1 00:00:01,952 --> 00:00:05,254 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:08,591 Guinness stout and a gin and tonic. 3 00:00:08,592 --> 00:00:10,343 Something the matter, Carla? 4 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,128 Yeah, something's the matter. 5 00:00:12,129 --> 00:00:13,630 My life is the pits. 6 00:00:13,631 --> 00:00:15,049 Seems like good things happen 7 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,300 to everybody except me, you know? 8 00:00:17,301 --> 00:00:18,601 Norm has a new job. 9 00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:21,104 Frasier actually seems happy 10 00:00:21,105 --> 00:00:23,606 since he met his creepy girlfriend. 11 00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:28,611 And Sam has given up women and decided to marry Diane. 12 00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:30,480 And what have I got? Zip. 13 00:00:30,481 --> 00:00:32,448 Woody, I mean, how do you keep 14 00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:34,450 such a sunny disposition 15 00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:36,953 in this rotten, stink-infested world? 16 00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:38,454 You mean, what do I do 17 00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:41,457 when I see Mr. Blues peeking around the corner? 18 00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:42,458 Oh, God, 19 00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:46,963 he even has a cute name for depression. 20 00:00:46,964 --> 00:00:50,967 Well, I just close my eyes, and I think a happy thought. 21 00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:52,836 Here, I-I'll show you. 22 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,347 What was your thought? 23 00:01:04,348 --> 00:01:06,016 I'm glad I'm not you. 24 00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:17,360 ? Making your way in the world today? 25 00:01:17,361 --> 00:01:19,862 ? Takes everything you've got? 26 00:01:19,863 --> 00:01:22,365 ? Taking a break from all your worries? 27 00:01:22,366 --> 00:01:25,868 ? Sure would help a lot? 28 00:01:25,869 --> 00:01:29,373 ? Wouldn't you like to get away?? 29 00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:34,677 ? Sometimes you want to go? 30 00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:39,682 ? Where everybody knows your name? 31 00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:44,687 ? And they're always glad you came? 32 00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,689 ? You want to be where you can see? 33 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:49,692 ? Our troubles are all the same? 34 00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:54,197 ? You want to be where everybody knows your name? 35 00:01:54,198 --> 00:01:56,699 ? You want to go where people know? 36 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,702 ? People are all the same? 37 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:03,207 ? You want to go where everybody knows your name.? 38 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:24,060 Hey, Mr. Peterson. Yeah. 39 00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:26,563 I'm working on this month's issue of the Cheers newsletter, 40 00:02:26,564 --> 00:02:27,814 and I wondered 41 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:30,100 what's new with you? 42 00:02:30,101 --> 00:02:32,018 Nothing, really, Woody. 43 00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:33,820 Well, you sure? 44 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,572 Uh, I don't know. Check last month. 45 00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:36,574 What was I up to then? 46 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:39,943 Let's see. Norm Peterson. 47 00:02:39,944 --> 00:02:41,277 Nothing. 48 00:02:41,278 --> 00:02:42,696 Oh. 49 00:02:42,697 --> 00:02:45,198 Well, I guess it's not new then, eh? 50 00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:48,201 How about you, Dr. Crane? 51 00:02:48,202 --> 00:02:49,452 What's new in my life? 52 00:02:49,453 --> 00:02:51,254 Well, it's not easily put into words, Wood. 53 00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:52,756 Perhaps it has something to do 54 00:02:52,757 --> 00:02:54,257 with my relationship with Lilith. 55 00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:56,126 And perhaps it's just a maturity 56 00:02:56,127 --> 00:02:58,094 that comes with age. 57 00:02:58,095 --> 00:03:02,098 All I know is that I feel I finally know who I am, 58 00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:04,601 and I'm happy with that person. 59 00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:05,969 Does that answer your question? 60 00:03:05,970 --> 00:03:06,770 Sure does. 61 00:03:06,771 --> 00:03:09,023 Dr. Crane: Nothing. 62 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:13,526 Sam! 63 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,861 Great news! 64 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,146 I found a house. 65 00:03:16,147 --> 00:03:17,147 Hey! 66 00:03:17,148 --> 00:03:20,116 Turn it in. Maybe you'll get a reward. 67 00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,118 No, you goose. 68 00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,620 I found our house. 69 00:03:23,621 --> 00:03:25,121 I was driving to work today 70 00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:28,125 and, as luck would have it, there was an eight-car smash-up. 71 00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,746 Yeah, that didn't come out right. 72 00:03:32,747 --> 00:03:34,164 What I meant was I was forced to take 73 00:03:34,165 --> 00:03:35,665 an alternate route, 74 00:03:35,666 --> 00:03:39,052 and it sent me right past the perfect house. 75 00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:41,054 Oh, Sam, you should see it. 76 00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:42,889 Three bedrooms, two and a half baths, 77 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,390 a formal dining room, 78 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,392 a huge fireplace in the living room. 79 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:47,474 Excuse me for interrupting, 80 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,262 but we're not looking for a house. 81 00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:51,231 I know. I already found it. 82 00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:53,233 No, I mean that we agreed 83 00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:56,237 to live in my apartment for a year first. 84 00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:58,738 Well, yes, 85 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,607 that was the original plan. Yeah. 86 00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:03,943 But that was before I saw hardwood floors, 87 00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,746 bay windows, crown moldings. 88 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:07,747 Yeah, well, 89 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,616 so what's wrong with my apartment? 90 00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,918 Well, granted this house 91 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:15,422 doesn't have your view of the Exotic Dancing Academy. 92 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:19,759 But I think you could learn to live 93 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,261 in the shade of a stately elm. 94 00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:25,014 Oh, uh, I, uh, hate to be a buttinsky here, 95 00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:27,100 but, uh, 96 00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:29,135 this is the absolute worst time to buy a house. 97 00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:29,969 Why is that? 98 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:30,970 Ah, seller's market. 99 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,472 Unless you run into that, uh, rare breed, 100 00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:33,857 you know, the motivated seller. 101 00:04:33,858 --> 00:04:35,141 Now, you know, for a price, 102 00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:37,060 I could put you in a sweet little, uh, 103 00:04:37,061 --> 00:04:38,101 three-bed, two-bath number. 104 00:04:38,562 --> 00:04:41,564 Uh, it's got, uh, fishnetting over the patio 105 00:04:41,565 --> 00:04:45,068 and a handmade, uh, uh, lava rock fire pit in the back. 106 00:04:45,069 --> 00:04:47,370 Cliffie, uh, that sounds a little bit like your house. 107 00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:48,738 It is my house, Norm. 108 00:04:48,739 --> 00:04:50,123 Wait, wait, wait now. 109 00:04:50,124 --> 00:04:51,407 You said your mother was going to live there 110 00:04:51,408 --> 00:04:52,659 till the day she died. 111 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:55,496 Well, uh, she's clean, and she doesn't eat much. 112 00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:57,997 Sam, please. 113 00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,999 Just come with me and take a look at it. 114 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,001 I'm not-I'm not ready to own a home. 115 00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,003 It's a... you-you got to work up to that. 116 00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,388 Sammy's right. 117 00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:06,639 It's a big responsibility. 118 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,141 You got uh, lawns to mow. 119 00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:09,592 You got plumbing to fix. 120 00:05:09,593 --> 00:05:10,844 You got gutters to clean. 121 00:05:10,845 --> 00:05:12,145 Then, you know, every couple of years, 122 00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,147 you got to paint the entire thing from top to bottom. 123 00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,517 Honestly, I don't know where Vera gets the energy sometimes. 124 00:05:18,736 --> 00:05:21,070 Norm, you should be ashamed of yourself. 125 00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:23,072 Yeah, I guess I should, shouldn't I? 126 00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:26,075 You know, thank God I'm not, huh? 127 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,494 Well, Sam and I will split the chores at our house. 128 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:29,495 Would you just slow down? 129 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,497 We're not buyin' a house. I mean it. 130 00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,366 Now, Sam, don't be so hasty. 131 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:34,701 This could be the house for you. 132 00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:36,085 Does it have a basement? 133 00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:37,003 Yes, it does. A large one. 134 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,371 Great. 135 00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:41,257 You can convert it into a dungeon to keep Diane in. 136 00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:43,710 Then, when you're done torturing her, 137 00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:47,213 you could bury the body under the cement floor, 138 00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:49,215 cover it with a Ping-Pong table. 139 00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:51,601 Well, maybe. I don't know. 140 00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:52,385 Sam. 141 00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:54,772 No, no, maybe you, not her. 142 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,691 Will you stop stalling and come with me, please? 143 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,693 Just give me one good reason why I should. 144 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:04,147 Because we own it. 145 00:06:04,148 --> 00:06:06,150 That's a pretty good reason, Sam. 146 00:06:09,653 --> 00:06:11,654 You bought a house without asking me? 147 00:06:11,655 --> 00:06:14,157 Well, I-I didn't exactly buy it. 148 00:06:14,158 --> 00:06:17,160 Uh-huh. I put down the teeniest 149 00:06:17,161 --> 00:06:19,045 of refundable deposits. 150 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:20,246 You know, I don't believe this. 151 00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:22,215 Oh, now, Sam, there was another couple there, 152 00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:24,217 and they were all ready to make a bid on it. 153 00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:25,084 I had to move quickly. 154 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,552 Yeah, talking about moving quickly, 155 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:27,553 you get into my office right now 156 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,555 and you call them tell them that I want my deposit back. 157 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,557 Okay, Sam, whatever you say. 158 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,059 But first I want to call the decorator 159 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,060 about ordering drapes. 160 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,429 Yeah, well, make it quick. 161 00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:37,897 Well, I guess it's time we started thinking 162 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:38,938 about a housewarming gift. 163 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:40,400 Ah, it's pathetic. 164 00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:41,901 Yeah, you'd never catch a woman of mine 165 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,404 leading me around by the nose. 166 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,407 No, but you might catch her sunning herself on a rock. 167 00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:05,925 It's ours. 168 00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:09,429 It's finally ours. I can't believe it. 169 00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:11,431 Neither can I. 170 00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:13,433 Wow, you know, every time I come here 171 00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:14,934 I like this place more and more. 172 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,936 Oh. 173 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:19,939 Thank God you talked me into this. Oh, yeah. 174 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,941 Oh. 175 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,860 You don't think we spent too much money on it? 176 00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:25,361 Oh, absolutely. 177 00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:27,363 What the hell? 178 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:28,364 It's a great house. 179 00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:29,365 Yeah. And it's ours. 180 00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:30,867 Well, not quite yet. 181 00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:32,235 You know, I never feel at home 182 00:07:32,236 --> 00:07:35,204 until I hang this little baby up. 183 00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:37,206 Oh, God, Sam. 184 00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:38,207 What? 185 00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,710 Oh, not where people can see it. 186 00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:42,211 You know, I have never understood 187 00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:43,713 your attitude about this painting. 188 00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:44,964 I mean, it's a classic. 189 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,799 "Dogs Playing 190 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,302 Blackjack." 191 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,812 I never look at this without cracking up. 192 00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:00,680 Ah. 193 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:03,649 Well, that's the purpose of great art. 194 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:04,650 You know something? I think you, 195 00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,652 you're missing the subtle humor here. 196 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,655 I mean, see this guy right here? He's cheating. 197 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,659 Oh. Oh, Sam, 198 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,161 I can hardly wait till I'm in the kitchen, 199 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,164 pot holders in hand, cooking a nice big roast, 200 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,533 calling out to you, "Dinner's ready, honey." 201 00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:22,869 "I'll be right there. I'm in the workshop." 202 00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,871 The workshop? 203 00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:27,040 Oh, yeah, yeah. 204 00:08:27,041 --> 00:08:28,291 My dad always had one. 205 00:08:28,292 --> 00:08:30,793 I used to go down there all the time. 206 00:08:30,794 --> 00:08:33,679 I just loved the smell of sawdust. 207 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,933 Wonder where I can buy some of that. 208 00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:38,801 Oh, Sam, 209 00:08:38,802 --> 00:08:40,186 I have wonderful plans 210 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,187 for every room in the entire house. 211 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,689 That's funny, so do I. 212 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:47,193 Why don't we start right here in the living room? 213 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:48,694 Yeah, these floors look like they could use 214 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:51,197 a little polishing. Oh, Sam. Sam. 215 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,699 We really have to leave now, my dear. 216 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,202 Yes, I guess you're right. 217 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,704 Uh, hello? Hello? 218 00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,707 Oh. You must be the new owner. 219 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:02,708 Yeah, yeah, I'm, uh, 220 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,210 I'm Sam Malone. How do you do? 221 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,211 How are you? 222 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,163 This is my, uh, fiancée, Diane Chambers. 223 00:09:07,164 --> 00:09:09,165 Hi. Bert and Lillian Miller. 224 00:09:09,166 --> 00:09:10,166 Oh. Hi, how are you? 225 00:09:10,167 --> 00:09:12,668 Pleased to meet you. Oh, it's a pleasure. 226 00:09:12,669 --> 00:09:14,554 The house is beautiful. Mmm. 227 00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:15,338 Oh, yes, yes. 228 00:09:15,339 --> 00:09:16,839 Well, of course, we know 229 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:18,841 we're supposed to be out of here by now, 230 00:09:18,842 --> 00:09:21,844 but, well, we forgot a few odds and ends, you know? 231 00:09:21,845 --> 00:09:23,229 And, uh, 232 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:26,182 well, we just wanted to take a last look. 233 00:09:26,183 --> 00:09:27,683 Well, you know, 234 00:09:27,684 --> 00:09:30,069 when you've lived in a house for 40 years, 235 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,071 taking that last step out the door, 236 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,573 well, it-it-it's pretty hard. 237 00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:35,074 Of course. 238 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:39,079 I confess, I... touched liquor this morning. 239 00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:45,585 Oh, tha... that's all right, my girl. 240 00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:47,587 But you look like a fine couple. 241 00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:50,590 I'm glad the house is going to you. Thank you. 242 00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,592 Oh, yeah, yeah, we plan to do great things in it... 243 00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:55,461 with it, with it. 244 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,430 So many memories. 245 00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:59,432 Like when Mikey climbed up the bookshelves 246 00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:00,433 and hit his head on the mantle. 247 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:01,435 You remember? 248 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:04,437 Oh, we were all so worried. 249 00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:05,938 And that's where little Janey 250 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,940 rehearsed her dance for the school play. 251 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:08,941 Oh. 252 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,944 You know, I studied ballet as a child. 253 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,446 So I became quite experien... 254 00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:14,947 Berty Junior 255 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,732 took his first steps 256 00:10:16,733 --> 00:10:18,534 on this very spot right here. 257 00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:21,537 And... that's where we always put our Christmas tree. 258 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:22,906 Every year. 259 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:24,908 40 Christmases. 260 00:10:25,409 --> 00:10:26,409 Thirty-nine. 261 00:10:26,410 --> 00:10:27,910 Hmm? 262 00:10:27,911 --> 00:10:29,412 Well, we didn't quite make it 263 00:10:29,413 --> 00:10:30,913 to Christmas this year. 264 00:10:30,914 --> 00:10:32,415 Oh, sure. 265 00:10:32,416 --> 00:10:33,666 You know, 266 00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:34,967 I think we'll 267 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,470 miss the Christmases most of all. 268 00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:38,971 I know, Bert. 269 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,473 The children 270 00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,842 and the grandchildren. 271 00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,844 Ah, never mind. 272 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,145 There, there now. 273 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,147 Out with the old. 274 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,649 And in with the new. 275 00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:51,651 Now, we're just going to get out of your way, 276 00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,019 so that you two can 277 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,487 share your lives. 278 00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:55,488 Well, good luck to you. Thank you. 279 00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:57,240 Can I help you with those boxes there? 280 00:10:57,241 --> 00:10:58,322 Oh no, they'll be fine. No. 281 00:10:58,575 --> 00:10:59,575 We're just going as far as the bus stop. 282 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:00,943 Okay, okay. 283 00:11:00,944 --> 00:11:02,411 Have a nice day. 284 00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:03,663 Yeah. Glad to meet you. Thank you. 285 00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:04,497 Good-bye. 286 00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:05,866 Good-bye. 287 00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:10,703 Good-bye, house. 288 00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:11,704 Bye-bye. 289 00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:12,206 Bye-bye now. 290 00:11:14,625 --> 00:11:16,126 Gee, what a sweet couple, huh? 291 00:11:18,128 --> 00:11:19,128 Let's see, where were we? 292 00:11:19,129 --> 00:11:20,129 Oh, yes, yes, yes, I think we were, uh, 293 00:11:20,130 --> 00:11:21,631 talking about polishing the floor. 294 00:11:21,632 --> 00:11:26,135 Do want to wax or shall we buff? 295 00:11:26,136 --> 00:11:29,640 I cannot live a single day in this house. 296 00:11:31,642 --> 00:11:35,145 Oh, God. 297 00:11:47,573 --> 00:11:49,324 Come on, come on. 298 00:11:49,325 --> 00:11:51,326 It's all right. 299 00:11:51,327 --> 00:11:53,328 I mean it, Sam. 300 00:11:53,329 --> 00:11:55,330 I could never live here. 301 00:11:55,331 --> 00:11:57,332 No, don't say that. Don't say that. 302 00:11:57,333 --> 00:11:59,334 Listen, hey, I got a surprise for you. 303 00:11:59,335 --> 00:12:01,837 Look, I took the picture down. 304 00:12:01,838 --> 00:12:04,339 Sam, it has nothing to do with the picture. 305 00:12:04,340 --> 00:12:07,342 I-I... Although I do appreciate that. 306 00:12:07,343 --> 00:12:08,844 This place belongs 307 00:12:08,845 --> 00:12:10,846 to Bert and Lillian. 308 00:12:10,847 --> 00:12:12,849 It's alive with their memories. 309 00:12:13,850 --> 00:12:18,353 Oh, poor Mikey. Now, that must have smarted. 310 00:12:18,354 --> 00:12:20,856 Come on, come on, we love this house. 311 00:12:20,857 --> 00:12:23,358 Now, I know how you feel right now, but... 312 00:12:23,359 --> 00:12:25,360 but wait till we make some changes here. 313 00:12:25,361 --> 00:12:26,862 Look, we can... we can... 314 00:12:26,863 --> 00:12:27,863 we can knock out this wall right here 315 00:12:27,864 --> 00:12:29,364 and make the whole room different. 316 00:12:29,365 --> 00:12:30,866 I mean, yeah, what the hell? Look at that. 317 00:12:30,867 --> 00:12:32,868 They got writing all over this wall. 318 00:12:32,869 --> 00:12:34,870 Oh, look. 319 00:12:34,871 --> 00:12:37,372 "Mikey at one year, 30 inches." 320 00:12:37,373 --> 00:12:41,626 "Bert Jr. at two years, 36 inches." 321 00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:44,846 How can you possibly think of tearing this down? 322 00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:46,348 Can't you see 323 00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:48,517 this is a record of their lives? 324 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:49,434 Well, all I can see 325 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:52,438 is that little Janey here was a moose. 326 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:59,861 How'd you like to have that coming at you in a tutu, huh? 327 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:04,116 You have the sensitivity of a dung beetle. 328 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,984 I'm just trying to lighten the mood up here. 329 00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:08,870 Well, I'm not in the mood for fun and games. 330 00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:11,623 Well... ALL: Happy housewarming! 331 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,625 Hey, hey... 332 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:14,626 No, don't. 333 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,129 This isn't our house. We don't belong in it. 334 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,880 I'll never live here. 335 00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:20,549 Not one day, not one minute. 336 00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,051 Please, leave, please. 337 00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:29,558 You know, Sammy, a couple of years ago, 338 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:30,959 this might've taken me by surprise, 339 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,563 but now I just kind of roll with it. 340 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,566 This is great! 341 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:40,068 I got the one where they're on the train. 342 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:43,072 Yeah. Not now, Woody. 343 00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:47,076 Look at that. 344 00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:48,577 I never noticed that. 345 00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,078 The bloodhound's doubling down. 346 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:51,080 Look at that. 347 00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:58,003 Uh, I'm sorry about this, you guys. 348 00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:00,005 It's a... it's a bad time. 349 00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,508 Wait till the honeymoon! 350 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:11,016 We're trespassers here, Sam. 351 00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:13,518 The love and warmth that fill these walls 352 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:14,519 didn't come from us. 353 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,021 We can change the wallpaper, 354 00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,023 we can paint, 355 00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,524 we can put up new curtains, 356 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,026 but the soul of this house 357 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:23,029 will still be those two sweet, old people. 358 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,530 I'd be afraid to wash the dishes 359 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:27,033 for fear I'd turn the faucet on, 360 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:30,535 and instead of water coming out, it would be Lillian's tears. 361 00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:33,039 Oh, brother. 362 00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:37,543 I-I-I'll put a purifier in. 363 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,047 All houses have ghosts. 364 00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:44,049 You know, memories of people who lived there before. 365 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,967 Now, the only way you can get rid of them 366 00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:48,470 is to-to start making your own memories, 367 00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:49,971 and the only way we can do that 368 00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:53,975 is if we move in here and start living here. 369 00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:55,977 Mm... 370 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:56,978 maybe you're right. 371 00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:59,481 Yeah. 372 00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:01,983 I guess I've been overreacting. 373 00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:02,985 Oh, that's okay. 374 00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:06,989 What do you say we carry on this conversation naked? 375 00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:13,412 Do you think I could ever make love in this house? 376 00:15:18,784 --> 00:15:20,585 Afternoon, everybody. 377 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:21,953 Norm! 378 00:15:21,954 --> 00:15:23,922 Hey, Mr. Peterson, how's life? 379 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:24,923 Oh, the plot's okay, Woody, 380 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,176 but it kind of falls apart at the end. 381 00:15:28,584 --> 00:15:29,544 Where's Sammy and Diane? 382 00:15:29,545 --> 00:15:31,546 They're in the office trying to unload. 383 00:15:31,547 --> 00:15:33,048 The Nightmare on Diane Street. 384 00:15:33,049 --> 00:15:34,299 Well... 385 00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:35,600 they'll just have to miss my big news. 386 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,469 Woody, I want you 387 00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,771 to stop the presses on that, uh, newsletter. 388 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,022 You'll never guess who I saw 389 00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:42,524 in front of my office today. 390 00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:43,892 Robert Urich. 391 00:15:43,893 --> 00:15:45,026 Okay? 392 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,862 I want to tell you he's just as nice a guy 393 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,363 driving past at 50 miles an hour 394 00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:49,732 as he looks on that TV screen. 395 00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:52,367 Hey, Woody, Woody, Woody. 396 00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:53,735 Another round. Quick, too. 397 00:15:53,736 --> 00:15:54,736 Hey, how's it going in there? Oh, great. 398 00:15:54,737 --> 00:15:55,620 The couple in there are crazier 399 00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:56,988 about the house than we were. 400 00:15:56,989 --> 00:15:57,739 You know, I have to admit, 401 00:15:57,740 --> 00:15:58,741 I was a little ticked off 402 00:15:58,982 --> 00:16:00,742 when Diane said she wanted to sell the house, 403 00:16:00,743 --> 00:16:03,745 but as it turns out, I think we're going to make a... 404 00:16:03,746 --> 00:16:04,746 that's good, Woody... 405 00:16:04,747 --> 00:16:06,249 make a nice little profit here. 406 00:16:07,250 --> 00:16:09,252 Are you sure I can't change your mind? 407 00:16:09,752 --> 00:16:10,752 I'm sorry. 408 00:16:10,753 --> 00:16:13,673 That's my final decision. 409 00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:22,347 You know, I-I-I'm getting on in years, 410 00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:25,350 and my hearing may not be what it used to be, 411 00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:27,736 but did you just queer this whole deal? 412 00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:29,354 I had to turn them down. 413 00:16:29,355 --> 00:16:30,188 Why? 414 00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:30,989 Sam, those people 415 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,490 were bereft of soul. 416 00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:33,992 They had no intention 417 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,443 of embracing that house. 418 00:16:35,444 --> 00:16:37,697 Their only desire was to live there. 419 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,500 They wanted to live in the house they just bought? 420 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:46,005 My God, they must've been raised by wolves. 421 00:16:46,976 --> 00:16:48,456 They weren't the right kind of people 422 00:16:48,457 --> 00:16:50,458 to live in Bert and Lillian's house. 423 00:16:50,459 --> 00:16:51,459 Oh, you know... 424 00:16:51,460 --> 00:16:52,844 That's it, that's it. 425 00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,846 You know, I... we have always done things your way. 426 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,848 I have bent over backwards to make you happy. 427 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,350 I bought the ring you wanted, 428 00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,852 the china you wanted, the-the crystal you wanted. 429 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,854 I even agreed to have a duvet cover on my bed, 430 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,356 and I don't know what a duvet is 431 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,224 or what it's supposed to cover. 432 00:17:06,225 --> 00:17:07,892 When are we going to do something 433 00:17:07,893 --> 00:17:09,778 that I want to do? 434 00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:11,279 May I remind you that we're going 435 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,033 to Disney World for our honeymoon? 436 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,370 Big deal. Who isn't? 437 00:17:19,655 --> 00:17:22,540 Sam, every time I look at that place, 438 00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:26,044 I can't help but think about that poor, old couple, 439 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,046 shambling away from their house, 440 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,547 wishing they could spend 441 00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:32,917 one last Christmas there with their family. 442 00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:34,419 Well, then why not just give them 443 00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:36,171 one last Christmas there, if that's what they want? 444 00:17:36,172 --> 00:17:37,339 But rid yourself 445 00:17:37,340 --> 00:17:39,307 of the guilt you feel by robbing them 446 00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,059 of the last few happy memories left them. 447 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,894 Oh, you know, that-that's the screwiest idea 448 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,764 I've ever heard. No, Sam, he's right. 449 00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:49,017 We-we'll-we'll call the Millers and all their children, 450 00:17:49,018 --> 00:17:50,518 and we'll plan a Christmas party. 451 00:17:50,519 --> 00:17:52,520 Oh, Sam, it'll make the transition easier 452 00:17:52,521 --> 00:17:53,521 for them and for me. 453 00:17:53,522 --> 00:17:55,523 Well, what are we supposed to do until December? 454 00:17:55,524 --> 00:17:56,908 Bunk out with Ma Clavin? 455 00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,860 No, I mean, we'll do it now. 456 00:17:58,861 --> 00:18:02,247 This year, Christmas comes next week. 457 00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,115 Oh... Huh? Oh, it'll be fun. 458 00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:06,618 Oh, gee, I hate it when they change holidays around 459 00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:09,121 just to make a three-day weekend. 460 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:19,597 Who's ready for some delicious hot apple cider? 461 00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:23,968 Can I have mine with ice? It's 80 degrees outside. 462 00:18:23,969 --> 00:18:25,637 Where's your Christmas spirit, Naomi? 463 00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:27,306 It melted. 464 00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:30,308 There's another present for you there, Naomi. 465 00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:32,060 Isn't that right, Santa? 466 00:18:32,061 --> 00:18:34,946 I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking. 467 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,448 All right, here it is, here it is. 468 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:37,449 There you go, kid. 469 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,867 There you are. 470 00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,869 Oh, boy! 471 00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,370 What do you say, Naomi? 472 00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:43,738 Thank you, Santa. 473 00:18:43,739 --> 00:18:45,123 Ah... And what do you say, Santa? 474 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,492 Yeah, Mrs. Claus is going to pay for this. 475 00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:48,376 Come here. 476 00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:51,796 Look, look, how much longer do we have to do this? 477 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,798 Oh, the children are loving it. 478 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:56,301 Yeah, well, can I at least take this beard off? 479 00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,803 No, no, no, no. 480 00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:01,556 Now, we don't want to spoil their illusions. 481 00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:03,893 Don't you think the fact that Santa's here in mid-May 482 00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:07,262 sweating bullets is making 'em a little suspicious already? 483 00:19:07,263 --> 00:19:09,814 Uh, yes, Santa, what a great idea. 484 00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,684 Why don't you lead us all in some Christmas carols? 485 00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:16,154 Uh, m-m-maybe somebody else ought to do that. 486 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:20,024 Uh, Santa's got a little summer cold going here. 487 00:19:20,025 --> 00:19:22,327 Oh, well, David is the musician of the family. 488 00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:23,328 Well... 489 00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,831 "Let it Snow" in "E" flat. 490 00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:32,087 ? Oh, the weather outside is frightful? 491 00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,372 ? But the fire is so delightful? 492 00:19:34,373 --> 00:19:37,041 ? And since there's no place to go? 493 00:19:37,042 --> 00:19:40,545 ? Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...? 494 00:19:40,546 --> 00:19:42,430 All right, all right, look, we-we did it, we did it. 495 00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:43,348 They're singing their carols. 496 00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:44,349 We passed out the presents. 497 00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,850 Now can we put out the stupid fire 498 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,719 and-and get the Millers out of here, please? 499 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,021 Oh, but, Sam, we haven't roasted the chestnuts yet. 500 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:53,526 Oh, guess again, sweetheart. 501 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,399 Well, you know, 502 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,234 that was great, kids, but I think 503 00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:07,623 perhaps we-we ought to thank the kind and generous friends... 504 00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:10,909 who've let us make this Yuletide possible. 505 00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,827 Oh, no. No, no. 506 00:20:12,828 --> 00:20:14,329 You really don't have to. 507 00:20:14,330 --> 00:20:16,331 No, no, not at all. 508 00:20:16,332 --> 00:20:19,334 Now, Sam and Diane have opened their home... 509 00:20:19,335 --> 00:20:21,586 it is their home now... 510 00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:22,921 so that we can enjoy 511 00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:27,308 one last Christmas here together. 512 00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:29,561 Well, of course, we've known a lot of Christmases 513 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:33,566 around this hearth, but for you kids, 514 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,934 this will be the last one. 515 00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:37,852 And all they'll have 516 00:20:37,853 --> 00:20:41,322 is pictures, home movies 517 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:43,324 and memories to fill the gap 518 00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:45,326 through their lives. 519 00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:47,829 Oh, I hope the memories survive. 520 00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,748 Say you'll remember, children. 521 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:53,001 We'll all remember, Grandma. 522 00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:55,286 Yes, and-and what about Easter? 523 00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:58,756 Will you remember the Easters, too? 524 00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:00,758 I don't remember, Grandpa. 525 00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:02,760 Oh, honey... 526 00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:07,765 Please don't make Grandma and Grandpa leave, lady. 527 00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:09,133 No, go... Oh, oh, 528 00:21:09,134 --> 00:21:11,386 th-th-they don't have to. 529 00:21:11,387 --> 00:21:13,304 Listen, why don't you come over next week, 530 00:21:13,305 --> 00:21:16,307 and we'll have a big Easter egg hunt 531 00:21:16,308 --> 00:21:17,976 right here. 532 00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:19,777 And I will make it an annual occasion. 533 00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:21,529 Yay! 534 00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:23,147 No, no, no, no! 535 00:21:23,148 --> 00:21:27,069 No, no, I am not putting on a bunny suit for anybody! 536 00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:29,287 Now, now, listen, 537 00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:31,122 we've done everything... more than everything... 538 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:33,124 anybody could possibly expect. 539 00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,626 We got to draw the line somewhere here. 540 00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:37,629 I mean, we can't arrange our lives just for you people. 541 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:40,131 I mean, this is our house now. 542 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,000 Y-Y-You can't have it anymore. 543 00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:43,801 Please, I mean, w-we-we need a chance 544 00:21:43,802 --> 00:21:45,303 to start our own lives here. 545 00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,305 I mean, for God's sake, we haven't even had a chance 546 00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:49,173 to be intimate in our own home yet. 547 00:21:49,174 --> 00:21:51,594 What does Santa mean, Mommy? 548 00:21:53,395 --> 00:21:56,598 Mommy will explain it later, dear. 549 00:21:56,599 --> 00:21:58,266 Yeah, and somewhere else, Mommy. 550 00:21:58,267 --> 00:22:00,569 Uh, c-come on, everybody, please, out. 551 00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:03,571 Oh, no, no, no. 552 00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:06,074 Now, don't grumble. Santa is right. 553 00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:08,444 He may have been a little rude about it... 554 00:22:10,746 --> 00:22:11,529 but it is true. 555 00:22:11,530 --> 00:22:12,915 We have been imposing. 556 00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:17,952 So let's all go over to Grandma and Grandpa's new condo 557 00:22:17,953 --> 00:22:20,455 and have Christmas there. 558 00:22:20,456 --> 00:22:21,840 Yay! 559 00:22:23,709 --> 00:22:29,347 ? Frosty the Snowman was a jolly, happy soul? 560 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:30,682 Bye-bye, happy holidays. 561 00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:33,184 ? With a corncob pipe and button nose? Yeah, bye-bye, bye-bye. 562 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,186 ? And two eyes made out of coal...? There we go. Bye-bye. 563 00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:37,555 Thank you. There we go. 564 00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:38,856 What about our presents? 565 00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:40,225 Uh, we'll ship 'em to you. 566 00:22:44,113 --> 00:22:47,115 I can't believe what you just did, Sam. 567 00:22:47,116 --> 00:22:48,983 I am not going to apologize, Diane. 568 00:22:48,984 --> 00:22:52,370 Suddenly, the house is ours. 569 00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:53,621 You mean that? 570 00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:55,823 You claimed it for me. 571 00:22:55,824 --> 00:22:57,959 Oh. Just stood up 572 00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:02,081 and claimed it for me like some animal out of the wild. 573 00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:05,249 Oh, Sam... 574 00:23:05,250 --> 00:23:08,553 you're so sexy when you're territorial. 575 00:23:08,554 --> 00:23:10,421 So, uh... 576 00:23:10,422 --> 00:23:11,389 anything special you want 577 00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:13,257 from Santa this year, little girl? 578 00:23:13,258 --> 00:23:16,177 Oh, Santa... 579 00:23:16,178 --> 00:23:18,479 Well, I think that can be arranged. 580 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:19,764 There you go... 581 00:23:19,765 --> 00:23:20,765 Where is that? 582 00:23:20,766 --> 00:23:22,768 It's in there someplace. 583 00:23:24,269 --> 00:23:27,155 You know, Santa? Hmm? 584 00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:28,606 I think it's time to take you up 585 00:23:28,607 --> 00:23:31,993 on that offer to polish the floor. 586 00:23:31,994 --> 00:23:33,277 Oh, well, uh... 587 00:23:33,278 --> 00:23:35,279 what room would you like to start in here? 588 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:39,283 Hmm... how about the dining room? 589 00:23:39,284 --> 00:23:41,787 Oh, good, good, good, good, good.