oh.
This is wonderful. [ Sniffles ] Wonderful.
Mm-hmm.
Oh! Listen, we've got --
we've got to plan the wedding.
And I -- oh, I've gotta put my house up for sale.
And I'm gonna arrange for my son to take over the business.
Well, no, you don't have to do that.
And, uh...
Uh, I'm --
I'm giving up my command.
We're gonna live in Fresno.
Oh, no, merrill.
I'm giving up the trucking business.
Well, I can't let you do that. It means too much to ya.
Oh, but I know how much this ship means to you.
Oh, you mean more to me than this ship. Oh!
And you mean more to me than a bunch of old trucks.
Oh, my mind is made up, Emily.
I can't let you sacrifice your career
and your family for me.
I have just as much right to make a sacrifice as you.
Trust me, Emily.
I know I'm right.
That's it?
You're "right"? End of discussion?
Well, after all, I am the...
What were you gonna say?
You're the man.
[ Gasps ] You're the captain.
Yes, I am.
And that makes you right?
Well, I may not always be right,
but I am always... The captain.
Well, captain,
I never knew you could be so stubborn.
Oh, you are showing me a side of you
that I have never seen before.
And to tell you the truth,
I don't like it!
[ Door slams ]
My cabin. You're the one who's supposed to leave.
Yes, ma'am.
♪♪
We are now leaving Puerta vallarta.
Our next stop will be San Pedro, California.
Okay, you can go now.
We were just tryin' to help.
Yeah, no hard feelings.
Anny: Thanks for nothing!
♪ She's so young ♪
♪ she's... ♪
♪ She's 17 ♪
♪ she's 17 ♪
Yeah.
♪ She's 17 ♪
♪ blue-eyed beauty queen ♪
♪ and, oh, what her two blue eyes have seen ♪
♪ since she left her home ♪
♪ in Minnesota ♪
♪ she's pale and lean ♪
♪ there's a big, fat man in her limousine ♪
♪ and she's got to go down to him now ♪
♪ got to make her quota ♪
♪ runaway, go home ♪
♪ it's the people you're runnin' with now are you friends ♪
♪ tell me, why do you feel so alone? ♪
♪ Wouldn't you just love to talk to your mama? ♪
♪ For god's sake, honey, run to the phone ♪
♪ runaway, go home ♪
♪ if the people you're runnin' with now are you friends ♪
♪ tell me, why do you feel so alone? ♪
♪ Wouldn't you just love to talk to your mama? ♪
♪ For god's sake, honey, run to the phone ♪
♪ runaway, go home ♪
Runaway, go home
[ applause ]
♪♪
Dad?
Vicki.
I thought you'd be watching the show with Mrs. Haywood.
No, there's been a change of plans.
Dad...
You have to know,
there are rumors that something's going on
between the two of you.
Oh, you know how people talk.
Well, they're true.
But I thought you two were just good friends.
We were more than just good friends.
"Were"?
We had a serious argument.
I don't know if we'll ever get back together.
I'm sorry.
Well, we still have each other.
I love you.
[ Chuckles ]
Ladies and gentlemen,
we have a special treat to close our show tonight --
a new performing artist, Spencer Wilson.
[ Applause ]
♪♪
Music has changed so much over the years.
When I was a kid,
growin' up, you couldn't even understand the lyrics.
[ Imitating wolfman Jack ] Wolfman Jack, baby!
Hey, baby, we got rock 'n roll.
We got everything for ya, baby, baby.
That's right. You know what?
Let's talk rock.
Let's talk led zeppelin.
You know, Robert plant got a great idea
for a brand-new song.
And he did it by slammin' his car door on his hand.
[ Imitating intro vocals of "immigrant song" ]
[ Imitating electric guitar playing rock music ]
[ Imitating Robert plant wailing ]
[ Imitating electric guitar playing rock music ]
[ Imitating Robert plant wailing ]
[ Imitating electric guitar playing rock music ]
[ Normal voice ] Now...
[ Laughter and cheers ]
I guess, uh, tomorrow you'll be takin' off.
Yeah.
Well...
I hope you do real good in L.A. or wherever you settle down.
And, uh, if we're ever singin' in your town,
why don't you drop by backstage and say hello?
I might just do that.
You ever play yucaipa?
Is that where you're goin'? Yucaipa?
Yeah. That's where my parents live.
What the heck? My clothes are there.
What made you change your mind about goin' home?
Nothing.
By the way, I liked your song.
Thanks.
Maybe you can get Madonna to sing it.
[ Applause ]
[ Imitating wolfman Jack ] I got the loudest,
meanest, punk rockiest heavy metal band there is.
Would you please welcome maxell and the head cleaners?
Hello.
[ Shouts indistinctly ]
We're gonna do song about my hair
and chemicals called "ddt."
One, two, one, two, three, four!
[ Imitating electric guitar playing punk rock chords ]
[ Shouts indistinctly ]
[ Imitating electric guitar playing punk rock chords ]
[ Shouts indistinctly ]
[ Imitating electric guitar playing punk rock chords ]
[ Shouts indistinctly ]
Whoo!
[ Feedback whines ]
[ Imitating electric guitar playing punk rock chords ]
Whoo!
[ Feedback whines ]
[ Applause ]
♪♪
Wonderful! Wonderful! Thank you!
Hey, Spence, congratulations. You were fantastic.
Hey, man, I really loved that heavy metal stuff.
That was very hip, man.
Thanks, Mr. Washington.
I'm sorry we ever doubted you, Spence.
It's okay.
Spencer, you were incredible.
Didn't I tell you he was good?
Yes, sir.
I have an idea.
Let's make Spencer assistant cruise director.
Hey!
That way he could help Judy and still entertain.
Hey! All right.
Thank you!
Assistant cruise director.
I guess I'll see you at the staff meetings.
Is that true?
I really have a regular job here now?
Uh, well, Spencer, uh,
I think that with a little extra training
you might, um...Get by.
Ms. McCoy, he's all yours.
Well...great.
What do you say we talk about my billing, huh?
♪♪
[ Knock on door ]
Come in.
Uh... I'm glad you're here.
Look, I want to apologize.
No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have lost my temper.
Oh, no, I was being stubborn.
You were being considerate.
No, I was being pigheaded.
Merrill, we're doing it again.
Oh, you're right. [ Chuckles ] We have the strangest arguments.
But look, the important thing
is that we know that we love each other.
Oh.
[ Chuckles ]
See, that's the hard part.
The rest'll be easy.
Now, we could settle
the way I settled my last strike.
What do you mean?
What are you doing?
Cut the cards to see if we live in Fresno
or on the ship.
Wait a minute.
We're gonna cut cards to decide the rest of our lives?
Well, I'll go first.
An ace. I win.
I'll give up my job, and we'll live on the ship.
Wasn't that easy?
May I see those cards, please?
Oh, don't be a poor loser, merrill.
I'd like to hold those cards.
Merrill, the foundation for a happy marriage
is mutual trust.
Emily.
[ Sighs heavily ]
Is this the way you settled your last strike?
Saved a lot of head busting.
I'm surprised at you, Emily.
I used a real deck that time, believe me.
I just wanted to save a lot of arguing.
My son is ready to take over the business.
This is his chance.
This is even right for you.
Can you honestly say you'd be happy away from the sea?
Well, I wanted us to buy a beach house.
There aren't any beaches in Fresno.
How about it, merrill?
Will you marry me?
Wait a minute. I asked you first.
Does it really matter?
No. Oh!
[ Chuckles ]
♪♪
[ Both laughing ]
Oh! This is just like playing house.
Yeah, I think so.
Six? This enough? No?
Yeah, I think that'll be all right.
Dad?
Uh...
What is it? Hey, what's going on?
Well, I've invited the rest to join us.
Uh...
But, uh, we wanted you to be the first to know.
Know what?
Emily and I have decided to get married.
Married?
We're gonna be a family.
Oh, you won't have to call me mom
if it'll make you feel uncomfortable.
But I want us to be close.
Oh, my girls. Mwah!
Isn't it great?
You wanted to see us, sir?
What is it, merrill?
Oh, champagne!
Ooh.
Oh.
Hey, what are we celebrating?
I don't know.
Whatever it is, it must be big because this is the good stuff.
Everyone...
Emily and I have decided to get married.
What?
Oh!
You're kidding!
Congratulations!
Oh, wow!
Merrill: Champagne for everyone!
Except me, of course.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
♪♪