1 00:00:33,285 --> 00:00:35,371 (car horn) 2 00:00:35,454 --> 00:00:37,455 (knock at door) 3 00:00:38,581 --> 00:00:41,208 Gilbert, you'd better get up. They're here. 4 00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:43,752 - I'm up. - You OK? 5 00:00:43,836 --> 00:00:46,087 - Yeah. - You sure? 6 00:00:46,170 --> 00:00:48,880 Sure I'm sure. 7 00:00:50,590 --> 00:00:54,302 - You remember the first time you left home? - Yes. 8 00:00:54,385 --> 00:00:57,429 And I was just as scared as you are. 9 00:00:57,512 --> 00:01:01,849 I'm not scared. I just don't like the idea of leaving you here all alone. 10 00:01:01,932 --> 00:01:05,769 Oh, I'll be fine. I was fine when you went away to computer camp. 11 00:01:06,436 --> 00:01:09,230 Mom, that was just for two weeks. 12 00:01:09,314 --> 00:01:13,567 I can take care of myself. I'm much more worried about you. 13 00:01:13,650 --> 00:01:18,237 I'm gonna be just fine. Anyways, I'm not gonna be alone. I got Lewis. 14 00:01:19,237 --> 00:01:22,949 Gilbert? Come on, rise and shine. 15 00:01:23,033 --> 00:01:25,826 Dad's waiting outside in the car. It's all packed. 16 00:01:25,909 --> 00:01:28,411 Hi, Flo. It's a beautiful day, isn't it? 17 00:01:28,494 --> 00:01:33,123 It's gonna be a great year. Now, I figure with lunch and two ARVs, 18 00:01:33,206 --> 00:01:37,209 we should be on the road approximately 7 hours, 18 minutes and 7 seconds. 19 00:01:37,293 --> 00:01:40,796 - ARVs? - Average restroom visits. 20 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:42,380 (laughter) 21 00:01:42,464 --> 00:01:44,799 Oh, I'm so proud of you two boys. 22 00:01:44,883 --> 00:01:47,760 Come on, Gilbert. Let's go to college. 23 00:01:47,843 --> 00:01:50,386 (braying laugh) 24 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:24,413 Hey, Lewis, what time you got? I'm tryin' to work out our exact ETA. 25 00:02:24,497 --> 00:02:28,708 I got two thirty-seven. Dad, how fast are we going? 26 00:02:28,792 --> 00:02:32,127 I've got the old cruise control set at 35. 27 00:03:04,277 --> 00:03:07,029 Adams College, home of the Atoms. 28 00:03:07,863 --> 00:03:10,073 Gilbert, this is gonna be really neat. 29 00:03:10,156 --> 00:03:12,825 I sure hope so. What if it isn't, huh? 30 00:03:12,908 --> 00:03:15,786 Don't be so negative. We'll have the time of our lives. 31 00:03:15,869 --> 00:03:18,371 I'm not being negative. I'm being nervous. 32 00:03:18,454 --> 00:03:21,124 Don't be, cos everything's gonna be great. 33 00:03:21,207 --> 00:03:24,167 - Just like high school, right? - This is college. 34 00:03:24,251 --> 00:03:28,838 Remember, there are 6,127 students at Adams. 35 00:03:28,921 --> 00:03:31,548 - 58 per cent of which are girls. - So? 36 00:03:31,631 --> 00:03:34,967 So that's 7,107.32 boobs. 37 00:03:35,050 --> 00:03:37,344 (braying laughter) 38 00:03:37,428 --> 00:03:42,557 You college guys are all alike. All you really care about is gettin' laid. 39 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:46,727 - I wish I was goin' with you. - (braying laugh) 40 00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:50,271 Dad! 41 00:03:56,026 --> 00:03:59,028 (Lewis) Wow! This campus is awesome. 42 00:04:00,112 --> 00:04:05,324 It's a lot bigger than I expected. Maybe we should have just gone to City Tech, huh? 43 00:04:05,407 --> 00:04:10,828 Tech's nothin'. You know Adams has got the best computer department in the country. 44 00:04:10,912 --> 00:04:14,497 Yeah, you're right. Adams is the best. 45 00:04:37,390 --> 00:04:40,601 (Mr Skolnick) Well, boys... I mean "men"...here we are. 46 00:04:46,397 --> 00:04:50,734 What an opportunity for you guys. You're both gonna do great. 47 00:04:50,817 --> 00:04:55,321 I'm proud of you. Your father would have been proud of you, too, Gilbert. 48 00:04:55,404 --> 00:05:00,784 I know, Mr Skolnick. Don't tell my mother I was nervous. I wouldn't want her to worry. 49 00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:03,327 - Of course not. Don't sweat it. - Thanks. 50 00:05:03,410 --> 00:05:04,995 (cycle bell rings) 51 00:05:05,079 --> 00:05:07,580 Hey, Lewis, come here. Sit down. 52 00:05:10,666 --> 00:05:12,751 I envy you, Lewis. 53 00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:16,462 This is one of the finest institutions in the country. 54 00:05:17,255 --> 00:05:19,756 You're gonna do fantastic here. 55 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,218 Try not to break too many hearts. 56 00:05:24,301 --> 00:05:26,512 That hasn't been a real problem yet. 57 00:05:26,595 --> 00:05:29,722 Come on, you're gonna make some lucky girl very happy. 58 00:05:29,806 --> 00:05:32,849 You're smart, easy-going. 59 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,643 Got your father's good looks. 60 00:05:34,726 --> 00:05:37,270 (braying laughter) 61 00:05:37,353 --> 00:05:41,773 And you got a great sense of humour. I really believe in you, son. 62 00:05:41,856 --> 00:05:45,401 - Thanks, Dad. I won't let you down. - I know. 63 00:05:45,943 --> 00:05:48,445 Gilbert, help me with the trunk. 64 00:05:51,322 --> 00:05:53,908 - Uh, Gilbert? - Yes, sir? 65 00:05:55,409 --> 00:05:57,869 College isn't like high school. 66 00:05:57,953 --> 00:06:01,330 You'll be on your own. I want you to take care of yourself. 67 00:06:01,414 --> 00:06:05,166 I will. Anyway, I won't be alone. I got Lewis. 68 00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:07,626 Besides, we're college men now, right? 69 00:06:07,710 --> 00:06:10,045 - Right. - Ow. 70 00:06:14,966 --> 00:06:17,384 It's easier gettin' it down. 71 00:06:19,469 --> 00:06:22,054 Hold it, guys. This is an historic moment. 72 00:06:23,306 --> 00:06:25,223 All right, say "cheese". 73 00:06:25,307 --> 00:06:27,058 (both) Cheese! 74 00:06:27,392 --> 00:06:29,852 Got it. 75 00:06:29,935 --> 00:06:32,187 Bye, Dad. 76 00:06:33,230 --> 00:06:35,648 Bye. Thanks for the ride. 77 00:06:38,233 --> 00:06:40,319 (passers-by laugh) 78 00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:48,450 - You OK? - Yeah. 79 00:06:56,456 --> 00:07:00,209 - (Gilbert) Bye, Mr Skolnick! - (Lewis) Drive careful, Dad. 80 00:07:02,544 --> 00:07:04,128 (girl) Watch out! 81 00:07:06,339 --> 00:07:08,423 - Sorry. - Excuse us. 82 00:07:13,719 --> 00:07:16,555 You know, Gilbert, I feel different already. 83 00:07:16,639 --> 00:07:19,682 Like... more mature. 84 00:07:19,766 --> 00:07:22,100 Looks like we're in for quite a change. 85 00:07:22,184 --> 00:07:27,438 I'll say. Parties, meeting new people. This is really gonna be great. 86 00:07:27,521 --> 00:07:30,148 - I don't know. - Just relax. Be yourself. 87 00:07:30,232 --> 00:07:34,402 Like Davy Crockett always said - be sure you're right, then go ahead. 88 00:07:38,739 --> 00:07:42,492 (all chant) Ogre! Ogre! Ogre! Ogre! 89 00:07:42,575 --> 00:07:46,328 - Anyway, college is a whole new ball game. - Nerds! 90 00:07:46,411 --> 00:07:49,956 - People judge you different than in school. - Nerds! 91 00:07:51,165 --> 00:07:52,582 Nerds! 92 00:07:55,043 --> 00:07:56,502 Nerds! 93 00:07:56,585 --> 00:08:00,214 - Where are they? - I think they're talking about us. 94 00:08:00,297 --> 00:08:02,840 - No way. - Nerds! 95 00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:06,593 - Nerds! Nerds! - (all chant) Nerds! Nerds! 96 00:08:06,677 --> 00:08:09,054 Come on, Lewis, let's go. 97 00:08:09,137 --> 00:08:11,305 (chanting continues) 98 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,602 (? "Are You Ready" by Ya-Ya) 99 00:08:32,655 --> 00:08:35,699 (man) Ogre! 100 00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:38,368 Fill her up, baby! 101 00:08:39,494 --> 00:08:41,370 All right! 102 00:08:59,050 --> 00:09:03,554 OK, everybody, listen up! It's time for stair diving! 103 00:09:26,405 --> 00:09:31,034 - Well, Gilbert, here's our new home. - Can't believe we finally made it. 104 00:09:49,173 --> 00:09:52,592 Lewis, if you don't want the bed by the window, I'll take it. 105 00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:54,760 - You got it. - Thanks. 106 00:10:01,349 --> 00:10:06,019 - You know, this is really a great room. - Yep. Definite possibilities. 107 00:10:07,978 --> 00:10:11,856 Do you think they'd let us put in a little refrigerator for snacks? 108 00:10:11,940 --> 00:10:16,818 Are you kiddin', Gilbert? We can put a fridge and a microwave right there. 109 00:10:16,902 --> 00:10:19,988 That'd be a good place for an entertainment centre, too. 110 00:10:20,072 --> 00:10:22,448 Great. 111 00:10:22,532 --> 00:10:26,159 That's just the beginning. We'll have the best dorm room on campus. 112 00:10:26,243 --> 00:10:29,286 I don't know about the best. It'll be the messiest. 113 00:10:29,370 --> 00:10:32,498 Relax, Gilbert. Remember, we got it covered. 114 00:10:34,791 --> 00:10:37,377 This robot will be better than a maid. 115 00:10:38,544 --> 00:10:41,046 It'll help with the women, too. 116 00:10:41,129 --> 00:10:43,548 - Women? - Yeah. 117 00:10:43,631 --> 00:10:45,883 Let's say one of us is up here with a woman. 118 00:10:45,967 --> 00:10:49,469 This'll be our warning device, so we don't walk in on each other. 119 00:10:49,553 --> 00:10:53,556 Wait a minute. We're allowed to have girls in our dorm room? 120 00:10:53,639 --> 00:10:56,975 Not girls, Gil. Women. We're college men now. 121 00:10:57,058 --> 00:11:00,602 - Isn't college great? - It's gonna be a great year. 122 00:11:03,647 --> 00:11:06,774 (? "Burning Down The House" by Talking Heads) 123 00:11:09,109 --> 00:11:11,695 C'mon, Betty. Show me what you got. 124 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:16,740 Gable, check this out. Check this out. This is outrageous. 125 00:11:16,824 --> 00:11:19,325 - What is it? - Just try it. 126 00:11:20,535 --> 00:11:22,202 Oh! You OK? 127 00:11:22,286 --> 00:11:25,581 - Jeez, Burke! What is this? - 188 proof. 128 00:11:25,664 --> 00:11:30,876 It's called a fireball, man. Watch. Take that. Flame on, buddy. Flame on! 129 00:11:36,297 --> 00:11:39,549 Yeah! Can you do it again? Do it again. 130 00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:43,260 (they chant) Fireball. Fireball. Fireball. Fireball. 131 00:11:48,514 --> 00:11:51,267 One more! One more! One more! Fireball. 132 00:11:51,350 --> 00:11:54,853 (they chant) Fireball! Fireball! Fireball! Fireball! 133 00:12:00,191 --> 00:12:02,275 (all) Oh, shit! 134 00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:11,407 (all)? Our house, our house is burning down 135 00:12:11,491 --> 00:12:15,619 ? Our house, our house, our house is burning down 136 00:12:15,827 --> 00:12:19,497 ? Our house, our house, our house is burning down 137 00:12:19,997 --> 00:12:24,459 ? Our house, our house, our house is burning down 138 00:12:26,044 --> 00:12:30,380 - It must have been the wiring. - That isn't what the fire department thinks. 139 00:12:30,464 --> 00:12:34,133 Dean, if my boys say it was the wiring, you gotta believe them. 140 00:12:34,217 --> 00:12:36,760 Dean, school ought to be more careful. 141 00:12:37,302 --> 00:12:43,015 We got a big game comin' up. I don't want my boys worried about where they're gonna live. 142 00:12:43,098 --> 00:12:46,810 They should have thought of that before they burnt their house down. 143 00:12:46,893 --> 00:12:50,312 What's done is done. Where am I gonna put my athletes? 144 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:53,856 - The freshman dorm? - What about the students there now? 145 00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:59,778 All right. Thanks to faulty wiring, we have no place to live. Right? 146 00:12:59,861 --> 00:13:03,697 - (jocks) Right! - These freshmen are sittin' pretty in there! 147 00:13:03,781 --> 00:13:06,825 - So as of now, that dorm is ours! Right? - Yeah! 148 00:13:06,908 --> 00:13:09,577 Any room you want. Ready? Break! 149 00:13:19,376 --> 00:13:22,212 Don't come back! 150 00:13:22,295 --> 00:13:24,713 There's your roommate, pal! 151 00:13:27,842 --> 00:13:30,677 If everyone follows directions, 152 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:35,347 we can manage this move with as little inconvenience as possible. 153 00:13:36,056 --> 00:13:40,476 All right, men. I want everybody to listen up. We're movin' out, and I mean now! 154 00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:44,855 Move it! Move it! Move, move, move! 155 00:13:49,775 --> 00:13:51,776 (jock) Get outta here! 156 00:13:51,860 --> 00:13:54,486 (whistle) 157 00:13:54,570 --> 00:14:00,241 All right, listen up. I'm gonna see to it that each and every one of you is taken care of. 158 00:14:00,324 --> 00:14:05,245 You will be provided with the best possible food, shelter and accommodation. 159 00:14:05,328 --> 00:14:06,746 (laughter) 160 00:14:06,830 --> 00:14:10,666 - We will try to provide you... - Now let's move it out! 161 00:14:10,749 --> 00:14:13,960 Move it! Move, move, move! Move it! 162 00:14:14,043 --> 00:14:16,128 (jocks jeer) 163 00:14:19,006 --> 00:14:20,965 Move it! 164 00:14:22,425 --> 00:14:24,260 Get outta here! 165 00:14:24,343 --> 00:14:28,638 (all chant) Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! 166 00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:35,435 (chanting continues) 167 00:14:42,690 --> 00:14:45,693 (Dean) I know this move has been sudden for all of you, 168 00:14:45,777 --> 00:14:50,447 and you're probably all still very disoriented. 169 00:14:50,530 --> 00:14:56,576 I do want to assure you that this move is in no way permanent. It's only temporary. 170 00:14:56,659 --> 00:15:02,915 As you see, we've provided accommodations for you that are... quite acceptable. 171 00:15:02,998 --> 00:15:05,792 It'll be a nice place for you to enjoy your studies. 172 00:15:05,875 --> 00:15:08,002 (boy) I don't even wanna go to college. 173 00:15:08,086 --> 00:15:11,713 You have a special gift. You need college to develop it. 174 00:15:11,797 --> 00:15:13,839 I wanna be with people my own age. 175 00:15:13,923 --> 00:15:17,009 You will be with people your own age when you're older. 176 00:15:17,092 --> 00:15:22,096 But you can't drop me off in a gymnasium. It looks like we're refugees from a war. 177 00:15:22,179 --> 00:15:25,474 We gotta go now, honey. Your dad has an appointment. 178 00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:27,642 Bye, son. 179 00:15:28,768 --> 00:15:31,895 (Dean) It is really very comfortable here. 180 00:15:33,313 --> 00:15:36,649 Is there anyone here with allergies? 181 00:15:37,399 --> 00:15:40,819 Me too. Uh, for those of you who do have allergies, 182 00:15:40,902 --> 00:15:43,238 you can request a foam rubber pillow. 183 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:48,116 Also, there's a television for your viewing pleasure. 184 00:15:48,199 --> 00:15:50,993 It is a black and white television. 185 00:15:51,077 --> 00:15:55,872 More good news. Because of the housing situation, 186 00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:59,792 we are allowing the freshman class to join and live in fraternities. 187 00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:01,918 (all) Yeah! 188 00:16:02,001 --> 00:16:04,921 The fraternities will select their members tomorrow. 189 00:16:05,004 --> 00:16:06,380 (whistle) 190 00:16:06,463 --> 00:16:10,216 All right! Enough of this social bullshit. Grab a cot. 191 00:16:10,299 --> 00:16:12,969 Move it or lose it! 192 00:16:15,178 --> 00:16:17,264 (coach) Go, son. 193 00:16:17,347 --> 00:16:18,889 Move! 194 00:16:19,432 --> 00:16:21,517 Move, move, move, move, move! 195 00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:32,900 (Dean on PA) And the Delta Kappa Gamma fraternity has selected as its new members 196 00:16:32,984 --> 00:16:36,445 Oliver Scott and Bill Daniels. 197 00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:41,657 (Dean) For those of you who weren't selected by any fraternities, 198 00:16:41,741 --> 00:16:44,576 you won't be left out in the cold. 199 00:16:44,659 --> 00:16:48,829 You can stay here in the gym for as long as you like. 200 00:16:50,539 --> 00:16:53,124 Or at least until basketball season. 201 00:16:54,625 --> 00:16:57,420 Please answer when I call out your names. 202 00:16:58,837 --> 00:17:00,922 Poindexter, Arnold. 203 00:17:03,466 --> 00:17:05,259 Latrelle, Lamar. 204 00:17:05,342 --> 00:17:07,844 (effeminately) Lamar Latrelle. 205 00:17:09,804 --> 00:17:12,014 Wormser, Harold. 206 00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:13,182 Present. 207 00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:15,808 Takashi, Toshiro. 208 00:17:15,892 --> 00:17:18,186 Ah, here, sir. 209 00:17:19,936 --> 00:17:22,522 Dawson, Dudley. 210 00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:24,565 Call me "Booger". 211 00:17:24,648 --> 00:17:26,609 All right... Booger. 212 00:17:27,401 --> 00:17:29,027 Rakhim, Raj. 213 00:17:29,110 --> 00:17:33,363 Ah, excuse, please, but why do they call you "Booger"? 214 00:17:33,447 --> 00:17:35,783 I don't know. 215 00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:38,868 Posquito, Lawrence. 216 00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,246 Daniels, Paul. 217 00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:46,040 I knew nobody'd pick us, Lewis. 218 00:17:46,123 --> 00:17:50,335 Gilbert, it's probably not over yet. There's a fraternity for us. 219 00:17:50,418 --> 00:17:52,420 (Dean) Dooley, Edward. 220 00:17:52,837 --> 00:17:54,922 Yozonski, Yosef. 221 00:17:59,509 --> 00:18:03,637 - Wait a second. Are you sure about this? - Gilbert, yes. Come on. 222 00:18:10,935 --> 00:18:13,103 (Lewis) Hi, girls. 223 00:18:13,186 --> 00:18:15,897 Are you guys looking to join a sorority? 224 00:18:15,980 --> 00:18:17,815 A sorority? 225 00:18:17,898 --> 00:18:20,400 No! 226 00:18:20,483 --> 00:18:26,696 We need some help. We figured pretty girls like you might be able to suggest a fraternity. 227 00:18:26,780 --> 00:18:32,368 Choosing the right fraternity can be one of the most important decisions in a man's life. 228 00:18:32,451 --> 00:18:36,287 - For sure. - Guys like you have to choose very carefully. 229 00:18:36,371 --> 00:18:39,665 - Definitely. - Tell us what frat do you think is us. 230 00:18:39,748 --> 00:18:43,334 - You guys are Alpha Betas all the way. - Totally. For sure. 231 00:18:43,418 --> 00:18:47,754 What? Wait. Aren't Alpha Betas, like, all jocks and face men? 232 00:18:47,838 --> 00:18:53,050 Yes. But you guys have got that certain something I know they'd be interested in. 233 00:18:53,134 --> 00:18:57,345 - I'll tell 'em you're coming. - Should we ask for a particular Alpha Beta? 234 00:18:57,429 --> 00:19:00,097 - Stan Gable. - And you're? 235 00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:02,683 Betty Childs. 236 00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,518 Thank you, Betty. Ms Childs. 237 00:19:05,601 --> 00:19:10,272 Maybe if you're not busy sometime we could have a cup of coffee or somethin'. 238 00:19:10,355 --> 00:19:12,566 Come on, pal. 239 00:19:12,649 --> 00:19:15,651 (Gilbert) I can't believe you asked her out. 240 00:19:16,068 --> 00:19:20,405 (Lewis) You know, Gilbert, if we get in, maybe we can have our old room back. 241 00:19:20,488 --> 00:19:23,991 - (Gilbert) These guys will never accept us. - Why wouldn't they? 242 00:19:24,074 --> 00:19:28,244 These are the Alpha Betas. They're the football players. 243 00:19:28,953 --> 00:19:31,997 I don't think Ms Childs would have sent us over here 244 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:35,332 if she didn't think we had a decent chance of getting in. 245 00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:38,377 (door creaks) 246 00:19:38,461 --> 00:19:40,462 - (eerily) Yes? - Hi. 247 00:19:40,545 --> 00:19:45,007 Tell Stan Gable that we're the guys that Betty Childs sent over. 248 00:19:45,090 --> 00:19:47,634 Follow me, boys. 249 00:19:47,717 --> 00:19:49,802 (door creaks) 250 00:19:50,845 --> 00:19:52,721 Gilbert! 251 00:20:20,534 --> 00:20:22,911 (solemnly) Welcome. 252 00:20:22,994 --> 00:20:25,080 (both) Hi. 253 00:20:27,122 --> 00:20:28,999 (Stan) Hey! 254 00:20:30,376 --> 00:20:34,003 You guys seem pretty cool. Take these for later. 255 00:20:36,588 --> 00:20:39,424 Rubbers? What do we need rubbers for? 256 00:20:39,508 --> 00:20:41,676 (sheep bleats) 257 00:20:44,761 --> 00:20:47,097 (Stan) Let the initiation begin. 258 00:20:47,722 --> 00:20:50,641 (jock) Have you ever made love to a woman? 259 00:20:50,724 --> 00:20:51,684 - Yes. - No. 260 00:20:51,767 --> 00:20:53,601 - No. - Yes. 261 00:20:55,144 --> 00:20:56,604 (jocks) Liars! 262 00:20:57,188 --> 00:20:59,523 (TV) All right, let's go for the burn. 263 00:20:59,606 --> 00:21:02,191 (horrible tuneless scraping) 264 00:21:07,112 --> 00:21:10,365 - OK, Takashi, whaddaya got? - Oh, I think I have a frush. 265 00:21:10,448 --> 00:21:13,325 - What the fuck is a "frush"? - A frush. 266 00:21:13,409 --> 00:21:16,369 I got two sevens, and two sevens beats a frush. 267 00:21:16,452 --> 00:21:17,829 Oh, thank you. 268 00:21:17,912 --> 00:21:20,831 (tuneless violin playing continues) 269 00:21:31,214 --> 00:21:33,966 - Oh! - Jesus. 270 00:21:37,635 --> 00:21:39,721 (violin stops) 271 00:21:44,391 --> 00:21:49,645 So, getting into a fraternity can be the most important thing in a man's life, huh? 272 00:21:49,729 --> 00:21:53,189 You know, that cheerleader set us up, Lewis. 273 00:21:53,273 --> 00:21:57,443 I really don't think Betty Childs is that kind of person, Gilbert. 274 00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:01,988 Hey, Lewis? 275 00:22:02,071 --> 00:22:04,156 What is it, Gilbert? 276 00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:09,452 I'm really sorry that I snapped at you. This gym's really gettin' to me. 277 00:22:09,535 --> 00:22:11,745 It's OK. I understand. 278 00:22:11,828 --> 00:22:16,041 Tomorrow morning we'll find a better place to live, OK? 279 00:22:16,123 --> 00:22:19,043 - Good night, Gilbert. - Good night, Lewis. 280 00:22:20,085 --> 00:22:22,879 - Good night, Lamar. - Good night, Wormser. 281 00:22:22,962 --> 00:22:26,757 - Good night, Takashi. - Good night, Poindexter. 282 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,925 - Good night, Booger. - (loud belch) 283 00:22:30,009 --> 00:22:32,345 (all laugh) 284 00:22:36,431 --> 00:22:37,474 (thud) 285 00:22:44,228 --> 00:22:48,273 Hey, take it easy. The computer's your friend. 286 00:22:48,357 --> 00:22:50,734 I wasn't meant to interface with a machine. 287 00:22:50,817 --> 00:22:53,569 Well, you're just beginning. Relax. 288 00:22:54,487 --> 00:22:57,113 It's no use. It's inhuman. 289 00:22:57,197 --> 00:23:00,574 It's not inhuman. Only humans can be inhuman. 290 00:23:01,408 --> 00:23:03,327 Here, let me show you. 291 00:23:08,081 --> 00:23:10,415 Working with a computer's great. 292 00:23:10,499 --> 00:23:13,876 I mean, it's godlike, in a way, 293 00:23:13,959 --> 00:23:16,796 cos you can have complete control. 294 00:23:19,422 --> 00:23:21,508 - That's good. - Thanks. 295 00:23:23,592 --> 00:23:27,845 You know, some people, they can create with their hands. 296 00:23:27,929 --> 00:23:33,141 But when you're working with a computer, you gotta build something with your mind. 297 00:23:34,309 --> 00:23:38,270 If you're good, you can do somethin' no one's ever seen before. 298 00:23:39,229 --> 00:23:41,314 It's a definite high. 299 00:23:48,528 --> 00:23:51,364 Uh... what's your name? 300 00:23:51,447 --> 00:23:53,991 - Judy. - Hi, Judy. Gilbert. 301 00:23:54,366 --> 00:23:57,994 - (Judy) Very nice to meet you. - Nice meeting you. 302 00:24:04,290 --> 00:24:06,709 - Hello, Lewis. - Hi, Gilbert. 303 00:24:07,793 --> 00:24:10,670 - Did you find a house? - No. 304 00:24:10,753 --> 00:24:12,880 I met a girl. 305 00:24:12,964 --> 00:24:15,173 Gilbert! 306 00:24:15,257 --> 00:24:18,718 - Her name's Judy. - Judy's a nice name, Gilbert. 307 00:24:18,801 --> 00:24:22,721 - Yeah. She's a nice girl. - Big deal. Did you get in her pants? 308 00:24:22,804 --> 00:24:26,474 - She's not that kind of a girl. - Why? Does she have a penis? 309 00:24:31,312 --> 00:24:33,396 You gonna eat this? 310 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:41,819 - Smell this one, nerd. - Oh, Coach, Coach. 311 00:24:41,902 --> 00:24:45,280 I got to find a place to live. Is OK I leave early? 312 00:24:46,031 --> 00:24:47,782 No. 313 00:24:47,866 --> 00:24:50,200 Oh, OK. 314 00:24:50,284 --> 00:24:51,744 - You know karate? - No. 315 00:24:51,827 --> 00:24:53,703 Good. 316 00:24:56,956 --> 00:25:00,208 I've programmed him with all the rental units in the area. 317 00:25:00,292 --> 00:25:04,253 For optimum efficiency, I've assigned each of you a part of the list. 318 00:25:04,337 --> 00:25:08,882 This'll prevent doubling up. We'll be able to blanket the area in no time. 319 00:25:08,965 --> 00:25:11,091 Booger. 320 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:13,677 Wormser. 321 00:25:14,887 --> 00:25:16,387 Toshiro. 322 00:25:22,893 --> 00:25:24,977 (speaks Japanese) 323 00:25:26,896 --> 00:25:28,980 (replies in Japanese) 324 00:25:29,940 --> 00:25:31,483 Nerd! 325 00:25:42,699 --> 00:25:45,118 - Hi. - All right? 326 00:25:45,202 --> 00:25:48,120 - Mr Wilson? - Yeah. 327 00:25:50,246 --> 00:25:52,165 Just checking. 328 00:25:52,958 --> 00:25:55,250 (woman) Hi there, big boy. 329 00:25:55,334 --> 00:25:59,045 Hi. I came about the room for rent. 330 00:25:59,128 --> 00:26:03,298 It's right next to mine. It'll be perfect for us. 331 00:26:06,385 --> 00:26:08,594 (buzzer) 332 00:26:10,763 --> 00:26:13,932 (man) Who's there? What do you want? 333 00:26:14,015 --> 00:26:17,643 - Is this the Stewart residence? - Why are you here? What do you want? 334 00:26:17,726 --> 00:26:20,645 - I've come about the room. - Go away. 335 00:26:20,728 --> 00:26:22,939 - Do you have a room to rent? - Not for rent. 336 00:26:23,022 --> 00:26:25,482 - I thought it was for rent. - Fuck off. 337 00:26:33,406 --> 00:26:35,532 - Hi, Judy. - Hi, Gilbert. 338 00:26:35,615 --> 00:26:37,950 - How are you? - Fine. Where are you going? 339 00:26:38,033 --> 00:26:40,786 I gotta go find a place to live. 340 00:26:40,869 --> 00:26:45,290 - It's horrible you having to live in the gym. - Oh, yeah, well... 341 00:26:45,707 --> 00:26:48,792 - What is that? Is that yours? - It's my accordion. 342 00:26:48,875 --> 00:26:51,003 - You play the accordion? - Yeah. 343 00:26:51,085 --> 00:26:53,254 - I love the accordion. - Really? 344 00:26:53,337 --> 00:26:56,881 - Are you very good, or? - No, not really. 345 00:26:56,965 --> 00:26:59,551 I'm on my way to class. Do you wanna walk with me? 346 00:26:59,634 --> 00:27:02,219 Yeah, sure. Oh, no. Here, let me get it. 347 00:27:10,309 --> 00:27:13,019 - I think I found a house. - (nerds cheer) 348 00:27:13,102 --> 00:27:15,521 (Booger) About fuckin' time! 349 00:27:20,859 --> 00:27:23,360 Isn't it fantastic? 350 00:27:23,444 --> 00:27:26,654 (? "One Foot In Front Of The Other" by Bone Symphony) 351 00:27:48,588 --> 00:27:50,673 (imitates Dracula) Welcome. 352 00:28:08,938 --> 00:28:13,149 - Are you feeling anything yet, Takashi? - Oh, Booger, I feel nothing. 353 00:28:13,232 --> 00:28:15,734 You better have another hit. 354 00:28:25,784 --> 00:28:28,619 Oh, this counter. Could be good. 355 00:28:38,627 --> 00:28:40,503 Agh! 356 00:28:44,465 --> 00:28:47,050 - Feeling anything now? - Oh, no. 357 00:28:47,133 --> 00:28:51,553 I feeling... nothing... at all. 358 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:55,515 How about now? 359 00:29:22,953 --> 00:29:25,705 I can't believe what they've done to that house. 360 00:29:26,455 --> 00:29:28,623 That's amazing. 361 00:29:28,707 --> 00:29:33,335 - Looks terrific, doesn't it, Stan? - Yeah, well, it won't look terrific for long. 362 00:29:34,628 --> 00:29:37,297 What are you lookin' at, nerd? Huh? 363 00:29:39,716 --> 00:29:44,803 I thought I was looking at my mother's old douche bag, but that's in Ohio. 364 00:29:45,137 --> 00:29:48,097 Seven and eight. And stretch those arms. 365 00:29:48,180 --> 00:29:51,683 Come on. Looks great. Come on, Wormser. 366 00:29:57,688 --> 00:29:59,772 - Morning, Poindexter. - Uh. 367 00:30:02,191 --> 00:30:04,276 Agh! Excuse me. 368 00:30:08,613 --> 00:30:11,032 Ah, thank you very much. 369 00:30:13,742 --> 00:30:15,785 OK, Takashi, show me your cards. 370 00:30:15,869 --> 00:30:18,495 OK. Two and four kings. That's good, yes? 371 00:30:18,579 --> 00:30:22,040 No, you got too many kings. So you gotta get rid of these here. 372 00:30:22,123 --> 00:30:27,377 Take three of these kings out, and replace them with... three fresh cards. 373 00:30:27,461 --> 00:30:30,213 Oh, OK. Thank you. 374 00:30:30,296 --> 00:30:34,090 - (Toshiro) When do I deal? - (Booger) You gotta win a hand first. 375 00:30:34,174 --> 00:30:37,177 I told you we'd find a better place. 376 00:30:37,260 --> 00:30:40,471 Yeah. This is way better than the dorm. 377 00:30:42,639 --> 00:30:44,766 (motorcycle drives away) 378 00:30:50,604 --> 00:30:53,105 It says "Nerds get out." 379 00:30:53,189 --> 00:30:55,233 What is a nerd? 380 00:30:55,316 --> 00:30:57,400 We are. 381 00:30:58,568 --> 00:31:02,947 I don't know what this world is comin' to. You see that man over there? 382 00:31:03,030 --> 00:31:05,823 We arrested him for mopery. 383 00:31:05,907 --> 00:31:10,869 - What's mopery? - Exposing yourself to a blind person. 384 00:31:12,912 --> 00:31:16,624 I'm sorry about your windows, fellas. It's out of my jurisdiction. 385 00:31:16,707 --> 00:31:21,378 Sounds like a fraternity prank. There's only one organisation that can handle this. 386 00:31:21,461 --> 00:31:23,963 What organisation is that? 387 00:31:25,214 --> 00:31:27,090 The Greek Council. 388 00:31:27,173 --> 00:31:31,343 (Dean) Our next order of business: New membership. 389 00:31:31,426 --> 00:31:34,137 Earl, show the petitioners in, please. 390 00:31:43,228 --> 00:31:45,312 (sniggering) 391 00:31:47,439 --> 00:31:48,940 Shh! 392 00:31:51,901 --> 00:31:54,069 Kneel, gentlemen. 393 00:32:00,867 --> 00:32:03,869 You are the gentlemen who wish to form a fraternity? 394 00:32:03,952 --> 00:32:06,036 (nerds) Yes, sir. 395 00:32:11,541 --> 00:32:14,042 Gentlemen, as president of the Greek Council, 396 00:32:14,126 --> 00:32:17,671 I'm sorry to inform you that your membership has been denied. 397 00:32:18,088 --> 00:32:20,047 Excuse me, but... why? 398 00:32:20,131 --> 00:32:24,676 According to our charter, you must have a national fraternity as your sponsor. 399 00:32:24,759 --> 00:32:26,887 Do you have one? 400 00:32:26,970 --> 00:32:28,596 (all) No. 401 00:32:29,638 --> 00:32:34,017 - I'm afraid he's right. - But with a national sponsor, we're in, right? 402 00:32:34,100 --> 00:32:38,770 Right, right. So I guess we'll see you in about, say... 20 years. 403 00:32:38,854 --> 00:32:41,189 (laughter) 404 00:32:42,773 --> 00:32:44,858 (tuneless scraping) 405 00:32:48,236 --> 00:32:52,239 "Dear sirs, thank you for applying to Delta Kappa Gamma." 406 00:32:52,323 --> 00:32:56,492 "We have gone over your application, and it wasn't even close." 407 00:32:57,327 --> 00:33:01,121 "In the future, we recommend that you not include a group photo." 408 00:33:01,205 --> 00:33:05,541 That's 29 rejections so far. Did we send pictures to everybody? 409 00:33:06,917 --> 00:33:10,878 Yeah. Everybody except for... Lambda Lambda Lambda. 410 00:33:11,754 --> 00:33:14,131 Here's one that will see us. 411 00:33:14,215 --> 00:33:16,049 (all) Lambda Lambda Lambda? 412 00:33:16,132 --> 00:33:19,385 Yeah. They're gonna love us. 413 00:33:24,138 --> 00:33:27,016 As you know, we have no chapter at Adams College, 414 00:33:27,099 --> 00:33:29,643 which is why we agreed to see you. 415 00:33:29,726 --> 00:33:35,564 But I must tell you, gentlemen, you have very little chance of becoming Tri-Lambdas. 416 00:33:36,357 --> 00:33:38,900 I'm in a difficult situation here. 417 00:33:39,526 --> 00:33:41,610 I mean, after all... 418 00:33:42,653 --> 00:33:44,154 you're nerds. 419 00:33:46,113 --> 00:33:51,409 According to your bylaws, you have to take us on a 60-day trial basis. 420 00:33:51,910 --> 00:33:54,537 - I beg your pardon? - According to your bylaws... 421 00:33:54,620 --> 00:34:00,875 He's right, UN. Any group that petitions can become a probationary Tri-Lamb chapter. 422 00:34:00,959 --> 00:34:03,044 May I see that, please? 423 00:34:05,170 --> 00:34:07,047 Thank you. 424 00:34:13,426 --> 00:34:17,471 Well, gentlemen... you are now probationary Tri-Lambs. 425 00:34:18,013 --> 00:34:20,974 - Hey. - Great, UN. Why don't we have a party? 426 00:34:21,057 --> 00:34:26,478 You can celebrate with us and observe us to make sure we're Tri-Lamb material, OK? 427 00:34:26,562 --> 00:34:28,522 - Great. - We won't let you down. 428 00:34:28,605 --> 00:34:32,400 We'll have the highest grade-point average of any chapter you've got. 429 00:34:32,483 --> 00:34:38,320 We certainly won't discriminate. Our chapter will be open to people of all races and creeds. 430 00:34:38,404 --> 00:34:40,739 And sexual orientation. 431 00:34:42,699 --> 00:34:44,075 Wonderful. 432 00:34:45,243 --> 00:34:47,119 (door bell) 433 00:34:51,956 --> 00:34:54,208 Hi. Remember me? 434 00:34:54,292 --> 00:34:57,335 - No. - Well, we're having a party Saturday night. 435 00:34:57,419 --> 00:34:59,588 Would you like to come? 436 00:34:59,671 --> 00:35:02,173 - No. - Oh, well... 437 00:35:02,923 --> 00:35:04,841 (girls'laughter) 438 00:35:04,924 --> 00:35:07,093 Come on, get it up! Get it up! C'mon! 439 00:35:07,177 --> 00:35:10,429 You're shit! You're nothin'! You're scum! You suck! 440 00:35:10,512 --> 00:35:13,097 - You're nice! - No, I'm not! 441 00:35:13,181 --> 00:35:15,308 - Stan? - Attaway, Ogre. 442 00:35:15,391 --> 00:35:18,518 - What's up, Betty? Is somethin' wrong? - Yeah. 443 00:35:18,602 --> 00:35:21,896 - What? - One of those nerds just asked me out. 444 00:35:21,979 --> 00:35:25,316 - Which one? - I don't know. They all look alike to me. 445 00:35:25,399 --> 00:35:28,610 - Yeah. - They can't get any dates for their party. 446 00:35:28,693 --> 00:35:32,821 - Oh, yeah? - I'll eat their ancestors. I'll kill their parents! 447 00:35:32,905 --> 00:35:37,575 No, Ogre. Ogre! Don't worry about it. Wait a second. Just wait a second. 448 00:35:40,243 --> 00:35:42,329 Maybe we could help 'em out. 449 00:35:42,412 --> 00:35:44,246 - Yeah? - Yeah. 450 00:35:44,330 --> 00:35:47,708 And I know just what to do. 451 00:35:47,791 --> 00:35:49,334 Come here. 452 00:35:53,504 --> 00:35:59,509 We'll put the bar here, the hors d'oeuvres over there, and we'll pass the cheese puffs. 453 00:35:59,592 --> 00:36:01,593 - Oh, good. - That sounds expensive. 454 00:36:01,676 --> 00:36:06,263 This party's important. If we don't impress the Tri-Lambs, we'll never get in. 455 00:36:06,347 --> 00:36:10,683 - Maybe we can have robster craws. - What the fuck are "robster craws"? 456 00:36:10,767 --> 00:36:14,311 - Have any of you got dates, besides Gilbert? - I do. 457 00:36:14,394 --> 00:36:17,648 - Yeah, but that's with a guy. - What about you, Booger? 458 00:36:17,731 --> 00:36:21,025 I've been out combing the high schools all day. 459 00:36:21,108 --> 00:36:25,070 - Maybe we should cancel the party. - No, we can't cancel the party. 460 00:36:25,153 --> 00:36:27,530 UN Jefferson's coming. We gotta impress him. 461 00:36:27,613 --> 00:36:30,324 We'll never find dates. 462 00:36:30,407 --> 00:36:34,369 ? Hello, Lambda, we're the Pis 463 00:36:34,452 --> 00:36:37,955 ? And we're here to say 464 00:36:38,330 --> 00:36:41,415 ? We think you are special guys 465 00:36:41,499 --> 00:36:45,001 ? Lambdas all the way 466 00:36:45,085 --> 00:36:48,296 ? Alpha Betas are OK 467 00:36:48,380 --> 00:36:50,965 ? If you like sweat socks 468 00:36:51,423 --> 00:36:54,968 ? (Betty) We prefer your high IQs 469 00:36:55,051 --> 00:36:58,011 ? To their great big... jocks 470 00:36:58,387 --> 00:37:02,015 ? Lambda Lambda Lambda boys 471 00:37:02,098 --> 00:37:05,309 ? Really are the best 472 00:37:05,393 --> 00:37:09,104 ? Won't you take a piece of Pi? 473 00:37:09,187 --> 00:37:13,482 ? And we'll do the rest 474 00:37:13,566 --> 00:37:18,194 The sisters of Pi welcome our newest fraternity, Lambda Lambda Lambda. 475 00:37:18,278 --> 00:37:23,824 We'd like to be escorts to your party Saturday night and help out in any way possible. 476 00:37:23,948 --> 00:37:26,033 (all hum) 477 00:37:28,161 --> 00:37:31,788 - We got dates! - I've never been out with a girl before. 478 00:37:31,872 --> 00:37:34,832 Not just a girl, Poindexter, but a Pi. 479 00:37:34,915 --> 00:37:37,876 - What's "Pi" stand for? - Hair pie. 480 00:37:37,959 --> 00:37:40,044 What's that? 481 00:37:46,340 --> 00:37:48,759 (? "All Night Party" by Gleaming Spires) 482 00:37:55,139 --> 00:37:57,558 - Lewis, where are the Pis? - I don't know. 483 00:37:57,641 --> 00:38:00,685 Their phone's been busy for two hours. 484 00:38:00,769 --> 00:38:03,771 I don't think UN's having a very good time. 485 00:38:03,854 --> 00:38:08,024 It must be the music. I'll put on something he'll like better. 486 00:38:10,943 --> 00:38:12,360 - Lewis? - UN? 487 00:38:12,444 --> 00:38:15,363 - Great party. - Thanks. 488 00:38:15,447 --> 00:38:18,574 Where are all those sorority girls you have dates with? 489 00:38:18,657 --> 00:38:23,745 You know women, they're probably just being fashionably late. 490 00:38:25,621 --> 00:38:28,957 (? "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot") 491 00:38:35,295 --> 00:38:38,048 - The Pis aren't gonna show. - They stood us up. 492 00:38:38,130 --> 00:38:40,674 - Yeah. - I could call my sorority sisters. 493 00:38:40,758 --> 00:38:42,967 - You could? - You think they'll come? 494 00:38:43,051 --> 00:38:46,804 They're really spontaneous people. I'll call 'em. 495 00:38:46,887 --> 00:38:49,515 Crush this ice for me, Arnold. 496 00:38:49,598 --> 00:38:52,016 - Hey, guys, we got dates. - Who? 497 00:38:52,100 --> 00:38:55,644 - Judy's gonna invite the Omega Mus over. - Oh, no, not the Mus. 498 00:38:55,727 --> 00:38:58,522 - Yeah. - They're a bunch of pigs. 499 00:38:58,605 --> 00:39:00,689 (Arnold screams) 500 00:39:03,067 --> 00:39:05,151 (door bell) 501 00:39:15,701 --> 00:39:17,786 - Hi. - Hi. 502 00:39:23,457 --> 00:39:25,709 - Hi there. - Hi there. 503 00:39:27,961 --> 00:39:30,046 - Hi. - Hi. 504 00:40:06,365 --> 00:40:08,868 (tuneless scraping) 505 00:40:23,587 --> 00:40:26,089 (Judy) You can sing along. The words are easy. 506 00:40:26,173 --> 00:40:30,176 "So I say I gotta be free. So I say I gotta be me." 507 00:40:30,509 --> 00:40:34,220 ? So I say I gotta be free 508 00:40:36,013 --> 00:40:40,516 ? So I say I gotta be me 509 00:40:41,142 --> 00:40:42,727 (plays wrong notes) 510 00:40:43,478 --> 00:40:45,562 ? I'm sayin' you gotta be... 511 00:40:45,645 --> 00:40:46,730 Yeah! 512 00:40:55,153 --> 00:41:00,157 This party isn't going very well, is it? I don't know why everybody's so uptight. 513 00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:03,701 I don't know either. Maybe we should eat. 514 00:41:03,785 --> 00:41:06,245 Maybe we should watch TV. 515 00:41:06,329 --> 00:41:08,413 Hey, guys. 516 00:41:10,290 --> 00:41:13,125 Wonder joints. 517 00:41:13,209 --> 00:41:15,668 (? "Thriller" by Michael Jackson) 518 00:41:33,057 --> 00:41:35,309 They taste better than they look. 519 00:41:35,393 --> 00:41:38,853 (Toshiro) Picture time. Oh, goody! 520 00:41:38,937 --> 00:41:41,106 Oh, smile pretty, chickies. 521 00:41:41,189 --> 00:41:43,524 Oh, thank you very much. Thank you. 522 00:41:43,607 --> 00:41:46,359 Hair pie. Oh, hair pie. 523 00:41:56,784 --> 00:41:58,868 Nothing. Nothing. 524 00:42:09,252 --> 00:42:14,047 I have a micon-beta link, which hooks this phone to the computer in the robot. 525 00:42:22,137 --> 00:42:24,723 Hey, this is some good shit. 526 00:42:27,975 --> 00:42:29,434 Hair pie? 527 00:42:29,517 --> 00:42:31,144 Thank you. 528 00:42:31,227 --> 00:42:32,311 Hair pie? 529 00:42:32,395 --> 00:42:34,563 - You built this yourself? - Yeah. 530 00:42:34,646 --> 00:42:38,399 I think robots are sexy. 531 00:42:38,482 --> 00:42:40,943 I do, too. Really. 532 00:42:41,026 --> 00:42:44,320 - Do you want to dance? - OK. 533 00:43:35,735 --> 00:43:38,863 Damn! You Mus sure can party! 534 00:43:50,580 --> 00:43:52,290 - Let's go. - Where? 535 00:43:52,373 --> 00:43:54,458 - Up to your room. - Up to my room? 536 00:43:54,541 --> 00:43:56,418 Yeah. 537 00:43:57,460 --> 00:43:59,712 Are you near-sighted or far-sighted? 538 00:43:59,796 --> 00:44:02,297 - Near-sighted. - So am I. 539 00:44:02,381 --> 00:44:05,508 - Really? - Yeah. You wanna switch glasses? 540 00:44:10,553 --> 00:44:14,390 - We almost have the same prescription. - Yeah. 541 00:44:14,473 --> 00:44:17,184 Um, would you like to dance? 542 00:44:17,267 --> 00:44:19,727 Yeah. 543 00:44:19,811 --> 00:44:24,940 Yeah, well, when I was in high school, I was thinking mostly of the aerospace field. 544 00:44:25,023 --> 00:44:29,568 But then when I got into college, I decided I wanted something more challenging. 545 00:44:29,652 --> 00:44:32,779 So, um, I switched to computers, 546 00:44:32,862 --> 00:44:35,989 and now aerodynamics is just sort of a hobby. 547 00:44:39,076 --> 00:44:43,246 (? "Right Time For Love" by Jill Michaels and Pat Robinson) 548 00:45:01,051 --> 00:45:03,886 Wait, wait. No, no, wait. 549 00:45:03,970 --> 00:45:08,890 Would you rather live in the ascendancy of a civilisation or during its decline? 550 00:45:08,974 --> 00:45:13,227 Poindexter, do you wanna fuck or not? 551 00:45:13,978 --> 00:45:16,062 - (she roars) - Agh! 552 00:45:36,787 --> 00:45:39,539 You know, if we get into Lambda Lambda Lambda, 553 00:45:39,622 --> 00:45:42,249 we could be partners in the homecoming carnival. 554 00:45:42,333 --> 00:45:46,169 - That'd be so great. - Yeah. This party sure worked out well. 555 00:45:51,715 --> 00:45:54,134 (screaming) 556 00:45:54,217 --> 00:45:56,886 (? Bluegrass banjo music) 557 00:46:10,605 --> 00:46:13,565 (students)? Old MacDonald had a farm 558 00:46:13,649 --> 00:46:15,442 ? E-l-E-l-O 559 00:46:15,817 --> 00:46:18,778 ? And on that farm he had some pigs 560 00:46:18,861 --> 00:46:20,695 ? E-l-E-l-O 561 00:46:20,779 --> 00:46:24,741 We thought you could use some more pigs for your party, nerds. 562 00:46:24,824 --> 00:46:28,118 ? With an oink-oink here and an oink-oink there 563 00:46:28,202 --> 00:46:30,828 ? Here an oink, there an oink, everywhere an oink-oink 564 00:46:30,912 --> 00:46:33,539 ? Old MacDonald had a farm 565 00:46:33,623 --> 00:46:35,957 ? E-l-E-l-O 566 00:46:36,041 --> 00:46:38,126 (jeering) 567 00:46:48,884 --> 00:46:51,636 We'll never get into Lambda Lambda Lambda now. 568 00:46:51,719 --> 00:46:54,847 Those jocks ruined everything. 569 00:46:54,931 --> 00:46:57,808 I say we blow their fucking houses up. 570 00:46:58,266 --> 00:47:03,187 No. We can't resort to violence. That'll just bring us down to their level. 571 00:47:03,270 --> 00:47:07,232 - What do we do? - We gotta beat 'em at their own game. 572 00:47:08,483 --> 00:47:11,860 We've gotta become the best fraternity on campus. 573 00:47:11,944 --> 00:47:15,738 You know, if we win that homecoming carnival, 574 00:47:15,822 --> 00:47:21,618 we can take over the presidency of the Greek Council. That would drive 'em crazy. 575 00:47:21,702 --> 00:47:27,372 But, Gilbert, if we don't get approved by the Tri-Lambs, we won't even be a fraternity. 576 00:47:27,455 --> 00:47:30,666 - I say we blow the fuckers up. - No. We can't do that. 577 00:47:31,083 --> 00:47:33,085 But you're right. 578 00:47:33,168 --> 00:47:38,381 Their action tonight demands an immediate retaliation. 579 00:47:40,090 --> 00:47:45,052 And if we don't, we're nothin' but the nerds they say we are. 580 00:47:46,554 --> 00:47:49,055 I know what we're gonna do. 581 00:47:52,058 --> 00:47:54,893 (? Theme music from "Mission: Impossible") 582 00:47:58,313 --> 00:48:00,940 (Lewis) Down, down, down. 583 00:48:03,483 --> 00:48:05,568 Come on. 584 00:48:29,837 --> 00:48:31,921 - (thud) - Agh! 585 00:48:45,682 --> 00:48:47,684 ? E-l-E-l-O 586 00:48:47,768 --> 00:48:49,935 ? With an oink-oink here and an oink-oink there 587 00:48:50,019 --> 00:48:52,063 ? Here an oink... (sniffs) 588 00:48:53,938 --> 00:48:56,274 - Where? - Right there. 589 00:48:57,734 --> 00:49:02,154 - Isn't this gonna make a lot of noise? - It's got a built-in silencer. 590 00:49:19,209 --> 00:49:21,543 Camera. Periscope. 591 00:49:28,049 --> 00:49:30,509 - Hey, Suzy. - Hi, Betty. 592 00:49:30,592 --> 00:49:34,095 That was fun tonight. We were the highlight of their party. 593 00:49:34,178 --> 00:49:37,389 - Those pigs were greasy. - I have got to get the smell off. 594 00:49:37,472 --> 00:49:39,099 Oh, I know. 595 00:49:39,182 --> 00:49:42,559 - If Stan calls, tell him I'll call him back, OK? - OK. 596 00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:49,774 - Panty raid! - (screams) 597 00:50:03,534 --> 00:50:06,662 Hey! Whaddaya... Whaddaya doin'? 598 00:50:06,745 --> 00:50:09,247 Gimme those back! Come here! 599 00:50:10,290 --> 00:50:12,666 Wormser, how many cameras do we have left? 600 00:50:12,749 --> 00:50:14,835 - Four. - OK. 601 00:50:18,379 --> 00:50:20,964 Step aside, momma. I wanna see some of that muff. 602 00:50:21,047 --> 00:50:23,258 Hair pie. Hair pie. 603 00:50:31,681 --> 00:50:33,433 That nerd saw me naked. 604 00:50:33,516 --> 00:50:36,893 Oh, get out! Out! Oh, out! Get out! 605 00:50:37,769 --> 00:50:39,186 - Hiya, buddy. - Hi. 606 00:50:39,270 --> 00:50:41,897 - Isn't college great? - This will be a great year. 607 00:50:41,981 --> 00:50:44,316 (braying laugh) 608 00:50:59,453 --> 00:51:02,580 (Betty) Bastard! I'll kill you! 609 00:51:02,663 --> 00:51:04,664 Get out, jerk! 610 00:51:04,748 --> 00:51:07,375 (screams) 611 00:51:07,459 --> 00:51:10,586 (Lewis) We love you when you're mad. 612 00:51:12,046 --> 00:51:15,465 - Almost there, Wormser? - (Wormser) This should do it. 613 00:51:17,716 --> 00:51:19,801 - Oh. - Ah! 614 00:51:21,386 --> 00:51:24,680 - (Gilbert) Looks good. - (Lamar) This is a stationary camera. 615 00:51:24,764 --> 00:51:27,015 (Booger) We got Pis. 616 00:51:27,098 --> 00:51:29,476 - You got other angles? - Something else? 617 00:51:29,559 --> 00:51:32,937 - Go to their room. - Yeah. 618 00:51:35,271 --> 00:51:38,274 - That's her. - Go to the right. Go to the right. 619 00:51:38,358 --> 00:51:41,652 Arnold, that's the girl we saw. 620 00:51:41,735 --> 00:51:44,153 - (Lewis) Go up. - (Lamar) Up? 621 00:51:44,237 --> 00:51:47,782 Wait a second. Hold it there, Lamar. Don't move the camera. 622 00:51:47,865 --> 00:51:49,491 (Toshiro) Oh! 623 00:51:49,574 --> 00:51:51,368 (nerds) Ah! 624 00:51:54,787 --> 00:51:57,580 I drink to that. 625 00:51:58,873 --> 00:52:02,960 - (Booger) Oh, yes. I like that nightie. - (Toshiro) Oh, that's very good. 626 00:52:03,043 --> 00:52:06,712 - (Lewis) Can you go in that room? - (Lamar) Yeah. 627 00:52:06,796 --> 00:52:08,881 (nerds snigger) 628 00:52:09,715 --> 00:52:12,133 (Toshiro) Oh, here she comes. 629 00:52:12,842 --> 00:52:15,386 God! Take your towel off, please. 630 00:52:16,637 --> 00:52:19,097 (Lewis) Oh, yes! 631 00:52:19,180 --> 00:52:21,391 Is she cold in there, or what? 632 00:52:21,474 --> 00:52:23,642 (braying laugh) 633 00:52:28,854 --> 00:52:30,940 (Gilbert) Focus! 634 00:52:36,527 --> 00:52:39,655 This is bullshit. I want bush. Pan down. 635 00:52:41,447 --> 00:52:42,865 (nerds cheer) 636 00:52:42,949 --> 00:52:46,201 We've got bush. We've got bush. 637 00:52:46,285 --> 00:52:48,120 Oh, hair pie! 638 00:52:48,203 --> 00:52:51,038 (all laugh) 639 00:52:51,497 --> 00:52:53,374 Agh! 640 00:53:06,384 --> 00:53:11,512 I'm tired of watching 'em brush their teeth. See if Betty's up. Dooley, throw me a beer. 641 00:53:12,096 --> 00:53:13,973 Thanks. 642 00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:17,851 Oh, I getting tired of Betty. 643 00:53:17,934 --> 00:53:20,060 Are you kidding? Zoom in. 644 00:53:21,645 --> 00:53:26,274 I could never get tired of Betty. How could you ever get tired of that ass, Takashi? 645 00:53:26,357 --> 00:53:29,192 Oh, I see your point. 646 00:53:31,695 --> 00:53:33,988 Are you guys still watching the Pis? 647 00:53:34,071 --> 00:53:36,490 - (all) Yes. - Have you been up all night? 648 00:53:36,574 --> 00:53:38,074 Yes. 649 00:53:38,158 --> 00:53:42,202 - Wormser, haven't you had enough? - No. 650 00:53:43,245 --> 00:53:46,039 (Lewis) I think we got even with the Pis. 651 00:53:46,122 --> 00:53:49,584 Now we got a little score to settle with the Alpha Betas. 652 00:53:49,667 --> 00:53:52,377 (braying laugh) 653 00:53:55,796 --> 00:53:59,049 - Shit! Hank, what is that stuff? - Liquid Heat. 654 00:53:59,132 --> 00:54:03,636 - It burns. - You ought to feel it when I don't dilute it. 655 00:54:09,724 --> 00:54:11,809 (Toshiro) Get them. 656 00:54:13,977 --> 00:54:16,063 Make a pile here. 657 00:54:22,275 --> 00:54:24,694 (Toshiro) OK. Here goes. 658 00:54:27,446 --> 00:54:29,531 OK. Don't touch, now. 659 00:54:31,032 --> 00:54:34,952 - (Gilbert) Here, hit this one. - (Toshiro) OK. Looks like salad. 660 00:54:36,662 --> 00:54:39,247 The key to each season is homecoming. 661 00:54:40,289 --> 00:54:44,251 You win that one, you got your alumni support. 662 00:54:44,334 --> 00:54:47,753 You got your alumni support, you get that jock dorm, 663 00:54:47,836 --> 00:54:50,965 you get the laundry money, you get the new cars. 664 00:54:51,714 --> 00:54:56,843 Now, this season started out fine - we won some big ball games. 665 00:54:56,927 --> 00:54:59,263 But we were lucky. 666 00:54:59,346 --> 00:55:03,140 We can't get soft. We can't sit back on our laurels. 667 00:55:03,224 --> 00:55:06,476 We win homecoming, we take league. 668 00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:09,603 We take league, we get a bowl bid. 669 00:55:09,687 --> 00:55:12,147 It's as simple as that. 670 00:55:12,231 --> 00:55:15,608 But, gentlemen, you have got to want it. 671 00:55:16,317 --> 00:55:18,777 - Do you want it? - (jocks yell) Yeah! 672 00:55:18,861 --> 00:55:21,113 - I can't hear you. - Yeah! 673 00:55:21,196 --> 00:55:24,323 We can't let up. We gotta stay tough. 674 00:55:25,116 --> 00:55:27,117 You can do it. You can do it. 675 00:55:27,284 --> 00:55:29,953 You can do it. You can do it. 676 00:55:30,036 --> 00:55:32,997 You gotta believe that you can do it! 677 00:55:34,456 --> 00:55:37,667 - You gotta let them know that you want it! - I want it! 678 00:55:37,750 --> 00:55:39,626 - Good. - (groans) 679 00:55:39,710 --> 00:55:41,795 Shower up! 680 00:55:41,879 --> 00:55:44,463 (jocks groan in pain) 681 00:55:45,506 --> 00:55:48,009 Shit. We forgot to practise. 682 00:55:49,593 --> 00:55:52,803 - You put what? - (Gilbert) Liquid Heat. 683 00:55:52,887 --> 00:55:56,015 - On their what? - In their jocks. 684 00:55:56,098 --> 00:55:58,766 - That's outrageous. - Are you angry, UN? 685 00:56:00,185 --> 00:56:03,687 No. I'm not angry. 686 00:56:03,770 --> 00:56:07,565 I'm glad to see you nerds... you guys finally fought back. 687 00:56:07,648 --> 00:56:11,484 You'd make a fine addition to Tri-Lambda. I want to welcome you aboard. 688 00:56:11,568 --> 00:56:14,029 - Congratulations. - All right! 689 00:56:14,112 --> 00:56:18,282 - You'll tell the guys? - Oh, I will. (braying laugh) 690 00:56:19,407 --> 00:56:21,367 OK, everybody ready? 691 00:56:21,951 --> 00:56:23,911 OK, I focus now. 692 00:56:23,994 --> 00:56:26,538 I set timer. 693 00:56:26,622 --> 00:56:29,957 - Now say "Hi, UN." - (all) Hi, UN. 694 00:56:34,377 --> 00:56:38,255 (Lewis) Well, I'd like to propose a toast to UN Jefferson, 695 00:56:38,839 --> 00:56:43,384 who, in his ultimate wisdom, chose to accept us 696 00:56:43,468 --> 00:56:46,720 into our new fraternity, Lambda Lambda Lambda. 697 00:56:46,803 --> 00:56:49,305 (all) Lambda Lambda Lambda. 698 00:56:58,771 --> 00:57:03,483 Before we take this matter to a vote, I would like it clearly stated in the record... 699 00:57:03,566 --> 00:57:05,443 Miss Childs... 700 00:57:05,527 --> 00:57:10,364 that the evidence is overwhelmingly against the Alpha Betas, 701 00:57:10,447 --> 00:57:13,407 and I urge that they be found guilty. 702 00:57:13,491 --> 00:57:15,575 Point of order. 703 00:57:16,660 --> 00:57:20,579 Dean Ulich, I am an Alpha Beta, 704 00:57:20,663 --> 00:57:23,332 and I know that no member of my fraternity 705 00:57:23,415 --> 00:57:28,044 could have perpetrated such a callous, heinous act against the nerds... 706 00:57:28,127 --> 00:57:30,337 or the Tri-Lambs. 707 00:57:30,420 --> 00:57:35,174 Therefore, I feel a vote at this time would be, shall we say, premature. 708 00:57:35,258 --> 00:57:37,509 - Premature? - Yes. 709 00:57:37,592 --> 00:57:39,761 You see, instead, 710 00:57:39,845 --> 00:57:44,557 I am going to organise a special, blue-ribbon, fact-finding commission, 711 00:57:44,640 --> 00:57:48,810 made up of myself and... Miss Betty Childs. 712 00:57:49,602 --> 00:57:52,187 We will get to the bottom of this dastardly deed. 713 00:57:52,271 --> 00:57:56,482 - Wait a minute, you can't get away with this. - Oh, no, I'm afraid I can. 714 00:57:56,566 --> 00:58:01,653 You see, only the president of the Greek Council can call a vote. 715 00:58:01,736 --> 00:58:04,697 - That's completely unfair. - This is bullshit! 716 00:58:04,780 --> 00:58:06,574 Meeting adjourned. 717 00:58:13,328 --> 00:58:17,456 Guys, we are never gonna get a fair shake as long as Stan Gable is president. 718 00:58:17,540 --> 00:58:21,209 The only way to become president is to win the homecoming carnival. 719 00:58:21,293 --> 00:58:25,337 That's right, Arnold. And that's exactly what we're gonna do. 720 00:58:25,671 --> 00:58:27,548 (fanfare) 721 00:58:29,425 --> 00:58:36,138 I take great pleasure in officially opening this year's homecoming carnival. 722 00:58:36,221 --> 00:58:38,598 (cheering) 723 00:58:44,436 --> 00:58:49,899 (Dean) The overall winner will be determined by total points from: 724 00:58:49,982 --> 00:58:52,734 Number one - field events, 725 00:58:52,817 --> 00:58:56,320 number two - the charity fund-raising booth, 726 00:58:56,403 --> 00:59:01,199 and number three - the musical show and skit competition. 727 00:59:01,282 --> 00:59:04,910 And now, let the games begin! 728 00:59:04,993 --> 00:59:08,330 (cheering and fanfare) 729 00:59:14,542 --> 00:59:19,296 OK. The object of the race is to complete 20 laps around the track, 730 00:59:19,379 --> 00:59:22,548 while stopping every lap for a mandatory pit stop, 731 00:59:22,632 --> 00:59:25,510 at which time the driver will chug a beer. 732 00:59:26,551 --> 00:59:28,845 You don't have a fucking chance, nerd. 733 00:59:28,929 --> 00:59:32,556 - Oh, thank you. Good luck to you, too, Burke. - Fuck off. 734 00:59:32,973 --> 00:59:35,767 Gentlemen, start your engines. 735 00:59:35,850 --> 00:59:37,393 (pistol shot) 736 00:59:37,477 --> 00:59:39,478 (? "Daisy, Daisy") 737 00:59:56,075 --> 01:00:01,079 This is trichloromethalene. It counters all effects of alcohol in your system. 738 01:00:01,829 --> 01:00:05,040 - Drink the whole beer. - (Stan) Go! Go! C'mon, Danny! 739 01:00:05,124 --> 01:00:07,375 You got 'em! Kick his ass! 740 01:00:07,458 --> 01:00:10,210 Go! Go! Go! Go! 741 01:00:20,385 --> 01:00:22,846 - OK, OK. C'mon. - Are you feelin' OK? 742 01:00:22,929 --> 01:00:25,639 - Oh, fucking great! - Go! Go! Go! 743 01:00:30,935 --> 01:00:32,894 Come on, baby! Yeah! 744 01:00:37,481 --> 01:00:38,732 Come on! 745 01:00:38,816 --> 01:00:41,609 - One more lap. - It's just you and the Alpha Betas. 746 01:00:41,693 --> 01:00:45,571 - Danny, let that nerd beat you, you're nothin'! - No sweat. 747 01:00:45,654 --> 01:00:48,907 - He no stand no chance now. - Go, Takashi! 748 01:00:48,991 --> 01:00:51,367 Go on! Let's go, Burke! 749 01:00:51,451 --> 01:00:53,244 Oh, no! 750 01:00:53,994 --> 01:00:56,288 All right! Come on! Go! 751 01:00:56,746 --> 01:00:58,789 (Ogre) Ah, man, he's wasted! 752 01:00:58,873 --> 01:01:02,084 (? "Daisy, Daisy" sung in Japanese) 753 01:01:05,545 --> 01:01:08,589 (Stan) Come on, Burke! You're an Alpha Beta! 754 01:01:15,427 --> 01:01:17,512 Oh, I won! 755 01:01:24,142 --> 01:01:28,104 Times are changin', Betty. These nerds are a threat to our way of life. 756 01:01:28,188 --> 01:01:31,690 If they win homecoming, they'll take over the Greek Council. 757 01:01:31,774 --> 01:01:34,442 And we'll be up to our necks in nerd shit! 758 01:01:37,944 --> 01:01:42,031 (Dean on PA) Our next competition will be the Trojan Horse. 759 01:01:42,114 --> 01:01:44,533 (? Overture from "William Tell" by Rossini) 760 01:01:47,911 --> 01:01:50,662 C'mon! Get off! Get off! 761 01:01:52,247 --> 01:01:54,166 - Ow! - Yeah! 762 01:01:54,249 --> 01:01:57,126 What are those Alpha Betas doing? 763 01:02:43,537 --> 01:02:46,456 (booing and jeering) 764 01:02:51,668 --> 01:02:53,753 (cheering) 765 01:02:59,258 --> 01:03:02,176 (crowd chant) Ogre! Ogre! Ogre! 766 01:03:25,987 --> 01:03:27,320 (weeps) 767 01:03:27,863 --> 01:03:30,282 (Coach) On your mark. Set. 768 01:03:31,240 --> 01:03:33,325 (whistle) 769 01:03:41,081 --> 01:03:43,125 (Coach chuckles) 770 01:03:43,208 --> 01:03:46,252 (cheerleaders chant) Ooh, ah, Alpha Beta! 771 01:03:46,335 --> 01:03:47,503 Ooh, ah... 772 01:03:47,587 --> 01:03:50,172 (Coach) On your mark. Set. 773 01:03:50,881 --> 01:03:52,840 (whistle) 774 01:03:55,926 --> 01:03:58,428 You win. 775 01:04:03,724 --> 01:04:06,225 (Dean chuckles) 776 01:04:12,522 --> 01:04:18,152 I'm not too wild about this next event, but it has become a tradition here at Adams. 777 01:04:18,235 --> 01:04:19,861 The belching contest. 778 01:04:21,488 --> 01:04:25,574 Our first of two finalists, Frederick W Polowoski. 779 01:04:27,867 --> 01:04:29,952 Ogre You Asshole. 780 01:04:30,745 --> 01:04:32,621 Ogre. 781 01:04:37,416 --> 01:04:40,044 (belches loudly and long) 782 01:04:40,127 --> 01:04:42,796 (cheering and applause) 783 01:04:53,887 --> 01:04:58,432 And, from the Lambda-Mu team, Dudley Dawson. 784 01:04:58,516 --> 01:05:00,601 - Booger. - Booger. 785 01:05:07,856 --> 01:05:10,776 (belches louder and longer) 786 01:05:25,703 --> 01:05:31,417 Our next event goes all the way back to the Peloponnesian War - the javelin throw. 787 01:06:08,737 --> 01:06:11,448 - All right, baby! - What did you expect? 788 01:06:11,531 --> 01:06:14,074 You won it. 789 01:06:14,158 --> 01:06:16,243 (laughter) 790 01:06:19,662 --> 01:06:22,497 - (Gilbert) Wait for Lamar's throw. - (Judy) How come? 791 01:06:22,581 --> 01:06:26,292 Wormser's a master at aerodynamics. He designed the javelin to fit 792 01:06:26,375 --> 01:06:28,961 with Lamar's limp-wristed throwing style. 793 01:06:31,171 --> 01:06:34,298 (? Parody of music from "Chariots of Fire") 794 01:06:57,900 --> 01:07:00,401 Wormser, it worked! 795 01:07:00,485 --> 01:07:02,779 I can't believe it. Did you see that? 796 01:07:09,992 --> 01:07:12,078 I love you all. I love you all. 797 01:07:12,161 --> 01:07:14,245 Thank you. Thank you. 798 01:07:19,166 --> 01:07:24,337 (Dean on PA) The Alpha Beta-Pi team leads. The Lambda-Mus are a surprising second. 799 01:07:24,420 --> 01:07:28,048 Now let's see what happens at the charity fund-raising booths. 800 01:07:28,131 --> 01:07:30,883 Eat a Pi for charity. C'mon, let's go! 801 01:07:38,264 --> 01:07:40,349 Take a break, Chip. 802 01:07:43,519 --> 01:07:45,186 Hi. 803 01:07:47,355 --> 01:07:49,731 - Hi, Betty. - A nerd. 804 01:07:51,274 --> 01:07:56,237 - I'm not kissing a nerd. - You have to. I've paid my money. 805 01:07:57,821 --> 01:08:00,240 It's time for my break. 806 01:08:01,157 --> 01:08:03,242 Kiss this, nerd. 807 01:08:04,076 --> 01:08:06,494 - (Betty) Stan? - Yeah? 808 01:08:08,705 --> 01:08:11,915 I wanna do it. All this kissing's made me horny. 809 01:08:11,998 --> 01:08:14,583 God, Betty. You're like a goat. 810 01:08:19,295 --> 01:08:21,172 Next. 811 01:08:49,902 --> 01:08:51,779 Stan! 812 01:08:55,157 --> 01:08:57,242 Changed your mind. 813 01:08:59,952 --> 01:09:02,371 I'm glad. Come on. 814 01:09:08,667 --> 01:09:11,794 (Lewis mimics Darth Vader's breathing) 815 01:09:23,429 --> 01:09:26,014 D'you wanna do it on the moon? 816 01:09:45,279 --> 01:09:47,822 Take off your mask. 817 01:09:47,906 --> 01:09:49,991 Oh, Stan. 818 01:09:50,075 --> 01:09:52,368 You're so kinky. 819 01:09:57,246 --> 01:10:01,500 (Booger) Eat a Pi for charity. C'mon, step right up. C'mon, step up. 820 01:10:01,583 --> 01:10:05,294 Eat Pi for charity. Thank you very much. 821 01:10:05,378 --> 01:10:07,046 Eat a Pi for charity. 822 01:10:07,463 --> 01:10:12,424 - Gable, how we doing? - Great. 1258 bucks. Better than last year. 823 01:10:12,508 --> 01:10:16,220 - The nerds are over 2,000. - For selling pies? 824 01:10:16,303 --> 01:10:20,223 They got a line around the corner. Guys are buying two, three pies apiece. 825 01:10:20,306 --> 01:10:24,559 There's something fishy about these pies. C'mon, let's go check it out. 826 01:10:31,898 --> 01:10:36,652 This can't be. Ogre, go get a pie. Find out what the hell's goin' on here. 827 01:10:40,196 --> 01:10:42,699 Thanks, wimp. Get yourself one. 828 01:10:45,784 --> 01:10:47,451 - Well? How is it? - Good. 829 01:10:47,535 --> 01:10:50,246 - Is it good or is it great? - It's good. 830 01:10:50,329 --> 01:10:52,914 Just good? Then what they sellin' so many for? 831 01:10:52,998 --> 01:10:56,000 This why. Uh-oh. 832 01:11:01,671 --> 01:11:03,339 That's my Pi. 833 01:11:11,429 --> 01:11:14,347 Oh, Stan! 834 01:11:14,431 --> 01:11:16,850 That was wonderful. 835 01:11:16,933 --> 01:11:20,102 You did things to me you've never done before. 836 01:11:20,185 --> 01:11:21,770 (gasps) 837 01:11:21,854 --> 01:11:24,439 - You're that nerd! - Yeah. 838 01:11:26,149 --> 01:11:28,483 God, you were wonderful. 839 01:11:28,567 --> 01:11:30,444 Thanks. 840 01:11:31,944 --> 01:11:35,739 - Are all nerds as good as you? - Yes. 841 01:11:35,822 --> 01:11:37,574 How come? 842 01:11:37,657 --> 01:11:40,242 Cos all jocks think about is sports. 843 01:11:41,201 --> 01:11:43,704 All we ever think about is sex. 844 01:11:45,496 --> 01:11:48,415 - What's your name? - Lewis. 845 01:11:48,498 --> 01:11:54,629 Lewis... would you meet me after the pep rally tonight? 846 01:11:54,712 --> 01:11:56,589 Sure. 847 01:12:00,925 --> 01:12:06,554 (Dean on PA) It's all tied up. The musical and skit competition will decide the winner. 848 01:12:06,638 --> 01:12:09,432 So, let the music begin! 849 01:12:09,515 --> 01:12:13,852 ? Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream 850 01:12:13,935 --> 01:12:16,145 ? Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily 851 01:12:17,313 --> 01:12:19,814 ? Life is but a dream 852 01:12:19,898 --> 01:12:22,734 (cheering and applause) 853 01:12:24,610 --> 01:12:28,279 What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant? 854 01:12:28,363 --> 01:12:31,990 (? "Pink Panther" tune) Dead ant. Dead ant. Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant. 855 01:12:32,074 --> 01:12:35,369 What is the dirtiest thing ever said on television? 856 01:12:35,452 --> 01:12:36,452 Tell me. 857 01:12:36,535 --> 01:12:40,289 "Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night." 858 01:12:43,208 --> 01:12:46,877 (all chant) Gable, Gable, he's our man. If he can't do it, Burke can. 859 01:12:46,961 --> 01:12:50,380 Burke, Burke, he's our man. If he can't do it, Ogre can. 860 01:12:50,463 --> 01:12:51,923 - Gimme an A! - A! 861 01:12:52,006 --> 01:12:53,675 - Gimme a D! - D! 862 01:12:53,757 --> 01:12:55,550 - Gimme an A! - A! 863 01:12:55,634 --> 01:12:57,219 - Gimme an M! - M! 864 01:12:57,302 --> 01:12:58,761 - Gimme an S! - S! 865 01:12:58,844 --> 01:13:01,597 - What's that spell? - Adams! 866 01:13:04,307 --> 01:13:07,559 ? They always call him Mr Touchdown 867 01:13:07,643 --> 01:13:11,146 ? They always call him Mr T 868 01:13:11,229 --> 01:13:14,565 ? He can run and kick and throw 869 01:13:14,649 --> 01:13:17,276 ? Give him the ball and just look at him go 870 01:13:17,359 --> 01:13:21,028 ? Hip, hip, hooray for Mr Touchdown 871 01:13:21,112 --> 01:13:23,739 ? He's gonna beat 'em today 872 01:13:23,823 --> 01:13:27,242 ? So give a great big cheer for the hero of the year 873 01:13:27,325 --> 01:13:30,369 ? Mr Touchdown USA 874 01:13:30,452 --> 01:13:31,745 Hurrah! 875 01:13:31,829 --> 01:13:34,956 (loud cheering and applause) 876 01:13:50,593 --> 01:13:53,262 (? Electronic dance music) 877 01:14:00,017 --> 01:14:02,102 (well-played violin riff) 878 01:14:50,389 --> 01:14:54,643 ? Clap your hands, everybody And everybody clap your hands 879 01:14:54,726 --> 01:14:59,104 ? We're Lambda Lambda Lambda and Omega Mu 880 01:14:59,188 --> 01:15:03,691 ? We come here on stage tonight to do our show for you 881 01:15:03,775 --> 01:15:05,984 ? We got a rockin' rhythm and a hi-tech sound 882 01:15:06,068 --> 01:15:08,237 ? That'll make you move your body down to the ground 883 01:15:08,320 --> 01:15:12,823 ? We got Poindexter on the violin And Lewis and Gilbert will be joinin' in 884 01:15:12,907 --> 01:15:17,410 ? We got Booger Presley on a mean guitar And a rap by little old me, Lamar 885 01:15:17,494 --> 01:15:20,037 ? We got Takashi beating on his gong 886 01:15:20,120 --> 01:15:22,247 ? The boys and the Mus are clappin' along 887 01:15:22,330 --> 01:15:24,582 ? And just when you thought you'd seen it all 888 01:15:24,666 --> 01:15:26,875 ? Along comes a Lambda four foot tall 889 01:15:26,959 --> 01:15:29,086 ? So, Wormser, come on out here on the floor 890 01:15:29,169 --> 01:15:31,504 ? So we can work our bodies like never before 891 01:15:31,587 --> 01:15:34,423 ? Break 892 01:16:04,697 --> 01:16:07,282 (wild cheering and applause) 893 01:16:26,672 --> 01:16:31,050 I'd like to present the trophy to this year's champions, 894 01:16:31,134 --> 01:16:34,052 Lambda Lambda Lambda and Omega Mu. 895 01:16:39,724 --> 01:16:45,477 They will be able to select the president of next year's Greek Council. 896 01:16:48,480 --> 01:16:54,026 I'd like to announce we've made our selection already. It's Gilbert Lowe! 897 01:16:57,946 --> 01:17:01,782 This sucks! I gotta get rid of this anger. C'mon, Betty, let's pump iron. 898 01:17:01,866 --> 01:17:04,409 No, Stan. I don't think so. 899 01:17:04,492 --> 01:17:08,203 What d'you mean, you don't think so? C'mon, let's go. Why not? 900 01:17:08,287 --> 01:17:11,456 I've got a date with a Tri-Lamb. 901 01:17:11,539 --> 01:17:14,125 - A Tri-Lamb! - Here's your pin. 902 01:17:16,168 --> 01:17:18,170 Take it. 903 01:17:18,253 --> 01:17:20,463 Wait. Betty... 904 01:17:20,546 --> 01:17:22,173 C'mon. 905 01:17:23,090 --> 01:17:25,717 God! I'm in love with a nerd! 906 01:17:27,427 --> 01:17:30,346 - Gable. - Yeah, Coach. 907 01:17:30,429 --> 01:17:36,017 I wanna see you and the other girls in the locker room now! 908 01:17:36,809 --> 01:17:38,310 Yes, sir. 909 01:17:45,483 --> 01:17:49,027 You know, when you were a baby in your crib, 910 01:17:49,110 --> 01:17:53,322 your father looked down at you, he had but one hope - 911 01:17:53,948 --> 01:17:56,699 "Someday my son will grow to be a man." 912 01:17:58,576 --> 01:18:01,119 Well, look at you now. 913 01:18:02,788 --> 01:18:09,251 You just got your asses whipped by a bunch of goddamn nerds. 914 01:18:11,586 --> 01:18:13,754 Nerds! 915 01:18:15,881 --> 01:18:19,008 Well, if I was you, I'd do something about it. 916 01:18:20,760 --> 01:18:23,887 I would get up and redeem myself 917 01:18:24,972 --> 01:18:29,183 in the eyes of my father, my Maker and my coach! 918 01:18:29,267 --> 01:18:32,018 - Let's get those nerds! - Nerds! 919 01:18:32,102 --> 01:18:33,603 Nerds! 920 01:18:33,687 --> 01:18:36,105 What are we waitin' for?! 921 01:18:43,902 --> 01:18:48,698 ? We're Lambda Lambda Lambda and Omega Mu 922 01:18:48,781 --> 01:18:51,908 (chanting) Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! 923 01:18:59,540 --> 01:19:01,499 (Stan) Come on! 924 01:19:01,583 --> 01:19:04,252 Come on! 925 01:19:31,981 --> 01:19:34,066 I'm a nerd. 926 01:19:35,442 --> 01:19:38,111 Welcome to the real world. 927 01:19:38,195 --> 01:19:41,030 I never really wanted to believe that. 928 01:19:41,113 --> 01:19:43,824 - It's OK. - It's not OK. 929 01:19:43,908 --> 01:19:46,492 We're nothing. 930 01:19:46,576 --> 01:19:48,952 We let them destroy our house. 931 01:19:49,036 --> 01:19:52,705 - We'll control the Greek Council next year. - Big deal! 932 01:19:54,248 --> 01:19:57,417 You'll be dead by then, Gilbert. 933 01:19:57,501 --> 01:20:01,795 Nobody cares. Don't you understand that? The university doesn't care. 934 01:20:01,879 --> 01:20:04,465 There's nothin' we can do about it. 935 01:20:04,548 --> 01:20:08,259 We got something good goin', and I won't let 'em take it away from us. 936 01:20:08,343 --> 01:20:12,554 Gilbert, don't be a fool. You'll just get yourself hurt again. 937 01:20:12,638 --> 01:20:15,264 - Big deal. - Gilbert? 938 01:20:21,019 --> 01:20:23,604 (? Brass band plays marching tune) 939 01:20:36,572 --> 01:20:40,368 I'd like to introduce the men that will bring you a homecoming victory 940 01:20:40,451 --> 01:20:42,994 against State tomorrow. 941 01:20:43,078 --> 01:20:45,871 At defensive back, number 38, Kevin O'Leary. 942 01:20:47,623 --> 01:20:51,167 Offensive guard, number 64, Rich Valrow. 943 01:20:52,544 --> 01:20:56,046 At centre, number 53, Harry Reagan. 944 01:20:58,048 --> 01:21:00,341 - Look who's comin'. - Where you goin'? 945 01:21:00,424 --> 01:21:03,969 You went way too far this time, and you're not gettin' away with it. 946 01:21:04,052 --> 01:21:08,931 Oh, is that right? Well, let's see if shit floats. What do you think of that idea? 947 01:21:09,014 --> 01:21:12,433 Come on! Put me down! Goddamn! Put me down! 948 01:21:12,517 --> 01:21:15,562 (Stan) Fire away! 949 01:21:15,644 --> 01:21:17,980 Now our tri-captains. 950 01:21:18,897 --> 01:21:24,110 Leading the conference in reception, at wide receiver, number 84, Danny Burke. 951 01:21:24,484 --> 01:21:29,947 Our defensive captain, number 79, Fred Polowoski - the Ogre. 952 01:21:31,532 --> 01:21:37,245 Now our two-time all-American quarterback, number ten, Stan Gable. 953 01:21:42,290 --> 01:21:45,126 Hold it, son. Hold it, hold it! 954 01:21:45,209 --> 01:21:47,836 Leave him alone. Coach, I said leave him alone. 955 01:21:47,919 --> 01:21:51,005 What did you say? I'll break his goddamn neck. 956 01:21:51,088 --> 01:21:54,675 You will do nothing of the sort. Don't touch that boy. 957 01:21:58,595 --> 01:22:00,846 Says who? 958 01:22:01,930 --> 01:22:05,975 Says me... you asshole. 959 01:22:07,018 --> 01:22:11,021 Hold it, Coach. You just hold it right there. 960 01:22:46,882 --> 01:22:48,966 OK, kid. 961 01:22:50,301 --> 01:22:52,928 Say what you gotta say. 962 01:22:53,011 --> 01:22:54,888 Thanks. 963 01:23:00,934 --> 01:23:07,147 Uh... I just wanted to say that... that I'm a nerd. 964 01:23:08,065 --> 01:23:12,443 And I'm here tonight to stand up for the rights of other nerds. 965 01:23:12,527 --> 01:23:16,947 I mean, all our lives we've been laughed at 966 01:23:17,030 --> 01:23:19,907 and made to feel inferior. 967 01:23:19,990 --> 01:23:26,037 And tonight those bastards, they trashed our house. 968 01:23:27,037 --> 01:23:28,747 Why? 969 01:23:28,831 --> 01:23:31,582 Because we're smart? 970 01:23:31,666 --> 01:23:34,502 Because we look different? 971 01:23:34,585 --> 01:23:37,212 Well, we're not. 972 01:23:38,380 --> 01:23:42,800 I'm a nerd, and... I'm pretty proud of it. 973 01:23:49,221 --> 01:23:51,098 Hi, Gilbert. 974 01:23:51,974 --> 01:23:54,183 I'm a nerd, too. 975 01:23:55,226 --> 01:23:58,019 I just found that out tonight. 976 01:23:58,103 --> 01:24:00,647 We have news for the beautiful people. 977 01:24:00,730 --> 01:24:04,608 There's a lot more of us than there are of you. 978 01:24:05,151 --> 01:24:07,360 I know there's alumni here tonight. 979 01:24:07,444 --> 01:24:12,489 When you went to Adams, you might have been called a spaz, 980 01:24:12,948 --> 01:24:16,742 or a dork, or a geek. 981 01:24:16,826 --> 01:24:19,494 Any of you that have ever felt... 982 01:24:19,578 --> 01:24:23,873 stepped on, left out, picked on, put down, 983 01:24:24,790 --> 01:24:28,626 whether you think you're a nerd or not, why don't you come and join us? 984 01:24:28,710 --> 01:24:30,211 Come on. 985 01:24:32,588 --> 01:24:36,507 (? "We are the Champions" by Queen) 986 01:24:36,591 --> 01:24:38,092 - Hi, Betty. - Hi. 987 01:24:38,176 --> 01:24:40,802 Just join us, cos, uh... 988 01:24:40,886 --> 01:24:42,387 Hi. 989 01:24:43,513 --> 01:24:47,266 (Gilbert) No one's really gonna be free until nerd persecution ends. 990 01:25:19,041 --> 01:25:24,128 You know, Coach, I think I'm gonna let these boys live over at the Alpha Beta house, 991 01:25:24,212 --> 01:25:27,089 while you and your boys rebuild theirs. 992 01:25:27,172 --> 01:25:30,716 - And where the hell are we gonna live? - What about us, huh? 993 01:25:31,467 --> 01:25:33,802 You're jocks, go live in the gym. 994 01:25:35,303 --> 01:25:38,138 (all, softly) Nerd. Nerd. Nerd. 995 01:25:38,222 --> 01:25:40,808 (all chant loudly) Nerd! Nerd! Nerd! 996 01:25:40,891 --> 01:25:43,309 Nerd! Nerd! Nerd! Nerd!