1 00:00:02,304 --> 00:00:04,705 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:09,127 --> 00:00:13,881 ( babies crying ) 3 00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:24,926 ( babies cooing and crying ) 4 00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:39,990 ( no audio ) 5 00:00:42,711 --> 00:00:48,382 ( babies cooing and crying ) 6 00:00:57,359 --> 00:01:01,295 ( piano playing ) 7 00:01:01,330 --> 00:01:03,381 ¶ Making your way in the world today ¶ 8 00:01:03,415 --> 00:01:06,067 ¶ Takes everything you've got 9 00:01:06,101 --> 00:01:11,205 ¶ Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot ¶ 10 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:18,680 ¶ Wouldn't you like to get away? ¶ 11 00:01:18,797 --> 00:01:25,737 ¶ Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name ¶ 12 00:01:25,771 --> 00:01:29,674 ¶ And they're always glad you came ¶ 13 00:01:29,708 --> 00:01:33,194 ¶ You want to be where you can see ¶ 14 00:01:33,228 --> 00:01:35,112 ¶ Troubles are all the same 15 00:01:35,147 --> 00:01:41,085 ¶ You want to be where everybody knows your name ¶ 16 00:01:41,119 --> 00:01:45,956 ¶ You want to go where people know people are all the same ¶ 17 00:01:45,991 --> 00:01:50,428 ¶ You want to go where everybody knows your name. ¶ 18 00:02:07,996 --> 00:02:11,683 So, did you get a chance to see Carla's babies? 19 00:02:11,717 --> 00:02:12,767 Oh, we sure did. 20 00:02:12,801 --> 00:02:14,969 There are two of the cutest little guys you've ever seen. 21 00:02:15,003 --> 00:02:17,504 Ah, who do they look like, Carla or Eddie? 22 00:02:17,539 --> 00:02:18,139 Well, they're twins. 23 00:02:18,173 --> 00:02:20,157 They kind of look like each other. 24 00:02:22,461 --> 00:02:25,229 What's this? "Carla's Tips." 25 00:02:25,263 --> 00:02:26,647 Yeah, it was Carla's idea. 26 00:02:26,681 --> 00:02:28,983 She does some of her best thinking in labor. 27 00:02:29,017 --> 00:02:30,100 This is ridiculous. 28 00:02:30,134 --> 00:02:32,737 How does she expect to be tipped if she's not even here? 29 00:02:32,771 --> 00:02:35,072 Well, actually, she's doing a lot better than she usually does. 30 00:02:36,742 --> 00:02:38,576 Hello, Samuel. Hey. 31 00:02:38,610 --> 00:02:40,344 Well, pardon my appearance, everybody. 32 00:02:40,378 --> 00:02:41,595 We always do. 33 00:02:42,231 --> 00:02:45,416 Sorry. I was covering for Carla. 34 00:02:45,450 --> 00:02:46,968 Oh, hey, you're doing a fine job. 35 00:02:47,002 --> 00:02:49,220 The reason why I look like I've been up all night 36 00:02:49,254 --> 00:02:50,388 is because, well, I've been up all night 37 00:02:50,422 --> 00:02:52,623 reading that little opus. 38 00:02:52,658 --> 00:02:54,558 All right, Lust for Justice. 39 00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:56,093 Yeah, Vera talked me into reading this. 40 00:02:56,128 --> 00:02:57,261 Oh, is she a fan? 41 00:02:57,295 --> 00:03:00,564 No, no. When Vera's talking, I'll read just about anything. 42 00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:02,366 Yeah. I almost ruptured a disc 43 00:03:02,401 --> 00:03:04,035 delivering those Book of the Month club copies 44 00:03:04,069 --> 00:03:06,070 and I decided to see what all the hooha was about. 45 00:03:06,104 --> 00:03:07,104 Yeah, two thumbs up, right? 46 00:03:07,139 --> 00:03:08,705 Oh, yeah. Finest piece of trash 47 00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:11,042 not written by a Junta or Jackie in modern literature. 48 00:03:11,076 --> 00:03:14,845 Good Lord. Another piece of salacious mind candy. 49 00:03:14,879 --> 00:03:17,981 God, this is over 600 pages long. 50 00:03:18,016 --> 00:03:20,217 Who could imagine he'd know this many words? 51 00:03:20,252 --> 00:03:22,537 Yeah, well I checked. He uses a lot of them twice. 52 00:03:24,989 --> 00:03:26,223 CLIFF: Yeah, well, Frasier, 53 00:03:26,257 --> 00:03:27,024 you want to borrow it then? 54 00:03:27,059 --> 00:03:29,043 No way you'll find me reading it. 55 00:03:29,077 --> 00:03:30,711 Just look at these reviews. 56 00:03:30,745 --> 00:03:32,012 Suit yourself. 57 00:03:32,047 --> 00:03:35,550 "I couldn't put it down." ( scoffs ) 58 00:03:35,584 --> 00:03:38,319 ( phone ringing ) 59 00:03:38,354 --> 00:03:41,255 Cheers. 60 00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:44,592 Oh, yeah, she is. Miss Howe, Mr. Drake. 61 00:03:44,626 --> 00:03:46,911 Mr. Drake? 62 00:03:46,913 --> 00:03:48,646 I wonder what he's calling about. 63 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,481 Woody, how did he sound? 64 00:03:50,515 --> 00:03:52,950 Happy, mad, pleasant, annoyed? 65 00:03:52,984 --> 00:03:54,268 Well, he sounds 66 00:03:54,303 --> 00:03:55,269 kind of weird. 67 00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:57,437 Like an old woman with a lisp and a thick German accent. 68 00:03:57,472 --> 00:04:00,324 Woody, that's his secretary. 69 00:04:00,358 --> 00:04:02,626 Oh, well, then she sounded pretty happy. 70 00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:09,066 Hey, Anthony, Annie, what's up? 71 00:04:09,101 --> 00:04:12,870 Sam, I'm swallowing my Tortelli pride 72 00:04:12,904 --> 00:04:14,138 to ask if 73 00:04:14,173 --> 00:04:16,273 I might borrow five bucks. 74 00:04:16,307 --> 00:04:18,342 That was very difficult for him. 75 00:04:18,376 --> 00:04:19,126 Is it okay? 76 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,545 I want to get a present for my mom and the twins. 77 00:04:21,580 --> 00:04:22,647 Sure. 78 00:04:22,681 --> 00:04:23,848 What are you going to get them? 79 00:04:23,882 --> 00:04:24,932 Five bucks. 80 00:04:24,966 --> 00:04:27,584 She'll like that. 81 00:04:27,619 --> 00:04:28,552 Thanks, Sam. 82 00:04:28,587 --> 00:04:30,721 Hey, I don't know when I'll be able to pay you back. 83 00:04:30,755 --> 00:04:32,856 Job market's been really bad lately. 84 00:04:32,890 --> 00:04:35,726 I haven't been able to find a job anywhere. 85 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,928 Actually, we have an opening for a temporary waitress 86 00:04:37,962 --> 00:04:40,130 to sub for your mom. What do you think? 87 00:04:40,165 --> 00:04:42,333 Ah, I don't want to be a waitress. 88 00:04:42,367 --> 00:04:44,485 No, I was thinking about her. 89 00:04:44,519 --> 00:04:46,503 No, I don't want my wife to work. 90 00:04:46,538 --> 00:04:48,472 I could do it if I want to. 91 00:04:48,507 --> 00:04:50,541 Nuh-uh. Nuh-huh. 92 00:04:50,575 --> 00:04:52,210 Nuh-uh. Nuh-huh. 93 00:04:52,244 --> 00:04:53,110 Nuh-uh. 94 00:04:53,145 --> 00:04:54,878 W-Why don't you two talk about it. 95 00:04:54,912 --> 00:04:56,180 Of course we will. 96 00:04:56,214 --> 00:04:59,016 Communication is the cornerstone of our marriage. 97 00:04:59,051 --> 00:05:01,719 Nuh-uh. Nuh-huh. 98 00:05:04,589 --> 00:05:07,024 Well, well, well. Hey, Normie, 99 00:05:07,058 --> 00:05:08,626 look who's developed a lust for justice. 100 00:05:08,660 --> 00:05:10,227 Yeah. 101 00:05:10,261 --> 00:05:12,429 Do you mind? Lorenzo is hemorrhaging. 102 00:05:12,463 --> 00:05:13,831 Oh, he dies. 103 00:05:13,865 --> 00:05:16,217 Don't tell me. Don't tell me. 104 00:05:16,251 --> 00:05:17,418 Yeah, yeah, that's true. 105 00:05:17,452 --> 00:05:19,586 We don't want to spoil the part where Monica first comes in. 106 00:05:19,621 --> 00:05:21,689 Were you shocked or what when she turned out to be a man? 107 00:05:21,723 --> 00:05:22,523 CLIFF: Oh, no, no, I saw... 108 00:05:22,558 --> 00:05:24,275 ¶ I wish I was in the land of cotton ¶ 109 00:05:24,309 --> 00:05:25,643 ¶ Old times there are not forgotten ¶ 110 00:05:25,677 --> 00:05:28,111 ¶ Look away, look away, look away... ¶ 111 00:05:28,146 --> 00:05:31,014 You know, sometimes I like to play little guessing games. 112 00:05:31,049 --> 00:05:32,783 Do you like to play little guessing games, guys? 113 00:05:32,818 --> 00:05:33,918 ( all agree ) 114 00:05:33,952 --> 00:05:35,769 Let's play a little guessing game. 115 00:05:35,804 --> 00:05:39,707 I just spoke to Mr. Drake and he suggested that I hire 116 00:05:39,741 --> 00:05:42,677 a young girl he knows to cover for Carla. 117 00:05:42,711 --> 00:05:45,913 Now, why do you suppose a busy, important man like Mr. Drake 118 00:05:45,947 --> 00:05:47,581 would take time out of his day 119 00:05:47,616 --> 00:05:51,051 to get a simple cocktail waitress a job? 120 00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:53,670 Oh, oh, oh. Uh, she's, uh... Norm. 121 00:05:53,705 --> 00:05:54,838 She's a friend of the family. 122 00:05:54,873 --> 00:05:55,573 Possible. 123 00:05:55,607 --> 00:05:57,040 He's, uh, paying off a debt. 124 00:05:57,075 --> 00:05:57,725 I like that. 125 00:05:57,759 --> 00:05:58,609 He feels sorry for her. 126 00:05:58,643 --> 00:06:00,111 He does have a soft heart. 127 00:06:00,145 --> 00:06:01,245 Maybe she's sleeping with him. 128 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:03,430 Of course that little tramp is sleeping with him! 129 00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:07,101 Do you think I'm stupid? 130 00:06:07,135 --> 00:06:08,469 Is this still part of the guessing game? 131 00:06:08,503 --> 00:06:09,570 No, no, no. 132 00:06:14,359 --> 00:06:16,727 This is just too perfect. 133 00:06:16,762 --> 00:06:20,932 Evan found a nice little bowl for his goldfish to swim in. 134 00:06:20,966 --> 00:06:24,751 Safe, out of the reach of the other executive sharks. 135 00:06:24,786 --> 00:06:26,170 Obviously, he forgot about 136 00:06:26,204 --> 00:06:27,288 the Great White Sammy. 137 00:06:27,322 --> 00:06:30,107 ( all snicker ) 138 00:06:30,141 --> 00:06:33,077 Well, we've reached a compromise, Sam. 139 00:06:33,079 --> 00:06:34,478 I'm taking the relief waitress job. 140 00:06:34,512 --> 00:06:35,612 SAM: Great. 141 00:06:35,647 --> 00:06:36,763 What's the compromise? 142 00:06:36,798 --> 00:06:39,016 I'm letting her. 143 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:40,751 Wait a minute. 144 00:06:40,786 --> 00:06:42,519 I am in charge around here 145 00:06:42,554 --> 00:06:44,188 and it is my responsibility to hire people, 146 00:06:44,222 --> 00:06:47,357 and I have just be informed that I am hiring someone else. 147 00:06:50,178 --> 00:06:51,895 They're going through a tough time right now. 148 00:06:51,930 --> 00:06:54,498 Why don't you let Annie work just for tips? 149 00:06:54,532 --> 00:06:55,866 Tips? ! Yeah. 150 00:06:55,901 --> 00:06:58,802 If I'm gonna work here, I demand a set salary, 151 00:06:58,837 --> 00:07:00,671 plus tips, plus 152 00:07:00,705 --> 00:07:04,341 two coffee breaks, plus weekends off. 153 00:07:04,375 --> 00:07:06,076 That is completely out of the question. 154 00:07:06,110 --> 00:07:07,995 Okay, then I demand that tip thing. 155 00:07:08,030 --> 00:07:09,830 It's a deal. 156 00:07:14,469 --> 00:07:19,440 I need a Scotch, rocks, two white wines and a draft. 157 00:07:19,474 --> 00:07:20,908 Okeydokey. 158 00:07:20,942 --> 00:07:23,861 Come on, corn cob. Arriba. 159 00:07:26,415 --> 00:07:29,299 Boy, I tell ya, Annie's getting to be a real pro, huh? 160 00:07:29,334 --> 00:07:31,952 Yeah, she's sure rattling off those drink orders, huh? 161 00:07:31,986 --> 00:07:33,186 That's nothing. How about the way 162 00:07:33,221 --> 00:07:34,455 she puts me in my place? 163 00:07:36,892 --> 00:07:38,926 Can you believe it? 164 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:43,530 Her first day on the job and Evan's little tart is late. 165 00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,266 That's because she knows I can't do anything about it 166 00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:47,451 because her lover boy is the big boss. 167 00:07:47,485 --> 00:07:50,104 Isn't she just the queen of gall? 168 00:07:50,138 --> 00:07:53,224 Oh, no, that was Charlemagne's wife, I think. 169 00:07:54,943 --> 00:07:56,660 Well, you know, if memory serves, 170 00:07:56,695 --> 00:07:59,162 I think her name was Cathy. 171 00:07:59,197 --> 00:08:00,631 Listen, have you ever thought 172 00:08:00,666 --> 00:08:02,049 that you're reading this whole thing wrong? 173 00:08:02,084 --> 00:08:04,635 That maybe she's just a four-eyed little geek 174 00:08:04,670 --> 00:08:06,537 that Evan Drake is trying to help out? 175 00:08:06,571 --> 00:08:09,389 Right. And Cliff is leaving his brain to science. 176 00:08:11,042 --> 00:08:13,176 I guess, you're still covering for Carla, huh? 177 00:08:13,211 --> 00:08:14,995 Guess again. 178 00:08:15,029 --> 00:08:18,182 Okay, uh, here's another possibility. 179 00:08:18,216 --> 00:08:19,566 Instead of firing someone, 180 00:08:19,601 --> 00:08:21,902 you send them to the worst job in the organization. 181 00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:23,921 Usually the poor schlep just gets fed up and quits. 182 00:08:24,873 --> 00:08:27,474 They've tried that on me a bunch of times. 183 00:08:27,509 --> 00:08:28,959 Works like a charm. 184 00:08:28,994 --> 00:08:31,946 You know, you might be right. 185 00:08:32,030 --> 00:08:34,231 She's probably just some pathetic little dishrag 186 00:08:34,265 --> 00:08:37,451 whose last great hope is working here at Cheers. 187 00:08:37,536 --> 00:08:40,237 I got to stop jumping to conclusions. 188 00:08:41,990 --> 00:08:44,541 Excuse me. Is Miss Howe here? 189 00:08:44,576 --> 00:08:46,393 Mr. Drake sent me. 190 00:08:46,427 --> 00:08:49,146 Oh, you must be the slut. 191 00:08:50,982 --> 00:08:52,449 Excuse me? 192 00:08:52,483 --> 00:08:54,584 Slot. You're here to fill the slot. 193 00:08:54,619 --> 00:08:56,870 Welcome to Cheers. 194 00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:58,739 Why don't you just follow me in to my office 195 00:08:58,773 --> 00:09:00,607 and we'll fill out your W-4 form. 196 00:09:00,642 --> 00:09:01,559 Great. 197 00:09:01,593 --> 00:09:04,745 And I'll need a phone number and a job history, 198 00:09:04,779 --> 00:09:06,029 and a number we can call 199 00:09:06,063 --> 00:09:09,099 in case you meet with some horrible disfiguring accident. 200 00:09:11,419 --> 00:09:12,436 Sam? 201 00:09:12,470 --> 00:09:13,871 What? 202 00:09:13,905 --> 00:09:19,092 Could I ask your opinion as a passionate macho stud horse? 203 00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:22,095 Sure. I may have to stamp out the answer with my foot, 204 00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:24,030 but go ahead. 205 00:09:24,065 --> 00:09:27,451 Well, it's bad enough that Anthony's lost all his ambition 206 00:09:27,486 --> 00:09:28,852 and can't get a job. Right. 207 00:09:28,886 --> 00:09:30,588 But ever since I started working here, 208 00:09:30,622 --> 00:09:32,889 he's become insanely jealous. 209 00:09:32,924 --> 00:09:34,942 Why am I late? When am I coming home? 210 00:09:34,976 --> 00:09:37,611 Why am I dressed like such an ultra-fox? 211 00:09:37,646 --> 00:09:40,948 I mean, if it weren't for the six times a day we make love 212 00:09:40,982 --> 00:09:43,133 he'd be no fun at all. 213 00:09:43,168 --> 00:09:45,920 Six? 214 00:09:45,954 --> 00:09:47,071 Whoo! 215 00:09:47,105 --> 00:09:50,457 Can't think of anything that I can do six times a day. 216 00:09:52,627 --> 00:09:54,762 Hit me again. Will you, Sam? 217 00:09:54,796 --> 00:09:58,215 Listen, it's kind of tough on a husband, 218 00:09:58,249 --> 00:09:59,767 you know, to have his wife supporting him. 219 00:09:59,801 --> 00:10:01,402 It's a... It's a pride thing. 220 00:10:01,436 --> 00:10:03,503 It is a pride thing, Sam. 221 00:10:03,538 --> 00:10:07,191 I remember once when I was out of work, Vera had to support us. 222 00:10:07,225 --> 00:10:10,761 I tell ya, the day that woman left to deliver phone books... 223 00:10:12,614 --> 00:10:16,450 The proudest day of my life, actually. 224 00:10:16,484 --> 00:10:17,934 What do you want me to do? 225 00:10:17,969 --> 00:10:19,136 You want me to talk to him? 226 00:10:19,170 --> 00:10:21,338 Would you, Sam? Thanks. Yeah. 227 00:10:21,373 --> 00:10:22,973 Yeah, you're welcome. 228 00:10:23,008 --> 00:10:24,208 Hey, I saw that! 229 00:10:27,145 --> 00:10:31,198 Anthony! I can't believe you're spying on me. 230 00:10:31,232 --> 00:10:33,834 Suddenly, everything makes sense. 231 00:10:33,868 --> 00:10:36,036 You're taller than me. 232 00:10:37,405 --> 00:10:40,273 You have a Corvette instead of a bus pass. 233 00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:42,643 And your hair does that cool blow-dry thing. 234 00:10:43,962 --> 00:10:46,229 And now you've got my wife. 235 00:10:46,263 --> 00:10:48,365 Well, aren't you gonna stay and fight for me? 236 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:49,566 What's the use? 237 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:50,133 Hey, Anthony, 238 00:10:50,168 --> 00:10:51,518 come on, now, don't... 239 00:10:51,553 --> 00:10:54,354 Have you ever had to defend Vera's honor? 240 00:10:54,389 --> 00:10:55,823 Well, no, not per se. 241 00:10:55,857 --> 00:10:57,041 But on more than one occasion 242 00:10:57,075 --> 00:10:59,609 I've held her place in line while she parked the car. 243 00:11:00,995 --> 00:11:02,729 Could you believe that? 244 00:11:02,764 --> 00:11:06,282 After I gave that man the best 28 months of my life. 245 00:11:06,317 --> 00:11:07,418 Well, why don't you go catch up with him 246 00:11:07,452 --> 00:11:08,569 and patch things up. 247 00:11:08,603 --> 00:11:10,704 Forget it. He's a wimp and he can't get a job. 248 00:11:10,739 --> 00:11:12,840 And his jealousy is ruining our marriage. 249 00:11:12,874 --> 00:11:15,242 Not to mention that he left the cap off the toothpaste 250 00:11:15,276 --> 00:11:18,045 for, like, the kajillionth day in a row. 251 00:11:18,079 --> 00:11:21,448 I had no idea that the wounds were so deep. 252 00:11:21,483 --> 00:11:25,552 Well, as far as I'm concerned, he can just go and... 253 00:11:25,587 --> 00:11:27,287 Oh, God! 254 00:11:27,321 --> 00:11:30,474 I've just lost the only man I've ever loved. 255 00:11:30,508 --> 00:11:32,776 Oh, no, wait. Sit here, will ya? 256 00:11:32,810 --> 00:11:35,412 Listen, he'll come back. Don't you worry about that. 257 00:11:35,447 --> 00:11:36,246 Now, he's not gonna leave 258 00:11:36,281 --> 00:11:38,214 a beautiful girl like you. 259 00:11:38,249 --> 00:11:40,183 You really think so, Sam? 260 00:11:40,217 --> 00:11:42,386 Oh, absolutely. He'll be right back. 261 00:11:42,420 --> 00:11:44,905 I mean, do you really think I'm beautiful? 262 00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:03,005 Hey, anyone see the conclusion 263 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:04,907 of the White House Murders last night? 264 00:12:04,942 --> 00:12:07,977 No! Don't say anything. I've got it on tape. 265 00:12:08,011 --> 00:12:10,530 Did you believe it was the vice-president? 266 00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:11,798 Please! 267 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,066 How about where the First Lady 268 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,700 popped out of a pool of her own blood 269 00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,535 and strangled the Russian ambassador? 270 00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,705 No... No... 271 00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:20,439 Yeah, that was my reaction exactly. 272 00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:23,526 Well, thank you, one and all, 273 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,461 for ruining yet another plot for me. 274 00:12:25,496 --> 00:12:27,297 I'll be off, now, but before I go... 275 00:12:27,331 --> 00:12:29,799 there's something I'd like to share with you. 276 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:34,587 In Citizen Kane. Rosebud is the name of his sled. 277 00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,422 In Murder on the Orient Express, 278 00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,057 everyone did it, 279 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:41,060 and Luke Skywalker's father is Darth Vader. 280 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,094 Ha! 281 00:12:44,915 --> 00:12:45,965 Ah, why doesn't the guy tell us 282 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,000 something we don't know, huh? 283 00:12:47,034 --> 00:12:49,519 Darth Vader is Luke's father? 284 00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,073 See you soon. 285 00:12:53,107 --> 00:12:54,473 Bye. 286 00:12:54,508 --> 00:12:55,575 "Bye." 287 00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:58,077 How dare she put on that sweetness and light 288 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,312 when it's so obvious she's nothing more 289 00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,915 than a sordid little harlot. 290 00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:03,449 Hypocrite. 291 00:13:04,335 --> 00:13:08,337 Doing a great job, Laurie. Keep it up! 292 00:13:08,372 --> 00:13:09,672 I need a couple of drafts, Sam. 293 00:13:09,707 --> 00:13:10,589 Okay. 294 00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:12,859 But, oh, you, uh, 295 00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,009 You and Anthony still not talking? 296 00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:17,964 Talking? I can barely stomach necking with him. 297 00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:19,915 He's a wimp. 298 00:13:19,950 --> 00:13:21,801 Not like my Sam. 299 00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,435 Tell me, 300 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,855 how do you feel about moonlit walks by the beach 301 00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,623 and dinner by a roaring fire? 302 00:13:27,658 --> 00:13:30,543 I hate them. I-I can't stand them. Bleah. 303 00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:32,094 Yay! Me, too. No, no, no. 304 00:13:32,129 --> 00:13:34,613 I was kidding. I love them. 305 00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,149 Too late. 306 00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:40,436 You know, if someone ran over Laurie 307 00:13:40,471 --> 00:13:45,208 in the parking lot, I bet it would look like an accident. 308 00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,276 Do you want to make 500 bucks? 309 00:13:46,310 --> 00:13:47,510 Just, don't... 310 00:13:47,545 --> 00:13:49,212 Listen to yourself. 311 00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:50,213 You're going crazy here. 312 00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:52,348 We both have a problem with these new waitresses. 313 00:13:52,383 --> 00:13:54,050 Why don't we help each other out, here? 314 00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:55,785 Oh, like I scratch your back...? 315 00:13:55,819 --> 00:13:58,888 And I'll scratch your front. 316 00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:00,089 What do you propose? 317 00:14:00,123 --> 00:14:02,458 Well, all right, uh... now, we don't know for sure 318 00:14:02,493 --> 00:14:04,144 that Laurie is Evan Drake's mistress, 319 00:14:04,178 --> 00:14:05,428 so why don't you let a guy 320 00:14:05,462 --> 00:14:06,929 who knows women better than they 321 00:14:06,963 --> 00:14:08,864 know themselves find out, all right? 322 00:14:08,899 --> 00:14:10,083 Okay. 323 00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:11,517 Laurie, you got a second here? 324 00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:12,518 Yeah. 325 00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,587 How do you feel about, uh... 326 00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:19,526 moonlit walks on the beach with a dinner by a roaring fire? 327 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,794 Oh, I love those. 328 00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:23,846 Well, would you like to join me? 329 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,882 Oh, no, no, but... thanks for asking. 330 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:31,571 She's his mistress. 331 00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:36,959 How do you know that? 332 00:14:36,993 --> 00:14:38,777 She turned me down. 333 00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:42,564 That just proves she has a weak stomach. 334 00:14:42,599 --> 00:14:43,449 I'll handle this myself. 335 00:14:43,567 --> 00:14:45,034 Oh, wait a second. Wait a minute. 336 00:14:45,069 --> 00:14:47,070 What about my little problem here, you know? 337 00:14:47,104 --> 00:14:48,571 Sam, I don't have time to handle 338 00:14:48,605 --> 00:14:50,073 some silly little teenage crush. 339 00:14:50,107 --> 00:14:51,374 It is not silly. 340 00:14:55,930 --> 00:14:57,230 Oh, yes, Miss Howe? 341 00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:59,966 Laurie, my, you are such a busy little bee. 342 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,767 I bet you just won't have an ounce 343 00:15:01,802 --> 00:15:03,769 of energy left for your leisure time. 344 00:15:03,804 --> 00:15:06,372 Oh, that's okay. I've lots of energy. 345 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,208 I'll bet you do. 346 00:15:08,242 --> 00:15:09,843 You know, you and I really haven't had 347 00:15:09,877 --> 00:15:11,377 a chance to get to know each other. 348 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,047 What do you like to do in your leisure time? 349 00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:16,466 Well, I, uh, I like to read. 350 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:17,517 In bed? 351 00:15:17,551 --> 00:15:19,852 Sometimes. 352 00:15:19,887 --> 00:15:21,320 What else do you like to do... 353 00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:23,188 in bed? 354 00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:24,757 Sleep. 355 00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:26,492 Oh, well. 356 00:15:26,527 --> 00:15:29,945 Let, let's imagine here, that you are asleep in bed, 357 00:15:29,980 --> 00:15:31,814 and you roll over. 358 00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:32,981 Did you fall on the floor, 359 00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:35,017 or did something impede your progress? 360 00:15:36,085 --> 00:15:36,802 Excuse me? 361 00:15:36,837 --> 00:15:37,787 Oh, nothing. 362 00:15:37,872 --> 00:15:39,138 It's must my warped, 363 00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:41,173 wonderful, wild sense of humor. 364 00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:43,876 By the way, 365 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,010 how do you know Evan Drake? 366 00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:48,013 Well, he's uh... a friend. 367 00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:50,483 Oh. Well, then maybe you could help me out. 368 00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,051 I was gonna buy him a gift. 369 00:15:52,086 --> 00:15:54,086 Perhaps you know what size he wears 370 00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:56,222 in slacks or shirts or jockey shorts. 371 00:15:56,257 --> 00:15:57,390 Oh... sure, 372 00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:59,325 but he doesn't wear jockeys. 373 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:00,509 He wears boxers. 374 00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:01,928 Never mind, then. 375 00:16:04,231 --> 00:16:05,498 I'm gonna pop her. 376 00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:06,699 I'm gonna pop her. 377 00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:08,334 I'm gonna pop her right in the kisser. 378 00:16:08,369 --> 00:16:09,318 I'm gonna pop her! 379 00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:11,404 Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop! 380 00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:13,723 That's good. 381 00:16:13,757 --> 00:16:16,893 Now-Now do, uh, bacon frying. 382 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:26,685 You know, Darth Vader cannot be Luke Skywalker's father. 383 00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:31,057 They don't have the same last name. 384 00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,025 That's right, Woody. 385 00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:35,261 I'd better call out the Imperial Guards. 386 00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:37,029 ( inhaling and exhaling deeply ) 387 00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:37,980 Stop it, Mr. Peterson. 388 00:16:38,015 --> 00:16:39,298 You're scaring me. 389 00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:44,804 ANNIE: You know, Sam, 390 00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:47,106 I was just thinking about us last night 391 00:16:47,141 --> 00:16:49,842 as I was in the tub shaving my legs 392 00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:53,979 and pumicing the dead skin off my knees and elbows 393 00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:55,331 and waxing my... 394 00:16:55,365 --> 00:16:57,550 Uh, is-is there a point to this? 395 00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:58,868 Do I have to say it? 396 00:16:58,902 --> 00:17:00,736 Can't you just feel it? 397 00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:01,737 Would you stop that? 398 00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,022 This is silly. Now, just... 399 00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:05,190 Of course it's silly, but love is silly, isn't it? 400 00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,493 Romeo and Juliet were silly in a mad, passionate way. 401 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,061 Are we silly, Sam? 402 00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:10,262 Are we? 403 00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:11,897 Y-You maybe, but I'm not. 404 00:17:11,932 --> 00:17:14,784 Listen, young lady, I happen to be a very close friend 405 00:17:14,818 --> 00:17:16,052 of your mother-in-law, 406 00:17:16,086 --> 00:17:17,119 and out of respect, 407 00:17:17,153 --> 00:17:18,854 I'm ending this conversation right now. 408 00:17:18,889 --> 00:17:20,873 You can end the conversation, Sam, 409 00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:23,075 but you can't end the feeling. 410 00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:24,794 Honey, I'm flattered, but this is nuts. 411 00:17:24,828 --> 00:17:26,094 I mean, I... 412 00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:28,314 You know, I'm old enough to be your f... 413 00:17:28,349 --> 00:17:30,098 a youthful uncle, all right? 414 00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:32,518 I mean, when-when... when I'm 60, 415 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:35,188 you're-you're gonna be 22. 416 00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,907 Oh, my God, that can't be right. 417 00:17:37,941 --> 00:17:39,508 Uh... 418 00:17:39,542 --> 00:17:40,710 all right, uh... 419 00:17:40,744 --> 00:17:42,728 All right, when I'm 60, uh, 420 00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:44,580 well, you'll be looking pretty good, actually. 421 00:17:44,614 --> 00:17:45,782 Um... 422 00:17:45,816 --> 00:17:48,985 so, why don't you call me when I'm 60? 423 00:17:49,019 --> 00:17:49,769 I can't wait that long. 424 00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:50,920 Oh, don't. Just... 425 00:17:50,954 --> 00:17:54,856 ( Sam grunting ) 426 00:17:54,891 --> 00:17:57,043 Hey, knock it off! 427 00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:00,413 All right, you, outside. 428 00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:03,115 You're gonna get what's coming to you. 429 00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:05,351 I am not going outside with you, Anthony. 430 00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:07,219 Not you. Her. 431 00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:08,604 I mean, come on. 432 00:18:08,638 --> 00:18:10,206 You're twice as big as me. 433 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,975 Hey, but you stay away from her, if you know what's good for you. 434 00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,743 Thank you for the warning. 435 00:18:14,778 --> 00:18:16,462 Come on, Annie. Let's go. 436 00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:18,280 Why should I listen to you? 437 00:18:18,314 --> 00:18:21,016 Because I happen to be the new 438 00:18:21,050 --> 00:18:24,586 Assistant Night Manager at Burger Burger Burger. 439 00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:27,490 You got a job? 440 00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:29,258 Hey, an important job. 441 00:18:29,292 --> 00:18:32,027 When I tell people to chop lettuce, 442 00:18:32,061 --> 00:18:33,895 they say, "How high?" 443 00:18:33,930 --> 00:18:37,550 And now, I am telling you, Missy, 444 00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:39,902 if you don't come with me this instant, 445 00:18:39,937 --> 00:18:42,304 we're through forever. 446 00:18:42,339 --> 00:18:44,990 I am so totally turned on right now, 447 00:18:45,025 --> 00:18:47,727 I could spit. 448 00:18:47,761 --> 00:18:49,094 NORM: Well, 449 00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:50,712 I guess it's true what they say: 450 00:18:50,747 --> 00:18:52,481 power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. 451 00:18:52,516 --> 00:18:55,501 A uniform doesn't hurt, either. 452 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:57,986 Can you wear it all night? 453 00:18:58,021 --> 00:18:59,388 Oh, maybe the hat. 454 00:18:59,422 --> 00:19:00,856 Ooh. 455 00:19:02,492 --> 00:19:04,743 Boy, Sam, lucky for you, he got that job, huh? 456 00:19:04,778 --> 00:19:05,878 Lucky, hell. 457 00:19:05,913 --> 00:19:07,046 I got him that job. 458 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:08,748 I traded in a few favors and got him in. 459 00:19:08,782 --> 00:19:10,316 Wow. 460 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:11,484 As a matter of fact, 461 00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,352 are you interested in buying a secondhand car 462 00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,955 with this giant hamburger on top? 463 00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:18,157 Five-speed or automatic? 464 00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:20,576 Uh, Miss Howe? 465 00:19:20,610 --> 00:19:22,478 Yes, Laurie, dear? 466 00:19:22,512 --> 00:19:24,347 Well, uh, Mr. Drake is dropping by, 467 00:19:24,381 --> 00:19:26,815 and I was wondering if I could just break away 468 00:19:26,850 --> 00:19:28,384 for a... for an early lunch. 469 00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,353 Lunch. 470 00:19:30,387 --> 00:19:33,589 Is that the fashionable term for it these days? 471 00:19:33,623 --> 00:19:36,058 No, I think I've always called it lunch. 472 00:19:36,093 --> 00:19:38,127 Well, you just run along with Mr. Drake 473 00:19:38,161 --> 00:19:39,661 to your lunch, 474 00:19:39,696 --> 00:19:42,231 and don't eat so much, you can't walk back. 475 00:19:45,335 --> 00:19:46,702 Okay. 476 00:19:46,736 --> 00:19:47,970 Excuse me, Sam. 477 00:19:48,005 --> 00:19:49,405 What did she mean by that? 478 00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:50,572 Oh, she's, uh, 479 00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:52,174 under a lot of pressure nowawdays. 480 00:19:52,209 --> 00:19:53,342 I volunteered 481 00:19:53,377 --> 00:19:55,111 to help her release some of it, but she... 482 00:19:55,145 --> 00:19:56,578 ( sighs ) 483 00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:58,948 Probably didn't help, by asking for an early break. 484 00:19:58,982 --> 00:20:00,116 Mm. 485 00:20:00,150 --> 00:20:01,918 I better apologize. 486 00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:03,252 CLIFF: Oh, 487 00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:04,987 Normie, do my eyes deceive me, 488 00:20:05,021 --> 00:20:07,472 or is this the start of girl-fighting season? 489 00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,358 Luckily, we have our, uh, 490 00:20:09,393 --> 00:20:10,726 luxury box seats just in time. 491 00:20:10,761 --> 00:20:11,910 That's right. 492 00:20:11,945 --> 00:20:14,697 They cost a little bit more, but they're worth it. 493 00:20:14,731 --> 00:20:15,881 Miss Howe, if it's more convenient, 494 00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:17,533 I'll just take my lunch break one hour... 495 00:20:17,567 --> 00:20:18,884 Listen! 496 00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:20,919 Let's just cut the crap here, all right? 497 00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,805 I know how you got hired here, 498 00:20:22,839 --> 00:20:25,607 and I know what your relationship is to Mr. Drake. 499 00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:27,242 You do? 500 00:20:27,277 --> 00:20:28,210 Well, give me credit 501 00:20:28,244 --> 00:20:30,278 for having an ounce of a brain. 502 00:20:31,615 --> 00:20:33,632 You can tell me to go to hell, 503 00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:36,068 but there's something I have to know. 504 00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,370 Do you love Evan Drake? 505 00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:40,055 Well, yes. 506 00:20:40,089 --> 00:20:41,991 I see. 507 00:20:42,025 --> 00:20:44,193 ( voice cracking ): And does he love you? 508 00:20:44,227 --> 00:20:46,896 Does he love you?! 509 00:20:46,930 --> 00:20:48,898 Well, of course he does. 510 00:20:48,932 --> 00:20:51,801 Well, then there's only one thing left to say. 511 00:20:51,835 --> 00:20:54,470 Oh, my God. Oh! 512 00:20:54,504 --> 00:20:55,571 ( shrieks ) 513 00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:58,724 Oh, damn, it's a knockout. 514 00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,593 Didn't even get to any hair-pulling. 515 00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:02,394 ( door opening ) 516 00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:05,748 Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. 517 00:21:05,782 --> 00:21:08,033 What the hell's going on? 518 00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:08,884 Mr. Drake. 519 00:21:08,918 --> 00:21:09,818 Daddy. 520 00:21:09,853 --> 00:21:11,787 D-Daddy? Daddy? 521 00:21:11,821 --> 00:21:13,722 Daddy. Daddy. 522 00:21:16,610 --> 00:21:17,977 What happened? 523 00:21:18,011 --> 00:21:20,245 Oh, I think she hit me. 524 00:21:21,431 --> 00:21:22,815 You hit my daughter? 525 00:21:22,849 --> 00:21:24,283 No, I'm fine. 526 00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:25,684 Yes, I did, 527 00:21:25,719 --> 00:21:27,653 but it was an accident. 528 00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:29,888 I have a nerve disorder. 529 00:21:29,923 --> 00:21:31,189 A nerve disorder? SAM: Yes, she... 530 00:21:31,224 --> 00:21:33,492 Yes. She was dropped as a child on her... 531 00:21:33,527 --> 00:21:34,894 REBECCA: And-And you better stand back, because 532 00:21:34,928 --> 00:21:36,278 I just never know when it's gonna go off. 533 00:21:36,312 --> 00:21:37,279 Ooh. Oh! 534 00:21:37,313 --> 00:21:38,313 Aah! See? 535 00:21:38,348 --> 00:21:40,299 I'd better get back on that medication. 536 00:21:40,333 --> 00:21:41,566 Are you all right, baby? 537 00:21:41,601 --> 00:21:43,636 I'll be all right. Thank you. 538 00:21:47,206 --> 00:21:48,440 I mean her. 539 00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:49,675 Yes, Daddy. 540 00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:51,377 Oh. REBECCA: So, uh, 541 00:21:51,411 --> 00:21:52,645 Laurie's your daughter. 542 00:21:53,496 --> 00:21:55,714 Why didn't you tell me, kiddo? 543 00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:58,350 Well, Daddy said not to. 544 00:21:58,384 --> 00:22:00,452 I didn't want her to have any special treatment. 545 00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:02,003 I want her to know what it feels like 546 00:22:02,038 --> 00:22:03,672 not to be the boss's daughter. 547 00:22:03,707 --> 00:22:05,240 What a fabulous idea. 548 00:22:05,275 --> 00:22:07,843 And so smart of you not to tell 549 00:22:07,878 --> 00:22:08,927 anyone who she was. 550 00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:11,497 Do you have any cotton in your office? 551 00:22:11,531 --> 00:22:13,833 Yeah. Let's put some food in my baby, huh? 552 00:22:13,867 --> 00:22:16,235 Again, again, please accept my apology, 553 00:22:16,269 --> 00:22:18,537 and it was so nice to see you, Mr. Drake. 554 00:22:18,572 --> 00:22:20,105 If you don't mind, I'll wait 555 00:22:20,139 --> 00:22:22,641 till after you've had the medication. 556 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,215 Do you think he bought that nerve disorder thing? 557 00:22:30,250 --> 00:22:32,885 I think he bought that nerve disorder thing. 558 00:22:32,919 --> 00:22:34,720 Is it getting darker in here? 559 00:22:34,754 --> 00:22:36,555 Oh, Sam, stop being such a big baby. 560 00:22:36,589 --> 00:22:37,739 Yeah, well... 561 00:22:37,774 --> 00:22:39,508 Here, let me look at your nose. 562 00:22:39,542 --> 00:22:40,759 Ow, ow, ow, ow. 563 00:22:40,794 --> 00:22:42,695 ( gasping ): Oh, my God! 564 00:22:42,729 --> 00:22:43,545 What? 565 00:22:43,580 --> 00:22:44,697 Oh. 566 00:22:44,731 --> 00:22:45,931 ( grunts ) 567 00:22:49,036 --> 00:22:50,186 Huh? 568 00:22:50,220 --> 00:22:52,288 What-What...? 569 00:22:57,177 --> 00:22:59,428 Hey, everybody, I'm back. 570 00:22:59,462 --> 00:23:01,146 Hey, Carla. All right. 571 00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:02,431 Anything new since I've been gone? 572 00:23:02,466 --> 00:23:03,599 ( baby cooing ) 573 00:23:03,633 --> 00:23:04,766 NORM: Mm, no, not much. 574 00:23:04,801 --> 00:23:06,102 CLIFF: Uh, well, nothing special. 575 00:23:06,136 --> 00:23:07,269 ( baby cooing ) 576 00:23:07,304 --> 00:23:08,637 Yeah, yeah. How about yourself? 577 00:23:08,671 --> 00:23:10,772 The usual.