1 00:00:02,615 --> 00:00:06,050 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:07,784 --> 00:00:09,052 Good afternoon, everybody. 3 00:00:09,086 --> 00:00:11,120 Norm! Norm! Norm! 4 00:00:11,153 --> 00:00:12,820 How does a beer sound, norm? 5 00:00:12,853 --> 00:00:13,887 I don't know, coach. 6 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:18,390 I usually finish them before they get a word in. 7 00:00:18,423 --> 00:00:20,224 Hey, uh, norm. Aren't you a little dressed up 8 00:00:20,257 --> 00:00:22,658 just to come here and suck on taps all night? 9 00:00:22,692 --> 00:00:24,193 Cliffie, if you must know, 10 00:00:24,226 --> 00:00:26,227 I have other plans for this evening. 11 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:26,727 I have a date. 12 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:27,695 Oooohhh! 13 00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:28,828 A date! Who is it? 14 00:00:28,861 --> 00:00:30,596 I don't know. It's a blind date. 15 00:00:30,629 --> 00:00:33,131 Uh, uh dangerous. Dangerous. 16 00:00:33,164 --> 00:00:34,365 Walking into a minefield there, boy. 17 00:00:34,399 --> 00:00:36,133 No. No. No. A friend of mine set us up. 18 00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:38,534 He assures me the woman's perfect for me. 19 00:00:38,567 --> 00:00:40,268 That's what they all say. 20 00:00:40,302 --> 00:00:42,503 Uh, let me guess... Said she had good table manners, 21 00:00:42,536 --> 00:00:45,337 great personality, and excellent posture, right? 22 00:00:45,370 --> 00:00:48,606 Sure, they always make it sound good. 23 00:00:48,639 --> 00:00:49,672 As a matter of fact, 24 00:00:49,706 --> 00:00:52,608 cliffie, he told me that she was easy on the eyes. 25 00:00:52,641 --> 00:00:54,142 You're a dead man, norm. 26 00:01:01,778 --> 00:01:07,482 ♪ Makin' your way in the world today takes everything you've got ♪ 27 00:01:07,516 --> 00:01:09,817 ♪ takin' a break from all your worries ♪ 28 00:01:09,850 --> 00:01:12,050 ♪ sure would help a lot 29 00:01:13,585 --> 00:01:19,322 ♪ wouldn't you like to get away ♪ 30 00:01:19,355 --> 00:01:21,289 ♪ sometimes you wanna go ♪ 31 00:01:21,323 --> 00:01:26,691 ♪ where everybody knows your name ♪ 32 00:01:26,725 --> 00:01:31,328 ♪ and they're always glad you came 33 00:01:31,361 --> 00:01:33,795 ♪ you wanna be where you can see 34 00:01:33,829 --> 00:01:36,597 ♪ our troubles are all the same ♪ 35 00:01:36,631 --> 00:01:41,799 ♪ you wanna be where everybody knows your name ♪ 36 00:01:41,833 --> 00:01:44,301 ♪ you wanna go where people know 37 00:01:44,335 --> 00:01:46,702 ♪ people are all the same ♪ 38 00:01:46,736 --> 00:01:47,869 ♪ you wanna go 39 00:01:47,902 --> 00:01:51,139 ♪ where everybody knows your name ♪ 40 00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:12,615 Whoa, whoa. 41 00:02:12,649 --> 00:02:13,650 Where do you want it? 42 00:02:13,683 --> 00:02:14,750 Want what? 43 00:02:14,783 --> 00:02:16,684 Wait. Whoa. Whoa. Wait a second. I didn't order that. 44 00:02:16,717 --> 00:02:18,253 Cheers, right? 45 00:02:18,286 --> 00:02:18,686 Yeah. 46 00:02:21,220 --> 00:02:23,421 Coach, did you buy this? 47 00:02:23,455 --> 00:02:25,489 No, not me, Sam. 48 00:02:25,522 --> 00:02:27,690 You got your name here on the invoice. 49 00:02:27,723 --> 00:02:29,524 It's got to be some kind of mistake. 50 00:02:29,558 --> 00:02:34,527 Why would I buy a crate? 51 00:02:34,561 --> 00:02:36,595 It's an antique scale, coach. 52 00:02:36,628 --> 00:02:38,463 Oh, yeah. I bought the scale, Sam. 53 00:02:38,496 --> 00:02:43,432 But gee, now that I look at it, I'm kind of disappointed. 54 00:02:43,466 --> 00:02:45,233 Mister, we're in a hurry. Can you sign it? 55 00:02:45,267 --> 00:02:48,268 Yeah. Yeah... Coach, why did you do this? 56 00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:50,135 I've told you a hundred times... 57 00:02:50,169 --> 00:02:53,137 Please, don't buy anything for the bar without checking with me first. 58 00:02:53,171 --> 00:02:55,372 Gee, I'm sorry, Sam. 59 00:02:55,405 --> 00:02:57,473 That salesman... I just couldn't resist him. 60 00:02:57,506 --> 00:02:59,574 I mean, he had a way about him. 61 00:02:59,607 --> 00:03:00,974 One of those fast talkers? 62 00:03:01,007 --> 00:03:05,843 No. No. No. No. Was a big tall skinny guy, you know, with a beard... 63 00:03:05,877 --> 00:03:07,911 Reminded me of somebody in history... 64 00:03:07,944 --> 00:03:09,345 A president... 65 00:03:09,379 --> 00:03:11,480 That guy who freed the slaves. 66 00:03:11,513 --> 00:03:12,547 Abraham Lincoln? 67 00:03:12,581 --> 00:03:16,383 That's it. Only this guy, he wasn't nice at all. 68 00:03:16,416 --> 00:03:19,317 As a matter of fact, he was kind of mean. 69 00:03:19,350 --> 00:03:20,718 He reminded me 70 00:03:20,751 --> 00:03:23,320 of that little guy in Germany with the mustache. 71 00:03:23,353 --> 00:03:24,853 World war ii. 72 00:03:24,887 --> 00:03:27,555 Adolf Hitler? 73 00:03:27,588 --> 00:03:30,623 Don't play trivia with this guy. 74 00:03:30,656 --> 00:03:32,457 Coach, you mean this guy was a cross 75 00:03:32,491 --> 00:03:34,325 between Abraham Lincoln and Hitler? 76 00:03:34,358 --> 00:03:35,626 Normie, I don't know. 77 00:03:35,659 --> 00:03:38,294 I just want to tell you, he was strange, normie. 78 00:03:38,327 --> 00:03:39,828 He was all dressed in black, 79 00:03:39,861 --> 00:03:42,429 and his eyes shined like coals. 80 00:03:42,462 --> 00:03:45,864 And he had this deep voice, and he said to me, 81 00:03:45,898 --> 00:03:49,633 "zis scale vill not only tell you your veight, 82 00:03:49,666 --> 00:03:52,502 but it will tell you your destiny!" 83 00:03:52,535 --> 00:03:53,335 He had an accent. 84 00:03:53,368 --> 00:03:54,469 No. 85 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:59,438 Then why did you say it like 86 00:03:59,471 --> 00:04:02,240 "your veight" and "your destiny?" 87 00:04:02,273 --> 00:04:03,673 Just a little color, Carla. 88 00:04:05,841 --> 00:04:08,543 Well, whatever. I'm calling this it. 89 00:04:08,576 --> 00:04:11,477 Oh, Sam. Isn't you curiosity peeked? 90 00:04:11,511 --> 00:04:13,246 I'd like to see what it looks like. 91 00:04:13,279 --> 00:04:14,701 Yeah. And that destiny thing must mean it's 92 00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,214 one of those scales that tells your fortunes. 93 00:04:16,247 --> 00:04:17,381 Oh, all right, go on. Open it. 94 00:04:17,415 --> 00:04:18,481 Oh, goody. 95 00:04:18,515 --> 00:04:20,449 But I'm still sending it back. 96 00:04:20,482 --> 00:04:23,584 Coach, give Norman a screwdriver please. 97 00:04:23,618 --> 00:04:25,552 Hey, whoa. Diane, I got a big date here. 98 00:04:25,585 --> 00:04:26,785 I don't want to get pits. 99 00:04:26,819 --> 00:04:29,254 Oh, come on, it won't be that hard. 100 00:04:34,789 --> 00:04:36,490 It's all right, norm. 101 00:04:36,524 --> 00:04:38,359 We'll stop you before your shoes get squishy. 102 00:04:43,428 --> 00:04:45,362 Well, now, let me give you an opening hint 103 00:04:45,395 --> 00:04:48,231 from a guy who's opened a lot of these rascals, here. 104 00:04:48,264 --> 00:04:51,365 If you smack this baby right about here, I think, normie. 105 00:04:51,398 --> 00:04:52,733 It'll open up like a big walnut. 106 00:04:52,766 --> 00:04:56,601 That's the epicenter of the fulcrum, as I remember. 107 00:04:56,635 --> 00:04:59,337 You better step back, here, Diane. This thing will sheer your kneecaps right off. 108 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:08,307 Cliffie! 109 00:05:08,341 --> 00:05:10,242 Cliff, are you all right? 110 00:05:10,275 --> 00:05:11,908 I can't find my shoes, Clyde. 111 00:05:11,942 --> 00:05:14,277 I think the dog got them. 112 00:05:14,310 --> 00:05:16,978 Come back here. Here we go. 113 00:05:17,011 --> 00:05:18,712 There you go. 114 00:05:18,746 --> 00:05:20,413 There you go. 115 00:05:20,447 --> 00:05:21,514 Let's get her out. 116 00:05:26,317 --> 00:05:27,384 Whoooo! 117 00:05:27,417 --> 00:05:29,818 Whoa! Ain't that nice? 118 00:05:29,852 --> 00:05:32,354 Sam, I like it. Can we keep it? Can we keep it? 119 00:05:32,387 --> 00:05:35,588 Well I'm afraid we're going to have to. 120 00:05:35,621 --> 00:05:38,490 The number's been disconnected and there's no new number. 121 00:05:38,523 --> 00:05:40,791 The guy's obviously a con man, coach. 122 00:05:40,824 --> 00:05:45,560 I knew it. I knew he was a conman the minute I laid eyes on him. 123 00:05:45,593 --> 00:05:48,376 Well, as a collector of antiques I think the 124 00:05:48,388 --> 00:05:51,563 scale might someday be worth what you paid for it. 125 00:05:51,596 --> 00:05:54,598 Or a fraction thereof. 126 00:05:54,631 --> 00:05:56,832 Sam, that salesman also said... 127 00:05:56,866 --> 00:06:00,634 He said, "zis scale is not being made anymore, 128 00:06:00,668 --> 00:06:03,570 and zis one was in a zeller for over 40 years." 129 00:06:05,003 --> 00:06:08,272 Coach, you shouldn't have bought it. 130 00:06:08,305 --> 00:06:11,474 Well, this has been fun, but I got to get going on my blind date. 131 00:06:11,507 --> 00:06:12,974 Normie. Normie. Listen. 132 00:06:13,007 --> 00:06:15,609 Get on the scale. Weigh yourself. See how you're gonna make out tonight. 133 00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:18,544 Oh, come on, it certainly doesn't have any fortunes left 134 00:06:18,578 --> 00:06:19,711 after all these years. 135 00:06:19,744 --> 00:06:21,912 [Coin jingles] 136 00:06:21,945 --> 00:06:24,314 [Bell rings] 137 00:06:24,347 --> 00:06:26,648 Do you ever get tired of being wrong? 138 00:06:26,682 --> 00:06:29,283 Says "your most troublesome problem will soon be solved." 139 00:06:29,316 --> 00:06:34,652 Hey, norm. Sounds like you're gonna get a trim on the old antlers tonight. 140 00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:37,653 Norm, what's your most troulbesome problem? 141 00:06:37,687 --> 00:06:39,921 Well, that's tough to say, coach. 142 00:06:39,954 --> 00:06:44,591 Let's see. I'm overweight, unemployed, 143 00:06:44,624 --> 00:06:48,726 separated, depressed, starting to drink too much. 144 00:06:48,759 --> 00:06:51,328 I guess my biggest problem is I've never been happier. 145 00:06:53,862 --> 00:06:55,563 Ok, I'm going next. 146 00:06:55,597 --> 00:06:57,531 No way. Men in uniform first, Carla. 147 00:06:57,564 --> 00:06:58,264 Get outta here. 148 00:06:58,298 --> 00:06:59,832 Sam, Sam, see? They love it! 149 00:06:59,865 --> 00:07:01,433 I mean, this thing's gonna be bigger than 150 00:07:01,466 --> 00:07:03,601 that amusement park in California. 151 00:07:03,634 --> 00:07:07,336 Uh, the one with the mouse and the duck... 152 00:07:07,369 --> 00:07:09,537 Disneyland. 153 00:07:09,570 --> 00:07:11,505 You're tough, Sam, but I'm gonna get you. 154 00:07:20,476 --> 00:07:21,443 [Bell rings] 155 00:07:21,476 --> 00:07:23,611 "Sanderson florists." 156 00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,812 What's the occasion there, Sam? 157 00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:27,546 It's for Diane. 158 00:07:27,579 --> 00:07:28,714 Did she die? 159 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:31,948 Of course not. 160 00:07:31,981 --> 00:07:33,517 Is she dying? 161 00:07:33,550 --> 00:07:34,917 Is she suffering in any way? 162 00:07:34,950 --> 00:07:37,519 Throw me a bone. 163 00:07:37,552 --> 00:07:39,486 No. She's just going to be mad 164 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,554 because I didn't take her to some stupid art show last night. 165 00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,955 Flowers is the only way to calm her down. 166 00:07:44,988 --> 00:07:46,623 Hi, Sanderson florist? 167 00:07:46,656 --> 00:07:48,257 Ah, there's my guy. 168 00:07:49,925 --> 00:07:52,259 Give me a big smoocharoo. 169 00:07:57,529 --> 00:07:58,929 You're not mad about last night? 170 00:07:58,962 --> 00:08:02,765 Oh, of course not. I just missed you so, you big lug. 171 00:08:05,666 --> 00:08:07,367 Keep up the good work. 172 00:08:08,968 --> 00:08:10,402 Afternoon, everybody. 173 00:08:10,436 --> 00:08:11,936 Hey norm! Norm! Norm! 174 00:08:11,969 --> 00:08:13,703 What's up, normie? 175 00:08:13,737 --> 00:08:15,538 The corners of my mouth, coach. 176 00:08:15,571 --> 00:08:18,906 Oh! Sounds like that blind date paid off, huh? 177 00:08:18,940 --> 00:08:23,376 Yeah, well, turns out my buddy played a little trick on me. 178 00:08:23,409 --> 00:08:25,644 Guess who the date turns out to be? 179 00:08:25,677 --> 00:08:27,511 My ex, Vera. 180 00:08:27,545 --> 00:08:28,811 Whoa! 181 00:08:28,845 --> 00:08:30,612 Are you ready for the punch line? 182 00:08:30,646 --> 00:08:31,780 We're back together again. 183 00:08:31,813 --> 00:08:34,581 Oh, Norman, that's wonderful. 184 00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:35,649 I feel so good about it, 185 00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,816 I'd like to set up the entire bar. 186 00:08:38,850 --> 00:08:40,951 But, since that's financially impossible, 187 00:08:40,984 --> 00:08:45,387 I'll just settle for buying my buddy cliff here, a drink. 188 00:08:45,420 --> 00:08:45,954 Oohh! Oohh! Oohh! 189 00:08:45,987 --> 00:08:47,087 Oh, thank you, norm. 190 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,722 Chivas on the rocks, coach. 191 00:08:48,756 --> 00:08:49,722 Mmm... mmm... mmm. 192 00:08:49,756 --> 00:08:51,590 What, 12-year-old scotch? 193 00:08:51,623 --> 00:08:54,392 I was thinkin' more a like a beer, you know. 194 00:08:54,425 --> 00:08:56,693 Oh, come on, norm, this is great news. 195 00:08:56,726 --> 00:08:58,026 You got Vera back. 196 00:08:58,060 --> 00:09:00,695 Yeah, Vera, not nastasia kinsky. 197 00:09:00,728 --> 00:09:01,695 Vera. 198 00:09:03,763 --> 00:09:04,964 Uh, beer, coach. 199 00:09:04,997 --> 00:09:08,832 Normie, normie. Tell me, what's it like to go out on a blind 200 00:09:08,866 --> 00:09:11,701 date, and then you find out it's your own wife? 201 00:09:11,734 --> 00:09:15,102 We were both kind of nervous at first. 202 00:09:15,135 --> 00:09:17,070 Then we split some clams casino, 203 00:09:17,103 --> 00:09:19,872 a little chateaubriand... 204 00:09:19,905 --> 00:09:23,574 A bottle of her favorite wine... Next thing you know 205 00:09:23,607 --> 00:09:25,741 we went back to what used to be our place, 206 00:09:25,775 --> 00:09:29,877 and, uh, we kind of made love. 207 00:09:29,910 --> 00:09:32,545 Wait. Wait. You can't kind of make love, norm. 208 00:09:32,579 --> 00:09:33,479 You don't know Vera. 209 00:09:36,980 --> 00:09:38,782 Oh, my god! 210 00:09:38,815 --> 00:09:39,915 What? What? 211 00:09:39,948 --> 00:09:42,116 It's happening! It's happening! 212 00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:44,985 Sam, she's losing what's left of her gray matter. 213 00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,752 And I don't mean your underwear, Carla. 214 00:09:49,020 --> 00:09:50,654 Come here. Come here. Come on. What's wrong? What's wrong? 215 00:09:50,688 --> 00:09:51,988 It's his fortune. 216 00:09:52,021 --> 00:09:55,023 The machine said that norm's worst problem was gonna be solved. 217 00:09:55,056 --> 00:09:56,424 And he's back with Vera! 218 00:09:56,457 --> 00:09:59,693 Carla, that was entirely fortuitous. 219 00:09:59,726 --> 00:10:01,660 You're absolutely right, Diane. 220 00:10:01,694 --> 00:10:05,696 My little card said that I'd be hearing from a distant loved 221 00:10:05,729 --> 00:10:08,363 one. Sure enough, not a half hour later, 222 00:10:08,397 --> 00:10:10,598 my daughter in Pennsylvania calls me. 223 00:10:10,631 --> 00:10:11,131 Ooohhhh! 224 00:10:11,164 --> 00:10:12,799 Ah, nah-nah-nah-nah. 225 00:10:12,832 --> 00:10:14,033 That doesn't count, coach. 226 00:10:14,066 --> 00:10:15,701 She always calls you. 227 00:10:15,734 --> 00:10:17,935 Yeah, Pennsylvania's not that distant there, coach. 228 00:10:17,968 --> 00:10:20,603 No. No. No, cliffie. She called me from California. 229 00:10:20,636 --> 00:10:21,970 She's on vacation there. 230 00:10:22,004 --> 00:10:23,671 Ooohhhh! 231 00:10:23,705 --> 00:10:26,540 It had nothing to do with your fortune, coach. 232 00:10:26,573 --> 00:10:28,107 And neither did what happened to Norman. 233 00:10:28,140 --> 00:10:29,073 Oh, yeah? 234 00:10:29,107 --> 00:10:30,809 Well, then, how about this? 235 00:10:30,842 --> 00:10:34,477 My fortune said "time waits for no one." 236 00:10:34,511 --> 00:10:36,912 So last night, I get home late, 237 00:10:36,945 --> 00:10:40,547 and my kids had started a grease fire cooking their own dinner. 238 00:10:40,580 --> 00:10:41,980 Now, explain that. 239 00:10:42,014 --> 00:10:42,848 Easy. 240 00:10:42,881 --> 00:10:43,715 You're an idiot. 241 00:10:46,483 --> 00:10:47,618 Carla: Look! 242 00:10:47,651 --> 00:10:49,118 There are things 243 00:10:49,151 --> 00:10:52,853 that you eggheads can't explain away in this world. 244 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:56,822 Listen, nothing and nobody controls what happens to us. 245 00:10:56,855 --> 00:11:00,124 Wait a minute, Sam, you had a lucky piece when you pitched out there huh? 246 00:11:00,157 --> 00:11:01,525 Yeah, well a lot of good it did me. 247 00:11:01,558 --> 00:11:06,827 Listen, cliff. The only battles I ever won in life, I won on my own. 248 00:11:06,860 --> 00:11:08,828 Sam, that was brilliantly put. 249 00:11:08,861 --> 00:11:12,397 Well actually, you said that to me just a few days ago. 250 00:11:12,431 --> 00:11:13,797 Yes, I know, but you remembered it 251 00:11:13,831 --> 00:11:15,498 and you used it in the proper context. 252 00:11:18,434 --> 00:11:21,801 Yeah. Yeah. They should carve his face on a mountain. 253 00:11:21,835 --> 00:11:24,470 Look, Sammy. You've been hanging around with Diane her for so long, 254 00:11:24,503 --> 00:11:27,604 you can't see the facts in front of your nose. 255 00:11:27,638 --> 00:11:30,506 This machine has powers. 256 00:11:32,574 --> 00:11:34,675 I guess I should get right on then 257 00:11:34,708 --> 00:11:36,909 and see what the future holds for miss Diane chambers. 258 00:11:36,943 --> 00:11:39,077 Don't joke about this. 259 00:11:39,110 --> 00:11:40,377 Pffpht pffpht pffpht! 260 00:11:42,011 --> 00:11:43,613 What on earth are you doing? 261 00:11:43,647 --> 00:11:45,481 I'm warding off the evil spirits. 262 00:11:45,514 --> 00:11:47,882 And if you weren't so stupid, you'd be doing the same thing. 263 00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:49,483 Pffpht pffpht pffpht! 264 00:11:49,516 --> 00:11:50,382 Preposterous. 265 00:11:54,818 --> 00:11:55,886 [Bell rings] 266 00:11:57,787 --> 00:11:59,888 What's the card say, Diane? 267 00:11:59,921 --> 00:12:01,956 What difference does it make? It's a joke. 268 00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:07,058 "Deception in romance proves costly." 269 00:12:07,091 --> 00:12:11,027 There, see? Now you all know how Diane feels about honesty. 270 00:12:11,061 --> 00:12:12,862 Yeah, she likes it. 271 00:12:12,895 --> 00:12:15,029 Yeah. Yeah. Honest as the day is long. 272 00:12:15,063 --> 00:12:16,664 Absolutely. 273 00:12:16,697 --> 00:12:19,131 Now can we all go back to work, please? 274 00:12:19,165 --> 00:12:20,098 Good idea. 275 00:12:31,204 --> 00:12:31,938 Pffpht pffpht pffpht! 276 00:12:48,146 --> 00:12:49,647 [Bell rings] 277 00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:50,947 Pfffpht pffpht pffpht! 278 00:12:50,981 --> 00:12:56,518 Ooowww! Ooww! Ooww! 279 00:12:59,719 --> 00:13:01,787 Cliffie! 280 00:13:01,820 --> 00:13:04,622 Cliffie, you all right? 281 00:13:04,655 --> 00:13:08,491 Uh, that's $20 postage due, sir. 282 00:13:08,524 --> 00:13:10,191 And, uh, how are we today? 283 00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:12,626 Cliff, you're at cheers. 284 00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,960 Cheers. Yes, sir. I know where that is. 285 00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:16,628 Wait. Yo, cliff, cliff! 286 00:13:16,661 --> 00:13:18,128 Oh, normie! 287 00:13:18,161 --> 00:13:20,129 Yeah. You all right? 288 00:13:20,162 --> 00:13:26,600 Yeah. Oh! Yeah, I think I just bruised my knee. 289 00:13:26,633 --> 00:13:29,201 I hope I'll be able to do my postal route tomorrow. 290 00:13:29,234 --> 00:13:31,469 You want to get an X-ray or something? 291 00:13:31,503 --> 00:13:35,137 No. I'll just check it out here. 292 00:13:35,170 --> 00:13:36,971 Let's see... 293 00:13:37,005 --> 00:13:40,073 Grrrr, ggggrrrr! 294 00:13:40,107 --> 00:13:41,173 Yeah, I'm fine. 295 00:13:45,710 --> 00:13:48,978 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Cliff. 296 00:13:49,012 --> 00:13:51,146 You got a fortune from that machine yesterday, right? 297 00:13:51,179 --> 00:13:52,480 What was it? 298 00:13:52,514 --> 00:13:55,581 Uh, what was it? 299 00:13:55,615 --> 00:13:57,616 Cliff, did it say anything about slipping, 300 00:13:57,649 --> 00:13:59,183 falling down stairs or anything like that? 301 00:13:59,217 --> 00:14:01,118 I remember... It was, uh, "talk to bigwigs." 302 00:14:01,151 --> 00:14:02,619 Oohhh! 303 00:14:02,652 --> 00:14:03,985 What oohhh? 304 00:14:04,019 --> 00:14:06,687 I don't know... Yet. 305 00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,021 But there must be a connection. 306 00:14:11,156 --> 00:14:13,925 I don't think your in the ballpark on this one, Carla. 307 00:14:13,958 --> 00:14:15,091 Oh, wait. Wait! I got it! 308 00:14:15,125 --> 00:14:16,759 Bigwig, right? 309 00:14:16,792 --> 00:14:19,861 Who is the biggest bigwig of them all? 310 00:14:19,894 --> 00:14:20,594 Sinatra! 311 00:14:30,199 --> 00:14:32,234 No. Even bigger. 312 00:14:32,267 --> 00:14:33,167 Ronald Reagan. 313 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,836 No. No. No. Bigger. Bigger. 314 00:14:34,869 --> 00:14:36,837 Sinatra! 315 00:14:43,806 --> 00:14:47,908 I don't know. If you ask me who really runs this country, 316 00:14:47,942 --> 00:14:51,877 I think it's the big oil companies... Like uh, who run's texaco? 317 00:14:51,910 --> 00:14:58,981 Well at my station it's, uh, Dave and his son herbie. 318 00:14:59,014 --> 00:15:01,916 Mahmood does the windows. 319 00:15:01,950 --> 00:15:05,484 Yeah, well you can't get much bigger than herbie, Dave and mahmood, huh? 320 00:15:07,686 --> 00:15:13,155 I am talking about god. God is the biggest wig of them all. 321 00:15:13,188 --> 00:15:16,190 Cliff, did you pray 322 00:15:16,223 --> 00:15:18,659 before you left the house this morning? 323 00:15:18,692 --> 00:15:20,526 No. 324 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:21,993 There you go. 325 00:15:22,026 --> 00:15:23,561 If you had prayed, 326 00:15:23,594 --> 00:15:25,528 none of this would've happened. 327 00:15:29,030 --> 00:15:30,765 Oh, come on. 328 00:15:30,798 --> 00:15:32,966 If you guys are going to stretch things this far, 329 00:15:32,999 --> 00:15:35,733 then you could make anything out of those fortunes. 330 00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:38,034 Hey, I hope there's nothing to this because mine was bad. 331 00:15:38,068 --> 00:15:40,202 What was it? 332 00:15:40,235 --> 00:15:42,704 It said, "your valuables are in jeopardy", or something like that. 333 00:15:42,737 --> 00:15:43,772 I'll show it to you. It's in my wallet. 334 00:15:46,338 --> 00:15:47,540 Somebody lifted my wallet. 335 00:15:47,574 --> 00:15:50,041 Aah! 336 00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:52,275 Carla, will you please take it easy? 337 00:15:52,308 --> 00:15:54,077 He'll owe you the tip. 338 00:15:56,844 --> 00:16:01,647 [Hum theme from twilight zone] 339 00:16:01,681 --> 00:16:04,182 Well, uh, how do you explain that, there, Sammy? 340 00:16:04,215 --> 00:16:06,584 I found it. Here it is. 341 00:16:06,617 --> 00:16:08,050 What do you say about that now, Carla. 342 00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:11,786 It makes no difference. 343 00:16:11,819 --> 00:16:13,753 The machine's been right up until now. 344 00:16:13,787 --> 00:16:17,989 I say it's evil, evil, evil! 345 00:16:18,022 --> 00:16:19,590 It heard me. 346 00:16:19,623 --> 00:16:21,724 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, scale. 347 00:16:21,757 --> 00:16:22,191 I'm sorry! 348 00:16:22,224 --> 00:16:23,592 I'm sorry. 349 00:16:23,625 --> 00:16:25,893 Carla. Carla. Get up off the ground. Stop it! 350 00:16:25,926 --> 00:16:27,260 Everybody is looking at you, come on, Carla. 351 00:16:27,294 --> 00:16:30,128 Pffpht pffpht pffpht! 352 00:16:30,161 --> 00:16:32,162 Listen, I don't want to hear any more about this. 353 00:16:32,196 --> 00:16:34,764 This scale is not magic. 354 00:16:34,798 --> 00:16:36,298 You can't take it seriously. 355 00:16:36,331 --> 00:16:39,133 And I'll tell you something, it's a sad world we live in 356 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:41,702 when Sam Malone becomes the voice of reason. 357 00:16:41,735 --> 00:16:43,068 Right! Right! 358 00:16:45,904 --> 00:16:48,205 What am I talking for? Come here... Diane's the one who talks good. 359 00:16:48,238 --> 00:16:49,338 Come on. Come on. Tell'em. 360 00:16:49,371 --> 00:16:52,040 Tell them how dumb they're being. Come on sweetheart. 361 00:16:52,073 --> 00:16:54,809 You're being dumb. 362 00:16:59,877 --> 00:17:01,612 Had enough, huh? 363 00:17:13,851 --> 00:17:17,986 Well, I guess I better get one more, 364 00:17:18,020 --> 00:17:19,321 just to make sure it's safe to go home. 365 00:17:27,926 --> 00:17:30,160 [Bell rings] 366 00:17:30,193 --> 00:17:31,193 I can't look. 367 00:17:31,227 --> 00:17:32,328 Sam, would read it for me? 368 00:17:35,195 --> 00:17:37,964 But don't read it if it's terrible! 369 00:17:37,997 --> 00:17:40,032 No, this is ok. 370 00:17:40,065 --> 00:17:41,966 "You will grow lips on your forehead." 371 00:17:45,067 --> 00:17:46,802 Very funny, very funny. 372 00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:53,739 Ah, it's ok... Well, see you tomorrow. 373 00:17:53,772 --> 00:17:54,606 Goodnight, Carla. 374 00:17:56,641 --> 00:17:58,207 Keep it up! Keep it up! You'll pay. 375 00:17:58,241 --> 00:18:01,743 Safe trip home. Bye-bye. 376 00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:02,376 Good night, Sam. 377 00:18:02,409 --> 00:18:03,810 Good night, coach. 378 00:18:10,247 --> 00:18:11,749 What are you doing? 379 00:18:11,782 --> 00:18:13,783 I just want to see if I gained any weight, lately. 380 00:18:13,816 --> 00:18:15,617 You didn't. Now get off of there. 381 00:18:15,651 --> 00:18:18,752 What's wrong? You know, you've been acting strange all day. 382 00:18:18,785 --> 00:18:20,686 I've been acting fine. Come on, now, let's go home. 383 00:18:20,719 --> 00:18:22,154 Well, let me just get my weight first. 384 00:18:22,187 --> 00:18:24,288 Sam don't! 385 00:18:24,321 --> 00:18:26,322 Will you please tell me what's going on. 386 00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:29,824 You're coming unglued, here. 387 00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:31,358 Ohh. 388 00:18:31,391 --> 00:18:34,260 I feel like I'm losing my mind. 389 00:18:34,293 --> 00:18:37,127 That scale has me spooked. 390 00:18:37,161 --> 00:18:39,696 You're kidding me. You're the last person 391 00:18:39,729 --> 00:18:43,765 I expect to fall for that voodoo stuff. 392 00:18:43,798 --> 00:18:46,767 Do you remember that fortune I got today? 393 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:47,733 No. 394 00:18:50,802 --> 00:18:54,771 "Deception in romance proves costly." 395 00:18:54,804 --> 00:18:55,738 So? 396 00:18:56,905 --> 00:18:58,973 I took another man to that show last night. 397 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,809 You mean, like a guy? 398 00:19:07,077 --> 00:19:09,044 At least pay attention. 399 00:19:10,845 --> 00:19:14,714 He's a classmate of mine, a male classmate. 400 00:19:14,747 --> 00:19:18,849 Well, so you took some pimply, bookface, wimp from school. Big deal. 401 00:19:18,883 --> 00:19:24,987 His complexion is almost as clear as mine and we had a wonderful time. 402 00:19:25,020 --> 00:19:26,253 At the performance? 403 00:19:28,154 --> 00:19:29,254 Yes. 404 00:19:32,190 --> 00:19:34,858 Well, of course, he took me home. 405 00:19:34,892 --> 00:19:35,692 Uh-huh. 406 00:19:36,726 --> 00:19:38,226 And? 407 00:19:38,259 --> 00:19:39,094 I invited him in. 408 00:19:39,127 --> 00:19:44,162 We had coffee. He left. That was it. 409 00:19:44,196 --> 00:19:45,764 Instant coffee or, uh... 410 00:19:47,231 --> 00:19:49,199 Did you grind the beans? 411 00:19:51,901 --> 00:19:54,902 It wasn't the same as it is with you. I didn't grind them fine. 412 00:19:57,804 --> 00:20:01,238 You did grind the beans, huh? 413 00:20:01,271 --> 00:20:05,207 All we did was talk. 414 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:07,008 You didn't kiss him? 415 00:20:07,041 --> 00:20:10,777 Oh. I kissed him good night, but it was nothing. 416 00:20:10,811 --> 00:20:12,377 It was barely on the lips, wayward to the side 417 00:20:12,411 --> 00:20:14,345 up by the cheek. Very dry. 418 00:20:22,316 --> 00:20:24,784 I have to be honest. 419 00:20:24,818 --> 00:20:29,153 It was so good to talk to someone. 420 00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:30,787 I miss talking about the things 421 00:20:30,821 --> 00:20:32,021 I can't talk about with you. 422 00:20:35,023 --> 00:20:36,356 I didn't want to tell you because 423 00:20:36,389 --> 00:20:38,390 I knew you'd be angry. 424 00:20:38,424 --> 00:20:39,859 I'm not angry. 425 00:20:39,892 --> 00:20:41,693 Oh. Of course you're angry. 426 00:20:41,727 --> 00:20:43,794 No, I'm not. 427 00:20:43,828 --> 00:20:46,162 As a matter of fact, I'm, uh... 428 00:20:46,195 --> 00:20:48,130 I'm kind of grateful. 429 00:20:48,163 --> 00:20:51,164 I think I see our relationship in a new light, here. 430 00:20:51,197 --> 00:20:55,967 The truth is, I don't fulfill all your needs, 431 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,802 and you don't fulfill all of mine, 432 00:20:58,836 --> 00:21:01,669 so maybe we should call it quits. 433 00:21:03,403 --> 00:21:05,739 What are you doing? 434 00:21:05,772 --> 00:21:09,174 I have one innocent evening with a guy, 435 00:21:09,207 --> 00:21:12,075 I come to you to make a clean breast of it, 436 00:21:12,108 --> 00:21:13,675 and this is the reaction I get? 437 00:21:14,777 --> 00:21:15,977 You're even less understanding 438 00:21:16,010 --> 00:21:18,011 than I feared you'd be. 439 00:21:18,045 --> 00:21:20,346 Ok, fine. That does it. I want out of this. 440 00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:23,882 Out of what? I already broke it off. 441 00:21:23,915 --> 00:21:29,017 No, no, you said maybe we should call it quits. 442 00:21:29,051 --> 00:21:31,719 I'm saying it's definitely over. 443 00:21:31,753 --> 00:21:33,887 Hey, I don't care what I said. 444 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:35,988 In my mind, it was definite. 445 00:21:36,021 --> 00:21:38,122 That ship has sailed, baby. 446 00:21:38,156 --> 00:21:39,056 Our relationship is through. 447 00:21:42,158 --> 00:21:44,925 No, no. We're not through 448 00:21:44,959 --> 00:21:47,460 unless I say we're through. 449 00:21:49,494 --> 00:21:50,763 We're through. 450 00:21:52,029 --> 00:21:54,364 Now we're through. 451 00:21:54,397 --> 00:21:55,898 I'm not gonna have an argument 452 00:21:55,931 --> 00:21:58,466 about who broke up with who first 453 00:21:58,499 --> 00:22:01,134 with somebody I broke up with first. 454 00:22:01,168 --> 00:22:04,803 As a matter of fact, I'm not even going to acknowledge your presence. 455 00:22:04,836 --> 00:22:06,403 Is anybody here? 456 00:22:06,436 --> 00:22:07,904 Somebody I used to go with? 457 00:22:07,937 --> 00:22:10,839 Oh, no, it's just Diane. Silly me. 458 00:22:15,075 --> 00:22:16,742 Don't do this. 459 00:22:16,776 --> 00:22:18,877 Too late, sweetheart. It's already done. 460 00:22:21,178 --> 00:22:23,145 Sam, please. 461 00:22:23,179 --> 00:22:26,114 Please don't joke about this. 462 00:22:26,147 --> 00:22:26,881 I'm scared. 463 00:22:30,116 --> 00:22:32,050 We can't break up 464 00:22:32,084 --> 00:22:34,118 because a pile of metal Springs 465 00:22:34,151 --> 00:22:35,385 said we were going to. 466 00:22:37,820 --> 00:22:39,187 There's too much at stake here. 467 00:22:44,857 --> 00:22:46,357 I'm sorry. 468 00:22:48,392 --> 00:22:51,094 Forgive me. 469 00:22:51,127 --> 00:22:53,495 Tell me you didn't break up with me. 470 00:22:53,528 --> 00:22:55,896 Of course I didn't break up with you. 471 00:22:55,929 --> 00:22:56,496 Then I'm first. 472 00:22:59,164 --> 00:23:01,365 You are history. 473 00:23:01,399 --> 00:23:03,901 Wait. Hey, that was a rotten... 474 00:23:03,934 --> 00:23:06,102 Now, I know why I broke up with you 475 00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:09,069 a long time ago... Long, long before you broke up with me. 476 00:23:11,470 --> 00:23:12,371 Who was talking then? 477 00:23:12,404 --> 00:23:14,072 Oh, oh, oh. 478 00:23:14,106 --> 00:23:16,973 Oh, it's just my employer. 479 00:23:20,142 --> 00:23:21,342 [Bell rings] 480 00:23:27,879 --> 00:23:31,414 Sam, we got a fortune. 481 00:23:31,447 --> 00:23:34,082 So? 482 00:23:34,116 --> 00:23:35,416 Aren't you going to read it? 483 00:23:35,449 --> 00:23:36,517 No. What's the point? 484 00:23:39,352 --> 00:23:44,254 Sam, our destiny may be in that card. 485 00:23:44,287 --> 00:23:45,522 I know it. I can feel it. 486 00:23:47,556 --> 00:23:49,090 You're crackers, you know that? 487 00:23:51,258 --> 00:23:51,959 Then read it. 488 00:23:56,293 --> 00:23:56,994 Ok, fine. 489 00:24:01,530 --> 00:24:04,432 Are you sure we should do this? 490 00:24:04,465 --> 00:24:08,267 We've got to... Might be no other way. 491 00:24:08,300 --> 00:24:09,534 All right, ok. 492 00:24:12,502 --> 00:24:15,938 "Machine empty. Order more fortunes today."