(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(CLEARS THROAT) Brain food.
Don't you love a market?
I mean, so much better
than that awful fruit shop down on Main Street.
I hear they have links to the Mafia.
Uh, excuse me, how much for this lot?
Uh, I'll just take this one, thank you.
What on Earth is going on here?
Am I invisible?
Oh, well, in that case...
Thank you so much.
Hello, Arthur.
I stole this kale, Arthur.
If the police come, tell them I've fled to Mexico.
Uh-huh.
(PHONE RINGS)
Robbie, are you almost here? I need to get on the road.
Robbie, are you almost here? LIZ: You LIAR!
Not a big deal, Artie. Bitch!
I'm gonna be a little late. Traitor!
I'm gonna be a little late. Wait - what was that?
You do this to your WIFE?!
Judas!
Liz may have found my burner phone, and she may have seen some texts.
Ah, OK. It's the sound of the chickens coming home to roost.
(CACKLES)
Kale.
Hm. Kale... (DOOR CLOSES)
Yeah, well, I'm leaving now, so you'd better get here soon,
or there's no-one to keep an eye on Mum.
"And what do you think about that, Maggie?
"Do you want someone looking after you?"
Well, actually, I'd prefer they didn't.
Thank you so much for asking. Yeah, OK. Good luck with Liz.
Oh, and, uh, just remember, you brought this on yourself.
Oh, and, uh, just remember, Bye!
When did you get home?
Also, why do you have so much...
..I wanna say parsley?
It's kale,
which we don't seem to have a single recipe for.
Maybe try checking a cookbook that was printed AFTER 1973.
Alright, Robbie's gonna be here soon,
Alright, Robbie's gonna and I am gonna hit the road.
Oh, are...are you going somewhere?
To Canberra.
Mum, we talked about this.
Did we? Mum, we talked about this.
Did we? Yes!
I'm dropping the car back to Dee, and I'll be home tomorrow.
Oh. No.
You'll get to Canberra, Oh. No.
You'll get to Canberra, oh, and you'll have sex with Dee
and then you'll decide to stay in Canberra
and then you'll sign the papers to put me in a home.
Nobody is signing papers to put you in a home, Mum.
Nobody is signing papers It's all done via DocuSign now.
Jokes!
Dee makes you unhappy, Arthur.
You know, before you were born,
your father and I met a yogi
at a beekeeping your father and I met a yogi
at a beekeeping and tantric taste retreat.
Dee is blocking your throat chakras.
Whenever you get involved with her, Dee is blocking your throat chakras.
Whenever you get involved with her, you lose your true voice!
Mm. My throat chakra and I are just fine.
Now, listen, I'm gonna drop the car back to Dee,
and then I'll be home on an interstate bus tomorrow.
and then I'll be home Did you hear that?
An interstate bus. That is a sex-free guarantee.
Well, if that's the case, why don't you ring Robbie
and tell her that you're taking me with you?
In fact, there's a portrait exhibition I'd like to see
at the Ngunnawal Gallery.
Mum, the last time you went to an art gallery,
you said you'd seen better paintings at the bottom of a toilet.
Now, I've already stuffed things up with Maya, OK?
Congratulations - you won that round.
Congratulations - (TUTS)
Let me have one night to myself, please!
Oh, Mum...
Mum!
Listen, I've gotta go now.
The DocuSign thing was just a joke.
I'm sorry.
Also, sex with Dee
is, like...the furthest thing from my mind right now.
(PHONE RINGS)
(BEEP)
I have already left, and, yes, it is too late
for me to pick up some Tigo's pastries for you.
for me to pick up DEE: Uh, excuse me?
I just wanted to make sure DEE: Uh, excuse me?
I just wanted to make sure the traffic wasn't too bad.
I just wanted to make sure And, yes, I wanted pastries.
Ha-ha.
I'm on the road as we speak,
so expect your car in less than two hours,
washed, waxed, fresh as lilacs.
It's filled to the windows with Filet-O-Fish wrappers, isn't it?
That's an underrated burger, OK?
And no, no wrappers.
You've never seen it looking this good.
Yeah. I'll believe it when I see it.
So, um...
..you wanna go for a drink tonight?
We could do some ..you wanna go for a drink tonight?
We could do some Canberra celeb spotting.
We could do some We might see Kim Beazley.
Oof!
Ouch. That is a deep cut.
But I'm exhausted.
Uh, can I just make you dinner at my place?
You sure can.
(CHUCKLES) Stop smiling.
(LAUGHS) I...I'm not smiling.
Just dinner. Yep. Sure.
Just dinner. See you tonight for just dinner.
Goodbye, Arthur.
Bye.
Aaaaggh!
Oh, can we stop, please, Arthur?
I need the toilet.
Mum, how did you get in here?!
Well, the door pops open when you pull the handle.
Oh, and I'll have one of those pastries, too.
Oh, and I'll have This kale - eugh, it's bloody awful!
Mum, put your seatbelt on before I get done.
Jesus! Oh, alright.
Stop shouting at me Arthur. I'm bursting!
Are we gonna stop for a toilet or not?
No! We're not!
Oh, never mind.
There's this empty cup. It'll do.
Oh... Yuck! No!
OK, just hold still - I'm gonna find a rest stop.
Well, hurry, Arthur.
Please hurry.
(SIGHS)
(ENGINE ACCELERATES)
Dammit! (GASPS) He got ya!
There's never a good reason to drive that fast.
Oh, my God.
What?
$481, Mum.
And four demerit points. Thanks to YOU.
And four demerit points. This is your fault.
The points should come This is your fault.
The points should come off YOUR licence.
The points should come I haven't got a licence, Arthur.
I gave it back to the government
to protest their treatment I gave it back to the government
to protest their treatment of refugees.
You lost it when you ran into a streetlight.
And I ran into the streetlight to protest their stance on renewables.
(CAR HORN PLAYS BUGLE CALL)
Why are you here, Mum? I told you.
Why are you here, Mum? The exhibition.
What exhibition? The exhibition.
What exhibition? Oh, you know.
One of those exhibitions where the light goes on and off
and you don't know whether it's art or faulty wiring.
You just wanna get in between me and Dee.
You just wanna get Oh, trust me Arthur -
I have no interest in being Oh, trust me Arthur -
I have no interest in being the salad in THAT sandwich.
But you haven't planned any of this, Mum.
Look at you - you're cold. You didn't bring a jacket or anything.
And now it's gonna cost me $481.
I'm so annoyed. I'm not gonna be able to think about anything else...
(PHONE CHIMES) ..for the rest of the...
I just got a blue tick.
Don't panic - I've got tweezers in my handbag.
No, no, no, no, Mum... Mum, I'm verified!
Don't you understand? On all my socials!
Oh, I gotta tell Dee.
Or Maya.
Or both.
Uh, actually, no, no wait.
OK, here. Take a photo.
That way, everyone can see.
Alright, get me leaning up against the car.
Alright, get me leaning (CAMERA CLICKS)
Alright.
Hey! You took a good photo of me, first go.
That is a miracle.
Alright.
"Off to the nation's capital.
"Let's get political."
OK, we'd better get going.
I'll drop you at the hotel OK, we'd better get going.
I'll drop you at the hotel before I go meet Dee, OK?
I'll drop you at the hotel Uh-huh.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Hm.
You might need to help me back out.
There's a lot of people here suddenly.
(ENGINE STARTS)
Back. Back.
Back.
Back-back-back-back. Good. Good.
Back.
Back. Back.
Stop! (CRUNCH!)
Stop! (PEOPLE SHOUT AND LAUGH)
What the hell, Mum?!
The taillight's completely broken!
Oh, taillights are like kidneys. One'll be fine.
I can't drop the car back to Dee looking like this!
Hold still, Arthur!
I think I see that tick.
Looks like you've backed into a wrecking ball.
It was one of those things at the carpark that you play leapfrog over.
A bollard. Oh, a bollard.
A bollard. If you say so.
I told him you probably wouldn't have the parts for this model.
Yeah, model like this, we don't stock the original parts.
Yeah, model like this, Oh... Really?
And your fly's hanging wide open.
Could bung a generic one on.
It'd almost match. No.
OK, if this was cold and flu medication, sure.
But nothing about this car can be generic.
Can you get me the real thing by tomorrow morning?
You're looking at $300 for overnight delivery.
You're looking at $300 (INHALES SHARPLY)
Sure.
3% surcharge with credit card.
Of course.
Hey. It's me.
How would you feel about moving dinner tonight to lunch tomorrow?
DEE: Ah! Did someone fire up the apps?
N... Oh, no. No, no, no. Um...
We just got a bit tied up leaving Sydney,
so I figured we'd leave tomorrow morning instead.
"We"? Who's... uh, who's...who's "we"?
Um, I mean, there's just a couple of things
I'm juggling at the moment, that's what I mean.
Ah. Nuh, lunch is no good. I have to work tomorrow.
Ah. Nuh, lunch is no good. Plus, my boss is freaking out
about some stupid protest that's happening near the gallery.
Uh... Well, I could... Well, no, I could swing by your hotel
Uh... Well, I could... Well, no, and pick up the car when you get in?
Sounds good.
I shall text you the address.
Alright.
Oh, I gotta go.
Um, bye. Yeah.
Mum, wait!
Mum!
You can't just steal a high-vis jacket, Mum.
I didn't steal anything. I told the man I'd taken it.
I didn't steal anything. Oh, and what did he say?
He said nothing.
That's the thing, Arthur -
when we women get to a certain age, no-one can see us.
Why shouldn't we get something out of it?
Besides, it's hard to miss me in this.
Ohh! This is a fancy room for a quick trip to Canberra.
You could farm cattle on that bed.
How much did you spend?
Promo code.
Now, Mum, be careful, OK?
This is one of those places that'll charge you
for so much as thinking about what's in the minibar.
for so much as thinking about (BEEPING)
Mum! What did I just say?!
Don't touch the snacks!
Well, I'm hungry.
Where are we going for dinner tonight?
We're not going anywhere for dinner tonight, OK?
We're not going anywhere We're getting room service.
Dee thinks I'm still in Sydney. What if I see her?
Oh, what if you did?!
Dee is stuck in your throat, Arthur.
She's not allowing you to live out loud or follow your dreams!
Mmm, OK.
I hate to break it to you, but it's never been my dream
to take my mother out to dinner in Canberra.
Oh, your father brought me to Canberra once,
Oh, your father brought me before we were married.
Oh, he took me out on the town, bought me cocktails
Oh, he took me out on the town, and a car boot full of firecrackers.
We have a duty to get out and see everything this city has to offer.
(BEEPING)
I'm off duty tonight.
We're staying here.
We hit the town...
..or this minibar gets it.
Oh, hello. (CHUCKLES)
Thank you.
Hm. Thank you.
Hm. (CAMERA CLICKS)
Well, the hotel restaurant was a nice compromise.
Well, the hotel restaurant This way, no-one gets to be happy.
OK, get ready, world -
some verified blue-tick gnocchi comin' at ya!
some verified blue-tick gnocchi (PHONE MESSAGE SEND TONE SOUNDS)
Oh, Arthur, that girl is checking you out.
Oh, Arthur, Oh, my God, here come the haters.
"Looks gluggy."
Yeah, OK, gnocchi expert slash verified loser.
Yeah, OK, gnocchi expert Blocked.
(SIGHS)
WOMAN: Everything OK? (SIGHS)
WOMAN: Everything OK? Yeah, it's just...
Mum?
Oh, for God's sake Arthur! Mum?
Oh, for God's sake Arthur! I'm over here.
(CHUCKLES)
I asked her to sit there as a test,
to see how long it'd take you to notice.
For the record, you failed the test.
What's going on with you, Mum? Nothing.
What's going on with you, Mum? I'm just having fun.
You know, when you're invisible, I'm just having fun.
You know, when you're invisible, no-one cares what you do.
Well, you're not just having fun, Mum.
Well, you're not I think you're annoyed
because I'm focusing on someone else I think you're annoyed
because I'm focusing on someone else for once in my life.
because I'm focusing on someone else Oh, for once in your life?
What is your problem with Dee, Mum?
And don't give me your What is your problem with Dee, Mum?
And don't give me your "throat chakras" again, OK?
And don't give me your 'Cause your beekeeping sex yogi
was probably some dentist from Narrabeen.
Hm.
She always got you for Christmas.
What?
Every year you went What?
Every year you went to Dee's family for Christmas.
Every year you went You were never with us.
We used to visit you every Christmas morning.
Oh, yeah, you'd drive by and throw a ham out the window.
(CHUCKLES COLDLY) Yeah. We got the drop-in Christmas.
(CHUCKLES COLDLY) Yeah. Dee got the family lunch Christmas.
You know, your father once said to me
that you would sacrifice You know, your father once said to me
that you would sacrifice anything for Dee
but she wouldn't give up one thing for you.
Did Dad really say that?
Yes.
Or...maybe I said it.
Or, look... Or maybe I just did think of it now.
Whatever, Arthur. The point is the same.
Whatever, Arthur. Everything was on Dee's terms.
Even the breakup was on her terms, wasn't it?
You know, instead of coming here and jumping back into bed with Dee,
maybe you should be asking her to explain that.
Maybe that's what I'm here to do!
But you have no idea. You just wanna make everything about you!
But you have no idea. You just (SCOFFS) Oh!
Because I'm worried (SCOFFS) Oh!
Because I'm worried my son is making a huge mistake
Because I'm worried with a girl who does not love him.
Oh, that is making it about me, is it?
She does love me, Mum.
The huge mistake I made was moving back in with you.
The huge mistake I made Oh...
You don't mean that. Oh...
You don't mean that. I do!
I do mean it, 'cause moving back in was a big mistake.
I should never have moved back in with you.
I should've just remained impossibly unavailable, just like Robbie,
and then maybe, maybe, I would've actually been happy with Dee
instead of here, miserable, with you!
I'm gonna go outside and get some fresh air.
Uh, can I have the rest of your gnocchi?
Yeah. Yeah.
It's gluggy, anyway.
(SIGHS)
My underwear didn't dry in the bathroom,
so I'm just gonna leave them here.
Where are my keys? I need to go pick up the car.
Where are my keys? Oh! They're in the minibar.
Turns out they weigh the same as the chocolates.
(BEEPING)
You're gonna have to pay for that.
(CHUCKLES)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you going?
Maybe YOU need the kale.
I've told you a million times, I'm going to the art gallery.
I've told you a million times, (SIGHS) Just stay here, Mum.
Nothing's gonna happen.
I'll hand the keys back to Dee
and then we can go to the art I'll hand the keys back to Dee
and then we can go to the art gallery this afternoon together, OK?
and then we can go to the art No! It's not OK.
I'm going now.
You're a grown-up. You can I'm going now.
You're a grown-up. You can ruin your life however you like.
Oh... Hey, look, if this is about last night...
Oh... Hey, look, It is not about last night.
It's about It is not about last night.
It's about the last 68 years of my life.
It's about I am a perfectly capable woman.
And I do not need to be burdened by my inconvenience on you
any longer.
I am just going to get changed out of my bathrobe first.
Let's go get the car, and I can at least drop you there.
Alright, this is the art gallery, Mum.
I'll meet you back here in exactly two hours.
I'll meet you back here Do not go anywhere else.
"Oh! Do not trust a man Do not go anywhere else.
"Oh! Do not trust a man with curtains in his van."
"Oh! Do not trust a man Honestly, Arthur, I'm not a child.
Yeah, well...
I've booked you in with a tour.
Stay with the crowd.
And don't go toilet-papering Stay with the crowd.
And don't go toilet-papering Dee's office, either.
Now, the entrance is right there. Go.
You're not gonna go back and put on that blue shirt she likes
and invite her up to the room, are you?
and invite her No, I'm not.
Now, you'd better get in.
Stay with the crowd.
(DING!)
Hey.
Do we know each other, or...?
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Sorry I'm late. Um, you're not late.
Sorry I'm late. God, those idiot marchers.
There's only like 12 of them,
yet they're shutting the whole city down.
Mm. How was the drive?
Uh, yeah, it was good. It was good. Yeah?
Uh, yeah, it was good. It was good. Just came down this morning.
Good morning, sir.
I hope you and your companion enjoyed dinner last night?
Yeah.
Came down from my room this morning. Ah.
I came down from Sydney late, late last night.
I came down from Sydney And your companion?
I owe you some keys. Mm-hm.
I owe you some keys. Yeah. Um...
Um, uh, you're not gonna believe this,
but I have left your keys in my room.
Oh, you're right - I don't believe...
I cannot believe you're pulling 'the keys are in the room' on me.
I promise they're just in the room.
Ah. I left them there.
I will bring them down. No, no, no. Let's go.
Keys are in the room, let's go to the room.
It's a classic move for a reason.
It's not like...
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Stay with the crowd.
What's your name? Who sent ya?
Maggie.
I'm just here to analyse some foreign portraits.
Yeah, they sure do have some poor traits, don't they?
Yeah, they sure do have Here you go, love.
Call it out. Call it out.
(FEEDBACK WHINES)
Uh, excuse me - are we going in the right direction?
Uh, excuse me - are we going OTHERS: No!
Oh. A-are we going to turn around?
OTHERS: Yes!
Oh.
It's very nice not to be invisible.
ALL: We are not invisible.
We are not invisible. ALL: We are not invisible.
We are not invisible. We are not invisible.
Oh, I, uh...I genuinely did not come to Canberra for this, by the way.
If I put the news on, it's technically work.
If I put the news on, (CHUCKLES)
Mm. Mm.
Oh, I have missed this.
(CHUCKLES)
Mm.
Kale.
Huh?
Is that, like, a new position, or something?
No. Kale, on the table.
Uh...
And since when do you wear Uh...
And since when do you wear full cotton briefs?
Oh. That's just...Mum's.
Ah. Yeah, that makes so much sense. (BOTH CHUCKLE)
Mm. Mm.
But would...would that be a problem?
What?
If Mum came on this trip, What?
If Mum came on this trip, would that be a problem?
If she were hiding under the bed it would be a problem,
but she's not, so it's not a problem.
but she's not, (BOTH CHUCKLE)
Um...
Hey, uh...
When we broke up...
..would you say that that was on your terms?
Sorry - we're...we're gonna...
..we're gonna talk about this...now?
Uh...
Me moving into Mum's
was just supposed to be a temporary thing, that's all.
And I'm kind of just a little confused about when it...
And I'm kind of just a little ..became an ongoing arrangement.
Arthur, I could be accruing flexitime right now.
Instead, I'm half naked in your hotel
and you're going on about terms and ongoing arrangements
and you're going on about terms like I should have a lawyer present.
It's just...
I'm still a bit confused, that's all.
Did the exhaust break in my car?
Did you get carbon monoxide Did the exhaust break in my car?
Did you get carbon monoxide poisoning on the way down?
Did you get carbon monoxide You... (CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS)
Did you actually see us getting back together, after I moved out?
Did you actually see us getting Oh, God, I'm so stupid.
I can't believe I thought this was a good idea.
I just wanna know. Oh, my God.
I deserve to know, Dee.
This is the problem, Arthur.
What? Mum's undies?
What, you...you couldn't get one night off?
What, you...you couldn't get She hid under my shirts!
Arthur, when we were trying to make it work,
everywhere I looked, there was a huge pair of your mum's undies.
Not...not literally, obviously, but...
It was...
It was hard to see the future without them in it.
Yeah. You want me to choose between you and my mum.
No. No.
No. I didn't want you to choose.
Don't you get it?
I never wanted you to make Don't you get it?
I never wanted you to make that choice, so I chose for you.
OK? I...I got out, I came to Canberra
OK? I...I got out, where there are no undies.
But a...a lot of arseholes.
CROWD: (ON TV) We are not invisible! We are not invisible!
Your mum's on the TV.
We are not invisible!
Oh, my God - Mum's in a race riot!
We are not invisible! Oh, my God - Mum's in a race riot!
We are not invisible! We are not invisible!
CROWD: We are not invisible!
We are not invisible! CROWD: We are not invisible!
We are not invisible! OK. Well, just go.
Uh, thanks for bringing the car.
Your licence is in the glovebox. Mm-hm.
You're gonna receive a fine in the mail.
You're gonna receive a fine You can take the demerits this time.
Those are my terms.
And...
..here are your pastries.
Oh, whoops.
Bye!
We are not invisible!
(CRUNCH!)
Should've gone with the generic.
We are not invisible!
Mum?
We are not invisible! Mum! Mum!
We are not invisible!
I'm pretty sure this is not my tour group.
I'm pretty sure Mum, are you OK?
Yes, Arthur, but you gave me Mum, are you OK?
Yes, Arthur, but you gave me the wrong directions.
Yes, Arthur, but you gave me Let's get you home.
Guys, can you please... can you please move?!
I said move!
REPORTER: How do you respond to allegations of racism?
We're not racist! Look at that guy! He's with us!
What? That's not true.
I mean, it's true that I'm not racist,
I mean, it's true but I'm not with them!
Oh! Hey!
You're under arrest for disturbing the peace.
Aaagh!
Ohhh! I'm gonna miss my bus!
MAN: (ON VIDEO) Look at that guy! He's with us!
Look at that guy! He's with us!
Of course this is the first time I go viral.
I've never seen engagement like this,
and it's all people reporting me for hate speech.
and it's all people reporting me Oh...
It's just a misunderstanding.
We'll get it straightened out soon It's just a misunderstanding.
We'll get it straightened out soon enough when we get to the station.
We'll get it straightened out soon (PHONE RINGS)
Hello, Robbie.
Hey. Arthur. Thank God you picked up.
Now, there may be nothing to worry about,
but Mum has gone missing again.
And you only just noticed?
I was here with her all night, obviously.
I was here with her Obviously.
I just ducked out for coffees
and then Liz and I made up a few times. (CHUCKLES)
And then, when I got back, Mum wasn't here.
Well, I'm sure she couldn't have gotten too far.
Well, I'm sure she couldn't have Good luck with the search, Robbie.
Wait! Arthur!
Oh, that was nice of Robbie, to check on us.
Oh, that was nice of Robbie, Wasn't it?
Hey, can you blip the siren, just for fun?
Hey, can you blip the siren, No.
Did you hear that?
Nice, clear answer.
Visibility is all about making yourself seen and heard.
(PHONE CHIMES) Hm.
Yeah.
Gotta love that visibility.
(PHONE CHIMES REPEATEDLY)
Oh, come on Arthur - cheer up.
It's not every day you get to travel in the back of a divvy van.
I spy with my little eye
something beginning with...A.
Is it...
..Arthur?
Yes!
How did you get that?
You're a clever boy!
(CHUCKLES)
Captions by Red Bee Media
Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation