[Theme music]
Theme song: Love, love's exciting and new.
Come aboard.
We're expecting you.
And love-- love is life's sweetest reward.
Let it flow.
It flows back to you.
The love boat soon will be making another run.
The love boat promises something for everyone.
Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.
And love, love won't hurt anyone.
It's an open smile on a friendly shore.
The love boat soon will be making another run.
Welcome aboard.
It's love.
Welcome aboard.
It's love.
Thank you.
Have I missed them?
No, they haven't boarded yet.
Well, I got them something special for
their 10th anniversary cruise.
[Laughs] Janice, Myles.
Captain.
Oh, how nice to meet you.
How you doin'?
Hi, Myles. How nice to see you.
Hi, Myles.
Doc and Isaac.
Good to see you.
Congratulations on 10 happy years.
We all want to know your secret, especially doc.
Simple.
Every year, we take the same cruise in the same cabin
with the same person.
Amazing how it keeps you together.
Janice: Oh, Isaac, could you please
send some caviar to go with the champagne up to cabin--
promenade 318.
Right.
Oh, by the way, we brought back the towels.
[Laughter]
Janice, let's put this to bed.
Yes, thank you.
10 years of happy marriage.
I'd have to marry 20 or 30 women to get that.
Captain, there he is--
crazy Joe flash.
Ladies, please stop.
Mr. Flash has had a long trip, and we
are blocking an entryway, so if you could just move along.
Yes, that's right.
Nice goodbye.
The man is a legend.
Crazy Joe flash--
what is he, a track star?
No.
He's a rock star.
He does this fantastic thing where
he slides across the stage on his knees
and plays this incredible riff on the guitar.
Like Jim brown.
No, James brown.
James.
Excuse me.
Ladies, I shall have to escort you all to your cabin now.
[Inaudible]
Crazy Joe?
You probably don't remember me, but I
played in the band that opened for you called California
playboys back in the '60s. - Hi.
Isaac Washington.
Isaac, yeah, sure, sure.
I remember you great.
You do?
Well, I tell you, not really, Isaac.
I don't remember much of what happened between '68 and '72.
Wow, drugs.
Whoa, no way.
Bad words.
Here they've got everything you need.
We've got legal pads, pens, pencils.
Did you pack any inspiration?
That's all I seem to be missing.
Good evening.
Hi.
I'm Henry Gordon, and this is Katherine wilde.
Judy: Oh, this is a real thrill, ace.
Miss wilde is the romance novelist
I was telling you about.
Oh, of course. Right.
I've seen your books at the checkout counter
at the supermarket.
Yes, you can always find me between the gum
and the razor blades.
Yeah.
Could we just get our cabin assignments?
Katherine's got a lot of work to do.
We have a deadline to meet.
Behind every successful writer is a pushy editor.
Of course. Let's see.
Of course.
Um, aloha 316 and 317.
I'll show you the way.
Crazy Joe, you've been going strong for 20 years.
That's amazing.
Most rock stars never last that long.
Well, when you're the only one in the act,
it's kind of hard to break up.
Sometimes I wish I could, I'll tell you.
Mr. Flash, crazy Joe?
I'm Joyce Anderson.
I have never done this before, but i'm
a very big fan of yours.
And I thought maybe we could have a drink later or sometime.
Ah.
Excuse me, ma'am.
But he hasn't even gone to his cabin yet.
Oh.
Oh, of course.
I'm sorry.
I don't mean to intrude.
Thanks, Isaac.
Oh, that's all right, crazy Joe.
Man, you really have to beat them off with a stick.
Yeah, but I'll tell you something.
If I wasn't a celebrity, she wouldn't give me a second look.
Ah, but you are, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Isaac, there's where you're wrong.
Maybe I can be herb hanson again.
Herb hanson?
Well, you don't think my real name is crazy Joe flash,
do you?
I don't know.
I remember when this guy back in Oakland once.
His name was bad Leroy.
Bad Leroy?
Well, of course, he was named after his mom.
[Inaudible].
[Horn blowing]
[Fireworks]
Well, hello, again.
Oh, hi.
You know, I found one of your books in the gift shop.
Uh, you think something like this
would appeal to a guy like me?
"Passion in Pompeii?"
Yeah.
Well, there are a couple of volcano scenes
that are fairly gritty.
Great.
You know, there's something I've always wanted to ask a writer.
Hm?
Where do you get an idea for a book like this?
Lately, I've been asking myself the same question.
Usually, ideas come from the people I meet.
[Music playing]
Then allow me to introduce myself properly.
I am Lance youngblood, late of nantucket and bound for calais.
Pleased to make your acquaintance.
The sea can be a treacherous place for a young woman
traveling alone.
Henry: The young lady has an escort.
This is my traveling companion, Henri lafete.
He's escorting me to France.
Henry: So you can see all her needs are well taken care of.
Perhaps our paths will cross again.
Now if you don't mind, ace, Katherine has a book to write.
Uh, oh.
Right.
I've got one to read.
I'll see you around. - Ok.
Bye bye.
I'm sorry, Katherine.
I don't mean to pressure you.
It's just that the publishing house
gets a little nervous when its star writer hasn't
turned in a page in six months.
Lance youngblood?
I like that.
Yeah.
So do I.
[Music playing]
Male announcer: Good morning, passengers.
We are now serving our delicious breakfast
buffet on the starlight deck.
Here we go--
breakfast in bed.
Oh.
I hope you're feeling better.
Oh, I'm so sorry about last night.
I really must have been tired to just fall asleep like that.
Oh, maybe we can make up for lost time this morning.
Oh, come on now.
Fill me in.
We didn't get much chance to talk last night.
Is, um, hope still selling real estate?
Yeah, she's doing fine.
She was the top broker for August.
Oh.
How's Joe?
Oh, he's fine.
Yes.
He's still the same old Joe.
And how are the kids?
How are joanie and Richie?
They're doing great.
Oh, Myles, please.
You know how I am whenever we get back together.
You know, you'd think after 10 years,
you'd get over feeling so nervous.
I can't help it.
I mean Joe's away on his annual fishing trip, isn't he?
Sure, but it still takes me a while to make the adjustment.
Oh.
In that case, I'll put on a robe, too.
Well, don't you ever think about hope?
Yeah, but she's hundreds of miles away in a health spa,
and I don't want to waste a moment we have together.
Well, neither do I, but it's--
Janice, we talk about this every year.
We love each other, and we don't want to hurt our families
by divorcing our spouses.
No, that's right.
I don't know any other way we can be together.
You're right, but it's just that I
guess I'm a little tense.
I--
I think I know something that will calm you down.
What?
Mon Cher.
Well, how about this?
We meet again.
Small ship, isn't it?
Yeah.
You know, I've already read the first 10 chapters of "passion
in Pompeii."
It's pretty steamy stuff, and I haven't
even gotten to the volcano yet.
What can I say?
Steam sells.
Ace, excuse me.
You promised you'd take pictures of the bingo winners.
Right, captain.
I'll be there in a minute.
Uh, you know, I don't want to overstep my bounds here,
but, uh--
but what?
[Music playing]
What, precisely, is your relationship with Henri lafete?
He's been my guardian and mentor ever since I
was orphaned as a young girl.
I've never wanted for anything.
I owe him my life.
I can see in your eyes this debt.
It's a burden.
I understand.
I, too, carry a burden of great debt.
You were orphaned, too?
Oh, but I were.
My drunkard of a father settled a gambling debt
by promising that I would marry the daughter
of captain sabatini.
The captain of this vessel?
I, a rum running blackguard, if the truth be known.
I am honor bound to marry Victoria
sabatini, a fine person, perhaps, but one
for whom I have no passion.
There he is, father.
Dallying on the deck, Mr. Youngblood?
Need I remind you it is your turn at the watch.
No one rides free on the bawdy Princess.
Aye, aye, sir.
I trust you shall be joining me at dinner alone?
The cook is preparing mutton and sweetbreads.
Daughter.
Daddy.
Captain.
Lance?
I am afraid I must be going.
Please do be careful.
Don't worry.
It's been a long time since I ruined a roll of film.
[Music playing]
Crazy Joe flash: Whew!
[Scream singing] My moon [Inaudible] comes around.
She comes around when the sun goes down.
So long, flash.
Hello, herb.
[Music playing]
Excuse me, have you seen Joe flash around?
No, I haven't, sir.
Yes, you have.
It's me.
I'm him.
Crazy Joe?
Call me herb, would you?
You would not believe it.
I have been walking around this ship all day.
Nobody's even recognized me.
It's great.
Yeah, you look almost, uh, ordinary.
Thanks, I guess.
Do me a favor, would you?
If anybody asks where crazy Joe flash is,
just tell them he's hiding out in his cabin, ok?
Will do.
Crazy Joe flash: Now what is the first thing
an almost ordinary guy does when he's in a bar?
Tips the bartender.
Aha.
What's the second thing?
Tries to pick up girls, right?
Let's see if herbie can get a date.
Wish me luck.
Isaac: Crazy Joe?
She ordered this.
Herb.
Oh, thank you.
I see we have similar tastes.
Oh.
What might that be?
We hate to drink alone.
Oh, thank you.
[Laughs] Hi, I'm herb hanson.
Oh, Joyce Anderson.
Wow.
Now that we know each other, we may as well get married, huh?
Bad idea.
I think we should at least have dinner first.
Good.
I hate getting married on an empty stomach.
Would you mind?
I have just a few quarters left.
I'm doing ok.
[Music playing]
Look, Janice, we've only been together 30 days
in the past 10 years, but I know when something's bothering you.
Well, things are different this year.
What do you mean "different?"
I told you Joe got that promotion.
Uh-huh.
Well, he also got a secretary who
loved her work and her boss.
So Joe and I are getting a divorce.
You mean Joe's been cheating on you?
Our Joe?
Henry, I know if it wasn't for you,
I'd still be writing articles for the "teen tattler."
But you've got to let me work at my own speed.
Well, I don't know how you get anything
done with that photographer hounding you.
Look, I promise you I will have an idea for the book
before we dock in San Pedro, ok?
Ok.
Uh, excuse me.
Chapter 15-- I can't believe Isabella
would leave Luigi's child under the olive tree
outside the city.
Come volcano time, it'll all catch up to her.
Yeah?
Would you like to join us?
Henry: Katherine, we've already ordered the entrees.
Oh.
Well, that's all right.
I'm expected at the captain's table anyway.
I'll see you later.
You can't tell me the sun did that to his hair.
Are you looking for someone?
Hm?
Oh.
Did you know that crazy Joe flash is on board?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I had heard about that.
Oh.
I was at Woodstock when he made rock and roll history.
He came out and sang "moon child," and pow--
instant stardom.
Actually, "moon child" was his second number.
Before that, he sang "neckties are for geeks"
and pow-- instant nothing.
[Laughs]
Right.
You must be a big fan, too.
Oh, well, yeah.
Joe and i-- we go back a long way.
Joe?
Joe flash?
You know Joe flash?
I guess you could say that, kind of.
Do you think that maybe you could introduce me,
arrange a meeting or something?
Well, I could try, but don't get your hopes up.
Lately, Joe and I have gone our separate ways.
Thank you.
Herb.
[Music playing]
I can't believe he'd leave a great woman like you.
Oh, I can.
His secretary is 20 years old and has an incredible body.
Janice, there's a bright side to this.
Oh, well.
Now we can get married.
Myles, think about it.
Do you want to do to hope what Joe did to me?
Do you really want to cause her that pain?
I don't want to hurt anybody, but I love you.
I love you, too, and i'm going to do something about it.
Oh, thank you, Janice.
If I stay near you, you'll only
be tempted to leave your wife.
So I've decided to take my own cabin.
With one stroke, your husband ended one marriage
and destroyed a perfectly good affair.
It's beautiful, isn't it?
Oh, it's so powerful.
The sea giveth.
The sea taketh away.
I know.
It's got two of my best cameras.
I finally had to buy a strap.
You know, if that dinner invitation is still open,
I'd like to take you up on it tomorrow night.
Oh, I'd like that very much, but I understand
if you have other obligations.
'Tis just those obligations of which I must rid myself of.
I have no love for Victoria sabatini,
and if I spend one more day with that family, that--
that pack of jackals, I will surely go mad.
But what will you do?
I have no choice.
Since the very moment I laid eyes on you,
my heart was captive.
Oh, Lance, you make me weak.
Then run away with me to Buenos Aires.
I know a franciscan there that will marry us.
We can live a simple life as gaucho and wife.
Oh, I wish it were so simple.
But Henri is expecting me to marry him.
Perhaps I can change your mind.
So this is how you repay my kindness.
Henri, I don't know what to say.
Of course not.
You are young and inexperienced in matters of the heart.
Someday I may summon the character to forgive you,
but you, you brigand, you have insulted my honor.
I have done no wrong.
This woman is not your chattel.
Youngblood, I challenge you to a duel.
No mind.
I have another.
Let's fight to the death.
Ace: Katherine, is something wrong?
Oh, no.
I was just lost in thought.
Why did you slap me?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I was thinking about my story, and, well, sometimes I
get a little carried away.
Glad you're not writing "the godfather."
[Music playing]
Judy: Ladies and gentlemen, the international lounge
is proud to present tonight's featured entertainment,
the mermaids.
[Applause]
[Music playing]
[Singing] I've got a chip on my shoulder with your name on it.
Knock it off.
So don't you stand there foolin' if you don't want it.
Knock it off.
I'd say you're either a lover or you are a liar.
So don't you push too hard.
You're playin' with fire.
Baby make your move.
Step across the line.
Just touch me one more time.
Come on, dare me.
I want to take you on.
I know I can move, and I'll be loving you if you just dare me.
If there's any truth behind your intentions,
night's going to end up on fire.
You better believe it.
Better believe it.
Looks like you're looking for trouble,
and I say you found it.
You found it.
You'll have to come right through me.
There's no way around it.
Around it.
I hope that mean hungry means what it's sayin'.
'Cause I'm just sitting on ready, ready and waiting.
Baby, make your move.
Step across the line.
Touch me one more time.
Dare me.
I want to take you on.
I know I can move.
And I'll be lovin' you if you just dare me.
[Applause]
[Music playing]
Female announcer: Buenos dias, and welcome
to fabulous acapulco.
This Mexican haven offers some of the world's most beautiful
beaches, wonderful shopping, a sparkling night life,
and everything it takes to guarantee you a bien tiempo.
[Music playing]
[Chatter]
Hi, Joyce.
Hello.
Listen, I've got some good news and some bad news.
The bad news is Joe flash doesn't want to see anybody.
Are you sure?
Absolutely.
He's even got his own mirrors covered.
Oh.
Well, what's the good news?
The good news is now you can go into acapulco with me.
Oh.
Oh, Joe could still change his mind.
Stars are like that, you know.
I'd better wait on board.
Joyce, I think you're wasting your time.
No, I've wasted my time on Joe flash before,
and it's paid off.
Oh?
How?
My girlfriend and I stood in the rain for three hours
once in buffalo waiting to see him.
Well, his plane was delayed because of the weather.
We were soaked to the bone.
But when Joe showed up, it just stopped
raining, almost like magic.
It was the greatest concert I ever saw.
Wow, what a guy, huh?
Worth risking pneumonia for.
Mm-hm.
We could have lunch tonight if you like.
I tell you, Joyce, Joe flash is
going to be spending the day in the cabin,
and herb hanson is going parasailing.
Parasailing.
Yeah.
[Inaudible].
Yeah.
See you later.
Yeah.
Janice, we need to talk.
Myles, I don't think we should even sit together.
Being close to each other is just going to get us
all started up again.
I know you're afraid you're going to break up my marriage
and hurt my wonderful wife.
I think it's time to tell you the truth.
What are you talking about?
Our marriage is not so wonderful.
I never told you about hope's drinking problem.
She drinks?
But she's president of the pta.
Yeah, well, she was impeached after the trial.
Trial?
Shoplifting.
Oh.
Myles: But it was her first offense--
at least the first time she was caught.
Oh, dear god.
She'd have never done it if it wasn't for Duke.
Duke?
Our pool man.
I should have known they were having an affair when
he gave us that free acid wash.
Mm-hm.
Look, Myles.
Before you try to tell me that she's been poisoning you,
I think I know what you're doing.
I'm getting divorced, and suddenly, hope
changes from Betty Crocker to the [inaudible]..
Ok, so I lied about Duke.
I'm ashamed of you, Myles.
I can't believe you would tell me
all those lies about your wife.
You're right.
Well, I made it all up.
She is wonderful.
In fact, she's too good for me.
She'd be better off without me, so I think
we should just get married.
Myles, this is pathetic.
The least we can do is to end our affair with some dignity.
[Music playing]
Ace: Whoa, whoa. Hold on a second.
I've been looking all over for you.
Can't stop now.
I got two laps to go.
Listen, I've got a plan.
You call it quits now, and we'll walk off the rest in acapulco.
Sold.
I've done enough writing for today anyhow,
and given the choice, I'd rather shop than run.
Great.
I'll wait right here for you while you change.
You're on.
All right.
[Music playing]
Katherine.
Lance.
Take me away with you, while we're docked in Istanbul.
I can't.
Destiny delays me.
I have a duel to fight.
Oh, forget Henri.
Darling, don't you see, if I kill Henri,
I shall be rid of him forever?
But what if he kills you?
What happens to me?
Well, I suppose you'll have to take another look at Henri.
Fear not, my love.
Right is on our side.
Mm.
I beg your pardon?
Oh, I was just catching my breath
before I go and change like I said I was going to,
and now I'm going to, so bye.
Bye.
[Music playing]
You know, a funny thing happens when
you're out there parasailing.
There comes a point when you're 100 feet up in the air,
and you realize the only thing holding you up
is this large hanky.
So I, uh, I decided to go shopping instead.
Oh, how thoughtful.
It's paper.
I knew that.
Well, at least they don't need any water this way.
So, uh, I guess Mr. Wonderful didn't show up, huh?
No, he's probably still in his cabin.
He just finished a long tour.
I'm sure he's very tired.
Joyce, why are you defending the guy?
Maybe he's not the sweetheart you think he is.
What do you mean?
You and your girlfriend didn't wait
for three hours in buffalo, because his plane
couldn't land.
The guy was hung over the night before,
and he pushed back his tennis lesson three hours
and just kept his fans waiting.
You're making that up.
It's the truth, Joyce.
Well, I think you're just jealous.
That's not so.
You think Joe flash is some kind of hero.
Maybe he's not.
Maybe he's just a-- just a guy sliding irresponsibly
through life like some kid and getting
away with it, because he got lucky in the music business.
Maybe he doesn't deserve to have people
like you spending their lives waiting around for him.
Are you through?
Yeah, I think so.
Well, I've got another maybe for you, herb.
You know, I thought you were the nicest guy
that I've met in a long time.
Well, maybe I was wrong.
[Knocking]
Janice, there's no hope.
Myles, there's always hope.
You're just a little depressed right now.
Hope, my wife--
she doesn't exist.
- You're a desperate man. - It's true.
I made her all up.
She's a figment of my imagination.
I know all about her.
She's a figment of your imagination, too.
Think about it, Janice.
Doesn't my family bear a striking resemblance
to the cunninghams on "happy days--"
a son and daughter named Richie and joanie, a dog named fonzie?
You mean that all these years, you
never had a wife and family?
That's right.
And every year, I had a plan or scheme for ways to meet you,
and you could do it any time you wanted?
Oh, I must be the biggest fool in the history of infidelity.
It wasn't that easy for me.
I had to spend a whole year waiting alone to see you.
You had Joe.
But why did you have to invent a family?
Well, at first, for protection.
I was coming off a bad relationship.
I didn't want to get hurt.
Oh.
Then when I saw how much you cared about your family,
I decided not to tell you the truth.
I may be a liar, but I'm no home wrecker.
My home got wrecked anyhow.
I know, but it wasn't directly my fault.
And now that Joe's out of the picture, and hope was never in,
there's no reason we can't get married.
This is a lot to take.
I love you, Janice, and I want to marry you.
Just give it some thought.
I will.
For what it's worth, I'm sorry.
[Music playing]
Katherine, where have you been?
I've been looking for you all afternoon.
Oh, I went into acapulco with ace.
Uh--
don't worry, Henry.
I finished my 20 pages for the day.
Spent the afternoon with the ship's photographer?
Mm-hm, and now I'm going to have to dinner with him.
Oh, I see.
Does that bother you?
No.
Of course not.
You know, if you don't want me to go, just say so.
Katherine, I edit your books, not your personal life.
You should do whatever you want to do.
[Music playing]
Coward!
Turning tail, lafete?
Never.
I was merely going for my weapon.
Man: Hey, take mine.
I just got it [inaudible].
Lafete, lafete.
Ha!
Get on with it.
En garde.
Ya.
What's his issue, father?
Why are they fighting?
I don't know.
Honor, dignity, something petty.
Cut him through, youngblood.
Perhaps a taste of cold sea will
teach you a little civility.
[French]
Now, lafete, last chance.
Will you relinquish your claim to this woman?
Never.
Then you leave me no choice, you scoundrel.
[Screams]
[Applause]
Henri!
Oh, my loyal Henri.
I have died and gone to heaven.
I never meant for it to end this way.
Pity.
Now you will never know the truth.
The truth?
About what?
No!
You can't die.
It's not fair.
You can't die.
It's not fair at all.
Hey, if life were fair, I'd be the captain.
What's your problem?
Huh?
Oh, nothing.
Thanks anyway.
Hm, something's not right here.
I need a different ending.
[Music playing]
So lafete, last chance.
Will you relinquish your claim to this woman?
Never!
Oh, Lance!
Lance, I never meant for it to end this way.
Save your tears, Katherine.
I'm afraid I must tell you the truth.
This man has been plotting with the sabatinis
to steal your money.
But I don't have any money.
Au contraire.
You have a fabulous fortune, for sure.
I promised your dying father that I
would not reveal this news until your 25th birthday.
Well, you're a little late.
Never mind.
Your father was afraid that the fortune hunters would
try to steal your inheritance.
Lance, why would you do this?
Because his name is dinzo sabatini.
[Gasps] Is this true?
[Using childish voice] Well, they made me do it,
said they'd take away me clothes allowance.
I'll spare your life only to save this young lady's sight
of a wretched man's death.
Henri, how can I ever thank you?
Oh, no need.
I was merely fulfilling my duty.
Is that all that moves you, Henri--
duty?
Have you never felt the stirrings of a deeper emotion?
And what if I had?
Would it have made any difference?
It'd make all the difference in the world.
I'm in love with you.
I enjoyed the day in acapulco, but, you know,
love takes some time.
Huh?
Oh, ace, I'm sorry.
I was thinking about something else.
I'm sorry I'm late.
You ready to go?
Oh, ace, I can't have dinner with you.
Look, you've been very sweet, but the timing
just isn't right for us.
There's something I must find out for sure
before I can make a commitment.
No matter what, we'll always have acapulco.
Just my luck.
Some guys get the girl.
I get the city.
[Music playing]
Joyce, listen, don't get mad, all right?
I'm going to prove to you that I'm not jealous.
I've arranged for you to meet Joe flash.
You did?
Oh, herb, thank you.
When do I meet him?
Right now.
You're looking at him.
I'm crazy Joe flash.
[Whoosh]
That's not funny, herb.
Crazy Joe flash: But Joyce, I'm not--
look, wait a second.
I can prove it to you.
Wait a second.
Take a look at my driver's license.
I don't believe this.
You stole the man's license.
I didn't steal his license.
Look at that picture.
That's me.
This doesn't look anything like you.
It doesn't look anything like me, does it?
Oh, Joyce.
Let me try to explain this, ok?
You see, I shaved off my beard, and I cut my hair, because i--
no good, huh?
What am I gonna--
wait, hang on one second.
Isaac, Isaac, come here.
I need your help.
Excuse me one second, ok, folk?
Sorry.
Isaac-- please, Isaac, tell her my real name.
Oh, herb hanson.
Isaac, tell her my real stage name.
Oh, crazy Joe flash.
Whew!
He needs a little more coaching, herb.
Isaac: Oh, no, he really is crazy Joe flash.
See, I had a band that used to open for him in the '60s.
Oh?
And who are you?
Prince?
Wait. Wait.
I should've thought of this sooner.
Hang on one second, ok?
What is he doing?
One second.
I'll get it right back to you, I promise, ok?
[Playing guitar]
[Sound goes out]
I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life.
Myles, I've given a lot of thought
to everything you told me.
And?
And I've decided to forgive you for not being married.
That's great.
Well, now before you crack open the champagne,
there's more.
I've also decided that we should put off any plans
until we take the cruise again.
That's a whole year.
Oh, no.
They have these every week.
I think I could get away next month.
How about you?
Sure, I have no family responsibilities.
I'll just put fonzie in a kennel and meet you back here.
Next time, let's get a different cabin number, hm?
[Knocking]
Come in.
Henry, I want to know the truth.
How do you really feel about me?
Well, you're a really wonderful writer.
It's just that sometimes you overdo the metaphor.
Dammit, Henry.
I don't want a literary critique.
I just want to know if you've ever had
any romantic feelings for me.
[Music playing]
Oh, my.
Am I that transparent?
I tried so hard to be professional.
You mean you do care about me?
Ever since you came into my office
with your coming of age adventure novel,
I have been so in love with you.
But Henry, that was five years ago.
Why didn't you ever say anything?
Well, I guess it was because I'm your editor,
and I felt that I had a certain responsibility to your career.
You were afraid I didn't have the same feelings for you?
Well, that played a part in it too.
Henry, I've been in love with you for a very long time.
You are?
Mm-hm.
You were, really?
More than Rebecca loved Ronaldo
in "tempest of passion."
Wow, she threw herself off a cliff for him.
Well, she doesn't have a career.
So what do we do now?
Well, my editor would suggest putting in a love scene.
Never argue with your editor.
[Music playing]
Joyce, I want you to know that I love you,
and I'm not going to give up.
I'm going to keep trying until I make you love me too.
I'm for that.
You are?
Wow.
I thought this was going to be a lot harder.
I have been such a fool wasting this whole cruise
waiting for crazy Joe flash when I should have been
paying more attention to a lovely guy
that I'm really attracted to.
Will you, uh, forgive me for embarrassing
you like that in the lounge?
Forgive you?
You were trying so hard to impress
me with that ridiculous impersonation
of crazy Joe flash.
Hey.
It's all right.
I was very flattered.
Would you like to see my impression of Tina Turner?
It's hot.
I'd rather see herb hanson.
[Music playing]
Oh, bye bye, gopher.
See you again next year?
Yeah.
It'll be a great place to spend our honeymoon.
You want a lift?
My car's here.
Great.
Well, I'm glad to see you two together.
Hey, thanks for everything, Isaac.
Oh, my pleasure, Joe.
Oh, Isaac, you don't have to call him Joe anymore.
Oh, Joe, hey.
You forgot to sign your bill.
Well, you've got the whole ship doing it.
You signed Joe flash.
You can't sign someone else's name.
Thank you.
See you later.
Why would you do that?
Why would gopher accept it?
- Pay no mind. - Well, wait a minute.
You're not really Joe-- - I'll tell you what.
When we get up to my limo, I'll introduce you
to my manager and my secretary and my bodyguard.
I don't really need a bodyguard, but the guy's my relative.
Come on.
Oh, I didn't--
I would never have--
yes, [inaudible].
[Inaudible].
Oh, I'm glad you're all here.
I couldn't leave without thanking you all for everything
you did for me.
Ah, did you get a start on your book?
Oh, yeah, Katherine says she modeled the characters
after all of you.
Really?
Well, that's very flattering.
Well, I hope you feel that way after you read the book.
Bye.
Bye bye.
Bye.
I wonder what she meant by that.
She probably made me the her.
Of course, I'm a doctor, a natural for a romantic lead.
[Interposing voices]
Will you stop that bickering?
[Music playing]