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Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
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00:00:08,929 --> 00:00:10,329
Oh, Robin, I just get
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00:00:10,429 --> 00:00:12,930
so lonely and confused
when I'm not with you.
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Well, now, I've missed
you, too, sweetheart.
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Did you like the little
surprise I sent?
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Surprise? The Polaroids.
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What? I-I don't remember.
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The pictures of me
wearing that teddy
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you like.
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The picture of me holding
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that teddy you like.
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Now, Rebecca, don't tease.
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Not so early in my sentence.
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Oh, Robin, you really mean
you didn't get the pictures?
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I think I would remember.
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Well, I know I mailed them.
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I went to pick up
my final paycheck at Cheers
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and then I mailed them.
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Oh, well, they'll get here.
Yeah.
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Okay, for this one
without the teddy,
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we will start the bidding...
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start the bidding at ten bucks.
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Don't crowd.
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$100.
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¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
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¶ Takes everything you've got ¶
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¶ Takin' a break
from all your worries ¶
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¶ Sure would help a lot.
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¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
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¶ Sometimes you want to go.
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¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
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¶ And they're always
glad you came ¶
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¶ You wanna be
where you can see ¶
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¶ The troubles
are all the same ¶
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¶ You wanna be where everybody
knows your name ¶
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00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:41,833
¶ You wanna go
where people know ¶
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¶ People are all the same.
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¶ You wanna go where everybody
knows your name. ¶
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I guess I don't have
to show you where anything is
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behind the bar,
right, Mr. Peterson.
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No, no, no, we got
the, uh, beer taps,
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you got your uh, cherries,
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olives, pretzel bag... Hey!
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You guys got a cash
register back here.
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Oh, my God!
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I'm in one of Norm's dreams.
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No, no, no.
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I'm just doing my hour
behind the bar to qualify
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for the employees'
basketball game.
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Although my dreams are
very similar to this.
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Except for, uh, in my dreams
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the, uh, kegs are a lot taller
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and, uh...
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well, I can fly.
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Oh.
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I've got a good feeling
this year, guys.
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I think we're gonna
beat those guys
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from Gary's Old Towne Tavern.
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00:02:49,635 --> 00:02:51,934
Yeah! Al right! Oh, this again.
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I mean, every year they beat
you, humiliate you,
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outsmart you
and take your money.
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I mean, where's
the virtue in that?
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Tradition.
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Well, forgive me if I don't
share your enthusiasm.
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I've just been feeling
a bit edgy these days.
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Why's that, Dr. Crane?
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00:03:07,736 --> 00:03:09,936
Well, Lilith, in her own
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dear, compulsive, little way
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00:03:12,436 --> 00:03:13,836
made the mistake of asking me
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00:03:13,936 --> 00:03:15,836
if I thought she looked fat.
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And what did you say?
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Well, I told her
she looked just fine.
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Ooh, rookie mistake. Yeah.
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00:03:21,736 --> 00:03:25,437
So, uh, what kind of
punishment are you getting?
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00:03:25,537 --> 00:03:26,737
Oh, I'm not getting any.
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Oh, you got off easy.
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No. I'm not getting any.
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No, you're getting off easy.
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Ho, Woody, think fast!
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Way to pass her off there, Sam.
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Wait till you guys hear
what I did this weekend.
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You know, ever since
I bought this bar,
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00:03:57,038 --> 00:03:59,237
I've been trying to remind
people it's still a sports bar,
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00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:01,438
so I've been going around
renewing some of my old
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00:04:01,538 --> 00:04:02,638
sports contacts.
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00:04:02,738 --> 00:04:04,438
And for those of you
who've never seen Sam
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00:04:04,538 --> 00:04:06,138
renewing his old
sports contacts,
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00:04:06,238 --> 00:04:07,438
it goes something like this.
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00:04:07,538 --> 00:04:08,737
"Oh, come on!
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00:04:08,738 --> 00:04:10,037
"You've got to remember me!
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00:04:10,038 --> 00:04:11,238
You've got to!"
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00:04:12,338 --> 00:04:14,238
This shows what you know.
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00:04:14,338 --> 00:04:15,514
I happened to spend the weekend
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00:04:15,538 --> 00:04:17,638
going head-to-head
with Kevin McHale.
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00:04:17,738 --> 00:04:18,838
Whoo. Whoa. Hey.
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00:04:18,938 --> 00:04:21,039
That's my favorite Celtic. Yeah?
97
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You know, uh,
basketball was invented
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00:04:23,139 --> 00:04:25,739
by the ancient Celtics.
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00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:30,039
You know, interestingly enough,
so was the parquet floor.
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00:04:31,239 --> 00:04:32,739
You've been working
without your hat,
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00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,738
haven't you, Cliff?
102
00:04:34,739 --> 00:04:36,338
So, Sammy...
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00:04:36,339 --> 00:04:38,338
shot hoops
with Kevin McHale, huh?
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00:04:38,339 --> 00:04:40,839
Actually, no, I, uh,
I played golf with him.
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00:04:40,939 --> 00:04:42,439
Beat him, too, you know.
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00:04:42,539 --> 00:04:43,638
Hurt him bad. All right!
107
00:04:43,639 --> 00:04:45,239
- All right!
- Yeah, you know,
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00:04:45,339 --> 00:04:48,339
big a star as he is, you, uh,
shank a tee shot into his shin,
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00:04:48,340 --> 00:04:51,139
and he'll cry
just like anybody else.
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00:04:51,140 --> 00:04:52,939
Hey, Sammy, I've got a great idea.
Yeah, what?
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Ask Kevin to play on our team.
No.
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Then we'll really cream Gary's.
Yeah!
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No, no, that'd be cheating.
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But that'd be good cheating.
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You know, at what point
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does cheating become
a moral dilemma?
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00:05:04,940 --> 00:05:07,240
I mean, can the severity
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00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,340
of snitching that
last piece of cake
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00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,039
be compared to, oh,
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00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:14,741
cheating on one's wife with
the beautiful, young woman
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that works in the
office next to yours?
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I should footnote this
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by adding that I'm
not getting any.
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Hello, sports fans!
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00:05:30,241 --> 00:05:31,941
What are you doing here, Gary?
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00:05:32,041 --> 00:05:35,441
I just came by to introduce you
to some of my new employees.
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Come on down, boys.
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00:05:38,041 --> 00:05:40,940
- Oh, hey, hey...
- Oh, hey!
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Come on. Yeah, what...?
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00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:44,142
Those guys are ringers.
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00:05:44,242 --> 00:05:45,641
They're just a couple of kids
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working their way
through college.
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00:05:47,042 --> 00:05:48,941
Oh, by the way,
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00:05:48,942 --> 00:05:50,841
I just wanted to let
you know that we're open
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to any wagers.
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00:05:52,742 --> 00:05:54,241
Oh, oh, that's right.
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You guys are too chicken to bet.
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Hey, we're not chicken to bet.
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We bet you stomp all over us.
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If I were you Sam,
I'd get a piece of this action.
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00:06:03,542 --> 00:06:06,041
He means do we want to bet
on ourselves here, Woody.
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00:06:06,042 --> 00:06:07,942
Are you kidding?
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00:06:08,042 --> 00:06:10,042
With those two skyscrapers?
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00:06:10,043 --> 00:06:12,143
Man, I thought
I was the bumpkin here.
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Have it your way.
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00:06:14,943 --> 00:06:17,643
Oh, oh, Sam, give me
the ball for a second.
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Watch this.
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00:06:24,043 --> 00:06:25,343
See you at the gym.
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00:06:28,243 --> 00:06:29,743
Boy, that Gary's a rat.
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Yeah, can you
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00:06:30,943 --> 00:06:32,119
believe that?
Bringing in a couple
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00:06:32,143 --> 00:06:33,743
of professional ringers
like that?
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00:06:33,843 --> 00:06:35,443
No, I meant stealing our ball.
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Oh, man, that's
my favorite ball!
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I hate that! Give me the phone.
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I'm calling,
I'm calling Kevin right now.
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All right! Yeah!
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He'll be able to get
that ball back for us.
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He's way big.
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00:06:46,944 --> 00:06:48,144
Yeah, all right.
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00:06:48,244 --> 00:06:49,404
If he wants to play that way,
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I'm just gonna get Kevin McHale
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to come down and play with us.
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There you go! Yeah.
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If he doesn't want to do it,
then I'll get Larry Bird.
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00:06:55,644 --> 00:06:57,244
No, no, no, no, not Bird.
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If he's in, I'm out.
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00:06:58,244 --> 00:06:59,443
Woody.
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00:06:59,444 --> 00:07:01,343
Woody, Woody, you telling me
you know Larry Bird?
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00:07:01,344 --> 00:07:03,644
I don't have to know him.
He's from French Lick, Indiana.
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He's a doofus.
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00:07:06,745 --> 00:07:08,244
So what?
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00:07:08,245 --> 00:07:10,545
You're from Indiana
and you're a doofus.
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00:07:10,745 --> 00:07:12,845
Yeah, but I would rather
be a doofus from Hanover
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00:07:12,945 --> 00:07:15,044
than a doofus from French Lick,
'cause everyone from Hanover
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00:07:15,045 --> 00:07:18,345
knows that French Lick is
the doofus capitol of Indiana.
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00:07:20,045 --> 00:07:23,044
Of course everyone from
French Lick thinks it's Hanover.
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It's a fuel
of a raging controversy.
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00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:26,745
Yo, Kevin.
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00:07:26,845 --> 00:07:28,945
Hi. Sam Malone here.
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00:07:29,045 --> 00:07:31,244
Hey, listen, you remember how
I told you about that game
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00:07:31,245 --> 00:07:33,846
my bar is playing against,
uh, Gary's Old Towne Tavern?
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00:07:33,946 --> 00:07:36,646
Yeah, how'd you like
to get in on that?
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00:07:36,746 --> 00:07:39,546
No, I... I know, I know
you've got a busy schedule
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and all... Sammy...
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tell him it's for charity.
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No, no listen,
I understand, I understand.
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I'm not gonna bust
your chops here.
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00:07:45,646 --> 00:07:48,846
You know... these needy orphans
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00:07:48,946 --> 00:07:51,446
have been through it all.
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00:07:51,546 --> 00:07:54,845
They're used to people
letting them down.
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00:07:54,846 --> 00:07:57,145
Oh, I'm sorry, didn't I tell
you it was for charity?
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00:07:57,146 --> 00:07:58,746
Oh, I'm sorry man.
Yeah, charity.
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00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,487
Well, no, don't worry about it.
195
00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:03,146
I can get one
of the Lakers to do it.
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00:08:03,147 --> 00:08:05,447
I mean, they're good guys.
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00:08:05,547 --> 00:08:08,147
I mean, they'll give up
an hour of their time
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00:08:08,247 --> 00:08:10,647
to change some poor kids' lives.
199
00:08:12,147 --> 00:08:14,247
Sam, leave the man alone.
200
00:08:14,347 --> 00:08:16,223
You know, if somebody doesn't
want to do something,
201
00:08:16,247 --> 00:08:18,946
no amount of manipulation,
cajoling, pleading
202
00:08:18,947 --> 00:08:21,047
or lying can get them
to change their mind.
203
00:08:21,147 --> 00:08:22,047
That's fantastic, man!
204
00:08:22,147 --> 00:08:23,467
All right.
I'll see you down here.
205
00:08:25,347 --> 00:08:27,848
Could you call
Lilith for me? I'll...
206
00:08:36,548 --> 00:08:39,148
Boy, look at the curves
on that glass.
207
00:08:42,248 --> 00:08:43,848
Oh, feel that.
208
00:08:46,448 --> 00:08:50,348
Boy, he's really not
getting any, is he?
209
00:08:50,448 --> 00:08:52,348
Pathetic.
210
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:54,248
Woody, uh, pour me
another beer, will you?
211
00:08:55,549 --> 00:08:58,149
Put it in one of those
girlie glasses.
212
00:09:00,549 --> 00:09:02,149
Hey, everybody!
213
00:09:02,249 --> 00:09:04,249
I want you to meet,
uh, your bartender, here,
214
00:09:04,349 --> 00:09:06,249
Mr. Kevin McHale!
215
00:09:10,849 --> 00:09:12,149
Kevin...
216
00:09:12,249 --> 00:09:13,648
watch your head,
watch your head.
217
00:09:13,649 --> 00:09:14,949
Low bridge. Low bridge.
218
00:09:16,349 --> 00:09:17,549
Welcome aboard, Kevin.
219
00:09:17,649 --> 00:09:18,849
I hope your years at Cheers
220
00:09:18,949 --> 00:09:20,349
are as happy as mine were.
221
00:09:20,449 --> 00:09:23,149
Sam, I'll get my stuff together
and get out of your way.
222
00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:24,250
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
223
00:09:24,350 --> 00:09:25,949
Come back here, man.
He's not replacing you.
224
00:09:25,950 --> 00:09:27,590
He just filling in here
for a little while
225
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,849
so he can qualify to play
the game against Gary's.
226
00:09:29,850 --> 00:09:31,450
Oh!
227
00:09:31,550 --> 00:09:33,849
Oh, in that case,
here's an apron.
228
00:09:33,850 --> 00:09:35,449
All right.
229
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:38,150
Well, so what's it like
working with Larry Bird?
230
00:09:39,550 --> 00:09:40,749
Hey, Larry's great.
231
00:09:40,750 --> 00:09:41,850
Larry's funny as can be.
232
00:09:41,950 --> 00:09:43,249
Boy, he's got some great jokes.
233
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:45,150
And most of his jokes
are about these doofuses
234
00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:46,450
from Hanover, Indiana.
235
00:09:51,651 --> 00:09:52,751
Did you ever hear this one?
236
00:09:52,851 --> 00:09:53,950
How many guys from Hanover
237
00:09:53,951 --> 00:09:55,351
does it take
to change a lightbulb?
238
00:09:56,751 --> 00:09:58,327
It doesn't even matter
'cause they gotta drive
239
00:09:58,351 --> 00:10:01,151
all the way over to French Lick
just to get the lightbulb.
240
00:10:08,251 --> 00:10:09,951
I heard it a little different.
241
00:10:12,951 --> 00:10:14,350
Hey, Kevin!
242
00:10:14,351 --> 00:10:16,551
Want to slam-dunk me
a beer over here, buddy?
243
00:10:16,651 --> 00:10:17,451
Nah, I can't do that.
244
00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,152
That's against NBA policy.
245
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:20,428
Oh, right, yeah, yeah,
they don't, uh,
246
00:10:20,452 --> 00:10:22,452
like their athletes
promoting drugs or alcohol,
247
00:10:22,552 --> 00:10:25,552
so tonight, uh, Kevin's
just going to be serving water.
248
00:10:25,652 --> 00:10:27,252
To whom?
249
00:10:30,252 --> 00:10:31,928
Do you believe this, huh?
I'm about to play ball
250
00:10:31,952 --> 00:10:33,451
with Kevin McHale tonight?
251
00:10:33,452 --> 00:10:35,428
You know, I didn't realize
we were playing at night.
252
00:10:35,452 --> 00:10:37,292
Are you sure the orphans
can stay up that late?
253
00:10:37,352 --> 00:10:38,752
The orphans? Yeah, the orphans.
254
00:10:38,852 --> 00:10:40,452
The orphans, yeah,
you know, well...
255
00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:42,028
Oh, oh, right, right.
See, uh, one of the, uh,
256
00:10:42,052 --> 00:10:43,728
one of the great things
about orphans is, they have
257
00:10:43,752 --> 00:10:46,553
no parents to tell
them when to go to bed.
258
00:10:49,053 --> 00:10:51,352
Listen, Kevin, about the, uh,
259
00:10:51,353 --> 00:10:52,953
these orphans, uh...
260
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,253
well, they're not coming.
261
00:10:54,353 --> 00:10:55,952
Uh, seems there was
some kind of mix-up.
262
00:10:55,953 --> 00:10:57,553
You know, they had
tickets to the, uh,
263
00:10:57,653 --> 00:10:58,953
circus or something like that.
264
00:10:59,053 --> 00:11:00,652
You know these orphans,
they're always getting freebies.
265
00:11:00,653 --> 00:11:02,852
Oh.
266
00:11:02,853 --> 00:11:04,853
I don't know, Sam,
there's no circus in town.
267
00:11:04,953 --> 00:11:06,853
Well, uh, may... oh, right.
268
00:11:06,953 --> 00:11:08,853
It was the, uh,
monster truck rally.
269
00:11:08,953 --> 00:11:10,153
That was it.
270
00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:13,053
No, no, no-no, not tonight.
271
00:11:14,554 --> 00:11:17,754
All right, guys, where do
you think the orphans are?
272
00:11:19,454 --> 00:11:20,254
Come on, Sam.
273
00:11:20,255 --> 00:11:21,553
There are no orphans, are there?
274
00:11:21,554 --> 00:11:22,954
W.. in the world?
275
00:11:23,054 --> 00:11:24,953
God, Kevin, I wish
that were true, man!
276
00:11:24,954 --> 00:11:27,454
Oh, Sam, this is all a big scam.
277
00:11:27,554 --> 00:11:29,654
There are no orphans.
I'm out of here.
278
00:11:29,754 --> 00:11:30,830
Aww, Kevin, Kevin,
wait a minute.
279
00:11:30,854 --> 00:11:32,294
Let me talk to you
here for a second.
280
00:11:32,354 --> 00:11:33,654
Listen, man, wait, wait, wait.
281
00:11:33,754 --> 00:11:35,854
We've got a $5,000
bet with Gary.
282
00:11:35,954 --> 00:11:37,953
$5,000, huh?
283
00:11:37,954 --> 00:11:40,654
Yeah. I-I can't afford
to lose that kind of money.
284
00:11:42,855 --> 00:11:44,355
Well, I do have a friend of mine
285
00:11:44,455 --> 00:11:46,754
who's on the board of directors
at the Sunny Grove Orphanage.
286
00:11:46,755 --> 00:11:48,955
I'll bet he knows
where the orphans are tonight.
287
00:11:51,155 --> 00:11:53,854
Anyway, I-I know that
they're desperate for money.
288
00:11:53,855 --> 00:11:55,155
And let's say the winnings
289
00:11:55,255 --> 00:11:56,731
for our game were
to go to the kids...
290
00:11:56,755 --> 00:11:57,954
Oh, hell, yes!
291
00:11:57,955 --> 00:12:00,754
We don't mind
if those tykes get their cut.
292
00:12:00,755 --> 00:12:02,355
No, no, Sam, not their cut.
293
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:03,854
They get every penny.
294
00:12:03,855 --> 00:12:07,055
Every... Uh, guys,
what do you say here?
295
00:12:07,155 --> 00:12:09,455
I mean, we're in it
to beat Gary, right?
296
00:12:09,456 --> 00:12:11,755
I mean, that's what
it's all about, isn't it?
297
00:12:11,756 --> 00:12:13,855
I want my money back.
298
00:12:13,856 --> 00:12:15,456
Listen, listen.
299
00:12:15,656 --> 00:12:17,255
If Kevin plays,
then we're definitely gonna win,
300
00:12:17,256 --> 00:12:20,355
so it'll be Gary's $5,000
that we give to the orphans.
301
00:12:20,356 --> 00:12:21,656
But if he... if he doesn't play,
302
00:12:21,756 --> 00:12:23,156
then we're definitely
gonna lose,
303
00:12:23,256 --> 00:12:25,755
and it'll be our five grand
that we're giving to Gary.
304
00:12:25,756 --> 00:12:26,796
All right, I'm behind you.
305
00:12:26,856 --> 00:12:27,656
I agree.
306
00:12:27,756 --> 00:12:30,356
I want my money back.
307
00:12:30,456 --> 00:12:33,056
Okay, then, we're all agreed.
308
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,457
Here they are, God bless them.
309
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:39,557
They're at the boat show.
310
00:12:44,857 --> 00:12:47,357
- Gary! Gary! Gary!
- Gary! Gary!
311
00:12:47,457 --> 00:12:49,057
Gary! Gary! Gary!
312
00:12:49,157 --> 00:12:51,056
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
313
00:12:51,057 --> 00:12:52,956
Gary's not here.
314
00:12:52,957 --> 00:12:54,856
Find Gary! Find Gary!
315
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,156
Find Gary! Wait, wait,
wait, wait, man.
316
00:12:56,157 --> 00:12:58,033
We're just early, that's all.
We'll have to wait.
317
00:12:58,057 --> 00:12:59,217
Wait for Gary! Wait for Gary!
318
00:12:59,257 --> 00:13:01,257
Wait... What, am I
the only one here?
319
00:13:01,357 --> 00:13:02,856
Okay, guys, let's
huddle up here.
320
00:13:02,857 --> 00:13:03,957
All right, all right.
321
00:13:04,058 --> 00:13:05,658
Have a seat.
Have a seat, fellows.
322
00:13:05,758 --> 00:13:07,158
All right. Settle down.
Settle down.
323
00:13:07,258 --> 00:13:09,458
Come on. Okay, now,
324
00:13:09,558 --> 00:13:11,457
the way I see it,
anyone gets within ten feet
325
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,257
of the ball,
they pass it to Kevin.
326
00:13:13,258 --> 00:13:14,458
Yeah. Sounds good to me.
327
00:13:14,558 --> 00:13:16,558
What if he's not open?
328
00:13:16,658 --> 00:13:18,457
- Yeah, yeah.
- Old Towne Tavern!
329
00:13:18,458 --> 00:13:22,257
Old Towne Tavern!
Old Towne Tavern!
330
00:13:22,258 --> 00:13:24,058
Well, the cheerleaders are here.
331
00:13:24,158 --> 00:13:25,758
Well, Sam,
332
00:13:25,858 --> 00:13:28,758
you really want to go through
with this formality,
333
00:13:28,858 --> 00:13:30,234
or you just want to call
the whole thing off?
334
00:13:30,258 --> 00:13:32,159
Oh, let's go through
the formalities, Gar.
335
00:13:32,259 --> 00:13:34,659
Say, have you met
our, uh, new bartender?
336
00:13:34,759 --> 00:13:36,659
Right over here.
337
00:13:36,759 --> 00:13:39,559
This is our ringer, Gar.
338
00:13:39,659 --> 00:13:41,859
You're getting a little bald
on top, fellow.
339
00:13:41,959 --> 00:13:43,159
Let's go.
340
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:47,559
Wait-wait-wait...
341
00:13:47,659 --> 00:13:48,759
All right!
342
00:13:48,859 --> 00:13:50,559
All right, way to go, way to go!
343
00:13:52,259 --> 00:13:53,759
Kevin. Kevin.
344
00:13:58,459 --> 00:14:00,360
- Good stuff, man.
- Good stuff.
345
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,860
- Keep going.
- Get it!
346
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:06,360
Nice one, Kevin!
347
00:14:07,460 --> 00:14:08,759
Go, Kevin.
348
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,160
Yes, Kevin!
349
00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:17,060
Go! Go!
350
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,460
Yes!
351
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,260
Hey, hey!
352
00:14:23,460 --> 00:14:25,660
Yeah, right, yeah!
353
00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:27,661
Take that.
354
00:14:27,761 --> 00:14:29,961
In your face! In your face!
355
00:14:30,061 --> 00:14:31,561
Come on, Woody! Come on, Woody!
356
00:14:31,661 --> 00:14:32,861
Come on! Woody!
357
00:14:32,961 --> 00:14:34,561
Kevin can't do everything here.
358
00:14:34,661 --> 00:14:35,860
How's it going?
359
00:14:35,861 --> 00:14:37,060
Kevin's doing everything here.
360
00:14:37,061 --> 00:14:38,360
Yeah?
361
00:14:38,361 --> 00:14:39,760
Well, say, what's the score?
362
00:14:39,761 --> 00:14:41,061
Uh, 70... two.
363
00:14:41,161 --> 00:14:42,261
To what?
364
00:14:42,361 --> 00:14:43,761
We have 70, they have two.
365
00:14:43,861 --> 00:14:46,161
All right.
366
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:47,960
Sammy, I need a break.
367
00:14:47,961 --> 00:14:50,260
I cannot... move.
368
00:14:50,261 --> 00:14:51,261
Oh, yeah, take a break.
369
00:14:51,262 --> 00:14:52,961
Why don't you get yourself
a beer?
370
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,162
Okay, fellows, I'm
playing for Norm now.
371
00:14:57,262 --> 00:14:58,362
Go! Sammy!
372
00:14:58,462 --> 00:14:59,562
Oh, there you go.
373
00:14:59,662 --> 00:15:00,861
Fast break, Kevin.
374
00:15:00,862 --> 00:15:02,161
Whoo!
375
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:03,361
Yeah. Don't you love teamwork?
376
00:15:03,362 --> 00:15:04,662
Well, say, don't you think
377
00:15:04,762 --> 00:15:06,338
maybe somebody ought to
go in for McHale?
378
00:15:06,362 --> 00:15:08,338
I mean, he's the only one
been playing the whole game.
379
00:15:08,362 --> 00:15:09,461
What, are you nuts?
380
00:15:09,462 --> 00:15:10,961
What, we're ahead
by, what, 70 points?
381
00:15:10,962 --> 00:15:12,861
I don't want to
just beat this guy.
382
00:15:12,862 --> 00:15:13,962
I want to humiliate him.
383
00:15:14,062 --> 00:15:16,462
I want to hear that clown, Gary,
scream for mercy.
384
00:15:18,962 --> 00:15:21,362
That wasn't Gary, was it?
385
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:22,563
Sorry, Mr. McHale.
386
00:15:22,663 --> 00:15:24,863
You know, sometimes
you can just pop these babies
387
00:15:24,963 --> 00:15:26,063
right back into place.
388
00:15:27,563 --> 00:15:29,563
Maybe not.
389
00:15:44,268 --> 00:15:45,468
Gary, it's Carla.
390
00:15:45,568 --> 00:15:47,768
Yeah, the guys just wanted me
to give you a call,
391
00:15:47,868 --> 00:15:49,668
tell you that you left something
at the gym.
392
00:15:49,768 --> 00:15:51,268
Your money! Your pride!
393
00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:54,168
Did you lose a blue gym bag?
394
00:15:54,268 --> 00:15:55,469
Cheers rules!
395
00:15:58,669 --> 00:16:00,068
Oh, man, victory is so sweet.
396
00:16:00,069 --> 00:16:02,468
This is even better than the
time we didn't lose so badly.
397
00:16:02,469 --> 00:16:03,569
You remember that?
398
00:16:04,869 --> 00:16:06,568
Yeah, but the best part
was Kevin getting up
399
00:16:06,569 --> 00:16:09,769
and walking off the court,
knowing his foot was okay.
400
00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:13,869
No, no, The best part was Gary's
total defeat and humiliation.
401
00:16:13,969 --> 00:16:16,069
Yeah... Yeah, that
was the best part.
402
00:16:16,169 --> 00:16:18,068
Yeah, did you see his face
when we told him
403
00:16:18,069 --> 00:16:19,969
we were going to give
his money to charity?
404
00:16:20,069 --> 00:16:20,969
Yeah, you know,
uh, those moppets
405
00:16:21,069 --> 00:16:22,269
will be glad to get the money.
406
00:16:22,370 --> 00:16:25,069
Yeah, a lot they did for it.
Yeah.
407
00:16:25,070 --> 00:16:26,769
Anyway, uh...
408
00:16:26,770 --> 00:16:28,746
that orphanage guy is coming
over here in a little while
409
00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:30,469
to take the money back.
410
00:16:30,470 --> 00:16:34,269
You know, Sam, I, uh, don't know
if I've told you,
411
00:16:34,270 --> 00:16:36,070
but tragically I lost
412
00:16:36,170 --> 00:16:38,570
both my parents when I was...
413
00:16:38,670 --> 00:16:41,270
oh, in my early 30s.
414
00:16:42,670 --> 00:16:45,569
I could sure use that money.
415
00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:47,670
Say, Lilith, how about that?
416
00:16:47,770 --> 00:16:49,870
Would $5,000 buy anything?
417
00:16:52,171 --> 00:16:53,570
What?
418
00:16:53,571 --> 00:16:54,771
Nothing, dear.
419
00:16:54,871 --> 00:16:57,471
I'm getting nothing here.
420
00:16:59,971 --> 00:17:01,571
Mr. Malone?
421
00:17:01,671 --> 00:17:02,771
Yeah, over here.
422
00:17:02,871 --> 00:17:04,471
I'm Dr, Walter Froenmeyer
423
00:17:04,571 --> 00:17:05,971
with the Celtics' medical staff.
424
00:17:06,071 --> 00:17:08,271
Uh, yeah? I wanted
to get your version
425
00:17:08,371 --> 00:17:10,971
of Mr. McHale's
accident last night.
426
00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:12,571
Oh, well, uh... no big deal.
427
00:17:12,671 --> 00:17:14,370
He fell down,
we put him back up.
428
00:17:14,371 --> 00:17:15,670
Nothing serious.
429
00:17:15,671 --> 00:17:17,971
Does this look like
nothing serious to you?
430
00:17:17,972 --> 00:17:21,372
God! The skin's all gone.
431
00:17:24,972 --> 00:17:28,471
This hairline fracture
runs the entire length
432
00:17:28,472 --> 00:17:29,472
of the metatarsal,
433
00:17:29,572 --> 00:17:30,971
which would indicate
there was some sort
434
00:17:30,972 --> 00:17:32,572
of a jarring after
the initial impact.
435
00:17:32,672 --> 00:17:33,871
It was me!
436
00:17:33,872 --> 00:17:36,171
I fell on him and then I tried
to pop it back into place.
437
00:17:36,172 --> 00:17:37,272
I'm sorry!
438
00:17:37,372 --> 00:17:38,471
Woody, Woody...
439
00:17:38,472 --> 00:17:39,592
Excuse me just for a second.
440
00:17:39,672 --> 00:17:40,848
Woody, Woody, no, now come on.
441
00:17:40,872 --> 00:17:42,371
Don't blame yourself.
442
00:17:42,372 --> 00:17:44,972
You were just at the wrong place
at the wrong time, that's all.
443
00:17:45,072 --> 00:17:46,449
If anything led to this,
it was Sam's pigheaded refusal
444
00:17:46,473 --> 00:17:47,772
to take McHale out
of the game earlier.
445
00:17:47,773 --> 00:17:48,873
What are you talking about?
446
00:17:48,973 --> 00:17:51,572
Woody's the clod who broke his foot.
Oh, God!
447
00:17:51,573 --> 00:17:52,873
If you'll excuse me,
448
00:17:52,973 --> 00:17:55,173
I've got a whole gang
of reporters back at the Garden
449
00:17:55,273 --> 00:17:57,672
waiting to find out why
McHale's out for the season.
450
00:17:57,673 --> 00:17:59,073
Wait a minute...
Out for the season?
451
00:17:59,173 --> 00:18:01,672
Oh, my God. People
are gonna hate us.
452
00:18:01,673 --> 00:18:04,372
Hate us? Man they'll kill us
first, then they'll hate us.
453
00:18:04,373 --> 00:18:05,672
Excuse me, Doctor,
454
00:18:05,673 --> 00:18:06,873
listen, there's no need
455
00:18:06,973 --> 00:18:08,872
for you to mention
the bar's name, now, is there?
456
00:18:08,873 --> 00:18:10,072
Why shouldn't I?
457
00:18:10,073 --> 00:18:11,673
Professional courtesy.
458
00:18:11,773 --> 00:18:13,874
I'm a doctor.
You're a bartender.
459
00:18:13,974 --> 00:18:15,674
We're both professionals.
460
00:18:15,774 --> 00:18:18,373
Sam, wait a minute,
let me do this. all right?
461
00:18:18,374 --> 00:18:21,874
Doc, how much would it take
to put a hook in your mouth?
462
00:18:21,974 --> 00:18:23,373
$10,000.
463
00:18:23,374 --> 00:18:25,274
Five. Deal.
464
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:29,074
Now, she's a professional.
465
00:18:30,974 --> 00:18:33,373
Hey, great work there, Carla.
466
00:18:33,374 --> 00:18:34,573
Right. Dodged that bullet.
467
00:18:34,574 --> 00:18:36,074
Way to go, Carla.
468
00:18:36,174 --> 00:18:39,174
I want my money back.
469
00:18:39,274 --> 00:18:40,974
Oh, for goodness sakes, Frasier,
470
00:18:40,975 --> 00:18:43,475
we've been intimate several
times this last month.
471
00:18:43,575 --> 00:18:44,975
Look at my day planner.
472
00:18:45,075 --> 00:18:47,475
We were together every
night this weekend.
473
00:18:47,575 --> 00:18:50,374
Oh, good heavens!
That wasn't you.
474
00:18:50,375 --> 00:18:52,075
What do you mean it wasn't me?
475
00:18:52,175 --> 00:18:53,575
I'm kidding.
476
00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:55,956
See? Look how tense you are.
You wouldn't enjoy it anyway.
477
00:18:57,775 --> 00:18:59,175
Well, fine.
478
00:18:59,275 --> 00:19:00,874
I don't want it anyway.
479
00:19:00,875 --> 00:19:01,975
You do, too.
480
00:19:02,075 --> 00:19:02,575
I do not.
481
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:03,275
You do so.
482
00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:04,075
All right, I do.
483
00:19:04,275 --> 00:19:06,675
Well, you're not getting any.
484
00:19:06,775 --> 00:19:09,976
Oh, Frasier, isn't it enough
that I'm doing it to your mind?
485
00:19:16,376 --> 00:19:17,875
Hey, Sammy.
486
00:19:17,876 --> 00:19:18,776
You're walking!
487
00:19:18,876 --> 00:19:20,975
Kevin, when did you get
out of the hospital?
488
00:19:20,976 --> 00:19:22,576
What are you talking about?
489
00:19:22,676 --> 00:19:24,276
Talking about your foot.
490
00:19:24,376 --> 00:19:25,476
Aw, it's fine.
491
00:19:25,576 --> 00:19:27,552
I iced it down for about
a half hour after the game.
492
00:19:27,576 --> 00:19:28,576
Feels great.
493
00:19:28,676 --> 00:19:30,076
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second.
494
00:19:30,176 --> 00:19:31,536
Who-Whose X-ray is this,
then, huh?
495
00:19:31,576 --> 00:19:32,576
Is that not yours?
496
00:19:32,577 --> 00:19:34,475
I don't know. Let me
take a look at it.
497
00:19:34,476 --> 00:19:37,176
It says "adult male gorilla."
498
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:41,077
That's not me.
Could be Laimbeer, huh?
499
00:19:44,677 --> 00:19:46,477
Oh man, I can't believe this.
500
00:19:46,577 --> 00:19:48,053
Gary sends in a fake doctor
to steal our money.
501
00:19:48,077 --> 00:19:49,277
Do you believe that?
502
00:19:49,377 --> 00:19:51,977
God! Even when we
beat him, he wins.
503
00:19:52,077 --> 00:19:54,377
Hey, Sam, I'd like you
to meet Father Conrad here,
504
00:19:54,477 --> 00:19:55,777
from the Sunny Grove Orphanage.
505
00:19:55,877 --> 00:19:58,177
Yeah, hi. I hope you don't
mind that we brought
506
00:19:58,277 --> 00:20:00,053
a photographer along.
Listen, Sam, why don't you
507
00:20:00,077 --> 00:20:02,277
come on around there and get
a picture with Father and I
508
00:20:02,377 --> 00:20:03,678
and the $5,000 you're giving us.
509
00:20:03,778 --> 00:20:04,878
Come on.
510
00:20:04,978 --> 00:20:06,977
You want to do this,
uh... right now?
511
00:20:06,978 --> 00:20:08,278
Yeah. Come on over. Let's go.
512
00:20:09,478 --> 00:20:10,678
Okay. I'll be right there.
513
00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:14,978
What are we gonna do?
514
00:20:15,078 --> 00:20:16,678
All right, short people
in front.
515
00:20:18,978 --> 00:20:20,578
Look what you did!
516
00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:23,978
You made me smack you
in front of a priest!
517
00:20:27,078 --> 00:20:28,254
Boys, boys,
we can work this out.
518
00:20:28,278 --> 00:20:29,677
Yeah, how? We don't
have any money.
519
00:20:29,678 --> 00:20:31,979
No, no, no, but we've got a lot
of people in here, right?
520
00:20:32,079 --> 00:20:34,478
How about we collect as much
money as we can, That's good.
521
00:20:34,479 --> 00:20:35,879
We give it to him,
522
00:20:35,979 --> 00:20:38,219
and then we make sure everybody
knows that Gary's the one
523
00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:41,179
that stole the 5,000 bucks from those kids.
There you go.
524
00:20:42,879 --> 00:20:45,879
Uh, give me some money.
It's for a good cause.
525
00:20:45,979 --> 00:20:46,979
What cause?
526
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,079
'Cause I said.
527
00:20:50,979 --> 00:20:54,078
Hey, Sammy, Father and I
were just talking about it.
528
00:20:54,079 --> 00:20:55,955
Those kids are really going
to enjoy that money.
529
00:20:55,979 --> 00:20:57,679
Gonna get some shoes,
some eyeglasses...
530
00:20:57,779 --> 00:20:59,879
You know, Kevin, we don't
quite have $5,000,
531
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,379
but we're pretty
darned close here.
532
00:21:01,380 --> 00:21:03,480
Sammy, Sammy, where is
the orphans' money?
533
00:21:03,580 --> 00:21:04,680
He has it.
534
00:21:06,380 --> 00:21:08,680
Thank you, Sam.
535
00:21:08,780 --> 00:21:10,280
Thank you all for coming.
536
00:21:10,380 --> 00:21:13,379
Father, on behalf of Gary's
Old Towne Tavern,
537
00:21:13,380 --> 00:21:15,879
I'd like to present you
with a souvenir jacket,
538
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,380
and we have one
for you, too, Kevin,
539
00:21:18,580 --> 00:21:21,380
with extra-long sleeves.
540
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,180
Oh, nice! Uh-huh.
541
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:28,181
Here's a little check
for those wonderful kids.
542
00:21:28,281 --> 00:21:29,781
$5,000, Kevin.
543
00:21:29,881 --> 00:21:32,181
$5,000! That's great.
544
00:21:32,281 --> 00:21:34,881
Hey Gar, let's get a picture with it.
That's a great idea.
545
00:21:34,981 --> 00:21:36,681
Sam, would you get
out of the way here.
546
00:21:36,781 --> 00:21:37,821
You're blocking the check.
547
00:21:37,881 --> 00:21:38,981
We've got a donation, too.
548
00:21:39,081 --> 00:21:39,981
Hold on a second.
549
00:21:40,081 --> 00:21:41,381
How much have you got?
550
00:21:41,481 --> 00:21:45,281
$11 and, uh, 75 cents.
551
00:21:45,381 --> 00:21:47,481
That's so cute.
552
00:21:47,581 --> 00:21:50,180
Uh, gentlemen,
I have a bus outside.
553
00:21:50,181 --> 00:21:52,180
We can swing by,
pick up the orphans,
554
00:21:52,181 --> 00:21:54,182
and we can drive them
over to Gary's
555
00:21:54,282 --> 00:21:55,282
for some milk and cookies.
556
00:21:55,283 --> 00:21:56,681
What do you think, Father?
557
00:21:56,682 --> 00:21:59,782
I think that's fine. It's a great idea.
Come on!
558
00:21:59,882 --> 00:22:01,382
You don't understand, man.
559
00:22:01,482 --> 00:22:03,182
That $5,000, that's our money.
560
00:22:03,282 --> 00:22:05,482
Shame on you, Sam.
561
00:22:05,582 --> 00:22:06,982
You know it's
the orphans' money.
562
00:22:07,082 --> 00:22:10,081
Hey, Gar, thanks a lot
for the five grand.
563
00:22:10,082 --> 00:22:12,158
Get out of here. I don't want
to see you again. You're a bum.
564
00:22:12,182 --> 00:22:13,882
Go on. Get out of my place.
Go on, scoot.
565
00:22:13,982 --> 00:22:15,181
Fine. Fine.
566
00:22:15,182 --> 00:22:17,982
Eight years of humiliating
you weenies is enough.
567
00:22:18,082 --> 00:22:20,182
I'm gonna find a tougher
gang to humiliate.
568
00:22:20,282 --> 00:22:22,082
Hey, you can look
all over Boston.
569
00:22:22,083 --> 00:22:25,083
You won't find any weenies
tougher than us!
570
00:22:25,183 --> 00:22:27,582
Yeah, that's telling him, Woody.
571
00:22:27,583 --> 00:22:29,582
Huh?
572
00:22:29,583 --> 00:22:31,483
Sam, we've got to
get back at Gary.
573
00:22:31,583 --> 00:22:32,859
Worse than we ever
got them before.
574
00:22:32,883 --> 00:22:34,183
Come on, let's get Gary.
575
00:22:34,283 --> 00:22:37,983
Let's get Gary!
Let's get Gary! Let's get Gary!
576
00:22:38,083 --> 00:22:39,359
- Come on...
- Let's get Gary! Let's get Gary!
577
00:22:39,383 --> 00:22:40,283
Aw, don't worry about it.
578
00:22:40,383 --> 00:22:41,882
Let's get Gary! Let's get Gary!
579
00:22:41,883 --> 00:22:43,782
Come on. What are we doing?
580
00:22:43,783 --> 00:22:45,182
Man, we're pathetic!
581
00:22:45,183 --> 00:22:46,482
We've been trying
582
00:22:46,483 --> 00:22:48,383
to get Gary for eight years!
583
00:22:48,483 --> 00:22:49,883
We never win!
584
00:22:49,884 --> 00:22:51,884
We're pathetic.
585
00:22:51,984 --> 00:22:54,684
There's nobody more pathetic
than us in the whole world.
586
00:22:56,984 --> 00:22:58,784
Oh, please, Lilith.
587
00:22:58,884 --> 00:23:00,084
Anything.
588
00:23:00,184 --> 00:23:02,784
A back rub. A handshake.
589
00:23:02,884 --> 00:23:04,484
Blow me a kiss.
590
00:23:10,084 --> 00:23:11,684
We're not Frasier.
We're not Frasier.
591
00:23:11,784 --> 00:23:15,183
We're not Frasier!
We're not Frasier!
592
00:23:15,184 --> 00:23:17,185
We're not Frasier!