1 00:00:00,714 --> 00:00:04,116 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:04,150 --> 00:00:05,017 ( knock at door ) 3 00:00:05,051 --> 00:00:06,118 Come in. 4 00:00:07,169 --> 00:00:08,136 ( babies crying ) 5 00:00:08,171 --> 00:00:10,021 Mind if I use your office? 6 00:00:10,055 --> 00:00:11,339 Again? 7 00:00:11,374 --> 00:00:13,725 Hey, you think I like having to do this? 8 00:00:13,759 --> 00:00:16,161 You know how hard it is to breast-feed twins? 9 00:00:18,064 --> 00:00:20,315 I haven't had my bra off and on this much 10 00:00:20,350 --> 00:00:21,750 since junior high. 11 00:00:24,621 --> 00:00:26,020 Hey. 12 00:00:26,055 --> 00:00:27,372 Maybe you could help. 13 00:00:31,127 --> 00:00:33,495 What do you mean "help"? 14 00:00:33,529 --> 00:00:34,296 Well, you got 15 00:00:34,330 --> 00:00:36,582 a decent set of ducts. 16 00:00:38,251 --> 00:00:41,085 Maybe I could use you as a decoy. 17 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,304 You see? 18 00:00:42,338 --> 00:00:43,855 While I'm pumping one kid, 19 00:00:43,889 --> 00:00:46,157 the other one's attached to you. 20 00:00:47,243 --> 00:00:48,476 Are you serious? 21 00:00:48,510 --> 00:00:50,245 Sure! It'll shut 'em up. 22 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:51,913 ( crying ) So they won't get milk. 23 00:00:51,948 --> 00:00:53,081 Life is hard. 24 00:00:53,950 --> 00:00:58,871 ( piano plays ) 25 00:00:58,905 --> 00:01:01,890 ¶ Making your way in the world today ¶ 26 00:01:01,924 --> 00:01:04,576 ¶ Takes everything you've got 27 00:01:04,610 --> 00:01:07,245 ¶ Taking a break from all your worries ¶ 28 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:10,382 ¶ Sure would help a lot 29 00:01:10,416 --> 00:01:14,086 ¶ Wouldn't you like to get away? ¶ 30 00:01:16,355 --> 00:01:19,157 ¶ Sometimes you want to go 31 00:01:19,191 --> 00:01:23,545 ¶ Where everybody knows your name ¶ 32 00:01:23,579 --> 00:01:27,849 ¶ And they're always glad you came ¶ 33 00:01:27,883 --> 00:01:31,052 ¶ You want to be where you can see ¶ 34 00:01:31,086 --> 00:01:34,523 ¶ Our troubles are all the same ¶ 35 00:01:34,557 --> 00:01:37,726 ¶ You want to be where everybody knows your name ¶ 36 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:41,095 ¶ You want to go where people know ¶ 37 00:01:41,130 --> 00:01:44,433 ¶ People are all the same 38 00:01:44,467 --> 00:01:48,603 ¶ You want to go where everybody knows your name. ¶ 39 00:02:04,119 --> 00:02:06,171 Good evening, everyone! 40 00:02:06,205 --> 00:02:07,271 Hello. 41 00:02:07,306 --> 00:02:08,740 You know, it's uncanny, my darling, 42 00:02:08,774 --> 00:02:10,709 but there's not a room you step foot into 43 00:02:10,743 --> 00:02:13,010 where you're not the most beautiful woman there. 44 00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:15,413 That's deplorable sentence structure, Frasier. 45 00:02:15,448 --> 00:02:16,747 What you mean to say is that 46 00:02:16,782 --> 00:02:19,517 I am the most beautiful woman in any room I enter. 47 00:02:19,551 --> 00:02:20,851 Yes. Well, thank you 48 00:02:20,886 --> 00:02:23,621 for correcting me in front of 30 people. 49 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:26,908 There you go, 50 00:02:26,942 --> 00:02:28,893 your usual cured spritzer. Thanks, Sam. 51 00:02:28,928 --> 00:02:30,795 Hey, the big day is around the corner, isn't it? 52 00:02:30,830 --> 00:02:32,229 Yeah, next Saturday. 53 00:02:32,264 --> 00:02:34,415 Lilith and I have been in the process 54 00:02:34,450 --> 00:02:36,318 of writing, editing, rewriting, 55 00:02:36,352 --> 00:02:38,553 and researching our wedding vows. 56 00:02:41,273 --> 00:02:42,490 Hi, boss. 57 00:02:42,524 --> 00:02:44,359 Hiya. 58 00:02:44,393 --> 00:02:45,460 Hello, Rebecca. 59 00:02:45,494 --> 00:02:47,362 I have a small favor to ask 60 00:02:47,396 --> 00:02:49,764 regarding our impending wedding. 61 00:02:49,798 --> 00:02:52,133 Since all my close friends will be out of town, 62 00:02:52,168 --> 00:02:54,236 and we have had a previous conversation, 63 00:02:54,270 --> 00:02:56,738 and our eyes have met on a number of occasions, 64 00:02:56,772 --> 00:03:00,575 I was wondering if you'd consent to be my maid of honor. 65 00:03:01,743 --> 00:03:03,178 Me? 66 00:03:03,212 --> 00:03:05,213 Isn't that usually your best friend? 67 00:03:05,247 --> 00:03:06,514 You are my best friend. 68 00:03:07,866 --> 00:03:09,134 Oh, I'm very flattered. 69 00:03:09,168 --> 00:03:11,335 Um... I guess so. 70 00:03:11,370 --> 00:03:12,503 Sure, Lila. 71 00:03:12,538 --> 00:03:13,555 Lilith. 72 00:03:13,673 --> 00:03:15,439 Right. Right. 73 00:03:15,474 --> 00:03:16,824 I knew that. 74 00:03:16,858 --> 00:03:18,059 Let's discuss wedding gowns. 75 00:03:18,094 --> 00:03:19,294 Do you think black... 76 00:03:19,328 --> 00:03:20,678 Sam, it, uh, goes without saying 77 00:03:20,713 --> 00:03:23,048 of course, that you'll be my best man. 78 00:03:23,082 --> 00:03:24,632 Aw, I-I don't want to do that. 79 00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:26,601 It makes me feel so uncomfortable. 80 00:03:26,635 --> 00:03:29,704 I mean, a best man has to give a toast, doesn't he? 81 00:03:29,738 --> 00:03:31,439 No, look, I-I took the liberty 82 00:03:31,474 --> 00:03:33,475 of writing down a few things. 83 00:03:33,509 --> 00:03:34,959 Then I'd be honored. 84 00:03:34,994 --> 00:03:36,594 Oh, that's great. 85 00:03:36,628 --> 00:03:37,712 ( clears throat ): What are you doing 86 00:03:37,746 --> 00:03:38,880 for a bachelor party? 87 00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:41,015 Oh, actually, I haven't any plans. 88 00:03:41,050 --> 00:03:43,001 Well, would you like to have one tonight? 89 00:03:43,035 --> 00:03:44,485 Well, what do you think, darling? 90 00:03:44,519 --> 00:03:46,221 Uh, would I like a bachelor party? 91 00:03:47,422 --> 00:03:49,958 Well... while I feel that particular ritual 92 00:03:49,992 --> 00:03:53,194 is as passé as taking the topknot of one's dead enemy, 93 00:03:53,229 --> 00:03:55,630 I will not deprive you of the experience. 94 00:03:55,664 --> 00:03:57,365 Immature though it might be. 95 00:03:57,399 --> 00:03:58,933 She's a gamer! 96 00:03:58,968 --> 00:03:59,684 Oh! 97 00:04:01,019 --> 00:04:02,620 We're on! 98 00:04:02,655 --> 00:04:04,422 Fellas, stag party tonight. 99 00:04:04,456 --> 00:04:05,656 Hey! All right. 100 00:04:05,691 --> 00:04:08,093 You know, uh, being maid of honor 101 00:04:08,252 --> 00:04:10,820 means you have to throw Brunehilda 102 00:04:10,855 --> 00:04:12,222 a bridal shower. 103 00:04:12,256 --> 00:04:13,289 Oh, right. 104 00:04:13,324 --> 00:04:15,558 I guess I should do something. 105 00:04:15,467 --> 00:04:16,284 What kind of shower do you think? 106 00:04:16,402 --> 00:04:17,602 Kitchen? Linen? 107 00:04:17,636 --> 00:04:19,170 Look at who she's hitching up with. 108 00:04:19,204 --> 00:04:21,773 Better make it marital aids. 109 00:04:22,241 --> 00:04:24,375 I'll handle this. 110 00:04:24,409 --> 00:04:25,443 Uh, Lilith? 111 00:04:25,477 --> 00:04:27,178 What do you say we have a little get-together 112 00:04:27,213 --> 00:04:28,412 at my place tonight? 113 00:04:28,447 --> 00:04:29,681 That would be lovely. 114 00:04:29,715 --> 00:04:31,332 Now, you're gonna have to tell me who to invite, 115 00:04:31,366 --> 00:04:32,433 because I don't know... 116 00:04:32,467 --> 00:04:35,036 anything about you. 117 00:04:35,070 --> 00:04:37,021 I only wish there were some way 118 00:04:37,056 --> 00:04:38,856 I could repay you, Rebecca. 119 00:04:38,891 --> 00:04:40,058 Oh, don't mention it. 120 00:04:40,092 --> 00:04:42,076 If you ever need to admit a family member 121 00:04:42,111 --> 00:04:43,411 to a mental institution, 122 00:04:43,445 --> 00:04:45,813 I could certainly speed up the paperwork. 123 00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:50,134 That's very dear of you. 124 00:04:52,705 --> 00:04:54,139 Well, gents... Yep. 125 00:04:54,173 --> 00:04:56,507 My last night of freedom. Yep. 126 00:04:56,542 --> 00:04:58,009 One last chance to... 127 00:04:58,044 --> 00:05:00,611 loosen the old noose, so to speak. 128 00:05:00,646 --> 00:05:03,047 Really have some fun while I still can. 129 00:05:03,082 --> 00:05:04,281 ( guys laugh ) 130 00:05:04,316 --> 00:05:06,584 Do I hear the pitter-patter of cold feet? 131 00:05:06,618 --> 00:05:07,485 No! No! Not at all. 132 00:05:07,519 --> 00:05:09,571 I mean, as long as I'm in love with this woman 133 00:05:09,605 --> 00:05:11,906 and she has my dear old mother tied up in the cellar, 134 00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:13,441 I'm gonna go through with it. 135 00:05:13,475 --> 00:05:15,660 ( laughter ) 136 00:05:15,694 --> 00:05:16,761 Darling... 137 00:05:16,796 --> 00:05:19,013 could I speak with you a moment? 138 00:05:19,048 --> 00:05:20,882 Excuse me. 139 00:05:20,916 --> 00:05:22,516 The ball and chain. 140 00:05:26,172 --> 00:05:27,638 Frasier, do you realize that is 141 00:05:27,672 --> 00:05:30,007 the fourth derogatory remark about marriage 142 00:05:30,041 --> 00:05:31,409 you've made this evening? 143 00:05:31,443 --> 00:05:32,593 Oh, come on, my angel. 144 00:05:32,627 --> 00:05:34,529 I mean, they're... they're jokes. 145 00:05:34,563 --> 00:05:36,230 I mean, everybody knows my mother is dead. 146 00:05:36,265 --> 00:05:38,732 That's what makes it funny. 147 00:05:39,735 --> 00:05:42,069 No one loves a good joke more than I. 148 00:05:42,104 --> 00:05:44,439 But I find that-- as our wedding day approaches-- 149 00:05:44,473 --> 00:05:47,325 the frequency of these quips has increased. 150 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,227 Are you having second thoughts? 151 00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:50,895 Well, only that I love you more now 152 00:05:50,930 --> 00:05:52,496 than I did five minutes ago. 153 00:05:52,531 --> 00:05:55,133 Leaving aside your schoolboy sophistries, 154 00:05:55,167 --> 00:05:57,152 let me make you an offer. 155 00:05:57,186 --> 00:05:59,937 If, after your madcap night of debauchery and vomiting, 156 00:05:59,972 --> 00:06:03,240 you still feel you want to go through with the wedding plans, 157 00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:04,542 call me and tell me so. 158 00:06:04,576 --> 00:06:05,643 But... Lilith, 159 00:06:05,677 --> 00:06:07,345 that's entirely unnecessary. 160 00:06:07,379 --> 00:06:08,712 I beg to differ. 161 00:06:08,747 --> 00:06:10,498 Up until this point, 162 00:06:10,532 --> 00:06:14,285 you've only seen my warm and vulnerable side. 163 00:06:15,054 --> 00:06:18,038 Now I must become cold and analytical. 164 00:06:20,409 --> 00:06:22,626 As if you could, my treasure. 165 00:06:24,196 --> 00:06:26,230 Frasier, I need your reassurance. 166 00:06:26,264 --> 00:06:28,066 I'll be awaiting your call. 167 00:06:30,536 --> 00:06:32,303 Boy, this bachelor party should be keen. 168 00:06:32,338 --> 00:06:33,521 "Keen"? 169 00:06:33,555 --> 00:06:35,323 ( laughing ) 170 00:06:35,357 --> 00:06:37,858 Hey, I don't know about Indiana, 171 00:06:37,892 --> 00:06:39,477 but around here when guys get together 172 00:06:39,511 --> 00:06:41,112 to send another guy off to his doom, 173 00:06:41,146 --> 00:06:43,214 things can get a little raunchy, you hear me? 174 00:06:43,249 --> 00:06:44,582 ( laughing ) 175 00:06:44,616 --> 00:06:46,850 You fellas ever dress up farm animals 176 00:06:46,885 --> 00:06:48,386 in women's clothing? 177 00:06:51,891 --> 00:06:53,257 No. 178 00:06:53,291 --> 00:06:55,159 Well, then I'm one up on you. 179 00:07:03,118 --> 00:07:04,869 Gentlemen! 180 00:07:04,903 --> 00:07:06,587 ( all shout greetings ) 181 00:07:06,621 --> 00:07:08,088 You know, I, 182 00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:10,208 I was listening to a rock and roll station 183 00:07:10,242 --> 00:07:11,242 on my way over here, 184 00:07:11,276 --> 00:07:13,277 and... you know, to put me in the mood. 185 00:07:13,312 --> 00:07:17,615 There was a passage in one of those tribal songs 186 00:07:17,649 --> 00:07:19,450 that I feel, uh... 187 00:07:19,484 --> 00:07:21,653 well, is the keynote for this evening. 188 00:07:21,687 --> 00:07:25,690 "Everybody have fun tonight." 189 00:07:25,724 --> 00:07:29,160 "Everybody Wang Chung tonight." 190 00:07:29,194 --> 00:07:30,795 ( all shouting ) 191 00:07:33,431 --> 00:07:35,983 Yeah, I think we got a madman on our hands here. 192 00:07:36,018 --> 00:07:36,868 I had a nap. 193 00:07:36,986 --> 00:07:38,252 ( all laugh ) 194 00:07:38,287 --> 00:07:39,503 You know, gentlemen I... 195 00:07:39,538 --> 00:07:41,973 I can't tell you how touched I am that you all-- 196 00:07:42,007 --> 00:07:43,741 to a man-- came back for my party. 197 00:07:43,775 --> 00:07:46,243 We never left. 198 00:07:46,278 --> 00:07:48,763 Boy, this is gonna be some night. 199 00:07:48,797 --> 00:07:50,865 Oh, a real guy night. Yeah! 200 00:07:50,899 --> 00:07:53,601 Check your X chromosome at the door. 201 00:07:53,635 --> 00:07:55,903 ( all laugh ) 202 00:07:55,937 --> 00:07:58,622 I wonder what the women are doing? 203 00:07:58,657 --> 00:07:59,957 Oh, they're probably, uh, 204 00:07:59,992 --> 00:08:02,693 hanging around, drinking some European coffee 205 00:08:02,728 --> 00:08:05,330 you know, mocha Finland or the like, eh. 206 00:08:05,364 --> 00:08:06,831 Passing around a bunch of brownies, 207 00:08:06,865 --> 00:08:08,432 saying, "No, I really shouldn't," 208 00:08:08,466 --> 00:08:09,967 and then stuffing their faces. 209 00:08:15,123 --> 00:08:16,808 To the man of the hour, huh? 210 00:08:16,842 --> 00:08:18,576 ( chorus of acclaim ) 211 00:08:18,610 --> 00:08:19,694 Mr. Frasier Crane, 212 00:08:19,728 --> 00:08:21,862 and to all the girls we've loved before. 213 00:08:21,897 --> 00:08:23,414 ALL: Hear! Hear! 214 00:08:23,448 --> 00:08:24,582 I've, uh... 215 00:08:24,616 --> 00:08:26,467 loved quite a few. How 'bout a fill-up, huh? 216 00:08:26,501 --> 00:08:27,668 NORM: Cliffie. 217 00:08:27,702 --> 00:08:30,121 A big difference between loving women and annoying them 218 00:08:30,156 --> 00:08:33,424 in the checkout line, okay? 219 00:08:33,459 --> 00:08:34,492 Ah, women. 220 00:08:34,526 --> 00:08:36,760 They're tough to figure out. 221 00:08:36,795 --> 00:08:38,963 Yeah, but they're sure fun to play with 222 00:08:38,997 --> 00:08:40,431 while you're trying. 223 00:08:41,583 --> 00:08:43,251 If you guys could have one woman, 224 00:08:43,285 --> 00:08:44,585 any woman in the world, 225 00:08:44,619 --> 00:08:45,769 who would it be? 226 00:08:45,804 --> 00:08:48,172 Oh, that's easy. Kathleen Turner. 227 00:08:48,207 --> 00:08:51,475 Wah-wah-wah-wah! 228 00:08:51,509 --> 00:08:53,995 Give me Kim Basinger in 9 1/2 Weeks. 229 00:08:54,029 --> 00:08:55,262 Ten weeks. Ten weeks. 230 00:08:56,181 --> 00:08:57,581 Jill Eikenberry. 231 00:08:57,616 --> 00:08:58,916 ( expressing puzzlement ) 232 00:08:58,951 --> 00:08:59,951 You know, L.A. Law? 233 00:09:00,069 --> 00:09:02,036 She's married to that short, dumpy guy on the show. 234 00:09:02,038 --> 00:09:05,773 Something about her, I like. 235 00:09:05,807 --> 00:09:07,090 Lilith Sternin. 236 00:09:07,125 --> 00:09:10,895 ( all groaning and teasing ) 237 00:09:10,929 --> 00:09:12,196 Loni Anderson. 238 00:09:12,231 --> 00:09:13,731 Boy, she's got a set of oompahs 239 00:09:13,765 --> 00:09:15,733 that John Phillip Sousa would kill for. 240 00:09:22,941 --> 00:09:24,375 I swear to God. 241 00:09:24,409 --> 00:09:26,360 My very first time was in the sixth grade. 242 00:09:26,394 --> 00:09:27,728 School crossing guard. 243 00:09:29,131 --> 00:09:31,015 No! Hey, I swear to you. 244 00:09:31,050 --> 00:09:33,400 Wow, that's more exciting than my first time. 245 00:09:33,435 --> 00:09:34,735 Wedding night, Norm? 246 00:09:34,769 --> 00:09:36,988 Uh, the following week. 247 00:09:37,022 --> 00:09:39,056 Yeah. 248 00:09:39,091 --> 00:09:40,257 Hey, hey, good news, guys. 249 00:09:40,291 --> 00:09:42,810 Wife says I don't have to go home till midnight. 250 00:09:42,845 --> 00:09:43,877 Ooh, yeah. The bad news is, 251 00:09:43,912 --> 00:09:45,796 she'll still be awake when you get there. 252 00:09:47,599 --> 00:09:48,499 Eh, I don't know. Women, women. 253 00:09:48,617 --> 00:09:50,418 You know, uh, once they get their claws in you, 254 00:09:50,452 --> 00:09:52,320 they just don't let go, you know what I mean? 255 00:09:52,354 --> 00:09:53,187 Oh, I don't know, Cliff. 256 00:09:53,221 --> 00:09:54,638 I wouldn't say that about all women. 257 00:09:54,673 --> 00:09:56,206 I'm sure Loni Anderson doesn't do that. 258 00:09:56,241 --> 00:09:57,625 ( laughing ) 259 00:09:57,659 --> 00:09:58,776 And I know my Lilith. 260 00:09:58,811 --> 00:10:01,012 Why, just today, she presented me with an opportunity 261 00:10:01,046 --> 00:10:02,847 to back out of the marriage if I so desire. 262 00:10:02,881 --> 00:10:04,548 Now, is that blind faith or what? Uh-oh. 263 00:10:04,583 --> 00:10:06,517 ( guys "oohing" ) 264 00:10:06,551 --> 00:10:07,969 Uh-oh, what? 265 00:10:08,003 --> 00:10:09,804 Seems to me that she might have changed her mind 266 00:10:09,838 --> 00:10:11,405 and is just trying to let you down easy. 267 00:10:11,439 --> 00:10:13,758 That's the most preposterous thing I've ever heard. 268 00:10:13,792 --> 00:10:14,509 Oh, I don't know, now. 269 00:10:14,543 --> 00:10:16,027 If you had a 200-pound marlin, 270 00:10:16,061 --> 00:10:17,762 and you're about haul him on the boat, 271 00:10:17,796 --> 00:10:20,898 would you stop and ask him if he wanted to go back in the water? 272 00:10:20,933 --> 00:10:22,633 ( guys murmuring ) 273 00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:23,551 Be careful, Dr. Crane. 274 00:10:23,585 --> 00:10:25,002 This could be a trick question. 275 00:10:25,037 --> 00:10:28,306 I think the laws are different in each state. 276 00:10:30,109 --> 00:10:31,875 Well, I-I certainly don't believe 277 00:10:31,910 --> 00:10:33,711 that's true in Lilith's case. 278 00:10:33,745 --> 00:10:35,429 I don't know, Frase, Sammy could have a point there. 279 00:10:35,463 --> 00:10:36,914 ( guys affirming ) 280 00:10:36,949 --> 00:10:40,184 Do you really think Lilith wants me to back out? 281 00:10:40,218 --> 00:10:40,818 SAM: Could be. Could be. 282 00:10:40,852 --> 00:10:43,770 I'd think about it, Doc. 283 00:10:43,805 --> 00:10:45,789 Well, then let's just see how the night progresses. 284 00:10:45,824 --> 00:10:47,758 Maybe Lilith Sternin will get her wish, after all. 285 00:10:47,792 --> 00:10:49,060 Where's that stripper? 286 00:10:49,094 --> 00:10:50,561 ( guys laughing raucously ) 287 00:10:50,595 --> 00:10:51,712 Let's get Bubbles or Peaches, 288 00:10:51,746 --> 00:10:53,781 or whatever her name is out here and have at her! 289 00:10:53,815 --> 00:10:57,034 ( cheering and hooting ) 290 00:10:57,068 --> 00:10:59,937 No, you, uh, you stay right there. Yeah. 291 00:10:59,971 --> 00:11:03,341 ( sexy stripper music playing ) 292 00:11:06,028 --> 00:11:10,314 ( whooping and whistling ) 293 00:11:19,324 --> 00:11:20,307 We are amused. 294 00:11:20,342 --> 00:11:21,659 Whoo! 295 00:11:36,858 --> 00:11:39,060 GUYS: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 296 00:11:39,094 --> 00:11:42,914 ( yelling and whooping ) 297 00:11:42,948 --> 00:11:44,481 Karen! 298 00:11:44,516 --> 00:11:45,649 Dr. Crane! 299 00:11:45,683 --> 00:11:47,034 You know each other? 300 00:11:47,069 --> 00:11:49,053 She's one of my patients. 301 00:11:54,258 --> 00:11:56,193 Karen, I hope you're doing this for the money, 302 00:11:56,228 --> 00:11:58,095 because this certainly won't square things 303 00:11:58,129 --> 00:11:59,564 between you and your father. 304 00:12:12,695 --> 00:12:14,012 I'm sorry I spoiled your party. 305 00:12:14,047 --> 00:12:16,414 Oh, nonsense, Karen, you didn't spoil anything. 306 00:12:16,448 --> 00:12:17,916 And under the circumstances, 307 00:12:17,950 --> 00:12:20,285 ( chuckling ): we understand, don't we, guys? 308 00:12:23,906 --> 00:12:25,523 There, you see? 309 00:12:25,558 --> 00:12:27,692 Well, bye-bye, now. 310 00:12:27,727 --> 00:12:29,194 Bye-bye. 311 00:12:32,298 --> 00:12:34,266 Maybe I shouldn't get married. 312 00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:36,501 Oh, come on, what are you talking about? 313 00:12:36,535 --> 00:12:38,203 Oh, it's time I realized 314 00:12:38,238 --> 00:12:40,505 that there are two Frasier Cranes. 315 00:12:40,540 --> 00:12:43,374 Frasier the prospective groom who sent Karen on her way, 316 00:12:43,409 --> 00:12:46,511 and Frasier the pig who wanted to see her shake her nonnies. 317 00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:49,781 You know, I've never revealed this to anybody, 318 00:12:49,816 --> 00:12:50,916 but when Diane left me 319 00:12:50,950 --> 00:12:52,701 at the altar, I... well, there was 320 00:12:52,735 --> 00:12:54,269 a tiny voice that kept saying, 321 00:12:54,304 --> 00:12:56,588 "You're off the hook, you're off the hook." 322 00:12:56,623 --> 00:12:57,505 NORM: Yeah, the only voice 323 00:12:57,540 --> 00:12:59,057 I heard was Vera's 324 00:12:59,092 --> 00:13:01,393 just yapping and yapping. 325 00:13:01,427 --> 00:13:02,577 MAN: You ever notice 326 00:13:02,611 --> 00:13:05,030 it's always the women who want to get married? 327 00:13:05,064 --> 00:13:07,799 Yapping and yapping. 328 00:13:07,833 --> 00:13:10,268 Well, you know, when I think of all the unhappy people 329 00:13:10,303 --> 00:13:12,604 whom I've counseled over the years, whose lives 330 00:13:12,639 --> 00:13:17,359 have been scarred and destroyed by marriages badly cast, 331 00:13:17,393 --> 00:13:19,394 I could write a book. 332 00:13:19,428 --> 00:13:22,581 I have written a book. 333 00:13:22,615 --> 00:13:23,498 Come on, now, Fras. 334 00:13:23,616 --> 00:13:25,450 You're just having last-minute jitters. 335 00:13:25,485 --> 00:13:27,219 Geez, I-I don't know. 336 00:13:27,253 --> 00:13:30,371 Maybe Lilith isn't the woman for me. 337 00:13:30,406 --> 00:13:32,674 What do you think of her, guys? 338 00:13:32,709 --> 00:13:35,009 Tell me, listen, I-I-I demand... 339 00:13:35,044 --> 00:13:36,944 complete honesty. 340 00:13:36,979 --> 00:13:39,598 Well, uh, Doc, I'll be honest with you. 341 00:13:39,632 --> 00:13:42,234 ( clearing throat ): Uh, ixnay, ixnay. 342 00:13:42,268 --> 00:13:43,518 Oh, no, Normie, no, 343 00:13:43,636 --> 00:13:46,204 I just wish that I was there for you. 344 00:13:50,943 --> 00:13:52,944 No, uh... 345 00:13:52,978 --> 00:13:54,279 I was, uh, 346 00:13:54,313 --> 00:13:56,348 waiting for you to wise up, there, Doc. 347 00:13:56,382 --> 00:13:58,283 You know, I mean, Lilith Sternin-- 348 00:13:58,318 --> 00:13:59,518 I mean, even the name 349 00:13:59,552 --> 00:14:01,920 makes the old butt cheeks, uh, tighten up, 350 00:14:01,954 --> 00:14:03,455 you know what I mean? 351 00:14:03,489 --> 00:14:06,541 I mean, she is Olive Oyl without the good fashion sense. 352 00:14:06,576 --> 00:14:08,977 ( chuckling ) And that personality, geez... 353 00:14:09,011 --> 00:14:10,846 Hey, whoa, whoa, come on, hey, Cliff, that's enough. 354 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,114 Yeah, you think so? Yeah, yeah. 355 00:14:13,148 --> 00:14:14,383 All right. 356 00:14:14,417 --> 00:14:16,718 Sam, you know, you've been uncharacteristically mute. 357 00:14:16,753 --> 00:14:18,720 I mean, surely you have some opinion on this. 358 00:14:18,755 --> 00:14:19,988 No, no, do it, man. 359 00:14:20,022 --> 00:14:21,155 I think you should 360 00:14:21,190 --> 00:14:23,175 walk off together into the sunset, you know? 361 00:14:23,209 --> 00:14:24,509 Live happily ever after. 362 00:14:24,543 --> 00:14:25,594 Translation: Frasier Crane, 363 00:14:25,628 --> 00:14:27,462 you're a complete fool if you get married. 364 00:14:27,496 --> 00:14:28,830 I did not say that. 365 00:14:28,865 --> 00:14:30,932 Now, listen, Sam, I know exactly what you're thinking. 366 00:14:30,966 --> 00:14:32,701 I mean, every fiber of your body speaks it. 367 00:14:32,735 --> 00:14:33,735 You live it every day. 368 00:14:33,770 --> 00:14:35,687 Give me one good reason why the single life 369 00:14:35,722 --> 00:14:37,121 is better than being married. 370 00:14:37,156 --> 00:14:40,659 Okay, uh... well, let's see. 371 00:14:40,661 --> 00:14:43,094 When I get home, I don't have to explain to anybody 372 00:14:43,128 --> 00:14:45,363 uh, where I've been or what I've been doing. 373 00:14:45,398 --> 00:14:47,065 If I was out having a good time, 374 00:14:47,099 --> 00:14:50,251 I don't have to call home to see if I can stay later. 375 00:14:50,285 --> 00:14:51,736 Oh, that reminds me. 376 00:14:51,770 --> 00:14:53,137 SAM: There, right there. 377 00:14:53,172 --> 00:14:54,472 There you go. 378 00:14:54,507 --> 00:14:56,241 See, that's what you're losing, man-- 379 00:14:56,275 --> 00:14:57,742 your freedom. 380 00:14:57,776 --> 00:15:01,079 You know, I can eat doughnuts for dinner if I want to. 381 00:15:01,114 --> 00:15:03,781 Nobody nags me to put down the toilet seat. 382 00:15:03,816 --> 00:15:06,218 I am the king of my own remote control. 383 00:15:06,252 --> 00:15:07,519 I can date anybody I want to, 384 00:15:07,553 --> 00:15:09,254 and if somebody better turns up-- 385 00:15:09,288 --> 00:15:11,656 and somebody always does, bless their hearts-- 386 00:15:11,691 --> 00:15:13,558 then I can date them the very next night. 387 00:15:13,593 --> 00:15:14,759 You know, I don't have to worry 388 00:15:14,793 --> 00:15:16,127 about forgetting an anniversary, 389 00:15:16,161 --> 00:15:19,364 no mother-in-laws, no father-in-laws, 390 00:15:19,398 --> 00:15:21,499 no laws, period. 391 00:15:21,534 --> 00:15:24,235 I only asked for one reason. 392 00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:26,504 My God. 393 00:15:26,539 --> 00:15:28,423 I'm, I'm actually beginning to have doubts. 394 00:15:28,457 --> 00:15:29,524 No. 395 00:15:29,558 --> 00:15:30,859 You know, I've got to hear 396 00:15:30,893 --> 00:15:32,060 the voice of my beloved 397 00:15:32,095 --> 00:15:33,128 just to reassure me. 398 00:15:33,162 --> 00:15:35,413 Uh, Woody, Woody, give me Rebecca's number, 399 00:15:35,448 --> 00:15:37,415 and hand me the phone, would you? 400 00:15:37,450 --> 00:15:39,585 Oh, Dr. Crane, if Miss Howe answers, 401 00:15:39,619 --> 00:15:41,820 could you ask her something for me? 402 00:15:41,854 --> 00:15:42,637 What's that, Wood? 403 00:15:42,672 --> 00:15:45,556 Ask her if she has Prince Albert in a can. 404 00:15:45,591 --> 00:15:46,891 ( laughing ) 405 00:15:46,926 --> 00:15:48,326 Don't tell her it was me. 406 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,510 No. 407 00:15:52,899 --> 00:15:54,165 FRASIER: Hello. 408 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:55,166 Yeah, h-hello. 409 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,985 Is that you, Carla? 410 00:15:57,019 --> 00:15:58,536 ( music playing ) Yeah, yeah, who is it? 411 00:15:58,570 --> 00:15:59,321 Uh, it's Frasier. 412 00:15:59,439 --> 00:16:00,539 What's all that noise? 413 00:16:00,573 --> 00:16:02,140 What's going on over there? 414 00:16:02,174 --> 00:16:04,826 We're making a quilt. 415 00:16:04,861 --> 00:16:06,961 Well, can I speak to Lilith, please? 416 00:16:06,995 --> 00:16:07,979 Well, is it important? 417 00:16:08,013 --> 00:16:11,215 She's showing the male stripper where to put his things. 418 00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:12,517 What? 419 00:16:12,552 --> 00:16:14,803 Oh, I-I got to get back. 420 00:16:14,837 --> 00:16:18,506 I-I got a bet this guy's packing socks. 421 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,728 She'll call you back sometime. 422 00:16:26,932 --> 00:16:28,467 What happened? 423 00:16:28,501 --> 00:16:30,469 Oh, nothing. 424 00:16:30,503 --> 00:16:32,604 Seems Lilith is indisposed at the moment. 425 00:16:32,638 --> 00:16:34,872 She's helping to undress a male stripper. 426 00:16:34,907 --> 00:16:36,574 ( guys oohing and aahing ) 427 00:16:36,608 --> 00:16:38,760 A male stripper? 428 00:16:38,794 --> 00:16:41,395 Well, where do they put the tassels? 429 00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:48,236 The thought of my Lilith having one last carnal fling 430 00:16:48,271 --> 00:16:51,306 with some fellow in a Speedo is beyond belief! 431 00:16:51,340 --> 00:16:52,357 Now, Frasier, I mean, 432 00:16:52,392 --> 00:16:53,925 just 'cause some guy strips in her honor 433 00:16:53,959 --> 00:16:56,495 doesn't mean they're going to wind up in the sack together. 434 00:16:56,529 --> 00:16:58,563 Oh, no, no, no, you don't know my Lilith. 435 00:16:58,598 --> 00:16:59,881 I'll tell you, once her libido's cut loose, 436 00:16:59,916 --> 00:17:01,700 I mean, there's no tying her down, unless, of course, 437 00:17:01,734 --> 00:17:03,251 that's what she's into for the evening. 438 00:17:04,637 --> 00:17:06,471 She's, right now, she's with him. 439 00:17:06,505 --> 00:17:09,174 Oh, no, hey, hey, come on, take it easy here. 440 00:17:09,208 --> 00:17:11,943 She's with that man-- that sweating, chiseled, 441 00:17:11,978 --> 00:17:13,945 Frasier. pulsing, throbbing... 442 00:17:13,980 --> 00:17:15,563 Hey, hey, whoa. sexy... 443 00:17:21,070 --> 00:17:23,371 Creme de Menthe? 444 00:17:24,773 --> 00:17:27,659 You couldn't find some water? 445 00:17:30,512 --> 00:17:32,547 My God, Sam. 446 00:17:32,582 --> 00:17:37,318 You realize what this... this means? 447 00:17:37,352 --> 00:17:39,538 Well, I-I don't know the clinical term for it, 448 00:17:39,572 --> 00:17:41,072 but it seems to me 449 00:17:41,106 --> 00:17:42,941 you were going a little scooters there. 450 00:17:45,110 --> 00:17:46,611 I was jealous, Sam. 451 00:17:46,646 --> 00:17:49,280 I-I was insanely, blindly jealous. 452 00:17:49,315 --> 00:17:53,284 If ever I needed a clearer gut-level demonstration 453 00:17:53,319 --> 00:17:56,154 of my feelings, I mean, that was it. 454 00:17:56,188 --> 00:17:58,022 Yes, yes, it's perverted. 455 00:17:58,057 --> 00:18:01,659 Yes, it's childish, but yes, it's love. 456 00:18:01,693 --> 00:18:03,912 Maybe you ought to go see her right now. 457 00:18:03,946 --> 00:18:05,313 I will, Sam. 458 00:18:05,347 --> 00:18:07,866 There's just one matter that has to be rectified first. 459 00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:11,903 Cliff, in light of my recent decision, 460 00:18:11,938 --> 00:18:17,208 I now take offense at your remarks about Lilith. 461 00:18:17,242 --> 00:18:20,545 In short, I'm going to kick your sorry butt. 462 00:18:22,348 --> 00:18:24,416 Ah, now, come on, Doc, just cool down, will you? 463 00:18:24,450 --> 00:18:25,883 It was just a joke. 464 00:18:25,918 --> 00:18:28,520 Oh, you mean like that costume you wear every day? 465 00:18:28,554 --> 00:18:30,605 GUYS: Whoa! 466 00:18:33,793 --> 00:18:36,027 All right, put up your dukes, Dr. Cream Puff. 467 00:18:36,061 --> 00:18:37,579 Okay, now we got a party, eh? 468 00:18:37,613 --> 00:18:38,913 ( men laugh and agree ) 469 00:18:38,947 --> 00:18:41,182 All right, all right, uh, before we start, 470 00:18:41,216 --> 00:18:42,650 let's just, uh, 471 00:18:42,685 --> 00:18:44,335 set a few ground rules, all right? 472 00:18:45,104 --> 00:18:46,271 Uh, no punching in the face 473 00:18:46,305 --> 00:18:48,422 because that can cause severe brain damage. 474 00:18:49,691 --> 00:18:51,676 Oh, oh, all right, uh, just one other thing. 475 00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:53,344 Uh, no hitting below the belt. 476 00:18:53,379 --> 00:18:55,063 I'm about to be married. 477 00:18:55,097 --> 00:18:57,165 Uh, all right, all right, fair enough, fair enough. 478 00:19:01,386 --> 00:19:02,370 All right, well, no hitting 479 00:19:02,405 --> 00:19:03,888 in the, uh, right shoulder, though. 480 00:19:03,923 --> 00:19:05,356 That's my bag shoulder, all right? 481 00:19:12,531 --> 00:19:16,200 What about the, um, upper thigh area? 482 00:19:16,235 --> 00:19:17,769 Uh... 483 00:19:17,803 --> 00:19:20,521 Oh, no, I think we covered that on page five over here. 484 00:19:20,556 --> 00:19:22,123 Yeah. 485 00:19:22,158 --> 00:19:23,892 Well, then, where does that leave us? 486 00:19:23,926 --> 00:19:25,226 I don't know; it's leaving me 487 00:19:25,261 --> 00:19:27,128 with writer's cramp, I'll tell you. 488 00:19:27,162 --> 00:19:28,863 Well, let that be a lesson to you. 489 00:19:32,418 --> 00:19:34,385 As for me, 490 00:19:34,420 --> 00:19:35,854 I'm going to go back to my beloved, 491 00:19:35,888 --> 00:19:37,889 throw my arms around her milky-white shoulders, 492 00:19:37,924 --> 00:19:39,524 and let me tell you something, fellas. 493 00:19:39,558 --> 00:19:41,293 I'm going to tell her I'm devoted to her, 494 00:19:41,327 --> 00:19:43,594 and that I'm dedicating the rest of my life to her. 495 00:19:44,964 --> 00:19:46,430 Hello, everyone. 496 00:19:47,216 --> 00:19:48,667 Frasier, is that you? 497 00:19:48,701 --> 00:19:52,236 Good. I hope this doesn't spoil the bachelor party, 498 00:19:52,271 --> 00:19:54,105 but the engagement is off. 499 00:19:54,139 --> 00:19:55,624 It's over, history, 500 00:19:55,658 --> 00:19:57,425 kaput. Good night. 501 00:19:57,460 --> 00:19:58,093 What?! 502 00:19:58,127 --> 00:19:59,361 She's kind of juiced. 503 00:19:59,395 --> 00:20:01,429 I can't be engaged to you, Frasier, 504 00:20:01,464 --> 00:20:03,431 because I'm marrying Randy here. 505 00:20:04,784 --> 00:20:06,884 If anyone wants to get us a wedding gift, 506 00:20:06,919 --> 00:20:09,454 his butt is this size. 507 00:20:13,759 --> 00:20:15,827 Why don't you sit down, Dr. Sternin? 508 00:20:15,862 --> 00:20:18,663 Oh, "Dr. Sternin" is a little formal, isn't it? 509 00:20:18,697 --> 00:20:24,569 You can call me Sheena, Ruler of the Jungle of Love. 510 00:20:24,603 --> 00:20:25,886 Can somebody sober her up? 511 00:20:25,921 --> 00:20:27,138 Hey, I think you lost a button. 512 00:20:27,172 --> 00:20:29,340 ( Woody laughing ) 513 00:20:33,229 --> 00:20:35,647 We'll handle it from here. Thanks, Randy. 514 00:20:35,681 --> 00:20:37,965 Happy to do it. There's still the matter of cab fare. 515 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,284 Oh. Here, there you go. 516 00:20:40,319 --> 00:20:41,820 Great. Thanks. 517 00:20:41,854 --> 00:20:43,388 See you. 518 00:20:45,357 --> 00:20:46,724 Oh, Randy, don't leave me. 519 00:20:48,043 --> 00:20:51,779 I'll never be able to hear "Shock the Monkey" again 520 00:20:51,813 --> 00:20:53,647 without crying. 521 00:20:58,321 --> 00:20:59,654 Lilith, 522 00:20:59,688 --> 00:21:01,222 what were you thinking of?! 523 00:21:01,256 --> 00:21:03,424 I'm sorry, Frasier, it's just that I felt the need 524 00:21:03,458 --> 00:21:04,859 to get back at you. 525 00:21:04,893 --> 00:21:06,611 I waited all evening for you to call 526 00:21:06,645 --> 00:21:08,245 and say that the wedding was still on, 527 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:09,380 but you didn't, you cur. 528 00:21:09,414 --> 00:21:10,564 I did call! 529 00:21:10,599 --> 00:21:12,200 Didn't Carla tell you? 530 00:21:12,234 --> 00:21:15,770 She was too busy licking Bosco off Randy's chest. 531 00:21:17,806 --> 00:21:20,425 I became increasingly more distraught and foolish 532 00:21:20,459 --> 00:21:21,726 as the night grew long. 533 00:21:21,761 --> 00:21:24,529 Of course, the 11 tequila shooters didn't help. 534 00:21:24,563 --> 00:21:27,581 And now, the epilogue is that my behavior 535 00:21:27,616 --> 00:21:31,202 has probably cost me the one man I truly love. 536 00:21:31,237 --> 00:21:33,605 Oh, you can probably still catch him. 537 00:21:35,724 --> 00:21:37,058 Woody, I don't think 538 00:21:37,092 --> 00:21:39,961 you're following along closely enough. 539 00:21:39,995 --> 00:21:41,446 Listen, you're not the only one 540 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,816 who's behaved irrationally tonight. 541 00:21:44,850 --> 00:21:48,486 Lilith... I want to marry you anyway. 542 00:21:50,105 --> 00:21:51,239 You do? 543 00:21:51,273 --> 00:21:52,590 Absolutely. 544 00:21:52,624 --> 00:21:54,775 For the rest of my life, 545 00:21:54,810 --> 00:21:57,912 I will always cherish those words: 546 00:21:57,946 --> 00:22:01,416 "Lilith, I want to marry you anyway." 547 00:22:03,602 --> 00:22:04,836 Come, my sweet. 548 00:22:04,870 --> 00:22:07,839 Let's get on with our life together. 549 00:22:07,873 --> 00:22:09,273 Uh, thank you all. 550 00:22:09,308 --> 00:22:10,542 ( halfheartedly ): Yeah, way to go, Doc. 551 00:22:10,576 --> 00:22:11,676 Good night, Doc. See you, Doc. 552 00:22:11,710 --> 00:22:13,477 Oh, Lilith, just, uh... 553 00:22:13,512 --> 00:22:15,146 promise me two things. 554 00:22:15,180 --> 00:22:17,915 Never leave me for another, and uh... 555 00:22:17,950 --> 00:22:20,351 don't throw up on me in the cab. 556 00:22:25,307 --> 00:22:27,141 SAM: Well, guys, what do you think? 557 00:22:27,175 --> 00:22:28,676 What'll we do now, huh? 558 00:22:28,711 --> 00:22:29,811 I got to get home. 559 00:22:29,845 --> 00:22:32,012 MAN: Yeah, I got to tell my wife, too. 560 00:22:32,047 --> 00:22:33,264 Yeah, I'm out of here, too. 561 00:22:33,298 --> 00:22:34,499 Me, too. Good night, Sam. 562 00:22:34,533 --> 00:22:35,767 Good night, Sam. Yeah. 563 00:22:35,801 --> 00:22:36,534 Hey, that reminds me. 564 00:22:36,568 --> 00:22:38,419 I promised Vera I'd pick up some Chinese food. 565 00:22:38,454 --> 00:22:39,804 Oh, that's nice of you, Norm. 566 00:22:39,839 --> 00:22:41,856 Well, I spilled it on the floor this morning. 567 00:22:46,779 --> 00:22:48,062 Yeah, well, 568 00:22:48,097 --> 00:22:50,148 I'll be saying good night there, Sammy. 569 00:22:50,182 --> 00:22:52,751 I, uh, I am married to the U.S. Postal Service. 570 00:22:52,785 --> 00:22:53,952 What the hell, Sammy, 571 00:22:53,986 --> 00:22:56,021 we all can't lead your carefree life. 572 00:22:56,055 --> 00:22:57,455 Well, good night. Yeah. 573 00:22:57,489 --> 00:22:59,357 ( door shuts ) 574 00:23:02,010 --> 00:23:04,011 Oh, boy. 575 00:23:10,419 --> 00:23:12,170 Party's over? Yeah. 576 00:23:12,204 --> 00:23:15,973 They all had women they had to run home to. Saps. 577 00:23:16,008 --> 00:23:18,225 I just came back to lock up. 578 00:23:18,260 --> 00:23:20,060 Oh, come on, hey, I always do that. 579 00:23:20,095 --> 00:23:20,912 Oh, that's right. 580 00:23:20,946 --> 00:23:23,264 You're a real night owl, aren't you? 581 00:23:23,298 --> 00:23:25,516 Yeah. One of the great joys of being single. 582 00:23:25,551 --> 00:23:26,851 You don't have to tell me. 583 00:23:26,885 --> 00:23:28,403 Those women at the shower-- 584 00:23:28,437 --> 00:23:30,271 they have no idea how to have fun. 585 00:23:30,306 --> 00:23:33,641 Five minutes after Randy left, we got into this heated debate 586 00:23:33,675 --> 00:23:36,444 about which was better, mayonnaise or Miracle Whip. 587 00:23:36,479 --> 00:23:38,113 Turned into a fistfight. 588 00:23:38,147 --> 00:23:40,315 Ha! 589 00:23:40,349 --> 00:23:41,232 Ah, that's pathetic. 590 00:23:41,266 --> 00:23:43,067 Boy, you know, I'll never trade in the single life. 591 00:23:43,102 --> 00:23:44,085 Me, neither. 592 00:23:44,203 --> 00:23:46,404 Good night, Sam. Yeah, good night. 593 00:23:51,176 --> 00:23:53,244 Ah. 594 00:23:53,278 --> 00:23:54,245 Freedom. 595 00:23:54,279 --> 00:23:56,213 ( music playing on TV ) 596 00:23:56,248 --> 00:23:57,915 You want to go get a cup of coffee? 597 00:23:57,950 --> 00:24:00,134 Oh, you bet I do.