Love,
exciting and new.
Come aboard,
we're expecting you.
Love,
life's sweetest reward.
Let it flow,
it floats back to you.
Love boat
soon will be making another run.
The love boat
promises something for everyone.
Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.
Love,
won't hurt anymore.
It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.
Yes, love.
Welcome aboard,
it's love.
Welcome aboard.
Hi, welcome aboard.
Kurt,wait,
this stuff is heavy.
Ha, ha, ha.
The weaker sex.
Well, how do you do?
I'm Julie McCoy, the weak little
cruise director.
Hi, sugar.
I'm Kurt stenzel, and this is
Dee Dee Donnelly, my chick.
Hi.
Your chick?
We're engaged.
Having ourselves a little
early honeymoon.
Right, sugar face, huh?
Ha, ha, ha...
Oh,
the finest animal I've
ever owned.
I'm gonna break every
bone in his body!
Easy.
You're on duty.
Welcome aboard.
Excuse me. Excuse me
are you associated with the
cruise?
No, somebody stole my ice
cream truck.
Ah.
Sorry.
No, I'm only kidding.
Oh.
That wasn't funny.
That was funny.
No, I'm Adam bricker, the
ship's doctor.
Nelson hoag.
Hi.
Are there gonna be a lot
of single girls on this cruise?
Well, we get our share.
Where do you keep them?
Is there any special place they
hang out?
Not really.
If you don't count my cabin.
Hey, there's one of your basic
single girls right there.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Hello, my name is Nelson hoag.
Would you please marry me?
Don't be discouraged.
With a suave approach like that,
you can't miss.
Hi, welcome aboard.
Hello.
Oh, good heavens!
Who died?
Uh...these are for
ireni Jermaine.
Really?
Well, that's who all these
cablegrams are for.
Oh yeah?
You know, one of 'em's
from Burt Reynolds.
He says he'll just kill himself
if she doesn't come home soon.
Hmm...ireni Jermaine,
promenade deck, 341.
Up the stairs.
Who is ireni Jermaine?
Now, remember to say
goodbye to the kids, okay?
Look, Irene...
Ah-ah -- it's ireni!
Well, I'm your sister.
It's Irene.
Did you send the flowers?
Yes.
And the cablegrams.
Do you know how much all this is
costing you?
Not including the cruise and the
clothes.
I know.
But if I'm gonna have my fling,
i wanna be somebody for a change.
You are somebody.
You're a housewife from pacoima.
A widowed housewife from
pacoima.
Your Philip will be spinning in
his grave.
My Philip spin?
At best a twitch or two.
Look, he was a wonderful man,
and I loved him dearly.
But that was a long time ago.
And now, I...I want to meet
someone glamorous.
And in order to meet someone glamorous,
I've got to be someone
glamorous.
Oh, sis.
Look,
I gotta go.
You just call me five times a
day.
And make up important names.
Love you.
Hows about Catherine the great?
I'm o'Rourke.
Who are you?
Smith.
Call me gopher.
Uhm-hmm.
Can I trust you?
Well, not if we were out
in the moonlight,
but, here in the lobby.
I'm a reporter for
"defile magazine."
Oh...?
I'm traveling incognito on
this bucket of lust to write
a story that will blow
the lid off.
Well, there's nothing to
write about on this ship.
I didn't just fall off the
turnip truck, you know.
I know what's going on.
Musical cabins, wife-swapping,
organized hanky-panky.
You're wrong.
I swear.
Sure, sure, sure,
sure.
Look,
just...
Keep ypur eyes open for me, will you?
I'll be in touch.
It should be another
interesting cruise.
We've got a full boat.
Uh...it's a ship.
And, yes, it certainly should
be.
Who is that tawny creature?
Dr. Bricker
that tawny creature is off
limits to you.
You know her?
Not yet.
But I will.
Oh, you must be ireni Jermaine.
Quite.
Well, then all of these are
for you.
Oh.
Welcome to the Princess.
Captain merrill stubing
at your command.
How sweet.
Ireni Jermaine.
I hope you get into your cabin,
miss Jermaine...
There must be a ton of flowers
in there.
Ha, ha.
Marlon...jack and Warren, too.
Oh, they're always doing things
like that.
It's sweet, but it's a bit of a
pain.
Oh, why don't you distribute
them among the indigent
passengers.
Well, excuse me...
What a fascinating woman,
isn't she, captain stubing?
Captain stubing?
Hmm?
Oh.
Hey, what's the matter?
Are you, you mad at me or
something?
'The finest animal I own'.
I could have died.
Well, I meant that as a
compliment.
You are you know, you are a fine
animal.
Do you think you own me like
one of your horses?
Hey, don't make any cracks
about my horses.
Hey, give the big guy a kiss.
No!!!
Come on, you don't care about me!
To you, I'm just some chick.
No, you're not some chick,
you're my chick.
How about I am a person?
Okay!
You're a person.
Now, shut up before I belt you!
You know what you are?
A male chauvinist pig!
Hey, hey, hey!
You're damn right I am!
You know what the big guy is?
He is the rock island line.
You wanna ride it.
You ride it like you find it.
You don't like it.
Adios amigo!
Oh yeah?.
Well, adios amigo yourself!
Get out of the cabin and leave
me alone!!!
Ha, ha.
I paid for the cabin.
You want to be left alone,
there's the door, baby!
Ha, ha.
I'll could be alone.
Ha, ha.
I can do that real quick.
And, angel, when you cool down,
why don't you come back?
I need a back rub, huh?
Oh, and bring me some
cigarettes.
Hello.
Oh, I'm -- I'm Nelson hoag.
Would you marry me?
Doesn't anyone want to
play shuffleboard anymore?
Don't feel bad.
She didn't buy me line either.
It's not a line.
I have to get married!
Oh.
It's the truth.
If I tell you why, do you
promise not to tell anyone?
Not even the American
medical association?
My word of honor.
Look,next week I'll
be twenty-five years old.
And according to my
grandfather's will, if I'm not
married by then, I lose my
inheritance.
Oh, I gotcha.
Yeah.
But you just can't go up
to a girl and say.
"Will you marry me"?
You gotta strike up a conversation.
You gotta get acquainted.
You gotta be,
cool.
I'll try that.
Thank you.
Hello, I'm Nelson hoag.
Would you like to get acquainted?
Excuse me.
I'd like to talk to the
person in charge of cabins.
Well, that's me.
Oh.
Is there some problem?
I have moved out of my boyfriend's cabin,
and I would like a cabin of my own.
Please.
Oh, ma'am...The ship is
booked to the gunwales.
There isn't a cabin I can give
you.
Ooohhhh.
Oh, I can't go crawling back to
him.
That's exactly what he wants me
to do.
He even said to bring him
cigarettes.
Uh, gee, I'm sorry,ma'am.
I just wish there was
something I could do.
Some teeny-weeny little
space someplace?
I could sleep on a sofa.
Please?
Uh, let me see if I can
find you a sofa.
Listen,
I don't take up very much room.
I'm very quiet and.
Now, now -- I can't bear to
see a beautiful woman cry.
As it happens, I can help.
You can?
I'm Adam bricker, and I
have a very, very large cabin.
I rattle around in there all by
myself.
Consider it yours.
Oh, really?
Certainly.
After all, as the ship's doctor,
it's my job to make people feel
good.
Cabin c-117.
The door's open.
Oh, thank you, dr.Bricker.
Thank you very much.
C-117, right?
Uhm-hmm.
C-117.
If you think she's grateful now,
wait till later.
No hanky-panky on the ship, eh?
What were you doing in there,
o'Rourke?
A good reporter is always where
the action is.
And on this ship, I think I'll
need roller skates.
I know, o'Rourke,
wait a minute.
Doc was just offering that
passenger a place,
to sleep.
Oh, sure.
He's a regular holiday inn.
This article is gonna make Hugh
Hefner blush.
Here's to independence and
self-reliance.
Kurt just came in.
I'm afraid when he finds out
that I moved into your cabin.
Dee Dee, you're a person
with a free will.
You can make your own
decisions.
Where have you been all
afternoon?
Well, between one and three
i was...
No, I mean her.
Well?
I have moved into dr.Bricker's cabin.
What?
She said she...
Hey, slugger, I'd stay out
of this if I were you.
The lady happens to be with me.
Funny,
that's not the impression I got.
Come on, Dee Dee, let's go.
Nope.
Whattya mean?
I mean...No.
Come on, will ya?
No, I won't.
And that is final.
For someone so young,
you've made a very mature
decision.
Okay, Nelson, I've gotta get back
and finish some work.
So I'm gonna leave you here.
Now, you just find a seat.
Try to look debonair.
And the girls'll come to you.
I like that one a lot.
Uh...no, that's Julie McCoy,
our cruise director.
She's not for you.
Is that clear?
Okay.
Good luck.
Hey, how're you doing,
pretty lady?
Fine until now.
Ah, I like that.
I like a filly with temperament.
How about giving the big guy a
dance, huh?
Oh, hey, sorry, big guy
but this filly hasn't been
halter-broke.
Besides, the gentleman has this
dance...
I do?
Sure.
Sweep me off my feet.
Hey -- I only know how
to polka.
Good evening, miss Jermaine.
Oh...good evening,
captain.
Uh, miss Jermaine,
telephone call.
Oh.
It's...rudolph nureyev.
Again?
Rude.
Oh, you persistent little peasant.
You.
Oh...yes...yes...
Oh, well, I miss you, too.
Oh, how could I forget the night
we tangoed together?
You spoiled me for anyone else.
Could you hold on for just a
minute, Rudy?
Yes, captain?
Nothing.
Have a nice evening.
So, how's the ballet?
Goodbye, Rudy.
Anyway, I feel a lot
better about everything.
You know -- you're a very sweet
guy to let me sleep in your
bed.
It's my pleasure.
Thank you.
I'm ready.
Gee, are you going out
in the corridor in that?
No,
I wasn't planning to.
Oh.
Where are you going to sleep?
Well, I was planning.
That is.
I thought we could both.
Both?
Sleep here?
What kind of a girl do you think
i am?
But you.
I didn't.
Didn't you?
No.
I thought.
What?
Excuse me.
Dee Dee, you get out of that
yo-yo's bed, and come back
where you belong.
No!
I'm staying!
You get up or so help me,
I'll...
You'll what?
I'll knock your block off,
four-eyes!
Oh my goodness!
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean for you to get hit.
Oh, I don't want you to go away
all hurt.
Help me.
Oh.
Help me.
Oh, come to the bathroom.
To the bed.
Oh.
Oh, my goodness!
Oh.
Oohhhhhhh.
Oh, my goodness!
Oh.
Just stuff this up your nostril
while you're leaving.
I enjoy the dance tonight at the reception.
Me too, me too.
Yeah.
Well, here we are at my cabin.
I had fun dancing with you.
You're a nice person.
You're not so bad yourself.
You really think so?
I mean, I'm not so bad?
Uhm-uhm.
I'll even go further than that.
You're a very nice man,
Nelson.
You just need a little more
confidence.
If you want something,
get it.
You mean it?
Uhm-hmm.
Well, there is something.
I'd like if you wouldn't mind.
Sure.
Goodnight, Julie.
Isaac.
Hi.
Will you do an old pal a favor?
Sure, anything.
Just name it.
Can I bunk with you?
Name another...
Come on, doc,now what
happened to goldilocks?
Well, she ate my porridge,
broke my chair and now she's
asleep in my bed.
She give you that beat-up nose?
Huh?
Oh, no, that's,
that's just advancing age.
You see, after forty, the muscle
in your head turns to fat
and drops.
Doc, I'd like to help you but,
I've got this cutie
up in the starlight bar, and I
thought I'd kinda.
Say no more.
Thanks anyway.
Good, doc.
You're a sport.
Gopher -- you in there?
Gopher?
Aw, nuts!
Doc.
Uh...can I come in?
Sure.
What are you in for,
o'Rourke?
Just the man I want to see.
Who's in c-125?
Julie McCoy,
the cruise director.
Oh boy!
This is really disgusting stuff!
I love it.
Oh, Julie!
Well, it serves you right
for being so lecherous.
Look, Julie, no lectures,
please?
It's been a very difficult evening.
I just want to find a place to
sleep.
Well, you happen to be
sitting on the only place to
sleep.
As you may have noticed, it's a
single bed, doc.
A very small single bed.
Don't worry.I won't invade the
purity of your single bed.
I'll sleep in the bathtub.
Doc,could I ask you a question?
Just, purely as a matter of interest.
How will I sleep in the bathtub?
I haven't figured that out yet.
No.
Well...here we are two passably
attractive human beings of the
opposite sex.
One of us a known lecher.
You, a lecher?
I never suspected.
I'm serious.
Why haven't you made?
An overture...
Julie!
That'd be like making a pass at
my own kid sister!
You know, you've done something
that I didn't think was possible.
You've shocked me.
Goodnight.
I'm sorry if the idea offends you!
I, I wasn't actually suggesting anything.
I...i just thought that,
oh, forget it.
After I close up, how 'bout you
and me taking a tour
of the ship?
Mmmm...i just love the way you
communicate.
Isaac, would you pour me a drink,
please?
Whatever's closest.
In a minute.
Another rejection.
You can have mine.
Thanks.
Oh, Nelson, I thought you were
all locked up for the evening.
I'm sorry about what happened.
I'd like to make it up to you.
You would?
Would you like to buy me a
bottle of Irish whiskey?
A whole bottle?
Sure.
We can finish it at your place.
My place is in Santa Monica.
Your cabin, Nelson.
Put this on my bill.
Thank you.
Oh, Nelson, peel me a grape.
I beg your pardon?
Would you fix me a drink, please?
Oh.
Oh, of course.
Can I ask you a simple question
first?
Sure.
Will you marry me?
Nelson, the question isn't simple.
You are...
I mean it.
If I don't get married by the
end of the week, I lose my
inheritance.
No one else'll have me.
I'm desperate.
Oh, well...Thanks.
That's just the kind of proposal
I've always dreamed of.
Hey, really?
No, not really.
Nelson, the only reason I'm here is,
well, doc's asleep in my cabin
snoring his brains out,
and...
And I'm exhausted.
I, I want to sleep.
Well, you can stay in my cabin
I wouldn't dream of trying
to get fresh with you.
Oh, thanks.
Gee, all these compliments are
gonna turn my head.
I've gotta find a wife.
Time is running out.
Well, good luck.
And remember, there's always the
want ads.
I haven't thought of that.
The want ads!
Who is it?
It's Kurt, baby.
Let me in.
Hi.
Good morning.
Uh...yes, it is.
I noticed you didn't spend
the night in your bed.
Doc, you know...
Did you have an interesting night?
Well, since you asked.
It was...Fan-tastic...
Was that Julie sneaking
in carrying her shoes?
Yeah.
I don't know if I like that.
Our Julie messing with the
passengers.
Me neither.
We wouldn't do a thing like that.
Who?
Us?
No way!
Good morning.
Oh...good morning.
Are you the lady who serves coffee?
Absolutely not!
I'm the lady who drinks
champagne.
Ha, ha.
You...sleep here all night?
Yes.
Oh.
Well.
I guess that makes us roommates.
We...we slept together!
I mean you slept here, too,
huh?
Would you marry me?
I don't think so.
Besides, my religion forbids
marriage.
I'm an avowed swinger.
Well, if you married me,
ah, ah, ah, ah.
I came on this ship for fun, not
to find a husband.
Dustin, George, Scott, Truman,
they're cute, you know?
Sylvester, Marlon, al.
A million laughs.
But I'm looking for something a
little different.
But marriage?
Not that different.
You really look rotten.
Why don't you get some sleep?
I can't.
There's a woman in my cabin.
Well, what are you doing
out here?
She turned me down.
Oh.
Well, why did you have to leave
your cabin?
Why couldn't she go to hers?
There's somebody
sleeping in her bathtub.
Oh.
Too confusing for this early in
the morning.
Look, there's no one in my
cabin.
Why don't you get some sleep,
huh?
Okay?
You're very nice.
Thank you.
Oh, by the way, I'll go with you.
I've gotta get out of these glad
rags.
You're very pretty.
Thank you.
You're very pretty.
Oh.
Good morning, gopher.
Good morning.
Morning.
Boy, she sure starts early.
Anyway, that's it.
Look, I'm ...I'm sorry,
I called you an animal.
Would you think of me as a person?
Dee Dee.
Mmm?
The big guy definitely thinks
of you as a person.
Do you love me?
Hey, is the pope catholic?
Okay!
Hey, you know -- you know
when you -- when you kicked out
the doc, he really must have
been sore, huh?
Well, no, actually,
he's very much a gentleman.
Oh, sure.
I'll bet.
How about going back to our
cabin and really getting this
honeymoon underway, huh?
Oh, well, you know, this,
hmm?
This is not really a honeymoon.
Yeah, well, why wait for the
last minute?
You know, somebody may
come in the door.
So what?
So what?!
Yeah.
What's the matter with you?
What do you mean, so what?!
You're some kind of a...
I'm a what??
Just get out of here;
would you just get out of here
and leave me alone?!
Go on!
You want get out,
you got get out!
You porker!!!
Boy!
Sickos!
Get some sleep, handsome.
And when that girl gets out of
your cabin, you can go back to
your place.
Are you sure you won't marry me?
Positive.
You're only being polite because
I slept with you last night.
Ah, miss Jermaine,
would you like a cup of coffee?
No, thank you, Isaac.
How about a glass of champagne?
Oh no, I never drink on the job.
Oh, you.
Coming right up.
Hello?
Yes.
Miss Jermaine.
Okay, just a minute, please.
Thank you.
Uh, miss Jermaine?
There's a telephone call for you.
Ah.
I'll plug you in.
Thank you, Isaac.
Hello.
Hello?
Oh, how are you Liz darling?
Oh, I'm wonderful.
Good grief.
Elizabeth Taylor!
How are Charlie and Phil?
Oh, that's nice.
Does Annie like her new horse?
Charlie?
Phil?
Annie?
Queen Elizabeth?
Oh, well, it's just
lovely of you to call.
I...I'd like to come to supper
on Friday, but I'm at sea.
It would be a little
inconvenient.
And there's a delicious captain
standing here devouring me with
his eyes.
So...I'd better ring off now
before he runs away again.
See you later, Liz.
Why don't you come sit here and
talk to me, you gorgeous captain
you!
Well.
'Captain,' anyway.
No.
Gorgeous captain.
When are you gonna give me a
captain's tour of this
magnificent liner?
Well, anytime,
at your convenience.
No time like the present.
Shall we?
My honor.
Thank you.
Miss Jermaine,
your champagne.
Oh, thank you.
Mmm.
Thank you.
Everybody's getting in the act.
Captain: "Good day, for those of you who wish to go offshore,
launches will be leaving for cabo San Lucas."
So long, honey,
Julie, I think you and I need
to have a little talk.
Oh?
What about?
Can't you guess?
You spent last night heaven
knows where.
It pains me to see your moral
standards decline.
Well, that sounds to me, doc,
like the pot calling the
kettle black.
I never claimed to have any
moral standards.
But you.
And the president stood up,
looked into my eyes and said,
"again"?
Of course, that wasn't near as
exciting as when Neil Armstrong
let me fly one of his test planes.
I got it to mach three and
he told me the plane
had never been flown that fast.
Of course,
we couldn't tell lockheed,
I'd done it.
Ha, ha, ha.
Really!
Yes.
You know, ireni,
I like your style.
And I like yours,
merrill.
Would you consider continuing
this stimulating conversation
in a quieter spot?
Well, my cabin has a lovely
view of the ocean.
Mmm.
Sounds stunning.
Yoo-hoo, Smith.
Hi, o'Rourke.
Well, you were right, Smith.
This ship is a hotbed of hot beds.
What do you mean?
I never said that.
So far, I've got a jet-set lady,
a marriage-mad heir,
a red-headed kook,
a guy with muscles on his muscles, and
assorted members of your crew.
Now, wait a minute.
I'm gonna nail 'em to the wall.
O'Rourke,
now, wait a minute.
You've got this all wrong.
If anything was going on on this ship,
I'd know about it.
Smith, I appreciate what you've
done for me, and I'm going
to mention your name in my
article.
See you later.
O'Rourke!
Wait a...
O'Rourke!
Oh no.
Yes.
How long have you been in this
business, anyway?
Uh not too long to be tired of it.
Here we are.
I forgot,
don't frown, merrill.
Who is he?
Oh, he?
Oh, a passenger, I think.
Well, I just found him on deck
this morning, fast asleep.
He had been there all night.
A stowaway?
Oh.
A girl was in his cabin and
wouldn't get out, so I just,
let him use mine.
Oh.
Ha, ha, ha...
You know, you're a most gracious
woman.
Perhaps, perhaps,
I can return the favor.
Huh?
I thought maybe I could persuade
you to use my cabin.
Oh.
It wouldn't take any persuasion
at all.
I wonder if Harold Robbins
started like this.
Voice: Captain stubing to the
bridge, please.
Captain stubing to the bridge.
Well, duty calls.
May I see you tonight?
Of course.
But you'll have to charm me all
over again.
You won't have to charm me.
I'll stay charmed all day long.
So, you see,
I'm gonna be rich.
Now, would you please marry me?
Oh, Nelson,
you're hysterical!
What am I gonna do?
Well, what seems to be the
problem?
Well, if I'm not married within a week,
I lose my inheritance.
Throw yourself on the mercy
of the court.
Maybe one of the jurors will
marry you..
And you call yourself a doctor.
Would you, care to dance?
I would love to.
What am I doing wrong?
Oh, merrill, you're such a bad boy
telling me a story like that.
But I loved it.
Are you...
Charmed again?
Maybe after one more champagne.
Well, perhaps we can have it
in my cabin.
Then why stop at one?
You have to...
You know,
get your trip together.
I have my space, and.
For sure.
You know, I have mine.
Oh, separate bedrooms.
I never thought of that.
No, that's not what I mean.
I, you know,
I mean your,
space.
For sure.
You know, your space.
Hey, baby.
Can we kinda talk this over?
Buzz off, Kurt!
You're standing in my space!
Feel it in the air, Smith?
What?
The calm before the storm.
These sex fiends are gonna go
berserk tonight.
I know it.
Want a drink, o'Rourke?
Sure.
Beer, neat.
But be cool.
Hate to be seen boozing it up
with a source.
That's me.
Cool as all outdoors.
Smith -- I like you.
You're one heckuva guy,
o'Rourke.
Nuts?
From the first time I saw you
on this ship, I felt that you
were a woman who comes into
a man's life but once.
Mmm.
How eloquently stated.
Would you mind terribly if
I kissed you?
After such a glowing tribune,
I'd be shattered if you
didn't.
Ireni,
Excuse me, lovely lady.
I'd like to slip into something
more comfortable.
Hello.
Could you please page ireni
Jermaine right away, please?
It's an emergency!
No, no, I can't wait!
You have to page ireni Jermaine
right now!
Please.
I...
I don't understand.
I can't go through with it,
that's all there is to
understand.
You can't go through with what?
This whole silly fraud!
I'm not ireni Jermaine.
I'm Irene.
Irene funston.
A widowed housewife from
pacoima.
Oh.
I don't know what to say.
You're still a lovely lady.
Filled with wit and grace.
Please.
I don't want to start anything,
I can't finish.
This cruise was going to be the
fantasy to last me for the rest
of my life.
A memory I could look back on,
in the years to come,
and...you...
You were gonna be a major part of
my scrapbook.
But,
what I realize now, is,
what I need isn't
a shipboard fling,
but a man at home I can cook for,
and clean for,
and iron shirts for.
I need what I used to have.
I'm sorry.
I can't be that man.
Whoever you are,
you're a magnificent woman,
Irene.
Are you all right?
I will be.
Why are you crying?
Whattaya talking about?
Big guys don't cry.
My late husband, he,
he was a big hulk like you.
He used to cry at tire
commercials.
You're just saying that to
make me feel better.
Uhm-uhm.
A real man shouldn't be afraid
to show his emotions.
And right now,
you're acting like a man.
I am?
Uh-huh.
Girl trouble, huh?
Yeah...i...
I think I've been jilted.
Who would want to jilt you?
I mean,
you're good looking,
obviously sensitive.
Yeah, it's true.
See, you may not believe this,
but,
well, I have an ego problem.
Oh.
Sometimes people have to tell
the world that they're the
greatest because nobody's
telling them they're the
greatest.
Yeah?
Yeah.
You are the greatest.
So I never really learned
to play basketball.
Can I buy you a drink?
I beg your pardon?
We've not been properly
introduced.
My name is Nelson hoag.
I'll have a scotch and water.
Could I have a scotch and water
for the lady, please?
Okay, but last round.
Who's fighting?
I think we'll forget about
the drinks.
Lady -- this guy won't
forget any drinks he's had
tonight.
What's your name?
Dee Dee.
That's d period, d period
or just Dee Dee?
Just Dee Dee.
You're d period, d period.
Dead drunk
Nelson, do you own any horses?
No, I,
I'm afraid of large animals.
I have a rabbit.
His name is Benjamin.
Would you like to see his
picture?
Sure.
Benjamin.
He's adorable.
I have a full scrapbook
of pictures of Benjamin,
in my cabin.
Would you like to see it?
Yes, I would.
Oh, Benjamin!
Nelson.
This is Benjamin.
I'm Nelson.
Say, what about the bill?
Oh, no, thank you.
Dee Dee,
it's morning.
I brought you some breakfast.
Oh, Nelson,
how thoughtful.
You don't mind serving a woman?
No, of course not.
Why should I?
You'd do the same for me,
wouldn't you?
People should share.
I...i hope I didn't get fresh
with you last night.
You passed out showing me
your rabbit album.
Real cute.
Yeah, he is, isn't he?
I mean you.
Sugar.
Yes, dear?
No, I need the sugar.
Oh...right...
It's not as sweet as you are.
Nelson,
will you marry me?
Huh?!
I mean, you're the most
wonderful man I've ever met.
You're kind and considerate.
Please say you'll marry me.
You'll marry me.
I -- I mean, of course I'll
marry you.
Oh!
Oh!!
Oh, honey!
They didn't have any honey.
No, I mean you.
Oh.
Nelson,
could we have a June wedding?
Well, if I get married
before Friday, I'll inherit
three million dollars.
Could we have the reception
in June?
It happened!
What happened?
I'm looking for Dee Dee.
She's got the key to my cabin.
Doc!
Come in.
Something wonderful is going to
happen!
Come on -- come on!
It happened!
Julie, come in here!
It's terrific!
What?!
Holy Toledo!
A menage a four!
Oh, you two!
Come on in!
We want you to join us!
Come on!
Go on in.
The more the merrier!
Hey!
All right!
If the old Dodgers drew this
many people, they'd
still be in Brooklyn.
A party at this hour?
Go in.
They're all your sicko
friends.
Captain stubing!
You're just in time!
You're the only thing this
party's missing!
Uh, Smith.
As long as you're out,
get some champagne!
Yes, sir!
Hey, o'Rourke,
you want some champagne?
Sure.
I've got a lot to celebrate, you
you know.
I'm gonna make millions off
this!
You know what,
o'Rourke.
Hmm?
I hate crowds.
What do you say we go to my
cabin and start our own party?
I like the way you think,
Smith.
Well, Smith, how about those rans..
All: Bye, so long.
You will come to the wedding,
won't you?
Yes.
As long as you promise not to
throw the bridal bouquet in my
direction.
Julie, I must thank you.
If you hadn't turned me down, I
don't think I ever would have
found Dee Dee.
Well, I'm glad that everything
worked out well for you,
Nelson.
Goodbye.
Well...
Goodbye, merrill.
It's not goodbye,
ireni,
it's "hasta luego."
Until we meet again.
Oh, it's not ireni.
It's Irene.
Irene.
You mean Julie and Nelson,
didn't?
No.
And Julie and doc
didn't either?
No.
Well, if they didn't,
and ireni and Nelson didn't, and
doc and Dee Dee didn't,
then the only ones who did...Were...
Oh, don't tell my editor!
Hey, not this guy.
I don't kiss and tell.
Smith, you are terrific.
O'Rourke,
you're still one heckuva guy.
Goodbye.
Bye-bye.
So long.
Bye -- everybody.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye o'Rourke.
Good bye.
Well...i had an interesting
voyage.
Mine was...Unusual.
Mine was certainly out of
the ordinary.
Mine was dull.
I didn't meet a single lady.
She was married.
It's strange.
You know, I have a vaguely
unsatisfied feeling, rather like
having eaten a Chinese dinner an
hour ago.
I have a distinctly
unsatisfied feeling, rather like
having been denied a Chinese
dinner an hour ago.
And I have a totally
frustrating feeling, rather like
not even knowing what a Chinese
dinner is...
I feel terrific.