1
00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:03,202
[baby crying]

2
00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:05,237
Aw! Shh.

3
00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:08,173
Eric, don't. Don't.

4
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:10,943
Don't cry. Daddy's here.

5
00:00:10,945 --> 00:00:12,478
Look at this face.

6
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:14,613
Look at this funny face.

7
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:25,924
A Roseanne Barr impression's
only gonna anger him more.

8
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:30,963
I'm not impersonating
Roseanne Barr.

9
00:00:30,965 --> 00:00:32,631
Dom DeLuise.

10
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:35,401
I'm not impersonating anyone.

11
00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:38,404
I'm trying to get
Eric to stop crying.

12
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:41,073
Have you tried leaving the room?

13
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:43,242
Ha! Lighten up, Willie, huh?

14
00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:45,611
Borrow a sense of humor, man.

15
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:48,914
I'm not in the mood
right now, okay?

16
00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:50,249
You want me to get him to stop?

17
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:53,619
No, no. Sometimes
babies need to cry.

18
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:57,656
They just need to
exercise their lungs.

19
00:00:57,658 --> 00:01:01,226
Oh, why, that's fascinating.

20
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:03,228
[baby cries loudly]

21
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,997
Quiet!

22
00:01:04,999 --> 00:01:06,165
[baby laughs]

23
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,699
It's all in the delivery.

24
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:10,002
If you need me,
I'll be in the fridge.

25
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:13,672
[theme music]

26
00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:20,806
So you played Tevye's wife
in "Fiddler On The Roof."

27
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:23,142
Well, if those aren't
babysitting credentials

28
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:25,177
I don't know what are.

29
00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:27,913
Thank you.

30
00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:29,314
[sighs]

31
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,550
I can't stand it when they cry.

32
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,352
Could you make it stop?

33
00:02:35,022 --> 00:02:36,255
[chuckles]

34
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:38,423
- My husband's with him.
- Okay.

35
00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:40,159
Well, I think I know
everything I need to know.

36
00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:42,294
Thank you so much for coming by.

37
00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:46,331
Oh, if it's the crying thing,
I can wear my Walkman.

38
00:02:48,102 --> 00:02:49,568
Goodbye.

39
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:52,404
And hope you get that part on
"Munsters" today.

40
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:58,177
[sighs]

41
00:02:58,179 --> 00:02:59,378
[baby crying]

42
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:00,646
What's for dinner?

43
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:03,715
Oh, ALF, you just had lunch.

44
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:06,285
Your dinners
highlight my day, Kate.

45
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,954
But then again, I have no life.

46
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:14,193
- Any luck?
- No.

47
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:16,662
You know what I'd love
to have for dinner tonight?

48
00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:17,963
I guess I'm just gonna
have to tell my boss

49
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,565
that I can't show
any more houses

50
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,934
until we get a babysitter.

51
00:03:21,936 --> 00:03:23,869
Pork chops.

52
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:27,639
Don't worry,
we'll find somebody.

53
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,508
Maybe a nice ham.

54
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,277
You think we're
offering too little?

55
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:36,148
Maybe we should be paying
more than $6.00 an hour.

56
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:38,383
Hey, hold it! Flag on the play.

57
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,419
You're paying these people?

58
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,954
I'll do it.

59
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:46,425
Did you call all
the college papers..

60
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,060
- Of course.
- And every college--

61
00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:49,928
Perhaps you didn't hear me.

62
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:52,264
Thus, I'll say it again.

63
00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:54,600
I'll baby-sit.

64
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,301
Uh.. No, I don't think so, ALF.

65
00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:59,438
It's nothing
personal, it's just..

66
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,840
Well, I guess it is personal.

67
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,376
Call us crazy, ALF.

68
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,777
Uh, we just feel that

69
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,512
we should have a
human babysitter

70
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:11,250
what with Eric
being human and all.

71
00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:12,618
Oh, I see.

72
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,653
And have you thought
about what happens to me

73
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,822
while that human babysitter

74
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:19,124
rummages through my fridge?

75
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,159
What do you mean, "your fridge?"

76
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:23,028
Okay, it's your fridge.

77
00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:25,864
But the fuzz in the
meat drawer is mine.

78
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,601
When the babysitter's here

79
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,370
you're gonna have
to be in the attic.

80
00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:32,971
Oh, great, prison.

81
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:36,475
Why don't you just
stick me in a sweatbox?

82
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,043
We're all making
adjustments, ALF.

83
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:40,646
You're not gonna be
up there all that much.

84
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:43,515
Attica! Attica! Attica!

85
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:45,017
ALF, cut the dramatics.

86
00:04:45,019 --> 00:04:47,653
I'm just gonna be
working part-time.

87
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:50,689
But I've got an instinctive
rapport with kids.

88
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:53,792
It's a gift that all
Melmacians share.

89
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,527
That and the
ability to suck milk

90
00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:58,096
through our noses.

91
00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:02,200
My...you are blessed,
aren't you?

92
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:04,236
As passionate as your
argument sounds, ALF

93
00:05:04,238 --> 00:05:06,605
the answer's still no.

94
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:09,007
But why? Why?

95
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,375
Why?

96
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:13,312
Because you're irresponsible.

97
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:14,579
You trash the house.

98
00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:15,714
You flooded the living room.

99
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:17,449
You wallpapered the shower.

100
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:19,985
It was a rhetorical question.

101
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,621
[instrumental music]

102
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,224
Okay.

103
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:29,127
Aw, there you go.

104
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,396
There you go.

105
00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:33,298
There you go.

106
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,701
Aw, there's nothing
more beautiful

107
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:37,035
than the sight of a mother

108
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,638
holding her
freshly-swaddled babe

109
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:40,872
to her bosom.

110
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:43,375
Leave my bosom out of this, ALF.

111
00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:44,910
You're not babysitting Eric.

112
00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:47,179
- Any luck?
- No.

113
00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:49,748
No, I've, I've draped him
over my shoulder

114
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,383
I've laid him across my lap

115
00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:52,551
I've bounced him.

116
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,920
Eric just doesn't want to burp.

117
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:57,723
Hey, mind if I show you a trick?

118
00:05:57,725 --> 00:05:59,591
The last time you
showed me a trick

119
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,126
it took three weeks
for my eyebrows

120
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:03,295
to grow back.

121
00:06:03,297 --> 00:06:06,264
I told you not to lean in.

122
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:09,935
Come on, now. At no time will
the baby leave my hands.

123
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:11,937
Spot him, Lynn.

124
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,640
Hey, Eric, how you doing?

125
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:18,677
Having a little
gassy backup today?

126
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:20,011
[baby burps]

127
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:21,346
Huzza, huzza.

128
00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:24,416
Who was that masked man?

129
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:25,550
Next case.

130
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,819
Whoo-hoo! Broccoli.

131
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,488
So, did I prove my point?

132
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:32,124
That could have been
a coincidence.

133
00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:33,225
So when do I start?

134
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:35,460
By the way,
Thursdays are bad for me.

135
00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:37,562
I do tai chi.

136
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,431
Granted, ALF,
you give good burp

137
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:40,665
but that doesn't qualify you

138
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,634
to take care of an infant.

139
00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:44,102
Kate, it can't be any different

140
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:46,772
than taking care of my
younger brother and sister.

141
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:49,608
And they had 16
stomachs between them

142
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,243
and one bathroom.

143
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,211
Think about it.

144
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,848
[instrumental music]

145
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:03,188
Oh, ALF would you heat
the baby's formula for me?

146
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:05,457
What do you need
formula for, Kate?

147
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:06,925
Tapped out?

148
00:07:08,162 --> 00:07:09,394
Never mind, I'll do it.

149
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:11,430
And thanks for not
being petty about this, ALF.

150
00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:13,365
Oh, now I'm being petty.

151
00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:16,134
I'm petty and irresponsible.

152
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:18,737
You know, in time,
this could become annoying.

153
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:22,340
Now I'm petty,
irresponsible, and annoying.

154
00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:25,377
The mud is being slung today.

155
00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:27,279
[telephone rings]

156
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:33,752
Hello.
Oh, hello, Mr. Donovan.

157
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:36,822
Oh, the property on
Waverly place right now?

158
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,256
Oh, uh, well, gee.

159
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:41,560
This is not really a
convenient time for..

160
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:43,895
Oh, that's pretty heavy
wording there, sir.

161
00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:47,265
But I-I don't see
how I could possibly..

162
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,067
Oh, there you go again.

163
00:07:50,404 --> 00:07:51,937
Well, no, no. Of course
I don't want to lose a sale

164
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:54,306
when it's this close,
it's just that..

165
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,710
Tell him I'll be
there in 15 minutes.

166
00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:00,245
I'd ask you
what you're gonna do

167
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,914
but that would be petty,
annoying, and irresponsible.

168
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:05,617
Not to mention nosy.

169
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:07,986
Don't be smug.
I'll call Mrs. Ochmonek.

170
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,055
[imitates buzzer]
Wrong answer.

171
00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:13,358
Oh, I'm sorry.
That was annoying, wasn't it?

172
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,160
They're on vacation.

173
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,964
Um.. Alright,
I'll call Mrs. Carlson.

174
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:22,601
The woman who stands on corners
and yells at buses?

175
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,669
A wise choice.

176
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,973
Right, right.

177
00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:31,443
Uh, there's Mrs. Applebaum.

178
00:08:31,445 --> 00:08:32,811
Don't you remember?

179
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:37,449
She's out becoming
Mr. Applebaum.

180
00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:40,051
Oh, that's right.
I forgot to send flowers.

181
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:43,021
Too late for that.
Send her some aftershave.

182
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:45,557
Oh, I can't get
a hold of Lynnie.

183
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,459
She's still in school.
Um..

184
00:08:47,461 --> 00:08:48,927
I'm here.

185
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:52,264
Oh, alright, ALF. Will..

186
00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:53,665
Will you baby-sit Eric?

187
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,267
No, I'm busy.

188
00:08:55,269 --> 00:08:58,069
Of course I will,
you silly ninny.

189
00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,471
Ha ha!

190
00:08:59,473 --> 00:09:00,705
ALF, listen

191
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:01,773
all the important
telephone numbers

192
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,108
are right there by the phone.

193
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,242
No!

194
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:08,246
I will be back in 45
minutes, alright?

195
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,248
In 40 minutes.

196
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,384
Give Eric his formula when
it's warm. Can you do that?

197
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,619
Kate, don't worry. Go.

198
00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:15,987
Do the American thing

199
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:19,257
and put your career
ahead of your family.

200
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:21,192
Okay, okay,
I'm not a bad mother.

201
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:22,694
I love my child.

202
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,029
I love my child.

203
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:27,732
ALF, I will be
back in 25 minutes.

204
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,037
In 20 minutes.

205
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,339
Heh.

206
00:09:36,310 --> 00:09:38,343
(woman on TV)
'Charles, where are you?'

207
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:40,245
'Can you give me a hand
in the kitchen?'

208
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:43,315
(Charles)
'In a second. I've got a couple
of girls to look after.'

209
00:09:43,317 --> 00:09:45,917
(woman on TV)
'Don't you mean women, Charles?'

210
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:49,821
Whoo-ho! Pfft!
You low bro.

211
00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:52,657
[baby crying]

212
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:54,526
Oh, great timing.

213
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,496
I'm coming. I'm coming.

214
00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:02,200
Lets got bail.
He's the next Tony Denzel.

215
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:06,638
[crying]

216
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,173
Hey, hey, hey!

217
00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:11,042
What's the matter, little guy?

218
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,143
[sniffs]

219
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,078
Whoa!

220
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,347
Sorry, Los Angeles.

221
00:10:15,349 --> 00:10:17,349
Phew!

222
00:10:17,351 --> 00:10:19,351
Alright, I might
be a little rusty.

223
00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:21,219
First the easy part.

224
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:26,224
[crying continues]

225
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:31,463
Whoa!
Number two with a bullet.

226
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:36,701
Alright, let me just
swab the deck, okay?

227
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:38,303
The old swabber.

228
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,571
[baby laughs]

229
00:10:39,573 --> 00:10:40,839
There you go.

230
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,240
Yeah, yeah.

231
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:45,143
Now a, a little powder
under your tush.

232
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,547
[coughs]

233
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,349
Alright, here we go.

234
00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:55,453
[baby coughing]

235
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:59,557
A little powder under my tush.

236
00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,126
Yeah.

237
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:06,831
Okay, now, a nice, clean diapie.

238
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,635
[baby coos]

239
00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:13,505
Try to keep it that way.

240
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,640
[baby sneezes]

241
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:17,108
You know, this isn't so bad.

242
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:18,977
'I know I feel better.'

243
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,014
Yeah, you're a happy guy,
aren't you?

244
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,817
[baby laughs]
Yes, okay.

245
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:27,786
You amuse yourself

246
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:31,022
while I bury this bomb.

247
00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:35,560
Clear the area.

248
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:38,129
Coming through. Watch your back.

249
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,833
I can't believe you
forgot your mitt.

250
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:44,569
They never play me anyway.

251
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:46,337
Here, catch.

252
00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:49,374
Better.

253
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:52,510
I'm gonna go get Eric.

254
00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:54,012
ALF!

255
00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:59,851
ALF!

256
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:01,486
Hm! I can't find ALF.

257
00:12:01,488 --> 00:12:03,822
He's probably
somewhere out back.

258
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:04,923
Hey, sweetie.

259
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,725
Oh! You want out? You want out?

260
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:09,160
[baby cooing]

261
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:13,531
Brian, tell ALF that mom called

262
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:14,899
and asked me to get Eric.

263
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:18,470
And you might want to take
the price tag off the mitt.

264
00:12:18,472 --> 00:12:19,738
And hurry.

265
00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:21,139
Yes, your heinie.

266
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:23,341
(Lynn)
'I heard that.'

267
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:24,909
[car horn honks]

268
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,711
ALF, we took the baby!

269
00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:27,946
[honk]

270
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:30,148
I'm coming. I'm coming.

271
00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:33,785
[car engine starts]

272
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:37,689
Well, that should take
care of the pesky gophers.

273
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:40,759
Eric, I'm back!

274
00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:43,461
Did you have time to reload?

275
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,497
Eric?

276
00:12:45,499 --> 00:12:46,898
Eric!

277
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:47,899
Eric!

278
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,033
Eric!

279
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:51,569
Oh, he's gone!

280
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:52,837
What have I done?

281
00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:54,105
Eric!

282
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:58,943
Well, so much for
keeping my powder dry.

283
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,546
Eric!

284
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:08,253
(ALF)
Okay, operator,
then how about this?

285
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:11,990
The baby got zapped
into a parallel universe!

286
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:14,225
I've seen it happen.

287
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:17,629
A crank? Do I sound
like a crank, huh?

288
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:18,863
[door rattles]

289
00:13:18,865 --> 00:13:19,931
Uh-oh, that must be Willie.

290
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:22,066
I'll call you right back.

291
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,070
Hi, ALF.

292
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:27,605
Oh, hi, Willie.

293
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,575
I didn't see you come in.
How was your day?

294
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:32,610
Mm. Don't ask.

295
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:35,079
I won't if you won't.

296
00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:37,148
Oh, right. What've you done?

297
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:40,251
And what's it going to cost me?

298
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,754
Well, you see, Willie,
that's the beauty of it.

299
00:13:42,756 --> 00:13:46,891
In the long-run,
it's gonna save you money.

300
00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:48,726
Oh.

301
00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:51,095
You mean you did do something?

302
00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:54,032
I may have. I don't know.

303
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:56,467
That's where you come in.

304
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:59,804
Where's Kate?
I want her to tell me.

305
00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:01,039
She doesn't know yet.

306
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:02,240
She jumped off the mommy track

307
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,375
and went to show some property.

308
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:07,011
Well, who did she
leave the baby with?

309
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,379
Me.

310
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,215
Oh..

311
00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:12,650
So, you wanna split a fifth?

312
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,521
What I want is to..

313
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:17,889
...check on Eric.

314
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,157
Fine. Go ahead.

315
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:22,293
But whatever you do,
don't go in the kitchen.

316
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,062
[hisses]

317
00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:36,040
Eric! Eric, you get back
in this dimension

318
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,809
right now, buster!

319
00:14:37,811 --> 00:14:40,211
I mean it. Where are you?

320
00:14:57,831 --> 00:15:00,064
This kitchen's fine.

321
00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:03,601
Now I am scared.

322
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:08,106
(ALF)
Eric! Eric, are you up here?

323
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:11,209
Eric,
this isn't funny anymore.

324
00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,811
Uh..

325
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:14,979
ALF!

326
00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:17,282
Oh, hi, Willie.

327
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:19,884
Whatever you do, don't go
to the Chrysler Building

328
00:15:19,886 --> 00:15:22,120
in New York.

329
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:24,355
What are you
doing in the chimney?

330
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:26,357
(ALF)
Well, it has nothing
to do with Eric

331
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,226
if that's what
you're getting at.

332
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:36,200
Willie! Willie!
Can you get me out of here?

333
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:44,876
(ALF)
'Willie?'

334
00:15:44,878 --> 00:15:46,978
Where is he?

335
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,546
So you don't see him either?

336
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:52,617
Good. We're finally
getting somewhere.

337
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,018
ALF!

338
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,753
I don't know, Willie!

339
00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:57,689
He disappeared!

340
00:15:57,691 --> 00:16:00,058
Disappeared?
What are you talking about?

341
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,826
I don't know
what I'm talking about!

342
00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:04,295
That's what I'm talking about.

343
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,230
Did you check the house?

344
00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:08,933
Eric!
Eric, it's dad.

345
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,835
I looked everywhere, Willie.

346
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:12,270
I'm sorry!

347
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:13,972
I'm sorry!

348
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:16,174
I just wanted to do good.

349
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:18,810
I just wanted to make $6.00.

350
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:24,782
Alright, let's take this
one step at a time.

351
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:27,485
When was the last
time you saw him?

352
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,287
When I changed his diaper.

353
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:31,289
I took it outside to bury it.

354
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:34,525
When I came back, he was gone.

355
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:38,229
Is it possible you
took him with you?

356
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:39,931
Well, it was a
pretty heavy diaper.

357
00:16:39,933 --> 00:16:43,201
But...no. Could I?

358
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:47,238
Oh, Lord.

359
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:50,675
Eric!

360
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,010
Eric!

361
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:53,277
Oh, ALF, give up.

362
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:56,280
He's obviously not out here.

363
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:58,483
This is not happening to me.

364
00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:02,553
There's got to be some
logical explanation.

365
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:03,821
Maybe..

366
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:06,224
...a dingo took your baby.

367
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:08,626
It happened to Meryl Streep.

368
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,496
Maybe he was crying, right?

369
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:14,599
And you picked up and walked him
around to settle him

370
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:18,603
put him down somewhere
and don't remember where.

371
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:21,339
Willie, you're grasping
at straws.

372
00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:24,842
I'm calling the police.

373
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,244
I'm sorry.

374
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:29,113
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

375
00:17:29,115 --> 00:17:31,482
Would it help if I apologize?

376
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:34,786
Eric!

377
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:39,991
Operator, could
you get me 911 quick?

378
00:17:39,993 --> 00:17:43,361
Oh, of course I realize
I could've dialed that myself.

379
00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:46,864
So you can dial it for me.

380
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:50,835
Which way do you
think will be faster?

381
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:53,004
Please take control.

382
00:17:53,006 --> 00:17:55,139
Oh, thank you.

383
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:57,408
And you.

384
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,143
Did they find him?

385
00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:01,245
Uh, I'm on hold.

386
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:03,314
Oh, what's gonna happen to me?

387
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:05,183
I'll probably get the chair.

388
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,051
I don't want to die, Willie.

389
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:09,287
But mostly, I don't like pain.

390
00:18:10,824 --> 00:18:12,156
Hello, 911

391
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:14,025
I want to report a missing baby.

392
00:18:14,027 --> 00:18:15,426
You've got to find him, please.

393
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,195
H-he's only six months old.

394
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:18,463
He's out there. He's all alone.

395
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,765
He's scared. He's vulnera..

396
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:25,036
Can I call you right back?

397
00:18:25,038 --> 00:18:27,004
Uh-oh.

398
00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:28,906
Stay put.

399
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,541
Hi, honey.

400
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,310
Who was that on the phone?

401
00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:36,981
I have something very serious
to tell you, Kate.

402
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:38,216
Whatever you do, Kate

403
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,817
don't go to the
Chrysler Building

404
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:42,720
in New York.

405
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:45,523
What has he done, and how much
is it going to cost us?

406
00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,530
I don't know how to say this.

407
00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:55,933
Willie, what..
Is it my mother?

408
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:57,902
We should be so lucky.

409
00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:01,772
Sit down.

410
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:06,711
I can't find Eric. He's missing.
I've looked everywhere.

411
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:09,747
Oh, honey, Eric is with us.

412
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,349
[door opens]

413
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:12,617
Hi.

414
00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:13,851
Eric!

415
00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:16,787
Oh!

416
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:17,955
Eric!

417
00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:20,458
How come you never
greet me like that?

418
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,693
Oh, Lynn.

419
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:26,597
Lynn, you wouldn't
believe what happened here.

420
00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:29,934
What did ALF do, and how much
is it going to cost us?

421
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:33,804
We thought he
lost our little Eric.

422
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:37,742
It would've cost him his life.

423
00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:40,211
Isn't that the silliest thing?

424
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:42,313
[baby coos]

425
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:45,216
Look at this. ALF, he's safe.

426
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:48,819
He's safe, isn't that wonderful?

427
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:51,856
Hey, Eric, if I wasn't
doing a good job

428
00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:52,957
you should've told me

429
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:57,228
instead of hopping the
first dingo out of here.

430
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,763
ALF, that isn't what happened.

431
00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:00,398
I got a hold of
Lynn after school

432
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,732
and asked her to
take Eric with her

433
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:03,868
over to Brian's baseball game.

434
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:06,771
I told Brian to
tell you. Didn't he?

435
00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:10,908
Oh, yeah. Obviously he did,
and it slipped my mind.

436
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:14,645
Oh, my gosh. What you guys
must've gone through here.

437
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:18,683
Oh, well, I'm just
grateful it's over.

438
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:21,485
Hey, why don't you tell her
how you really feel, Willie?

439
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:24,589
Go ahead, give it to her good.

440
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:26,958
That is how I really feel.

441
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:30,161
Oh, then while
that dust settles

442
00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:33,097
I'd like to say something, Kate.

443
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:34,432
Okay.

444
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:36,801
Contrary to what
you people must think

445
00:20:36,803 --> 00:20:38,436
I have feelings.

446
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:41,472
I cried during terms
of endearment.

447
00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:43,774
Although I thought
it was manipulative

448
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:46,611
it touched me just the same.

449
00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:49,680
You also cried
during "Caddyshack II."

450
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:51,849
But for different reasons.

451
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:54,485
Anyway, while you were
out showing real estate

452
00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:56,621
I dropped half my body fluid

453
00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:59,790
not that it matters to you.

454
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:02,326
Well, I had no idea, ALF.

455
00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:04,762
I mopped it up.

456
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:05,863
Thank you.

457
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:08,399
And here's the
real coupe de ville

458
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:10,268
you fired me without
even giving me

459
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,737
the chance to prove myself.

460
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:14,038
And this was one
of the few times

461
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:17,808
I didn't mess up.
Way to trust.

462
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:19,910
I've been unfair to you, ALF.

463
00:21:19,912 --> 00:21:21,579
Hey, I was doing
a really good job

464
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,781
before you pulled the rug out.

465
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,750
Will you give us another chance?

466
00:21:25,752 --> 00:21:27,985
Not for six bucks an hour

467
00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:29,387
but we'll talk.

468
00:21:29,389 --> 00:21:31,155
[baby coos]

469
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:36,560
[instrumental music]

470
00:21:37,363 --> 00:21:39,030
[snoring]

471
00:21:39,032 --> 00:21:40,698
[baby cooing]

472
00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:44,001
- Willie, what time does..
- Shh, Kate.

473
00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:45,670
Look at this.

474
00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:50,608
Oh, it's so cute, honey.

475
00:21:50,610 --> 00:21:52,076
(Willie)
You think the day will ever come

476
00:21:52,078 --> 00:21:55,279
that he'll be able to
walk out of here unafraid?

477
00:21:55,281 --> 00:21:57,848
Won't have to hide anymore?

478
00:21:57,850 --> 00:22:02,353
I hope so.
It's what keeps me going.

479
00:22:02,355 --> 00:22:04,021
Come on, let's get
your jammies on.

480
00:22:04,023 --> 00:22:06,457
Let's get your jammies on.
Daddy's going to come, too.

481
00:22:06,459 --> 00:22:08,726
Yeah. Yeah.

482
00:22:12,031 --> 00:22:13,564
[yawns]

483
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:15,599
Ah!
Oh, sorry, Eric.

484
00:22:15,601 --> 00:22:18,402
I must've dozed off.

485
00:22:18,404 --> 00:22:20,071
Eric!

486
00:22:20,073 --> 00:22:21,505
Eric!

487
00:22:21,507 --> 00:22:24,275
Oh, no! Not again!

488
00:22:24,277 --> 00:22:26,877
What are the odds?

489
00:22:26,879 --> 00:22:28,646
Got to get that kid a beeper.

490
00:22:30,116 --> 00:22:32,249
[instrumental music]

491
00:22:34,087 --> 00:22:36,087
[theme music]

492
00:23:02,148 --> 00:23:03,814
[laughing]