1 00:00:42,573 --> 00:00:44,211 Once upon a time... 2 00:00:44,373 --> 00:00:48,128 ...in a little town called La Placenta... 3 00:00:48,294 --> 00:00:50,206 ...two fine, upright people... 4 00:00:50,375 --> 00:00:52,492 ...call them Fred and Sylvia... 5 00:00:52,656 --> 00:00:54,613 ...had a baby. 6 00:00:54,777 --> 00:00:56,131 Beautiful little girl. 7 00:00:56,298 --> 00:00:58,528 Normal as hell. 8 00:00:58,698 --> 00:01:02,738 Except for the fact that she was born with seven hearts. 9 00:01:03,220 --> 00:01:04,619 Midwife said: 10 00:01:04,780 --> 00:01:06,419 "So she's got a bunch of hearts. 11 00:01:06,581 --> 00:01:08,219 Nothing wrong there. " 12 00:01:08,381 --> 00:01:10,851 But Fred and Sylvia were concerned. 13 00:01:11,023 --> 00:01:13,742 In fact, they took her to seven different doctors... 14 00:01:13,904 --> 00:01:16,783 ...who gave them seven different opinions. 15 00:01:16,945 --> 00:01:19,585 Not only that, they had to pay seven different bills. 16 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,657 Anyway... 17 00:01:21,827 --> 00:01:24,022 ...they take her home... 18 00:01:24,187 --> 00:01:25,462 ...keep her there... 19 00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:28,349 ...maintain a low profile... 20 00:01:29,109 --> 00:01:31,784 ...and 32 years go by. 21 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:34,508 The little girl... 22 00:01:34,672 --> 00:01:36,025 ...let's call her Hilda... 23 00:01:36,193 --> 00:01:37,592 ...grows up to be straight... 24 00:01:37,753 --> 00:01:39,028 ...tall... 25 00:01:39,194 --> 00:01:40,468 ...pretty... 26 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:43,274 ...and very much alone. 27 00:01:46,676 --> 00:01:50,591 Due to the peculiarity of her internal-organ situation... 28 00:01:50,758 --> 00:01:54,877 ...she's not terribly at ease with those of the male persuasion. 29 00:01:55,039 --> 00:01:57,031 Downright terrified. 30 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,795 Absolutely certain that no man could love her... 31 00:01:59,962 --> 00:02:04,354 ...with anywhere near the intensity that she'd have with her seven hearts. 32 00:02:04,523 --> 00:02:06,479 So... 33 00:02:07,804 --> 00:02:09,955 ...she does the only thing she can do. 34 00:02:10,125 --> 00:02:13,118 She marries a friend of her father's. 35 00:02:14,887 --> 00:02:16,286 Pharmacist. 36 00:02:16,447 --> 00:02:19,600 Widower. Man of means. 37 00:02:19,769 --> 00:02:21,964 Tolerant of her condition. 38 00:02:22,130 --> 00:02:24,086 But there's no passion. 39 00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:26,321 No love. 40 00:02:26,491 --> 00:02:28,642 No future. 41 00:02:30,732 --> 00:02:33,850 And then one day... 42 00:02:34,014 --> 00:02:36,608 ...a miracle happens. 43 00:02:37,695 --> 00:02:39,971 Hilda finds herself alone... 44 00:02:40,136 --> 00:02:42,492 ...with another man. 45 00:02:42,977 --> 00:02:45,094 A stranger. 46 00:02:46,218 --> 00:02:47,811 And she hears... 47 00:02:47,979 --> 00:02:51,656 ...14 hearts beating. 48 00:02:54,101 --> 00:02:56,411 And my name's Paul McCane. 49 00:02:56,582 --> 00:02:58,016 This is the Heartbreak Hotline. 50 00:02:58,183 --> 00:03:02,143 1040 on your radio. We'll be holding down the fort from now until 6 a. m. 51 00:03:02,304 --> 00:03:05,218 Give us a call at 555-HART. 52 00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:09,380 That's 555-H-A-R-T. 53 00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:13,582 Heartbreak Hotline, you're on the air. 54 00:03:14,229 --> 00:03:15,822 Hello, you're on the air. 55 00:03:15,990 --> 00:03:17,821 My name's Reedy. 56 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:20,300 I just called to say hello. 57 00:03:20,471 --> 00:03:21,746 Hello, Reedy. 58 00:03:21,912 --> 00:03:23,789 I love what you say. 59 00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:27,067 Love your v oice. That's it. That's all. 60 00:03:27,233 --> 00:03:29,270 Tak e care, now. Thanks for calling. 61 00:03:29,434 --> 00:03:31,187 Heartbreak Hotline, you're on the air. 62 00:03:31,355 --> 00:03:34,985 - Is-? Is this Paul McCane? - Sure is. 63 00:03:35,157 --> 00:03:37,193 - What's your name, friend? - Rick. 64 00:03:37,357 --> 00:03:40,555 Okay, Rick. I'm listening. What's troubling you? 65 00:03:40,718 --> 00:03:44,315 - I'm kind of- This girl at work. - What about her? 66 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:47,951 See, every time I try to talk to her, I kind of- Well, I break down. 67 00:03:48,121 --> 00:03:50,113 I break out. I get a rash. 68 00:03:51,162 --> 00:03:53,836 - Sounds serious. - I guess I'm basically with what- 69 00:03:54,004 --> 00:03:55,403 It's interesting, I'm- 70 00:03:55,564 --> 00:03:57,044 I don't know what it is. 71 00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:59,766 What do I do, Paul? I mean, I really lik e this girl. 72 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,124 She's so pretty. She's- 73 00:04:02,286 --> 00:04:04,118 She's lik e milk. 74 00:04:04,288 --> 00:04:06,564 You talk to her. You gotta talk to her. 75 00:04:06,729 --> 00:04:10,518 But how can I talk to her with a river running down the back of my shirt? 76 00:04:10,689 --> 00:04:13,967 I can't breathe. I feel lik e I'm gonna die. 77 00:04:14,131 --> 00:04:16,600 You're not gonna die. 78 00:04:16,972 --> 00:04:20,363 - Is she really like milk? - She's amazing. 79 00:04:21,054 --> 00:04:23,808 Then you gotta do it. I mean... 80 00:04:23,975 --> 00:04:27,446 ...what if this girl at work is the one that you've been waiting for? 81 00:04:27,616 --> 00:04:30,575 Maybe she's your destiny. How are you gonna know? 82 00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:32,615 You're right. 83 00:04:32,778 --> 00:04:34,530 I'll do it. Thanks. 84 00:04:34,699 --> 00:04:37,008 Thanks, Paul. 85 00:04:37,779 --> 00:04:41,775 - Heartbreak Hotline, you're on the air. - Hey, play something by the Shirelles. 86 00:04:41,942 --> 00:04:46,221 - Heartbreak Hotline, you're on the air. - Paul, it's Zelda. 87 00:04:46,383 --> 00:04:47,658 Hello, Zelda. 88 00:04:47,823 --> 00:04:50,020 - I'm upset. - Upset's okay. 89 00:04:50,185 --> 00:04:52,699 Upset means you're alive, right? 90 00:04:52,865 --> 00:04:56,382 No, I'm worried something terrible is gonna happen to the man I love. 91 00:04:56,747 --> 00:04:58,978 Whatever's causing that feeling... 92 00:04:59,148 --> 00:05:01,616 ...don't you think-? Hey! 93 00:05:01,789 --> 00:05:03,508 Hey, what are you doing in here, man? 94 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:05,501 Please! Stop! 95 00:05:06,070 --> 00:05:07,345 Please! 96 00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:27,116 - What do you think? - It's sick. 97 00:05:27,278 --> 00:05:30,191 Wild, isn't it? Everybody's talking. It should be our next case. 98 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,192 - Excuse me? Who's the client? - Excuse me? 99 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,079 Who's the client? Who's gonna hire us? 100 00:05:34,241 --> 00:05:37,678 What's the difference? A murder's a murder. We solve this without a client. 101 00:05:37,842 --> 00:05:40,152 You're missing my point. Who's gonna pay us? 102 00:05:40,323 --> 00:05:41,803 It doesn't matter. 103 00:05:41,964 --> 00:05:44,353 - Doesn't matter? - Doesn't matter. Know what that is? 104 00:05:44,525 --> 00:05:46,595 - Tomorrow's trash. - Front page, that's what. 105 00:05:46,765 --> 00:05:49,644 Where we belong. Lead stories. Headlines. That's what we need. 106 00:05:49,806 --> 00:05:52,241 We find the guy who wasted this wimp and we are set. 107 00:05:52,407 --> 00:05:54,797 David, listen to me. Try and hear what I'm saying. 108 00:05:54,969 --> 00:05:57,278 I run a business. In order for it to flourish... 109 00:05:57,450 --> 00:06:00,089 ...there has to be more money coming in than going out. 110 00:06:00,250 --> 00:06:02,640 The way we make money come in is by finding clients. 111 00:06:02,812 --> 00:06:05,007 The client hires us. Signs a contract. 112 00:06:05,172 --> 00:06:08,405 We perform and we get paid. That last part is very important. 113 00:06:08,574 --> 00:06:11,169 That keeps "xox" in the Xerox, ribbons in the typewriter. 114 00:06:11,335 --> 00:06:14,453 - And the wolf away from the door. - Madelyn, where is your spirit? 115 00:06:14,616 --> 00:06:17,973 This case is a gold mine. Every old maid in the city... 116 00:06:18,137 --> 00:06:20,413 ...every lonely heart listened to Paul McCane. 117 00:06:20,578 --> 00:06:24,208 - I didn't. You know what I mean. - Where are you going? 118 00:06:24,380 --> 00:06:26,291 - Periodontist. - Forget him, this is bigger. 119 00:06:26,460 --> 00:06:29,055 - Fate is knocking. - I don't hear a thing. 120 00:06:29,221 --> 00:06:32,100 Trust me. This could be the key to our future. Our empire. 121 00:06:32,262 --> 00:06:35,654 Think about Rockefeller, Ford, Edison. You think Thomas Alva laid back... 122 00:06:35,824 --> 00:06:38,100 ...waiting for the light to come on? Hell, no! 123 00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:40,985 He went, strapped on his propeller cap and invented things. 124 00:06:41,146 --> 00:06:43,183 - Get out of my way. - What about Mr. Kleenex? 125 00:06:43,347 --> 00:06:44,700 - Mr. Who? - Sure, Mr. Kleenex. 126 00:06:44,867 --> 00:06:48,100 You think he waited for somebody to say, " Hey, got a tissue?" Hell, no. 127 00:06:48,268 --> 00:06:50,864 He looked at his sleeve and said, " I have a better idea. " 128 00:06:51,030 --> 00:06:54,626 - This is our light bulb. Our tissue. - I use handkerchiefs. 129 00:06:56,311 --> 00:06:59,623 Good morning, Miss Hayes. Some story about that radio guy getting shot. 130 00:06:59,792 --> 00:07:01,670 What can I say? It's on everyone's lips. 131 00:07:01,833 --> 00:07:05,066 What a thing to happen, huh? It is some kind of story. 132 00:07:05,235 --> 00:07:06,953 It's an opportunity, you know. 133 00:07:07,116 --> 00:07:08,390 We got to think about this. 134 00:07:08,556 --> 00:07:10,866 - Everyone's. - Why do I let you do this to me? 135 00:07:11,037 --> 00:07:14,633 I see you coming but don't run. I hear you but don't cover my ears. Why? 136 00:07:14,798 --> 00:07:17,108 It's not your fault. You can't help yourself. 137 00:07:17,279 --> 00:07:19,077 - Me? I'm like a- - A traffic accident. 138 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:20,720 Cancel Dr. Fishvine. 139 00:07:20,881 --> 00:07:23,190 - Already did. - Already did? 140 00:07:23,362 --> 00:07:24,590 Already did. 141 00:07:25,563 --> 00:07:28,316 Is she great or what? 142 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,401 Whatever's causing that feeling... 143 00:07:33,565 --> 00:07:36,286 ...don't you think-? Hey! 144 00:07:36,447 --> 00:07:37,766 Hey, what are you-? 145 00:07:37,927 --> 00:07:40,840 - You know how the rest goes. - Should have played the Shirelles. 146 00:07:41,008 --> 00:07:42,283 - Sorry. - There was a trail... 147 00:07:42,449 --> 00:07:45,522 ...of blood through here, out the door and down in the parking lot. 148 00:07:45,690 --> 00:07:47,089 Cops figure that somebody... 149 00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:50,163 ...loaded him into his car or a couple of cars. 150 00:07:50,332 --> 00:07:55,089 They said they had a report about a heap that fit the description of Paul's... 151 00:07:55,254 --> 00:07:59,407 ...going through a barricade on the highway, doing a dive into the ocean. 152 00:07:59,575 --> 00:08:01,532 - Are you okay? - Her? She's in heaven. 153 00:08:01,696 --> 00:08:03,449 - Heaven. - Heaven. 154 00:08:03,616 --> 00:08:06,450 Why don't we finish the rest of this in my office. 155 00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:09,179 David, David, David. All this blood and violence. 156 00:08:09,339 --> 00:08:12,331 I know, I get giddy just thinking about it. 157 00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:16,576 How does the Blue Moon girl get involved in something like this? 158 00:08:16,741 --> 00:08:19,381 - Just lucky, I guess. - No, no. I wanna know. 159 00:08:19,542 --> 00:08:21,454 - Who are you working for? - Working for? 160 00:08:21,623 --> 00:08:23,137 - Working for. - Working for. 161 00:08:23,304 --> 00:08:25,102 He wants to know who we're working for. 162 00:08:25,265 --> 00:08:26,983 - What for? - What for? 163 00:08:27,146 --> 00:08:28,578 - Why not? - Why not? 164 00:08:28,746 --> 00:08:31,181 - Why not what? - Why not what for you wanna know? 165 00:08:31,347 --> 00:08:33,703 - What? - What? Talk to him. 166 00:08:33,867 --> 00:08:36,861 I'm afraid that's privileged information. Client confidentiality. 167 00:08:37,028 --> 00:08:38,303 - Of course. - Of course. 168 00:08:38,470 --> 00:08:39,744 Of course. 169 00:08:40,751 --> 00:08:43,265 So, what can Sonny Brezner tell you? 170 00:08:43,431 --> 00:08:47,631 - Tell us who you think killed McCane. - Got me. I'm just a station manager. 171 00:08:47,793 --> 00:08:51,833 I didn't think the guy had an enemy. Also, I don't think he had a friend. 172 00:08:51,994 --> 00:08:53,793 - He was a strange cat. - Strange, how? 173 00:08:53,956 --> 00:08:56,949 Loved the dark. Did you ever listen to his show? 174 00:08:57,117 --> 00:08:58,835 - Yeah. - No. 175 00:08:59,878 --> 00:09:01,311 Well, I mean, the guy was good. 176 00:09:02,479 --> 00:09:03,912 I mean... 177 00:09:04,079 --> 00:09:06,310 ...I kept going to him, pleading with him: 178 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,120 " Let me put you on days. Days is where the money is. " 179 00:09:09,281 --> 00:09:12,001 But he wouldn't hear of it. Here, let me show you something. 180 00:09:12,162 --> 00:09:14,597 Look. Look at this. 181 00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:16,833 Look at that mug. That's a good-looking guy. 182 00:09:17,004 --> 00:09:20,202 TV people trying to net him for years. But he wouldn't hear of it. 183 00:09:20,365 --> 00:09:23,802 Only wanted to work nights, 2 to 6. Talk to the lonely. 184 00:09:23,967 --> 00:09:25,559 Why do you think that was? 185 00:09:25,727 --> 00:09:27,286 Because he wanted his days free. 186 00:09:28,288 --> 00:09:29,767 Why do you think that was? 187 00:09:29,928 --> 00:09:32,239 - I'm not sure. - Take a guess. 188 00:09:33,530 --> 00:09:36,125 See, a lot of married men work during the day. 189 00:09:36,291 --> 00:09:37,724 A lot of married women don't. 190 00:09:38,892 --> 00:09:40,292 Everybody needs a hobby. 191 00:09:40,453 --> 00:09:44,367 Now, that is what I call a case. Sex, violence, hit tunes. 192 00:09:44,534 --> 00:09:46,844 If we crack this they'll make a movie about it. 193 00:09:47,015 --> 00:09:48,688 Mel Gibson will play my life. 194 00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:52,247 I'll go on TV. I'll talk to David Hartman. Barbara Walters. 195 00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:55,728 Women from all over will send me letters, make lewd suggestions. 196 00:09:55,898 --> 00:10:00,928 - Is this a wild country or what? - Heartbreak Hotline, you're on the air. 197 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,535 - We're not taking this case. - Get out of town. 198 00:10:03,701 --> 00:10:06,422 - Paul McCane is disgusting. - He's dead. 199 00:10:06,582 --> 00:10:08,814 - He got what he deserved. - You don't know that. 200 00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:13,376 Given the amoral way he lived his life, his violent death comes as no surprise. 201 00:10:13,544 --> 00:10:15,741 You're mad he boinked a couple hausfraus? 202 00:10:17,066 --> 00:10:19,058 I'm not having this conversation. 203 00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:21,423 We're not taking this case. 204 00:10:30,231 --> 00:10:33,269 - I'm gonna say something to you. - Be still, my heart. 205 00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:36,392 - Judge not lest ye be judged. - Where did you get that? 206 00:10:36,554 --> 00:10:40,230 I read it on a bumper sticker. But it's pretty profound. It's a great case. 207 00:10:40,395 --> 00:10:41,988 - It's perverse. - Wait a second. 208 00:10:42,156 --> 00:10:43,475 I don't wanna talk about it. 209 00:10:43,636 --> 00:10:47,266 When we get back to the office, we're gonna find another case. A real case. 210 00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:50,556 The kind with a client with some morals, with a checkbook. 211 00:10:50,719 --> 00:10:53,792 - Fine. Good. - Fine. Good. 212 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,951 - You're weird. - This is very meaningful. 213 00:10:57,121 --> 00:10:58,759 Humpty Dumpty is calling me cracked. 214 00:10:58,921 --> 00:11:03,838 No, no. You're repressed or obsessed or one of those S words. Every time... 215 00:11:04,003 --> 00:11:06,837 ...something comes up that involves men or sex or- 216 00:11:07,005 --> 00:11:09,759 - " Boinking"? Is that the word? - See what I mean? Not normal. 217 00:11:09,926 --> 00:11:12,919 I'm supposed to discuss my mental health with a man who refers... 218 00:11:13,087 --> 00:11:15,078 ...to the act of procreation as boinking? 219 00:11:15,248 --> 00:11:17,160 See? Right away, you get stiff and tense. 220 00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:19,365 Not right away. Not with everybody. Just you. 221 00:11:19,529 --> 00:11:21,009 You make me stiff and tense. 222 00:11:21,170 --> 00:11:24,481 I make you stiff and tense because I'm the only the person in your life. 223 00:11:24,652 --> 00:11:27,291 What? Denying it? Are you saying there's someone else? 224 00:11:27,452 --> 00:11:30,685 Are you denying that you're not in bed alone every night by 9:30? 225 00:11:30,854 --> 00:11:33,130 - There are plenty of people in my life. - Name one. 226 00:11:33,294 --> 00:11:35,286 - I will not. - You can't. There is no one. 227 00:11:35,455 --> 00:11:37,572 You're repressed or obsessed or one of those. 228 00:11:37,736 --> 00:11:40,297 That's why you're not gonna take this case. Great case. 229 00:11:40,458 --> 00:11:42,369 - I'm not listening. - It makes you crazy... 230 00:11:42,538 --> 00:11:44,450 ...that anybody is boinking when you can't. 231 00:11:44,619 --> 00:11:47,009 - I can't hear. - It makes you crazy that the world... 232 00:11:47,179 --> 00:11:49,569 - ... is out boinking except you. - Not a single word. 233 00:11:49,741 --> 00:11:52,335 - Shut up. - Boink. Boink, boink, boink. 234 00:11:54,103 --> 00:11:55,536 - Can't you hear that? - Stop it! 235 00:11:55,702 --> 00:11:57,739 - Boink, boink, boink. - Get out of my car! 236 00:11:59,624 --> 00:12:01,024 Get out of my car! 237 00:12:01,625 --> 00:12:04,299 Get out! Out! Out! 238 00:12:13,630 --> 00:12:15,382 Was it something I said? 239 00:13:22,496 --> 00:13:25,614 I hate you, David Addison. 240 00:13:59,189 --> 00:14:02,705 Evening. I'm Paul McCane, and this is the Heartbreak Hotline. 241 00:14:02,870 --> 00:14:05,465 It's three minutes after 2 in the a. m. Tell me something. 242 00:14:05,631 --> 00:14:07,111 Is it the day? 243 00:14:07,272 --> 00:14:11,267 Is it the moon? Or is it just me? I've got the blues so bad. 244 00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:13,026 I mean, am I the only one? 245 00:14:13,194 --> 00:14:18,395 Is everybody wishing they could go to a foreign country and hide under a bed. 246 00:14:18,956 --> 00:14:20,834 No, it's not just you. 247 00:14:20,997 --> 00:14:23,307 It's not just you. 248 00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,876 So, what's wrong? 249 00:14:27,039 --> 00:14:28,519 I don't know. 250 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:31,798 Nothing's wrong. Maybe that's what's wrong. 251 00:14:31,961 --> 00:14:34,921 I'm 34 years old. Halfway home. 252 00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,995 And all I have to show for my life is... 253 00:14:38,163 --> 00:14:40,314 Well, not much. 254 00:14:40,484 --> 00:14:42,840 You know, by the time my father was 34... 255 00:14:43,005 --> 00:14:46,442 ...he had fled one country for another, fought in a world war... 256 00:14:46,606 --> 00:14:50,157 ...married a woman he'd stay married to for the rest of his life... 257 00:14:50,328 --> 00:14:53,446 ...and already brought three children into the world. 258 00:14:53,609 --> 00:14:55,885 It may not be for you and me, but it sure beats... 259 00:14:56,050 --> 00:14:59,043 ...worrying whether there's a polo player on your pock et. 260 00:14:59,211 --> 00:15:00,531 Sure does. 261 00:15:01,132 --> 00:15:02,725 How did it happen? 262 00:15:02,893 --> 00:15:05,124 I don't know. Things happen. 263 00:15:05,293 --> 00:15:07,855 Times change. Rules change. 264 00:15:08,014 --> 00:15:10,654 Don't ask me how. I don't know. 265 00:15:10,816 --> 00:15:13,091 I wish I did. 266 00:15:13,937 --> 00:15:15,211 I mean, what committee... 267 00:15:15,378 --> 00:15:20,533 ...decided to put the kibosh on love and replace it with relationships? 268 00:15:20,699 --> 00:15:23,134 I'm going to figure out this relationship business... 269 00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:25,895 ...is one of the great con jobs of our time. 270 00:15:26,861 --> 00:15:29,296 - You know what a relationship is? - What? 271 00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,852 A relationship is when two people see each other... 272 00:15:32,024 --> 00:15:35,062 ...while they wait for something better to come along. 273 00:15:36,585 --> 00:15:41,183 And then one day you wak e up, realise you had a crack at some great people. 274 00:15:41,347 --> 00:15:45,102 But you were too busy worrying about what you might be missing to notice. 275 00:15:45,268 --> 00:15:47,305 Enough of that. Let's go to the phones. 276 00:15:47,469 --> 00:15:50,064 555-H-A-R-T. 277 00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:52,745 - I've come to swap apologies. - I've come to a decision. 278 00:15:52,912 --> 00:15:55,665 - I may have been a little rough. - I may have been hasty. 279 00:15:55,832 --> 00:15:59,827 - You're uncomfortable with this case- - I'd like to continue the investigation. 280 00:15:59,994 --> 00:16:03,954 - What? Repeat what you just said. - Excuse me? No, you first. 281 00:16:04,115 --> 00:16:08,509 The man on that tape is not the man described to us in the radio station. 282 00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:09,952 He's not? I knew that. 283 00:16:10,558 --> 00:16:12,116 This man... 284 00:16:12,279 --> 00:16:15,191 This man is a man of extraordinary depth and understanding. 285 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,713 He is? Of course he is. Deep. You haven't scratched the surface. 286 00:16:18,881 --> 00:16:20,599 This guy was the Grand Canyon. 287 00:16:20,761 --> 00:16:23,994 Anyway, if you're still interested in this particular case... 288 00:16:24,163 --> 00:16:26,883 Me, interested? 289 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:31,363 Well, all right, you win this time. 290 00:16:32,286 --> 00:16:35,882 But I just want you to know you owe me one. 291 00:16:36,047 --> 00:16:40,998 We could begin where McCane lives. See if that doesn't take us somewhere. 292 00:16:41,170 --> 00:16:43,479 Did you come in here to tell me something? 293 00:16:43,650 --> 00:16:46,290 Me? You? No. 294 00:16:46,451 --> 00:16:48,761 Nothing on my mind except you. 295 00:16:48,932 --> 00:16:52,448 And this luxuriously thick head of hair. 296 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,256 Maddie. 297 00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:12,619 Mission control to Madelyn Hayes. Earth to Maddie. 298 00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:14,773 - Excuse me. - You're excused. 299 00:17:14,942 --> 00:17:18,823 Only, in the future, please don't leave without taking your body with you. 300 00:17:22,344 --> 00:17:23,619 So this is where he lived. 301 00:17:23,785 --> 00:17:26,778 Yes, this is where Paul McCane, late of the Heartbreak Hotline... 302 00:17:26,947 --> 00:17:29,337 ...currently residing 20,000 leagues under the sea... 303 00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:31,942 ...hung his hat and defiled his dames. 304 00:17:32,108 --> 00:17:34,100 Something I said? Was it something you took? 305 00:17:34,269 --> 00:17:36,181 Shouldn't we get somebody to open the door? 306 00:17:36,350 --> 00:17:38,228 - Did you bring your search warrant? - No. 307 00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,700 Forgot mine too. 308 00:17:48,675 --> 00:17:51,189 - Looks like a job for Mr. Stickpin. - Mr. Stickpin? 309 00:17:51,355 --> 00:17:53,745 It's the amazing Mr. Stickpin. You can stick with it. 310 00:17:53,917 --> 00:17:56,556 You can prick with it. You can play a dirty trick with it. 311 00:17:56,717 --> 00:17:59,437 It's guaranteed not to rust and will cut a cow in half. 312 00:17:59,598 --> 00:18:02,477 - I've always been curious about this. - Nothing to it. 313 00:18:02,639 --> 00:18:05,109 You stick the stickpin in. 314 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,511 You pull the stickpin out. 315 00:18:07,682 --> 00:18:09,832 You stick the stickpin in. 316 00:18:10,003 --> 00:18:12,153 And you shak e it all about 317 00:18:12,324 --> 00:18:15,919 You do the Hok ey Pok ey And you turn yourself about 318 00:18:16,085 --> 00:18:19,396 That's what it's all about 319 00:18:42,134 --> 00:18:44,330 Talk about a guy having everything to live for. 320 00:18:48,937 --> 00:18:52,248 I think our late friend must have had a very generous sugar mama. 321 00:18:52,418 --> 00:18:56,413 These are not the digs of a man who works 2 to 6 in the morning. 322 00:18:57,860 --> 00:19:00,898 - David. - Closet. 323 00:19:08,184 --> 00:19:09,982 It's okay, Laura. I'm here with you. 324 00:19:10,145 --> 00:19:12,262 It's okay, come on. 325 00:19:32,113 --> 00:19:33,865 - Laura. - Sonny. 326 00:19:34,034 --> 00:19:35,513 David! 327 00:19:37,274 --> 00:19:40,313 Hey, Sonny, talk about small worlds. You come to this closet too? 328 00:19:40,476 --> 00:19:42,229 - Hello. - Sonny, who are these people? 329 00:19:42,397 --> 00:19:45,595 - What are they doing here? - These people are investigators. 330 00:19:45,758 --> 00:19:47,078 Investigating Paul's death. 331 00:19:47,239 --> 00:19:49,309 - I'm Madelyn Hayes- - Investigators? For who? 332 00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:50,754 - For Arthur? - Arthur? 333 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,799 - We don't know any Arthur. - No, we were just trying on shoes. 334 00:19:54,401 --> 00:19:56,393 You tell my husband to stop following me. 335 00:19:56,562 --> 00:19:58,440 I'll get lawyers. I'll get an injunction. 336 00:19:58,603 --> 00:20:00,515 We don't know Arthur. All we know is... 337 00:20:00,684 --> 00:20:02,834 ...Paul McCane used to live here and he's dead. 338 00:20:03,005 --> 00:20:05,963 We know your name because we heard Sonny when you came in. 339 00:20:06,125 --> 00:20:09,756 We know you must've been very near and dear to the recently departed... 340 00:20:09,927 --> 00:20:12,396 ...because there are pictures of you all over here. 341 00:20:12,568 --> 00:20:15,037 And I guess we also know that you and your husband... 342 00:20:15,209 --> 00:20:17,519 ...do not have a marriage based on mutual trust... 343 00:20:17,689 --> 00:20:22,401 ...because you point that at us like we're the bad guys, which we are not. 344 00:20:23,331 --> 00:20:25,163 Well, then who are you working for? 345 00:20:25,333 --> 00:20:26,846 - Working for? - Working for. 346 00:20:27,013 --> 00:20:30,928 - She wants to know who we work for. - That's privileged information. 347 00:20:31,095 --> 00:20:34,532 - Client confidentiality. - Oh, of course. 348 00:20:34,696 --> 00:20:35,732 - Of course. - Of course. 349 00:20:35,897 --> 00:20:37,296 Of course. 350 00:20:37,938 --> 00:20:39,530 Well, then what are you doing here? 351 00:20:39,698 --> 00:20:42,054 Trying to figure out who killed Paul McCane. 352 00:20:42,219 --> 00:20:46,134 It doesn't make sense, a brutal murder. Is there something you could tell us? 353 00:20:47,461 --> 00:20:49,770 I don't think so. 354 00:20:49,942 --> 00:20:52,935 I'm married to a very powerful man, Miss Hayes. 355 00:20:53,103 --> 00:20:56,017 My husband is Arthur Boyd, he owns KRKD. 356 00:20:56,184 --> 00:20:58,062 He owns a lot of radio stations. 357 00:20:58,225 --> 00:20:59,739 He owns a lot of things. 358 00:20:59,905 --> 00:21:01,624 He owns a lot of people. 359 00:21:01,786 --> 00:21:04,779 - He owns me. - What? Nobody owns anyone. 360 00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:07,067 - You were a model once. - Yes. 361 00:21:07,229 --> 00:21:08,787 Made a lot of money? 362 00:21:08,949 --> 00:21:10,587 I like money, Miss Hayes. 363 00:21:10,749 --> 00:21:14,824 I know myself well enough to know I'd have a difficult time living without it. 364 00:21:14,991 --> 00:21:17,552 Paul wasn't rich, so I had Arthur. 365 00:21:17,712 --> 00:21:20,432 Arthur wasn't loving, so I had Paul. 366 00:21:20,593 --> 00:21:23,233 I like money, so Arthur has me. 367 00:21:23,394 --> 00:21:26,114 An old-fashioned girl. My favourite kind. 368 00:21:26,275 --> 00:21:29,552 You thought your husband was having you followed. Do you think he knew? 369 00:21:29,716 --> 00:21:33,950 Like I said, my husband is very rich and very scary. 370 00:21:34,118 --> 00:21:36,314 I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 371 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:41,877 Mrs. Boyd. 372 00:21:43,362 --> 00:21:46,002 I just wanted to know... 373 00:21:47,163 --> 00:21:49,359 I guess I was sort of a fan. 374 00:21:51,604 --> 00:21:53,961 He was a wonderful man. 375 00:21:54,126 --> 00:21:56,118 A terrific man. 376 00:21:56,806 --> 00:21:58,843 I loved him very much. 377 00:21:59,007 --> 00:22:00,521 The truth? 378 00:22:01,368 --> 00:22:05,522 He wasn't quite as good to be with as he was to listen to. 379 00:22:05,850 --> 00:22:09,127 He was just wonderful on the radio. 380 00:22:10,532 --> 00:22:12,841 Is that a terrible thing to say? 381 00:22:13,894 --> 00:22:17,443 Seems like McCane's boss is a good suspect. Has the means, the motive. 382 00:22:17,615 --> 00:22:20,255 - We ought to visit. - Why is it that people with someone... 383 00:22:20,416 --> 00:22:23,534 ...want someone else and the people who have no one get left? 384 00:22:23,697 --> 00:22:25,848 - Come again? - Nothing. I was- Never mind. 385 00:22:26,018 --> 00:22:28,134 Don't " never mind" me, I wanna understand this. 386 00:22:28,298 --> 00:22:31,177 There's nothing to understand. I was just thinking out loud. 387 00:22:33,900 --> 00:22:36,051 You're hung up on Paul McCane, aren't you? 388 00:22:42,144 --> 00:22:44,453 - What are you talking about? - You and that scene... 389 00:22:44,624 --> 00:22:47,584 ...from a Bette Davis movie you just played in that apartment. 390 00:22:47,746 --> 00:22:50,136 - The way you've been acting. - How have I been acting? 391 00:22:50,306 --> 00:22:52,741 Like you're in eighth grade and he passed you a note. 392 00:22:52,907 --> 00:22:56,140 - What is with you and Paul McCane? - Nothing is with me and Paul McCane. 393 00:22:56,309 --> 00:22:59,586 You're ridiculous. It's a fascinating case. He's a fascinating man. 394 00:22:59,750 --> 00:23:01,070 He was a fascinating man. 395 00:23:01,231 --> 00:23:03,745 He is a smorgasbord at some guppy's bar mitzvah. 396 00:23:03,911 --> 00:23:06,108 - No reason for you to feel threatened. - I don't. 397 00:23:06,273 --> 00:23:09,072 - You sound threatened. - I'm not threatened. I'm concerned. 398 00:23:09,234 --> 00:23:12,591 My partner is beginning to show signs of affection for a deceased man. 399 00:23:12,755 --> 00:23:14,188 These things concern me. 400 00:23:14,355 --> 00:23:16,917 - You sound jealous. - Jealous? Jealous of what? Of who? 401 00:23:17,077 --> 00:23:18,669 - Paul McCane. - Paul McCane is dead. 402 00:23:18,837 --> 00:23:21,911 - Doesn't seem to be stopping you. - I am not jealous of a dead man. 403 00:23:22,078 --> 00:23:23,832 - If you say so. - Hey, lady, look. 404 00:23:23,999 --> 00:23:28,631 For me to be jealous, he'd have to have something I want, which he doesn't. 405 00:23:42,206 --> 00:23:45,438 - If I said something to upset you- - You couldn't. 406 00:23:55,331 --> 00:23:56,764 Okay, I'll give you an example. 407 00:23:56,932 --> 00:24:00,369 One way we connect with another person is we find mutual interests. 408 00:24:00,533 --> 00:24:02,252 We find common ground. 409 00:24:02,414 --> 00:24:04,086 You're not getting me, Paul. 410 00:24:04,254 --> 00:24:06,371 I don't even know her name. 411 00:24:06,535 --> 00:24:08,527 Besides I think there's someone else. 412 00:24:08,696 --> 00:24:10,494 You don't need to know her name. 413 00:24:10,657 --> 00:24:12,454 Doesn't matter if there's someone else. 414 00:24:12,617 --> 00:24:14,848 Go by her desk. She's got stuff on her desk? 415 00:24:15,019 --> 00:24:16,497 - I don't know. - Sure, she does. 416 00:24:16,658 --> 00:24:18,377 She's got a cat calendar... 417 00:24:18,539 --> 00:24:21,613 ...or pictures from her trip to Europe. An autographed baseball. 418 00:25:00,755 --> 00:25:03,987 Stick the stickpin in. Pull the stickpin out. 419 00:25:04,157 --> 00:25:06,592 You stick the stickpin in and you shake it all about. 420 00:25:06,758 --> 00:25:10,354 You do the Hoochie Coochie and you turn yourself around. 421 00:25:10,519 --> 00:25:12,954 Okay. 422 00:25:59,938 --> 00:26:01,929 Hello? 423 00:26:09,981 --> 00:26:11,812 Hey! 424 00:26:26,667 --> 00:26:28,579 Hey! 425 00:26:44,074 --> 00:26:45,985 Hey! Hey! 426 00:26:47,515 --> 00:26:50,633 - You're alive! - Why couldn't you just leave it alone? 427 00:26:50,796 --> 00:26:53,436 I- I don't understand. You're alive! 428 00:27:27,370 --> 00:27:30,488 - Where'd the band go? - Hello. 429 00:27:30,651 --> 00:27:32,722 You have your arm around me. 430 00:27:32,892 --> 00:27:35,612 That mean we're going steady? You're picking up the check? 431 00:27:35,773 --> 00:27:39,733 Hey, don't take this the wrong way, but you remind of a Pontiac I used to own. 432 00:27:39,895 --> 00:27:41,214 - What's that? - Coffee. 433 00:27:41,375 --> 00:27:43,844 What for? I didn't order a doughnut. 434 00:27:44,016 --> 00:27:47,294 Hey, these are the jokes, folks. Is this thing on? 435 00:27:47,458 --> 00:27:49,289 Tough room, huh? 436 00:27:49,458 --> 00:27:52,178 Relax, guys, I'm fine. 437 00:27:52,339 --> 00:27:54,808 I'm just gonna go make a phone call. 438 00:27:55,500 --> 00:27:57,856 Later. Can I have your baby? 439 00:27:58,021 --> 00:28:02,938 No, that's a trick question. Bring me two of anything in the tequila family. 440 00:28:09,746 --> 00:28:12,818 Hi, this is Maddie Hayes. I can't come to the phone right now- 441 00:28:13,547 --> 00:28:17,258 If the prettiest girl lived Across the sea 442 00:28:17,629 --> 00:28:21,384 Oh, what a good swimmer Paul would be 443 00:28:22,671 --> 00:28:25,139 It's a kid's rhyme. 444 00:28:25,312 --> 00:28:27,588 It's kind of apt. 445 00:28:27,753 --> 00:28:31,109 You're looking at a fellow who's coming up for his last gasp, Maddie. 446 00:28:37,556 --> 00:28:41,789 Killing yourself must seem like a dramatic way to solve a problem, huh? 447 00:28:43,478 --> 00:28:45,595 It's just... 448 00:28:49,641 --> 00:28:51,711 If someone is your destiny... 449 00:28:51,881 --> 00:28:54,351 Laura Boyd? 450 00:29:03,526 --> 00:29:06,484 When Laura and I realised we loved each other... 451 00:29:07,127 --> 00:29:08,766 ...it seemed hopeless. 452 00:29:08,928 --> 00:29:11,807 Arthur wasn't about to give her a divorce. 453 00:29:11,969 --> 00:29:14,689 And you don't tell a woman like Laura to... 454 00:29:14,850 --> 00:29:16,125 ...do without. 455 00:29:16,291 --> 00:29:18,886 It wasn't an easy decision, but it seemed the only way. 456 00:29:19,052 --> 00:29:21,407 Arthur was beginning to suspect something. 457 00:29:21,572 --> 00:29:23,404 He would have had me killed, you know. 458 00:29:23,573 --> 00:29:25,724 If he were sure. 459 00:29:25,894 --> 00:29:27,612 But... 460 00:29:27,774 --> 00:29:30,688 ...you can't suspect your wife of loving a dead man, right? 461 00:29:31,936 --> 00:29:33,211 I know what I'm doing. 462 00:29:33,377 --> 00:29:37,815 I realise that I'm giving up all my life, everything... 463 00:29:37,978 --> 00:29:42,258 ...to be there for one woman all the time. 464 00:29:42,700 --> 00:29:44,692 That she... 465 00:29:46,101 --> 00:29:48,377 ...will be my life. 466 00:29:50,784 --> 00:29:53,173 Women have been doing that for men for years, right? 467 00:29:58,026 --> 00:29:59,823 Can you believe she's still not home? 468 00:29:59,986 --> 00:30:02,980 - Speaking of home... - She thinks I'm weird. 469 00:30:03,147 --> 00:30:07,108 Kinky, unfeeling. I'm not, you know. 470 00:30:07,269 --> 00:30:10,342 And deep down inside, I'm an old-fashioned guy. 471 00:30:10,511 --> 00:30:12,103 I'll give you a good example. 472 00:30:12,271 --> 00:30:13,785 Last week I was in this bar. 473 00:30:13,952 --> 00:30:16,672 And four chicks started hitting on me at once, and I said: 474 00:30:16,833 --> 00:30:18,585 "Girls, we got a problem here. 475 00:30:18,754 --> 00:30:20,427 I'm an old-fashioned guy. 476 00:30:20,594 --> 00:30:22,791 One of you girls is gonna have to leave. " 477 00:30:22,956 --> 00:30:26,950 When I snuck in this afternoon to pick up a few things, I was exhausted. 478 00:30:27,117 --> 00:30:30,713 I spent the last 24 hours reading and listening to accounts of my death. 479 00:30:30,878 --> 00:30:34,350 Let me tell you, that'll knock the wind out of your sails. 480 00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:38,399 Anyway, I... 481 00:30:38,561 --> 00:30:40,598 I laid down for just a second. 482 00:30:40,762 --> 00:30:43,675 The next thing I knew, it was night. Dark. 483 00:30:43,843 --> 00:30:47,154 Then I heard the noise. Why did you come? 484 00:30:47,764 --> 00:30:49,517 What were you looking for? 485 00:30:49,685 --> 00:30:52,075 What were you hoping to find? 486 00:30:54,327 --> 00:30:57,286 On the radio you sounded like you had all the answers. 487 00:30:58,609 --> 00:30:59,883 And now? 488 00:31:00,889 --> 00:31:02,926 I don't know. 489 00:31:04,131 --> 00:31:06,486 The rain stopped. 490 00:31:08,012 --> 00:31:09,924 I'd better be going. 491 00:31:10,092 --> 00:31:11,412 Maddie. 492 00:31:12,494 --> 00:31:13,813 About what I told you... 493 00:31:13,975 --> 00:31:16,250 About what who told who? 494 00:31:16,415 --> 00:31:19,533 We've never met. We've never spoken. 495 00:31:20,096 --> 00:31:22,691 You're a dead man, Mr. McCane. 496 00:31:24,979 --> 00:31:26,856 You know what I think? 497 00:31:27,019 --> 00:31:29,454 She's hung up on this other guy. That's what I think. 498 00:31:29,620 --> 00:31:32,614 I mean, not that I care. I don't care. 499 00:31:34,502 --> 00:31:36,254 Just hurt, that's all. 500 00:31:36,423 --> 00:31:38,699 I think if she's gonna go for somebody... 501 00:31:38,864 --> 00:31:42,653 ...she should go for me, that's all. Not that she has to go for me. I don't- 502 00:31:42,825 --> 00:31:45,056 I don't care about that. 503 00:31:45,786 --> 00:31:48,540 Okay. All right, all right. I'm insecure. There. 504 00:31:48,707 --> 00:31:50,426 I admit it. It's out, all right? 505 00:31:50,588 --> 00:31:52,306 It's normal, right? 506 00:31:52,949 --> 00:31:55,908 Did I happen to mention this other guy's dead? 507 00:32:01,472 --> 00:32:03,987 Sure has calmed down in here. 508 00:32:04,473 --> 00:32:07,147 Well, I guess I had my limit. 509 00:32:08,155 --> 00:32:12,672 You and me ought to do this again sometime, stinky. We think alike. 510 00:32:14,557 --> 00:32:17,948 Hey, stinky. You missed a spot over here. 511 00:32:51,410 --> 00:32:53,447 - My God, they dropped the bomb. - David. 512 00:32:53,611 --> 00:32:55,842 What are you doing here? Why are you on my door? 513 00:32:56,012 --> 00:32:59,893 Cab driver kept trying to put me in a chair and I kept sliding out. 514 00:33:00,054 --> 00:33:03,525 It's not bad. I keep waiting for the Cowardly Lion and Tin Man to come. 515 00:33:03,695 --> 00:33:08,053 David, David, David, you look awful. 516 00:33:09,577 --> 00:33:12,776 Don't you " David, David, David" me, you wanton woman. 517 00:33:12,939 --> 00:33:14,531 - Wanton what? - Wanton woman. 518 00:33:14,700 --> 00:33:18,137 That's what I called you. A wanton woman. A woman who's wanton. 519 00:33:18,301 --> 00:33:22,136 Don't deny it, I know. I called your house every 15 minutes last night. 520 00:33:22,302 --> 00:33:24,294 - You did? - Yes, I did. 521 00:33:24,463 --> 00:33:26,693 - That is so sweet. - Get your mitts off me... 522 00:33:26,864 --> 00:33:28,900 - ... you scarlet pimpernel. - Scarlet what? 523 00:33:29,064 --> 00:33:31,785 I guess I bear the guilt. I'm the guy that drove you to it. 524 00:33:31,946 --> 00:33:34,017 Working with me side by side, day in, day out. 525 00:33:34,186 --> 00:33:36,543 It's bound to make a weak woman a little crazy. 526 00:33:36,708 --> 00:33:38,585 - David. - We're both mature adults here. 527 00:33:38,749 --> 00:33:41,024 I understand the problem. I'm willing to solve it. 528 00:33:41,189 --> 00:33:42,622 - David. - I mean, we can't... 529 00:33:42,790 --> 00:33:45,225 ...have you out there on the streets of Los Angeles... 530 00:33:45,391 --> 00:33:49,590 ...filled with these urges, embarrassing yourself and the agency, can we? 531 00:33:49,753 --> 00:33:52,426 - David, stop while there's still time. - No, which is why- 532 00:33:52,593 --> 00:33:55,108 I've given this a lot of thought. - I would be happy... 533 00:33:55,275 --> 00:33:57,914 ...to accommodate any urges, passions or desires... 534 00:33:58,075 --> 00:34:00,795 ...you may be filled with and find unable to relieve. 535 00:34:00,956 --> 00:34:03,074 You understand the offer I'm making you? 536 00:34:03,238 --> 00:34:04,876 I think it's damn nice of me. 537 00:34:05,038 --> 00:34:08,715 The trick is not to make a pig of yourself. Think about what you want- 538 00:34:09,799 --> 00:34:11,472 For the company and your safety... 539 00:34:11,641 --> 00:34:15,476 ...we'll forget the last three minutes happened. Nod yes if you understand. 540 00:34:15,642 --> 00:34:17,873 For your information, I spent last evening with- 541 00:34:18,483 --> 00:34:20,839 - With who? - I swore I wouldn't tell. 542 00:34:21,004 --> 00:34:22,756 - Your secret's safe. - I couldn't tell. 543 00:34:22,925 --> 00:34:24,961 - Give me a hint. Rhymes with "Joe"? - No. 544 00:34:25,126 --> 00:34:26,399 - Addison. - Madison? 545 00:34:26,566 --> 00:34:27,841 - Please. - Louise? 546 00:34:28,007 --> 00:34:31,204 All right, if you must know, I spent last evening with Paul McCane. 547 00:34:31,367 --> 00:34:34,600 Remember the dead disc jockey, Paul McCane? 548 00:34:34,769 --> 00:34:39,161 - You need my help more than I realised. - It turns out that he is very much alive. 549 00:34:39,331 --> 00:34:41,846 - Alive? - Alive. He feigned his death... 550 00:34:42,012 --> 00:34:46,052 ...so he could see Laura Boyd, whose husband suspected something. 551 00:34:46,213 --> 00:34:48,444 - Alive? - Alive. Which means... 552 00:34:48,614 --> 00:34:51,049 ...there was no murder. Which means there was no case. 553 00:34:51,216 --> 00:34:54,288 Which means that because of you and your tissues and light bulbs... 554 00:34:54,456 --> 00:34:56,368 ...this agency has wasted days on nothing! 555 00:34:56,537 --> 00:34:59,132 If Paul McCane's alive, I'll kill him. 556 00:34:59,298 --> 00:35:01,290 Blue Moon. 557 00:35:01,459 --> 00:35:04,293 - Maddie Hayes, yeah. - Maddie Hayes. 558 00:35:04,460 --> 00:35:05,894 - Oh, hello, Paul. - Give me that. 559 00:35:06,061 --> 00:35:08,701 McCane, you got a lot of nerve being alive. 560 00:35:08,862 --> 00:35:10,261 What? 561 00:35:10,422 --> 00:35:11,697 Can I come by? 562 00:35:11,863 --> 00:35:13,774 I need your help. 563 00:35:14,544 --> 00:35:16,580 Laura's husband, Arthur Boyd? 564 00:35:16,744 --> 00:35:19,101 I just found him murdered. 565 00:35:19,266 --> 00:35:20,540 Shot to death. 566 00:35:21,426 --> 00:35:23,258 It's for you. 567 00:35:26,829 --> 00:35:29,343 I did not kill Arthur Boyd. 568 00:35:29,509 --> 00:35:33,504 I know that right this second I must look like a terrific suspect. 569 00:35:33,671 --> 00:35:35,662 But I swear to you... 570 00:35:35,832 --> 00:35:37,391 ...I didn't kill that man. 571 00:35:37,553 --> 00:35:38,827 I believe you. 572 00:35:38,993 --> 00:35:41,269 Is this kid a great audience or what? 573 00:35:41,434 --> 00:35:43,186 I'm not a killer. 574 00:35:43,355 --> 00:35:46,313 I'm a storyteller, I'm an illusionist. 575 00:35:46,476 --> 00:35:49,037 And also a coward. Cowards don't kill people. 576 00:35:49,196 --> 00:35:52,668 I disappeared. I disappeared better than anybody in the history of radio. 577 00:35:52,838 --> 00:35:55,148 Orson Welles couldn't have done any better. 578 00:35:55,319 --> 00:35:56,877 I didn't kill anyone. 579 00:35:57,039 --> 00:35:59,396 Couldn't kill anyone. 580 00:35:59,881 --> 00:36:01,917 God, look at me. My hands are shaking. 581 00:36:02,081 --> 00:36:03,879 Just tell us what happened, Paul. 582 00:36:06,363 --> 00:36:08,798 Laura and I have a place. 583 00:36:09,004 --> 00:36:11,200 A place for me to live. 584 00:36:11,365 --> 00:36:14,005 A place for her to be with me. 585 00:36:14,846 --> 00:36:16,326 But she thought it was too soon. 586 00:36:16,487 --> 00:36:18,683 Someone might see, put two and two together. 587 00:36:18,848 --> 00:36:21,238 We decided not to be with each other for three weeks. 588 00:36:21,409 --> 00:36:23,684 Let everything die down. 589 00:36:24,530 --> 00:36:26,761 But I couldn't do it. I had to see her. 590 00:36:27,971 --> 00:36:32,488 So after you left this morning, Laura and I worked it out. 591 00:36:33,333 --> 00:36:35,131 There's an office at the radio station. 592 00:36:35,294 --> 00:36:37,889 It's Arthur's office. He's never there, he never uses it. 593 00:36:38,055 --> 00:36:39,853 It's big, roomy. 594 00:36:40,416 --> 00:36:42,009 So I snuck up the fire escape. 595 00:36:42,177 --> 00:36:43,690 I pulled open the window. 596 00:36:43,857 --> 00:36:47,453 And, I mean, I got one leg in the room and I see him. 597 00:36:47,859 --> 00:36:50,932 He's just sitting behind the desk and he's staring at me. 598 00:36:51,700 --> 00:36:54,977 I figured, "This is it. The old guy knows. He's gonna pull out a gun. 599 00:36:55,141 --> 00:36:58,134 I'm gonna fall from the fifth floor and die and no one will know. 600 00:36:58,303 --> 00:37:00,771 Because, hell, I just died two days before, right?" 601 00:37:00,943 --> 00:37:02,980 I mean, I'm frozen there. 602 00:37:03,144 --> 00:37:05,181 Just waiting. 603 00:37:07,266 --> 00:37:09,735 And then I see it. 604 00:37:09,906 --> 00:37:11,545 He isn't moving. 605 00:37:11,707 --> 00:37:12,982 He isn't breathing. 606 00:37:13,148 --> 00:37:15,264 He isn't blinking. 607 00:37:18,550 --> 00:37:21,019 And I see the hole in the centre of his forehead. 608 00:37:21,191 --> 00:37:23,547 I'll bet that killed the mood. 609 00:37:26,633 --> 00:37:29,307 I'm an inch away from being found. 610 00:37:29,474 --> 00:37:32,866 As soon as it gets out that I'm alive, I'm as good as gone. 611 00:37:33,435 --> 00:37:34,869 I wanna hire you two... 612 00:37:35,916 --> 00:37:38,557 - ... to prove I'm innocent. - Hire us? 613 00:37:38,718 --> 00:37:40,037 I don't know where else to go. 614 00:37:40,198 --> 00:37:42,315 Did you hear what he said? He wants to hire us. 615 00:37:42,479 --> 00:37:45,040 A real client with a real case. 616 00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,271 Excuse us. 617 00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:49,558 We don't know this guy didn't kill Arthur Boyd. 618 00:37:49,722 --> 00:37:51,998 As soon as the world finds out he's got a pulse... 619 00:37:52,163 --> 00:37:55,280 ...he's gonna make one hell of a suspect. That makes us accessories. 620 00:37:55,444 --> 00:37:57,674 Accessories to murder. Unless we call the police. 621 00:37:57,845 --> 00:38:00,154 - Accessories? - Accessories. Batteries not included. 622 00:38:00,326 --> 00:38:03,046 - Action figure sold separately. - I'll pay your going rate. 623 00:38:03,207 --> 00:38:04,720 Accessories go to prison, Maddie. 624 00:38:04,887 --> 00:38:06,879 Guy like me? I don't even know how to dance. 625 00:38:07,048 --> 00:38:08,926 - I'll double it. - I can learn. 626 00:38:09,569 --> 00:38:12,562 - Someone followed me here. - It's barely 8:00. We're not open yet. 627 00:38:12,730 --> 00:38:14,323 I gotta get out. Got a back door? 628 00:38:14,491 --> 00:38:16,686 Show Paul the back door. I'll see who it is. 629 00:38:16,851 --> 00:38:19,765 Wait a second. I need to know. Are you gonna take my case? 630 00:38:19,933 --> 00:38:21,845 Let me remind you how you look in stripes. 631 00:38:22,014 --> 00:38:23,606 Of course we'll take your case. 632 00:38:24,375 --> 00:38:26,606 We need to talk some more. 633 00:38:26,775 --> 00:38:28,529 Meet me at the radio station at 8. 634 00:38:29,056 --> 00:38:30,614 Thank you. 635 00:38:36,499 --> 00:38:38,456 I took a chance. Hoped someone would be in. 636 00:38:38,620 --> 00:38:40,736 - Mrs. Boyd? - I found my husband, Arthur, dead. 637 00:38:40,901 --> 00:38:43,177 - Shot through the head. - Seems to be going around. 638 00:38:43,342 --> 00:38:46,062 - I want you to find the killer. - We've got to open earlier. 639 00:38:46,223 --> 00:38:49,102 - We're missing business. - I want you to prove I didn't do it. 640 00:38:49,264 --> 00:38:50,539 Our specialty. 641 00:38:50,704 --> 00:38:53,219 What did I tell you? This turned out to be a gold mine. 642 00:38:53,385 --> 00:38:55,661 That's when I saw the bullet hole in his forehead. 643 00:38:55,827 --> 00:38:58,022 Turning out to be a popular local attraction. 644 00:38:58,187 --> 00:38:59,587 I'm scared. 645 00:38:59,747 --> 00:39:01,181 My affair is bound to come out. 646 00:39:01,348 --> 00:39:05,945 When it does, everyone is going to see I had most to gain from Arthur's death. 647 00:39:06,590 --> 00:39:09,628 I didn't kill him, I swear it. 648 00:39:09,791 --> 00:39:11,589 Someone followed me here. 649 00:39:11,752 --> 00:39:13,266 That must be Arthur. 650 00:39:13,433 --> 00:39:15,709 He wants to hire us to find out who did kill him. 651 00:39:15,873 --> 00:39:19,105 Have you seen our back door? Very popular with our innocent clients. 652 00:39:19,275 --> 00:39:22,872 What are you doing tonight? We're having a powwow at the station. 653 00:39:23,037 --> 00:39:24,311 Love to have you join us. 654 00:39:25,317 --> 00:39:26,592 Good morning, Mr. Brezner. 655 00:39:26,758 --> 00:39:28,589 Sorry I knocked. I know you're not open. 656 00:39:28,758 --> 00:39:31,069 - I was following Laura Boyd. - Following Laura Boyd? 657 00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:33,879 - Long story. Is she here? - Just stepped out the back door. 658 00:39:34,041 --> 00:39:36,839 Part of our policy. Ten minutes each. No more, no less. 659 00:39:37,001 --> 00:39:39,232 - We've become a volume business. - What can we do? 660 00:39:39,403 --> 00:39:40,995 - This is difficult- - I'll tell you. 661 00:39:41,163 --> 00:39:44,679 You were at the station. You noticed that Arthur's got an extra orifice... 662 00:39:44,844 --> 00:39:46,517 - ... in his forehead. - Laura told you. 663 00:39:46,686 --> 00:39:49,996 - You want us to prove you didn't do it. - Why? Of course I didn't. 664 00:39:50,167 --> 00:39:53,399 - We're running a special on this case. - But I do wanna hire you... 665 00:39:53,568 --> 00:39:55,047 ...to prove Laura is innocent. 666 00:39:55,209 --> 00:39:57,404 All right, is the kid a born salesman or what? 667 00:39:57,569 --> 00:40:00,482 Relax, Willy Loman. You want us to prove Laura is innocent? 668 00:40:00,650 --> 00:40:04,041 I was at the station this morning. I saw Laura walk into Arthur's office. 669 00:40:04,212 --> 00:40:06,965 It aroused my curiosity. No one walks into Arthur's office. 670 00:40:07,132 --> 00:40:08,647 Two minutes later she walked out. 671 00:40:08,814 --> 00:40:12,888 I went and knocked on the door. Maybe the man was in. Strange things happen. 672 00:40:13,055 --> 00:40:14,329 He was in, all right. 673 00:40:14,496 --> 00:40:16,054 Sounds like you think she did it. 674 00:40:16,216 --> 00:40:18,936 No, no, back up. I said, it looks like she did it. 675 00:40:19,097 --> 00:40:21,328 Laura's no killer. 676 00:40:21,498 --> 00:40:23,330 She's... 677 00:40:23,979 --> 00:40:25,492 She's a very special lady. 678 00:40:25,660 --> 00:40:28,129 You heard her. And she was married to a very... 679 00:40:28,300 --> 00:40:30,895 ...powerful, very scary guy. 680 00:40:31,061 --> 00:40:34,260 Jury? Jury wouldn't understand about Laura and Arthur. It was... 681 00:40:34,423 --> 00:40:35,936 ...an ugly marriage. 682 00:40:36,104 --> 00:40:38,380 You know what a jury's gonna think? 683 00:40:38,545 --> 00:40:42,334 That Arthur had McCane killed and she had Arthur killed. 684 00:40:42,506 --> 00:40:44,178 I want you two to help her. 685 00:40:44,347 --> 00:40:45,939 I want you to get her out of this. 686 00:40:46,108 --> 00:40:49,385 - That's a highly unusual request. - But we're a highly unusual agency. 687 00:40:49,549 --> 00:40:52,223 Got any plans for tonight? Feel like a skull session... 688 00:40:52,389 --> 00:40:56,942 ...pardon the expression, at the radio station? I'm thinking 8-ish? 689 00:40:58,312 --> 00:41:01,385 Now that all these people are meeting at the station, what do we do? 690 00:41:01,593 --> 00:41:04,427 - Prove they didn't do it. - How are we gonna do that? 691 00:41:04,594 --> 00:41:06,984 - By telling them who did. - How are we gonna do that? 692 00:41:07,155 --> 00:41:09,033 It's obvious who did it, isn't it? 693 00:41:09,196 --> 00:41:11,471 - You think so too? - Plain as the face on my nose. 694 00:41:11,636 --> 00:41:13,628 It's nice to know you had the same feeling. 695 00:41:13,797 --> 00:41:16,757 - That's why we make a good team. - One of the many reasons. 696 00:41:16,919 --> 00:41:19,957 As soon as I got a look at that wimp. All his talk about Orson- 697 00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:21,917 - Wait, you think Paul did it? - Who else? 698 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,437 - I don't believe this. - Believe it. Who else? 699 00:41:24,602 --> 00:41:26,672 - For starters, how about Vampira? - Vamp-who? 700 00:41:26,842 --> 00:41:28,960 - Black Widow Boyd. - You think Laura killed him? 701 00:41:29,124 --> 00:41:31,797 - You don't? It's obvious. - It's not really obvious to me. 702 00:41:31,964 --> 00:41:35,481 Because you think with your zipper. Laura Boyd married solely for money. 703 00:41:35,646 --> 00:41:38,843 Cheated, killed and set up her lover to take the blame. 704 00:41:39,007 --> 00:41:41,681 - You're hung up on this guy. - What are you talking about? 705 00:41:41,848 --> 00:41:43,965 About how you're laying all this on Laura Boyd. 706 00:41:44,129 --> 00:41:46,085 About how your feelings for this mouse- 707 00:41:46,249 --> 00:41:47,809 - He's not a mouse. - Open your eyes. 708 00:41:47,971 --> 00:41:50,883 Paul McCane killed himself so he could kill Arthur Boyd... 709 00:41:51,051 --> 00:41:52,963 ...so he could live off his money. 710 00:41:53,132 --> 00:41:54,612 - You'd love if it were true. - If? 711 00:41:54,773 --> 00:41:57,493 Open your eyes. I'm telling you what any impartial person- 712 00:41:57,654 --> 00:41:59,292 - I'm impartial. - Not blinded- 713 00:41:59,454 --> 00:42:01,650 I'm not blinded. I'm not jealous of Paul McCane. 714 00:42:01,815 --> 00:42:04,126 No, you just want to see him go to the chair. 715 00:42:04,296 --> 00:42:07,812 - Paul McCane is not a killer. - Laura Boyd is not a killer. 716 00:42:07,978 --> 00:42:10,209 - Yes, she is. - No, she's not. 717 00:42:10,379 --> 00:42:11,812 Yes, she is. 718 00:42:11,979 --> 00:42:13,333 - It's him. - It's her. 719 00:42:13,499 --> 00:42:14,774 - It's him. - It's her. 720 00:42:14,941 --> 00:42:17,820 - You're wrong. You're wrong. - I'm right. I'm right. 721 00:42:17,982 --> 00:42:19,461 - You are not. - I am too. 722 00:42:19,622 --> 00:42:22,376 - You are not. You are not. - I am too. I am too. 723 00:42:22,543 --> 00:42:24,182 - Paul. - Laura. 724 00:42:24,344 --> 00:42:27,381 - Paul. Paul. - Laura. Laura. 725 00:42:27,545 --> 00:42:28,580 Paul. 726 00:42:28,745 --> 00:42:31,215 - Laura. Laura. - Paul. Paul. 727 00:42:31,386 --> 00:42:33,343 - Paul. - Maddie. 728 00:42:33,507 --> 00:42:35,179 - David. - Nice to see you both again. 729 00:42:35,348 --> 00:42:38,307 Laura and I have been comparing. It says a lot that we've come. 730 00:42:38,469 --> 00:42:41,189 - Have you come up with anything? - It occurs that the way... 731 00:42:41,350 --> 00:42:44,343 ...to prove who didn't do it is to figure out who did. 732 00:42:44,511 --> 00:42:45,785 And? 733 00:42:45,952 --> 00:42:49,025 We both have very strong opinions as to who killed your husband. 734 00:42:49,193 --> 00:42:52,551 - Very strong, very different opinions. - Yes? 735 00:42:53,035 --> 00:42:54,309 Why don't you start us out? 736 00:42:54,475 --> 00:42:56,546 - No, that's all right. You begin. - David. 737 00:42:56,716 --> 00:42:58,229 - Maddie. - You first, Addison. 738 00:42:58,397 --> 00:42:59,671 - Ladies first, lady. - You. 739 00:42:59,837 --> 00:43:01,828 - You. Do it. - No. You, Addison. You first. 740 00:43:01,998 --> 00:43:04,467 - You do it first. Do it. - No! You first, Addison. 741 00:43:05,119 --> 00:43:06,837 Would you like us to leave the room? 742 00:43:06,999 --> 00:43:08,798 All right, look, here it is. 743 00:43:08,961 --> 00:43:10,519 It's not gonna be pretty. 744 00:43:10,681 --> 00:43:13,116 Only one person had a motive for killing your husband. 745 00:43:13,282 --> 00:43:15,672 - You're right so far. - One person who could hope... 746 00:43:15,843 --> 00:43:17,800 - ... to get away with this crime. - Exactly. 747 00:43:17,964 --> 00:43:20,877 One person sneaky enough, dishonest enough, unfeeling enough. 748 00:43:21,045 --> 00:43:22,114 - Who? - Who? 749 00:43:22,286 --> 00:43:23,274 - Paul. - Laura. 750 00:43:23,446 --> 00:43:24,845 - Laura? - Paul? 751 00:43:25,006 --> 00:43:26,599 - Paul. - Sonny. 752 00:43:26,767 --> 00:43:29,043 Paul, you're alive. 753 00:43:29,448 --> 00:43:32,361 No, no, no, I... 754 00:43:32,529 --> 00:43:35,363 I didn't kill old man Boyd so you could have her. 755 00:43:35,530 --> 00:43:36,645 Sonny, don't! 756 00:43:38,211 --> 00:43:39,486 He was my second choice. 757 00:43:40,372 --> 00:43:41,566 Laura! Stay down! 758 00:43:43,293 --> 00:43:44,852 Sonny! 759 00:43:55,338 --> 00:43:57,569 Stay down, Laura! 760 00:44:01,460 --> 00:44:02,734 Maddie! Bite his other leg! 761 00:44:11,384 --> 00:44:13,295 - I told you to bite not eat. - I'm so sorry. 762 00:44:13,465 --> 00:44:16,025 From the bottom up, all you men look the same to me. 763 00:44:21,907 --> 00:44:24,377 David! What are we gonna do? 764 00:44:27,350 --> 00:44:29,466 That's six bullets. 765 00:44:33,832 --> 00:44:36,222 That guy carries extra bullets. I hate that! 766 00:44:56,481 --> 00:44:59,519 - Guess we lost him. - Guess so. 767 00:46:31,035 --> 00:46:33,470 Oh, Sonny. 768 00:46:52,444 --> 00:46:54,321 - Front page. - Front page. 769 00:46:54,484 --> 00:46:57,319 - Just like you promised. - Just like I promised. 770 00:46:57,486 --> 00:46:59,204 Poor Laura Boyd. 771 00:46:59,366 --> 00:47:02,484 I wonder what it's like being a woman men die for. 772 00:47:04,368 --> 00:47:06,040 It's not all it's cracked up to be. 773 00:47:06,209 --> 00:47:07,483 It's hard to make plans. 774 00:47:07,650 --> 00:47:12,600 Dates keep getting sick, kicking off, not showing up. 775 00:47:12,891 --> 00:47:15,690 You wanna do something? Get something to eat or something? 776 00:47:15,852 --> 00:47:17,491 Addison, we've been over this. 777 00:47:17,653 --> 00:47:20,452 You know I have to be at home alone in bed by 9:30. 778 00:47:20,614 --> 00:47:22,890 Come on. It's not a school night. 779 00:47:23,215 --> 00:47:26,175 There's all kinds of great things going on. Can't you hear them? 780 00:47:26,576 --> 00:47:27,930 - Hear them? - Sure. 781 00:47:28,537 --> 00:47:30,893 Boink, boink, boink Boinkity boink, boink 782 00:47:31,258 --> 00:47:33,409 Boink, boink, boink Boinkity boink