You took the part
That once was my heart
So why not Take all of me?
One-two-three-four.
Take it, Roger.
Ok, Dog.
Oh, God!
Happy birthday, my darling. Oh!
So how does it feel to be 38? -Oh, great.
Just think, in 2 years I'll be 40, in 12 years I'll be 50.
I'm really excited about this... It's fun.
Oh, sweetie! -Hey, what am I doin' with my life?
What am I doin' with my career? What am I doin' with us?
You're boring us. -Yeah!
Do you love it? It's an African grave post.
Is that gorgeous?
You bought me a 'grave post' for my 38. birthday?
Look, I'm sorry. I like it... really. Look, uh, I've been thinkin'.
Remember that thing you used to wanna talk about and I never did?
You know, uh, the 'M' word?
Well... I think maybe it's time that we did the 'M' word.
Roger, I don't think your're ready to do the 'M' word.
Yeah, I am, honest. Peggy, I wanna get 'M'd'.
Roger, if you can't say the 'M' word then you're not ready
to do the 'M' word. -I can say the 'M' word. Geez!
Ma... marriage, marriage, of course, I can say it. What do you think?
We shouldn't get into this right now. You're gonna be late for work
and you know how daddy hates that. I just came by to wish you
a happy, happy 38. -That's a contradiction in terms.
That was very bodacious. Hey, Roger Dodger, what it is?
Hey, Bix!
You makin' any money today? -A1most as much as I made last night.
That bad, huh? -Yeah. Look, Roger, I've been thinkin'
o' joinin' Jimmy Bowers' Big Band. I want you to come and go with me.
Oh, I appreciate it, Ty, but... -No, don't give me that, but jive.
Hey, look at this face. -I'm quitting the group, Ty.
You're doin' what? -I gotta give up something.
I still have time to make something of myself as a lawyer, not as a musician.
Oh, this is an unhappy face.
It's not that unhappy. -Hey, this is the face of a man
who has givven up the wrong thing! -Don't pick my nose, ok?
And if you don't correct your thinking I shall be force to tell the world
that you are a Honky Mook! -Tyrone, you really should not call
another person a Honky Mook. -And why not?
Well, for one reason, you're white. -I am?
Yeah!
Oh, my God, I am. -I'm late, Ty, I gotta go.
I'm doing the right thing, really. -Be cool! Good jammin' with you, Bix.
Well?
Well, you're dying all right. -Ever since I was a child doctors have
been telling me I'm dying. -I guess you've had enough practice,
because you're really doing it now. -How much time?
A week, a day... -A month?
M'mhm.
Good. The phone.
Got a cigarette? It can't hurt now. -You don't smoke.
Thank you.
After 32 years of marriage you're still a naughty little devil!
Pick up. Maybe it's your wife. -Oh, ever since she filed for divorce
she hardly ever calls any more.
I'm sorry, Mr. Schuyler, but Edwina Cutwater is on 1.
Oh, God. All right. -It's ok.
I just wanted to tell you your wife subpoenaed me.
Oh, Gretch, I am so sorry about that.
I do have to take this call. -Oh!
Good morning, Margo. -Good morning, Roger. Morning, Bix.
Any good ones for me today? Unfairly victed tenants, farm workers, lndians?
Well, Mr. Van Rensselaer called. He wants you to fire his chauffeur.
Mr. Spencer sen. wants you to draw up a pre-marital agreement
for Mr. Spencer jun. And finally, Mr. Spencer jun. called, he wants you
to tell Mr. Spencer sen. to mind his own friggin' business.
May justice prevail. -Why do I do it?
I think it's called paying dues. -I've been paying dues for 11 years.
I should own the entire club by now. -Right on, Roger.
No more. I want worthwhile cases. I want to defend right against wrong!
And I want a partnership! -You're telling the wrong people!
I know. I was practicing. Pretty good! Wadding the messages's very effective.
I'll do this for Schuyler right now. -Seymour, she was the 4th woman today
to tell me she'd been subponenaed! -Mr. Schuyler, I have to talk to you.
I don't want her on the stand! Listen, if you haven't got the guts
to handle this the right way, I'm going to find someone who does!
Mr. Schuyler... -I was just gonna call you.
Got Miss Cutwater's files. Go to her. Edwina claims that she's finally dying
and needs to get her affairs in order. -No, I have to discuss my future
here with you right now. -Well, we are discussing your future.
You're going out to Edwina Cutwater. -I want a partnership.
Listen, the day you give up be-bop and concentrate on the law, we'll talk!
Start talking. I quit the band. As of today I'm dedicating myself
full time to my legal career. Later today I'm going to buy a vest.
My God, you're serious. -I am serious.
But I wanna start handling real cases, big cases, no more trick or treat.
I waited so long to hear you say that. -I'm not going out to Edwina Cutwater.
No, no, no! Listen to me. Long after Edwina is gone from this earth,
her estate is going to generate more income for this office
than most small countries see in a year.
And it's gonna take a lot of very sophisticated legal expertise
to structure and administer these affairs. Now, you do this for me,
today, go out to her house, and I'll put you in charge of all that.
Now, if that's not real law, if that's not big law,
then I don't know what the hell is. -The more I think about this thing,
the better it sounds.
Don't look at me like that, will you?
I don't go there as a messenger boy but as a highly skilled legal advisor.
This is really good. No more being looked down upon by people that think
they're better than I am because they're rich. From now on I'm gonna
be respected by people who think they're better than I am.
Hi. Roger Cobb from Schuyler and Mifflin to see Miss Cutwater.
Yes, sir, you are expected. -I'll show him up.
Betty Ahrens. -I'm Roger Cobb.
Try not to excite her, ok? -Grayson?
Oh, yes, Madam?
Don't forget to pick up the invitations and make sure they're
hand delivered the moment I die. -The moment you die. Yes, Madam.
Oh! Oh, Mr.... -Cobb.
Cobb. Oh, yes, you're the tedious one. Would you mind accompanying me back
to my deathbed? Now, here's the name of my caterer, and the evening's menu.
Make sure they have plenty of goose pate, it's marvelous.
Excuse me. Is this for the funeral? One does not have that at a funeral.
Now, Mr. Fulton Norris is a wonderful society orchestra. I should like you
to engage him for the entire weekend. -Is this for the wake, Ma'am?
Heavens, no. It's for a party and I want it to a corker.
Guess what I'm going to do? -What?
I'm going to come back from the dead. -Oh! And...
what makes you think you can do that? -Because I'm rich.
Grayson, come in here, please, over.
Miss Cutwater, this is not a parking ticket we're talking about here,
this is the, oh, The Grim Reaper. You cannot bribe the Grim Reaper.
Oh, Mr. Cobb, I spent a lifetime shackled by freilty and poor health...
wheelchairs and sick beds. It's my heart, you see. It means well,
but it's alsways been something of lemon.
I've hat all the money in the world and not one good chance to enjoy it.
I have never been to Europe. I've ner been anywhere really.
Oh, sure I've ordered from Neiman's and Gucci's,
but I've never actually been there. I've never ridden my own horses.
I've never been to the ballet. I've never danced.
But Cutwater's aren't quitters. So, I've decided that if my wealth
cannot help me in this life, then by God, it's going to buy me another one.
Ah, Grayson. -You walkie-talkied, Madam?
Yes, please, send in Mr. Prakha Lasa and what's her name, Fred's daughter.
Miss Terry, Madam. -Gas me.
Am I just getting you goose pate or do you have any legal work for me.
Of course I do. I need you to amend my will so that what's her name, uh,
Fred's daughter will become inheritor over my entire estate.
So we must draw up a new codicile. We need it witnesses. Ah, Your Grace.
It's all, Prakha, come in. Come in, come in, come in.
Come, come.
What's going on here? -Wait.
Who's Fred's daughter?
Hello.
Hello. I'm Terry Hoskins. -Roger Cobb. You're Fred's daughter?
Who the heck is Fred? -Daddy, come in, please.
Oh, I'm against the whole thing, I am. -Daddy is Miss Cutwater's stable man.
It's unnatural. -Let me get something straight here.
You want to will all your money to the stableman's daughter. He's against it.
No. -He said...
You see, I should inherit nothing. -She should be your sele beneficiary.
That is correct. -So you will inherit the estate.
No, she won't.
What am I missing here? -Thanks to his Highness Prakha Lasa,
I'm going to be transmigrated.
What? -Transmigrated means that my soul
is going to leave my body forever and become one with the Universe.
Then my soul will enter her body. -Ah, good plan.
I'm sorry but I don't think it's a good plan at all.
My dauther's soul leavin' her body and going off to who knows where?
Fred, let's not go through again. -Oh, I know I wasn't much of a father
to her when she was growing up, but l won't lose her again! No, I won't!
Zip it, Fred. -Miss Cutwater,
as your attorney it is my duty to inform you that the will
could be contested if you're deemed not of perfectly sound mind.
Why you presumptuous ambulance chaser.
Are you insinuating that I am not of perfectly sound mind?
No, I wouldn't do that, but I think practically everybody
in the solar system would. -Mr. Cobb, the last thing I need
around here is your ill-informed negativity. Get out.
Thanks for not exciting her. All right? There, there.
Terry! No, Prakha, not yet. Prakha, not yet!
All right. -I'm not ready.
Is everybody here bananas? -Mr. Cobb,
Iet me explain something to you. You see...
closer please.
That's for bananas, now get out!
What century is this? -Now you hurt my hand.
I'm gonna tell Mr. Schuyler that you're an insolent little toad
and demand that he fire you. -Why don't you just enter his body
and do it yourself? -And don't you come back, you peasant!
Look, lady, just because my grandpa didn't rape the environment
and exploit the workers doesn't make me a peasant! I'm sure he tried!
It's just that as a barber he didn't have that much opportunity!
Grayson, bring the car and my hairdresser
and the golden diamond jewelry, over.
I've got to say, it's brilliant. -What is?
Your scam. It's legal, it's logical. Only the bowl was overdoing
but it's certainly original. -The bowl, Mr. Cobb, is attuned
to the harmonics of Miss Cutwater's life force. When her body dies
it becomes a repository of that force so I hold the bowl and it becomes
the conduit from her body to mine. -And you really believe that?
Yes. -Of course,
if you're wrong you inherit 20 million bucks.
I don't want her money. When I was 15 I ran away from home
thinking I could find myself in the material world. I found only pain.
His Holiness Prakha Lasa teaches that possessions transmit pain.
I want something far more valuable than money, far more elusive for which
I'm giving up my physical being and become one with the Universe.
And, uh, don't you think that's just a little bit whacko?
Feel my heart.
You are unhappy. You are anxious and unfulfilled
because you are not doing with your life as you wish.
I am at peace. Which one of us is crazy?
You are. Well, thank you.
Margo. -Oh, Mr. Durand called.
He needs you to set up a Bermuda Corporation so he can write off
his honeymoon. And a call... -Forget it. I'm telling Schuyler today
he's gotta play me or trade me. -Conference room with Miss Cutwater.
She's here? -Also with her doctor, her nurse,
Mr. Mifflin, some English girl with no bra. And a Hindu
holding a bedpan on a stick. I don't think you should go in there.
We just have a little bit more left. Are you strong enough to continue?
What? Oh, I'm fine.
Really. I'm fine. Tell them.
She could drop dead any minute. Never mind her.
She's only trying to make me feel good.
I'm very sorry to interrupt. Madam, I wish to apologize
for upsetting you before. Mr. Schuyler, if I could see you...
Mr. Cobb, please don't grovel. -I'm not grovelling,
I'm apologizing. If I could see you outside.
If you're trying to save your job, you're too late.
What? -It's quite lost by now.
Let me tell you something. My father worked himself into an early grave
defending the rights of needy people in his store front over on 9th Street.
When he died my mother took a job as a plumber's assistant so I could go to
Iaw school and carry on in his name! So now that the only job I can get
is in some skid-row legal aid office! I'd just as soon take it as...
That's enough! -... explore your energy vampire!
Suck out my fun of being a lawyer! -Shut up! Now, that's enough!
I never heard such a moronic load of crap in my life!
Well, I don't have to take that. -No, not you, her. Did you hear
what she wants to do with her soul? -Yeah.
Jesus Christ, she's is looney tune. -She's nuts!
But you've got guts! I never saw you stand up to anyone like that before.
You have a fire burning inside you. To defend people who really need you.
And I never knew that about your father or your mother.
I made that up. -You did?
Yeah. -Son-of-a-gun!
It was pretty good, huh? -I like a man who thinks on his feet.
Well, thanks. -Roger, I have a case that needs
a lawyer just like you. You win it and I'll put you up for a partnership.
But not for an rich goofball. -No, no, no. It's for a very nice man
who's getting divorced.
I think I'm gonna be a partner. -Mazeltoff!
Oh, Bix, you're gonna be a partner's best friend.
Call the Fulton Morris Orchestra. Tell them Miss Cutwater has requested
her favorite saxaphone player Tyrone Wattell for her party.
And she'd like him to receive a thousand dollars for the night.
We gonna inform Mr. Wattell. Come on, Bix.
What a guy! -Now then...
Mr. Mifflin can witness the codicil. I will sign as executor of the estate
and then we will be all signed, sealed and...
Oh, a tunnel...
Edwina? -With a very bright light.
I was afraid of this. -What the hell's she talking about?
Terry! Prakha!
What the hell is going on? -Miss Cutwater?
Did she sign everything? -Jan, an S 10... I. V. Hurry!
Call the insurance company.
How is she? Will she be all right? -I'm losing her. I'm losing her!
Get out of my way, you fool!
I lost her.
Where am l? -What?
Ah, I'm breathing. I must be alive. -Who said that?
No, I can't be. I just died. -Wait a minute.
I'm picking up General Hospital in my fillings.
Oh, it worked. Oh, my Lord!
What the hell's happening to me? -I feel...
Iike the healthiest woman alive. Oh!
Who said that? I did. I'm going crazy.
Oh-oh! That does not sound like Fred's daughter.
No, I'm not going crazy. Something hit me on the head. Oh!
I'm just hallucinating. That's all!
Oh! -Oh, shit!
What the hell are you doing in there? -Unbelievable! I can't even die right.
Why are you doing this to me? -God, don't you get enough laughs?
What did I ever do to you? -Somebody tell me this doesn't happen!
I'm afraid it is, so let's just go inside and have Prakha Lasa
straighten out this mess. -Oh, geez! I can't move my right leg!
I'm paralyzed! -Here let me try.
Now!
Oh, we... we obviously have mutual control over our body.
This is my body! I'm not sharing my body with anyone!
Everybody's gonna be disappointed. -Oh, where we going?
We've got to find Prakha Lasa! -I can't got in there! Schuyler...
Excuse me, this is a private conversation, do you mind? Ah, no!
Please, just do as I say! -No! Oh!
Oh, you seem to have control over the left side of your body,
while I feel dominant on the right.
Oh, let go of that.
You bitch! How about a little respect for the deceased?
Ow! Ow!
Let go of my hand, you bruthe! I will not!
Oh, oh! Ow!
Just stop it! If you want me out of you,
stop this ridiculous behavior. -Lady, I don't know how you got in
but I'm gonna get you out of me right now! Let's go!
Just wait, I'll go first. Calm down and try to concentrate.
I'm the right side, uh, and you're the left.
First me, then you.
Me, you. See, if we just cooperate...
Now all we have to do is find Prakha Lasa.
There's something we have to do first. -What?
Oh, I have to take a leak. -Oh!
Bix, go see Margo. -Your foot, my foot,
your foot, my foot, very good. Oh, you're doing wonderfully well.
Isn't it awful? -I have no idea.
I can't go in there. That's the Men's Room. Shut up and do as I say.
Don't you ever, ever yell at me again. -I'm sorry,
this is not my idea of a good time. -I'm not having my lucky day, either.
I died 5 minutes ago.
Oh, God! You'll have to do it! -I'll have to do what?
You know, take it out. -Take what out?
The little fireman. -The little fireman?
You know, my penis! -How dare you say
penis to a dead person? -Listen, lady,
if you don't give Big Ed some air he's gonna piss all over
your half of my body! -Mr. Cobb,
if you are trying to scare me, it won't work.
Oh! Ow! Damnit, stop it!
All right, first let go of your grip!
Now slowly take your hand. Now slowly!
All right, now we're going to try it again.
Carefully, very carefully.
What the hell are you doing in there? -I am trying to release your Mr. Ed.
Stop playing with it already and take it out.
You don't have to talk out loud. I can hear your thoughts.
Oh, great, just what I always wanted.
Shall I tap? -Yes.
Tap, tap. -Thank you.
I meant what I say about yelling.
I was just talking to myself in there. It wasn't anything really.
Ah, there's Fred's daughter. -Yoohoo, Terry. Stop it!
No, I don't use my mouth! Try to walk more like a man.
All right!
Mr. Cobb, I feel so terrible. -I know. It's not your fault
it didn't work. -How do you know it didn't work?
You won't believe. Where's the Swami? -He left when those people came in.
He's very shy, you know? -Left? Well, where did he go?
Don't worry, I know where to find him. -Mr. Cobb?
Do you still wanna go through this transmigration? Fine.
Mr. Schuyler needs to see you. -Fine, thanks.
Where can we reach you? -At Miss Cutwater's. Who's we?
Roger? He said now! -I'll explain later. Trust me.
Don't swing your arm so much. -There's something very odd at Cobb.
He brings a dog to a law office for 3 years and you just noticed he's odd?
But he's speaking with a funny voice! -Have you heard his secretary?
And he's impli...
We'll discuss this later!
Tattle tale! -Are you feeling all right?
This Cutwater thing got under my skin! I need to leave for about an hour.
No! We're going to court tomorrow. -Court tomorrow. Uh, really, l...
Clear the decks. Sit down.
It's my divorce. Ah, nobody knew. Tell you the truth,
it's a little embarrasing. Seymour was representing me,
but he wasn't doing squat! You want a partnership, you do for me
what you did in the Brenner case. -Oh, God, not now.
Oh, just explain what happened. -Are you crazy? I don't believe it.
If I tell him he'll have me put away. Before I can take care of any of this
there's something very personal... -Oh, yes, of course. All right,
sit down, I'll tell you everything. -Oh, no, no, I meant that l...
Ok, don't be embarassed. I started cheating on my wife 3 years ago.
Oh, goody, man! Talk. -I never intended to.
Women just threw themselves at me. -Oh, you must be joking.
What? -I said, uh, must be choking.
Anyway, I'm Paul Newman or anything. -You can say that again.
What? -I said... could you say that again?
I'm not Paul Newman? -Not Paul Newman.
Anyway, it seems that my wife's best friend suddenly lost her husband.
Women usually do outlive their men. So, naturally, she found herself
cut off from her normal sexual relations and...
She turned to you and you comfort her. I understand, sir,
you really didn't do anything wrong. -Believe it. I was incredible.
I see, sir. I can figure out the rest. -Oh, and then another one was widowed.
Ok, so 2 little indiscretions. That's not such a big deal.
And then, another one. And another. Going to a funeral gave me a hard-on.
Speaking on behalf of the dead, I find this disgusting!
I think I got the picture now. -I'm not sure. It's not just sex.
Let me tell you. These sweet darling ladies gave new purpose to my life!
They gave me the opportunity to give something back instead of just take!
Are you all right? -I'm fine, fine!
Anyway, you understand what I say? I give love and happiness to people
who really need and appreciate it! I'm the West Coast distributor of
Iove and happiness. And for that I've to go court? I don't deserve that!
I should get a dinner! -He should get a social disease.
I won't let you down. -Well, I'm counting on you! Son.
Shake hands with him. Like a man.
Crazy musicians. -You won't regret this.
I know I won't. If I do, you'll never practice in the Free World again.
I hope you plan on losing that case. -How did it go, Roger?
The only thing I plan to lose is you! -Nice talking to you, Roger.
You have a great deal to learn about making someone feel welcome.
Let's get something straight here. I never liked you in your body,
I certainly don't like you in mine! -Well, I don't see why you're
getting so upset about all this. -Because I want my body back!
And I want my freedom and my privacy. And most of all, I'd like to be able
to take a leak without being fondled! -You may find this hard to believe,
but fondling you while you make pee-pee is not my idea of a good time.
Fine! Fine! It's two o'clock.
Round about. -I have a lot of work to do.
I want you out of me by three fifteen! Now where's the swami?
Well, he's never been away from Tibet. So I put him up at the Ambassador.
Let's see. What is that number? Hotels.
H, H, H, H. Let's see.
Let your fingers do... Oh, here it is. The Ambassador.
And look over here. The Arlington. That's where Mummy in spring of '62
had her amethyst stolen from her in the elevator. It was so distressing!
Give me that!
No. No, he hasn't checked out.
Oh, dear! -Yeah, oh, dear. Don't worry, I know
where to find him. Good going, Edwina! -It's Miss Cutwater to you!
Hello, Margo. -Oh, hi, Peg.
... follows me in a men's room I think I can be on a first name basis with!
You told me to pull out your penis! -How about a cup o' coffee?
Where is she? -Oh, boy!
Where is she? -There's nobody here.
Liar! I heard her! -Peggy, I swear! Nobody else here!
Come on out, you little slut! -Oh, who is she calling a slut? Sssh!
I heard that! Come on, denty it! Where is she?
It was me. Bix, stop that! -What was you?
The voice you heard. I was talking to myself. Hey, your perfume suits you.
It's cheap and common! -Ha! At least it was your side.
Who fondled you in the Men's Room? -Me.
Liar! -How dare she? Edwina!
Edwina? My name is Peggy, you pig! -Oh, no, let me explain!
It's Edwina Cutwater! She died today!
You did it with a dead woman? -No!
You are sick! I came here to talk about our marriage, although I heard
how you stick by my mother. -What has your mother to do with this?
Tomorrow you attend the opposite side against my own mother!
But I attend your father! -You gonna tear her off a strip!
Now, that's... -lf you go to court, it's the end!
And if I don't go, your father will kick me in my balls.
Either me or your balls, Roger! You can't get both!
Really a very interesting alternative. I do not even know the use of balls
but I believe they are more important for you than for your girl-friend.
Now? -I depend too much on them, Peggy.
Farewell, Roger.
By the way, your dog is disgusting! And jazz is absolutely hare-brained!
Oh! And I faked them, all those orgasm...
Sound familiar?
Yeah, well, I faked mine, too!
Believe we're better off without her. She isn't right for us.
Since our little accident, I sensed a lot of hostility coming from you.
Excuse me! But I'm watching my entire career going right down the sewer,
'cause I've got a dead woman living inside me. And only person
that can get you out is cosmic weirdo you can't even find!
I can so find him! I think! Oh, wait,
I'm sure I know where he'll be this evening. Do you have a car?
Oh, this is fun! -Shift, damnit!
Shifting, wheee! -What are you doing?
I never learned driving! Which... -The brake not the gas!
I don't know which it is. Oh! -Bix, let go of her!
Stop it! Let go! Ow! I'm gonna strangle this mangy mongrel.
All right, that's it. -This is wrong! Where are we going?
It's enough that I've to put up wit you, but I won't subject Bix to this!
Tyrone. Great, I gotta talk to you. -Hey, Roger Dodger!
Got a call from the union about a gig. They didn't say who recommended me,
but I smelled your fingerprints... -lt was nothing really.
Can we get on with this, please? -Uh, who's that? Someone with you?
Sort of, yeah. -Well, introduce me to the lady.
M'm Edwina Cutwater, Tyrone Wattell.
Please to meet you. -Pleased to meet you.
Hairy knuckles for a chick. -Can you take care of Bix?
Oh, sure, l... Wait a minute. Roger, what's wrong?
I really don't think I can explain it. -What's wrong, Roger?
Edwina died today. Her soul entered me and took the right half of my body.
Why didn't you say straight away? -I knew you'd understand.
Thanks for not having me comitted. -I got friends crazier than you,
but I ain't got many better. -Thanks, pal. Go with him, Bix.
C'on, Bix. Nice meetin' you, Edwina. -Bye.
A woman who would rather buy a candle than to curse the darkness.
Pack 'em in don't you? -Hello! Come in.
I can start over if you'd like. -No, thank you.
And we wonder, Oh Lord, what it means when a person passes away
and so few take the time to pay final respects.
Oh, big deal. -He's not here. Let's got find him.
However, we have received a number of mailgrams, from reaved loved ones.
Wait, wait, wait! I must hear this. -I got to prepare the most important
case of my life, let's get out here! -No, I want to hear these mailgrams.
Oh, I really got to... -I mean it, sit!
Very touching. "We will miss her. The Valley Oxygen Supply Company."
(Edwina) Oh, that's sweet. -"She was truly a great customer.
J & J. Wheelchairs." -Oh, they remembered.
Browning Orthopedic Mattresses: "May she continue to rest in peace."
Oh, how deeply touching.
Mr. Cobb? Mr. Cobb?
Oh, hi! What time is it?
Almost midnight. Now, please tell me how you knew it didn't work?
Edwina?
She's asleep. -Who's asleep?
Edwina. Don't wake her. Wow.
Great. When she's asleep, I can... -Mr. Cobb, Miss Cutwater is dead.
No. She's not. She entered me instead of you.
What? -Oh, where's the swami?
I haven't seen him. -Maybe he's back at the hotel.
I just called and there's no answer. -We should go there and wait for him.
I gotta find him. I can't take more... -You poor dear. You must relax.
Stop worrying. -No, I think we oughta find him.
I'm sure he'll be at the funeral tomorrow morning.
And if Miss Cutwater really is inside you, he will help her
Ieave your body and enter mine.
I think I envy her.
Mr. Cobb,
this morning, when I placed your hand on my heart
did you feel anything special?
Yes, I felt your left... -Yes!
I felt something very special pass between us.
Oh, Mr. Cobb, by this time tomorrow my soul will be gone!
I want to know love one last time.
Don't you think we really oughta go... -Please. Mr. Cobb,
Iet me take the memory of passion to sustain me in the next world.
So this would be like for a good cause?
Oh, yes.
We have to be very quiet. -I'm not sure that will be possible.
My God!
It's a good cause. It's a good cause. It's a good cause.
I'm ready, Mr. Cobb. Take me!
Sssh, keep sleeping, Edwina. Oh!
Now! Oh!
Now!
What is all this?
Now! -What's going on here?
Oh, no. -Oh, yes.
What are you doing to her? -Nothing. I'm not doing anything.
Go back to sleep, you're dreaming. Why, Miss Hoskins! You whore!
You lascivious whore! Oh, no! -Oh, yes.
You're a shameles little slut! -Yes!
Shut up! -Talk dirty.
You're nothing but a cheap sex tramp! -Good. Good.
Now call me a poodle, Mr. Cobb. Call me a cheap, slut, sex poodle!
Why you deserve a good spanking? -Oh, Mr. Cobb!
You little bed bunny! -Edwina, no!
Mr. Cobb, yes, you love rocket! -Ah, stop talking like that!
Oh, spank me again, you bad boy! -Oh, Edwina, stop it! Edwina!
She should be ashamed of herself! -And you should, too!
Mr. Cobb?
For God's sake, Edwina, go away! My body! What if you got pregnant?
You have no right! No, you have no right!
And you have no class! You're rude, crude and thoroughly unattractive!
God, it is Miss Cutwater!
I'm sorry you had such a lousy life. But just because you never did this
doesn't mean we have to go without. -I'm quite proud of my virginity!
It's something I've always treasured! -Yeah! Nobody else ever wanted it!
Terry, wait!
Lady, if Prakha cocker doesn't show up tomorrow
I'm gonna get a lobotomy or a high colonic or something, but you're
getting the keys to the street! -Oh, stop being such a martyr.
I'll pay you for your troubles. -Maybe. Oh, Jesus, I just realize
why no one showed up at your memorial service. You forgot to hire mourners.
You are insensitive horse's ass, do you know that?
Oh, drop dead! -Look, Cobb, I am talking to you!
For your information, there is a perfectly good reason nobody showed up
at my memorial service. -Yeah, what?
I don't have any friends.
I'm looking back at an entire lifetime and I don't have one friend.
I've never had any friends.
I'v had only nanny's and tutors and servants and nurses. Oh.
Once my parents hired a clown to entertain me, but he didn't like me.
And when my parents weren't in the room he'd just sit there.
He didn't lift a finger to amuse me. Oh!
That's a terrible clown. -Yes. Well, that's not all.
When Fred's daughter was a little girl came to my house to visit her father
and the nurses would push my oxygen tent over to the bedroom window
so I could watch her and all her little friends ride my horses
and swim in my pool and run and play and laugh and dance. Oh!
Then I swore. I'd give every cent I ever had to be able to do all that.
To be free. To be like her.
Well, I've humiliated myself.
Anyway, what I wanted to say was I'm sorry if I spoiled your birthday.
And I'm sorry if I made you being dead an unpleasant experience.
Well, I am dead, aren't l? Oh, please, make me not dead!
I can't, Edwina.
No sense wishing.
Oh, I feel much better. -It's really late. Go back to sleep.
Well, aren't you coming to bed?
I can't. I gotta prepare for this case tomorrow. You go to sleep.
Oh, ok.
Good night, Roger.
Good night, Edwina.
Roger? Roger? Roger!
Wake aup! Wake up, Roger. Funeral time!
Let's go, we've to to get up, Roger! Come on! Up! Up, up, up! Let's go!
What...
Did you have a good night's sleep? -Oh, yeah. I got the full seven...
and a half minutes. No problem. Oh!
Ommm! Ring! Ohh!
Oh, Roger!
All right, I'm awake. I'm awake. -You have no idea what it's like
to be inside a healthy body! -I tried to find out last night!
I cannot believe you'ar still upset about that. Careful, careful.
Of course you can't. Can we hurry this up, please? See, your problem is,
you don't understand how to live life. It's to be experienced and savored.
I know that, you big dope. Why do you think I've gone to so much trouble
and expense to buy myself another chance?
Cause you're under mistaken assumption that it's going to make a difference.
It will, too, make a difference. -You'll still be the same sour puss.
You'll wind up as bitter and alone as you always have been.
I think not. I'm gonna dance, Roger. I'm gonna twirl and whirl and spin.
I'm gonna cha-cha in the rain game. I'm gonna dip deeply.
Good, this one. -It's too unattractive.
So's a deep scar. Just do as I say, we don't have time to argue.
What's the big hurry anyway? My funeral's not until 10.30.
Cause I have to be in court at 8.30. How are we gonna make a 10.30 funeral
if you have to be in court? -I'll figure it out at 10.29, ok?
You are so cranky when you haven't had enough sleep.
Did you sign this check? -Yes.
And this? -Yes.
No further question. -Counselor?
Roger? Roger! Roger!
God! You can't fall asleep on me now. Counselor?
Just a second.
Roger, please wake up. -Counselor, the Court is waiting!
Well.
Oh, Your Honor... -Edwina, a man, act like a man.
Your Honor...
Your Honour, yes...
Proceed with the witness. -What the hell's the matter with you?
I'm just a little nervous, that's all. -It's just your career that's a stake,
that's all. So, don't be nervous. -Ah, Mr. Schuyler, you didn't really
give those women a half million dollars in gifts now, did you?
Yes, I did.
Well, I'll bet you had a darn good reason to, now didn't you, sport?
Why are you acting like this? -Say yes.
Yes.
He had a darn good reason.
Proceed. -Proceed?
Proceed, Edwina. Like a man! Proceed like a man!
Proceed, uh?
Wait a second. Every Christmas you gave me... Miss Cutwater
darling little gifts, didn't you? -Yeah.
So it is your practice! Indeed, ladies and gentlemen of the world.
It is standard practice among many business professionals to reward
valued clients with gifts, is it not?
Oh! -Yeah. Yes, it is.
Objection. The money in question came from the Schuyler's personal account,
not from the law firm and therefore cannot be construed as business gifts.
Good point, Toots.
Oh! Women! Uh, can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.
Oh, Roger, please, wake up!
Mr. Cobb!
I'm sorry, Roger.
Roger! Roger!
Oh! Oh! What? -Mr. Cobb, are you all right?
Yeah. No problem. -How do you respond to the objection?
Objection?
Uh, could you read that back, please? -The money in question came from the
Schuyler's personal account, not from the law firm and therefore cannot be
construed as business gifts. -Business gifts?
Sorry, I didn't have another idea. -Edwina, you're brilliant!
Your Honor,
Mrs. Schuyler's sole source of support was Mr. Schuyler whose sole source
of income was the law firm. So the better the law firm's business was
the more money Mr. Schuyler could take home to Mrs. Schuyler, therefore,
since business gifts are intended to increase business, the more generous
Mr. Schuyler was with his gift giving the better able he was to support
Mrs. Schuyler in the manner to which she'd become accustomed to.
Give me a minute.
Edwina, I could kiss you. We'll win! I'm gonna get my partnership and we're
gonna make that funeral! None of those were clients, but don't tell anyone!
What? -I'm going to overruel the objection.
Thank you, Your Honor. -Just a second, this isn't fair.
You Honor, I move we dismiss claim for damages because those women...
Shut up! -What did you just say?
Nothing. -Just tell me what you said.
I didn't say anything. -Those women...
Those women were not his clients. -Mr. Cobb, are you all right?
I just bit my tongue, that's all. -Were any of those women clients?
Uh, here we go.
No! You're dead meat, Buddy! -It's Edwina Cutwater's soul in me!
Oh, that's right blame it all on me! -It's your fault, I had this case won.
No, I had it won! -What the hell's going on here?
It's all not fair! -There's no fairness in a court room!
500 dollars. Contempt of court! -Good for you, Judge.
1,000 dollars! -Shut up!
No, you shut up! 1,500! -Not you, her. I got her inside me.
Well then, both o'you shut up. -Don't tell me to shut up, Charles!
2.000 dollars and Bail throw this jackass out of my court!
I am going to the State Bar. Lunatic! -You can't do this to me!
Not just a lunatic, a pervert, too. He plays with himself!
And he cheated on mewith a dead body! -You're fired, Cobb!
Oh, Roger, I see what you mean about life is to be savored!
It's so... dramatic. -I am going to kill you.
I was just trying to help. -You failed!
What happened since you help me? I've lost my girl, I've lost my job,
I've alienated my dog! I broke my sunglass.
You can't even get that kind any more. Stop helping me!
You're so ungrateful. If it weren't for me you would get that partnership
and have to take cases like that! Kiss your Dad's high ideals goodbye.
You'd also be married to Peggy. You call that savoring life?
Who's talking about savoring life! -I spent my life in a sick bed.
What's your excuse?
You know, it's just like a dead person to say something like that.
How much to the airport? -Uh, 30 bucks.
100. PanAm. He has to get his plane. -lt doesn't leave till midnight.
Make it 200. -No problem.
No problem. -Bon voyage.
Voyage?
Waste of time. Hurry to the cemetery. -He better be there, lady!
(Edwina) Maybe Terry picked him up. -He just better be there!
Oh, there's the elevator. Hurry! Oh, I love running!
Have you seen Prakha? -I was hoping you had.
He wasn't at the hotel this morning. -Oh, I'm ruined. God!
What is that? And who are all those people behind my hearse?
Oh, I invited them. -What do you mean?
Last night while you were asleep, I wanted to surprise you.
I thought it might make your funeral a little more fun. I don't know.
Edwina. Edwina?
You got a little mirror? Compact or something?
Oh! Oh, Roger, thank you.
Ok. Don't make a big deal out of it, I just did it because I thought
I liked you. I've gotten over that since then.
Now, come on. -It's all right. I'm ok now.
Really. I'm fine. -You're ok?
Yes. It's the nicest thing anybody's ever done for me.
Don't say that. -Well, it is...
You're best friend I've ever had.
Thanks. -Are you all right?
Oh, yeah. The music got to me.
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen.
Amen.
Terry?
I have this terrible feeling we're never going to see Prakha Lasa again.
I'll find him. Maybe at the hotel. -I told you. He's not there.
Let's file a Missing Persons report. Hey, maybe he's trying to get home!
Let's try the airports. -Actually, the hotel might be better.
He's bound to turn up there eventually. We should try there first.
What are you doing? -We may not have another chance.
Oh, but I don't think I can... -Please, Roger, I want to feel
your naked skin next to mine. I want to feel our bodies merge.
Well, I guess there's nothing wrong with a quick little old merge.
Oh, no, you don't do that once again! -Why don't you relax,
maybe you'll learn something. -I thought we've to find Prakha Lasa?
I'm just taking a little breather. -Well, put your little breather back
in your trousers and let's find him! -Roger, what's wrong?
What? -Don't I excite you?
Edwina, what are you doing? -I am thinking of very old nuns.
Oh, please don't do this to me. -Roger, don't you want me?
Oh, God! Now she's thinking of dead kittens! Would you excuse us?
All right! What happend to "Oh, Roger, you're my best friend!"?
I just don't feel like performing a sexueal act on Fred's daughter.
How about if she performs one on us? -No!
Please? -No! What is so important about sex?
So important about sex? That's like "What's important about laughing?"
Or Duke Ellington or the World Series?
It's one of those things that makes you feel like you're really living,
Iike you're glad to be alive! -I am already glad to be alive.
I don't need to play 'tonsil hockey' with some English tart to feel good,
In fact, I feel quite tingly! -Yeah! You're feeling my tingles!
What do you mean? -It's called "sexual excitement".
It is? -Yes. If you think this feels good,
wait'll you feel what hot passionate boffing feels like.
And what happens? Bigger tingles? -Oh, major tingles.
Will she still respect us tomorrow? -She doesn't respect us now!
Let's boff! -Yeah!
This could be sort of embarrassing. -For who?
For me. As soon as I get Terry's body, you'll know what I look like naked.
I swear to God I'll never tell anyone.
Ok, thank you. -You're welcome, now shut up.
What should I do? How can I help? -Fantasize.
Oh. Ok. I'm good at that. -Oh, Terry.
Oh, Roger. -Oh, Clark. Wait a second, wait!
What are you doing? -I'm fantasizing.
I see Clark Gable takes his shirt off! -I know. Isn't this hot?
No! It's cooling me off, you know? -It's making me tingle like crazy.
Ok. Now just throw a couple o' women on top of him and we're in business!
Ok. -All right!
Is it all right now? -Sort of. She's got the whole cast
of "Gone With The Wind" humping in my head.
Oh, Roger. -Oh, Terry.
Oh, Clark! Vivian and Olivia.
Oh, Ashley and Butterfly.
At last. Oh, no! Son-of-a-bitch! -Son-of-a-bitch?
I don't believe it! Now where the hell have you been?
Been? -The airport? What did you there?
Prakha, it is now time for Miss Cutwater's soul to enter Miss Hoskins.
Enter Miss Hoskins! -It's me, Prakha, I'm inside Roger.
Yeam? -Go warm up the bowl!
Oh! -Yeah!
Terry? I guess it wasn't meant to be betwen us. I'll always regret that.
But I want you to know that, wherever it is you're going,
I hope you'll be verry happy. -I will. I've got a wonderful house,
beautiful horses and all the money in the world why shouldn't I be happy?
What?
If you think I'm really going through with this you're not just stupid,
you're crazy. -What? I'll handle this. What?
From the beginning I thought if mad Edwina wants to give her money away,
she may as well give it to me. I never thought that "Flying Nun" could do it.
Wait! You just can't leave her in me! -I'd really love to stay and chat
darling, but I've got get back to my mansion, get ready for my party.
Ciao!
Oh, by the way, don't bother coming. The guards will have orders
to keep you out! Bye, Roger. Goodbye, Miss Cutwater.
So long, Prakha!
Please, don't say it.
Oh, dear God, all I want was a second chance, a fair shake!
Instead I've made a complete mess of your life,
and I've left all my money to a...
Iying, cheap slut, sex poodle! Oh!
Prakha, I want you to release my soul. Give Roger his freedom.
No! She double-crossed us, we can fight this.
No. Perhaps Prakha can put my soul into an eagle or some wonderful bird.
So that I can fly free with the wind.
Hover over my house and shit on her head.
Stop talking like that. -I can't help it. I'm pissed!
I became a lawyer because I wanted to fight injustice. I wanted to help
the little guy against the big guy. -Big guy!
Instead I wound up representing powerful rich people like you.
But now, you see, you're a pauper! You're bilked out of what's rightfully
yours by Miss Terry Hoskins, who is today one of the wealthiest women
in the State of California. And you wanna be a bird?
Forget it! Don't go soft on me now.
Oh, it's no that. It's just that offering you your freedom is the first
unselfish thing I've ever done. -How's it feel?
Oh, wonderful. -You're ok, Edwina.
Give me the number of the Fulton Norris orchestra, please.
Dad, you don't have to do that. You're not an employee any more.
Someone's gotta do it. -I'll hire someone. Pack your things.
You're moving up to the house. No, I won't. It's not right!
Yes, you will. I won't have people saying my father lives in a stable.
I bought you a tuxedo. You're coming to the party tonight. And take a bath!
You know, you're nicer to that horse than you are to people?
Why don't you take him to your party? -lf it were appropiate to me I would!
Oh, you're lucky you're a gelding. -Snap it up, guys. Thank you.
Smile, please. Oh, and if you have to winkie let's do it now.
They have a full rehearsal in 5 minutes.
Come on. Come on. Come on! -Come on.
How you plan on pullin' this off? -Beats the heck outta me.
Well, if I can be of any help at all, you in worse trouble than I thought.
That's right.
That's more fun than being a lawyer. -I know.
I think you should forget the law and become a muscian full time.
Oh, it's a nice dream, but I can't. -There's nothing sadder than
Iooking back at the end of your life and saying, "l didn't do it right".
And believe me, I know. -Yeah. Oh, my solo's coming up.
Can you give me control of my hand? -Sure.
I'm sorry again.
Is this some sort of a joke? -You didn't like that?
Listen, I'll be ok. I just need a minute.
Ok, gentlemen, let's take a break. -Who are those guys?
Bring the bowl. Come on. -The bowl.
You know, your friend's a real freak. -Thank you.
See you in the mornin'.
I'm gonna put on a bloody tuxedo.
Prakha! Now!
Good boy.
Oh! Edwina?
Oh!
Ok! Miss Hoskins! -Hoskins.
Grab that bowl!
-Stop it! Let go!
Edwina in bowl? -Edwina.
Where's Edwina? -Edwina.
Edwina in water? -Edwina.
You just made a big mistake, Buster! Guards! Guards!
Put Edwina back in the bowl? -Back in bowl.
Yes, back in bowl. Yes, back in bowl. -Back in bowl. Nyhm.
Nyhm? Whatta you mean?
Oh, you have to fix the bowl? -Fix bowl.
Fix bowl. -Fix bowl.
You put Edwina back in bowl. -Back in bowl.
Edwina back in bowl. Go fix bowl. Go fix bowl. Go, go, go!
Edwina, if you can hear me blow some bubbles or something.
I'm talking to a bucket!
Get that bucket! Get that bucket! Don't let him get away!
Ty, feel this. -What is it?
Take good care of it! -What is it?
It's very, very special. -No problem.
Hey, where are you going with that green bucket?
Get out of my way!
Oh! Shit!
Oh! Damn! -It's all right.
No!
Want us to throw him out, ma'am? -No, he's harmless.
Goodbye, Edwina.
Good evening. -Miss Hoskins?
Mr. Mifflin! Mr. Schuyler. We have rather a pleasant orchestra.
Daddy, how debonaire.
Oh, good evening. I'm Terry Hoskins. Welcome to Hoskins Manor.
"All of me. Why not take all of me.
Can't you see. I'm not good without..."
God rest her wonderful soul. I'll never forget her.
Just remember how comforting it'll be to look around this magnificent home
and always see a little bit of Edwina in everything.
Yes. Especially the flower bed. -Yes.
Ty, I thought I had everything under control.
I'm sorry, man. I didn't see her grab the pitcher.
You know what I'm sayin'? -It's not your fault, Ty.
Oh, man, I feel empty.
You know, I know this sounds crazy, but I actually miss the old girl.
Who are you calling an old girl?
It's no funny... Ty! -I'm not trying to be funny,
you peasant! -Edwina?
No, it's Pearl Bailey. Who the hell do you think it is?
Oh, Edwina! -Hey, hey, that's my side, stupid!
I'm over here! -What are you doing in Ty?
How should I know? I see nothing! -Man, when you set that pitcher down
here and said take care of it, I thought it was gin and I drank some.
But why didn't you say something? -I wanted to see if you missed me.
Cute, cute, cute. Oh, God! Come on, Ty, come on. Come on!
Hey, Bix.
Prakha? -Fix bowl.
Ah, fix bowl. Great. -Edwina in water?
Edwina not in water. Say something. -Your Holiness, it is l,
Edwina Cutwater. -Edwina?
Yes. -I fail to see humor in the situation.
He drink her. Drink her?
He drink her. -lf it hat not been for Mr. Wattell,
I'd be Edwina the Flower Bed right now, you big dope!
Big dope! -Look, look! Take Edwina out,
put back in me. -ln me.
Ok? -Ok.
Really? -It's the only safe place.
Oh, you really are my friend. -I sure hope nobody else can see this.
Ok.
Good night. We're in the Roosevelt. -lf you need anything you call Grace.
Good night. -Good night.
Ty, you gotta get back on the bus. -Oh, no way, Jose, I gotta find out
how this megillah ends. -Ty!
Besides I can be of help. Walkin' around in the dark is my territory.
Ok, you're hired. -Thank you.
Oh, God! This way. -What kind o' seein' eye dog is this?
You hang back here. -Hang back here.
Hi, Sailor. -Are you having a good time?
Yeah, I am. I hope I have as much fun in my new body as I've had in yours.
Thanks.
There she is. -Roger, now that you know what
a horrible person she is, aren't you glad you weren't intimate with her?
I thank my lucky stars. -I'm glad you said that.
I've been thinking. If things work out
you just might get another chance. -Oh, Edwina Cutwater!
That's our cue.
Let's go. -Let's go.
Ty, watch your head. Sssh!
Come on, Prakha, come on, come on. Bix, go outside, go on.
Go on. Prakha, take care o' Ty. -Ty.
Take care of Ty. -Ty.
Sssh! Sssh! Sssh! -Sssh! Sssh! Sssh!
Oh! -Hello, darling!
Whatta you waitin' for, grab her! Watch out! I think she's got a gun.
Let's all take a nice little walk now, shall we?
Where we goin'? -Sh, don't wake up the other guests.
What are you going to do? -You sneaked back in here to rob me.
Oh, we in trouble, Roger. -You took the gun from my night table.
Big trouble. -You led me to a quiet room.
This is what I shall say. Get in here! -How do you expect to get away?
I'll just tell the truth. You brought me to this room, we struggled,
I grabbed the gun. -What the hell is going on?
Watch out! Sounds like a gunshot! Somebody's fighting now, Roger.
Sombody just knocked over some furniture.
Sounds like an end table with chock keys on it, Roger.
It's ok now. It's all over. Who won?
We did, Ty. -I'm calling the police!
Good idea. Who's that? -No, don't! I won't go back to jail!
Back to jail? -Who's going back to jail?
Terry? What about all these people? -Get me the police.
Police? -Attempted homicide. 2 counts, maybe.
No, that'll be her third conciction! -Third conviction?
You're a 3 time lost. You'll go into the slammer. They throw away the key.
I promise I'll kill myself first! -She would, you know.
Police? Burton Schuyler. I want to report an attempted homicide!
Yes, I'm over here... -Stop! Miss Cutwater?
Yes? -My body will go to jail, too.
Hang up, Schuyler. -I'll make a deal with you.
Terry! -Terry...
Oh, my Lord, that was powerful. -Edwina!
Roger!
It worked. It really worked. -ls Terry in there, too?
She's gone.
Terry?
Are you shure this is what you want, honey bun?
Thank you, ma'am. I don't know I will explain this to her probation officer,
but thank you. -That's quite all right, Fred.
Come on, baby. I'm gonna fix you a nice private stable
and never leave Daddy again.
No more thieving, no more swindling just runnin' and prancin'
and jumpin' for the rest of your life.
So, how do you feel? -Alive and happy...
and scared. -Why?
Because I finally got what I always wanted,
and I've no excuses any more. -Yeah. Welcome to the real world.
What? -Tingles.
I hope you try it more often. -ls that advice from my lawyer?
I'm no lawyer. I'm a musician. -You are?
I had more feelings in the last 2 days than in the last ten years in office!
Those papers stacked up to height and that flourescent lighting burning
off all my vitamins. Unlike you, most of us only get around once in life,
and I'm not going to spend the rest of my mine sitting behind a desk.
Oh, you talk like a beer commercial. -Hey, let's dance.
I don't know how. -Oh, it's easy.
Now, ut your feet on top of mine. Come on.
This is how kids learn how to dance. See?
Try it with your own feet.
All of me. Why not take all of me?
Can't you see, I'm no good without you.
Take my lips. I wanna lose them.
Take my arms. I'll never use them.
Your Goodbye left me with eyes that cry.
Now can l go on, Dear, without you.
You took the part that once was my heart.
So why not take all of me?
Why not take all of me?
Take all of me. Can't you see.
I'm no good without you.
Take my lips. I wanna loose them.
And take my arms. I'll never use them.
Your Goodbye left me with eyes that cry.
How can l go on, Dear, without you.
You took the part that once was my heart.
So why not take all of me?