1 00:00:55,780 --> 00:00:57,698 Well, we're here. 2 00:00:57,823 --> 00:00:59,867 Yeah, we are. 3 00:01:03,621 --> 00:01:07,959 Oh, you just look so grown-up in that new jacket. You do. 4 00:01:08,084 --> 00:01:09,835 - OK, Bones, take care. - Now... 5 00:01:12,463 --> 00:01:14,590 here is your bus ticket. 6 00:01:14,715 --> 00:01:16,300 - Jonathon! - Argh! 7 00:01:16,425 --> 00:01:19,387 - Take care of yourself. - I will. 8 00:01:19,512 --> 00:01:21,764 Call us when you get there, OK? 9 00:01:21,889 --> 00:01:23,516 Dad. 10 00:01:26,811 --> 00:01:30,898 - See you over the holidays. - Oh, I'm so proud of you! 11 00:01:31,023 --> 00:01:32,650 Mom. 12 00:02:18,362 --> 00:02:20,406 Hi. How you doin'? 13 00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:38,049 - (boy) Check out that geek. - (laughter) 14 00:02:38,174 --> 00:02:41,135 - Nice jacket! - How are things on Neptune? 15 00:02:49,602 --> 00:02:51,646 Nice. Real nice. 16 00:02:52,396 --> 00:02:55,566 - How you doin'? - Welcome aboard, stranger. 17 00:03:12,416 --> 00:03:14,460 Great, douche bag. 18 00:03:16,003 --> 00:03:17,797 Yeah. 19 00:03:17,922 --> 00:03:20,174 Another year, another idiot. 20 00:03:21,717 --> 00:03:24,178 (# "Overnite" by Toymuzic ) 21 00:03:25,137 --> 00:03:28,432 # You'll be stayin' here with me tonight 22 00:03:30,685 --> 00:03:33,980 # You're gonna love me overnight 23 00:03:34,105 --> 00:03:35,731 Entrez. 24 00:03:38,276 --> 00:03:40,111 - Hey! You must be Jonathon! - Yeah. 25 00:03:40,236 --> 00:03:42,738 Squire Franklin Burroughs IV. Call me Skip. 26 00:03:42,863 --> 00:03:45,116 - Hi, Skip. - I'll give you a hand with it. 27 00:03:48,744 --> 00:03:51,289 What the hell you got in here? A dead body? 28 00:03:51,414 --> 00:03:53,749 I got my books, my clothes, that kinda thing. 29 00:03:53,874 --> 00:03:57,795 Last year we had a guy smuggled his girlfriend up here in one of these. 30 00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,922 - Yeah? - He lost the key. 31 00:04:00,047 --> 00:04:02,591 By the time he found it, she was dead. 32 00:04:03,301 --> 00:04:04,427 Really? 33 00:04:04,552 --> 00:04:06,137 - Just kidding. - Oh! 34 00:04:06,262 --> 00:04:09,432 - Welcome to Vernon Academy. - Good one. 35 00:04:09,557 --> 00:04:12,101 This is your side of the room. 36 00:04:12,226 --> 00:04:14,854 You only have to wear this rag on duty days. 37 00:04:15,271 --> 00:04:19,734 - Nobody said anything. I thought we... - Make yourself at home. 38 00:04:20,359 --> 00:04:23,070 So, where are you from? Where'd you go to school? 39 00:04:23,195 --> 00:04:27,658 Well... I grew up in Pittsburgh, went to public school there for about... 40 00:04:27,783 --> 00:04:29,910 Holy shit, we're late! 41 00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:31,662 Late? 42 00:04:32,705 --> 00:04:35,416 Mm, how about these? Great, huh? 43 00:04:35,541 --> 00:04:38,461 You know, these assholes, they all go to Neiman Marcus, 44 00:04:38,586 --> 00:04:42,590 but I found this outrageous boutique, Henri's. It's great stuff, huh? 45 00:04:42,715 --> 00:04:43,341 Yeah. 46 00:04:43,466 --> 00:04:46,761 You know, if these things don't win first prize, there is no God! 47 00:04:46,886 --> 00:04:49,513 - Well, hurry up and change. - Change? 48 00:04:51,849 --> 00:04:54,393 Jeez, I forgot. You've never been to prep school. 49 00:04:54,518 --> 00:04:55,770 Uh-uh. 50 00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:58,022 You must think I'm pretty weird, huh? 51 00:04:58,147 --> 00:05:01,192 - Well... - Look, look, this is a Vernon tradition. 52 00:05:01,317 --> 00:05:05,821 Every year, the seniors have to parade around wearing women's underwear. 53 00:05:05,947 --> 00:05:10,326 It's supposed to teach us humility. The seniors give the squits shit all year long, 54 00:05:10,451 --> 00:05:13,412 and this is their one chance to laugh at us. 55 00:05:15,289 --> 00:05:17,375 Oh! I get it. 56 00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:20,086 - You thought... - Yeah. 57 00:05:20,211 --> 00:05:23,297 Come on, this is a tradition. Jeez, what are you gonna do? 58 00:05:23,422 --> 00:05:26,550 - Oh, no, I'll just stay here and unpack. - Let me think. 59 00:05:26,676 --> 00:05:29,470 - Jenny! - Jenny? Hey. Hey. 60 00:05:30,179 --> 00:05:33,474 Let's see. Ah! We're in luck! 61 00:05:34,058 --> 00:05:37,144 - Mementoes. - I don't wanna dress up in women's... 62 00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:40,147 - You're not gettin' mine. - I don't want yours. 63 00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:44,443 Granted, you won't win any prizes, but at least you won't be embarrassed. 64 00:05:44,568 --> 00:05:46,612 Get changed. 65 00:05:50,449 --> 00:05:52,243 Come on. 66 00:05:52,368 --> 00:05:53,536 - Come on. - I can't! 67 00:05:53,661 --> 00:05:55,705 Come on! 68 00:05:58,165 --> 00:06:01,502 Would you hurry up, man! We gotta go! We're late! 69 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,755 Come on. You look great. Let's go. 70 00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:09,051 - Hey, guys! - Look at her! 71 00:06:11,095 --> 00:06:14,390 - Skip?! Skip?! - You look great! You look great! 72 00:06:16,726 --> 00:06:19,228 Nice ass you got there, babe! 73 00:06:19,353 --> 00:06:22,523 Ooh, black! My favourite colour! 74 00:06:32,533 --> 00:06:34,785 They love you! 75 00:06:37,204 --> 00:06:40,082 Hey, turn around. Oh, look at those tits! 76 00:06:41,751 --> 00:06:45,129 (chanting) Show your tits! Show your tits! 77 00:06:46,631 --> 00:06:49,258 Hey, where'd you get that outfit? 78 00:06:50,092 --> 00:06:52,345 It's Frank-N-Furter! 79 00:06:52,470 --> 00:06:54,221 - Whoa! - Gotcha! 80 00:06:54,347 --> 00:07:00,269 - (boy #1 ) Hey, you've really fallen for him! - (boy #2) I'm gettin' a gigantic soft-on! 81 00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:03,481 It's the weenie in the bikini! 82 00:07:10,112 --> 00:07:11,739 Shit! 83 00:07:13,991 --> 00:07:17,620 (chanting) We want more! We want more! 84 00:07:26,003 --> 00:07:29,924 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I know it was a lousy thing to do. 85 00:07:30,049 --> 00:07:32,301 Look, don't take it personally. 86 00:07:33,761 --> 00:07:36,973 It really is a tradition. Somebody falls for it every year. 87 00:07:37,348 --> 00:07:42,270 No hard feelings, OK? Look, it was just a prank. Don't take it personally. 88 00:07:42,687 --> 00:07:44,605 OK? 89 00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:49,277 We're roommates. We're gonna be together for a whole year. Truce? 90 00:07:51,279 --> 00:07:52,905 Truce. 91 00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:08,337 (French accent) There she is again. I think I'm in love with you. 92 00:08:08,462 --> 00:08:10,589 - Hey, sweetheart. - (Jonathon) Yeah. 93 00:08:10,715 --> 00:08:15,094 - Hello, miss, is your dance card filled? - I think she's in the wrong john. 94 00:08:16,345 --> 00:08:20,474 - Lights! - (boys) Fuck you, Roscoe! 95 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,019 I said lights, nipple nose! 96 00:08:23,144 --> 00:08:25,646 That's Mr Nipple Nose to you, Maybaum! 97 00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:28,566 Shh! Quiet, here comes the walrus man. 98 00:08:35,406 --> 00:08:38,701 - Good evening, Mr Maybaum. - Good evening, sir. 99 00:08:39,493 --> 00:08:42,038 - All present and accounted for. - Hmm. 100 00:08:44,332 --> 00:08:48,169 - Well, good night, then, Mr Maybaum. - Good night, sir. 101 00:08:57,511 --> 00:09:02,266 One more thing. If you have any trouble with the boys smoking, let me know. 102 00:09:02,391 --> 00:09:04,435 OK? 103 00:09:05,686 --> 00:09:07,730 Good night. 104 00:09:14,236 --> 00:09:17,531 (# "Holiday in Cambodia" by the Dead Kennedys) 105 00:09:39,387 --> 00:09:41,430 Hey, there he is. 106 00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:45,935 Hey, look, there's the geek in the lingerie. 107 00:09:46,727 --> 00:09:48,771 It's the guy in the woman's underwear! 108 00:09:48,896 --> 00:09:51,482 Ladies and gentlemen, the lovely April Pussy. 109 00:09:51,607 --> 00:09:53,776 Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Vernon. 110 00:09:54,986 --> 00:09:58,406 - Hi, darling! - Hey, Jonathon, over here! 111 00:10:02,576 --> 00:10:06,664 (French accent) Let me take you away from all this, my darling! 112 00:10:08,499 --> 00:10:11,210 - He cries real tears. - Come here. Sit here. 113 00:10:12,670 --> 00:10:15,131 Oh, let me wipe those tears! 114 00:10:17,091 --> 00:10:20,386 - Oh, God, what a tool. - We're talkin' megadork. 115 00:10:20,511 --> 00:10:22,138 Shut up! 116 00:10:22,263 --> 00:10:26,892 - What is going on over there? - They pulled the underwear gag on him. 117 00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:31,689 - (jeering) - (laughter) 118 00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:37,111 - Going to change into your bra? - Don't forget to write! 119 00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:39,989 I'm tellin' you, that guy's a wimp. 120 00:10:45,161 --> 00:10:48,331 Hey, look, Jonathon, I think you've been ma... 121 00:10:49,206 --> 00:10:51,250 Oh, my God. 122 00:10:54,462 --> 00:10:56,172 Jesus! 123 00:10:56,297 --> 00:10:57,923 Jesus! 124 00:11:00,217 --> 00:11:05,264 I dunno why he'd do it! Jesus, I dunno why he did it, it was just a joke! 125 00:11:06,515 --> 00:11:08,517 Hung himself! 126 00:11:09,143 --> 00:11:12,021 I dunno why he did it, but it's my fault... 127 00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:15,232 (siren) 128 00:11:23,032 --> 00:11:25,117 Is this meant to amuse me, Mr Burroughs? 129 00:11:25,242 --> 00:11:26,577 Quiet! 130 00:11:26,702 --> 00:11:29,497 Stop by my office about eight in the morning. 131 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:35,127 You think about what you've done, and I'll think about what I'm going to do. 132 00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:40,508 Oh, and, um... please invite your dead roommate. 133 00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:43,094 All right, show's over. 134 00:11:50,393 --> 00:11:52,019 (laughter) 135 00:12:05,199 --> 00:12:11,122 I'm sorry. It was a lousy thing to do. But I was so humiliated I just had to kill myself. 136 00:12:14,208 --> 00:12:18,421 Oh, just a prank, just a prank. No hard feelings, huh? Truce. 137 00:12:21,924 --> 00:12:23,551 Truce. 138 00:12:26,387 --> 00:12:31,309 I'm not really ready for this conversation. I usually have at least a month 139 00:12:31,434 --> 00:12:34,520 before I am faced with students in women's underwear, 140 00:12:34,645 --> 00:12:39,317 or an artist's rendering of my persona dangling from the rafters. 141 00:12:39,442 --> 00:12:42,111 We're only in the first week, gentlemen. 142 00:12:42,236 --> 00:12:45,823 It's frightening to imagine what could happen by Christmas, isn't it? 143 00:12:45,948 --> 00:12:47,575 - Yes, sir. - Yes, sir. 144 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:52,955 That was rhetorical, boys. I like to give everybody one chance to screw up. 145 00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:56,959 I think we can assume you've each had yours now. 146 00:12:57,084 --> 00:13:02,214 I hope this is the last such conversation I'll have with you until the end of the year. 147 00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:07,303 - No ifs, ands, or buts. Is that clear? - (both) Yes, sir. 148 00:13:09,138 --> 00:13:12,099 - We really gotta watch it. - We've gotta straighten up. 149 00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:15,770 - Be responsible. Toe the line. - Gotta clean up our act. Absolutely. 150 00:13:19,982 --> 00:13:23,235 They're never gonna sell it to us. It's never gonna work. 151 00:13:23,361 --> 00:13:26,030 - We're gonna get busted. - Shh. Relax. 152 00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:36,666 Which one of you youngsters is planning to buy this? 153 00:13:36,791 --> 00:13:39,669 - I am. - Oh, really? How old are you, son? 154 00:13:40,378 --> 00:13:42,505 50. 155 00:13:50,221 --> 00:13:52,390 You did it! 156 00:13:52,515 --> 00:13:55,935 I'm astounded by your brilliance and the magnitude of your gall. 157 00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:58,312 Yeah, so am I. 158 00:14:05,569 --> 00:14:08,030 This is something I've never told anyone, 159 00:14:08,155 --> 00:14:12,118 so you've gotta swear to me what you hear will not leave this room. 160 00:14:12,243 --> 00:14:14,745 Swear to God. 161 00:14:14,870 --> 00:14:16,998 - OK. - Swear to God! 162 00:14:17,832 --> 00:14:19,458 OK. 163 00:14:23,546 --> 00:14:25,881 I killed a guy. 164 00:14:26,007 --> 00:14:27,466 Yeah? (laughs) 165 00:14:27,591 --> 00:14:30,219 - I mean it, Jonathon. - Me, too. 166 00:14:31,429 --> 00:14:36,225 Last year, uh, I was in Montego Bay with some friends. 167 00:14:37,393 --> 00:14:40,146 And we were all in this bar. 168 00:14:40,271 --> 00:14:43,399 And I met this gorgeous girl. She takes me back to her place, 169 00:14:43,524 --> 00:14:46,027 and then some huge guy had a gun to my head. 170 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:49,071 And my gorgeous gal, she's going through my pockets. 171 00:14:49,196 --> 00:14:51,949 I must've been drunk, cos I kicked the guy in the balls. 172 00:14:52,074 --> 00:14:57,246 And I went for the gun, and then the next thing I know, there's this huge explosion. 173 00:14:57,371 --> 00:14:59,415 And, uh... 174 00:15:01,792 --> 00:15:06,255 the guy was... lyin' on the ground 175 00:15:06,380 --> 00:15:09,258 with blood pourin' out of a hole in his head. 176 00:15:15,306 --> 00:15:18,184 - It was horrible. - Jesus. 177 00:15:22,271 --> 00:15:23,898 God. 178 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,612 - What'd you do? - What do you think? I got the hell out. 179 00:15:34,742 --> 00:15:37,620 What's the worst thing you've ever done? 180 00:15:39,956 --> 00:15:42,917 - I cheated on my SAT. - I can smell bullshit a mile away. 181 00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:48,673 Hey! It cost me I 50 bucks. I bought the test. I had every answer goin' in. 182 00:15:50,716 --> 00:15:54,637 You cheated on the SAT? You cheated on the SAT?! 183 00:15:54,762 --> 00:15:56,180 Yeah. 184 00:15:56,931 --> 00:16:00,851 Christ, I love that! You're the smartest fuckin' guy in the whole school. 185 00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:04,647 Mr Scholarship. I mean, even Roger did OK on the SAT. 186 00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:09,402 It just so happens my whole life depends on my getting into Harvard. 187 00:16:09,527 --> 00:16:11,988 You really cheated on the SAT! 188 00:16:13,990 --> 00:16:16,242 It's pretty serious. 189 00:16:17,368 --> 00:16:19,578 Hey, you killed a guy. 190 00:16:22,331 --> 00:16:24,792 Well... not exactly. 191 00:16:27,128 --> 00:16:30,006 What do you mean, "not exactly"? 192 00:16:30,131 --> 00:16:31,757 Huh? 193 00:16:37,221 --> 00:16:40,641 That son of a bitch got away with everything I had. 194 00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:43,853 You know, I was so scared that I shit my pants. 195 00:16:57,199 --> 00:16:58,242 What an asshole. 196 00:16:58,367 --> 00:17:01,370 Oh, no, Kafka's symbolism here is obvious. 197 00:17:01,495 --> 00:17:04,290 The apple represents original sin. Yeah. 198 00:17:04,415 --> 00:17:08,628 It sticks in his side like Christ's wound and eventually festers and destroys him. 199 00:17:08,753 --> 00:17:13,382 No, no, no. What he's really saying is we're all cockroaches. 200 00:17:13,507 --> 00:17:16,010 - Later. - Hey, guess what you're doin' tonight. 201 00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:17,887 - Latin. - Wrong. 202 00:17:18,012 --> 00:17:22,350 You've got a date with the second-prettiest girl in Foxfield. 203 00:17:23,392 --> 00:17:25,436 - You didn't. - Oh, I did. I did. 204 00:17:25,561 --> 00:17:29,148 - I am not gonna be able to do this. - We are not gonna get caught. 205 00:17:29,273 --> 00:17:32,568 I'm not talkin' about that. I'm talkin' about the girls. 206 00:17:32,693 --> 00:17:37,114 - I've never done it before. - You've never done that before? 207 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,286 Sure, I've done it. God! Lots of times. 208 00:17:42,411 --> 00:17:45,957 I mean, you know, not all the way every time, but... 209 00:17:47,291 --> 00:17:49,335 I feel sick. 210 00:17:50,419 --> 00:17:53,881 You've got nothin' to worry about. These are very nice girls. 211 00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:56,467 I might not even get laid tonight. 212 00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:02,515 Although that's highly unlikely. Turn off the light. 213 00:18:03,724 --> 00:18:07,853 We're gonna get caught. You know what they're gonna do if they catch us? 214 00:18:07,979 --> 00:18:12,275 Sure. But it doesn't hold a candle to what the girls are gonna do. 215 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:13,109 Oh, God. 216 00:18:15,653 --> 00:18:17,488 (watch bleeps) 217 00:18:19,490 --> 00:18:21,826 Hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo! 218 00:18:21,951 --> 00:18:24,203 (distant) Hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo! 219 00:18:24,912 --> 00:18:27,707 Hoo-hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo! 220 00:18:28,249 --> 00:18:33,170 - (distant) Hoo-hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo! - Oh, I don't believe this. 221 00:18:33,296 --> 00:18:36,632 - (giggles) - Don't worry. 222 00:18:37,174 --> 00:18:39,552 Here they are. Right on time. 223 00:18:41,804 --> 00:18:44,056 - Hey. - (both) Hi! 224 00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:47,810 (# "Stand in the Shadows" by Line One) 225 00:18:49,145 --> 00:18:52,857 They want to work, it's just we haven't given them the opportunities. 226 00:18:52,982 --> 00:18:55,943 Poor people are just like you and me, except with no money. 227 00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:59,572 They have so many kids, they can't get out from under. 228 00:18:59,697 --> 00:19:03,117 We've been educated. We use birth control. 229 00:19:03,242 --> 00:19:07,455 Nobody gives a damn. Their situation will never change until we do something. 230 00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:08,372 (grunts) 231 00:19:08,497 --> 00:19:11,459 - You don't agree? - No. No, I, uh... 232 00:19:15,046 --> 00:19:17,298 (Skip) Jesus! Jesus! 233 00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:21,177 Jesus Christ, Jonathon, I don't believe it! Oh, God! 234 00:19:21,302 --> 00:19:24,388 It's the grossest thing I ever saw! It's on my skirt! 235 00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:43,699 You know, deep down inside, I really think they liked me. 236 00:19:48,579 --> 00:19:50,206 Jonathon! 237 00:19:52,249 --> 00:19:55,711 - Guess what I just did for you. - I don't wanna know. 238 00:19:55,836 --> 00:19:57,880 Welcome aboard, Mr Secretary. 239 00:19:58,297 --> 00:20:03,094 Secretary of the Dance Committee is bullshit. It's an excuse to get outta class. 240 00:20:03,261 --> 00:20:07,515 That's only one of its positive aspects. The best part is there's five of us, 241 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,850 and 479 of them. 242 00:20:10,559 --> 00:20:12,603 Let's get 'em. 243 00:20:24,782 --> 00:20:29,370 - Oh-ho, look at the chest on her. - (French accent) Oh, the little girls. 244 00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,622 - Chicks. - Love 'em. 245 00:20:31,747 --> 00:20:33,374 Whoo! 246 00:20:34,709 --> 00:20:39,588 - Hi. Welcome to Foxfield. - Love the fat girl! Ooh, the big fat one. 247 00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:45,636 This is the way we think it should go. Just before the last dance, 248 00:20:45,761 --> 00:20:49,890 our Mrs DeBreul and your Mr Kennedy will present the prize for best costume. 249 00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:53,811 - Can we just say something? - We think this costume thing is childish. 250 00:20:53,936 --> 00:20:56,522 What?! But it's a Halloween dance! 251 00:20:56,647 --> 00:20:59,442 There are more important things than Halloween. 252 00:20:59,567 --> 00:21:01,819 There are people starving! 253 00:21:01,944 --> 00:21:05,156 Lisa, why don't you offer our guests some sandwiches? 254 00:21:05,281 --> 00:21:08,868 A Halloween dance without any costumes is like every other dance! 255 00:21:08,993 --> 00:21:13,497 I think any dance is inappropriate considering the condition of the world. 256 00:21:13,623 --> 00:21:17,710 I am so tired of you two and your pseudo-intellectual liberal crap! 257 00:21:17,835 --> 00:21:20,588 - Julia! - Your cotton-candy ideas make me sick! 258 00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:21,589 - Lisa! - Hi. 259 00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:23,549 Oh, no! 260 00:21:23,674 --> 00:21:24,634 (Jonathon) Agh! 261 00:21:24,759 --> 00:21:26,552 - Lisa! - I'm sorry. 262 00:21:26,677 --> 00:21:28,679 Stay away from me! Oh, fuck! 263 00:21:28,804 --> 00:21:31,265 - Lisa! - Oh, fuck! 264 00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:32,850 You peon! 265 00:21:37,355 --> 00:21:39,273 Oh! Oh! 266 00:21:45,529 --> 00:21:50,409 Let's leave it up to the individual as to whether he or she wears a costume. 267 00:21:52,453 --> 00:21:53,704 What do you think, Jonathon? 268 00:21:53,829 --> 00:21:56,332 I'm terribly sorry, Mrs DeBreul. 269 00:21:57,667 --> 00:21:59,919 Yes, it was most unfortunate. 270 00:22:02,046 --> 00:22:04,757 The vase was a gift from Eleanor Roosevelt? 271 00:22:04,882 --> 00:22:08,803 Irreplaceable. No, I don't think that's being too extreme, not at all. 272 00:22:08,928 --> 00:22:13,474 As a matter of fact, I think you're being quite generous. Goodbye. 273 00:22:17,979 --> 00:22:21,482 Well, Mr Burroughs, you and your dance committee 274 00:22:21,607 --> 00:22:25,611 have really made an indelible impression on our sister school. 275 00:22:26,279 --> 00:22:28,322 And especially you, Mr Ogner. 276 00:22:28,698 --> 00:22:32,285 Not only are you forbidden to attend the Halloween dance, 277 00:22:32,410 --> 00:22:36,163 but you are the first student in the history of Vernon Academy 278 00:22:36,289 --> 00:22:42,795 ever to be banned from Foxfield until, and I quote, "the day you die". 279 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,172 On your way, gentlemen. 280 00:22:53,264 --> 00:22:55,349 The white zone is for unloading... 281 00:22:55,474 --> 00:22:57,935 Banished from Foxfield for ever! 282 00:22:59,145 --> 00:23:01,939 The only females within 100 miles. 283 00:23:03,107 --> 00:23:07,445 - Guess you're gonna die a virgin, buddy! - Give me some of that. 284 00:23:08,487 --> 00:23:12,158 - Here you go, pal, Mr Alligator. - You wanna buy a shirt? 285 00:23:12,283 --> 00:23:14,535 (brass chorale music ) 286 00:23:17,538 --> 00:23:19,165 Ta-da! 287 00:23:23,210 --> 00:23:25,671 You look troubled, my son. 288 00:23:36,432 --> 00:23:41,729 Worriest thou not about being banished for ever from the Foxfield school for girls, 289 00:23:41,854 --> 00:23:45,483 for yea, though they are the only females within 100 miles, 290 00:23:45,608 --> 00:23:48,653 there is still a place where thou canst journey to. 291 00:23:48,778 --> 00:23:50,863 Chicago, on the nine o'clock bus. 292 00:23:51,322 --> 00:23:53,991 - Forget it. - Desperate circumstances 293 00:23:54,116 --> 00:23:57,787 require desperate measures. Sexually, you're finished around here. 294 00:23:57,912 --> 00:24:00,915 - Must you rub it in? - Look, take this ticket. 295 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:05,753 Go to Rush Street, the Free N Easy Club. And you will meet the girl of your dreams. 296 00:24:05,878 --> 00:24:10,633 If she ain't there, take what you can get. Grab a cab, take her to Grey's Lake Inn. 297 00:24:10,758 --> 00:24:14,595 And there you will plant your seed in the Garden of Eden. 298 00:24:17,265 --> 00:24:19,517 - Here's 100 bucks. - Forget it. 299 00:24:19,642 --> 00:24:23,104 Jonathon! Until you get laid, none of us are safe! 300 00:24:25,648 --> 00:24:29,402 And whatever you do, Jesus, don't tell her you're in high school. 301 00:24:29,527 --> 00:24:31,904 - Tell her you're a longshoreman. - What? 302 00:24:32,029 --> 00:24:36,117 - Say you're a theatre critic for the Times. - Yeah. That's better. 303 00:24:36,242 --> 00:24:40,037 You're going. I don't want to see your ass back here until you succeed. 304 00:24:40,162 --> 00:24:44,125 In fact, I'm not gonna let you in the room until you bring me... her panties. 305 00:24:44,250 --> 00:24:46,544 Oh, come on. Look, Skip, I'm not like you. 306 00:24:46,669 --> 00:24:49,630 I don't have your charm, your finesse, your, uh... 307 00:24:49,755 --> 00:24:52,967 - Class. - Whatever. I'm no good with women. 308 00:24:53,593 --> 00:24:57,179 I know that, you know that. The broads that go to the Free N Easy don't. 309 00:24:57,305 --> 00:25:00,808 Look, Jonathon, you're a great guy. 310 00:25:01,225 --> 00:25:05,688 You've got a lot going for you. Hey, I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. 311 00:25:05,813 --> 00:25:09,066 Well, I might say it if I didn't mean it, but probably not to you. 312 00:25:09,191 --> 00:25:11,235 Come on, let's go! 313 00:25:12,445 --> 00:25:14,488 (chicken noises) 314 00:25:15,114 --> 00:25:17,575 I'd lend you some money, but I'm a little short. 315 00:25:17,700 --> 00:25:21,537 Get this one for the Gipper. Come on, you guys, let's go! 316 00:25:24,832 --> 00:25:26,709 - Bless you. - Yeah, bless you. 317 00:25:26,834 --> 00:25:30,671 To the Promised Land, my son. To the Promised Land. 318 00:25:33,966 --> 00:25:38,095 Hey, Jesus, I got a great deal on some alligator shoes, buddy. 319 00:26:38,948 --> 00:26:42,034 (# "Hiding From Love" by Bryan Adams) 320 00:26:45,079 --> 00:26:49,625 # You can't deny it, you're only hiding from love 321 00:26:54,588 --> 00:26:56,215 Bartender! 322 00:26:56,966 --> 00:26:58,593 Sir! 323 00:26:59,135 --> 00:27:03,472 # You say you're shy, but you're only hiding from love 324 00:27:24,035 --> 00:27:26,120 - Watch it! - Sorry. 325 00:27:27,204 --> 00:27:31,834 # You're not deciding, you're only hiding from love 326 00:27:34,587 --> 00:27:37,882 Hi. My name is Jonathon. What's yours? 327 00:27:39,342 --> 00:27:43,262 Mind if I join you? So, do you live around here? 328 00:27:48,225 --> 00:27:52,688 # You say that you're shy, but you're only hiding from love 329 00:27:57,902 --> 00:28:00,154 Maybe another time. 330 00:28:06,911 --> 00:28:08,746 Oh, man! 331 00:28:08,871 --> 00:28:12,541 - Bartender! - Hold your horses! Be right with you. 332 00:28:19,507 --> 00:28:20,675 - Go! - Go! 333 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:24,428 One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six... 334 00:28:25,221 --> 00:28:27,723 - Oh, man! - How did I do? 335 00:28:27,848 --> 00:28:31,018 - I could do better than that. - Oh, she could do better than that! 336 00:28:31,143 --> 00:28:33,521 Ten bucks. Ten bucks. Ten bucks. 337 00:28:35,731 --> 00:28:38,609 - Hey, you're gonna lose some money! - Ellen! 338 00:28:39,527 --> 00:28:42,822 - Ready for takeoff now? - Ready. Wait, wait, wait. 339 00:28:42,947 --> 00:28:44,490 Get ready, get set, go! 340 00:28:44,615 --> 00:28:50,371 (all) One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten! 341 00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:55,876 Pay up. 342 00:28:59,255 --> 00:29:01,299 Drinks for the losers. 343 00:29:11,350 --> 00:29:13,394 Nice little profit. 344 00:29:15,438 --> 00:29:17,898 - This one's on the house. - Thanks. 345 00:29:28,117 --> 00:29:30,161 Are you here alone? 346 00:29:30,745 --> 00:29:33,122 - Huh? - Are you here alone? 347 00:29:33,247 --> 00:29:34,332 Yeah. 348 00:29:34,457 --> 00:29:38,210 You know, I get a really good feeling from you. 349 00:29:38,336 --> 00:29:40,796 - You do? - Mm-hm. Gimme your hand. 350 00:29:44,884 --> 00:29:46,969 You got a very exciting aura. 351 00:29:47,845 --> 00:29:49,972 I bet you hear that all the time. 352 00:29:50,097 --> 00:29:52,558 Well... now and again. 353 00:29:52,683 --> 00:29:55,269 - Let me test it. - What? 354 00:29:55,394 --> 00:29:58,814 Your aura. Take this quarter. Close your eyes. 355 00:30:00,358 --> 00:30:03,986 See if you can run the quarter from your forehead to your chin, 356 00:30:04,111 --> 00:30:05,696 and then from ear to ear, 357 00:30:05,821 --> 00:30:09,116 but without ever losing contact with your skin. 358 00:30:09,241 --> 00:30:12,828 - That's it? - It'll tell us everything we need to know. 359 00:30:31,764 --> 00:30:33,975 Can I have my...? Yes. Thanks. 360 00:30:36,519 --> 00:30:38,813 How'd I do? 361 00:30:38,938 --> 00:30:42,275 I'm sorry. I guess the vibes just weren't right. 362 00:30:55,579 --> 00:30:57,957 Wow. Look, you got two fours! 363 00:31:07,758 --> 00:31:09,927 Excuse me. 364 00:31:12,013 --> 00:31:14,974 - Could I... show you something? - Sure. 365 00:31:22,398 --> 00:31:24,609 Oh, God! 366 00:31:24,734 --> 00:31:28,654 - Why am I such a turd? - It could happen to anyone here. 367 00:31:29,739 --> 00:31:34,035 - Vodka tonic, please. - Only a dick would fall for that. 368 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,370 Well, you might be right. 369 00:31:40,458 --> 00:31:42,501 Yeah, I should... 370 00:31:47,214 --> 00:31:49,050 Uh... thanks. 371 00:31:51,260 --> 00:31:52,887 If you'll excuse me... 372 00:31:53,012 --> 00:31:57,808 I'm gonna find a very tall building with a fabulous view, and jump off. 373 00:32:04,774 --> 00:32:07,151 Trailways bus terminal, please. 374 00:32:13,658 --> 00:32:15,910 I know just the tall building. 375 00:32:25,711 --> 00:32:27,129 Whoo! 376 00:32:38,224 --> 00:32:41,602 - Why don't you come back over here? - Why don't you come over here? 377 00:32:41,727 --> 00:32:45,982 - No, I'm... I'm comfortable right here. - What are you afraid of? 378 00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,484 Uh... dying. 379 00:32:50,486 --> 00:32:54,824 Uh, look, I wanna be totally honest here. You're scarin' the hell outta me. 380 00:32:56,242 --> 00:33:01,205 Hey, I just thought of somethin'. I haven't eaten. What about you? Are you hungry? 381 00:33:01,330 --> 00:33:04,875 What do you say? I could... I could buy us dinner. 382 00:33:09,005 --> 00:33:11,340 Now I am gonna jump. 383 00:33:11,465 --> 00:33:14,969 - It's only money. - Yeah, well, it's my only money. 384 00:33:17,096 --> 00:33:20,683 Have you ever... have you ever been in love? 385 00:33:21,058 --> 00:33:24,770 - Yeah, I was pretty fond of that $100 bill. - Have you? 386 00:33:30,484 --> 00:33:32,778 You're askin' me, the turd? 387 00:33:32,903 --> 00:33:36,741 Well, you look like a pretty... sensitive turd to me. 388 00:33:39,035 --> 00:33:42,288 Do you think there's something wrong with me? 389 00:33:46,459 --> 00:33:49,545 Well, how do I know? I mean, I don't know you. 390 00:33:50,463 --> 00:33:52,506 We can fix that. 391 00:33:55,885 --> 00:34:00,806 Yeah, are you hungry? Cos I am pretty hungry. You could buy us dinner. 392 00:34:00,932 --> 00:34:03,184 OK, so what do you wanna eat? 393 00:34:05,144 --> 00:34:06,479 Um... 394 00:34:06,604 --> 00:34:08,940 do you like Italian? 395 00:34:09,065 --> 00:34:09,857 Uh... 396 00:34:09,982 --> 00:34:11,609 Chinese? 397 00:34:31,837 --> 00:34:33,256 Uh... 398 00:34:34,131 --> 00:34:36,968 - This is an elevator. - Really? 399 00:34:37,093 --> 00:34:39,136 I love elevators. 400 00:34:39,804 --> 00:34:42,181 I think they're just wonderful. 401 00:34:43,307 --> 00:34:46,394 I love the way they go up and down. 402 00:34:49,063 --> 00:34:51,857 - Do you? - Oh, yeah, I think it's great. 403 00:34:55,278 --> 00:34:57,321 Which do you prefer? 404 00:34:58,656 --> 00:35:00,700 Going up... 405 00:35:02,243 --> 00:35:04,287 or going down? 406 00:35:05,037 --> 00:35:06,664 Um... 407 00:35:07,373 --> 00:35:09,750 - Up is fine. - Really? 408 00:35:11,210 --> 00:35:13,838 I think going down is much more exciting. 409 00:35:14,755 --> 00:35:18,342 Well, yeah, now that you mention it, down is, uh... 410 00:35:19,927 --> 00:35:23,681 Of course, going up... can be... a thrill. 411 00:35:24,515 --> 00:35:26,142 It depends. 412 00:35:27,602 --> 00:35:29,604 That's what I think. 413 00:35:33,274 --> 00:35:35,192 (Ellen) Wait. 414 00:35:35,318 --> 00:35:38,112 Yeah, up is... Down is... 415 00:35:48,831 --> 00:35:52,710 - Wait, uh... Wait, where...? Where's the...? - (bell rings) 416 00:35:52,835 --> 00:35:55,087 No, at the back. At the back. 417 00:35:55,421 --> 00:35:57,131 Oh, yeah. 418 00:36:11,896 --> 00:36:14,148 - Oh, God! - Oh, God, I'm so hot. 419 00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:21,030 Wouldn't you prefer... doing this... lying down? 420 00:36:21,155 --> 00:36:23,407 Uh... yeah, sure. Whatever. 421 00:36:25,618 --> 00:36:28,371 Or maybe... you prefer doing it standing up. 422 00:36:28,704 --> 00:36:30,539 Um... 423 00:36:30,665 --> 00:36:33,125 Um... I think I better lie down. 424 00:36:49,892 --> 00:36:52,436 Look, just... just slow down. Just slow down. 425 00:36:52,561 --> 00:36:54,605 - OK. - Kiss me. 426 00:36:56,482 --> 00:36:58,526 Jonathon... Stop, my hair's stuck. 427 00:36:58,651 --> 00:37:01,988 - Oh. Sorry. OK. - That's better. That's better. 428 00:37:03,823 --> 00:37:07,243 - Oh, what's...? Wait a minute. The sheet. - Oh. Sorry. OK. 429 00:37:08,869 --> 00:37:11,497 - How are you doing? - Oh, good! Good! 430 00:37:13,765 --> 00:37:16,351 Maybe something's happened to him. 431 00:37:16,476 --> 00:37:20,689 - I thought he'd be back by Friday. - I can't keep covering for him. 432 00:37:20,814 --> 00:37:22,482 - Where is he? - How should I know? 433 00:37:22,607 --> 00:37:25,068 You sent the little douche bag to Rush Street! 434 00:37:25,193 --> 00:37:28,029 - Oh, shut up, you clone. - Up your tube, geek. 435 00:37:28,154 --> 00:37:30,824 - I'm telling Kennedy. - Very honourable, Skip. 436 00:37:30,949 --> 00:37:33,034 It's been nice knowin' ya. 437 00:37:33,576 --> 00:37:35,787 Where the hell have you been? 438 00:37:41,668 --> 00:37:43,920 - (wolf-whistling) - (cheering) 439 00:37:48,341 --> 00:37:50,802 Very impressive, Mr Ogner. 440 00:37:51,970 --> 00:37:54,514 - In a fucking elevator? - That was the first time. 441 00:37:55,306 --> 00:37:57,308 I can't stand it! 442 00:37:57,434 --> 00:38:01,730 Oh, it was stuck... between the 51st and 52nd floor. 443 00:38:04,065 --> 00:38:06,443 - How old is she? - Oh, God... 444 00:38:07,610 --> 00:38:09,654 mid-thirties. 445 00:38:10,697 --> 00:38:13,241 Oh, God. God! 446 00:38:14,743 --> 00:38:17,620 A fucking elevator! Fucking ele... Whoa! 447 00:38:18,872 --> 00:38:22,292 Now let's each of us take a moment to look within ourselves, 448 00:38:22,417 --> 00:38:25,003 and ask for guidance... 449 00:38:25,128 --> 00:38:27,172 and strength. 450 00:38:28,381 --> 00:38:30,425 - Our heavenly Father... - How big? 451 00:38:30,759 --> 00:38:33,970 .. may you look down on each and every one of us 452 00:38:34,095 --> 00:38:36,556 and give us the will, 453 00:38:36,681 --> 00:38:40,185 the purity of mind, to follow your way. 454 00:38:40,310 --> 00:38:43,605 - What's her name? - Ellen. 455 00:38:43,730 --> 00:38:48,193 She's a fashion designer. Told her I'm at Northwestern workin' on my PhD. 456 00:38:48,318 --> 00:38:51,071 And she bought it? And you really...? 457 00:38:51,196 --> 00:38:52,572 Mm-hm. 458 00:38:52,697 --> 00:38:55,492 - Jesus! And she really...? - Mm-hm. 459 00:38:55,617 --> 00:38:57,911 - Jesus! - Hey, you wanna be careful? 460 00:38:58,036 --> 00:38:59,496 Aw, man. 461 00:39:07,504 --> 00:39:09,547 Hey! There he is! 462 00:39:10,423 --> 00:39:13,259 - Mr Porno! - Yeah, the Rush Street Casanova! 463 00:39:13,635 --> 00:39:17,097 - Hey, he's a sex machine. - The guy is an animal. 464 00:39:17,639 --> 00:39:21,726 It's Dick Man! Able to leap long fences at a single bound! 465 00:39:21,851 --> 00:39:24,187 Yes, Dick Man! 466 00:39:25,438 --> 00:39:27,482 Oh, you lady-killer! 467 00:39:50,130 --> 00:39:52,465 OK. See ya Monday. 468 00:39:52,590 --> 00:39:55,635 Wait a minute, wait a minute. Listen to this. 469 00:39:55,969 --> 00:40:01,474 "One out of every two males experiences impotence at least once in his late teens. " 470 00:40:01,599 --> 00:40:03,852 One out of two. Holy shit. 471 00:40:04,936 --> 00:40:08,148 Well, have a swell weekend. Give Ellen my love. 472 00:40:08,273 --> 00:40:09,983 (Ellen) Oh! 473 00:40:10,108 --> 00:40:11,735 Oh! 474 00:40:43,349 --> 00:40:45,143 Oh, Jonathon. 475 00:40:45,268 --> 00:40:47,312 (Jonathon) Mm. 476 00:41:14,297 --> 00:41:18,551 Let's do it again. What do you think? Hm? What do you think? 477 00:42:37,005 --> 00:42:39,466 - Are you ready? - Mm-hm. 478 00:42:44,929 --> 00:42:47,390 It's called an instant margarita. 479 00:42:48,141 --> 00:42:50,518 - Ready when you are. - Open. 480 00:42:55,940 --> 00:42:57,567 Swallow. 481 00:42:58,026 --> 00:42:59,652 Swallow! 482 00:43:00,862 --> 00:43:03,865 Do you want some water? Do you want some water? Open. 483 00:43:03,990 --> 00:43:06,409 - Do you want more? - Cut it out! 484 00:43:06,534 --> 00:43:09,621 - Just tryin' to help! - You're dealin' with an animal here. 485 00:43:09,746 --> 00:43:12,290 - Oh, my. - All right, no more Mr Nice Guy. 486 00:43:12,415 --> 00:43:14,501 - Oh, my God. - What? 487 00:43:15,585 --> 00:43:19,547 That's it! You wanna play rough? Huh? You wanna play rough? 488 00:43:34,104 --> 00:43:36,147 I love you. 489 00:43:43,238 --> 00:43:46,741 (Jonathon) A lot of people ruin a good thing with pressure and strings. 490 00:43:46,866 --> 00:43:48,827 They suffocate each other. 491 00:43:48,952 --> 00:43:53,081 I don't want that kind of relationship. I don't think you do, either. 492 00:43:53,206 --> 00:43:56,042 You know, Ellen, when I said I loved you, 493 00:43:57,252 --> 00:44:00,797 I didn't mean for you to get the impression that I actually love you. 494 00:44:01,131 --> 00:44:04,551 It's a cliche one falls back on in this situation. 495 00:44:06,511 --> 00:44:09,723 What I was trying to say is, I very much like you, 496 00:44:09,848 --> 00:44:13,226 but we shouldn't exaggerate the significance of that. 497 00:44:13,351 --> 00:44:16,062 It's... We have a good time together. 498 00:44:19,858 --> 00:44:22,652 Next weekend, why don't I come up? 499 00:44:22,777 --> 00:44:25,655 - Up? - Yeah. To Northwestern. 500 00:44:28,867 --> 00:44:31,119 We'll stay at your place. 501 00:44:32,037 --> 00:44:34,289 My place? At Northwestern? 502 00:44:35,165 --> 00:44:39,669 Yeah, great. That's a great idea. When do you wanna come up? 503 00:44:39,794 --> 00:44:41,713 Next weekend. 504 00:44:41,838 --> 00:44:44,466 Uh, yeah, next weekend I won't be there. 505 00:44:44,591 --> 00:44:46,843 I'll be, uh... I'll be in the city. 506 00:44:47,635 --> 00:44:50,513 - Oh. Chicago? - Yeah. No! No, New York. 507 00:44:50,638 --> 00:44:52,891 I have to attend a seminar. 508 00:44:54,059 --> 00:44:58,146 Well, that's even better. We'll have a great time. 509 00:44:58,938 --> 00:45:03,234 - In New York? - We'll do the romantic bullshit routine. 510 00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:06,696 (Jonathon) We'll have a great time. In New York. 511 00:45:15,538 --> 00:45:17,332 - Wake up, limp dick! - (groans) 512 00:45:17,457 --> 00:45:22,128 Oh, rise and shine. Come on, you're gonna be late for chapel. 513 00:45:22,253 --> 00:45:25,382 - Let's go! - I'm going, I'm going, I'm going. 514 00:45:25,507 --> 00:45:26,966 Jesus! 515 00:45:27,092 --> 00:45:28,510 What? 516 00:45:28,635 --> 00:45:30,678 You look horrible. 517 00:45:32,806 --> 00:45:35,058 Oh, I don't believe it. 518 00:45:35,183 --> 00:45:37,310 What now? 519 00:45:37,435 --> 00:45:39,646 New York. 520 00:45:39,771 --> 00:45:41,856 I told her I'd meet her in New York. 521 00:45:41,981 --> 00:45:46,444 In New York? Jesus, you're... What, do you love this chick? Huh? 522 00:45:47,487 --> 00:45:51,616 Does she know you love her? No, really, does she know you love her? 523 00:45:51,741 --> 00:45:54,869 Does she know you've gone completely off the deep end? 524 00:45:54,994 --> 00:45:58,331 All's I know is, I gotta find a seminar in New York. 525 00:46:48,548 --> 00:46:50,759 What are we doing? 526 00:46:51,426 --> 00:46:55,638 - Getting rid of that eyesore. - I happen to like this eyesore. 527 00:46:57,599 --> 00:46:58,892 (salesman clears throat) 528 00:46:59,017 --> 00:47:03,229 - May I help you? - Could we try this jacket in his size? 529 00:47:04,898 --> 00:47:05,899 39 regular? 530 00:47:06,024 --> 00:47:10,695 We're not getting rid of it entirely, we're just giving it a much-needed rest. 531 00:47:11,321 --> 00:47:13,448 - Sir? - Uh-huh. 532 00:47:13,573 --> 00:47:15,617 - Ma'am. - OK. 533 00:47:17,327 --> 00:47:19,371 All right. 534 00:47:21,456 --> 00:47:23,500 (salesman) Very nice. 535 00:47:24,626 --> 00:47:28,129 - What do you think? - Very distinguished. 536 00:47:28,922 --> 00:47:31,424 - Now slacks. - Mm-hm. May I suggest, uh... 537 00:47:31,549 --> 00:47:34,302 Grey flannel. 538 00:47:34,427 --> 00:47:35,762 31. 539 00:47:35,887 --> 00:47:37,806 Uh, 30. 540 00:47:37,931 --> 00:47:44,062 - What are you saying about my trousers? - They speak for themselves. 541 00:47:44,187 --> 00:47:46,856 Sir, you'll find the dressing room right over there. 542 00:47:46,981 --> 00:47:49,067 Thank you. 543 00:48:25,145 --> 00:48:26,771 Ellen? 544 00:48:30,442 --> 00:48:32,485 Shit. Shit! 545 00:48:32,610 --> 00:48:33,987 - Sir. Sir! - (alarm) 546 00:48:38,074 --> 00:48:39,868 Ellen! Ellen! 547 00:48:39,993 --> 00:48:44,205 - Where do you think you're going? - I have to catch her! Ellen! 548 00:48:48,752 --> 00:48:50,336 Come on. 549 00:48:50,462 --> 00:48:52,505 Come on. 550 00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:05,226 (horn) 551 00:49:13,193 --> 00:49:15,236 Hiya, tiger. 552 00:49:21,326 --> 00:49:23,536 What am I gonna do? 553 00:49:23,661 --> 00:49:28,625 I don't know her number. I don't know her address. I don't even know her last name. 554 00:49:28,750 --> 00:49:31,002 Knew her pretty well, did you? 555 00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:39,427 I'm sorry. Look, she was bound to find out about it sooner or later. 556 00:49:39,552 --> 00:49:42,806 Yeah. I just wish it was later, you know. 557 00:49:44,933 --> 00:49:46,434 Christ. 558 00:49:49,270 --> 00:49:52,565 Hey! You gonna spend the rest of your life in bed? 559 00:49:55,318 --> 00:50:00,573 Don't you think you're takin' this a little hard? You've gotta go to dinner. 560 00:50:00,740 --> 00:50:03,201 I can't believe you'd forgo eggplant surprise. 561 00:50:03,326 --> 00:50:07,372 - I'm not hungry. - That's no reason not to eat the shit. 562 00:50:07,497 --> 00:50:09,791 Coming or not? Last chance. 563 00:50:16,548 --> 00:50:18,591 One more chance. 564 00:50:25,223 --> 00:50:27,851 This is your final and last chance. 565 00:50:28,768 --> 00:50:31,062 Leave me alone! 566 00:50:31,187 --> 00:50:35,734 I'll leave you alone. You don't wanna do anything. You don't wanna... 567 00:50:37,944 --> 00:50:39,988 What a jerk! 568 00:50:45,952 --> 00:50:48,204 Very well done, Mr Jenkins. 569 00:50:49,581 --> 00:50:52,542 Extraordinarily average, Mr Maybaum. 570 00:50:52,667 --> 00:50:54,919 Very nice, Mr Jackson. 571 00:50:57,088 --> 00:50:59,549 Very perceptive, Mr Burroughs. 572 00:51:02,260 --> 00:51:04,512 Too vague, Mr Goobser. 573 00:51:05,388 --> 00:51:10,101 We have something really mediocre here, Mr Ogner. Let's not keep it up. 574 00:51:10,852 --> 00:51:13,605 Offended all my sensibilities, Mr Ruskin. 575 00:51:15,315 --> 00:51:16,316 (bell rings) 576 00:51:16,441 --> 00:51:18,651 Hey, Jonathon, wait up! 577 00:51:19,402 --> 00:51:22,447 A C-plus - now you've got something to be depressed about. 578 00:51:22,572 --> 00:51:25,742 - Even Roger got a B-minus. - I don't give a shit. 579 00:51:29,079 --> 00:51:34,376 What'll you do for Christmas? Crucify yourself? I think you're missing the point. 580 00:51:34,501 --> 00:51:35,835 - Do you? - I do. 581 00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:39,839 She was beautiful. She was wonderful. But a fuck... It's just a fuck. 582 00:51:39,964 --> 00:51:44,219 - Sometimes you're a real asshole. - You're not the first guy to be dumped on. 583 00:51:44,344 --> 00:51:49,182 One thing I don't need right now is the world according to Skippy here. 584 00:51:50,183 --> 00:51:53,019 Do us both a favour, huh? Just shut up. 585 00:51:53,728 --> 00:51:55,772 OK, Mr Depth. 586 00:51:57,732 --> 00:51:59,859 - Wallow in it. - (bell rings) 587 00:52:04,698 --> 00:52:06,908 - Dammit, Roger, hurry up. - Don't rush me. 588 00:52:07,033 --> 00:52:09,119 We're playing poker. You want me to help? 589 00:52:09,244 --> 00:52:13,540 All right, all right. Does a full house beat a flush or does a flush beat a full house? 590 00:52:13,665 --> 00:52:15,667 You don't even know how to play! 591 00:52:15,792 --> 00:52:17,877 How many times do we have to tell you? 592 00:52:18,002 --> 00:52:21,631 - Come on! Come on! - (thud) 593 00:52:21,756 --> 00:52:24,676 - What was that? - (door opens) 594 00:52:24,801 --> 00:52:28,221 It's Jonathon. He's really freakin' out. 595 00:52:28,346 --> 00:52:29,973 Oh, great. 596 00:52:30,098 --> 00:52:33,143 - Jonathon's always freakin' out. - We gotta redeal. 597 00:52:33,268 --> 00:52:35,145 - Redeal? - He had to leave. 598 00:52:35,270 --> 00:52:36,730 - So what? - It's a redeal. 599 00:52:36,855 --> 00:52:41,818 - If it was your cards you wouldn't do it. - After someone leaves... doesn't count. 600 00:52:41,943 --> 00:52:44,446 - Gimme those cards! - It's a null game. 601 00:52:44,571 --> 00:52:50,326 No way! No way! Get outta here! If it was your cards, you wouldn't redeal. 602 00:52:56,791 --> 00:52:58,001 Jonathon! 603 00:53:00,211 --> 00:53:02,672 Jesus Christ! Jonathon! 604 00:53:09,387 --> 00:53:11,556 Jonathon! Jonathon! 605 00:53:22,359 --> 00:53:26,905 Jonathon! Come back, goddammit! Jonathon, stop! 606 00:53:34,496 --> 00:53:38,541 Shut up! Shut up! Listen, man, you're gonna get kicked outta here. 607 00:53:38,666 --> 00:53:42,962 You can kiss your fuckin' future goodbye, including Harvard. Do you hear me? 608 00:53:43,088 --> 00:53:45,423 (muffled cry) 609 00:54:05,151 --> 00:54:07,404 Kicked you out, didn't he? 610 00:54:09,656 --> 00:54:14,077 I, uh... I just can't talk about it right now. 611 00:54:14,202 --> 00:54:19,332 My parents give a shitload of money to this place. Nobody's kickin' you out. 612 00:54:19,457 --> 00:54:21,501 What's done is done. 613 00:54:26,172 --> 00:54:28,216 You dirt clod. 614 00:54:29,426 --> 00:54:33,263 - Harvard accepted you already? - Headmaster Kennedy said, and I quote, 615 00:54:33,388 --> 00:54:37,225 "Jonathon, you are a credit to us all", end quote. 616 00:54:37,350 --> 00:54:40,186 - You saved my life, man. - You still owe me a blow job. 617 00:54:40,478 --> 00:54:44,941 - You're right. I forgot all about that. - Jesus, you can't forget these things. 618 00:54:45,066 --> 00:54:47,944 - We're drinkin'. It's on you. - Yeah, of course. 619 00:54:48,653 --> 00:54:50,822 Ma, we can trim the tree when I get there. 620 00:54:50,947 --> 00:54:54,534 I'm only gonna be gone the first four days. I mean... 621 00:54:55,702 --> 00:54:58,204 Mom, I'll be home for Christmas. 622 00:54:59,289 --> 00:55:01,374 - No. I gotta go. - (bell rings) 623 00:55:01,499 --> 00:55:05,670 Yeah, I'll call you when I get there, I promise. I love you too, yeah. OK, bye. 624 00:55:05,795 --> 00:55:07,839 Oh, Mom! 625 00:55:08,923 --> 00:55:13,053 (# "Little Drummer Boy" by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts) 626 00:55:16,514 --> 00:55:21,895 # Come, they told me, pa rum pa pum pum 627 00:55:24,606 --> 00:55:29,110 # A newborn king to see, pa rum pa pum pum 628 00:55:30,195 --> 00:55:35,075 # Our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pa pum pum 629 00:55:37,744 --> 00:55:42,624 # To lay before the king, pa rum pa pum pum 630 00:55:42,749 --> 00:55:46,336 # Rum pa pum pum, rum pa pum pum 631 00:55:49,130 --> 00:55:54,386 # So to honour him, pa rum pa pum pum 632 00:56:04,604 --> 00:56:06,648 Welcome to Toad Hall. 633 00:56:10,527 --> 00:56:15,365 I have never seen such a vulgar display of wealth in my entire life. 634 00:56:15,490 --> 00:56:18,576 - How do I get one? - Well, you can do what we did. 635 00:56:18,702 --> 00:56:21,287 - Bootlegging bought the place. - Bootlegging? 636 00:56:21,413 --> 00:56:24,416 Uh-huh. Before Gramps went legit. 637 00:56:24,541 --> 00:56:26,167 Huh. 638 00:56:30,839 --> 00:56:32,924 Oh, these are not for you, OK? 639 00:56:33,049 --> 00:56:36,302 - Remember. - Thanks. I feel like I'm in a museum. 640 00:56:36,428 --> 00:56:38,888 It's not much, but it's home. 641 00:56:40,056 --> 00:56:42,350 - Maggie! - Skip! 642 00:56:42,475 --> 00:56:45,061 - Hi, gorgeous! - How you doin'? 643 00:56:45,186 --> 00:56:49,149 Great. I want you to meet Jonathon, my roommate, and a chronic bed-wetter. 644 00:56:49,274 --> 00:56:52,819 You are not too old for me to put you over my knee, now. 645 00:56:52,944 --> 00:56:56,740 Really? Oh, do it now, Maggie, do it now. 646 00:56:56,865 --> 00:56:59,117 You're crazy! 647 00:56:59,242 --> 00:57:01,286 No, I got it. 648 00:57:11,921 --> 00:57:13,548 Wow. 649 00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:15,884 - Hey! - Hey. 650 00:57:18,970 --> 00:57:23,641 You know, this room has always had a special place in my heart. 651 00:57:23,767 --> 00:57:25,810 Come here. 652 00:57:43,328 --> 00:57:45,622 - I'd better not. - You'd better. 653 00:57:46,498 --> 00:57:51,461 You wanna get good and ripped for an evening at home with the Burroughs. 654 00:57:53,463 --> 00:57:57,300 Don't let the old man scare you. If you wanna get on his good side, 655 00:57:57,425 --> 00:58:00,178 tell him you get a hard-on for firm government control. 656 00:58:00,804 --> 00:58:06,184 Government control, Jonathon, is anathema to the free-enterprise system. 657 00:58:06,309 --> 00:58:08,978 Any intelligent person knows you cannot interfere 658 00:58:09,104 --> 00:58:11,690 with the laws of supply and demand. 659 00:58:11,815 --> 00:58:14,693 I see your point, sir. That's why I'm not for tariffs. 660 00:58:14,818 --> 00:58:16,611 Right. 661 00:58:16,736 --> 00:58:21,783 No, wrong. You gotta have tariffs. How you gonna compete with the foreigners? 662 00:58:21,908 --> 00:58:25,286 - Gotta have tariffs. - Jonathon, how can you be so blind? 663 00:58:25,412 --> 00:58:26,830 (door closes) 664 00:58:26,955 --> 00:58:29,499 We're in here, dear. We're havin' a drink. 665 00:58:29,624 --> 00:58:31,042 Mom? 666 00:58:32,001 --> 00:58:33,503 Mom! 667 00:58:33,628 --> 00:58:35,463 Are these for me? 668 00:58:35,588 --> 00:58:37,841 Here, let me have them. 669 00:58:42,012 --> 00:58:46,474 I want you to meet my roommate Jonathon. Jonathon, this is my mom. 670 00:58:51,771 --> 00:58:53,064 Uh... 671 00:58:53,189 --> 00:58:56,609 Uh... very nice to meet you, Mrs Burroughs. 672 00:58:56,735 --> 00:58:58,695 Hello. Hello. 673 00:58:58,820 --> 00:59:01,531 Um... well... 674 00:59:01,656 --> 00:59:06,578 I would like to freshen up, so I... I think I will freshen up, and, um... 675 00:59:06,703 --> 00:59:09,789 I'll see you all at dinner. Darling. 676 00:59:15,503 --> 00:59:21,176 (Mr Burroughs) Well, let's see, where were we before... we were interrupted? 677 00:59:22,093 --> 00:59:23,928 Oh, yes. Government interference. 678 00:59:24,054 --> 00:59:28,975 I'm also adamantly opposed to the government baling out corporations. 679 00:59:29,100 --> 00:59:31,436 Unless it's one of our corporations. 680 00:59:31,561 --> 00:59:35,565 (Mr Burroughs) Hm. Quick. Pretty quick, huh, Jonathon? 681 00:59:35,690 --> 00:59:38,777 - Chip off the old block. - Holy fuckin' shit. 682 01:00:00,507 --> 01:00:02,175 Jonathon? 683 01:00:02,300 --> 01:00:04,344 Yes, sir? 684 01:00:07,347 --> 01:00:10,517 Evidently you and I have something in common. 685 01:00:15,313 --> 01:00:18,233 Can you guess what that might be? 686 01:00:19,317 --> 01:00:22,112 Leave it, Maggie'll get it. Maggie! 687 01:00:24,447 --> 01:00:26,324 Jonathon. 688 01:00:26,491 --> 01:00:31,204 I, too, was the first boy in my class at Vernon to be accepted into Harvard. 689 01:00:33,248 --> 01:00:36,751 Jonathon, how wonderful. Congratulations. 690 01:00:46,511 --> 01:00:50,098 Why don't you try the roast, dear? It's a superb cut. 691 01:00:52,517 --> 01:00:54,561 Thank you, sweetheart. 692 01:01:10,035 --> 01:01:15,540 Wish we had food like this at old Vermin. We'd probably have a lot fewer suicides. 693 01:01:15,665 --> 01:01:18,126 If you concentrated more on studies than jokes, 694 01:01:18,251 --> 01:01:22,380 perhaps you too would've been accepted into Harvard by now. 695 01:01:26,968 --> 01:01:29,637 Well, uh, Jonathon, back to Harvard. 696 01:01:30,722 --> 01:01:33,725 I imagine this is a very exciting time in your life. 697 01:01:33,850 --> 01:01:36,144 Oh, yes. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. 698 01:01:36,269 --> 01:01:41,274 I bet you are. Well, it's a turning point, really. If you study hard at Harvard, 699 01:01:41,399 --> 01:01:44,194 you'll be able to write your own ticket. 700 01:01:50,241 --> 01:01:53,203 Darling, get me some more wine, would you? 701 01:01:54,788 --> 01:01:56,998 Why don't you wait for the last course? 702 01:01:57,957 --> 01:02:01,086 That was quite a display you put on at the dinner table. 703 01:02:01,211 --> 01:02:04,547 I guess it doesn't matter what you do in private. 704 01:02:10,053 --> 01:02:11,930 Let me tell you somethin', lady. 705 01:02:12,055 --> 01:02:16,518 As long as you're in this house with me, representing this family, 706 01:02:17,977 --> 01:02:23,358 you will control that neurosis or whatever the hell it is you think you've got. 707 01:02:30,699 --> 01:02:36,079 And you'll behave like a Burroughs even if you don't feel like one. Is that clear? 708 01:03:14,159 --> 01:03:15,785 Jonathon? 709 01:03:31,009 --> 01:03:33,553 Jonathon, I have to talk to you. 710 01:03:35,055 --> 01:03:37,098 What do you want? 711 01:03:41,686 --> 01:03:43,855 - I'm so sorry. - Sorry? 712 01:03:43,980 --> 01:03:47,609 - Jesus, your son is in the next room! - I would never have done it 713 01:03:47,734 --> 01:03:49,986 if I'd known who you were. 714 01:03:52,614 --> 01:03:56,117 Look... I... I need to explain. 715 01:03:56,242 --> 01:03:58,912 - No. No, you don't. - Please. 716 01:04:00,955 --> 01:04:03,833 Jesus, I don't know what you want from me. 717 01:04:03,958 --> 01:04:07,712 If you want understanding, OK. I understand. 718 01:04:11,758 --> 01:04:14,594 Would you please hold me? Would you? 719 01:04:14,719 --> 01:04:16,763 No, I can't. 720 01:04:16,888 --> 01:04:19,307 (knocking) Hey, ace, are you awake? 721 01:04:20,308 --> 01:04:22,352 Argh! Shit! 722 01:04:23,061 --> 01:04:25,105 Ow! Jesus. 723 01:04:26,189 --> 01:04:28,024 What are you doing? 724 01:04:28,149 --> 01:04:31,820 Uh, I was trying to open the door for you. I tripped. 725 01:04:31,945 --> 01:04:33,988 What a gonad! 726 01:04:36,282 --> 01:04:38,326 Get dressed. 727 01:04:47,544 --> 01:04:50,755 So, what did you think of dinner? 728 01:04:50,880 --> 01:04:54,050 It's, uh, pretty fuckin' entertaining, huh? 729 01:05:02,225 --> 01:05:05,353 Do you ever wonder if your parents still do it? 730 01:05:10,608 --> 01:05:14,779 Actually, I think my parents have a pretty normal relationship. 731 01:05:14,904 --> 01:05:18,408 He tells her exactly what to do, and she ignores him. 732 01:05:28,084 --> 01:05:30,712 I'm never gettin' married. 733 01:05:30,837 --> 01:05:34,049 - Neither am I. - That'll break a lot of hearts. 734 01:05:48,146 --> 01:05:51,024 - How you doin', Jonathon? - Good. 735 01:05:51,149 --> 01:05:54,694 Good man. Who wants to race me to the fence? 736 01:05:54,819 --> 01:05:57,489 - How about you, Skip? - Whoa! 737 01:05:58,406 --> 01:06:00,450 Come on! 738 01:06:12,420 --> 01:06:14,589 How are you? 739 01:06:14,714 --> 01:06:17,175 I want you off this property today. 740 01:06:23,556 --> 01:06:28,645 - So, how was the snow where you were? - It was fabulous. We had five inches. 741 01:06:30,480 --> 01:06:34,067 Oh, man. Comin' back here is depressing enough. 742 01:06:34,192 --> 01:06:36,695 Havin' to face exams is almost more than I can bear. 743 01:06:36,820 --> 01:06:40,115 Having to examine your face is almost more than we can bear. 744 01:06:40,240 --> 01:06:42,992 - Funny. - You're a mindless idiot. I mean it. 745 01:06:43,118 --> 01:06:45,995 You're a wit, Roscoe. You're a true wit. 746 01:06:46,121 --> 01:06:48,289 - See you later. - OK, bye. 747 01:07:01,261 --> 01:07:02,971 (bugle) 748 01:07:03,096 --> 01:07:05,890 OK, you guys, the kid is back! 749 01:07:08,768 --> 01:07:10,812 - Hey, buddy. - Miss me? 750 01:07:12,022 --> 01:07:15,483 Do you really think an investigation of our students is necessary? 751 01:07:15,608 --> 01:07:18,903 Yes, I do. So does the state of Illinois. 752 01:07:19,029 --> 01:07:21,823 I want to see the student files as soon as possible. 753 01:07:21,948 --> 01:07:25,410 I think the only way to clear up the problem is... 754 01:07:25,535 --> 01:07:28,163 Is there somebody out there? 755 01:07:28,288 --> 01:07:30,331 Uh, yes, sir. It's, uh, me, sir. 756 01:07:30,457 --> 01:07:34,127 And what can I do for you, Mr Maybaum? 757 01:07:34,252 --> 01:07:39,382 Mrs Hayworth needs your signatures on here. I mean, your signature. 758 01:07:39,507 --> 01:07:41,551 To sign it. 759 01:07:57,859 --> 01:07:59,152 (yells) 760 01:08:02,155 --> 01:08:04,574 I don't get it! I don't get it! 761 01:08:04,699 --> 01:08:07,160 I don't wanna get it! I hate it! 762 01:08:09,788 --> 01:08:12,415 - Skip. - No, forget it. There's no way. 763 01:08:12,540 --> 01:08:15,960 I'm a dead man. Adios, Harvard. Bonjour, Trade Tech. 764 01:08:16,086 --> 01:08:18,129 OK, look, look. 765 01:08:18,254 --> 01:08:20,382 If the area un... Skip. 766 01:08:21,591 --> 01:08:25,303 If the area under the curve represented by F times the quantity X 767 01:08:25,428 --> 01:08:30,350 is bounded by vertical lines X = sub A and X = sub B, what do you have to find? 768 01:08:30,475 --> 01:08:33,019 - A gun. It's hopeless. - (knock at door) 769 01:08:33,144 --> 01:08:35,563 Meeting in Roscoe's room after lights out! 770 01:08:35,689 --> 01:08:38,024 That's in three hours. I better get ready. 771 01:08:38,149 --> 01:08:41,861 All I heard was that he was talkin' about some investigation. 772 01:08:41,986 --> 01:08:45,281 - What investigation? - I don't know. That's what I'm tellin' you. 773 01:08:45,407 --> 01:08:47,450 (knocking) 774 01:08:51,705 --> 01:08:54,374 (all mutter).. five, six, seven, eight. 775 01:08:54,499 --> 01:08:58,837 - Jonathon, telephone. - (mimicking) Jonathon, telephone. 776 01:09:02,549 --> 01:09:04,926 - Hello? - (Ellen) Jonathon? 777 01:09:05,051 --> 01:09:07,762 - Oh, God. - How are you? 778 01:09:07,887 --> 01:09:10,890 - Are you serious? - Why didn't you say goodbye? 779 01:09:11,016 --> 01:09:14,269 - Look, you ordered me off the property. - Did I? 780 01:09:16,646 --> 01:09:20,400 - Don't play games with me, huh? - I have to see you. 781 01:09:20,525 --> 01:09:22,986 Yeah, I can't talk. I gotta go. 782 01:09:24,779 --> 01:09:28,616 - Take care of yourself. - Yeah. Yeah, you too. 783 01:09:28,742 --> 01:09:33,204 - Why don't we just kill the guy? - It'd be good if we could. 784 01:09:33,329 --> 01:09:35,707 - Who was it? - Huh? 785 01:09:36,791 --> 01:09:38,710 On the phone. 786 01:09:38,835 --> 01:09:39,836 Oh. 787 01:09:39,961 --> 01:09:43,006 My mom. The dog died. 788 01:09:43,131 --> 01:09:44,799 No shit. 789 01:09:44,924 --> 01:09:48,845 - What does this guy look like? - Hitler, man. The guy looks like Hitler. 790 01:09:48,970 --> 01:09:53,016 He's got a little moustache and beady little eyes. He stares right through you. 791 01:09:53,141 --> 01:09:57,562 The bastard never blinks. I was in there for five minutes, the guy didn't blink once. 792 01:09:57,687 --> 01:10:00,899 He just... stares right through you. He goes... 793 01:10:28,009 --> 01:10:29,761 Yeah! 794 01:10:29,886 --> 01:10:33,723 All right, so it's me, Roger, Doug, and Barry. 795 01:10:33,848 --> 01:10:35,892 (knocking) 796 01:10:41,022 --> 01:10:43,066 .. five, six, seven, eight. 797 01:10:44,609 --> 01:10:47,904 - Phone again for Jonathon. - His dog died again. 798 01:10:50,115 --> 01:10:52,367 Shh! OK, look, here's the plan. 799 01:10:53,702 --> 01:10:56,037 This is the bedroom. There's a window here. 800 01:10:56,162 --> 01:11:00,500 If it's clear, we'll all come around this corner and go through the window. 801 01:11:00,625 --> 01:11:02,669 - Search for anything. - Anything. 802 01:11:03,169 --> 01:11:07,340 - Yeah, I'm still here. - (Ellen) Just to talk. Just for an hour. 803 01:11:07,465 --> 01:11:10,301 - I can't, OK? - Jonathon. 804 01:11:10,427 --> 01:11:12,971 - Can't. - Just for an hour. 805 01:11:13,096 --> 01:11:16,599 Please. Come on, don't call me any more, all right? 806 01:11:19,894 --> 01:11:20,937 Jesus. 807 01:11:32,282 --> 01:11:34,325 (tuneless singing) 808 01:11:50,717 --> 01:11:52,761 OK, let's go. 809 01:11:55,472 --> 01:11:57,599 Come on, come on! 810 01:11:57,724 --> 01:11:59,934 Shh! Get down. Let's go. 811 01:12:20,538 --> 01:12:22,457 - Holy shit! - What? 812 01:12:22,874 --> 01:12:24,626 - Guy's a fuckin' narc! - Shh! 813 01:12:24,751 --> 01:12:26,378 Hello? 814 01:12:28,755 --> 01:12:30,215 Hello? 815 01:12:30,340 --> 01:12:31,424 Hello? 816 01:12:32,634 --> 01:12:35,053 Shit! Let's get outta here! 817 01:12:39,683 --> 01:12:41,810 - Is anybody there? - Go! Go! 818 01:12:43,228 --> 01:12:45,855 Get outta my way! Get outta my way, dammit! 819 01:12:45,980 --> 01:12:49,067 - Shit! - Come on, man, move it. Go. Go. 820 01:12:49,192 --> 01:12:50,860 Hello? 821 01:13:06,209 --> 01:13:09,045 - When's the bust? - I don't know! 822 01:13:09,170 --> 01:13:11,631 Raid. Raid, man. 823 01:13:11,756 --> 01:13:14,300 - What's goin' on? - The guy is a narc. 824 01:13:15,844 --> 01:13:20,181 - You better dump it all! - I'll never make it through exams now! 825 01:13:23,935 --> 01:13:24,978 Quick! 826 01:13:29,274 --> 01:13:32,152 If you have anything, you'd better dump it right now. 827 01:13:33,278 --> 01:13:36,281 - How are you gonna flush that? - Watch me. 828 01:13:37,907 --> 01:13:40,744 Outta my way. I got shit to flush here. 829 01:13:55,467 --> 01:13:57,927 Make way, gentlemen, please. 830 01:13:59,763 --> 01:14:01,806 Read 'em and weep. 831 01:14:04,476 --> 01:14:06,728 All right! Whoo-hoo! 832 01:14:06,853 --> 01:14:11,983 Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! All right! All right! Whoo-hoo! 833 01:14:15,820 --> 01:14:18,031 Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! 834 01:14:19,449 --> 01:14:23,578 Jonathon! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 835 01:14:23,703 --> 01:14:28,333 - Ya-da-da-da-da-da! Ya-da-da-da-da-da! - Skip! Skip. 836 01:14:28,458 --> 01:14:30,960 - Well? - You passed. 837 01:14:31,086 --> 01:14:34,798 Passed, my ass, man. We're number one and two, me and you. 838 01:14:34,923 --> 01:14:37,258 Thanks to you, we're a friggin' genius! 839 01:14:37,384 --> 01:14:40,428 - So we're gonna party our balls off. - I can't. 840 01:14:40,553 --> 01:14:42,806 - I didn't hear that. - I gotta go to Chicago. 841 01:14:42,931 --> 01:14:46,851 - Great thinkin'. I own the town. - No, come on, I'm goin' alone, Skip. 842 01:14:46,976 --> 01:14:51,773 Jesus, not that shit again. I told you to forget about her. You'll never find her. 843 01:14:52,399 --> 01:14:55,902 No, I'm not goin' for that. I just wanna be alone, OK? 844 01:14:56,820 --> 01:14:58,446 OK. 845 01:15:03,785 --> 01:15:07,831 But next time you're feelin' sad and blue, don't expect old Skipper here 846 01:15:07,956 --> 01:15:11,876 to put on his big red nose and floppy shoes just pour vous. 847 01:15:15,797 --> 01:15:18,466 Adios... Mr Morose. 848 01:15:25,181 --> 01:15:27,225 Yeah! Yeah! 849 01:15:34,399 --> 01:15:39,654 Jesus Christ, I'm not the one who calls you up every week for a month, OK? 850 01:15:39,779 --> 01:15:43,408 Do you understand your son is my roommate, my best friend, OK? 851 01:15:43,533 --> 01:15:46,411 I can't believe we're arguing about this. 852 01:15:49,622 --> 01:15:52,250 I came here today cos I felt sorry for you. 853 01:15:53,001 --> 01:15:56,296 Where the hell do you get off talking to me like that? 854 01:15:56,421 --> 01:15:59,049 You don't know anything about me. 855 01:15:59,174 --> 01:16:01,843 You don't know anything about my life. 856 01:16:02,886 --> 01:16:05,347 When I first saw you in that bar... 857 01:16:07,432 --> 01:16:09,476 you were pathetic. 858 01:16:11,436 --> 01:16:13,688 You were a sympathy fuck. 859 01:16:15,815 --> 01:16:17,984 Jesus Christ. 860 01:16:18,109 --> 01:16:20,320 You'd better go, Jonathon. 861 01:16:26,117 --> 01:16:31,831 Um, room service. It's room 1017. I'd like a bottle of vodka sent up right away. 862 01:16:32,207 --> 01:16:35,877 - Oh, that'll really help, won't it? - Yes, it will, Jonathon. 863 01:16:36,002 --> 01:16:38,880 A damn sight more than you will. 1017. 864 01:16:52,227 --> 01:16:54,479 I asked you to go. 865 01:16:57,399 --> 01:16:59,609 You can't call me any more. 866 01:16:59,734 --> 01:17:01,778 I know. 867 01:17:03,488 --> 01:17:05,115 I won't. 868 01:17:07,867 --> 01:17:09,911 I'm sorry. 869 01:17:33,601 --> 01:17:35,186 Hold me. 870 01:17:35,478 --> 01:17:37,647 - Are you sure it'll be all right? - Trust me. 871 01:17:37,772 --> 01:17:41,818 He is in serious trouble. He's forgotten the meaning of the word "debauchery". 872 01:17:41,943 --> 01:17:43,653 This is gonna be great. 873 01:17:43,778 --> 01:17:46,948 Bet you've never been with guys as crazy as us. 874 01:17:47,449 --> 01:17:51,244 - Sure he's in here? - Yeah, man, I told you, I followed him. 875 01:17:51,369 --> 01:17:52,996 Shh! 876 01:17:56,458 --> 01:17:59,085 Shh. Shh. Are you ready? Shh. 877 01:18:01,254 --> 01:18:02,756 (Skip mouths) 878 01:18:02,881 --> 01:18:04,924 Room service! 879 01:18:05,717 --> 01:18:06,718 (knocking) 880 01:18:06,843 --> 01:18:09,179 Room service! 881 01:18:19,814 --> 01:18:22,067 - Oh, I'm sorry. - Shit. 882 01:18:23,485 --> 01:18:25,779 - Maybe we ought to leave. - Skip. 883 01:18:27,614 --> 01:18:29,157 Skipper. 884 01:18:32,744 --> 01:18:36,206 Jonathon, aren't you going to introduce your friend? 885 01:18:36,331 --> 01:18:38,792 She got any sisters, Jonathon? 886 01:18:50,637 --> 01:18:54,557 - (girl #1 ) Well, that was a short party! - (girl #2) Yeah! 887 01:18:57,477 --> 01:18:59,854 Would you please... excuse me? 888 01:19:04,776 --> 01:19:06,820 Skip! Skip! 889 01:19:31,386 --> 01:19:33,430 (man) Lights out! 890 01:20:04,085 --> 01:20:06,129 Look, Skip... 891 01:20:07,213 --> 01:20:10,800 Skip, come on. Look, Skip, I didn't know who she was. 892 01:20:12,177 --> 01:20:14,220 I'm really sorry. 893 01:20:15,430 --> 01:20:17,474 I'm sorry. 894 01:20:19,976 --> 01:20:23,396 Come on... Do you think we should talk about this? 895 01:20:24,189 --> 01:20:28,985 Hey, there's nothin' to talk about. I told you, a fuck is just a fuck. 896 01:20:35,784 --> 01:20:37,410 OK. 897 01:20:56,221 --> 01:20:57,597 Urgh! 898 01:20:57,722 --> 01:20:59,766 What's your problem, Skip? 899 01:21:06,481 --> 01:21:08,858 Argh! Damn you! 900 01:21:08,983 --> 01:21:13,196 - Get outta my way! - Cheap play, Burroughs! I'm warnin' you! 901 01:21:13,321 --> 01:21:15,949 - What the hell is goin' on there? - I don't know. 902 01:21:17,742 --> 01:21:19,994 Son of a bitch! 903 01:21:22,288 --> 01:21:24,541 I'll fix your ass for you! 904 01:21:26,334 --> 01:21:27,460 (whistle blows) 905 01:21:27,585 --> 01:21:30,130 Burroughs, you bastard. 906 01:21:30,255 --> 01:21:34,801 Watch the language! Burroughs, I've had it with you. Get outta here! 907 01:21:34,926 --> 01:21:39,097 - Yeah, let's go! - (squawking laughter) 908 01:21:39,973 --> 01:21:42,892 - Hey, man. - (boy squawks) Bye-bye! 909 01:21:43,018 --> 01:21:45,145 Take a cold shower! 910 01:21:51,860 --> 01:21:55,113 - Mr Burroughs. - Hello, Jonathon. 911 01:21:56,114 --> 01:21:59,284 - How are you? - Fine. You know when Skip'll be back? 912 01:21:59,409 --> 01:22:01,578 Uh, he should be back soon. 913 01:22:01,703 --> 01:22:03,997 How've you been? 914 01:22:04,122 --> 01:22:05,999 Good. 915 01:22:06,124 --> 01:22:08,501 Pretty busy? 916 01:22:08,626 --> 01:22:10,754 How's your social life? 917 01:22:11,963 --> 01:22:13,590 Girlfriends? 918 01:22:15,342 --> 01:22:16,217 No? 919 01:22:16,343 --> 01:22:19,888 OK, sir. Come on, let's get it over with. I can't take this. 920 01:22:20,013 --> 01:22:22,265 What are you talkin' about? 921 01:22:24,434 --> 01:22:26,686 What am I talkin' about? 922 01:22:28,772 --> 01:22:31,024 What are you doing here? 923 01:22:32,317 --> 01:22:34,569 - Would you excuse us? - Sure. 924 01:22:42,452 --> 01:22:44,412 What's wrong? 925 01:22:44,537 --> 01:22:50,210 Your mother's in the hospital, son. She checked herself in three days ago. 926 01:22:50,335 --> 01:22:53,046 She felt she needed psychiatric help. 927 01:22:54,130 --> 01:22:56,174 She's getting it. 928 01:23:04,516 --> 01:23:06,768 You don't seem surprised. 929 01:23:08,645 --> 01:23:12,899 - What do you want me to say? - What kind of attitude is that? 930 01:23:13,024 --> 01:23:18,196 It's not an attitude. If she thinks that she needs help, then she should get it. 931 01:23:22,242 --> 01:23:24,536 Face it, Dad, we're just a fucked-up family. 932 01:23:24,911 --> 01:23:27,414 That's the guy. That's the narc. 933 01:23:34,045 --> 01:23:36,881 Gentlemen, I am going to need your help. 934 01:23:37,007 --> 01:23:41,970 This is Mr Balaban. He is from the state attorney general's office, 935 01:23:42,095 --> 01:23:47,225 and he is presently conducting an investigation of the schools in our area. 936 01:23:47,350 --> 01:23:52,605 Apparently, there has been some widespread cheating on the SAT tests. 937 01:23:52,731 --> 01:23:57,777 I hope that Mr Balaban is wrong about Vernon Academy, but nonetheless, 938 01:23:57,902 --> 01:24:00,989 we are going to give him our full cooperation. 939 01:24:03,950 --> 01:24:06,202 - You're dead, Roger! - Asshole! 940 01:24:06,327 --> 01:24:08,997 - You stupid shit! - A narc, huh? 941 01:24:09,122 --> 01:24:13,043 - You asshole! - I flushed $300 down the goddamn toilet! 942 01:24:17,714 --> 01:24:22,135 So, this is a real pain-in-the-ass way to meet, isn't it? 943 01:24:22,260 --> 01:24:25,555 - I hear you're already headed to Harvard. - Yes. 944 01:24:27,807 --> 01:24:30,977 You got a near-perfect score on your SAT test. 945 01:24:31,936 --> 01:24:36,483 Very impressive. Normally I would've suspected you right away. 946 01:24:38,193 --> 01:24:41,112 Right away. 947 01:24:41,237 --> 01:24:44,407 But you've been a straight-A student all your life, so... 948 01:24:44,532 --> 01:24:47,535 the only conclusion I can draw is, either you're innocent, 949 01:24:47,660 --> 01:24:52,040 or you've been stealing tests since you were in nursery school. 950 01:24:54,167 --> 01:24:56,836 I guess we better get down to business. 951 01:25:09,933 --> 01:25:12,811 I'm gonna have to ask you some questions. 952 01:25:14,979 --> 01:25:18,566 Do you have any knowledge of the stolen SAT tests? 953 01:25:20,443 --> 01:25:22,487 No, sir. 954 01:25:23,363 --> 01:25:25,615 Did you purchase an SAT test? 955 01:25:27,742 --> 01:25:29,786 No, sir. 956 01:25:41,673 --> 01:25:42,257 Thank you. 957 01:25:42,590 --> 01:25:44,884 They kept Ostroff for an hour and a half. 958 01:25:45,010 --> 01:25:49,055 - I heard they nailed Powers. - Powers! What a jerk-off! 959 01:25:49,180 --> 01:25:54,019 He didn't cheat, but he's so scared he confessed to smokin', goin' off campus, 960 01:25:54,144 --> 01:25:57,564 - and spyin' on Kennedy's wife in the can. - Oh, man! 961 01:25:57,689 --> 01:25:59,816 Well, I tell you somethin', 962 01:25:59,941 --> 01:26:04,154 it'll take more than some fag from the attorney general's office to open my lips. 963 01:26:04,279 --> 01:26:06,406 Yeah! Two fags! 964 01:26:06,531 --> 01:26:11,244 Fuck you, Roscoe! Wait till you get in there, you'll be Jell-O guts. 965 01:26:15,707 --> 01:26:17,751 How you doin'? 966 01:26:36,019 --> 01:26:38,271 You heard from Harvard. 967 01:26:48,031 --> 01:26:49,449 Hey. 968 01:26:50,200 --> 01:26:52,202 Congratulations. 969 01:27:02,671 --> 01:27:05,048 (narrator) Seldom seen by civilised man, 970 01:27:05,173 --> 01:27:08,218 this sacred rituaI was captured by our camera... 971 01:27:08,343 --> 01:27:09,969 (shouting) 972 01:27:18,853 --> 01:27:21,898 - Shut the projector off, please. - (booing) 973 01:27:22,023 --> 01:27:24,776 More bodies for the inquisition, Mr Maybaum? 974 01:27:24,901 --> 01:27:26,569 Yes, ma'am. 975 01:27:26,861 --> 01:27:31,157 Mr Simons and Mr Burroughs, you are today's lucky winners. 976 01:27:33,952 --> 01:27:35,995 - Thank you, ma'am. - Shit. 977 01:27:46,047 --> 01:27:48,717 I know we're supposed to give our full cooperation 978 01:27:48,842 --> 01:27:51,344 to this stupid and pointless investigation, 979 01:27:51,469 --> 01:27:54,305 but when they interrupt one of my classes, 980 01:27:54,806 --> 01:27:56,850 it pisses me off. 981 01:27:58,768 --> 01:28:01,062 (boy) This is now my favourite class. 982 01:28:04,107 --> 01:28:06,192 Come in. Sit down. 983 01:28:15,368 --> 01:28:16,995 Squire. 984 01:28:19,122 --> 01:28:23,043 So, this is a real pain-in-the-ass way to meet, isn't it? 985 01:28:24,085 --> 01:28:27,547 I see you, uh... applied to Harvard. 986 01:28:27,672 --> 01:28:31,509 I'm an NYU man myself. I... worked my way through. 987 01:28:38,475 --> 01:28:41,019 Got a very high score on your SAT. 988 01:28:42,354 --> 01:28:43,730 "Burroughs". 989 01:28:43,855 --> 01:28:48,526 You're not by any chance related to the Burroughs who's on the board of AT&T? 990 01:28:48,651 --> 01:28:50,320 Daddy. 991 01:28:50,445 --> 01:28:52,489 Really? 992 01:28:52,781 --> 01:28:58,453 Ha-ha. I would imagine that the pressure to get into Harvard must be very intense. 993 01:29:01,039 --> 01:29:03,166 Your grades weren't bad. 994 01:29:03,875 --> 01:29:06,211 Your grades were all right. 995 01:29:06,336 --> 01:29:09,047 But it was the SAT score that got you in. 996 01:29:12,384 --> 01:29:15,053 I don't wanna put you through this. 997 01:29:16,012 --> 01:29:19,432 But we've all done things that we're ashamed of. 998 01:29:19,557 --> 01:29:22,060 Things that we have to live with. 999 01:29:22,185 --> 01:29:25,939 Sometimes painfully. Because only occasionally... 1000 01:29:26,064 --> 01:29:30,402 does the opportunity present itself to rectify our mistakes. 1001 01:29:30,527 --> 01:29:34,656 And with that said, I guess we should get down to business. 1002 01:29:37,909 --> 01:29:41,329 Do you have any knowledge of the stolen SAT tests? 1003 01:29:46,459 --> 01:29:49,754 Mr Burroughs, where do you think you're going? 1004 01:29:51,297 --> 01:29:53,341 Fuck you. 1005 01:29:56,428 --> 01:30:00,056 - He really said "Fuck you"? - He looked him straight in the eye, 1006 01:30:00,181 --> 01:30:02,058 - said it, and walked out. - All right! 1007 01:30:02,183 --> 01:30:03,518 I couldn't believe it! 1008 01:30:03,643 --> 01:30:06,563 - He told Balaban to go fuck himself. - No shit? 1009 01:30:06,688 --> 01:30:12,068 - He told Balaban to go fuck himself! - Burroughs told Balaban to fuck himself! 1010 01:30:14,154 --> 01:30:16,364 Hey! Skip! 1011 01:30:23,246 --> 01:30:25,707 Good job! 1012 01:30:44,476 --> 01:30:46,102 Skip! 1013 01:30:47,562 --> 01:30:50,440 Come on. Why didn't you turn me in? Huh? 1014 01:30:51,524 --> 01:30:54,652 You don't talk to me. You save my ass, but you don't talk to me. 1015 01:30:54,778 --> 01:30:58,281 Well, thanks, buddy. Maybe I'll do the same for you sometime, huh? 1016 01:30:58,406 --> 01:31:00,867 What could anybody do for Mr Perfect, though? 1017 01:31:00,992 --> 01:31:03,995 Hey, I got it. I'll drop dead. Wouldn't that be nice, huh? 1018 01:31:04,954 --> 01:31:09,334 I could shoot myself. No, you shoot me and mount my head next to the moose. 1019 01:31:09,459 --> 01:31:14,506 You could stretch the panties between my ears. Come on, you'd love that! 1020 01:31:14,631 --> 01:31:18,134 How the hell was I supposed to know who she was? You sent me to the bar. 1021 01:31:18,259 --> 01:31:20,720 You send her there to get laid, too? 1022 01:31:22,305 --> 01:31:27,060 You son of a bitch. You went back there even after you knew who she was. 1023 01:31:50,417 --> 01:31:53,086 Goddammit, you're gonna talk to me! 1024 01:32:21,531 --> 01:32:24,868 Oh, get away from me! Get away from me, you... 1025 01:32:27,579 --> 01:32:31,791 OK, you wanna talk? You wanna fucking talk, you lying son of a bitch? 1026 01:32:31,916 --> 01:32:34,169 You bastard! Come on! Come on! 1027 01:32:38,590 --> 01:32:41,593 - I'm sorry, man. - Come on, let's go! 1028 01:32:42,844 --> 01:32:44,637 Come on. 1029 01:32:45,138 --> 01:32:47,724 - Cut it out! - I'm gonna kick your fuckin' ass! 1030 01:32:47,849 --> 01:32:50,226 Come on. Cut it out. 1031 01:32:52,187 --> 01:32:54,230 Argh! Shit! 1032 01:33:12,290 --> 01:33:14,459 Stay away from me! 1033 01:33:16,836 --> 01:33:18,880 Argh! Fuck! 1034 01:33:27,639 --> 01:33:29,265 Skip? 1035 01:33:29,933 --> 01:33:31,434 Skip? 1036 01:33:31,559 --> 01:33:33,228 Fuck! 1037 01:33:33,353 --> 01:33:35,480 You son of a bitch! 1038 01:33:48,368 --> 01:33:50,036 Come on! 1039 01:33:52,288 --> 01:33:55,750 - God damn you! - Oh, just back off! 1040 01:34:05,593 --> 01:34:07,637 - Truce! - Truce, shit! 1041 01:34:23,319 --> 01:34:25,780 I never would've seen her again. 1042 01:34:26,781 --> 01:34:28,908 She kept callin' me. 1043 01:34:30,243 --> 01:34:32,787 I just wanted to talk, honest to God. 1044 01:34:33,913 --> 01:34:35,957 But, oh, shit... 1045 01:34:38,251 --> 01:34:40,795 I was in love with her, I really was. 1046 01:34:46,301 --> 01:34:48,553 Oh, man, I'm sorry, Skip. 1047 01:34:52,515 --> 01:34:54,142 Skip? 1048 01:34:59,522 --> 01:35:01,274 (voices) 1049 01:35:03,860 --> 01:35:05,236 - Jesus! - Whoa! 1050 01:35:05,362 --> 01:35:07,572 What's goin' on? Holy shit! 1051 01:35:07,697 --> 01:35:12,702 - Have you guys been fightin'? - This looks kinda private. We oughta... 1052 01:35:12,827 --> 01:35:14,704 - Oh. Oh. OK. - Yeah. 1053 01:35:14,829 --> 01:35:17,874 If you need anything, you know, like a neck brace... 1054 01:35:17,999 --> 01:35:21,461 - Come to my room. See you later. - .. we'll be right down the hall. Bye! 1055 01:35:21,586 --> 01:35:23,963 - Real later. - OK, see ya. 1056 01:35:28,510 --> 01:35:31,388 Oh, by the way, your mom called. 1057 01:35:32,847 --> 01:35:34,391 Yeah? 1058 01:35:34,516 --> 01:35:36,559 The dog died. 1059 01:35:38,144 --> 01:35:39,896 What? 1060 01:35:40,021 --> 01:35:42,065 You're so gullible!