1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:10,927 ♪ 2 00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:18,560 ♪ love, exciting and new ♪ 3 00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:27,110 ♪ come aboard, we're expecting you ♪ 4 00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:34,743 ♪ love, life's sweetest reward ♪ 5 00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:43,293 ♪ let it flow, it floats back to you ♪ 6 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:51,134 ♪ love boat soon will be making another run ♪ 7 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:58,975 ♪ the love boat promises something for everyone ♪ 8 00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:08,109 ♪ set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance ♪ 9 00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:14,991 ♪ love won't hurt anymore ♪ 10 00:01:15,074 --> 00:01:23,333 ♪ it's an open smile on a friendly shore ♪ 11 00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:27,962 ♪ yes, love ♪ 12 00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:34,552 ♪ welcome aboard, it's love ♪ 13 00:01:59,118 --> 00:02:01,204 Doc: Well, it sure looks like Halloween to me. 14 00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,414 Gopher: Ah, but if you were really in the spirit, doctor, 15 00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,708 you would have supplied us with a genuine skeleton. 16 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,378 Isaac: Right. And I'm sure you could dig one up somewhere. 17 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:12,173 Doc: I'm sorry, but there are no skeletons in my closet. 18 00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:17,720 I was once married to an old bat, though. 19 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,055 Gopher: Good joke doc. 20 00:02:19,138 --> 00:02:21,516 Bobby: Hey! A woman's gonna jump overboard. 21 00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:21,933 Gopher: What? 22 00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:25,436 Bobby: Come on. 23 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,271 Bobby: There she is. 24 00:02:26,354 --> 00:02:27,897 Gopher: Miss! Miss, wait a minute. No. 25 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,065 Doc: It's okay. We've got you now. 26 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:32,068 Gopher: Let's just talk this over calmly and rationally. 27 00:02:32,151 --> 00:02:37,365 Mrs. Moss: Talk what over? My daughter was taking my picture. 28 00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:39,659 Gopher: We thought you were jumping overboard. 29 00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:42,078 Mrs. Moss: At these prices? 30 00:02:42,161 --> 00:02:45,707 Doc: Ah, just a moment, young man. 31 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:47,208 I'd like to speak to your parents. 32 00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:47,876 Mrs. Diller: Bobby! 33 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:50,962 Doc: Hey. 34 00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:52,255 Mrs. Diller: What's going on? 35 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:55,800 Doc: Your son has a pretty active imagination. 36 00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:59,137 Mrs. Diller: Oh, Bobby. Have you been telling lies again? 37 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,471 Gopher: Whoppers. 38 00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:05,143 Bobby: Well, it looked like she was gonna jump overboard, sort of. 39 00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:07,645 Lucy: But your dad doesn't think so. 40 00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,564 Bobby: Yeah, well, he's under a lot of pressure. 41 00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,399 It's not easy being a spy. 42 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,943 Mr. Diller: Hey. 43 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,403 Mrs. Diller: I'm, I'm really sorry. 44 00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:19,282 It's...it's just a phase he's going through. 45 00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:25,622 Doc: I'm not a child psychologist, but when a kid lies, there's usually a reason. 46 00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,290 Mr. Diller: Yeah, I guess there is. 47 00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,918 Well, thank you very much. Come on, Bobby. 48 00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:34,255 Mrs. Diller: Thank you. 49 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:35,840 Julie: Hey, you guys. I'm sorry that I'm late. 50 00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:40,303 But this is my friend Karen Williamson. She's gonna be sharing my cabin this trip. 51 00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:40,595 Gopher: Hello. 52 00:03:40,678 --> 00:03:41,930 Doc: Hi. 53 00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:43,056 Karen: Hello. How are you? 54 00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:45,475 Julie: Karen, this is Adam bricker, our ship's physician. 55 00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:46,809 And this is gopher Smith. 56 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,771 Doc: Our ship's condition. 57 00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:51,147 Julie: Well, I'd better get to work. Okay? 58 00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:54,067 Gopher: Work? Gee, I thought you were just another fun-loving passenger. 59 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,652 Julie: Mmm... 60 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:59,948 Excuse me, Freddie, would you please show miss Williamson to my cabin? Thank you. 61 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:01,115 I'll see you later. 62 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:03,493 Karen: All right. 63 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:06,329 Doc: What a knockout. She could be a model. 64 00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:10,375 Julie: She was, until about a year ago. Then she was in this car accident and... 65 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:11,626 Gopher: She's perfect for me. 66 00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:13,336 Doc: Perfect for you? I've got dibs on her. 67 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:14,671 Gopher: Wait a minute. 68 00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,507 Julie: Guys, you're gonna have to go easy, okay? 69 00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:22,095 She's had some really bad breaks and on top of it all her boyfriend walked out on her. 70 00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:23,554 Gopher: Great. 71 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:26,641 Julie: Now come on, she's here to spend time with me. 72 00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:29,185 Gopher: Julie, I've always enjoyed your company. 73 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,688 Doc: I have been neglecting you lately. 74 00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:39,696 Julie: Bye. 75 00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:42,865 Captain: And, aside from our Halloween costume ball, 76 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:47,453 i have hired the world's greatest illusionist, the amazing Alonzo. 77 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:48,454 Anita: Who? 78 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,039 Captain: The amazing Alonzo. He's an illusionist. 79 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:54,627 He uses a form of mass hypnosis. He can make people see things that aren't there. 80 00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:56,254 He's incredible. 81 00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:59,507 Freda: Oh, I remember him from TV years ago. 82 00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:01,092 Is he still around? 83 00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:03,177 Captain: Yes, and we've got him. 84 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:08,016 Freda: I guess you couldn't get pinky Lee, hm? 85 00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:11,728 Alonzo: I have a terrible feeling this is a big mistake. Let's go back home. 86 00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,438 Ramona: You'll be fine. Believe me. 87 00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:17,567 Alonzo: But I haven't appeared before an audience in three years. What if nothing works? 88 00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,736 Ramona: It will work. I know it. 89 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:23,406 You are the amazing Alonzo. The best. 90 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:27,535 Alonzo: Oh, Ramona. What would I do without you? 91 00:05:27,618 --> 00:05:30,872 Gopher: Doc. Doc, Karen is closer to my age. 92 00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:33,249 Doc: She needs the guidance of a mature mind. 93 00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:37,211 Gopher: Mature? You mean twisted. Senile. 94 00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,212 Doc: Senile? 95 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,423 Gopher: Senile. The years have taken their toll. 96 00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:43,885 Captain: Ah, there he is now. 97 00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:46,512 Captain: Welcome aboard. I'm captain merrill stubing. 98 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:50,099 Alonzo: Delighted to be here. Hello. 99 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,894 Alonzo: Oh, this is Ramona, the love of my life. 100 00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:54,270 All: (Ad libs hellos) 101 00:05:54,353 --> 00:05:55,688 Captain: I've been boasting about you all morning. 102 00:05:55,772 --> 00:06:00,068 Oh, would you consider doing a small illusion? Just to wet our appetites. 103 00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:03,738 Alonzo: Oh, well, really i'm, I'm really not quite prepared to... 104 00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:06,115 Joan: Oh, please. Just a small one. 105 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,492 Alonzo: Well, I...Really I... 106 00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:10,244 Gopher: Don't think it's gonna be easy cutting me out this time, doc. 107 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:14,499 Doc: My dear boy, cutting you out comes under the heading of minor surgery. 108 00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:16,292 Gopher: Well you certainly know about that. 109 00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:17,668 Captain: What now? 110 00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:20,463 Julie: I'm sorry, sir, I just introduced them to a friend of mine and, 111 00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:26,260 now they're behaving like two jackasses. 112 00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:32,767 Alonzo: Well, if they're behaving like jackasses, perhaps they should be jackasses. 113 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,769 Do you observe? 114 00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:35,812 Do you observe? 115 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,814 Doc: I'm gonna have you put below decks and chains, 116 00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:39,982 and you'll never see any of these lovely ladies again. 117 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:40,900 Alonzo: Jackasses. 118 00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:44,028 Gopher: You're not gonna put me anywhere. 119 00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:46,114 You're just a lackey as far as I'm concerned. 120 00:06:46,197 --> 00:06:46,823 Doc: Oh, oh, oh. 121 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:47,657 Gopher: Oh, oh, oh. 122 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:50,535 Doc: You run. You run scared. You run. 123 00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:53,621 Captain: Donkeys? On my ship? 124 00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:55,289 Hell, what happened to doc and gopher? 125 00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,542 Julie: Well, sir, I always told you they had it in them. 126 00:06:57,625 --> 00:07:01,712 Gopher: Uh...You get the feeling...People are staring at us? 127 00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:04,465 Doc: It's me. When you've got it, you've got it. 128 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:07,301 Freda: Well how did you do that? 129 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:11,055 Gopher: Now let's continue this discussion in my office. 130 00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:17,979 Captain: Well, I told you he was magnificent. 131 00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:21,649 Freda: Oh, you must have a drink with us. I'm one of your biggest fans. 132 00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:23,901 Anita: I've never missed one of your TV shows. 133 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,570 Alonzo: Well, thank you. Thank you. 134 00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:28,531 Joan: You're marvelous. 135 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:32,160 Anita: Did you ever see anything like that? 136 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,184 Julie: Hey, where were you? You missed the confetti throwing. 137 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,728 Karen: I...Felt like staying here. 138 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,563 Julie: Well, you didn't come on this cruise to sit in a cabin. 139 00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:04,692 Let's go grab our bathing suits and go up on deck. 140 00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:22,919 Karen: Oh, Julie, how can I go anywhere looking like this? 141 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,088 Julie: Karen. 142 00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:29,383 Karen, you look fine. 143 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,969 Karen: Tell that to the photographers. 144 00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:35,139 They haven't exactly been calling lately. 145 00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:41,729 I guess I expected a miracle from plastic surgery. 146 00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:46,192 But they did all they could. 147 00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:48,402 Paul was expecting a wonder. 148 00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:51,781 Julie: Paul, yeah. Well he's a real lightweight. 149 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:54,200 He's not worth your little finger. 150 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:04,543 Karen: I had a life...And suddenly that life has disappeared. 151 00:09:07,546 --> 00:09:11,092 Julie: Then you just make a different life. 152 00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:14,929 Now come on. It's lido deck time. 153 00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:16,347 Karen: Oh, Julie, couldn't we... 154 00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:24,438 Julie: No, we can't. I'm sorry, but I'm the cruise director. Now move it. 155 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:25,856 It's okay. 156 00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:35,449 Mr. Diller: Honey, you want anything? A drink? 157 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:36,325 Mrs. Diller: No, thank you. 158 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:40,496 Mr. Diller: I could order a sandwich. Hm? 159 00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:42,498 Mrs. Diller: Everything is just fine. 160 00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:45,501 Mr. Diller: Boy, look out for this sun. 161 00:09:45,584 --> 00:09:47,962 You know how easy you burn. 162 00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:50,589 Mrs. Diller: I will. 163 00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:54,593 Mr. Diller: Listen, I'll put some of that lotion on just in case. 164 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:55,052 Mrs. Diller: Don't. 165 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,804 Mr. Diller: What? 166 00:09:56,887 --> 00:10:01,142 Mrs. Diller: Don't try so hard. 167 00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:03,477 Mr. Diller: I know. 168 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:06,981 I'm sorry. 169 00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:09,859 It wasn't easy splitting up and it's not gonna be easy getting back together again. 170 00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:11,819 I know that. 171 00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:14,071 Mrs. Diller: We'll be okay. 172 00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:24,206 Mr. Diller: What're we gonna do about Bobby? 173 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,499 Mrs. Diller: Sweetheart, you have to realize, 174 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:29,420 the year we separated was twice as hard on him as it was on us. 175 00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:38,429 We'll...just have to be patient. 176 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,441 Bobby: Isaac! There's a man killing a lady! 177 00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:51,067 Isaac: What? 178 00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:52,401 Lucy: He's strangling her! 179 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,779 Isaac: Where? 180 00:11:07,666 --> 00:11:10,419 Isaac: Listen you guys, that was really dumb. 181 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:14,882 Bobby: Well, it looked like he was choking her, sort of. 182 00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:18,094 Lucy: We were just having fun. 183 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:23,474 Isaac: Well, it was no fun for me. 184 00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:26,268 Anita: I can't understand why you've never made a movie. 185 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:30,564 Alonzo: Well, the studios keep begging me to, but nobody's come up with the right script yet. 186 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:34,568 Well you know, with my special talent, I have to be very particular. 187 00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:38,614 Freda: You should be. But when you do make a movie, I'll definitely go to see it. 188 00:11:38,697 --> 00:11:43,411 Alonzo: Well, you don't have to. You have me right here, in person. 189 00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:46,455 Ramona: Alonzo, you were gonna meet me in the bar. 190 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:50,793 Alonzo: Oh...Oh, you remember my associate Ramona. 191 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:52,461 Anita: Oh, yes. Hello. 192 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,338 Ramona: I'd like to speak to you for a moment. 193 00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:55,965 Alonzo: Oh, certainly. Certainly. 194 00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:57,758 I'll see you on the lido deck. 195 00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:01,262 Joan: Don't be long. 196 00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:09,019 Ramona: Before I was the love of your life, now I'm your associate. 197 00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:11,147 I am your fiancée. 198 00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:13,107 Alonzo: Oh, but of course, my love. 199 00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:17,903 But when the fans think of me as unattached, it...Well, it helps the fantasy. 200 00:12:18,737 --> 00:12:21,198 Ramona: Theirs or yours? 201 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:24,785 Alonzo: I've always loved your sense of humor. 202 00:12:33,752 --> 00:12:37,465 Julie: Karen. Hey, don't be so self-conscious. 203 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,508 You look great. 204 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:40,342 Gopher: Hi, Julie. 205 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:43,888 Julie: Hi. 206 00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:46,223 Gopher: Say I've been going over the seating arrangements for dinner, 207 00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:50,186 and unfortunately, I've only been able to get you a table for two. 208 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:54,315 Ah! How 'bout that. It's the same table I'm at. 209 00:12:54,398 --> 00:12:55,191 Karen: Thank you, but... 210 00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,693 Gopher: Oh, thank me later. During dinner. 211 00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:04,200 Julie: He likes you. 212 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:07,369 Karen: How long do you think he'd like me if he saw this? 213 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,371 Julie: Karen, it's just a scar. 214 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:12,374 You're making much more of it than it really is. 215 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:17,379 I bet you could take that scarf off right now and nobody'd even notice. 216 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:21,884 You're gonna have to do it sometime. 217 00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:31,894 Anita: It's not Halloween until tomorrow. 218 00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:33,646 Julie: Karen! 219 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:37,858 Karen! 220 00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:39,902 Karen! 221 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:49,495 Captain: Alonzo? 222 00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:50,996 Alonzo: Yes. 223 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,708 Captain: I hate to be a taskmaster, but you were hired to perform, you know. 224 00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:59,255 Alonzo: Well, yes I, I was just contemplating the object of my next demonstration. 225 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,422 Captain: Oh. 226 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,883 Joan: Oh, Alonzo. There you are. 227 00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,927 Freda: Yes. Would you do an illusion? Please. 228 00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:08,097 Alonzo: Well, there are a lot more important things than mere illusions. 229 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,640 Ramona: You can do it. 230 00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,559 Alonzo: Yes, I know I can. 231 00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:14,812 I mean more important things like lunch. 232 00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,105 All: Lunch? 233 00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:17,940 Captain: Lunch? I don't get it. 234 00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:22,653 Alonzo: Can't you just visualize one of your chef's tantalizing meals? Hm? 235 00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:27,116 Go ahead, think about it. Ponder it. Mull it over in your minds. 236 00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:30,286 And can't you just see the dessert that follows? 237 00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:34,123 A huge delectable ice cream sundae, 238 00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:37,459 covered all over with whipped cream and chocolate sauce. 239 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:42,131 Then right up on the very top of it, an enormous cherry. 240 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:44,133 Captain: Holy cow! 241 00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,468 Joan: I just fell off my diet. 242 00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,971 Alonzo: Go on. Why don't you all fall off your diets. 243 00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,806 Take a bite, have a nibble. 244 00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:53,976 Fill yourselves to your heart's content. 245 00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:59,607 Anita: Do you know that it's real? It is. 246 00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:00,482 Captain: Beautiful. 247 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:03,485 Mmm, that's my favorite flavor. Vanilla. 248 00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:16,165 Doc: Well, the captain's finally gone over the brink. 249 00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:23,339 Captain: Alonzo, you really are amazing. 250 00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:24,340 Alonzo: That's true. It's true. 251 00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:26,133 Captain: I mean I really saw an ice cream sundae. 252 00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:28,010 Freda: I never saw anything like that in my life. 253 00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:31,347 Captain: All I can say is that it's absolutely marvelous. 254 00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:32,514 Joan: Tell us how you do it. 255 00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,683 Doc: Alonzo. Alonzo, I'm off sweets, 256 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:38,854 but could you whip me up a rare steak sandwich? 257 00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:51,033 Gopher: And hold the Mayo. 258 00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:53,702 Alonzo: Smile, my darling, this is a pleasure cruise. 259 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:56,747 Ramona: Oh, some pleasure. I haven't seen you all day. 260 00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:59,375 Alonzo: But you ought to be happy. We're gonna be successful again. 261 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:04,171 Ramona: I know about the successful days. You were too busy to get married. 262 00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:08,133 And then the bad times you were too poor to get married. 263 00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:09,593 Just when is the right time? 264 00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:12,054 Alonzo: Ramona, please. 265 00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:16,934 Look, darling, tonight is for you. Only you. No illusions. 266 00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:21,897 We'll have your favorite wine and a leisurely dinner, and then we'll dance the night away. 267 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:22,564 Ramona: You promise? 268 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,566 Alonzo: I promise. 269 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,402 Gopher: Good evening, ma'am. Good evening, amazing. 270 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:27,945 Alonzo: Oh, good evening, loafer. 271 00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:30,114 Gopher: Ah, sir, it's not loafer... 272 00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:34,910 Alonzo: I'm sorry. Of course, gomer. 273 00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:36,954 Harvey: Excuse me, Mr. Alonzo? 274 00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:41,083 Mr. Alonzo, my name is Harvey greenswine. 275 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,419 Alonzo: How nice for you. 276 00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:48,590 Harvey: Mr. Alonzo, you've got to come over to my table and do something for my friends. 277 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,801 Ramona: Sorry, but not tonight. 278 00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:52,428 Harvey: I promised them. 279 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:55,431 Alonzo: Oh, he promised them. 280 00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:57,599 Ramona: You wouldn't want anyone to break a promise, would you? 281 00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:00,936 Alonzo: Oh, I knew you'd understand. 282 00:17:01,019 --> 00:17:07,943 Goofer, show madam to our table, please. 283 00:17:08,026 --> 00:17:09,945 Ramona: Well, I guess you might as well, gopher. 284 00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:13,449 Gopher: That's...That's right. 285 00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,786 Harvey: Here he is. Here he is. I got him. The amazing Alonzo. 286 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,038 Woman: Oh, Alonzo. 287 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:19,621 Alonzo: Hello. 288 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:20,956 Woman: Oh, how do you do? 289 00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:23,125 Alonzo: Oh, so nice to see you. 290 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:23,751 Woman: Thank you. 291 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:24,626 Alonzo: Wine? 292 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,003 Woman: Hm-hm. 293 00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:29,298 Alonzo: Well, why are you drinking wine, when there's beer available. 294 00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:31,925 Isaac, do you have the time? 295 00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:34,428 Isaac: Ah, sure. 296 00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:37,306 Alonzo: Quite a head on that beer, hm? 297 00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:40,809 See the head? 298 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:44,813 See the head? 299 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:53,530 Isaac: It's...Eight forty-five, exactly. 300 00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:55,741 Can I get you anything else? 301 00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:03,665 Joan: Oh! Isn't that crazy? 302 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:04,374 Tell us how you do it? 303 00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:06,668 Harvey: That was fan...Fantastic. 304 00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,921 Woman: How did you do that? 305 00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:11,507 Just a...Amazing. Amazing, Alonzo. 306 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:13,175 Joan: Tell us how you do it? 307 00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:16,011 Harvey: Please, Mr. Alonzo, join us. Please. 308 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,846 Woman: Oh, yes, please. 309 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,681 Alonzo: How could I possibly refuse. 310 00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:20,849 Woman: Oh how marvelous. 311 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:23,769 Harvey: Gee, that's just great. 312 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,360 Captain: Miss bevens. 313 00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:35,864 Excuse me. I was wondering if you might be available to have dinner with me at my table? 314 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,199 Ramona: Available? 315 00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:42,538 Captain, if there's one word that describes me, available is it. 316 00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:44,873 Captain: Right this way. 317 00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,885 Julie: You'll sit right over here. 318 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:04,685 Julie: Well, here we are. 319 00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:07,896 Karen: Julie, I'd be more comfortable in the cabin. 320 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:12,234 Julie: Karen, we'll have a quiet dinner, just the two of us. 321 00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:16,613 Then maybe we'll take a walk around the deck. Okay? 322 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:21,285 You will enjoy yourself. 323 00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:25,789 Oh, excuse me. I have to speak with the captain, but I will be right back. 324 00:19:31,795 --> 00:19:33,589 Gopher: Sorry I'm late. Thanks for waiting. 325 00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:36,258 Karen: Julie's sitting there. 326 00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:40,137 Gopher: Gosh, I hope I didn't squish her. 327 00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:44,224 Well, I think we'll start with a dry white wine, something bold but not impertinent. 328 00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:44,975 Julie: Hm-hm. 329 00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:46,435 Gopher: Ah, ceasar salad, pate... 330 00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,604 Anita: Excuse me. Where is table twenty-one? 331 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:49,938 Julie: Oh, I'll show you. Excuse me. 332 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:50,480 It's right over here, ma'am. 333 00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:53,358 Anita: Oh, thank you. 334 00:19:57,362 --> 00:20:02,117 Gopher: You look very pretty tonight. 335 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,119 Karen: Thank you. 336 00:20:04,202 --> 00:20:09,291 Gopher: I think I look pretty nice myself. 337 00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:13,962 What? No flowers. 338 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,840 This must not be. Excuse me. 339 00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:19,468 Would you mind. I need these for my mom. She's getting married today. 340 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,303 Thank you. 341 00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:23,430 Doc: Where have you been? I ordered this hours ago. 342 00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:25,265 Gopher: Doc, that happens to be my chair. 343 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:27,142 Doc: I'll give it back to you right after dinner. 344 00:20:27,225 --> 00:20:28,977 Gopher: Doc! 345 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,480 Karen: Excuse me, is this chair taken? 346 00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:34,149 Oh, excuse me. 347 00:20:34,232 --> 00:20:35,651 Gopher: Oh, sorry. I guess you're on your own. 348 00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:39,863 Doc: It worked out just the way we planned. Wine, darling? 349 00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:47,329 P.A. voice: A reminder. Don't forget the Halloween masquerade ball, 350 00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:49,289 tomorrow night in the Karl dining room. 351 00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:50,290 Lucy: Mr. Diller? 352 00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:53,251 Mr. Diller: Hm? 353 00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:55,379 Lucy: Would you, I mean, I know it's a secret, 354 00:20:55,462 --> 00:21:00,801 but would you tell me what it's like being a spy with the CIA? 355 00:21:00,884 --> 00:21:03,512 Mrs. Diller: Honey, he's not a spy. 356 00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:07,015 Mr. Diller: No, honey, I'm a dentist. 357 00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:09,685 Bobby: He's a dentist with the CIA. 358 00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:11,186 Lucy: I thought I was your friend. 359 00:21:11,269 --> 00:21:16,608 I mean, I knew you told lies to other people, but now I knew how Isaac felt. 360 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:21,405 Bobby: Lucy, you are my friend. 361 00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:24,449 Lucy: That's just another one of your lies. 362 00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,745 Mr. Diller: Bobby... 363 00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:32,374 I think it's time we had a little chat. 364 00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:35,210 Mrs. Diller: I think that's a good idea. 365 00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:36,253 Why don't I see you two later? 366 00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:39,006 Mr. Diller: Okay. Come on. 367 00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:53,228 Son, I wish there were a way that I could just talk to you, 368 00:21:53,311 --> 00:21:58,358 and use a couple of father knows best phrasesto straighten everything out. 369 00:22:00,318 --> 00:22:03,238 But it just doesn't work out that way. 370 00:22:03,321 --> 00:22:08,577 To tell you the truth, I'm not so sure father does know best always. 371 00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:11,913 But I'll tell you one thing i'm sure of. 372 00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:15,751 Your mother and I love each other very much. 373 00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:18,378 And as much as we love each other, we love you more. 374 00:22:22,340 --> 00:22:23,884 Come on Bobby, you don't believe me? 375 00:22:23,967 --> 00:22:28,430 Bobby: No! You're gonna leave us again, aren't you? That's what you said last time. 376 00:22:28,513 --> 00:22:32,601 I love you and then goodbye. And then you left and you were gone for a whole year. 377 00:22:32,684 --> 00:22:38,231 Mr. Diller: Okay, I'm not goin' anywhere. I'm not leaving. 378 00:22:38,315 --> 00:22:41,526 Listen, that year that I was away from you two was the worst time of my life. 379 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:46,823 Bobby: Then why did you go? 380 00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:51,787 Mr. Diller: It's hard to explain. 381 00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:54,915 Listen, your mother and I... 382 00:22:58,877 --> 00:23:04,132 Well there were things that we just didn't know how to say to each other. 383 00:23:04,216 --> 00:23:10,138 And because we didn't know how to say them, we made up stories, or we just didn't say them. 384 00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:14,976 Now it's taken me a year to learn to be honest. 385 00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:18,188 Son, you've got to be honest with people. 386 00:23:21,191 --> 00:23:25,737 You can't be phony, otherwise your whole life is phony. 387 00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:30,659 Bobby: Was that one of those anal...Analogies? 388 00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:34,329 Mr. Diller: Analogies? 389 00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:38,166 Yeah. I guess it was, yeah. 390 00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:42,504 Hey, that's pretty good. 391 00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:47,801 Bobby: Dad, I'm gonna try as hard as I can never to lie anymore. 392 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,179 Mr. Diller: Okay. 393 00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:55,142 That means we both got somethin' hard to work at. Come on. 394 00:23:55,225 --> 00:23:55,600 Bobby: Dad? 395 00:23:55,684 --> 00:23:56,518 Mr. Diller: What? 396 00:23:56,601 --> 00:24:00,856 Bobby: Did you ever think about being a spy? 397 00:24:00,939 --> 00:24:04,526 Ramona: You promised me an evening together and then you run off, 398 00:24:04,609 --> 00:24:07,487 leaving me to sit like a lump alone. Alone. 399 00:24:07,571 --> 00:24:09,364 Alonzo: You're upset. 400 00:24:09,447 --> 00:24:11,992 Ramona: Listen, when people get upset they yell. 401 00:24:12,075 --> 00:24:13,451 I want to kill you. 402 00:24:13,535 --> 00:24:17,164 Alonzo: Well, Ramona, can I help it? I'm a star and stars have obligations. 403 00:24:17,247 --> 00:24:18,707 Ramona: I suppose I'm one of your obligations. 404 00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:21,084 Alonzo: Oh, please, Ramona be reasonable. 405 00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:25,046 Why are you acting like this? Especially now with everything coming together! 406 00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:27,883 Ramona: Everything except us. 407 00:24:27,966 --> 00:24:33,096 Alonzo: Oh, I will never understand women. 408 00:24:33,180 --> 00:24:36,224 Karen: Thank you, both. It's been a wonderful evening. 409 00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:37,392 Gopher: For me, too. 410 00:24:37,475 --> 00:24:39,060 Doc: Yeah. Most of it. 411 00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:42,063 Karen: Shhh. Julie may be sleeping. 412 00:24:42,147 --> 00:24:43,523 Gopher: How 'bout breakfast tomorrow? 413 00:24:43,607 --> 00:24:45,775 Doc: I...I've already asked her. 414 00:24:45,859 --> 00:24:46,943 Gopher: How 'bout lunch? 415 00:24:47,027 --> 00:24:49,070 Doc: I've already asked her. 416 00:24:49,154 --> 00:24:49,696 Gopher: How... 417 00:24:49,779 --> 00:24:51,323 Doc: I've already asked her. 418 00:24:51,406 --> 00:24:54,075 Gopher: How could you have asked her if you don't even know what I was gonna ask her? 419 00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:57,746 Doc: Because anything you would think of, I would have already thought of before. 420 00:24:57,829 --> 00:24:59,080 You see, I'm always way ahead of you. 421 00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:02,751 Gopher: Oh! Will you excuse us a moment? Could I see you over here? 422 00:25:02,834 --> 00:25:05,921 You know something, doc, you're starting to get on my nerves. 423 00:25:06,004 --> 00:25:07,214 Doc: Well, I'm way ahead of you again, 424 00:25:07,297 --> 00:25:08,965 because you've been getting on my nerves for the past three hours. 425 00:25:09,049 --> 00:25:13,261 Gopher: Oh. All right. Okay, we're gonna let Karen decide who she wants to be with, all right? 426 00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:14,930 Doc: Okay, sucker. 427 00:25:15,013 --> 00:25:15,764 Gopher: Oh, sucker. 428 00:25:15,847 --> 00:25:16,097 Doc: Mm-hm. 429 00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:17,599 Gopher: Mm. 430 00:25:23,563 --> 00:25:25,440 Doc: Care for a nightcap? 431 00:25:25,523 --> 00:25:26,566 Gopher: Who's buying? 432 00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:28,109 Doc: Isaac. 433 00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:29,361 Gopher: Deal. 434 00:25:45,377 --> 00:25:46,461 Captain: Miss bevens. 435 00:25:46,544 --> 00:25:48,630 Ramona: Captain, do you mind if I talk to you for a minute? 436 00:25:48,713 --> 00:25:50,465 Captain: Well, of course not. Please, come right in. 437 00:25:50,548 --> 00:25:53,385 Ramona: I know it's terribly late and I do apologize, 438 00:25:53,468 --> 00:25:56,304 but I was wondering if you had another cabin available. 439 00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:59,599 Captain: Another cabin? I'm afraid we don't. But what do you want another cabin for? 440 00:25:59,683 --> 00:26:02,602 Ramona: I just can't go back to him again. I can't. 441 00:26:02,686 --> 00:26:06,606 Captain: Alonzo? 442 00:26:06,690 --> 00:26:09,985 You know, this is none of my business, but... 443 00:26:10,068 --> 00:26:14,155 Frankly I'm surprised you've stayed with him this long. 444 00:26:14,239 --> 00:26:19,703 Ramona: I love him. I know I shouldn't, but I do. 445 00:26:19,786 --> 00:26:21,997 Captain: It's ironic. 446 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:26,543 He can make us see what isn't there, and he can't see what is. 447 00:26:30,505 --> 00:26:31,423 Come on, 448 00:26:31,506 --> 00:26:33,633 you can stay in my cabin and I'll sleep out here. 449 00:26:33,717 --> 00:26:34,634 Ramona: Oh, no, I couldn't do that. 450 00:26:34,718 --> 00:26:37,429 Captain: Now, now, I'll be perfectly comfortable. 451 00:26:37,512 --> 00:26:39,097 Ramona: Oh, thank you. Are you sure? 452 00:26:39,180 --> 00:26:43,935 Captain: Now don't argue with the captain of the ship, or I'll make you walk the plank. 453 00:27:10,628 --> 00:27:13,089 Alonzo: Ramona? 454 00:27:13,173 --> 00:27:17,635 Ah, poor darling. Doesn't she know there are maids to make up the bed? 455 00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:26,061 Julie: Hey, sleepyhead. 456 00:27:26,144 --> 00:27:28,897 Time to get up. Your breakfast dates will be here soon. 457 00:27:28,980 --> 00:27:31,191 Karen: Yeah. 458 00:27:31,274 --> 00:27:35,195 Oh. Those two are really something. 459 00:27:35,278 --> 00:27:36,738 Julie: Mm-hm. 460 00:27:36,821 --> 00:27:38,740 Karen: Oh, I had a ball last night. 461 00:27:38,823 --> 00:27:40,950 Julie: Well, when you've got it, you've got it. 462 00:27:46,331 --> 00:27:47,248 Karen: Julie? 463 00:27:47,332 --> 00:27:48,249 Julie: Yeah? 464 00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:52,670 Karen: Can I ask you something? 465 00:27:52,754 --> 00:27:55,048 Did you put them up to it? 466 00:27:55,131 --> 00:27:55,882 Julie: What? 467 00:28:00,678 --> 00:28:06,142 Karen: Did you ask doc and gopher to pay all that attention to me last night? 468 00:28:06,226 --> 00:28:09,479 Julie: No, I'm afraid that idea was entirely their own. 469 00:28:13,483 --> 00:28:15,151 Karen: I wish I could believe you. 470 00:28:15,235 --> 00:28:17,153 Julie: Well, believe it. 471 00:28:17,237 --> 00:28:20,949 Because it's true. 472 00:28:21,032 --> 00:28:22,283 I've got to get to work. 473 00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:26,246 But how 'bout you meet me at the beauty parlor at about two o'clock? 474 00:28:26,329 --> 00:28:29,582 I've made appointments for both of us. 475 00:28:29,666 --> 00:28:32,627 Karen: What good's a beauty parlor going to do me? 476 00:28:32,710 --> 00:28:39,509 Julie: Karen, you've had a really tough time, and now you think everyone's pitying you. 477 00:28:39,592 --> 00:28:46,099 But here's some news for you the only one pitying you, is you. 478 00:28:55,191 --> 00:28:58,111 Karen: Thanks, friend. 479 00:28:59,070 --> 00:29:00,822 Julie: I gotta get to work. 480 00:29:14,252 --> 00:29:17,172 Joan: Oh! You're so pretty. 481 00:29:17,255 --> 00:29:20,467 Anita: Joan you don't say pretty. They're handsome. 482 00:29:25,430 --> 00:29:27,599 Women: [Talking, saying hello] 483 00:29:32,729 --> 00:29:36,316 Joan: Oh. Isn't it beautiful. 484 00:29:36,399 --> 00:29:37,609 Bobby: Hi, Lucy. 485 00:29:37,692 --> 00:29:41,988 Lucy: Oh, go away! I don't want to hear any more of your stories. 486 00:29:42,071 --> 00:29:44,866 Bobby: Please. Can't we be friends? 487 00:29:44,949 --> 00:29:47,911 I'll introduce you to the fonz. He's my big brother. 488 00:29:52,123 --> 00:29:55,710 He's not my brother. I don't even know him. 489 00:29:57,962 --> 00:30:02,050 Joan: Yoo-hoo. Alonzo! 490 00:30:02,133 --> 00:30:02,675 Oh. 491 00:30:02,759 --> 00:30:03,968 Alonzo: Well, well, well... 492 00:30:04,052 --> 00:30:04,844 Good morning, lovely ladies. 493 00:30:04,928 --> 00:30:06,221 All: Good morning. 494 00:30:06,304 --> 00:30:08,181 Alonzo: Or should I just say fans. 495 00:30:08,264 --> 00:30:11,559 Joan: I'm your extra special number one fan. 496 00:30:11,643 --> 00:30:16,856 Alonzo: Well then, I shall do an extra special number one illusion, just for you. 497 00:30:16,940 --> 00:30:18,024 All: Oh... 498 00:30:18,107 --> 00:30:19,484 Alonzo: Now, open your purse, my dear. 499 00:30:19,567 --> 00:30:23,238 Anita: Isn't this exciting. 500 00:30:23,321 --> 00:30:25,198 Ramona: Merrill. 501 00:30:25,281 --> 00:30:26,324 Captain: Oh, yes, Ramona. 502 00:30:26,407 --> 00:30:30,411 Ramona: I...I left my lipstick in your cabin last night, 503 00:30:30,495 --> 00:30:32,580 and I wondered if you had the key so I could get it. 504 00:30:32,664 --> 00:30:36,793 Captain: Oh, why sure. 505 00:30:36,876 --> 00:30:41,798 Well, I must have left them on the bridge. I'll call my steward and he'll let you in. 506 00:30:45,843 --> 00:30:49,514 Joan: Alonzo, honey. What about my illusion? 507 00:30:49,597 --> 00:30:54,227 Alonzo: Oh...Yes if you would pardon me just a moment. 508 00:30:54,310 --> 00:30:55,270 Freda: What's the matter with him? 509 00:30:55,353 --> 00:30:56,437 Anita: Well, what did you say? 510 00:30:56,521 --> 00:30:58,106 Freda: Did you say something wrong? 511 00:30:58,189 --> 00:31:01,276 Joan: I don't think so. I hope I didn't say something wrong. 512 00:31:01,359 --> 00:31:04,696 All: [Yalling] 513 00:31:04,779 --> 00:31:06,281 Alonzo: Ramona. 514 00:31:06,364 --> 00:31:11,160 Did I overhear you say that you spent some time last night in the captain's cabin? 515 00:31:11,244 --> 00:31:15,123 Ramona: I spent all night last night in the captain's cabin. 516 00:31:15,206 --> 00:31:17,458 We're through. It's over. 517 00:31:17,542 --> 00:31:19,335 Goodbye, Alonzo. 518 00:31:19,419 --> 00:31:24,132 How's that for a neat trick? 519 00:31:24,215 --> 00:31:26,718 Captain: Yes, that's the right one. 520 00:31:31,514 --> 00:31:33,182 Joan: Come on, Alonzo. 521 00:31:33,266 --> 00:31:36,811 Alonzo: Oh yes, well, open your purse, my dear, and you'll... 522 00:31:36,894 --> 00:31:40,773 You'll find a...A million dollars. 523 00:31:40,857 --> 00:31:43,860 All: A million dollars? 524 00:31:49,866 --> 00:31:52,660 Joan: You must have meant after taxes. 525 00:31:52,744 --> 00:31:58,291 Alonzo: Alonzo's amazing. I...Didn't say he was perfect. 526 00:32:02,545 --> 00:32:04,172 Joan: Well, it was a trick. 527 00:32:04,255 --> 00:32:07,342 A cheap trick. But it was a trick. 528 00:32:09,552 --> 00:32:11,512 Gopher: Amazing Alonzo, could I have a quick word with you? 529 00:32:11,596 --> 00:32:15,516 Alonzo: Oh, grover, please. Not now. I haven't an illusion left in me. 530 00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,644 Gopher: Oh, no, no, no. I need your help with a girl. 531 00:32:17,727 --> 00:32:20,647 Alonzo: Well, write dear Abby. Maybe I should try that. 532 00:32:20,730 --> 00:32:22,148 Gopher: See I've got this problem. 533 00:32:22,231 --> 00:32:23,232 Alonzo: Who hasn't? 534 00:32:23,316 --> 00:32:25,693 Gopher: And her name is Karen and I'm crazy about her. 535 00:32:25,777 --> 00:32:28,154 Alonzo: Well, I hope the two of you live happily ever after. 536 00:32:28,237 --> 00:32:32,367 Gopher: But there's a snake in the wood pile. You see, doc likes her, too. 537 00:32:32,450 --> 00:32:34,869 Alonzo: Well, I hope the three of you live happily ever after. 538 00:32:34,952 --> 00:32:38,373 Gopher: See, what I was hoping was that you could do a little hypnotic number on the doctor, 539 00:32:38,456 --> 00:32:42,543 and maybe convince him to get out of the race, like not be interested in Karen anymore. 540 00:32:42,627 --> 00:32:45,755 Alonzo: Roper, does that mean you'll stop bugging me? 541 00:32:45,838 --> 00:32:47,131 Gopher: Oh, yeah, yeah. 542 00:32:47,215 --> 00:32:51,886 Alonzo: Okay. Okay, I'll...I'll give him a post hypnotic suggestion. 543 00:32:51,969 --> 00:32:52,679 Gopher: Will it hurt? 544 00:32:52,762 --> 00:32:54,222 Alonzo: Oh, goper. 545 00:32:54,305 --> 00:32:55,682 Gopher: What? 546 00:32:55,765 --> 00:32:59,686 Now look I'll set it up so that every time the girl's name is mentioned... 547 00:32:59,769 --> 00:33:01,020 Gopher: Karen. 548 00:33:01,104 --> 00:33:04,065 Alonzo: Every time Karen's name is mentioned, the doctor will say, 549 00:33:04,148 --> 00:33:07,735 you have Karen. She's perfect for you. 550 00:33:07,819 --> 00:33:11,197 Gopher: Every time Karen's name is mentioned? Terrific. 551 00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:16,035 Alonzo: Well, of course it's terrific. I am the amazing Alonzo. Where's the doctor? 552 00:33:16,119 --> 00:33:18,913 Gopher: Ah, he's right over there. He's the silly looking guy with the glasses. 553 00:33:18,996 --> 00:33:22,417 Looks sort of like a snake in the woods. 554 00:33:26,379 --> 00:33:28,506 Alonzo: Doctor. 555 00:33:47,150 --> 00:33:47,608 Gopher: Hi, doc. 556 00:33:47,692 --> 00:33:50,278 Doc: Oh, hi. Hi, gopher. 557 00:33:50,361 --> 00:33:54,073 Gopher: Gosh, you know, somebody was looking for you. 558 00:33:54,157 --> 00:33:56,409 Gosh, who was that now? Gosh... 559 00:33:56,492 --> 00:34:00,830 Let me see...I've got it. It was...It was Karen. 560 00:34:00,913 --> 00:34:04,292 Doc: Karen? Oh, gopher, thank you. 561 00:34:04,375 --> 00:34:08,504 I'm so glad you've come to your senses and finally given up. 562 00:34:08,588 --> 00:34:11,382 She's perfect for me. 563 00:34:13,384 --> 00:34:14,552 Gopher: Alonzo! 564 00:34:18,556 --> 00:34:20,850 P.A. voice: The captain's Halloween masquerade ball 565 00:34:20,933 --> 00:34:23,352 is now in progress in the Carlton dining room. 566 00:34:23,436 --> 00:34:25,480 Karen: Then doc put a hot pepper into gopher's sandwich 567 00:34:25,563 --> 00:34:28,316 and gopher couldn't speak for ten minutes. 568 00:34:28,399 --> 00:34:30,651 Julie: Do you still think I put 'em up to all this? 569 00:34:30,735 --> 00:34:30,985 Karen: Julie? 570 00:34:31,068 --> 00:34:31,819 Julie: Yeah? 571 00:34:31,903 --> 00:34:32,653 Karen: How do I look? 572 00:34:32,737 --> 00:34:34,655 Julie: Beautiful, except for one thing. 573 00:34:34,739 --> 00:34:35,323 Karen: What? 574 00:34:35,406 --> 00:34:38,618 Julie: You don't need the veil. 575 00:34:38,701 --> 00:34:40,870 Karen: One step at a time, okay? 576 00:34:40,953 --> 00:34:42,330 And you look perfect. 577 00:34:42,413 --> 00:34:44,749 Julie: Meow. 578 00:35:27,458 --> 00:35:32,380 Isaac: Here you go! Get your red hot punch right here. 579 00:35:32,463 --> 00:35:34,048 Hey, doc. 580 00:35:34,132 --> 00:35:36,134 Try this. 581 00:35:42,139 --> 00:35:43,766 Doc: What's in it, Isaac? 582 00:35:43,850 --> 00:35:46,686 Isaac: The usual. 583 00:35:46,769 --> 00:35:53,943 Bat wings, scorpion tails and a dash of hemlock to bring out the flavor. 584 00:35:54,026 --> 00:35:57,113 Doc: No wonder it tastes rotten. You left out the eye of the salamander. 585 00:36:01,117 --> 00:36:02,743 Isaac: What'll you have? 586 00:36:02,827 --> 00:36:06,330 Gopher: What else? A bloody Mary. 587 00:36:11,335 --> 00:36:12,920 Captain: Have you seen Alonzo? 588 00:36:13,004 --> 00:36:14,755 Joan: Frankly, we haven't been looking. 589 00:36:14,839 --> 00:36:16,966 Freda: Ah, what a bust he turned out to be. 590 00:36:17,049 --> 00:36:20,094 Every illusion he's tried today has been a great big zero. 591 00:36:20,177 --> 00:36:22,263 Captain: Yes. Well, I have to find him. He's got a show to do. 592 00:36:22,346 --> 00:36:23,973 Anita: Well, good luck to him. 593 00:36:24,056 --> 00:36:27,560 Captain: By the way, you look lovely. 594 00:36:34,525 --> 00:36:35,776 Alonzo: Ramona? 595 00:36:35,860 --> 00:36:36,777 Captain: Captain stubing. 596 00:36:36,861 --> 00:36:38,112 Alonzo: Oh. 597 00:36:38,195 --> 00:36:41,574 Captain: Alonzo, open this door! 598 00:36:43,534 --> 00:36:44,952 Alonzo: Well, are you here to gloat? 599 00:36:45,036 --> 00:36:50,082 Captain: No, I'm here to tell you that everyone is waiting and ready for you. 600 00:36:50,166 --> 00:36:54,670 Alonzo: Oh. Yes, well, at the moment I am unable to produce any illusion... 601 00:36:54,754 --> 00:36:55,880 Other than failure. 602 00:36:55,963 --> 00:37:00,301 Despite my protestations to the contrary, it seems that I... 603 00:37:00,384 --> 00:37:02,803 I need the sweet, steadying hand of Ramona. 604 00:37:02,887 --> 00:37:07,808 But that is not to be, since you have stolen her from me. 605 00:37:07,892 --> 00:37:10,770 Captain: Stolen? She's in love with you. 606 00:37:10,853 --> 00:37:13,940 Alonzo: Yes, of course. That's why she's sharing a cabin with you. 607 00:37:14,023 --> 00:37:16,108 Captain: Oh, for Pete's sake. 608 00:37:16,192 --> 00:37:19,195 That is the only thing we've shared. You're the man she wants. 609 00:37:19,278 --> 00:37:22,156 Now look, I have got a ballroom full of passengers 610 00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,492 waiting to see something spectacular to happen. 611 00:37:24,575 --> 00:37:25,993 So you be up there in ten minutes. 612 00:37:26,077 --> 00:37:27,286 Alonzo: Do I have an alternative? 613 00:37:27,370 --> 00:37:29,372 Captain: Yes. Five minutes! 614 00:38:02,446 --> 00:38:04,865 Julie: Meow. 615 00:38:04,949 --> 00:38:08,536 I just wanted to thank you guys for making Karen's trip so terrific. 616 00:38:08,619 --> 00:38:11,872 Doc: Oh, don't thank me, Julie. I'm nuts about the girl. 617 00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:14,375 Gopher: I'm trying to get doc to bow out and leave Karen to me. 618 00:38:14,458 --> 00:38:22,425 Doc: Bow out, ooh, oohh. 619 00:38:22,508 --> 00:38:26,512 Captain: Look, I won't keep you. I know you want to be with your friends. 620 00:38:26,595 --> 00:38:29,223 Karen: Thank you, captain. 621 00:38:29,306 --> 00:38:32,852 Gopher: I mean, let's face it, doc. There's no point in both of us being with her. 622 00:38:32,935 --> 00:38:36,230 After all, one of us could be free to play the field, all night. 623 00:38:36,313 --> 00:38:38,232 Doc: You're right. She is Julie's friend. 624 00:38:38,315 --> 00:38:40,526 And I wouldn't want to let down our cruise director. 625 00:38:40,609 --> 00:38:42,570 Julie: Hey, why don't you guys just do it the fair way? 626 00:38:42,653 --> 00:38:46,782 One of you flip a coin and whoever loses will just have to suffer. 627 00:38:46,866 --> 00:38:49,118 Gopher: Okay with me. What do you say, furface? 628 00:38:49,201 --> 00:38:51,245 Doc: All right, paste-o. 629 00:38:51,328 --> 00:38:53,247 Call it. 630 00:38:53,330 --> 00:38:54,081 Gopher: Heads. 631 00:38:54,165 --> 00:38:55,124 Doc: Too bad. You lose. 632 00:38:55,207 --> 00:38:58,419 Gopher: Wait a minute. I didn't even get to see it. 633 00:38:58,502 --> 00:39:01,297 Doc: Oh, sorry. 634 00:39:34,330 --> 00:39:37,958 Bobby: Mom, dad! There's a girl out on the deck. She's gonna jump off the rail! 635 00:39:38,042 --> 00:39:39,960 Mr. Diller: Hey, Bobby, I thought we were all finished with that stuff. 636 00:39:40,044 --> 00:39:41,796 Bobby: No, really! 637 00:39:41,879 --> 00:39:43,839 Mr. Diller: Listen, do you remember our talk? 638 00:39:43,923 --> 00:39:47,301 You remember what you promised? Bobby? 639 00:39:47,384 --> 00:39:50,429 Bobby: Someone's gonna jump overboard. A girl. You better come. 640 00:39:50,513 --> 00:39:52,056 Isaac: Is that a fact? Well, I'll tell you what. 641 00:39:52,139 --> 00:39:58,771 You tell her to go ahead and jump and then we'll pick her up on our way back to L.A. 642 00:39:58,854 --> 00:40:00,481 Bobby: Lucy, you've got to come with me. 643 00:40:00,564 --> 00:40:02,983 A girl's gonna commit suicide. We gotta help her. 644 00:40:03,067 --> 00:40:04,902 Lucy: Oh, drop dead. 645 00:40:04,985 --> 00:40:07,988 Bobby: No, this time you gotta believe me. 646 00:40:16,997 --> 00:40:17,623 Lucy: No! 647 00:40:17,706 --> 00:40:21,335 Bobby: Lady please! Don't jump! 648 00:40:21,418 --> 00:40:22,169 Karen: Go away. 649 00:40:22,253 --> 00:40:25,047 Lucy: Why do you want to hurt yourself? 650 00:40:25,131 --> 00:40:26,841 Karen: You'd never understand. 651 00:40:26,924 --> 00:40:28,592 Bobby: I would. 652 00:40:28,676 --> 00:40:35,850 When my dad left my mom and went away with that other lady, I felt bad. Real bad. Like you. 653 00:40:35,933 --> 00:40:43,357 My mom was crying all the time, and even though I tried to make it up to her, I just couldn't. 654 00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:47,862 I felt like you do now. But then they got back together and everything was okay. 655 00:40:51,949 --> 00:40:53,200 Karen: It's not that easy for me. 656 00:40:53,284 --> 00:40:55,077 Bobby: Wait! Wait! 657 00:40:55,161 --> 00:40:57,663 That's not the end of my story. 658 00:40:57,746 --> 00:41:00,708 My dad left my mom again and... 659 00:41:00,791 --> 00:41:05,713 And she committed...Committed...She killed herself. 660 00:41:05,796 --> 00:41:10,843 She took a whole bunch of pills and now she's gone and I can't tell her how much I loved her. 661 00:41:10,926 --> 00:41:13,304 I'll never be able to tell her that again. 662 00:41:15,973 --> 00:41:19,518 Why did she have to do that? Why? 663 00:41:30,946 --> 00:41:33,532 Karen: Don't cry. 664 00:41:33,616 --> 00:41:36,368 It's all right, sweetheart. Don't cry. 665 00:41:43,834 --> 00:41:44,543 Doc: There she is. 666 00:41:44,627 --> 00:41:47,254 Gopher: Karen! 667 00:41:47,338 --> 00:41:48,422 Doc: You're my date for the evening. 668 00:41:48,505 --> 00:41:49,256 Gopher: He cheated. 669 00:41:49,340 --> 00:41:50,424 Doc: I won the toss. 670 00:41:50,507 --> 00:41:54,386 Gopher: Tell him, I get the first dance. 671 00:41:54,470 --> 00:41:56,931 Wait a minute, you've been crying. 672 00:41:57,014 --> 00:41:59,767 Doc: Hey. You okay? 673 00:41:59,850 --> 00:42:00,643 Karen: I... 674 00:42:00,726 --> 00:42:04,104 Lucy: Bobby was telling her a sad story. 675 00:42:04,188 --> 00:42:07,775 Gopher: Well? 676 00:42:07,858 --> 00:42:08,943 Karen: Well, what? 677 00:42:09,026 --> 00:42:11,237 Doc: Well, who gets the next dance? 678 00:42:16,033 --> 00:42:17,493 Karen: He does. 679 00:42:26,001 --> 00:42:27,962 Mr. Diller: Oh, Bobby... 680 00:42:28,045 --> 00:42:29,964 You're not causing any trouble, are you? 681 00:42:30,047 --> 00:42:33,425 Karen: No. Believe me, he isn't. 682 00:42:33,509 --> 00:42:34,927 Mrs. Diller: Well, if he is, just let me know. 683 00:42:35,010 --> 00:42:37,429 I'm his mother. 684 00:42:40,391 --> 00:42:43,978 Karen: His mother? 685 00:42:44,061 --> 00:42:45,896 You lied to me. 686 00:42:45,980 --> 00:42:49,400 Bobby: Yeah...But it's my last lie. 687 00:43:36,447 --> 00:43:40,868 Captain: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. 688 00:43:40,951 --> 00:43:44,038 It is my privilege to present to you the one and only, 689 00:43:46,999 --> 00:43:50,419 the amazing Alonzo! 690 00:43:57,468 --> 00:44:03,557 Alonzo: Ladies and gentlemen, I am often asked, how do you do these illusions? 691 00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:06,060 How do you make them happen? 692 00:44:06,143 --> 00:44:10,939 Well, my answer is, you can make anything happen if you want it badly enough. 693 00:44:11,023 --> 00:44:16,737 Sometimes the problem is that, well.... 694 00:44:16,820 --> 00:44:25,537 Sometimes the problem is that we...Don't know what we want till it's too late. 695 00:44:25,621 --> 00:44:30,209 I hope it isn't too late. 696 00:44:30,292 --> 00:44:33,754 And so, the illusion of illusions. 697 00:44:33,837 --> 00:44:38,258 Tonight you are undergoing the greatest change of your lives. 698 00:44:38,342 --> 00:44:42,471 A transmogrification of a most unique nature. 699 00:44:42,554 --> 00:44:48,602 You are no longer flesh and blood, bone and sinew. 700 00:44:48,685 --> 00:44:52,940 You are ice, granite, marble. 701 00:44:53,023 --> 00:44:58,904 A ballroom filled with the greatest statues the world has ever seen. 702 00:45:18,882 --> 00:45:20,134 Ramona. 703 00:45:20,217 --> 00:45:22,970 Ramona: Congratulations. You've proved a point. 704 00:45:23,053 --> 00:45:27,307 You are a star of stars. Everyone fades before you. 705 00:45:27,391 --> 00:45:29,643 Alonzo: Everyone except you. 706 00:45:29,726 --> 00:45:33,647 Ramona, I love you. 707 00:45:34,606 --> 00:45:37,484 Ramona: Those are just words, Alonzo. 708 00:45:37,568 --> 00:45:39,319 Alonzo: Wendell. 709 00:45:39,403 --> 00:45:40,195 Ramona: Huh? 710 00:45:40,279 --> 00:45:44,324 Alonzo: My real name is Wendell morden. 711 00:45:44,408 --> 00:45:48,162 Ramona: The amazing Wendell morden? 712 00:45:48,245 --> 00:45:51,498 If you hadn't told me about it all these years, why tell me now? 713 00:45:51,582 --> 00:45:53,500 Alonzo: Well, why not? Hm? 714 00:45:53,584 --> 00:45:56,712 You'll see it on the marriage license. 715 00:46:10,726 --> 00:46:13,979 Gopher: Isn't that amazing? 716 00:46:14,062 --> 00:46:16,690 Captain: What are you...Isaac. 717 00:46:16,773 --> 00:46:18,025 Have you been drinking? 718 00:46:18,108 --> 00:46:20,360 Isaac: Sir, of course I haven't. 719 00:46:20,444 --> 00:46:23,447 Would you like to try some of this? 720 00:46:39,797 --> 00:46:41,298 Bobby: I'd like to come and visit you, 721 00:46:41,381 --> 00:46:44,676 but my parents are trying to get their marriage together, so maybe we should wait. 722 00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:45,177 Mr. Diller: Bobby. 723 00:46:45,260 --> 00:46:46,011 Mrs. Diller: Bobby. 724 00:46:46,094 --> 00:46:48,514 Bobby: You wanted me to tell the truth. 725 00:46:54,686 --> 00:46:56,897 Captain: Alonzo, it was a marvelous cruise. 726 00:46:56,980 --> 00:46:59,399 You were incredible, unbelievable. 727 00:46:59,483 --> 00:47:02,361 Ramona: Of course. He's amazing. 728 00:47:02,444 --> 00:47:04,738 Captain: Well, it's nice to see you two back together again. 729 00:47:04,821 --> 00:47:07,741 For a while there, it looked like things weren't working out too well. 730 00:47:07,824 --> 00:47:11,245 Alonzo: Captain, that was just an illusion. 731 00:47:11,328 --> 00:47:15,249 A very bad illusion that the world will never see again. 732 00:47:15,332 --> 00:47:16,250 Thank you. 733 00:47:16,333 --> 00:47:18,043 Captain: Goodbye. Good luck. 734 00:47:18,126 --> 00:47:19,962 Ramona: Bonsoir. 735 00:47:20,045 --> 00:47:21,338 Captain: Ramona. 736 00:47:26,343 --> 00:47:27,719 Karen: Goodbye, Julie. 737 00:47:27,803 --> 00:47:29,721 Julie: We're gonna see each other real soon. 738 00:47:29,805 --> 00:47:32,099 Karen: Oh, I wish there was something more I could say. 739 00:47:32,182 --> 00:47:34,101 Thank you seems so inadequate. 740 00:47:34,184 --> 00:47:37,771 We say thank you when someone opens the door or checks your coat. 741 00:47:37,855 --> 00:47:40,440 I wish I could find a better way to express how I feel. 742 00:47:40,524 --> 00:47:45,445 Julie: You don't have to, that smile says it all. Bye bye. 743 00:47:45,529 --> 00:47:48,782 Karen: I'd like you to have this because I'm not gonna need it anymore. 744 00:47:48,865 --> 00:47:53,120 Julie: Well, thank you. 745 00:47:53,203 --> 00:47:54,413 Doc: Can I call you at home? 746 00:47:54,496 --> 00:47:56,790 Gopher: Don't be surprised if I pick up the phone, right Karen? 747 00:47:56,873 --> 00:47:58,959 Karen: The answer is an emphatic, yes. 748 00:47:59,042 --> 00:47:59,751 Doc: Who to? 749 00:47:59,835 --> 00:48:00,627 Gopher: To me. 750 00:48:00,711 --> 00:48:02,296 Doc: No, she meant me. 751 00:48:02,379 --> 00:48:05,882 Karen: I'll tell you what. Flip a coin. 752 00:48:08,885 --> 00:48:09,469 Bye bye. 753 00:48:09,553 --> 00:48:10,554 Julie: Bye. 754 00:48:15,559 --> 00:48:18,562 Doc: Some guys never learn.