Grace Banfield is finally going
to make an honest man out of you.
The bride I had in mind is you.
[Jessica] Tonight on Murder, She Wrote.
[gunshots]
Well, unless I'm mistaken,
your lawyer was murdered here last night.
Women in the south are rarely starved for sex.
Well, I wouldn't know. I'm from maine.
Well, just how far would you go?
Oh!
Jessica has agreed to be my bride.
I want you all to be my bridesmaids.
[rattling]
[cheerful orchestral music]
[man reciting] "I've often wondered what it really means to love.
I pride myself on knowing how to please,
but I never compromised myself for someone else.
Never risked all.
In the end, you arrive at the same place
no matter what you risk.'"
"Jason leaves the room.
Marguerite walks to the window and stares out,
looking into the street."
"She turns and stares at the phone...
begins to dial."
"Marguerite hears Buddy's voice and begins to cry.
"'Buddy,' she whispers,
'it's Marguerite.'"
[man continues, indistinct]
Crystal, honey,
get away from that window and come on back over here.
Mmm. Todd, it's too hot.
Anyway, I'm listening to Eugene's new play.
Come on back over here and comfort your new husband.
Remember how magical and cool
it was in Venice on our honeymoon?
Why can't we go away someplace cool again,
just for a few weeks?
Crystal, honey,
I've only been at Jonathan's law firm a couple of months.
Besides, we don't have any money.
Well, why don't you just ask your uncle Eugene for some?
[chuckling]
[Crystal] He's got more money than he'll ever need,
and you know he would never refuse you anything.
You know, there are other ways of getting money
besides begging for it.
[man continues reading] "Rawlie exits."
"Marguerite fights back the tears,
picks up her suitcase and starts off."
"The phone begins to ring."
"She turns, hesitates."
"Finally she throws back her shoulders and walks off."
"Curtain down."
-Well? -[Jessica] Well, I, uh--
It's beautiful, of course, but, uh, so sad.
"Sad"?
My dear Jessica, it's downright miserable.
If they want happy endings, let 'em go to the movies.
It's art, Jessica. It has to end badly.
[coughs]
Oh, Deidre, darlin'.
Why don't you come out here, where we can all...
see you eavesdropping?
[laughs] I was just passing by, Eugene,
looking for a breath of air.
All this rain we've been having makes the humidity unbearable.
Is there a juicy part in it for me, Jessica?
I'd say it was every bit as good
as the part that you played in The Somber Twilight .
Ah...
643 performances at the Schubert.
I got so many flowers I was in danger
of developing allergies.
[laughs]
You haven't been in that kind of danger for years, my dear.
I declare, if Eugene has written another play for me,
why is he being so cruel as to not let me read it?
Why are you so sure it's for you?
You don't even know what it's about.
I'm sure it's about another one
of your sex-starved southern women,
[with no southern accent] but from what I've observed,
women in the south are rarely starved for sex.
Well, I wouldn't know. I'm from Maine.
[laughs]
Whatever you wrote, Eugene, I just know I'm right for it.
Hmm.
I haven't the heart to tell her
Marguerite is a girl of 25.
I can still play 25, Eugene.
[Crystal] My goodness, Todd.
I would imagine that every actress in New York
will be just begging
for the lead in uncle Eugene's new play.
I might kill for a good part,
but I'd never beg.
[Crystal] Well! Hello, all.
Oh, Jessica, I hope you're enjoying your visit.
Oh, very much.
Although I still haven't figured out
why Eugene was so insistent that I come.
Well, I told you, Jessica.
I wanted your opinion of my new play.
Well, he could have had that by sending me a copy.
[Eugene] Why is it that in women I admire
I only inspire suspicion?
[Jessica laughs]
Sit down over here, Jessica.
-All right. -All right.
I think you're looking a bit better today, uncle Eugene.
Todd, boy, don't patronize me.
I look like ten miles of bad road, and I know it.
[groans] I may have...
I may have overdone it a bit.
I-- Fetch me a sip of bourbon.
Oh, uncle Eugene, you know what the doctor said.
That man's a sadist.
He only knows about needles, scalpels,
and disgusting intrusions into the body.
Well, you know, I think Crystal's right, uncle Eugene.
You know, just because you got a fancy law degree,
which I bought and paid for,
it don't make you my nursemaid, son.
Now get me a glass, and bring another bottle.
Don't you think you're being a little hard on him?
[Eugene] I've given that boy everything, Jessica.
I took him in when his parents died.
I raised him as my own.
I bought him the right clothes, the right schools.
He'll get everything when I go.
But damn it, he has no spine.
He's right about the drinking, you know.
[horn honks]
Aha!
Must be Arnold and Jonathan.
Arnold Goldman?
You didn't tell me that Arnold was coming.
Well, of course.
Who else would produce the new play?
Welcome to Thorncreek, Mr. Arnold.
Lord knows it's been too long.
Yeah, five years, Ola Mae, since the last play.
You don't look a day older.
Has Eugene been behaving himself?
Not so's I've noticed.
[Arnold] Well, nothing like a new play by Eugene McClenden
to bring the mountain to Muhammad.
Eugene!
[chuckling] Jessica! Well!
Nobody told me you'd be here.
Well, it was a command performance.
But Eugene hasn't told me what my motivation is yet.
Oh! [chuckles]
Eugene, it sure is nice to be working with you again.
You, uh, trimmed down since the last time I saw you.
[Ola Mae] He doesn't eat enough to keep a bird alive.
Wages of sin, Arnold, and the price of great art.
I've been explaining to Mr. Goldman
that the price has gone up.
Yeah, we are gonna have to talk.
[Arnold] The numbers that Jonathan has set down
really don't make any sense.
I don't know if you've been there lately,
but there's a cold wind blowing down old Broadway.
[Jessica] Yes, well, if you gentlemen are going to talk business,
I'm going to finish up some unpacking.
Seems to me you did well enough with Somber Twilight
to see you through three flops
and a revival that closed
before they handed you your Tony award.
But this play is gonna take over a million dollars.
I mean, you got 14 speaking parts.
You have seven major sets.
Nobody's putting a gun to your head, Goldman.
If you've decided to take a pass on this one,
Eugene and I will understand.
Now look. I want to produce this play, all right?
But we've got to come to some kind of an understanding.
Gentlemen, before the weekend is over,
I'm sure we'll all come to a better understanding
about a lot of things.
Did you bring anything suitable
for a quiet family nuptial ceremony?
You old fox!
Is that why you summoned me all the way down here?
[Jessica] Grace Banfield is finally going to
make an honest man out of you.
Well, Grace and I are friends,
but her attention span is a little short.
Especially when there's something in the vicinity
wearing pants.
[Eugene] No, the, uh--
The bride I had in mind is you, Jessica.
Eugene, stick to drama.
I don't think that comedy is your long suit.
I haven't got time to do this right.
Oh, I could write you a pretty speech about love--
Whatever that is--
But I respect you, admire you,
and what's even more important, I need you desperately.
Eugene, please.
Hear me out at least.
What I have in mind is a marriage of convenience.
Believe me, wouldn't be for long.
[chuckles] Your adventures with women...
have been legend on three continents.
Not one of them has ever been able to get you near an altar.
Why now? Why me?
Because I'm dying, Jessica.
Oh, Eugene, please tell me you're being over-dramatic.
[Eugene] Look at me.
Don't pretend you haven't noticed how I've changed.
But what do the doctors say?
Bugger the doctors. You know the life I've lived.
Could be my liver's pickled, kidney's turned to stone,
malignant cells multiplying feverishly in my stomach--
But surely there must be something that can be done.
[Eugene] Exploratory surgery?
You keep the old vegetable alive for another six months
just to watch him twitch. No.
John Barleycorn will see me across the River Styx.
Jessica,
what I want...
is a legal wife who'll survive me.
You're my only hope.
It's about your play, isn't it?
[Eugene] You know, I'll be long gone before it opens.
I want you to oversee the rehearsals,
do any little rewrites that, you know, might be required.
Make sure
that Arnold doesn't turn it into a musical on roller skates.
As my widow and heir, you'll have all powers.
But what about Todd?
Jessica,
let me tell you about dying.
You see the bottom of the cup... the dregs.
Todd is a mere boy.
Hasn't the faintest idea what my work's about.
Married to a girl with air in her head
and fire in her drawers
who can't wait to become a rich Savannah matron.
And there's Arnold. And Jonathan.
Jonathan? Oh, yes.
My lifelong friend and business manager
has been robbing me blind for years.
Oh, I didn't really care, but Grace looked into it for me,
and, well, Jonathan's getting downright bold.
Gotta call him on it.
[Crystal] Oh, that was a scrumptious dinner, Ola Mae.
I don't know why I bother to cook.
Mr. Eugene hardly ate more than a mouthful.
It's just this heat and humidity.
Why don't you go on to bed?
I'll go fix some more of my fresh fruit cocktails,
try to get some nourishment in him.
Don't you make a mess in my kitchen.
Ola Mae!
[clock chiming]
Whoo!
Not a breath of air stirring anywhere.
Now, the way I see Marguerite...
she's a woman with a little more maturity.
A girl who's seen something of life.
Suffered.
Deidre, uh-- I think Eugene sees her a little younger.
Arnold, you're the producer.
I mean, it's your money on the line.
Yeah.
-[Deidre] He'll listen to you. -Yeah.
That idiot Jonathan,
if he keeps jacking up the price,
there may not be any production, as far as I'm concerned.
Arnold, you and I have always
had a very close working relationship.
Yeah.
Now, you just convince Eugene.
Let me take care of Jonathan.
Deidre, my dear Deidre.
Now, just how far would you go for a part like this?
Why don't we take a stroll out on the veranda?
Might be a little cooler there.
[Jonathan] I'm telling you, Eugene,
everybody in New York'll be bidding on this.
And for your information, your buddy, Arnold Goldman,
gave us a royal screwing on Somber Twilight.
I mean, a lot of cash just vanished between the cracks,
if you know what I mean.
So you keep telling me, Jonathan.
I think, since Arnold's here,
we all ought to sit down and go into that.
Todd, boy, why don't you freshen up our drinks?
My drink's just fine, uncle Eugene.
Thank you.
Uh, well, I'm ready for another one.
Todd, I understand that you're working
in Jonathan's law office now.
-Do you find it interesting? -Oh, yes, Ma'am.
Very interesting. Very interesting.
I mean, a man can learn a lot
by keeping his eye on old Jonathan.
[groans]
-Eugene, what is it? -Nothin', nothin'.
Just a-- just a little indigestion.
[groans] Jessica, would you...
go see if Ola Mae has a touch of bicarb?
Oh, yes. You rest here, and I'll be right back.
You know something, uncle Eugene?
You really ought to take better care of yourself.
Let me go!
[glass shattering]
Oh!
I didn't realize anyone was in here.
Oh, uh, Crystal seems to have broken a glass.
I'm afraid she was a little careless.
Jonathan has apparently misunderstood something.
On the contrary, my dear.
My understanding of things has been greatly improved.
I'm sure that man is capable of twisting anything
into the most vicious lie.
Uh, well, here.
Let me help you clean up this glass.
I'll do it.
Thank you, Jessica.
If you don't mind, I'd like to be alone for a moment.
Yes.
[glass crunching]
[groans]
You hardly ate a bite during supper, uncle Eugene.
May I fix you something before I retire?
No, thanks. I don't care for anything.
Thank you all the same.
[knocking]
Eugene? I wonder if I could have a word with you, privately.
Whatever you have to say, it'll wait 'til morning.
Now clear out, both of you. Let a man get some rest.
Good night, uncle Eugene.
[gunshots]
-Todd? -What the hell was that?
It sounded like shots.
Wait here. I'm gonna go check it out.
Wait for me. I'm not staying here alone.
Where's Eugene?
-[Arnold] Eugene! -In here.
No.
[doorbell rings]
Captain Thorn.
Ola Mae.
Jonathan Keeler, huh?
Up in the garden room, Captain Thorn.
I wonder if you'd be kind enough to make some coffee.
Perhaps you'd make a lot.
I'm expecting some of my people here in a few minutes.
Already got it perkin'.
I'm Jessica Fletcher, a guest of Mr. McClenden.
Everyone else is upstairs getting dressed.
Walker Thorn, Ma'am.
-Captain. -As in police?
Homicide division.
Can I be of any help? Show you where he is?
[Thorn] I think I can find it.
I'd like to talk to everybody...
after I've had a look.
[tinkling]
Everything is just as we found it.
-That window closed? -Yes.
It's odd, isn't it?
Captain Thorn, would there be a connection?
[Jessica] I mean, Thorncreek?
My father was born in this room.
Ah.
And your family sold the property to Eugene?
Well, I'm not sure "sold" is the right word, Ma'am.
The late Jonathan Keeler called in some notes he was holding.
Thorncreek went lock, stock and barrel--
Pictures on the walls, spoons in the sideboard.
I expect he made a handsome profit
when he sold it to Eugene.
I'm-- I'm sorry.
Strangely fitting.
My daddy born here, the man who swindled him murdered here.
Now, if I've got this right,
everybody was in bed asleep when the shots were fired.
I was, inspector.
[clears throat]
Todd and I were in bed,
but we weren't actually sleeping.
Crystal, honey, I don't think Captain Thorn here
needs to know every little detail.
So you two can vouch for each other?
Conjugal alibi, is that it?
Look, Thorn, I'm an attorney, all right?
You want a precise answer?
I was in bed. Crystal was in the bathroom.
We both heard the shots.
And when you entered Jonathan's room,
you found Eugene holding the gun?
Damn it, Thorn.
A man hears shots in the middle of the night in his own house,
so he goes to investigate armed.
Yes.
You have a whole collection on display
in a handsome cabinet in your room.
-Isn't that right? -They're all legally registered.
Uh-huh. And what happened to that gun?
I put it back...
in the cabinet.
Is this the gun he was holding?
-Yes, that's-- that's it. -It looks like it to me.
Eugene, I found this gun in your cabinet, recently fired--
-Two rounds. -You're saying...
I killed him?
I'm just trying to sort out what happened, Eugene.
All right, wait a minute.
I had the Colt. That's the Smith & wesson.
Captain Thorn, everybody was a little upset at the sight
of Mr. Keeler's body.
I doubt if anyone looked that closely at Eugene's gun.
[Eugene] Well, all .38 revolvers look pretty much alike.
Well, I think that just about covers it... for tonight.
[Thorn] I suggest nobody leave town without checking with me.
[Eugene] Thorn's obviously got a grudge against me, Jessica.
His family ran this place into the ground.
Now he's sore 'cause I own it.
Eugene, I'm afraid it's much more than envy.
I mean, there was the business of the gun,
you told him yourself that Jonathan was stealing from you.
[Jessica] I mean, some people might take that as a pretty good motive.
Oh, hogwash.
[Eugene] Strange part of it is, Jonathan stopped in here last night.
Wanted to talk.
Did he happen to mention Crystal?
Crystal? Uh, no.
Well, she was here. She was fussin' over me.
I got the feeling...
that Jonathan knew I was onto him,
and he was gonna try to smooth talk me out of it.
[Eugene] I just wasn't up to it.
Anyway, that's the least of my worries.
Now, what is your answer to my proposition?
I would ignore his propositions if I were you, uh--
-Jessica, isn't it? -Yes, Grace.
Jessica Fletcher. We met last year in Atlanta.
I declare, Eugene. You must be feelin' better.
I mean, I've only been gone a week
and I come back to discover
another woman in your bedroom.
Back already, Grace, from Atlanta?
Bad news travels fast.
You didn't shoot him, did you, Eugene?
I can't say I'd blame you if you did,
the way he's been stealing behind your back.
[Eugene] Jessica, Grace is the one
who first put me wise to old Jonathan.
Seems he's been playing fast and loose
with her investments too.
I could scarcely believe it.
I mean, Jonathan is from such a good family.
What on earth is that on your tray?
Oh, I fixed Eugene a couple of poached eggs.
He seemed to be having trouble getting anything down.
Well, no wonder.
You tell ola Mae to fry up some ham and grits,
and while you're at it,
would you ask her to bring my bags up here, please?
Uh, Jessica, if you'd be so kind,
would you tell Ola Mae to put Grace's bags
in the magnolia room?
Oh, yes, of course.
[Eugene] Sit down, Grace.
I think it's time we had a little talk.
[Jessica] Morning, Deidre.
I don't suppose you'd like some lukewarm poached eggs,
would you?
Couldn't choke down a bite.
-Coffee? -Oh, thanks.
Isn't that horrible about poor Jonathan?
Oh, yes.
Oh! Those wretched ants again.
I don't know why Ola Mae doesn't do something about them.
I may be able to play a southern belle,
but I've never gotten used to the little beasties
that thrive in this climate.
-Good morning. -Morning.
[Deidre] Crystal, honey,
where is that handsome young husband of yours this morning?
I need a word with him.
I just saw him out on the veranda,
talking with Arnold.
I think I'll have my coffee out there with them.
Jessica--
I think I owe you an explanation about last night.
Only if it'll make you feel better.
It's very important that Todd be a success
in his new position in Jonathan's firm,
and apparently,
Jonathan misunderstood my interest
in advancing Todd's career.
Jonathan tried to exchange one advance for another?
I feel dreadful about it.
Especially now that that poor man is dead.
Now, I have not told Todd about Jonathan's...
behavior,
and I would appreciate it if you did not either.
Oh, of course not.
Sometimes what husbands don't know is very good for them.
Oh, I knew you would understand.
[chuckles]
And if Todd didn't know,
then no one could think
that he'd have any reason to resent Jonathan, could they?
I think I could agree on these figures, Arnold.
After all, I'm not as greedy as Jonathan was.
Oh, well, Todd, if, uh--
If you can manage to make Eugene see it our way--
Well, considering uncle Eugene's failing health,
I doubt whether he's gonna want to waste his energies
on some trifling business details.
Mm-hmm.
I think we'll enjoy doing business together.
Oh.
Do you trust that little lizard?
"Trust"? Deidre.
Trust-- that's rarely the basis of a sound business arrangement.
Why, Arnold, I do believe New York has made you cynical.
I have implicit confidence in your promise
that my name will be there in lights
when Eugene's new play opens.
Well, that's because our agreement
is based one something much more reliable than trust.
[Thorn] Eugene, our lab report
definitely establishes your gun as the murder weapon.
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you
to come down to Headquarters...
for fingerprinting and questioning.
Are you out of your mind?
This is Eugene McClenden, winner of the Pulitzer Prize for drama.
[Thorn] Ma'am, I don't care if he won the Nobel Peace Prize.
He's gonna have to come along like any other citizen.
You got a warrant, Thorn?
I could easily get one, if you insist.
I do insist.
And then I'll get my lawyer to sue your butt off
for false arrest.
Well, unless I'm mistaken,
your lawyer was murdered here last night with your gun,
and by your own admission,
you had a pretty good reason to pull the trigger.
Why? [groans]
Eugene?
[groaning]
Oh!
My god! Is he dead?
[Eugene] No, I'm not going to any hospital.
[chuckling]
There's nothing wrong with me but a little indigestion--
probably that ham and grits I had for breakfast.
Eugene, for heaven's sakes, be sensible.
They're just routine tests, Eugene.
We don't find anything wrong, you'll be out in a few days.
All right, now you get this straight, Gordon.
You're not getting your hooks into me.
There's nothing wrong with me.
I'm fine. No hospital!
[Arnold] Instead of Marguerite hustling drinks
in some tacky little roadside bar-- I mean, it's so drab.
It's a downer, right?
I thought maybe she works in a funky little jazz joint
in New Orleans.
I love it!
And maybe she sings.
Well, that'd brighten it up a bit.
Yeah.
Oh, some of that dialogue I've got-- talk about boring.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I could get a lot of that across with my music.
That'd cost. But what the hell?
We could lose three or four speaking parts.
But would Eugene go for it?
Deidre, darling, Eu-- Eugene is not a well man.
I don't even think we should bring it up now.
You think he might have something,
uh, you know, terminal?
Oh, it hurts me to even think about it.
But let's face it though,
by the time we get into production--
Here. We can lose this too.
Dr. Church, shouldn't he be in the hospital?
I wouldn't be too concerned. Probably something he ate.
Yes, well, he looks absolutely dreadful,
and he seems to be convinced
that he doesn't have long to live.
[Gordon] I'll make some routine tests of these samples.
If it's anything serious, we'll pick it up.
Thank you.
Well, doctor, is he gonna live?
-Probably indigestion. -Hmm.
-Captain. -Mrs. Fletcher.
[groans]
You still here, Thorn?
I thought I told you to get off my property.
There's still a little matter
of Jonathan Keeler's murder, Eugene.
I'm a sick man, Thorn.
I'm under a doctor's care.
Let me die in peace.
Now, we've been doing a little checking
into Jonathan's financial affairs.
It seems he had his hand in the cookie jar...
clear up to the armpit.
[Jessica] Captain Thorn, Eugene already told you that.
Let me tell you something, Thorn.
I don't give a diddly squat what you think or what you do.
You wanna arrest me? Fine!
I'll be dead and buried
before this damn thing ever gets to trial.
Now, unless you've got a warrant,
get the hell out of here!
Well, surely Eugene wasn't the only one
that Jonathan Keeler was stealing from.
I mean, I understand that Grace Banfield
had lost some money too.
That's right, Ma'am.
I talked to her accountant.
Seems like she had a big meeting with him about that yesterday.
-Here, in Savannah? -That was my understanding.
Well, that's odd.
I'm sure that she told Eugene
that she'd been in Atlanta for a week,
and than she only came up here this morning.
Hmm?
She wasn't here last night, was she?
Well, no, but--
You know there was something odd about those shots last night.
I know sometimes sound has a way of playing tricks on you,
but when I first heard those shots,
I was under the impression
that they were fired from outside the house.
I mean, in that heat,
every window in the place was open.
All but the window in Jonathan's room.
You're suggesting that someone
might have fired those shots from the outside
and then closed the window.
Well, at least it's a possibility,
which means--
You know, for a yankee, you don't miss much, Ma'am.
Jonathan wasn't stealing from you, too, was he?
Fortunately, I only met him yesterday.
Well, I have work to do. Ma'am.
Excuse me, Mrs. Fletcher.
Was that Captain Thorn leaving?
Yes, you could still catch him, if you hurry.
Oh, I guess it can wait,
but I'd really like to get a receipt.
A receipt?
For that comforter from the garden room.
Oh, the room that Mr. Keeler was shot in?
I don't remember seeing any comforter there, Ola Mae.
[Ola Mae] Oh, it was there, all right. Been there for 25 years.
Goose down.
Handmade by Captain Thorn's mama.
The police must have taken it along for evidence or something.
Oh, I'm sorry.
He didn't mention anything to me about it.
Oh. Well, maybe he didn't think
it was any of your business.
Todd, honey.
You will never believe what I just heard from Grace.
Her engagement to Eugene?
Well, it's off.
Crystal, honey, "off"?
Uncle Eugene and Grace were never engaged.
Well, never formally, no,
but I thought they had an understanding.
Anyway, Grace said...
that Eugene had made other plans.
Now, what do you suppose that means?
Crystal, honey, uncle Eugene's a very sick man.
He's not gonna marry anyone.
But the doctor said--
Uncle Eugene doesn't tell that doctor anything.
You mean that poor, dear man--
[Todd] He's lived a very full life.
Oh.
Oh, Todd.
What is that you're studying so intensely?
Well, it's a copy of uncle Eugene's will.
Hmm. Got it out of Jonathan's files this morning.
Except for a few odds and ends, it, uh, all goes to me.
[blows nose loudly]
Eugene, you, uh-
you've always been like a brother to me, and I-I-I--
I just can't accept this-- I won't.
Spare me the histrionics.
The doctors-- they can work miracles nowadays.
[Eugene] Forget the doctors. Just listen.
Nobody else can do the play.
You work the money out with Todd.
About money, he's smart.
Eugene, come on.
Let's not talk about money at a time like this.
About Deidre,
she's not only too old to play Marguerite,
she's wrong for the part.
You know, she even tried to--
She snuck this in to me by way of a bribe.
But the part just calls for somebody younger.
I've already talked to Debra Winger's agent.
You always knew how to handle Deidre,
so find a way to, you know, break it to her easy.
I don't wanna deal with it.
I'll find a way to tell her somehow.
-Promise me one thing. -Yeah?
You won't change a line.
Not a word.
Arsenic base.
Best thing I've found for those ants.
Works on aphids too.
And it goes a lot further than those spray cans.
Ola Mae, where do you usually keep this?
Here in the drawer.
If you find any little creepy crawlies up in your room,
you just let me know.
[Jessica] Dr. Church?
This is Jessica Fletcher at Thorncreek.
Those specimens of Eugene's,
of course, I can't be positive,
but if you could run a special test for arsenic poisoning.
[Eugene] Somebody's poisoning me?
Somebody here? In my own house?
[Thorn] Unless, of course,
you're doing it to yourself out of meanness.
[groans]
You see, the beauty of arsenic poisoning is,
administered in low doses over a long period of time,
it takes on the characteristics of a dozen other illnesses,
and unless someone specifically thinks to test for it--
So how come I'm not dead already?
Because the doses were very small.
Now, the victim goes into a decline--
Even doctors are often fooled by this--
And then the fatal dose is administered.
And old Dr. Church writes it up as a heart attack.
What I still haven't quite been able to put together is:
what has all this got to do with Jonathan's murder?
Maybe nothing.
Or maybe it was Jonathan who was slipping a few drops
of arsenic into your bourbon, Eugene.
Was that it? Did you catch him at it?
Uh-uh!
Captain Thorn, did you or your men
remove a down comforter from Jonathan's room?
No, there was no comforter in there.
I don't remember it either.
Someone must have removed it.
Why would somebody steal a comforter?
It's been hot as hell lately.
Very possibly to conceal powder burns
or two bullet holes.
You remember I told you
that I thought that the first two shots
came from outside the house?
Go ahead.
[Jessica] Well, what if the shots that we heard
weren't the shots that killed Jonathan?
I mean, what if someone slipped into Jonathan's room--
With one of Eugene's guns--
Wrapped the gun up inside the down comforter
to muffle the sound.
And then fired two more shots from the outside.
That would be very difficult to prove...
after the fact.
Unless something happened...
to force the killer's hand.
-Here you are, Crystal. -Thank you.
[Deidre] Well, I declare. Look who's up and about.
Eugene! My goodness. You do look so much better.
Nothing wrong with old Eugene
that a touch of bourbon and branch won't cure.
'Fraid I have to pass. Doctor's orders.
Eugene not taking a drink?
Next think you know, he'll be out jogging.
Uncle Eugene, Ola Mae's made your favorite for dinner:
lamb, homemade mint jelly.
Actually, I won't be joining you for dinner tonight.
I'm having a quiet supper in my room...
with Jessica.
We have a great deal to discuss.
But I did want to share with all of you...
one of the happiest moments of my life.
Jessica has agreed to be my bride.
-Oh! -Well!
Why-- Why, Jessica!
How wonderful.
Oh, my head is in such a whirl I hardly know what to say.
My goodness.
Well, another wedding at Thorncreek.
How exciting.
[Jessica] I know we're behaving
like a couple of impetuous youngsters,
but Eugene has managed to sweep away
all my silly doubts and reservations.
[Todd] Now, the wedding is to take place in the near future?
Don't wanna give this yankee enchantress
time to change her mind.
Tomorrow afternoon, right here in Thorncreek.
We've already filed the necessary papers.
Uh, but uncle Eugene,
what about Captain Thorn and all the charges?
[Eugene] That's part of my strategy, son.
Thorn hasn't filed any charges yet.
And Jessica and I will be leaving right after the ceremony
for an extended holiday abroad.
Which reminds me,
I'd like to go over some legal matters
with you in the morning.
Do you think you could find a copy of my old will?
Well, yes. Yes, I'm sure that, uh--
I'm sure that poor Jonathan left one somewhere.
I know that this is dreadfully short notice.
And, of course, it'll have to be a very informal wedding...
But I want you all to be my bridesmaids.
Come along, Jessica.
We have plans to make.
You all enjoy dinner.
Uncle Eugene.
Uh-huh?
Crystal.
You were groaning in your sleep.
You having a bad dream?
Yeah. Maybe I was.
Well, I brought you a little something to help you sleep.
Oh.
Three fingers of bourbon.
You won't have any more bad dreams.
Why don't you drink it, Crystal, honey?
What?
Not thirsty?
No bad dreams of your own to wash away?
You give me that glass, Eugene.
No.
I think I'll save it for Captain Thorn.
How'd you know it was Crystal?
Well, I couldn't be positive of course,
but I knew that it was tied up someway
to Jonathan's murder.
You see, it occurred to me
that Jonathan might have been killed
because he'd found out that she was poisoning you.
There's not a shred of evidence
to support that fanciful notion, Mrs. Fletcher.
I think Jonathan knew too much for his own good.
Jonathan knew and he never told me?
Well, I don't think he ever got a chance.
Remember you told me that
he wanted to talk to you that night?
And I told him to wait 'til morning.
I couldn't help remembering
something that I'd seen that night in the kitchen.
A glass had been smashed.
Jonathan had crystal by the wrist.
I think that Jonathan must have discovered her
putting ant poison into Eugene's drink.
Oh, Jonathan had made an embarrassing advance.
[Jessica] So you wanted me to believe,
but you refused to let me help you clean up the broken glass--
Perhaps because of what had been in that glass.
[Crystal] Well, I could not have shot Jonathan.
We all heard the shots.
Todd will tell you we were in bed together.
Actually, he said that you were in the bathroom.
[Thorn] Now, uh, just a minute, Ma'am.
What difference would that make?
Well, the shots we heard
weren't the ones that killed Jonathan.
I suspect that what she did was this.
[Jessica] Knowing that she had to deal with Jonathan
before he had a chance to tell anyone,
she waited until she thought everyone was asleep.
She took a gun from Eugene's room,
and crept into Jonathan's room.
She closed the window and wrapped the gun
in a down comforter
to muffle the sound of the shots.
She probably hid the comforter somewhere
until she could dispose of it the next morning,
and then she returned to her own room,
where Todd was probably asleep.
[Jessica] I imagine the shots we heard
were fired harmlessly out of a window--
Which put her in the bedroom with Todd
at the time that Jonathan was apparently shot.
During the confusion, Crystal had plenty of time
to return the gun to Eugene's room
where Captain Thorn found it.
Jonathan had made
unseemly advances
on more than one occasion.
I didn't mind killing him at all.
But uncle Eugene,
I want you to know that it took...
all the courage I could muster.
Crystal.
Why?
Well, for the money, of course.
But I...
I've always treated Todd and you with great generosity.
Oh, yes, you...
lorded your generosity over my husband.
He has choked... on your kindness, uncle Eugene.
[Crystal] Oh, you made him son and heir,
then kept him dangling on a paltry little allowance.
And I don't think we should have to wait forever...
for what is rightfully ours.
We have a position in society to maintain.
[Eugene] Dr. Church tells me
I ought to be back to my old self in a few weeks.
[Jessica] Good. I still think you should get a second opinion.
[chuckles]
I'm really annoyed at you, Jessica.
Mmm. Spurnin' my offer of matrimony.
Well, think of it as a very short engagement.
[Eugene] Well, you were right.
It sure worked.
Poor Todd.
I'm gonna have to rebuild some bridges there.
Eugene, I heard typing in your bedroom this morning.
Are you rewriting?
Matter of fact, I've started a new play.
Oh, that's very exciting. What is this one about?
Same old thing:
[chuckles] My nearest and dearest friends.
Whatever would I do without them?