[Theme music]
Theme song: Love, exciting and new.
Come aboard, we're expecting you.
And love, life's sweetest reward, let it float,
it floats back to you.
The love boat, soon we'll be making another run.
The love boat, promises something for everyone.
Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.
And love, won't hurt anymore.
It's an open smile on a friendly shore.
It's love.
Welcome aboard, it's love.
I told the captain to stay out of those kinky bars.
Right this way, please.
Allow me to introduce you to some of my staff.
Anoushka mishancov, how do you do?
I'm Julie McCoy, how do you do?
Your function please?
Miss McCoy is our cruise director.
Ah.
Burl Smith, the function, yeoman purser.
Call me gopher.
Gopher is small rodent, makes Burrows, yes?
That's him.
Ah, it's joke.
Yes, I'm Isaac Washington, chief bartender.
Adam bricker, miss mishancov.
So nice to meet you.
Your function?
Ship's doctor.
Could we possibly inquire as to what your function might be?
Miss mishancov's function, Dr. Bricker,
is commissar of cruise vessels for the Soviet union.
Really?
That's great.
Our state department has invited
the commissar to sail aboard the Princess
to observe our procedures.
We were expecting a gentleman to accompany and you as a liaison
to show you around, explain the technicalities.
He fell down with pneumonia.
Has weak westerner constitution.
I sail alone.
I'm sorry, I'll find you someone.
He will do it.
Oh, that's not fair.
There's going to be a boatload of gorgeous girls.
I get stuck with Ivan the terrible?
Well, make the best of it.
You can always pretend that you're melvyn
Douglas and she's Greta garbo.
Too bad she isn't.
Greta garbo wanted to be alone.
Hello, welcome aboard.
Bert Buchanan.
Yeah.
Terrific songwriter.
That too.
Listen, I'll do the others later, ok?
Thank you.
I'll do them. Hello.
Hi.
Is he with anybody?
Not yet.
Son of a gun, she's stealing my act.
Oh lord, Charlie, I think I left
an egg boiling on the stove.
Philadelphia, we've been gone for three days.
Yes, I know.
What do you think?
I think it's probably done.
Oh, Charlie, you're a big help.
You know, June, in the 14 years since we've been married,
we've had one business, two houses, three lovely children,
and we've consumed thousands of eggs.
And you know, this is the first vacation we've ever had alone.
This cruise is going to be just for you and me.
Come on.
Everybody must be anxious to sail.
We're only missing one couple, the Wilson's.
Oh, honeymoon suite.
Their luggage arrived hours ago.
Well, if they don't show up, I hope their luggage
drops them a card.
Maybe when it came time to I do, they didn't.
Don't look now.
Dum dum da dum, the Wilson's.
And they're smashed.
If they can stay that way for 40 years,
they'll have a happy marriage.
Uh-huh.
Well, I only hope that our crews
can help repay you for the great pleasure
your music has given us.
Well, you're flattering me, captain, but I love it.
Thank you. - Thank you.
Are you the admiral?
No.
I'm the captain.
Oh, where's the admiral?
There is no admiral.
I run the ship.
Oh, you got demoted, huh?
Well, I'd like to keep chatting with you,
but I do have to sail the ship.
That doesn't sound so hard.
Young lady--
merrill?
Merrill stubing.
Yes.
Delores.
Oh.
Delores strickland.
Georgina's sister.
Georgina.
Merrill?
Hm?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm just so surprised to see you.
I don't wonder.
It's been a long time.
Yes.
Must be 9 years.
That's a long time.
Are you taking the cruise?
I am.
She chickened out.
This is Vicki.
We've met.
Georgina's daughter.
Oh.
Vicki's coming to stay with us in acapulco.
I had planned to take the cruise with her,
but some last minute things came up.
Her heart was set on the cruise.
I'll fly down and meet her when the ship docks.
I checked with the line.
They said it wouldn't be a problem.
No.
No problem.
It must be fate.
You'll be here to keep an eye on her.
I'm sure Georgina would be very pleased.
Yes.
Well, how is Georgina?
My mommy's in heaven.
I thought you knew.
Georgina passed away eight months ago.
Well, I'm sure that we can provide some amusing activities
for you while you're aboard.
Huh?
You'll have fun.
You're a nice man, captain stubing,
but you should learn to relax.
Excuse me, sir.
Just opening the door here.
Mademoiselle?
Did you hear something?
What kind of something?
Probably a monster.
A monster?
Excuse me.
There.
You see?
No monsters.
They hid when the lights are on.
Yeah, better check the bathroom.
Can I stay with you, captain stubing?
I bet you don't have any monsters.
Well, I don't--
please?
Please?
Well, I suppose we can find some room for you in my cabin.
Don't you just love the candles in the pool?
It's frivolous and decadent.
Ah, we think people on holiday deserve a little of both.
Issac, you are bartender here, yes?
Chief bartender.
Why is that you do not do something more important?
What?
And throw away four years of bartender school?
Miss mishancov, if you're going to put down Isaac, how--
hold it, doc, I don't think she is.
I think she just wants to know why I like being a bartender.
Is correct.
I like this job best because I get to meet people.
I mean, all kinds of people.
People are where it's at for me.
That means, I like people, but the most important thing
is I got to choose this job.
Someone else didn't choose it for me.
Sometimes it is better if others telling you what to do.
Ah, well, different strokes for different folks.
Compliments of miss mishancov, Russian vodka, 100 proof.
She sent three cases on board as a gift.
Well, thank you.
Yes.
Oh, there's nothing frivolous about that.
Miss mishancov, how does someone
as young as you come to have such a responsible position?
Oh, in Soviet union, we are given jobs because of ability.
Wisdom is not so province of grey heads.
It's not so province of men either.
You malign us.
Women occupy positions of great responsibility in this country.
Julie, for example.
Being a cruise director is a very responsible job.
Candles in the pool, you are responsible for that?
Yes.
Will you become captain of this ship?
Oh, sure, when everyone else on the ship falls overboard.
Will you join me in a toast to hope one day western women
will emerge from bondage?
Absolutely.
To western women emerging from bondage.
Excuse me a moment.
Doc, what about the toast?
Whole wheat, please, no butter.
Your Dr. Bricker, he likes blond ladies, yes?
Doc likes all the ladies.
He does not seem to like me.
Oh, well, doc goes for the slinky type.
What means slinky?
Slinky.
I understand.
Well, it's about time for dinner.
I'm sure you'd like to go and change.
I am changed.
Oh, excuse me, I goofed.
[Non-English speech]
What means goofed?
Goofed.
I messed up.
I blew it.
I stuck my foot in my mouth.
I--
it's all right.
I understand.
Real smooth, McCoy.
Real smooth.
Are you ready, honey?
You betcha.
You're dressed?
Uh-huh.
And you're not.
That's right.
Want to join me?
Oh, well.
I thought I'd forego that great big dinner
tonight and just take a couple of nibbles on your ear.
Oh, honey, how do we get our signals crossed like this?
I mean, I would have liked a little advance warning.
Maybe some champagne or something
to get me in the mood.
Is that another no?
No.
It's not no.
It's just things used to be different.
You used to write songs about me.
I'll get dressed.
[Knocking]
Hello.
I want to be slinky.
Have you seen that couple, the ones who cam on
bombed out of their minds?
No.
Probably haven't left their cabin.
Well, that's how it is with newlyweds.
As soon as the ship gets underway,
so does the honeymoon.
Mr. Marshall.
Miss beal.
Where are we?
You mean, this isn't your apartment?
Certainly not.
Good lord, we're surrounded by water.
Maybe the water cooler exploded?
I fail to see the humor, miss beal.
Let me see.
We were in the office, and I was giving
you a letter to Mr. James mcwhirter
of unified marine products.
Right.
Then Mr. Gerber came in and dragged us to an office party.
Which I make it my policy never to attend.
Boy, that was some fruit punch.
I remember you said something about taking
me to see that new Japanese freighter in port.
Good lord, we're on our way to Tokyo.
Pretty fancy freighter.
Well, do you remember anything else?
You know, like, well, did we--
we had trouble making sense, let alone whoopie.
I've got to go find the captain.
I want to apologize, miss beal.
Your reputation has been compromised.
I wouldn't say that, but we could work on it.
Looks like opening night in Vegas.
Who ordered the duck well done?
Oh, look.
Liver, yuck.
Brussell sprouts.
Ew.
Why can't I have duck like everyone else?
Don't you want to grow up big and healthy?
I think there's a lot to be said for small and sickly.
Young lady, if you don't finish
everything on that plate, there will be no dessert.
What's for dessert?
Chocolate eclairs.
You drive a hard bargain.
I'm a slave to my sweet tooth.
Oh, bon bons.
Oh, merrill, please, let's get some.
Now, what happened to that diet you started this morning?
Can't help it.
I'm a slave to my sweet tooth.
Captain, it's amazing.
Captain?
Yes?
I was just saying it's amazing you and Vicki
have exactly the same eyes.
Wow.
Miss mishancov, you are a knock out.
[Non-English speech]
Knockout?
It's boxing term.
You think I look like boxer?
No way.
Why don't I escort you to the captain's table?
In Russia, I eat with people.
Hey, I'm people.
This lady is my assignment.
Take a hike.
Doctor appreciates transformation, yes?
Appreciates?
The doctor's stunned.
Can I buy you a drink?
You a bath?
Give you an alcohol rub?
Not like alcohol rub.
Have already have bath.
I take drink.
Oh, anything.
Waiter?
Champagne.
Oh, champagne, no.
Not a drink for a proletariat.
Well, what would you like?
I'd like my vodka.
Waiter, some of miss mishancov's vodka.
Well, for a man who wasn't very hungry,
you certainly seem to be enjoying your dinner.
Well, I would have enjoyed it a lot more
if I'd had the appetizer I planned in the cabin.
That's what I like about you, Charlie, you're so so subtle.
I don't believe it.
What?
Who was the greatest songwriter ever to come
out of Syracuse university?
I was.
How about the other half of that exciting team?
Bert?
Good lord, Bert.
Bert?
Will you excuse me?
Come here.
Charlie.
Hey, how you doing, chum?
I'm doing fine.
15 years.
You're looking great.
You're looking pretty good.
And you're lovelier.
And you're more famous.
You're still married to this bum?
The breaks, I guess.
Give me a hug.
Oh, swell.
Miss beal, what are you wearing?
This is some fancy ship.
Look what comes with the room.
Mr. Marshall, do you know what this is?
It's a cruise to Mexico.
I know, and this belongs to the honeymoon
couple, who missed the ship.
Oh, boy.
This is going to be a ball.
Miss beal, this is serious.
This ship is filled to capacity.
We're going to have to continue sharing this state room.
Well, we'll just have to make the best of it, won't we?
No, we'll get off the first port and fly home.
Oh.
But we can still go dancing tonight.
No, I want to finish that letter to Mr. Mcwhirter.
Now?
Now.
Mr. James mcwhirter, unified marine products.
Mr. Marshall?
Yes.
There's something I've been trying
to tell you for a long time.
See, the truth of the matter is I have a very big crush on you.
Yes, well, dear Mr. mcwhirter, regarding
your complaint about our latest shipment of semaphore flags--
wait a minute, didn't you hear me?
I just poured my soul out to you.
Regarding your complaint about our recent shipment
of semaphore flags, I feel--
you feel?
You don't feel anything.
You're just a cardboard cut out with a heart of stone.
You can take your dictation and your two-bit secretarial job
and your semaphore flags and just
shove them in your briefcase.
I quit.
You're throwing away a great pension plan.
Yeah.
Thank you.
May I introduce June and Charlie godwin?
Late to Syracuse university.
Very late.
You know, this is my old girl.
He's my old friend and collaborator.
As a matter of fact, perhaps the better songwriter of the two
of us, which is probably why she married
him, because as you can see, it certainly
wasn't a matter of looks.
Well, how about a song you wrote together?
You see, the requests for my music never stop pouring in.
Hey, remember this one?
No.
The rhyming song.
Oh, i--
come on, you want to hear him do it?
Yeah.
I haven't [inaudible] In 15 years.
It was our first big hit.
Here we go.
I hope I can remember it.
Remember it now?
Let's go.
(Singing) Honey, you're my sweet sensation.
I don't want no imitation.
You're a positive inspiration filling me with dedication,
and a kind of exhilaration, fascination, adoration,
and to make a generalization, baby, I love you.
Second verse.
Same as the first.
(Singing) Honey, you're my sweet sensation,
I don't want no imitation, you're a positive inspiration
filling me with dedication and the kind of exhilaration,
fascination, adoration, and to make a generalization, baby,
I love you.
[Inaudible] Even after graduation.
We love you.
Bravo.
Doctor, I must give caution, too
much vodka and not any dinner.
Oh, then be careful, drink slowly.
To Karl Marx.
To Harpo, chico, and Groucho.
I think you've too much.
Hold your glass still.
To the east and the west.
To the north and the south.
Actually we were three couples,
you and him, me and him, and you and me.
I tell you, she had everything.
She sure had us.
Not literally, you understand.
Still writing songs?
No, a jingle now and then.
But after a whole day's work in an advertising agency--
now he makes money, not music.
Honey, Bert makes money.
And music.
Would anyone like to go to the acapulco lounge and dance?
Oh, I'd love to.
It's been years.
Come on, Bert.
Ok.
Excuse us.
Thanks.
And please bless Julie and gopher and doc and Isaac,
and especially captain stubing because he's very nice, even if
he doesn't want people to know.
And god, please take care of my mommy.
Make sure that she doesn't hurt anymore.
Amen.
Captain?
Yes?
I fibbed to you before.
I'm not really afraid of monsters.
Oh.
I just didn't want to be left alone.
Nobody likes to be left alone.
My daddy died when I was just a little girl.
I know.
I hardly remember him at all.
But my mommy, sometimes--
sometimes, I miss her.
I miss her so much.
Why did she have to die?
Not sure I have a very good answer for that.
All I can tell you is what I believe.
I believe there is a time for everything.
And even though it hurts, we don't understand,
a time for some things is not for us to decide.
You mean it was time for mommy?
A time to be born, a time to die, a time
for every purpose under heaven.
But I loved her.
So did I.
(Singing) Give my regards to Moscow.
Remember me to old red square.
All right.
So, you finally decided to see what the rest of the ship
looks like, huh?
Where's your better half?
Believe me, anything is better than being stuck
in a cabin with that crumb.
Oh, now, now, now don't be hasty.
All newlyweds have these little spats.
Kiss me.
Huh?
I'm not fooling around, kiss me.
Mrs. Wilson, please, what kind of man do you think I am?
I'm not Mrs. Wilson.
I'm not even married.
You're not?
I'm miss beal, Mr. Marshall's secretary.
We're not even supposed to be on this ship.
Oh.
Good.
And I put you in the Wilson's cabin.
I'm in a great deal of trouble.
You're in trouble?
I just told Mr. Marshall I loved him,
and he told me to take dictation.
He must be bananas.
What am I gonna do?
I'll tell you what you're not going to do.
You're not going to waste any more tears over him, right?
Well.
You are going to circulate, you're going to meet people,
you're going to dance the night away.
Yeah, you're going to have a ball.
I mean, let him see what he's missing.
You're going to be the life of the party.
Though we may have to come up with an alternate solution.
Thank you.
Champagne, madame.
Oh, thank you.
I just started running a bath.
Cheers.
Could you help me with this?
Yeah.
Sure.
Oh, Bert looks great, doesn't he?
You have to admit he still has those bedroom eyes.
Uh-huh.
And he can't take them off you.
I can't get this.
Oh, I'll do it.
You know something?
I can't keep my eyes off you either.
Really?
How come you don't say those things more often?
Oh, I can't do this thing.
Oh, June, I can't win.
Look, maybe I don't always say the things I feel,
maybe I'm not the most romantic fellow in the world,
maybe I'm not Bert.
Oh, Charlie.
[Water running]
Oh, the bath's running over.
Charlie, you know, I didn't mean to compare you to Bert.
All I meant was that--
Oh, Charlie.
Oh, miss beal, Sandy, you're the most
wonderful woman I've ever met.
Oh, I am?
I just want to take you in my arms and kiss you.
And kiss you.
Gopher.
Oh, gopher.
Gopher, oh, gopher.
Until tomorrow.
You're away.
Well, I am now.
What time is it?
Oh, a little past 2:00.
I had the best time tonight.
I can just imagine carrying on with strange men.
Well, I had no choice.
The only person I know on board had too much work to do.
Good night.
Doc, aren't you awake yet?
Oh.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered
here today to say goodbye to our late friend Adam bricker.
What happened to you?
I don't know.
Somebody stole my pajamas.
I know I had a vodka or two.
The next thing I remember I was back in my baby carriage.
What's this?
Dear Dr. Bricker, thank you for wonderful evening.
I take you to bed.
You are good man, a. Hey, she gave you an a.
That's her initial, a is for Anya.
Oh, I see.
Well, doc, she says here she took you to bed.
That's one for the books, isn't it?
Adam bricker, legendary seducer of women,
seduced and abandoned himself.
Have any threes?
Go fish.
Do you have any Jacks?
Excuse me?
Do you have any Jacks?
Jacks?
Jacks.
I win again.
It's so nice here.
I wish I never had to leave.
Well, I'm sure that you're and and uncle
are nice, aren't they?
Oh, yeah, they have a house that looks like a castle,
and it has a swimming pool, and my cousin
Jimmy can go swimming at night and even in the winter.
Sounds like you have a lot of fun there.
Yeah.
I like aunt delores and uncle Harry.
I like you a whole lot too.
Come on, let's go see if the chef can whip
us up a real special breakfast.
If it's liver, I'm eating out.
Come on.
In Russia, women wear outfit like this, but only
for running in track and field.
Oh, well, here, women wear them
to make the men come running.
If those shorts don't clinch things with the eminent
Dr. Bricker, I'll eat my hat.
You wear no hat.
Oh, no, see, that's just an expression.
Ah.
Here he comes.
Miss mishancov, I know you're used to a dictatorship,
but there are certain things we just don't dictate.
We have a two party system here, and we don't do any lovemaking
unless both parties agree.
And we don't go around taking advantage of helpless people.
I mean, you could have at least asked in a nice way.
Excuse me.
You were going to eat a hat?
Morning, sir.
Morning.
A-ha, the phantom returns.
I'm sorry, I didn't know how late it was.
You must have had a hint when it stopped being dark.
I just get tired of being compared to Bert.
Nobody does that but you.
You still blame me, don't you, Charlie?
For what?
For getting pregnant, for giving you the responsibility
of a family, when all you really wanted to do
was to be free and write songs and be what Bert is.
What in hell are you talking about?
I wanted our family as much as you did, more than anything.
Noble Charlie to the very end.
Oh, June, after all these years,
you haven't got the faintest idea how I feel about you.
You made that pretty clear last night.
I'm going to eat.
Wait a minute, I'll get changed.
Oh, don't bother, I understand they serve
a perfectly wonderful breakfast for frustrated ladies
on this boat.
Miss beal, I've been thinking.
I don't suppose it would hurt to spend some time together.
Afraid not.
She has other plans.
Besides, you're getting off the ship in acapulco this evening.
But--
have a nice flight back to the office.
Well, goodbye, miss beal.
Ta ta.
You just blew my life.
Sandy, Sandy, trust me.
Men like women who play hard to get.
What if gets off the boat in acapulco?
He's not leaving the ship.
You saw his face.
He's caving in.
You want to see caving in, look at my face.
Hi.
Oh, good morning.
Have you seen Bert?
Yes, we had breakfast together.
Oh.
Oh, you two have been spending quite a bit of time together.
That's all it is, time.
That man is carrying a torch a mile high for some girl.
Really?
(Singing) I love you, you know.
I love you, you know, like we loved long ago.
Tell me, do you still remember?
Don't ever go.
Can't we just sail on together?
Baby, now it's old, we'll never make it new.
That's pretty.
Now what are you doing here?
You weren't supposed to hear any of this.
Bert.
Hey, go on, please?
Please?
Ok.
(Singing) I love you, you know.
I love you, you know.
You got a minute?
For my captain, of course.
I just thought i'd come down and have
you take a look at my elbow.
It has been giving me some trouble lately.
Well, sure, come on over.
I'll give it the once over.
What's the problem?
Well, it just sort of hurts.
Tell me, Adam, have you given any thought
to living on land again?
Living on land?
Yes.
You know, in a nice house, lots of room, a garden.
Close to playgrounds and schools?
Hm?
You're pretty stuck on Vicki, aren't you?
More than just that.
At one time, I was very close to her mother.
I see.
And you think the fact that you have the same eyes is perhaps
more than a coincidence?
Yeah.
It's not impossible.
Well, nothing's impossible.
But does it really make any difference?
Merrill, Vicki needs a home.
I know, that's why I was thinking that maybe--
oh, you'd be lousy on land, and you know it.
She needs more than a daddy.
She needs a mother, other kids.
She needs more than you can give her.
I just thought.
Well, doctor, as usual, your diagnosis is faultless.
I only wish the prescription weren't so hard to fill.
Well, take care of that elbow.
Thanks.
Oh.
Doctor you surprised me.
You surprised me too.
Last night was not what you think.
I did not--
I would not--
[non-English speech]
How you say, I tucked you in.
You mean--
like mother with baby.
I fold up clothes neat, I kiss you on the cheek,
and I go away quietly I don't wake you up.
I guess I owe you an apology.
I did kind of yell at you.
It was very quiet yell.
It was all right.
It made me feel at home.
Doctor has temper like Russian man.
Oh?
I mean what I say in the note.
I had very good time.
You are good man.
I hope we can be friends.
Just friends?
Hello, delores?
This is merrill stubing.
How are you?
Oh, fine, fine.
I think she's having the time of her life.
No.
No trouble at all.
I've enjoyed having her.
Look, Dolores, we'll be docking around 8:00 this evening,
and I was wondering if I might keep Vicki an extra few hours.
Well, we're having a party on board
and she's been looking forward to it.
Around 10:00.
Fine.
See you then.
Well, you all packed?
I'm packed.
Good.
I don't want to go.
Why can't I stay here with you?
Vicki.
Why couldn't I?
Now, look, you have an aunt and uncle
who love you very much.
You'll be much happier living with them
then with a grouchy old seaman.
You aren't grouchy.
You're the best.
You'll have vacations.
You can visit me.
And some day, when you get a little older, who knows?
You might make a fine cruise director like Julie.
There is nothing in this whole world you won't be
able to do when you are ready.
You mean like there's a time for everything?
I love you, captain merrill.
I love you, Vicki.
Well, it looks like the last of the acapulco sightseers.
I told you he had no intention of leaving.
Oh.
Mr. Marshall?
Sandy, don't do this.
You're making a fool of yourself.
Well, I'd rather be a fool than alone.
Wait.
Miss beal?
I don't want you to leave.
Well, I think it's only fair that I do.
Then you and your gentleman friend
can have the cabin for yourselves.
Oh, all that stuff with gopher was just an act
to make you open your eyes.
Well, it worked.
It made me realize that you and I could never make a go of it.
Oh, please?
Well, look at you.
You're young and you're lovely.
You have a great personality.
You need to be with someone you can have fun with,
not an uptight jerk like me.
Miss beal, Sandy, I could never make you happy.
You mean, you want to make me happy?
Yes, that's why I'm leaving.
Well, I know a much better way.
She's got that assault kissing down to a science.
Blond is no longer of interest?
That's good.
There is animal attraction between us, yes?
Oh, yeah.
Or it could be love?
What do you think?
I think--
I think we ought to quit drinking vodka.
Listen, Anya.
You must call me anoushka.
It's affectionate for [Non-English speech]..
You will call me anoushka?
Anoushka.
Anoushka?
Anoushka.
It's all very fine to talk about animal attraction,
but when we talk about l--
love, it makes me a little nervous.
Oh, excuse me.
I goofed again.
No, no, no.
It's me.
You see, I've taken the plunge four times,
and each time I've come up empty handed.
Yeah, I don't--
look, anoushka, there have been four Mrs. Doctor brickers.
I guess you think that's pretty decadent.
No, I think that is very sad.
Perhaps you lose four wives because you run too hard.
Like the passionate Russian poet,
you want to experience life and you sample here
and you sample there, when what could make you happy
is right under your nostrils.
You're probably 100% right.
But if I'm ever going to have anybody under my nostrils,
I'd want it to be you.
You like vodka now, huh?
Would you like some white wine?
No, thanks.
Oh, come on, honey, snap out of it.
We've been dreaming about this vacation for years.
We've been dreaming about something, Charlie,
but I hardly think it's been this vacation.
That's the trouble with borrowed tuxedos,
you can never guarantee the size.
It is roomy.
Well, listen, if you'd like to get closer,
I think there's room in here for you.
Oh, let's just see.
You look very beautiful.
Oh, doc, I'm only 10.
Excuse me.
Sorry to be so late.
This slinky business takes much time.
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight you're in for a great treat.
As you may know, Bert Buchanan is on board,
and tonight he's going to introduce a brand new song,
so we'll be the first to hear tomorrow's hit.
Ladies and gentlemen, Bert Buchanan.
Thank you.
Once upon a time, I went to college
with two wonderful people.
Two of us were songwriters, and the other
was the most terrific girl you'd ever want to meet.
And as those things happen, we both fell in love with her.
I've had a lot of luck since then, a lot of success.
In fact, I think I've gotten everything I ever wanted,
except one, the girl.
He got her, and with it a lifetime of happiness
greater than anything I've ever known.
Anyway, this song is for her.
Oh, one other thing.
I didn't write this song.
He did.
(Singing) Was it so long ago we were like a flame
on the fire wrapped in the glow of a sweet insane desire?
We lit up the night for everyone to see.
It's still the same for me.
I love you, you know.
Like we loved long ago.
Tell me do you still remember?
Don't ever go.
Can't we just sail on together?
Baby, now it's old.
We'll never make it new, but we can make it grow.
I love you, you know.
It just shows what a man can do if he stays up all night.
Oh, Charlie, I'm sorry I've been so awful.
That was such a beautiful song.
All these years, you've never said what you said in that song
tonight.
Maybe I just needed to practice.
I love you, you know?
Oh, Charlie.
I don't know about you, but all of this
is much too frivolous and decadent for me.
What?
Beautiful song, no?
Likes songs from my country.
Make me feel sad and happy same time.
You'd like my country, Adam.
In winter, it's very cold.
Cold?
I wear a big fur hat.
It's ugly, but practical.
At night, friends gather in my apartment,
we sing songs, drink vodka, tell stories, laugh,
complain about government.
Complain about government?
I'm shocked.
Oh, not our government, your government.
I make joke, yes?
In summer, I walk in country, pick
wild flowers by side of road, men and women
working in the field.
Call out to me [Non-English speech]..
Means go in peace.
We say have a nice day.
Have nice day.
Say idea.
All people are the same, no?
No.
All people aren't the same.
There aren't very many around like you.
Jimmy.
Vicki.
Hello, darling.
Merrill, I want to thank you for taking care of Vicki.
I haven't seen her so happy since--
well.
She's a marvelous girl.
Some day when you get the time, you come up to the house
and have dinner.
Of course, I'd love to.
Merrill, it was so good seeing you again.
Take care of yourself, delores.
Come on, kids, let's go.
Merrill?
I have to say goodbye.
But, Georgina--
you need the sea.
I need a normal life, a home, a family.
Tom can give me that.
He'll be a good husband.
But do you love him?
I don't want to say goodbye.
Not goodbye, Vicki, just so long.
Well, well, you're certainly going
down the gangplank in better shape than you came up.
You see what a little salt air and large romance
can do for you?
Well, I guess it's back to the office for you two.
Just me, I'm afraid.
I offered her another position, and she accepted.
Speak with you next week, ok?
Ok.
I'm glad we met.
Me too.
Bye.
Bye bye.
Well.
Well, it was great fun.
It was just one of those things.
Now, Bert, it's not going to be another 15 years, is it?
Not this time.
It's Philadelphia, right?
Hey, I'll be there.
I got to go to London for two months.
Go to Hollywood and make a movie,
and then, hey, I'll be there, right?
Right.
Goodbye, Bert.
Goodbye.
Remember, I love you, you know?
Well, college was great, but Philadelphia
ain't all that bad.
Hey, you didn't forget that sexy robe, did you?
I'd like to apologize for spending
so little time with you, miss mishancov.
Oh.
I just became involved in other situations.
It's all right, captain stubing.
I learned many things, made many friends.
Julie.
Anya, it was nice meeting you, and you still look slinky.
Goodbye.
Bye.
- Goodbye. - Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Anoushka, don't go.
Stay here.
Marry me.
Are you serious?
Utterly serious.
It's wonderful idea to be with you always.
I can't think of anything more wonderful.
[Non-English speech]
In Soviet union, I am commissar
in charge of cruise vessels.
I cannot live here.
But you'll have freedom, fun, sunshine, Disneyland.
Me.
Adam, you love this country very much, yes.
Yes.
I too love my country very much.
But--
Adam, I have never met anyone like you,
and I never will again.
My heart is filled with love for you.
But you must tell me goodbye.
Goodbye, my anoushka.
[Non-English speech].
[Non-English speech]
Have a nice day.
Georgina (voiceover): Vicki was three today.
We had a nice little party in the back yard.
She was simply thrilled with the stuff elephant.
She hasn't let go of it all day.
I wish you could see her.
She really does seem to have your eyes.
[Music playing]