1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:06,257 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:08,559 --> 00:00:09,560 Hey, Mr. Clavin's back. 3 00:00:10,061 --> 00:00:11,061 Whatta you say, Woody? 4 00:00:11,062 --> 00:00:12,562 How was your trip to Expo? 5 00:00:12,563 --> 00:00:14,064 Oh, a once-in-a-lifetime experience. 6 00:00:14,065 --> 00:00:15,065 I tell ya. 7 00:00:15,066 --> 00:00:16,566 You know, no ears have heard, 8 00:00:16,567 --> 00:00:18,568 no eyes have seen the wonders I've experienced 9 00:00:18,569 --> 00:00:20,070 these past two weeks in Canada. 10 00:00:20,071 --> 00:00:23,073 If I died right now, I'd be a happy person. 11 00:00:23,074 --> 00:00:25,575 You wouldn't be the only one. 12 00:00:25,576 --> 00:00:28,078 Hey, uh, Normie, you should have seen 13 00:00:28,079 --> 00:00:30,580 this 3-D movie they had about life in Vancouver. 14 00:00:30,581 --> 00:00:32,082 You know, with those glasses on, 15 00:00:32,083 --> 00:00:33,950 you felt like you were really there. 16 00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:37,287 You were there, Cliff. 17 00:00:37,288 --> 00:00:38,288 I've been readin' up on Expo. 18 00:00:38,289 --> 00:00:39,789 Did you catch that bullet train they got there? 19 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,291 No, I guess I missed that one. 20 00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:43,793 Did you see the Great Hall of Ramses? 21 00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:47,797 Uh, no, no, I guess that slid right by me... yeah. 22 00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:49,299 Uh, how about the U.S. space exhibit? 23 00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:52,686 No. 24 00:00:52,687 --> 00:00:54,187 Chinese acrobats? 25 00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:55,188 Uh-uh. 26 00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:58,441 Hey, Cliff! How was Expo? 27 00:00:58,442 --> 00:01:01,278 A major disappointment, Sam. 28 00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:10,203 ? Making your way in the world today? 29 00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:13,206 ? Takes everything you've got? 30 00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:16,209 ? Taking a break from all your worries? 31 00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:19,713 ? Sure would help a lot? 32 00:01:19,714 --> 00:01:24,584 ? Wouldn't you like to get away?? 33 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:27,420 ? Sometimes you want to go? 34 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:32,926 ? Where everybody knows your name? 35 00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:37,430 ? And they're always glad you came? 36 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,933 ? You want to be where you can see? 37 00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:42,435 ? Our troubles are all the same? 38 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:47,941 ? You want to be where everybody knows your name? 39 00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:50,443 ? You want to go where people know? 40 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,946 ? People are all the same? 41 00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:56,951 ? You want to go where everybody knows your name.? 42 00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:18,188 Sam, Yeah. 43 00:02:18,189 --> 00:02:20,189 I need a Dewar's rocks and a Grand Marnier, please. 44 00:02:20,191 --> 00:02:21,191 Comin' up. 45 00:02:21,192 --> 00:02:22,192 Did you have a chance 46 00:02:22,193 --> 00:02:23,693 to look at the catalog I left for you? 47 00:02:23,694 --> 00:02:24,695 What catalog? 48 00:02:25,196 --> 00:02:27,447 This catalog with the silverware patterns. 49 00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:29,732 To go with our china and fine crystal. 50 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,234 Sam, we have to make a decision, 51 00:02:31,235 --> 00:02:33,236 if we're going to be registered. 52 00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:34,237 Some people in the bar 53 00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:36,122 are starting to ask about gifts. 54 00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:38,541 Who? What people? Where? 55 00:02:38,542 --> 00:02:40,043 Aw, Norm. 56 00:02:40,044 --> 00:02:43,297 I just asked if ya had to give one, all right? 57 00:02:45,583 --> 00:02:49,002 Anyway, Sam, should we have a big wedding? 58 00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:50,003 No, no, 59 00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:53,389 I think we should have a military one. 60 00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:55,676 All 21 guns aimed at the bride. 61 00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:01,981 Hey, Fitz. Still Irish? 62 00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,233 As Paddy's pig. 63 00:03:03,234 --> 00:03:04,184 All right. 64 00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:06,069 Make it the usual, Sam. 65 00:03:06,070 --> 00:03:07,905 Uh, drinks for everybody. 66 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,408 So, uh, who's the geezer? 67 00:03:12,409 --> 00:03:13,693 That's Mr. Fitzgerald. 68 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,696 He's come in every day for the past two weeks 69 00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:17,697 and bought drinks for everybody. 70 00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:18,581 Yeah? 71 00:03:18,582 --> 00:03:20,083 Gee, he's a heck of a guy. 72 00:03:20,084 --> 00:03:21,584 You know, I think, in many ways, 73 00:03:21,585 --> 00:03:23,586 Mr. Fitzgerald and I are alike. 74 00:03:23,587 --> 00:03:27,090 We both come here seeking warmth and camaraderie. 75 00:03:27,091 --> 00:03:28,591 A safe haven from the outside world. 76 00:03:28,592 --> 00:03:30,593 You know, a place where you can always feel welcome. 77 00:03:30,594 --> 00:03:33,096 Excuse me, pal, you're on my stool. 78 00:03:33,097 --> 00:03:35,098 Oh, I'm sorry. 79 00:03:35,099 --> 00:03:36,100 I didn't realize. 80 00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:41,804 Eh, look at him, huh? 81 00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,640 Mr. Big Shot over there. 82 00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:45,893 What does he think he is, a "bon vivone" or something? 83 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:49,395 He's about the richest guy you'll ever meet, Cliff. 84 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:50,396 Why don't we join him? 85 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,649 Hey, Fitzie, 86 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:54,951 thanks for that $20 tip last night. 87 00:03:54,952 --> 00:03:57,955 But I don't want ya gettin' the wrong idea about me. 88 00:03:58,455 --> 00:04:01,457 Carla, I know that your favors are not for sale. 89 00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:05,379 See? That's what I mean about the wrong idea. 90 00:04:06,881 --> 00:04:09,382 Eh, howdy. Cliff Clavin. 91 00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:12,385 Duncan Fitzgerald. Nice to meet you. 92 00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:14,387 Yeah, so, uh, you, uh, you live in the neighborhood? 93 00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:15,889 Well, I just moved here. 94 00:04:15,890 --> 00:04:17,891 I was originally from Michigan. 95 00:04:17,892 --> 00:04:19,392 The, uh, Wolverine State, huh? 96 00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:22,395 Interesting, interesting. 97 00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,398 So, I hear you're stinkin' rich. 98 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,901 Real smooth, Cliff. Very smooth. 99 00:04:27,902 --> 00:04:32,405 Uh, Fitz is actually kind of a minor celebrity, I guess. 100 00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:33,406 He invented a little something 101 00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:34,908 we call the, uh, the refill, right? 102 00:04:34,909 --> 00:04:36,359 Is that right? No, no, no, no. 103 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,361 It wasn't the refill. It was... 104 00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:40,863 The metal vapor input valve. 105 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:43,366 It's, uh, used on most, uh, commercial 106 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,368 and military jet engines. 107 00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:46,369 Oh, yeah. 108 00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,871 I never step on a plane without lookin' right out 109 00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:50,873 on that wing and see if there's one out there. 110 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:53,376 Actually, it's located in the tail. 111 00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:54,377 Uh, well, yeah, yeah. 112 00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:56,379 It's, uh, 'cause if ya saw it on the wing, 113 00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,882 then you'd know you were in a lot of trouble, huh? 114 00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:02,885 As long as we're talkin' business here, 115 00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:03,886 who, uh, who does your books, sir? 116 00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:04,887 McCann and Williams. 117 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,139 McCann and Williams. 118 00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:06,940 Uh, can I talk to you about that 119 00:05:06,941 --> 00:05:07,941 over a game of darts? 120 00:05:07,942 --> 00:05:09,192 Sure. 121 00:05:09,193 --> 00:05:11,527 I think I could do better than those guys. 122 00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:13,030 What do you like best about them? 123 00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:15,532 Well, I must say I like their aggressiveness. 124 00:05:16,933 --> 00:05:18,534 Sir, I think I can be just as aggressive. 125 00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:19,535 I doubt that. 126 00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:21,038 Yeah, you're probably right. 127 00:05:24,041 --> 00:05:26,409 He's a great guy. 128 00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,711 Yeah, it's too bad that we seem to be his only family. 129 00:05:28,712 --> 00:05:29,579 No wife? 130 00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:30,546 He's a widower. 131 00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:31,914 Boy, I'm tellin' you, 132 00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:33,249 with all the millions he's got, 133 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,250 if I was an old bat, 134 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:35,752 I'd snatch him up in a minute. 135 00:05:35,753 --> 00:05:37,887 Ma. 136 00:05:37,888 --> 00:05:39,339 What's that, Cliff? 137 00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:42,308 Huh? Oh, uh, well, you know, my ma's been dyin' 138 00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:46,312 to come down here for, uh, years to meet all the guys at the bar. 139 00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:49,565 Hey! Tonight's a good a night as any, huh? 140 00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:51,352 I wish I'd thought of that. 141 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,853 I'd try to get my mother down here first, 142 00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:56,357 but it takes a forklift to get her off the couch. 143 00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:03,946 Hey, Clavin, 144 00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,915 Fitz really wants to leave. 145 00:06:05,916 --> 00:06:07,417 Yeah, yeah, she's comin' now. 146 00:06:07,418 --> 00:06:08,785 Just hang on a minute. 147 00:06:08,786 --> 00:06:10,120 Hold him there. 148 00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,122 Hi, there. 149 00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,007 Ma, 150 00:06:14,008 --> 00:06:15,958 what took you so long to get down here? 151 00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:19,462 Well, I wanted to look my best for your friends. 152 00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:21,714 And this is two hours' worth? 153 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,016 Uh, 154 00:06:23,017 --> 00:06:24,517 Ma, 155 00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:26,886 this is Cheers. 156 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,388 Yeah, this is the odor 157 00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:30,390 I'm always washing out of your shirts. 158 00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:32,275 Well, come on in, Ma. 159 00:06:32,276 --> 00:06:34,143 I, I want to introduce you 160 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:37,030 to the finest, greatest bunch of pals a guy could have 161 00:06:37,031 --> 00:06:40,033 anywhere on the Earth. I'm tellin' ya. 162 00:06:40,034 --> 00:06:42,036 Everybody, this is Ma. Ma, this everybody. 163 00:06:43,335 --> 00:06:45,455 Ma, you just stand right there for a few seconds, huh? 164 00:06:45,456 --> 00:06:47,323 I'll be right back. 165 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:49,125 So I guess Mr. Clavin's told you a lot about us, huh? 166 00:06:49,126 --> 00:06:51,544 No, actually, Clifford doesn't talk much 167 00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:53,046 around the house. 168 00:06:53,047 --> 00:06:54,330 That Cliff? 169 00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:55,798 That's right. 170 00:06:55,799 --> 00:06:57,550 Some days, not a peep. 171 00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,252 Of course, the same thing occurs 172 00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:01,054 in nature, too. 173 00:07:01,055 --> 00:07:04,424 It's a little-known fact that arctic wolves 174 00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:06,726 that remained in the den too long 175 00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:09,729 exhibited a tendency to be reticent 176 00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:10,596 in their howling. 177 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,098 Ah. 178 00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,099 Now, when I read that... 179 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,100 Hey, Ma, Ma, Ma, come on. 180 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,603 You're boring the pants off these people here. 181 00:07:17,988 --> 00:07:18,988 Well, look who's here. 182 00:07:18,989 --> 00:07:20,356 Ma, I'd like you to meet 183 00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:23,192 a dear, dear, old, very close friend of mine. 184 00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,695 Mr. Fitzgerald, this is my ma, Esther Clavin. 185 00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:26,946 Nice to meet you. 186 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,449 Duncan here's originally from Michigan, Ma. 187 00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:30,333 Oh. 188 00:07:30,334 --> 00:07:31,117 Have a seat. 189 00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,118 Yeah, my ma's been 190 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,086 to your home state. 191 00:07:33,087 --> 00:07:34,087 Oh, really? 192 00:07:34,088 --> 00:07:37,090 No, I've been to Maine and Montana, 193 00:07:37,091 --> 00:07:38,592 but not Michigan. 194 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:40,714 Isn't that fascinating, huh? 195 00:07:41,095 --> 00:07:43,097 Perhaps, if you live in a cave. 196 00:07:45,099 --> 00:07:46,600 Isn't she a firecracker? 197 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,891 Uh, say, Mrs. Clavin, uh, did you know 198 00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:59,896 that Fitz over there invented a technical gizmo on jet airplanes? 199 00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:00,863 Oh, really? 200 00:08:00,864 --> 00:08:02,865 Yeah, yeah, what a coincidence, huh, Ma? 201 00:08:02,866 --> 00:08:05,368 You've, uh, you've ridden in jet planes before, 202 00:08:05,369 --> 00:08:06,369 haven't you? 203 00:08:06,370 --> 00:08:09,873 No, I walked to Montana. 204 00:08:11,375 --> 00:08:13,377 Normie, I'm sinkin' fast. 205 00:08:15,379 --> 00:08:16,879 Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, 206 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,881 but didn't you two share a war together? 207 00:08:18,882 --> 00:08:20,884 Hey, yeah. 208 00:08:22,719 --> 00:08:23,669 That's, that's right. 209 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,672 Uh, Ma, where were you during the big one? 210 00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:29,058 Clifford, you know I was in New York. 211 00:08:29,059 --> 00:08:31,427 I worked at the USO on 42nd Street. 212 00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,930 I was in charge of table games. 213 00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:36,315 Universal checker championships, 214 00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:39,068 Tuesdays and Thursdays at 9:00 p.m. 215 00:08:39,069 --> 00:08:40,853 Oh, my goodness! 216 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,104 Ladies red, 217 00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:43,573 gentlemen black. Right. 218 00:08:43,574 --> 00:08:44,524 Your host... 219 00:08:44,525 --> 00:08:46,026 Bobby Holloway. 220 00:08:46,910 --> 00:08:48,411 That's right! That's right. 221 00:08:48,412 --> 00:08:50,913 Bobby Holloway. 222 00:08:50,914 --> 00:08:52,281 Oh, Bobby Holloway. 223 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,333 Oh, Bobby Holloway. 224 00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,170 Isn't this beautiful, huh? 225 00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:59,288 Hey, why don't you two finish up your reminiscing 226 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,673 over some nice baked sea bass, huh? 227 00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:03,042 That's the, uh, special up there at Melville's. 228 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,043 Well, I could use a bite. 229 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:08,047 Well, I guess I'm feeling kind of peckish, too. 230 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:11,051 Great. Hey, and listen, it's my treat. 231 00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:15,054 Now, I absolutely, positively, insist... dinner is on me. 232 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,056 Oh, I can take care of it, Cliff. 233 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,058 You got it! 234 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:22,562 Oh, what lovely buttons. 235 00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:26,065 Did you know that buttons on a man's jacket sleeve 236 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,067 have absolutely no purpose? 237 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:31,070 They originated on the uniforms of Napoleon's army 238 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,572 when he discovered 239 00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:35,074 that his soldiers were using their sleeves 240 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,826 to wipe their noses. 241 00:09:36,827 --> 00:09:41,164 Oh, she's gonna flap her gums all the way to the poorhouse. 242 00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:48,971 Hey, Cliff! 243 00:09:48,972 --> 00:09:49,973 Hey, Sammy! 244 00:09:50,355 --> 00:09:52,475 Have you heard the latest in the, uh, Ma-Fitz romance? 245 00:09:52,476 --> 00:09:53,726 No, no. What's goin' on? 246 00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:56,012 Yeah, they're celebratin' their first week together 247 00:09:56,013 --> 00:09:57,513 with a picnic on the Charles. 248 00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:58,514 Whoa, the Charles! 249 00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:01,017 Boy, that's the make-out capital of the world. 250 00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:02,518 And if he does as well as I do, 251 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,520 there's gonna be a lotta panting 252 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:05,772 and rolling around and... 253 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,108 shopping. 254 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,995 There's a mall right next to the Charles. 255 00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:14,915 Oh, yeah. 256 00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:16,916 Speaking of the devil... 257 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:17,917 Oh, hey, Ma, Fitz! 258 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,920 I thought you two were on the way to the Charles. 259 00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,421 Well, we are. 260 00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:23,923 Are you busy? 261 00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:26,292 What's up, Ma? 262 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,178 Sit down, son. 263 00:10:30,013 --> 00:10:31,881 Clifford, 264 00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:35,384 now I know how much your father meant to you, 265 00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,386 and I know it's going 266 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:40,389 to take a while for you to adjust to this, 267 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,891 to having a new father. 268 00:10:41,892 --> 00:10:43,393 Daddy! 269 00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:47,897 My God! 270 00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:51,901 Clifford, I haven't even kissed him on the lips. 271 00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:52,902 Hey, everybody! 272 00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,404 Wedding bells at the Clavin compound! 273 00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:58,407 When's the happy day, folks? 274 00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,293 Tomorrow. 275 00:11:00,294 --> 00:11:01,744 Sammy, champagne! 276 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,746 Oh, Duncan, I'm gonna throw you 277 00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:06,248 the biggest bachelor bash Beantown's ever seen! 278 00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:08,250 Normie, call all my friends. 279 00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:10,753 I think he moved. 280 00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:12,755 Well, then call all yours. 281 00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:14,757 Woody, I'm gonna make you entertainment chairman, huh? 282 00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:15,758 Hot dog! 283 00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:18,260 Get on the horn there, call the Parker House 284 00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:20,146 and, uh, order me up their fanciest room. 285 00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:20,980 You got it. 286 00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:23,983 Wow, my first bachelor party. 287 00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:24,984 No dates, right? 288 00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:27,903 No. 289 00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:30,406 Hey, uh, congratulations there, Fitzie. 290 00:11:30,407 --> 00:11:31,907 Thank you. 291 00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:34,910 Listen, if things don't work out with Esther, 292 00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:36,912 here is my mother's number, okay? 293 00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:38,914 Let it ring ten or 15 minutes. 294 00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:39,783 She'll get there. 295 00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:44,704 Oh, you two. 296 00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:46,205 I'm so happy for you. 297 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,206 You know, Cliff, 298 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,208 your mother is the first person 299 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,711 who's ever really loved me for me 300 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,212 instead of my checkbook. 301 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,714 Oh, Ma... 302 00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:55,715 That's why I'm donating 303 00:11:55,716 --> 00:11:57,718 the bulk of my fortune to charity. 304 00:12:13,132 --> 00:12:16,451 Giving... money... away. 305 00:12:16,452 --> 00:12:18,737 Actually it was your mother's idea. 306 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,238 Ma's? 307 00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:24,743 I didn't want Duncan to have any doubts about my feelings. 308 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,244 How are you two gonna live? 309 00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:28,246 Well, I'm not gonna give it all away. 310 00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:30,248 I'll keep enough for the two of us to be comfortable. 311 00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,751 We're simple people... we don't need much to live. 312 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:33,752 And you're 313 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,253 self-sufficient, not to mention 314 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,756 that postal pension you're always bragging about. 315 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,758 Mr. Clavin, it's the Parker House. 316 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,259 They want to know if you want 317 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:43,261 the Embassy Court or the Grand Ballroom. 318 00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:46,264 Give me that! Give me that phone! 319 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,266 Fraternity prank. 320 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:50,268 What, are you nuts, Woody? 321 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:51,770 I can't afford a party. 322 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,773 Parties are for rich people. I'm poor. 323 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,274 I've always been poor. 324 00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:57,275 I'll always be poor. 325 00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:59,277 I'm gonna die poor! 326 00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:02,081 I'd like to resign as entertainment chairman. 327 00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:05,533 Listen, I don't know how to say this to you 328 00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:07,786 without offending you, but you're behaving like a class-A jerk. 329 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:08,621 Oh, am I? 330 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:10,622 Well, what have I got to celebrate? 331 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,123 Well, for one thing, 332 00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:13,625 your mother's met a very nice man 333 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,377 who's making her very happy. 334 00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:16,211 And? 335 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,097 Cliff! 336 00:13:18,848 --> 00:13:21,850 Well... all right. 337 00:13:21,851 --> 00:13:23,853 All right, of course you're right. 338 00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:29,024 I guess I just forgot how much Ma means to me. 339 00:13:29,025 --> 00:13:31,526 Yeah, I'll have the party for her sake. 340 00:13:31,527 --> 00:13:34,529 It'll just have to be the economy version. 341 00:13:34,530 --> 00:13:36,031 You know, no frills. 342 00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:38,033 Well, if it'll help out, we'll close the bar early, 343 00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:38,900 and you can have it here. 344 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:41,286 Why, thank you, Samuel. 345 00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:43,288 That's very nice of you. 346 00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:44,789 Hey! Hey, wait a second. 347 00:13:44,790 --> 00:13:46,041 Who knows, 348 00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:47,826 when Fitz sees what a nice guy I am, 349 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,327 maybe he'll, uh, remember me in his will. 350 00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:50,712 Yeah. 351 00:13:50,713 --> 00:13:52,547 "To the idiot son of my new wife, 352 00:13:52,548 --> 00:13:54,550 I leave squat." 353 00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:05,644 Uh, Mr. Clavin, some of your guests have been asking 354 00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:07,646 if they can take the plastic wrap off the food. 355 00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,147 Huh. 356 00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:10,148 Don't they understand? 357 00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:11,650 When food is exposed to air, 358 00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:13,151 just about anything can happen. 359 00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:15,655 Yeah, people could eat it. 360 00:14:16,155 --> 00:14:18,657 Yeah, yeah, yeah, very funny, wise guy. 361 00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:19,659 Oink, oink, Mr. Peterson. 362 00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:21,159 Let's have a little restraint. 363 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,663 This food's got to last us the rest of the night. 364 00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:27,917 Oh, the girls are here! 365 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,453 Oh, Sammy, Sammy, 366 00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:33,788 I thought this was gonna be a low-budget affair. 367 00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:34,789 My treat. 368 00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:37,592 Oh, hey, well, in that case, ladies, welcome! 369 00:14:37,593 --> 00:14:39,512 Shake it, bake it, let's see if we can take it! 370 00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:44,015 Oh, come on in here and let me introduce you 371 00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:46,267 to the, uh, the guest of honor tonight. 372 00:14:46,268 --> 00:14:47,552 There he is. 373 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,055 Sic him! 374 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:59,064 Hey! 375 00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,448 Eh, so, Fitz, 376 00:15:00,449 --> 00:15:02,484 how are you enjoying your bachelor party so far? 377 00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,285 I haven't been this excited 378 00:15:04,286 --> 00:15:08,289 since I first trapped vapor in my input valve. 379 00:15:08,290 --> 00:15:11,292 No man forgets his first time, huh? 380 00:15:11,293 --> 00:15:12,794 Oh, my! 381 00:15:12,795 --> 00:15:15,163 Hey, don't worry, Fitz, they're not gonna bite. 382 00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:17,416 Yeah, he's right. That costs extra. 383 00:15:19,301 --> 00:15:21,052 Hey! SAM: Hey, girls. 384 00:15:21,053 --> 00:15:22,921 What're you doing back here? I thought you had 385 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,756 a bachelorette party going. Yeah, yeah, but, uh, 386 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,758 I have to borrow some money against next week's loan. 387 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,760 Can you give me 50 bucks? 388 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,262 All right. What do you, uh... 389 00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:32,764 what do you need it for? 390 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,767 We're going to a dance recital. 391 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,153 You need 50 bucks for a dance recital? 392 00:15:38,154 --> 00:15:42,074 We have to have something to stick in the guys' underwear. 393 00:15:44,994 --> 00:15:46,494 Good for you. 394 00:15:46,495 --> 00:15:48,747 Esther here is okay. 395 00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:50,081 I mean, you can't blame her 396 00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:53,835 for one horrible crime against humanity. 397 00:15:53,836 --> 00:15:56,037 Where, uh... where's Diane? 398 00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,456 We ditched her. 399 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:01,460 There you are! 400 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:06,264 How on earth did we get separated? 401 00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:08,266 I have no idea. 402 00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:10,268 I thought we all got in the taxi, 403 00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:12,270 but when it pulled away from the curb, 404 00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:14,273 I was the only one inside. 405 00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:20,278 Uh, this is... this is fun, but, I... 406 00:16:20,279 --> 00:16:21,780 you girls are gonna have to leave. 407 00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:23,281 This is "men only" here. 408 00:16:23,282 --> 00:16:25,785 Oh... Oh... Okay, okay. 409 00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:29,287 You know, instead of going to that club you suggested, 410 00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:30,789 we could try Cafe au Lait. 411 00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:33,291 They have a wonderful new harpist, I hear. 412 00:16:33,292 --> 00:16:34,292 Oh, great. 413 00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:36,795 No, that sounds like fun. 414 00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:38,797 I'll hail a cab. 415 00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,299 Let's go! 416 00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:44,302 Hey, Normie, Normie, 417 00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:46,554 things are going very smoothly. 418 00:16:46,555 --> 00:16:48,389 Yeah, yeah, I think Fitz might donate 419 00:16:48,390 --> 00:16:50,391 some money to, uh, my favorite charity. 420 00:16:50,392 --> 00:16:54,762 Yeah? What's that? Save the Clavin Foundation. 421 00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:57,182 I am having the time of my life! 422 00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,184 I knew you would, Fitz. 423 00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:00,185 You know, 424 00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:03,188 I didn't warm up to you at first, but, uh, 425 00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:06,074 I'm beginning to think you're not so bad after all. 426 00:17:06,075 --> 00:17:07,909 Yeah? When did you come to that conclusion? 427 00:17:07,910 --> 00:17:09,411 Figure it out for yourself. 428 00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:19,705 Then she says to her girlfriend, "Maybe so", 429 00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:21,707 but this one's eating my popcorn." 430 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,709 Okay, okay, I guess it's time 431 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:27,212 for me to take off the psychiatrist's cap 432 00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:28,713 and tell one of my own. 433 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,715 All right! All right, well, 434 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:34,219 it seems there's these two men stranded on a deserted island. 435 00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,220 Doug and Dave. 436 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,721 Oh, oh, wait, wait, wait. 437 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:38,606 This is better with dialects. Uh... 438 00:17:38,607 --> 00:17:41,059 Okay, so an Irishman and a Dane 439 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,062 are stranded on a... no, wait a second. 440 00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:45,980 I-I don't do Danish. Um... 441 00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:47,899 Okay! An Irishman and a Swede. 442 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:48,900 All right. That's it. 443 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,401 Patrick and Lars. 444 00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:53,404 So Lars turns to Patrick one day, and he goes, uh... 445 00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:55,908 "How much water have you left?" 446 00:17:57,328 --> 00:17:58,409 Oh, no, gee, wait a second. 447 00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:00,412 I-I think one of them's supposed to be a rabbi. 448 00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:06,552 Whoa! 449 00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:13,475 The King of the Conga. 450 00:18:13,976 --> 00:18:15,977 Hey, Cliffy, how am I doing? Ah, you're a vision, 451 00:18:15,978 --> 00:18:18,346 Fitz, a vision! 452 00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:22,233 Woody, I don't think I've done that since my wedding. 453 00:18:22,234 --> 00:18:23,685 Oh, you conga'd at your wedding? 454 00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:26,688 No, I sweated. 455 00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:29,691 Okay, now, I want to get the punch line just right 456 00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:32,193 because otherwise, I'll ruin the whole joke. 457 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,579 Uh, you know, it's all the noise in here. 458 00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:36,331 Would you mind? It's kind of distracting. 459 00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:38,333 I'll, uh, I'll be back in a second. 460 00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:39,834 Kick up your heels, Fitz. 461 00:18:39,835 --> 00:18:40,835 That's it, faster! 462 00:18:40,836 --> 00:18:42,837 Hey, Fitz! Fitz, hey, maybe you ought to sit one out. 463 00:18:42,838 --> 00:18:44,339 You've been going pretty hard there. 464 00:18:44,340 --> 00:18:46,341 No, no, Sammy, it's his last night to howl. 465 00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:47,342 Let him live it up, huh? 466 00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:48,843 Hey, listen, thank you, Cliffy. 467 00:18:48,844 --> 00:18:51,346 You've given me one of the very great nights of my life. 468 00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:53,848 And I want to promise you 469 00:18:53,849 --> 00:18:56,352 I'm gonna take very good care of you. 470 00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,056 Sammy... 471 00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:04,058 is there a tear in my eye? 472 00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:05,560 No, no. 473 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:08,063 Are there dollar signs in my eyes? 474 00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:10,565 Yeah, I think 475 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:12,450 there are, Cliffy.: Oh-ho... 476 00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:14,235 Hey, Normie, did you hear that? 477 00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:16,237 I'm gonna be rollin' in it! 478 00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:20,708 Yeah, you been rollin' in it for years, Cliff. 479 00:19:20,709 --> 00:19:23,711 Come quick! This is terrible! Fitz is really sick! 480 00:19:23,712 --> 00:19:25,130 Oh, my God! 481 00:19:27,132 --> 00:19:29,133 Okay, I've got it! 482 00:19:29,134 --> 00:19:30,635 "Glory be. 483 00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:32,638 Nobody knows the rubble I've seen." 484 00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:37,092 No, no, that wasn't it. 485 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,814 All right, before we go home, one more time. 486 00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:44,682 Fitz. Hell of a guy. 487 00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,185 To Fitz. Fitz. Fitz. 488 00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:51,189 It was a lovely service. 489 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:55,693 And, Diane, your choice of poem was wonderful. 490 00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:57,195 Thank you. 491 00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:01,082 I just wish I hadn't been cut off right in the middle. 492 00:20:01,083 --> 00:20:05,036 We had to... the eternal flame was starting to go out. 493 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,038 Good night, Sammy. 494 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,539 Yeah. Good night, all. 495 00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,541 You know, funerals are a lot different here 496 00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:12,043 than they are back home. 497 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,544 Yeah? How's that, Woody? 498 00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:16,547 Well, where I come from, when somebody dies, 499 00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:18,549 people come from miles around, 500 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:22,053 bake lots of pies, bring all kinds of food, 501 00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:25,057 make speeches, ride the roller coaster. 502 00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:27,025 Oh, wait, 503 00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:28,894 that might be the state fair. 504 00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:37,202 Ma... 505 00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:38,703 you okay? 506 00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:40,571 I'm fine. 507 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:41,906 I just was gonna straighten up 508 00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:44,409 in here a little. 509 00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,910 You don't have to do that, Ma. 510 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:47,412 No, I want to. 511 00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:50,415 Oh, will you look at the rings on this table. 512 00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:53,418 Don't people use coasters anymore? 513 00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:57,422 Ma... whenever you're trying to hide something inside, 514 00:20:57,423 --> 00:21:01,426 you always pick up some household chore to do. 515 00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:04,429 Now, I don't know if you realize it, but... 516 00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:07,433 since Fitz passed away, you... you haven't cried, 517 00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,434 you... you haven't got upset, 518 00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:11,436 you haven't shown any kind of emotion. 519 00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:13,438 Well, what's there to be upset about? 520 00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:14,439 I barely knew the man. 521 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:17,442 We just had some good times together, that's all. 522 00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:20,946 Ma... stop wiping. 523 00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:28,453 That's it, Ma. 524 00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:31,457 You just let it all out now. 525 00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:37,463 Good, good. Now, don't you feel better? 526 00:21:42,267 --> 00:21:46,188 Yeah, that should just about do it, huh? 527 00:21:49,691 --> 00:21:52,611 Good. One last little spurt. 528 00:21:56,031 --> 00:21:58,199 Ma, you know, there's a fine line between 529 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:01,537 expressing your feelings and blubbering. 530 00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:08,993 I'm sorry. I guess you're right. 531 00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:10,495 I'll get you a glass of water, Ma. 532 00:22:10,496 --> 00:22:12,997 Oh, well. 533 00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:15,917 Life goes on. 534 00:22:15,918 --> 00:22:18,419 I guess I have to accept the fact 535 00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:21,722 that I'm not the type that good things happen to. 536 00:22:21,723 --> 00:22:24,842 Well, I don't know, Ma. 537 00:22:24,843 --> 00:22:26,844 I mean, there was, uh, 538 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:28,346 one good thing that happened to you 539 00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:31,850 about, uh, well, 37 years ago. 540 00:22:33,268 --> 00:22:35,770 There certainly was... not many women 541 00:22:35,771 --> 00:22:39,774 get to shake hands with Bing Crosby. 542 00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:44,696 Well, there you are, huh? 543 00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:50,201 Oh, Cliff, you know I mean you. 544 00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:53,704 You're my pride and joy. 545 00:22:53,705 --> 00:22:57,209 You're the best thing that ever happened to me. 546 00:22:58,710 --> 00:23:01,213 Gee, think of that.