1 00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:04,103 [creaking] 2 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,007 Perfect. 3 00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:13,512 Oh, hi, humans. Welcome aboard. 4 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,348 [sighs] It's a good thing we went to the market. 5 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,117 Are you comfortable? 6 00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:21,153 For the moment, if I've arranged things right. 7 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:24,690 I won't have to move from this spot all day. 8 00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:27,359 I hope things work out for you. 9 00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:28,894 Thanks. That means a lot to me. 10 00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:32,131 Oh, darn. 11 00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:35,367 I just can't quite seem to reach the VCR. 12 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:38,871 Well, don't even think about getting up 13 00:00:38,873 --> 00:00:40,906 I'll take care of it for you. 14 00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:43,108 Thanks, saves getting a wrist full of.. 15 00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:47,079 Jane Fonda's workout. 16 00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:50,349 I like to watch her while I drink my coffee. 17 00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:52,818 Listen, grab a plate and help yourself. 18 00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:54,987 The forks are chilled. 19 00:00:54,989 --> 00:00:56,989 Maybe later. 20 00:00:56,991 --> 00:00:58,490 Cracker? 21 00:00:58,492 --> 00:00:59,925 [doorbell dings] 22 00:00:59,927 --> 00:01:02,161 That's probably the doorbell. 23 00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:05,931 Uh, well, whoever it is I'll get rid of 'em. 24 00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:08,600 I mean, we can't have anyone disturbing you. 25 00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:11,170 Yeah, tell 'em to take a hike. 26 00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:14,573 Mom! 27 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,979 So good to see you. 28 00:01:22,049 --> 00:01:25,084 [theme music] 29 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:50,876 [music continues] 30 00:02:24,078 --> 00:02:25,244 It's my mother. 31 00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,278 Grandma! 32 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,746 Not your grandma. 33 00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,848 Lynn and Brian's grandma. 34 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:33,118 Oh! What brings her out this way? 35 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:36,155 ALF, the kitchen, the kitchen, now. 36 00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:37,923 Alright, huh! 37 00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,758 Willie, grab the pasta maker. 38 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,860 Just go! 39 00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,762 - Who's at the door? - Grandma. 40 00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:44,963 Where is she? 41 00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:46,932 They're making her stand outside. 42 00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:49,001 - Get out! Get out! - Go! 43 00:02:54,108 --> 00:02:56,675 Mom! Come in. 44 00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,610 Are you sure? 45 00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,112 Mom.. 46 00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:02,014 - It's been too long. - Oh, I know. 47 00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,783 - What a surprise! - Yes, a long time. 48 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,018 - Oh! - Hi! 49 00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,620 - Hi, grandma. - 'Lynn, Brian!' 50 00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:11,657 - Grandma! - Give me a hug! 51 00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:13,959 - Are they feeding you? - Yeah. 52 00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:17,029 Obviously not enough, that was a very weak hug. 53 00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:20,666 Mmm! I like that one. That was good. 54 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:22,234 Hi, grandma. 55 00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:23,302 Another weak hug. 56 00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:24,636 Oh. 57 00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,305 Better. 58 00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:27,739 Hi, Dorothy. 59 00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:29,374 Hello, Willie. 60 00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:37,049 Anyway, I am off to Hawaii with crazy Estelle. 61 00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:39,651 And we figured we'd spend three days in Los Angeles 62 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:43,488 while she visits her daughter, I'm visiting my daughter. 63 00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:47,659 Oh, honey, that hair is much too short for that face. 64 00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,328 You look good too, mom. 65 00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:52,097 I'm so glad you're here for lunch. 66 00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:54,700 Tell me, what's your mother feeding you these days? 67 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,034 Oh, good food! 68 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,437 - Sandwiches! - Sandwiches? 69 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:01,773 Well, listen, tonight I'm gonna make you something substantial. 70 00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:04,343 Mom, I'm, uh, I'm cooking dinner tonight. 71 00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:07,279 Oh, listen, we'll talk about it later. 72 00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:09,314 Oh, I brought gifts! 73 00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:11,750 - Gifts? - No! 74 00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:16,255 - I always brings gifts. - I meant.. 75 00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:20,459 No, no, you needn't have brought any. 76 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,394 I didn't bring any for you. 77 00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,630 I thought you'd be on the road. 78 00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:26,198 Why would I be on the road? 79 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,533 Well, you are a salesman, aren't you? 80 00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:32,638 No, no, I-I work in social services. 81 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,539 Mom, you knew that. 82 00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:38,043 That's right. I don't know what I was thinking of. 83 00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:41,346 Willy Loman, "Death of a Salesman." 84 00:04:43,217 --> 00:04:46,985 I know. Crazy Estelle's son-in-law crazy Steve. 85 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,288 He is a salesman, and he does very well. 86 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,258 Okay, Brian. 87 00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:55,560 Here you go. 88 00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,095 A scarf! 89 00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:59,097 That's right. Hand knitted by grandma. 90 00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:01,733 I remembered how cold it gets in here. 91 00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:05,737 Mom, the house doesn't get that cold. 92 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,272 Oh, honey, maybe not for you 93 00:05:07,274 --> 00:05:10,442 but these children have no body fat. 94 00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:13,445 Here you go, Lynn. This will keep you nice and warm. 95 00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:18,450 Oh, thanks, grandma. It's beautiful and...thick. 96 00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:21,186 It's very important for children to wear warm clothing. 97 00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:23,455 I cannot emphasize that enough. 98 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:28,360 Mom, the children have plenty of warm clothing. 99 00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:29,761 As a matter of fact we just bought them 100 00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:31,463 new jackets and sweaters. 101 00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:35,634 Honey, you cannot get really warm clothing in a store. 102 00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:38,203 Well, so far the kids have been able to survive 103 00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:42,774 these brutal Southern California winters, mom. 104 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,976 Kate, are you being sarcastic? 105 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,446 Yes, I am being a little bit-- 106 00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:49,114 Darling, that is so.. 107 00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:50,215 (together) ...unbecoming. 108 00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:52,951 I hope we're not gonna fight. 109 00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:56,488 Maybe grandma should stay with crazy Estelle. 110 00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:59,224 No, grandma, stay with us. 111 00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:01,360 Momma won't fight with you. 112 00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:02,294 Will you, mom? 113 00:06:02,296 --> 00:06:05,197 No, no, I don't wanna fight. 114 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:07,833 Well, good. Neither does grandma. 115 00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:11,470 Okay, you kids help me with my luggage. 116 00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:13,705 - Okay! - Here you go, Brian. 117 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,374 And tonight.. 118 00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:19,111 ...I'm gonna make you a nice, home cooked dinner. 119 00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:26,718 Well, mother is here. 120 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,653 It's only for a couple of days. 121 00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:30,655 Yeah, I know. 122 00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:33,091 Yo! I have a question. 123 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:37,129 Is grandma staying here going to affect me in anyway? 124 00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:44,002 Help! I'm locked in a garage. I'm-I'm without food. 125 00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:46,538 Someone please call Mike's Pizza Barge 126 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:50,041 and order one humongous, with everything on it. 127 00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,343 Yeah.. Oh, yeah, wait a minute. 128 00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:54,579 Make that everything, except beets. 129 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,915 Emphasize that. No beets! 130 00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:01,253 Oh, never mind, my jailers are here. 131 00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:04,923 It's about time. I was beginning to feel faint. 132 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,259 Many pardons for the delay, Lord Shumway. 133 00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:13,098 He must be hungry. He didn't even say grace. 134 00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:16,101 Grace. 135 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:23,942 Great food, Kate. You finally learned how to cook. 136 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,710 My mother made that. 137 00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:28,547 Really? I'd like to meet her. 138 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:32,284 ALF, you're gonna have to stay in the garage for a few days. 139 00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:34,719 Why, because I insulted your mom's cooking? 140 00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:37,722 Come on. Let the punishment fit the crime. 141 00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:42,394 ALF, uh, you, uh, you can't come back into the house because uh.. 142 00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:45,897 ...my mother is going to be staying with us until Tuesday. 143 00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,899 Let her stay in the garage. 144 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,735 Well, I can't let my mother sleep in a garage. 145 00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:54,072 Alright. Let the mutant sleep in the garage. 146 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:56,174 We don't think you as a mutant. 147 00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,443 - You think of me as your son? - No. 148 00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:01,746 So I'm somewhere between a mutant and your son? 149 00:08:01,748 --> 00:08:04,850 I'm-I'm a game show host. 150 00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:07,085 ALF, it's just for three days. 151 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:10,155 That's enough time for my sprit to be broken. 152 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:13,458 ALF, don't you think you're being a little overly dramatic? 153 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,260 Overly dramatic? 154 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:19,431 Overly dramatic? Kate, there's no TV in here. 155 00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:21,766 We can let you use the small TV. 156 00:08:21,768 --> 00:08:24,302 The black and white one with the one inch screen? 157 00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:27,105 Good! I'll tape it to my eyes. 158 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:29,608 Why don't you just tell grandma about me? 159 00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:31,109 ALF, we can't. 160 00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:34,446 Well, fine. The charade continues. 161 00:08:34,448 --> 00:08:37,616 Besides, I don't think you and my mother would hit it off. 162 00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:41,152 Don't be silly. I get along with everybody. 163 00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:42,954 I'm a people alien. 164 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:46,725 Well, you've never come across anyone like my mother. 165 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,226 What is it with her? 166 00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:51,696 I mean, she walked into the house and took over. 167 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,498 I hate when people do that. 168 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:56,801 Some people are not as considerate as you are. 169 00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:59,371 Well, I think what we have here 170 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:02,541 is your basic parent-child dynamic. 171 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:06,211 Every daughter feels the way you do about her mom. 172 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:09,214 Well, not every daughter. 173 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:13,485 Oh! Oh, absolutely not. 174 00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:17,989 Look, all I'm saying is your mom knows how to push your buttons. 175 00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:20,392 Now, I suggest you confront her. 176 00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:23,028 ALF, I can't confront my mother. 177 00:09:23,030 --> 00:09:25,997 - Why not? - I don't know, uh.. 178 00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:27,999 I guess it goes back to my childhood. 179 00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:30,835 You see, I was an only child and I think that.. 180 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:33,672 I think that my mother was over protective of me. 181 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:36,708 In fact, I-I think that she loved me too much. 182 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,677 [ALF burps] 183 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,178 Why am I telling you this? 184 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,180 I don't know, I'm barely listening. 185 00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:45,116 Lynn ate all my banana bread. 186 00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:47,352 Oh, I'm sorry, it was great. 187 00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,788 Mom, do you think I could get the recipe from grandma? 188 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:52,691 It wasn't that good. 189 00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:56,761 No. I don't even know wh-why I said that. 190 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,363 Oh, good save. 191 00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:04,469 Here, Brian, why don't you put 192 00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:06,037 that right by grandma's suitcases. 193 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,706 Okay. 194 00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:08,873 Here you go. 195 00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:11,876 A nice, home cooked meal. 196 00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:13,545 Must be grandma's recipe. 197 00:10:13,547 --> 00:10:16,414 Just eat it. 198 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:17,782 Mom, grandma's gonna be gone in a half an hour. 199 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:21,252 Right, right. I got through three days. 200 00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:22,921 I can last another 30 minutes. 201 00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:25,924 - Where is grandma? - She's cleaning the bathroom. 202 00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:28,727 I just cleaned that bathroom yesterday. 203 00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:30,829 And you did a great job. 204 00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,664 That's not what grandma said. 205 00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:34,699 It was spotless. 206 00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:38,870 Oh! 207 00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:41,640 [sighs] 208 00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:44,409 ALF, ALF, get back into the garage 209 00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:46,177 my mother is still here. 210 00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:48,413 I've had it with the garage 211 00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,482 and I've had it with your mother. 212 00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:55,587 This is my home. This is where the bathroom is. 213 00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:58,657 ALF, grandma's in the bathroom. 214 00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:01,359 What does she have, squatters rights? 215 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,828 That does it. I'm gonna have to file a grievance. 216 00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:05,764 [door opens] 217 00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,465 - Mom, ALF, she's coming. - 'ALF.' 218 00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:08,933 - Go. - The kitchen, go, go. 219 00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:10,535 I'm going, I'm going. 220 00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:14,105 Boy, somebody took a grumpy pill. 221 00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,140 [telephone ringing] 222 00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:17,342 I'll get it. 223 00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:20,845 'Hello?' 224 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,847 Who packed my suitcases? 225 00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:25,684 Uh, I did. 226 00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:28,353 I thought you might wanna save time. 227 00:11:30,624 --> 00:11:35,026 Look at this. You put all my underwear on the top. 228 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,829 Kate, that is so tacky. 229 00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:41,466 Uh, grandma, it's for you. It's crazy Estelle. 230 00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:44,402 I wonder what that crackpot wants now. 231 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,238 [sniffs] 232 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,240 Too much oregano, honey. 233 00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:51,176 - 'Thanks, sweetheart.' - You're welcome. 234 00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:53,378 What is it, Estelle? 235 00:11:55,716 --> 00:11:58,850 What do you mean you're gonna be late? 236 00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:00,318 N.. Now you see that? 237 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,487 You see that? You always do that to me, Estelle. 238 00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,656 You know I hate running for planes. 239 00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:05,890 'I'd..' 240 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:08,426 Well, you are aggravating me. 241 00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:11,429 Oh, come on. Everybody likes me.. 242 00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:16,801 Fine! Just go to Hawaii by yourself then. 243 00:12:18,672 --> 00:12:21,906 Yeah, I hope you fall into a live volcano, Estelle. 244 00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:24,809 Good news? 245 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:31,616 Late! She always has to be late. It's like a-a sickness with her. 246 00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:35,053 You-you are still going to Hawaii, aren't you? 247 00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:36,888 The woman is so selfish. 248 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,423 I mean, that's all she thinks about 249 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:41,359 is herself, self, self, self. 250 00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:42,961 You wanna know why she is always late? 251 00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:46,798 Because she spends two hours putting on make up. 252 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,601 [laughs] As if anything could help that face. 253 00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:53,471 You are still...going to Hawaii, aren't you? 254 00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:57,075 She was actually late for her own husband's funeral. 255 00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:59,811 And her makeup was on crooked. 256 00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:02,981 As matter of fact, so was his. 257 00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:07,819 But you are still going to Hawaii, aren't you? 258 00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:08,953 One thing is certain 259 00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:12,557 I'm not going to Hawaii with a crazy woman. 260 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,225 I'm gonna stay right here. 261 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,994 [ALF groans] 262 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,898 Garbage disposal. 263 00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:22,834 [instrumental music] 264 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,004 [instrumental music] 265 00:13:29,743 --> 00:13:32,177 You know, your mother really is amazing 266 00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:34,078 you can see yourself in those tiles. 267 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,648 Who cares! 268 00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,750 Not me. 269 00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:40,585 I guess I was just talking from the top of my head. 270 00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:41,920 I'm sorry. 271 00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:43,488 But it's driving me crazy 272 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,591 the way she is treating me like a child. 273 00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:49,694 I don't know, maybe you should do what ALF suggested. 274 00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:51,362 Maybe you should confront her. 275 00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,765 (ALF) 'Right on.' 276 00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:55,600 ALF? 277 00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:57,969 [grunts] Who else? 278 00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,437 What are you doing under there? 279 00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:03,508 Trying to keep warm. The garage is freezing! 280 00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,143 Listen, I couldn't help overhearing 281 00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:06,978 the grandma discussion. 282 00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,113 How long have you been under there? 283 00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:10,348 Just the last few nights. 284 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,850 Anyway, about grandma.. 285 00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:14,652 Were you under there on Sunday night? 286 00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:17,822 Don't worry, slept like a baby. 287 00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:20,191 Didn't hear a thing. 288 00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:23,461 Now, what are we gonna do about grandma? 289 00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:26,731 I don't know, ALF, uh, I don't know what we can do about her. 290 00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:29,334 Well, I can't sleep under here every night. 291 00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:31,903 You got that right. 292 00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:34,906 And I'm not living in the garage any longer. 293 00:14:34,908 --> 00:14:37,175 Unless you decide to put in a hot tub 294 00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:38,309 and a big screen TV. 295 00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:40,411 - Forget it. - Okay. 296 00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:44,048 Then grandma has to go. Here's my plan. 297 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:48,386 You tell her that the house is built on a fault line. 298 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,989 Then some morning you wake her up and scream. 299 00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,690 Earthquake! Earthquake! 300 00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:54,993 And you guys walk around the house going 301 00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,895 whoa, whoa! 302 00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:01,432 I don't know, hmm.. 303 00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:02,934 How does that go again? 304 00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:05,436 - Whoa, whoa.. - More arm motion. 305 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:07,906 'There you go. Yeah!' 306 00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:10,842 Wait a minute. So what if we do tell her about ALF? 307 00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:15,013 How could we tell her, Kate, what would we say? 308 00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:18,850 Uh, I guess we just have to sit her down 309 00:15:18,852 --> 00:15:21,920 we'd have to ask her if she's ever seen "E.T." 310 00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:24,956 Why do you keep comparing me to E.T.? 311 00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,791 I'm nothing like E.T. 312 00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:29,027 You know, someday, Willie, someone from Melmac 313 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:31,429 is going to ask me what you're like. 314 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:36,467 And I'm gonna say, well did you ever see "The Nutty Professor?" 315 00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:39,237 Oh, for crying out loud. 316 00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:43,775 The best way to tell grandma about me is to do it quickly. 317 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,710 I'll go wait in the kitchen for her. 318 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:47,745 She usually has a snack around now. 319 00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:51,282 No, ALF, you will not talk to her. You will do this our way. 320 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:54,585 Okay. Don't get your nightie in a knot. 321 00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:57,522 It's your house. I respect that. 322 00:15:58,491 --> 00:15:59,857 Goodnight. 323 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:11,436 (ALF) 'Hey, go for it, Willie!' 324 00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:13,972 Alright, alright. I'm leaving. 325 00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:19,177 [ALF humming] 326 00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,817 Well, this ought to be good. Here she comes. 327 00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:26,985 [humming] 328 00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,255 Hi, grandma! 329 00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:33,424 Oh, my God! 330 00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:35,593 Have a seat. 331 00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:37,328 Who are you? What are you? 332 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,830 A little background. 333 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:42,633 My name is ALF. I come from the planet Melmac. 334 00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:44,602 I'm a member of a civilization 335 00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,871 millions of years ahead of your own. 336 00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:48,773 And now I live in a laundry basket 337 00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:51,376 next to the washing machine. 338 00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:53,077 Cup of java? 339 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:55,713 I know. 340 00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:58,649 I know you're something Willie made. 341 00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:02,520 He's always making crazy things in the garage. 342 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:05,957 Take my word for it, I'm a space being. 343 00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:09,794 And since you've been here, I've had to live in the garage. 344 00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,629 Let me ask you something. 345 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:14,465 Why are you so hard to get along with? 346 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:18,469 Kate's easy going. Is she adopted or something? 347 00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:21,372 Anyway, my advice to you would be 348 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:25,176 lighten up on her, be nice. 349 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,245 Oh, yeah, another thing. 350 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,548 Stop poking me! 351 00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:33,317 We'll talk again. 352 00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:36,554 When you are a little less touchy feeling. 353 00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:40,058 Ya-ya-ya! 354 00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:51,335 Okay, I'll make the break.. 355 00:17:51,337 --> 00:17:52,837 Good morning, grandma. 356 00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:55,506 Oh, my God! It wasn't a nightmare. 357 00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:58,676 Sit down. Take a load off. 358 00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:01,279 You mean, you-you actually do.. 359 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:02,947 ...live in this house? 360 00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:06,017 I thought we covered that last night. 361 00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:08,653 I just can't bring myself to.. 362 00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:13,024 I guess you two have met. 363 00:18:13,026 --> 00:18:16,194 It introduced itself last night. 364 00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:18,963 Listen, I know you wanted to introduce me 365 00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:23,134 but, uh, I couldn't stand being in the garage any longer! 366 00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:27,171 There was a spider in there, th-this big. 367 00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:31,642 Well, now you know, mom. 368 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,945 We live with an alien from outer space. 369 00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:38,449 Kate, I had such high hopes for you. 370 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:41,886 I sense some negative vibes here. 371 00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:44,255 Why don't we just discuss this over breakfast? 372 00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:45,923 Good idea! 373 00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,725 Good morning. Good morning, grandma. 374 00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,994 Good morning, ALF. 375 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,396 - Uh-oh. - Uh-oh is right. 376 00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:54,732 You met ALF! Isn't he great? 377 00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:58,402 Is he going to eat at the table with us? 378 00:18:58,404 --> 00:19:00,304 ALF always eats with us. 379 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,907 What does he eat, kibble? 380 00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:06,177 I resent that. I don't even know what kibble is 381 00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:07,445 but I resent that. 382 00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:09,580 Huh! This is wonderful. 383 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,749 He sits at the head of the table. 384 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,918 Well, Dorothy, he's comfortable there. 385 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,288 I-I don't really think it makes all that big a difference. 386 00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:20,992 Well, I only figured that the head of the household 387 00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:23,928 should sit at the head of the table. That's it. 388 00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:26,764 It doesn't matter where anyone sits 389 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:29,300 and we all know who the head of this household is. 390 00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:31,169 - Juice? - Yeah. 391 00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:33,938 Oh, how about some of those Belgian waffles 392 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,940 with the sugar sprinkled on them? 393 00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:38,676 - You know how I like them. - We're having pancakes, okay? 394 00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,611 Fine. If that's all we've got. 395 00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,513 He sits at the head of the table 396 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:45,116 he decides what you're gonna have for breakfast. 397 00:19:45,118 --> 00:19:48,819 This little mop from the moon is running your house. 398 00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:51,355 Mop from the.. Mop from the moon? 399 00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:53,791 How could you be so ignorant? 400 00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:57,662 There are no mops on the moon. Ha! 401 00:19:57,664 --> 00:20:00,565 I didn't mean that literally. 402 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:03,401 I meant that as an insult! 403 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:04,969 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 404 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:07,705 Well, if I had a straw and a napkin 405 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,641 I would fill you so full of spitballs.. 406 00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,810 Do you hear how he's talking to me? 407 00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:15,479 Listen, either she goes, or I go. 408 00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:17,148 Which is it, Kate? 409 00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:22,153 Well, do you actually have to think about this? 410 00:20:22,155 --> 00:20:24,322 No. Yes! 411 00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:26,591 Wait a minute, wait, wait. 412 00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:30,361 Nobody is leaving and nobody is staying. 413 00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:32,029 Good strong stand, Willie. 414 00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:36,267 No wonder you don't sit at the head of the table. 415 00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:38,936 Well, I never thought my own daughter 416 00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:40,338 would wanna throw me out of her house. 417 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:43,074 Grandma, no one's throwing you out. 418 00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:45,576 You have wanted me to leave ever since I got here. 419 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,278 - You got that right. - 'ALF!' 420 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,412 Well, it's true. 421 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:52,283 Would you just stay out of this, please? 422 00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:53,618 Is that true, Kate? 423 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:54,852 Tell her. 424 00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:56,787 [sighs] 425 00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:59,690 Yes. Yes, it is true. 426 00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:02,426 Kate, a little less direct. 427 00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:04,629 Mom, you drive me crazy. 428 00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:06,530 You come into my house, you take over 429 00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:09,800 you make me feel like I can't do anything right. 430 00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:11,402 Well, I.. 431 00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:13,704 I...don't do that. 432 00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:15,539 - Yes, you do. - ALF! 433 00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:16,807 What? 434 00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:19,410 You have turned my daughter against me! 435 00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:23,414 You have used some cosmic powers to take over her brain! 436 00:21:23,416 --> 00:21:25,883 Grandma, no one's been brainwashed. 437 00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:28,753 Mom has felt like this for a long time. 438 00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:30,788 She was just afraid to tell you. 439 00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,456 You know, this is your fault! 440 00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:35,126 You are responsible for this whole thing! 441 00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:38,396 I make things happen, I'm a catalyst. 442 00:21:40,099 --> 00:21:41,399 - Listen to me, mom. - Tsk. 443 00:21:41,401 --> 00:21:44,302 Listen. I love you. 444 00:21:44,304 --> 00:21:47,338 But this is our house.. 445 00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:49,307 ...and as long as you wanna be in this house 446 00:21:49,309 --> 00:21:51,842 you're going to have to follow some rules. 447 00:21:53,613 --> 00:21:55,613 What, what kind of rules? 448 00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:59,116 Uh, no going for rides in the dryer. 449 00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:01,919 No chewing on any part of Lucky's body. 450 00:22:01,921 --> 00:22:04,322 ALF, those rules only apply to you. 451 00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:08,492 Not fair. Why does she get to chew on Lucky? 452 00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:11,295 She doesn't. She doesn't. 453 00:22:11,297 --> 00:22:15,433 Uh, the rule was, no going for rides in any appliance. 454 00:22:17,804 --> 00:22:19,203 Well, look, you know, I don't know 455 00:22:19,205 --> 00:22:21,505 if I can memorize the whole bunch of rules. 456 00:22:21,507 --> 00:22:24,175 There's only one rule that's really important. 457 00:22:24,177 --> 00:22:26,944 Treat your daughter like an adult. 458 00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:29,213 You did a wonderful job of raising me 459 00:22:29,215 --> 00:22:32,650 why don't you trust me to do the same? 460 00:22:32,652 --> 00:22:35,619 Oh, Katie, I do trust you. 461 00:22:35,621 --> 00:22:38,689 I don't. I-I will. I want to. 462 00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:41,125 I-I love you.. I'm sorry. 463 00:22:41,127 --> 00:22:44,128 I.. Just tell me. Tell me what you want me to do. 464 00:22:44,130 --> 00:22:47,732 - Oh. - Just mellow out, granny. 465 00:22:47,734 --> 00:22:49,467 Come on. 466 00:22:49,469 --> 00:22:51,035 Let's have breakfast, huh? 467 00:22:51,037 --> 00:22:54,505 Great. I'll make breakfast. 468 00:22:54,507 --> 00:22:56,006 Mom.. 469 00:22:56,008 --> 00:22:57,575 ...I'll make breakfast. 470 00:22:57,577 --> 00:23:00,711 Oh, honey, every time you make pancakes, they come out watery. 471 00:23:00,713 --> 00:23:03,514 What? Mom.. 472 00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:08,552 Yes. Okay. Right. 473 00:23:08,554 --> 00:23:10,221 I'll just go sit down.. 474 00:23:12,392 --> 00:23:14,592 ...way over here. 475 00:23:14,594 --> 00:23:15,893 [instrumental music] 476 00:23:22,268 --> 00:23:24,068 Here you are, Brian, try this on. 477 00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:27,071 Oh, no, not another gift! 478 00:23:27,073 --> 00:23:29,206 What are you trying to do, buy the kid off? 479 00:23:29,208 --> 00:23:33,077 - It's too big, grandma. - You'll grow into it. 480 00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:36,347 Until then, Willie could use it as a car cover. 481 00:23:36,349 --> 00:23:38,449 Ha ha! 482 00:23:38,451 --> 00:23:41,552 Oh, sure. Go ahead, make jokes 483 00:23:41,554 --> 00:23:44,121 and after I made you a gift. 484 00:23:44,123 --> 00:23:46,991 A gift for me? Let me see. Let me see. 485 00:23:48,027 --> 00:23:50,361 What is it? 486 00:23:50,363 --> 00:23:52,563 A muzzle! 487 00:23:52,565 --> 00:23:55,032 Ha ha! 488 00:23:55,034 --> 00:23:57,101 Very funny, very funny. 489 00:24:04,710 --> 00:24:06,043 [theme music] 490 00:24:32,572 --> 00:24:34,338 Ha ha!