Love,
exciting and new.
Come aboard.
We're expecting you.
Love,
life's sweetest reward.
Let it flow
it floats back to you.
The love boat
soon will be making another run.
The love boat
promises something for everyone.
Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.
Love
won't hurt anymore.
It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.
Yes love.
Welcome aboard.
It's love.
Come in.
You wanted to see me, sir?
Ah, yes, Isaac.
I wanted to go over your schedule.
You're gonna need some time to
work with the new girl in the
gift shop.
No problem, sir.
I've already set aside some time.
Oh, good.
What was her name again?
Stephanie.
Stephanie Jackson.
Ah, yes. Stephanie.
Will this be her first job?
No, no. She worked in a
department store before she,
before she...
Arrested for shoplifting.
You're not having second
thoughts about this, are you,
sir?
Absolutely not.
I'm very glad to be participating in
this juvenile rehabilitation
program.
Well, actually, my mom
deserves all the credit. I mean,
it was her church group that
started the program.
Yes. Well, I have a
lot of faith in you, Isaac.
I know you can handle Stephanie's
training and adjustment to
shipboard life.
Sir?
May I?
Thank you.
Uh...
If it's any consolation, sir,
I...i don't
think that cashews...
Stain.
Droll...mr. Washington.
Very droll.
That'll be all.
Right.
I don't know.
I feel strange being here.
Wouldn't you rather be alone with this...
What Lisa...
Or is it Barbara this trip?
Dad, it's Libby.
Libby hall.
Sounds like a dorm in a girl's school.
Well, you haven't met her yet.
We've only dated a few times.
She agreed to go on a
cruise with you?
She paid for her own cabin.
Oh, well.
Dad, we're just gonna
spend some time together.
That's all.
Then I'll surely be in
the way.
Dad, you won't be in the way.
She's gonna love you.
Alan. Hi.
Libby.
Excuse me.
Hello. Hello.
How you doing.Good to see you.
I want you to meet my dad.
Dad, now this is Libby hall.
Oh, pleasure to meet you.
Excuse me.
Alan didn't tell me you
were an artist.
You are?
Well, this is either an
artist's portfolio, or you have
very thin clothes.
Do you paint?
Not since high school.
I once painted a picture of the
principal and I was almost
expelled.
That bad.
I painted it on the side
of his car.
Excuse me.
Alan...alan billingsley.
Remember me?
Alan billingsley.
What are you doing here?
Hey, why don't you find a date
and join us?
You're sure I won't be in
the way.
Probably. But it's too
late to send you home.
Let me take care of this.
Oh.
Thank you.
Welcome aboard, Mr. Beery.
I'm Julie McCoy, your
cruise director, and this is
Adam bricker, our ship's doctor.
Hi.
How do you do?
You and Mrs. Beery will
be on the promenade deck, cabin
one-ten.
Oh, oh...Wait...Wait a minute.
There... there is no
Mrs. Beery.
I hope you enjoy your cruise.
Oh, I'm enjoying it already.
I mean, just...Just one
breath of this air and my
allergy's gone.
I'm not sneezing.
Aren't you surprised?
Ahhh--choo.
Well, it looks like
lourdes is gonna stay in business.
Excuse us.
I knew you'd love it.
I took the week off, changed
your reservation and booked us
the most beautiful cabin on the ship.
For three wonderful days,
and two fabulous nights,
we'll be travelling as Mr. and
Mrs. Fred beery.
Ah-choo.
Your allergy sounds much better.
Oh.
It must be the sea air.
Come along.
You got a dude named
Isaac Washington around here?
Isaac?.
Yeah, right there.
Hey, oh, Stephanie right?
You're Isaac Washington?
Well, if I'm not, I've
been sending mother's day cards
to the wrong lady.
But you're black.
No.
I just figured you'd
be one of those guilty white
liberals.
Well, until one comes along,
why don't I show you to
your cabin and get you settled in.
Oh. Right. Let's go
to my cabin.
Oh, Stephanie listen.
If there's anything Isaac can't
do for you, you just come to me.
Okay? 'Cause nobody knows this
ship any better than I do.
Nobody.
I'll be in the laundry.
Look, you got plenty of
closet space over here.
And the air conditioning
controls are on the wall on the....
What are you doing?
You got me the gig.
I'm ready to pay off.
Stephanie, sit down.
Now sit down over here.
Now listen,i got you the job for a reason,
but it's not the reason
that you're thinking.
Now all anybody wants is for you to
get a fresh start.
You dig?
Are you serious about
painting?
Well,
you have to take some lessons.
It's never too late to start.
That's what they said
about skiing. So, the very next
week, I broke my leg.
You like to ski?
I like it, but I do it
about as well as I paint.
How 'bout you?
No. But I've always
wanted to learn.
Hey, I'll tell you what.
You teach me to paint, and I
will teach you to break your
leg.
Anybody for another drink?
Alan, if you continue to
hog the conversation, I may as
well go to my cabin.
Christine, you are leading
again.
I'm sorry.
Being together,
.in this romantic setting.
It makes me feel wild
and impetuous.
In fact, if someone were to ask me to marry
them tomorrow in Mexico,
I'd probably agree.
Ahhh.
Are you starting to sneeze?
Or are you saying yes?
Yes.
Oh, Fred,
you have made me the happiest
woman in the world.
No, don't say anything.
Mere words would spoil the moment.
Oh.
Hi, Stephanie.
I don't think we've been introduced.
I'm Julie McCoy, cruise director.
I'm Stephanie Jackson.
Your friendly,
neighborhood parolee.
Hi, Stephanie. Think
you're gonna like working in the
gift shop?
Beats shoplifting in
the ghetto.
Stephanie, we don't
care where you came from or what
you did before you got here.
The only thing that matters to us,
aboard this ship, is how well
you do your job.
You're an attractive, intelligent young lady.
Give yourself a chance.
Is he for real?
Stephanie, a lot of people are for real.
You just haven't met 'em yet.
Thank you for taking
care of our blood samples on
such short notice, Dr. Bricker.
I've got so much to do for tomorrow.
Let's see now, we can
get the rings in port.
And the blue dress will have to do.
A veil...I need a veil.
I've got some gauze you can use.
Oh, goodness. I've
got to call my mother.
I mean it isn't every day that her
little girl gets married.
Ahhhh.
Doctor,
could you give Freddy something for his
allergy. I mean, it's not gonna
be very nice if he goes down the
aisle saying achoo, instead of I do.
I love you, Fred.
Goodbye, doctor.
Bye bye.
Thank you.
I could give you some
antihistamine, Mr. Beery.
Oh, no, no. Please,
I...I'm just up to here,
with antihistamines.
Nothing seems to be any help.
Well, I'm not an allergist,
but maybe if we could get at the
source of your sneezing, I'd be
able to prescribe something
else.
Do you remember when the symptoms first began?
Let's see when I...
Yes, actually, it all...It all seemed
to start when...
Well, when...When Christine first came
to work in the office.
But she kept asking me to come home to
dinner a lot, see...
And everybody.
Any unusual dishes?
No. Just plain white with
a blue border.
Mmm...
Does Christine have a dog or cat?
No.
She does have a picture of a bird though.
Well...
See one night,
after a game of gin rummy and,
a couple of creme De menthes
frappes,
I stayed the night.
After that Christine began
thinking... no, no, Christine
presumed that we were...
That we were gonna,
going....
Ahhhhchoo...
Gesundheit.
Thank you.
Well, if it's not food or
animal hairs or mattress
stuffing,
I can't imagine what the source
of your sneezing might be.
Doctor.
Yes?
Oh...
No, I mean, that would be silly...Silly.
What?
Oh. Well, I mean...
People cannot be allergic to other
people, can they?
There have been instances.
Oh well.
That's it.
I'm allergic to Christine.
We had fun tonight.
It's been a wonderful evening.
I can't remember when
I've had so much fun.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
You think maybe I could come
in for a while?
Ahhh...
I'm kind of tired.
It must be boat lag.
Who knows? Okay, I'll
take a raincheck.
Well, goodnight Woody.
I mean, Alan.
Ahhh.
Oh, freddums. Didn't
the doctor give you something
for your sneezes?
There's nothing he can give me.
Why?
What did he say?
Oh, well, he just said that.
Well, sometimes you
develop symptoms when you had to
do things you don't want to do.
Like what?
Well, like...
Well, you know, like...
When you had to eat spinach
when you don't want to.
Or...or...or when you're
forced to practice the violin
when you don't want to.
You know.
But you love spinach
and you love the violin.
But I don't love you,
I don't want to marry you.
I...
Don't even want to share this cabin with you.
Oh dear.
Took you long enough to mention it.
The whole ship,
my mother, and by now
probably half the town thinks
we're getting married.
You've,
you've made me look
like a real chump, Fred.
No.
I made myself look like a chump.
I saw myself pushing you.
But I hoped.
I hoped.
Fred.
Have you ever wanted anything so bad,
you thought you'd shrivel up and die.
If you don't get it?
No.
I guess you haven't.
Christine.
I don't have to sneeze.
I don't even feel like I want to sneeze.
Now, every time you make
a sale, you write up a receipt
on this pad. One copy goes to
the customer and the other copy
goes into the cash drawer with
the money. And it's very
important that you don't lose a
receipt or misplace it, because
it's the only record that we
have of a sale.
Right.
What's a receipt?
Okay. Now, this is the
key to the showcase here. All right.
It's a good idea to keep
this locked, because this
jewelry in here is the real
thing.
Hey....hey, they're
beautiful.
Yeah, well, you save your
paychecks and they can be yours.
Okay? That's just about
everything you need to know. You
think you can handle this?
Well.
Ah....i like the way
you've redecorated the gift shop.
No discount for sweet-talk, gopher.
What do you need?
Some new Cologne.
The only thing my old stuff was
attracting was mosquitoes.
That's on one of your
better days.
Have you got anything
with a little spice.
A little lime.
Hey, why don't I spray you
with one of my margaritas?
How 'bout this, gopher.
Macho beast. Guaranteed
to kill 'em.
And only fifteen dollars.
At that price, it's gonna
kill me.
Well, you need every break
you can get.
I'll take this.
Thank you, Stephanie.
Thank you, sir.
Ladies, please! Stop!
I'm not just a body.
I have a mind, too.
You enjoying this as much
as I am?
Dad, no one is enjoying it
as much as you are.
Well, good morning.
Good morning. Sit down.
Oh, thank you, thank you.
Gonna sketch today, hah?
Oh, I thought I'd go into town.
Would you like to come along?
I have a better idea.
Well, why don't we just stay on
board today, and you can sketch
a gorgeous view from my cabin
window.
I really want to go to
puerto vallarta.
I hear it's a beautiful city.
Would you like to come?
Well, I thought you'd never ask.
I've got it.
The three musketeers in puerto
vallarta.
No, dad, why don't you go ahead.
Three musketeers is a crowd.
Alan.
If Alan wants to be a
stick in the mud, let him.
I'll tell you what, I will lend you a
sketch pad and then you won't
have to use the side of
somebody's car.
Do you mind if I go?
Of course not.
Should I?
Not bad.
I've decided to take this sweater.
It's your color, too.
And you know something?
Now that is dynamite.
You know you're right.
I will take them both.
You know, you have a very good
fashion sense.
Thank you. I can't
afford two hundred dollar
outfits, but I read two dollar
fashion magazines.
I know what I'm talking about.
My husband and I own several
boutiques.
Are these pearls real?
Yes, ma'am.
Would you like to see them?
Yes.
Oh, my.
Oh, they are gorgeous.
With the sweater and scarf.
All right.
Oh, I know, but Walter would
kill me.
Think of them as a business expense.
I mean, you could wear
them to work and
knock the customers dead.
You know, you're very good.
But I'd better not.
At...at least not until I've had
a chance to work on Walter.
Would you send these things to me.
I'm on promenade, room three
forty-two.
I certainly will.
Well, my dearest,
it's been a pleasure dealing
with you.
Thank you.
Come back again.
Oh, I will.
Gopher.
Hm?
You smell like the avon lady.
Well, thank you, sir.
Oh good lord.Gopher, how much Cologne
did you put on?
Hardly any. Still have
half a bottle left.
Hello doctor.
Christine.
Hello, Fred.
Are you doing what you want to do?
Christine, I...I wanted to
talk to you this morning, but
you'd gone already.
I'm not gonna push myself
on you anymore.
I want you to feel like
I'm not even here.
You didn't have to spend
all night in the bathtub.
It was okay.
Except when the shower dripped.
No wait, I'm not playing the martyr.
I realize that for a
long time you've been doing
things my way and hating every
minute of it.
What are you drinking? Scotch?
Well, you probably can't stand
creme De menthe.
Oh, well, I...
And I bet you hate
chicken marengo, too.
No wonder you had that allergy.
I'm glad we got it all out in the open.
So am I.
Oh, but I am sorry I made you cry.
It's not the first time
you've made me cry.
But it will be the last.
I guess I finally realized that when you
reach the end of the rainbow
there isn't necessarily a pot of
gold.
P.A. voice: We hope you enjoyed
your day in puerto vallarta.
Hi. How's business?
Busy. Any more customers and
we'll have to open
an express Lane.
Well, look it's almost closing time.
Why don't you get ready for dinner,
and I'll stick around
and close up. Okay?
Oh, that's okay.
I'll do it.
No, no, no. You...
You haven't had a break all day today.
Now I'll see you at dinner.
It's Italian fiesta night,
so try to look Italian.
Well,
okay.
I'll wear pizza in my hair.
Ah, where is our new
employee going?
I told her I'd close up,captain.
You know, she really
did a great job today.
Good.
Oh, I'm sorry,
you're closing.
I'll...I'll only take a minute.
There...there was a darling girl that waited on me
this afternoon, and she showed
me a gorgeous pair of Pearl
earrings and I wanted to wear
them at dinner tonight,and
oh, they're gone.
Well, I guess they were
sold to someone else.
Ah, let me check.
Oh, I knew I shouldn't have
waited to talk to Walter about it.
Oh, never mind.
Thank you, anyway.
There is a receipt for
those earrings, isn't there?
Isaac?
Ah, I'm sure there is.
So I looked all over the shop,
and I couldn't find the
earrings or a receipt.
And there's no extra money in
the cash drawer.
Could I have been that wrong about her?
No...
No there must be some explanation.
Well, I certainly can't
ask Stephanie.
All her life people have always thought the
worst of her.
If she thinks I'm like that too...
Well, maybe you could find out,
without asking directly.
Mmm..
How?
Well be diplomatic.
Tactful. Always ask a question
without seeming like a question.
And if you can bring that off,
we got another mission for you.
Getting rid of gopher's
Cologne.
Doc, don't you just love
Italian fiesta night?
Love it? I love everything Italian.
Italy's my favorite
country in the world.
Yeah?
Arrivederci.
Roma.
Goodbye...goodbye to Rome.
Yeah, doc, I believe you.
I believe you love it.
Oh, good evening, Mr. Beery.
Mr. Beery.
Good evening.
Christine.
I...
I have to sit here.
It's my assigned table.
It's all right.
I'll find another place.
Christine.
Sit down.
I want to have dinner with you.
Well...
As long as you're sure.
I'm sure.
Waiter.
I would like to have the shrimp
cocktail.
A small dinner salad.
Oh, and the chicken marengo.
You hate chicken marengo.
I probably hate chicken marengo
when I am forced to eat it.
It is different when I
choose to eat it.
Nonsense.
You're just trying to please me again.
I am not....I...
Ahh...ahh...
Waiter!
I will have the chicken marengo.
It is what I want!
Alan?
What?
Nothing.
Well, that was a short conversation.
I guess being with
Libby's got you all talked out.
It's...
Libby I want to talk to you about.
Talk.
I don't know how to say this.
But today...
With Libby...
I felt....
Young.
For the first time in years.
You know, I felt...
What are you trying to do?
Are you trying to make us both
look like fools?
I'm telling you how I feel.
What the hell's the matter with you, dad?
That girl's half your age!
I had the feeling that she cared,
too.
You're my father!
She's just being nice to you.
I'm sorry.
No, that's
that's...okay.
There is no fool like an old fool.
That adage has been around,
a lot longer than you have.
Dad..
Why don't you finish getting dressed,
and the three of us'll
have a nice dinner.
No, look, why...
Why don't you and Libby have a meal alone?
Dad....
No, please...Please.
It would make me happy.
Tell her that...
Well, make up some excuse for me.
You sure?
Okay.
I'm sorry.
Ah, beat it.
Mustn't keep a classy lady waiting.
Hi.
Oh, hi.
I'm sorry I'm late.
No, problem.What to see the menu?
Oh please.
Where's your dad?
I think he overdid it in town today.
He said he'd see you tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
Tonight's the last night.
He's all right?
Oh, sure, he's all right.
Of course, he's fine.
Libby,
now promise me you won't laugh.
But I think my father
has a crush on you.
I'm sorry.
You know, everyone thinks
you're doing a great job in the
gift shop.
Thanks.
Must get kind of hectic
in there sometimes.
Yes.
And it's kind of tought to keep
track of everything.
Can I ask you something?
What?
Do you mind not hoggin'
the bread.
Fine friend you are
standing me up for dinner.
Well, didn't you see Alan.
I told him to tell you.
Woody...
Please don't let Alan come between us.
Hey, I'm twice your age.
That is not you talking.
That is Alan talking.
Well, he's right.
He's not right.
From the first moment I met you,
I felt something special.
I think you did too.
And then in town today.
The most wonderful time,I've had in a long time.
How 'bout you and Alan?
Alan...alan...we're friends.
We've dated a couple of times.
Anything more than that
is just in his imagination.
As for you,
you're everything that I
always wanted to have in a man.
You're warm and compassionate.
And funny.
And gentle.
Ooh.
I think I'm falling in love.
You, too?
Oh, boy.
Well, it's okay.
In the future remind me not to bring my women around you.
I wouldn't want to be accused
of having a dirty old man
for a father.
Oh, son, i'm...
Alan...
I've never in his whole life have I...
Laid one hand on him in anger.
I'm sorry.
I've destroyed something between you two.
I am so sorry.
No, it's all right.
It's not your fault.
I apologize.
Please forgive me.
I know it's for gopher's own good,
but I still think it's
a cruel way to tell him.
Doc...
It's a cruel Cologne.
Hi, guys.
Okay,i get the message.
Hey, doc, you wanna buy an
expensive Cologne cheap?
Isaac?
Yes, sir?
May I speak to you for
a moment?
Certainly.
Have you made any
progress on the earrings?
Ah, no, sir. But I don't
think Stephanie had anything to
do with them.
Really? Well, I wasn't
going to mention this, but under
the circumstances.
What is it?
I saw Stephanie with
the earrings this afternoon.
She was just admiring them, but,
yes, sir.
I'll...I'll talk to her.
It's beautiful.
Romantic.
Christine.
You don't have to sleep in the bathtub tonight.
Stay with me instead.
I insist.
Well,
I'll....
Find us a couple of creme De menthe frappes and
I'll meet you in the cabin.
It cost me fifteen dollars.
I'm sorry, gopher.
You have no choice.
Overboard.
That Cologne you're wearing.
Tell...tell me where to
get some. Quick!
Stephanie, there's
something that I have to ask you, and
I don't want you to
take this in the wrong way.
You...
Showed a pair of Pearl earrings
to a passenger this afternoon.
Yeah. So?
She...
Came back later to buy them, but they were gone and
I was wondering....
You were just wondering
if I stole them.
No.
Oh, man, I knew it. I knew
I would get nailed for
something on this jive ship.
Stephanie, I....
Oh, come on.
Wait a minute. Now look,
look, don't talk to me.
Don't say a word.
I'll show you.
Stephanie, if you've just seen
them....
Now there are your
damned earrings. I put 'em aside
because I knew that lady would
be back for 'em. But, no...You
think a once a thief, always a
thief. Right? Well, you can take
your earrings and your job and
you know what you can do with
them.
Christine...
Christine,
it...it's freddums.
Christine (o.C.): Just changing
into something comfortable.
Oh, oh, fine...Fine.
You...you...you...you just take
your time. Christine...
Old freddums will be
waiting.
Oh Christine.
What can I say, Fred.
This is comfortable.
Well...
You're....
You're beautiful.
Oh...
Don't be silly.
Well, go get your
pajamas on so we can go to bed.
Alan,
I'm sorry.
No...
Dad...
I'm the one that should be sorry.
Oh, yeah?
I bet I'm sorrier than you are.
Can I...
Buy you a Brandy?
You're on.
Okay.
I found out how much I depend on you.
You know, I
I really have been taking you
too much for granted.
I...
I love you, Christine.
I do. I do.
Tell me you still
love me.
Oh, I do love you, Fred.
I do. I love you,
just like a brother.
Christine.
What did you do?
Rub your body with chicken marengo?
Alan.
Alan....alan...alan.
I don't want to go to your
cabin.
Well, that's too bad.
Besides, you owe me a raincheck.
Now before we go in,
let me just...Let me just tell you a little story.
When I was a kid,
my dad used to take me to
school every day.
We'd get off the bus on the corner and we'd
race to the playground.
I'd be ahead and then he'd pass me by.
And then just before we got there,
I'd grab a hold of his coat tails
and I'd push on past him.
I used to win every morning.
So...
Well, it wasn't until a
few years later that I figured
out that my dad was letting me win.
Cause I felt like a man
when I would beat him.
That's how I...
Libby that's...That's the way
that, I felt with you.
I felt like I was back in a race
with my father.
Well, race is over.
I don't think anybody won.
No, it's not over.
Not until somebody crosses that
finish line.
Alan...
Yes.
Man...
I really blew it with Stephanie.
She was just starting to trust people.
And now I can't even find her to
talk to her.
Isaac, you were
following orders.
If I'd only had a little
more faith in her.
Come in.
Yes?
I took them.
You what?
I....
I stole the earrings.
But see...
Before dinner I went
and put them back.
But it doesn't make any difference, does it?
I still took them.
Stephanie...
Send me back to the
correction center.
That's where I belong.
Young lady...
I've only one thing to say to you.
You're late for work.
Huh?
We'll be in port soon,
and you have to take inventory.
You have five minutes to get
down to the gift shop.
Inventory. You know,
that's when you make a list...
I know what inventory is,
jive Turkey!
Captain, how can I thank you?
Now you have four minutes.
You're something else.
Thank you.
Isaac?
Tell me...
What exactly is a jive Turkey?
Oh, please Chris...
Please, Christine, marry me!
Fred, you're...
You're creating a scene.
I don't care who knows it.
I love you! Do you hear!
I love this lady.
I love her!
What's gotten into you?
Christine, you must marry me!
Ahhh.
I don't want to force you.
Now whatever you want...
You just take your time.
Just sayin...In...A day...A week...A...A
month... a...A...Forever.
I don't care. I'll wait.
Ahchoo.
If you don't mind my
saying so, miss hall, you were
one of the most beautiful ladies
on this cruise.
Gopher, that is not a
thing to say to a lady who's
about to be a mother in two
weeks.
You're...you're gonna be a mother,
in.
Yes.
His.