1 00:00:04,060 --> 00:00:06,780 MAGGIE: I miss Leo so much. 2 00:00:06,780 --> 00:00:07,020 MAGGIE: I miss Leo so much. don't come and visit anymore. 3 00:00:07,020 --> 00:00:11,300 Ah, the grandkids don't come and visit anymore. 4 00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:14,420 We communicate with emojis. 5 00:00:14,420 --> 00:00:14,660 We communicate with emojis. The other day, I told them I ate a peach. 6 00:00:14,660 --> 00:00:17,420 The other day, I told them I ate a peach. 7 00:00:17,420 --> 00:00:17,660 The other day, Oh! And they laughed. 8 00:00:17,660 --> 00:00:19,980 Oh! And they laughed. 9 00:00:19,980 --> 00:00:20,180 Oh, they laughed and laughed. Oh! And they laughed. 10 00:00:20,180 --> 00:00:23,060 Oh, they laughed and laughed. 11 00:00:23,060 --> 00:00:25,260 Oh, God. 12 00:00:25,260 --> 00:00:28,140 That's the problem with the youth of today. 13 00:00:28,140 --> 00:00:28,380 That's the problem with the youth of today. They don't appreciate fruit. 14 00:00:28,380 --> 00:00:31,140 They don't appreciate fruit. 15 00:00:32,660 --> 00:00:34,020 Yeah. 16 00:00:34,020 --> 00:00:36,220 You and I, 17 00:00:36,220 --> 00:00:40,260 we may be ancient and forgotten. 18 00:00:41,220 --> 00:00:44,500 But we're still sexy. 19 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:44,700 But we're still sexy. (ROOSTER CLUCKS) 20 00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:45,940 (ROOSTER CLUCKS) 21 00:00:45,940 --> 00:00:49,180 (CLUCKS) 22 00:00:49,180 --> 00:00:49,980 Ooh! 23 00:00:49,980 --> 00:00:52,900 Go on, you saucy old fella. 24 00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:54,340 (ROOSTER CLUCKS) 25 00:00:55,540 --> 00:00:58,700 Yep, and once the blog gets some heat, 26 00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:00,700 I might start a little podcast. 27 00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:03,940 I mean, I know every straight guy in his mid-30s has one, but... 28 00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:05,940 ..I feel like mine would be different. 29 00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:06,700 (LAUGHS) 30 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,620 So, Tao, what's your story, my guy? 31 00:01:09,620 --> 00:01:11,140 Year 4? 32 00:01:11,140 --> 00:01:11,380 Damn! Bro. Year 4? 33 00:01:11,380 --> 00:01:15,860 Damn! Bro. Out here clowning these old cats. 34 00:01:15,860 --> 00:01:16,100 Shouldn't you be in class? Damn! Bro. Out here clowning these old cats. 35 00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:17,660 Shouldn't you be in class? 36 00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:17,900 Hey! That's where I went to school. Is Mr Worstin still principal? Shouldn't you be in class? 37 00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:22,260 Hey! That's where I went to school. Is Mr Worstin still principal? 38 00:01:22,260 --> 00:01:22,500 Hey! That's where I went to school. (LAUGHS) 39 00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:23,860 (LAUGHS) 40 00:01:23,860 --> 00:01:27,780 Hey, you know his first name's Barney, right? Barney Worstin. 41 00:01:27,780 --> 00:01:30,620 We used to call him Tiny Foreskin. 42 00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:30,820 We used to call him Tiny Foreskin. (LAUGHS) 43 00:01:30,820 --> 00:01:33,380 (LAUGHS) 44 00:01:33,380 --> 00:01:35,300 What? 45 00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:36,420 Mum! 46 00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:38,500 You just left my squad mate out there to die! 47 00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:41,540 Yeah, well, I'm getting rid of all the toys, Arthur. 48 00:01:41,540 --> 00:01:44,140 This is not a toy. 49 00:01:44,140 --> 00:01:47,180 No-one plays with them anymore. Ah! 50 00:01:47,180 --> 00:01:50,180 They're all going. (SIGHS) 51 00:01:50,180 --> 00:01:51,220 Oh! 52 00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:54,420 Mum! 53 00:01:55,380 --> 00:01:59,260 I was literally playing with it when you literally pulled the plug. 54 00:01:59,260 --> 00:02:01,660 Yes, and I'm donating these toys to people 55 00:02:01,660 --> 00:02:04,580 who literally will see their grandchildren. 56 00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:07,820 Yeah, well, the game box is off limits. 57 00:02:07,820 --> 00:02:09,660 And so is Larry Lobster. 58 00:02:10,620 --> 00:02:12,860 Oh! Banana icing. 59 00:02:12,860 --> 00:02:14,500 Mum, you know I don't like banana. 60 00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:18,260 I didn't make them for you. I made them for my grandkids. 61 00:02:18,260 --> 00:02:21,260 But they don't even come and see me after school anymore. 62 00:02:21,260 --> 00:02:24,140 Oh, maybe it's the banana icing. Oh, right. Alright. 63 00:02:24,140 --> 00:02:24,380 Oh, maybe it's the banana icing. Well... 64 00:02:24,380 --> 00:02:25,340 Well... 65 00:02:25,340 --> 00:02:25,580 ..if you don't want it, I will Well... 66 00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:28,940 ..if you don't want it, I will take them all out to the rooster. 67 00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:31,580 He's the only one who talks to me around here anyway. 68 00:02:31,580 --> 00:02:34,460 And he likes me. Oh, yeah? 69 00:02:34,460 --> 00:02:36,940 How do you know that? Chook whisperer. 70 00:02:38,060 --> 00:02:40,540 (CLUCKS) 71 00:02:40,540 --> 00:02:42,140 (SIGHS) 72 00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:46,740 ROBBIE: Hello? 73 00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:51,300 New shirt, bro? Looking hot, hot...hot. 74 00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:53,540 OK. Whatever it is you want, the answer is no. 75 00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:56,500 Also, why didn't you bring the kids? Mum's missing them. 76 00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:56,740 Also, why didn't you bring the kids? She even made cupcakes. 77 00:02:56,740 --> 00:02:58,100 She even made cupcakes. 78 00:02:58,100 --> 00:02:59,820 Passionfruit icing? 79 00:02:59,820 --> 00:03:02,060 Banana. Oh. 80 00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:05,100 So, the kids? 81 00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:07,500 Look, it's not me. It's Liz. 82 00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:09,140 She's worried that after the... 83 00:03:09,140 --> 00:03:12,700 ..fire, it's not safe for Mum to be babysitting the kids anymore. 84 00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:12,940 ..fire, it's not safe for Mum Oh, my God. 85 00:03:12,940 --> 00:03:14,300 Oh, my God. 86 00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:15,820 ROBBIE: Mum, hi! 87 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:18,220 Where are my favourite people? 88 00:03:18,220 --> 00:03:20,140 Oh. We're right here. (MAGGIE LAUGHS) 89 00:03:20,140 --> 00:03:22,500 I meant the grandkids. 90 00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:25,340 ROBBIE: That's what I popped in to speak to Arthur about. 91 00:03:25,340 --> 00:03:27,340 Just came from lunch with friends, a lesbian couple, 92 00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:27,580 Just came from lunch with friends, and they want a brown baby, 93 00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:29,260 and they want a brown baby, 94 00:03:29,260 --> 00:03:32,660 and I put you forward as their ideal donor. 95 00:03:32,660 --> 00:03:33,500 I'm sorry... 96 00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:35,140 ..a brown baby? 97 00:03:35,140 --> 00:03:36,140 Yes! 98 00:03:36,140 --> 00:03:38,380 Hallelujah! Lock it in, Eddie. 99 00:03:38,380 --> 00:03:40,140 No! Don't lock it in. 100 00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:40,380 I mean, the chances No! Don't lock it in. 101 00:03:40,380 --> 00:03:42,660 I mean, the chances of your brother getting married 102 00:03:42,660 --> 00:03:42,900 I mean, the chances are reducing every day. 103 00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:44,500 are reducing every day. 104 00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:45,700 Almost zip. 105 00:03:45,700 --> 00:03:46,700 I'm literally right here. 106 00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:49,100 He doesn't have normal urges. 107 00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:50,620 What does that even mean? 108 00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:54,700 Well, men your age, you know, they want wives, they want children. 109 00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:54,940 Well, men your age, you know, I mean, you... 110 00:03:54,940 --> 00:03:56,860 I mean, you... 111 00:03:56,860 --> 00:03:59,060 ..you've got no urges. 112 00:03:59,060 --> 00:04:00,420 No urges. 113 00:04:00,420 --> 00:04:04,340 Arthur, look at it this way. You'll be doing a service. 114 00:04:04,340 --> 00:04:05,780 And you'll get to be a father. Oh! 115 00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:07,820 All with the single stroke of a wrist. 116 00:04:08,980 --> 00:04:10,900 I got to go. MAGGIE: Oh, hang on. 117 00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:11,140 I got to go. I'll put these in a container 118 00:04:11,140 --> 00:04:11,940 I'll put these in a container 119 00:04:11,940 --> 00:04:12,180 and you can I'll put these in a container 120 00:04:12,180 --> 00:04:14,100 and you can take 'em home to the kids. 121 00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:16,060 No. Liz is on a "sugar's poison" thing. 122 00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:16,300 No. Liz is on ARTHUR: Um, hey. 123 00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:17,220 ARTHUR: Um, hey. 124 00:04:17,220 --> 00:04:17,460 Forget the cupcakes. ARTHUR: Um, hey. 125 00:04:17,460 --> 00:04:20,460 Forget the cupcakes. Take MUM home for the kids. 126 00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:20,700 Forget the cupcakes. They're at an eighth birthday party. 127 00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:22,540 They're at an eighth birthday party. 128 00:04:22,540 --> 00:04:24,420 But we'll have you over soon. Yep. 129 00:04:24,420 --> 00:04:25,340 Alright? Bye. 130 00:04:25,340 --> 00:04:26,340 Yep. (KISSES) 131 00:04:26,340 --> 00:04:26,580 Yep. Bye. 132 00:04:26,580 --> 00:04:27,340 Bye. 133 00:04:27,340 --> 00:04:29,100 ROBBIE: Think about the donor thing, Arthur. 134 00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:29,340 ROBBIE: There's money in it for you. 135 00:04:29,340 --> 00:04:31,420 There's money in it for you. 136 00:04:31,420 --> 00:04:32,740 (MAGGIE SIGHS) 137 00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:37,060 That's it. The rooster can have all the flipping cupcakes. 138 00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:40,900 (SCREAMS) 139 00:04:43,260 --> 00:04:45,820 Oh, God! (SOBS) Mum?! 140 00:04:45,820 --> 00:04:48,220 Oh, Akroma! What...what happened? Oh! 141 00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:48,460 Oh, Akroma! What...what happened? Oh! Don't tell Liz about this! 142 00:04:48,460 --> 00:04:50,340 Don't tell Liz about this! 143 00:04:50,340 --> 00:04:52,860 ARTHUR: Liz?! I'VE been eating those cupcakes! 144 00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:53,100 ARTHUR: Liz?! (SPITS) Eugh! Ah! 145 00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:54,100 (SPITS) Eugh! Ah! 146 00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:56,340 MAYA: Hello? Hi. 147 00:04:56,340 --> 00:04:58,540 Sorry, is everything OK? 148 00:04:58,540 --> 00:04:59,620 Oh! 149 00:04:59,620 --> 00:05:01,300 Runaway rockmelon. 150 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:03,500 Rockmelon rescuer. Yes. Sorry. 151 00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,820 I was just dropping food over at Chong's next door, 152 00:05:05,820 --> 00:05:06,060 I was just dropping food and then I heard a scream. 153 00:05:06,060 --> 00:05:07,780 and then I heard a scream. 154 00:05:07,780 --> 00:05:08,020 ARTHUR: Yeah. and then I heard a scream. 155 00:05:08,020 --> 00:05:08,940 ARTHUR: Yeah. Oh! 156 00:05:08,940 --> 00:05:09,940 Ah. ARTHUR: Yeah. 157 00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:10,180 Ah. Do something, Arthur! 158 00:05:10,180 --> 00:05:11,540 Do something, Arthur! 159 00:05:11,540 --> 00:05:13,460 Well, what am I supposed to do? Blog about it? 160 00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:13,700 Well, what am I supposed to do? Well...the Heimlich remover! 161 00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:16,060 Well...the Heimlich remover! 162 00:05:16,060 --> 00:05:16,300 He might be choking! OK, it's 'manoeuvre'. Well...the Heimlich remover! 163 00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:19,180 He might be choking! OK, it's 'manoeuvre'. 164 00:05:19,180 --> 00:05:22,300 Oh! Just saying. Um, I just don't... 165 00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:22,580 Oh! Just saying. Um, I just don't... Do something, Arthur! OK, OK! 166 00:05:22,580 --> 00:05:24,900 Do something, Arthur! OK, OK! 167 00:05:27,780 --> 00:05:29,820 Maybe if you pick it up 168 00:05:29,820 --> 00:05:33,420 and I can try some sort of resuscitation thing. 169 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,260 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 170 00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:36,980 I'll just...yep. I'm sorry. 171 00:05:36,980 --> 00:05:37,980 Gently. MAYA: Yep. 172 00:05:37,980 --> 00:05:40,020 Yep. It's OK. I got it. I've got it. 173 00:05:40,020 --> 00:05:41,260 (SNIFFS) Yep. 174 00:05:41,260 --> 00:05:42,380 Oh. 175 00:05:42,380 --> 00:05:43,860 OK. 176 00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:46,260 You blow. I'll pump. 177 00:05:47,140 --> 00:05:48,220 Yep. Yep. 178 00:05:48,220 --> 00:05:49,540 MAYA: OK. 179 00:05:49,540 --> 00:05:49,780 (MOANS) MAYA: OK. 180 00:05:49,780 --> 00:05:52,060 (MOANS) One, two, three, four, five. 181 00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:52,300 (MOANS) Blow. 182 00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:53,180 Blow. 183 00:05:56,820 --> 00:05:57,820 Uh... 184 00:05:57,820 --> 00:06:01,580 Oh, blow the damn thing, Arthur! OK. OK, OK. (BLOWS) 185 00:06:01,580 --> 00:06:01,860 MAGGIE: Oh. MAYA: Oh! Oh, blow the damn thing, Arthur! OK. OK, OK. (BLOWS) 186 00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:02,580 MAGGIE: Oh. MAYA: Oh! 187 00:06:02,580 --> 00:06:02,820 (BLOWS) MAYA: Oh! 188 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,180 (BLOWS) 189 00:06:04,180 --> 00:06:06,580 Oh! I can still taste banana icing. 190 00:06:06,580 --> 00:06:07,380 (SPITS) 191 00:06:07,380 --> 00:06:10,460 One, two, three, four, five. Blow. 192 00:06:10,460 --> 00:06:13,820 (BLOWS) 193 00:06:13,820 --> 00:06:15,140 Oh, stop, stop! 194 00:06:15,140 --> 00:06:17,540 You're ruffling its feathers. 195 00:06:17,540 --> 00:06:20,580 It's stone-cold dead. 196 00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:23,540 Just like his father. 197 00:06:23,540 --> 00:06:24,540 (MOANS) 198 00:06:24,540 --> 00:06:24,780 (MOANS) Yeah. 199 00:06:24,780 --> 00:06:26,100 Um...I'll just... Yeah. 200 00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:26,340 Um...I'll just... Yeah. What'll we do now?! 201 00:06:26,340 --> 00:06:28,340 What'll we do now?! 202 00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:30,500 Um... 203 00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,180 ..well, I mean, we haven't really thought about dinner. 204 00:06:33,180 --> 00:06:33,420 ..well, I mean, we haven't That rooster will not be eaten! 205 00:06:33,420 --> 00:06:37,180 That rooster will not be eaten! 206 00:06:37,180 --> 00:06:37,420 He will be given That rooster will not be eaten! 207 00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:41,460 He will be given a proper state funeral. 208 00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:41,700 He will be given OK. 209 00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:42,580 OK. 210 00:06:42,580 --> 00:06:45,420 Well, um...I...I...I might... I might leave you two to it. 211 00:06:45,420 --> 00:06:47,380 Um, I'll see you around. MAGGIE: Oh! 212 00:06:47,380 --> 00:06:47,620 Um, I'll see you around. Do something useful, Arthur! 213 00:06:47,620 --> 00:06:50,220 Do something useful, Arthur! 214 00:06:51,180 --> 00:06:52,620 Do you want me to give you more chooks? 215 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:52,860 Do you want me No. 216 00:06:52,860 --> 00:06:54,060 No. 217 00:06:54,060 --> 00:06:56,820 Give me some more grandchildren! 218 00:07:02,260 --> 00:07:05,300 (SNORES) 219 00:07:08,420 --> 00:07:09,460 (GROANS) 220 00:07:10,420 --> 00:07:13,260 (SIGHS) Hey, boy. Hey, dog. 221 00:07:13,260 --> 00:07:14,980 About to bring some fire. 222 00:07:14,980 --> 00:07:16,580 (SIGHS) 223 00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:24,260 Mum! 224 00:07:24,260 --> 00:07:24,500 I told you Mum! 225 00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:26,740 I told you the game box was off limits. 226 00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:27,740 Where is it? 227 00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:29,580 Where's what, Arthur? 228 00:07:29,580 --> 00:07:32,100 My gaming console! You stole it! 229 00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:34,900 (GASPS) Did I? Better call the police. 230 00:07:34,900 --> 00:07:35,140 (GASPS) Did I? Be mature, Mum. 231 00:07:35,140 --> 00:07:36,700 Be mature, Mum. 232 00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:37,900 I want my toy back. 233 00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:39,900 I don't remember where I put it. 234 00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:40,140 (GROANS) I told Tao that I'd practise I don't remember where I put it. 235 00:07:40,140 --> 00:07:43,500 (GROANS) I told Tao that I'd practise with him for the Tandem Cup finals. 236 00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:43,740 (GROANS) I told Tao that I'd practise That's this Saturday! 237 00:07:43,740 --> 00:07:45,500 That's this Saturday! 238 00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:48,220 Wait. Why are you setting a kid's place? 239 00:07:48,220 --> 00:07:49,620 I told you already. 240 00:07:49,620 --> 00:07:53,620 Robbie rang, said she was bringing the kids over for lunch today. 241 00:07:53,620 --> 00:07:56,500 You did not tell me, Mum. Yes, I did. 242 00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:59,300 She was very insistent - "Oh, tell Arthur." 243 00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:03,860 And Melody still loves her Little Mermaid plate and bowl. 244 00:08:03,860 --> 00:08:06,460 I've made fairy bread. 245 00:08:06,460 --> 00:08:07,460 Ooh. 246 00:08:07,460 --> 00:08:08,740 (DOORBELL RINGS) That's them! 247 00:08:08,740 --> 00:08:10,340 Oh, do that thing they love, Arthur. 248 00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:12,820 Oh, they don't love it anymore, Mum. Yes, do it! 249 00:08:12,820 --> 00:08:14,300 I...I'll...I'll let them in. 250 00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:14,540 They... I...I'll...I'll let them in. 251 00:08:14,540 --> 00:08:15,540 They... Do it! Hurry up. 252 00:08:15,540 --> 00:08:15,780 They... ..they really don't. (GROANS) 253 00:08:15,780 --> 00:08:17,380 ..they really don't. (GROANS) 254 00:08:17,380 --> 00:08:20,420 (LAUGHS) Mum, this is Priya and Jasmin. 255 00:08:20,420 --> 00:08:22,180 Girls, this is my mother, Maggie. 256 00:08:22,180 --> 00:08:23,540 Pleased to meet you, Mrs Boye. 257 00:08:23,540 --> 00:08:23,740 (NEIGHS) Who wants to ride Mr Oponko? Pleased to meet you, Mrs Boye. 258 00:08:23,740 --> 00:08:27,460 (NEIGHS) Who wants to ride Mr Oponko? 259 00:08:27,460 --> 00:08:27,660 (NEIGHS) Who wants to ride Mr Oponko? (WHINNIES) 260 00:08:27,660 --> 00:08:28,740 (WHINNIES) 261 00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:32,220 Oh, get up, Arthur! You're embarrassing yourself. 262 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,020 ARTHUR: Oh. Sorry. 263 00:08:33,020 --> 00:08:34,020 Uh... 264 00:08:34,020 --> 00:08:36,420 ..Mr Oponko is a... 265 00:08:36,420 --> 00:08:38,860 ..Ghanaian word for 'horse'. 266 00:08:38,860 --> 00:08:41,940 I specifically said I was bringing Priya and Jasmin, 267 00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:42,180 I specifically said my friends who want a donor. 268 00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:44,420 my friends who want a donor. 269 00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:44,660 (LAUGHS) This is my brother's way my friends who want a donor. 270 00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:46,220 (LAUGHS) This is my brother's way of showing off 271 00:08:46,220 --> 00:08:46,460 (LAUGHS) This is my brother's way how great he is with kids. 272 00:08:46,460 --> 00:08:47,940 how great he is with kids. 273 00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:49,620 Oh! 274 00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:50,620 (LAUGHS) 275 00:08:50,620 --> 00:08:53,060 I thought you wanted a brown baby for Instagram. 276 00:08:53,060 --> 00:08:55,580 But you want one 'cause YOU'RE brown. Yes! 277 00:08:55,580 --> 00:08:57,700 (WOMEN LAUGH AWKWARDLY) Oh. 278 00:08:57,700 --> 00:09:02,580 Well...where are your manners, Arthur? Invite the guests in. 279 00:09:02,580 --> 00:09:04,820 I've set the table for lunch. 280 00:09:04,820 --> 00:09:06,420 Thank you. How lovely. 281 00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:07,980 What's for lunch? 282 00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:09,860 Fairy bread. 283 00:09:09,860 --> 00:09:13,220 PRIYA: Alright. So, Arthur, what's your star sign? 284 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:13,460 PRIYA: Alright. Uh... 285 00:09:13,460 --> 00:09:14,460 Uh... 286 00:09:14,460 --> 00:09:16,260 ..rat, I think. 287 00:09:16,260 --> 00:09:18,660 That's the Chinese zodiac. 288 00:09:18,660 --> 00:09:20,180 He's Aquarian. 289 00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:21,180 Oh! 290 00:09:21,180 --> 00:09:22,780 Little Mermaid, I see. 291 00:09:22,780 --> 00:09:24,340 Oh! 292 00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:26,900 This is not my normal seat at the table. 293 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,940 There are more important things than star signs to be considered. 294 00:09:29,940 --> 00:09:31,940 Uh, the three Hs, for example. 295 00:09:31,940 --> 00:09:33,620 Three Hs? 296 00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:35,220 BOTH: Hair, height, health. MAGGIE: Oh! 297 00:09:35,220 --> 00:09:35,460 BOTH: Hair, height, health. He's very healthy 298 00:09:35,460 --> 00:09:37,780 He's very healthy 299 00:09:37,780 --> 00:09:40,100 and very tall. 300 00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:42,860 Uh...may I just, um... 301 00:09:42,860 --> 00:09:43,860 ..have a... 302 00:09:43,860 --> 00:09:45,780 Oh! 303 00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:48,100 I guess two out of three is OK. 304 00:09:49,060 --> 00:09:51,740 So...why don't you just go to a donor clinic? 305 00:09:51,740 --> 00:09:54,780 Oh...you know, we really want someone we know to be the father. 306 00:09:54,780 --> 00:09:58,460 You know, someone whose eyes we've looked into, 307 00:09:58,460 --> 00:09:58,700 You know, someone whose soul we can see. 308 00:09:58,700 --> 00:10:00,740 whose soul we can see. 309 00:10:04,660 --> 00:10:06,180 Uh, donors fill out forms, but, um, 310 00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:06,420 no-one's gonna tick the Uh, donors fill out forms, but, um, 311 00:10:06,420 --> 00:10:09,340 no-one's gonna tick the "I'm a psychopath" box, are they? 312 00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:09,580 no-one's gonna tick the Oh, Arthur would. 313 00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:10,580 Oh, Arthur would. 314 00:10:10,580 --> 00:10:11,780 ARTHUR AND ROBBIE: Mum! 315 00:10:11,780 --> 00:10:12,020 No! Well, I'm just saying, ARTHUR AND ROBBIE: Mum! 316 00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:14,380 No! Well, I'm just saying, you're very honest. 317 00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:17,620 If Arthur was a psychopath, he'd tick that box. 318 00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:17,860 If Arthur was a psychopath, Oh. 319 00:10:17,860 --> 00:10:18,820 Oh. 320 00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:20,220 Very honest! 321 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,980 There's a big H for you. 322 00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:23,620 (WOMEN LAUGH AWKWARDLY) 323 00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:25,380 Show them your teeth, Arthur. 324 00:10:25,380 --> 00:10:27,700 He's got excellent teeth. 325 00:10:27,700 --> 00:10:28,900 I'm not a horse, Mum. 326 00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:33,180 Well, that's not the impression you gave when they first arrived. 327 00:10:33,180 --> 00:10:33,420 Well, that's not the impression "Neigh!" 328 00:10:33,420 --> 00:10:34,700 "Neigh!" 329 00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,540 (WOMEN LAUGH) 330 00:10:36,540 --> 00:10:41,740 Imagine a little baby Arthur running around the house. 331 00:10:41,740 --> 00:10:41,980 Imagine a little baby Arthur Oh, so cute! 332 00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:44,020 Oh, so cute! 333 00:10:44,020 --> 00:10:45,580 And good news. 334 00:10:45,580 --> 00:10:47,420 He's not shooting blanks. 335 00:10:47,420 --> 00:10:50,700 He had a pregnancy incident with an ex, which didn't go ahead, 336 00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:54,340 but the wrigglers are definitely viable. 337 00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:57,340 Well... 338 00:10:57,340 --> 00:10:59,460 ..uh, we'll leave you to have a think about it. 339 00:10:59,460 --> 00:11:02,660 The decision goes both ways, after all. 340 00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:04,500 ROBBIE: There's nothing for him to think about. 341 00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:04,740 ROBBIE: There's nothing He's lucky to be chosen. 342 00:11:04,740 --> 00:11:06,140 He's lucky to be chosen. 343 00:11:06,140 --> 00:11:08,180 Uh...OK. (WOMEN LAUGH) 344 00:11:08,180 --> 00:11:11,100 Thank you so much for a lovely lunch, Mrs Boye. 345 00:11:12,980 --> 00:11:15,180 And see you later, Maybe Baby Daddy. 346 00:11:15,180 --> 00:11:17,500 (LAUGHS) 347 00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:21,740 Is that true? 348 00:11:21,740 --> 00:11:23,060 (DOOR CLOSES) 349 00:11:23,060 --> 00:11:26,260 It was a long time ago, Mum. 350 00:11:33,180 --> 00:11:34,740 MAGGIE: The funeral is happening on Saturday 351 00:11:34,740 --> 00:11:34,980 MAGGIE: The funeral so the whole family can come. 352 00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:36,500 so the whole family can come. 353 00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:37,300 ARTHUR: Ah! 354 00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:39,100 So you're using the death of Dad's beloved rooster 355 00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:41,660 to emotionally blackmail Liz into bringing the kids over. 356 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:41,900 to emotionally blackmail Liz Sneaky. 357 00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:43,100 Sneaky. 358 00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:44,740 Oh! 359 00:11:44,740 --> 00:11:46,940 Look at your father's restaurant. 360 00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:52,060 All dusty, cobwebbed and teeming with roaches. 361 00:11:52,060 --> 00:11:52,300 All dusty, cobwebbed (SIGHS) Oh, well. 362 00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,220 (SIGHS) Oh, well. 363 00:11:54,220 --> 00:11:54,460 I guess that's what happens (SIGHS) Oh, well. 364 00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:56,940 I guess that's what happens when you just 'hope' 365 00:11:56,940 --> 00:11:57,180 I guess that's what happens family will have your back. 366 00:11:57,180 --> 00:11:58,940 family will have your back. 367 00:11:58,940 --> 00:12:02,780 Mum! I thought we were done with the restaurant guilt. 368 00:12:02,780 --> 00:12:05,020 And to be fair, looks like the roaches 369 00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:07,940 are doing a roaring trade in there. 370 00:12:07,940 --> 00:12:10,700 Mmm. (LAUGHS) 371 00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:13,100 Mum! 372 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,500 She's gorgeous! 373 00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:16,300 Mum! 374 00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:17,300 How old is she? 375 00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:18,740 You're a good boy. Mum! 376 00:12:18,740 --> 00:12:19,980 Oh. Oh. 377 00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:21,940 Bye. Nice to meet you. 378 00:12:21,940 --> 00:12:26,420 I don't have a single guilty bone in my body, Arthur, 379 00:12:26,420 --> 00:12:29,340 but I'll do whatever it takes to see my grandchildren. 380 00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:29,580 but I'll do whatever it takes OK! A Saturday funeral is fine. 381 00:12:29,580 --> 00:12:31,860 OK! A Saturday funeral is fine. 382 00:12:31,860 --> 00:12:35,780 But it has to be finished before my Tandem Cup final starts. 383 00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:38,420 I got some noobs who are about to have a funeral of their own. 384 00:12:38,420 --> 00:12:38,660 I got some noobs who are (LAUGHS) Pyew-pyew! 385 00:12:38,660 --> 00:12:40,060 (LAUGHS) Pyew-pyew! 386 00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:41,620 Mum! 387 00:12:41,620 --> 00:12:46,140 Tell me you didn't donate my console to the Salvos. 388 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,540 I might have. 389 00:12:47,540 --> 00:12:49,020 What?! 390 00:12:49,020 --> 00:12:51,940 OK. Stay here. Don't move. 391 00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:54,220 I'm gonna see if I can go get it back. 392 00:12:55,180 --> 00:12:56,500 (SIGHS) 393 00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,420 (BELL RINGS) 394 00:12:58,420 --> 00:13:01,060 (KIDS LAUGH) 395 00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:13,340 (BELL RINGS) 396 00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:27,260 (SIGHS) 397 00:13:31,580 --> 00:13:33,700 Oh, God. 398 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:35,140 (GATE RATTLES) 399 00:13:35,140 --> 00:13:37,340 (SIGHS) 400 00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:41,180 (SIGHS) 401 00:13:46,020 --> 00:13:47,660 (GROANS) 402 00:13:53,260 --> 00:13:55,140 (PANTS) 403 00:13:55,140 --> 00:13:57,140 May I help you? 404 00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:59,540 Oh! 405 00:13:59,540 --> 00:14:01,740 This is my school. 406 00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:03,380 And I'm looking for my mum. 407 00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:06,420 You are going to have to come with me, sir. 408 00:14:06,420 --> 00:14:06,660 You are going (SIGHS) 409 00:14:06,660 --> 00:14:07,540 (SIGHS) 410 00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:13,940 BOY: Red rover, red rover, I call over... 411 00:14:14,900 --> 00:14:16,220 ..Maggie. 412 00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:19,340 Ah! KIDS: Ah! 413 00:14:19,340 --> 00:14:21,100 I'm gonna get you, Maggie! 414 00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:23,740 (ROARS IN SLOW MOTION) 415 00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:29,620 (WORSTIN SIGHS) 416 00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:30,620 ARTHUR: Thank you. 417 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:31,820 MAGGIE: Oh, Arthur! 418 00:14:31,820 --> 00:14:33,100 Thank goodness you're here. 419 00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:36,580 They're saying terrible things about me. 420 00:14:36,580 --> 00:14:37,740 Honestly... 421 00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:39,380 ..I don't blame them. 422 00:14:39,380 --> 00:14:41,620 Arthur Boye. 423 00:14:41,620 --> 00:14:41,860 I had hoped Arthur Boye. 424 00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:44,940 I had hoped never to see you in my office again. 425 00:14:44,940 --> 00:14:45,180 I had hoped Mr Worstin. 426 00:14:45,180 --> 00:14:47,140 Mr Worstin. 427 00:14:47,140 --> 00:14:50,620 Hm. I suppose you're married with children of your own now. 428 00:14:50,620 --> 00:14:54,580 Oh, no. He's been a terrible disappointment in that area. 429 00:14:54,580 --> 00:14:54,820 Oh, no. He's been a terrible (CLEARS THROAT) 430 00:14:54,820 --> 00:14:55,780 (CLEARS THROAT) 431 00:14:55,780 --> 00:14:58,300 Sadly, I don't have time for a family. 432 00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:01,020 I'm too busy keeping my mother out of trouble. 433 00:15:01,020 --> 00:15:01,260 I'm too busy Now, can we go? 434 00:15:01,260 --> 00:15:03,140 Now, can we go? 435 00:15:03,140 --> 00:15:06,340 Uh...as I explained to your mother, 436 00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:09,300 the parents of the child who injured his hand in the fall 437 00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:09,540 the parents of the child will have to be notified. 438 00:15:09,540 --> 00:15:11,260 will have to be notified. 439 00:15:11,260 --> 00:15:11,500 But, hopefully, there'll be no need will have to be notified. 440 00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:14,940 But, hopefully, there'll be no need to take it any further. 441 00:15:14,940 --> 00:15:19,500 Well, rest assured I will confiscate his video game for a whole week. 442 00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:19,740 Well, rest assured I will confiscate I don't have a video game, Mum! 443 00:15:19,740 --> 00:15:21,180 I don't have a video game, Mum! 444 00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:21,420 The store says I have no proof, I don't have a video game, Mum! 445 00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:23,940 The store says I have no proof, thanks to YOU. 446 00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:24,180 The store says I have no proof, Oh! No cupcakes, then. 447 00:15:24,180 --> 00:15:27,180 Oh! No cupcakes, then. 448 00:15:27,180 --> 00:15:28,740 Well... 449 00:15:28,740 --> 00:15:31,500 ..apologise to Mr Foreskin, Arthur. 450 00:15:34,460 --> 00:15:38,700 I always found it very childish. 451 00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:46,740 Alright. I'm willing to donate the goods, Robbie. 452 00:15:46,740 --> 00:15:47,780 But you have to promise to bring the kids 453 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:48,020 But you have to promise to Akroma's funeral on Saturday. 454 00:15:48,020 --> 00:15:49,940 to Akroma's funeral on Saturday. 455 00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:51,740 Because she's officially losing it! 456 00:15:51,740 --> 00:15:53,380 Next there'll be a kidnapping. 457 00:15:55,380 --> 00:15:57,780 Then make sure Liz agrees. OK? 458 00:15:57,780 --> 00:16:01,220 Or there'll be no swimmers in a cup for your mates. 459 00:16:01,220 --> 00:16:01,460 Or there'll be no swimmers in a cup That's the deal. 460 00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,700 That's the deal. 461 00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:15,380 How do I look, Arthur? 462 00:16:15,380 --> 00:16:17,420 You look like a crow. 463 00:16:17,420 --> 00:16:20,700 Well, says the wannabe drug dealer! 464 00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:22,140 (DOORBELL RINGS) 465 00:16:22,140 --> 00:16:23,980 (GASPS) Good! 466 00:16:23,980 --> 00:16:25,060 They're early! 467 00:16:32,140 --> 00:16:33,340 (SIGHS) 468 00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:35,100 (DOOR OPENS) 469 00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:36,420 MAGGIE: Arthur! 470 00:16:36,420 --> 00:16:38,220 Jasmin's ovulating! 471 00:16:38,220 --> 00:16:40,100 (DOOR CLOSES) 472 00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:42,060 Sorry? 473 00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:43,180 JASMIN: I...I know this is a rush, 474 00:16:43,180 --> 00:16:44,460 but Robbie said you'd be willing. 475 00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:44,700 Apparently, but Robbie said you'd be willing. 476 00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:46,220 Apparently, my cycle's all out of whack. 477 00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:46,460 Apparently, I tested this morning. 478 00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:47,540 I tested this morning. 479 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,020 Today's the day. 480 00:16:49,020 --> 00:16:50,380 Really? 481 00:16:50,380 --> 00:16:52,180 We brought the contract for you and a specimen jar, 482 00:16:52,180 --> 00:16:52,460 if you want to go to your room and sign and seal it. We brought the contract for you and a specimen jar, 483 00:16:52,460 --> 00:16:54,180 if you want to go to your room and sign and seal it. 484 00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:54,420 if you want to go to your room and sign and seal it. Contract? 485 00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:55,700 Contract? 486 00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:58,460 Um...thing is, we have got a funeral. 487 00:16:58,460 --> 00:16:58,700 (SIGHS) Um...thing is, we have got a funeral. 488 00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,060 (SIGHS) (GASPS) Oh. I'm sorry. 489 00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:00,300 (SIGHS) When do you leave? 490 00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:01,180 When do you leave? 491 00:17:01,180 --> 00:17:03,180 Oh, we don't. 492 00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:06,100 We're burying him in the backyard. 493 00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:07,660 It's a pet. 494 00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,100 Ah. Oh. 495 00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:09,340 Ah. Um...never mind. 496 00:17:09,340 --> 00:17:10,180 Um...never mind. 497 00:17:10,180 --> 00:17:12,940 I think I have time before 498 00:17:12,940 --> 00:17:14,780 the others arrive. 499 00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:18,420 OK. I'll be back. 500 00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:20,020 Great! 501 00:17:20,020 --> 00:17:22,980 So, what's in the contract? 502 00:17:22,980 --> 00:17:25,460 Oh, it's just the standard clauses for this type of thing. 503 00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:28,580 I didn't know this type of thing WAS standard. (LAUGHS) 504 00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:30,900 So, what's in it? Oh, you know. 505 00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:33,660 Arthur agrees to give up all rights to the child, um, 506 00:17:33,660 --> 00:17:35,580 and no access to the child until the age of 18 507 00:17:35,580 --> 00:17:38,100 unless the child wishes to meet his or her father. 508 00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:39,460 That kind of thing. 509 00:17:39,460 --> 00:17:43,340 We were talking about having a little Arthur running around, 510 00:17:43,340 --> 00:17:43,580 We were talking about having that kind of thing. 511 00:17:43,580 --> 00:17:44,580 that kind of thing. 512 00:17:44,580 --> 00:17:47,780 In theory, that could happen. 513 00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:51,420 I'll be right back. 514 00:17:51,420 --> 00:17:53,340 (BOTH SPEAK INDISTINCTLY) 515 00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,220 (WHISPERS) Arthur! 516 00:17:55,220 --> 00:17:57,460 (LOUDER) Arthur! 517 00:17:57,460 --> 00:17:59,860 Have you read the contract? 518 00:17:59,860 --> 00:18:03,460 ARTHUR: Um... I kind of have my hands full, Mum. 519 00:18:03,460 --> 00:18:04,420 (SIGHS) 520 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,980 (CLEARS THROAT) 521 00:18:08,980 --> 00:18:09,220 So, do you have any medical issues (CLEARS THROAT) 522 00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:12,940 So, do you have any medical issues in your family, Jasmin? 523 00:18:12,940 --> 00:18:15,060 None that I know of. MAGGIE: Oh! 524 00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:15,300 None that I know of. Isn't that lovely? 525 00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:16,860 Isn't that lovely? 526 00:18:16,860 --> 00:18:19,100 Gosh, we have so many in ours. 527 00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:22,140 You do? MAGGIE: I'm not exaggerating. 528 00:18:22,140 --> 00:18:22,380 You do? Heart problems? Oh! Terrible! 529 00:18:22,380 --> 00:18:24,620 Heart problems? Oh! Terrible! 530 00:18:24,620 --> 00:18:26,740 Tinea, to burn. 531 00:18:26,740 --> 00:18:29,220 And then, of course, there was Uncle Pete. 532 00:18:29,220 --> 00:18:32,020 Well, no-one knew what was going on with him, 533 00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:34,700 but whatever it was, it was not pretty. 534 00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:37,540 But, oh, you wouldn't want to stop procreating 535 00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:40,260 based on a doctor's say-so, would you? 536 00:18:40,260 --> 00:18:40,500 based on a doctor's say-so, (LAUGHS) 537 00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:41,820 (LAUGHS) 538 00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:45,980 Anyway. I guess I shouldn't be saying all this. 539 00:18:45,980 --> 00:18:47,740 No, please. Uh, go on. 540 00:18:47,740 --> 00:18:49,220 Well... 541 00:18:52,260 --> 00:18:54,140 5,000? 542 00:18:57,460 --> 00:19:00,660 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 543 00:19:04,020 --> 00:19:06,740 Is it true the family has an allergic reaction to buffalo grass, 544 00:19:06,740 --> 00:19:07,900 causing anaphylaxis? 545 00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:10,380 I don't think so, no. PRIYA: Mrs Boye told us that. 546 00:19:10,380 --> 00:19:14,620 Did she? Mum says Grandma is "losing it". 547 00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,700 I said she's...getting on. (LAUGHS) She's getting on. 548 00:19:18,660 --> 00:19:20,180 How's it going in there, stud? 549 00:19:20,180 --> 00:19:22,660 ARTHUR: You said they were paying 2,500. 550 00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:22,900 ARTHUR: Contract says 5,000! 551 00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:24,300 Contract says 5,000! 552 00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:24,540 Well, obviously, Contract says 5,000! 553 00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:26,460 Well, obviously, there's a matchmaker's fee. 554 00:19:26,460 --> 00:19:26,700 Well, obviously, Go away or you'll get nothing! 555 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:27,980 Go away or you'll get nothing! 556 00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:29,620 Everybody, outside. 557 00:19:29,620 --> 00:19:29,860 Uncle Arthur needs privacy. Everybody, outside. 558 00:19:29,860 --> 00:19:32,900 Uncle Arthur needs privacy. Let's go. Come on. 559 00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:36,940 LIZ: Lovely big outside voice that you used there, my darling. 560 00:19:37,900 --> 00:19:41,340 Why don't you girls wait in the kitchen? 561 00:19:41,340 --> 00:19:45,460 I'd like to introduce you to someone special. 562 00:19:51,180 --> 00:19:56,020 Jasmin, Priya, meet Akroma, 563 00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:57,260 our family pet. 564 00:19:57,260 --> 00:19:58,860 Oh! It's dead. 565 00:19:58,860 --> 00:20:00,380 MAGGIE: Yes. 566 00:20:00,380 --> 00:20:02,580 We keep him in the freezer, 567 00:20:02,580 --> 00:20:02,820 along with all our other We keep him in the freezer, 568 00:20:02,820 --> 00:20:05,820 along with all our other small loved ones, 569 00:20:05,820 --> 00:20:06,060 along with all our other so they never leave us. 570 00:20:06,060 --> 00:20:08,300 so they never leave us. 571 00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:09,780 JASMIN: Oh! 572 00:20:15,020 --> 00:20:17,500 (PHONE BEEPS) (RECIPIENT'S PHONE RINGS) 573 00:20:18,980 --> 00:20:20,180 (PHONE RINGS) 574 00:20:20,180 --> 00:20:21,700 (SIGHS) 575 00:20:23,460 --> 00:20:26,020 Arthur? Please be calling to make a time to collect your things. 576 00:20:26,020 --> 00:20:26,260 Arthur? Please be calling to I need to pack up the house now. 577 00:20:26,260 --> 00:20:28,940 I need to pack up the house now. 578 00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:32,180 Actually, I was calling about something else. 579 00:20:32,180 --> 00:20:32,420 Actually, I was calling Something funny's happened. 580 00:20:32,420 --> 00:20:34,660 Something funny's happened. 581 00:20:37,060 --> 00:20:43,180 I have been asked to donate sperm to Robbie's friends. 582 00:20:44,140 --> 00:20:49,140 And they are in the kitchen right now waiting for me. 583 00:20:49,140 --> 00:20:52,220 And the kids are over and Mum's burying a rooster 584 00:20:52,220 --> 00:20:55,580 and it's all pretty weird. 585 00:20:55,580 --> 00:20:57,820 That...that IS funny. 586 00:21:00,420 --> 00:21:01,420 You're not laughing. 587 00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:04,340 No, I mean it's funny that you're calling to tell me this. 588 00:21:04,340 --> 00:21:08,260 ARTHUR: I guess it just made me think about us 589 00:21:08,260 --> 00:21:11,700 and that decision that we made. 590 00:21:13,180 --> 00:21:15,860 And I'm wondering why 591 00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:20,300 we never tried to do it again. 592 00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:21,300 Arthur! 593 00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:21,540 No-one in their right mind Arthur! 594 00:21:21,540 --> 00:21:22,700 No-one in their right mind has a baby 595 00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:25,620 with someone they've known for four weeks! 596 00:21:25,620 --> 00:21:25,860 with someone they've known And...and as for trying again, 597 00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:27,260 And...and as for trying again, 598 00:21:27,260 --> 00:21:29,500 I t...I told you, kids are just... 599 00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:31,060 ..they're not on my radar yet. 600 00:21:31,060 --> 00:21:33,420 (SIGHS) 601 00:21:33,420 --> 00:21:34,220 Yeah. 602 00:21:34,220 --> 00:21:35,220 So it wasn't... 603 00:21:35,220 --> 00:21:37,980 ..because you didn't think I'd be a good dad? 604 00:21:37,980 --> 00:21:41,860 DEE: Oh, Arthur, you are gonna make the best dad. 605 00:21:41,860 --> 00:21:42,100 DEE: Oh, Arthur, One day. 606 00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:43,900 One day. 607 00:21:43,900 --> 00:21:44,140 And to be honest, One day. 608 00:21:44,140 --> 00:21:45,460 And to be honest, I think you should just wait. 609 00:21:45,460 --> 00:21:48,580 Don't complicate things by having a random child you'll have to explain 610 00:21:48,580 --> 00:21:48,820 Don't complicate things by having a to anyone you date in the future. 611 00:21:48,820 --> 00:21:50,820 to anyone you date in the future. 612 00:21:52,180 --> 00:21:53,300 OK? 613 00:21:54,580 --> 00:21:56,260 Um...oh, I've...I've, uh... 614 00:21:56,260 --> 00:21:57,540 ..good luck, Arthur. 615 00:21:57,540 --> 00:21:59,940 I've got to go. OK. Bye. 616 00:21:59,940 --> 00:22:01,260 (LAUGHS) 617 00:22:01,260 --> 00:22:03,140 Sorry. Just my brother. 618 00:22:03,140 --> 00:22:05,620 (SIGHS) Just, like, yeah. (LAUGHS) 619 00:22:05,620 --> 00:22:07,380 (GLASSES CLINK) Cheers. (LAUGHS) 620 00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:15,060 ARTHUR: I'm really honoured to be asked, 621 00:22:15,060 --> 00:22:15,300 ARTHUR: and I cannot wait to be a dad. 622 00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:17,820 and I cannot wait to be a dad. 623 00:22:17,820 --> 00:22:19,900 But... 624 00:22:19,900 --> 00:22:21,580 ..I don't want it to be like this. 625 00:22:21,580 --> 00:22:22,820 (BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I'm sorry. 626 00:22:22,820 --> 00:22:23,060 (BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) That is so OK. 627 00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:24,820 That is so OK. 628 00:22:24,820 --> 00:22:27,220 Oh. Did you... 629 00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:28,420 Uh... 630 00:22:28,420 --> 00:22:29,620 ..you keep that. 631 00:22:32,420 --> 00:22:34,140 (DOOR CLOSES) 632 00:22:37,940 --> 00:22:39,780 My game box! 633 00:22:40,740 --> 00:22:42,940 We're waiting for you, Arthur. 634 00:22:43,860 --> 00:22:45,580 You didn't donate the toys after all? 635 00:22:45,580 --> 00:22:49,180 Of course I didn't, silly. I put them in the hall cupboard. 636 00:22:49,180 --> 00:22:49,420 Of course I didn't, silly. I told you. 637 00:22:49,420 --> 00:22:50,540 I told you. 638 00:22:50,540 --> 00:22:52,140 What about you? 639 00:22:52,140 --> 00:22:55,060 Did you...donate? 640 00:22:55,060 --> 00:22:56,660 Not this time. 641 00:22:56,660 --> 00:22:58,420 Ah! Good! 642 00:22:58,420 --> 00:23:03,580 How dare those women try and steal the sacred Boye family sperm 643 00:23:03,580 --> 00:23:03,820 How dare those women try and steal and not give us children in return?! 644 00:23:03,820 --> 00:23:06,340 and not give us children in return?! 645 00:23:06,340 --> 00:23:08,020 That's a hit-and-run. 646 00:23:10,180 --> 00:23:11,900 (SIGHS) 647 00:23:11,900 --> 00:23:14,300 I'm sorry if I disappointed you, Mum. 648 00:23:14,300 --> 00:23:15,300 Oh! 649 00:23:15,300 --> 00:23:15,540 You would never disappoint me, Oh! 650 00:23:15,540 --> 00:23:18,620 You would never disappoint me, Arthur. 651 00:23:18,620 --> 00:23:22,420 I don't know where you get these ideas from. 652 00:23:22,420 --> 00:23:25,100 Mmm! (LAUGHS) 653 00:23:25,100 --> 00:23:25,340 Come on. Mmm! (LAUGHS) 654 00:23:25,340 --> 00:23:26,300 Come on. 655 00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:26,540 Come on. Let's say goodbye to a rooster. Yeah. 656 00:23:26,540 --> 00:23:30,260 Let's say goodbye to a rooster. Yeah. 657 00:23:30,260 --> 00:23:30,500 Let's say goodbye to a rooster. We are gathered together today 658 00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:34,020 We are gathered together today 659 00:23:34,020 --> 00:23:36,660 to say farewell to a fine old cock. 660 00:23:36,660 --> 00:23:37,660 (SNIGGERING) 661 00:23:37,660 --> 00:23:41,020 MAGGIE: Our feathered friend, fierce protector 662 00:23:41,020 --> 00:23:45,580 and our irritating alarm clock, Akroma. 663 00:23:45,580 --> 00:23:47,420 He was colourful. 664 00:23:47,420 --> 00:23:47,660 He was proud to be He was colourful. 665 00:23:47,660 --> 00:23:50,460 He was proud to be part of our family. 666 00:23:50,460 --> 00:23:50,700 He was proud to be And his love of food was everything. 667 00:23:50,700 --> 00:23:53,980 And his love of food was everything. 668 00:23:53,980 --> 00:23:57,300 But without his brood around him, 669 00:23:57,300 --> 00:23:59,500 Akroma was lost. 670 00:24:00,820 --> 00:24:02,420 He was lonely. 671 00:24:03,380 --> 00:24:05,980 His days were long. 672 00:24:05,980 --> 00:24:09,340 And his heart was broken. 673 00:24:09,340 --> 00:24:11,860 He wasn't perfect. 674 00:24:11,860 --> 00:24:14,260 Oh, far from it. 675 00:24:14,260 --> 00:24:18,780 But all he craved was to be surrounded by life. 676 00:24:18,780 --> 00:24:22,100 He didn't deserve to be abandoned and banished 677 00:24:22,100 --> 00:24:25,180 from the company of the people he loves. 678 00:24:25,180 --> 00:24:27,220 Thy will be done. 679 00:24:28,540 --> 00:24:30,980 Rest in peace, Akroma. 680 00:24:30,980 --> 00:24:32,100 Amen. 681 00:24:32,100 --> 00:24:33,900 OTHERS: Amen. 682 00:24:33,900 --> 00:24:36,300 Powerful words, Maggie. 683 00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:38,460 And your point is taken. 684 00:24:38,460 --> 00:24:39,980 Thank you, Liz. 685 00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:42,980 What was my point? 686 00:24:44,780 --> 00:24:47,140 Point is, you're a good egg, Mum. 687 00:24:47,140 --> 00:24:48,700 (LAUGHS) 688 00:24:48,700 --> 00:24:49,980 Alright. Oh. 689 00:24:49,980 --> 00:24:52,620 Now, who wants to play the Mr Oponko game? 690 00:24:52,620 --> 00:24:55,460 (NEIGHS) (LAUGHS) 691 00:24:55,460 --> 00:24:55,700 (NEIGHS) Nah, that's lame. 692 00:24:55,700 --> 00:24:56,700 Nah, that's lame. 693 00:24:57,900 --> 00:24:58,900 Alright. 694 00:24:58,900 --> 00:24:59,140 Well, who wants to go watch me Alright. 695 00:24:59,140 --> 00:25:00,500 Well, who wants to go watch me destroy some noobs 696 00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:00,740 Well, who wants to go watch me in the Tandem Cup final tonight? 697 00:25:00,740 --> 00:25:02,060 in the Tandem Cup final tonight? 698 00:25:02,060 --> 00:25:03,260 That's... 699 00:25:03,260 --> 00:25:04,620 ..if... 700 00:25:04,620 --> 00:25:06,100 ..you're allowed to stay over. 701 00:25:06,100 --> 00:25:08,980 KIDS: Please! (LAUGHS) 702 00:25:08,980 --> 00:25:11,540 Yes. Of course. Of course. I would love that. 703 00:25:11,540 --> 00:25:11,780 Yes. Of course. Of course. ARTHUR: Yes! 704 00:25:11,780 --> 00:25:13,020 ARTHUR: Yes! 705 00:25:13,020 --> 00:25:14,140 (ALL LAUGH) 706 00:25:14,140 --> 00:25:15,420 Oh, come on, inside. Come on! 707 00:25:15,420 --> 00:25:17,740 Let's go inside. (LAUGHS) Yeah! 708 00:25:17,740 --> 00:25:18,940 Right this way. Come on. 709 00:25:25,300 --> 00:25:26,740 Let's go, Mum. 710 00:25:28,660 --> 00:25:29,980 Alright, I'm right behind you. 711 00:25:29,980 --> 00:25:32,940 Hugging you like a long-lost relative. 712 00:25:32,940 --> 00:25:36,500 You go forward. Yeah. I got you covered. We got this. We got this! 713 00:25:36,500 --> 00:25:36,740 You go forward. Yeah. I got you We got it! 714 00:25:36,740 --> 00:25:37,780 We got it! 715 00:25:37,780 --> 00:25:39,260 Oh! 716 00:25:40,620 --> 00:25:42,060 Mmm! 717 00:25:42,060 --> 00:25:42,300 (SIGHS) Nah, that's cool. Mmm! 718 00:25:42,300 --> 00:25:44,780 (SIGHS) Nah, that's cool. That's cool, man. 719 00:25:44,780 --> 00:25:47,780 We shall bring home the bacon next time. 720 00:25:50,940 --> 00:25:53,340 Oh, man. You should have said that at the start. 721 00:25:53,340 --> 00:25:55,300 It must have been hell hard to bunny-hop with a busted hand. 722 00:25:55,300 --> 00:25:55,540 It must have been hell hard How'd that happen? 723 00:25:55,540 --> 00:25:56,860 How'd that happen? 724 00:26:00,380 --> 00:26:03,500 An old lady tackled you on the school oval? 725 00:26:05,300 --> 00:26:08,300 What a silly old chook. 726 00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:11,500 (CLUCKS) 727 00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:24,180 See, back in our day, Tao, 728 00:26:24,180 --> 00:26:26,380 we didn't...we didn't dob! 729 00:26:26,380 --> 00:26:27,820 Dibby-dob-dob. 730 00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:29,700 We didn't dibby-dob-dob 731 00:26:29,700 --> 00:26:32,740 on our friends, Tao, so... 732 00:26:32,740 --> 00:26:34,140 ..take what you get. 733 00:26:34,140 --> 00:26:35,860 Oh! Gotcha! 734 00:26:35,860 --> 00:26:37,220 (LAUGHS) 735 00:26:37,220 --> 00:26:39,140 Did I get you? I don't even know. 736 00:26:39,140 --> 00:26:40,380 This is fun. 737 00:26:40,380 --> 00:26:41,820 And what if I press this, Tao? 738 00:26:41,820 --> 00:26:43,580 Guide me home, Tao. 739 00:26:43,580 --> 00:26:45,660 Guide me home. 740 00:26:45,660 --> 00:26:45,860 Guide me home. Captions by Red Bee Media 741 00:26:45,860 --> 00:26:47,460 Captions by Red Bee Media 742 00:26:47,460 --> 00:26:49,420 Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation