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00:00:01,658 --> 00:00:05,010
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,045 --> 00:00:07,779
Payday, payday.
3
00:00:07,814 --> 00:00:10,316
Sam, Carla, Woody.
4
00:00:10,350 --> 00:00:11,250
Oh, come to Papa, baby.
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Boy, have I got
plans for you.
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CLIFF:
Yeah, no
kidding, Woody?
7
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What are you going
to do with it?
8
00:00:15,705 --> 00:00:17,656
Put it in the bank.
9
00:00:17,690 --> 00:00:19,992
Whoo, don't get
arrested, buddy.
10
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Hey, Shoulder Pads, freeze.
11
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Yes, Carla?
12
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I seem to be a little short.
13
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Yes, but you have
a warm personality.
14
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When you added up my paycheck,
15
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I think you forgot to count
a couple of fingers and toes.
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Oh, I'm afraid I had to dock you
17
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a total of two and
three quarters hours
18
00:00:40,313 --> 00:00:41,380
for being late
last week.
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I had good excuses.
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Three deaths in the
family since Monday?
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It's been a bad week.
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Carla, Carla, here's a
little time management
trick that I use.
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I set my watch ahead
24
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a half an hour.
25
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That way, when I think I'm
getting someplace on time,
26
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I'm actually
fooling myself
27
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into getting there early.
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Hey, you know, that makes
good business sense, boss.
29
00:01:02,269 --> 00:01:04,503
I guess if I set my watch
an hour ahead,
30
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it'd be twice as good, huh?
31
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Right.
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Hey, what do you know?
33
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It's lunch time.
34
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No wonder I'm so hungry.
35
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( piano intro playing )
36
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¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
37
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¶ Takes everything you've got
38
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¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
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¶ Sure would help a lot
40
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¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
41
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¶ Sometimes you want to go
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¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
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¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
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¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
45
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¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
46
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¶ You want to be where
everybody knows your name ¶
47
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¶ You want to go
where people know ¶
48
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¶ People are all the same
49
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¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
50
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What you reading,
Cliffie?
51
00:02:29,055 --> 00:02:31,290
Oh, the, uh, Massachusetts
Scientific Journal.
52
00:02:31,324 --> 00:02:32,524
Yeah?
Yeah.
53
00:02:32,559 --> 00:02:34,059
Yeah, you know,
this, uh, magazine
54
00:02:34,093 --> 00:02:35,827
is sent to some
of the most prestigious
55
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and high-minded
intellectuals
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00:02:37,196 --> 00:02:38,664
in the greater
metropolitan area.
57
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How come you have it?
58
00:02:40,316 --> 00:02:42,617
Some guy on my route
left town
59
00:02:42,652 --> 00:02:45,988
and uh, didn't leave
a forwarding address.
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00:02:46,022 --> 00:02:48,423
Oh, hey, Carla,
looky here.
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00:02:48,457 --> 00:02:51,043
It says the Britain Institute's
doing research on twins.
62
00:02:51,077 --> 00:02:52,244
Maybe you can get
63
00:02:52,278 --> 00:02:54,746
your gruesome twosome
in there, eh?
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00:02:54,780 --> 00:02:57,449
Yeah, right, like I got
nothing better to do
65
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than schlep Little Elvis
and Jesse around.
66
00:03:00,153 --> 00:03:01,987
Especially
so some pointy-heads
67
00:03:02,021 --> 00:03:04,289
can plug electrodes
into their skulls
68
00:03:04,324 --> 00:03:06,358
to see what makes them slobber.
69
00:03:06,510 --> 00:03:08,460
That's too bad;
they're offering,
70
00:03:08,495 --> 00:03:09,861
uh, 50 bucks apiece.
71
00:03:09,896 --> 00:03:13,799
I always wondered
what makes them slobber.
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00:03:13,833 --> 00:03:15,601
Sorry I'm late.
73
00:03:15,635 --> 00:03:17,452
Where's Sam?
74
00:03:17,454 --> 00:03:19,521
He's upstairs having
lunch with Evan Dreck.
75
00:03:19,556 --> 00:03:22,140
Oh, God, Mr. Drake shows up
on a day that I'm late?
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00:03:22,175 --> 00:03:24,309
Well, don't worry.
I've covered for you.
77
00:03:24,344 --> 00:03:25,643
Told him you were drunk.
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00:03:30,183 --> 00:03:31,616
What does this mean?
79
00:03:31,650 --> 00:03:34,552
When did Evan
start taking Sam to lunch?
80
00:03:34,587 --> 00:03:37,806
When did the two of them
become good friends?
81
00:03:37,841 --> 00:03:40,376
When did I
start talking to myself?
82
00:03:40,410 --> 00:03:42,244
Hey, maybe he's going
to put Sam
83
00:03:42,278 --> 00:03:43,895
in charge of the bar again.
84
00:03:43,930 --> 00:03:46,398
What? Don't make me laugh.
85
00:03:46,433 --> 00:03:48,400
Sam, I'm serious
about that offer.
86
00:03:48,435 --> 00:03:51,069
Now, I want to move you up.
What do you say?
87
00:03:51,103 --> 00:03:52,304
Oh, sounds tempting.
88
00:03:52,339 --> 00:03:53,806
DRAKE:
When I see you
behind that bar,
89
00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:56,608
the more convinced I am
your talents are being wasted.
90
00:03:56,642 --> 00:03:57,609
Yeah, I know, I know,
91
00:03:57,643 --> 00:04:00,279
but they won't let me
bring a bed in here.
92
00:04:00,313 --> 00:04:01,880
( both chuckling )
93
00:04:01,915 --> 00:04:03,182
Yes, yes, boy,
94
00:04:03,216 --> 00:04:04,817
thank you; of
course I will.
95
00:04:04,851 --> 00:04:07,019
I, uh, I'll get
the ball rolling.
96
00:04:07,053 --> 00:04:07,903
Hello, Mr. Drake.
97
00:04:07,937 --> 00:04:09,705
It's so wonderful
to see you again.
98
00:04:09,739 --> 00:04:11,507
Yeah, I'm going
to use your phone.
99
00:04:13,410 --> 00:04:16,344
You scum-sucking,
power-hungry,
backbiting creep.
100
00:04:16,379 --> 00:04:17,713
You stole my job.
101
00:04:17,747 --> 00:04:19,064
Ah, come on.
That's not true.
102
00:04:19,098 --> 00:04:21,266
But I will bite your back
for you if you want.
103
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:22,835
Oh, well, then,
what were you talking
104
00:04:22,869 --> 00:04:24,169
to Evan about?
105
00:04:24,203 --> 00:04:25,337
He just offered me
106
00:04:25,372 --> 00:04:26,972
an executive position
down at headquarters.
107
00:04:27,006 --> 00:04:29,708
You scum-sucking,
power-hungry,
backbiting creep!
108
00:04:29,743 --> 00:04:30,625
Hi, Mr. Drake.
109
00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:32,311
I was just
congratulating Sam.
110
00:04:32,345 --> 00:04:33,645
Great.
111
00:04:33,679 --> 00:04:34,679
Uh, it's all set, Sam.
112
00:04:34,714 --> 00:04:35,747
Hey, uh, listen.
113
00:04:35,781 --> 00:04:37,115
Uh, I'm really
excited about this,
114
00:04:37,150 --> 00:04:38,616
but are you sure
that I'm qualified?
115
00:04:38,651 --> 00:04:40,618
I mean, you know, I never
even finished college.
116
00:04:40,653 --> 00:04:41,854
How far did you get?
117
00:04:41,888 --> 00:04:43,155
Halfway through
the application.
118
00:04:43,189 --> 00:04:44,422
I still have
it here if you...
119
00:04:44,457 --> 00:04:46,591
Nah, that's okay.
You're qualified.
120
00:04:46,625 --> 00:04:47,926
See you tomorrow.
121
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,294
All right. Whoo.
122
00:04:49,329 --> 00:04:52,831
Something funny
is going on here.
123
00:04:52,865 --> 00:04:54,933
Why did he hire Sam?
124
00:04:54,967 --> 00:04:57,102
Why is he making him
an executive?
125
00:04:57,136 --> 00:04:58,837
What's the matter with me?
126
00:04:58,871 --> 00:05:00,405
Well, for one
thing, Miss Howe,
127
00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,207
you talk to yourself
an awful lot.
128
00:05:07,530 --> 00:05:09,915
Hmm.
129
00:05:23,063 --> 00:05:24,463
Mr. Malone, I
hate to rush you,
130
00:05:24,497 --> 00:05:25,997
but people are waiting.
131
00:05:26,032 --> 00:05:27,950
Have you made a decision yet?
132
00:05:27,984 --> 00:05:31,352
Yes, Mimi, I have.
133
00:05:31,387 --> 00:05:33,955
I'll take the tuna on toast
with iced tea.
134
00:05:35,391 --> 00:05:36,692
Done.
135
00:05:36,726 --> 00:05:38,259
Oh, and, uh,
after lunch,
136
00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:41,229
we'll, uh, finish
the memo I was drafting.
137
00:05:41,263 --> 00:05:43,882
Where did we leave off?
"To whom it may concern."
138
00:05:43,916 --> 00:05:46,068
Boy, I like the way that sounds.
139
00:05:48,921 --> 00:05:51,089
( door shuts )
140
00:05:53,359 --> 00:05:54,893
( chuckling )
141
00:06:07,190 --> 00:06:09,674
( grinding )
142
00:06:21,571 --> 00:06:22,837
( buzzer )
143
00:06:22,872 --> 00:06:26,608
MIMI:
Mr. Malone, some gentlemen
are here to see you
144
00:06:26,642 --> 00:06:29,661
from the firm
of Peterson, Clavin and Boyd.
145
00:06:29,696 --> 00:06:32,564
Peterson, Clavin and Boyd,
Peterson, Clavin and Boyd.
146
00:06:32,598 --> 00:06:35,233
Uh, Mimi, tell them
I'm in an important meeting
147
00:06:35,267 --> 00:06:36,885
and can't see them, please.
148
00:06:36,919 --> 00:06:38,086
( guys complaining )
149
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,474
Hey, get in here, you mugs!
150
00:06:43,509 --> 00:06:46,077
( laughing and exclaiming )
151
00:06:49,182 --> 00:06:50,782
Uh, Sam, don't
be nice, now.
152
00:06:50,817 --> 00:06:51,850
If you really
have a meeting,
153
00:06:51,884 --> 00:06:52,918
we don't want
to bother you.
154
00:06:52,952 --> 00:06:54,119
No, no, oh, come on.
155
00:06:54,153 --> 00:06:55,620
Get in here.
Get in here.
156
00:06:55,654 --> 00:06:59,291
Well, major corporate digs,
buddy, eh?
157
00:06:59,325 --> 00:07:01,259
Talk about your office
in the sky.
158
00:07:01,294 --> 00:07:03,094
Hey, oh, hey,
lookit down here.
159
00:07:03,129 --> 00:07:04,863
There's a guy
washing windows.
160
00:07:04,897 --> 00:07:06,164
Ooh.
161
00:07:06,199 --> 00:07:07,866
That's one job
you wouldn't catch me doing
162
00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:09,500
for all the bridges
in Bridgeport.
163
00:07:09,535 --> 00:07:10,502
( chuckling )
164
00:07:10,536 --> 00:07:11,636
Standing on a
platform there,
165
00:07:11,671 --> 00:07:13,472
suspended hundreds of feet
over certain death.
166
00:07:13,506 --> 00:07:14,706
You said it.
167
00:07:14,741 --> 00:07:16,941
Hey, let's throw
something at him
and scare him, eh?
168
00:07:16,976 --> 00:07:17,942
( Sam laughing )
169
00:07:17,977 --> 00:07:19,143
Hey, you know,
170
00:07:19,178 --> 00:07:20,144
actually, uh,
171
00:07:20,179 --> 00:07:21,246
these, uh, windows don't open.
172
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:22,447
You're in a
what's called
173
00:07:22,482 --> 00:07:23,882
a climate-
controlled office.
174
00:07:23,916 --> 00:07:25,650
( chuckling )
175
00:07:25,685 --> 00:07:27,085
Very impressed, Sam, eh?
176
00:07:27,119 --> 00:07:29,354
Oh, hey, Sammy, you
do look every inch
177
00:07:29,389 --> 00:07:31,322
the corporate
muckety-muck there,
178
00:07:31,357 --> 00:07:32,591
doesn't he?
179
00:07:32,625 --> 00:07:34,426
Well, you know,
I don't want to brag.
180
00:07:34,460 --> 00:07:36,661
Mimi, get in here
and brag for me, will you?
181
00:07:36,696 --> 00:07:38,062
( laughter )
182
00:07:38,097 --> 00:07:39,364
Just kidding, Mimi.
183
00:07:39,399 --> 00:07:41,900
While I have you,
Mr. Drake is on his way over.
184
00:07:41,934 --> 00:07:43,167
Oh, guys,
185
00:07:43,202 --> 00:07:44,269
I'm sorry,
men, uh...
186
00:07:44,303 --> 00:07:46,204
( blows softly )
187
00:07:46,238 --> 00:07:47,105
Oh, yeah, sure.
188
00:07:47,139 --> 00:07:48,423
That's okay.
That's all right.
189
00:07:48,457 --> 00:07:49,390
Uh, we're running late
190
00:07:49,425 --> 00:07:50,892
for our next appointment
anyway, boys.
191
00:07:50,927 --> 00:07:52,027
Where is that?
192
00:07:52,061 --> 00:07:53,962
It's at the bottom
of the lobby escalator
193
00:07:53,996 --> 00:07:56,264
watching the secretaries
go up to the lunchroom.
194
00:07:56,299 --> 00:07:57,498
( guys chortling )
195
00:07:57,533 --> 00:08:00,135
All aboard for the
Underalls Express,
196
00:08:00,169 --> 00:08:01,703
now leaving Track 29.
197
00:08:01,737 --> 00:08:03,538
( guys imitating train whistle )
198
00:08:03,572 --> 00:08:06,041
( laughing ):
You mugs!
199
00:08:18,921 --> 00:08:20,155
( knocking )
200
00:08:20,189 --> 00:08:21,356
Ah, Sam.
201
00:08:21,391 --> 00:08:23,758
Oh, hey, Evan.
202
00:08:23,793 --> 00:08:26,195
I'm sorry.
I was engrossed in my work here.
203
00:08:27,564 --> 00:08:29,531
Just came to
check on you.
204
00:08:29,566 --> 00:08:30,666
How you doing?
205
00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:34,436
Looks like you're making
yourself at home here.
206
00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:36,505
Desk. Supplies, huh?
207
00:08:36,539 --> 00:08:39,841
And the requisite
picture of your, uh...
208
00:08:39,875 --> 00:08:41,710
self.
209
00:08:41,744 --> 00:08:43,645
It's not really
a great one,
210
00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:45,914
but it's
the only big one I had.
211
00:08:45,948 --> 00:08:47,182
Yeah, well...
212
00:08:47,217 --> 00:08:49,050
You're all set then, huh?
Yeah, oh, yeah.
213
00:08:49,085 --> 00:08:51,520
Full steam ahead.
Take no prisoners.
214
00:08:51,554 --> 00:08:52,403
Excellent. All right.
215
00:08:52,438 --> 00:08:53,721
You know, I, uh...
216
00:08:53,756 --> 00:08:55,540
I do have, uh,
one little question, though.
217
00:08:55,575 --> 00:08:56,808
Shoot.
218
00:08:56,842 --> 00:09:00,044
W-What do I do?
219
00:09:00,079 --> 00:09:01,280
Ah, yes,
220
00:09:01,314 --> 00:09:04,249
well, now, yours being
a newly created position,
221
00:09:04,284 --> 00:09:07,586
your responsibilities as
yet are not clearly defined.
222
00:09:07,620 --> 00:09:09,338
Well, uh, that helps,
that helps.
223
00:09:09,372 --> 00:09:10,638
But we're looking
for your input.
224
00:09:10,673 --> 00:09:11,989
Input-- got you;
all right, input.
225
00:09:12,024 --> 00:09:13,491
Yeah, well, listen,
226
00:09:13,526 --> 00:09:14,776
I'm going to be
late for lunch,
227
00:09:14,810 --> 00:09:17,245
so, uh, we'll talk later
at softball practice, huh?
228
00:09:17,279 --> 00:09:18,830
Oh, hey, you got
a softball team, huh?
229
00:09:18,864 --> 00:09:20,399
Oh, yeah, all the
corporations do.
230
00:09:20,433 --> 00:09:22,100
It's a lot of
fun, very casual.
231
00:09:22,134 --> 00:09:23,268
Wear cleats.
232
00:09:23,303 --> 00:09:25,704
Hey, I'll have lots of input
for you then, sir.
233
00:09:27,006 --> 00:09:30,609
Okay, all right.
234
00:09:30,643 --> 00:09:33,345
Input, input.
235
00:09:33,379 --> 00:09:36,782
Let's see, here.
236
00:09:36,816 --> 00:09:39,284
( sighing )
237
00:09:41,487 --> 00:09:43,455
( exhaling )
238
00:09:43,489 --> 00:09:45,624
( grinding )
239
00:10:05,678 --> 00:10:07,662
( grinding continues )
240
00:10:10,166 --> 00:10:12,400
Mimi, call Maintenance.
241
00:10:19,241 --> 00:10:22,894
( muttering )
Ridiculous.
242
00:10:22,929 --> 00:10:25,063
Stupid Sam.
243
00:10:25,098 --> 00:10:27,032
Executive?
244
00:10:27,066 --> 00:10:28,834
( muttering continues )
245
00:10:28,868 --> 00:10:31,469
I'm sorry. Are
you talking to me?
246
00:10:31,503 --> 00:10:33,588
No, I was talking to my...
247
00:10:34,857 --> 00:10:36,958
Yes, I was.
248
00:10:36,992 --> 00:10:40,062
So, you say that they did
make Sam an executive?
249
00:10:40,096 --> 00:10:41,063
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
250
00:10:41,097 --> 00:10:42,164
Yeah.
Yeah.
251
00:10:42,198 --> 00:10:44,166
Giving him the red carpet
treatment over there.
252
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,467
He's a regular Armand Hammer.
253
00:10:45,501 --> 00:10:46,868
Oh, that reminds me.
254
00:10:46,902 --> 00:10:49,338
I got to change the baking soda
in my refrigerator.
255
00:10:51,574 --> 00:10:52,907
Hi, everybody.
256
00:10:52,942 --> 00:10:55,243
I just got back
from twin testing,
257
00:10:55,278 --> 00:10:58,880
and I would like to announce
that I now like science
258
00:10:58,914 --> 00:11:02,217
100 bucks more
than I used to.
259
00:11:02,251 --> 00:11:03,251
Hey, all right.
260
00:11:03,286 --> 00:11:05,169
I found out
that Little Elvis
261
00:11:05,203 --> 00:11:06,838
is a lot more aggressive
262
00:11:06,872 --> 00:11:09,040
in certain situations
than Jesse.
263
00:11:09,074 --> 00:11:10,475
Or is it vice versa?
264
00:11:11,644 --> 00:11:13,011
Ah, who cares?
265
00:11:13,045 --> 00:11:14,613
Not these twins.
266
00:11:14,647 --> 00:11:15,947
( chortling )
267
00:11:15,981 --> 00:11:17,749
Whoa.
268
00:11:17,784 --> 00:11:20,034
( whooping and laughing )
269
00:11:20,069 --> 00:11:23,071
People, I have an announcement!
270
00:11:23,105 --> 00:11:25,207
Mr. Sam Malone,
the newest member
271
00:11:25,241 --> 00:11:27,209
of the corporate
softball team,
272
00:11:27,243 --> 00:11:30,445
just pitched a shutout
against General Electric!
273
00:11:30,479 --> 00:11:32,980
( whooping and yelling )
274
00:11:33,015 --> 00:11:34,882
I'd say I loved
pinning back the ears
275
00:11:34,917 --> 00:11:36,150
of a Fortune 500
company.
276
00:11:36,185 --> 00:11:37,586
Kind of makes you
feel proud
277
00:11:37,620 --> 00:11:39,787
to be part of the corporation,
doesn't it?
278
00:11:39,822 --> 00:11:41,089
Rah-rah-rah.
279
00:11:41,123 --> 00:11:42,390
Hey, you know,
I never knew
280
00:11:42,425 --> 00:11:43,791
that you were
a cheerleader.
281
00:11:43,826 --> 00:11:46,428
Although I have always admired
your pom-poms.
282
00:11:48,431 --> 00:11:49,997
Sam, uh,
why does your jersey
283
00:11:50,032 --> 00:11:51,433
say "Heppel" on the back?
284
00:11:51,467 --> 00:11:52,500
Oh, that was some guy
285
00:11:52,535 --> 00:11:53,801
who used to work
for the company.
286
00:11:53,836 --> 00:11:56,170
They haven't had time
to order mine yet.
287
00:11:56,205 --> 00:11:57,372
Supply problems.
288
00:11:57,406 --> 00:11:59,207
"Supply problems."
Yeah.
289
00:11:59,242 --> 00:12:01,809
Yes, that happens a lot
in large corporations.
290
00:12:01,844 --> 00:12:03,911
You know, Sam, they
were really lucky
291
00:12:03,946 --> 00:12:05,280
to get you on the team.
292
00:12:05,314 --> 00:12:07,282
You want to know
how lucky?
293
00:12:07,316 --> 00:12:10,485
They just made the playoffs
the day before they hired me.
294
00:12:10,519 --> 00:12:12,454
( chuckling )
295
00:12:12,488 --> 00:12:13,755
Oh, my...!
296
00:12:13,789 --> 00:12:15,990
I finally figured it out.
297
00:12:16,024 --> 00:12:19,227
Life makes sense,
and I am not crazy.
298
00:12:19,262 --> 00:12:22,597
Well, that's only
a layman's opinion.
299
00:12:22,632 --> 00:12:23,731
Sam is a ringer.
300
00:12:23,766 --> 00:12:27,202
Evan just hired him
to win the championship.
301
00:12:27,236 --> 00:12:30,038
In two weeks, he'll
be out of there.
302
00:12:30,073 --> 00:12:31,906
Now, Rebecca,
you can't tell him that.
303
00:12:31,941 --> 00:12:33,308
At least
let the man enjoy
304
00:12:33,342 --> 00:12:34,542
his day
in the sun.
305
00:12:34,577 --> 00:12:37,011
( laughing and chatting )
306
00:12:37,045 --> 00:12:37,929
All right.
307
00:12:37,964 --> 00:12:41,366
Sam has taken enough
hard knocks this year.
308
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,970
No, it's pleasure enough
for me to just know.
309
00:12:45,004 --> 00:12:47,038
I won't break his heart.
310
00:12:47,073 --> 00:12:48,372
Oh, hey, uh, Rebecca,
311
00:12:48,407 --> 00:12:49,658
the guys decided
312
00:12:49,692 --> 00:12:50,909
that you could be
our cheerleader
313
00:12:50,943 --> 00:12:52,210
on one condition.
314
00:12:53,112 --> 00:12:54,145
Lose the bra.
315
00:12:54,263 --> 00:12:55,363
( raucous laughter )
316
00:12:59,384 --> 00:13:01,720
I won't break his heart.
317
00:13:01,754 --> 00:13:04,689
I will rip it
from his chest.
318
00:13:21,907 --> 00:13:24,575
( laughs )
319
00:13:27,078 --> 00:13:28,228
Here are those
320
00:13:28,263 --> 00:13:29,864
copies of your report,
Mr. Malone.
321
00:13:29,898 --> 00:13:31,566
Oh, great.
322
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,367
You got colored paper.
323
00:13:33,401 --> 00:13:35,169
Oh.
324
00:13:35,203 --> 00:13:36,704
Hey, hey.
325
00:13:36,738 --> 00:13:38,572
Look at that.
326
00:13:38,606 --> 00:13:41,208
Lots of input.
327
00:13:41,242 --> 00:13:42,209
Am I interrupting anything?
328
00:13:42,243 --> 00:13:43,711
Oh, hey, Rebecca.
No, come on in.
329
00:13:43,745 --> 00:13:44,912
Thank you, Mimi.
330
00:13:46,548 --> 00:13:48,515
Well, Rebecca...
331
00:13:48,550 --> 00:13:50,584
welcome to the, uh,
executive office.
332
00:13:50,618 --> 00:13:53,988
Would you like to have a seat
in the executive chair there?
333
00:13:54,022 --> 00:13:56,190
Or maybe on the executive sofa?
334
00:13:56,224 --> 00:13:58,392
Or how 'bout the executive lap?
335
00:13:58,426 --> 00:13:59,760
( cackling )
336
00:13:59,795 --> 00:14:01,162
( cackling )
337
00:14:02,530 --> 00:14:03,830
( cackling stops )
338
00:14:06,301 --> 00:14:08,753
No, but, uh, seriously,
339
00:14:08,787 --> 00:14:10,754
uh, what-what brings you
down to corporate?
340
00:14:10,789 --> 00:14:12,139
Oh, I have a
little information
341
00:14:12,174 --> 00:14:13,207
about your promotion
342
00:14:13,241 --> 00:14:15,809
that I'm going to really
enjoy sharing with you.
343
00:14:15,843 --> 00:14:17,077
Oh, yeah. Listen.
344
00:14:17,111 --> 00:14:18,212
Before you do,
there's something
345
00:14:18,246 --> 00:14:19,547
I want to talk
to you about, too.
346
00:14:19,581 --> 00:14:21,248
Uh, sit down,
please, sit down.
( sighs )
347
00:14:21,282 --> 00:14:23,684
Uh...
348
00:14:23,719 --> 00:14:25,252
I just want to say
349
00:14:25,286 --> 00:14:27,238
tha-that I'm sorry, you know,
350
00:14:27,272 --> 00:14:30,474
for teasing you the way I did
and everything.
351
00:14:30,508 --> 00:14:32,259
I know we both
had a lot of fun with it,
352
00:14:32,293 --> 00:14:33,260
but i-it wasn't right.
353
00:14:33,294 --> 00:14:34,878
That's okay.
I just wanted...
354
00:14:34,913 --> 00:14:36,013
No, no, no.
355
00:14:36,047 --> 00:14:37,381
See, it, it wasn't okay.
356
00:14:37,416 --> 00:14:38,516
I mean, absolutely not.
357
00:14:38,550 --> 00:14:39,983
I...
358
00:14:40,018 --> 00:14:42,386
I think I was just
trying to, you know,
359
00:14:42,420 --> 00:14:44,388
show off in front of the guys.
360
00:14:44,422 --> 00:14:46,557
Truth is...
361
00:14:46,592 --> 00:14:48,826
this is all kind of new to me.
362
00:14:48,861 --> 00:14:51,362
I keep expecting somebody to
come through the door and say,
363
00:14:51,396 --> 00:14:52,897
"Malone, job's over.
You're through.
364
00:14:52,931 --> 00:14:54,599
"Get out of here,"
and it's a big joke.
365
00:14:54,633 --> 00:14:55,700
Good. Is it my turn now?
366
00:14:55,734 --> 00:14:57,818
No, in a second, in a second.
367
00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:59,219
You know, the, uh...
368
00:14:59,254 --> 00:15:01,221
first thing that I did--
369
00:15:01,256 --> 00:15:04,258
when I was alone
in the office here--
370
00:15:04,292 --> 00:15:06,994
I, uh, called my father,
371
00:15:07,028 --> 00:15:08,879
who I hadn't talked to
372
00:15:08,914 --> 00:15:10,097
for over three years.
373
00:15:10,132 --> 00:15:13,033
And when I told him
where I was sitting,
374
00:15:13,035 --> 00:15:15,319
you know,
what I was looking out at,
375
00:15:15,353 --> 00:15:17,754
and, uh, what,
what my title is...
376
00:15:17,789 --> 00:15:21,492
( sighs )
for the first time ever,
377
00:15:21,527 --> 00:15:24,862
he told me
how proud he was of me.
378
00:15:26,848 --> 00:15:27,865
( chuckling ):
Anyway. Whoa!
379
00:15:27,900 --> 00:15:30,801
Uh, what-what are you
dying to tell me here?
380
00:15:30,835 --> 00:15:32,352
( clears throat )
381
00:15:33,388 --> 00:15:34,621
Just that we
382
00:15:34,656 --> 00:15:36,090
are darn proud of you, too.
383
00:15:36,125 --> 00:15:37,225
Oh, thank you!
384
00:15:37,259 --> 00:15:39,093
God, that's great. Thank you.
385
00:15:39,128 --> 00:15:40,528
Hey, hey, get a load of this.
386
00:15:40,562 --> 00:15:41,879
My folks, uh--
387
00:15:41,913 --> 00:15:43,347
their wedding anniversary
is next month.
388
00:15:43,381 --> 00:15:44,481
I'm gonna fly them in here,
389
00:15:44,516 --> 00:15:46,116
and I'm gonna give them
the grand tour.
390
00:15:46,150 --> 00:15:48,352
I just can't wait
to see their faces.
Stop.
391
00:15:48,386 --> 00:15:49,519
What?
392
00:15:49,554 --> 00:15:51,055
Sam... I didn't want
393
00:15:51,089 --> 00:15:54,524
to have to tell you this,
but now I have to.
394
00:15:54,559 --> 00:15:55,592
All right, all right,
395
00:15:55,627 --> 00:15:57,395
What do you got?
No, I actually
did want
396
00:15:57,429 --> 00:15:59,563
to have to tell you this,
but I wanted to enjoy it,
397
00:15:59,597 --> 00:16:02,266
and now you've ruined that,
and I have to tell you anyway.
398
00:16:04,102 --> 00:16:07,205
You're not gonna
be here next month.
399
00:16:07,239 --> 00:16:08,823
What do you mean?
400
00:16:08,857 --> 00:16:10,424
Malone, you're a ringer.
401
00:16:10,458 --> 00:16:13,928
( gasps )
Ooh, I did like
doing it a little bit.
402
00:16:14,830 --> 00:16:17,013
Wh-What do you mean, ringer?
403
00:16:17,048 --> 00:16:20,518
I mean that Evan just hired you
to win the championship.
404
00:16:20,552 --> 00:16:23,187
And when that's over,
you're history.
405
00:16:23,972 --> 00:16:26,473
Oh, boy.
406
00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:28,575
I should have expected this.
407
00:16:28,610 --> 00:16:31,728
Sam, it's just the way
of the business world.
408
00:16:31,763 --> 00:16:33,965
No, no, no, no.
I mean, that you are jealous.
409
00:16:33,999 --> 00:16:35,066
How petty of you.
410
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:36,701
I can't believe this.
411
00:16:36,735 --> 00:16:38,135
You know, the fact
412
00:16:38,169 --> 00:16:41,739
that I played baseball
has nothing to do with this job.
413
00:16:41,773 --> 00:16:43,240
I am a good executive.
414
00:16:43,274 --> 00:16:45,008
And, you know,
you are way off base,
415
00:16:45,042 --> 00:16:46,126
and I'm gonna prove it to you.
416
00:16:46,161 --> 00:16:48,145
Mimi, get-get Mr. Drake
on the phone right away.
417
00:16:48,179 --> 00:16:49,980
Right away, Mr. Malone.
418
00:16:50,014 --> 00:16:51,599
Sam, you don't have to do this.
419
00:16:51,633 --> 00:16:54,184
You know, I was hired
for a lot of reasons.
420
00:16:54,219 --> 00:16:55,486
Like what?
421
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:56,687
Yeah, I'll tell you,
"like what,"
422
00:16:56,722 --> 00:16:57,822
like this report, for example.
423
00:16:57,856 --> 00:17:00,324
This sucker is loaded
with input.
424
00:17:00,358 --> 00:17:02,326
Sam, as one friend to another,
425
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:05,129
I really am just trying
to do you a favor.
426
00:17:05,163 --> 00:17:06,297
( buzzing )
427
00:17:06,331 --> 00:17:08,499
Mr. Drake is still
in a sales meeting.
428
00:17:08,533 --> 00:17:10,468
What do you mean,
a sales meeting?
429
00:17:10,502 --> 00:17:11,768
Why aren't I there?
430
00:17:11,803 --> 00:17:13,904
I-I'm the Eastern...
the Western...
431
00:17:13,938 --> 00:17:15,890
I-I'm the Southwest...
432
00:17:15,924 --> 00:17:19,527
I'm the "Eastern Regional
Sales Manager."
433
00:17:19,561 --> 00:17:21,729
I don't know,
but he said to rest up your arm
434
00:17:21,763 --> 00:17:23,330
because you're starting tonight.
435
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,118
Well, there's just probably
436
00:17:28,153 --> 00:17:29,253
some mix-up.
437
00:17:29,287 --> 00:17:31,221
You know, maybe I missed
a memo or something.
438
00:17:31,256 --> 00:17:34,808
I'm gonna go, uh, straighten
this out right now.
439
00:17:34,842 --> 00:17:35,943
( clears throat )
440
00:17:35,977 --> 00:17:38,212
Don't you have a job
to go to or something?
441
00:17:38,246 --> 00:17:40,063
( sighs )
442
00:17:44,686 --> 00:17:47,788
( cackling )
443
00:17:47,823 --> 00:17:51,826
( cackling continues )
444
00:17:51,860 --> 00:17:54,528
Mimi, call Maintenance.
445
00:17:54,562 --> 00:17:55,813
All right,
have your people
446
00:17:55,847 --> 00:17:57,081
coordinate with Marketing.
447
00:17:57,115 --> 00:17:58,916
We'll get this campaign
on the boards.
448
00:17:58,950 --> 00:18:00,051
Will do.
449
00:18:02,754 --> 00:18:04,354
Sorry I'm late.
450
00:18:04,389 --> 00:18:05,539
I guess that
about wraps it up.
451
00:18:06,508 --> 00:18:07,591
Uh, say,
before you go,
452
00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:08,726
I just want to say
453
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:10,427
that I'm really backed up
with paperwork,
454
00:18:10,461 --> 00:18:12,329
and I won't be able
to make the game tonight.
455
00:18:12,363 --> 00:18:13,497
What?
What?
456
00:18:13,531 --> 00:18:14,565
Can't make the game?
457
00:18:14,599 --> 00:18:15,833
Hey, wait a minute, Evan.
458
00:18:15,867 --> 00:18:17,768
I-I didn't give up my office
two weeks
459
00:18:17,802 --> 00:18:19,369
to let this guy do paperwork.
460
00:18:19,404 --> 00:18:20,671
Easy, Heppel.
461
00:18:20,705 --> 00:18:23,140
Heppel?
462
00:18:23,175 --> 00:18:25,609
What? You're Heppel?
463
00:18:25,643 --> 00:18:27,978
But... I thought
that you were supposed...
464
00:18:28,013 --> 00:18:29,146
( murmuring )
465
00:18:30,182 --> 00:18:31,982
Oh, boy.
466
00:18:32,017 --> 00:18:33,450
I-I am a ringer.
467
00:18:33,484 --> 00:18:34,734
That's right.
I'm right, aren't I,
468
00:18:34,769 --> 00:18:35,802
that I'm a ringer?
469
00:18:35,837 --> 00:18:38,172
Well, I'll be straight
with you, Sam.
470
00:18:38,206 --> 00:18:40,240
Sure, we originally hired you
471
00:18:40,275 --> 00:18:42,226
to pitch for the
softball team, but, uh,
472
00:18:42,260 --> 00:18:44,878
actually, you've turned out
to be somewhat of a surprise.
473
00:18:44,912 --> 00:18:46,146
Oh?
474
00:18:46,180 --> 00:18:48,232
Yeah, yeah, you're a much better
hitter than we anticipated.
475
00:18:48,266 --> 00:18:50,351
( all agreeing )
476
00:18:51,703 --> 00:18:54,922
( indistinct praises )
477
00:18:54,956 --> 00:18:55,972
Come on.
478
00:18:56,007 --> 00:18:57,541
Man, this really bites it.
479
00:18:58,877 --> 00:19:01,244
I mean, here I thought
you wanted me for my mind,
480
00:19:01,279 --> 00:19:03,614
and it turns out
you just wanted me for my body.
481
00:19:03,648 --> 00:19:05,182
Where have I heard that before?
482
00:19:05,216 --> 00:19:07,051
( clears throat )
483
00:19:07,085 --> 00:19:08,385
Is it really that bad, Sam?
484
00:19:08,419 --> 00:19:09,787
I mean, you make good money.
485
00:19:09,821 --> 00:19:11,354
Everyone around here likes you.
486
00:19:11,389 --> 00:19:12,456
What's the problem?
487
00:19:12,591 --> 00:19:14,140
The problem is that, you know,
488
00:19:14,175 --> 00:19:16,042
as soon as
softball season's over,
489
00:19:16,077 --> 00:19:17,243
I'm out of here.
490
00:19:17,278 --> 00:19:18,462
You don't have to be.
491
00:19:18,496 --> 00:19:20,164
We'll find a place for you.
492
00:19:20,198 --> 00:19:22,532
I mean, uh,
softball season next year.
493
00:19:22,567 --> 00:19:24,351
No, no, no.
494
00:19:24,385 --> 00:19:26,253
You know,
if I'm gonna stay here,
495
00:19:26,287 --> 00:19:28,689
I want it to be
for legitimate reasons.
496
00:19:28,724 --> 00:19:30,090
I mean, come on, Evan,
497
00:19:30,124 --> 00:19:31,826
at least look at my report.
498
00:19:31,860 --> 00:19:33,961
Now, if you think
that I have what it takes,
499
00:19:33,995 --> 00:19:35,095
you know,
after looking at that,
500
00:19:35,129 --> 00:19:37,297
to be an executive right here,
right now, the way I am,
501
00:19:37,331 --> 00:19:38,816
then, you know, then fine.
502
00:19:38,850 --> 00:19:40,216
But otherwise, I think
503
00:19:40,251 --> 00:19:41,885
you know, we should just
504
00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:45,389
shake hands like gentlemen
and part company.
505
00:19:53,164 --> 00:19:54,999
Ho! Lock up your women!
506
00:19:55,033 --> 00:19:56,166
Sammy's back.
507
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:57,534
( all greeting )
508
00:19:57,568 --> 00:19:58,769
Sam, you know,
I'm sorry
509
00:19:58,803 --> 00:20:01,038
to hear about
the termination there, buddy.
510
00:20:01,072 --> 00:20:02,239
Yeah, tough luck, pal.
511
00:20:02,273 --> 00:20:04,858
Yeah.
Hey, easy come, easy go.
512
00:20:04,892 --> 00:20:07,727
No, truth is, it was a shock,
513
00:20:07,762 --> 00:20:08,878
but then I, uh...
( clears throat )
514
00:20:08,913 --> 00:20:10,447
I went into
the executive washroom,
515
00:20:10,482 --> 00:20:12,116
and I splashed
some water on my face,
516
00:20:12,150 --> 00:20:13,383
and I looked in the mirror,
517
00:20:13,418 --> 00:20:15,018
and the mirror
looked back and said,
518
00:20:15,052 --> 00:20:16,953
"You're not an executive, man.
519
00:20:16,988 --> 00:20:19,022
Get back to where you belong."
520
00:20:19,056 --> 00:20:20,324
All right.
521
00:20:20,358 --> 00:20:21,208
Yeah.
Smart there.
522
00:20:21,242 --> 00:20:23,677
I thought they only had mirrors
like that in the movies.
523
00:20:26,715 --> 00:20:29,083
It's good to be back.
524
00:20:29,117 --> 00:20:30,851
Oh, Miss Howe
will sure be relieved.
Yeah?
525
00:20:30,885 --> 00:20:32,219
She said that you'd be shattered
526
00:20:32,253 --> 00:20:33,921
and we should all
be really nice to you.
527
00:20:33,955 --> 00:20:35,989
She did, huh?
Mm-hmm.
528
00:20:36,024 --> 00:20:38,826
Well... maybe I ought
to go set her mind at ease.
529
00:20:38,860 --> 00:20:40,027
Ooh.
530
00:20:43,197 --> 00:20:45,215
( knocking )
531
00:20:47,886 --> 00:20:49,553
Hi, Rebecca.
532
00:20:49,587 --> 00:20:51,922
Oh.
533
00:20:51,956 --> 00:20:53,790
How are you, Sam?
534
00:20:53,792 --> 00:20:56,877
Well, I'm kind of... shattered.
535
00:20:58,930 --> 00:21:00,363
I was afraid you might be.
536
00:21:00,398 --> 00:21:01,415
( groans )
Do you mind
537
00:21:01,449 --> 00:21:03,050
if I stand here
for just a little while?
538
00:21:03,084 --> 00:21:05,085
It's kind of hard for me
to go back out there
539
00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:06,837
after what happened.
( clears throat )
540
00:21:06,872 --> 00:21:08,705
I feel so humiliated.
541
00:21:08,740 --> 00:21:11,107
You just take
as long as you need.
542
00:21:21,352 --> 00:21:23,821
Would you like
to talk about it?
543
00:21:23,855 --> 00:21:27,057
You mean about how bad I feel?
544
00:21:27,091 --> 00:21:29,709
Yeah, you know,
sometimes that helps.
545
00:21:30,745 --> 00:21:34,148
Well, I feel pretty bad.
546
00:21:34,182 --> 00:21:37,251
So... bad.
547
00:21:37,285 --> 00:21:38,685
I know.
548
00:21:38,719 --> 00:21:41,688
And I feel terrible
that I had to tell you.
549
00:21:41,722 --> 00:21:44,758
Oh, well there's no sense
in us both feeling so bad.
550
00:21:44,792 --> 00:21:47,027
Oh, God.
551
00:21:47,062 --> 00:21:49,964
I just hate to
see you like this.
Oh... oh.
552
00:21:52,968 --> 00:21:54,068
You know...
Hmm?
553
00:21:54,102 --> 00:21:56,303
sometimes these
things happen.
554
00:21:56,338 --> 00:21:58,973
But you will always
have your job here.
555
00:21:59,007 --> 00:22:01,608
Oh, it's not just
losing the job.
556
00:22:01,642 --> 00:22:05,346
It's that I was, you know,
taken advantage of.
557
00:22:05,380 --> 00:22:07,982
I know. I know.
558
00:22:08,016 --> 00:22:10,084
You know, that I was used,
559
00:22:10,118 --> 00:22:12,919
that I was just,
you know, manipulated
560
00:22:12,954 --> 00:22:16,156
by somebody who just
cynically wanted to...
561
00:22:16,191 --> 00:22:17,791
get something from me.
562
00:22:20,161 --> 00:22:22,396
Malone, what are you doing?
563
00:22:22,430 --> 00:22:24,331
I-I'm feeling bad.
564
00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:29,903
No, you are
feeling pretty good.
565
00:22:29,937 --> 00:22:31,505
Okay, I admit it.
566
00:22:31,539 --> 00:22:33,173
I'm not a sad guy.
567
00:22:33,208 --> 00:22:35,409
I'm a happy, horny guy.
568
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,715
You know... we need pity, too.
569
00:22:41,749 --> 00:22:43,783
Oh, God, you
are choice, Malone.
570
00:22:43,818 --> 00:22:45,585
You are just really choice.
571
00:22:45,620 --> 00:22:48,122
You will do anything
for a roll in the hay.
572
00:22:48,156 --> 00:22:50,373
If you will play
on my sympathies,
573
00:22:50,407 --> 00:22:52,325
then you will stoop to anything.
574
00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:55,562
God, I am tired of fighting you.
575
00:22:55,597 --> 00:22:56,797
I just don't have
576
00:22:56,831 --> 00:22:59,332
the strength
to do it anymore.
577
00:22:59,451 --> 00:23:01,935
If this is what you really want,
578
00:23:01,969 --> 00:23:03,537
then by all means.
579
00:23:04,539 --> 00:23:06,039
Take me here.
Take me now.
580
00:23:06,073 --> 00:23:08,007
Please, please.
581
00:23:09,410 --> 00:23:11,645
Are you serious?
582
00:23:11,679 --> 00:23:12,846
Oh, yes.
583
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:14,348
I want it bad.
584
00:23:19,287 --> 00:23:21,488
Well, all right.
585
00:23:32,166 --> 00:23:34,651
Is something wrong?
586
00:23:34,686 --> 00:23:35,952
Oh, nothing.
587
00:23:35,987 --> 00:23:38,121
Oh, baby, oh, baby.
588
00:23:44,846 --> 00:23:47,881
Le-Let me get this straight.
589
00:23:47,916 --> 00:23:49,616
Is this what I can expect
590
00:23:49,651 --> 00:23:54,104
in the way
of full participation?
591
00:23:54,138 --> 00:23:57,741
Until I get tired.
592
00:23:59,677 --> 00:24:01,178
( Sam grunts )
593
00:24:01,212 --> 00:24:04,114
REBECCA:
Was it good for you?