1 00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:04,172 Cliff: Here's a little-known fact... 2 00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:05,274 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 3 00:00:11,383 --> 00:00:14,320 So, Chuck, how's the job search going, huh? 4 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:16,690 I got something, Sam, but I'm not too excited about it. 5 00:00:16,690 --> 00:00:19,094 I'm a janitor at a biology lab 6 00:00:19,094 --> 00:00:20,496 where they do DNA experiments, 7 00:00:20,496 --> 00:00:23,166 you know, making mutant viruses and stuff. 8 00:00:23,166 --> 00:00:25,003 That sounds like a pretty good job. 9 00:00:25,003 --> 00:00:26,371 I don't know. Makes me nervous... 10 00:00:26,371 --> 00:00:28,073 All that weird stuff floatin' around. 11 00:00:28,073 --> 00:00:29,910 Don't worry about it. I'm sure it's safe. 12 00:00:29,910 --> 00:00:33,081 Oh, yeah, absolutely. They take all the right precautions. 13 00:00:33,081 --> 00:00:34,049 Yeah. Yeah. 14 00:00:34,049 --> 00:00:35,251 I guess you're right. 15 00:00:35,251 --> 00:00:36,853 Must be getting a little paranoid, huh? 16 00:00:40,325 --> 00:00:41,961 You know, I'm feeling better already. 17 00:00:41,961 --> 00:00:42,963 See you later. 18 00:00:42,963 --> 00:00:44,131 Take care, Chuck. 19 00:01:03,459 --> 00:01:05,929 ♪ Makin' your way in the world today ♪ 20 00:01:05,929 --> 00:01:09,001 ♪ takes everything you got ♪ 21 00:01:09,001 --> 00:01:11,837 ♪ takin' a break from all your worries ♪ 22 00:01:11,837 --> 00:01:15,143 ♪ sure would help a lot ♪ 23 00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:20,986 ♪ wouldn't you like to get away ♪ 24 00:01:20,986 --> 00:01:23,022 ♪ sometimes you want to go ♪ 25 00:01:23,022 --> 00:01:28,396 ♪ where everybody knows your name ♪ 26 00:01:28,396 --> 00:01:32,935 ♪ and they're always glad you came ♪ 27 00:01:32,935 --> 00:01:35,473 ♪ you want to be where you can see ♪ 28 00:01:35,473 --> 00:01:38,211 ♪ our troubles are all the same ♪ 29 00:01:38,211 --> 00:01:43,384 ♪ you wanna be where everybody knows your name ♪ 30 00:01:43,384 --> 00:01:46,023 ♪ you wanna go where people know ♪ 31 00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:48,259 ♪ people are all the same ♪ 32 00:01:48,259 --> 00:01:49,460 ♪ you want to go ♪ 33 00:01:49,460 --> 00:01:52,698 ♪ where everybody knows your name ♪ 34 00:02:03,848 --> 00:02:06,852 Last week on cheers... 35 00:02:06,852 --> 00:02:09,690 Interesting, interesting. 36 00:02:09,690 --> 00:02:12,261 That was Sam's brother. 37 00:02:12,261 --> 00:02:13,896 He's on his way over. 38 00:02:13,896 --> 00:02:15,331 He hates him. 39 00:02:15,331 --> 00:02:16,967 Guy's better at everything than I am. 40 00:02:16,967 --> 00:02:19,104 He's perfect. 41 00:02:19,104 --> 00:02:20,773 Nice voice. Who is that? 42 00:02:20,773 --> 00:02:22,076 Guess. 43 00:02:22,076 --> 00:02:25,313 Your brother is one good-looking guy. 44 00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:27,015 The guy did get me a job. 45 00:02:27,015 --> 00:02:30,154 Come on, hurry up. He's going to do some tap-dancing. 46 00:02:30,154 --> 00:02:31,822 Your brother's teaching me Spanish. 47 00:02:31,822 --> 00:02:33,625 You think Diane likes Derek? 48 00:02:33,625 --> 00:02:34,494 I don't know, Sammy. 49 00:02:34,494 --> 00:02:35,861 I'll pass her a note in gym. 50 00:02:35,861 --> 00:02:37,331 He's just a man 51 00:02:37,331 --> 00:02:43,507 like any other man you'd meet in Greek mythology. 52 00:02:43,507 --> 00:02:45,176 Derek just wants to fly me out 53 00:02:45,176 --> 00:02:48,947 to Martha's vineyard tonight. 54 00:02:48,947 --> 00:02:50,517 In a plane or on his back? 55 00:02:53,422 --> 00:02:56,859 Whatever you and my brother Derek want to do is ok with me. 56 00:02:56,859 --> 00:02:58,229 I don't care. 57 00:02:58,229 --> 00:02:59,731 I'd rather stay with you. 58 00:02:59,731 --> 00:03:03,102 What? What did you say? 59 00:03:03,102 --> 00:03:04,304 I didn't hear anything. 60 00:03:07,475 --> 00:03:10,847 Is Diane about to fall for Sam's brother? 61 00:03:10,847 --> 00:03:13,251 Will Sam's heart be broken? 62 00:03:13,251 --> 00:03:16,556 Will norm find happiness in his new job? 63 00:03:16,556 --> 00:03:20,461 Will coach return to coaching in Venezuela? 64 00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:22,464 Will Carl yastrzemski please call cheers 65 00:03:22,464 --> 00:03:24,167 and ask for the spitfire? 66 00:03:36,451 --> 00:03:37,420 Uh... 67 00:03:39,054 --> 00:03:40,891 Well, coach, 68 00:03:40,891 --> 00:03:44,763 it's clear we've reached a philosophical impasse here, you know, 69 00:03:44,763 --> 00:03:48,169 much like the question of the tree falling in the woods. 70 00:03:48,169 --> 00:03:49,437 The what? 71 00:03:51,173 --> 00:03:53,543 The tree falling in the woods. 72 00:03:53,543 --> 00:03:55,246 Oh. 73 00:03:55,246 --> 00:03:57,482 The question is, if a tree falls in the woods 74 00:03:57,482 --> 00:03:59,419 and if there's nobody's there to hear it, 75 00:03:59,419 --> 00:04:02,256 does it make a sound? 76 00:04:02,256 --> 00:04:03,825 If there's nobody there, 77 00:04:03,825 --> 00:04:05,228 how do you know it fell? 78 00:04:11,737 --> 00:04:14,674 Well, coach, we assume that it fell, you know. 79 00:04:14,674 --> 00:04:16,410 Yeah, but you don't know. 80 00:04:16,410 --> 00:04:18,146 All right. Ok, coach. 81 00:04:18,146 --> 00:04:19,382 I went to the woods yesterday 82 00:04:19,382 --> 00:04:22,619 and saw the tree laying on the ground. 83 00:04:22,619 --> 00:04:24,589 A bunch of beavers could have chewed on it 84 00:04:24,589 --> 00:04:29,363 and then gently lowered it to the ground, cliff. 85 00:04:29,363 --> 00:04:32,634 Well, you got me there on that one, coach. How about another beer? 86 00:04:32,634 --> 00:04:34,371 I'm telling you, you surprise me, cliff. 87 00:04:34,371 --> 00:04:35,938 You're not prepared at all tonight. 88 00:04:37,941 --> 00:04:40,580 I fell asleep while I was going over my notes 89 00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:43,984 preparing for our conversation today, coach. 90 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:45,320 Oh, you do that, too, huh? 91 00:04:54,132 --> 00:04:55,101 Coach. 92 00:04:55,101 --> 00:04:56,536 Where's Diane today? 93 00:04:56,536 --> 00:04:58,572 It's her day off. She must be out with Derek. 94 00:04:58,572 --> 00:05:00,275 She's been out with him every day. 95 00:05:00,275 --> 00:05:03,379 You know, I am sick of hearing about her. 96 00:05:03,379 --> 00:05:06,250 Ever since lady dye-job arrived, 97 00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:08,186 she gets all the attention. 98 00:05:08,186 --> 00:05:09,856 Nobody cares about me anymore. 99 00:05:09,856 --> 00:05:13,060 Nobody asks what Carla's doing anymore. 100 00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:15,664 Ohh! Ohh! Oh, Carla. 101 00:05:15,664 --> 00:05:18,502 Carla, come on now. Be fair. 102 00:05:18,502 --> 00:05:19,970 We weren't that interested in your life 103 00:05:19,970 --> 00:05:21,406 before she got here. 104 00:05:26,981 --> 00:05:28,483 Well, Sam. Thanks again. 105 00:05:28,483 --> 00:05:30,653 Yeah. Thank you for dropping me off. 106 00:05:30,653 --> 00:05:32,622 You sure you can't come in for a drink? 107 00:05:32,622 --> 00:05:35,327 Oh, I'd love to, but I'm in kind of a hurry. 108 00:05:37,864 --> 00:05:39,800 Oh, hey, uh... 109 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:43,004 I'm sorry I shrieked the wrong name. 110 00:05:43,004 --> 00:05:43,906 That's ok. 111 00:05:48,145 --> 00:05:49,848 Hi, everyone. 112 00:05:49,848 --> 00:05:50,816 Hey, Sam. 113 00:05:50,816 --> 00:05:54,589 Sammy, Sammy, oh, my, my, Sammy. 114 00:05:54,589 --> 00:05:56,725 Sammy, tell me true, now, 115 00:05:56,725 --> 00:05:58,428 not only did that gorgeous-looking 116 00:05:58,428 --> 00:05:59,396 girl go out with you, 117 00:05:59,396 --> 00:06:00,831 but she also drove? 118 00:06:00,831 --> 00:06:02,567 No, she didn't drive, she carried me. 119 00:06:05,838 --> 00:06:08,174 Hey, Sam. I'm proud of you. 120 00:06:08,174 --> 00:06:10,177 You took my little wimp speech to heart there. 121 00:06:10,177 --> 00:06:12,615 It's great to see you back in action again. 122 00:06:12,615 --> 00:06:14,183 Yeah. I want to thank you for that. 123 00:06:14,183 --> 00:06:15,386 Took my mind off my brother 124 00:06:15,386 --> 00:06:16,687 and your skinny coworker. 125 00:06:16,687 --> 00:06:20,159 I don't even care where they are anymore. 126 00:06:20,159 --> 00:06:22,863 Where are they? 127 00:06:22,863 --> 00:06:25,366 Well, Bobby and Suzie saw them at the drive-in 128 00:06:25,366 --> 00:06:27,604 sharing a cherry coke and fries. 129 00:06:30,074 --> 00:06:31,142 Afternoon, everybody. 130 00:06:31,142 --> 00:06:33,278 Norm! Norm! Norm! 131 00:06:33,278 --> 00:06:34,881 How you doing, norm? 132 00:06:34,881 --> 00:06:37,184 Coach, I'm on top of the world. 133 00:06:37,184 --> 00:06:41,658 It's a dismal spot in Greenland somewhere. 134 00:06:41,658 --> 00:06:43,494 How's your new job coming, norm? 135 00:06:43,494 --> 00:06:44,896 Don't bring that up. 136 00:06:44,896 --> 00:06:46,264 I'm no longer in the employ 137 00:06:46,264 --> 00:06:48,869 of Goldstein, boorman, and kowakami. 138 00:06:48,869 --> 00:06:49,736 What happened? 139 00:06:49,736 --> 00:06:51,305 I discovered that so-called 140 00:06:51,305 --> 00:06:55,078 medical corporation was a polite term for den of thieves. 141 00:06:55,078 --> 00:06:57,181 They're in the business of cheating on taxes. 142 00:06:57,181 --> 00:07:00,752 Oh, yeah, so you resigned in protest, huh, norm? 143 00:07:00,752 --> 00:07:05,125 Well, I took a long lunch, and they canned me. 144 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,561 The last angry man. 145 00:07:06,561 --> 00:07:08,698 Damn right, I'm angry, Sammy. 146 00:07:08,698 --> 00:07:11,468 Those are rich people cheating on taxes. 147 00:07:11,468 --> 00:07:12,970 And who has to foot the bill? 148 00:07:12,970 --> 00:07:15,608 Honest folks... Like me and you 149 00:07:15,608 --> 00:07:17,777 and all you nice people here at the bar 150 00:07:17,777 --> 00:07:19,647 that I've listed as my dependents. 151 00:07:22,752 --> 00:07:25,055 So, uh... Where's Diane today? 152 00:07:25,055 --> 00:07:28,092 She's not out with Derek again? 153 00:07:28,092 --> 00:07:31,164 I don't believe it. 154 00:07:31,164 --> 00:07:32,566 Hey, hey. 155 00:07:32,566 --> 00:07:34,168 What happened to all the interesting talk 156 00:07:34,168 --> 00:07:35,403 around here, huh? 157 00:07:35,403 --> 00:07:37,106 I mean, I used to enjoy coming in here 158 00:07:37,106 --> 00:07:39,476 and listening to a good conversation. 159 00:07:39,476 --> 00:07:40,711 Now there's so much gossip 160 00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:42,948 you should all have dryers on your heads. 161 00:07:46,954 --> 00:07:49,491 I'm gonna be in the office. 162 00:07:49,491 --> 00:07:50,793 So, what'll you have? 163 00:07:50,793 --> 00:07:52,996 I'll have a cup of tea. 164 00:07:52,996 --> 00:07:55,299 And I'll have a small Sherry. 165 00:07:55,299 --> 00:07:59,238 Ok. Now that sounds nice. 166 00:07:59,238 --> 00:08:01,308 Sherry sounds very nice, 167 00:08:01,308 --> 00:08:03,344 and it is late afternoon. 168 00:08:03,344 --> 00:08:06,449 I think I'll have a glass of Sherry, too, please. 169 00:08:06,449 --> 00:08:07,484 Two sherries. 170 00:08:07,484 --> 00:08:11,056 Uh... make that a glass of wine. 171 00:08:11,056 --> 00:08:12,559 White wine. 172 00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:14,027 Wine. 173 00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:17,265 I haven't had a glass of wine in ages. 174 00:08:17,265 --> 00:08:18,500 Is your wine dry? 175 00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:19,736 Yeah, it's ok. 176 00:08:19,736 --> 00:08:21,872 Then give me some wine, too. Two wines. 177 00:08:21,872 --> 00:08:26,278 You know what sounds like fun to me all of a sudden? 178 00:08:26,278 --> 00:08:28,148 What? A beer! 179 00:08:28,148 --> 00:08:32,588 I haven't had a beer since I don't know when 180 00:08:32,588 --> 00:08:35,458 I used to have half a beer on a hot day. 181 00:08:35,458 --> 00:08:38,631 Well, it's quite cold out today. 182 00:08:38,631 --> 00:08:40,266 Then put a shot of whiskey with it, 183 00:08:40,266 --> 00:08:42,837 and it's perfect. 184 00:08:42,837 --> 00:08:45,774 Two boilermakers... Wild Turkey and bud. 185 00:08:50,849 --> 00:08:52,116 I'll run a tab. 186 00:08:52,116 --> 00:08:53,052 Good. 187 00:08:55,421 --> 00:08:56,991 Ah, que lastima. 188 00:08:59,294 --> 00:09:00,629 What's wrong, coach? 189 00:09:00,629 --> 00:09:02,866 I didn't get the job in Venezuela. 190 00:09:02,866 --> 00:09:04,101 They hired another guy. 191 00:09:04,101 --> 00:09:05,671 Oh, jeez. What's the matter, 192 00:09:05,671 --> 00:09:07,105 they didn't like your Spanish? 193 00:09:07,105 --> 00:09:08,675 No, no, the Spanish was fine. 194 00:09:08,675 --> 00:09:10,010 They didn't like my English. 195 00:09:12,580 --> 00:09:13,716 See, that's too bad, coach. 196 00:09:13,716 --> 00:09:14,917 Sorry, coach. 197 00:09:14,917 --> 00:09:16,987 Well... ¿que so what, so what? 198 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,733 Hello, everyone. 199 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,535 Oh, hi. Hi, Diane. 200 00:09:27,535 --> 00:09:30,039 What are you doing here? It's your day off. 201 00:09:30,039 --> 00:09:31,608 I just felt like I needed to be in a place 202 00:09:31,608 --> 00:09:33,177 where I had a few friends today. 203 00:09:33,177 --> 00:09:34,412 So that's your next stop? 204 00:09:38,551 --> 00:09:40,487 Not today, Carla, please. 205 00:09:40,487 --> 00:09:41,957 What can I get you, honey? 206 00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:44,560 I'll have soda water. 207 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:46,964 You know what, coach? You never take a day off. 208 00:09:46,964 --> 00:09:48,967 No. Thursday's my day off. 209 00:09:48,967 --> 00:09:50,903 You work every Thursday. 210 00:09:50,903 --> 00:09:52,773 Yeah, but I go a little slower, you know? 211 00:09:55,109 --> 00:09:57,612 So tell me, how are you doing? 212 00:09:57,612 --> 00:09:59,482 Not very well. 213 00:09:59,482 --> 00:10:01,452 What is it? 214 00:10:01,452 --> 00:10:03,488 It's Derek. 215 00:10:03,488 --> 00:10:06,693 What about him? 216 00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:07,928 He's flying to Paris today, 217 00:10:07,928 --> 00:10:10,800 and he wants me to go with him. 218 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,003 He's a charming man, coach. 219 00:10:13,003 --> 00:10:15,039 He's everything I've been looking for. 220 00:10:15,039 --> 00:10:18,310 And I think he's interested in me, too. 221 00:10:18,310 --> 00:10:19,780 Gee, what a lousy break. 222 00:10:22,817 --> 00:10:24,519 Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Diane. 223 00:10:24,519 --> 00:10:26,489 Maybe it's good. 224 00:10:26,489 --> 00:10:27,557 Oh, it is good. 225 00:10:27,557 --> 00:10:28,725 I'll tell you why. 226 00:10:28,725 --> 00:10:30,195 The second I looked at you and Derek, 227 00:10:30,195 --> 00:10:33,299 I said, "now there goes a cute couple." 228 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,201 Yeah. 229 00:10:36,304 --> 00:10:37,538 What about Sam? 230 00:10:37,538 --> 00:10:40,343 Well, Sam and Derek are a little cuter, yeah. 231 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,617 Coach, let me ask you a question. 232 00:10:45,617 --> 00:10:47,320 Diane, you're asking a guy 233 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,790 who's taken a lot of fastballs in the head. 234 00:10:52,428 --> 00:10:55,265 You sure you want to ask the question? 235 00:10:55,265 --> 00:10:57,601 Coach, do you think I'm a smart person? 236 00:10:57,601 --> 00:10:59,905 You're the smartest person I've ever met. 237 00:10:59,905 --> 00:11:01,774 Well, I, Diane chambers, 238 00:11:01,774 --> 00:11:04,645 bred and educated to walk with kings, 239 00:11:04,645 --> 00:11:08,084 once offered a full scholarship at the sorbonne, 240 00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:09,820 have allowed myself to become attracted 241 00:11:09,820 --> 00:11:12,357 "to a 6'3" bubble gum card. 242 00:11:14,293 --> 00:11:17,264 Well, gee, I think I can help you with the sore buns, Diane, but... 243 00:11:21,503 --> 00:11:25,109 The rest of what you say is all over my head. 244 00:11:25,109 --> 00:11:28,147 Coach, I'm making a confession here. 245 00:11:28,147 --> 00:11:31,418 Not just to you, but to myself. 246 00:11:31,418 --> 00:11:34,390 Maybe I'll feel better after I say this. 247 00:11:34,390 --> 00:11:36,826 I... 248 00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:37,794 I... 249 00:11:37,794 --> 00:11:39,663 I get it. I got it. 250 00:11:39,663 --> 00:11:43,136 You're hot for Sam's chili. 251 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:45,072 I think keats would have said it differently... 252 00:11:47,175 --> 00:11:48,543 But I'll accept that. 253 00:11:48,543 --> 00:11:49,512 Look, Diane, 254 00:11:49,512 --> 00:11:50,679 if you like Sam at all, 255 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:53,351 I don't understand what the problem is here. 256 00:11:53,351 --> 00:11:55,521 Derek's making a commitment. 257 00:11:55,521 --> 00:11:59,961 All I ever get from Sam is adolescent flirtation. 258 00:11:59,961 --> 00:12:02,231 I'm not sticking around for that. 259 00:12:02,231 --> 00:12:06,037 If he'd give me something, anything, I'd stay. 260 00:12:06,037 --> 00:12:09,074 Diane, Diane, you don't understand Sam. 261 00:12:09,074 --> 00:12:11,010 Sam's the kind of a guy, you know, 262 00:12:11,010 --> 00:12:13,713 he keeps his feelings to himself. 263 00:12:13,713 --> 00:12:16,518 The more he cares about something, 264 00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:18,287 the less he shows it. 265 00:12:18,287 --> 00:12:20,457 I've been with him through his divorce, 266 00:12:20,457 --> 00:12:21,892 through his boozing, 267 00:12:21,892 --> 00:12:23,362 through the end of his career. 268 00:12:23,362 --> 00:12:24,596 And let me tell you something. 269 00:12:24,596 --> 00:12:28,402 The tougher things got, the cooler he got. 270 00:12:28,402 --> 00:12:30,472 You know something? It's a damn sure bet 271 00:12:30,472 --> 00:12:32,875 that if he's not expressing himself to you, 272 00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:35,746 he's nuts about you... 273 00:12:35,746 --> 00:12:37,048 Or he couldn't care less. 274 00:12:40,954 --> 00:12:43,191 Diane, do you mind if I say something? 275 00:12:43,191 --> 00:12:45,996 Of course not, Norman. 276 00:12:45,996 --> 00:12:48,365 Sometimes, a man and a woman 277 00:12:48,365 --> 00:12:50,202 are so afraid of being vulnerable to rejection 278 00:12:50,202 --> 00:12:51,736 that neither one of them 279 00:12:51,736 --> 00:12:56,477 will take the first step of admitting their true feelings. 280 00:12:56,477 --> 00:12:59,415 Norman, that's beautiful. 281 00:12:59,415 --> 00:13:02,953 I do have a romantic side, Diane. 282 00:13:02,953 --> 00:13:04,723 I know I make a lot of jokes about Vera, 283 00:13:04,723 --> 00:13:06,691 but the truth is, 284 00:13:06,691 --> 00:13:11,433 if that woman ever packed her bags and left me, 285 00:13:11,433 --> 00:13:13,969 I don't know what I'd do... First. 286 00:13:22,482 --> 00:13:24,918 Well, I guess I have no choice 287 00:13:24,918 --> 00:13:27,022 but to force the issue. Where's Sam? 288 00:13:27,022 --> 00:13:28,724 He's in the office, honey. 289 00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:30,194 I'll tell him I'm going away with his brother 290 00:13:30,194 --> 00:13:32,430 and see what he does. 291 00:13:32,430 --> 00:13:33,865 If for the first time in his life, he's honest, 292 00:13:33,865 --> 00:13:36,135 and doesn't hide behind that tough jock facade, 293 00:13:36,135 --> 00:13:37,804 I'll stay. 294 00:13:37,804 --> 00:13:41,110 If he does one of his blithe, gratuitous jokes, I'm leaving. 295 00:13:41,110 --> 00:13:42,344 I swear it. 296 00:13:42,344 --> 00:13:45,649 Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Diane, hold on. 297 00:13:45,649 --> 00:13:47,419 I mean, you're putting your whole future 298 00:13:47,419 --> 00:13:49,089 on the line in this one moment here. 299 00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:50,856 You're letting your whole life turn 300 00:13:50,856 --> 00:13:52,826 on this one response? 301 00:13:52,826 --> 00:13:54,129 You're right. 302 00:13:54,129 --> 00:13:57,401 Can it wait till I go to the head? 303 00:13:57,401 --> 00:13:58,468 No! 304 00:13:58,468 --> 00:14:00,138 Well, I'll hear about it. 305 00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:05,178 Coach, coach, why did you do that for her? 306 00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,747 That was our chance to get rid of her 307 00:14:06,747 --> 00:14:08,550 once and for all. 308 00:14:08,550 --> 00:14:10,086 Are you crazy? 309 00:14:10,086 --> 00:14:12,156 Crazy, Carla? 310 00:14:12,156 --> 00:14:13,790 Crazy like a doorknob. 311 00:14:16,762 --> 00:14:18,131 [Knock on door] 312 00:14:21,202 --> 00:14:23,905 Oh. Hi, Diane. 313 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,175 Sam, your brother Derek 314 00:14:25,175 --> 00:14:27,445 has asked me to go to Europe with him, 315 00:14:27,445 --> 00:14:30,249 so I've come to say good-bye. 316 00:14:30,249 --> 00:14:33,420 Damn it. I didn't need to hear that. 317 00:14:33,420 --> 00:14:34,588 What? What's wrong? 318 00:14:34,588 --> 00:14:35,623 Well, 319 00:14:35,623 --> 00:14:37,760 it's too late to put a help wanted ad 320 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,094 in tomorrow's paper. 321 00:14:45,337 --> 00:14:47,975 Good-bye, everyone. 322 00:14:47,975 --> 00:14:49,677 I'm leaving now. 323 00:14:49,677 --> 00:14:51,680 I'll miss you all very much. 324 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:55,051 Bye, Diane. Bye, honey. Bye. 325 00:14:55,051 --> 00:14:56,188 Bye-bye. 326 00:15:03,398 --> 00:15:05,934 Sorry, honey, I'm not interviewing till Monday. 327 00:15:05,934 --> 00:15:09,039 Get this straight. I'm going away with him. 328 00:15:09,039 --> 00:15:10,508 Good. Have fun. 329 00:15:10,508 --> 00:15:12,143 This could lead to marriage, you know. 330 00:15:12,143 --> 00:15:13,513 Probably will. 331 00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:16,183 Probably, nothing. Will lead to marriage. 332 00:15:16,183 --> 00:15:18,152 We'll be Diane and Derek Malone. 333 00:15:18,152 --> 00:15:19,154 We'll buy a spread somewhere 334 00:15:19,154 --> 00:15:22,091 and call it the double "d." 335 00:15:22,091 --> 00:15:24,028 It'll make a nice brand. 336 00:15:24,028 --> 00:15:25,664 Children. We'll have blond, 337 00:15:25,664 --> 00:15:27,433 blue-eyed children everywhere. 338 00:15:27,433 --> 00:15:29,168 Have them brush after every meal. 339 00:15:29,168 --> 00:15:30,404 I'll be your sister-in-law. 340 00:15:30,404 --> 00:15:31,740 You'll come over for dinner and say, 341 00:15:31,740 --> 00:15:34,477 "she sets a good table and she keeps herself up." 342 00:15:34,477 --> 00:15:36,347 I had to say something. You just fed me. 343 00:15:39,351 --> 00:15:40,686 I'll send you Christmas cards every year. 344 00:15:40,686 --> 00:15:42,556 "To a wonderful brother at Christmas." 345 00:15:42,556 --> 00:15:43,757 It'll be nice to be remembered 346 00:15:43,757 --> 00:15:44,792 on the holidays. 347 00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:47,229 The cards will have pictures of us... 348 00:15:47,229 --> 00:15:49,266 Derek and I, the kids, the dogs. 349 00:15:49,266 --> 00:15:53,538 The blond ones will be the kids? 350 00:15:53,538 --> 00:15:54,907 This is all right with you? 351 00:15:54,907 --> 00:15:56,242 If you're happy. 352 00:15:56,242 --> 00:15:58,345 I'm ecstatic. Good-bye. 353 00:15:58,345 --> 00:15:59,914 See you at the wedding. 354 00:15:59,914 --> 00:16:01,250 Do I get to kiss the bride? 355 00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:02,885 I think you know what you can kiss. 356 00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:09,495 This is it, everyone. 357 00:16:09,495 --> 00:16:11,631 I bid you a fond farewell. 358 00:16:11,631 --> 00:16:12,766 I've enjoyed knowing all of you. 359 00:16:12,766 --> 00:16:14,769 You've brought a lot to my life. 360 00:16:14,769 --> 00:16:16,572 Bye. Bye. Bye. 361 00:16:25,051 --> 00:16:27,087 Good-bye, everyone. 362 00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:28,356 Bye. Bye. Bye. 363 00:16:32,128 --> 00:16:33,263 Farewell. 364 00:16:33,263 --> 00:16:35,800 Would you get the hell out of here? 365 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,803 Go, go. 366 00:16:37,803 --> 00:16:39,340 I won't let it end this way. 367 00:16:42,910 --> 00:16:44,947 I've had warts that went away quicker. 368 00:16:49,755 --> 00:16:51,858 Ow! Ooh! 369 00:16:51,858 --> 00:16:52,925 What did I hit? 370 00:16:52,925 --> 00:16:56,030 My nose. You're supposed to knock. 371 00:16:56,030 --> 00:16:58,701 You were coming out to say something to me, weren't you? 372 00:16:58,701 --> 00:16:59,635 What is it? 373 00:16:59,635 --> 00:17:01,472 I wasn't going to say anything. 374 00:17:01,472 --> 00:17:03,240 Yes, you were. What was it? 375 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,143 Go to the airport. Say it! 376 00:17:05,143 --> 00:17:06,044 No! 377 00:17:08,849 --> 00:17:12,087 Good night, Diane. Good-bye. Bye, Diane. 378 00:17:12,087 --> 00:17:13,322 Bye-bye. 379 00:17:19,399 --> 00:17:20,433 That's the blackboard from the pool room. 380 00:17:20,433 --> 00:17:22,068 What are you doing with that? 381 00:17:22,068 --> 00:17:23,871 Tell me what you were gonna say, or you'll be very sorry. 382 00:17:23,871 --> 00:17:25,741 Don't do that. I hate that. 383 00:17:25,741 --> 00:17:29,078 Don't. Don't. Stop! Don't! 384 00:17:29,078 --> 00:17:30,314 Zing! 385 00:17:30,314 --> 00:17:31,917 No, don't. I hate that. Please stop. 386 00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:34,186 Would you just stop? Put that down. Please. 387 00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:38,960 Just put... aah, no! All right, please don't go! 388 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:39,929 Ask me nice. 389 00:17:39,929 --> 00:17:40,830 Come on, would you? 390 00:17:40,830 --> 00:17:42,466 I mean it. I deserve that much. 391 00:17:42,466 --> 00:17:43,600 Ask me nice. 392 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,670 All right. Just put it down. 393 00:17:45,670 --> 00:17:47,039 Put the blackboard down. 394 00:17:49,042 --> 00:17:50,009 Put it down. 395 00:17:54,416 --> 00:17:56,820 Please stay. 396 00:17:56,820 --> 00:17:57,821 Why should I? 397 00:17:57,821 --> 00:18:00,291 Go on, get out. Get out. Go on. 398 00:18:00,291 --> 00:18:01,894 Hey, I'm not sticking around here 399 00:18:01,894 --> 00:18:05,266 just with a hope that maybe something will happen between us. 400 00:18:05,266 --> 00:18:07,369 What is it you want from me? 401 00:18:07,369 --> 00:18:08,904 I want you to tell me what you want. 402 00:18:08,904 --> 00:18:10,073 I'll tell you what I want. 403 00:18:10,073 --> 00:18:11,542 I'll tell you exactly what I want. 404 00:18:11,542 --> 00:18:14,646 I want to know what you want. 405 00:18:14,646 --> 00:18:16,483 You're doing it again. 406 00:18:16,483 --> 00:18:18,952 Listen. Look... 407 00:18:18,952 --> 00:18:20,689 Will you just explain one thing to me? 408 00:18:20,689 --> 00:18:24,327 It's very important to me. 409 00:18:24,327 --> 00:18:26,129 Why aren't you with Derek? 410 00:18:26,129 --> 00:18:27,832 Because I like you better. 411 00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,805 Oh, Diane. Listen. 412 00:18:31,805 --> 00:18:36,244 All the jealousy I felt for my brother over the years 413 00:18:36,244 --> 00:18:38,581 is nothing to what I felt 414 00:18:38,581 --> 00:18:40,117 these last 5 minutes. 415 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:44,924 Sam... 416 00:18:47,662 --> 00:18:48,930 I think we're about ready to start something 417 00:18:48,930 --> 00:18:51,066 that might be kind of great, huh? 418 00:18:51,066 --> 00:18:54,605 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 419 00:18:54,605 --> 00:18:57,910 Maybe we should, uh, kiss or something. 420 00:18:57,910 --> 00:18:59,712 We're not going to just kiss. 421 00:19:02,150 --> 00:19:04,554 We're about to start something. I mean, 422 00:19:04,554 --> 00:19:06,557 a kiss is where you start, isn't it? 423 00:19:06,557 --> 00:19:08,124 You don't make an announcement 424 00:19:08,124 --> 00:19:10,362 when you're about ready to kiss someone romantically. 425 00:19:10,362 --> 00:19:11,964 It wasn't an announcement. 426 00:19:11,964 --> 00:19:14,869 I just didn't want to catch you off guard, that's all. 427 00:19:14,869 --> 00:19:17,205 On our first kiss, it's ok to be off guard. 428 00:19:17,205 --> 00:19:19,241 You should be swept away. 429 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,511 I was. I was. 430 00:19:21,511 --> 00:19:23,982 Nobody's swept away when they have the presence of mind 431 00:19:23,982 --> 00:19:25,951 to say, "maybe we should kiss." 432 00:19:29,824 --> 00:19:32,695 You're right. You're right. 433 00:19:32,695 --> 00:19:33,830 All right. When I do it, 434 00:19:33,830 --> 00:19:35,866 I won't say anything. 435 00:19:37,703 --> 00:19:39,304 No, no. This isn't right, either. 436 00:19:41,842 --> 00:19:46,682 Hey, I didn't say anything. I was swept away. 437 00:19:46,682 --> 00:19:48,083 Let's face it. The moment's not right. 438 00:19:48,083 --> 00:19:50,888 We're too aware of what we're doing. 439 00:19:50,888 --> 00:19:53,091 All right. All right, you're right, you're right. 440 00:19:53,091 --> 00:19:55,061 This whole thing is not going the way it should. 441 00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:57,331 Maybe we should just forget about the kiss and hit the sack. 442 00:20:01,337 --> 00:20:04,775 This is the dumbest conversation we have ever had, 443 00:20:04,775 --> 00:20:06,745 which means it's the dumbest conversation 444 00:20:06,745 --> 00:20:09,315 that's ever been. 445 00:20:09,315 --> 00:20:12,153 Maybe this whole thing is just a mistake, huh? 446 00:20:12,153 --> 00:20:13,421 What whole thing? 447 00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:15,157 Well, this whole thing that we're trying to do here. 448 00:20:15,157 --> 00:20:16,459 I mean, every time we try to get together, 449 00:20:16,459 --> 00:20:18,095 something goes wrong. 450 00:20:18,095 --> 00:20:20,298 I mean, look, look. Just 'cause I'm a neat-looking guy 451 00:20:20,298 --> 00:20:22,501 and you're kind of hungry at the moment doesn't mean that... 452 00:20:22,501 --> 00:20:23,736 Hungry? 453 00:20:23,736 --> 00:20:25,673 No, no, don't. Listen. Listen. 454 00:20:25,673 --> 00:20:27,475 What I mean by that is... 455 00:20:27,475 --> 00:20:28,911 You've been here a long time. 456 00:20:28,911 --> 00:20:30,580 Now, if something were just going to naturally happen, 457 00:20:30,580 --> 00:20:31,848 it would have happened by now. 458 00:20:31,848 --> 00:20:34,419 It's silliness to try to make it happen. 459 00:20:34,419 --> 00:20:35,988 Oh, fine! 460 00:20:35,988 --> 00:20:38,826 You tell me this now that I've let Derek go. 461 00:20:38,826 --> 00:20:40,962 No. Don't throw Derek in my face. 462 00:20:40,962 --> 00:20:42,597 You never cared for Derek. 463 00:20:42,597 --> 00:20:43,866 You just used him to trap me. 464 00:20:43,866 --> 00:20:45,402 Trap you? Yeah, that's right. 465 00:20:45,402 --> 00:20:47,338 I'm the best thing that could have happened to you 466 00:20:47,338 --> 00:20:49,241 and you're too stupid to realize it. 467 00:20:49,241 --> 00:20:50,309 Are you kidding me? 468 00:20:50,309 --> 00:20:51,945 You are the worst thing that happened to me. 469 00:20:51,945 --> 00:20:54,849 Before you came here, I was a happy man! 470 00:20:54,849 --> 00:20:56,518 You honestly believe you were happier 471 00:20:56,518 --> 00:20:57,721 before you met me than you are now? 472 00:20:57,721 --> 00:20:59,522 Hell, yes! 473 00:20:59,522 --> 00:21:00,825 How do you think it feels 474 00:21:00,825 --> 00:21:03,061 to be attracted to someone that makes you sick? 475 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,509 I could write a book on the subject. 476 00:21:13,509 --> 00:21:15,813 You can't shut up long enough to write a check. 477 00:21:15,813 --> 00:21:17,983 You know, as a matter of fact, you can't shut up at all. 478 00:21:17,983 --> 00:21:20,286 You're trying to change the subject. No, I'm not. 479 00:21:20,286 --> 00:21:24,225 The subject is, you can't shut up long enough to kiss me. 480 00:21:24,225 --> 00:21:28,198 To save your life, I bet you couldn't shut up for 30 seconds. 481 00:21:28,198 --> 00:21:29,000 Make it 10. 482 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,501 Oh, I most certainly could. 483 00:21:30,501 --> 00:21:32,404 All right, let's see, huh? 484 00:21:32,404 --> 00:21:33,673 You're going to time me? 485 00:21:33,673 --> 00:21:35,476 That's right. I'm gonna time you. 486 00:21:35,476 --> 00:21:37,645 10 seconds, starting... Now. 487 00:21:37,645 --> 00:21:38,613 This is the most... 488 00:21:38,613 --> 00:21:39,816 You want to try again? 489 00:21:41,718 --> 00:21:43,120 I wasn't really trying. 490 00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:47,961 You want to see me do this? Fine. Starting... Now. 491 00:21:47,961 --> 00:21:48,929 This is the craziest thing... 492 00:21:48,929 --> 00:21:50,932 Good. Really good. 493 00:21:50,932 --> 00:21:52,868 All right, so I can't do it. 494 00:21:52,868 --> 00:21:56,307 Silence is overrated anyway. 495 00:21:56,307 --> 00:21:57,708 At least I have something to say. 496 00:21:57,708 --> 00:21:59,244 Meaning I don't? 497 00:21:59,244 --> 00:22:01,614 The last conversation I had with Derek 498 00:22:01,614 --> 00:22:03,250 was about walking on the moors 499 00:22:03,250 --> 00:22:05,153 like heathcliff and Catherine, 500 00:22:05,153 --> 00:22:08,024 and I threw it all away for this. 501 00:22:08,024 --> 00:22:09,159 Good. I'll tell you what you do. 502 00:22:09,159 --> 00:22:10,460 I'll tell you what you do. 503 00:22:12,797 --> 00:22:14,834 Will you get out of here? Go on. 504 00:22:17,304 --> 00:22:19,140 Take her with you. Go on. Get out. 505 00:22:25,884 --> 00:22:27,418 Don't push me! 506 00:22:27,418 --> 00:22:29,588 Why don't you just go find Derek? 507 00:22:29,588 --> 00:22:30,824 Fine. 508 00:22:30,824 --> 00:22:31,925 It shouldn't be too hard to find him. 509 00:22:31,925 --> 00:22:34,028 Just follow the sound of applause. 510 00:22:34,028 --> 00:22:35,330 I will. Maybe I can still catch him. 511 00:22:35,330 --> 00:22:36,432 Fine. 512 00:22:36,432 --> 00:22:38,034 And while you're up there floating around, 513 00:22:38,034 --> 00:22:39,203 remember the day I said this: 514 00:22:39,203 --> 00:22:42,240 You are the nuttiest, the stupidest, 515 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:44,477 the phoniest fruitcake I ever met! 516 00:22:44,477 --> 00:22:48,383 You, Sam Malone, are the most arrogant, self-centered, son of... 517 00:22:48,383 --> 00:22:49,718 Shut your fat mouth! 518 00:22:49,718 --> 00:22:52,322 Make me. Make you? 519 00:22:52,322 --> 00:22:54,058 I'm going to bounce you off every wall 520 00:22:54,058 --> 00:22:56,061 in this office! 521 00:22:56,061 --> 00:22:58,031 Try it, and you'll be walking funny tomorrow. 522 00:23:01,268 --> 00:23:03,171 Or should I say... funnier. 523 00:23:03,171 --> 00:23:04,840 You know, you know, 524 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,211 I always wanted to pop you one. 525 00:23:07,211 --> 00:23:09,280 Maybe this is my lucky day, huh? 526 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,817 You disgust me. I hate you. 527 00:23:11,817 --> 00:23:12,953 Are you as turned on as I am? 528 00:23:12,953 --> 00:23:14,322 More. Bet me. 529 00:23:18,828 --> 00:23:20,631 I'm going to nibble on your ear. 530 00:23:20,631 --> 00:23:24,269 Don't tell me you're going to nibble on my ear.