1 00:00:01,962 --> 00:00:04,997 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,286 Oh! Oh! 3 00:00:11,321 --> 00:00:14,040 ( gasping ) 4 00:00:14,074 --> 00:00:17,043 Sam, I think Carla has a drink order. 5 00:00:18,745 --> 00:00:19,878 Sweetheart, are you all right? 6 00:00:19,913 --> 00:00:21,931 Sammy, I think this could be it. 7 00:00:21,965 --> 00:00:23,732 I think the twins are coming. 8 00:00:23,767 --> 00:00:24,801 Oh. Ooh, ooh! 9 00:00:24,835 --> 00:00:25,802 ( groans ) 10 00:00:25,836 --> 00:00:26,803 What do you know? 11 00:00:26,837 --> 00:00:28,070 The Sixers are in town tonight. 12 00:00:28,105 --> 00:00:30,572 Isn't it amazing how Carla's labor pains 13 00:00:30,607 --> 00:00:34,043 always seem to coincide with Celtic home games? 14 00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:35,644 Hey, hey, hey, hey! 15 00:00:35,679 --> 00:00:37,563 Wait a minute. 16 00:00:37,598 --> 00:00:40,349 Now, you think that I would exploit 17 00:00:40,383 --> 00:00:42,551 this beautiful thing called motherhood 18 00:00:42,585 --> 00:00:46,355 just to go to some stupid basketball game? 19 00:00:46,389 --> 00:00:49,375 ( groaning ) 20 00:00:49,410 --> 00:00:51,110 I'm insulted! 21 00:00:51,144 --> 00:00:52,161 Carla, I'm not falling for it this time. 22 00:00:52,195 --> 00:00:53,262 You can scream till you shatter 23 00:00:53,296 --> 00:00:54,563 every glass in this bar, 24 00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:55,731 but you're not going anywhere. 25 00:00:55,765 --> 00:00:57,483 ( groans ) 26 00:00:57,517 --> 00:00:58,601 Sweetheart, you're just going 27 00:00:58,635 --> 00:01:00,736 to have to give birth right here in the bar. 28 00:01:00,770 --> 00:01:02,538 Come on. It won't be that bad. 29 00:01:02,573 --> 00:01:05,091 Remember, the last kid you had here was no big deal. 30 00:01:05,125 --> 00:01:06,325 All you had to do was a little 31 00:01:06,359 --> 00:01:08,543 snip-snip and a quick mop-up 32 00:01:08,578 --> 00:01:09,695 and you were right back on your feet. 33 00:01:09,730 --> 00:01:11,046 ( groaning ) 34 00:01:11,081 --> 00:01:12,414 Let me call you a cab, Carla. 35 00:01:12,448 --> 00:01:14,950 It's all right. I got one waiting. Thank you. 36 00:01:14,985 --> 00:01:16,402 Hey, uh, there wouldn't happen to be another seat 37 00:01:16,437 --> 00:01:17,537 in the delivery room, would there? 38 00:01:17,571 --> 00:01:19,204 No, no. There are only seats for me and Eddie, Sam. 39 00:01:19,239 --> 00:01:20,272 Oh, come on. 40 00:01:20,307 --> 00:01:22,258 Maybe next... child. 41 00:01:22,292 --> 00:01:24,093 ( groans ) 42 00:01:25,479 --> 00:01:29,415 ( piano plays ) 43 00:01:29,449 --> 00:01:31,867 ¶ Making your way in the world today ¶ 44 00:01:31,902 --> 00:01:35,087 ¶ Takes everything you've got 45 00:01:35,122 --> 00:01:37,823 ¶ Taking a break from all your worries ¶ 46 00:01:37,857 --> 00:01:41,059 ¶ Sure would help a lot 47 00:01:41,094 --> 00:01:46,265 ¶ Wouldn't you like to get away? ¶ 48 00:01:46,299 --> 00:01:49,151 ¶ Sometimes you want to go 49 00:01:49,185 --> 00:01:54,523 ¶ Where everybody knows your name ¶ 50 00:01:54,557 --> 00:01:59,195 ¶ And they're always glad you came ¶ 51 00:01:59,229 --> 00:02:01,463 ¶ You want to be where you can see ¶ 52 00:02:01,497 --> 00:02:04,200 ¶ Our troubles are all the same ¶ 53 00:02:04,234 --> 00:02:09,638 ¶ You want to be where everybody knows your name ¶ 54 00:02:09,672 --> 00:02:11,824 ¶ You want to go where people know ¶ 55 00:02:11,858 --> 00:02:14,576 ¶ People are all the same 56 00:02:14,611 --> 00:02:18,480 ¶ You want to go where everybody knows your name. ¶ 57 00:02:36,133 --> 00:02:39,919 Announcement! Announcement! 58 00:02:39,953 --> 00:02:41,354 I just got a phone call, 59 00:02:41,388 --> 00:02:43,655 and if things work out, it might be 60 00:02:43,690 --> 00:02:45,007 my ticket out of here. 61 00:02:45,041 --> 00:02:46,692 ( all cheering ) 62 00:02:50,947 --> 00:02:52,648 Don't you even want to know what it's about? 63 00:02:52,683 --> 00:02:54,933 There's more? 64 00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:58,421 Yes. I have been asked to organize a cocktail party 65 00:02:58,455 --> 00:03:02,158 for Mr. Daniel T. Collier. 66 00:03:02,943 --> 00:03:05,494 Ooh, Daniel T. Collier, the lemon wafer king? 67 00:03:05,528 --> 00:03:07,512 No, no, that's Donald P. Cooper. 68 00:03:07,547 --> 00:03:09,031 Hey, I love those lemon wafers. 69 00:03:09,065 --> 00:03:10,065 You ever dip them in cocoa 70 00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,017 and try to get them out without breaking them? 71 00:03:12,051 --> 00:03:14,370 Yeah, yeah. Do you know you can make a mock apple pie with those? 72 00:03:14,404 --> 00:03:16,138 Excuse me. Those are Ritz Crackers. 73 00:03:16,173 --> 00:03:17,889 Stop talking about wafers! 74 00:03:19,092 --> 00:03:20,476 This is Daniel T. Collier, 75 00:03:20,510 --> 00:03:22,178 the chairman of the board, 76 00:03:22,212 --> 00:03:24,613 the chief executive officer of Lillian. 77 00:03:24,647 --> 00:03:26,699 ALL: Oh... 78 00:03:26,733 --> 00:03:27,332 Sammy, don't you have, 79 00:03:27,366 --> 00:03:28,985 like, the slightest bit of guilt 80 00:03:29,019 --> 00:03:31,620 selling this bar to a corporation named Lillian? 81 00:03:33,273 --> 00:03:34,073 Well, we used to be called 82 00:03:34,107 --> 00:03:35,524 Drax Chemical, Dye and Munitions, 83 00:03:35,558 --> 00:03:37,392 but people had trouble believing our motto: 84 00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:38,894 "We care about people." 85 00:03:40,647 --> 00:03:42,147 Okay, I'm going to need the best of everything: 86 00:03:42,181 --> 00:03:43,215 the best food, 87 00:03:43,249 --> 00:03:44,449 the best liquor. 88 00:03:44,484 --> 00:03:45,751 The best bartenders. 89 00:03:45,785 --> 00:03:47,035 You? 90 00:03:47,770 --> 00:03:49,404 ( laughs ) 91 00:03:51,641 --> 00:03:53,042 ( laughs ) 92 00:03:53,076 --> 00:03:54,910 Good one, Sam. 93 00:03:57,297 --> 00:03:58,730 Did I say something funny here? 94 00:03:58,765 --> 00:04:00,549 Well, actually, I didn't get it either. 95 00:04:00,583 --> 00:04:02,184 I was just laughing to be polite. 96 00:04:02,219 --> 00:04:04,002 But in my own defense, 97 00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:07,640 I do get some things that no one else does. 98 00:04:10,093 --> 00:04:12,561 ¶ When there's a shine on your shoes ¶ 99 00:04:12,595 --> 00:04:14,346 ¶ There's a melody in your heart ¶ 100 00:04:14,380 --> 00:04:17,149 Shiny shoes, huh? 101 00:04:17,184 --> 00:04:19,051 ¶ Shiny shoes, shiny shoes. 102 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,606 Ah, gents, notice anything different about me today? 103 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,140 Okay, I'll go out on a limb. 104 00:04:25,175 --> 00:04:26,275 New shoes? 105 00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:27,376 ( chuckles ) 106 00:04:27,410 --> 00:04:28,443 Yes, siree, Normie. 107 00:04:28,478 --> 00:04:31,180 And for a limited time only, 108 00:04:31,214 --> 00:04:32,714 thanks to the US Postal Service, 109 00:04:32,749 --> 00:04:34,449 you, too, can be saying to your feet, 110 00:04:34,484 --> 00:04:36,151 "Thanks for your support." 111 00:04:37,654 --> 00:04:39,688 Are we to deduce from this, Cliff, 112 00:04:39,723 --> 00:04:42,307 that you are now selling mail-order shoes? 113 00:04:42,341 --> 00:04:44,693 I am not selling shoes here, Doctor. 114 00:04:44,728 --> 00:04:46,561 I'm selling dreams. 115 00:04:46,596 --> 00:04:50,415 Dreams of a little cobbler in Missouri who pours his heart 116 00:04:50,450 --> 00:04:52,752 into every sole. 117 00:04:52,786 --> 00:04:55,287 Actually, Cliff, with a pair of dark socks 118 00:04:55,321 --> 00:04:57,389 those could look halfway decent. 119 00:04:57,423 --> 00:04:58,607 How much are they, Cliff? 120 00:04:58,641 --> 00:04:59,675 $19.99. 121 00:04:59,709 --> 00:05:00,393 Well, what the heck? 122 00:05:00,427 --> 00:05:02,378 For 20 bucks, I'll give it a shot. 123 00:05:03,163 --> 00:05:06,214 All right, order me a size 11. 124 00:05:06,249 --> 00:05:07,316 Normie, Normie, Normie, 125 00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:09,518 these are not your assembly line clodhoppers. 126 00:05:09,552 --> 00:05:11,820 These are precisely machine-measured. 127 00:05:11,854 --> 00:05:13,072 How do I do it then? 128 00:05:13,106 --> 00:05:14,507 Just trace your tootsies on a cocktail napkin 129 00:05:14,541 --> 00:05:15,774 over here, fellas, all right? 130 00:05:18,194 --> 00:05:19,361 I'll tell you. 131 00:05:19,395 --> 00:05:20,396 This brings back memories 132 00:05:20,430 --> 00:05:21,930 of my dad when I was a kid. 133 00:05:21,965 --> 00:05:22,464 Did you all always used to order 134 00:05:22,499 --> 00:05:23,648 your shoes through the mail? 135 00:05:23,683 --> 00:05:25,433 He was always getting taken 136 00:05:25,468 --> 00:05:26,635 by some huckster. 137 00:05:28,638 --> 00:05:29,972 Sam, 138 00:05:30,006 --> 00:05:31,040 if you were throwing a party, 139 00:05:31,074 --> 00:05:32,808 would you order Dom Perignon or Cristal? 140 00:05:32,842 --> 00:05:33,542 Cristal. 141 00:05:33,576 --> 00:05:35,477 Dom Perignon it is, then. 142 00:05:37,330 --> 00:05:40,366 This is getting insulting. 143 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,885 You know, I don't think that she respects us. 144 00:05:42,919 --> 00:05:44,353 What do you mean "us," Sam? 145 00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:47,022 You're the one who goofed up that champagne thing. 146 00:05:47,056 --> 00:05:49,024 Woody, come on, man. 147 00:05:49,058 --> 00:05:50,359 We're a team. 148 00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:53,228 Is that the insulting part? 149 00:05:53,263 --> 00:05:54,763 This... the point is, 150 00:05:54,797 --> 00:05:55,831 she doesn't think that we're worthy 151 00:05:55,865 --> 00:05:59,234 of hanging around with her society friends. 152 00:05:59,269 --> 00:06:01,520 She thinks we're nincompoops. 153 00:06:01,554 --> 00:06:03,622 Nincompoops? 154 00:06:03,656 --> 00:06:04,623 Let's go, Sam. 155 00:06:04,657 --> 00:06:05,974 We're going to talk to her. 156 00:06:06,008 --> 00:06:06,842 What? 157 00:06:06,876 --> 00:06:09,995 Nobody calls Woody Boyd a nincompoop. 158 00:06:10,030 --> 00:06:12,431 Except my dad. 159 00:06:12,465 --> 00:06:14,116 ( knocking ) 160 00:06:16,937 --> 00:06:17,669 Miss Howe, 161 00:06:17,704 --> 00:06:19,371 with all due respect, 162 00:06:19,405 --> 00:06:22,374 that nincompoop crack really hurt. 163 00:06:22,408 --> 00:06:26,094 Woody, I didn't call you a nincompoop. 164 00:06:26,128 --> 00:06:29,314 All right, then why you won't let us tend bar at your party? 165 00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:30,249 Is it because you think we're incompetent? 166 00:06:30,283 --> 00:06:32,001 You think we're not smooth enough? 167 00:06:32,119 --> 00:06:34,753 You think we're uncouth? 168 00:06:34,787 --> 00:06:36,572 No, I need you here. 169 00:06:36,606 --> 00:06:38,173 Oh, okay. 170 00:06:38,208 --> 00:06:40,709 Let's go, Sam. 171 00:06:40,743 --> 00:06:41,710 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 172 00:06:41,744 --> 00:06:43,878 What are you doing? Where are you going? 173 00:06:43,913 --> 00:06:44,580 Sam, now, look. 174 00:06:44,614 --> 00:06:45,697 Really, why do you care? 175 00:06:45,732 --> 00:06:47,583 Why on Earth do you want to work this party? 176 00:06:47,617 --> 00:06:49,401 All right, you know, by not hiring us, 177 00:06:49,435 --> 00:06:51,137 what you're doing is you're telling the rest of the world 178 00:06:51,171 --> 00:06:54,673 that Sam Malone is not fit for the society of decent folks, 179 00:06:54,707 --> 00:06:57,076 that he's incompetent, that he's a clod. 180 00:06:57,110 --> 00:06:58,110 What about me, Sam? 181 00:06:58,145 --> 00:06:59,578 You, too, Woody. 182 00:06:59,612 --> 00:07:00,995 I'm going to tell you 183 00:07:01,030 --> 00:07:01,813 something, lady. 184 00:07:01,848 --> 00:07:03,198 We may not have come out of Harvard. 185 00:07:03,232 --> 00:07:04,600 We may not belong to a yacht club. 186 00:07:04,634 --> 00:07:07,302 We may not have tended bar at a polo tournament, 187 00:07:07,336 --> 00:07:08,938 but we know how to do our job 188 00:07:08,972 --> 00:07:12,942 and we do it with dignity and class. 189 00:07:12,976 --> 00:07:15,911 You're right. 190 00:07:15,945 --> 00:07:17,913 I'm sorry. The job is yours. 191 00:07:17,947 --> 00:07:19,831 All right! Whoa, baby! 192 00:07:19,866 --> 00:07:21,050 Whoo! 193 00:07:21,084 --> 00:07:24,420 Whoo! Whoo, baby! 194 00:07:36,232 --> 00:07:38,050 Lovely party, Rebecca. 195 00:07:38,084 --> 00:07:39,668 Why, thank you, Mr. Collier. 196 00:07:43,189 --> 00:07:45,491 Isn't this place something, Sam? 197 00:07:45,525 --> 00:07:46,559 Ooh, yeah. 198 00:07:46,593 --> 00:07:48,193 I think it's even nicer 199 00:07:48,227 --> 00:07:51,130 than Wheeler's Funeral Parlor in Hanover. 200 00:07:51,164 --> 00:07:54,232 Of course, that's not the most fun place in town. 201 00:07:54,267 --> 00:07:55,433 Well, I'll bet not. 202 00:07:55,468 --> 00:07:57,636 That would be Bob's Funeral Parlor. 203 00:07:59,505 --> 00:08:00,539 Oh, my God. 204 00:08:00,573 --> 00:08:03,959 Woody, is it me or is that woman gorgeous? 205 00:08:03,993 --> 00:08:05,527 You look nice, Sam, 206 00:08:05,562 --> 00:08:08,964 but I'm going to have to go with the woman. 207 00:08:08,998 --> 00:08:10,799 Do me a favor here, will ya, buddy? 208 00:08:10,833 --> 00:08:12,767 Hold down the fort here 209 00:08:12,802 --> 00:08:14,936 while I pass that lady a tray of smoked Sammy. 210 00:08:19,508 --> 00:08:21,076 Great party, huh? 211 00:08:21,110 --> 00:08:22,411 Yes. 212 00:08:22,445 --> 00:08:26,181 I'll have a Manhattan. 213 00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:27,449 What? 214 00:08:27,483 --> 00:08:29,284 Oh, this. 215 00:08:29,319 --> 00:08:31,653 Well, you think I'm a bartender, huh? 216 00:08:31,687 --> 00:08:34,839 What do you think you are? 217 00:08:34,874 --> 00:08:35,958 Well, to tell you the truth, 218 00:08:35,992 --> 00:08:37,009 I used to be a bartender, 219 00:08:37,043 --> 00:08:39,227 but now I'm an eccentric millionaire. 220 00:08:39,262 --> 00:08:41,964 I just dress like this to remind myself 221 00:08:41,998 --> 00:08:44,166 of my modest beginnings. 222 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,301 Back behind the bar. 223 00:08:46,336 --> 00:08:50,105 I pay her to say that. It keeps me humble. 224 00:08:50,139 --> 00:08:51,723 Malone, now! 225 00:08:51,758 --> 00:08:55,493 Ooh, that was a good one, huh? 226 00:08:55,528 --> 00:08:58,897 I'm going to have to give her a raise, huh? 227 00:08:58,932 --> 00:09:01,767 Looking good. 228 00:09:01,801 --> 00:09:03,368 Woody, what are you doing?! 229 00:09:03,402 --> 00:09:04,987 That is not a trash can. 230 00:09:05,021 --> 00:09:06,554 That is a work of art. 231 00:09:10,894 --> 00:09:13,529 Oh, my God. 232 00:09:13,563 --> 00:09:15,898 This is just what I need is for Collier to see this. 233 00:09:15,932 --> 00:09:17,198 He is a collector. 234 00:09:17,233 --> 00:09:18,700 Oh, hey, let's calm down now. 235 00:09:18,734 --> 00:09:20,335 Nobody's seen anything yet. 236 00:09:20,370 --> 00:09:23,071 Woody, take it in the kitchen and clean it out. 237 00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:24,206 Sure, Sam. Sorry, Miss Howe. 238 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:25,207 Woody, go. Just go. 239 00:09:25,241 --> 00:09:27,176 I got you. I got you. 240 00:09:27,210 --> 00:09:28,343 I tell you, Sam. 241 00:09:28,378 --> 00:09:29,478 This is the last time 242 00:09:29,512 --> 00:09:30,746 I'm going to throw one of these fancy parties. 243 00:09:30,780 --> 00:09:32,715 The next time one of these hotshots wants... 244 00:09:32,749 --> 00:09:34,616 ( glass breaking ) 245 00:09:39,389 --> 00:09:40,455 Don't worry, Ms. Howe. 246 00:09:40,490 --> 00:09:41,956 It was only a tray of glasses. 247 00:09:44,610 --> 00:09:46,794 Thank God. Let's not tempt fate, Woody. 248 00:09:46,829 --> 00:09:48,113 I'll clean it myself. 249 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,700 They weren't great glasses, Sam, and they were dirty. 250 00:09:52,735 --> 00:09:54,986 ( glass breaking ) 251 00:09:59,625 --> 00:10:02,444 Just a guess here: uh, the vase? 252 00:10:13,403 --> 00:10:15,605 It was there. I was holding it. 253 00:10:15,639 --> 00:10:18,908 It was right in my hands, and now it's gone. 254 00:10:18,943 --> 00:10:20,477 Maybe we can glue it back together 255 00:10:20,511 --> 00:10:21,778 and no one will ever know. 256 00:10:22,930 --> 00:10:24,196 Forget that. 257 00:10:24,231 --> 00:10:25,832 Oh! 258 00:10:25,867 --> 00:10:27,134 Just calm down now. 259 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,735 Calm down. It was an accident. 260 00:10:28,737 --> 00:10:30,370 I'm sure Mr. Collier will understand. 261 00:10:30,404 --> 00:10:31,471 No, he won't. 262 00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:32,572 This isn't the first time 263 00:10:32,606 --> 00:10:34,007 I've goofed up at the company. 264 00:10:34,041 --> 00:10:35,642 I started out as a junior executive 265 00:10:35,676 --> 00:10:38,211 and I'm diligently working my way down to the mailroom 266 00:10:38,245 --> 00:10:43,249 with a brief stopover at that Siberia called Cheers. 267 00:10:43,283 --> 00:10:47,204 Shh-shh. Stop it. Just calm down here. Calm down. 268 00:10:47,238 --> 00:10:49,839 I know. I'll just resign now, 269 00:10:49,873 --> 00:10:51,441 move back to San Diego, 270 00:10:51,475 --> 00:10:53,876 join the Navy, grow old and die. 271 00:10:53,911 --> 00:10:54,845 Oh... 272 00:10:56,547 --> 00:11:00,550 Boy, Sam, I really feel sorry for her. 273 00:11:00,584 --> 00:11:03,619 Never thought I'd say it, but so do I. 274 00:11:03,654 --> 00:11:06,556 Look at this party she threw together here, 275 00:11:06,590 --> 00:11:09,659 and then that happens. Poor kid. 276 00:11:11,461 --> 00:11:12,995 You think they'll make me manager? 277 00:11:13,030 --> 00:11:14,464 Hey, yo, over here. 278 00:11:19,937 --> 00:11:22,638 You know, Woody, 279 00:11:22,673 --> 00:11:25,275 I'm about to do a decent thing here. 280 00:11:25,309 --> 00:11:26,259 Get out. 281 00:11:26,293 --> 00:11:27,960 Yeah. 282 00:11:27,995 --> 00:11:29,412 I'm going to take the fall for this. 283 00:11:29,447 --> 00:11:32,014 What the hell? I'm a great bartender. 284 00:11:32,049 --> 00:11:34,284 I can get a job anywhere I want. 285 00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:36,936 Sam, that's the second nicest thing you've ever done. 286 00:11:36,970 --> 00:11:38,004 Well, thank you. 287 00:11:38,038 --> 00:11:40,156 What's the nicest? 288 00:11:40,190 --> 00:11:42,775 When you let me drive your Corvette. 289 00:11:42,809 --> 00:11:43,643 Right. Right, right. 290 00:11:43,761 --> 00:11:45,395 That's good. That's good. 291 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:51,684 Excuse me, young man. 292 00:11:51,719 --> 00:11:53,603 What happened to the vase that was sitting there? 293 00:11:53,637 --> 00:11:54,737 Somebody move it? 294 00:11:58,859 --> 00:12:01,127 Sir, I have a confession. 295 00:12:01,162 --> 00:12:02,295 My name is Woody Boyd, 296 00:12:02,329 --> 00:12:04,330 and by accident, I broke your vase. 297 00:12:04,364 --> 00:12:06,283 You... 298 00:12:06,317 --> 00:12:08,084 you broke it?! 299 00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:09,001 You... 300 00:12:10,471 --> 00:12:12,905 Do you know how many years I waited 301 00:12:12,939 --> 00:12:14,440 to add that to my collection? 302 00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:18,177 Do you realize the significance of that piece? 303 00:12:18,211 --> 00:12:19,829 No, sir. 304 00:12:19,863 --> 00:12:22,298 And I also broke some glasses. 305 00:12:26,237 --> 00:12:28,021 No, Sam, I can't let you do it. 306 00:12:28,055 --> 00:12:29,372 It wouldn't be right if you... 307 00:12:30,591 --> 00:12:34,794 Uh, Mr. Collier, there's been a terrible accident. 308 00:12:34,829 --> 00:12:37,130 Yes. This person just told me 309 00:12:37,164 --> 00:12:40,266 how he destroyed my vase. 310 00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:41,868 But Woody didn't do it. 311 00:12:41,902 --> 00:12:43,887 What she means is I didn't do it on purpose. 312 00:12:43,921 --> 00:12:45,404 Yes, I know. 313 00:12:45,439 --> 00:12:48,024 The only thing that can match my great disappointment 314 00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:51,594 at losing the vase is the admiration 315 00:12:51,628 --> 00:12:53,780 that I feel for this boy. 316 00:12:57,134 --> 00:12:59,969 Woody, you showed great courage and integrity 317 00:13:00,003 --> 00:13:02,238 in stepping up to face the music here. 318 00:13:02,273 --> 00:13:04,740 Rebecca, would you mind standing in for Woody 319 00:13:04,775 --> 00:13:05,775 for a little while? 320 00:13:05,809 --> 00:13:06,909 You wouldn't mind, would you? 321 00:13:06,943 --> 00:13:08,478 I'd like to get to know him better. 322 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,084 You want a drink? 323 00:13:15,119 --> 00:13:16,953 Well, sure. 324 00:13:16,988 --> 00:13:18,655 Well, just tell the girl. 325 00:13:20,942 --> 00:13:24,376 Miss Howe, I'll have a... gin and tonic. 326 00:13:24,411 --> 00:13:25,695 Well, come on. She'll bring 'em in. 327 00:13:25,729 --> 00:13:27,563 WOODY: Oh. 328 00:13:39,843 --> 00:13:42,061 Another Manhattan. 329 00:13:42,096 --> 00:13:43,980 Manhattan, huh? 330 00:13:44,015 --> 00:13:46,816 I own a lot of that, you know? 331 00:13:46,851 --> 00:13:49,219 Right, the eccentric millionaire routine. 332 00:13:49,253 --> 00:13:50,936 You know, I got to tell you the truth here. 333 00:13:50,971 --> 00:13:53,373 I'm getting kind of bored serving all these stiffs drinks. 334 00:13:53,407 --> 00:13:54,740 What do you say you and I go out 335 00:13:54,775 --> 00:13:56,008 and spend some of my money? 336 00:13:56,042 --> 00:13:57,811 What time does France close anyway? 337 00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,714 I think they're remodeling. 338 00:14:01,749 --> 00:14:03,082 Oh. 339 00:14:03,116 --> 00:14:04,651 Have any other suggestions? 340 00:14:04,685 --> 00:14:07,403 Unfortunately, my mansion's being painted 341 00:14:07,437 --> 00:14:09,022 and my yacht's in dry dock. 342 00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:10,106 Well, let me see... 343 00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:11,307 Oh, I know it. I know it. 344 00:14:11,341 --> 00:14:12,508 You know, my chauffeur's 345 00:14:12,542 --> 00:14:14,610 got a little one-bedroom apartment downtown. 346 00:14:14,644 --> 00:14:17,446 What do you say you and I go slumming? 347 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:18,314 Let me guess: 348 00:14:18,348 --> 00:14:21,267 you're not really rich at all, are you? 349 00:14:21,302 --> 00:14:22,668 Well, now, define "rich." 350 00:14:22,703 --> 00:14:23,769 I have my health. 351 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,608 I... uh, think I'll just stick with the drink. 352 00:14:29,643 --> 00:14:30,710 Let me get this straight: 353 00:14:30,744 --> 00:14:32,679 when you thought that I was a millionaire, 354 00:14:32,713 --> 00:14:34,213 you were ready to go out with me, 355 00:14:34,247 --> 00:14:36,015 but now that I'm just a healthy bartender, 356 00:14:36,050 --> 00:14:38,051 you don't want to have anything to do with me. 357 00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:39,001 I gotta tell you, lady, 358 00:14:39,036 --> 00:14:40,820 that makes you an incredibly shallow person. 359 00:14:40,855 --> 00:14:42,588 Do you actually think this sort of approach 360 00:14:42,623 --> 00:14:43,690 is going to work? 361 00:14:43,724 --> 00:14:44,991 Absolutely. 362 00:14:45,026 --> 00:14:47,360 You see, I'm an incredibly shallow person myself. 363 00:14:47,395 --> 00:14:49,395 Between the two of us, 364 00:14:49,429 --> 00:14:52,165 we couldn't make a decent wading pool. 365 00:14:52,199 --> 00:14:53,799 What do you say, huh? 366 00:14:53,834 --> 00:14:56,135 Don't I know you from somewhere? 367 00:14:56,170 --> 00:14:57,270 Yeah, well, you probably 368 00:14:57,304 --> 00:14:59,272 caught me out at Fenway, huh? 369 00:14:59,306 --> 00:15:00,206 Of course. 370 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,909 I bought a bag of peanuts from you. 371 00:15:08,682 --> 00:15:11,817 Another round of brandies for Butch and Sundance. 372 00:15:13,754 --> 00:15:15,755 They're really, uh, hitting it off, huh? 373 00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:17,056 I should say so. 374 00:15:17,091 --> 00:15:19,926 They're in there singing school songs. 375 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,544 If you hate Ivy League fight songs, 376 00:15:21,578 --> 00:15:25,615 wait till you hear one from bartending school. 377 00:15:25,649 --> 00:15:27,400 You're not taking this very well, are you? 378 00:15:27,435 --> 00:15:29,035 What, that little backstabber? 379 00:15:29,069 --> 00:15:30,669 Oh, now cut that out. 380 00:15:30,704 --> 00:15:33,005 Woody took a big risk, you know. 381 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,408 You broke the vase and he took the blame for it. 382 00:15:35,442 --> 00:15:37,276 It didn't have to turn out that way. 383 00:15:37,310 --> 00:15:39,178 He just had your best interest at heart. 384 00:15:39,213 --> 00:15:40,579 I know. 385 00:15:40,614 --> 00:15:43,049 I could just hug him till his tongue turns black. 386 00:15:49,623 --> 00:15:52,759 You know, I'm not convinced you're a millionaire, 387 00:15:52,793 --> 00:15:57,196 but I am sold on the eccentric part. 388 00:15:57,231 --> 00:15:58,865 Well, that's a start. 389 00:15:58,899 --> 00:16:00,399 And since I'm not getting 390 00:16:00,433 --> 00:16:02,068 any interesting nibbles tonight anyway, 391 00:16:02,102 --> 00:16:04,503 I'm reconsidering your offer. 392 00:16:04,538 --> 00:16:07,824 Nibbles are my specialty. 393 00:16:07,858 --> 00:16:09,109 Great. 394 00:16:09,143 --> 00:16:11,410 Well, what time will you be getting off? 395 00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:20,036 ( laughing ) 396 00:16:20,070 --> 00:16:22,238 Oh, listen, I've got to show you a trick shot. 397 00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:23,573 Now you watch this. 398 00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:25,675 Got you again, Pinky! 399 00:16:25,709 --> 00:16:27,377 ( laughing ) 400 00:16:27,411 --> 00:16:28,912 You can't do that! 401 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,513 Oh, uh... 402 00:16:30,547 --> 00:16:32,865 You seem to have something in your eye, Woodhead. 403 00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:34,400 I'll get it for you. 404 00:16:34,434 --> 00:16:36,569 Oh, Pinky, stop! 405 00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:39,338 It's noogie time! 406 00:16:39,372 --> 00:16:40,890 Oh, no! No! No! 407 00:16:40,924 --> 00:16:42,958 No, Woody! 408 00:16:42,993 --> 00:16:44,560 No! No more! 409 00:16:44,594 --> 00:16:48,348 ( stifled chuckling ) 410 00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,383 I see our serving wench is here. 411 00:16:52,002 --> 00:16:53,502 I mean, hello, Miss Howe. 412 00:16:53,536 --> 00:16:56,138 ( chuckling ): Oh, Woody. 413 00:16:56,173 --> 00:16:58,941 I tell you, you have no idea how hard it is 414 00:16:58,975 --> 00:17:00,743 to find young fellas 415 00:17:00,777 --> 00:17:03,279 with your stuff in this day and age. 416 00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,315 You ought to see the buttoned-down brats 417 00:17:05,349 --> 00:17:07,517 my granddaughter drags home from college. 418 00:17:07,551 --> 00:17:09,802 She really deserves someone 419 00:17:09,837 --> 00:17:11,170 more solid, someone real. 420 00:17:14,041 --> 00:17:16,926 Someone with a strong back 421 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,794 and a thick neck, you know? 422 00:17:18,828 --> 00:17:20,579 Someone like you, Woody. 423 00:17:20,613 --> 00:17:22,482 Thank you, sir. I couldn't. 424 00:17:22,516 --> 00:17:24,567 Yeah, I could. 425 00:17:27,905 --> 00:17:31,373 She's out in Vail right now on a skiing holiday. 426 00:17:31,408 --> 00:17:34,744 I'm going up there tomorrow. 427 00:17:34,778 --> 00:17:37,330 Woody, why don't you join me? 428 00:17:37,965 --> 00:17:38,881 You mean that, Pinky? 429 00:17:38,916 --> 00:17:40,349 You bet I do. 430 00:17:40,384 --> 00:17:43,185 Well, I don't know if Miss Howe would be too happy... 431 00:17:43,220 --> 00:17:44,571 Oh, she'll be thrilled. 432 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,573 To my toes. 433 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:47,774 See? 434 00:17:47,808 --> 00:17:49,441 So, great, I'll go tell Jamison 435 00:17:49,476 --> 00:17:50,910 to arrange it right now. 436 00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:52,512 Ah! 437 00:17:52,546 --> 00:17:56,882 Woody, where do you get these things?! 438 00:17:58,752 --> 00:18:00,320 Go figure, Miss Howe. 439 00:18:00,354 --> 00:18:02,222 I mean, you break the vase, 440 00:18:02,256 --> 00:18:05,592 and I end up being the big boss' buddy. 441 00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:08,494 Isn't life funny? 442 00:18:08,529 --> 00:18:10,196 Do you mean funny "ha-ha" 443 00:18:10,230 --> 00:18:12,765 or funny "a living nightmare"? 444 00:18:14,685 --> 00:18:16,019 Is something wrong, Miss Howe? 445 00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:18,737 Yes, something is wrong. 446 00:18:18,772 --> 00:18:20,490 I am the one who should be playing pool. 447 00:18:20,524 --> 00:18:22,891 I'm the one who should be smoking cigars and drinking brandy. 448 00:18:22,926 --> 00:18:25,244 I'm the one who should be going out with his granddaughter. 449 00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:29,265 You know what I mean. 450 00:18:29,299 --> 00:18:30,516 Well, I'm sorry, Miss Howe. 451 00:18:30,550 --> 00:18:32,418 I was only trying to help. 452 00:18:32,452 --> 00:18:33,652 Okay, Woody, we're all set. 453 00:18:33,686 --> 00:18:36,588 I'll stop by the bar tomorrow afternoon and pick you up. 454 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,642 Pinky, I have a confession. 455 00:18:40,794 --> 00:18:43,913 I didn't break your vase. Miss Howe did. 456 00:18:45,698 --> 00:18:48,100 Whew, glad I got that off my chest. 457 00:18:50,103 --> 00:18:51,888 You broke my vase? 458 00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:55,508 Well, actually, yes. 459 00:18:55,542 --> 00:18:58,110 That's the most cowardly thing I have ever heard. 460 00:18:59,813 --> 00:19:01,914 You'd let this fine young man take the blame 461 00:19:01,949 --> 00:19:03,466 for your clumsiness? 462 00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:05,534 I don't know, Miss Howe. 463 00:19:05,569 --> 00:19:07,102 I'm going to have to seriously reconsider 464 00:19:07,137 --> 00:19:09,906 your future with our organization. 465 00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:11,473 Uh, Pinky, wait a minute here. 466 00:19:11,508 --> 00:19:13,876 Uh, Miss Howe is a very nice lady. 467 00:19:13,911 --> 00:19:16,012 Klutzy, sure, but... 468 00:19:16,046 --> 00:19:18,247 she has a heart of gold. 469 00:19:18,281 --> 00:19:20,883 Well... well, all right. 470 00:19:20,917 --> 00:19:24,019 Woody, if you'll vouch for her, I'll give her 471 00:19:24,054 --> 00:19:26,522 another chance, I guess. 472 00:19:26,557 --> 00:19:27,856 Thanks, Pinky. 473 00:19:27,891 --> 00:19:30,926 Hey, by the way, your barn door's open. 474 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,462 ( laughing ) 475 00:19:33,497 --> 00:19:36,499 Woody! 476 00:19:42,388 --> 00:19:43,990 Hey, everybody. 477 00:19:44,024 --> 00:19:46,292 Look what the shoe fairy left under my pillow. 478 00:19:47,778 --> 00:19:49,629 Okay, Fox and Hounds, that's you, Pete. 479 00:19:49,663 --> 00:19:53,032 Uh, Hugh, you had the Executives. 480 00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:54,733 Uh, Norm, you had the Old Smoothies, 481 00:19:54,767 --> 00:19:55,467 didn't you? 482 00:19:55,502 --> 00:19:56,619 Uh, let's see-- Frasier. 483 00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:58,321 Would you give those to Frasier? 484 00:19:58,355 --> 00:19:59,672 All right, who had the, uh, Playboy? 485 00:19:59,707 --> 00:20:01,507 Who else? 486 00:20:06,180 --> 00:20:07,313 Hold it. Hold it. 487 00:20:07,347 --> 00:20:08,664 Wait a minute. 488 00:20:08,698 --> 00:20:11,833 You bought shoes from Boston's fashion king, 489 00:20:11,868 --> 00:20:13,469 Oh Leg the Weenie? 490 00:20:13,503 --> 00:20:14,937 Yeah. 491 00:20:14,971 --> 00:20:17,706 I can't leave you guys alone for a minute. 492 00:20:17,740 --> 00:20:19,091 Hey, Cliff, I got to hand it to you. 493 00:20:19,126 --> 00:20:20,292 These are really comfortable. 494 00:20:20,326 --> 00:20:21,394 Eh, you bet ya. 495 00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:22,728 What style are these? 496 00:20:22,762 --> 00:20:23,378 The Star Fighter. 497 00:20:23,413 --> 00:20:24,047 Oh. 498 00:20:24,081 --> 00:20:25,565 Yes. 499 00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:28,501 I was sorely tempted to get the Coup de Villes, 500 00:20:28,535 --> 00:20:31,504 but, uh, I do love tassels, so... 501 00:20:31,538 --> 00:20:37,359 ( squeaking ) 502 00:20:37,393 --> 00:20:40,879 Cliffie, mine squeak. 503 00:20:40,914 --> 00:20:42,865 Uh, after a few weeks of constant wear, 504 00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:44,133 it'll be all right. 505 00:20:44,167 --> 00:20:48,254 ( squeaking ) 506 00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:51,390 Make it stop. 507 00:20:51,425 --> 00:20:53,025 Normie, what's the big deal? 508 00:20:53,059 --> 00:20:56,195 I mean, squeaky shoes are only a problem if you're a mugger. 509 00:20:56,229 --> 00:20:57,613 ( squeaking ) 510 00:20:57,647 --> 00:21:01,250 Cliff, mine are a little squeaky, too. 511 00:21:01,284 --> 00:21:04,703 ( both squeaking ) 512 00:21:04,738 --> 00:21:07,206 Mine are squeaking, too, Cliff. 513 00:21:08,041 --> 00:21:09,542 In E Minor. 514 00:21:09,576 --> 00:21:15,781 ( all squeaking ) 515 00:21:15,815 --> 00:21:18,150 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop! Freeze, everybody. 516 00:21:18,185 --> 00:21:19,835 ( squeaking stops ) 517 00:21:19,870 --> 00:21:22,688 Back on your barstools right now. Go on. 518 00:21:22,722 --> 00:21:26,559 ( squeaking ) 519 00:21:26,593 --> 00:21:28,461 SAM: Hurry up. 520 00:21:28,495 --> 00:21:30,246 Thank you. 521 00:21:36,787 --> 00:21:37,820 Miss Howe. 522 00:21:39,155 --> 00:21:40,656 May I see you for a moment? 523 00:21:40,690 --> 00:21:42,108 Yes, sir. 524 00:21:42,142 --> 00:21:44,493 He's changed his mind. 525 00:21:44,528 --> 00:21:45,827 I'm doomed. 526 00:21:45,862 --> 00:21:47,929 Next stop: hell. 527 00:21:47,964 --> 00:21:49,698 Compliment his tie. 528 00:21:52,102 --> 00:21:56,455 Last night at the party someone broke an irreplaceable vase. 529 00:21:56,490 --> 00:21:58,658 That's a very nice tie. 530 00:21:59,543 --> 00:22:01,310 Are you listening to me? 531 00:22:02,529 --> 00:22:03,946 We found the remains in the trash. 532 00:22:03,980 --> 00:22:05,748 Now, is it any of your people? 533 00:22:05,782 --> 00:22:08,033 You mean you don't know who broke it? 534 00:22:08,068 --> 00:22:10,402 Unfortunately, I had a little too much to drink. 535 00:22:10,437 --> 00:22:12,488 The whole evening's rather foggy. 536 00:22:12,522 --> 00:22:14,223 And you mean you don't remember anything, 537 00:22:14,258 --> 00:22:17,093 and you have no idea 538 00:22:17,127 --> 00:22:18,477 who did it? 539 00:22:18,512 --> 00:22:19,845 No, but when I find out, 540 00:22:19,879 --> 00:22:22,348 they're going to wish they never crossed my path. 541 00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:23,599 'Cause I'll find 542 00:22:23,633 --> 00:22:24,850 a way to make their life 543 00:22:24,884 --> 00:22:26,652 a living hell. 544 00:22:26,686 --> 00:22:27,786 REBECCA: I don't blame you. 545 00:22:27,821 --> 00:22:29,121 And you know, when you find out who did it, 546 00:22:29,155 --> 00:22:30,522 give me a call, because I'd like to give them 547 00:22:30,556 --> 00:22:31,790 a piece of my mind. 548 00:22:31,824 --> 00:22:33,508 Guess who, Pinky?! SAM: Woody! Woody! 549 00:22:36,663 --> 00:22:39,182 What in God's name do you think you're doing? 550 00:22:39,216 --> 00:22:42,484 Oh, I'll show you what I'm doing. Ah! 551 00:22:42,518 --> 00:22:44,770 Noogie! 552 00:22:44,804 --> 00:22:47,406 Who is this madman? 553 00:22:47,441 --> 00:22:49,125 This is Woody Boyd. 554 00:22:49,159 --> 00:22:50,309 Woody, 555 00:22:50,343 --> 00:22:51,811 last night, a very valuable vase 556 00:22:51,845 --> 00:22:53,645 was broken at Mr. Collier's. 557 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:57,416 But he doesn't remember who did it. 558 00:22:57,450 --> 00:22:59,585 Of course he knows who did it. It was... 559 00:22:59,619 --> 00:23:01,520 Fire! Fire! 560 00:23:01,555 --> 00:23:03,473 ( shoes squeaking ) 561 00:23:03,507 --> 00:23:04,807 What fire? 562 00:23:04,841 --> 00:23:07,025 Now wait. Hold it! Now hold it. 563 00:23:07,060 --> 00:23:08,327 There is no fire. 564 00:23:09,095 --> 00:23:10,296 She didn't say "fire." 565 00:23:10,330 --> 00:23:13,365 Uh, she said "flyer." 566 00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,635 Yes, yes, I thought I saw Amelia Earhart up there. 567 00:23:16,670 --> 00:23:18,921 NORM: Great, uh, 568 00:23:18,956 --> 00:23:20,089 nice save, Rebecca. 569 00:23:20,123 --> 00:23:25,244 ( shoes squeaking ) 570 00:23:25,278 --> 00:23:30,082 What in God's name is going on here? 571 00:23:30,116 --> 00:23:32,484 Well, it's the, uh... 572 00:23:32,519 --> 00:23:33,920 Squeaky Shoe Club. 573 00:23:33,954 --> 00:23:37,289 Look, I intend to get to the bottom of this. 574 00:23:37,323 --> 00:23:40,625 Now Miss Howe, you were in charge of that party last night. 575 00:23:40,660 --> 00:23:44,246 Do you or do you not know who broke my vase? 576 00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:45,464 Of course she does. 577 00:23:45,498 --> 00:23:46,348 I certainly do. 578 00:23:46,382 --> 00:23:48,200 It's time the truth came out. 579 00:23:48,235 --> 00:23:49,402 It was... Me. 580 00:23:49,436 --> 00:23:52,304 No, Sam. Yes, Rebecca. 581 00:23:52,339 --> 00:23:54,573 I want to do this. 582 00:23:54,608 --> 00:23:56,609 You, huh? 583 00:23:56,643 --> 00:23:58,377 Sir... 584 00:23:58,411 --> 00:24:00,846 you have grit. 585 00:24:07,854 --> 00:24:10,022 COLLIER: You don't ski by any chance, do you?