1
00:00:01,856 --> 00:00:04,874
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,909 --> 00:00:07,544
No, no, it's
a well-documented fact
3
00:00:07,579 --> 00:00:09,179
that the female
of the species
4
00:00:09,213 --> 00:00:11,482
is irresistibly drawn
to men in uniform.
5
00:00:11,516 --> 00:00:14,000
Yeah, just yesterday,
some lonely,
frustrated housewife
6
00:00:14,035 --> 00:00:15,869
saw me coming
up the garden path,
7
00:00:15,903 --> 00:00:17,254
you know, peeking
through the window,
8
00:00:17,288 --> 00:00:19,323
and she tries
to coyly titillate me
9
00:00:19,357 --> 00:00:20,857
by pulling down the shade
10
00:00:20,891 --> 00:00:22,259
so I wonder what's
going on behind it.
11
00:00:22,293 --> 00:00:24,494
Let me dispel
the mystery.
12
00:00:24,528 --> 00:00:25,712
She was puking.
13
00:00:25,746 --> 00:00:27,197
Carla,
14
00:00:27,231 --> 00:00:29,566
don't you get bored
just hanging around
here all day
15
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:31,401
waiting to take
cheap shots at me?
16
00:00:31,435 --> 00:00:33,469
Yeah, I should get a beeper.
17
00:00:34,522 --> 00:00:36,223
All right, look.
That's it.
18
00:00:36,257 --> 00:00:37,607
I am sick
and tired
19
00:00:37,641 --> 00:00:38,758
of being your whipping boy.
20
00:00:38,793 --> 00:00:40,393
Today the worm turns.
21
00:00:40,427 --> 00:00:41,995
You are not going to insult me
any longer,
22
00:00:42,030 --> 00:00:44,097
because I am not going
to give you the chance.
23
00:00:44,132 --> 00:00:44,831
As of from right now,
24
00:00:44,865 --> 00:00:46,517
I am shutting up,
zipping my lip.
25
00:00:46,551 --> 00:00:48,185
( applause )
26
00:00:51,572 --> 00:00:53,690
And my friends support me.
27
00:00:56,210 --> 00:00:59,813
( piano plays )
28
00:00:59,847 --> 00:01:02,265
¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
29
00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:05,418
¶ Takes everything you've got
30
00:01:05,452 --> 00:01:08,255
¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
31
00:01:08,289 --> 00:01:11,357
¶ Sure would help a lot
32
00:01:11,392 --> 00:01:16,562
¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
33
00:01:16,597 --> 00:01:19,516
¶ Sometimes you want to go
34
00:01:19,550 --> 00:01:24,388
¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
35
00:01:24,422 --> 00:01:29,626
¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
36
00:01:29,661 --> 00:01:31,628
¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
37
00:01:31,663 --> 00:01:34,631
¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
38
00:01:34,666 --> 00:01:39,403
¶ You want to be where everybody
knows your name ¶
39
00:01:39,437 --> 00:01:42,488
¶ You want to go
where people know ¶
40
00:01:42,523 --> 00:01:44,675
¶ People are all the same
41
00:01:44,709 --> 00:01:49,246
¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
42
00:02:04,962 --> 00:02:06,579
You know
something,
chaps,
43
00:02:06,613 --> 00:02:09,983
I had a particularly
fascinating session
this morning.
44
00:02:13,203 --> 00:02:14,537
No, honestly.
45
00:02:18,810 --> 00:02:20,377
Someone I was seeing
for the first time.
46
00:02:20,411 --> 00:02:22,846
Extraordinarily beautiful,
young woman,
47
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,648
who's uh, rather
unique malaise
48
00:02:24,682 --> 00:02:28,501
is to be aroused
with sexual frenzy by...
49
00:02:28,535 --> 00:02:29,853
Oh, good Lord.
50
00:02:29,887 --> 00:02:32,055
Excuse me.
I don't really think
51
00:02:32,089 --> 00:02:34,173
I should be discussing
my patients here.
52
00:02:38,896 --> 00:02:41,564
Uh... how about
53
00:02:41,599 --> 00:02:44,234
discussing them
over here?
54
00:02:44,268 --> 00:02:45,268
Well,
55
00:02:45,302 --> 00:02:46,586
I suppose it wouldn't violate
56
00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:48,387
any doctor-patient
confidentiality
57
00:02:48,422 --> 00:02:50,056
if I don't use names.
58
00:02:50,091 --> 00:02:52,025
Pour the beer, Woody.
59
00:02:52,059 --> 00:02:54,327
I thought you weren't
going to use any names,
Dr. Crane.
60
00:02:54,362 --> 00:02:55,395
Woody...
61
00:02:55,430 --> 00:02:58,414
Well, it seems this woman
62
00:02:58,449 --> 00:03:01,317
has her passions inflamed
by men who dance.
63
00:03:01,352 --> 00:03:02,735
Wait a minute,
Wait a minute.
64
00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:04,170
Men who dance?
65
00:03:04,205 --> 00:03:05,571
That's weird.
66
00:03:05,606 --> 00:03:06,857
What's even more bizarre,
67
00:03:06,891 --> 00:03:09,526
is that she will catapult
herself compulsively
68
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:13,597
into the arms of any man
in tights or tap shoes.
69
00:03:13,631 --> 00:03:15,231
Fascinating fixation.
70
00:03:15,265 --> 00:03:16,415
Huh.
71
00:03:16,450 --> 00:03:19,252
Ooh, geez. I've got
to go. I'm sorry.
72
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:20,170
Where you going?
73
00:03:20,204 --> 00:03:22,522
My ballet class.
74
00:03:22,556 --> 00:03:24,123
No, no,
75
00:03:24,157 --> 00:03:24,941
lunch, lunch.
76
00:03:24,976 --> 00:03:26,359
That was a little psychological
humor.
77
00:03:26,394 --> 00:03:28,144
You know, as my old
professor used to say,
78
00:03:28,178 --> 00:03:29,680
if you can't laugh
at your patients,
79
00:03:29,714 --> 00:03:30,947
what fun are they?
80
00:03:32,816 --> 00:03:34,034
See you later.
81
00:03:34,068 --> 00:03:35,068
Norm.
82
00:03:35,103 --> 00:03:36,369
Morning, everybody.
83
00:03:36,403 --> 00:03:38,004
PATRONS:
Norm!
84
00:03:38,039 --> 00:03:40,923
WOODY:
Can I pour you a draft,
Mr. Peterson?
85
00:03:40,958 --> 00:03:42,225
A little early,
isn't it, Woody?
86
00:03:42,259 --> 00:03:43,609
For a beer?
87
00:03:43,644 --> 00:03:45,628
No, for stupid questions.
88
00:03:45,663 --> 00:03:47,764
Pour.
89
00:03:47,798 --> 00:03:50,033
Would you believe the board
of directors is asking
90
00:03:50,068 --> 00:03:51,467
for a breakdown
of projected earnings
91
00:03:51,502 --> 00:03:53,503
for the next six months?
92
00:03:54,939 --> 00:03:56,372
Yes.
93
00:03:57,474 --> 00:03:58,541
NORM:
Rebecca,
94
00:03:58,576 --> 00:03:59,926
I started painting
Mr. Drake's house.
95
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:01,794
I want to thank you
for that recommendation.
96
00:04:01,829 --> 00:04:02,796
Oh, it was my pleasure, Norm.
97
00:04:02,830 --> 00:04:04,064
How's it going?
98
00:04:04,098 --> 00:04:05,314
Great, great.
99
00:04:05,349 --> 00:04:06,783
He's out of town for a few days
so, uh,
100
00:04:06,817 --> 00:04:09,285
I thought it'd be a good time
to get started in his bedroom.
101
00:04:09,319 --> 00:04:11,088
I was doing a little
prep work over there
this morning,
102
00:04:11,122 --> 00:04:12,789
and I must say, that's
a cute photo of you
103
00:04:12,823 --> 00:04:14,424
he has next
to his night stand there.
104
00:04:14,458 --> 00:04:16,058
What?
105
00:04:16,093 --> 00:04:16,560
Just kidding.
106
00:04:19,714 --> 00:04:21,081
I will kill you, Norm.
107
00:04:21,115 --> 00:04:22,315
You know, uh,
108
00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:23,900
I am over there
all by myself,
109
00:04:23,934 --> 00:04:25,569
so if you want
to drop by and, uh,
110
00:04:25,603 --> 00:04:26,903
check any of
the house out,
111
00:04:26,937 --> 00:04:28,505
I can get you in.
112
00:04:28,539 --> 00:04:31,240
No... I can't.
113
00:04:31,275 --> 00:04:32,626
Oh, go on.
114
00:04:32,660 --> 00:04:34,327
You're dying to look
in his drawers.
115
00:04:35,662 --> 00:04:38,414
That's right,
he won't be there.
116
00:04:40,267 --> 00:04:42,452
The last thing on my mind
is Evan Drake
117
00:04:42,486 --> 00:04:43,886
and where he sleeps.
118
00:04:43,921 --> 00:04:45,004
No, I don't want
to be distracted.
119
00:04:45,039 --> 00:04:47,841
I've got to get these figures
into the bed of directors...
120
00:04:47,875 --> 00:04:50,226
board of directors.
121
00:04:51,128 --> 00:04:52,679
Shall we say
in one hour?
122
00:04:52,713 --> 00:04:54,765
REBECCA:
I'll be there.
123
00:04:58,569 --> 00:04:59,519
Excuse me,
124
00:04:59,554 --> 00:05:00,853
I'm looking for Dr. Crane.
125
00:05:00,888 --> 00:05:02,322
He mentioned he'd be here.
126
00:05:02,356 --> 00:05:03,640
Oh, I'm sorry,
you just missed him.
127
00:05:03,674 --> 00:05:04,941
Oh, darn.
128
00:05:04,975 --> 00:05:06,643
I had a session
earlier today
129
00:05:06,677 --> 00:05:08,311
and left a package
in his office.
130
00:05:08,346 --> 00:05:10,614
When I went back,
it was locked.
131
00:05:10,648 --> 00:05:11,898
Gee, I don't know
what to tell you.
132
00:05:11,932 --> 00:05:14,033
But then again, I don't know
what to tell most people.
133
00:05:14,068 --> 00:05:16,620
Uh, excuse me.
134
00:05:16,654 --> 00:05:17,921
Uh, you had a session
with him?
135
00:05:17,955 --> 00:05:19,822
Are you a patient of his?
136
00:05:19,856 --> 00:05:21,057
That's right. Why?
137
00:05:21,092 --> 00:05:22,425
Oh, just curious.
138
00:05:29,850 --> 00:05:31,117
Well, it's not
that important.
139
00:05:31,152 --> 00:05:32,585
I just thought
if I caught him,
140
00:05:32,619 --> 00:05:34,221
I could still
get my package back.
141
00:05:34,255 --> 00:05:35,621
I understand perfectly.
142
00:05:42,012 --> 00:05:43,480
Well, I'm out
of luck, I guess.
143
00:05:43,514 --> 00:05:45,515
I'll just have
to stop by tomorrow.
144
00:05:48,686 --> 00:05:52,505
¶ Gotta dance,
gotta dance... ¶
145
00:05:52,540 --> 00:05:54,240
Why are you doing that?
146
00:05:54,275 --> 00:05:55,992
This? Oh...
147
00:05:56,027 --> 00:05:57,493
( chuckling )
148
00:05:57,528 --> 00:06:00,396
I guess it's kind of an
old reflex with us hoofers.
149
00:06:00,431 --> 00:06:02,749
Oh. You're a dancer?
150
00:06:02,783 --> 00:06:03,750
Well, kind of.
151
00:06:03,784 --> 00:06:05,752
Yeah...
my name's Sam Malone
152
00:06:05,786 --> 00:06:08,471
but people call me
Bojangles.
153
00:06:08,506 --> 00:06:09,172
Jennifer McCall.
154
00:06:09,206 --> 00:06:11,224
Jennifer McCall,
whoo...
155
00:06:11,259 --> 00:06:14,610
That's a beautiful name
for a beautiful girl.
156
00:06:14,645 --> 00:06:15,295
Well, thank you.
157
00:06:15,329 --> 00:06:16,445
I have to be going.
158
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:19,015
Well, at least let me,
uh, waltz you
159
00:06:19,049 --> 00:06:21,217
to the door here,
all right?
160
00:06:21,251 --> 00:06:23,536
I know I'm not
very sophisticated,
161
00:06:23,570 --> 00:06:25,905
but I don't think
what Sam is doing is right.
162
00:06:25,940 --> 00:06:27,373
Well, look,
163
00:06:27,407 --> 00:06:28,742
don't you put yourself
down with me,
164
00:06:28,776 --> 00:06:30,377
and I happen
to agree with you.
165
00:06:30,411 --> 00:06:32,595
I mean, standing around
tending bar all day
166
00:06:32,630 --> 00:06:33,896
is like the worst thing
167
00:06:33,931 --> 00:06:35,998
a dancer could do
for his calves.
168
00:06:38,385 --> 00:06:41,421
Speaking of
calves, Woody,
169
00:06:41,455 --> 00:06:43,306
was it painful
when the cow
170
00:06:43,308 --> 00:06:44,991
kicked you
in the head?
171
00:06:45,025 --> 00:06:46,409
You get used to it.
172
00:06:48,445 --> 00:06:51,380
Why don't I stop back
and um, we'll go to lunch.
173
00:06:51,415 --> 00:06:53,199
Oh, I'm looking forward to it
already.
174
00:06:56,403 --> 00:06:59,072
Ow, got a cramp.
Oh, God...
175
00:06:59,106 --> 00:07:00,106
Ow, Woody...
176
00:07:02,576 --> 00:07:05,878
And, uh,
here's his bedroom.
177
00:07:05,913 --> 00:07:07,797
( gasps in awe )
178
00:07:10,634 --> 00:07:13,937
I feel kind of queasy.
179
00:07:13,971 --> 00:07:15,688
Like I don't belong here.
180
00:07:15,722 --> 00:07:17,123
Like I'm doing something wrong.
181
00:07:17,157 --> 00:07:18,975
I know-- that's how I feel
in my bedroom.
182
00:07:22,613 --> 00:07:25,615
I just feel kind of like
I'm trespassing.
183
00:07:25,649 --> 00:07:28,685
Like I'm invading
his privacy.
184
00:07:31,855 --> 00:07:33,389
This is not right.
185
00:07:38,045 --> 00:07:39,362
This is not right.
186
00:07:39,397 --> 00:07:40,797
I should not be doing this.
187
00:07:42,199 --> 00:07:44,867
I shouldn't.
188
00:07:44,902 --> 00:07:46,986
I shouldn't, I shouldn't.
189
00:07:48,705 --> 00:07:51,040
Would you like
to be alone?
190
00:07:52,709 --> 00:07:54,477
Sorry.
191
00:07:56,179 --> 00:07:57,113
Well, as long as I'm here,
192
00:07:57,147 --> 00:07:58,414
I guess it wouldn't hurt for me
193
00:07:58,448 --> 00:07:59,916
to just look around
a little bit.
194
00:07:59,950 --> 00:08:00,983
Sure.
195
00:08:01,018 --> 00:08:02,619
Now, I suggested Navajo white,
196
00:08:02,653 --> 00:08:04,020
but he went with sandstone.
197
00:08:04,054 --> 00:08:05,422
What do you think?
198
00:08:05,456 --> 00:08:07,490
This is where he keeps
his clothes, isn't it?
199
00:08:07,525 --> 00:08:08,725
( door squeaks )
200
00:08:08,759 --> 00:08:10,493
Do you think anybody heard that?
201
00:08:10,527 --> 00:08:11,244
Like who?
202
00:08:11,278 --> 00:08:13,063
I don't know.
I'm just nervous.
203
00:08:13,097 --> 00:08:15,665
God, there's no way I could
explain it if I got caught.
204
00:08:15,699 --> 00:08:16,749
How are you going to get caught?
205
00:08:16,783 --> 00:08:20,436
Because people always get caught
in this situation.
206
00:08:20,471 --> 00:08:22,455
What if Evan comes back
unexpectedly.
207
00:08:22,490 --> 00:08:23,723
Look, he's
in Europe, okay?
208
00:08:23,758 --> 00:08:26,058
You don't come back
unexpectedly from Europe.
209
00:08:26,093 --> 00:08:29,262
You come back unexpectedly
from the movies or shopping.
210
00:08:29,296 --> 00:08:32,831
But you don't come back
unexpect...
( car door slams )
211
00:08:32,866 --> 00:08:34,150
What? What?
212
00:08:34,184 --> 00:08:35,268
Oh, my God,
it's Mr. Drake!
213
00:08:35,302 --> 00:08:37,002
He's back unexpectedly
from Europe!
214
00:08:38,272 --> 00:08:40,005
Oh, I have to get
out of here.
215
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:41,374
DRAKE:
Norm, are you here?
216
00:08:41,409 --> 00:08:42,375
Uh, yes, sir.
217
00:08:42,410 --> 00:08:43,776
Be right down, sir.
218
00:08:43,810 --> 00:08:45,228
DRAKE:
No, that's all right,
I'm coming up.
219
00:08:45,262 --> 00:08:47,897
For the love of...
Go, go, go, go, go.
220
00:08:51,001 --> 00:08:52,101
REBECCA:
Norm...
221
00:08:52,135 --> 00:08:53,302
NORM:
Oh, oh, right, right.
Okay.
222
00:08:55,756 --> 00:08:57,923
Ah, Norm...
there you are.
223
00:08:57,958 --> 00:08:59,558
Hi, sir.
224
00:08:59,593 --> 00:09:01,094
What are you
doing here, sir?
225
00:09:01,128 --> 00:09:03,963
Oh, I wound up everything
in a marathon session.
226
00:09:03,997 --> 00:09:05,364
I haven't slept
for three days.
227
00:09:05,399 --> 00:09:06,816
Three days.
228
00:09:06,851 --> 00:09:10,437
Let me take you out
for a cup of coffee, sir.
229
00:09:10,471 --> 00:09:11,538
No, no, no.
230
00:09:11,572 --> 00:09:13,205
All I want to do is
sleep for about a week.
231
00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:14,758
Should I get your pajamas, sir?
232
00:09:14,792 --> 00:09:15,308
No!
233
00:09:16,259 --> 00:09:17,560
No?
234
00:09:17,594 --> 00:09:18,828
No.
235
00:09:18,863 --> 00:09:21,464
Oh, I thought you meant
my pajamas.
236
00:09:22,716 --> 00:09:25,885
No, they're, uh, they're
too far away from here
237
00:09:25,919 --> 00:09:28,004
and I don't even think
they'd fit Mr. Drake.
238
00:09:29,289 --> 00:09:31,490
Actually, I think you'll find
a clean pair of pajamas
239
00:09:31,524 --> 00:09:32,591
in the bag.
240
00:09:32,626 --> 00:09:34,293
( door squeaks )
241
00:09:35,562 --> 00:09:36,880
I thought you were
going to fix that.
242
00:09:36,914 --> 00:09:37,663
Oh, yeah, that squeak.
243
00:09:37,697 --> 00:09:39,248
I'm going to fix that squeak,
sir.
244
00:09:39,282 --> 00:09:40,532
You should go
to another room.
245
00:09:40,567 --> 00:09:42,218
I may need to use
the jaws of life.
246
00:09:42,252 --> 00:09:45,471
Uh, no, just
leave it, will ya?
247
00:09:45,505 --> 00:09:47,990
As a matter of fact,
forget the painting
thing, too.
248
00:09:48,024 --> 00:09:48,958
I'm a light sleeper,
249
00:09:48,993 --> 00:09:50,576
and I don't want to hear you
rattling your paint cans.
250
00:09:50,611 --> 00:09:52,628
Well, that's one thing
I've never been accused of, sir,
251
00:09:52,662 --> 00:09:53,462
is rattling my cans.
252
00:09:53,496 --> 00:09:55,798
Please, I mean it, Norm.
Scoot.
253
00:09:58,101 --> 00:09:59,535
Huh?
254
00:09:59,570 --> 00:10:01,604
Yes, sir.
255
00:10:04,608 --> 00:10:07,176
( shouting ):
So you're a really light
sleeper, sir?
256
00:10:07,210 --> 00:10:09,395
Yes, but I have
excellent hearing, Norm.
257
00:10:10,764 --> 00:10:12,665
Yeah, most light sleepers do.
258
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:15,301
That's what makes them
light sleepers.
259
00:10:25,963 --> 00:10:27,780
So you just left her
in the closet?
260
00:10:27,815 --> 00:10:30,082
Believe me, I did
everything I could
261
00:10:30,117 --> 00:10:32,018
to get the guy out
of the room
262
00:10:32,052 --> 00:10:34,821
for like one minute,
but he wouldn't budge.
263
00:10:34,855 --> 00:10:37,256
So you just left her
in the closet?
264
00:10:38,492 --> 00:10:41,126
There was nothing else
I could do, okay?
265
00:10:41,161 --> 00:10:42,979
So you just
266
00:10:43,013 --> 00:10:44,847
left her in the closet?
267
00:10:44,881 --> 00:10:47,400
Carla, it wasn't
my fault, all right?
268
00:10:48,903 --> 00:10:50,719
It's been
at least an hour.
269
00:10:50,754 --> 00:10:53,156
She should have
snuck out by now.
270
00:10:53,190 --> 00:10:53,723
Oh, come on.
271
00:10:53,757 --> 00:10:55,758
She'd be here
if she'd gotten away.
272
00:10:55,792 --> 00:10:57,510
You gotta get her out of there.
273
00:10:57,544 --> 00:10:58,328
Hey, look.
274
00:10:58,362 --> 00:11:00,980
You, uh, you think of it
as an adventure.
275
00:11:01,015 --> 00:11:02,749
She's the damsel
in distress
276
00:11:02,783 --> 00:11:05,652
and you are the knight
in shiny white armor,
277
00:11:05,686 --> 00:11:07,353
leaping upon your steed.
278
00:11:07,387 --> 00:11:10,273
And driving it into the ground
up to its knees.
279
00:11:12,009 --> 00:11:15,411
No, no, no, no,
and saving
a damsel.
280
00:11:15,445 --> 00:11:16,478
( sighs )
281
00:11:16,513 --> 00:11:19,115
I guess you're right,
you're right.
282
00:11:19,149 --> 00:11:20,582
I gotta go do this.
283
00:11:20,617 --> 00:11:22,318
Listen, uh, Cliffie,
284
00:11:22,352 --> 00:11:23,569
if I'm not back
in an hour,
285
00:11:23,604 --> 00:11:25,338
go ahead and finish my beer.
286
00:11:25,372 --> 00:11:26,539
This is your beer.
287
00:11:28,825 --> 00:11:31,977
Sammy, I hear you got
a sure thing lined up, huh?
288
00:11:32,011 --> 00:11:34,580
Mm, no, I never like
to use the term "sure thing."
289
00:11:34,615 --> 00:11:38,451
I prefer the term
"in the bag."
290
00:11:38,485 --> 00:11:39,168
( scoffs )
291
00:11:39,203 --> 00:11:40,620
What? What?
292
00:11:40,654 --> 00:11:42,187
Ah, Sammy, come on.
Isn't this, you know,
293
00:11:42,222 --> 00:11:45,090
pretending to be a phony-bologna
dancer a little bit beneath you?
294
00:11:45,125 --> 00:11:46,008
I mean,
295
00:11:46,043 --> 00:11:47,310
when I go picking up girls,
296
00:11:47,344 --> 00:11:48,645
I don't need all that stuff.
297
00:11:48,679 --> 00:11:50,346
All I need is a wink
and a smile.
298
00:11:50,381 --> 00:11:52,498
And a rag doused
with chloroform.
299
00:11:55,385 --> 00:11:56,552
I don't know, Sammy.
300
00:11:56,587 --> 00:11:58,754
It looks to me like you're
getting a little desperate.
301
00:11:58,789 --> 00:12:00,406
What are you talk...
I'm not desperate.
302
00:12:00,441 --> 00:12:02,575
I don't know what
you're talking about.
303
00:12:02,610 --> 00:12:04,827
Ready, Sam?
304
00:12:04,862 --> 00:12:05,945
Oh, hi, Jennifer.
305
00:12:05,979 --> 00:12:06,979
I'll be right with you.
306
00:12:07,013 --> 00:12:08,197
See you guys later.
307
00:12:13,987 --> 00:12:15,187
Ready to go?
Mm-hmm.
308
00:12:36,694 --> 00:12:37,877
( snoring )
309
00:12:37,911 --> 00:12:39,312
NORM:
Mr. Drake!
310
00:12:39,347 --> 00:12:41,014
Mr. Drake, sir!
311
00:12:41,048 --> 00:12:43,650
Sorry, sir, but Mr. Peterson
said it was an emergency.
312
00:12:43,685 --> 00:12:45,485
What? Emergency?
313
00:12:45,519 --> 00:12:47,437
Yeah, structural, Evan.
It's just a damn good thing
314
00:12:47,471 --> 00:12:48,705
I went back
and checked those blueprints.
315
00:12:48,740 --> 00:12:50,574
This ceiling could go
at any second.
316
00:12:50,608 --> 00:12:52,842
Ceiling?
Yeah, it's a crack, sir.
317
00:12:52,877 --> 00:12:55,478
It extends all the way
into, uh, here.
318
00:12:55,512 --> 00:12:56,914
( hushed ):
Get me out of here.
319
00:12:56,948 --> 00:12:59,232
What crack?
320
00:12:59,266 --> 00:13:00,266
There's nothing wrong
with that ceiling.
321
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:02,168
I'm only thinking
of your safety, sir.
322
00:13:02,203 --> 00:13:03,152
Now, I'd feel much better
323
00:13:03,187 --> 00:13:04,821
if you slept
in a different room.
324
00:13:04,855 --> 00:13:06,123
Peterson, get out.
325
00:13:06,157 --> 00:13:07,690
And close
that closet door.
326
00:13:07,725 --> 00:13:08,925
Well, wait a minute.
327
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,061
Many people prefer to sleep
with the closet door open.
328
00:13:11,095 --> 00:13:12,095
( creaks )
329
00:13:12,130 --> 00:13:14,013
Is there something wrong
with you?
330
00:13:14,048 --> 00:13:18,468
Yeah, it's, um,
it's the paint fumes, sir.
331
00:13:18,502 --> 00:13:20,770
They make me giddy.
332
00:13:20,805 --> 00:13:21,821
Really.
333
00:13:21,855 --> 00:13:23,456
And, uh,
334
00:13:23,491 --> 00:13:25,809
I'm afraid they can be hazardous
to your health, sir.
335
00:13:25,843 --> 00:13:26,726
Oh, nonsense.
336
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,712
No one was ever killed
by paint fumes.
337
00:13:28,746 --> 00:13:30,731
But, uh, they can cause
brain damage.
338
00:13:30,765 --> 00:13:32,165
Evidently.
339
00:13:33,835 --> 00:13:35,118
Now get out of here.
340
00:13:35,153 --> 00:13:38,138
Sir, I have some paint cans
in the closet there.
341
00:13:38,172 --> 00:13:40,540
I'd feel much better for you
if I tightened those lids.
342
00:13:40,574 --> 00:13:43,827
Whatever, just do it,
get out of here.
343
00:13:44,528 --> 00:13:46,679
Norm, I'm so glad
to see you.
344
00:13:46,714 --> 00:13:48,114
You gotta get me
out of here.
Okay.
345
00:13:48,148 --> 00:13:49,282
Every time
I open the door,
346
00:13:49,317 --> 00:13:50,850
it squeaks and he
starts to wake up.
347
00:13:50,884 --> 00:13:52,652
If he finds me here
in the morning,
348
00:13:52,687 --> 00:13:53,953
he will fire me,
hate me,
349
00:13:53,987 --> 00:13:57,023
and he is never,
ever going to want
to be my boyfriend.
350
00:13:57,057 --> 00:13:57,874
Aw...
351
00:14:00,461 --> 00:14:02,829
DRAKE:
Norm, are you talking
to your paints?
352
00:14:02,864 --> 00:14:04,981
Uh, yes, I am, sir.
353
00:14:05,015 --> 00:14:07,166
Come on, come on.
Just, just calm
down, all right?
354
00:14:07,201 --> 00:14:08,735
Calm down. Calm down.
355
00:14:08,770 --> 00:14:09,970
Okay? Everything's going
to be fine.
356
00:14:10,004 --> 00:14:10,770
I'm going to get you
out of...
357
00:14:10,804 --> 00:14:12,072
Whoo, cashmere.
358
00:14:12,106 --> 00:14:13,156
( sobs )
359
00:14:13,190 --> 00:14:14,942
Here's my plan, okay?
360
00:14:14,976 --> 00:14:16,076
I'm going to walk
out of here.
361
00:14:16,110 --> 00:14:17,377
I'm going to leave
the closet door
362
00:14:17,411 --> 00:14:18,946
yea bit open, right?
So it won't squeak.
363
00:14:18,980 --> 00:14:20,547
Now you wait until he's good
and sound asleep,
364
00:14:20,581 --> 00:14:22,282
and then you just walk
on out of here, okay?
365
00:14:22,316 --> 00:14:22,966
Okay.
366
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:23,633
If you're hungry,
367
00:14:23,635 --> 00:14:24,350
I brought you some chips.
368
00:14:24,385 --> 00:14:26,569
Cajun style?
369
00:14:28,389 --> 00:14:29,639
Never mind. Just go ahead.
370
00:14:29,674 --> 00:14:30,173
Okay, all right.
371
00:14:30,207 --> 00:14:31,074
Good luck.
372
00:14:31,108 --> 00:14:32,892
( door creaks )
373
00:14:36,981 --> 00:14:39,415
Is he asleep?
374
00:14:39,450 --> 00:14:40,183
Get lost.
375
00:14:40,217 --> 00:14:42,469
Getting lost, sir.
376
00:14:44,622 --> 00:14:48,324
Oh, like an open door
would really kill
you, Greyson, huh?
377
00:14:57,752 --> 00:14:58,968
( sighs )
378
00:15:05,043 --> 00:15:06,609
( loud crunch )
379
00:15:35,072 --> 00:15:38,324
So you just left her
in the closet?
380
00:15:38,359 --> 00:15:39,475
( sighs heavily )
381
00:15:39,509 --> 00:15:41,477
I had a foolproof plan
to get her out of there
382
00:15:41,511 --> 00:15:45,949
and the whole thing got spoiled
by this anal-retentive butler.
383
00:15:45,983 --> 00:15:47,834
Mr. Peterson,
you gotta get her out of there.
384
00:15:47,868 --> 00:15:50,003
Oh...
385
00:15:50,037 --> 00:15:51,704
How did I get myself into this?
386
00:15:51,738 --> 00:15:54,074
I should have never become
a house painter.
387
00:15:54,108 --> 00:15:57,310
I should have listened to my
mother and become a matador.
388
00:15:57,345 --> 00:15:59,212
You know, Norm, you are
probably too logical.
389
00:15:59,246 --> 00:16:00,380
What?
390
00:16:00,414 --> 00:16:02,649
Yes, you see, it's an
established psychological fact
391
00:16:02,683 --> 00:16:05,151
that the more outrageous a lie
one tells,
392
00:16:05,185 --> 00:16:08,054
the more readily
will the victim believe it.
393
00:16:08,088 --> 00:16:10,189
You see,
if you told Mr. Drake
394
00:16:10,224 --> 00:16:13,944
a sufficiently outlandish story,
odds are he'd buy it.
395
00:16:13,978 --> 00:16:15,395
No, that's impossible.
396
00:16:15,429 --> 00:16:17,797
No, Woody,
it's a stroke
of genius.
397
00:16:17,832 --> 00:16:19,482
Frasier, you're brilliant.
398
00:16:19,516 --> 00:16:21,801
That is one of the most
brilliant ideas
you've ever had.
399
00:16:21,836 --> 00:16:24,054
And you've had a lot
of brilliant ideas.
400
00:16:24,088 --> 00:16:25,405
Thank you, Carla.
401
00:16:25,439 --> 00:16:26,423
See, Woody? It works.
402
00:16:26,457 --> 00:16:27,657
Bonehead bought it.
403
00:16:30,527 --> 00:16:33,697
All right. All right.
404
00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:37,934
All right, I guess
I just gotta go do this.
405
00:16:37,969 --> 00:16:39,703
I've got to do it.
406
00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:40,937
If it doesn't work out,
407
00:16:40,972 --> 00:16:43,857
tomorrow I'm going to be
shopping for toreador pants.
408
00:16:43,891 --> 00:16:45,641
Hey, where you going?
409
00:16:45,676 --> 00:16:49,612
I gotta get Rebecca
out of the damn closet.
410
00:16:49,646 --> 00:16:51,614
You just left her
in the closet?
411
00:16:55,619 --> 00:16:56,586
Where's Frasier, man?
412
00:16:56,620 --> 00:16:57,537
I gotta talk to him.
413
00:16:57,571 --> 00:16:59,089
Where's your date?
414
00:16:59,123 --> 00:17:00,156
She's at my apartment.
415
00:17:00,190 --> 00:17:02,225
I told her I was going out
for some ice.
416
00:17:02,259 --> 00:17:04,094
I don't know,
something's wrong here.
417
00:17:04,128 --> 00:17:06,696
I've been dancing
my brains out and
nothing, zilch.
418
00:17:06,731 --> 00:17:09,148
Frasier, you know that,
that beautiful girl
419
00:17:09,183 --> 00:17:10,900
you were treating this morning?
420
00:17:10,934 --> 00:17:12,752
I treated two beautiful women
this morning, Sam.
421
00:17:12,786 --> 00:17:14,053
Which one?
422
00:17:14,087 --> 00:17:16,072
The one that had the hots
for the dancers.
423
00:17:16,106 --> 00:17:17,273
Yes, why?
424
00:17:17,307 --> 00:17:21,544
Well, uh, you didn't cure her,
by any chance, did you?
425
00:17:21,578 --> 00:17:24,413
You don't just "cure" someone
overnight.
426
00:17:24,448 --> 00:17:27,350
Most patients require dozens
of costly sessions
427
00:17:27,384 --> 00:17:29,285
to make even minimal progress.
428
00:17:29,319 --> 00:17:31,704
God, I love this profession.
429
00:17:31,739 --> 00:17:34,040
Well, I don't know.
430
00:17:34,074 --> 00:17:35,125
Something's wrong.
431
00:17:35,159 --> 00:17:36,626
Maybe it's my dancing.
432
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:44,216
You treated two beautiful girls
this morning?
433
00:17:45,519 --> 00:17:49,221
What did you treat
the other one for?
434
00:17:49,256 --> 00:17:51,040
Um, pyromania.
435
00:17:51,075 --> 00:17:56,096
Pyro... pyromania.
Pyro...
436
00:17:56,130 --> 00:17:57,680
( distant sirens wailing )
437
00:18:07,008 --> 00:18:09,041
( door creaking )
438
00:18:16,733 --> 00:18:18,167
( mumbling )
439
00:18:32,099 --> 00:18:34,100
( snorts and mumbles )
440
00:18:40,808 --> 00:18:42,959
What?
441
00:18:42,994 --> 00:18:44,995
( groans )
442
00:18:45,029 --> 00:18:46,763
( grunts )
443
00:18:50,801 --> 00:18:52,568
( gasps )
444
00:18:52,603 --> 00:18:53,786
GREYSON:
Stop! You can't go in there!
445
00:18:53,820 --> 00:18:57,157
Up, sir!
Up quick! Bees!
446
00:18:57,191 --> 00:18:59,859
Killer bees are coming
this way from Mexico
447
00:18:59,893 --> 00:19:00,527
and they're hopping mad, sir!
448
00:19:00,561 --> 00:19:02,128
Bees?
449
00:19:02,163 --> 00:19:04,814
Yeah, those suckers could swarm
through here like a buzz saw.
450
00:19:04,848 --> 00:19:06,816
Sir, you don't have any honey
in here, do you?
451
00:19:06,850 --> 00:19:08,217
Peterson,
get out of here.
452
00:19:08,252 --> 00:19:09,986
And if you come back
in here again,
453
00:19:10,020 --> 00:19:12,788
I'm going to have
Greyson use his gun.
Understood?
454
00:19:12,823 --> 00:19:13,556
Yes, sir!
455
00:19:13,590 --> 00:19:14,257
Hey, he was talking to me,
456
00:19:14,291 --> 00:19:15,441
okay, Greyson?
457
00:19:15,476 --> 00:19:17,527
Look, sir, let me just get
your robe.
458
00:19:17,561 --> 00:19:19,712
I'm very concerned
about these bees.
459
00:19:19,747 --> 00:19:22,181
Well, never mind.
460
00:19:22,216 --> 00:19:24,517
They've gone.
461
00:19:24,551 --> 00:19:26,019
Yeah. There they go.
462
00:19:26,053 --> 00:19:29,222
They're headed up
to Canada or someplace.
463
00:19:29,257 --> 00:19:30,106
( yells )
464
00:19:30,141 --> 00:19:31,224
What is it?
465
00:19:31,258 --> 00:19:34,060
Bee sting. They're back, sir.
466
00:19:35,712 --> 00:19:38,030
Peterson, what the hell
is going on?
467
00:19:38,065 --> 00:19:41,434
Sir, I'm sorry. I...
468
00:19:41,468 --> 00:19:44,403
I didn't want to have
to tell you this, but...
469
00:19:44,438 --> 00:19:45,939
you're forcing me to.
470
00:19:45,973 --> 00:19:48,074
Oh, please, tell me quickly.
471
00:19:48,108 --> 00:19:50,242
If I don't sleep, I'll die.
472
00:19:50,277 --> 00:19:51,878
And I'm gonna take you with me.
473
00:19:53,113 --> 00:19:55,014
It's, actually,
it's kind of personal.
474
00:19:55,048 --> 00:19:56,182
Do you mind, Greyson?
475
00:19:56,216 --> 00:19:57,367
Sir?
476
00:19:57,401 --> 00:20:00,036
Whatever. Anything that
will get him out of here.
477
00:20:00,070 --> 00:20:03,957
Sir, to begin with, when I was
a little boy, I was very poor.
478
00:20:03,991 --> 00:20:05,291
Peterson, I'm not going
479
00:20:05,325 --> 00:20:08,260
to survive any story that begins
with when you were little.
480
00:20:08,295 --> 00:20:09,596
Oh, right.
481
00:20:09,630 --> 00:20:12,414
Sir, I've had this fantasy
that's haunted me all my life.
482
00:20:12,449 --> 00:20:14,734
At night, when I'm lying in bed,
it comes and torments me.
483
00:20:14,769 --> 00:20:16,469
Oh, I know the feeling.
484
00:20:16,503 --> 00:20:19,139
Yes, sir.
Of course you do.
485
00:20:19,173 --> 00:20:20,372
Anyway, this is my fantasy, sir.
486
00:20:20,407 --> 00:20:21,474
It's a little outrageous.
487
00:20:21,508 --> 00:20:23,977
So, uh, just stay with me.
488
00:20:24,011 --> 00:20:29,999
Even though I was born poor
and I'll never be a rich man,
489
00:20:30,033 --> 00:20:34,154
somehow, it wouldn't make any
difference if one time, sir,
490
00:20:34,188 --> 00:20:39,358
just one time,
just one darn time,
491
00:20:39,393 --> 00:20:42,128
I could do something
symbolic,
492
00:20:42,163 --> 00:20:45,164
like...
493
00:20:45,198 --> 00:20:48,000
carry a rich man across the lawn
in his pajamas.
494
00:20:53,140 --> 00:20:54,390
Come here.
495
00:20:54,425 --> 00:20:55,741
I know, I know, I know,
it sounds crazy, I know.
496
00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:57,677
Sir, no.... sir,
I don't have a fever.
497
00:20:57,711 --> 00:20:58,544
No, I know that.
498
00:20:58,579 --> 00:21:00,429
I'm feeling
for the lobotomy scar.
499
00:21:00,463 --> 00:21:02,966
Sir, sir, please.
500
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,000
Sir, please, please....
501
00:21:04,034 --> 00:21:05,869
All right, all right,
all right, all right!
502
00:21:05,903 --> 00:21:07,069
Look, if I actually
503
00:21:07,104 --> 00:21:07,704
let you do it,
504
00:21:07,738 --> 00:21:08,788
Uh-huh.
505
00:21:08,822 --> 00:21:09,956
would you promise me,
506
00:21:09,991 --> 00:21:11,524
would you swear on
your mother's grave
507
00:21:11,558 --> 00:21:12,792
that you would
let me sleep?
508
00:21:12,826 --> 00:21:14,627
Yes, sir, I swear.
I prom...
No, no,
no, no, no.
509
00:21:14,661 --> 00:21:15,445
you've got to do
more than promise.
510
00:21:15,479 --> 00:21:17,630
You've got to give me
your solemn oath
511
00:21:17,665 --> 00:21:19,431
as a crazy person.
512
00:21:19,466 --> 00:21:20,549
My oath, my vow,
my pledge.
513
00:21:20,584 --> 00:21:21,617
I promise you.
514
00:21:21,651 --> 00:21:23,936
All right, okay.
515
00:21:23,971 --> 00:21:25,588
Thank you so much, sir.
All right.
516
00:21:25,623 --> 00:21:27,006
Thank you, thank you
very much, sir.
517
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:30,309
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you so much, sir.
518
00:21:30,344 --> 00:21:32,945
You know, sir, I don't mean
to flatter you,
519
00:21:32,979 --> 00:21:35,398
but you're very firm
for your age.
520
00:21:45,408 --> 00:21:46,508
( grunting )
521
00:21:46,543 --> 00:21:47,877
Thank you very much, sir.
522
00:21:47,911 --> 00:21:50,280
It was everything
I dreamed it would be.
523
00:21:54,351 --> 00:21:55,651
Whoa, hey, whoa,
who made the bed?
524
00:21:55,685 --> 00:21:56,502
I did, sir.
525
00:21:56,537 --> 00:21:57,353
When?
526
00:21:57,388 --> 00:21:58,521
The instant Mr. Drake
527
00:21:58,555 --> 00:21:59,755
vacated the premises.
528
00:21:59,790 --> 00:22:01,941
You mean you came in here
the instant we left
529
00:22:01,975 --> 00:22:03,509
and you haven't left since?
530
00:22:06,380 --> 00:22:07,813
( sighing )
531
00:22:14,054 --> 00:22:17,140
Aw, sir.
532
00:22:17,174 --> 00:22:18,808
Sir.
533
00:22:21,211 --> 00:22:22,211
Sir?
534
00:22:22,246 --> 00:22:24,647
I don't know quite how
to tell you this, sir.
535
00:22:24,682 --> 00:22:27,100
We've got to own up, sir.
536
00:22:27,134 --> 00:22:28,400
I've got to tell
you the truth.
537
00:22:28,435 --> 00:22:30,069
Now... ow!
538
00:22:30,104 --> 00:22:32,372
What? What?
539
00:22:32,406 --> 00:22:34,307
Ah! Ah!
540
00:22:34,341 --> 00:22:37,493
Ahh! You should do that
before you go to sleep.
541
00:22:37,528 --> 00:22:38,594
It clears the lungs.
542
00:22:38,629 --> 00:22:39,445
Ahh!
543
00:22:39,479 --> 00:22:41,464
You'll sleep much better.
544
00:22:41,499 --> 00:22:43,700
Sweet dreams.
545
00:22:46,804 --> 00:22:48,504
( birds singing )
546
00:22:54,678 --> 00:22:56,212
Hi, sir.
547
00:22:56,246 --> 00:22:58,047
Oh, I knew it, I knew it.
You broke your word.
548
00:22:58,081 --> 00:22:59,081
No, no, no.
549
00:22:59,116 --> 00:23:00,916
You lied to me, Norm.
550
00:23:00,950 --> 00:23:02,184
No, no, no, sir.
551
00:23:02,219 --> 00:23:03,887
You see, I went back to the bar
to tell everyone
552
00:23:03,921 --> 00:23:04,888
about my dream coming true.
553
00:23:04,922 --> 00:23:05,955
And since none of their dreams
554
00:23:05,990 --> 00:23:07,657
have come true,
they wouldn't believe mine.
555
00:23:07,691 --> 00:23:09,409
Why are you doing this to me?
Why?
556
00:23:09,443 --> 00:23:10,743
Sir, my dream
is to have people know
557
00:23:10,778 --> 00:23:13,212
that I carried a rich man
across the lawn in his pajamas.
558
00:23:13,246 --> 00:23:14,580
You're going to hurt me.
559
00:23:14,615 --> 00:23:15,715
No, sir.
I just need witnesses.
560
00:23:15,749 --> 00:23:17,317
I've got several
lined up outside.
561
00:23:17,351 --> 00:23:19,152
Greyson would fill out
the troop nicely, sir.
562
00:23:19,186 --> 00:23:21,087
Just a couple minutes,
This is a nightmare.
563
00:23:21,121 --> 00:23:21,971
then it'd be all over, sir.
564
00:23:22,006 --> 00:23:23,055
You can sleep, I promise.
565
00:23:23,090 --> 00:23:24,290
This isn't
happening to me.
566
00:23:24,325 --> 00:23:25,558
This is a nightmare.
567
00:23:25,592 --> 00:23:27,426
Don't worry about it, sir.
568
00:23:27,461 --> 00:23:29,095
( straining )
569
00:23:29,129 --> 00:23:32,348
We're going out now,
but only for a minute!
570
00:23:32,382 --> 00:23:34,049
Will there be
any more bees?
571
00:23:34,084 --> 00:23:35,701
Oh, no, no, no, sir.
572
00:23:35,736 --> 00:23:39,305
You shut your eyes now.
All gone, all gone.
573
00:23:41,425 --> 00:23:44,126
Hey, guys, here they come.
Here they come.
574
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:45,461
They're coming,
they're coming.
He's got Drake.
575
00:23:45,496 --> 00:23:46,629
Oh, here they come.
576
00:23:46,663 --> 00:23:48,631
Yes, Norm.
577
00:23:48,665 --> 00:23:50,833
( cheering and applauding )
578
00:23:57,173 --> 00:24:00,510
( indistinct chatter )