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Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
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00:00:05,217 --> 00:00:06,517
- Hi, Woody.
- Hey!
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00:00:06,617 --> 00:00:08,316
Hey, Woodster!
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How was that first night
in your new apartment?
5
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It's great, Mr. Peterson. Yeah.
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It's the nicest place I've
ever stayed at. Yeah?
7
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And that includes
the night in Hanover
8
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I got locked in the storeroom
in the Piggly Wiggly.
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It was cold
10
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and lonely, but the food!
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Anyway,
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it's no Piggly Wiggly,
but it's got cable.
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All right. Is it furnished?
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Well, no,
but it's got this cable
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that comes right out
of the wall,
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fits right into the TV.
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I hope
it's in a safer neighborhood
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than that last dive of yours.
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Well, no, actually,
it's a little worse,
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but... it's got cable.
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Well,
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if it's unfurnished, you must be
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getting a break
in the rent, huh?
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Well, no,
it's actually a little more,
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but you got to expect that
with cable.
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Well, whatever.
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I think cable's great.
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They had Robocop on last night.
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Did you catch that?
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No. The cable was
out last night.
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¶ Sometimes you want to go.
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¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
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¶ And they're always
glad you came ¶
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¶ You wanna be
where you can see ¶
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¶ The troubles
are all the same ¶
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¶ You wanna go where everybody
knows your name. ¶
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Afternoon, everybody.
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Norm!
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What can I do for you, Norm?
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Open up those beer taps
and take the day off, Sam.
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Here you go, Sammy.
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Ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah.
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Fellas, fellas...
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Check them out.
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New napkins, huh?
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New napkins.
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What's this, huh?
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Oh, look. There's some kind
of brain teaser on them.
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Yup. You're out of luck.
50
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No, no, no, these
are not brain teasers.
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These are, uh, trivia napkins.
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Ever since I got the bar back,
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I've been looking
for ways to say,
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"Hey, thank you
for patronizing me."
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Oh, Sam, I-I know you wanted
to use a great big word there.
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I think that's marvelous,
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but I believe
what you meant to say was,
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"Thank you for your patronage."
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Really? What's the difference?
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Patronage
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means customers.
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Patronizing is the way
one would talk
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to a small, dull child.
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Kind of like how you're talking
to me right now?
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Aren't you cute!
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Okay, all right, here's one.
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"What is the oldest
state capital
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in the country?"
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Crying out loud, Norm.
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I told you that weeks ago! Shh.
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Just don't-don't wreck it for
the rest of us, then, okay?
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Providence, Rhode Island?
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Boston?
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No. Santa Fe, New Mexico.
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Hey! Wow. Isn't
that fascinating?
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Yeah. Oh, yeah.
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Good old Santa Fe!
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Ancient capital of
the Conquistadors,
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founded 1609.
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Hey, here's one.
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"What civilization was
the first known to brew beer?"
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Early Greece.
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Ancient Rome.
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Old Milwaukee.
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Ancient Egypt. Get out!
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Hey, that's something.
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I never knew that trivia
could be so fascinating.
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Oh, hold the phone here!
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I gave you
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that fact months ago.
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You said you weren't
interested then.
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Well, you know, Cliffie,
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it's different with the napkins.
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What's so different?
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Well, napkins don't
spit when they talk.
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Oh, relax.
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Woody, you poor thing!
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You have to stop worrying.
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You're gonna do just fine!
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You're going to do a great job.
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Don't you think, Carla?
102
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I think he's gonna bomb.
At what?
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Beats me, but I think
I'm on pretty safe ground.
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I know it's just a small part
in a commercial,
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but I don't know
if I have the skill
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or the technique to pull it off.
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Well, what do you play, Wood?
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A bartender.
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Woody, you are a bartender.
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Yeah, well, but in
this commercial,
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I have to serve drinks.
112
00:04:01,269 --> 00:04:03,069
Wood, you serve drinks
all the time.
113
00:04:03,169 --> 00:04:06,269
Yeah, but in this commercial, I
have to talk and serve drinks.
114
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You talk and serve drinks
right here every day.
115
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Oh, great, Sam!
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Now you've made me nervous
about working here, too.
117
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Woody, perhaps
it would help you to...
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to rehearse your lines with us.
Yeah.
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I only have one.
120
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I like it.
121
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That's a very nice line, Woody.
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Patronizing, right?
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Now you're getting it.
124
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I was kind of surprised
when I got the part.
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Said they wanted someone
with a fresh face.
126
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I don't know why they chose me.
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Oh, hey, you're perfect.
128
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Yeah. Maybe when I just
hopped off the bus from Hanover,
129
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but I've been in Boston
for five years.
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It changes a guy.
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Hardens him,
gives him a cynical edge.
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Come on, you're still fresh.
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Jeepers, you think?
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Trust me.
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Hey, Sam, would you come on down
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00:05:05,201 --> 00:05:07,700
to the shoot with me and
keep telling me that?
137
00:05:07,701 --> 00:05:08,977
Well, sure, Woody.
Yeah. Why not?
138
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Hey, Wood, can I go?
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Come on. I never saw
a commercial be shot
140
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or anything like that.
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Yeah! Yeah, me, neither.
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You know, believe it or not,
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it's one of the few things
I don't know much about.
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I mean, if you guys all
come down there with me,
145
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it's gonna look like
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I'm some big snobby star
with an entourage.
147
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All right. Well,
uh, heck with it.
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We'll just stay here.
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You tell us about it later.
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No, I like the idea.
151
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You guys can be my
people, all right?
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Hey, hey. Yeah.
153
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I got another idea.
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We'll all stop at the mall.
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We'll pick up satin jackets
and matching sunglasses.
156
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There you go.
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Come on.
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That door's not just
gonna open itself.
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Oh, I... I've got that!
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So, Jill, it's great to meet
such a talented actress.
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Is there anything I can look
forward to seeing you in,
162
00:06:02,349 --> 00:06:04,148
like my shower?
163
00:06:04,149 --> 00:06:05,849
You're really funny, Sam.
164
00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:07,849
Did you ever think
of doing standup?
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Well, there's
always a first time
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for everything, I guess.
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This is spectacular!
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Yeah, magic of the movies,
huh, Normie?
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No. The magic of
the doughnut table!
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Look at these... got
your, uh, glazed,
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you got your chocolate,
you got your buttermilk.
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Hey, who sucked all the filling
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out of this Bavarian creme?
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Hey, you guys, guys, you got
something to write on here?
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She just gave me her number.
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Yeah. Yeah, I got one of
these, uh, trivia napkins.
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Hey! My trivia napkins!
Yeah, yeah.
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I've been carrying it around.
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It's kind of a conversation
starter, you know?
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Go ahead, ask me the question, Sammy.
All right, all right.
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You guys and your precious
trivia napkins!
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If you love them so much,
why don't you marry them?!
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Oh, come on, man!
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Lighten up, will you?
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Oh! And by the way, Normie,
186
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I'm the one who sucked
all the filling
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00:06:50,348 --> 00:06:51,548
out of the Bavarian creme!
188
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Guys, I'm ready. How do I look?
189
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Woody. All right.
190
00:07:01,048 --> 00:07:02,347
You look great. Huh?
191
00:07:02,348 --> 00:07:04,648
You got... you got, like, junk
all over your face, man.
192
00:07:04,748 --> 00:07:06,947
Oh, pancake. Whoa.
193
00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:08,524
Is there a steam table
around here I'm missing?
194
00:07:08,548 --> 00:07:10,347
No, no, no. Pancake
is the makeup they use
195
00:07:10,447 --> 00:07:11,547
in show business.
196
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It's real thick and real heavy,
197
00:07:12,847 --> 00:07:14,246
and it covers every flaw.
198
00:07:14,247 --> 00:07:16,347
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Vera uses that for primer.
199
00:07:16,447 --> 00:07:17,747
Talent on the set, please.
200
00:07:17,847 --> 00:07:19,346
Oh, that's me. I got to go.
201
00:07:19,347 --> 00:07:21,646
Oh, hey.
202
00:07:21,647 --> 00:07:23,546
So this is Veggie-Boy!
203
00:07:23,547 --> 00:07:25,847
Should I taste it first?
No, no, don't drink that.
204
00:07:25,947 --> 00:07:26,847
We sprayed it with
high-gloss latex
205
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,223
so it'll look better
under the lights.
206
00:07:28,247 --> 00:07:29,947
We do it with all the
food we're shooting.
207
00:07:30,047 --> 00:07:33,247
Hey, there's supposed to be a
bowl of beer nuts around here.
208
00:07:33,389 --> 00:07:36,489
Sammy, you got to get these
kind of nuts for the bar.
209
00:07:36,589 --> 00:07:38,488
They slide right down.
210
00:07:38,489 --> 00:07:39,788
It's great.
211
00:07:39,789 --> 00:07:41,488
Woody, this is your close-up.
212
00:07:41,489 --> 00:07:43,289
Jill is gonna feed you your cue.
213
00:07:43,389 --> 00:07:46,389
Just look her right in the
camera and say, "I like it."
214
00:07:46,489 --> 00:07:47,688
I like it.
215
00:07:47,689 --> 00:07:49,089
Not now, Woody.
216
00:07:49,189 --> 00:07:50,688
No. I mean
I like your direction.
217
00:07:50,788 --> 00:07:52,487
It's very forceful,
very to the point.
218
00:07:52,488 --> 00:07:54,687
Let's go.
219
00:07:54,688 --> 00:07:57,388
Veggie-Boy bartender
close-up, take one.
220
00:07:58,888 --> 00:08:00,188
Rolling.
221
00:08:00,288 --> 00:08:02,287
And... action.
222
00:08:02,288 --> 00:08:04,088
So, how is this new
drink, Veggie-Boy?
223
00:08:04,188 --> 00:08:05,388
I...
224
00:08:05,488 --> 00:08:07,287
Cut.
225
00:08:07,288 --> 00:08:11,087
Mr. Peterson made a goofy face!
226
00:08:11,088 --> 00:08:12,687
I did not.
227
00:08:12,688 --> 00:08:14,688
It's my normal expression.
228
00:08:14,788 --> 00:08:15,988
Stop it!
229
00:08:16,088 --> 00:08:17,864
Woody, could we have your
friend wait out in the hallway?
230
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:18,987
I didn't do anything!
231
00:08:18,988 --> 00:08:20,488
Oh, quit looking so goofy!
232
00:08:24,088 --> 00:08:24,688
Take two.
233
00:08:24,788 --> 00:08:26,788
If you insist.
234
00:08:29,088 --> 00:08:30,586
Action.
235
00:08:30,587 --> 00:08:32,687
So, how is this new
drink, Veggie-Boy?
236
00:08:36,887 --> 00:08:37,787
I'm sorry.
237
00:08:37,887 --> 00:08:39,687
I'll go join my goofy friend.
238
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,187
What?
239
00:08:42,287 --> 00:08:44,287
Oh, yeah, all right,
here you go.
240
00:08:45,887 --> 00:08:46,987
Once again,
241
00:08:47,087 --> 00:08:48,187
action.
242
00:08:48,287 --> 00:08:50,987
So, how is this new
drink, Veggie-Boy?
243
00:08:58,287 --> 00:08:59,987
I like it.
244
00:09:00,087 --> 00:09:01,287
Cut! Print! That's it. Great!
245
00:09:01,387 --> 00:09:03,287
Let's get out of here.
246
00:09:07,887 --> 00:09:10,686
Thanks for not being funny,
Mr. Clavin.
247
00:09:17,586 --> 00:09:19,486
Woody, when is the commercial
gonna be on?
248
00:09:19,586 --> 00:09:21,886
I've seen this Quincy
five times.
249
00:09:21,986 --> 00:09:23,785
It's coming right up, Carla,
next break.
250
00:09:23,786 --> 00:09:24,786
Some coroner.
251
00:09:24,886 --> 00:09:27,186
Every week,
he has to dig up the body
252
00:09:27,286 --> 00:09:29,586
to find something
he missed the first time.
253
00:09:29,686 --> 00:09:31,585
Oh!
254
00:09:31,586 --> 00:09:32,786
What a surprise!
255
00:09:32,886 --> 00:09:36,386
He found a bullet in the skull!
256
00:09:36,486 --> 00:09:38,185
Oh, quiet, everybody.
It's on. All right.
257
00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:39,885
Turn it up, Miss Howe.
258
00:09:39,886 --> 00:09:43,086
New Veggie-Boy, available
in regular and chunky.
259
00:09:43,186 --> 00:09:46,085
So, how is this new drink,
Veggie-Boy?
260
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,286
I like it.
261
00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:48,386
Hey, hey!
262
00:09:50,086 --> 00:09:52,185
Hey! All right!
263
00:09:52,285 --> 00:09:55,785
Wonderful performance, Woody!
264
00:09:55,885 --> 00:09:59,285
Woody, we always knew you had it
in you to be a corporate shill.
265
00:09:59,385 --> 00:10:01,185
Yeah. Thanks, Dr. Crane.
266
00:10:01,285 --> 00:10:04,584
Thanks all of you for
throwing me this great party.
267
00:10:04,585 --> 00:10:05,985
But it isn't over yet, Woody.
268
00:10:06,085 --> 00:10:09,785
I took the liberty of ordering
23 cases of Veggie-Boy.
269
00:10:09,885 --> 00:10:12,085
We're the first ones
in town to have it, and Woody,
270
00:10:12,185 --> 00:10:15,984
first taste goes to you.
271
00:10:15,985 --> 00:10:17,685
Mmm.
272
00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:19,284
Wow!
273
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:20,585
My first Veggie-Boy!
274
00:10:20,685 --> 00:10:22,985
All right, yeah!
275
00:10:23,085 --> 00:10:26,584
Veggie-Boy is chock-full
of all the vegetables...
276
00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:28,385
Oh, it's disgusting!
277
00:10:28,485 --> 00:10:30,783
Woody, shh, shh,
278
00:10:30,784 --> 00:10:32,983
shh, shh! Look,
you're on channel seven!
279
00:10:32,984 --> 00:10:34,083
I like it!
280
00:10:34,084 --> 00:10:35,284
I don't like it! I hate it!
281
00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:36,584
I like it.
282
00:10:36,684 --> 00:10:37,884
Shut up, Woody! I like it!
283
00:10:37,984 --> 00:10:40,284
You hate it! You're a liar...
A filthy, rotten liar!
284
00:10:40,384 --> 00:10:41,684
I like it!
285
00:10:41,784 --> 00:10:43,483
I like it! I like it!
286
00:10:43,484 --> 00:10:44,583
Somebody make him stop!!
287
00:10:44,584 --> 00:10:45,384
I like it!
288
00:10:45,484 --> 00:10:46,184
I like it!
289
00:10:46,185 --> 00:10:47,584
I like it!
290
00:10:53,242 --> 00:10:55,741
I can't believe
I was just on 14 channels,
291
00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:57,842
saying I like this stuff
when I really hate it.
292
00:10:57,942 --> 00:11:00,241
No, that's, uh,
15 channels, Woody.
293
00:11:00,242 --> 00:11:02,042
Everybody always
forgets Lifetime.
294
00:11:03,842 --> 00:11:06,242
Woody, wait a minute now.
It can't be that bad here.
295
00:11:06,342 --> 00:11:08,242
Let's take a look
at the ingredients.
296
00:11:08,342 --> 00:11:12,041
"Water, broccoli,
cauliflower and kale."
297
00:11:12,141 --> 00:11:15,941
Well, maybe it just sounds bad
in black and white.
298
00:11:23,341 --> 00:11:25,441
Kale was not a good idea.
299
00:11:32,941 --> 00:11:35,641
Oh, Woody, Woody,
shoot, I just forgot here.
300
00:11:35,741 --> 00:11:37,241
This came for you.
301
00:11:37,341 --> 00:11:39,261
Looks like something
from the commercial company.
302
00:11:39,341 --> 00:11:40,341
Probably a paycheck.
303
00:11:40,441 --> 00:11:41,641
Oh, I-I can't cash that.
304
00:11:41,741 --> 00:11:42,841
I can't even open it.
305
00:11:42,941 --> 00:11:45,040
That'd be like
paying me for lying.
306
00:11:45,041 --> 00:11:46,541
My mother always
told me that lying
307
00:11:46,641 --> 00:11:49,141
is the worst
of the seven deadly sins.
308
00:11:49,241 --> 00:11:51,539
Wait, wait, wait, lying is one
of the seven deadly sins?
309
00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:53,339
- Yeah, of course it is.
- You got, uh...
310
00:11:53,340 --> 00:11:55,940
lust, greed, bashful...
311
00:11:58,940 --> 00:12:01,140
That's the seven deadly dwarfs.
312
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:03,840
No, Woody, hold on a second.
313
00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:05,640
Listen, sometimes
lying can be good.
314
00:12:05,740 --> 00:12:09,240
I remember when I was
playing for the Sox.
315
00:12:09,340 --> 00:12:10,940
One day there was
a rumor going around
316
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,440
that a backup catcher
was about to be cut.
317
00:12:13,540 --> 00:12:15,640
Everybody knew about
it except him.
318
00:12:15,740 --> 00:12:18,640
We found out on the exact day
that was his birthday.
319
00:12:18,740 --> 00:12:20,140
He came up to me and he said,
320
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,540
"Sam is it true? Am I going
to be cut from the team?"
321
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:25,340
And I looked him right
in the eye and I said, "No."
322
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:26,739
Happy birthday."
323
00:12:26,740 --> 00:12:28,540
And that guy went off
and had the best
324
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:29,939
birthday of his life.
325
00:12:29,940 --> 00:12:31,039
And as it turns out,
326
00:12:31,139 --> 00:12:32,739
the next day he wasn't even cut.
327
00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:35,539
So it's better
that you lied to him.
328
00:12:35,639 --> 00:12:37,838
Wow.
329
00:12:37,839 --> 00:12:39,639
That's a great story, Sam.
330
00:12:39,739 --> 00:12:41,015
You've given me
a lot to think about.
331
00:12:41,039 --> 00:12:42,439
Thanks. Yeah, no, thank you.
332
00:12:46,739 --> 00:12:49,538
Sam, is, uh... Yeah?
333
00:12:49,539 --> 00:12:50,939
Is that stuff really true?
334
00:12:51,039 --> 00:12:53,139
Well, most of it. Yeah.
335
00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:57,438
It wasn't the catcher,
it was me.
336
00:12:57,439 --> 00:12:59,338
And, uh, I was cut.
337
00:12:59,339 --> 00:13:01,659
And the fellas didn't have
any problem telling me about it.
338
00:13:04,139 --> 00:13:06,839
But it was my birthday.
339
00:13:06,939 --> 00:13:08,139
Happy birthday, liar.
340
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:11,438
Hey, Woody, Woody...
341
00:13:14,738 --> 00:13:16,338
Where's Woody?
342
00:13:16,438 --> 00:13:18,938
He's in the poolroom
hating himself for lying.
343
00:13:19,038 --> 00:13:20,138
Oh...
344
00:13:20,238 --> 00:13:21,538
I thought he'd gotten over that.
345
00:13:21,638 --> 00:13:22,938
Yeah, well, he's trying,
346
00:13:23,038 --> 00:13:26,338
but somebody keeps reminding him
every five minutes.
347
00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:30,638
Hey, Pinocchio!
348
00:13:30,738 --> 00:13:33,838
It's 5:00, do you know where
your commercial's playing?
349
00:13:35,238 --> 00:13:36,437
Carla, that's just
350
00:13:36,438 --> 00:13:38,838
a little bit sadistic, isn't it?
351
00:13:38,938 --> 00:13:40,238
Yeah, but I like Woody.
352
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:43,838
Boy, he's really taking it hard.
353
00:13:43,938 --> 00:13:45,737
Yeah, poor kid.
354
00:13:45,738 --> 00:13:47,538
I really feel sorry for him.
355
00:13:47,638 --> 00:13:48,938
Hey, what do you say we, uh,
356
00:13:49,038 --> 00:13:52,236
pass the time with, uh, one
of these trivia napkins here?
357
00:13:52,237 --> 00:13:53,936
Oh!
358
00:13:53,937 --> 00:13:56,637
So you're finally, uh, starting
to enjoy these jobbies, huh?
359
00:13:56,737 --> 00:13:58,736
Yeah, I was acting like
a big baby there, Sam.
360
00:13:58,737 --> 00:14:00,536
I know you guys like
me a lot more than
361
00:14:00,537 --> 00:14:02,437
some cheap stack of paper.
362
00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:04,437
Yeah, whatever.
363
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:08,136
Well, this is the most
364
00:14:08,137 --> 00:14:10,036
boring napkin we've come across.
365
00:14:10,037 --> 00:14:11,837
What's the question?
Well, who can tell?
366
00:14:11,937 --> 00:14:13,637
It looks as though
it was homemade.
367
00:14:13,737 --> 00:14:15,437
It looks like
some moron typed it
368
00:14:15,537 --> 00:14:17,437
on some old manual typewriter.
369
00:14:19,037 --> 00:14:20,136
How odd.
370
00:14:20,137 --> 00:14:21,237
Read the question.
371
00:14:21,337 --> 00:14:23,636
This is not a napkin.
372
00:14:23,637 --> 00:14:25,637
It's a cry for help.
373
00:14:27,837 --> 00:14:29,137
All right.
374
00:14:29,237 --> 00:14:31,336
So I forged a napkin!
Can you blame me?
375
00:14:31,436 --> 00:14:33,636
I've been sitting here
for the better part of the '80s,
376
00:14:33,736 --> 00:14:35,136
trying to enliven the discussion
377
00:14:35,236 --> 00:14:36,835
and broaden a few horizons
with the benefit
378
00:14:36,836 --> 00:14:38,836
of my special brand
of my arcane knowledge,
379
00:14:38,936 --> 00:14:40,835
and then these stupid napkins
come waltzing in.
380
00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:42,436
And then I'm out.
381
00:14:42,536 --> 00:14:43,836
Well...
382
00:14:43,936 --> 00:14:44,836
I've had it.
383
00:14:44,936 --> 00:14:46,936
It's time to make
a choice, fellas.
384
00:14:46,975 --> 00:14:49,575
Me... or the napkins?
385
00:14:56,575 --> 00:14:58,174
Or both. Maybe we can alternate.
386
00:14:58,175 --> 00:15:00,875
We can do that., yeah.
387
00:15:00,975 --> 00:15:02,474
A round of drinks
for my friends here!
388
00:15:02,475 --> 00:15:04,774
All right. Yeah.
389
00:15:04,775 --> 00:15:07,075
I'd like to see
a napkin do that, huh?
390
00:15:07,175 --> 00:15:09,775
Excuse me, could I get some service?
Oh, yeah.
391
00:15:09,911 --> 00:15:11,087
I'm sorry. What can I get you?
392
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:12,310
What do you recommend?
393
00:15:12,410 --> 00:15:13,210
What's the difference?
394
00:15:13,211 --> 00:15:15,610
You wouldn't believe me anyway.
395
00:15:15,710 --> 00:15:19,110
I'm just an incorrigible liar
pumping a handcart to hell.
396
00:15:20,884 --> 00:15:23,484
Woody, why are you torturing
yourself like this?
397
00:15:23,584 --> 00:15:24,784
Because I deserve it.
398
00:15:24,884 --> 00:15:26,783
I lied to America.
399
00:15:26,784 --> 00:15:30,384
I lied to that all-important
18-to 35-year-old target group.
400
00:15:30,484 --> 00:15:32,184
Woody, you only feel
that you're a liar
401
00:15:32,284 --> 00:15:34,283
because you endorsed
a product you don't like.
402
00:15:34,284 --> 00:15:36,584
But what if you could
actually learn to like it?
403
00:15:36,684 --> 00:15:39,784
How am I gonna learn to like
broccoli, cauliflower and kale?
404
00:15:39,884 --> 00:15:41,083
Well, Wood, some things you have
405
00:15:41,084 --> 00:15:43,584
to sort of develop
a taste for slowly, you know?
406
00:15:43,684 --> 00:15:46,084
All right, look, uh,
give me a beer, okay?
407
00:15:46,184 --> 00:15:49,084
Now, we'll put a stalk
of broccoli in that beer, okay?
408
00:15:49,184 --> 00:15:50,984
Now you drink the beer
and the beer taste
409
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,459
is gonna kill the taste
of the broccoli,
410
00:15:52,483 --> 00:15:54,683
but slowly you'll get
used to it, okay?
411
00:15:54,783 --> 00:15:56,383
Go ahead.
We don't have any broccoli.
412
00:15:57,683 --> 00:16:00,582
Well, thanks for the beer.
413
00:16:00,583 --> 00:16:02,783
You know, Woody,
414
00:16:02,883 --> 00:16:04,983
the way Ma got me
used to a new vegetable
415
00:16:05,083 --> 00:16:06,282
like, say, uh...
416
00:16:06,283 --> 00:16:07,483
oh, brussels sprouts.
417
00:16:07,583 --> 00:16:09,783
She used to put a few
in each of my pockets
418
00:16:09,883 --> 00:16:11,983
and have me, uh, walk around
with them all day.
419
00:16:12,083 --> 00:16:14,082
Well, thanks, Mr. Clavin,
420
00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:16,183
but brussels sprouts
aren't the problem.
421
00:16:16,283 --> 00:16:17,683
Well, you should try it anyway.
422
00:16:17,783 --> 00:16:19,283
It's a nice feeling.
423
00:16:20,483 --> 00:16:21,683
Woody.
424
00:16:21,783 --> 00:16:23,982
Woody, you know, Sigmund Freud
425
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,882
might suggest that
your aversion to vegetables
426
00:16:26,883 --> 00:16:29,183
stems from some
early childhood trauma.
427
00:16:31,682 --> 00:16:33,682
You sputtered, my darling?
428
00:16:33,782 --> 00:16:36,182
Honestly, Frasier,
you must be the last
429
00:16:36,282 --> 00:16:38,482
psychiatrist on Earth
who hasn't abandoned
430
00:16:38,582 --> 00:16:39,882
Sigmund Freud's theories.
431
00:16:39,982 --> 00:16:41,481
What are you saying?
432
00:16:41,482 --> 00:16:43,582
Merely that his
theories are outdated,
433
00:16:43,682 --> 00:16:45,281
sexist superstitions
434
00:16:45,282 --> 00:16:47,382
unsupported by a shred
of clinical evidence.
435
00:16:47,482 --> 00:16:49,981
You're drunk.
436
00:16:49,982 --> 00:16:52,481
My wife is completely
smashed, blotto.
437
00:16:52,482 --> 00:16:56,782
Sam, no more boilermakers
for Dr. Sternin-Crane.
438
00:16:56,882 --> 00:16:58,582
Frasier, I've had
nothing to drink.
439
00:16:58,682 --> 00:17:00,882
Ah, the worst kind of drunk.
440
00:17:02,182 --> 00:17:03,882
For your information,
441
00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:05,581
Sigmund Freud has
a lot to teach us
442
00:17:05,582 --> 00:17:06,782
about Woody's problem.
443
00:17:06,882 --> 00:17:08,781
I daresay that if the Master
were with us today,
444
00:17:08,782 --> 00:17:10,281
he would, after striking Lilith,
445
00:17:10,282 --> 00:17:12,781
tell us that Woody is suffering
446
00:17:12,881 --> 00:17:14,681
from a subconscious barrier,
447
00:17:14,781 --> 00:17:18,381
easily removed by some
elemental Freudian analysis.
448
00:17:18,481 --> 00:17:20,481
Well, isn't there
anything faster?
449
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:24,081
Oh, many things,
but nothing quite as lucrative.
450
00:17:25,881 --> 00:17:27,181
But if you wish instant relief,
451
00:17:27,281 --> 00:17:29,380
I suppose we could
try a little, uh,
452
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:30,681
well, posthypnotic suggestion.
453
00:17:35,981 --> 00:17:38,481
Another wet objection, my love?
454
00:17:38,581 --> 00:17:41,481
Hypnosis, Frasier?
455
00:17:41,581 --> 00:17:43,981
Why only go back a century
for your treatment?
456
00:17:44,081 --> 00:17:46,081
Why not bleed him with leeches?
457
00:17:46,181 --> 00:17:48,080
Or drill a hole in his cranium
458
00:17:48,081 --> 00:17:50,380
and let the evil
spirits leak out?
459
00:17:50,381 --> 00:17:52,080
Ignore her, Woody.
460
00:17:52,180 --> 00:17:53,580
It's the gin talking.
461
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,979
Or maybe the reason
he doesn't like vegetables
462
00:17:55,980 --> 00:17:58,080
is because they remind him
of his mother.
463
00:17:58,180 --> 00:17:59,580
Ooh!
464
00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:03,080
Hey, hypnosis, huh?
465
00:18:03,180 --> 00:18:05,179
That's cool, Doc.
466
00:18:05,180 --> 00:18:07,079
Sam, hypnosis is not
a parlor game.
467
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:08,379
Although last week at a party,
468
00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,780
I did get quite a few laughs
by hypnotizing Lilith
469
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,780
into removing her shoes
whenever anyone
470
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,079
mentioned brie cheese.
471
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:17,180
Frasier, you did no such thing.
472
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,480
- Very funny.
- I don't know
473
00:18:20,580 --> 00:18:22,380
if hypnotism will work
on me, Dr. Crane.
474
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,279
I'm pretty strong-willed.
475
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:25,980
And what's she, brie cheese?
476
00:18:28,580 --> 00:18:30,380
Stop that.
477
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:31,580
Woody!
478
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:33,979
Let's go into the office
and watch that watch.
479
00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:35,978
Oh, for God's sake, Frasier.
480
00:18:35,979 --> 00:18:37,779
First you espouse Sigmund Freud.
481
00:18:37,879 --> 00:18:39,878
Now, you've moved on
to Dr. Mesmer.
482
00:18:39,879 --> 00:18:42,779
This is not
professional conduct.
483
00:18:42,879 --> 00:18:43,879
Point taken, my darling.
484
00:18:43,979 --> 00:18:45,379
Oh, by the way,
485
00:18:45,479 --> 00:18:46,879
is that a tambourine behind you?
486
00:18:46,979 --> 00:18:49,579
A tambourine?
487
00:18:49,679 --> 00:18:51,379
What an odd question.
488
00:18:52,779 --> 00:18:54,679
You are in such trouble, mister.
489
00:19:02,579 --> 00:19:03,878
You know, I was thinking.
490
00:19:03,879 --> 00:19:05,679
What is kale, anyway?
491
00:19:05,779 --> 00:19:08,579
Uh, you know, some kind
of a lettuce thing
492
00:19:08,679 --> 00:19:09,979
they use in salad
bars, isn't it?
493
00:19:10,079 --> 00:19:11,079
Oh. No.
494
00:19:11,179 --> 00:19:12,678
No, uh, kale is not
a green, per se,
495
00:19:12,778 --> 00:19:14,278
but more of a family of greens.
496
00:19:14,378 --> 00:19:15,977
See, anything
with a pungent aroma
497
00:19:15,978 --> 00:19:17,978
and a loose head
can properly be called "kale."
498
00:19:18,078 --> 00:19:19,878
Get you another beer, kale?
499
00:19:22,104 --> 00:19:24,804
I feel like I've been asleep
for a hundred years.
500
00:19:24,904 --> 00:19:25,904
Did it work?
501
00:19:26,004 --> 00:19:27,480
Well, there's only
one way to find out.
502
00:19:27,504 --> 00:19:28,804
Sam, set us up.
503
00:19:28,904 --> 00:19:31,504
Yeah, I got a couple left here.
504
00:19:33,304 --> 00:19:35,304
Now watch, Lilith,
505
00:19:35,404 --> 00:19:39,004
and all the rest
of you naysayers.
506
00:19:39,104 --> 00:19:41,804
So, how is this
new drink, Veggie-Boy?
507
00:19:47,004 --> 00:19:49,003
I like it. Yeah, right.
508
00:19:49,004 --> 00:19:51,404
No, no, I really like it!
509
00:19:51,504 --> 00:19:52,703
I love it!
510
00:19:52,803 --> 00:19:54,179
Boy, you know,
I'm not a liar anymore.
511
00:19:54,203 --> 00:19:56,403
- All right!
- Mmm.
512
00:19:56,503 --> 00:19:59,103
Oh, you can really
taste the kale.
513
00:20:04,503 --> 00:20:06,203
You know what this means?
514
00:20:06,303 --> 00:20:07,902
Now that I'm not a liar anymore,
515
00:20:07,903 --> 00:20:09,803
I can take that
envelope and I can cash
516
00:20:09,903 --> 00:20:11,703
that check at the
bank and I can just
517
00:20:11,803 --> 00:20:13,803
spend it all on Veggie-Boy!
518
00:20:13,969 --> 00:20:15,368
Whoo!
519
00:20:15,369 --> 00:20:17,345
Hey, you really did a number
on him; look at him go there.
520
00:20:17,369 --> 00:20:19,069
Woody is highly suggestible.
521
00:20:19,169 --> 00:20:21,168
I had the mission
accomplished in five minutes.
522
00:20:21,169 --> 00:20:22,368
You had him under for two hours.
523
00:20:22,369 --> 00:20:23,945
What were you doing
the rest of the time?
524
00:20:23,969 --> 00:20:25,669
Just snooping.
525
00:20:25,769 --> 00:20:28,069
We'll, uh, we'll talk later.
526
00:20:29,969 --> 00:20:32,069
Well, I don't understand this.
527
00:20:32,169 --> 00:20:33,267
It's not a check,
528
00:20:33,268 --> 00:20:35,068
it's a letter
from the ad agency.
529
00:20:35,168 --> 00:20:36,168
Well, what's it say?
530
00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:37,468
It says that
531
00:20:37,568 --> 00:20:39,267
"due to lack
of consumer interest,
532
00:20:39,268 --> 00:20:40,544
they're discontinuing
the product."
533
00:20:40,568 --> 00:20:41,668
What does that mean?
534
00:20:41,768 --> 00:20:42,568
I think it means they're not
535
00:20:42,668 --> 00:20:44,467
going to make
Veggie-Boy anymore.
536
00:20:44,468 --> 00:20:45,867
I guess nobody liked it.
537
00:20:45,868 --> 00:20:47,968
How could they not like it?
538
00:20:48,068 --> 00:20:49,967
It's broccoli,
cauliflower and kale!
539
00:20:49,968 --> 00:20:52,568
Has America gone mad?
540
00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:54,368
Wood, um, it's
not that great, okay?
541
00:20:54,468 --> 00:20:55,168
Shut up, Mr. Peterson.
542
00:20:55,368 --> 00:20:58,067
Don't talk bad about Veggie-Boy!
543
00:20:58,068 --> 00:21:01,167
Nice work, Dr. Frankenstein.
544
00:21:01,168 --> 00:21:02,844
They're stopped making it,
how am I gonna get it?
545
00:21:02,868 --> 00:21:04,867
I need my Veggie-Boy.
546
00:21:04,868 --> 00:21:06,467
This is all there is?
547
00:21:06,468 --> 00:21:08,768
This isn't even gonna
last me through the night!
548
00:21:11,168 --> 00:21:12,528
Woody, let's go
back in the office.
549
00:21:12,567 --> 00:21:14,166
I know, I know.
I can take this to a lab
550
00:21:14,167 --> 00:21:16,067
and have it analyzed.
I can make my own.
551
00:21:16,167 --> 00:21:17,367
You know, I've got a blender.
552
00:21:17,467 --> 00:21:18,666
Woody...
553
00:21:18,667 --> 00:21:19,667
I'll move back to Indiana.
554
00:21:19,668 --> 00:21:21,367
I'll grow kale!
Woody, watch the watch.
555
00:21:21,467 --> 00:21:22,943
Get that watch out
of my face, old man.
556
00:21:22,967 --> 00:21:24,267
I've got crops to plant!
557
00:21:25,567 --> 00:21:27,167
Woody, you need my help!
558
00:21:27,267 --> 00:21:27,967
I don't need your help!
559
00:21:28,167 --> 00:21:29,767
All I need is
three tons of topsoil
560
00:21:29,867 --> 00:21:31,366
and a big, yellow tractor!
561
00:21:31,367 --> 00:21:32,367
"Tractor"?
562
00:21:32,368 --> 00:21:35,566
¶ The sun'll come out
tomorrow... ¶
563
00:21:35,567 --> 00:21:37,767
Lilith, lower your damn skirt
and watch the watch!