1
00:00:00,699 --> 00:00:04,821
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.

2
00:00:04,854 --> 00:00:06,062
Excuse me, cutie.

3
00:00:07,838 --> 00:00:12,363
Cutie? Who do you
think you're talking to?

4
00:00:12,396 --> 00:00:13,369
Her.

5
00:00:13,402 --> 00:00:14,675
Better be.

6
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Well, as long as you're here.

7
00:00:17,122 --> 00:00:19,603
I ain't here.

8
00:00:19,636 --> 00:00:20,742
What's the matter?

9
00:00:20,776 --> 00:00:24,161
Did we get up on the wrong
side of the web this morning?

10
00:00:26,641 --> 00:00:28,820
I hate it when
they call me cutie.

11
00:00:28,853 --> 00:00:30,831
Well I do know how you feel,

12
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:35,624
earlier tonight a customer had the
effrontery to refer to me as honey.

13
00:00:35,658 --> 00:00:39,109
But that makes sense.
Honey is bee barf.

14
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[Snort]

15
00:00:46,417 --> 00:00:48,796
Does that snort mean
we were amused?

16
00:00:48,830 --> 00:00:53,019
No, no. Definitely not. That
was a snort of disapproval.

17
00:00:58,247 --> 00:01:03,845
♪ Makin' your way in the world
today takes everything you've got ♪

18
00:01:03,878 --> 00:01:06,527
♪ takin' a break
from all your worries ♪

19
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:10,012
♪ sure would help a lot

20
00:01:10,046 --> 00:01:13,599
♪ wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪

21
00:01:15,945 --> 00:01:17,889
♪ Sometimes you wanna go

22
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♪ where everybody
knows your name ♪

23
00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:27,877
♪ and they're always
glad you came ♪

24
00:01:27,910 --> 00:01:30,390
♪ you wanna be where you can see

25
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:33,106
♪ our troubles
are all the same ♪

26
00:01:33,139 --> 00:01:38,401
♪ you wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪

27
00:01:38,435 --> 00:01:40,982
♪ you wanna go where people know

28
00:01:41,016 --> 00:01:43,597
♪ people are all the same

29
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♪ you wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪

30
00:02:05,215 --> 00:02:06,421
Afternoon, everybody.

31
00:02:06,455 --> 00:02:08,500
Norm! Norm! Norman!

32
00:02:08,533 --> 00:02:09,606
How's life, norm?

33
00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:11,081
Ask the man who's got one.

34
00:02:13,762 --> 00:02:15,672
Ahh, here's mine now.

35
00:02:15,706 --> 00:02:17,281
Ahh, about that, norm.

36
00:02:17,315 --> 00:02:19,292
Sammy raised the
price to the draft.

37
00:02:19,326 --> 00:02:21,036
Hey, I was going
to tell him, cliff.

38
00:02:21,069 --> 00:02:24,286
Yeah, but you would have found
some way to cushion the blow, Sammy.

39
00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:27,571
Sure, Sam. Why
not? It's get norm year.

40
00:02:27,604 --> 00:02:28,945
Join the fun.

41
00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:31,124
Hey, come on.
It's only a quarter.

42
00:02:31,157 --> 00:02:34,141
Only a quarter. That's
easy for you to say.

43
00:02:34,174 --> 00:02:35,280
Maybe this will
change your tune.

44
00:02:35,314 --> 00:02:37,157
Sam, watch it, he's
going for his gun.

45
00:02:39,336 --> 00:02:41,614
It's just my calculator, coach.

46
00:02:41,648 --> 00:02:43,659
I'm going to have to figure out

47
00:02:43,693 --> 00:02:44,598
how much I can drink,

48
00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:47,346
and still stay within
my suds allowance.

49
00:02:50,028 --> 00:02:51,503
What do you got?

50
00:02:51,536 --> 00:02:55,056
I'm going to have
to cut back 8.7%.

51
00:02:55,089 --> 00:02:58,843
It comes out to one
beer every half hour.

52
00:03:01,257 --> 00:03:04,138
Guess I'm going to have
to drink a little more slowly.

53
00:03:10,239 --> 00:03:12,183
Slowing down isn't so bad.

54
00:03:13,959 --> 00:03:15,334
Sam, I've got to tell you

55
00:03:15,367 --> 00:03:18,216
you've got one of the cutest
cocktail waitresses I've ever seen.

56
00:03:18,250 --> 00:03:21,734
Oh, stop. I'm blushing.

57
00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:24,182
I meant you.

58
00:03:24,216 --> 00:03:25,891
So what.

59
00:03:25,924 --> 00:03:26,628
I'm sorry.

60
00:03:26,662 --> 00:03:28,069
You sure are.

61
00:03:30,718 --> 00:03:33,063
Romance is in the air, Sam.

62
00:03:33,097 --> 00:03:36,382
Oh I guess... I'm a little
busy here, but I suppose...

63
00:03:36,415 --> 00:03:37,857
Oh, Sam!

64
00:03:41,945 --> 00:03:46,236
If you could see
past your codpiece...

65
00:03:47,812 --> 00:03:49,554
You'd notice that
I was referring

66
00:03:49,588 --> 00:03:51,900
to that gentleman
right over there.

67
00:03:51,934 --> 00:03:52,772
Hank?

68
00:03:52,805 --> 00:03:55,285
Yes. He's been
watching Carla all week.

69
00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:58,671
Haven't you seen how he gives
her those moony-eyed looks?

70
00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:01,520
It's almost embarrassing. If
he were anymore overcome

71
00:04:01,553 --> 00:04:04,469
with desire, there would
be drool on his chin.

72
00:04:04,504 --> 00:04:08,961
Excuse me. What were you saying?

73
00:04:08,994 --> 00:04:10,402
Well, for whatever reason,

74
00:04:10,436 --> 00:04:12,514
he's attracted to Carla,

75
00:04:12,548 --> 00:04:14,793
but he doesn't seem
to be able to get started.

76
00:04:14,826 --> 00:04:15,866
I think I should help him.

77
00:04:15,899 --> 00:04:17,742
I think you shouldn't.

78
00:04:17,776 --> 00:04:19,787
We'll compromise. I'll help him.

79
00:04:19,820 --> 00:04:21,295
I knew we could work this out.

80
00:04:28,233 --> 00:04:29,507
Excuse me.

81
00:04:29,541 --> 00:04:31,182
I'm Diane chambers.

82
00:04:31,215 --> 00:04:33,193
Hello. Henry zenzola.

83
00:04:33,227 --> 00:04:35,607
Henry, nice to meet you. Do
you mind if I sit down for a second?

84
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:36,847
No. Please.

85
00:04:38,087 --> 00:04:41,405
Henry, I want to put
it right on the line.

86
00:04:41,438 --> 00:04:43,483
How do you feel about Carla?

87
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:45,159
You mean the waitress
with the foul mouth,

88
00:04:45,192 --> 00:04:48,309
nasty disposition and what
looks to be a real mean wallop?

89
00:04:48,343 --> 00:04:49,114
That's the one.

90
00:04:49,148 --> 00:04:52,399
She's the hottest thing walking.

91
00:04:52,432 --> 00:04:56,421
Do you like to get to know
her? I think I can arrange it.

92
00:04:56,454 --> 00:04:57,762
You think so?

93
00:04:57,796 --> 00:04:59,035
I've been trying to
get to her all week.

94
00:04:59,069 --> 00:05:01,214
She acts like I'm contagious.

95
00:05:01,247 --> 00:05:05,102
Has she actually made
any retching noises?

96
00:05:05,136 --> 00:05:06,074
No.

97
00:05:06,107 --> 00:05:07,080
You're in.

98
00:05:08,219 --> 00:05:10,699
I'll be right back.

99
00:05:10,733 --> 00:05:12,844
What a nice person.

100
00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:14,219
Is she always like that?

101
00:05:14,252 --> 00:05:15,358
Uh, yeah. Yeah.

102
00:05:15,392 --> 00:05:17,469
Coach, give me a beer.

103
00:05:17,503 --> 00:05:21,692
Hey, norm your getting a little bit ahead
of your one beer/ half hour schedule,

104
00:05:21,726 --> 00:05:22,531
aren't you?

105
00:05:22,564 --> 00:05:24,508
No, no, cliff. I'm
on London time.

106
00:05:24,542 --> 00:05:25,648
God save the queen.

107
00:05:27,424 --> 00:05:30,843
His name is Henry.
He's interested in you.

108
00:05:30,877 --> 00:05:31,815
So what?

109
00:05:31,849 --> 00:05:33,290
I think you should go
over and talk to him.

110
00:05:33,323 --> 00:05:34,262
Well, I don't.

111
00:05:34,296 --> 00:05:35,669
Why?

112
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:38,853
Because if he's interested in me,
there's something wrong with him.

113
00:05:38,887 --> 00:05:42,072
Carla, I assure you
he's perfectly charming.

114
00:05:42,105 --> 00:05:44,417
I think he's kind of
attractive, too, don't you?

115
00:05:44,451 --> 00:05:48,105
Yeah, as cue balls
go, he's a looker.

116
00:05:48,138 --> 00:05:49,713
Don't ask me why,

117
00:05:49,746 --> 00:05:52,930
but for some reason, any guy who I'm
interested in or who's interested in me

118
00:05:52,965 --> 00:05:57,021
always turns out to have something
very seriously wrong with him.

119
00:05:57,054 --> 00:05:59,165
Carla, I can see
why you think that,

120
00:05:59,199 --> 00:06:01,846
but you have to stop
feeling that your undesirable.

121
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,858
Are you kidding?

122
00:06:03,891 --> 00:06:07,142
I'm too desirable.

123
00:06:07,176 --> 00:06:08,584
I'm a vermin magnet.

124
00:06:13,410 --> 00:06:15,856
Come on, Carla.
This guy's not like that.

125
00:06:15,890 --> 00:06:19,142
He's attractive, charming,

126
00:06:19,175 --> 00:06:20,917
intelligent, well-dressed,

127
00:06:20,951 --> 00:06:23,532
and opposites
attract, so go for him.

128
00:06:23,566 --> 00:06:26,214
Yeah, Carla. He's always
talking about the sox.

129
00:06:26,247 --> 00:06:27,855
He probably knows
yaz personally.

130
00:06:27,889 --> 00:06:28,795
Yaz.

131
00:06:28,828 --> 00:06:30,872
Yaz.

132
00:06:30,906 --> 00:06:33,386
Yeah?

133
00:06:33,420 --> 00:06:34,760
Ok. I'll talk to him.

134
00:06:34,793 --> 00:06:36,302
Oh, goody.

135
00:06:37,543 --> 00:06:39,051
Just long enough to find out

136
00:06:39,084 --> 00:06:42,235
what's wrong with this loser.

137
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:44,581
I like a person with
an open mind. Huh?

138
00:06:47,799 --> 00:06:48,938
You Hank?

139
00:06:48,971 --> 00:06:50,949
Yeah. How do you do?

140
00:06:50,982 --> 00:06:53,932
Shut up and answer
a few questions.

141
00:06:55,776 --> 00:06:58,659
First of all, where did you
come from all of a sudden?

142
00:06:58,692 --> 00:07:00,368
I never saw you in here before.

143
00:07:00,401 --> 00:07:02,043
I don't really get
out that much.

144
00:07:02,077 --> 00:07:02,915
He's married.

145
00:07:02,948 --> 00:07:05,429
No. No. Carla. I'm single.

146
00:07:08,915 --> 00:07:10,557
You ever been married?

147
00:07:10,590 --> 00:07:11,495
No.

148
00:07:11,529 --> 00:07:12,669
Gay as a goose.

149
00:07:12,702 --> 00:07:14,411
No. No.

150
00:07:14,446 --> 00:07:16,623
Carla.

151
00:07:16,657 --> 00:07:17,361
What?

152
00:07:17,394 --> 00:07:19,003
I like women.

153
00:07:19,036 --> 00:07:20,579
Some women very much.

154
00:07:20,612 --> 00:07:22,757
Hooker bait!

155
00:07:22,791 --> 00:07:24,131
Carla...

156
00:07:24,164 --> 00:07:26,175
I don't mind being
put through my paces.

157
00:07:26,209 --> 00:07:30,231
In fact, uh, I'm always
one to enjoy a good game.

158
00:07:30,265 --> 00:07:31,941
I hope this one gets better.

159
00:07:36,398 --> 00:07:39,684
Yeah. Yeah. This proves nothing.

160
00:07:39,717 --> 00:07:42,398
He's great, and
it's killing you.

161
00:07:42,431 --> 00:07:44,174
I admit he's tough,

162
00:07:44,208 --> 00:07:45,415
but I'll crack him.

163
00:07:47,828 --> 00:07:50,006
Come on. We're going
for a cup of coffee on you.

164
00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:50,745
Fine.

165
00:07:50,778 --> 00:07:52,486
Sam, I'm taking a break.

166
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:53,492
You got a criminal record?

167
00:07:53,525 --> 00:07:54,296
No.

168
00:07:54,330 --> 00:07:55,235
Any mental illness
in the family?

169
00:07:55,269 --> 00:07:56,576
Artificial body parts?

170
00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:57,145
No.

171
00:07:57,179 --> 00:07:58,654
Okay. Open your mouth.

172
00:08:02,777 --> 00:08:06,330
So who's the greatest
matchmaker in the world?

173
00:08:06,363 --> 00:08:07,905
Yeah, yeah.

174
00:08:07,939 --> 00:08:09,045
Come on. Say it, Sam.

175
00:08:09,078 --> 00:08:10,251
I'm not going to say it.

176
00:08:10,284 --> 00:08:11,826
Well, come on, Sam.
You've got to admit

177
00:08:11,860 --> 00:08:15,480
Carla and Hank have been an item
ever since they went out to dinner.

178
00:08:15,513 --> 00:08:18,094
Oh, I hate to see that.

179
00:08:18,128 --> 00:08:20,976
You think Carla's making
a mistake there, norm?

180
00:08:21,010 --> 00:08:24,562
No. I just had my last
beer of the 20th century.

181
00:08:29,055 --> 00:08:29,960
Hi, everybody.

182
00:08:29,993 --> 00:08:31,099
Hey! Hey!

183
00:08:31,132 --> 00:08:32,305
We just came from the game.

184
00:08:32,338 --> 00:08:34,887
We killed the oilers, 28-3.

185
00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,031
Whoa!

186
00:08:37,065 --> 00:08:39,276
And Hank has the
greatest season seats.

187
00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:41,857
Yeah. Spitting distance
from the visitors' bench.

188
00:08:45,076 --> 00:08:46,651
Listen, Hank. Thanks a lot.

189
00:08:46,684 --> 00:08:48,159
I had a great time.

190
00:08:48,193 --> 00:08:52,047
Yeah, I had a great
time, too, Carla.

191
00:08:52,081 --> 00:08:54,158
You want to meet
later for a light supper?

192
00:08:54,192 --> 00:08:56,839
I'm sorry. I forgot
to tell you before.

193
00:08:56,872 --> 00:08:58,850
We're through. Beat it.

194
00:09:04,649 --> 00:09:06,895
Carla.

195
00:09:06,928 --> 00:09:08,637
What did you find
wrong with him?

196
00:09:08,671 --> 00:09:09,710
Nothing.

197
00:09:09,743 --> 00:09:10,582
Well, then...

198
00:09:10,615 --> 00:09:13,163
Look, I do not
want to talk about it.

199
00:09:13,197 --> 00:09:15,107
I want to be left alone.

200
00:09:15,141 --> 00:09:16,782
Sam, what do you
need from your office?

201
00:09:16,816 --> 00:09:17,520
Nothing.

202
00:09:17,553 --> 00:09:18,659
I'll go see if you have any.

203
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,116
What happened?

204
00:09:29,150 --> 00:09:30,223
I don't know.

205
00:09:30,256 --> 00:09:33,038
We were getting along so great.

206
00:09:33,071 --> 00:09:35,016
Hank, sit down.

207
00:09:35,049 --> 00:09:36,457
Coach, pour him a beer.

208
00:09:36,490 --> 00:09:38,636
I'm going to go see
if Carla needs help

209
00:09:38,669 --> 00:09:39,808
finding that nothing.

210
00:09:41,518 --> 00:09:44,166
Hey, Hank.

211
00:09:44,199 --> 00:09:46,680
You know, when I'm
really kind of depressed,

212
00:09:46,713 --> 00:09:49,429
I usually like to buy a beer

213
00:09:49,462 --> 00:09:52,880
for a friend who's a little
behind on his beer budget.

214
00:09:52,914 --> 00:09:56,400
Well, I'm not really
feeling all that depressed.

215
00:09:57,942 --> 00:09:59,214
You're not?

216
00:10:00,791 --> 00:10:03,271
I mean, you fall
really hard for this girl.

217
00:10:03,304 --> 00:10:05,013
You think you got her
where you want her.

218
00:10:05,047 --> 00:10:06,630
Then all of a sudden,
bang! She cuts you off

219
00:10:06,642 --> 00:10:08,164
at the kneecaps in
front of a room full...

220
00:10:08,198 --> 00:10:09,236
Set him up.

221
00:10:09,270 --> 00:10:11,851
Thank you. This'll help...
This is going to help.

222
00:10:13,895 --> 00:10:15,773
I want to be alone, Sam.

223
00:10:15,806 --> 00:10:17,047
I'll only be a second.

224
00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:19,292
I've got something very
important to do in there.

225
00:10:19,325 --> 00:10:22,107
I have to fix
the... Immediately.

226
00:10:37,593 --> 00:10:40,073
Ok. All right. All right.

227
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:41,849
What are you doing here, Sam?

228
00:10:41,883 --> 00:10:45,704
I just wanted to come in and
see if you wanted to talk. That's all.

229
00:10:45,737 --> 00:10:47,446
I don't.

230
00:10:47,479 --> 00:10:48,318
Ok.

231
00:10:51,770 --> 00:10:52,676
Look, Sam.

232
00:10:52,709 --> 00:10:55,390
This guy is perfect
in every other way.

233
00:10:55,423 --> 00:10:58,876
The only thing left is that
he must be lousy in bed.

234
00:11:00,284 --> 00:11:01,893
Who needs it?

235
00:11:01,926 --> 00:11:04,238
You know, from over here

236
00:11:04,272 --> 00:11:07,758
it seems like you're
just afraid to go with this.

237
00:11:07,791 --> 00:11:09,635
Being vulnerable.

238
00:11:09,668 --> 00:11:11,411
Vulnerable?

239
00:11:11,445 --> 00:11:14,226
It's just a word I
picked up somewhere.

240
00:11:18,115 --> 00:11:21,400
The only thing I'm scared of
is that if I go to bed with him,

241
00:11:21,433 --> 00:11:25,120
he's going to be so crazed with
desire, I'll never get rid of him.

242
00:11:25,153 --> 00:11:27,131
Aah, Carla. That's not
what you're afraid of

243
00:11:27,164 --> 00:11:30,248
you're afraid that you're
going to fall for this guy.

244
00:11:30,281 --> 00:11:32,526
No. I'm not going
to fall for this guy.

245
00:11:32,561 --> 00:11:35,880
I've already
fallen for this guy.

246
00:11:35,913 --> 00:11:40,136
Aha. And now you're afraid
he's going to turn into a jerk, right?

247
00:11:40,169 --> 00:11:42,616
No, smart guy,
he's already a jerk.

248
00:11:42,649 --> 00:11:44,258
Why is he a jerk?

249
00:11:44,291 --> 00:11:45,866
Because he's dishonest.

250
00:11:45,901 --> 00:11:47,609
Why is he dishonest?

251
00:11:47,643 --> 00:11:51,430
Because he's hiding
the fact that he's a jerk.

252
00:11:53,509 --> 00:11:54,748
Who's jerking who here?

253
00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:57,397
Come on, Carla. You know,
you always say you're so tough.

254
00:11:57,430 --> 00:11:59,040
You talk tough, you act tough.

255
00:11:59,073 --> 00:12:01,821
You're not tough. Tough
guys take chances.

256
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:02,860
You're a chicken.

257
00:12:02,893 --> 00:12:04,402
Don't ever call me that.

258
00:12:04,436 --> 00:12:08,022
Aha. Aha. That's what you
are, Carla. You're a chicken.

259
00:12:08,056 --> 00:12:08,491
Bok! Bok! Bok! Bok!

260
00:12:08,524 --> 00:12:10,435
Hey! Hey! Hey!

261
00:12:10,469 --> 00:12:11,641
I want to go with you.

262
00:12:11,675 --> 00:12:13,586
You have been cruising on
your looks for too long buddy.

263
00:12:13,619 --> 00:12:15,128
I'm not going to fight with you.

264
00:12:15,161 --> 00:12:17,440
Yeah you are. Yeah
you are. Let's go.

265
00:12:17,473 --> 00:12:18,613
Ooh!

266
00:12:18,647 --> 00:12:22,267
Hey, Carla, come on.
You're half my size.

267
00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:24,446
Ow! Come on. That's dirty.

268
00:12:26,423 --> 00:12:27,261
Yeow!

269
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:31,317
Nobody calls me chicken.

270
00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:34,400
I'll show you. I'm going to go out
there. I'm going to be so vulnerable.

271
00:12:34,434 --> 00:12:38,120
I'm going to open myself up
to happiness like a banshee.

272
00:12:38,153 --> 00:12:39,662
Hey, Sam. Could I
have the night off?

273
00:12:39,695 --> 00:12:40,534
Ow!

274
00:12:40,567 --> 00:12:41,204
Thanks.

275
00:12:45,929 --> 00:12:47,405
Feel better now?

276
00:12:47,438 --> 00:12:48,812
Yeah, I thought so.

277
00:12:56,789 --> 00:12:58,398
Hi.

278
00:12:58,432 --> 00:12:59,035
Hi.

279
00:12:59,068 --> 00:13:01,079
Want to go to my place?

280
00:13:01,112 --> 00:13:02,454
You bet.

281
00:13:02,487 --> 00:13:04,229
We can't. My kids are there.

282
00:13:04,263 --> 00:13:05,705
How about your place?

283
00:13:05,738 --> 00:13:06,844
I told you, I'm
staying with a friend

284
00:13:06,878 --> 00:13:08,050
until my apartment's ready.

285
00:13:11,101 --> 00:13:14,687
Diane, give me the
keys to your place.

286
00:13:14,721 --> 00:13:16,497
I will not.

287
00:13:16,532 --> 00:13:18,609
Hey. You're the matchmaker.

288
00:13:18,643 --> 00:13:20,151
You want this thing to work out,

289
00:13:20,184 --> 00:13:23,737
or you want it to end up with a
broken heart and a broken lip?

290
00:13:30,005 --> 00:13:30,575
Enjoy.

291
00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:31,647
Thank you.

292
00:13:31,681 --> 00:13:34,128
And Carla when you're
done, just burn the place.

293
00:13:38,049 --> 00:13:39,155
Come on.

294
00:13:40,563 --> 00:13:44,048
Carla, you just made me
the happiest man on earth.

295
00:13:44,082 --> 00:13:45,692
Just wait.

296
00:13:50,282 --> 00:13:51,959
Sam.

297
00:13:51,992 --> 00:13:52,730
Sam!

298
00:13:53,802 --> 00:13:55,310
What happened?
Are you all right?

299
00:13:55,344 --> 00:13:56,215
Don't worry. Don't worry.

300
00:13:56,249 --> 00:13:57,824
She didn't hurt any
of the good stuff.

301
00:14:04,058 --> 00:14:07,712
Romance in this bar is kind
of an inspiration. You know, uh,

302
00:14:07,746 --> 00:14:11,666
you, Diane. Carla, Hank, there.

303
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:14,147
Seeing you all
makes me kind of think

304
00:14:14,180 --> 00:14:17,164
think that somewhere out
there there's somebody for me.

305
00:14:20,314 --> 00:14:23,297
There are those that
would disagree, I guess.

306
00:14:23,331 --> 00:14:24,806
I'm sorry, cliff.

307
00:14:24,839 --> 00:14:26,817
Just a picture came to mind

308
00:14:26,850 --> 00:14:28,291
of you in the sack.

309
00:14:31,307 --> 00:14:34,592
I see your mailbag
draped over a chair

310
00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,905
next to your gabardines.

311
00:14:36,939 --> 00:14:37,776
Yeah? Yeah?

312
00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:40,693
That's as far as
I wanted to look.

313
00:14:40,726 --> 00:14:43,441
Wait a minute.
I agree with cliff.

314
00:14:43,474 --> 00:14:45,653
Cheers is a romantic bar.

315
00:14:45,686 --> 00:14:47,664
I mean, you take even
a poor guy like Hank,

316
00:14:47,697 --> 00:14:49,072
with his terrible problem,

317
00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:50,881
he comes in here,
he can get a girl.

318
00:14:53,764 --> 00:14:55,977
Coach, what terrible problem?

319
00:14:56,010 --> 00:14:58,524
Well, I'm sorry. I
can't talk about it.

320
00:14:58,557 --> 00:14:59,864
Hank told me not to.

321
00:14:59,898 --> 00:15:02,043
Coach, this could
be kind of important.

322
00:15:02,077 --> 00:15:04,825
Can you give us a
hint or something?

323
00:15:04,858 --> 00:15:08,579
A hint. Ok. I got one, uh...

324
00:15:08,612 --> 00:15:10,590
Lefty Kramer.

325
00:15:12,467 --> 00:15:14,813
Lefty Kramer, the
old third baseman?

326
00:15:14,846 --> 00:15:21,450
Right. Lefty has the same
problem that Hank has.

327
00:15:21,483 --> 00:15:26,276
Hank can't hit a breaking pitch?

328
00:15:26,309 --> 00:15:27,851
Oh, yeah. Poor Carla, huh?

329
00:15:27,884 --> 00:15:29,862
Yeah. She'll be crushed.

330
00:15:29,895 --> 00:15:31,572
Go on. Keep thinking.

331
00:15:31,605 --> 00:15:35,393
Think. What problem
did lefty have?

332
00:15:35,426 --> 00:15:37,671
Well, he was ugly
as a mud fence.

333
00:15:37,706 --> 00:15:41,057
I remember that. He
was a bad dresser.

334
00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:43,337
He used to spit tobacco
juice all over him.

335
00:15:43,370 --> 00:15:45,079
Ha ha ha he was great.

336
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:47,526
Could we forget lefty?

337
00:15:49,201 --> 00:15:51,582
What's wrong with Hank, coach?

338
00:15:51,615 --> 00:15:53,860
Wait a minute. Wait
a minute, I got it.

339
00:15:53,894 --> 00:15:56,643
Coach, lefty had
a heart problem.

340
00:15:56,676 --> 00:15:57,749
That's it.

341
00:15:57,782 --> 00:15:59,256
Hank has the same thing.

342
00:15:59,290 --> 00:16:02,442
I mean, the least bit of
excitement, wham, bam, it's curtains.

343
00:16:02,475 --> 00:16:05,692
Coach, how about sex?

344
00:16:05,725 --> 00:16:08,206
Diane, please. I thought
you were Sam's girl.

345
00:16:11,322 --> 00:16:13,535
No.

346
00:16:13,569 --> 00:16:16,049
Coach, I'm talking about Hank.

347
00:16:16,082 --> 00:16:19,435
Hank is seeing Carla.
Are you listening to this?

348
00:16:19,468 --> 00:16:22,786
Coach. Coach, what
she's trying to say is,

349
00:16:22,819 --> 00:16:25,669
is Hank in any danger
with Carla tonight?

350
00:16:25,702 --> 00:16:27,378
No. No. Not at all.

351
00:16:27,411 --> 00:16:29,757
Not at all... Unless he gets
over excited about something.

352
00:16:29,791 --> 00:16:33,947
Oh! Oh, Sam...
We've got to stop them!

353
00:16:33,980 --> 00:16:37,332
Wait. Wait. Hank wouldn't have gone with
Carla if he thought it was risky right?

354
00:16:37,365 --> 00:16:38,774
Oh, come on.

355
00:16:38,807 --> 00:16:39,880
Yeah. Yeah.

356
00:16:39,913 --> 00:16:41,119
We've got to stop them.

357
00:16:41,153 --> 00:16:42,997
We've got to warn
Carla, at least.

358
00:16:43,030 --> 00:16:44,236
I mean my god... I mean

359
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:48,024
what a shock if the guy were
to drop dead in Carla's own bed

360
00:16:48,057 --> 00:16:50,907
oh, god. She's in my apartment.

361
00:16:50,940 --> 00:16:52,247
You're kidding.

362
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:56,806
Well, that's the last
time I let bedroom.

363
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:57,778
What?

364
00:16:57,811 --> 00:17:00,291
Call! Just call!

365
00:17:00,325 --> 00:17:01,632
Well what? Come on!

366
00:17:01,667 --> 00:17:03,275
What am I suppose to say?

367
00:17:03,308 --> 00:17:05,319
I don't know. Tell her to
look on the next pillow,

368
00:17:05,352 --> 00:17:08,469
and count the dead people.

369
00:17:08,503 --> 00:17:10,012
Norman!

370
00:17:10,045 --> 00:17:12,659
Just ask her if
everything's all right.

371
00:17:12,693 --> 00:17:14,771
All right. All right.

372
00:17:14,805 --> 00:17:16,212
The line's busy.

373
00:17:16,246 --> 00:17:19,329
Oh, yeah. Maybe she's
calling an ambulance, huh?

374
00:17:19,363 --> 00:17:21,440
Cliff, now stop it.

375
00:17:21,475 --> 00:17:23,451
We don't have to
jump to conclusions.

376
00:17:23,486 --> 00:17:26,468
A lot of people when they're
having a romantic evening

377
00:17:26,502 --> 00:17:28,044
they... they take the
phone off the hook,

378
00:17:28,077 --> 00:17:30,927
they don't want anything
to interupt their intimacies.

379
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,501
How come we never did that?

380
00:17:32,535 --> 00:17:35,116
I might miss an important call.

381
00:17:38,233 --> 00:17:40,780
Will you go over there please,
and see what's happening?

382
00:17:40,813 --> 00:17:42,556
You're right. Coach,
stay on the line, here.

383
00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:45,138
You know, it's all my fault. I
practically pushed them into this.

384
00:17:45,171 --> 00:17:47,350
I'm going, too. I brought
them together in the first place.

385
00:17:47,383 --> 00:17:49,529
Yeah, well, I'll go
with you. I now cpr.

386
00:17:49,562 --> 00:17:52,277
I'll go. I'm a cpa.

387
00:17:52,310 --> 00:17:54,790
No. No. No. No. Guys stay
here. Stay here. I can handle this.

388
00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:56,500
If we need you, I'll call you.

389
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:58,812
Oh, please god,
let Hank be all right.

390
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,443
Stop!

391
00:18:04,477 --> 00:18:05,918
Oh, no.

392
00:18:05,951 --> 00:18:07,795
I wonder if we're too late.

393
00:18:07,829 --> 00:18:10,912
Well, there's only
one way to find out.

394
00:18:10,946 --> 00:18:12,488
No, no, Sam.

395
00:18:12,521 --> 00:18:14,197
We can't just burst in on them.

396
00:18:14,230 --> 00:18:17,147
That's a gaucherie.

397
00:18:17,181 --> 00:18:20,632
Besides, we might
actually... See them.

398
00:18:21,638 --> 00:18:24,621
Well, what were
we planning to do?

399
00:18:24,654 --> 00:18:26,632
Um... let's make loud noises

400
00:18:26,665 --> 00:18:28,073
to draw their attention.

401
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,615
Ahem.

402
00:18:29,649 --> 00:18:31,089
Ahem, ahem.

403
00:18:31,123 --> 00:18:32,598
Fire! Fire!

404
00:18:32,631 --> 00:18:34,609
No, Sam, you'll startle him.

405
00:18:34,642 --> 00:18:37,324
Oh my god, I
hope I didn't blow it.

406
00:18:37,357 --> 00:18:39,670
Sam, that's so disgusting.

407
00:18:41,614 --> 00:18:43,055
Can you hear anything?

408
00:18:44,128 --> 00:18:45,670
Not a thing.

409
00:18:45,703 --> 00:18:49,692
Isn't that funny? I thought Carla
would be the type to make noises.

410
00:18:55,858 --> 00:18:57,233
Hello there.

411
00:18:57,267 --> 00:18:59,278
Ooh, ooh. They're just starting.

412
00:19:02,529 --> 00:19:04,473
What the hell's going on here?

413
00:19:08,562 --> 00:19:09,970
You see...

414
00:19:10,003 --> 00:19:13,220
We, uh, we thought
you were in there.

415
00:19:13,254 --> 00:19:14,729
Were you looking for pointers?

416
00:19:16,439 --> 00:19:18,450
We saw the wine glasses.

417
00:19:18,483 --> 00:19:20,930
We had a drink here and decided
to go out for something to eat.

418
00:19:20,963 --> 00:19:22,439
So you didn't actually...

419
00:19:22,472 --> 00:19:24,080
Let's pretend for a minute

420
00:19:24,113 --> 00:19:25,455
it's any of your business.

421
00:19:29,007 --> 00:19:30,347
No, we didn't.

422
00:19:30,381 --> 00:19:32,828
Why here? Is there
something wrong?

423
00:19:32,862 --> 00:19:37,420
Uh, Hank, I'm
sorry for intruding,

424
00:19:37,453 --> 00:19:39,062
but coach said something

425
00:19:39,096 --> 00:19:42,146
about you having
a heart condition.

426
00:19:44,459 --> 00:19:45,800
Oh, did he?

427
00:19:45,833 --> 00:19:47,408
Did he make a mistake?

428
00:19:47,441 --> 00:19:49,218
No, he's right.

429
00:19:49,251 --> 00:19:50,727
I have a serious problem.

430
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:51,833
You do?

431
00:19:51,866 --> 00:19:52,939
He also said

432
00:19:52,972 --> 00:19:56,893
that any exertion would
be very dangerous for you.

433
00:19:56,928 --> 00:19:59,005
And so we thought we'd catch you

434
00:19:59,039 --> 00:20:01,116
before you and Carla...

435
00:20:01,151 --> 00:20:01,855
Exerted.

436
00:20:01,888 --> 00:20:03,765
Yeah.

437
00:20:03,798 --> 00:20:06,748
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

438
00:20:06,782 --> 00:20:09,562
Are you trying to tell
me you could've died?

439
00:20:09,597 --> 00:20:10,904
Carla, I...

440
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:14,423
Yeah, it could've happened.

441
00:20:14,456 --> 00:20:16,803
Sex is ok for most people
with heart problems,

442
00:20:16,837 --> 00:20:21,462
I'm just one of those rare
cases that makes it chancy.

443
00:20:21,495 --> 00:20:23,137
Maybe if we didn't get too wild.

444
00:20:23,171 --> 00:20:24,512
Are you kidding?

445
00:20:24,545 --> 00:20:26,993
I've almost killed off
guys with good pumps.

446
00:20:30,377 --> 00:20:31,081
Carla...

447
00:20:31,115 --> 00:20:31,852
Carla, will you just forget...

448
00:20:31,886 --> 00:20:33,729
Would you butt out!

449
00:20:33,762 --> 00:20:35,338
Now I am not
going to forget this

450
00:20:35,371 --> 00:20:37,516
of all the rotten things
that guys have done to me,

451
00:20:37,550 --> 00:20:38,891
this is the rottenest.

452
00:20:38,924 --> 00:20:40,198
My instincts were right.

453
00:20:40,231 --> 00:20:42,075
I should've told you I
just didn't want to spoil it.

454
00:20:42,109 --> 00:20:43,483
Spoil it?

455
00:20:43,516 --> 00:20:48,242
Oh I would've felt great waking
up tomorrow with a stiff next to me.

456
00:20:48,275 --> 00:20:50,554
Well, at least, you wouldn't
have had to feed him breakfast.

457
00:20:55,649 --> 00:20:58,431
Hank...

458
00:20:58,465 --> 00:21:00,643
Why would you take such a risk?

459
00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:02,453
How could I not?

460
00:21:02,487 --> 00:21:06,643
Carla, I've been so
careful for so long.

461
00:21:06,676 --> 00:21:07,280
And then I met you,

462
00:21:07,314 --> 00:21:10,531
and I just didn't care.

463
00:21:10,564 --> 00:21:12,809
The more I got to know you
the more I wanted to take the risk.

464
00:21:14,352 --> 00:21:15,559
Wow.

465
00:21:18,005 --> 00:21:20,653
You're nuts.

466
00:21:20,687 --> 00:21:21,926
I just got so carried away,

467
00:21:21,959 --> 00:21:25,413
I didn't stop to think
what it might do to you.

468
00:21:25,446 --> 00:21:28,630
I don't know what to
think about all of this.

469
00:21:28,664 --> 00:21:30,675
I guess I better leave.

470
00:21:30,708 --> 00:21:33,189
No. Hey, Hank,
couldn't you and Carla

471
00:21:33,222 --> 00:21:34,629
just be good friends?

472
00:21:34,664 --> 00:21:36,138
Real good friends?

473
00:21:36,172 --> 00:21:40,697
No. I don't want to be
just friends with Carla.

474
00:21:40,730 --> 00:21:41,668
It'd drive me crazy

475
00:21:41,702 --> 00:21:44,986
to be so close to you
and not touch you.

476
00:21:45,020 --> 00:21:46,730
Hear that, bean pole?

477
00:21:48,841 --> 00:21:51,355
Carla, I'm sorry I
disappointed you.

478
00:21:52,863 --> 00:21:54,840
Wait, wait. Wait a
minute. Wait a minute.

479
00:21:54,874 --> 00:21:56,818
I just thought of something.

480
00:21:58,360 --> 00:21:59,868
In a way,

481
00:21:59,902 --> 00:22:02,918
I think maybe you and
I were perfect together.

482
00:22:04,293 --> 00:22:08,349
See... we never had
an argument. Right?

483
00:22:08,382 --> 00:22:10,326
Not a harsh word.

484
00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:12,773
No one looking in
another direction.

485
00:22:12,806 --> 00:22:14,012
Yes. It was like

486
00:22:14,045 --> 00:22:15,521
an incredibly delicate flower.

487
00:22:15,554 --> 00:22:19,007
It doesn't matter
how long it lasts...

488
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,989
Hey, whitey, this
is my moment here.

489
00:22:22,961 --> 00:22:24,772
I'm sorry.

490
00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:27,620
In a way, Hank...

491
00:22:28,794 --> 00:22:30,100
I'll always remember you

492
00:22:30,134 --> 00:22:32,883
as the best lover I ever had.

493
00:22:35,498 --> 00:22:36,670
Carla...

494
00:22:48,569 --> 00:22:49,842
Good-bye.

495
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:00,903
Oh, Carla.

496
00:23:02,344 --> 00:23:06,567
Well, now I've seen past
your little masquerade.

497
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:09,148
And there's a bond between us

498
00:23:09,182 --> 00:23:11,126
that can never be broken.

499
00:23:13,003 --> 00:23:15,482
I'm going to capture
my feelings now

500
00:23:15,516 --> 00:23:17,393
while they're fresh,

501
00:23:17,427 --> 00:23:20,343
and put them on the
pages of my diary.

502
00:23:20,376 --> 00:23:21,717
Oh, wait, Diane.

503
00:23:21,751 --> 00:23:25,170
Right here. We were
laughing about it at dinner.