Love,
exciting and new.
Come aboard,
we're expecting you.
Love,
life's sweetest reward.
Let it flow,
it floats back to you.
Love boat
soon will be making another run.
The love boat
promises something for everyone.
Set a course for adventure.
Your mind on a new romance.
Love
won't hurt anymore.
It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.
Yes, love
welcome aboard,
it's love.
What's bugging you, gopher?
Nah, it's not just 'what', it's 'who'.
Captain stubing.
Now what's he done to you today?
It's not just today.
It's all the time.
It's always, 'gopher, get a haircut.'
'gopher, do this.'
'gopher, do that.'
I'll bet you that on every given cruise he says,
gopher, do something' at least twenty times.
How big a bet?
Fifty bucks.
I'll take that bet.
You got it.
Me, too.
And report back in ten minutes.
Gopher.
That's one.
I'm gonna clean-up this cruise.
That's one.
Lee, you are gonna have a fabulous time.
Lorraine, it's just a business trip.
I know.
And I'll be all tied up with the ad campaign.
I know.
Look, maybe we can do it together next time, hmm?
I know.
It would be nice if we could get away alone some time.
Maybe then we'd have a chance to...
I know.
Talk.
We never really talk.
But we will when I get back.
I know.
Lorraine!
Lorraine Graham!
Look who it is, Herman.
I could die.
It's Lorraine, from the apartment down the hall.
Oh, I could die.
Mister and Mrs. Bass.
What are you doing here?
Well, what's everybody doing?
Taking a cruise.
Oh, I hope our cabins are close.
Herman, look at our tickets.
Oh, oh, no, I'm not going.
I just came to see Lee off.
You're not going?
But your Lee is?
What happened, honey?
A little fight?
You know you can tell me.
My lips are sealed.
Isn't that right, Herman?
Lee's researching a new ad campaign for the ship line,
and he thought I would be bored if I came along.
You know, he'll be working late.
And you bought that?
I'll tell you, I wouldn't let my Herman out of my sight for a minute.
Right, Herman?
Herman?
Herman?!
We gotta get aboard.
Well, I'll keep an eye on Lee for you, dear.
Oh no, I don't think...
You don't have to thank me.
You know, not everybody is like my Herman.
Come, Herman.
Mister yamashiro.
We've been expecting you.
I'm captain merrill stubing.
It's a pleasure to have one of Japan's
foremost industrialists as an honored guest.
My personnel will respond with alacrity to your every wish.
What he say?
Oh, 'welcome aboard.'
oh.
I'm Ken Davis, mister yamashiro's
sales manager in the states.
It's my pleasure.
I hope you'll like our ship.
Oh, he will like your ship.
Ship is made of steel, from yamashiro steel company.
Oh.
Largest in the orient.
Also hat and wristwatch.
Shaving lotion, 'swinging samurai'.
Well, if there's something you need
that you don't already make, let me know.
Enjoy your cruise.
Thank you.
Davis, you keep eye on him.
Oh.
If he do good,
i make him captain of my new oil tanker.
I'll remember that.
Also remember, Davis,
why we take this cruise, huh?
You make real estate deal with that Newman lady,
otherwise yamashiro get very angry.
Make you houseboy on oil tanker.
A little joke.
Oh, yes, sir, it was.
What's that?
Get road on the show.
That's show on the road, sir.
Davis, you lip your button.
Hi, lovely ladies.
Could I help you?
Adam bricker, the ship's doctor.
Oh, a doctor.
Are you a specialist?
Hm-hmm.
The Latin hustle.
I'm Eve colbert and this is my sister-in-law, Ruth Newman.
Hi, Eve, Ruth.
How do you do?
How are you?
Ruth is recently widowed and not into dating.
I, on the other hand,
i am recently divorced and into dating heavily.
Eve, you're in luck.
I'm also recently divorced.
Oh, I bet you date heavily, too.
Uh-huh.
That's why I'm recently divorced.
Thank you.
You like those?
Oh, it's pretty.
Oh, Ruth, this is gonna be fun.
Beautiful, isn't it?
It is so bourgeois.
Dad, do I have to come on this cruise?
Oh, come on, you'll love it.
Look, Vanessa, you're away at school most of the year.
I want a chance to get acquainted with my daughter.
You...you are my daughter, aren't you?
Dad, I'll make you a deal.
You don't pick on my denims,
i won't pick on your double-knits.
Hello.
I'm your cruise director, Julie McCoy.
Slade summerhill.
And this is my daughter, Vanessa.
How do you do?
I'm sure that you two are gonna have a wonderful time here.
We have lots of activities.
Swimming, dancing, shuffleboard...
Do you have any cultural events?
Well, yes.
You can pick up a list of lectures from the purser's desk.
Thank you.
Hm-hmm.
Okay, mister summerhill, let me check
and see what your seating arrangement'll be for dinner.
You got, you got some deeper stuff here?
Who is that deck hand Vanessa's talking to?
Oh, sir, that isn't a deck hand.
That's our assistant purser, burl Smith.
He's a ship's officer.
You're kidding.
And not only do we have lectures,
we have a terrific ship's library.
Great.
Do you have any books on Lenin?
No.
But I think we've got one on Ringo.
Come on,I'll show you.
Gopher?
Excuse me.
That's the captain.
Yes, sir?
You're supposed to help miss McCoy
board all the passengers, not just the pretty ones.
Yeah, yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
That's two, and we haven't even left port yet.
Oh, it's ship business, sir.
Excuse me, sir, but you're in my cabin.
There must be some mistake.
This is my cabin.
Oh?
Well, I'm not leaving.
Well, what should we do about it?
I guess we'll just have to make the best of it.
I was getting sick of meeting in hotel rooms.
Lee, there's gonna be a welcome aboard,
a cocktail party in the lido deck.
Yeah.
We can be lovers later,
but we'll have to be people first.
Please, please?
Okay, I guess I can wait.
Oh, good.
Is the party over yet?
Lee!
Here you go, mister yamashiro.
'Dragon's breath'.
Our finest sake.
Of course.
Made by yamashiro's distillery.
Up the hatch.
Mister yamashiro?
Hmm?
Listen, now that we're aboard,
how 'bout taking a look at that
invention I talked to you about?
Oh, no, no, no.
Your invention not ready to work yet.
And I'm not ready to buy.
Now, you concentrate on your job
or you're gonna be ready for unemployment.
Right.
Mrs. Newman is on board,sir.
Hey, good, good.
Now you arrange for lady to sell us electronic factory.
I am tired of hearing no for answer.
Make her offer she cannot excuse.
That's refuse, sir.
You refuse?
Oh, no.
No, no.
But, mister yamashiro,
we've already offered her a million-five.
Then sweeten the offer.
Throw in a color t.V.
American color t.V.
Funny joke.
You make a deal
or you're gonna laugh in the poor house.
Well, mister whatyacallit, of all people.
Oh, mrs.Newman,
what a surprise.
Of course, you remember mister yamashiro.
Of course.
You're the one who's going to buy the United States.
Suppose I start by buying you a drink, huh?
Poison your name.
No, thank you.
You know, I have a funny feeling
that our being on the same cruise
is not a, a total accident.
Well, what makes you say that?
Because my instincts are very good.
And your acting is lousy.
Sayonara.
Getting her to sell isn't gonna be easy.
Well then use the brain.
See, Davis, this woman not interested in big checks.
So, maybe use a little sex.
Sex?
Why you think I bring you here?
I heard you have black belt in hanky-panky.
Huh?
This whole cruise is gross.
And when I think of the money you spent on it.
Can I help it if I have money?
But, daddy, you didn't earn it.
I didn't steal it.
I inherited it from uncle Zachary.
Who piled up a fortune from the sweat of the masses.
You could say that.
He invented a deodorant.
Hi, Vanessa.
Hi, gopher.
Bye, gopher.
Why did you chase him off?
You can do better than
a sawed-off clerk in a sailor suit.
Well, at least he's a worker.
He earns his keep.
With his prospects, he'll never earn yours.
You make me so mad.
I'm not going to yell.
I'm going to meditate.
Om-m-m-m, om-m-m-m.
To our romantic cruise.
To our first drink together, not from room service.
Lee!
Lee Graham!
Herman, look who it is.
It's Lee.
I could die!
I could die, too.
Oh.
What a surprise.
It's me.
Cora and Herman from the apartment building.
What a coincidence.
Terrific.
We'll see you 'round the ship.
I don't believe we know your lady friend.
She's no lady friend.
I mean, she's a lady but she's no friend.
We just met.
This is Cora and Herman from the apartment building
and I'm Lee Graham.
And I'm Andrea Martin.
So nice to meet you.
We saw Lorraine on the pier.
Lorraine?
Yes.
Lorraine.
Your wife.
Oh, Andrea, you should meet his wife.
Oh, salt of the earth, that woman.
Lorraine couldn't come.
This trip is strictly business.
The ad campaign for the cruise line...
Well, Herman and I are not gonna let you work that hard.
This is our first day out.
Now, come on, we'll tour the ship.
No, no, no, no...I couldn't.
I promised Lorraine I'd take care of you.
Have a nice time, honey.
Hope you meet someone.
Come, Herman.
Oh...you won't believe
who I ran into on the lido deck.
R-two-d-two and c-three-p-oh.
Close.
Ken Davis and mister yamashiro.
Do you think they followed you here?
Uh-huh.
They must really want you to sell.
No way.
Ruth, the man has offered you a million-and-a-half.
Kind of tempting.
Not to me.
Ruth, listen to me.
Sell yamashiro the business.
You don't need it.
No!
Frank built that business from nothing.
He wouldn't want me to sell.
Look, Eve, the only way
I can keep frank's memory alive
is to keep the business alive.
Ruth, he's been gone for over a year now.
It's time to stop mourning and to start living.
Come on, have dinner with doc and me.
Okay.
As long as the specialty tonight is not Japanese food.
I'm afraid you're in the wrong cabin, sir.
You don't even know me.
But I'd like to.
I've missed you.
Oh, and I missed you.
Did you have to spend the whole afternoon
with Cora's welcome wagon?
But we haven't missed the evening's activities.
Yeah.
Like dinner and dancing, and a walk in the moonlight, oh...
Andrea, I thought we'd spend
our first night out more romantically.
So I ordered dinner in.
What you mean is you don't want
Cora to see us together again.
Right?
Well you saw that woman.
She'd like nothing better than to tell
Lorraine that I'm having an affair.
Well maybe it would be better if she found out.
Then you'd have to make up your mind
whether you're gonna divorce your wife or not.
Well, I'm gonna divorce her.
But the news needs to come from me,
not from some nosey busybody!
Oh, oh, look, look, let's just forget about that.
Tonight it's just us.
Okay?
Cora: (Voice) Lee?
Dressed for dinner yet?
Honey, look, look, just bear with me, okay?
Look, I'll get rid of her, okay?
Just, just, just for one...
Let me out of it.
Coming, Cora.
Cigarettes.
Oh, Cora, Herman...
Uh...
You look so wonderful all dressed for dinner, huh?
Well you better get going.
You don't wanna miss the hors d'oeuvres.
Oh, have I got great news for you.
I spoke to that attractive cruise director, Julie.
Arranged for the three of us to be seated at the same table.
Well that's wonderful news, Cora,
but I'm not hungry tonight.
Oh.
And I'm gonna turn in early.
Oh, cigarettes.
I didn't know you smoked.
Oh, for years.
It's a filthy habit.
In fact, I'm gonna give it up right now.
I'm gonna just flush these right down the toilet.
Good evening, sir.
I thought you said you weren't hungry.
Well, I have to sample the ship's cuisine.
It's part of my job,
working on the brochure, you know.
Now what do we have here...Duck l'orange, one liver veneziana.
Two dinners?
There must be some mistake.
Yes.
I only ordered the liver.
Liver?
Oh, Herman loves liver.
Steward, I suggest you check which cabin ordered that duck.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you very much.
And you better be hurrying to the dining room.
You don't want them to run out of liver, do you, Herman?
He's right, Herman.
Bon appetit.
Why don't we meet later?
You know after dinner.
We could go to the show, and then we could go dancing.
Swell.
Come, Herman.
I'll see you there.
Come, dear, come.
Thank you.
Matches.
You forgot the matches.
And so, that's when I realized
I had to join the personhood.
The, the what?
The personhood.
It's a movement.
We believe that nobody should lead and,
and nobody should follow.
We are all equal persons.
Well, you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen.
Only a beautiful person would say that.
Oh, thank you.
This person would like to personally request
your person to dance, but there's a small problem.
What's the problem?
Which person leads?
Nobody.
Good evening.
Oh, captain stubing,could I have a word
with you for a minute?
Oh yes, mister summerhill.
That's my daughter over there dancing
with a member of your crew...
Gopher?
Hm-hmm.
Call me snobbish, but I don't want my daughter
to throw herself away on a...'Gopher'.
Oh.
Well, I'm sorry, mister summerhill,
but I make it a point never to interfere
in the private lives of my crew.
Would it make any difference if
i told you I was a close friend of one
of the directors of this cruise line?
None whatsoever.
I'm sorry.
I...i shouldn't have said that.
Could I just ask for your help as a...
A very concerned father.
Well, that's different.
You know, this really isn't my style at all.
On a night like this my person wants to run
barefoot through the fields and gaze at the stars.
Oh, wow.
You know, we can't supply the fields,
but we could take off our shoes and look at the stars.
Come on, follow me.
No.
Now nobody follows.
Share this direction with my person.
Gopher.
Oh, boy.
Perfect timing.
That's five.
I'll see you on deck.
Yes, sir?
Gopher, I hate to tell you this but Vanessa's father
is concerned that you're leading his daughter astray.
Well that's impossible, sir,
because there are no leaders and there are no followers.
I don't follow you.
Exactly, sir.
You understand.
I don't understand.
Now look, I've passed the message on,
the rest is up to you.
Do you follow me?
I can't sir.
There are no followers.
There are no followers?
Oh, poor gopher.
Poor us.
I never saw fifty bucks go so fast.
Look, we'll sweeten the deal
with two hundred shares of yamashiro stock
and another fifty thousand in cash.
Huh?
I said no in a letter.
And I said no to your attorney's attorney when he called me.
Now would you please buzz off, mister Davis?
Please, call me Ken.
Okay, Ken, buzz off.
Look, why are you shooting me down?
You know absolutely nothing about me.
Oh, come on, we have nothing in common.
We do so.
We're here at the same table together.
Whoopee.
Let's get married.
Well look, we do have something in common.
I mean, that is, if,
if you really run your husband's electronics firm
and aren't just a, a figurehead.
Run it, bud.
I run it at a profit.
Okay.
All right.
Well then maybe you'd be interested
in something that I've invented.
What is this something?
Well, we have to go down to my cabin and I'll show it to you.
Now honest.
Okay.
But if this invention of yours
is as old as your line, you are in big trouble.
Ok, let's go.
You know your captain is a fascist.
He certainly is.
Ordering you not to see me.
Boy, a swell night for romance, huh?
Moonlight.
Vanessa, I'm crazy about you.
I feel the vibes, gopher.
It's just that I can only love a person,
and that captain is turning you
into a non-person with his 'gopher, do this,
gopher, do that.'
oh, well he's not like that all the time.
Gopher!
Not all the time, huh?
Gopher!
Doc, will you knock it off, please?
Julie's not feeling very well
and the captain wants you to take over for her at bingo.
You're not gonna do it, are you?
Well...julie is my friend and I...
Well, it's my job.
You're a non-person.
Wait, Vanessa, wait...
Hey, if you're a non-person,
does that mean it's a non-bet?
Non-sense.
It's really quite simple.
All I do is speak and it's down on paper.
It's incredible.
I can't believe it.
You invented this?
Hm-hmm.
Of course, it still has a few bugs in it.
Like what?
Well like that.
It takes things down that it's not suppose to.
You know, this thing could make you a millionaire.
Not really.
It still needs some development
and I can't afford the financing.
Well, what about yamashiro?
Yamashiro's only interested in sure things.
And that isn't that sure.
So, you see, it wasn't a ploy to lure you down to my cabin.
Well it beats, 'you wanna see my etchings?'
you know, you're really quite beautiful.
You've got a beautiful smile,
beautiful sense of humor and a
beautiful head on your shoulders.
How come you're so rotten at business?
What do you mean?
Well, let me put it this way.
We'll sweeten the sweetener, okay?
Five hundred shares of yamashiro stock
and the rest in cash.
Oh, boy, I should've known better.
What?
You and yamashiro never give up, do you?
Well, wait, wait...
Well, I'm not buying it, buster!
And I'm not selling either!
And you mind your own business!
Good morning, mister yamashiro.
Oh, good morning.
Davis...?
Hmm?
No bush around the beat.
Give me report.
Well, the good news is
they're having tempura for lunch.
The bad news is Mrs. Newman.
I tried everything I could.
It's, it's no sale.
No sale!
No sale (speaks Japanese)
Boy, did he seem mad.
What did he say?
Well, I'm not sure.
But I think I just lost my Christmas bonus.
Hey, good morning.
Did you sleep all right?
The way you snore?
I'm sorry.
Hey, I'm sorry this trip has been miserable for you.
I'll tell you what, let's start all over again.
Get dressed, we'll have breakfast.
In fact, I'm so hungry I'll have five breakfasts,
then we'll do whatever you wanna do.
You mean it?
What about Cora and Herman?
Who cares about Cora and Herman?
We can't go on like this.
Oh, Lee, thank you.
And I've made a decision.
I'm divorcing Lorraine.
Oh, Lee.
Om-m-m-m-m-m.
Come in.
Excuse me.
I wasn't trying to overhear your mantra or anything.
But could, could this non-person talk to your person?
Gopher, I'm sorry I called you that.
No, no.
I am sorry that I ran out on you last night.
You couldn't help it.
I could help it, Vanessa.
I've been doing a lot of thinking.
And what you said about the personhood
and then no leaders and no followers.
And the feudal system and running barefoot.
It makes a lot of sense.
It does?
Oh, gopher, I love you.
And it's not gopher.
It is assistant purser burl Smith.
That's it.
Assert your pride and dignity.
Right.
And don't let captain stubing boss you around.
Right.
But he's the captain.
He's just another person, isn't he?
Yeah.
Yeah, but then who runs the ship?
You'll all run it.
One person, one vote.
Oh, wow!
It's personhood.
I never even thought of it that way.
Oh, Vanessa.
I feel like a, like a new man.
A new person.
Oh, wow.
I really wasn't sure you'd see me after last night.
Well, I...I wanted to Bury the hatchet.
Thank you.
Sure.
In my head?
Last night I did.
But you were only doing your job.
I like you, Ken.
But mostly when you're not talking business.
I like you, too.
And that's not business.
Well, I just can't figure it.
Is running that company so important to you,
or are you just, you just afraid?
Afraid of what?
Afraid of letting go.
Afraid of change.
Look who's talking about being afraid.
Mister yamashiro treats you like a flunky
and you're afraid of leaving him.
I can't.
You don't need him, Ken.
You've got a wonderful invention
that you're going to make a bundle from.
Ruth, without that steady salary
I couldn't afford to market it.
And...i may lose that
if you don't sell your business to yamashiro.
He'd actually fire you?
You don't know him like I do.
I know you.
And I know you're conning me again.
Ruth, I...
You don't expect me to buy that?
Getting fired?
How desperate can you be?
Pretty desperate.
That's why I'm losing my job and losing you.
Put that on my tab.
Certainly.
You sent for me, sir?
Ah, yes.
Come in, gopher.
Ahh, sir?
Hmm?
It's not gopher.
It's assistant purser burl, Smith.
Of course.
I mean, I don't call you stubie-buby.
I get your drift, gopher...Uh, uh, Smith.
I just wanted to thank you
for filling in for miss McCoy last night.
No problem, sir.
Just part of the job.
Aye.
Dismissed.
Oh, would you mind dropping off
my dress white at the cleaners?
Me?
Yeah.
Yes, sir, I'd mind.
What?
It would demean my personhood.
I don't follow you.
Exactly, sir, there is no followers.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Now I order you to take
my dress whites to the cleaners.
No, sir.
No, sir?
Yes, sir.
No, sir.
Are you disobeying an order?
Unless we vote on it, sir.
One person, one vote.
Well this is my vote.
Gopher, you're fired.
Uh...mister Smith.
He's fired, too.
Now get out of here, the both of you.
We're shoving off now.
Both of you?
Oh, Lee, isn't it great?
See, we can be like real people.
Oh, sure.
Let's have a drink.
Lee!
Andrea!
Well, you two are getting to be quite an item.
Oh, miss Martin was just giving me
her point of view on my ad campaign.
Yes.
But I'm not sure he's getting my point.
Oh, well thanks for everything.
Oh, I wish I could stay and chat more
but I have an appointment on the bridge with the captain.
I'll see you later.
He never stops.
He's burying himself in his work.
He's burying himself all right.
So I said to this munchkin,
can you do that standing up?
Hi, Isaac.
Hey, doc.
How you doing, Julie?
Oh, much better thanks to doc's prescription.
Oh, nothing to it.
What did he tell you to take?
Yesterday off.
Vanessa, I did it!
I stood up to the captain!
Burl!
No more, 'gopher do this, gopher do that.'
fabulous.
I love you.
I love you, too.
We win the bet.
Oh, who cares about that.
I told the captain to stop calling me gopher.
And he ordered me to take
his dress whites to the cleaners, and I said no.
Not without a vote.
And he said, 'gopher, you're fired.'
and I said, 'it is mister Smith.'
He said, 'gopher, you're fired.'That's what he said.
Gopher, you directly disobeyed an order?
Well, I guess I did.
But...well, he's just a person
and I'm just a person.
And his person canned my person.
Here, man.
I think you're gonna need this.
No, no, I can't drink on the job.
You can while you're looking for one.
Fired.
I'm really gonna miss all this,
you guys, and, and the ship.
I'm, I'm gonna turn in my uniform.
I didn't mean for him to go that far.
I cost him his job.
What a bummer.
Well, don't take it so hard.
I mean, all we have to do is get
captain stubing to change his mind.
Like she said, what a bummer.
Mind if I join you?
Please do.
Thank you.
Where's Ken?
I don't know, and I couldn't care less.
Oh, and I thought you two were
just starting to hit it off.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He hit on me and it's off.
Mrs.newman?
Mrs. Newman.
Boy, you harder to find than a haystack in a needle.
I, I wanna make you a new offer.
You're wasting your time.
I already turned down your sales manager.
Oh, oh, but that's why yamashiro
no longer have sales manager.
I give Davis the old ho-heave.
You fired Ken?
Yes.
Well then he was telling the truth.
Excuse me.
Oh, uh, uh, Mrs. Newman. Miss Newman,
I wanna buy the factory
even if it costs me an arm and a leg.
Well you throw in your head and we'll talk.
Mrs. Newman...
Andrea...don't say it.
I have nothing to say to you.
Good.
Ever again.
'No more lies, no more hiding.'
i'm, I'm sorry.
I, look, I lost my nerve.
I need more time.
More time?
How long do I have to wait?
We came on board for a little freedom
and I end up trapped in a floating motel room
just because you're afraid of some gossipy neighbor.
Cora bass just isn't a gossip.
She's hedda hopper in support hose.
Now I've been thinking, it just isn't fair to Lorraine.
Well, what about being fair to me for a change?
Look, look...Soon as we get back, I'll ask for a divorce.
I promise.
I am sick of your promises.
I am sick of this ship!
And I am definitely sick of you!
Andrea!
I'm sorry, Ken.
I should've believed you
when you said your job was on the line.
It's not your fault, Ruth.
If he hadn't fired me for this,
he would've found some other reason.
Well, you'll find another job.
Anyway, you've still got this.
Yamashiro want business.
You tell widow lady you in love.'
Ruth, don't read anymore of that, please.
Please.
'You happen to be right.
I do love Ruth, but I'm not
going to use that as a weapon.'
is this true?
Look, the invention is not perfect yet and...
Well, unless it spelled your name wrong or something, I...
Oh, Ken.
Ruth, I do love you.
Very much.
Well why didn't you say something last night?
Listen, you wouldn't believe me about being fired,
how would you believe me by saying I loved you?
I guess you're right.
Would you believe that I believed that you...
Forget it.
I've decided to sell part of the company.
Oh, not to yamashiro.
No.
That's crazy.
Not to yamashiro.
I want to sell it to you.
To me?
Oh, honey, I can't afford that.
Well you can pay for it with
half interest in your invention.
But it's not proven.
It is to me.
Oh boy, be careful.
Anything you say around here can be held against you.
Hi.
Go away.
Andrea, I can't.
I want you.
I said, go away.
I've been a coward, I know.
It is not cowardice.
Lee, deep down inside you just
don't want to leave Lorraine.
Andrea, I...
You know I'm right.
You may want me, but you need Lorraine.
I mean, you two have been married
for a very long time, and sometimes when people
have been married for such a long time,
they forget to say the 'i love you's',
or 'you look beautiful',
or 'i miss you.'
I don't know, maybe it's because
you said them so often they just don't mean anything anymore.
So your life gets bland and your marriage, too.
And so you think you're gonna add a little spice to your life.
Andrea...
Lee, I am only the spice in your life.
You probably have a wonderful wife.
So why don't you just go back
and let her show you how wonderful she can be.
Thank you.
Yeah.
You know, when I thought about this cruise,
and I dreamed about a night like this with the ocean,
the breeze and the stars,
and us kissing.
I never thought it would be a 'goodbye' kiss.
Working on your campaign, mister Graham?
Don't look, Herman.
Come in.
What is this, a lynch-mob?
Uh, call it a delegation, sir.
Captain, we'd like you to reconsider about gopher.
I'm to blame for everything.
Sir, I would like to apologize for defying an order.
I don't know what got into me.
I know.
My silly ideas.
Vanessa, there's nothing wrong in having ideas.
But sometimes we're too hasty in acting them out.
You see, gopher, it's just as hard
to give an order as it is to take one.
But I have a great responsibility for this ship
and for everyone aboard it.
Vanessa, it's like being a father.
Now you may think that your father
is bossing you around but all he wants is what's best for you.
I know.
It's just that sometimes it's hard to live that way.
Young lady, nobody said life had to be easy.
Mister Smith.
Uh...call me gopher.
Thank you.
Call me captain stubing.
Now, let's just look on this entire episode as an experiment.
Yes, sir.
An experiment that failed miserably.
Miserably.
Now all of those in favor of reinstating
yeoman purser Smith, please say 'aye'.
Julie/doc/isaac: Aye, aye, sir.
All opposed.
Congratulations, assistant purser.
You are hereby unfired.
Now that is the first and last vote you will ever take on this ship.
That's an order.
Whatever you say.
Thank you sir.
We'd better say goodbye here.
You okay?
My back hurts.
I never slept in a bathtub before.
You didn't have to do that, you know.
I know.
But for the first time
in a long time my conscience doesn't hurt.
Nor mine.
Goodbye, Lee.
Good luck.
Yamashiro: Mrs. Newman?
Mrs. Newman, wait,
please.
One last big chance, okay?
You sell me the factory?
Ask my new advisor.
Sure.
Him?
I fire and you hire?
Not exactly.
They're gonna get married.
And as for the factory,
we're gonna use it to produce my invention.
Oh, married.
Yamashiro invest in invention.
How 'bout a hundred thousand to start?
Call it wedding present.
That's very generous of you.
Old American saying: You can't join 'em, beat 'em.
Lorraine.
Hey.
How did it go?
Did you get your business accomplished?
Well, Lorraine, there's something...
There's something I got to explain.
It really wasn't a business trip.
Thank you for being honest.
I knew.
I've been so stupid.
But I'm back.
I mean really back, if you'll take me.
I do love you, Lorraine.
And I hope you believe me, 'cause I mean it.
I love you, too.
Wait.
I'll get my bags.
Lorraine!
You poor thing.
Have I got something to tell you.
No, Cora, you don't have a thing to tell me.
Oh, it's so sad, because a wife is always the last to know.
Right, Herman?
Herman!
Come here.
Vanessa told me about the talk you had.
Thanks.
You're quite a guy.
Vanessa's quite a girl.
Though I must say sometimes
i find young people are hard to understand.
Yeah.
What does she see in him?
But I almost got you fired.
Oh, no.
No, I got me fired.
Instead of being my own person,
my person was impersonating your person.
I don't follow you.
And I don't follow you.
Isn't that great?
Far out.
Come on, Vanessa.
Okay, gopher.
Time to pay up.
Uh-huh.
The captain only picked on you nineteen times.
One short.
That means you owe us fifty bucks a piece.
Come on, pay up.
Gopher.
Thank you, sir.
And thank you.
That will be fifty dollars a piece, please.
Don't worry, I'll send you a receipt.
All: Talking.