1 00:00:01,529 --> 00:00:04,229 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:08,929 --> 00:00:10,329 Oh, Robin, I just get 3 00:00:10,429 --> 00:00:12,930 so lonely and confused when I'm not with you. 4 00:00:13,030 --> 00:00:14,706 Well, now, I've missed you, too, sweetheart. 5 00:00:14,730 --> 00:00:16,930 Did you like the little surprise I sent? 6 00:00:17,030 --> 00:00:19,130 Surprise? The Polaroids. 7 00:00:19,230 --> 00:00:20,930 What? I-I don't remember. 8 00:00:21,030 --> 00:00:23,230 The pictures of me wearing that teddy 9 00:00:23,330 --> 00:00:24,530 you like. 10 00:00:24,630 --> 00:00:26,929 The picture of me holding 11 00:00:26,930 --> 00:00:28,330 that teddy you like. 12 00:00:28,430 --> 00:00:29,630 Now, Rebecca, don't tease. 13 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,130 Not so early in my sentence. 14 00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:33,329 Oh, Robin, you really mean you didn't get the pictures? 15 00:00:33,330 --> 00:00:34,929 I think I would remember. 16 00:00:34,930 --> 00:00:37,030 Well, I know I mailed them. 17 00:00:37,130 --> 00:00:39,131 I went to pick up my final paycheck at Cheers 18 00:00:39,231 --> 00:00:40,930 and then I mailed them. 19 00:00:40,931 --> 00:00:43,631 Oh, well, they'll get here. Yeah. 20 00:00:43,731 --> 00:00:46,131 Okay, for this one without the teddy, 21 00:00:46,231 --> 00:00:48,731 we will start the bidding... 22 00:00:48,831 --> 00:00:50,531 start the bidding at ten bucks. 23 00:00:50,631 --> 00:00:51,731 Don't crowd. 24 00:00:51,931 --> 00:00:53,531 $100. 25 00:00:59,731 --> 00:01:01,931 ¶ Making your way in the world today ¶ 26 00:01:02,031 --> 00:01:05,031 ¶ Takes everything you've got ¶ 27 00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:07,831 ¶ Takin' a break from all your worries ¶ 28 00:01:07,832 --> 00:01:10,731 ¶ Sure would help a lot. 29 00:01:10,732 --> 00:01:14,332 ¶ Wouldn't you like to get away? ¶ 30 00:01:16,532 --> 00:01:19,232 ¶ Sometimes you want to go. 31 00:01:19,332 --> 00:01:22,532 ¶ Where everybody knows your name ¶ 32 00:01:24,632 --> 00:01:28,531 ¶ And they're always glad you came ¶ 33 00:01:28,532 --> 00:01:31,531 ¶ You wanna be where you can see ¶ 34 00:01:31,532 --> 00:01:34,233 ¶ The troubles are all the same ¶ 35 00:01:34,333 --> 00:01:38,233 ¶ You wanna be where everybody knows your name ¶ 36 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:41,833 ¶ You wanna go where people know ¶ 37 00:01:41,933 --> 00:01:44,532 ¶ People are all the same. 38 00:01:44,533 --> 00:01:48,533 ¶ You wanna go where everybody knows your name. ¶ 39 00:02:07,234 --> 00:02:09,194 I guess I don't have to show you where anything is 40 00:02:09,234 --> 00:02:10,433 behind the bar, right, Mr. Peterson. 41 00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:12,633 No, no, no, we got the, uh, beer taps, 42 00:02:12,634 --> 00:02:13,934 you got your uh, cherries, 43 00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:18,133 olives, pretzel bag... Hey! 44 00:02:18,134 --> 00:02:21,134 You guys got a cash register back here. 45 00:02:24,334 --> 00:02:25,334 Oh, my God! 46 00:02:25,434 --> 00:02:27,234 I'm in one of Norm's dreams. 47 00:02:28,935 --> 00:02:29,835 No, no, no. 48 00:02:29,935 --> 00:02:32,035 I'm just doing my hour behind the bar to qualify 49 00:02:32,135 --> 00:02:34,335 for the employees' basketball game. 50 00:02:34,535 --> 00:02:36,934 Although my dreams are very similar to this. 51 00:02:36,935 --> 00:02:38,334 Except for, uh, in my dreams 52 00:02:38,335 --> 00:02:39,835 the, uh, kegs are a lot taller 53 00:02:39,935 --> 00:02:41,235 and, uh... 54 00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:42,734 well, I can fly. 55 00:02:42,735 --> 00:02:44,734 Oh. 56 00:02:44,735 --> 00:02:46,435 I've got a good feeling this year, guys. 57 00:02:46,535 --> 00:02:47,834 I think we're gonna beat those guys 58 00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:49,535 from Gary's Old Towne Tavern. 59 00:02:49,635 --> 00:02:51,934 Yeah! Al right! Oh, this again. 60 00:02:51,935 --> 00:02:54,534 I mean, every year they beat you, humiliate you, 61 00:02:54,535 --> 00:02:56,135 outsmart you and take your money. 62 00:02:56,235 --> 00:02:57,735 I mean, where's the virtue in that? 63 00:02:57,736 --> 00:02:59,536 Tradition. 64 00:03:00,936 --> 00:03:03,035 Well, forgive me if I don't share your enthusiasm. 65 00:03:03,036 --> 00:03:06,436 I've just been feeling a bit edgy these days. 66 00:03:06,536 --> 00:03:07,636 Why's that, Dr. Crane? 67 00:03:07,736 --> 00:03:09,936 Well, Lilith, in her own 68 00:03:10,036 --> 00:03:12,336 dear, compulsive, little way 69 00:03:12,436 --> 00:03:13,836 made the mistake of asking me 70 00:03:13,936 --> 00:03:15,836 if I thought she looked fat. 71 00:03:15,936 --> 00:03:17,236 And what did you say? 72 00:03:17,336 --> 00:03:19,436 Well, I told her she looked just fine. 73 00:03:19,536 --> 00:03:21,735 Ooh, rookie mistake. Yeah. 74 00:03:21,736 --> 00:03:25,437 So, uh, what kind of punishment are you getting? 75 00:03:25,537 --> 00:03:26,737 Oh, I'm not getting any. 76 00:03:26,837 --> 00:03:28,537 Oh, you got off easy. 77 00:03:28,637 --> 00:03:32,137 No. I'm not getting any. 78 00:03:33,037 --> 00:03:35,837 No, you're getting off easy. 79 00:03:38,737 --> 00:03:40,337 Ho, Woody, think fast! 80 00:03:51,738 --> 00:03:53,238 Way to pass her off there, Sam. 81 00:03:53,338 --> 00:03:55,337 Wait till you guys hear what I did this weekend. 82 00:03:55,338 --> 00:03:56,938 You know, ever since I bought this bar, 83 00:03:57,038 --> 00:03:59,237 I've been trying to remind people it's still a sports bar, 84 00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:01,438 so I've been going around renewing some of my old 85 00:04:01,538 --> 00:04:02,638 sports contacts. 86 00:04:02,738 --> 00:04:04,438 And for those of you who've never seen Sam 87 00:04:04,538 --> 00:04:06,138 renewing his old sports contacts, 88 00:04:06,238 --> 00:04:07,438 it goes something like this. 89 00:04:07,538 --> 00:04:08,737 "Oh, come on! 90 00:04:08,738 --> 00:04:10,037 "You've got to remember me! 91 00:04:10,038 --> 00:04:11,238 You've got to!" 92 00:04:12,338 --> 00:04:14,238 This shows what you know. 93 00:04:14,338 --> 00:04:15,514 I happened to spend the weekend 94 00:04:15,538 --> 00:04:17,638 going head-to-head with Kevin McHale. 95 00:04:17,738 --> 00:04:18,838 Whoo. Whoa. Hey. 96 00:04:18,938 --> 00:04:21,039 That's my favorite Celtic. Yeah? 97 00:04:21,139 --> 00:04:23,039 You know, uh, basketball was invented 98 00:04:23,139 --> 00:04:25,739 by the ancient Celtics. 99 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:30,039 You know, interestingly enough, so was the parquet floor. 100 00:04:31,239 --> 00:04:32,739 You've been working without your hat, 101 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,738 haven't you, Cliff? 102 00:04:34,739 --> 00:04:36,338 So, Sammy... 103 00:04:36,339 --> 00:04:38,338 shot hoops with Kevin McHale, huh? 104 00:04:38,339 --> 00:04:40,839 Actually, no, I, uh, I played golf with him. 105 00:04:40,939 --> 00:04:42,439 Beat him, too, you know. 106 00:04:42,539 --> 00:04:43,638 Hurt him bad. All right! 107 00:04:43,639 --> 00:04:45,239 - All right! - Yeah, you know, 108 00:04:45,339 --> 00:04:48,339 big a star as he is, you, uh, shank a tee shot into his shin, 109 00:04:48,340 --> 00:04:51,139 and he'll cry just like anybody else. 110 00:04:51,140 --> 00:04:52,939 Hey, Sammy, I've got a great idea. Yeah, what? 111 00:04:52,940 --> 00:04:55,739 Ask Kevin to play on our team. No. 112 00:04:55,740 --> 00:04:57,840 Then we'll really cream Gary's. Yeah! 113 00:04:57,940 --> 00:04:59,040 No, no, that'd be cheating. 114 00:04:59,140 --> 00:05:00,840 But that'd be good cheating. 115 00:05:00,940 --> 00:05:01,940 You know, at what point 116 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,840 does cheating become a moral dilemma? 117 00:05:04,940 --> 00:05:07,240 I mean, can the severity 118 00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,340 of snitching that last piece of cake 119 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,039 be compared to, oh, 120 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:14,741 cheating on one's wife with the beautiful, young woman 121 00:05:14,841 --> 00:05:17,041 that works in the office next to yours? 122 00:05:19,341 --> 00:05:20,341 I should footnote this 123 00:05:20,441 --> 00:05:23,041 by adding that I'm not getting any. 124 00:05:24,941 --> 00:05:27,141 Hello, sports fans! 125 00:05:30,241 --> 00:05:31,941 What are you doing here, Gary? 126 00:05:32,041 --> 00:05:35,441 I just came by to introduce you to some of my new employees. 127 00:05:35,541 --> 00:05:37,941 Come on down, boys. 128 00:05:38,041 --> 00:05:40,940 - Oh, hey, hey... - Oh, hey! 129 00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,241 Come on. Yeah, what...? 130 00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:44,142 Those guys are ringers. 131 00:05:44,242 --> 00:05:45,641 They're just a couple of kids 132 00:05:45,642 --> 00:05:47,041 working their way through college. 133 00:05:47,042 --> 00:05:48,941 Oh, by the way, 134 00:05:48,942 --> 00:05:50,841 I just wanted to let you know that we're open 135 00:05:50,842 --> 00:05:52,741 to any wagers. 136 00:05:52,742 --> 00:05:54,241 Oh, oh, that's right. 137 00:05:54,242 --> 00:05:56,042 You guys are too chicken to bet. 138 00:05:56,142 --> 00:05:57,318 Hey, we're not chicken to bet. 139 00:05:57,342 --> 00:05:59,342 We bet you stomp all over us. 140 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,842 If I were you Sam, I'd get a piece of this action. 141 00:06:03,542 --> 00:06:06,041 He means do we want to bet on ourselves here, Woody. 142 00:06:06,042 --> 00:06:07,942 Are you kidding? 143 00:06:08,042 --> 00:06:10,042 With those two skyscrapers? 144 00:06:10,043 --> 00:06:12,143 Man, I thought I was the bumpkin here. 145 00:06:13,443 --> 00:06:14,843 Have it your way. 146 00:06:14,943 --> 00:06:17,643 Oh, oh, Sam, give me the ball for a second. 147 00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:20,543 Watch this. 148 00:06:24,043 --> 00:06:25,343 See you at the gym. 149 00:06:28,243 --> 00:06:29,743 Boy, that Gary's a rat. 150 00:06:29,843 --> 00:06:30,942 Yeah, can you 151 00:06:30,943 --> 00:06:32,119 believe that? Bringing in a couple 152 00:06:32,143 --> 00:06:33,743 of professional ringers like that? 153 00:06:33,843 --> 00:06:35,443 No, I meant stealing our ball. 154 00:06:37,444 --> 00:06:38,743 Oh, man, that's my favorite ball! 155 00:06:38,744 --> 00:06:40,544 I hate that! Give me the phone. 156 00:06:40,644 --> 00:06:42,120 I'm calling, I'm calling Kevin right now. 157 00:06:42,144 --> 00:06:43,343 All right! Yeah! 158 00:06:43,344 --> 00:06:44,920 He'll be able to get that ball back for us. 159 00:06:44,944 --> 00:06:46,943 He's way big. 160 00:06:46,944 --> 00:06:48,144 Yeah, all right. 161 00:06:48,244 --> 00:06:49,404 If he wants to play that way, 162 00:06:49,444 --> 00:06:50,643 I'm just gonna get Kevin McHale 163 00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:52,044 to come down and play with us. 164 00:06:52,144 --> 00:06:53,444 There you go! Yeah. 165 00:06:53,544 --> 00:06:55,643 If he doesn't want to do it, then I'll get Larry Bird. 166 00:06:55,644 --> 00:06:57,244 No, no, no, no, not Bird. 167 00:06:57,344 --> 00:06:58,144 If he's in, I'm out. 168 00:06:58,244 --> 00:06:59,443 Woody. 169 00:06:59,444 --> 00:07:01,343 Woody, Woody, you telling me you know Larry Bird? 170 00:07:01,344 --> 00:07:03,644 I don't have to know him. He's from French Lick, Indiana. 171 00:07:03,744 --> 00:07:05,645 He's a doofus. 172 00:07:06,745 --> 00:07:08,244 So what? 173 00:07:08,245 --> 00:07:10,545 You're from Indiana and you're a doofus. 174 00:07:10,745 --> 00:07:12,845 Yeah, but I would rather be a doofus from Hanover 175 00:07:12,945 --> 00:07:15,044 than a doofus from French Lick, 'cause everyone from Hanover 176 00:07:15,045 --> 00:07:18,345 knows that French Lick is the doofus capitol of Indiana. 177 00:07:20,045 --> 00:07:23,044 Of course everyone from French Lick thinks it's Hanover. 178 00:07:23,045 --> 00:07:25,745 It's a fuel of a raging controversy. 179 00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:26,745 Yo, Kevin. 180 00:07:26,845 --> 00:07:28,945 Hi. Sam Malone here. 181 00:07:29,045 --> 00:07:31,244 Hey, listen, you remember how I told you about that game 182 00:07:31,245 --> 00:07:33,846 my bar is playing against, uh, Gary's Old Towne Tavern? 183 00:07:33,946 --> 00:07:36,646 Yeah, how'd you like to get in on that? 184 00:07:36,746 --> 00:07:39,546 No, I... I know, I know you've got a busy schedule 185 00:07:39,646 --> 00:07:40,546 and all... Sammy... 186 00:07:40,646 --> 00:07:42,146 tell him it's for charity. 187 00:07:42,246 --> 00:07:44,146 No, no listen, I understand, I understand. 188 00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:45,645 I'm not gonna bust your chops here. 189 00:07:45,646 --> 00:07:48,846 You know... these needy orphans 190 00:07:48,946 --> 00:07:51,446 have been through it all. 191 00:07:51,546 --> 00:07:54,845 They're used to people letting them down. 192 00:07:54,846 --> 00:07:57,145 Oh, I'm sorry, didn't I tell you it was for charity? 193 00:07:57,146 --> 00:07:58,746 Oh, I'm sorry man. Yeah, charity. 194 00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,487 Well, no, don't worry about it. 195 00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:03,146 I can get one of the Lakers to do it. 196 00:08:03,147 --> 00:08:05,447 I mean, they're good guys. 197 00:08:05,547 --> 00:08:08,147 I mean, they'll give up an hour of their time 198 00:08:08,247 --> 00:08:10,647 to change some poor kids' lives. 199 00:08:12,147 --> 00:08:14,247 Sam, leave the man alone. 200 00:08:14,347 --> 00:08:16,223 You know, if somebody doesn't want to do something, 201 00:08:16,247 --> 00:08:18,946 no amount of manipulation, cajoling, pleading 202 00:08:18,947 --> 00:08:21,047 or lying can get them to change their mind. 203 00:08:21,147 --> 00:08:22,047 That's fantastic, man! 204 00:08:22,147 --> 00:08:23,467 All right. I'll see you down here. 205 00:08:25,347 --> 00:08:27,848 Could you call Lilith for me? I'll... 206 00:08:36,548 --> 00:08:39,148 Boy, look at the curves on that glass. 207 00:08:42,248 --> 00:08:43,848 Oh, feel that. 208 00:08:46,448 --> 00:08:50,348 Boy, he's really not getting any, is he? 209 00:08:50,448 --> 00:08:52,348 Pathetic. 210 00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:54,248 Woody, uh, pour me another beer, will you? 211 00:08:55,549 --> 00:08:58,149 Put it in one of those girlie glasses. 212 00:09:00,549 --> 00:09:02,149 Hey, everybody! 213 00:09:02,249 --> 00:09:04,249 I want you to meet, uh, your bartender, here, 214 00:09:04,349 --> 00:09:06,249 Mr. Kevin McHale! 215 00:09:10,849 --> 00:09:12,149 Kevin... 216 00:09:12,249 --> 00:09:13,648 watch your head, watch your head. 217 00:09:13,649 --> 00:09:14,949 Low bridge. Low bridge. 218 00:09:16,349 --> 00:09:17,549 Welcome aboard, Kevin. 219 00:09:17,649 --> 00:09:18,849 I hope your years at Cheers 220 00:09:18,949 --> 00:09:20,349 are as happy as mine were. 221 00:09:20,449 --> 00:09:23,149 Sam, I'll get my stuff together and get out of your way. 222 00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:24,250 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 223 00:09:24,350 --> 00:09:25,949 Come back here, man. He's not replacing you. 224 00:09:25,950 --> 00:09:27,590 He just filling in here for a little while 225 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,849 so he can qualify to play the game against Gary's. 226 00:09:29,850 --> 00:09:31,450 Oh! 227 00:09:31,550 --> 00:09:33,849 Oh, in that case, here's an apron. 228 00:09:33,850 --> 00:09:35,449 All right. 229 00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:38,150 Well, so what's it like working with Larry Bird? 230 00:09:39,550 --> 00:09:40,749 Hey, Larry's great. 231 00:09:40,750 --> 00:09:41,850 Larry's funny as can be. 232 00:09:41,950 --> 00:09:43,249 Boy, he's got some great jokes. 233 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:45,150 And most of his jokes are about these doofuses 234 00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:46,450 from Hanover, Indiana. 235 00:09:51,651 --> 00:09:52,751 Did you ever hear this one? 236 00:09:52,851 --> 00:09:53,950 How many guys from Hanover 237 00:09:53,951 --> 00:09:55,351 does it take to change a lightbulb? 238 00:09:56,751 --> 00:09:58,327 It doesn't even matter 'cause they gotta drive 239 00:09:58,351 --> 00:10:01,151 all the way over to French Lick just to get the lightbulb. 240 00:10:08,251 --> 00:10:09,951 I heard it a little different. 241 00:10:12,951 --> 00:10:14,350 Hey, Kevin! 242 00:10:14,351 --> 00:10:16,551 Want to slam-dunk me a beer over here, buddy? 243 00:10:16,651 --> 00:10:17,451 Nah, I can't do that. 244 00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,152 That's against NBA policy. 245 00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:20,428 Oh, right, yeah, yeah, they don't, uh, 246 00:10:20,452 --> 00:10:22,452 like their athletes promoting drugs or alcohol, 247 00:10:22,552 --> 00:10:25,552 so tonight, uh, Kevin's just going to be serving water. 248 00:10:25,652 --> 00:10:27,252 To whom? 249 00:10:30,252 --> 00:10:31,928 Do you believe this, huh? I'm about to play ball 250 00:10:31,952 --> 00:10:33,451 with Kevin McHale tonight? 251 00:10:33,452 --> 00:10:35,428 You know, I didn't realize we were playing at night. 252 00:10:35,452 --> 00:10:37,292 Are you sure the orphans can stay up that late? 253 00:10:37,352 --> 00:10:38,752 The orphans? Yeah, the orphans. 254 00:10:38,852 --> 00:10:40,452 The orphans, yeah, you know, well... 255 00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:42,028 Oh, oh, right, right. See, uh, one of the, uh, 256 00:10:42,052 --> 00:10:43,728 one of the great things about orphans is, they have 257 00:10:43,752 --> 00:10:46,553 no parents to tell them when to go to bed. 258 00:10:49,053 --> 00:10:51,352 Listen, Kevin, about the, uh, 259 00:10:51,353 --> 00:10:52,953 these orphans, uh... 260 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,253 well, they're not coming. 261 00:10:54,353 --> 00:10:55,952 Uh, seems there was some kind of mix-up. 262 00:10:55,953 --> 00:10:57,553 You know, they had tickets to the, uh, 263 00:10:57,653 --> 00:10:58,953 circus or something like that. 264 00:10:59,053 --> 00:11:00,652 You know these orphans, they're always getting freebies. 265 00:11:00,653 --> 00:11:02,852 Oh. 266 00:11:02,853 --> 00:11:04,853 I don't know, Sam, there's no circus in town. 267 00:11:04,953 --> 00:11:06,853 Well, uh, may... oh, right. 268 00:11:06,953 --> 00:11:08,853 It was the, uh, monster truck rally. 269 00:11:08,953 --> 00:11:10,153 That was it. 270 00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:13,053 No, no, no-no, not tonight. 271 00:11:14,554 --> 00:11:17,754 All right, guys, where do you think the orphans are? 272 00:11:19,454 --> 00:11:20,254 Come on, Sam. 273 00:11:20,255 --> 00:11:21,553 There are no orphans, are there? 274 00:11:21,554 --> 00:11:22,954 W.. in the world? 275 00:11:23,054 --> 00:11:24,953 God, Kevin, I wish that were true, man! 276 00:11:24,954 --> 00:11:27,454 Oh, Sam, this is all a big scam. 277 00:11:27,554 --> 00:11:29,654 There are no orphans. I'm out of here. 278 00:11:29,754 --> 00:11:30,830 Aww, Kevin, Kevin, wait a minute. 279 00:11:30,854 --> 00:11:32,294 Let me talk to you here for a second. 280 00:11:32,354 --> 00:11:33,654 Listen, man, wait, wait, wait. 281 00:11:33,754 --> 00:11:35,854 We've got a $5,000 bet with Gary. 282 00:11:35,954 --> 00:11:37,953 $5,000, huh? 283 00:11:37,954 --> 00:11:40,654 Yeah. I-I can't afford to lose that kind of money. 284 00:11:42,855 --> 00:11:44,355 Well, I do have a friend of mine 285 00:11:44,455 --> 00:11:46,754 who's on the board of directors at the Sunny Grove Orphanage. 286 00:11:46,755 --> 00:11:48,955 I'll bet he knows where the orphans are tonight. 287 00:11:51,155 --> 00:11:53,854 Anyway, I-I know that they're desperate for money. 288 00:11:53,855 --> 00:11:55,155 And let's say the winnings 289 00:11:55,255 --> 00:11:56,731 for our game were to go to the kids... 290 00:11:56,755 --> 00:11:57,954 Oh, hell, yes! 291 00:11:57,955 --> 00:12:00,754 We don't mind if those tykes get their cut. 292 00:12:00,755 --> 00:12:02,355 No, no, Sam, not their cut. 293 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:03,854 They get every penny. 294 00:12:03,855 --> 00:12:07,055 Every... Uh, guys, what do you say here? 295 00:12:07,155 --> 00:12:09,455 I mean, we're in it to beat Gary, right? 296 00:12:09,456 --> 00:12:11,755 I mean, that's what it's all about, isn't it? 297 00:12:11,756 --> 00:12:13,855 I want my money back. 298 00:12:13,856 --> 00:12:15,456 Listen, listen. 299 00:12:15,656 --> 00:12:17,255 If Kevin plays, then we're definitely gonna win, 300 00:12:17,256 --> 00:12:20,355 so it'll be Gary's $5,000 that we give to the orphans. 301 00:12:20,356 --> 00:12:21,656 But if he... if he doesn't play, 302 00:12:21,756 --> 00:12:23,156 then we're definitely gonna lose, 303 00:12:23,256 --> 00:12:25,755 and it'll be our five grand that we're giving to Gary. 304 00:12:25,756 --> 00:12:26,796 All right, I'm behind you. 305 00:12:26,856 --> 00:12:27,656 I agree. 306 00:12:27,756 --> 00:12:30,356 I want my money back. 307 00:12:30,456 --> 00:12:33,056 Okay, then, we're all agreed. 308 00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,457 Here they are, God bless them. 309 00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:39,557 They're at the boat show. 310 00:12:44,857 --> 00:12:47,357 - Gary! Gary! Gary! - Gary! Gary! 311 00:12:47,457 --> 00:12:49,057 Gary! Gary! Gary! 312 00:12:49,157 --> 00:12:51,056 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 313 00:12:51,057 --> 00:12:52,956 Gary's not here. 314 00:12:52,957 --> 00:12:54,856 Find Gary! Find Gary! 315 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,156 Find Gary! Wait, wait, wait, wait, man. 316 00:12:56,157 --> 00:12:58,033 We're just early, that's all. We'll have to wait. 317 00:12:58,057 --> 00:12:59,217 Wait for Gary! Wait for Gary! 318 00:12:59,257 --> 00:13:01,257 Wait... What, am I the only one here? 319 00:13:01,357 --> 00:13:02,856 Okay, guys, let's huddle up here. 320 00:13:02,857 --> 00:13:03,957 All right, all right. 321 00:13:04,058 --> 00:13:05,658 Have a seat. Have a seat, fellows. 322 00:13:05,758 --> 00:13:07,158 All right. Settle down. Settle down. 323 00:13:07,258 --> 00:13:09,458 Come on. Okay, now, 324 00:13:09,558 --> 00:13:11,457 the way I see it, anyone gets within ten feet 325 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,257 of the ball, they pass it to Kevin. 326 00:13:13,258 --> 00:13:14,458 Yeah. Sounds good to me. 327 00:13:14,558 --> 00:13:16,558 What if he's not open? 328 00:13:16,658 --> 00:13:18,457 - Yeah, yeah. - Old Towne Tavern! 329 00:13:18,458 --> 00:13:22,257 Old Towne Tavern! Old Towne Tavern! 330 00:13:22,258 --> 00:13:24,058 Well, the cheerleaders are here. 331 00:13:24,158 --> 00:13:25,758 Well, Sam, 332 00:13:25,858 --> 00:13:28,758 you really want to go through with this formality, 333 00:13:28,858 --> 00:13:30,234 or you just want to call the whole thing off? 334 00:13:30,258 --> 00:13:32,159 Oh, let's go through the formalities, Gar. 335 00:13:32,259 --> 00:13:34,659 Say, have you met our, uh, new bartender? 336 00:13:34,759 --> 00:13:36,659 Right over here. 337 00:13:36,759 --> 00:13:39,559 This is our ringer, Gar. 338 00:13:39,659 --> 00:13:41,859 You're getting a little bald on top, fellow. 339 00:13:41,959 --> 00:13:43,159 Let's go. 340 00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:47,559 Wait-wait-wait... 341 00:13:47,659 --> 00:13:48,759 All right! 342 00:13:48,859 --> 00:13:50,559 All right, way to go, way to go! 343 00:13:52,259 --> 00:13:53,759 Kevin. Kevin. 344 00:13:58,459 --> 00:14:00,360 - Good stuff, man. - Good stuff. 345 00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,860 - Keep going. - Get it! 346 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:06,360 Nice one, Kevin! 347 00:14:07,460 --> 00:14:08,759 Go, Kevin. 348 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,160 Yes, Kevin! 349 00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:17,060 Go! Go! 350 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,460 Yes! 351 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,260 Hey, hey! 352 00:14:23,460 --> 00:14:25,660 Yeah, right, yeah! 353 00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:27,661 Take that. 354 00:14:27,761 --> 00:14:29,961 In your face! In your face! 355 00:14:30,061 --> 00:14:31,561 Come on, Woody! Come on, Woody! 356 00:14:31,661 --> 00:14:32,861 Come on! Woody! 357 00:14:32,961 --> 00:14:34,561 Kevin can't do everything here. 358 00:14:34,661 --> 00:14:35,860 How's it going? 359 00:14:35,861 --> 00:14:37,060 Kevin's doing everything here. 360 00:14:37,061 --> 00:14:38,360 Yeah? 361 00:14:38,361 --> 00:14:39,760 Well, say, what's the score? 362 00:14:39,761 --> 00:14:41,061 Uh, 70... two. 363 00:14:41,161 --> 00:14:42,261 To what? 364 00:14:42,361 --> 00:14:43,761 We have 70, they have two. 365 00:14:43,861 --> 00:14:46,161 All right. 366 00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:47,960 Sammy, I need a break. 367 00:14:47,961 --> 00:14:50,260 I cannot... move. 368 00:14:50,261 --> 00:14:51,261 Oh, yeah, take a break. 369 00:14:51,262 --> 00:14:52,961 Why don't you get yourself a beer? 370 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,162 Okay, fellows, I'm playing for Norm now. 371 00:14:57,262 --> 00:14:58,362 Go! Sammy! 372 00:14:58,462 --> 00:14:59,562 Oh, there you go. 373 00:14:59,662 --> 00:15:00,861 Fast break, Kevin. 374 00:15:00,862 --> 00:15:02,161 Whoo! 375 00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:03,361 Yeah. Don't you love teamwork? 376 00:15:03,362 --> 00:15:04,662 Well, say, don't you think 377 00:15:04,762 --> 00:15:06,338 maybe somebody ought to go in for McHale? 378 00:15:06,362 --> 00:15:08,338 I mean, he's the only one been playing the whole game. 379 00:15:08,362 --> 00:15:09,461 What, are you nuts? 380 00:15:09,462 --> 00:15:10,961 What, we're ahead by, what, 70 points? 381 00:15:10,962 --> 00:15:12,861 I don't want to just beat this guy. 382 00:15:12,862 --> 00:15:13,962 I want to humiliate him. 383 00:15:14,062 --> 00:15:16,462 I want to hear that clown, Gary, scream for mercy. 384 00:15:18,962 --> 00:15:21,362 That wasn't Gary, was it? 385 00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:22,563 Sorry, Mr. McHale. 386 00:15:22,663 --> 00:15:24,863 You know, sometimes you can just pop these babies 387 00:15:24,963 --> 00:15:26,063 right back into place. 388 00:15:27,563 --> 00:15:29,563 Maybe not. 389 00:15:44,268 --> 00:15:45,468 Gary, it's Carla. 390 00:15:45,568 --> 00:15:47,768 Yeah, the guys just wanted me to give you a call, 391 00:15:47,868 --> 00:15:49,668 tell you that you left something at the gym. 392 00:15:49,768 --> 00:15:51,268 Your money! Your pride! 393 00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:54,168 Did you lose a blue gym bag? 394 00:15:54,268 --> 00:15:55,469 Cheers rules! 395 00:15:58,669 --> 00:16:00,068 Oh, man, victory is so sweet. 396 00:16:00,069 --> 00:16:02,468 This is even better than the time we didn't lose so badly. 397 00:16:02,469 --> 00:16:03,569 You remember that? 398 00:16:04,869 --> 00:16:06,568 Yeah, but the best part was Kevin getting up 399 00:16:06,569 --> 00:16:09,769 and walking off the court, knowing his foot was okay. 400 00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:13,869 No, no, The best part was Gary's total defeat and humiliation. 401 00:16:13,969 --> 00:16:16,069 Yeah... Yeah, that was the best part. 402 00:16:16,169 --> 00:16:18,068 Yeah, did you see his face when we told him 403 00:16:18,069 --> 00:16:19,969 we were going to give his money to charity? 404 00:16:20,069 --> 00:16:20,969 Yeah, you know, uh, those moppets 405 00:16:21,069 --> 00:16:22,269 will be glad to get the money. 406 00:16:22,370 --> 00:16:25,069 Yeah, a lot they did for it. Yeah. 407 00:16:25,070 --> 00:16:26,769 Anyway, uh... 408 00:16:26,770 --> 00:16:28,746 that orphanage guy is coming over here in a little while 409 00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:30,469 to take the money back. 410 00:16:30,470 --> 00:16:34,269 You know, Sam, I, uh, don't know if I've told you, 411 00:16:34,270 --> 00:16:36,070 but tragically I lost 412 00:16:36,170 --> 00:16:38,570 both my parents when I was... 413 00:16:38,670 --> 00:16:41,270 oh, in my early 30s. 414 00:16:42,670 --> 00:16:45,569 I could sure use that money. 415 00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:47,670 Say, Lilith, how about that? 416 00:16:47,770 --> 00:16:49,870 Would $5,000 buy anything? 417 00:16:52,171 --> 00:16:53,570 What? 418 00:16:53,571 --> 00:16:54,771 Nothing, dear. 419 00:16:54,871 --> 00:16:57,471 I'm getting nothing here. 420 00:16:59,971 --> 00:17:01,571 Mr. Malone? 421 00:17:01,671 --> 00:17:02,771 Yeah, over here. 422 00:17:02,871 --> 00:17:04,471 I'm Dr, Walter Froenmeyer 423 00:17:04,571 --> 00:17:05,971 with the Celtics' medical staff. 424 00:17:06,071 --> 00:17:08,271 Uh, yeah? I wanted to get your version 425 00:17:08,371 --> 00:17:10,971 of Mr. McHale's accident last night. 426 00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:12,571 Oh, well, uh... no big deal. 427 00:17:12,671 --> 00:17:14,370 He fell down, we put him back up. 428 00:17:14,371 --> 00:17:15,670 Nothing serious. 429 00:17:15,671 --> 00:17:17,971 Does this look like nothing serious to you? 430 00:17:17,972 --> 00:17:21,372 God! The skin's all gone. 431 00:17:24,972 --> 00:17:28,471 This hairline fracture runs the entire length 432 00:17:28,472 --> 00:17:29,472 of the metatarsal, 433 00:17:29,572 --> 00:17:30,971 which would indicate there was some sort 434 00:17:30,972 --> 00:17:32,572 of a jarring after the initial impact. 435 00:17:32,672 --> 00:17:33,871 It was me! 436 00:17:33,872 --> 00:17:36,171 I fell on him and then I tried to pop it back into place. 437 00:17:36,172 --> 00:17:37,272 I'm sorry! 438 00:17:37,372 --> 00:17:38,471 Woody, Woody... 439 00:17:38,472 --> 00:17:39,592 Excuse me just for a second. 440 00:17:39,672 --> 00:17:40,848 Woody, Woody, no, now come on. 441 00:17:40,872 --> 00:17:42,371 Don't blame yourself. 442 00:17:42,372 --> 00:17:44,972 You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time, that's all. 443 00:17:45,072 --> 00:17:46,449 If anything led to this, it was Sam's pigheaded refusal 444 00:17:46,473 --> 00:17:47,772 to take McHale out of the game earlier. 445 00:17:47,773 --> 00:17:48,873 What are you talking about? 446 00:17:48,973 --> 00:17:51,572 Woody's the clod who broke his foot. Oh, God! 447 00:17:51,573 --> 00:17:52,873 If you'll excuse me, 448 00:17:52,973 --> 00:17:55,173 I've got a whole gang of reporters back at the Garden 449 00:17:55,273 --> 00:17:57,672 waiting to find out why McHale's out for the season. 450 00:17:57,673 --> 00:17:59,073 Wait a minute... Out for the season? 451 00:17:59,173 --> 00:18:01,672 Oh, my God. People are gonna hate us. 452 00:18:01,673 --> 00:18:04,372 Hate us? Man they'll kill us first, then they'll hate us. 453 00:18:04,373 --> 00:18:05,672 Excuse me, Doctor, 454 00:18:05,673 --> 00:18:06,873 listen, there's no need 455 00:18:06,973 --> 00:18:08,872 for you to mention the bar's name, now, is there? 456 00:18:08,873 --> 00:18:10,072 Why shouldn't I? 457 00:18:10,073 --> 00:18:11,673 Professional courtesy. 458 00:18:11,773 --> 00:18:13,874 I'm a doctor. You're a bartender. 459 00:18:13,974 --> 00:18:15,674 We're both professionals. 460 00:18:15,774 --> 00:18:18,373 Sam, wait a minute, let me do this. all right? 461 00:18:18,374 --> 00:18:21,874 Doc, how much would it take to put a hook in your mouth? 462 00:18:21,974 --> 00:18:23,373 $10,000. 463 00:18:23,374 --> 00:18:25,274 Five. Deal. 464 00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:29,074 Now, she's a professional. 465 00:18:30,974 --> 00:18:33,373 Hey, great work there, Carla. 466 00:18:33,374 --> 00:18:34,573 Right. Dodged that bullet. 467 00:18:34,574 --> 00:18:36,074 Way to go, Carla. 468 00:18:36,174 --> 00:18:39,174 I want my money back. 469 00:18:39,274 --> 00:18:40,974 Oh, for goodness sakes, Frasier, 470 00:18:40,975 --> 00:18:43,475 we've been intimate several times this last month. 471 00:18:43,575 --> 00:18:44,975 Look at my day planner. 472 00:18:45,075 --> 00:18:47,475 We were together every night this weekend. 473 00:18:47,575 --> 00:18:50,374 Oh, good heavens! That wasn't you. 474 00:18:50,375 --> 00:18:52,075 What do you mean it wasn't me? 475 00:18:52,175 --> 00:18:53,575 I'm kidding. 476 00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:55,956 See? Look how tense you are. You wouldn't enjoy it anyway. 477 00:18:57,775 --> 00:18:59,175 Well, fine. 478 00:18:59,275 --> 00:19:00,874 I don't want it anyway. 479 00:19:00,875 --> 00:19:01,975 You do, too. 480 00:19:02,075 --> 00:19:02,575 I do not. 481 00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:03,275 You do so. 482 00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:04,075 All right, I do. 483 00:19:04,275 --> 00:19:06,675 Well, you're not getting any. 484 00:19:06,775 --> 00:19:09,976 Oh, Frasier, isn't it enough that I'm doing it to your mind? 485 00:19:16,376 --> 00:19:17,875 Hey, Sammy. 486 00:19:17,876 --> 00:19:18,776 You're walking! 487 00:19:18,876 --> 00:19:20,975 Kevin, when did you get out of the hospital? 488 00:19:20,976 --> 00:19:22,576 What are you talking about? 489 00:19:22,676 --> 00:19:24,276 Talking about your foot. 490 00:19:24,376 --> 00:19:25,476 Aw, it's fine. 491 00:19:25,576 --> 00:19:27,552 I iced it down for about a half hour after the game. 492 00:19:27,576 --> 00:19:28,576 Feels great. 493 00:19:28,676 --> 00:19:30,076 Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. 494 00:19:30,176 --> 00:19:31,536 Who-Whose X-ray is this, then, huh? 495 00:19:31,576 --> 00:19:32,576 Is that not yours? 496 00:19:32,577 --> 00:19:34,475 I don't know. Let me take a look at it. 497 00:19:34,476 --> 00:19:37,176 It says "adult male gorilla." 498 00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:41,077 That's not me. Could be Laimbeer, huh? 499 00:19:44,677 --> 00:19:46,477 Oh man, I can't believe this. 500 00:19:46,577 --> 00:19:48,053 Gary sends in a fake doctor to steal our money. 501 00:19:48,077 --> 00:19:49,277 Do you believe that? 502 00:19:49,377 --> 00:19:51,977 God! Even when we beat him, he wins. 503 00:19:52,077 --> 00:19:54,377 Hey, Sam, I'd like you to meet Father Conrad here, 504 00:19:54,477 --> 00:19:55,777 from the Sunny Grove Orphanage. 505 00:19:55,877 --> 00:19:58,177 Yeah, hi. I hope you don't mind that we brought 506 00:19:58,277 --> 00:20:00,053 a photographer along. Listen, Sam, why don't you 507 00:20:00,077 --> 00:20:02,277 come on around there and get a picture with Father and I 508 00:20:02,377 --> 00:20:03,678 and the $5,000 you're giving us. 509 00:20:03,778 --> 00:20:04,878 Come on. 510 00:20:04,978 --> 00:20:06,977 You want to do this, uh... right now? 511 00:20:06,978 --> 00:20:08,278 Yeah. Come on over. Let's go. 512 00:20:09,478 --> 00:20:10,678 Okay. I'll be right there. 513 00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:14,978 What are we gonna do? 514 00:20:15,078 --> 00:20:16,678 All right, short people in front. 515 00:20:18,978 --> 00:20:20,578 Look what you did! 516 00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:23,978 You made me smack you in front of a priest! 517 00:20:27,078 --> 00:20:28,254 Boys, boys, we can work this out. 518 00:20:28,278 --> 00:20:29,677 Yeah, how? We don't have any money. 519 00:20:29,678 --> 00:20:31,979 No, no, no, but we've got a lot of people in here, right? 520 00:20:32,079 --> 00:20:34,478 How about we collect as much money as we can, That's good. 521 00:20:34,479 --> 00:20:35,879 We give it to him, 522 00:20:35,979 --> 00:20:38,219 and then we make sure everybody knows that Gary's the one 523 00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:41,179 that stole the 5,000 bucks from those kids. There you go. 524 00:20:42,879 --> 00:20:45,879 Uh, give me some money. It's for a good cause. 525 00:20:45,979 --> 00:20:46,979 What cause? 526 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,079 'Cause I said. 527 00:20:50,979 --> 00:20:54,078 Hey, Sammy, Father and I were just talking about it. 528 00:20:54,079 --> 00:20:55,955 Those kids are really going to enjoy that money. 529 00:20:55,979 --> 00:20:57,679 Gonna get some shoes, some eyeglasses... 530 00:20:57,779 --> 00:20:59,879 You know, Kevin, we don't quite have $5,000, 531 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,379 but we're pretty darned close here. 532 00:21:01,380 --> 00:21:03,480 Sammy, Sammy, where is the orphans' money? 533 00:21:03,580 --> 00:21:04,680 He has it. 534 00:21:06,380 --> 00:21:08,680 Thank you, Sam. 535 00:21:08,780 --> 00:21:10,280 Thank you all for coming. 536 00:21:10,380 --> 00:21:13,379 Father, on behalf of Gary's Old Towne Tavern, 537 00:21:13,380 --> 00:21:15,879 I'd like to present you with a souvenir jacket, 538 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,380 and we have one for you, too, Kevin, 539 00:21:18,580 --> 00:21:21,380 with extra-long sleeves. 540 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,180 Oh, nice! Uh-huh. 541 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:28,181 Here's a little check for those wonderful kids. 542 00:21:28,281 --> 00:21:29,781 $5,000, Kevin. 543 00:21:29,881 --> 00:21:32,181 $5,000! That's great. 544 00:21:32,281 --> 00:21:34,881 Hey Gar, let's get a picture with it. That's a great idea. 545 00:21:34,981 --> 00:21:36,681 Sam, would you get out of the way here. 546 00:21:36,781 --> 00:21:37,821 You're blocking the check. 547 00:21:37,881 --> 00:21:38,981 We've got a donation, too. 548 00:21:39,081 --> 00:21:39,981 Hold on a second. 549 00:21:40,081 --> 00:21:41,381 How much have you got? 550 00:21:41,481 --> 00:21:45,281 $11 and, uh, 75 cents. 551 00:21:45,381 --> 00:21:47,481 That's so cute. 552 00:21:47,581 --> 00:21:50,180 Uh, gentlemen, I have a bus outside. 553 00:21:50,181 --> 00:21:52,180 We can swing by, pick up the orphans, 554 00:21:52,181 --> 00:21:54,182 and we can drive them over to Gary's 555 00:21:54,282 --> 00:21:55,282 for some milk and cookies. 556 00:21:55,283 --> 00:21:56,681 What do you think, Father? 557 00:21:56,682 --> 00:21:59,782 I think that's fine. It's a great idea. Come on! 558 00:21:59,882 --> 00:22:01,382 You don't understand, man. 559 00:22:01,482 --> 00:22:03,182 That $5,000, that's our money. 560 00:22:03,282 --> 00:22:05,482 Shame on you, Sam. 561 00:22:05,582 --> 00:22:06,982 You know it's the orphans' money. 562 00:22:07,082 --> 00:22:10,081 Hey, Gar, thanks a lot for the five grand. 563 00:22:10,082 --> 00:22:12,158 Get out of here. I don't want to see you again. You're a bum. 564 00:22:12,182 --> 00:22:13,882 Go on. Get out of my place. Go on, scoot. 565 00:22:13,982 --> 00:22:15,181 Fine. Fine. 566 00:22:15,182 --> 00:22:17,982 Eight years of humiliating you weenies is enough. 567 00:22:18,082 --> 00:22:20,182 I'm gonna find a tougher gang to humiliate. 568 00:22:20,282 --> 00:22:22,082 Hey, you can look all over Boston. 569 00:22:22,083 --> 00:22:25,083 You won't find any weenies tougher than us! 570 00:22:25,183 --> 00:22:27,582 Yeah, that's telling him, Woody. 571 00:22:27,583 --> 00:22:29,582 Huh? 572 00:22:29,583 --> 00:22:31,483 Sam, we've got to get back at Gary. 573 00:22:31,583 --> 00:22:32,859 Worse than we ever got them before. 574 00:22:32,883 --> 00:22:34,183 Come on, let's get Gary. 575 00:22:34,283 --> 00:22:37,983 Let's get Gary! Let's get Gary! Let's get Gary! 576 00:22:38,083 --> 00:22:39,359 - Come on... - Let's get Gary! Let's get Gary! 577 00:22:39,383 --> 00:22:40,283 Aw, don't worry about it. 578 00:22:40,383 --> 00:22:41,882 Let's get Gary! Let's get Gary! 579 00:22:41,883 --> 00:22:43,782 Come on. What are we doing? 580 00:22:43,783 --> 00:22:45,182 Man, we're pathetic! 581 00:22:45,183 --> 00:22:46,482 We've been trying 582 00:22:46,483 --> 00:22:48,383 to get Gary for eight years! 583 00:22:48,483 --> 00:22:49,883 We never win! 584 00:22:49,884 --> 00:22:51,884 We're pathetic. 585 00:22:51,984 --> 00:22:54,684 There's nobody more pathetic than us in the whole world. 586 00:22:56,984 --> 00:22:58,784 Oh, please, Lilith. 587 00:22:58,884 --> 00:23:00,084 Anything. 588 00:23:00,184 --> 00:23:02,784 A back rub. A handshake. 589 00:23:02,884 --> 00:23:04,484 Blow me a kiss. 590 00:23:10,084 --> 00:23:11,684 We're not Frasier. We're not Frasier. 591 00:23:11,784 --> 00:23:15,183 We're not Frasier! We're not Frasier! 592 00:23:15,184 --> 00:23:17,185 We're not Frasier!