1 00:00:04,791 --> 00:00:07,160 "Cheers" is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:09,794 Ooh, a gift. 3 00:00:09,794 --> 00:00:11,263 Who's it for? 4 00:00:11,263 --> 00:00:12,596 It's for Harry. 5 00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:16,599 Why are you giving a gift to that con man? 6 00:00:16,599 --> 00:00:18,933 To pay him back for all the times he's conned us. 7 00:00:18,933 --> 00:00:22,236 Coach found a trick wallet in a novelty shop. 8 00:00:22,236 --> 00:00:24,271 Yeah, what you do is you open it up, see, honey, 9 00:00:24,271 --> 00:00:28,274 and flames come up right up to your face. 10 00:00:28,274 --> 00:00:30,341 Oh, isn't this a little cruel? 11 00:00:30,341 --> 00:00:32,343 No, no. It's harmless, really. 12 00:00:32,343 --> 00:00:36,112 That's why we didn't give it to you. 13 00:00:36,112 --> 00:00:37,346 He's coming! Here he comes! 14 00:00:37,346 --> 00:00:38,847 Ok, here we go. 15 00:00:38,847 --> 00:00:40,515 Hey, Harry! It's Harry! 16 00:00:42,549 --> 00:00:44,918 Boy, am I glad to see you, Harry. 17 00:00:44,918 --> 00:00:46,586 You are? 18 00:00:46,586 --> 00:00:49,488 Are you kidding me? You are a valued customer and a friend. 19 00:00:49,488 --> 00:00:50,789 I was feeling kind of bad 20 00:00:50,789 --> 00:00:53,624 about all the times I kicked you out, 21 00:00:53,624 --> 00:00:55,925 so I just wanted to show you there's no bad blood between us. 22 00:00:55,925 --> 00:00:57,460 It's from all of us. 23 00:00:57,460 --> 00:00:59,528 For me? 24 00:00:59,528 --> 00:01:02,663 Well, gosh, guys, I never expected anything like this. 25 00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:05,665 I mean, no one's ever given me anything voluntarily. 26 00:01:05,665 --> 00:01:08,234 Should I save it for Christmas? 27 00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:10,902 No. Please, Harry, open it now. Really. 28 00:01:10,902 --> 00:01:12,537 Come on, it's a hot one. 29 00:01:16,806 --> 00:01:18,374 Aw, it's a wallet! 30 00:01:18,374 --> 00:01:19,941 Well, it's just a little gesture. 31 00:01:19,941 --> 00:01:21,676 It's beautiful! 32 00:01:21,676 --> 00:01:23,477 Can't wait. 33 00:01:23,477 --> 00:01:26,313 Oh, I'm so touched. 34 00:01:26,313 --> 00:01:27,747 Oh, hey, don't mention it. 35 00:01:27,747 --> 00:01:31,316 Gee. Harry, aren't you going to open it? 36 00:01:31,316 --> 00:01:32,583 Well, sure. 37 00:01:32,583 --> 00:01:34,684 Harry, back from your face 38 00:01:34,684 --> 00:01:36,720 so we can all see. 39 00:01:40,189 --> 00:01:41,589 Aw! 40 00:01:41,589 --> 00:01:44,558 Gee, it was funnier in the store. 41 00:01:44,558 --> 00:01:46,792 Must be $50 or $60 here. 42 00:01:46,792 --> 00:01:48,594 You guys are too much! 43 00:01:48,594 --> 00:01:50,094 I'll never forget this. 44 00:01:50,094 --> 00:01:52,231 Thanks a lot! Gosh! 45 00:01:54,097 --> 00:01:56,733 That wallet look familiar to anybody? 46 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:58,800 Aah! Aah! 47 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:00,236 Aah! Aah! 48 00:02:00,236 --> 00:02:01,803 Give me some beer! 49 00:02:01,803 --> 00:02:03,204 Don't you dare! 50 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:09,242 ♪ Makin' your way in the world today ♪ 51 00:02:09,242 --> 00:02:12,377 ♪ takes everything you've got ♪ 52 00:02:12,377 --> 00:02:14,945 ♪ takin' a break from all your worries ♪ 53 00:02:14,945 --> 00:02:17,179 ♪ sure would help a lot ♪ 54 00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:21,783 ♪ wouldn't you like to get away? ♪ 55 00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:26,319 ♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪ 56 00:02:26,319 --> 00:02:29,821 ♪ where everybody knows your name ♪ 57 00:02:31,623 --> 00:02:35,393 ♪ and they're always glad you came ♪ 58 00:02:36,493 --> 00:02:38,694 ♪ you wanna be where you can see ♪ 59 00:02:38,694 --> 00:02:41,364 ♪ our troubles are all the same ♪ 60 00:02:41,364 --> 00:02:46,533 ♪ you wanna be where everybody knows your name ♪ 61 00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:49,201 ♪ you wanna go where people know ♪ 62 00:02:49,201 --> 00:02:51,703 ♪ people are all the same ♪ 63 00:02:51,703 --> 00:02:56,574 ♪ you wanna go where everybody knows your name ♪ 64 00:03:14,118 --> 00:03:15,519 Come on, you guys. 65 00:03:15,519 --> 00:03:17,521 My boyfriend has been dying 66 00:03:17,521 --> 00:03:19,522 to see this hagler fellow. 67 00:03:19,522 --> 00:03:21,723 How is a waitress like me gonna come up with $200? 68 00:03:21,723 --> 00:03:22,657 Come on! 69 00:03:22,657 --> 00:03:24,192 I don't care what you do, lady. 70 00:03:24,192 --> 00:03:26,827 We can scalp these tickets at the arena. 71 00:03:26,827 --> 00:03:28,328 Ok, I'll pay. 72 00:03:28,328 --> 00:03:29,829 I'll pay the $200. 73 00:03:29,829 --> 00:03:32,631 Coach, can you give me my purse, please? Sure, honey. 74 00:03:32,631 --> 00:03:34,632 I still think it's exorbitant for a prizefight. 75 00:03:34,632 --> 00:03:36,334 Hey, it's Marvin hagler. 76 00:03:36,334 --> 00:03:38,835 It's the prizefight of the year. 77 00:03:38,835 --> 00:03:40,002 Yeah, yeah. 78 00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:43,070 I assume that a check will do. 79 00:03:43,070 --> 00:03:44,639 Yeah. Anything. 80 00:03:44,639 --> 00:03:48,675 Make it out to Phil kepler medical corporation. 81 00:03:51,544 --> 00:03:53,077 I thought I recognized 82 00:03:53,077 --> 00:03:54,978 that natural compassion, doctor. 83 00:04:02,250 --> 00:04:03,619 He's a lucky man. 84 00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:06,621 By the way, I could remove that little thing 85 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:09,456 in my office in about 30 minutes. 86 00:04:17,761 --> 00:04:18,795 Sammy. 87 00:04:18,795 --> 00:04:20,195 Yes? 88 00:04:20,195 --> 00:04:22,464 Surprise. 89 00:04:23,498 --> 00:04:25,033 Aw, don't tell me. 90 00:04:25,033 --> 00:04:28,369 The exhibit of Norwegian woodcuts is back in town. 91 00:04:31,103 --> 00:04:32,338 Holy moley! 92 00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,705 What is it, Sam? 93 00:04:34,705 --> 00:04:35,940 Look at this! 94 00:04:35,940 --> 00:04:36,907 Holy moley! 95 00:04:36,907 --> 00:04:40,109 Surely it's not that big a thing. 96 00:04:40,109 --> 00:04:41,577 Are you kidding me? Look. 97 00:04:41,577 --> 00:04:43,412 Holy moley! Holy moley! 98 00:04:43,412 --> 00:04:47,213 But how'd you do it? I mean, these things are impossible to get. 99 00:04:47,213 --> 00:04:48,815 Well, it wasn't easy. 100 00:04:48,815 --> 00:04:51,517 They originally belonged to two young men in the bar, 101 00:04:51,517 --> 00:04:54,085 but after I was finished waiting on them... 102 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:56,454 They were two old men. 103 00:04:59,255 --> 00:05:01,458 They succumbed to my charms. 104 00:05:01,458 --> 00:05:03,925 Oh. They were two blind men. 105 00:05:06,026 --> 00:05:07,828 Oh, thank you so much! 106 00:05:07,828 --> 00:05:12,264 Later on tonight, you can redeem that for a real thank you. 107 00:05:12,264 --> 00:05:14,666 You know what I mean? Come on, let's go, we don't have that much time. 108 00:05:14,666 --> 00:05:17,634 Sam, there's one proviso with the fight tickets... 109 00:05:17,634 --> 00:05:19,670 That you not take me with you 110 00:05:19,670 --> 00:05:22,672 or tell me about it later. 111 00:05:22,672 --> 00:05:23,772 Ok. 112 00:05:23,772 --> 00:05:26,907 Gee, I wonder who I should take. 113 00:05:32,645 --> 00:05:34,646 All right, you guys, I've got to change. 114 00:05:34,646 --> 00:05:36,647 You figure this out amongst yourselves. 115 00:05:36,647 --> 00:05:39,849 Cannot believe I'm going to the hagler fight! 116 00:05:39,849 --> 00:05:40,950 Oh, Diane... 117 00:05:42,017 --> 00:05:43,619 I love you. 118 00:05:45,987 --> 00:05:47,489 All right, we got one ticket and four guys. 119 00:05:47,489 --> 00:05:49,089 What are we gonna do? 120 00:05:49,089 --> 00:05:52,492 I got a great idea. I'll think of a number from 1 to 10. 121 00:05:52,492 --> 00:05:54,893 Who comes the closest gets to go with Sam. 122 00:05:54,893 --> 00:05:56,160 Fair enough. 123 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:57,160 Ok? Normie. 124 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:58,161 Uh, seven. 125 00:05:58,161 --> 00:05:59,229 Carla? 126 00:05:59,229 --> 00:06:00,329 Nine. 127 00:06:00,329 --> 00:06:01,531 Two. 128 00:06:01,531 --> 00:06:03,465 I'll say three. 129 00:06:03,465 --> 00:06:05,401 Wait a minute. 130 00:06:05,401 --> 00:06:07,902 Uh, coach, you can't say anything. 131 00:06:07,902 --> 00:06:09,636 You know what it is. 132 00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:11,304 I know. It's six. 133 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:13,138 Why did you say three? 134 00:06:13,138 --> 00:06:14,473 Three's my lucky number. 135 00:06:14,473 --> 00:06:17,475 Now, coach, I want in on this, too. 136 00:06:17,475 --> 00:06:19,476 Get out of here! 137 00:06:22,978 --> 00:06:24,313 Sam. 138 00:06:24,313 --> 00:06:25,814 Sam. 139 00:06:25,814 --> 00:06:29,417 I don't know about this new Cologne you bought me. 140 00:06:29,417 --> 00:06:32,485 One or two showers, and it's all gone. 141 00:06:38,155 --> 00:06:40,557 Sam, I want you to know 142 00:06:40,557 --> 00:06:44,560 that what you just said out there just now... 143 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:46,728 Set my heart to pounding. 144 00:06:47,729 --> 00:06:50,597 Boy, one thinks one knows oneself, 145 00:06:50,597 --> 00:06:52,098 but all those preconceptions fly out the window 146 00:06:52,098 --> 00:06:55,000 when the man in your life says, "I love you." 147 00:06:56,801 --> 00:06:58,436 Who said that? 148 00:07:01,303 --> 00:07:02,672 You did. 149 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:05,441 Oh, hey, honey, don't worry about that. 150 00:07:05,441 --> 00:07:07,042 That doesn't mean anything. 151 00:07:11,177 --> 00:07:12,512 It doesn't? 152 00:07:12,512 --> 00:07:16,581 No. I've used that as a line on 100 girls. 153 00:07:19,150 --> 00:07:21,251 You've never said it to me. 154 00:07:21,251 --> 00:07:23,919 Are you kidding? I wouldn't waste a line on you. 155 00:07:25,187 --> 00:07:28,289 Now, what I mean by that is... 156 00:07:28,289 --> 00:07:31,124 You're not the kind of girl that you use a line on. 157 00:07:31,124 --> 00:07:35,226 You're the kind of girl that falls for sincerity. 158 00:07:35,226 --> 00:07:36,862 I don't mean that, either. 159 00:07:36,862 --> 00:07:38,863 Come on, honey, it's just something I say. "I love you." 160 00:07:38,863 --> 00:07:40,498 I say it to coach all the time, 161 00:07:40,498 --> 00:07:44,299 I say it to anybody who gets me tickets to the hagler fight. 162 00:07:44,299 --> 00:07:46,602 I just say it, that's all. 163 00:07:46,602 --> 00:07:48,770 Sam, get back in here. 164 00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:54,940 I think I know what you're saying. 165 00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:58,142 When I and everyone else in the world 166 00:07:58,142 --> 00:07:59,477 say, "I love you," 167 00:07:59,477 --> 00:08:00,844 we are opening up 168 00:08:00,844 --> 00:08:04,080 the very core of our being. 169 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:05,614 When you say it, 170 00:08:05,614 --> 00:08:09,917 you're just clearing your throat. 171 00:08:09,917 --> 00:08:11,018 Well put. 172 00:08:12,218 --> 00:08:13,887 Sam! 173 00:08:13,887 --> 00:08:15,721 I'm getting confused here. 174 00:08:15,721 --> 00:08:17,022 You just gave me tickets to a fight you know I want to see, 175 00:08:17,022 --> 00:08:19,691 and now you won't let me go see it. 176 00:08:19,691 --> 00:08:22,025 What is this, some kind of test or something? 177 00:08:22,025 --> 00:08:24,994 What does our relationship mean to you? 178 00:08:24,994 --> 00:08:26,629 It means a lot. 179 00:08:28,997 --> 00:08:30,363 Go on. 180 00:08:30,363 --> 00:08:31,499 Oh, thank you. 181 00:08:31,499 --> 00:08:34,867 Sam, stop! 182 00:08:34,867 --> 00:08:36,835 I have spent three months writing in my journal, 183 00:08:36,835 --> 00:08:39,837 filling page after page 184 00:08:39,837 --> 00:08:41,371 with thoughts concerning us. 185 00:08:41,371 --> 00:08:43,372 I have consumed entire weekends 186 00:08:43,372 --> 00:08:44,841 trying to discover 187 00:08:44,841 --> 00:08:46,842 exactly what our relationship means. 188 00:08:46,842 --> 00:08:50,044 And what do I get from you? 189 00:08:50,044 --> 00:08:52,045 "It means a lot." 190 00:08:52,045 --> 00:08:55,280 Can you see why I'm so furious? 191 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:56,516 Sure, you work on it for months. 192 00:08:56,516 --> 00:08:59,317 I get it just like that. 193 00:08:59,317 --> 00:09:00,918 If you leave, we're through. 194 00:09:00,918 --> 00:09:02,385 Don't! Don't give me ultimatums. I hate ultimatums. 195 00:09:02,385 --> 00:09:04,386 You give me an ultimatum, 196 00:09:04,386 --> 00:09:06,288 and we're through. 197 00:09:06,288 --> 00:09:08,089 What? 198 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,390 That's better. 199 00:09:09,390 --> 00:09:10,991 So? 200 00:09:10,991 --> 00:09:14,127 So, Sammy, guess who cut the high card for the extra ticket. 201 00:09:14,127 --> 00:09:16,895 Come on, Harry. 202 00:09:16,895 --> 00:09:20,397 Please, Harry, don't get us into any trouble tonight. 203 00:09:20,397 --> 00:09:22,398 Come on, I'll be good. 204 00:09:22,398 --> 00:09:24,467 In fact, I'm driving. 205 00:09:24,467 --> 00:09:27,537 What kind of car do you want to take? 206 00:09:41,946 --> 00:09:46,582 ♪ She aches just like a woman ♪ 207 00:09:48,150 --> 00:09:49,217 ♪ queen Mary ♪ 208 00:09:49,217 --> 00:09:50,451 [knock knock] 209 00:09:50,451 --> 00:09:52,452 ♪ She's my friend ♪ 210 00:09:52,452 --> 00:09:53,654 [knock knock] 211 00:09:56,388 --> 00:09:59,390 Come on, Diane. I know you're up. 212 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,825 Your candles are on. 213 00:10:03,393 --> 00:10:04,694 What do you want? 214 00:10:04,694 --> 00:10:06,896 I want to come in, 215 00:10:06,896 --> 00:10:07,829 I think. 216 00:10:13,433 --> 00:10:14,834 Insy-Daisy. 217 00:10:19,104 --> 00:10:22,439 Hey, hey, hey. Wow, you're drunk. 218 00:10:22,439 --> 00:10:25,108 Wow, you're stupid. 219 00:10:29,410 --> 00:10:32,013 I'll be sober in the morning. 220 00:10:37,817 --> 00:10:40,185 What are we drinking here? 221 00:10:40,185 --> 00:10:42,186 Vino. 222 00:10:42,186 --> 00:10:45,188 Listen, Diane, I know why you're doing this. 223 00:10:45,188 --> 00:10:48,490 It's my fault, and I'm sorry. 224 00:10:48,490 --> 00:10:50,392 Don't flatter yourself. 225 00:10:50,392 --> 00:10:54,027 No, it is. My walking out in the middle of an argument wasn't exactly... 226 00:10:54,027 --> 00:10:56,129 Boy, you know, when I was a kid, 227 00:10:56,129 --> 00:10:58,263 I used to have nightmares about places like this. 228 00:10:59,831 --> 00:11:01,966 Think you could... Yeah. 229 00:11:03,934 --> 00:11:05,802 Oh! No bats. 230 00:11:08,504 --> 00:11:11,506 Listen, I came over here for a reason. 231 00:11:11,506 --> 00:11:13,007 I brought you this. Come on, come on. 232 00:11:13,007 --> 00:11:15,141 It's a present. Open it. 233 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,511 You bought me a present at this hour? 234 00:11:19,511 --> 00:11:20,679 What's time? 235 00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:23,214 When your lady's owed a present, 236 00:11:23,214 --> 00:11:24,648 she gets a present. 237 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,021 What is it? 238 00:11:34,021 --> 00:11:36,156 It's a boxing glove purse. 239 00:11:40,358 --> 00:11:42,993 How much did you pay for this? 240 00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:44,528 Hey, price is no object. 241 00:11:44,528 --> 00:11:46,329 Obviously. 242 00:11:48,531 --> 00:11:50,232 Big shot. 243 00:11:50,232 --> 00:11:52,333 Big athlete shot. 244 00:11:53,534 --> 00:11:55,035 Boy, you really are bombed. 245 00:11:55,035 --> 00:11:57,537 I better get you some coffee here. 246 00:11:57,537 --> 00:12:00,372 I am bombed, 247 00:12:00,372 --> 00:12:02,540 but I have been doing 248 00:12:02,540 --> 00:12:05,542 some very clear thinking tonight... 249 00:12:05,542 --> 00:12:08,344 About us. 250 00:12:09,545 --> 00:12:12,748 I have decided... 251 00:12:12,748 --> 00:12:16,549 That if it isn't worth examining what we have, 252 00:12:16,549 --> 00:12:19,184 maybe we don't have anything. 253 00:12:20,518 --> 00:12:22,186 Aw, come on, wait a minute here. 254 00:12:22,186 --> 00:12:24,588 You're not thinking about ending this, are you? 255 00:12:26,356 --> 00:12:29,058 I'll have you know that when I was in high school, 256 00:12:29,058 --> 00:12:34,362 I was voted the girl most likely to marry into old money. 257 00:12:36,697 --> 00:12:39,899 Here, drink this. It will make you feel better. 258 00:12:39,899 --> 00:12:42,567 Nothing's gonna make me feel better, 259 00:12:42,567 --> 00:12:45,435 but this will make me feel better. 260 00:12:45,435 --> 00:12:47,270 Ok. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 261 00:12:47,270 --> 00:12:48,738 Now, you're upset 262 00:12:48,738 --> 00:12:51,573 about my not thinking about our relationship. 263 00:12:51,573 --> 00:12:53,007 Am I right? 264 00:12:55,276 --> 00:12:56,910 Yes, sir. 265 00:12:56,910 --> 00:13:00,079 All right. I will start thinking about our relationship. 266 00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:03,314 Maybe we should take some time off, 267 00:13:03,314 --> 00:13:06,083 yeah, you know, not see each other for a while. 268 00:13:06,083 --> 00:13:07,550 That way I'll just have one thing on my mind 269 00:13:07,550 --> 00:13:08,851 the whole time. 270 00:13:08,851 --> 00:13:11,619 One more than you usually have. 271 00:13:11,619 --> 00:13:16,156 Come on now, listen, how long should we take? 272 00:13:19,325 --> 00:13:21,226 I don't know. 273 00:13:21,226 --> 00:13:22,895 A week would be nice. 274 00:13:22,895 --> 00:13:24,595 Oh. Well, all right, all right, 275 00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:26,730 we'll split up for a week. 276 00:13:26,730 --> 00:13:28,732 Then we'll get back together, 277 00:13:28,732 --> 00:13:31,166 and we'll compare thinks. Huh? 278 00:13:31,166 --> 00:13:33,267 Yes, sir. Fine. 279 00:13:33,267 --> 00:13:34,202 Ok. 280 00:13:35,736 --> 00:13:38,038 However, I must warn you. 281 00:13:38,038 --> 00:13:39,739 If you come up with nothing, 282 00:13:39,739 --> 00:13:42,708 and I come up with nothing... 283 00:13:42,708 --> 00:13:44,809 Hey, come on, don't worry about that. 284 00:13:44,809 --> 00:13:47,011 I'll come up with something. 285 00:13:47,011 --> 00:13:48,277 I promise. 286 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,247 You sure you're gonna be all right? 287 00:13:52,247 --> 00:13:54,015 Yes, sir. 288 00:13:54,015 --> 00:13:57,784 I'm not going to waste any time at all. 289 00:13:57,784 --> 00:14:01,020 I'm going to start thinking right now. 290 00:14:09,591 --> 00:14:11,027 That's my girl. 291 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,737 I thought I was a disgusting drunk. 292 00:14:29,639 --> 00:14:30,639 Whoa! 293 00:14:30,639 --> 00:14:31,640 Wow! 294 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:32,641 Whoa! 295 00:14:32,641 --> 00:14:34,642 What a night! 296 00:14:34,642 --> 00:14:36,277 It's not over yet. 297 00:14:36,277 --> 00:14:39,512 Everybody, please step into Clifford's poker emporium. 298 00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:40,679 If you put a gun to my head, 299 00:14:40,679 --> 00:14:41,881 I couldn't remember the last time 300 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,949 I was in an all-night poker game. 301 00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:46,250 Cliff, these cards you bought at the strip joint... 302 00:14:46,250 --> 00:14:50,119 The sexy ladies are all wearing bikinis. 303 00:14:50,119 --> 00:14:53,789 You got to rub it off with a dime. 304 00:14:55,656 --> 00:14:57,658 Let me see, will ya, cliff? 305 00:14:57,658 --> 00:15:00,060 Ahh... 306 00:15:00,060 --> 00:15:01,293 There's something wrong here. 307 00:15:01,293 --> 00:15:03,963 I can't get the bikini off my girl. 308 00:15:03,963 --> 00:15:05,797 Story of your life. 309 00:15:07,065 --> 00:15:09,166 Boy, I tell you, that's the first time 310 00:15:09,166 --> 00:15:12,368 I've been in the combat zone sober. 311 00:15:12,368 --> 00:15:14,169 Just goes to show you 312 00:15:14,169 --> 00:15:17,471 you can still have a good time without drinking 313 00:15:17,471 --> 00:15:20,673 as long as you're surrounded by naked broads 314 00:15:20,673 --> 00:15:23,175 shaking their wallies in your face. 315 00:15:23,175 --> 00:15:25,177 Words to live by, gentlemen. 316 00:15:25,177 --> 00:15:27,211 We did have a good time, didn't we? 317 00:15:27,211 --> 00:15:28,711 Well, it's all thanks to our fearless leader 318 00:15:28,711 --> 00:15:30,814 who won the chugging contest, 319 00:15:30,814 --> 00:15:33,182 yelled crude remarks at the strippers, 320 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,449 and punched out a couple of bouncers. 321 00:15:35,449 --> 00:15:36,751 Where is our leader anyway? 322 00:15:36,751 --> 00:15:38,385 Here she is right now. 323 00:15:38,385 --> 00:15:40,821 Hey! Carla! Hey! 324 00:15:42,388 --> 00:15:43,455 Hey, norm. 325 00:15:43,455 --> 00:15:45,824 You left these in the car. 326 00:15:48,192 --> 00:15:50,259 Why did the stripper throw them at you, norm? 327 00:15:50,259 --> 00:15:52,261 Women happen to be attracted to me, Alan, 328 00:15:52,261 --> 00:15:54,196 like moths to a flame, you know, 329 00:15:54,196 --> 00:15:56,964 like honey bees to a flower. 330 00:15:56,964 --> 00:15:59,399 Like flies to a road apple. 331 00:16:05,270 --> 00:16:09,139 Carla, how do you know so much about that combat zone? 332 00:16:09,139 --> 00:16:11,640 Oh, my ex always use to take me there. 333 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,210 He loved the theater. You know... 334 00:16:15,676 --> 00:16:17,744 We were actually there for the premiere 335 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,880 of college girls totally nude. 336 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:20,914 No kidding? 337 00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:22,448 Isn't this terrific? 338 00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:23,582 I mean, the whole week. 339 00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:25,083 Nothing against Diane, 340 00:16:25,083 --> 00:16:28,485 but it feels so good to get out with the guys again. 341 00:16:28,485 --> 00:16:29,486 Oh, yeah. 342 00:16:29,486 --> 00:16:30,954 Yeah, you made a big mistake 343 00:16:30,954 --> 00:16:32,522 telling Diane "I love you." 344 00:16:32,522 --> 00:16:35,224 You say that to a girl, they make a big deal out of it. 345 00:16:35,224 --> 00:16:38,959 You say it to a guy, it doesn't mean anything at all. 346 00:16:38,959 --> 00:16:40,961 Go ahead, say it to me, for example. 347 00:16:40,961 --> 00:16:42,995 Norm, I love you. 348 00:16:44,496 --> 00:16:45,997 I was wrong. 349 00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:51,068 Well, time's running out there, Sammy. 350 00:16:51,068 --> 00:16:52,802 What are you gonna tell Diane when she wants to hear 351 00:16:52,802 --> 00:16:55,804 the results of your thinking fest? 352 00:16:55,804 --> 00:16:58,005 Boy, I don't know. I'm thinking about it a million times, 353 00:16:58,005 --> 00:16:59,740 but I keep coming up with nothing. 354 00:16:59,740 --> 00:17:01,574 I mean, what's the big deal here? 355 00:17:01,574 --> 00:17:03,076 I don't need a week. 356 00:17:03,076 --> 00:17:05,710 I mean, what was I known for when I was playing ball? 357 00:17:05,710 --> 00:17:07,979 Giving up tape measure home runs? 358 00:17:07,979 --> 00:17:09,779 Chasing anything with a skirt? 359 00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:11,548 Drinking yourself senseless? 360 00:17:11,548 --> 00:17:13,582 Coming through in the clutch. 361 00:17:13,582 --> 00:17:15,451 Oh. Right. Yeah. 362 00:17:17,318 --> 00:17:19,519 Yeah. No, no. I need the pressure. 363 00:17:19,519 --> 00:17:21,288 The slugger at the plate. 364 00:17:21,288 --> 00:17:22,588 Bases loaded. 365 00:17:22,588 --> 00:17:27,959 Thousands of fans chanting, "mayday, mayday, mayday." 366 00:17:27,959 --> 00:17:29,326 You'll see, you'll see. 367 00:17:29,326 --> 00:17:31,361 Tomorrow will come. I'll be there. 368 00:17:31,361 --> 00:17:32,896 Well, it's getting on there, Sammy. 369 00:17:32,896 --> 00:17:34,796 Tomorrow's today. It's past midnight. 370 00:17:34,796 --> 00:17:36,832 Oh, come on, you don't think she's gonna come marching in now. Do you? 371 00:17:36,832 --> 00:17:38,299 I mean, nobody's that crazy. 372 00:17:38,299 --> 00:17:40,167 Evening, everyone. 373 00:17:41,768 --> 00:17:43,435 I'm back. 374 00:17:43,435 --> 00:17:46,404 Mayday, mayday, mayday. 375 00:17:50,007 --> 00:17:53,009 Oh, Sam, I couldn't wait to see you 376 00:17:53,009 --> 00:17:54,310 after an excruciating week 377 00:17:54,310 --> 00:17:58,246 of deep and torturous soul searching... 378 00:17:58,246 --> 00:18:02,182 But I wouldn't want to get in the way of your fun time. 379 00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:03,583 No, no, come on, you're right. You're right. 380 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:04,783 It's a party. It's a victory party. 381 00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:06,818 You see, I got it. 382 00:18:06,818 --> 00:18:08,652 You got what? 383 00:18:08,652 --> 00:18:09,787 Our relationship. 384 00:18:09,787 --> 00:18:11,521 I mean, tonight, all of a sudden, 385 00:18:11,521 --> 00:18:13,023 it came perfectly clear, 386 00:18:13,023 --> 00:18:15,958 and I decided to celebrate there. 387 00:18:15,958 --> 00:18:17,458 Oh, Sam, that's wonderful. 388 00:18:17,458 --> 00:18:18,693 Well, tell me. 389 00:18:18,693 --> 00:18:21,495 And I can't wait to tell you, I can't wait. 390 00:18:21,495 --> 00:18:26,031 But I just need a couple of minutes to polish it up. 391 00:18:26,031 --> 00:18:27,599 It's pretty good. It's pretty good. 392 00:18:27,599 --> 00:18:29,366 But I need to just rearrange the words just a little. 393 00:18:29,366 --> 00:18:31,668 Two minutes? 394 00:18:31,668 --> 00:18:32,969 Of course. 395 00:18:34,670 --> 00:18:36,138 Stall. 396 00:18:39,673 --> 00:18:40,674 Diane. 397 00:18:40,674 --> 00:18:42,175 Yeah. Hi, guys. 398 00:18:42,175 --> 00:18:45,611 You, uh... Go anywhere? 399 00:18:47,378 --> 00:18:50,680 Well, I spent some time at Cape Cod. 400 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,349 Love it in winter. 401 00:18:53,582 --> 00:18:57,685 I have a theory about how Cape Cod was formed, 402 00:18:57,685 --> 00:18:59,486 geologically speaking. 403 00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:01,188 Excuse me. 404 00:19:03,890 --> 00:19:05,325 Well? 405 00:19:08,260 --> 00:19:10,594 Mayday, mayday, mayday... 406 00:19:10,594 --> 00:19:11,595 Sam. 407 00:19:11,595 --> 00:19:13,030 Oh! You surprised me. 408 00:19:13,030 --> 00:19:16,032 I forgot what I was going to say. 409 00:19:16,032 --> 00:19:17,499 Oh. Well, I'm sorry. 410 00:19:17,499 --> 00:19:18,699 I'm just too excited. 411 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:20,301 You have things to tell me. 412 00:19:20,301 --> 00:19:22,502 I have things to tell you. 413 00:19:22,502 --> 00:19:23,637 Oh, tons. 414 00:19:27,705 --> 00:19:29,041 So? 415 00:19:30,841 --> 00:19:33,176 One of the things I've discovered 416 00:19:33,176 --> 00:19:35,311 is that I'm a very shy person. 417 00:19:35,311 --> 00:19:37,512 Do you mind going first? 418 00:19:37,512 --> 00:19:39,447 Oh. Well, of course not. 419 00:19:40,714 --> 00:19:42,415 Great insight. 420 00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:43,450 Yeah. Thanks. 421 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,052 All right then... 422 00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:49,020 This is the way I describe our relationship... 423 00:19:50,221 --> 00:19:51,655 It's more than "like." 424 00:19:53,723 --> 00:19:55,358 Beyond fondness. 425 00:19:57,725 --> 00:20:02,196 Verging on deep affection. 426 00:20:02,196 --> 00:20:06,032 There's a vital physical component 427 00:20:06,032 --> 00:20:08,200 bordering on passionate. 428 00:20:10,268 --> 00:20:11,936 However... 429 00:20:11,936 --> 00:20:14,237 It has not reached the level 430 00:20:14,237 --> 00:20:17,239 at which we will abandon our reservations 431 00:20:17,239 --> 00:20:20,908 about a complete commitment. 432 00:20:23,377 --> 00:20:26,079 Well, that's how I see things. 433 00:20:38,253 --> 00:20:39,188 Ditto. 434 00:20:47,526 --> 00:20:49,860 Ditto? 435 00:20:49,860 --> 00:20:54,064 You're telling me I waited a week for "ditto"? 436 00:20:54,064 --> 00:20:55,565 You took my answer. 437 00:20:58,601 --> 00:21:01,935 No, no. All right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 438 00:21:01,935 --> 00:21:03,404 No more stalling. No more stalling. 439 00:21:03,404 --> 00:21:06,106 I'll just... I'll just tell you right here. 440 00:21:10,275 --> 00:21:12,977 I couldn't come up with anything. 441 00:21:12,977 --> 00:21:15,979 I'm sorry. I really wanted to do this. 442 00:21:15,979 --> 00:21:17,413 I don't understand. 443 00:21:17,413 --> 00:21:19,982 I'm usually so good under pressure, 444 00:21:19,982 --> 00:21:23,117 but I... I just drew a blank. 445 00:21:25,485 --> 00:21:26,986 Honey... 446 00:21:26,986 --> 00:21:30,422 I have no idea why we're together. 447 00:21:32,489 --> 00:21:33,991 Oh, Sam. 448 00:21:33,991 --> 00:21:35,226 Oh, oh... 449 00:21:36,993 --> 00:21:38,427 Neither do I. 450 00:21:41,130 --> 00:21:42,296 You don't? 451 00:21:42,296 --> 00:21:43,998 I don't have a clue. 452 00:21:43,998 --> 00:21:45,832 Well, what about what you just said? 453 00:21:45,832 --> 00:21:48,434 Oh, I read it in a book. 454 00:21:50,302 --> 00:21:54,004 It sounded nice, but it's not us. 455 00:21:54,004 --> 00:21:55,305 Is it? 456 00:21:55,305 --> 00:21:58,307 I don't know. I wasn't listening. 457 00:21:58,307 --> 00:22:00,342 Sam! 458 00:22:00,342 --> 00:22:01,843 Oh, please, please, whatever we do right now, 459 00:22:01,843 --> 00:22:03,910 don't say, "what are we doing?" 460 00:22:03,910 --> 00:22:09,014 What are we doing that I can't say "what are we doing?" 461 00:22:09,014 --> 00:22:10,449 Oh, oh, here we go, here we go. 462 00:22:10,449 --> 00:22:13,317 I was going to say that it's totally hopeless, 463 00:22:13,317 --> 00:22:16,353 that I can't make any sense of our relationship at all. 464 00:22:16,353 --> 00:22:19,121 Why do we have to make sense of it? I think it's stupid! 465 00:22:19,121 --> 00:22:20,889 Whenever you think too much about something, 466 00:22:20,889 --> 00:22:22,757 it loses all its sense. 467 00:22:22,757 --> 00:22:25,725 I mean, obviously, the only reason why I'm with you because I lo... 468 00:22:28,794 --> 00:22:30,263 What, Sam? 469 00:22:30,263 --> 00:22:33,131 I said the reason why I'm with you 470 00:22:33,131 --> 00:22:34,765 is because I lo... 471 00:22:36,367 --> 00:22:37,533 You lo...? 472 00:22:37,533 --> 00:22:40,835 You know... you know what I mean. 473 00:22:40,835 --> 00:22:42,870 Well, what's the matter? Can't you say it? 474 00:22:42,870 --> 00:22:44,405 Of course I can. 475 00:22:44,405 --> 00:22:45,638 I lo... I lo... 476 00:22:47,907 --> 00:22:49,708 Oh, don't you see? 477 00:22:49,708 --> 00:22:53,211 That phrase that you threw around so casually 478 00:22:53,211 --> 00:22:56,213 is now impossible for you to say. 479 00:22:56,213 --> 00:22:58,714 And why can't you say it? 480 00:22:58,714 --> 00:23:02,917 Because with me, it's no longer casual. 481 00:23:02,917 --> 00:23:04,918 I'm important to you. 482 00:23:04,918 --> 00:23:06,353 I matter. 483 00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:09,555 No. This is silly. 484 00:23:09,555 --> 00:23:11,190 I mean, I can say anything I want to say. 485 00:23:11,190 --> 00:23:12,957 Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. 486 00:23:12,957 --> 00:23:14,425 A peck of pickled peppers that Peter Piper picked. 487 00:23:14,425 --> 00:23:15,526 See? 488 00:23:15,526 --> 00:23:17,294 Ok, now say the other thing. 489 00:23:17,294 --> 00:23:19,928 All right, I lo... I lo... I lo... 490 00:23:19,928 --> 00:23:21,330 Lo... 491 00:23:22,231 --> 00:23:23,264 Hey, everybody. 492 00:23:23,264 --> 00:23:25,765 Sam can't say he loves me. 493 00:23:25,765 --> 00:23:26,700 Lo... 494 00:23:27,767 --> 00:23:30,369 Who can?