1
00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:03,802
[cow mooing on TV]

2
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:05,537
Mind if I change the channel?

3
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:07,506
Shh, I'm watching something.

4
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,608
Thanks. You're a champ.
Hand me the remote.

5
00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:13,012
- No.
- But I've seen this before.

6
00:00:13,014 --> 00:00:18,517
The guy gets gang-hoofed by
a bunch of really stupid cows.

7
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:22,187
- ALF.
- Okay, they're smart cows.

8
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,657
They just freak in large groups.

9
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,092
Would you be quiet?

10
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:28,360
You're not getting your way

11
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,596
just because you spoiled
the end of my movie.

12
00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:32,031
I didn't spoil it.

13
00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:34,533
It ends with his girlfriend
going insane

14
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,369
and singing about corn.

15
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,139
It was Shelley Winters'
finest moment.

16
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:44,810
- ALF!
- But "Crime Stoppers" is on.

17
00:00:44,812 --> 00:00:48,747
I am not watching
"Crime Stoppers" again.

18
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,749
What's wrong with a show
that asks its viewers

19
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:54,119
to hunt down dangerous felons
for a buck?

20
00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:56,155
It's base and demeaning.

21
00:00:57,525 --> 00:01:01,960
Well, excuse me,
Miss Brideshead Revisited.

22
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:05,064
Okay. Here. You win.

23
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:07,066
You always win.

24
00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:09,301
[changing channels]

25
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:11,370
Nice kid,
but she's got no taste.

26
00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:14,706
Our next suspect has left
a trail of broken hearts

27
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:18,544
and empty bank accounts,
all across this country.

28
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,746
Not another TV evangelist.

29
00:01:22,016 --> 00:01:25,084
Our suspect is wanted
for polygamy and fraud.

30
00:01:25,086 --> 00:01:27,719
He was last seen in Tallahassee
seven years ago

31
00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:30,422
'after marrying at least
eight different women'

32
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,657
'and bilking them out of'

33
00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:34,126
hundreds of thousands
of dollars.

34
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,994
Have you seen him?

35
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,729
Yeah!

36
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:40,399
He's in the kitchen.

37
00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:43,602
[theme music]

38
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,869
[music continues]

39
00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:43,829
[instrumental music]

40
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:48,600
Victims who have come forward
have described our suspect

41
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:52,371
as anything from boring
to nondescript.

42
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:56,275
I knew it. I knew it. I knew
Willie was hiding something.

43
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:57,809
The way he keeps to himself

44
00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:01,013
pretending he doesn't enjoy
our company.

45
00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:02,981
But I always thought
if Willie was a criminal

46
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:06,852
he'd be one of those
quiet sniper types.

47
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:10,155
(man on TV)
'The state of Florida
is offering a $10,000 reward'

48
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,724
'for information
leading to his capture.'

49
00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,961
Do you really think it's Willie?

50
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,230
Well, add up the clues.
Look at the guy.

51
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:22,701
Same weak chin, same
high forehead, same slopy eyes.

52
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,205
Apparently, some women found it
a noble chin

53
00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:30,175
a classic forehead
and bedroom eyes.

54
00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:32,477
What are you,
starting to fall for him?

55
00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:35,214
No, honey. However, if he is
the man they're looking for

56
00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:38,116
he must have something
women want.

57
00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:39,885
And maybe,
if you asked Willie nicely

58
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:42,521
he'd show you what it is.

59
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:43,989
What's that supposed to mean?

60
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:45,958
Well, it wouldn't hurt
for you to learn something

61
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,993
about romancing
the opposite sex.

62
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:50,629
I'm already married.
Why bother?

63
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:53,632
- You're such a lug.
- Oh, yeah?

64
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:57,536
Well, maybe this lug is just
gonna call that 800 number

65
00:03:57,538 --> 00:04:01,240
and claim his $10,000 reward.

66
00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:04,409
Willie Tanner, or whoever he is
this week, is our friend.

67
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:09,281
He has never done anything
to us, and particularly to me.

68
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:12,684
And until he does,
we're gonna leave him alone.

69
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:17,923
(man on TV)
'If you have any information
on our suspect'

70
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:21,026
we ask that you
not confront him directly.

71
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:25,464
Warning a suspect will likely
put him back on the run.

72
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:27,532
I can't believe it!

73
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:30,602
My Willie, a stud?

74
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,004
Yeah!

75
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:36,942
But what if Willie is this guy?

76
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:40,379
Will I turn him in or hide him?

77
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:43,849
The high road or the low road?

78
00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:47,052
Oh, why can't things
ever be black or white?

79
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:50,155
Hi, ALF.
What you watchin'?

80
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:52,157
Uh, nothing that had to do
with your father

81
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:54,259
if that's what you're implying.

82
00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:56,895
- Okay.
- But since you brought it up..

83
00:04:56,897 --> 00:05:00,432
- How is your father?
- I guess he's fine.

84
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:03,502
You have any brothers or sisters
you don't know about?

85
00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:06,905
ALF, have you been hitting
the catnip again?

86
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,774
No, I'm fine, I'm fine.

87
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:12,644
Just wanna know, how long have
you known your cad? Dad, dad!

88
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:15,914
- All my life, I guess.
- Is that right.

89
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,716
What about when you were
between the ages

90
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:20,519
of, say, zero and three?

91
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,554
Those years
are pretty much a blur.

92
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:25,791
Ah-ha! So it's possible!

93
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,225
He may have gone on side trips

94
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:30,429
to a place called Tallahassee,
for instance.

95
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,132
Lynn's here. Can I go now?

96
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:36,401
Yeah. Nice jawing with ya.

97
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:40,305
- What's with him?
- Beats me.

98
00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:42,908
He's been acting
really weird lately.

99
00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:45,043
- Hey, Lynn.
- Hmm?

100
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:48,113
Has your father ever left
for long periods of time

101
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:50,349
then come back with less energy

102
00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:54,753
pockets full of money,
and a big smile on his face?

103
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:58,056
Why didn't I go away to college?

104
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,425
Well, the kids are a wash.

105
00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:04,062
And I can't ask Willie about it
or he'll skip town

106
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:08,900
leaving me with Kate,
a woman scorned.

107
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:13,305
Well, at least there'd be
no personality change.

108
00:06:13,307 --> 00:06:16,174
[instrumental music]

109
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,853
Catching a few Z's?

110
00:06:29,323 --> 00:06:31,957
- Not at the moment.
- Oh.

111
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:33,892
Well, since you're having
trouble sleeping

112
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:37,028
have you ever thought
about changing your appearance?

113
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:40,699
[sighs]
No, I haven't.

114
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:42,234
Go away.

115
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,377
- ALF?
- Yeah?

116
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:56,848
Why did you just put
a wig on my head?

117
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,550
Pretty natural, huh?

118
00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:03,288
Why are you doing this to me?

119
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:08,026
You know what they say, Willie,
it's the wig that makes the man.

120
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,095
I'm not wearing a wig.

121
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:14,466
- Certainly not that one.
- Okay.

122
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:17,269
Then perhaps these glasses
would enhance

123
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:20,705
your already
ruggedly-handsome face

124
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:23,675
- ALF.
- Alright, then try these.

125
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:27,579
You know what they say
about men with big ears..

126
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:32,317
What-what are you doing
with all this stuff?

127
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:36,855
Well, you wanna look dapper
for that cruise, don't you?

128
00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:39,558
- Cruise?
- Yes, Willie Tanner.

129
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:43,428
You have won a luxury cruise
to the Bahamas!

130
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:44,930
A cruise?

131
00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:48,600
You mean you won
a radio contest or something?

132
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,402
Yeah, that works.

133
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:55,173
Of course, it doesn't include
airfare, meals, gratuities

134
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:57,542
or the actual cruise itself.

135
00:07:57,544 --> 00:08:00,445
Go out the back way.

136
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:04,115
The only place I'm going
is to take a nap.

137
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:08,453
Good, then wear the ears.
You'll sleep better.

138
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,024
[telephone ringing]

139
00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,864
Hello?

140
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:21,399
Willie? Uh..

141
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:24,603
No, Willie doesn't
live here anymore.

142
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:30,041
He's, uh, he's in the Bahamas,
diving for spare change.

143
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:33,245
Hey, he's
following his dream. Bye.

144
00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:39,784
- Who were you just talking to?
- Uh, no one.

145
00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:41,620
I know what you were doing,
you were checking up

146
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:43,154
on Willie, weren't you?

147
00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:45,056
So what if I was?

148
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:48,126
Trevor, you leave
that man alone.

149
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:51,296
- Did he ask about me?
- No.

150
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:54,633
He disguised his voice and
said he moved to the Bahamas.

151
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:57,435
Raquel, the guy's guilty as sin.

152
00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:03,275
Well, then that means
that he's guilty of.. Ooh!

153
00:09:03,277 --> 00:09:05,210
- That does it.
- What are you doing?

154
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:08,179
- You are not turning him in.
- Be strong, Raquel.

155
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:12,150
Don't give in to your urges.
You never have in the past.

156
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:15,086
Then I refuse to be a party
to this.

157
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,022
The man committed a crime.

158
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,257
We can't ignore our civic duty.

159
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:22,627
And don't ask me to compromise
my morals.

160
00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:24,496
Hello, "Crime Stoppers?"

161
00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:26,798
I hope you're ready
to cough up ten grand.

162
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,601
[instrumental music]

163
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:34,072
Hi, St. John's Hospital?

164
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,275
I'd like some information
on face transplants.

165
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:41,646
No, I'm quite happy with mine,
thank you.

166
00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:43,381
It's for a friend.

167
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:46,785
- ALF.
- I'll call you back.

168
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:52,924
ALF, why would you wanna know
about...face transplants?

169
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:56,328
Well, I thought it'd be nice to
see some new faces around here.

170
00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,029
[laughs]

171
00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:00,966
We're happy with the old ones.

172
00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:02,834
Thanks, just the same.

173
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:05,103
Okay, your call.

174
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,238
- Honey?
- Yes, dear.

175
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,441
Have you seen my shoes?

176
00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:13,311
- What, the brown wingtips?
- No. Any of them?

177
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,847
They're all<i> gone.</i>

178
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:18,984
Now you can stay around
the house and out of trouble.

179
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:22,754
I know, let's spend the day
in the middle of the room

180
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:25,590
and stay away from the windows.

181
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:27,626
[doorbell rings]

182
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:29,060
I'll get it.

183
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:34,733
- Get me my shoes.
- I can't.

184
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:38,203
Get me my shoes.

185
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:40,939
Trust me.
You have beautiful feet.

186
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:43,141
Display them proudly.

187
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:45,510
(Kate)
'Willie?'

188
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,652
[sighs]
Willie..

189
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,921
These gentlemen are here
to see you.

190
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:59,658
They say they're from...the FBI.

191
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,593
FBI?

192
00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:02,827
Mind if we come in, sir?

193
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:06,131
- No, of course not.
- What is this about?

194
00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,299
Can I tell them?
Can I tell them?

195
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,335
Go ahead. Knock yourself out.

196
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,703
Uh, we'd like you
to come downtown

197
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:13,638
and answer the charges
of embezzlement

198
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:18,076
interstate trafficking, fraud,
and here's the biggie, polygamy.

199
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,678
Get your shoes.

200
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,515
Polygamy? That-that is absurd.

201
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,717
You obviously
have the wrong man.

202
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,887
Oh, well, then it's our mistake.
Sorry for the trouble.

203
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:31,089
We'll be on our way.

204
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:34,492
See, everybody thinks
we're just all business.

205
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:37,662
Where could you possibly
get the idea

206
00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:40,532
that I could ever be guilty
of any of those things?

207
00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,033
Somebody matching
your description

208
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,569
was plastered all over
"Crime Stoppers" last night.

209
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:47,572
A greedy viewer turned you in.

210
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:49,140
What's going on?

211
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,475
These men are from the FBI.

212
00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:55,180
They seem to think
I resemble somebody they want.

213
00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:58,650
Is it someone
who comes from Tallahassee?

214
00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:00,652
What do you know
about Florida, son?

215
00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:04,189
Uh, somebody asked me
if dad had ever been there.

216
00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:08,893
Ah, now I'm beginning
to understand

217
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,830
the source of the confusion.

218
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,865
So could you clue us in?

219
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,367
Actually, no, I can't.

220
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:19,003
- Would you come with us?
- Oh, is that really necessary?

221
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:21,372
I mean, couldn't you just leave
a questionnaire behind

222
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:24,275
or something?
I-I-I swear I'll be honest.

223
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,677
It isn't gonna work.

224
00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:28,179
We know all about
the Bahamian getaway.

225
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:31,082
How'd you know about that?
I mean.. What?

226
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,517
Oh, I mean..

227
00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:35,787
Never mind.

228
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,188
Let's go.

229
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,423
Aren't you gonna
take your shoes?

230
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,658
I don't have any.

231
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,461
Next Father's Day,
you ought to drop a hint.

232
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,132
[door closes]

233
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:49,334
Willie's been caught.

234
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:52,270
Kate thinks I turned him in.

235
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:56,274
I'm gonna end up hung by my neck
in a Chinese deli.

236
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,610
(Kate)
'ALF, get in here!'

237
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:06,551
[instrumental music]

238
00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:09,888
Okay.

239
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:12,423
I'll give you two hints,
and then that's it.

240
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:15,894
"Irreconcilable Differences,"
"The Main Event."

241
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,695
Oh. I got it.

242
00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:21,266
- Bad Shelley Long movies.
- Nope.

243
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:24,369
- Okay, I give up.
- Bad Ryan O'Neal movies.

244
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:26,805
- Oh.
- "Paper Moon."

245
00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:28,173
No, that was a good one.

246
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:31,643
- "Oliver's Story."
- Ooh!

247
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:34,712
"Fever Pitch," "Partners,"
"So Fine."

248
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:38,416
Oh, shoot me
and get it over with.

249
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,685
Nobody's shooting anybody yet.

250
00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:42,220
Just wait in here
with the others.

251
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:44,756
We'll process you
as soon as we can.

252
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:45,957
Others?

253
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:48,860
Hello.

254
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:59,904
Oh, who threw their gum
on the floor?

255
00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:01,339
[groans]

256
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,011
ALF?

257
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,187
[gasps]

258
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,756
Too bad this isn't a pine box.

259
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:21,559
Could we discuss this
after you've calmed down

260
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:25,063
and I've had time
to make travel arrangements?

261
00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:27,398
ALF, I don't understand you.

262
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,667
Did I mention I'm a bleeder?

263
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:32,770
How could you do this to Willie

264
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:35,607
after all the things
that he's done for you?

265
00:14:35,609 --> 00:14:38,676
I knew you'd finger me.
Hence the box.

266
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:42,680
But you're wrong, Kate.
I didn't turn him in.

267
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,616
Friends?

268
00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:46,985
You saw the show,
you grilled Lynn and Brian

269
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:50,955
you jumped to conclusions,
and somebody did call the FBI.

270
00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:53,358
Well, sure, when you group them
all together like that

271
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,959
it sounds bad.

272
00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:57,829
But I was only trying
to keep him from running away.

273
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:02,500
Willie is not a polygamist.

274
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,702
Oh, sure, Kate!

275
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:08,172
But just in case
he's gone forever

276
00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:10,008
we still have his memories.

277
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:11,643
And his house.

278
00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:14,779
And we can find a way to keep it
if you agree to work nights.

279
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:20,485
I cannot talk to you now.
I am too mad!

280
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:22,186
Is that 24-hour mad

281
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:26,491
or dissect-the-alien mad?

282
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:29,060
If you wake up, you'll know.

283
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,563
[groans]

284
00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:39,837
Um, excuse me,
uh, do you have a moment?

285
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,407
[scoffs]

286
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:46,878
- How.. Yeah. What is it?
- Well..

287
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,913
The guys and I were wondering
if you wanted

288
00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:50,381
to get in on our pool?

289
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:52,450
- What are you betting on?
- Oh, ha.

290
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,486
Well, which one of us,
if any, is guilty.

291
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,622
Costs $5 to buy in.

292
00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:02,193
Uh, I'm not sure that that
would really be appropriate.

293
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:03,895
Can you vote for yourself?

294
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:06,764
I'm in.

295
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,937
Tanner? Your story checked.
You're free to go.

296
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:16,140
What a relief. Kate must be
worried sick by now!

297
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,775
Hey, wait, wait!

298
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:22,046
Where are you going?
I'm Willie Tanner. Remember?

299
00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:24,782
Well, you guys
all look alike to me.

300
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,920
Nice try, Mr. Fusco.

301
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:33,891
Well, Trevor, Raquel.

302
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:36,861
- 'What are you doing here?'
- Uh, uh, Tanner.

303
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:40,131
Uh, Raquel is thinking
of getting into law enforcement.

304
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,432
Isn't that right, Raquel?

305
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:44,469
Trevor, they've stripped him
of his shoes.

306
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,571
I told you it could get ugly.

307
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:49,240
You'd better get used to that
if you wanna wear the badge.

308
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:51,409
Oh, shut up!

309
00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:54,545
Well, on your way home,
eh, Mr. Tanner?

310
00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:57,749
I know
we're not supposed to say this

311
00:16:57,751 --> 00:17:01,185
but you looked so darned scared.

312
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,954
Sorry, guy.

313
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:06,524
Well, Mr. Ochmonek, turns out
your boy isn't a polygamist.

314
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,193
He's just a barefoot
social worker.

315
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:16,300
You turned me in?

316
00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:17,935
Ho-how could you?

317
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:21,973
You know, come to think of it,
his eyes are kind of slopy.

318
00:17:21,975 --> 00:17:25,043
Yeah, you look exactly
like the guy on TV.

319
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:28,312
Well, of course. For heaven's
sake, pick up the phone

320
00:17:28,314 --> 00:17:30,148
and have me hauled in.

321
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:33,451
That's exactly what we did.
What are you whining about?

322
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:36,120
I can't believe this. After all
these years of being neighbors.

323
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:39,891
I can't believe you'd sell me
out for a few thousand dollars.

324
00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,125
$10,000.

325
00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:46,097
Look, I'm really,
very, very sorry.

326
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:50,101
But it is nice to know I can
still dredge up a fantasy life.

327
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,737
Thank you.

328
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:56,541
- Need a ride?
- Are you starting again?

329
00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:59,077
[instrumental music]

330
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:00,578
No, I can't.

331
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:04,048
I have to stay home
until my dad gets out of prison.

332
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:05,750
(Kate)
Brian!

333
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,652
It's something about
marrying lots of women

334
00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:09,420
and taking all their money.

335
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,823
But I'm not allowed
to talk about it. Bye.

336
00:18:11,825 --> 00:18:14,025
[car engine rumbling]

337
00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:18,029
Oh, it's your dad!

338
00:18:18,031 --> 00:18:22,100
But why is he getting out
of the Ochmoneks' car?

339
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,902
- Does he look hardened?
- It's a tough call.

340
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,237
[clattering]

341
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:29,740
But he did just kick over
one of their lawn flamingos.

342
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:34,779
- Hi, everybody.
- Dad, you're free!

343
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,914
Oh, honey,
I'm so glad you're home!

344
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,449
(Lynn)
We missed you, dad.

345
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:41,486
- Was jail horrible?
- Oh, uh..

346
00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:44,222
Would've been nicer with shoes.

347
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:47,625
All I want now is to sit down
to a nice quiet supper

348
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:50,194
and put this whole mess
behind me.

349
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:55,366
Willie! Oh, Willie,
I knew you were innocent!

350
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:58,936
I'm so excited, I could leave
a spot right here on the carpet!

351
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,673
Honey, I'm gonna
tell you something

352
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:05,743
that I never thought
I would ever say.

353
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:09,147
What, you weren't voted
Miss Congeniality, were you?

354
00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:12,550
That would almost be
easier to accept.

355
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:15,953
Thee fact of the matter is,
ALF here

356
00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:17,855
had nothing to do with this.

357
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,591
It was the Ochmoneks
that turned me in.

358
00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:22,126
Hallelujah!

359
00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:24,896
¶ Oh when the saints come
marching in ¶

360
00:19:24,898 --> 00:19:26,697
¶ Oh, when the saints..
Everybody, come on! ¶¶

361
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:30,001
ALF, I hate to
interrupt a good gloat

362
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,969
but why didn't you come to me

363
00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:33,971
if you thought
I was in trouble?

364
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,607
'Cause the man on TV said
that if you were the guy

365
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:39,310
you might take it on the lam.

366
00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:41,512
I didn't wanna lose ya.

367
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,681
You were trying to hide me.

368
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:47,051
That's what all that stuff
was for, isn't it?

369
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:51,689
Hey, I figured after all these
years of you protecting me

370
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,091
it was the least
I could do for you.

371
00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:59,664
I have to admit,
that's a very noble gesture.

372
00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:03,601
Done in an all-too-familiar
twisted way.

373
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:05,236
Thanks.

374
00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:08,206
Honey, why don't you go wash
your feet? We'll have dinner.

375
00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:11,776
Kids, you wanna set the table?
I'll be in in just a second.

376
00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:19,951
Well, ALF, uh, it seems
that I owe you an apology.

377
00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:22,420
I said a lot of things to you
that were unfair

378
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:26,057
and if I hurt you, I'm sorry.

379
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:29,126
Why is it I get along with
everybody else in this family

380
00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:31,929
but you and I
never seem to click?

381
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:34,665
My guess is, it's you.

382
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:40,504
We're clicking, we're clicking.

383
00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:43,708
[instrumental music]

384
00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:51,716
[instrumental music]

385
00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:54,752
[giggling]

386
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:57,288
What's so funny?

387
00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:58,489
Nothing, honey.

388
00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:00,291
[giggling]

389
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:02,693
It's that polygamy thing again,
isn't it?

390
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:05,396
No, honey. It's j-just
something I'm reading.

391
00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:10,067
"Khadhafi
Stockpiling Nerve Gas."

392
00:21:10,069 --> 00:21:13,204
That Muammar, what a prankster!

393
00:21:13,206 --> 00:21:14,538
Okay, okay, I..

394
00:21:14,540 --> 00:21:17,041
Honey, I was just trying to
imagine you with all of those..

395
00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:18,843
[giggles]
All of those women.

396
00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:20,811
I mean, no,
not that it couldn't happen.

397
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:24,282
I still find you
totally irresistible.

398
00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:25,650
Really.

399
00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:27,785
- Apology accepted.
- Okay.

400
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:29,654
Let's drop it.

401
00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:31,289
No, keep going, Kate!

402
00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:35,559
Come on, we've both seen him
in the shower.

403
00:21:35,561 --> 00:21:39,797
We're dropping this conversation
right now, thank you.

404
00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:46,304
Well, if you need me,
I'll be down on the corner

405
00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:49,407
listening to rap music
with the bros.

406
00:21:49,409 --> 00:21:52,810
Wait, wait, wait.
Where do you think you're going?

407
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:55,279
Say what?

408
00:21:55,281 --> 00:21:58,082
That's not much
of a disguise, you know?

409
00:21:58,084 --> 00:22:00,818
You're right,
if I had a little black bow

410
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:03,487
I could go as Rose Marie.

411
00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:05,356
[chuckling]

412
00:22:14,367 --> 00:22:17,368
[theme music]

413
00:22:37,390 --> 00:22:40,391
[music continues]

414
00:22:42,895 --> 00:22:44,962
[ALF laughs]