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Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
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Refill, Mr. P.?
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Yeah.
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Eww! Knuckle cracking.
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I hate that sound.
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And you hurt your fingers.
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Woodrow,
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knuckle cracking
is relatively harmless.
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Actually,
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when you
crack your knuckles,
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what you're doing is really,
uh, breaking a sound barrier.
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Yeah, what you hear
is actually
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a tiny finger-sized
sonic boom.
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Well, Cliff,
you're partly right.
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Really? Which part?
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The phenomenon of knuckle
cracking is relatively harmless.
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But in fact,
the sound you're hearing
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is not a cracking at all,
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but rather a popping
of tiny gas bubbles
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imploding
in the sinovial fluid
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of the metacarpal
phalangeal joint.
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Makes sense.
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Yeah, but
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knuckle-cracking
doesn't make a popping sound.
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A popping sound
is more like this.
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Oh, God,
I could never do that.
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You know what else
I could never do?
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I could never whistle
with my fingers.
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Carla can do that great.
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Hey, Carla, show Woody
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how you whistle
with two fingers.
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Sure.
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First, you have
to crack your knuckles.
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Ooh, sinovial fluid imploding!
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I hate that sound!
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You'll hurt your metacarpal
phalangeal joint.
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¶ Sometimes you want to go
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¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
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¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
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¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
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¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
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¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
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Carla,
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can you help me
with this zipper, please?
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Sure, boss.
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You know, when you first
walked in in this dress,
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you were like the closest thing
to Cher I've ever seen.
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Really?
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Yeah, you looked
just like Sonny Bono.
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Carla, I don't
have time to trade
insults with you.
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Oh, that's okay.
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You can still keep mine.
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There you go.
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Now, be careful when you unzip.
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I think I snagged about
a dozen little back hairs.
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Thank you, Carla.
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Big date, Rebecca, huh?
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Who's the lucky fella?
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Somebody I met
at a party.
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A rich doctor--
cardiologist.
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Leader in his field.
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You guys couldn't
wipe his nose.
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That shoots my plans
for the evening.
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Where, uh,
where's he taking you?
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Only the society
event of the season,
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celebrating the anniversary
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of the launching
of Old Ironsides.
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Wow, can you get
Raymond Burr's autograph?
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Woody, this is
Old Ironsides, the ship.
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The USS Constitution.
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I know; I was reading
about it in the paper.
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Raymond Burr's
gonna be there.
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Oh, God, I'm gonna be late.
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Have him make it out to Woody,
and make sure he signs it,
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Perry Mason, Ironsides,
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and that guy who cut up
his wife in Rear Window.
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Can you help me
with these, please?
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Wow, nice earrings.
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Thank you.
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No, I meant Carla's.
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They look like real
little bananas.
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Oh, thanks.
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Although, yours are
actually pretty nice,
too.
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Thank you.
Are they real?
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Yes,
they're genuine diamonds.
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No, I mean are they
real little bananas.
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Evening, folks.
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Thank you, Woody.
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Yeah, Carla
just taught me that.
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You were right, Carla.
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All I needed was
a little more slobber
on my fingers.
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Sammy, all
decked out, huh?
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Yeah, my date's gonna pick me up
in a couple of minutes.
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We're going to go over
to that shindig
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they're throwing
at the USS Constitution.
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Oh, Sammy, how'd you
wrangle a ticket
to that sea-going soiree?
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Well, you know...
the event's going
to be televised.
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So they wanted to fill
the audience
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with, a lot of, you know,
big, local celebrities.
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Yeah, one of them has
to go to the bathroom,
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you rush down
and fill in the seat.
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Yeah.
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You know, I happen to be going
to that exact same event.
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Perhaps when I get up
to go to the powder room,
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you can grab my seat.
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Heck, turn around.
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I'll do it right now.
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Come on, Rebecca.
Fess up.
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We know you're
just a seat filler.
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I am not!
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I told you I was going
with a cardiologist.
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A very good-looking
cardiologist.
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Oh, yeah? As good-looking
as Sammy here?
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Please, he's better-looking.
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Oh, yeah?
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Well, my date's
so good-looking
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that when the two
of us walk down
the street,
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people actually
look at her.
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Oh, yeah?
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Well, my date has saved many,
many lives, and has two homes.
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Yeah? Well, my date's
a high-fashion model
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and she's known
on two continents.
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Oh, yeah?
Which two, Sam?
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America and Brazil.
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Hello, Cheers.
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Oh, hi, Jeff.
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Oh, gee, that's disappointing.
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No, it's no bother,
I don't mind.
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Okay, bye.
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Oh, dear.
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Sounds like some heart
specialist decided to stay home
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and wash his hair tonight.
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He did not.
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He has an emergency bypass.
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Yeah, he had to bypass you.
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I'm telling you the truth.
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Boy, you know, it's so pathetic
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when you're
all dolled up
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and no place to go,
isn't it?
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Oh, Sam, that reminds me.
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Jacqueline called.
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She can't make it tonight.
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You're right, Sam.
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That is pathetic.
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But I'm sure your date
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didn't have
any lousy excuse
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like heart surgery.
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As a matter of fact,
she's very sick.
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Sick of you.
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Well, you have
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00:05:51,231 --> 00:05:52,264
a good time
tonight, Sam.
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Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Listen.
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Here we are,
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both dolled up,
looking like a million bucks.
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What do you say
the two of us storm
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the old USS Constitution
together, huh?
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I don't think so.
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00:06:03,077 --> 00:06:06,779
Oh, are you so depressed
about being stood up?
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00:06:06,814 --> 00:06:07,780
No.
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00:06:07,815 --> 00:06:09,281
I just don't want
to go with you.
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Wait a minute.
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You spent all day
getting dressed up
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and you're trying
to tell me
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that you'd rather stay
in this bar
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than go out with me?
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No, Sam,
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I am trying to tell you
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that I would rather
remove my own gall bladder
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with an oyster fork
than go out with you.
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Why do you say
these things to me?
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I mean, how come
I turn you off so much?
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I don't know.
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It's just one
of those things
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you have
to take on faith.
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It's kind of like
I don't know
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that the refrigerator
light goes off
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for sure when
I close the door.
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Well, obviously you never tried
closing it from the inside.
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Hey, everybody.
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Guess who I brought
back with me?
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Sam, how'd you do it?
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The doorman at the Ritz Carlton.
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Good Lord,
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00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,584
that's
Admiral William J. Crowe, Jr.
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00:07:01,619 --> 00:07:03,486
Chairman of the Joint
Chiefs of Staff, himself.
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00:07:03,521 --> 00:07:04,621
Now wait a minute.
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The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs
of Staff
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is a doorman
at the Ritz Carlton?
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No wonder they charge you
so much over there.
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00:07:12,597 --> 00:07:14,598
Woody, this really
is the Chairman
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00:07:14,632 --> 00:07:16,499
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
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He was at the same dinner I was.
193
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The Navy can't afford to pay
the salary of a doorman, Woody.
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00:07:21,205 --> 00:07:22,438
You know that.
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00:07:22,473 --> 00:07:25,709
He recognized me
from my ball-playing days.
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Nobody gives up tearing
home runs like Sam Malone.
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Thanks.
198
00:07:30,297 --> 00:07:32,798
I wish our missiles
flew as high and as far.
199
00:07:35,135 --> 00:07:36,803
Admiral
William J. Crow, Jr.,
200
00:07:36,837 --> 00:07:38,471
promoted to Admiral
in 1974.
201
00:07:38,505 --> 00:07:40,773
In 1983 commanded
U.S. Pacific Command.
202
00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:44,910
In 1985, appointed 11th Chairman
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
203
00:07:44,945 --> 00:07:46,512
Wife, Shirley.
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I'm impressed,
young man.
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00:07:47,731 --> 00:07:49,132
How come you know
so much about me?
206
00:07:49,166 --> 00:07:51,901
Simple, sir. I'm an American.
207
00:07:54,871 --> 00:07:57,073
Clifford Clavin,
U.S. Postal Service, sir.
208
00:07:57,107 --> 00:07:58,874
Nice to know you,
Mr. Clavin.
209
00:07:58,909 --> 00:08:01,077
Us guys in uniform
got to stick together.
210
00:08:01,111 --> 00:08:02,278
Yes, sir.
211
00:08:02,313 --> 00:08:03,212
Were you ever
in the Navy?
212
00:08:03,247 --> 00:08:04,897
No, sir, I wanted to be
213
00:08:04,931 --> 00:08:07,633
but the old asthma
started kicking up, you know.
214
00:08:07,668 --> 00:08:10,636
So, uh, so I joined
the U.S. Postal Service instead.
215
00:08:10,671 --> 00:08:12,204
I figured if I couldn't serve
216
00:08:12,239 --> 00:08:14,574
I should at least
deliver the draft notices
217
00:08:14,608 --> 00:08:17,393
to those who could.
218
00:08:17,428 --> 00:08:19,962
Admiral, hi.
219
00:08:19,996 --> 00:08:20,780
Hi.
220
00:08:20,814 --> 00:08:21,798
I'm Rebecca Howe.
221
00:08:21,832 --> 00:08:23,633
It is truly an honor
to have you
222
00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:25,935
in our bar.
223
00:08:25,970 --> 00:08:27,904
It's an honor
for me as well.
224
00:08:27,938 --> 00:08:30,139
Is there anything
I can do for you?
Anything at all?
225
00:08:30,173 --> 00:08:32,775
Well, for starters,
you might go out
with Sam Malone.
226
00:08:32,810 --> 00:08:34,677
I hate to see a man
in constant pain.
227
00:08:37,631 --> 00:08:38,964
Maybe you could ask me
228
00:08:38,999 --> 00:08:40,867
to do something
more enjoyable.
229
00:08:40,901 --> 00:08:43,102
Like, say, a commando mission
in Libya?
230
00:08:43,988 --> 00:08:45,638
I tried, Sam.
231
00:08:46,807 --> 00:08:48,575
Hey, Ad, park it.
232
00:08:52,279 --> 00:08:53,329
I'm Carla Tortelli LeBec.
233
00:08:53,364 --> 00:08:54,430
Hello, Carla.
234
00:08:54,465 --> 00:08:56,816
I was wondering if
I could ask you a favor.
235
00:08:56,850 --> 00:08:57,917
Sure.
236
00:08:57,952 --> 00:08:59,886
If you're ever
on the USS Lexington,
237
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:02,354
could you find out
why nobody has ever called
238
00:09:02,389 --> 00:09:05,491
or dropped a note
or sent a card?
239
00:09:05,525 --> 00:09:07,694
That must be
a hell of a ship.
240
00:09:07,728 --> 00:09:09,478
I've had better.
241
00:09:13,367 --> 00:09:16,269
Oh, well, well, well.
242
00:09:16,303 --> 00:09:17,170
What do we have here?
243
00:09:17,204 --> 00:09:21,174
The Chairman
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
244
00:09:21,208 --> 00:09:22,375
Mm-hmm.
245
00:09:24,311 --> 00:09:25,145
Hello there, sir.
246
00:09:25,179 --> 00:09:26,246
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
247
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:27,247
Hello, Doctor.
248
00:09:27,281 --> 00:09:28,814
This is my number.
249
00:09:28,849 --> 00:09:31,618
I have treated Napoleon,
Teddy Roosevelt,
250
00:09:31,652 --> 00:09:33,819
and I know I could help you.
251
00:09:36,957 --> 00:09:39,158
Doctor, I really am the Chairman
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
252
00:09:39,192 --> 00:09:40,693
Aye, aye, Admiral.
253
00:09:40,727 --> 00:09:42,494
But I'll keep your card.
254
00:09:42,529 --> 00:09:43,963
I know a lot of people
in the Pentagon
255
00:09:43,997 --> 00:09:45,164
that could use your services.
256
00:09:52,305 --> 00:09:53,656
Hey, Admiral, thanks.
257
00:09:53,690 --> 00:09:55,424
These are great hats.
258
00:09:55,459 --> 00:09:57,277
Hats don't win wars;
ideas do.
259
00:09:57,311 --> 00:09:59,545
Now sir,
here's what separates
260
00:09:59,579 --> 00:10:02,298
my submarine concept
from everybody else's.
261
00:10:02,332 --> 00:10:06,402
You see, mine's got wheels.
262
00:10:08,705 --> 00:10:12,124
Uh, I understand, Cliff.
263
00:10:13,694 --> 00:10:14,894
It's getting late.
264
00:10:14,928 --> 00:10:16,979
Sam, thanks
for the autographed baseball.
265
00:10:17,013 --> 00:10:17,980
Oh, yeah, listen.
266
00:10:18,014 --> 00:10:19,181
If the President
wants one of those,
267
00:10:19,215 --> 00:10:20,182
he knows where to get me.
268
00:10:20,216 --> 00:10:21,601
I'm sure you'll
be hearing from him.
269
00:10:21,635 --> 00:10:22,702
Norm...
270
00:10:22,736 --> 00:10:24,770
Later.
271
00:10:24,805 --> 00:10:26,972
Uh, sir, these plans
I've drawn up
272
00:10:27,007 --> 00:10:28,774
for the new
assault vehicle,
273
00:10:28,809 --> 00:10:30,376
where should
I send them?
274
00:10:30,411 --> 00:10:32,528
Just send them to the Pentagon,
Cliff.
275
00:10:32,562 --> 00:10:33,162
Yes, sir.
276
00:10:33,197 --> 00:10:34,981
Sir, I'm a little bit
277
00:10:35,015 --> 00:10:36,232
worried about that,
though.
278
00:10:36,266 --> 00:10:37,734
If I send them
to the Pentagon,
279
00:10:37,768 --> 00:10:39,235
they might get lost.
280
00:10:40,738 --> 00:10:42,405
Very definitely
send them to the Pentagon.
281
00:10:43,473 --> 00:10:45,141
Yes, sir.
282
00:10:45,175 --> 00:10:47,476
Am I lucky or what?
283
00:10:47,511 --> 00:10:50,046
One of the most
famous people
in the country
284
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:53,149
comes into my bar,
and I am dressed for it.
285
00:10:53,184 --> 00:10:54,117
By the way, Rebecca,
286
00:10:54,151 --> 00:10:56,119
when are you going
to take that thing off?
287
00:10:56,153 --> 00:10:58,220
Oh, I might just dress this way
all the time.
288
00:10:58,255 --> 00:11:01,524
It makes me feel all at once
desirable and businesslike.
289
00:11:01,558 --> 00:11:02,425
You got a point.
290
00:11:02,543 --> 00:11:05,077
About a half dozen guys asked me
how much you charge.
291
00:11:06,446 --> 00:11:08,915
By the way, if anyone
says "Carla sent me,"
292
00:11:08,949 --> 00:11:10,182
you owe me five bucks.
293
00:11:11,919 --> 00:11:13,419
Carla, I'm just about
to have a break.
294
00:11:13,453 --> 00:11:14,587
You think you can
teach me
295
00:11:14,621 --> 00:11:17,190
to make raspberry sounds
with my armpit?
296
00:11:17,224 --> 00:11:18,457
No, no, I've got
297
00:11:18,492 --> 00:11:21,160
to be wearing a tank top
to get the full effect.
298
00:11:23,797 --> 00:11:25,698
But you know,
I can teach you how
299
00:11:25,732 --> 00:11:27,633
to make blue sparks
in your mouth
300
00:11:27,667 --> 00:11:29,135
with a Lifesaver candy.
301
00:11:30,905 --> 00:11:32,071
They're gone!
302
00:11:32,106 --> 00:11:32,754
Who's gone?
303
00:11:32,789 --> 00:11:35,274
My diamond earrings.
They're gone.
304
00:11:35,308 --> 00:11:36,508
Calm down.
Where'd you put them?
305
00:11:36,543 --> 00:11:39,045
I had them in a tumbler,
and I put it on my desk,
306
00:11:39,079 --> 00:11:40,312
and nobody
was in there but me.
307
00:11:40,346 --> 00:11:41,881
And my door was locked
the whole time
308
00:11:41,915 --> 00:11:43,749
and I was the only one
that was in there.
309
00:11:43,784 --> 00:11:45,051
No, no, the Admiral went
in there to use the phone.
310
00:11:47,054 --> 00:11:48,955
You're right.
311
00:11:48,989 --> 00:11:51,190
He was in there alone.
312
00:11:51,225 --> 00:11:52,925
Oh, Lord.
313
00:11:54,094 --> 00:11:56,595
The Chairman of the Joint
Chiefs of Staff
314
00:11:56,630 --> 00:11:58,597
of the United States
of America,
315
00:11:58,632 --> 00:11:59,799
stole my earrings!
316
00:12:14,514 --> 00:12:16,932
Oh! I just don't believe this!
317
00:12:16,966 --> 00:12:20,335
And he seemed like
such a nice Chairman
318
00:12:20,370 --> 00:12:23,105
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
319
00:12:23,139 --> 00:12:24,356
Rebecca Howe,
this smacks of treason.
320
00:12:24,390 --> 00:12:25,390
I've got
a good mind
321
00:12:25,425 --> 00:12:26,759
to place you under arrest.
322
00:12:26,793 --> 00:12:28,844
Cliff, if you
had a good mind,
323
00:12:28,879 --> 00:12:30,846
you would
still be stupid.
324
00:12:30,881 --> 00:12:32,181
Hey, come on.
325
00:12:32,215 --> 00:12:34,250
Why would anyone who
has a super job,
326
00:12:34,284 --> 00:12:35,450
makes a great living,
327
00:12:35,485 --> 00:12:37,486
and can shop at
any PX in the world,
328
00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,054
want to steal
your earrings?
329
00:12:39,089 --> 00:12:40,923
You saw them.
They were gorgeous.
330
00:12:40,957 --> 00:12:42,191
All right,
that's it.
331
00:12:42,225 --> 00:12:46,728
Rebecca Howe, I would like
your social security number.
332
00:12:46,763 --> 00:12:47,729
Oh, Cliff, shut up.
333
00:12:47,764 --> 00:12:48,898
All right,
wait, wait.
334
00:12:48,932 --> 00:12:50,032
Maybe he did take them.
335
00:12:50,066 --> 00:12:52,067
Oh, great.
Seditionists everywhere.
336
00:12:52,102 --> 00:12:54,370
No, no. Maybe the guy had
an anniversary coming up,
337
00:12:54,404 --> 00:12:57,006
and he didn't have time to shop
because he's too damn busy
338
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,007
running the military.
339
00:12:58,041 --> 00:13:00,475
No, no. That doesn't wash, Norm.
340
00:13:00,510 --> 00:13:02,978
His anniversary
was February 14th.
341
00:13:03,013 --> 00:13:03,445
All right, Cliff.
All right.
342
00:13:03,479 --> 00:13:04,579
Maybe this, okay?
343
00:13:04,614 --> 00:13:06,515
Maybe he wears
them himself.
344
00:13:06,550 --> 00:13:08,717
Yeah, right.
He wears earrings
345
00:13:08,751 --> 00:13:10,819
and I wear
women's lingerie.
346
00:13:10,853 --> 00:13:13,088
Carla,
you were right.
347
00:13:16,092 --> 00:13:17,826
I don't care
348
00:13:17,860 --> 00:13:18,494
why he did it.
349
00:13:18,528 --> 00:13:20,947
The fact is that
my earrings are gone,
350
00:13:20,981 --> 00:13:22,614
and the admiral took them.
351
00:13:22,649 --> 00:13:23,549
Oh, come on.
352
00:13:23,583 --> 00:13:24,550
This is silly.
353
00:13:24,584 --> 00:13:25,985
Let's just go
in your office here
354
00:13:26,019 --> 00:13:26,986
and look for them.
355
00:13:27,020 --> 00:13:28,054
I have looked for them.
356
00:13:28,088 --> 00:13:29,555
I told you,
they're not in there!
357
00:13:29,589 --> 00:13:31,523
I'm calling the police.
Oh, don't do that.
358
00:13:31,558 --> 00:13:33,208
Well, now that
we're through
being interrupted,
359
00:13:33,243 --> 00:13:34,993
let's get down to
real serious matters.
360
00:13:35,028 --> 00:13:36,779
Carla, you can't
make blue sparks
361
00:13:36,813 --> 00:13:39,081
come out of your mouth
with a Lifesaver.
362
00:13:39,116 --> 00:13:42,618
Well, not just
any Lifesaver.
363
00:13:42,653 --> 00:13:45,955
A magic Wint-o-green
Lifesaver.
364
00:13:45,989 --> 00:13:47,756
Oh, now, Carla, don't prey
on their gullibility.
365
00:13:47,791 --> 00:13:49,124
There's nothing magical
about it.
366
00:13:49,158 --> 00:13:51,259
It's just a simple
chemical reaction.
367
00:13:51,294 --> 00:13:52,561
When you crunch down
on a Lifesaver,
368
00:13:52,596 --> 00:13:55,130
electrons strike
nitrogen molecules,
369
00:13:55,165 --> 00:13:56,632
which causes the latter
370
00:13:56,667 --> 00:13:59,034
to emit an invisible
ultraviolet radiation
371
00:13:59,068 --> 00:14:01,136
which, when absorbed
by the methyl salicilate
372
00:14:01,171 --> 00:14:04,807
in the Wintergreen flavoring,
produces a flash of blue light.
373
00:14:04,841 --> 00:14:06,842
Makes sense.
374
00:14:08,144 --> 00:14:09,811
I find that
when you say that
375
00:14:09,846 --> 00:14:11,913
to Dr. Crane,
he stops talking.
376
00:14:16,236 --> 00:14:17,469
See? They're
not here.
377
00:14:17,503 --> 00:14:19,171
I told you,
they are no here!
378
00:14:19,205 --> 00:14:21,440
Calm down. Will you
calm down, please?
379
00:14:21,474 --> 00:14:23,142
I'm calm, I'm calm, I'm calm!
380
00:14:23,176 --> 00:14:24,676
What's the number for 911?
381
00:14:24,710 --> 00:14:26,645
You are not going
to call the police.
382
00:14:26,679 --> 00:14:29,415
Sam, I have told you
to remove your hand
from many a location,
383
00:14:29,449 --> 00:14:31,350
but I have
never been more
serious than now.
384
00:14:31,384 --> 00:14:33,518
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Come on. Back off here.
385
00:14:33,553 --> 00:14:35,955
They're earrings.
You'll buy another pair.
386
00:14:35,989 --> 00:14:37,156
Oh, yeah. Right!
387
00:14:37,190 --> 00:14:38,958
What are you
going to do?
388
00:14:38,992 --> 00:14:40,192
Spot me $32,000?
389
00:14:40,226 --> 00:14:43,145
American money?
390
00:14:43,179 --> 00:14:47,015
I didn't exactly
buy those earrings.
391
00:14:47,050 --> 00:14:49,985
I told the man
at Shreve, Crump & Lowe
392
00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:50,920
that I just wanted
393
00:14:50,954 --> 00:14:52,638
to take them out
for the evening
394
00:14:52,672 --> 00:14:55,241
to make sure that I really,
really wanted them.
395
00:14:55,275 --> 00:14:58,443
I don't think that dress
is meant to do that.
396
00:14:58,478 --> 00:15:01,364
And then I was going to just
397
00:15:01,398 --> 00:15:02,231
wear them tonight,
398
00:15:02,265 --> 00:15:03,932
and look really
beautiful, you know?
399
00:15:03,967 --> 00:15:06,335
Then I was going
to take them back
in the morning.
400
00:15:06,370 --> 00:15:08,971
But... God. Shreve
is holding all
my credit cards,
401
00:15:09,005 --> 00:15:10,389
the pink slip to my Mercedes,
402
00:15:10,423 --> 00:15:12,191
and my mom and dad's
phone number.
403
00:15:12,225 --> 00:15:15,260
Uh-oh. Good chance you could
be sent to your room
404
00:15:15,295 --> 00:15:17,162
for five to 15 years.
405
00:15:17,197 --> 00:15:18,747
You know,
you're really not helping.
406
00:15:18,781 --> 00:15:19,981
Just get out of here.
407
00:15:21,384 --> 00:15:22,935
God! I would
do anything
408
00:15:22,969 --> 00:15:24,636
to get those
earrings back.
409
00:15:34,047 --> 00:15:39,101
Yes, Sam,
I am exactly that desperate.
410
00:15:40,103 --> 00:15:41,770
I don't care what it takes.
411
00:15:41,804 --> 00:15:43,739
Go to the admiral's hotel room,
412
00:15:43,773 --> 00:15:45,708
sneak in there
and steal those earrings.
413
00:15:45,742 --> 00:15:49,511
Just get them back for me and,
yes, Lord help me,
414
00:15:49,546 --> 00:15:52,848
I will go to bed with you.
415
00:15:52,882 --> 00:15:56,886
I'm going to turn
this joint upside down.
416
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,120
Starting with you.
Sam!
417
00:15:58,154 --> 00:15:59,455
All right,
all right, all right.
418
00:15:59,489 --> 00:16:01,089
Ending with you.
419
00:16:04,177 --> 00:16:05,627
I saw it!
420
00:16:05,662 --> 00:16:08,297
Blue sparks
in Carla's mouth!
421
00:16:08,332 --> 00:16:09,999
Hey, guys. Listen, fellas.
422
00:16:10,033 --> 00:16:11,800
Am I interrupting anything?
423
00:16:11,835 --> 00:16:14,570
Just science making
another leap forward.
424
00:16:14,604 --> 00:16:16,572
Fellas, listen. All right,
come here. Listen.
425
00:16:16,606 --> 00:16:18,740
Come here. Listen.
I need your help here now.
426
00:16:18,774 --> 00:16:20,942
I want to get my hands
on Rebecca's jewels
427
00:16:20,977 --> 00:16:23,044
but, first, I've got
to find her earrings.
428
00:16:23,079 --> 00:16:26,181
All right, Sammy,
we're here for you.
429
00:16:26,216 --> 00:16:28,917
All right. Now,
I guess we could
430
00:16:28,951 --> 00:16:30,051
buy her another pair,
431
00:16:30,086 --> 00:16:32,387
but that would set us back
about 32 grand.
432
00:16:32,422 --> 00:16:34,590
Not here for you, Sam.
Left an hour ago.
433
00:16:35,791 --> 00:16:37,259
All right, all right.
Now, there's got to be...
434
00:16:37,293 --> 00:16:38,727
See, I figure
that she probably
435
00:16:38,761 --> 00:16:40,895
just put them down someplace
for safekeeping,
436
00:16:40,930 --> 00:16:42,598
and then forgot
where she put them.
437
00:16:42,632 --> 00:16:45,400
I got to just find a way to,
you know, jog her memory.
438
00:16:45,435 --> 00:16:47,302
I... I know
what we should do.
What?
439
00:16:47,337 --> 00:16:48,803
I saw this in a movie once.
440
00:16:48,838 --> 00:16:51,906
We gather the suspects
all together in one room.
441
00:16:51,941 --> 00:16:53,625
Right. And then
you recreate the crime
442
00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:56,262
so that you can work backwards
and find out what happened.
443
00:16:56,296 --> 00:16:57,196
Yeah.
Let's go.
444
00:16:57,230 --> 00:16:58,230
Hey, Sammy, uh...
445
00:16:58,265 --> 00:17:00,566
since I'm the only one
here in uniform,
446
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,435
I suggest
I play Admiral Crowe.
447
00:17:02,469 --> 00:17:04,970
Well, if you're Admiral Crowe,
who's going to be Mr. Clavin?
448
00:17:05,004 --> 00:17:07,005
Aw, any of you yutzes
can handle that.
449
00:17:17,183 --> 00:17:19,435
What are you all doing in here?
450
00:17:19,469 --> 00:17:21,303
Well, Cliff here has agreed
451
00:17:21,338 --> 00:17:23,605
to portray Admiral Crowe
so we can
452
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,074
recreate the alleged crime
453
00:17:26,108 --> 00:17:27,876
so we can figure out
what happened.
454
00:17:27,910 --> 00:17:29,511
And what about you two guys?
455
00:17:29,546 --> 00:17:31,414
We're witnesses.
456
00:17:31,448 --> 00:17:32,848
Yeah, we're
pretty much
457
00:17:32,882 --> 00:17:35,451
just gonna hang
around and... and watch.
458
00:17:35,485 --> 00:17:37,786
That's a stretch.
459
00:17:39,005 --> 00:17:40,472
Okay, uh...
460
00:17:40,506 --> 00:17:43,809
Admiral Crowe came in
and asked to use the phone.
461
00:17:43,843 --> 00:17:45,311
What did he say?
462
00:17:45,345 --> 00:17:47,746
"May I use the phone?"
463
00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:49,965
Excuse me, Rebecca.
That's my line.
464
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:55,521
Then what?
465
00:17:55,555 --> 00:17:58,223
And I said, "Sure,"
and he said, "Thank you.
466
00:17:58,257 --> 00:18:01,142
Huh. Look who thinks
she's Admiral Crowe.
467
00:18:04,931 --> 00:18:06,732
All right.
468
00:18:06,766 --> 00:18:09,067
Now, he came in here,
he was alone.
469
00:18:09,102 --> 00:18:10,736
Was he
carrying anything?
470
00:18:10,770 --> 00:18:13,405
Uh... I think he was carrying
a glass of water.
471
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:14,906
I see.
472
00:18:14,941 --> 00:18:17,409
And did he put this
glass of water down?
473
00:18:17,444 --> 00:18:18,910
I think so.
474
00:18:18,945 --> 00:18:23,149
Next to, perhaps,
this glass?
475
00:18:23,183 --> 00:18:24,316
Ooh!
476
00:18:25,718 --> 00:18:27,385
I see what you're
getting at, Sam.
477
00:18:27,420 --> 00:18:29,487
You think that
he picked up
the other glass
478
00:18:29,522 --> 00:18:31,523
with the earrings
in it and took it out.
479
00:18:31,557 --> 00:18:34,293
Yeah, right. Absolutely.
480
00:18:34,327 --> 00:18:37,029
Guys, we're out of here.
481
00:18:39,165 --> 00:18:41,466
Hey, I didn't
get to portray
Admiral Crowe.
482
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:42,968
Uh... all right. Uh...
483
00:18:43,002 --> 00:18:44,453
Rebecca,
as a favor for Cliff,
484
00:18:44,487 --> 00:18:46,855
what was the last words
the Admiral said? Anything?
485
00:18:46,889 --> 00:18:48,724
Yes. Before he left, he said,
486
00:18:48,758 --> 00:18:51,727
"I want to get out of this bar
as fast as I can
487
00:18:51,761 --> 00:18:54,296
before I run into
that stupid mailman."
488
00:18:54,330 --> 00:18:57,216
He stole them,
all right.
489
00:18:57,250 --> 00:18:58,516
Wait.
490
00:18:58,551 --> 00:18:59,601
You were supposed
491
00:18:59,636 --> 00:19:01,236
to help me find my earrings.
Come on!
492
00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:03,371
Yeah. Look what I found
in this dirty old glass.
493
00:19:03,406 --> 00:19:05,974
Oh! Oh!
494
00:19:06,008 --> 00:19:09,210
Oh! You are
such an angel!
495
00:19:09,245 --> 00:19:11,680
Oh, how can
I ever thank you?
496
00:19:13,099 --> 00:19:16,101
I think the how has
already been established.
497
00:19:19,005 --> 00:19:23,391
We're up to where
and how often.
498
00:19:26,612 --> 00:19:31,816
Well... a promise is a promise.
499
00:19:31,851 --> 00:19:34,219
Come on. I hate that.
500
00:19:34,254 --> 00:19:35,787
I hate it
when you do that.
501
00:19:35,822 --> 00:19:38,257
Come on. What...
what's wrong with you?
502
00:19:38,291 --> 00:19:40,025
Why... why
don't you want me?
503
00:19:40,059 --> 00:19:41,360
What's the problem?
504
00:19:41,394 --> 00:19:42,528
You know, Sam, I really...
505
00:19:42,562 --> 00:19:44,430
I just don't know
why I don't want you.
506
00:19:44,464 --> 00:19:46,331
Well, think,
damn it!
507
00:19:49,636 --> 00:19:51,770
I think it's just one
of those things that,
508
00:19:51,805 --> 00:19:53,104
when you first meet a guy,
509
00:19:53,139 --> 00:19:56,141
you put him in one of three
categories-- yes, no or maybe.
510
00:19:56,175 --> 00:19:57,709
From the second
I saw you,
511
00:19:57,744 --> 00:19:59,678
I threw you right
in that "no" category,
512
00:19:59,713 --> 00:20:01,947
and that's where
you've stayed ever since.
513
00:20:01,981 --> 00:20:04,283
I mean, when
Sam Malone walks
into a room,
514
00:20:04,317 --> 00:20:07,018
I say "no" and go on
with my life.
515
00:20:07,052 --> 00:20:09,554
Every single time?
516
00:20:09,589 --> 00:20:11,207
No. There was this one time,
517
00:20:11,241 --> 00:20:13,875
when you were way down
at the end of the hall,
518
00:20:13,910 --> 00:20:17,313
and I could just see this tiny
little piece of your elbow,
519
00:20:17,347 --> 00:20:19,715
and I didn't know for sure
if it was you.
520
00:20:19,749 --> 00:20:23,068
And I thought
to myself, hmm.
521
00:20:23,102 --> 00:20:24,636
And then you came
around the corner,
522
00:20:24,670 --> 00:20:26,838
and I thought, "God, no!"
523
00:20:28,408 --> 00:20:33,445
"God, no" is a lot worse
than just no, isn't it?
524
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:35,814
Sam, wait. I want
to ask you something.
525
00:20:35,848 --> 00:20:38,417
And I want an answer to this.
526
00:20:38,451 --> 00:20:39,985
Why do you care?
527
00:20:41,154 --> 00:20:42,470
Why do you want me?
528
00:20:42,505 --> 00:20:44,272
I... I have never
given you any reason.
529
00:20:44,306 --> 00:20:45,507
I've never come on to you.
530
00:20:45,542 --> 00:20:46,975
Why do you keep hitting on me?
531
00:20:49,278 --> 00:20:52,498
Uh... I don't know. I...
532
00:20:52,532 --> 00:20:55,667
I guess that I...
when I meet women,
533
00:20:55,701 --> 00:20:59,238
I put them into one
of three categories.
534
00:20:59,272 --> 00:21:01,089
Oh, who am I kidding?
535
00:21:01,123 --> 00:21:03,825
I put them into one category.
536
00:21:05,678 --> 00:21:07,729
Boy, I guess
I shouldn't do that.
537
00:21:07,764 --> 00:21:10,432
I mean, that's
not really fair to you.
538
00:21:10,466 --> 00:21:12,333
I'm sorry.
539
00:21:12,368 --> 00:21:14,186
Thank you, Sam.
540
00:21:15,488 --> 00:21:17,522
I know that wasn't easy
for you to say.
541
00:21:17,557 --> 00:21:19,741
I haven't been
542
00:21:19,776 --> 00:21:21,026
real fair myself.
543
00:21:21,060 --> 00:21:23,928
I mean, I haven't
really given you a chance.
544
00:21:23,963 --> 00:21:25,513
Don't worry about it.
545
00:21:25,548 --> 00:21:28,249
I mean...
Gee, I wish we could just
546
00:21:28,284 --> 00:21:30,419
start all over
again, you know?
547
00:21:30,453 --> 00:21:33,389
Just wipe all this
junk out of the way.
548
00:21:33,423 --> 00:21:35,391
I like that idea.
549
00:21:35,425 --> 00:21:37,959
Yeah, I mean, it's,
like, if I could
550
00:21:37,994 --> 00:21:39,895
see you for
the first time,
551
00:21:39,929 --> 00:21:42,063
I'd look over there
and I'd...
552
00:21:42,098 --> 00:21:44,366
well, I'd see
a beautiful woman.
553
00:21:44,401 --> 00:21:46,135
Thank you.
554
00:21:46,169 --> 00:21:50,438
And I'd see you, and I'd see
a real good-looking guy.
555
00:21:50,473 --> 00:21:53,541
With... with nice hair.
556
00:21:53,576 --> 00:21:56,728
Right.
557
00:21:56,762 --> 00:21:58,497
Say it.
558
00:22:01,334 --> 00:22:02,800
With nice hair.
559
00:22:02,835 --> 00:22:03,902
Thank you.
560
00:22:03,936 --> 00:22:05,103
And broad shoulders and...
561
00:22:06,172 --> 00:22:07,605
a pleasant smile.
562
00:22:08,874 --> 00:22:10,992
Nice hair again.
563
00:22:11,027 --> 00:22:13,128
Aw, see, you're...
564
00:22:13,162 --> 00:22:14,496
you're patronizing me.
565
00:22:14,530 --> 00:22:17,065
No, I'm not. I am
not patronizing you.
566
00:22:17,100 --> 00:22:18,767
We said we were going
to be honest.
567
00:22:18,801 --> 00:22:20,401
I think you're
an attractive guy.
568
00:22:20,436 --> 00:22:22,904
I think you're
cute enough to kiss.
569
00:22:22,939 --> 00:22:24,589
I mean, if I didn't know you.
570
00:22:24,624 --> 00:22:25,924
Yeah, yeah...
if you didn't know me.
571
00:22:25,958 --> 00:22:26,892
All right, what?
572
00:22:26,926 --> 00:22:28,660
You want me to
prove it to you
573
00:22:28,694 --> 00:22:30,161
that I think
you're cute?
574
00:22:30,195 --> 00:22:31,162
All right, fine.
575
00:22:31,196 --> 00:22:32,597
I will prove it to you.
576
00:22:32,632 --> 00:22:35,600
I will dispel the myth
that you turn my stomach.
577
00:22:35,635 --> 00:22:37,536
I will give you a little kiss.
578
00:22:38,671 --> 00:22:39,688
Here.
579
00:22:40,690 --> 00:22:41,690
There.
580
00:22:52,335 --> 00:22:54,836
Now, what category
am I in?
581
00:22:55,838 --> 00:22:57,939
Yes?
582
00:22:57,973 --> 00:22:59,541
No?
583
00:22:59,576 --> 00:23:01,810
Oh, geez.
584
00:23:01,844 --> 00:23:05,180
Why do I even
bother with you?
585
00:23:06,165 --> 00:23:09,651
Ooh! A definite maybe.
586
00:23:09,685 --> 00:23:11,619
I heard that.
587
00:23:12,755 --> 00:23:13,855
You said maybe!
588
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:15,073
You said maybe!
589
00:23:15,107 --> 00:23:17,826
Rebecca thinks I'm a maybe!
590
00:23:17,860 --> 00:23:19,177
I did not say that!
591
00:23:19,211 --> 00:23:20,712
I said that you kiss
like my Uncle Abey!
592
00:23:20,746 --> 00:23:22,430
No, no, no.
593
00:23:22,465 --> 00:23:25,483
I said that I think
you gave me rabies!