1 00:00:03,708 --> 00:00:05,610 Carla: Hey. Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:05,610 --> 00:00:08,512 Remember when I said you are the nuttiest, 3 00:00:08,512 --> 00:00:09,878 the stupidest, 4 00:00:09,878 --> 00:00:12,280 the phoniest fruitcake I ever met! 5 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:15,482 You, Sam Malone, are the most arrogant, self-centered... 6 00:00:15,482 --> 00:00:16,883 Shut your fat mouth. 7 00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:18,751 Make me. 8 00:00:18,751 --> 00:00:19,752 Make you? 9 00:00:19,752 --> 00:00:20,786 I'm going to bounce you 10 00:00:20,786 --> 00:00:23,322 off every wall in this office! 11 00:00:23,322 --> 00:00:26,457 Try it and you'll be walking funny tomorrow. 12 00:00:28,725 --> 00:00:30,727 Or should I say funnier? 13 00:00:30,727 --> 00:00:32,228 You know... 14 00:00:32,228 --> 00:00:34,729 You know, I always wanted to pop you one. 15 00:00:34,729 --> 00:00:36,731 Maybe this is my lucky day. 16 00:00:36,731 --> 00:00:39,066 You disgust me. I hate you. 17 00:00:39,066 --> 00:00:40,067 Are you as turned on as I am? 18 00:00:40,067 --> 00:00:42,068 More. Bet me. 19 00:00:49,106 --> 00:00:52,008 It sure got quiet in there all of a sudden. 20 00:00:52,008 --> 00:00:54,743 You don't think he killed her? 21 00:00:54,743 --> 00:00:59,080 Nah. Even in death she wouldn't be that quiet. 22 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:00,114 What do you think they're doing in there 23 00:01:00,114 --> 00:01:01,981 if they're not fighting? 24 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:12,089 ♪ Making the way in the world today ♪ 25 00:01:12,089 --> 00:01:15,091 ♪ takes everything you've got ♪ 26 00:01:15,091 --> 00:01:17,725 ♪ taking a break from all your worries ♪ 27 00:01:17,725 --> 00:01:20,594 ♪ sure would help a lot ♪ 28 00:01:20,594 --> 00:01:24,164 ♪ wouldn't you like to get away ♪ 29 00:01:27,099 --> 00:01:28,667 ♪ sometimes you want to go ♪ 30 00:01:28,667 --> 00:01:32,503 ♪ where everybody knows your name ♪ 31 00:01:34,304 --> 00:01:37,706 ♪ and they're always glad you came ♪ 32 00:01:39,107 --> 00:01:41,376 ♪ you want to be where you can see ♪ 33 00:01:41,376 --> 00:01:44,010 ♪ our troubles are all the same ♪ 34 00:01:44,010 --> 00:01:45,245 ♪ you want to be ♪ 35 00:01:45,245 --> 00:01:49,314 ♪ where everybody knows your name ♪ 36 00:01:49,314 --> 00:01:51,948 ♪ you want to go where people know ♪ 37 00:01:51,948 --> 00:01:54,418 ♪ people are all the same ♪ 38 00:01:54,418 --> 00:01:58,520 ♪ you want to go where everybody knows your name ♪ 39 00:02:19,968 --> 00:02:22,537 Well, isn't it nice that for once we're not fighting? 40 00:02:22,537 --> 00:02:25,106 Oh, yes. Oh, yes. 41 00:02:31,710 --> 00:02:34,112 Let's go some place, 42 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:37,980 some place where we can express what we're feeling now. 43 00:02:37,980 --> 00:02:39,816 Great. How about the couch? 44 00:02:41,617 --> 00:02:43,152 The couch. 45 00:02:45,420 --> 00:02:47,887 Who said we always had to be serious? 46 00:02:47,887 --> 00:02:51,124 Will you stop joking? 47 00:02:51,124 --> 00:02:53,791 I... I want to go some place... Intimate, 48 00:02:53,791 --> 00:02:57,161 some place... romantic. 49 00:02:57,161 --> 00:02:59,163 Oh, yeah. Ok. All right. 50 00:02:59,163 --> 00:03:01,164 Romantic. Yeah. 51 00:03:01,164 --> 00:03:03,832 My apartment? 52 00:03:03,832 --> 00:03:05,234 Your apartment? 53 00:03:05,234 --> 00:03:07,568 There I go again, huh? 54 00:03:07,568 --> 00:03:09,169 No. I think that's a good idea. 55 00:03:09,169 --> 00:03:11,104 Well, that's why I said it. 56 00:03:11,104 --> 00:03:14,540 Yes. Your apartment, the place you spend half your life, 57 00:03:14,540 --> 00:03:16,006 and I've never even seen it. 58 00:03:16,006 --> 00:03:17,375 It seems so right. 59 00:03:17,375 --> 00:03:19,376 I think you're gonna like it. 60 00:03:19,376 --> 00:03:22,178 I'll give you my, uh... 61 00:03:22,178 --> 00:03:25,080 Famous guided tour... 62 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,848 Starting in the bedroom. 63 00:03:29,883 --> 00:03:31,651 And ending in heaven. 64 00:03:41,058 --> 00:03:42,725 Come on. 65 00:03:42,725 --> 00:03:43,860 Oh, Sam. 66 00:03:43,860 --> 00:03:45,294 What, what? 67 00:03:45,294 --> 00:03:47,296 I've changed my mind. 68 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:55,000 No, no. I mean about your apartment. 69 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,203 I'm sorry. I know you're gonna think I'm overly sensitive, 70 00:03:57,203 --> 00:04:00,971 but, Sam, you've been with a lot of women... 71 00:04:00,971 --> 00:04:02,306 No, I have not. 72 00:04:02,306 --> 00:04:04,073 There haven't been that many women. 73 00:04:04,073 --> 00:04:05,708 That gets exaggerated here in the bar. 74 00:04:05,708 --> 00:04:08,042 There haven't been that many, really. 75 00:04:08,042 --> 00:04:10,111 How many have there been? 76 00:04:10,111 --> 00:04:11,579 Well, I don't know. 77 00:04:11,579 --> 00:04:13,480 Maybe, uh... 400. 78 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,282 Ohh! 79 00:04:15,282 --> 00:04:18,083 Honeys, honeys. Four honeys. 80 00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:19,351 Maybe that's more than my share, 81 00:04:19,351 --> 00:04:20,618 but it's all behind me now. 82 00:04:20,618 --> 00:04:23,287 Well, you see, that's what I mean. 83 00:04:23,287 --> 00:04:25,922 I want to be... Special. 84 00:04:25,922 --> 00:04:27,423 I want to go some place 85 00:04:27,423 --> 00:04:29,657 where you've never been with any other woman. 86 00:04:29,657 --> 00:04:33,294 All right, ok, that's easy enough. 87 00:04:33,294 --> 00:04:35,961 Uh, like... like where? 88 00:04:35,961 --> 00:04:38,898 How about a hotel? 89 00:04:38,898 --> 00:04:40,765 Oh, yeah. Oh. 90 00:04:40,765 --> 00:04:43,701 That's great, that's great. 91 00:04:43,701 --> 00:04:45,735 But one you've never been with anyone else. 92 00:04:45,735 --> 00:04:47,404 Well, all right. 93 00:04:49,605 --> 00:04:51,807 That's easy, that's easy. 94 00:04:54,242 --> 00:04:56,443 Ok. Hotels, hotels. 95 00:04:56,443 --> 00:04:58,444 Hey, there we go. 96 00:04:58,444 --> 00:05:01,480 Nope. 97 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:03,848 Nope. 98 00:05:03,848 --> 00:05:05,582 Well, I'll be darned. 99 00:05:06,717 --> 00:05:08,150 Forget it. 100 00:05:08,150 --> 00:05:09,919 Come on. We're being silly here. 101 00:05:09,919 --> 00:05:12,587 Why don't we... why don't we go to your place? 102 00:05:14,755 --> 00:05:17,691 Well, I guess that could be all right. 103 00:05:17,691 --> 00:05:18,658 Oh, great. 104 00:05:18,658 --> 00:05:22,228 Oh, wait. Sam, it's so filthy. 105 00:05:22,228 --> 00:05:23,962 Oh, no, no, it doesn't have to be, 106 00:05:23,962 --> 00:05:25,896 not if we care about each other. 107 00:05:32,835 --> 00:05:35,837 No. I mean my apartment. 108 00:05:35,837 --> 00:05:37,771 I haven't straightened up for days. 109 00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:40,973 I don't care about that kind of thing. It doesn't matter. 110 00:05:40,973 --> 00:05:42,408 As long as we're together, 111 00:05:42,408 --> 00:05:44,543 it doesn't matter where we are. 112 00:05:44,543 --> 00:05:48,446 Oh, Sam, that's beautiful. 113 00:05:48,446 --> 00:05:51,881 We're not talking pigsty, are we? 114 00:05:51,881 --> 00:05:54,316 No, of course not. 115 00:05:54,316 --> 00:05:55,984 All right, then. All right, come on. 116 00:05:55,984 --> 00:05:57,918 Ok. 117 00:05:57,918 --> 00:05:59,454 Oh, boy. 118 00:06:02,921 --> 00:06:05,591 She better be great. 119 00:06:09,126 --> 00:06:10,694 I know that you must be curious 120 00:06:10,694 --> 00:06:13,929 about what Sam and I were talking about. 121 00:06:13,929 --> 00:06:16,631 We want to be totally honest with you. 122 00:06:16,631 --> 00:06:18,300 Um... 123 00:06:21,402 --> 00:06:25,137 It is said that fools rush in 124 00:06:25,137 --> 00:06:27,339 where wise men fear to tread, 125 00:06:27,339 --> 00:06:30,575 but the heart has a wisdom of its own. 126 00:06:30,575 --> 00:06:32,342 Sam and I have decided 127 00:06:32,342 --> 00:06:36,279 to traverse the fall line of our aloneness. 128 00:06:40,248 --> 00:06:42,383 What's she talking about, Sammy? 129 00:06:42,383 --> 00:06:44,650 I don't know. Um... 130 00:06:44,650 --> 00:06:46,185 Does this have anything to do 131 00:06:46,185 --> 00:06:47,353 with what we were talking about in there? 132 00:06:47,353 --> 00:06:49,153 Of course. 133 00:06:49,153 --> 00:06:50,522 Diane and I decided 134 00:06:50,522 --> 00:06:53,457 we're going to start messing around. 135 00:06:53,457 --> 00:06:56,493 Great. There you go. 136 00:06:56,493 --> 00:06:58,394 So we'll see you all later. 137 00:06:58,394 --> 00:06:59,495 There you go. 138 00:06:59,495 --> 00:07:01,161 You want a refill? 139 00:07:01,161 --> 00:07:02,830 Wait, wait, wait. 140 00:07:02,830 --> 00:07:06,165 I feel damned by faint praise. What's wrong? 141 00:07:06,165 --> 00:07:07,366 What do you mean what's wrong? 142 00:07:07,366 --> 00:07:08,834 Nothing's wrong. No. 143 00:07:10,702 --> 00:07:14,405 You don't seem very happy about our announcement. 144 00:07:14,405 --> 00:07:17,907 Well, Diane, it's just kind of sudden. 145 00:07:17,907 --> 00:07:19,375 Sudden. 146 00:07:19,375 --> 00:07:20,942 It's just happening kind of fast. 147 00:07:20,942 --> 00:07:23,711 Yeah, we wish you all the luck in the world. 148 00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:25,846 Yeah. It won't be enough. 149 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,748 Oh, no. No. 150 00:07:29,748 --> 00:07:31,783 I know what you're thinking. 151 00:07:31,783 --> 00:07:33,418 You're thinking that Sam and I 152 00:07:33,418 --> 00:07:35,920 have different backgrounds, ambitions, dreams. 153 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:37,787 Well, let me tell you. 154 00:07:37,787 --> 00:07:40,756 We have one thing very much in common. 155 00:07:40,756 --> 00:07:41,724 I got it. 156 00:07:41,724 --> 00:07:43,825 They were both born brunette. 157 00:07:47,027 --> 00:07:49,261 No. 158 00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:50,730 We have a willingness 159 00:07:50,730 --> 00:07:53,064 to be vulnerable to one another. 160 00:07:53,064 --> 00:07:54,433 I think I see a trip 161 00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:57,401 to ye old leash and leather shop coming. 162 00:08:02,137 --> 00:08:03,639 I am sorry 163 00:08:03,639 --> 00:08:05,506 that you're all so cynical 164 00:08:05,506 --> 00:08:07,675 that you can't accept Sam and me. 165 00:08:07,675 --> 00:08:09,576 Well, it doesn't bother us. 166 00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:11,378 We believe in us, right, Sam? 167 00:08:11,378 --> 00:08:13,412 Yeah. You bet. It's going to be great. 168 00:08:13,412 --> 00:08:15,347 We'll have a lot fun. 169 00:08:15,347 --> 00:08:16,814 I may have to work a little harder on this one, 170 00:08:16,814 --> 00:08:18,382 but it's gonna be worth it. 171 00:08:18,382 --> 00:08:20,250 Thank you, Sam. 172 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,217 You're welcome. 173 00:08:22,217 --> 00:08:24,153 Now if you will excuse us, 174 00:08:24,153 --> 00:08:26,455 we are going to go out 175 00:08:26,455 --> 00:08:30,123 and begin our lives together. 176 00:08:30,123 --> 00:08:32,625 There is more in heaven and earth 177 00:08:32,625 --> 00:08:34,960 than is dreamt of in your beer mugs. 178 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,595 What did you mean 179 00:08:36,595 --> 00:08:38,429 you're gonna have to work a little harder on this one? 180 00:08:38,429 --> 00:08:40,264 I said it off the top of my head. 181 00:08:40,264 --> 00:08:42,732 I think it might be misunderstood. 182 00:08:54,774 --> 00:08:58,242 Thanks for picking the flowers for me in the park. 183 00:08:58,242 --> 00:09:00,911 Well, thank you for paying the fine. 184 00:09:03,112 --> 00:09:04,581 We make a good team, huh? 185 00:09:04,581 --> 00:09:07,182 So what do you think of my place? 186 00:09:07,182 --> 00:09:08,417 Very nice. 187 00:09:08,417 --> 00:09:10,985 Is this the bedroom? 188 00:09:10,985 --> 00:09:14,454 Nice? I want you to know that I'm putting a lot of energy 189 00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:16,622 into the decorating of this place. 190 00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:18,724 It shows. Where's the light? 191 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,492 It's over by the bed. 192 00:09:20,492 --> 00:09:24,227 Oh! I think I just stepped on your cat. 193 00:09:24,227 --> 00:09:26,996 Oh, my god, I think I just killed it. 194 00:09:26,996 --> 00:09:28,297 No, my mistake. 195 00:09:28,297 --> 00:09:30,432 I just stepped on your giraffe. 196 00:09:30,432 --> 00:09:32,866 Oh, Mr. Jammers. 197 00:09:35,968 --> 00:09:38,704 This place is lousy with stuffed animals. 198 00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:41,039 They're not stuffed animals. 199 00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,039 They're my friends. 200 00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:43,307 Let me introduce you. 201 00:09:43,307 --> 00:09:44,642 Mr. Jammers you've met. 202 00:09:44,642 --> 00:09:47,243 And over here, we have Freddy frogbottom. 203 00:09:47,243 --> 00:09:49,712 You named all these silly things? 204 00:09:49,712 --> 00:09:51,312 Ah-ah! Don't call them silly. 205 00:09:51,312 --> 00:09:55,015 Mr. Buzzer will sting you. 206 00:09:55,015 --> 00:09:57,550 Mr. Buzzer? Don't tell me. Let me guess. 207 00:09:57,550 --> 00:09:59,251 That must be the bee, right? 208 00:09:59,251 --> 00:10:01,953 Boy, this is definitely weird, Diane. 209 00:10:05,656 --> 00:10:09,258 That is exactly what's wrong with you. 210 00:10:09,258 --> 00:10:11,059 What's wrong with me? 211 00:10:11,059 --> 00:10:12,594 Yes. 212 00:10:12,594 --> 00:10:13,961 I should have known 213 00:10:13,961 --> 00:10:16,464 you wouldn't have any imagination about this, 214 00:10:16,464 --> 00:10:18,031 no sense of whimsy. 215 00:10:18,031 --> 00:10:19,533 You're so earthbound, 216 00:10:19,533 --> 00:10:21,500 so uninspired. 217 00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:24,502 Can't believe you're making such a big deal out of this. 218 00:10:25,870 --> 00:10:27,337 Sam Malone... 219 00:10:27,337 --> 00:10:29,172 Those animals happen to be a part of me. 220 00:10:29,172 --> 00:10:31,240 Now, why can't you indulge that without... 221 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,274 What are you doing? 222 00:10:33,274 --> 00:10:36,010 I'm taking my pants off. 223 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,511 Why? 224 00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:40,112 Well, not to give Mr. Buzzer a target. 225 00:10:41,981 --> 00:10:44,249 We're arguing. We're having a fight. 226 00:10:44,249 --> 00:10:46,884 How could you take your pants off 227 00:10:46,884 --> 00:10:48,252 when we're having a fight? 228 00:10:48,252 --> 00:10:49,853 It's not gonna last all night. 229 00:10:49,853 --> 00:10:52,621 I don't want to be overdressed when it ends. 230 00:10:52,621 --> 00:10:54,657 Get out of here. Get out of my apartment. 231 00:10:54,657 --> 00:10:56,157 You want me to leave? 232 00:10:56,157 --> 00:10:57,692 I demand that you leave. 233 00:10:57,692 --> 00:10:59,760 Well, let me just tell you a little rule I have. 234 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,495 Mr. Malone takes his pants off, 235 00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:03,128 he doesn't put them back on again 236 00:11:03,128 --> 00:11:05,030 until he finishes business. 237 00:11:05,030 --> 00:11:06,264 Bet me! 238 00:11:06,264 --> 00:11:08,766 Diane, would you please... 239 00:11:08,766 --> 00:11:10,267 Would you give me a break 240 00:11:10,267 --> 00:11:12,702 and let me put my... 241 00:11:12,702 --> 00:11:14,537 You are despicable. 242 00:11:14,537 --> 00:11:17,806 I never want to look at your fat, ugly face again. 243 00:11:17,806 --> 00:11:19,106 Get out. 244 00:11:19,106 --> 00:11:22,509 Come on, I'm losing the mood here, Diane. 245 00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:28,345 You'll lose a lot more than that. 246 00:11:28,345 --> 00:11:30,615 Wait a second. 247 00:11:30,615 --> 00:11:32,115 You want to know the truth? 248 00:11:32,115 --> 00:11:35,384 It wasn't 4 women. It was 400 women, easy. 249 00:11:35,384 --> 00:11:36,919 They'd have to be. 250 00:11:51,862 --> 00:11:53,563 You know what I was just thinking. 251 00:11:53,563 --> 00:11:56,232 Most of the guys I broke into the majors with 252 00:11:56,232 --> 00:11:58,433 are all gone now. 253 00:11:58,433 --> 00:12:01,068 You mean gone to the great beyond, coach? 254 00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:03,504 No, Alan. Dead. 255 00:12:03,504 --> 00:12:05,405 No, I... I... 256 00:12:05,405 --> 00:12:07,106 I can't understand it. 257 00:12:07,106 --> 00:12:08,741 You know, you wonder. 258 00:12:08,741 --> 00:12:11,342 You're born. You grow up. You die. 259 00:12:11,342 --> 00:12:13,711 Is that the end? Is that it? 260 00:12:13,711 --> 00:12:18,214 There's various theories about an afterlife, coach. 261 00:12:18,214 --> 00:12:21,650 You know, millions believe in reincarnation. 262 00:12:21,650 --> 00:12:25,319 You mean when you come back as a chicken? 263 00:12:25,319 --> 00:12:28,787 Not necessarily as a chicken, coach. 264 00:12:28,787 --> 00:12:31,524 The hindus believe that what you come back as 265 00:12:31,524 --> 00:12:33,491 depends on your behavior in this life. 266 00:12:33,491 --> 00:12:34,726 You know, if you led a good life, 267 00:12:34,726 --> 00:12:37,561 you'll come back in an elevated state. 268 00:12:37,561 --> 00:12:39,695 Like Colorado. 269 00:12:41,696 --> 00:12:45,032 No, coach, more like a king or a prince. 270 00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:48,568 Conversely, uh, if you've not led a good life, 271 00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:51,369 you'll come back in a more lowly condition. 272 00:12:51,369 --> 00:12:55,005 Last time out, I must have made a real ass out of myself. 273 00:12:57,074 --> 00:12:59,909 I figure if you're dead, you're dead, 274 00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:01,409 and that's what it should be. 275 00:13:01,409 --> 00:13:04,211 Just the idea of living forever doesn't appeal to me. 276 00:13:04,211 --> 00:13:06,213 Yeah, I can see why, Paul. 277 00:13:10,283 --> 00:13:12,017 Oh, hey, Sam. 278 00:13:12,017 --> 00:13:15,019 Sammy, what do you think about death, huh? 279 00:13:15,019 --> 00:13:17,054 Too good for her. 280 00:13:17,054 --> 00:13:20,222 I don't want to talk to anyone. I mean that. 281 00:13:21,591 --> 00:13:22,725 I knew it. 282 00:13:22,725 --> 00:13:25,527 Yeah, we told him so. Had to happen. 283 00:13:25,527 --> 00:13:27,261 He wouldn't listen to us. 284 00:13:27,261 --> 00:13:30,263 Will ya, norm, there's something wrong with Sam and Diane. 285 00:13:30,263 --> 00:13:32,732 Coach, we're talking about Sam and Diane. 286 00:13:32,732 --> 00:13:35,300 Oh, we are? Well, that's better. 287 00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:36,701 It's none of our business. 288 00:13:36,701 --> 00:13:38,102 I think we ought to do something about it. 289 00:13:38,102 --> 00:13:39,803 We didn't exactly give them our blessings 290 00:13:39,803 --> 00:13:41,638 when they left here. When you get right down to it, 291 00:13:41,638 --> 00:13:43,038 everybody deserves a chance. 292 00:13:43,038 --> 00:13:45,608 I think we owe Sam an apology. 293 00:13:45,608 --> 00:13:47,275 I'm gonna have a chat with Sam. 294 00:13:47,275 --> 00:13:50,310 He made it clear that he doesn't want to be disturbed. 295 00:13:50,310 --> 00:13:51,679 He didn't mean me. 296 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:54,113 Sammy and I are pals. We're tight. 297 00:13:56,414 --> 00:13:58,749 Sammy, norm. 298 00:13:58,749 --> 00:14:01,118 Get the hell out of here! 299 00:14:01,118 --> 00:14:03,720 You bet, buddy. 300 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,521 That was inspiring, norm. 301 00:14:06,521 --> 00:14:08,290 I'm sorry. 302 00:14:08,290 --> 00:14:11,325 We're sorry. We're all just a little sorry about what we said 303 00:14:11,325 --> 00:14:12,626 about you and Diane. 304 00:14:12,626 --> 00:14:15,094 You're no worse a match than anybody else. 305 00:14:15,094 --> 00:14:17,196 Any two people are gonna be a long shot. 306 00:14:17,196 --> 00:14:20,164 Yeah, right, Sammy, you know, long shots come in sometime. 307 00:14:20,164 --> 00:14:21,665 Maybe this one will. 308 00:14:21,665 --> 00:14:24,201 No, no, no. You guys were right. 309 00:14:24,201 --> 00:14:26,268 I must have lost my mind there for a minute. 310 00:14:26,268 --> 00:14:31,038 Tell you, though. The old Sam Malone is back, boys. Ready for action. 311 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:33,240 I'm gonna grab the first woman that comes by 312 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,141 and I'm gonna go crazy. 313 00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:42,013 Yeah, Carla, what is it? 314 00:14:42,013 --> 00:14:44,147 Nothing. 315 00:14:44,147 --> 00:14:45,682 Yeah, it feels good 316 00:14:45,682 --> 00:14:47,917 to be finally... Rid of her. Ha! 317 00:14:47,917 --> 00:14:49,685 Coach, let me have a soda here. 318 00:14:49,685 --> 00:14:51,152 I tell you, things are gonna be 319 00:14:51,152 --> 00:14:52,854 a lot more the way they used to be around here 320 00:14:52,854 --> 00:14:55,255 than they ever were. Glad to hear you say that, Sam. 321 00:14:55,255 --> 00:14:57,156 You're gonna be the better man for it. 322 00:14:57,156 --> 00:14:59,626 Hey, coach, you're not buying this, are you? 323 00:14:59,626 --> 00:15:02,594 Buying it? Carla, I'm not even following it. 324 00:15:05,329 --> 00:15:07,230 Hey, Carla, I mean it. 325 00:15:07,230 --> 00:15:09,965 Oh, yeah, I believe you, Sammy, I do. 326 00:15:09,965 --> 00:15:12,734 But you know, I could tell you how to get Diane back. 327 00:15:12,734 --> 00:15:14,535 I'll tell you what. 328 00:15:14,535 --> 00:15:16,569 If you're interested, 329 00:15:16,569 --> 00:15:18,939 I'll be at the end of the bar here. 330 00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:34,582 Well, it's got to be good for a laugh. 331 00:15:42,487 --> 00:15:45,156 How? 332 00:15:45,156 --> 00:15:48,158 Women have always come pretty easy to you, Sammy. 333 00:15:48,158 --> 00:15:50,193 Now you have finally got yourself a toughie. 334 00:15:50,193 --> 00:15:52,594 Let me tell you how to handle her. 335 00:15:52,594 --> 00:15:55,797 Now, I don't care what we women say 336 00:15:55,797 --> 00:15:57,198 when we get dressed up 337 00:15:57,198 --> 00:16:00,834 and go on the Phil donahue show. 338 00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:04,670 Every woman wants to be controlled, 339 00:16:04,670 --> 00:16:06,672 even your miss egghead there. 340 00:16:06,672 --> 00:16:08,706 Women like power, Sammy, 341 00:16:08,706 --> 00:16:11,708 raw, naked power. 342 00:16:11,708 --> 00:16:13,509 The reason I stayed with Nick so long 343 00:16:13,509 --> 00:16:15,678 was because he had power. 344 00:16:15,678 --> 00:16:18,012 Sure, he was a gentlemen, sometimes, 345 00:16:18,012 --> 00:16:21,915 like he would take me out to a romantic dinner 346 00:16:21,915 --> 00:16:24,316 at a fancy restaurant. 347 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:28,186 They'd call our number, and he'd go get it. 348 00:16:31,989 --> 00:16:34,691 But once we got behind that bedroom door, Sammy, 349 00:16:34,691 --> 00:16:36,491 he called the shots. 350 00:16:36,491 --> 00:16:38,059 She's right, Sam. 351 00:16:38,059 --> 00:16:40,127 You know, one time I had to get tough with Vera, 352 00:16:40,127 --> 00:16:41,929 lay down the law, 353 00:16:41,929 --> 00:16:44,163 next night I came home, she was waiting for me 354 00:16:44,163 --> 00:16:47,099 wearing nothing but a saran wrap bikini. 355 00:16:49,001 --> 00:16:51,836 I haven't been able to look at a sandwich since. 356 00:16:56,872 --> 00:17:00,008 You know, you're right. 357 00:17:00,008 --> 00:17:02,442 I mean, I have let her have her way 358 00:17:02,442 --> 00:17:05,178 every step in this relationship. 359 00:17:05,178 --> 00:17:07,814 She is, she is, she's leading me around by the nose. 360 00:17:07,814 --> 00:17:09,514 I tell you, she's not gonna do it anymore. 361 00:17:09,514 --> 00:17:10,916 She's picked the wrong guy 362 00:17:10,916 --> 00:17:12,349 to have a power play with. 363 00:17:12,349 --> 00:17:13,751 She'll love it. 364 00:17:13,751 --> 00:17:15,118 You know what I'm gonna do? 365 00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:16,786 I'm gonna go over there and I'm gonna tell 366 00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,754 our little miss chambers there's a time to put up 367 00:17:18,754 --> 00:17:20,322 and there's a time to shut up. 368 00:17:20,322 --> 00:17:21,789 Yeah! 369 00:17:21,789 --> 00:17:24,525 And this is the time for her to put up and shut up. 370 00:17:24,525 --> 00:17:26,392 She'll have him for breakfast. 371 00:17:26,392 --> 00:17:27,593 He's a goner. 372 00:17:27,593 --> 00:17:29,361 He's dead in the water. 373 00:17:31,562 --> 00:17:34,264 So tell me, where did you get a tan like that? 374 00:17:34,264 --> 00:17:36,133 Were you in the sun or something? 375 00:17:36,133 --> 00:17:38,634 My tan? What are you talking about? Look at your tan. 376 00:17:38,634 --> 00:17:40,402 I love the sun. You know, 377 00:17:40,402 --> 00:17:42,270 I couldn't live where there wasn't any sun. 378 00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,805 Oh, I know. I don't know how prisoners stand it. 379 00:17:44,805 --> 00:17:46,173 [Knock on door] 380 00:17:46,173 --> 00:17:47,473 Diane, open up. 381 00:17:47,473 --> 00:17:49,876 Go away, Sam. 382 00:17:49,876 --> 00:17:52,477 I'm meditating. 383 00:17:52,477 --> 00:17:53,978 Open the door, Diane. 384 00:17:53,978 --> 00:17:56,280 I have something I want to say. 385 00:18:03,052 --> 00:18:04,786 Oh, Sam, how much more evidence do you need 386 00:18:04,786 --> 00:18:06,987 that we were not made in heaven? 387 00:18:06,987 --> 00:18:09,489 We turn into idiots in each other's company. 388 00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:12,558 The difference in your case is barely perceptible. 389 00:18:12,558 --> 00:18:14,926 But it's starting to bother me. 390 00:18:14,926 --> 00:18:16,827 Diane, open the door! 391 00:18:16,827 --> 00:18:18,262 This is the last time I'm gonna tell you. 392 00:18:18,262 --> 00:18:19,963 Well, who the hell do you think you are? 393 00:18:19,963 --> 00:18:22,798 I'm Sam Malone, and that was your last warning. 394 00:18:22,798 --> 00:18:23,932 [Thump] 395 00:18:23,932 --> 00:18:25,500 What are you doing? 396 00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:26,500 [Thump] 397 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,269 Sam, stop it. 398 00:18:33,773 --> 00:18:34,807 Well, now you've done it. 399 00:18:34,807 --> 00:18:36,474 Uh-huh. 400 00:18:36,474 --> 00:18:38,541 Yes, you broke my door. You're gonna pay for that, ape. 401 00:18:38,541 --> 00:18:39,977 Ape? 402 00:18:39,977 --> 00:18:42,711 Oh, oh, I like that. Yeah, I like that. 403 00:18:42,711 --> 00:18:44,013 Ape. You know, 404 00:18:44,013 --> 00:18:47,448 you are going to pay for a lot of things. 405 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:58,155 Now, get in that bedroom, woman. 406 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,995 Ok. 407 00:19:09,363 --> 00:19:11,464 Sam. 408 00:19:11,464 --> 00:19:13,166 Would you give me a minute 409 00:19:13,166 --> 00:19:17,402 to slip into something flimsy? 410 00:19:17,402 --> 00:19:19,737 Yeah, sure. 411 00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:31,178 [Muffled voice] 412 00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:35,415 Diane? 413 00:19:35,415 --> 00:19:36,982 Yes? 414 00:19:36,982 --> 00:19:39,951 You talking to somebody in there? 415 00:19:39,951 --> 00:19:43,120 Oh, I'm on the phone, Sam. Just a second. 416 00:19:45,055 --> 00:19:48,290 You're making a telephone call? 417 00:19:48,290 --> 00:19:49,991 Who did you call? 418 00:19:49,991 --> 00:19:51,426 I was calling the police. 419 00:19:51,426 --> 00:19:54,194 Would you like some coffee while we wait? 420 00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:00,498 You were calling the police? Why? 421 00:20:00,498 --> 00:20:02,867 If you're gonna act like a marauding hun, 422 00:20:02,867 --> 00:20:04,869 you have to expect to be treated like one. 423 00:20:04,869 --> 00:20:06,302 You take cream, right? 424 00:20:06,302 --> 00:20:08,304 Yeah. Yeah, but... No, no, no. 425 00:20:08,304 --> 00:20:09,872 What... what... 426 00:20:09,872 --> 00:20:11,240 Wait a minute here. 427 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,875 Are you serious? You called the cops on me? 428 00:20:13,875 --> 00:20:15,675 Well, yes, I'm completely serious. 429 00:20:15,675 --> 00:20:18,178 I've got fresh ground, but I think it might take a little time. 430 00:20:18,178 --> 00:20:20,312 They said they'd be right over. 431 00:20:20,312 --> 00:20:22,881 No. Hey, come on, wait a second. 432 00:20:22,881 --> 00:20:26,183 I'm not... I'm not doing anything here. 433 00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:28,517 Sam, you... you broke into my apartment. 434 00:20:28,517 --> 00:20:30,019 I have the evidence. 435 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,788 You know, you... 436 00:20:33,788 --> 00:20:35,222 You're a loon. That's what you are. 437 00:20:35,222 --> 00:20:37,858 I'm getting the hell out of here. 438 00:20:37,858 --> 00:20:40,326 Oh, you have to run, huh? 439 00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:44,896 Well, I'll just call the police and give them your address. 440 00:20:44,896 --> 00:20:47,931 You make me so mad sometimes. 441 00:20:47,931 --> 00:20:50,200 I'd like to take your face and... 442 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,134 Excuse me. 443 00:20:52,134 --> 00:20:53,602 Be very careful. What you say. 444 00:20:53,602 --> 00:20:54,836 It could be used against you 445 00:20:54,836 --> 00:20:56,504 in a court of law. 446 00:20:58,005 --> 00:21:00,073 So what's the final verdict on the coffee? 447 00:21:02,041 --> 00:21:05,743 What... what are you doing to me, Diane? 448 00:21:05,743 --> 00:21:08,245 I'm losing my mind here. 449 00:21:08,245 --> 00:21:10,713 The first time I saw you, I said to myself, 450 00:21:10,713 --> 00:21:14,383 "now, that could be the woman who's gonna make me happy for the rest of my life." 451 00:21:14,383 --> 00:21:19,287 Now I'd be happy just to stay out of jail. 452 00:21:19,287 --> 00:21:22,889 You make me sorry I was ever born. 453 00:21:22,889 --> 00:21:24,823 Oh, god. 454 00:21:24,823 --> 00:21:26,824 Sam, I know how you feel. 455 00:21:28,927 --> 00:21:31,128 Don't let them take me away, huh? 456 00:21:32,929 --> 00:21:36,164 Sam, I think the important thing here 457 00:21:36,164 --> 00:21:39,066 is that we both learned something tonight. 458 00:21:39,066 --> 00:21:42,936 You've learned that violence and hostility 459 00:21:42,936 --> 00:21:45,804 have no place in a romantic relationship. 460 00:21:45,804 --> 00:21:48,306 No, no place at all. No place at all. 461 00:21:48,306 --> 00:21:50,975 And... 462 00:21:50,975 --> 00:21:52,943 I've discovered something, too. 463 00:21:52,943 --> 00:21:55,411 Oh, what? 464 00:21:55,411 --> 00:21:57,446 I like the lift part. 465 00:22:01,949 --> 00:22:04,517 I like it a lot. 466 00:22:19,761 --> 00:22:21,429 You know... 467 00:22:21,429 --> 00:22:24,331 You've made my life a living hell. 468 00:22:24,331 --> 00:22:27,766 I didn't want you to think I was easy. 469 00:22:27,766 --> 00:22:28,901 Oh. 470 00:22:28,901 --> 00:22:30,168 Oh, god. 471 00:22:30,168 --> 00:22:31,970 Oh. 472 00:22:35,405 --> 00:22:38,241 Why don't we just kick these things off the bed? 473 00:22:38,241 --> 00:22:40,842 Why don't you put them in the other room? Oh, come on. 474 00:22:40,842 --> 00:22:42,477 I'll be less inhibited 475 00:22:42,477 --> 00:22:44,745 if they're in the other room. Oh, ok, yeah. 476 00:22:44,745 --> 00:22:46,412 Yeah. Ok, now, be very careful 477 00:22:46,412 --> 00:22:49,614 because some of them are old and sensitive. 478 00:22:51,783 --> 00:22:54,485 Don't you think maybe you ought to call the cops off? 479 00:22:54,485 --> 00:22:58,155 Oh, silly Sam, I never called the police. 480 00:23:12,264 --> 00:23:16,233 Sam, will you make sure that Gary gorilla and Mr. Jammers 481 00:23:16,233 --> 00:23:19,769 aren't next to each other. They don't get along. 482 00:23:19,769 --> 00:23:21,603 Not to worry. 483 00:23:21,603 --> 00:23:23,405 They're a mile apart.