1 00:00:03,331 --> 00:00:05,865 "Cheers" is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:05,865 --> 00:00:07,766 Hey, everybody. 3 00:00:07,766 --> 00:00:08,900 Hey, Sammy! 4 00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:09,868 Oh, Sam. 5 00:00:09,868 --> 00:00:10,768 Yeah, what, coach? 6 00:00:10,768 --> 00:00:12,237 Listen, I think I found the answer 7 00:00:12,237 --> 00:00:13,870 to all the robberies in this neighborhood. 8 00:00:13,870 --> 00:00:16,004 Coach, don't worry about it. I'm gonna get an alarm. 9 00:00:16,004 --> 00:00:17,640 No, no. This is much better. 10 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:21,742 This friend of mine has this huge, I mean, gigantic attack dog. 11 00:00:21,742 --> 00:00:23,944 Bu he's gotten so mean lately, he can't handle him. 12 00:00:23,944 --> 00:00:27,045 That would be perfect protection for us from burglars. 13 00:00:27,045 --> 00:00:29,748 Coach, maybe so, but what are we gonna do with one? 14 00:00:29,748 --> 00:00:32,250 I mean, where are we gonna keep a dog? 15 00:00:32,250 --> 00:00:35,051 [Growling] 16 00:00:35,051 --> 00:00:36,952 I figured the office. 17 00:00:36,952 --> 00:00:38,953 [Woof woof] 18 00:00:38,953 --> 00:00:41,021 [Scratching] 19 00:00:41,021 --> 00:00:42,956 He's vicious! 20 00:00:45,758 --> 00:00:47,925 Coach, get that dog the hell out of here. 21 00:00:47,925 --> 00:00:49,661 How? 22 00:00:49,661 --> 00:00:51,762 I don't know how. How did you get it in here in the first place? 23 00:00:51,762 --> 00:00:53,963 He was in a cage when they brought him in. 24 00:00:53,963 --> 00:00:55,397 I think he ate it. 25 00:00:56,331 --> 00:00:58,666 This is ridiculous. 26 00:00:58,666 --> 00:00:59,967 How am I gonna use my office? 27 00:00:59,967 --> 00:01:01,734 Excuse me, Sammy. What? 28 00:01:01,734 --> 00:01:03,270 In my profession, you become accustomed 29 00:01:03,270 --> 00:01:06,338 to dealing with bellicose canine personalities. 30 00:01:06,338 --> 00:01:07,772 Allow me. 31 00:01:07,772 --> 00:01:09,440 What are you going to do, mace him? 32 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:10,974 No, no, Carla, that's much too cruel. 33 00:01:10,974 --> 00:01:12,242 I find in dealing with animals, 34 00:01:12,242 --> 00:01:15,343 it's better to be kind, yet firm. 35 00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:18,178 [Growling] 36 00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:20,046 Sit! 37 00:01:20,046 --> 00:01:21,847 He is sitting, cliff. 38 00:01:24,182 --> 00:01:26,251 Nuke the beast, Sam. 39 00:01:32,554 --> 00:01:34,790 ♪ Makin' your way in the world today ♪ 40 00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:37,957 ♪ takes everything you've got ♪ 41 00:01:37,957 --> 00:01:40,726 ♪ takin' a break from all your worries ♪ 42 00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,695 ♪ sure would help a lot ♪ 43 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:46,930 ♪ wouldn't you like to get away? ♪ 44 00:01:49,799 --> 00:01:51,801 ♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪ 45 00:01:51,801 --> 00:01:55,336 ♪ where everybody knows your name ♪ 46 00:01:57,004 --> 00:02:00,806 ♪ and they're always glad you came ♪ 47 00:02:01,873 --> 00:02:04,509 ♪ you wanna be where you can see ♪ 48 00:02:04,509 --> 00:02:06,810 ♪ our troubles are all the same ♪ 49 00:02:06,810 --> 00:02:12,280 ♪ you wanna be where everybody knows your name ♪ 50 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:15,015 ♪ you wanna go where people know ♪ 51 00:02:15,015 --> 00:02:17,183 ♪ people are all the same ♪ 52 00:02:17,183 --> 00:02:21,953 ♪ you wanna go where everybody knows your name ♪ 53 00:02:40,298 --> 00:02:41,433 Gee, Sam, I'm so sorry. 54 00:02:41,433 --> 00:02:42,933 Coach, get on the phone. 55 00:02:42,933 --> 00:02:45,035 I want the owner over here to get the dog out of here. 56 00:02:45,035 --> 00:02:46,936 The owner. The phone. 57 00:02:46,936 --> 00:02:48,237 Hello, everyone. 58 00:02:48,237 --> 00:02:49,938 [Carla] Goody. Diane is here. 59 00:02:49,938 --> 00:02:52,940 This is Heather Landon, 60 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,173 my oldest friend. 61 00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:55,875 Meet her this morning? 62 00:02:59,044 --> 00:03:00,144 That's Carla. 63 00:03:00,144 --> 00:03:01,812 She likes a little witty repartee. 64 00:03:01,812 --> 00:03:04,714 She's just not capable of it. 65 00:03:05,848 --> 00:03:09,050 Heather, I want you to meet someone else... 66 00:03:09,050 --> 00:03:10,452 Right over here. 67 00:03:10,452 --> 00:03:12,486 Coach Ernie pantuso. 68 00:03:12,486 --> 00:03:14,854 How do you do, Mr. Pantuso? 69 00:03:14,854 --> 00:03:18,189 Hi, Heather. Listen, you can call me coach or by my other nickname. 70 00:03:18,189 --> 00:03:20,057 What other nickname? 71 00:03:20,057 --> 00:03:21,825 Satchmo. 72 00:03:21,825 --> 00:03:26,562 Coach, you're thinking of Louis Armstrong. 73 00:03:26,562 --> 00:03:29,296 No, but I like that even better. 74 00:03:30,765 --> 00:03:33,866 Can I get you something to drink, honey? 75 00:03:33,866 --> 00:03:35,067 Oh, um... Coffee? 76 00:03:35,067 --> 00:03:36,168 Thank you. 77 00:03:36,168 --> 00:03:37,702 Now, down here, 78 00:03:37,702 --> 00:03:40,704 these two gentlemen are cliff and Norman, 79 00:03:40,704 --> 00:03:42,905 two of our most regular regulars. 80 00:03:42,905 --> 00:03:43,973 Hi. 81 00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:45,474 Hiya. Pleased to do you. 82 00:03:47,676 --> 00:03:50,444 I mean, uh... How do I meet me? 83 00:03:52,011 --> 00:03:54,012 I, uh... Ah, forget it. 84 00:03:54,012 --> 00:03:55,814 Smooth, cliff. 85 00:03:57,882 --> 00:03:59,149 I hate her. 86 00:03:59,149 --> 00:04:03,085 I love this place. It's got a great feeling. 87 00:04:03,085 --> 00:04:04,886 Yeah, I knew you'd like it. 88 00:04:04,886 --> 00:04:08,088 Sam, I tried reaching the owner. No answer. 89 00:04:08,088 --> 00:04:09,756 O.k. Thank you, coach. 90 00:04:09,756 --> 00:04:12,024 You can call me Louis Armstrong. 91 00:04:17,094 --> 00:04:18,896 That must be your sammykins. 92 00:04:18,896 --> 00:04:22,063 He's gorgeous. He's just as you described him. 93 00:04:22,063 --> 00:04:23,231 Hey. 94 00:04:23,231 --> 00:04:25,366 Hi. 95 00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:29,102 But you didn't do justice to his Cologne. 96 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,837 And you wanted me to switch. 97 00:04:31,837 --> 00:04:32,838 See? 98 00:04:32,838 --> 00:04:33,905 Heather Landon, 99 00:04:33,905 --> 00:04:37,708 meet Sam "I reek, therefore I am" Malone. 100 00:04:38,908 --> 00:04:40,209 How do you do? 101 00:04:40,209 --> 00:04:41,710 Oh, Heather. Heather. 102 00:04:41,710 --> 00:04:44,212 I've heard Diane babble about you a lot. 103 00:04:44,212 --> 00:04:45,913 You grew up together, right? 104 00:04:45,913 --> 00:04:48,915 Well, practically. We were in grade school together. 105 00:04:48,915 --> 00:04:50,916 Heather hasn't changed a bit. 106 00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:53,784 Must have been some grade school. 107 00:04:53,784 --> 00:04:56,285 She just moved into town. Isn't that wonderful? 108 00:04:56,285 --> 00:04:57,954 That's great. 109 00:04:57,954 --> 00:05:00,923 I have to warn you, when we get together, we get a little goofy. 110 00:05:00,923 --> 00:05:03,491 I should have bought one of those big goofies. 111 00:05:03,491 --> 00:05:05,125 I hear they're on sale. 112 00:05:05,125 --> 00:05:06,727 Oh, cute and funny. 113 00:05:06,727 --> 00:05:09,128 You got lucky this time, Diane. 114 00:05:09,128 --> 00:05:11,730 Look at that, norm, just like the rest of them. 115 00:05:11,730 --> 00:05:14,732 Hung up on looks, personality, and style. 116 00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:15,932 Sam... 117 00:05:15,932 --> 00:05:19,535 Heather and I were best friends in fourth grade. 118 00:05:19,535 --> 00:05:21,402 We always got in trouble. 119 00:05:21,402 --> 00:05:24,604 I've hate to tell you some of the things she got me to do... 120 00:05:24,604 --> 00:05:27,072 Remember the prank phone calls? 121 00:05:27,072 --> 00:05:28,774 Oh. Oh, yeah. 122 00:05:28,774 --> 00:05:29,608 Yeah. Ahem. 123 00:05:29,608 --> 00:05:31,609 This is the wtrm radio contest. 124 00:05:31,609 --> 00:05:32,943 For a trip to Hawaii, 125 00:05:32,943 --> 00:05:36,446 name three cars that start with "p." 126 00:05:36,446 --> 00:05:37,647 Go ahead. 127 00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:40,949 Porsche, Plymouth, and Pontiac. 128 00:05:40,949 --> 00:05:44,684 No, I'm sorry. Those cars start with gas. 129 00:05:55,024 --> 00:05:57,125 Har har. 130 00:05:59,561 --> 00:06:01,094 It's pathetic. 131 00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,797 Come on, Heather, I'll show you the place. 132 00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:06,031 It was nice meeting you, Sam. 133 00:06:06,031 --> 00:06:08,433 I'm just sorry Diane got to you first. 134 00:06:08,433 --> 00:06:11,569 Yeah, I often regret there's so many women out there 135 00:06:11,569 --> 00:06:13,102 and only one of me. 136 00:06:15,103 --> 00:06:16,605 Oh, boy. Oh, boy. 137 00:06:16,605 --> 00:06:17,972 What's wrong, Sam? 138 00:06:17,972 --> 00:06:19,674 Are you kidding me? You didn't see that? 139 00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:21,608 See what? 140 00:06:21,608 --> 00:06:22,976 What are you talking about? 141 00:06:22,976 --> 00:06:26,944 Guys, Diane's best friend just came on to me. 142 00:06:26,944 --> 00:06:28,780 You're crazy. 143 00:06:28,780 --> 00:06:30,981 You're with Diane, so she thinks you're safe. 144 00:06:30,981 --> 00:06:32,982 Forget about what she's saying. 145 00:06:32,982 --> 00:06:35,183 I'm talking about vibrations here. 146 00:06:35,183 --> 00:06:36,184 Listen, I know women. 147 00:06:36,184 --> 00:06:39,987 Diane's friend wants me. 148 00:06:39,987 --> 00:06:42,021 All right, I know a thing or 2 here. 149 00:06:42,021 --> 00:06:44,856 I've had experience with this sort of thing. 150 00:06:46,190 --> 00:06:47,825 You, norm? 151 00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:49,225 Yeah. 152 00:06:49,225 --> 00:06:51,027 When I was dating Vera, 153 00:06:51,027 --> 00:06:53,896 her little sister always used to prance around 154 00:06:53,896 --> 00:06:55,296 wearing nothing but a bikini 155 00:06:55,296 --> 00:06:57,631 or flimsy little shorts or something. 156 00:06:57,631 --> 00:06:59,232 Yeah, she used to sit in my lap, 157 00:06:59,232 --> 00:07:02,535 make little jokes, whisper in my ear how sexy I was. 158 00:07:02,535 --> 00:07:05,470 So I did it. I went ahead and asked her out. 159 00:07:05,470 --> 00:07:08,205 She turned me down flat. 160 00:07:08,205 --> 00:07:10,006 Vera knows this? 161 00:07:10,006 --> 00:07:13,909 Yeah, she was there at the time. She was really furious. 162 00:07:13,909 --> 00:07:16,644 I bet she was. I'm surprised she even married you. 163 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,512 Yeah, well, the ceremony was in progress. 164 00:07:18,512 --> 00:07:23,014 Really wasn't much to do about it. 165 00:07:23,014 --> 00:07:26,717 No, no. Look, I know what you guys are talking about. 166 00:07:26,717 --> 00:07:29,218 There's a lot more going on here. Just trust me. 167 00:07:29,218 --> 00:07:31,986 Come on, Sam, she seems like such a sweet kid. 168 00:07:31,986 --> 00:07:32,954 Yeah. 169 00:07:32,954 --> 00:07:35,956 Yes, well, just as every good author 170 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:39,158 has had to work among the common people 171 00:07:39,158 --> 00:07:40,458 for material. 172 00:07:41,459 --> 00:07:42,960 Ooh, muscles. 173 00:07:46,029 --> 00:07:49,031 Yeah, I think Sammy's onto something here. 174 00:07:49,031 --> 00:07:51,499 The woman's obviously a Vixen. 175 00:07:51,499 --> 00:07:52,700 Look, she's undressing every man in the bar 176 00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:54,768 with her eyes right now. 177 00:07:54,768 --> 00:07:58,070 No wonder I felt such a chill. 178 00:07:58,070 --> 00:08:00,138 Well, that's our little pub. 179 00:08:00,138 --> 00:08:03,774 Oh, Diane, she hasn't seen all of it yet. 180 00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:06,275 You didn't show her Sam's office. 181 00:08:06,275 --> 00:08:08,110 Oh, right. 182 00:08:08,110 --> 00:08:09,177 No, Carla! 183 00:08:09,177 --> 00:08:10,178 Get her! 184 00:08:10,178 --> 00:08:11,178 [Growling] 185 00:08:11,178 --> 00:08:12,179 Aah! Aah! 186 00:08:16,882 --> 00:08:20,017 Just some of that witty repartee you love. 187 00:08:21,719 --> 00:08:24,788 Carla, that was a lousy thing to do. 188 00:08:27,456 --> 00:08:29,457 What the hell is that? 189 00:08:29,457 --> 00:08:31,458 Uh, it's an attack dog 190 00:08:31,458 --> 00:08:34,460 a friend of mine gave me, Diane. 191 00:08:34,460 --> 00:08:35,995 He's good, huh? 192 00:08:35,995 --> 00:08:36,962 Excellent. 193 00:08:36,962 --> 00:08:39,496 Coach, get on the phone right away. 194 00:08:39,496 --> 00:08:40,631 The phone. 195 00:08:40,631 --> 00:08:42,498 Diane, are you all right? 196 00:08:42,498 --> 00:08:45,067 Oh, yes. You trained me well. 197 00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:47,636 Listen, I've really got to be going. 198 00:08:47,636 --> 00:08:49,070 Oh, right. 199 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:52,639 But you and I and Sam will have dinner tonight. 200 00:08:52,639 --> 00:08:54,273 I'm going to cook. 201 00:08:54,273 --> 00:08:55,474 Why? 202 00:08:55,474 --> 00:08:56,808 Well, to celebrate. 203 00:08:56,808 --> 00:08:59,810 Now that Heather's going to be living here, 204 00:08:59,810 --> 00:09:03,880 I want the three of us to become really good friends. 205 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:07,082 And I have a special recipe to try... 206 00:09:07,082 --> 00:09:08,583 My own veal Oscar. 207 00:09:08,583 --> 00:09:10,584 That's the award you get 208 00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:13,418 if you can act like you like it. 209 00:09:13,418 --> 00:09:16,020 Heather, would you mind hanging on here just for a second? 210 00:09:16,020 --> 00:09:17,121 A second? 211 00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:19,422 I want to talk to Diane in private. 212 00:09:19,422 --> 00:09:22,592 Oh, sure, sure. Oh, I know what you're going to do. 213 00:09:22,592 --> 00:09:23,793 [Imitates kissing] 214 00:09:23,793 --> 00:09:25,627 I'll finish my coffee. Ok, all right. 215 00:09:27,028 --> 00:09:28,862 Sam, no answer yet. Yeah, what? 216 00:09:28,862 --> 00:09:31,130 Just keep trying. Keep trying. 217 00:09:31,130 --> 00:09:32,298 Look, sweetheart... 218 00:09:32,298 --> 00:09:33,298 Grrr! 219 00:09:33,298 --> 00:09:34,600 Hey, hey, come on. 220 00:09:35,601 --> 00:09:37,602 Listen, Heather's o.K. And all, 221 00:09:37,602 --> 00:09:39,402 but, uh, I don't think 222 00:09:39,402 --> 00:09:43,271 we should hang out together too much if you don't mind. 223 00:09:43,271 --> 00:09:44,972 Why not? 224 00:09:44,972 --> 00:09:47,974 Well, I just don't think the 2 of us hit it off that well. 225 00:09:47,974 --> 00:09:49,810 Oh, you hit it off great. 226 00:09:49,810 --> 00:09:52,111 She said she's nuts about you. 227 00:09:52,111 --> 00:09:54,813 Oh, yeah, I'll bet she did. I'll bet she did. 228 00:09:54,813 --> 00:09:58,115 Listen, I didn't want to have to tell you this 229 00:09:58,115 --> 00:10:00,116 because you're pals and all, 230 00:10:00,116 --> 00:10:03,118 but she's coming on to me gangbusters. 231 00:10:04,719 --> 00:10:07,553 What are you looking at me like that for? 232 00:10:07,553 --> 00:10:09,222 I can't believe you're saying this. 233 00:10:09,222 --> 00:10:12,024 Well, I'll tell you something else, I need a little help here 234 00:10:12,024 --> 00:10:15,059 because I don't have that much experience saying no to women. 235 00:10:15,059 --> 00:10:16,827 The closest I've ever gotten 236 00:10:16,827 --> 00:10:19,128 is, "not now. We're landing." 237 00:10:19,128 --> 00:10:21,129 Hey, I'm just telling you this 238 00:10:21,129 --> 00:10:24,832 because I think you ought to keep the 2 of us apart, that's all. 239 00:10:26,433 --> 00:10:27,767 What? 240 00:10:27,767 --> 00:10:29,235 This is staggering. 241 00:10:29,235 --> 00:10:32,337 Do you think that every woman you see 242 00:10:32,337 --> 00:10:33,838 is attracted to you? 243 00:10:33,838 --> 00:10:36,572 Honey, I've had enough women come on to me 244 00:10:36,572 --> 00:10:38,774 to know when it's happening, and it's happening. 245 00:10:38,774 --> 00:10:42,343 I guess there's only one way to convince you. 246 00:10:42,343 --> 00:10:43,744 Heather. 247 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,779 W-Wait a minute. 248 00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,880 What are you doing? Diane, whoa. 249 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,148 I'm going to ask her. 250 00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,849 On, on, please don't do that! 251 00:10:50,849 --> 00:10:53,350 I'm sorry if it embarrasses you, 252 00:10:53,350 --> 00:10:55,017 but it serves you right. 253 00:10:55,017 --> 00:10:56,352 Heather. 254 00:10:56,352 --> 00:10:59,354 Honey, I'm sorry if this will make you uncomfortable, 255 00:10:59,354 --> 00:11:01,889 but I want this out of the way 256 00:11:01,889 --> 00:11:05,358 so that the three of us can proceed 257 00:11:05,358 --> 00:11:08,160 to form a lasting friendship. 258 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:12,863 Sam just now mistook your innocent flirtation 259 00:11:12,863 --> 00:11:15,965 for a sexual overture. 260 00:11:15,965 --> 00:11:17,066 Oh. 261 00:11:17,066 --> 00:11:19,367 Will you explain to him your real feelings? 262 00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:20,668 Certainly. 263 00:11:23,302 --> 00:11:27,105 Sam, I want you, and I don't care who knows it. 264 00:11:28,439 --> 00:11:30,007 What? 265 00:11:30,007 --> 00:11:30,941 Gotcha! 266 00:11:34,843 --> 00:11:39,113 You're very attractive, Sam, but for me to give up my friendship with Diane, 267 00:11:39,113 --> 00:11:40,313 you'd have to be rich, too. 268 00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:26,176 See you tonight for dinner. Bye. 269 00:12:26,176 --> 00:12:27,411 See you later. 270 00:12:27,411 --> 00:12:29,112 No, ma'am. I'm sorry. 271 00:12:29,112 --> 00:12:31,246 Those cars start with gas. 272 00:12:33,916 --> 00:12:36,117 Let's call your mother now. 273 00:12:36,117 --> 00:12:37,350 Get out of here! 274 00:12:40,219 --> 00:12:43,421 Whitey, whitey, whitey, whitey, whitey, 275 00:12:43,421 --> 00:12:45,355 you're making a mistake. 276 00:12:46,423 --> 00:12:48,025 What do you mean? 277 00:12:48,025 --> 00:12:51,827 That so-called friend of yours is hot for Sam. 278 00:12:51,827 --> 00:12:54,128 You, too? Everyone here is insane. 279 00:12:54,128 --> 00:12:56,063 Why would you think that? 280 00:12:56,063 --> 00:12:57,897 'Cause Sam thinks it. 281 00:12:57,897 --> 00:12:59,932 Not anymore, he doesn't. 282 00:12:59,932 --> 00:13:02,000 I trust his first instincts. 283 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,001 When it comes to dames, 284 00:13:04,001 --> 00:13:06,002 Sam's got, like, an antenna 285 00:13:06,002 --> 00:13:09,104 that picks up things that you and I miss. 286 00:13:09,104 --> 00:13:12,606 It's like when dogs and cats know an earthquake's coming. 287 00:13:12,606 --> 00:13:13,874 Nobody could explain that. 288 00:13:13,874 --> 00:13:15,408 Well, that's simple, Carla. 289 00:13:15,408 --> 00:13:18,310 You see, there are fissures and cracks in the surface... 290 00:13:18,310 --> 00:13:20,478 Of your brain. 291 00:13:20,478 --> 00:13:25,248 Please, don't distract Diane from her suffering. 292 00:13:25,248 --> 00:13:28,016 Diane, believe me, you're being dense. 293 00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:31,518 If Sam says that woman is hot for him, 294 00:13:31,518 --> 00:13:33,087 bank on it. 295 00:13:35,455 --> 00:13:37,322 Oh, it's ludicrous. 296 00:13:38,958 --> 00:13:41,959 You know, the more I think about this, 297 00:13:41,959 --> 00:13:44,961 the more I'm looking forward to tonight. 298 00:13:44,961 --> 00:13:47,963 I've never had a woman just as a friend before. 299 00:13:47,963 --> 00:13:49,697 I think this will be really good for me. 300 00:13:51,165 --> 00:13:52,466 Tonight? 301 00:13:52,466 --> 00:13:53,967 Yeah. Tonight, remember? 302 00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:56,634 You're cooking that Oscar Mayer thingy. 303 00:13:56,634 --> 00:13:58,203 Veal Oscar. 304 00:13:58,203 --> 00:14:01,272 Sam, I've had second thoughts about that. 305 00:14:01,272 --> 00:14:04,274 Did you know that veal comes from baby cows? 306 00:14:04,274 --> 00:14:07,276 If you think that I would take part 307 00:14:07,276 --> 00:14:09,577 in such a senseless slaughter, I... 308 00:14:09,577 --> 00:14:11,779 Hey, have whatever you want. Open a can of beans. 309 00:14:11,779 --> 00:14:15,281 The important thing is getting to know Heather. 310 00:14:15,281 --> 00:14:19,649 I think just being friends with a sexy woman like Heather 311 00:14:19,649 --> 00:14:21,251 is a big step in my maturity. 312 00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:22,385 Hey, Sam? Yeah? 313 00:14:22,385 --> 00:14:25,487 We got to get into that office to get stock. 314 00:14:25,487 --> 00:14:26,955 We're running out of gin, 315 00:14:26,955 --> 00:14:28,956 and the Kahlua martinis aren't moving. 316 00:14:28,956 --> 00:14:32,292 You know, it's not right to ask you to dinner 317 00:14:32,292 --> 00:14:33,692 when you've got so much on your mind. 318 00:14:33,692 --> 00:14:35,127 You know, the dog and everything. 319 00:14:35,127 --> 00:14:36,327 Don't worry about the dog. 320 00:14:36,327 --> 00:14:38,196 I'll take care of the dog right now. 321 00:14:38,196 --> 00:14:40,898 One step ahead of you, Sammy. 322 00:14:40,898 --> 00:14:44,699 I'm mixing a complimentary cocktail for the mutt. 323 00:14:44,699 --> 00:14:46,301 All right. 324 00:14:46,301 --> 00:14:48,769 I finally got hold of the owner, Sam, 325 00:14:48,769 --> 00:14:50,303 and he said booze calms him right down. 326 00:14:50,303 --> 00:14:51,204 Oh, good. 327 00:14:51,204 --> 00:14:53,571 I just hope the guy's thirsty. 328 00:14:53,571 --> 00:14:54,873 Be careful. 329 00:14:56,507 --> 00:14:57,441 [Growling] 330 00:15:00,110 --> 00:15:02,177 [Sniffing] 331 00:15:02,177 --> 00:15:04,112 [Drinking] 332 00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:07,514 [Panting] 333 00:15:07,514 --> 00:15:08,648 [Woof] 334 00:15:08,648 --> 00:15:09,949 [Thud] 335 00:15:15,752 --> 00:15:17,988 Oh, look at him. Aw. 336 00:15:17,988 --> 00:15:20,523 He's just a big puppy dog. 337 00:15:20,523 --> 00:15:22,057 Whoa, whoa! 338 00:15:22,057 --> 00:15:25,059 Yes, you're a big doggy. Yes, you are. 339 00:15:25,059 --> 00:15:26,927 There's only one problem, Sam. 340 00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:28,328 Yeah, what? 341 00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:32,263 The owner said booze makes the dog very amorous. 342 00:15:32,263 --> 00:15:33,331 Oh, yeah? 343 00:15:33,331 --> 00:15:35,565 [Norm] Aw, good boy. Yes, he is. 344 00:15:35,565 --> 00:15:37,067 He's a good boy. 345 00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:40,202 Hey, not that good! Whoa! Hey! 346 00:15:43,537 --> 00:15:44,972 [Knock on door] 347 00:15:44,972 --> 00:15:47,306 Come on in, Heather. 348 00:15:47,306 --> 00:15:48,541 Hi. 349 00:15:48,541 --> 00:15:49,607 Hi. 350 00:15:49,607 --> 00:15:51,309 Oh, something smells great. 351 00:15:51,309 --> 00:15:52,609 Why, thank you. 352 00:15:52,609 --> 00:15:54,111 Dinner's almost ready. 353 00:15:54,111 --> 00:15:55,611 Make yourself at home. 354 00:15:55,611 --> 00:15:57,247 All right. Thank you. 355 00:15:58,580 --> 00:16:00,648 Well, what do you think? 356 00:16:00,648 --> 00:16:02,150 About what? 357 00:16:02,150 --> 00:16:04,151 About this dress. I just bought it today. 358 00:16:04,151 --> 00:16:06,352 I saw it, and I had to have it. 359 00:16:06,352 --> 00:16:08,187 Why did you buy a dress today of all days? 360 00:16:08,187 --> 00:16:11,122 You come into the bar, you meet everybody, 361 00:16:11,122 --> 00:16:14,324 and go out and get a "come get me" dress? 362 00:16:14,324 --> 00:16:15,491 Explain yourself. 363 00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:18,493 I just saw it today. 364 00:16:19,661 --> 00:16:20,828 Oh. 365 00:16:20,828 --> 00:16:22,363 Of course. 366 00:16:22,363 --> 00:16:25,832 You did what anyone in your position would have done. 367 00:16:25,832 --> 00:16:27,566 Diane, is everything all right? 368 00:16:27,566 --> 00:16:28,567 Yes, yes. 369 00:16:28,567 --> 00:16:29,667 You sure? 370 00:16:29,667 --> 00:16:31,369 Yes, of course. 371 00:16:31,369 --> 00:16:32,802 Back to work. 372 00:16:35,371 --> 00:16:36,672 I sure like Sam. 373 00:16:36,672 --> 00:16:37,805 Slut! 374 00:16:44,577 --> 00:16:45,911 What? 375 00:16:45,911 --> 00:16:49,580 I... I said, uh, thanks a lot. 376 00:16:49,580 --> 00:16:52,582 Oh. Oh. 377 00:16:52,582 --> 00:16:53,516 You're welcome. 378 00:16:55,450 --> 00:16:57,118 [Knock on door] 379 00:16:57,118 --> 00:16:58,086 Sam? 380 00:16:58,086 --> 00:16:59,520 Malone. One for dinner. 381 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,589 Do you have reservations? 382 00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:03,856 Plenty of them, 383 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,124 but I came anyway. 384 00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:07,592 How are you doing? Oh, here you go. 385 00:17:07,592 --> 00:17:08,959 Oh, nice. Thanks. 386 00:17:08,959 --> 00:17:10,127 Hey, buddy. 387 00:17:10,127 --> 00:17:14,062 Hey, Sam. How you doing? 388 00:17:14,062 --> 00:17:17,198 Listen, I want to apologize for this afternoon. 389 00:17:17,198 --> 00:17:19,600 I was a little... I was a little crazy. 390 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,101 Here you go. 391 00:17:21,101 --> 00:17:22,402 I think the three of us 392 00:17:22,402 --> 00:17:25,104 are gonna be real good friends now. 393 00:17:25,104 --> 00:17:26,604 Don't you think? 394 00:17:26,604 --> 00:17:28,271 Yeah, I think so, too. 395 00:17:28,271 --> 00:17:29,606 Yeah, me, too. 396 00:17:29,606 --> 00:17:30,974 Let's get to dinner. 397 00:17:30,974 --> 00:17:31,974 Whoa. What's the rush? 398 00:17:31,974 --> 00:17:33,975 Well, the sooner we begin, 399 00:17:33,975 --> 00:17:35,843 the sooner we can finish, 400 00:17:35,843 --> 00:17:38,112 and then we can be finished. 401 00:17:41,347 --> 00:17:42,547 Ahh. 402 00:17:56,623 --> 00:17:58,191 Isn't friendship great? 403 00:17:58,191 --> 00:17:59,325 Yeah. 404 00:18:01,493 --> 00:18:04,695 What's that saying about friends and lovers? 405 00:18:04,695 --> 00:18:06,696 Oh, yeah. "Friends and lovers... 406 00:18:06,696 --> 00:18:08,697 Don't leave home without them." 407 00:18:08,697 --> 00:18:09,865 Very funny! 408 00:18:09,865 --> 00:18:11,633 Yeah. Wait a minute. 409 00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:12,634 You're ticklish. 410 00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:13,700 Oh, you are! 411 00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:14,868 Will you... 412 00:18:14,868 --> 00:18:16,037 No! Please! 413 00:18:16,037 --> 00:18:17,570 Dinnertime! 414 00:18:20,172 --> 00:18:21,673 You don't have to shout. 415 00:18:21,673 --> 00:18:24,375 We can hear you, you know? 416 00:18:24,375 --> 00:18:25,842 Yes, of course. 417 00:18:25,842 --> 00:18:28,744 Hunger makes me want to shout. 418 00:18:28,744 --> 00:18:30,346 Well, come on. 419 00:18:30,346 --> 00:18:31,246 Whoa. 420 00:18:31,246 --> 00:18:33,048 Sorry I don't have place cards. 421 00:18:33,048 --> 00:18:35,449 Oh, that's all right. We'll just put Sam in the middle 422 00:18:35,449 --> 00:18:36,649 so we can share him. 423 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:37,650 Okey-doke. 424 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:38,717 Excusez-moi. 425 00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:40,218 I think this is gonna be great, 426 00:18:40,218 --> 00:18:41,986 just the three of us. 427 00:18:41,986 --> 00:18:43,454 Three good friends. 428 00:18:43,454 --> 00:18:45,621 Yeah, like Porthos, athos, and aramis. 429 00:18:45,621 --> 00:18:46,957 There you go. 430 00:18:46,957 --> 00:18:48,991 I don't think Sam knows that reference. 431 00:18:48,991 --> 00:18:50,959 Hey, I may not read books, 432 00:18:50,959 --> 00:18:52,660 but I know good music. 433 00:18:52,660 --> 00:18:53,593 Supremes, right? 434 00:18:54,995 --> 00:18:56,328 Fabulous. 435 00:18:56,328 --> 00:18:58,964 Hey. Yeah, sometimes I surprise her. 436 00:18:58,964 --> 00:19:00,831 I bet you do. 437 00:19:00,831 --> 00:19:02,466 O.k., well, here we go. 438 00:19:02,466 --> 00:19:05,468 Hope you didn't have spaghetti for lunch. 439 00:19:05,468 --> 00:19:08,470 I thought we were having veal Oscar. 440 00:19:08,470 --> 00:19:11,272 There are remnants of it in the sauce. 441 00:19:11,272 --> 00:19:15,275 I thought we weren't going to do anything with veal. 442 00:19:15,275 --> 00:19:18,509 Um, well, this sucker was already dead. 443 00:19:20,078 --> 00:19:22,512 Well, it looks divine, Diane. 444 00:19:22,512 --> 00:19:23,680 Aw, thanks. 445 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:24,981 Bon appetit. 446 00:19:27,983 --> 00:19:31,651 Oh, Diane, remember the way we used to eat "pasghetti" when we were kids? 447 00:19:31,651 --> 00:19:33,686 No. 448 00:19:33,686 --> 00:19:35,054 Like this. 449 00:19:46,795 --> 00:19:48,096 Oh, that was good. 450 00:19:48,096 --> 00:19:49,796 That was good. 451 00:19:49,796 --> 00:19:51,931 All right, let me try. 452 00:19:57,335 --> 00:19:59,869 You got some sauce on your blouse there. 453 00:19:59,869 --> 00:20:01,370 Oh. 454 00:20:03,106 --> 00:20:04,939 Thanks for your discretion. 455 00:20:05,873 --> 00:20:08,009 This is wonderful spaghetti. 456 00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:10,343 Mmm. 457 00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:11,344 Mmm. 458 00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:14,646 And the pasta is cooked just perfectly. 459 00:20:14,646 --> 00:20:15,679 Oh, yeah. 460 00:20:15,679 --> 00:20:18,115 It's firm, yet it yields to the bite. 461 00:20:18,115 --> 00:20:20,916 That's exactly the way it should be. 462 00:20:20,916 --> 00:20:22,551 Here, take a bite off the end of this. 463 00:20:22,551 --> 00:20:24,785 Oh, yeah, that's good. Here, try mine. 464 00:20:24,785 --> 00:20:26,987 Oh, yours? 465 00:20:26,987 --> 00:20:28,122 There you go. 466 00:20:28,122 --> 00:20:29,855 Oh, yours is good, too. 467 00:20:29,855 --> 00:20:32,557 Mmm! Oh, boy. 468 00:20:36,427 --> 00:20:37,428 Oh... 469 00:20:37,428 --> 00:20:39,162 What? 470 00:20:39,162 --> 00:20:42,797 Mmm. This garlic bread is magnificent. 471 00:20:42,797 --> 00:20:44,098 Yeah, I'll... 472 00:20:44,098 --> 00:20:46,199 Wait. Have some of mine. 473 00:20:46,199 --> 00:20:48,135 Ooh, hot, hot, hot! 474 00:20:48,135 --> 00:20:50,436 You don't even have to chew it. 475 00:20:50,436 --> 00:20:54,139 You set it in your mouth, and it melts. 476 00:20:54,139 --> 00:20:56,640 Boy, yeah. Good eats. Good eats. 477 00:20:57,873 --> 00:21:00,575 Oh, you have a little sauce 478 00:21:00,575 --> 00:21:01,943 right there in the... 479 00:21:01,943 --> 00:21:03,277 Here? 480 00:21:03,277 --> 00:21:05,279 Don't want to waste it. 481 00:21:05,279 --> 00:21:06,746 The other side there. 482 00:21:06,746 --> 00:21:07,747 Hmm? Hmm? 483 00:21:07,747 --> 00:21:10,049 Stop it! 484 00:21:10,049 --> 00:21:12,750 Stop it right now! I mean it, Heather! 485 00:21:12,750 --> 00:21:13,884 What? 486 00:21:13,884 --> 00:21:17,353 What? You know what. 487 00:21:17,353 --> 00:21:20,355 You know perfectly well what. 488 00:21:20,355 --> 00:21:22,757 You think I don't know what's going on here? 489 00:21:22,757 --> 00:21:24,758 Spaghetti, sauce, bread... 490 00:21:24,758 --> 00:21:26,159 Have you no shame? 491 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:31,163 Now what the hell's the matter with you? 492 00:21:31,163 --> 00:21:33,564 I know what that was all about. 493 00:21:33,564 --> 00:21:35,098 You think I don't know what noodles mean 494 00:21:35,098 --> 00:21:37,966 in sexual lingo? 495 00:21:37,966 --> 00:21:39,768 And sauce? 496 00:21:39,768 --> 00:21:41,269 I read my Freud. 497 00:21:42,303 --> 00:21:45,072 Diane, we were just enjoying the meal. 498 00:21:45,072 --> 00:21:46,372 Oh, don't give me that. 499 00:21:46,372 --> 00:21:47,706 That meal's inedible. 500 00:21:47,706 --> 00:21:49,507 You know something, 501 00:21:49,507 --> 00:21:52,376 you're doing the same thing I did this afternoon, 502 00:21:52,376 --> 00:21:54,610 and you called me nuts. 503 00:21:56,779 --> 00:21:58,746 No, Sam, it's all right. 504 00:21:58,746 --> 00:22:00,481 It's not surprising. 505 00:22:00,481 --> 00:22:03,383 It's just I'm a very sort of friendly and outgoing person. 506 00:22:03,383 --> 00:22:04,917 Sometimes people misinterpret it. 507 00:22:04,917 --> 00:22:07,886 I'm just very surprised it came from you, Diane. 508 00:22:07,886 --> 00:22:09,320 Yeah, me, too. 509 00:22:14,590 --> 00:22:15,891 Oh, Heather. 510 00:22:15,891 --> 00:22:17,392 What am I saying? 511 00:22:17,392 --> 00:22:20,060 I must really be paranoid, mustn't I? 512 00:22:21,295 --> 00:22:22,428 No. 513 00:22:22,428 --> 00:22:24,430 It's happened to me before. 514 00:22:24,430 --> 00:22:26,864 It's happened to everyone before. 515 00:22:26,864 --> 00:22:28,332 Heather... 516 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:31,301 I'm so sorry. 517 00:22:32,602 --> 00:22:34,703 She didn't mean it, Heather. 518 00:22:38,106 --> 00:22:41,608 How can you be eating now? 519 00:22:42,641 --> 00:22:45,543 I've eaten through worse than this. 520 00:22:49,813 --> 00:22:50,746 Well... 521 00:22:52,148 --> 00:22:53,149 Goodbye. 522 00:22:53,149 --> 00:22:54,416 Heather, where are you going? 523 00:22:54,416 --> 00:22:55,817 You're not leaving, are you? 524 00:22:55,817 --> 00:22:57,418 Well, paranoid or not, 525 00:22:57,418 --> 00:22:59,219 I'm obviously making Diane uncomfortable. 526 00:22:59,219 --> 00:23:01,521 Honestly, no! 527 00:23:05,623 --> 00:23:10,460 Our friendship is the most important friendship in my life, 528 00:23:10,460 --> 00:23:14,129 and I would never, never do anything 529 00:23:14,129 --> 00:23:16,263 to intentionally hurt it. 530 00:23:17,464 --> 00:23:19,398 Please forgive me and stay. 531 00:23:20,633 --> 00:23:22,567 Oh, of course. 532 00:23:22,567 --> 00:23:24,768 Couldn't throw away 20 years. 533 00:23:29,272 --> 00:23:31,240 Aw, that's beautiful. 534 00:23:32,174 --> 00:23:34,642 I just want to thank you 535 00:23:34,642 --> 00:23:37,844 for letting me be part of this. That was very sweet. 536 00:23:37,844 --> 00:23:39,010 Oh, Sam. 537 00:23:39,010 --> 00:23:40,312 You are so sweet. 538 00:23:40,312 --> 00:23:42,147 Aw, hey, well... 539 00:23:45,849 --> 00:23:46,883 Yeah. Hey.