1 00:00:01,901 --> 00:00:05,203 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:05,204 --> 00:00:08,456 Boy, did I have a crazy dream last night. 3 00:00:08,457 --> 00:00:09,407 What was it? 4 00:00:09,408 --> 00:00:11,876 I was at this party with a bunch of strangers. 5 00:00:11,877 --> 00:00:14,379 The food was great. The music was loud. 6 00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:15,880 All of a sudden, 7 00:00:15,881 --> 00:00:17,882 everybody in the place stopped and was lookin' at me, 8 00:00:17,883 --> 00:00:19,884 and I realized that I wasn't wearing any pants. 9 00:00:19,885 --> 00:00:20,885 Oh, yes, yes. 10 00:00:20,886 --> 00:00:23,388 I've had that dream a million times. 11 00:00:23,389 --> 00:00:26,091 Yeah, me, too, and boy, is it ever embarrassing, huh? 12 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:27,510 Why is that? 13 00:00:31,647 --> 00:00:34,015 Uh... uh, Norm? 14 00:00:34,016 --> 00:00:35,517 Never embarrassed me. 15 00:00:35,518 --> 00:00:36,434 Tell you the one I hate. 16 00:00:36,435 --> 00:00:38,436 You know, you're back in college, right? 17 00:00:38,437 --> 00:00:40,438 And you haven't been to class the entire semester, 18 00:00:40,439 --> 00:00:42,440 and the teacher's about to give the final exam. 19 00:00:42,441 --> 00:00:43,942 Oh, yeah, that one's the worst. 20 00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:45,443 What're you talkin' about, Carla? 21 00:00:45,444 --> 00:00:46,611 You never went to college. 22 00:00:46,612 --> 00:00:48,864 It's a dream, stupid. 23 00:00:50,533 --> 00:00:54,586 Well, how about the one where you go to this fancy restaurant, 24 00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:55,587 and before they let you in, 25 00:00:55,588 --> 00:00:57,228 they make you leave your legs at the door? 26 00:00:59,592 --> 00:01:02,594 Then the girl gives you claim check number six. 27 00:01:02,595 --> 00:01:03,962 So you go in, 28 00:01:03,963 --> 00:01:05,297 but instead of food, 29 00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:07,299 everyone's eatin' their silverware. 30 00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:08,800 Only you can't really enjoy your fork 31 00:01:08,801 --> 00:01:10,302 because you're so worried 32 00:01:10,303 --> 00:01:12,804 that whoever got claim check number nine might finish first 33 00:01:12,805 --> 00:01:15,191 and pick up your legs by mistake. 34 00:01:18,477 --> 00:01:20,363 Yeah, oh, yeah. 35 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:28,737 ? Making your way in the world today? 36 00:01:28,738 --> 00:01:31,740 ? Takes everything you've got? 37 00:01:31,741 --> 00:01:34,242 ? Taking a break from all your worries? 38 00:01:34,243 --> 00:01:37,245 ? Sure would help a lot? 39 00:01:37,246 --> 00:01:42,751 ? Wouldn't you like to get away?? 40 00:01:42,752 --> 00:01:45,670 ? Sometimes you want to go? 41 00:01:45,671 --> 00:01:51,176 ? Where everybody knows your name? 42 00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:55,680 ? And they're always glad you came? 43 00:01:55,681 --> 00:01:58,183 ? You want to be where you can see? 44 00:01:58,184 --> 00:02:00,685 ? Our troubles are all the same? 45 00:02:00,686 --> 00:02:06,191 ? You want to be where everybody knows your name? 46 00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:08,693 ? You want to go where people know? 47 00:02:08,694 --> 00:02:11,196 ? People are all the same? 48 00:02:11,197 --> 00:02:15,701 ? You want to go where everybody knows your name.? 49 00:02:34,938 --> 00:02:37,439 Two vodka martinis and a Wallbanger. 50 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,442 Wallbanger! 51 00:02:39,943 --> 00:02:42,444 Sam, I need to ask a big favor. 52 00:02:42,445 --> 00:02:45,447 All right, as long as it doesn't interfere 53 00:02:45,448 --> 00:02:46,949 with your job. 54 00:02:46,950 --> 00:02:50,703 Okay, then, I need to ask a huge favor. 55 00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,037 Would it be possible 56 00:02:52,038 --> 00:02:53,539 two weeks from this coming Wednesday 57 00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:57,543 for me to leave work early about ten minutes? 58 00:02:57,544 --> 00:02:59,545 Sure, why not? 59 00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:01,547 Oh, thank you, Sam. 60 00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:03,916 Thank you very much. 61 00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,218 And thank you for not prying further 62 00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:08,220 into the matter. 63 00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:12,725 Especially since, well, I've no valid excuse 64 00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:15,227 for my early departure. 65 00:03:15,228 --> 00:03:18,097 Sam, I must be frank. 66 00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:20,482 Sounds good. 67 00:03:20,483 --> 00:03:21,985 I'll be Bob. 68 00:03:23,987 --> 00:03:26,488 I mean, it's not as if I had 69 00:03:26,489 --> 00:03:27,489 a dental appointment 70 00:03:27,490 --> 00:03:30,492 or had to pick up some relative at the airport. 71 00:03:30,493 --> 00:03:31,493 Okay, Diane, 72 00:03:31,494 --> 00:03:33,495 why do you have to leave early 73 00:03:33,496 --> 00:03:35,364 two weeks from this Wednesday? 74 00:03:35,365 --> 00:03:37,117 Well, if you must know... 75 00:03:38,501 --> 00:03:40,369 I have a date. 76 00:03:40,370 --> 00:03:42,588 Oh, yeah, I've heard of those. 77 00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:43,924 Have fun. 78 00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:50,429 Oh, sweet transparent bravado. 79 00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:52,382 Could there be a soul dearer 80 00:03:52,882 --> 00:03:54,383 than the little boy lost, 81 00:03:54,384 --> 00:03:56,885 trembling on the edge of despair, 82 00:03:56,886 --> 00:04:01,224 yet struggling manfully to maintain his stiff upper lip? 83 00:04:02,392 --> 00:04:04,860 Thank you for noticing. 84 00:04:04,861 --> 00:04:06,362 Oh, wait, Sam, wait. One more thing. 85 00:04:06,363 --> 00:04:07,364 What? 86 00:04:07,864 --> 00:04:10,366 After our five-star-dinner- and-season-premiere- 87 00:04:10,367 --> 00:04:11,367 of-the-ballet date, 88 00:04:11,368 --> 00:04:16,872 Chad... Dr. Stark, may desire a kiss. 89 00:04:16,873 --> 00:04:19,375 Would you mind... should he ask... 90 00:04:19,376 --> 00:04:22,378 if I let his lips touch mine? 91 00:04:22,379 --> 00:04:24,881 Touch your what? 92 00:04:26,383 --> 00:04:27,883 Oh, Mr. Peterson, I forgot. 93 00:04:27,884 --> 00:04:29,385 Some guy dropped by earlier 94 00:04:29,386 --> 00:04:31,387 and asked me to give this to you. 95 00:04:31,388 --> 00:04:32,388 Oh, thank you, Woody. 96 00:04:32,389 --> 00:04:34,840 And thank you, God! 97 00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:36,842 Oh, well, what's that, Normie? 98 00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:39,595 A research grant from the National Beer Foundation? 99 00:04:39,596 --> 00:04:42,398 No, Cliffie, just a measly little pair of sky-view seats 100 00:04:42,399 --> 00:04:44,900 for the Sox-Yankee doubleheader tomorrow. 101 00:04:44,901 --> 00:04:45,902 Whoa, you're kidding me! 102 00:04:46,403 --> 00:04:47,903 I pulled every string I had 103 00:04:47,904 --> 00:04:49,905 and I could only score standing room. 104 00:04:49,906 --> 00:04:50,906 Come on. How'd you get that? 105 00:04:50,907 --> 00:04:52,067 Sammy, it's not who you know, 106 00:04:52,328 --> 00:04:53,409 it's who I know, all right? 107 00:04:53,410 --> 00:04:54,410 Yeah. 108 00:04:54,411 --> 00:04:56,912 A client friend of mine, Jerry Donahue, 109 00:04:56,913 --> 00:04:58,414 sent those babies over to thank me 110 00:04:58,415 --> 00:05:00,783 for being such a fantastic financial counselor. 111 00:05:00,784 --> 00:05:02,284 No, seriously, how'd you get 'em? 112 00:05:02,285 --> 00:05:04,203 I'm tellin' you, 113 00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,455 I saved the guy a bundle on his taxes last year. 114 00:05:06,456 --> 00:05:08,674 He asked me to invest his windfall, you know? 115 00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:10,426 And in the space of six short months, 116 00:05:10,427 --> 00:05:12,428 I kinda doubled his money. 117 00:05:12,429 --> 00:05:14,930 We got lucky on a little convenience mart in Worcester. 118 00:05:14,931 --> 00:05:16,933 What'd you do? Hold it up? 119 00:05:17,934 --> 00:05:18,934 You guys are hilarious. 120 00:05:18,935 --> 00:05:19,935 But Jerry's laughing 121 00:05:19,936 --> 00:05:21,437 all the way to the bank, all right? 122 00:05:21,438 --> 00:05:22,805 I diversified the guy. 123 00:05:22,806 --> 00:05:24,640 We went into, uh, mutuals, 124 00:05:24,641 --> 00:05:26,642 and a very pretty little biotech company 125 00:05:26,643 --> 00:05:27,643 that just went public. 126 00:05:27,644 --> 00:05:30,646 Boy, sounds like you got the Midas touch there. 127 00:05:30,647 --> 00:05:31,647 You should hear some of the other great ideas 128 00:05:31,648 --> 00:05:32,648 we have cooked up. 129 00:05:32,649 --> 00:05:34,067 Yeah? Like what? 130 00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:38,070 Mm... no, no, sorry, guys. 131 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,571 My lips are sealed. 132 00:05:39,572 --> 00:05:41,073 Buy you a beer. 133 00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:42,114 It's called "Tan 'N Wash". 134 00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:45,077 Tan and wash, guys. 135 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,080 The ultimate marriage of luxury and convenience. 136 00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:50,083 A combination tanning salon and coin-operated laundry. 137 00:05:51,501 --> 00:05:53,001 Get real. 138 00:05:53,002 --> 00:05:54,002 Come on. 139 00:05:54,003 --> 00:05:56,505 The timing's right on this. 140 00:05:56,506 --> 00:05:57,506 Summer tans are fading. 141 00:05:57,507 --> 00:05:58,507 Winter's coming. 142 00:05:58,508 --> 00:06:00,008 It's always dirty clothes season. 143 00:06:00,009 --> 00:06:02,010 It's gonna be the hottest place in town. 144 00:06:02,011 --> 00:06:03,896 I'm glad you're already thinking about arson. 145 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,314 Yeah, arson. 146 00:06:05,315 --> 00:06:07,182 Don't listen to them, Norman. 147 00:06:07,183 --> 00:06:10,185 And never be deterred by the mindless jibes 148 00:06:10,186 --> 00:06:11,353 of the ignorant masses. 149 00:06:11,354 --> 00:06:13,238 Those ignorant masses are gonna be our customers. 150 00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:17,609 Hey, I'll be there will bells on. 151 00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:19,945 Everyone'll be there, buddy, 152 00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:21,447 fluffing, folding, relaxing happily 153 00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:23,449 beneath the healthful rays 154 00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:26,952 of a federally approved UVA bronzing unit. 155 00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,454 Well, Normie, 156 00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,456 I gotta say it's the silliest, most harebrained scheme 157 00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:31,957 I've ever heard of. 158 00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:33,459 Yeah. 159 00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:35,461 Well, I gotta go. 160 00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:37,964 Normie, walk me out. 161 00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:41,967 I'm not leaving yet, Cliff. 162 00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:42,968 Neither am I. 163 00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:44,970 Ma and I want in. 164 00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:47,973 In where? 165 00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:49,475 Don't be naive, Normie. 166 00:06:49,476 --> 00:06:51,360 Put me up for five shares. 167 00:06:51,361 --> 00:06:54,696 No, no, no. 168 00:06:54,697 --> 00:06:56,698 Investments are risky, Cliff. 169 00:06:56,699 --> 00:06:58,700 Look, I never do business with friends, all right? 170 00:06:58,701 --> 00:07:01,570 Besides, it's 200 bucks a share. 171 00:07:01,571 --> 00:07:03,205 Put me down for five, too, will ya? 172 00:07:03,206 --> 00:07:06,542 Oh, great, Norm, now the cat's outta the bag! 173 00:07:06,543 --> 00:07:08,410 I think you're all crazy. 174 00:07:08,411 --> 00:07:10,712 But if Clavin makes big bucks and I don't, 175 00:07:10,713 --> 00:07:12,714 I won't be able to live with the shame. 176 00:07:12,715 --> 00:07:14,082 Give me a share. 177 00:07:14,083 --> 00:07:15,884 Oh, me, too! Me, too! 178 00:07:15,885 --> 00:07:16,752 You, Diane? 179 00:07:16,753 --> 00:07:18,554 Laying bets on a laundry? 180 00:07:18,555 --> 00:07:20,055 Well, in my case, it's not a gamble, 181 00:07:20,056 --> 00:07:22,057 but rather a show of faith 182 00:07:22,058 --> 00:07:24,059 in our great free enterprise system. 183 00:07:24,060 --> 00:07:27,062 Yes, even Diane Chambers is not immune 184 00:07:27,063 --> 00:07:29,014 to the renaissance of American patriotism 185 00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,015 in the 1980s. 186 00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:32,017 Although I hasten to remind you 187 00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:34,520 this does not imply any shifting of my support 188 00:07:34,521 --> 00:07:36,021 toward the current administration. 189 00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:38,441 I hope nobody was looking for a silent partner. 190 00:07:40,443 --> 00:07:42,327 You know, Diane, 191 00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:45,247 you shouldn't be investin' in a tanning salon. 192 00:07:45,248 --> 00:07:46,748 You oughta be usin' one. 193 00:07:46,749 --> 00:07:49,118 You got skin the color of Elmer's glue. 194 00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:52,454 I happen to have 195 00:07:52,455 --> 00:07:58,460 what Restoration poets refer to as "alabaster skin." 196 00:07:58,461 --> 00:08:01,464 Well, at least your hair looks nice. 197 00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:06,468 Besides, with my rendezvous with Chad coming up, 198 00:08:06,469 --> 00:08:08,470 I dare not risk freckling. 199 00:08:08,471 --> 00:08:09,511 Why not? If it got boring, 200 00:08:09,973 --> 00:08:11,974 you could always play connect-the-dots. 201 00:08:11,975 --> 00:08:15,361 God, how this must torment you. 202 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:18,780 No, no, no, come on, Norm. 203 00:08:18,781 --> 00:08:20,282 You gonna let us in or not? 204 00:08:20,283 --> 00:08:21,783 Let's just change the subject, all right? 205 00:08:21,784 --> 00:08:24,069 Hey, he's tryin' to sidetrack us. 206 00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:26,371 This thing must be a gold mine. 207 00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:29,374 Yeah, yeah, hey, Normie, uh, correct me if I'm wrong, 208 00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:30,876 but yesterday you had a letter 209 00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:31,877 you needed mailed. 210 00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:35,797 I did it, and you can at least return the favor. 211 00:08:35,798 --> 00:08:37,299 Cliffie, that's your job. 212 00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:38,300 Well, all right. 213 00:08:38,301 --> 00:08:40,302 Then, as one professional to another... 214 00:08:40,303 --> 00:08:41,554 come on, Norm! 215 00:08:42,808 --> 00:08:43,889 I know what's gonna happen! 216 00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,390 I know what's gonna happen. 217 00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:47,592 Somethin's gonna go wrong and you're all gonna blame me. 218 00:08:48,678 --> 00:08:50,680 All right, well, well. 219 00:08:51,180 --> 00:08:52,431 All right, yes! Whoo! Whoo! 220 00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,765 Hey, Wood, do you want in? 221 00:08:53,766 --> 00:08:56,151 I don't think so. 222 00:08:56,152 --> 00:08:57,903 You know, when I left home, 223 00:08:57,904 --> 00:09:00,188 my father gave me some very sound advice. 224 00:09:00,189 --> 00:09:03,692 "Never trust a man who can't look ya in the eye. 225 00:09:03,693 --> 00:09:05,694 "Never talk when you can listen. 226 00:09:05,695 --> 00:09:09,197 "And never spend venture capital on a limited partnership 227 00:09:09,198 --> 00:09:12,201 without a detailed, analytical fiduciary prospectus." 228 00:09:21,010 --> 00:09:22,761 Afternoon, everybody. 229 00:09:22,762 --> 00:09:24,596 Norm! 230 00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:26,098 Hey, Norm, how's the world been treatin' ya? 231 00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:29,102 Like a baby treats a diaper. 232 00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:36,608 So... 233 00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:39,478 what's the deal with the, uh, "Tan 'N Wash"? 234 00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:41,363 For a new business, I'd say Tan 'N Wash 235 00:09:41,364 --> 00:09:43,365 is doing as well as could be expected. 236 00:09:43,366 --> 00:09:44,366 Oh, yeah? 237 00:09:44,367 --> 00:09:45,867 I dropped by this morning 238 00:09:45,868 --> 00:09:47,869 and the only customer in the place 239 00:09:47,870 --> 00:09:49,871 was a lonely woman kicking the hell 240 00:09:49,872 --> 00:09:51,239 out of a jammed change machine. 241 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:52,491 Oh, come on. By the way, 242 00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:55,877 you owe me a quarter and a new pair of shoes. 243 00:09:55,878 --> 00:09:58,714 Patience, Carla, all right? Patience. 244 00:09:58,715 --> 00:10:00,716 There are gray skies on the horizon. 245 00:10:00,717 --> 00:10:02,719 Yeah, it's gonna get cold and damp and miserable. 246 00:10:03,059 --> 00:10:04,219 We'll be wading in customers. 247 00:10:04,220 --> 00:10:06,722 Yeah, I think we're wading in something right now. 248 00:10:06,723 --> 00:10:08,590 I've worked out a great new promotional campaign. 249 00:10:08,591 --> 00:10:10,092 Promotional campaign? Yeah. 250 00:10:10,093 --> 00:10:14,479 Whew! Hey, hey! 251 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,399 Check out Mr. Tan there, huh? 252 00:10:16,899 --> 00:10:18,400 Say, Sammy, 253 00:10:18,401 --> 00:10:20,769 did you just fly to the tropics and spend a week 254 00:10:20,770 --> 00:10:23,773 and thousands of dollars under the blazing, unhealthy sun? 255 00:10:24,774 --> 00:10:27,776 No, no, Norm. No, I just spent my lunch hour 256 00:10:27,777 --> 00:10:30,779 under some healthful, federally approved UVA rays 257 00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:32,164 at the Tan 'N Wash. 258 00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:34,583 Say, those clothes are really lookin' clean there, pal. 259 00:10:34,584 --> 00:10:36,084 Well, thank you, Norm. 260 00:10:36,085 --> 00:10:39,087 Yeah. Now is it true that with these coupons 261 00:10:39,088 --> 00:10:41,590 anyone can get 25% off on their first five visits? 262 00:10:41,591 --> 00:10:42,591 Well, that's what I hear. 263 00:10:42,592 --> 00:10:43,593 Great. 264 00:10:45,094 --> 00:10:47,346 Well! 265 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,631 Hey... I tell ya, 266 00:10:50,633 --> 00:10:53,018 is that Cliff Clavin or is that Don Ho, huh? 267 00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,970 Uh... 268 00:10:54,971 --> 00:10:55,971 Where ya been, buddy, 269 00:10:55,972 --> 00:10:57,472 some, uh, faraway island resort? 270 00:10:57,473 --> 00:10:59,474 Oh, easy mistake, Norm, 271 00:10:59,475 --> 00:11:01,977 but, no, I got this tan right here in Beantown. 272 00:11:01,978 --> 00:11:03,979 Is that at the new Tan 'N Wash 273 00:11:03,980 --> 00:11:04,980 I've been hearing so danged much about? 274 00:11:04,981 --> 00:11:06,481 That's right, Normie. 275 00:11:06,482 --> 00:11:07,983 And, by the way, did you realize 276 00:11:07,984 --> 00:11:09,484 that the tan first gained popularity 277 00:11:09,485 --> 00:11:11,370 in what is now known as the Bronze Age? 278 00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,322 Great, great. Well, I'm sold. 279 00:11:13,823 --> 00:11:16,325 Oh, and, by the way, look how white I used to be. 280 00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:23,131 You wore your socks in the tanning booth? 281 00:11:23,132 --> 00:11:25,634 Well, I, I gotta be careful, Sammy. 282 00:11:25,635 --> 00:11:28,637 The Clavin men have, uh, feet like a baby's bottom. 283 00:11:28,638 --> 00:11:32,257 With faces to match. 284 00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:33,058 Will you back off, Carla? 285 00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:35,060 I don't see you pitchin' in for the cause here. 286 00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:35,927 Yeah, yeah? 287 00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:36,896 Well, all I know 288 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,898 is I wouldn't stick a fork in a toaster, 289 00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:41,400 never mind my valuables. 290 00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:43,402 Come on, guys. 291 00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:45,771 Uh, whatta you say we snap up these flyers? 292 00:11:45,772 --> 00:11:47,272 They can't last forever. 293 00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:49,775 Wouldn't be so sure, Norm. 294 00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:50,776 You know, Peterson, 295 00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:53,195 you've got the guts of a burglar. 296 00:11:53,196 --> 00:11:54,696 In here peddling a tanning salon 297 00:11:54,697 --> 00:11:56,198 on the sunniest day of the year. 298 00:11:56,199 --> 00:11:57,582 Outside of someone 299 00:11:57,583 --> 00:11:58,917 with a financial interest in the place, 300 00:11:58,918 --> 00:11:59,918 who'd be stupid enough 301 00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:01,480 to spend a minute in your rip-off joint? 302 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,822 You try to help out a few newly enterprising friends 303 00:12:37,823 --> 00:12:39,324 and what do you get for your trouble? 304 00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:42,327 45 minutes in hell. 305 00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:43,828 Sit. Keep it down, will ya? 306 00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:44,829 Keep it down here. 307 00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:46,214 Keep it down? 308 00:12:46,215 --> 00:12:48,082 I've got the worst sunburn of my life, 309 00:12:48,083 --> 00:12:50,084 thanks to a faulty thermo-regulator 310 00:12:50,085 --> 00:12:52,086 on tanning machine number three, 311 00:12:52,087 --> 00:12:53,588 the Bahama Mama. 312 00:12:53,589 --> 00:12:55,506 Frasier, 313 00:12:55,507 --> 00:12:58,509 you're supposed to start off slowly, all right? 314 00:12:58,510 --> 00:13:00,011 But I must say, you do have 315 00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:01,512 one heck of a fantastic 316 00:13:01,513 --> 00:13:03,014 base coat there, Fras. 317 00:13:03,015 --> 00:13:04,899 Yeah. Yeah, and your, uh, 318 00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:07,185 your shirt sure smells fresher. 319 00:13:07,186 --> 00:13:08,436 Really? 320 00:13:08,437 --> 00:13:09,737 It's not too lemony? 321 00:13:09,738 --> 00:13:11,240 Not for you. 322 00:13:25,621 --> 00:13:27,423 Sorry. 323 00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:33,011 Well, it's just that 324 00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:36,015 it's such a lovely, sunny day out... 325 00:13:36,515 --> 00:13:40,518 as your tanned faces will attest. 326 00:13:40,519 --> 00:13:44,523 Well, I guess I'm feeling especially girlish. 327 00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:46,024 How come, Miss Chambers? 328 00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:47,526 Nah, nah, nah, don't, don't. 329 00:13:52,031 --> 00:13:54,032 You know, Woody... the usual thing 330 00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:56,534 that puts a bounce in a girl's step. 331 00:13:56,535 --> 00:13:58,537 Ah! Support hose. 332 00:14:02,541 --> 00:14:05,043 You're adorable. 333 00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:07,545 No, I'm referring to 334 00:14:07,546 --> 00:14:09,547 a very special evening. 335 00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:11,049 Oh, yeah, yeah. 336 00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:14,052 Didn't you have a date or something last night? 337 00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:17,555 You know perfectly well I saw Chad, but... 338 00:14:17,556 --> 00:14:19,558 it was no big deal. 339 00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:26,064 Yeah. 340 00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:29,567 I refuse to ask her about last night. 341 00:14:29,568 --> 00:14:31,569 You ask her, Woody. 342 00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:32,571 Gotcha. 343 00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:37,075 Well, looky here. 344 00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:41,579 The paper predicts the same high for Boston as Honolulu. 345 00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:44,082 That is Honolulu, Hawaii, 346 00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:46,584 the state where you can get a free tan all year round. 347 00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:48,186 Carla, if you're trying to say something, 348 00:14:48,364 --> 00:14:50,004 why don't you just spit it out, all right? 349 00:14:50,005 --> 00:14:53,007 Tan 'N' Wash bites it. 350 00:14:53,008 --> 00:14:56,010 Okay, I'll admit Indian summer's killing us temporarily, 351 00:14:56,011 --> 00:14:57,378 but this is Boston. 352 00:14:57,379 --> 00:14:59,848 It's gonna get cold. 353 00:15:07,556 --> 00:15:08,556 Hey, Sam. 354 00:15:08,557 --> 00:15:11,058 I found out all about Miss Chambers' date. 355 00:15:11,059 --> 00:15:12,810 I mean, uh... 356 00:15:12,811 --> 00:15:15,646 beautiful night of magic. 357 00:15:15,647 --> 00:15:16,847 Just spill it, will ya, Woody? 358 00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:21,652 Well, the ballet was exquisite, 359 00:15:21,653 --> 00:15:23,655 but it paled by comparison 360 00:15:24,156 --> 00:15:27,658 to the enchanting coach ride under the stars. 361 00:15:27,659 --> 00:15:32,664 Chad held her porcelain. Like hand lightly, 362 00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:36,667 tracing tiny circles on her alamander... 363 00:15:36,668 --> 00:15:37,668 Alabaster. 364 00:15:37,669 --> 00:15:39,171 Alabaster skin, 365 00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:45,176 and then, fearing that the spell might be broken, 366 00:15:45,177 --> 00:15:48,679 she invited him up to her pied-de-teer 367 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:50,681 for some quiet conversation 368 00:15:50,682 --> 00:15:52,683 and warm brandy, and then... 369 00:15:52,684 --> 00:15:53,684 What? 370 00:15:53,685 --> 00:15:55,686 Miss Chambers said if you want to hear 371 00:15:55,687 --> 00:15:57,689 the rest, you gotta ask her yourself. 372 00:15:58,190 --> 00:15:59,190 Oh... 373 00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:02,193 Forget it! Forget it, man! 374 00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:03,694 Oh, ask her, Sam. 375 00:16:03,695 --> 00:16:05,697 Sounds like you won't be disappointed. 376 00:16:06,198 --> 00:16:07,199 Forget it. 377 00:16:12,287 --> 00:16:14,288 Frasier, a sunburn? 378 00:16:14,289 --> 00:16:17,009 No, I'm doing my impression of a blood blister. 379 00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:22,096 Hey, Frasier. 380 00:16:22,097 --> 00:16:24,849 You know, there's something I've always been meaning to ask you. 381 00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:26,350 What was your reaction 382 00:16:26,351 --> 00:16:27,853 the first time you saw Diane naked? 383 00:16:37,980 --> 00:16:40,815 Normie, I can't hold out any longer. 384 00:16:40,816 --> 00:16:42,817 Ma's getting antsy. 385 00:16:42,818 --> 00:16:44,819 The last time she spent a thousand dollars 386 00:16:44,820 --> 00:16:45,820 was on a house. 387 00:16:45,821 --> 00:16:46,821 Cliff, I'm sorry. 388 00:16:46,822 --> 00:16:48,322 I-I really am, but you guys 389 00:16:48,323 --> 00:16:49,323 begged me to let ya in. 390 00:16:49,324 --> 00:16:50,791 It's not like I didn't warn you. 391 00:16:50,792 --> 00:16:52,159 Oh, sure. 392 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:55,079 "Don't do this. I pray to God you don't do this." 393 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,081 You call that a warning? 394 00:16:57,082 --> 00:16:59,467 You know, I predicted this. You guys are 395 00:16:59,468 --> 00:17:01,252 nervous Nellies and you're trying to blame it all on me. 396 00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:02,753 I want out, Norm. 397 00:17:02,754 --> 00:17:03,754 Yeah, me, too. 398 00:17:03,755 --> 00:17:05,640 Who wants a tan in the winter anyway? 399 00:17:05,641 --> 00:17:07,058 Wait, wait. This is not the smart move. 400 00:17:07,059 --> 00:17:08,059 You gotta hang in there. 401 00:17:08,060 --> 00:17:09,560 You gotta roll with the punches, all right? 402 00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:11,062 You're gonna roll with the punches 403 00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:12,313 if you don't get us outta this. 404 00:17:12,314 --> 00:17:13,147 Nah, I just don't think 405 00:17:13,148 --> 00:17:14,148 that we're cut out for it. 406 00:17:14,149 --> 00:17:15,650 No. Apparently not, all right? 407 00:17:15,651 --> 00:17:18,653 Yeah, geez, have it your way, guys, okay? 408 00:17:18,654 --> 00:17:20,154 Look, all right, I tell ya what. Okay? 409 00:17:20,155 --> 00:17:22,657 I'll personally buy out your shares, all right? 410 00:17:22,658 --> 00:17:24,659 I'll have your checks in the mail within a week. 411 00:17:24,660 --> 00:17:27,028 Stupid mistake. Stupid. 412 00:17:27,029 --> 00:17:28,413 Stupid. 413 00:17:36,455 --> 00:17:38,956 Ooh, ooh, boy. 414 00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:41,459 It's still snowing out there. 415 00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:43,844 Yeah, and every flake means 416 00:17:43,845 --> 00:17:47,131 another buck in Norm's pocket. 417 00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:48,516 You, you guys still moaning 418 00:17:48,517 --> 00:17:50,237 because Norm hit the jackpot and you didn't? 419 00:17:50,458 --> 00:17:52,019 Hey, come on, Paul, give us some credit 420 00:17:52,020 --> 00:17:54,021 for being adults, huh? 421 00:17:54,022 --> 00:17:56,524 Hey, what do you say we toilet paper his house? 422 00:17:56,525 --> 00:17:59,027 Nah, it'd only make it look better. 423 00:18:01,563 --> 00:18:03,064 Sam, excuse me. 424 00:18:03,065 --> 00:18:04,949 May I have your ear for a moment? 425 00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:07,286 Sure. Just don't leave any bite marks. 426 00:18:09,538 --> 00:18:11,038 Sam, I've decided 427 00:18:11,039 --> 00:18:13,541 to break off my relationship with Chad. 428 00:18:13,542 --> 00:18:14,493 Who? 429 00:18:15,994 --> 00:18:18,245 What an actor you are. 430 00:18:18,246 --> 00:18:20,047 You know, if you hadn't chosen bartending, 431 00:18:20,048 --> 00:18:20,915 you could well have had 432 00:18:20,916 --> 00:18:22,667 a career in the theater. 433 00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:24,136 Or as a model. 434 00:18:25,637 --> 00:18:28,640 Anyway, you needn't continue 435 00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:30,641 this charade of nonchalance. 436 00:18:30,642 --> 00:18:32,643 I'm ending my affaire de coeur 437 00:18:32,644 --> 00:18:36,648 because I can sense how it's secretly gnawing away at you. 438 00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:41,152 Okay. All right. 439 00:18:41,153 --> 00:18:42,653 I'm glad. 440 00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:45,656 All I've been able to think about is you and Chad. 441 00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:47,992 In your apartment. 442 00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:50,745 In his car, on the stairs. 443 00:18:50,746 --> 00:18:54,248 Doing things even we never did. 444 00:18:54,249 --> 00:18:55,616 I mean, I can't eat, 445 00:18:55,617 --> 00:18:56,534 I can't sleep. 446 00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:57,918 Oh, Sam. Really? 447 00:18:57,919 --> 00:19:00,755 Gee, maybe I could have been an actor. 448 00:19:00,756 --> 00:19:02,124 Oh! 449 00:19:05,127 --> 00:19:07,012 Afternoon, everybody. 450 00:19:11,133 --> 00:19:12,134 Norm! 451 00:19:14,136 --> 00:19:15,137 Norman. 452 00:19:16,138 --> 00:19:18,639 How're you feeling today, Norm? 453 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:19,640 Rich and thirsty. 454 00:19:19,641 --> 00:19:20,642 Pour me a beer. 455 00:19:21,643 --> 00:19:23,644 Yes, sir, Mr. Peterson. 456 00:19:23,645 --> 00:19:26,530 Boy, you sure have gotten successful, huh? 457 00:19:26,531 --> 00:19:29,316 Well, Woody, you know what they say about success. 458 00:19:29,317 --> 00:19:32,203 It's one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration. 459 00:19:32,204 --> 00:19:33,537 So is your shirt. 460 00:19:33,538 --> 00:19:35,322 Yeah, and you know what else they 461 00:19:35,323 --> 00:19:38,293 say about success there, Mr. Rockeflounder? 462 00:19:39,661 --> 00:19:41,829 It's lonely at the top. 463 00:19:41,830 --> 00:19:44,132 Yeah, but the food's better, Cliff. 464 00:19:45,467 --> 00:19:46,967 Hey, you don't have to rub 465 00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:47,969 our noses in it, man. 466 00:19:48,470 --> 00:19:50,337 I mean, we're your friends, after all. 467 00:19:50,338 --> 00:19:51,305 Friends? 468 00:19:51,306 --> 00:19:53,307 You call yourselves friends? 469 00:19:53,308 --> 00:19:54,809 The last four or five times I've walked in here, 470 00:19:54,810 --> 00:19:56,812 you treat me as if I've done something wrong. 471 00:19:59,181 --> 00:20:01,015 You know, not one of you guys has bothered 472 00:20:01,016 --> 00:20:02,401 to congratulate me for my success. 473 00:20:02,567 --> 00:20:04,518 Which, I might add, you all had 474 00:20:04,519 --> 00:20:06,687 a chance to share in. 475 00:20:06,688 --> 00:20:11,159 Maybe I should just take my refreshment business elsewhere. 476 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,161 When I think of all the hours I wasted in here 477 00:20:14,162 --> 00:20:16,664 when I could have been wasting them somewhere else. 478 00:20:16,665 --> 00:20:18,666 Norman, Norman. 479 00:20:18,667 --> 00:20:20,167 Please don't leave. 480 00:20:20,168 --> 00:20:22,169 We're taking it out on you, 481 00:20:22,170 --> 00:20:24,171 but we're really mad at ourselves. 482 00:20:24,172 --> 00:20:27,174 The hostility you're feeling is for our own stupidity 483 00:20:27,175 --> 00:20:28,676 at bailing out of this project. 484 00:20:28,677 --> 00:20:30,545 Right, everyone? 485 00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:35,933 You guys are beautiful. 486 00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:37,935 Oh, well, come on, wait a second. 487 00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:40,104 Come on back here. 488 00:20:40,105 --> 00:20:41,388 Yeah, we've been actin' like creeps, Normie. 489 00:20:41,389 --> 00:20:43,607 I'll fluff up your favorite stool. 490 00:20:43,608 --> 00:20:45,893 Yeah, I'll open a fresh bag of pretzels. 491 00:20:45,894 --> 00:20:46,894 And I'll pour you a beer 492 00:20:46,895 --> 00:20:48,897 just the way you like it... within reach. 493 00:20:50,699 --> 00:20:53,067 What we're trying to say here is, 494 00:20:53,068 --> 00:20:53,951 we're sorry. 495 00:20:53,952 --> 00:20:54,952 Yeah. 496 00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:56,704 You had the guts to stick it out, 497 00:20:56,705 --> 00:20:58,906 and we didn't, and you deserve 498 00:20:58,907 --> 00:21:01,125 all the success now. 499 00:21:01,126 --> 00:21:03,377 Thank you, Sam. Guys. 500 00:21:03,378 --> 00:21:05,379 I'm really glad to hear that because, uh, 501 00:21:05,380 --> 00:21:06,881 I have a little surprise for you guys. 502 00:21:06,882 --> 00:21:08,883 I never took you out of Tan 'N' Wash at all. 503 00:21:08,884 --> 00:21:10,384 And here are your first dividend checks 504 00:21:10,385 --> 00:21:11,385 right here, huh? 505 00:21:11,386 --> 00:21:12,887 Oh, Norman! 506 00:21:12,888 --> 00:21:14,389 You're kidding me. 507 00:21:16,391 --> 00:21:19,394 ? For he's a jolly good fellow? 508 00:21:19,895 --> 00:21:21,395 ? For he's a jolly good fellow, ? 509 00:21:21,396 --> 00:21:23,764 ? For he's a jolly good fellow, ? 510 00:21:23,765 --> 00:21:24,765 Cheers. 511 00:21:24,766 --> 00:21:25,516 It's for you. 512 00:21:25,517 --> 00:21:26,400 Put 'em on hold. 513 00:21:26,401 --> 00:21:30,771 ? Which nobody can deny.? 514 00:21:30,772 --> 00:21:31,655 Hey. All right. 515 00:21:31,656 --> 00:21:32,656 This is great. 516 00:21:32,657 --> 00:21:34,408 Hey, look at that! It's snowing 517 00:21:34,409 --> 00:21:35,242 even harder out now. 518 00:21:35,243 --> 00:21:36,494 Oh, it's a harbinger 519 00:21:36,495 --> 00:21:37,828 of good fortune! 520 00:21:37,829 --> 00:21:39,581 You said it, bone butt! 521 00:21:41,783 --> 00:21:45,002 Snow today means dough tomorrow. 522 00:21:45,003 --> 00:21:46,787 Hey, let's carry Mr. Peterson 523 00:21:46,788 --> 00:21:48,290 around the bar on our shoulders 524 00:21:48,790 --> 00:21:50,291 and then go play in the snow. 525 00:21:50,292 --> 00:21:52,293 Let's go play in the snow. 526 00:21:52,294 --> 00:21:53,794 Hold it! Hold it! 527 00:21:53,795 --> 00:21:55,797 Last one out's a Clavin. 528 00:21:56,798 --> 00:21:58,800 No, you're not. You're not gonna get me this time. 529 00:22:00,302 --> 00:22:03,305 Oh, I'm always the Clavin. 530 00:22:05,307 --> 00:22:07,808 Ah, Woody. Woody, Woody, Woody. 531 00:22:07,809 --> 00:22:09,193 Look at them, huh? 532 00:22:09,194 --> 00:22:10,144 Isn't that great? 533 00:22:10,145 --> 00:22:12,029 They're singin' and dancin'. 534 00:22:12,030 --> 00:22:13,948 It gives me a great feeling all over 535 00:22:13,949 --> 00:22:15,816 to do something good for those people. 536 00:22:15,817 --> 00:22:18,653 Oh, speaking of people, you got one on hold here. 537 00:22:22,123 --> 00:22:25,626 Hello. Yeah, hi. 538 00:22:25,627 --> 00:22:27,127 Oh, no. No. 539 00:22:27,128 --> 00:22:29,129 No, get out. No! 540 00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:30,631 What're you...? 541 00:22:30,632 --> 00:22:32,132 No, man, no! 542 00:22:32,133 --> 00:22:34,134 No... 543 00:22:34,135 --> 00:22:35,135 Well, at least we... 544 00:22:35,136 --> 00:22:37,137 No?! 545 00:22:37,138 --> 00:22:40,141 We, no, but wait a, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 546 00:22:44,646 --> 00:22:47,148 Bad news, Mr. Peterson? 547 00:22:49,100 --> 00:22:50,852 Wrong number, Woody. 548 00:22:52,153 --> 00:22:53,154 Aren't those annoying? 549 00:23:12,173 --> 00:23:15,175 Uh... Huh! Guys! Good friends! 550 00:23:15,176 --> 00:23:17,678 Listen, people, uh, excuse me! 551 00:23:17,679 --> 00:23:20,180 Listen, I know things have been going just beautifully, 552 00:23:20,181 --> 00:23:22,049 but, uh, hey, would you stop jumping 553 00:23:22,050 --> 00:23:24,385 up and down for a second?! 554 00:23:24,386 --> 00:23:25,886 Thank you. 555 00:23:25,887 --> 00:23:28,889 Now let's just take a hypothetical situation. 556 00:23:28,890 --> 00:23:31,892 Just for fun, let's just say that the roof collapsed 557 00:23:31,893 --> 00:23:34,395 over at Tan 'N' Wash from the weight of all this snow 558 00:23:34,396 --> 00:23:36,897 and by some little quirk we didn't have any insurance. 559 00:23:36,898 --> 00:23:38,900 How would you guys feel about that, huh? 560 00:23:44,406 --> 00:23:45,907 Just checking.