1 00:00:01,976 --> 00:00:04,729 (Narrator) History has known many liars - 2 00:00:04,979 --> 00:00:08,525 Copernicus, Goebbels, 3 00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:10,777 Saint Ralph the Liar. 4 00:00:11,027 --> 00:00:15,573 But there have been none quite so vile as the Tudor king, Henry VII. 5 00:00:15,823 --> 00:00:20,245 He rewrote history to portray his predecessor, Richard III, 6 00:00:20,453 --> 00:00:27,335 as a deformed maniac who killed his nephews in the Tower. 7 00:00:27,585 --> 00:00:32,340 But the real truth is that Richard was a kind, thoughtful man 8 00:00:32,590 --> 00:00:35,760 who cherished his young wards. 9 00:00:36,010 --> 00:00:38,888 In particular Richard, Duke of York, 10 00:00:39,138 --> 00:00:43,393 who grew into a big, strong boy. 11 00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:46,229 Henry claimed he won the Battle of Bosworth Field, 12 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:48,439 and killed Richard III. 13 00:00:48,690 --> 00:00:50,900 Again, the truth is very different. 14 00:00:51,150 --> 00:00:55,864 It was Richard, Duke of York, who became king after Bosworth Field 15 00:00:56,114 --> 00:00:59,617 and reigned for 13 glorious years. 16 00:00:59,868 --> 00:01:02,245 As for who killed Richard III 17 00:01:02,495 --> 00:01:04,747 and how Henry Tudor escaped with his life, 18 00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:09,377 all is revealed in this, the first chapter of a history never told, 19 00:01:09,627 --> 00:01:13,882 the history of The Black Adder. 20 00:02:14,984 --> 00:02:20,698 Silence, silence for the King! 21 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:25,787 Now is the summer of our sweet content, 22 00:02:26,037 --> 00:02:30,458 made o'ercast winter by these Tudor clowns. 23 00:02:30,667 --> 00:02:36,589 And I that am not shaped for black-faced war... (Cheering) 24 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:41,344 ..I that am rudely cast and want true majesty... 25 00:02:41,553 --> 00:02:43,054 (Booing) 26 00:02:43,304 --> 00:02:48,726 ..am forced to fight to set sweet England free. 27 00:02:48,977 --> 00:02:52,063 I pray to Heaven we fare well 28 00:02:52,313 --> 00:02:55,024 and all who fight us go to hell! 29 00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:58,778 (All) Hurrah! 30 00:02:59,028 --> 00:03:02,574 Absolutely, hurrah! 31 00:03:02,824 --> 00:03:05,159 Who is that? 32 00:03:05,368 --> 00:03:08,663 I know not, My Lord. I'll ask my son. 33 00:03:08,913 --> 00:03:11,708 Harry, who is that? 34 00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:15,670 - Your other son, My Lord. - It is my other son, My Lord. 35 00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:18,715 Fights he with us on the morrow? 36 00:03:18,965 --> 00:03:23,511 - What's his name? - Edmund. 37 00:03:23,761 --> 00:03:26,723 Edna! Fight you with us on the morrow? 38 00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:33,271 Oh, goodness, no. I thought I'd fight with the enemy. 39 00:03:41,070 --> 00:03:43,489 He won't be anywhere near me, will he? 40 00:03:43,740 --> 00:03:45,825 No, he'll be amongst the rabble. 41 00:03:46,034 --> 00:03:51,080 - Oh, arrow fodder. - Precisely. 42 00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:54,501 What a little turd. 43 00:03:54,751 --> 00:03:59,923 Percy, you see how the King picks me out for special greeting? 44 00:04:00,131 --> 00:04:03,301 - No, My Lord. - I saw it, My Lord. 45 00:04:03,551 --> 00:04:07,013 Ah! And what is your name, little fellow? 46 00:04:07,263 --> 00:04:09,599 Baldrick, My Lord. 47 00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:13,019 Then I shall call you...Baldrick. 48 00:04:13,269 --> 00:04:16,940 And I shall call you "My Lord", My Lord. 49 00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:20,652 I like the cut of your jib, young fellow-me-lad. 50 00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:24,572 How'd you like to be my squire in the battle tomorrow? 51 00:04:24,781 --> 00:04:27,825 It will be a great day for we nobles. 52 00:04:28,076 --> 00:04:32,413 Not if we lose, Percy. If we lose, I'll be chopped to pieces. 53 00:04:32,664 --> 00:04:35,834 My arms will end up in Essex, my torso in Norfolk, 54 00:04:36,084 --> 00:04:39,462 and my genitalia in a tree somewhere in Rutland. 55 00:04:39,671 --> 00:04:43,132 With you at the helm, My Lord, we cannot lose. 56 00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:46,344 We could if we wanted to. 57 00:04:46,594 --> 00:04:51,057 Ah, but we won't, Percy. I shall prove to all that I am a man. 58 00:04:51,307 --> 00:04:53,685 But you are a man. 59 00:04:53,935 --> 00:04:56,646 But how shall it be proved, Percy? 60 00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:59,524 By looking up the tree in Rutland. 61 00:04:59,774 --> 00:05:03,403 It shall be proved by mine enemies 62 00:05:03,611 --> 00:05:05,446 rushing to the water closet in terror. 63 00:05:05,655 --> 00:05:06,948 - Hurrah! - Hurrah. 64 00:05:07,198 --> 00:05:11,452 A toast! Let all those who go to don armour tomorrow 65 00:05:11,703 --> 00:05:17,417 remember to go before they don armour tomorrow! 66 00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:23,173 Already, I can hear the sound of battle ringing in my ears. 67 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:29,345 Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more. 68 00:05:29,554 --> 00:05:36,644 Consign their parts most private to a Rutland tree. 69 00:05:36,895 --> 00:05:41,566 Let "Blood, blood, blood" be your motto! 70 00:05:41,816 --> 00:05:46,779 Slit their gizzards! 71 00:05:47,071 --> 00:05:51,201 Now, I'm afraid there's going to have to be 72 00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:53,494 a certain amount of...violence. 73 00:05:53,745 --> 00:05:59,459 But at least we know it's all in a good cause, don't we? 74 00:05:59,709 --> 00:06:01,628 (Cheering) 75 00:06:01,878 --> 00:06:05,632 And gentlemen in London still a-bed 76 00:06:05,882 --> 00:06:08,927 shall think themselves acursed they were not here. 77 00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:12,347 And hold their manhood cheap, 78 00:06:12,597 --> 00:06:16,809 while others speak of those who fought with us 79 00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:21,523 on Ralph the Liar's Day! 80 00:06:23,525 --> 00:06:27,987 (Snoring) 81 00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:37,372 (Knock on the door) 82 00:06:37,622 --> 00:06:39,749 Edmund? 83 00:06:39,958 --> 00:06:44,379 - Edmund! - Oh, Mother, what do you want? 84 00:06:44,629 --> 00:06:47,549 Did you want to go to battle today? 85 00:06:47,799 --> 00:06:52,053 (Alarm clock rings) 86 00:06:52,303 --> 00:06:55,640 It's eleven o'clock! 87 00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:04,482 - M'lord? - What is it? 88 00:07:04,732 --> 00:07:09,487 - Where is this battle, then? - Somewhere called Bosworth Field. 89 00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:13,616 (Edmund) Ah! 90 00:07:14,784 --> 00:07:16,578 (Edmund) Damn, damn! 91 00:07:16,828 --> 00:07:21,499 First decent battle since I've reached puberty. 92 00:07:22,625 --> 00:07:28,256 - Here we are, My Lord. - Onward, Baldrick, to glory! 93 00:07:29,465 --> 00:07:34,095 (Swords clash and horses whinny) 94 00:07:37,849 --> 00:07:39,726 Y-yes, um... 95 00:07:39,976 --> 00:07:43,563 I'm not so sure we're needed, Baldrick. 96 00:07:43,813 --> 00:07:47,817 Everything seems to be going very well, doesn't it? 97 00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:50,486 Everyone's fighting, 98 00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:53,865 clearly having the time of their lives. 99 00:07:54,115 --> 00:08:00,538 Why, some people over there aren't fighting, they're just lying down! 100 00:08:00,788 --> 00:08:04,292 - They're dead, My Lord. - Ah. 101 00:08:04,542 --> 00:08:07,754 Damn, I knew I'd forgotten something. 102 00:08:08,004 --> 00:08:11,966 Would you excuse me, Baldrick? 103 00:08:16,513 --> 00:08:20,725 Your Majesty, you've lost your steed. Take mine. 104 00:08:20,975 --> 00:08:26,773 I've won the battle and saved the kingdom. I can find myself a horse. 105 00:08:27,023 --> 00:08:30,360 True, My Lord. I'll see you at the castle. 106 00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:33,238 So be it. 107 00:08:33,488 --> 00:08:37,283 A horse! (Whistles) 108 00:08:37,534 --> 00:08:39,327 A horse. 109 00:08:39,577 --> 00:08:42,372 My kingdom for a horse. 110 00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:43,790 Ah! 111 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:47,418 Horsey. 112 00:08:57,595 --> 00:09:01,641 Oi! That's my horse! 113 00:09:08,189 --> 00:09:13,653 There. That'll teach you! 114 00:09:15,613 --> 00:09:20,910 You won't be doing that again, will you? 115 00:09:22,078 --> 00:09:25,832 Oh, my God, it's Uncle Richard. 116 00:09:26,082 --> 00:09:29,669 Aaaaaaargh! 117 00:09:29,878 --> 00:09:34,215 What's up, My Lord? 118 00:09:36,968 --> 00:09:39,888 Oh, dear, Richard III. 119 00:09:40,138 --> 00:09:42,599 What are you going to do? 120 00:09:42,807 --> 00:09:45,935 Quick. 121 00:09:51,316 --> 00:09:54,903 Hold it there. 122 00:10:01,117 --> 00:10:04,495 My Lord! 123 00:10:17,509 --> 00:10:20,762 (Baldrick groans) 124 00:10:21,012 --> 00:10:24,724 Will you wait? Will you wait? 125 00:10:24,974 --> 00:10:28,603 Oh, well done. 126 00:10:30,939 --> 00:10:32,732 Where's the head? 127 00:10:32,982 --> 00:10:37,237 - I thought you had it. - I can't carry everything! 128 00:10:37,445 --> 00:10:40,865 (Footsteps) 129 00:10:41,824 --> 00:10:46,371 Percy, you brainless son of a prostitute, where've you been? 130 00:10:46,621 --> 00:10:50,834 I've just proved that I'm a man. Look what I've found! 131 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:55,296 Oh, thank God. Put it down and let's get out of here! 132 00:10:55,547 --> 00:10:58,550 - I found it, it's mine. - What do you mean, yours? 133 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,678 I need it to prove I killed a nobleman. 134 00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:04,973 And which nobleman, pray? 135 00:11:05,181 --> 00:11:06,766 Er... 136 00:11:07,016 --> 00:11:11,646 Well, it's the King, actually. 137 00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:22,866 - Lost! All is lost! - What? 138 00:11:23,074 --> 00:11:25,618 Flee! Flee! 139 00:11:25,869 --> 00:11:28,997 - Quick, let's get out of here. - Take me too! 140 00:11:29,247 --> 00:11:31,541 Get your hands off! 141 00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:34,252 If you leave me, I'll die. 142 00:11:34,502 --> 00:11:37,714 If you don't leave me alone, I'll kill you. 143 00:11:37,922 --> 00:11:41,593 - Come on, Baldrick! - I'll give you money. 144 00:11:41,843 --> 00:11:47,223 10,000 sovereigns! 145 00:11:52,687 --> 00:11:55,648 - Mother! - Edmund, dear. How did it go? 146 00:11:55,857 --> 00:11:59,569 Within seconds, Henry Tudor will be at our gates! 147 00:11:59,777 --> 00:12:03,072 But I'm not ready. I haven't had a bath yet. 148 00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:05,867 Mother, Henry is our enemy. 149 00:12:06,117 --> 00:12:10,371 His men will brutally ravish you and every woman in the castle. 150 00:12:10,622 --> 00:12:13,583 Oh, well. I shan't bother to change, then. 151 00:12:13,791 --> 00:12:15,376 My Lord! 152 00:12:15,627 --> 00:12:20,048 - What do you want? - Listen! (Drums) 153 00:12:20,298 --> 00:12:24,344 Oh, my God. They're here already. Run for your lives! 154 00:12:24,552 --> 00:12:28,556 - Run for the hills! - They're coming from the hills. 155 00:12:28,806 --> 00:12:32,685 Sorry, run away from the hills! Run away from the hills! 156 00:12:32,936 --> 00:12:36,356 If you see the hills, run the other way! 157 00:12:36,564 --> 00:12:39,526 But they're flying King Richard's banner. 158 00:12:39,776 --> 00:12:44,364 - That's impossible. He's dead. - King Richard - dead? 159 00:12:44,572 --> 00:12:49,285 Yes. Er...God knows how. 160 00:12:49,494 --> 00:12:54,415 Oh, dear. That's really upset the tulip cart. 161 00:12:54,624 --> 00:12:58,253 The flags are just a cunning trick to deceive us. 162 00:12:58,461 --> 00:13:00,588 (Baldrick) My Lord, it's not a cunning trick. 163 00:13:00,839 --> 00:13:05,426 No, because we've seen through it. They obviously thought it was... 164 00:13:05,677 --> 00:13:07,720 (Baldrick) I don't think they thought it up. 165 00:13:07,971 --> 00:13:09,806 (Edmund) They borrowed it? 166 00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:12,559 (Baldrick) I don't think it's a trick at all. 167 00:13:12,809 --> 00:13:16,604 You don't think using someone else's banner is a trick? 168 00:13:16,855 --> 00:13:19,440 (Crash) Aah! 169 00:13:21,609 --> 00:13:24,028 (Percy) It's only your father. 170 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:27,991 - Who locked that bloody door? - Richard, it's you! 171 00:13:28,199 --> 00:13:29,868 Who did you expect? 172 00:13:30,118 --> 00:13:32,245 I thought it would be Henry Tulip. 173 00:13:32,495 --> 00:13:37,125 Henry Tulip? Have you lost your conkers? 174 00:13:37,375 --> 00:13:40,962 - So you won? - Yes, of course. We won! 175 00:13:41,171 --> 00:13:45,508 We won! Victory! (All cheer) 176 00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:48,803 So I suppose now you want to ravish me. 177 00:13:49,053 --> 00:13:51,723 Yes, yes, in a moment. 178 00:13:51,973 --> 00:13:53,766 The woman's insatiable. 179 00:13:54,017 --> 00:13:58,479 Three cheers for good King Richard. Hup, hup... 180 00:13:58,730 --> 00:14:00,899 (All) Huzzah! 181 00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:03,484 - Hup, hup... - Huzzah! 182 00:14:03,735 --> 00:14:05,111 Huzzah! 183 00:14:05,361 --> 00:14:09,949 We just need King Richard here and the day shall be complete! 184 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:14,787 Yes. What a pity he's dead. 185 00:14:14,871 --> 00:14:17,999 What! Who told you that? 186 00:14:18,249 --> 00:14:21,461 Well, Edmund. 187 00:14:21,711 --> 00:14:24,047 Is this true? 188 00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:30,178 Er...I wouldn't know, really. I was nowhere near him at the time. 189 00:14:30,428 --> 00:14:32,764 I just heard from someone, er... 190 00:14:33,014 --> 00:14:37,018 I mean, I don't even know where he was killed. 191 00:14:37,268 --> 00:14:39,687 I was on the opposite side of the field, 192 00:14:39,896 --> 00:14:43,691 nowhere near the cottage... Not that it was the cottage. 193 00:14:43,942 --> 00:14:47,904 It was the river. But I wouldn't know, because I wasn't there. 194 00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:53,034 Apparently, some fool cut his head off...or killed him in some way. 195 00:14:53,284 --> 00:14:58,248 Or took an ear off. Yes, in fact, I think he was only wounded. 196 00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:01,209 Er...or was that somebody else? 197 00:15:01,459 --> 00:15:05,463 He wasn't even wounded. Why, did someone say he was dead? 198 00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:07,757 - Yes! - What? 199 00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:11,553 It's true, My Lord. I stumbled on his body. 200 00:15:11,803 --> 00:15:16,432 Oh, pardon me, thou bleeding piece of earth! 201 00:15:16,641 --> 00:15:18,434 That's enough of that. 202 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:20,478 Thank you, Harry. 203 00:15:20,728 --> 00:15:23,439 Thank you, Harry! 204 00:15:23,648 --> 00:15:31,656 Yes, and we all know who did this dreadful deed, don't we? 205 00:15:33,449 --> 00:15:37,579 Yes - Henry Tudor! 206 00:15:38,788 --> 00:15:41,583 And he still roams free. 207 00:15:41,833 --> 00:15:45,295 Harry, call for silence! 208 00:15:45,503 --> 00:15:50,008 Silence! 209 00:15:51,801 --> 00:15:56,389 For the King! 210 00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:04,772 (All) Long live King Richard IV! 211 00:16:05,023 --> 00:16:09,819 This day has been, as t'were, a mighty stew, 212 00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:13,198 in which the beef of victory was mixed 213 00:16:13,448 --> 00:16:16,576 with the vile turnip of sweet Richard slain 214 00:16:16,826 --> 00:16:20,497 and the grisly dumpling of his killer fled. 215 00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:25,001 But we must eat the yellow wobbly parts the good Lord serves. 216 00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:33,259 In life, each man gets what he deserves! 217 00:16:33,510 --> 00:16:37,847 Well, come on. Let's go and kill some more prisoners. Hup, hup... 218 00:16:38,014 --> 00:16:42,477 (All) Huzzah! 219 00:16:50,318 --> 00:16:52,570 (All three) Hurrah! 220 00:16:52,820 --> 00:16:56,491 We're safe and I am a prince of the realm. 221 00:16:56,741 --> 00:16:58,326 Hup, hup... 222 00:16:58,576 --> 00:17:00,119 - Huzzah! - H-huzzah. 223 00:17:00,370 --> 00:17:04,749 - Can you imagine the power? - It's ours, all ours! 224 00:17:04,999 --> 00:17:08,002 - What? - Yours, all yours! 225 00:17:08,253 --> 00:17:11,756 Ah, Edmund, there you are. 226 00:17:12,006 --> 00:17:16,594 It's early, but I'd like to sort out these battle averages. 227 00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:20,431 - Who did you kill today? - Um... 228 00:17:21,516 --> 00:17:23,434 no one. 229 00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:27,856 no one! Oh, dear. I'll put you down for a duck, then. 230 00:17:28,106 --> 00:17:31,526 I'm afraid that takes you out of the running 231 00:17:31,734 --> 00:17:34,904 - for the Legion Of Honour. - Oh, I see. Sorry. 232 00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:37,574 I thought you meant had I killed King Richard. 233 00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:40,160 What? 234 00:17:40,410 --> 00:17:42,620 What...was the question? 235 00:17:42,871 --> 00:17:45,832 Who did you kill today? 236 00:17:46,082 --> 00:17:50,170 Oh, I see. Er, right... Er... Let's see. 237 00:17:50,420 --> 00:17:52,964 (He mouths) Pedant. 238 00:17:53,214 --> 00:17:54,966 What? 239 00:17:55,216 --> 00:17:59,596 Pleasant...Pedant. P...Peas... 240 00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:03,433 Peasants! There were a lot of peasants. 241 00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,727 But they don't really count, do they? 242 00:18:05,977 --> 00:18:09,814 Only in the event of a tie. So, how many did you kill?? 243 00:18:10,064 --> 00:18:12,817 - Oh, four... - Four. 244 00:18:13,067 --> 00:18:15,028 ..handred. 245 00:18:15,278 --> 00:18:18,656 Four handred...hand. 246 00:18:18,907 --> 00:18:22,619 Four hundred...hand fifty. 247 00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:28,041 Four hundred and fifty! That's three times more than myself! 248 00:18:28,249 --> 00:18:31,461 - I had a couple of lucky breaks. - Nobles? 249 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:37,258 Ah, nobles... Let me see. I think...Lord Coverdale. 250 00:18:37,509 --> 00:18:39,427 Who fought on our side, I believe. 251 00:18:39,677 --> 00:18:44,516 I think Lord Coverdale saw me slaying...um... 252 00:18:44,766 --> 00:18:48,102 - Warwick. - Warwick the Wild, of Leicester? 253 00:18:48,353 --> 00:18:51,773 Yes. Pretty wild he was too. He took some finishing off. 254 00:18:52,023 --> 00:18:55,985 Yes, I killed him myself at one point. Anyone else? 255 00:18:56,194 --> 00:18:58,988 Um... Er... Now, let me see. Er... 256 00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:03,368 I'm just trying to put names to faces. 257 00:19:03,618 --> 00:19:07,747 Well, this is the list of lords as yet unaccounted for. 258 00:19:07,956 --> 00:19:11,376 - Roger de Runcey. - Oh, yes, he was one of mine. 259 00:19:11,626 --> 00:19:14,963 - Lord Thomas of Devon. - Ah, yes, back-slash. 260 00:19:15,213 --> 00:19:17,966 - Lord Yeovil. - Yes, groin job. 261 00:19:18,216 --> 00:19:23,263 This is remarkable, Edmund! Oh, and the Bishop of Bath and Wells... 262 00:19:23,513 --> 00:19:25,431 Will never walk again! 263 00:19:25,682 --> 00:19:28,142 ..will conduct the thanksgiving service. 264 00:19:28,393 --> 00:19:32,146 Oh, Bath...and Wells! 265 00:19:32,397 --> 00:19:38,820 Ah, Lord Percy. Edmund tells me you turned up late for the battle, 266 00:19:39,070 --> 00:19:45,368 so there's not much point in asking you your score, is there? 267 00:19:47,245 --> 00:19:49,664 - Ha-ha! - A-ha-ha!Ha! 268 00:19:49,914 --> 00:19:54,002 At last, I can relax. 269 00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:56,629 Who the hell is this? 270 00:19:56,838 --> 00:20:01,593 Ah, well, you remember that dying man we saw in the cottage? 271 00:20:01,843 --> 00:20:06,431 The one I specifically told you not to bring back to the castle? 272 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:10,351 - That's the one. - So what's he doing in my bed? 273 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:12,520 He claims to be a wealthy man. 274 00:20:12,729 --> 00:20:16,774 I thought if we nurse him back to health, he may reward us. 275 00:20:17,025 --> 00:20:20,195 Now, wait! I think I have an idea. 276 00:20:20,445 --> 00:20:25,533 If he is a wealthy man and we nurse him back to health, 277 00:20:25,783 --> 00:20:28,578 he may reward us! 278 00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:31,748 Brilliant, My Lord. Good thinking. 279 00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,042 (Both) Thank you, Baldrick. 280 00:20:34,292 --> 00:20:36,085 Well, what would you expect? 281 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:40,507 After all, who has the fastest brain in the land? 282 00:20:40,757 --> 00:20:43,092 Prince Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh. 283 00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:46,554 Who is the boldest horseman in the land? 284 00:20:46,804 --> 00:20:48,765 - Prince Edmund... - ..Duke of Edinburgh. 285 00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:51,893 Who is the bravest swordsman in the land? 286 00:20:52,143 --> 00:20:53,853 Don't tell me. That Earl from Norfolk. 287 00:20:54,103 --> 00:20:55,396 Prince... 288 00:20:55,647 --> 00:20:58,525 - (Both) Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh. - Precisely. 289 00:20:58,775 --> 00:21:03,071 Or, as I shall be known from now on... 290 00:21:03,279 --> 00:21:09,244 The Black Vegetable. 291 00:21:10,578 --> 00:21:15,124 My Lord, wouldn't something like The Black Adder sound better? 292 00:21:15,333 --> 00:21:17,252 No, wait. 293 00:21:17,502 --> 00:21:20,547 I think I have a better idea. 294 00:21:20,797 --> 00:21:28,012 What about...The Black Adder? 295 00:21:31,724 --> 00:21:33,309 That one! 296 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,478 That pair! 297 00:21:35,728 --> 00:21:39,190 That one! 298 00:21:55,373 --> 00:21:58,793 - Very witty, My Lord. - Thank you, Baldrick. 299 00:21:59,043 --> 00:22:03,339 - Very, very, very witty, My Lord. - Thank you, Percy. 300 00:22:03,590 --> 00:22:06,342 You're certainly wittier than your father. 301 00:22:06,593 --> 00:22:09,804 And head and shoulders over Richard III! 302 00:22:10,054 --> 00:22:12,682 Is that supposed to be witty? 303 00:22:12,891 --> 00:22:15,768 Er... No, My Lord. 304 00:22:16,019 --> 00:22:19,772 Th-that was an example of the sort of thing 305 00:22:20,023 --> 00:22:22,609 that you yourself would not stoop to. 306 00:22:22,817 --> 00:22:27,488 - Go away! - (Both) Yes, My Lord. 307 00:22:42,921 --> 00:22:48,343 - You're still here, are you? - Er... Yes. 308 00:22:52,847 --> 00:22:55,934 Haven't I seen you somewhere before? 309 00:22:56,184 --> 00:23:01,564 I don't know. I feel that I've seen you before, also. 310 00:23:01,814 --> 00:23:07,195 I am Prince Edmund, son of Richard IV. 311 00:23:07,654 --> 00:23:10,657 - Who are you? - I'm not important. 312 00:23:10,907 --> 00:23:12,951 You mean you're not rich? 313 00:23:13,201 --> 00:23:16,037 Yes, I'm incredibly rich. 314 00:23:16,287 --> 00:23:18,832 I'm a very wealthy, um... 315 00:23:19,082 --> 00:23:23,169 ..modest person, who wishes to remain nameless. 316 00:23:23,378 --> 00:23:25,088 You'd better be rich. 317 00:23:25,296 --> 00:23:30,760 Get your money together, get better and get out of my bed! 318 00:23:37,892 --> 00:23:41,771 Oh, yes, very fetching. 319 00:23:41,855 --> 00:23:45,608 Aaargh! 320 00:23:47,193 --> 00:23:50,488 And hello to you. 321 00:23:50,738 --> 00:23:54,868 (In high-pitched voice) Hello. Goodness me. 322 00:23:55,076 --> 00:23:59,998 I hadn't expected to see you...like this. 323 00:24:00,206 --> 00:24:05,086 - Sitting down, you mean? - Yes, that's right. Sitting down. 324 00:24:05,336 --> 00:24:08,298 Goodness, look, you're sitting down. 325 00:24:08,548 --> 00:24:13,011 Good Lord, I haven't seen you sitting down since... 326 00:24:13,261 --> 00:24:14,679 Yesterday? 327 00:24:14,929 --> 00:24:17,849 Was it only yesterday? Good Lord. 328 00:24:18,057 --> 00:24:23,062 Um... Er... Well... How was your battle? 329 00:24:23,313 --> 00:24:25,315 Fine. Someone cut my head off, 330 00:24:25,565 --> 00:24:29,861 but apart from that it went swimmingly. How are you, Edna? 331 00:24:30,111 --> 00:24:32,780 - Edmund. - Your father said Edna. 332 00:24:32,989 --> 00:24:34,115 No... 333 00:24:34,365 --> 00:24:38,578 So, Edna, you loathsome little fairy maggot, how are you? 334 00:24:38,786 --> 00:24:42,999 How very kind of you to ask, Your Majesty. 335 00:24:43,249 --> 00:24:45,043 I'm very well. 336 00:24:45,293 --> 00:24:49,088 And it's very good to see you, because, frankly... 337 00:24:49,339 --> 00:24:53,510 - Yes? - Well, frankly, er... 338 00:24:53,718 --> 00:24:56,054 Gosh, you look well. 339 00:24:56,304 --> 00:25:00,600 Frankly, what? Spit it out, you horrid, little, scabby reptile. 340 00:25:00,850 --> 00:25:06,940 Um... Well, frankly, everyone thought you were dead. 341 00:25:07,190 --> 00:25:11,236 Well, frankly, I am. 342 00:25:11,694 --> 00:25:14,572 (Knock at door) Do come in. 343 00:25:14,822 --> 00:25:17,575 - No, don't come in! - Why not? 344 00:25:17,826 --> 00:25:22,288 - Have you got someone in there? - Um... Not as such. 345 00:25:22,497 --> 00:25:25,124 - Is it a woman? - No. 346 00:25:25,375 --> 00:25:28,962 - Is it a man? - Um... 347 00:25:32,048 --> 00:25:34,384 Um... Yes, it is. 348 00:25:34,592 --> 00:25:37,095 You hesitated, Edmund. 349 00:25:37,345 --> 00:25:39,597 It's not a sheep, is it? 350 00:25:39,848 --> 00:25:44,018 - It certainly isn't a sheep. - Well, then, let me in. 351 00:25:44,269 --> 00:25:49,732 So farewell, Edna. You'll be seeing me later. 352 00:25:51,568 --> 00:25:53,862 Um... Have, er... 353 00:25:54,112 --> 00:25:56,364 Have you got transport? 354 00:25:56,614 --> 00:26:00,577 Perhaps you'd like to borrow my horse again. 355 00:26:00,827 --> 00:26:04,414 I mean...not that you've borrowed it before. 356 00:26:04,664 --> 00:26:08,543 Coming. 357 00:26:13,089 --> 00:26:18,636 Are you all right, Edmund? You look as if you've just seen a ghost. 358 00:26:18,887 --> 00:26:22,182 Hurry up, anyway. You're expected at the banquet. 359 00:26:22,432 --> 00:26:25,310 Look, um...Mother, er... 360 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:31,608 You won't tell anyone about my oversleeping this morning? 361 00:26:31,858 --> 00:26:36,446 Would I? Do I tell people that your brother Harry is scared of spoons? 362 00:26:36,696 --> 00:26:41,868 Or that your father has very small private parts? 363 00:26:42,076 --> 00:26:44,329 Mother! 364 00:26:44,579 --> 00:26:47,665 (Edmund) Baa! Ba-aa-ah. 365 00:26:47,874 --> 00:26:50,502 Oh, Edmund. 366 00:26:50,752 --> 00:26:56,007 It's the lying I find so hurtful. 367 00:26:56,049 --> 00:26:58,927 Baa-aaa. 368 00:27:05,808 --> 00:27:08,436 We'll slit it right up here! 369 00:27:08,686 --> 00:27:10,939 So sorry I'm late. 370 00:27:11,189 --> 00:27:14,609 Hold! You dare sit there, boy? 371 00:27:14,817 --> 00:27:18,154 Would you insult King Richard's ghost? 372 00:27:18,404 --> 00:27:20,615 Um... No. 373 00:27:20,824 --> 00:27:23,117 No, sorry. 374 00:27:23,368 --> 00:27:29,499 Yes, find your own chair, you smelly little dog's pizzle. 375 00:27:35,213 --> 00:27:38,007 How many prisoners have you got, Harry? 376 00:27:38,258 --> 00:27:40,260 I'm not Harry, I'm Richard. 377 00:27:40,510 --> 00:27:43,763 - Send a brace to my room. - (Harry) Do you want them hung? 378 00:27:44,013 --> 00:27:46,891 - Hello? - I want to practise my backhand! 379 00:27:47,141 --> 00:27:50,270 After the way you slaughtered Lord Stanley! 380 00:27:50,478 --> 00:27:51,729 Hello! 381 00:27:51,980 --> 00:27:58,611 - Oh, I wish Uncle Dickie was here. - Don't Dickie me, duckie. 382 00:28:03,533 --> 00:28:04,909 Tonight, honoured friends, 383 00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:09,539 we are gathered to celebrate a great victory 384 00:28:09,789 --> 00:28:12,584 and to mourn a great loss. 385 00:28:12,834 --> 00:28:15,587 A toast to our triumph! 386 00:28:15,837 --> 00:28:17,589 (All) Our triumph! 387 00:28:17,839 --> 00:28:20,091 And I raise a royal curse 388 00:28:20,300 --> 00:28:24,220 upon the man who slew Richard, our noble king! 389 00:28:24,429 --> 00:28:26,764 It was him! 390 00:28:27,015 --> 00:28:30,185 - Oh, my God! - Quiet at the end! 391 00:28:30,393 --> 00:28:33,479 - Whoever it was... - It was Edna! 392 00:28:33,730 --> 00:28:35,982 - ..wherever he be... - He's there! 393 00:28:36,191 --> 00:28:40,278 - ..he shall be struck down! - Do it, you oaf, he's there! 394 00:28:40,528 --> 00:28:42,614 - It wasn't me! - Who said that? 395 00:28:42,864 --> 00:28:44,574 The idiot who killed me. 396 00:28:44,824 --> 00:28:47,911 - I didn't. - Well, then, who did? 397 00:28:48,119 --> 00:28:50,997 - It was Edmund who interrupted. - Hang him! 398 00:28:51,206 --> 00:28:55,627 - Aargh! - I will have silence! 399 00:28:56,669 --> 00:29:00,298 Another toast. To dead King Richard. 400 00:29:00,548 --> 00:29:03,176 Oh, my God. 401 00:29:03,426 --> 00:29:07,847 - Gentlemen. - (All) King Richard! 402 00:29:08,056 --> 00:29:11,726 Thank you very much for nothing. Thank you so much. 403 00:29:11,976 --> 00:29:14,646 That's the last you'll see of me. 404 00:29:14,896 --> 00:29:19,651 Not that you've seen much of me anyway. 405 00:29:20,151 --> 00:29:25,990 Now that we have silence, we shall continue the desecration ceremony. 406 00:29:26,241 --> 00:29:30,912 Produce the portrait of the pretender, Henry Tudor. 407 00:29:31,162 --> 00:29:36,042 (Booing and hissing) 408 00:29:39,003 --> 00:29:41,798 Oh, my God! 409 00:29:50,890 --> 00:29:55,478 - Good evening. - Where's Henry Tudor? 410 00:29:56,604 --> 00:29:59,440 Baa-aaa. 411 00:29:59,649 --> 00:30:04,070 Where is he? Where is he! 412 00:30:05,947 --> 00:30:09,242 Whoo-oo. 413 00:30:19,210 --> 00:30:23,506 Thank you so much. 414 00:30:37,770 --> 00:30:42,650 (Wailing) 415 00:30:48,448 --> 00:30:50,658 - Oh! - Hail! 416 00:30:50,909 --> 00:30:52,243 - Hail! - Hail! 417 00:30:52,452 --> 00:30:55,830 - Ruler of men. - Ravisher of women. 418 00:30:56,080 --> 00:31:00,627 - Slayer of kings! - Be gone, hideous crones. 419 00:31:00,877 --> 00:31:04,339 - Be not amazed. - Be not overcome with fear. 420 00:31:04,589 --> 00:31:08,259 Be not paralysed with terror. 421 00:31:08,927 --> 00:31:13,014 Why have you lured me here, you loathsome drabs? 422 00:31:13,223 --> 00:31:15,266 We bear good news. 423 00:31:15,517 --> 00:31:19,312 What news could such repulsive harbingers convey? 424 00:31:19,562 --> 00:31:22,357 Today has brought misfortune. 425 00:31:22,607 --> 00:31:26,778 - But one day... - (All) Oh, glorious day! 426 00:31:27,028 --> 00:31:32,826 - One day... - (All) Oh, happy day! 427 00:31:33,368 --> 00:31:34,619 Yes? 428 00:31:34,869 --> 00:31:38,039 (All) You shall be King! 429 00:31:38,289 --> 00:31:40,291 Really? 430 00:31:40,542 --> 00:31:42,210 Yes. 431 00:31:42,460 --> 00:31:44,462 Your Majesty. 432 00:31:44,712 --> 00:31:48,258 Well, that is good news, isn't it? 433 00:31:48,508 --> 00:31:53,680 God be with you, you snaggle-toothed vultures. 434 00:31:53,888 --> 00:31:57,350 History - here I come! 435 00:31:57,851 --> 00:32:01,437 # The sound of hoof-beats 'cross the glade 436 00:32:01,688 --> 00:32:05,483 # Good folk, lock up your son and daughter 437 00:32:05,733 --> 00:32:09,487 # Beware the deadly flashing blade 438 00:32:09,737 --> 00:32:12,949 # Unless you want to end up shorter 439 00:32:13,199 --> 00:32:15,034 # Black Adder 440 00:32:15,285 --> 00:32:17,078 # Black Adder 441 00:32:17,328 --> 00:32:21,124 # He rides a pitch-black steed 442 00:32:21,374 --> 00:32:24,961 # Black Adder, Black Adder 443 00:32:25,211 --> 00:32:29,507 # He's very bad indeed 444 00:32:29,716 --> 00:32:33,678 # Black, his gloves of finest mole 445 00:32:33,928 --> 00:32:37,682 # Black, his codpiece made of metal 446 00:32:37,932 --> 00:32:41,769 # His horse is blacker than a vole 447 00:32:42,020 --> 00:32:45,481 # His pot is blacker than his kettle 448 00:32:45,690 --> 00:32:49,485 # Black Adder, Black Adder 449 00:32:49,694 --> 00:32:53,364 # With many a cunning plan 450 00:32:53,573 --> 00:32:57,744 # Black Adder, Black Adder 451 00:32:57,994 --> 00:33:03,583 # You horrid little man! # 452 00:33:03,625 --> 00:33:05,835 He wasn't as I expected. 453 00:33:06,085 --> 00:33:08,129 I thought he was very rude. 454 00:33:08,379 --> 00:33:11,966 I thought Henry Tudor would be better looking. 455 00:33:12,217 --> 00:33:14,886 Yes, not so Jewish. 456 00:33:15,136 --> 00:33:19,641 More like that man who rode by before. 457 00:33:20,808 --> 00:33:25,688 - We've done it again! - You silly witches!