1 00:00:02,303 --> 00:00:03,268 Huh. 2 00:00:03,270 --> 00:00:04,403 Well, here's an expression 3 00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:06,805 I'm not often called on to use 4 00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:10,309 ALF, your dinner's getting cold. 5 00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:12,444 ¶ Uncle Neal has gone away ¶ 6 00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:14,813 ¶ Doo-da doo-da ¶ 7 00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:17,116 ¶ I can eat out here today ¶ 8 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,684 ¶ All doo-day long ¶ 9 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:19,685 Everybody! 10 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:21,053 ¶ Gonna eat all day-- ¶¶ 11 00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:25,124 ALF, I really don't appreciate that at all. 12 00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,525 Okay. Then you wanna hear 13 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,761 how I changed the words to "Helter Skelter"? 14 00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:32,131 No. 15 00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,399 I'm gonna miss him. 16 00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:34,700 It was fun having Uncle Neal around. 17 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:36,368 Hmm. Well, he's just down the street. 18 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,803 You can go visit him. 19 00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:40,539 I know he's really lonely since Margaret left him. 20 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,275 Hey, he had a bad marriage. 21 00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:45,177 Who hasn't, right, Willie? 22 00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:50,516 What's Uncle Neal's new apartment like? 23 00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:52,684 Much too close to this house. 24 00:00:53,988 --> 00:00:55,454 It's nice. It's small 25 00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:58,557 but at least he has more room than he had in the camper. 26 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,526 I thought the camper was neat. 27 00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:03,228 It had a toilet right in the shower. 28 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,663 So do we. 29 00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:08,200 Oh, what? Like you've never done it? 30 00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:13,105 [theme music] 31 00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,932 (Kate) 'And here's an old iron if you don't already have one.' 32 00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:18,203 But be careful because the squirter is broken. 33 00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:19,838 I'm touched. 34 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,107 Oh, Neal, it's just an old iron. 35 00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:26,612 No, this is the one I gave you for your wedding. 36 00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:30,482 Oh. Oh, my gosh, I think.. I think it is. 37 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,151 [chuckles] I'm sorry. 38 00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:33,585 Oh, don't be. 39 00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:35,220 What goes around, comes around. 40 00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:36,722 Thank you. 41 00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:38,457 Well, ready for another load. 42 00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,592 Oh, right over there, Willie. 43 00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:42,728 You guys have been so good to me. 44 00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,630 Thanks to you, I have my own apartment 45 00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:47,332 and I'm embarking on a whole new adventure. 46 00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,534 You know something? 47 00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:51,170 That is the perfect attitude. 48 00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,538 Right. 49 00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:55,207 So you guys want to sleep over tonight? 50 00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:59,044 As tempting as the offer sounds, Neal.. 51 00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:02,681 Willie, you feel like sleeping over at Neal's tonight? 52 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:06,885 Uh, thanks, Neal, but no. 53 00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,887 If you need us though, for anything 54 00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:11,390 anything at all, just feel free to call. 55 00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,125 Oh, please. 56 00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:16,295 Haven't you done enough already with all these lovely things? 57 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,732 Thank you. 58 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:23,068 You've gotta stop thanking us. 59 00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:24,102 Oh. 60 00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,237 I know. 61 00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,272 Thank you for pointing that out. 62 00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:29,341 Oh, I almost forgot. 63 00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:30,542 I got a job. 64 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,344 Oh, that is good to hear. 65 00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:34,313 Yeah. Thank God, right? 66 00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:36,415 What is it? Tell us. 67 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,849 Well, my landlady happened to mention 68 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,518 that she needs a new handyman. 69 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,553 It pays zip and only covers half my rent 70 00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:44,022 so naturally, I snapped at it. 71 00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:48,560 But, Neal, you've always been so clumsy with tools. 72 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:52,531 You remember that band-saw mishap. 73 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,233 Willie, Grandpa forgave me for that. 74 00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,501 Why can't you? 75 00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:58,003 Neal. 76 00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:00,772 Neal, have you thought this thing through? 77 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,542 Shouldn't a handyman have at least a nodding acquaintance 78 00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:04,843 with how to fix things? 79 00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,545 Well, with any luck the building will be 80 00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:08,080 in really great shape. 81 00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:10,249 If not, I'll be in really big trouble. 82 00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,650 I'll make do. 83 00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,552 - I think it's great, Neal. - Yeah. 84 00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:16,054 Well, I guess I better go get started on my great new life. 85 00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:19,391 Are you sure you guys don't wanna stay over tonight? 86 00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,860 Honey, last chance. 87 00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:24,229 - We'll take a rain check. - Good. 88 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,277 - Hi, ALF. - Don't you believe in knocking? 89 00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:41,813 No door. 90 00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:45,217 Well, what if you caught me at an awkward moment? 91 00:04:45,219 --> 00:04:49,321 Let's just be grateful that that hasn't happened. 92 00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:52,658 So to what do I owe the pleasure of your company? 93 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,993 Oh, I was just, uh.. 94 00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:57,229 I was looking around for some other things 95 00:04:57,231 --> 00:05:01,066 that Neal might be able to use in his new apartment. 96 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,434 Yeah. 97 00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:05,170 No, don't take those. 98 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,605 Why not? 99 00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:09,241 Well, I was planning on using them. 100 00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:11,677 Someday. 101 00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,211 When I got married. 102 00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:18,383 If the day ever comes that you get married.. 103 00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:22,988 I promise you, I'll buy you a whole new set of saucepans. 104 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,924 And I'll dance on them. 105 00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:28,694 It could happen. 106 00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:31,029 Look at Anne Bancroft and Mel Brooks. 107 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,233 He could have anybody he wants. 108 00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,440 No, not that. 109 00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:42,874 You can't give him that. 110 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:47,713 Well, ALF, this is just an old fan. 111 00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:50,749 It's not just any old fan. 112 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:53,185 I use it to scrape my calluses. 113 00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,156 Keep it. 114 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,993 Well, if you see anything else you like, 115 00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:04,863 by all means, take it. 116 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,799 Say, what's your problem, anyway? 117 00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:11,103 Ever since Neal showed up, you made me feel about as welcome 118 00:06:11,105 --> 00:06:14,406 as a low doorknob at a nudist colony. 119 00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:19,444 Neal is getting his own apartment now, ALF. 120 00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:22,013 Hopefully things will be returning to normal here. 121 00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,915 I should think that would make you happy. 122 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,317 (Neal) 'Willie, you up there?' 123 00:06:25,319 --> 00:06:26,551 - No. 124 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,253 I mean, yeah. 125 00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:30,422 - Under the bed. - Okay, I will. 126 00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:34,359 And I won't let this degrade me at all, in case you're worried. 127 00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:40,866 Morning, Willie. I thought I heard you up here. 128 00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:42,667 Yeah, yeah. 129 00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:46,271 I was just looking for some more stuff for your new apartment. 130 00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:49,641 What, are you taking in boarders now? 131 00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:52,411 Oh, that bed is Brian's old bed. 132 00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:55,514 You know how attached kids can get to their old furniture. 133 00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,182 Especially after they wet it. 134 00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:03,155 Well, it's nice to know you've stuck to the old values. 135 00:07:05,159 --> 00:07:07,459 Oh, hey, I could really use this, Willie. 136 00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:08,927 [clicks] 137 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,395 ¶ Like a virgin ¶ 138 00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:13,832 ¶ Touched for the very first time ¶ 139 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:16,401 ¶ Like a virgin.. ¶¶ 140 00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,540 The speed's all off. 141 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:24,976 You don't want that. 142 00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:27,779 Oh, hey, it's your old Clairmont High yearbook. 143 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,147 Yeah. 144 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:31,283 I know. Let's look at it later. 145 00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:33,685 That's where I first met Margaret. 146 00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,420 Future Farmers. 147 00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:36,855 I know. 148 00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:39,124 Boy, that gal could really take down a steer. 149 00:07:41,395 --> 00:07:44,162 Funny what first attracts you to a woman. 150 00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,065 Let's, uh.. 151 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,700 Let's go look in the garage, eh? 152 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,268 Willie, you gotta stop sometime. 153 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,270 I only have a one-bedroom apartment. 154 00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,472 [chuckles] 155 00:07:58,479 --> 00:07:59,811 [groans] 156 00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:02,380 If he wasn't the brother of my meal ticket 157 00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:04,149 I'd clean his clock. 158 00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:13,959 ALF, everybody, dinner's ready. 159 00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:18,063 So to what do I owe the honor 160 00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:21,566 of being asked to dine at your table? 161 00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:25,070 Oh, stop being so dramatic and get in your seat. 162 00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:27,873 Neal finally decided to eat at his place tonight. 163 00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:31,810 It's been so long since I was allowed to eat with you. 164 00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:33,745 Which seat is mine? 165 00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:37,082 It's.. It's all so hazy. 166 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:40,952 You can always eat upstairs, you know. 167 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,822 I took a guess. 168 00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:45,824 ALF, what are you doing here? 169 00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:47,359 I used to be a phenomenon. 170 00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:49,995 Now I'm reduced to a, "What are you doing here?" 171 00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,099 What's he doing here? 172 00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:56,668 I was invited, if you don't mind. 173 00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,136 Check your guest list. 174 00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:00,705 You mean Uncle Neal's not coming? 175 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:01,840 Please. 176 00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:03,675 The warmth is suffocating. 177 00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:07,612 - ALF. - I was invited! 178 00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:09,014 I was just gonna say 179 00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:11,883 I'm glad you were able to join us. 180 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,084 Oh. 181 00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:14,686 Well, thank you. 182 00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:16,221 Now, shall we dine? 183 00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:20,859 So, Brian, what grade are you in now? 184 00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:23,161 ALF, you haven't been up there that long. 185 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,963 Well, it's hard to keep track of time 186 00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,399 when there's no light. 187 00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:30,068 - I've missed these dinners. - Me too, babe. 188 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,670 [doorbell dings] 189 00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:34,372 (Neal) 'It's Neal.' 190 00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:38,076 I thought I felt a sudden chill. 191 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:41,646 Will you please just go to the kitchen? 192 00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:43,982 Stay, go, stay, go. 193 00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:46,585 I could be a police dog after this. 194 00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:51,957 - Hey, Neal. - Hi, Willie. 195 00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,625 - Hi, everybody. - 'Hey, Uncle Neal.' 196 00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:56,261 Oh, gosh, you're having dinner. I can come back at another time. 197 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:59,030 - No, no, no. - Uh, what's going on? 198 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:01,266 I got my first fix-it job at the building 199 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:03,635 and I thought I might need a few more tools. 200 00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:05,203 What do you have? 201 00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:08,373 Well, I have a Swiss Army knife and a mess of good intentions. 202 00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,142 I'll, uh.. I'll see what I've got. 203 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,577 Oh, thanks. 204 00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:14,479 Why don't you go ahead and finish your dinner? 205 00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:16,081 I can get it myself. 206 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,083 Neal, would you like to join us for dinner? 207 00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:19,818 Oh, no. No, thank you. 208 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,453 I couldn't impose. 209 00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:23,855 Besides, you must be expecting somebody. 210 00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:27,559 No. Actually, no, we were hoping you'd stop by. 211 00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:28,660 Oh. 212 00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:31,229 Well, if it's not too much trouble. 213 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,198 Oh, don't be silly. 214 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,801 Then I guess I should probably go tell...Meatloaf. 215 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,069 Get the meatloaf. 216 00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,872 I'll just go get the meatloaf. 217 00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:44,175 You know, meatloaf, that was Margaret's favorite meal. 218 00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:45,610 Sometimes on a Sunday 219 00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:49,014 she'd make four or five pounds of it at a time. 220 00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,482 And then she'd freeze it? 221 00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:51,683 No. 222 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,054 He's never leaving. 223 00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:57,989 He knows a good thing. 224 00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:01,559 He's like a fly on a meadow muffin. 225 00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:04,329 Look, ALF, as soon as Uncle Neal gets a full-time job 226 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:07,065 and makes a few friends, he won't be around so much. 227 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,667 You'll see. 228 00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:11,302 Well, it's time I took a stand around here. 229 00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:14,005 Either he goes or I go. 230 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,106 [Willie laughing] 231 00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:16,307 [Kate laughing] 232 00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:19,010 (Kate) 'Oh, Neal.' 233 00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,246 And it looks like the I's have it. 234 00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:35,427 Hi. 235 00:11:35,429 --> 00:11:37,696 - Morning, sweetheart. - Good morning, Willie. 236 00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:39,164 [crash] 237 00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:41,266 - Good Lord, what was that? - Your brother. 238 00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:43,101 He has been here since 6 o'clock this morning 239 00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:46,471 and right now, he is taking out our trash. 240 00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:47,839 Why? 241 00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,974 You have to empty the cans before you can wash them 242 00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:54,245 and paint them with our names in a bold, contrasting color. 243 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:57,215 Well, at least that way when the Ochmoneks take them 244 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,818 we'll have proof. 245 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:03,254 Willie, I thought you were gonna talk to your brother about.. 246 00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,156 getting a life. 247 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,558 What do you mean? He has a life. 248 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:09,094 Yes, our life. And I'd like it back, thank you. 249 00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,463 [crash] 250 00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:13,131 Kate, he's never had to make 251 00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,833 such a difficult adjustment before. 252 00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:16,167 Well, neither have we. 253 00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,470 Don't sit. 254 00:12:18,472 --> 00:12:21,873 He stain-guarded our furniture, Willie. 255 00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:25,176 We've been meaning to get to that for months. 256 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:27,846 Oh, good, you're both here. 257 00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,314 I had a thought. 258 00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:31,683 You know what would look great in your backyard? 259 00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:34,419 A topiary garden. 260 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:37,922 You.. You wanna make animals out of our bushes? 261 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,324 That's right. 262 00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:40,358 There's a seal in your back hedge 263 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,928 just flapping to get out. 264 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:46,731 I don't know. 265 00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:50,201 I don't think we're zoned for that. 266 00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,903 I'll check. 267 00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:52,937 Good. 268 00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,773 I'll start breakfast. 269 00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,310 Alright. Admit it, Willie. 270 00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:01,746 You have a blind spot when it comes to your brother Neal. 271 00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:02,847 But what about ALF? 272 00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:04,315 This is not fair for him. 273 00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:05,850 It's harder on him than anybody. 274 00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:07,352 It wouldn't hurt for him to show 275 00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:09,654 a little compassion about this, you know. 276 00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:10,889 Didn't you promise ALF 277 00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:14,192 that when Neal moved he wouldn't have to hide anymore? 278 00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:16,861 And he won't. Someday. 279 00:13:16,863 --> 00:13:21,766 Now he's just being close-minded and stubborn about it. 280 00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:23,168 Okay. That may be, Willie 281 00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:27,172 but when I ran into ALF this morning, he hissed at me. 282 00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:30,275 - What? - He hissed. 283 00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:31,876 And he meant it. 284 00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:37,582 - I'll talk to him. - Okay. 285 00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:40,919 [sighs] 286 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,059 ALF, we have to talk. 287 00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:50,161 [hisses] 288 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,163 There'll be no more hissing. 289 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,631 Well, make it fast. 290 00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:56,301 I've got a date with destiny. 291 00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:58,203 Where do you think you're going? 292 00:13:58,205 --> 00:13:59,737 Who knows? 293 00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:02,941 I'm gonna stick out my thumb, show a little leg 294 00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,909 and see where the road takes me. 295 00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:08,780 You know, you're really making this whole thing 296 00:14:08,782 --> 00:14:11,282 into a lot more than it really is. 297 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,284 Oh, am I? 298 00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:14,819 Please forgive me. 299 00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:17,422 I've been so intolerant. 300 00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,157 ALF, can't you understand? 301 00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:21,159 Neal is family. 302 00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:23,928 I can't just turn him away. 303 00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,997 So, what am I, a pet? 304 00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:27,232 Is that it? 305 00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:28,733 Because I'll tell you something, Willie. 306 00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:32,670 That's how I'm made to feel around here sometimes. 307 00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:34,772 I'm sorry that's how you feel. 308 00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:38,343 Sometimes I think you'd rather drive me out to the desert.. 309 00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:42,847 toss me away and leave me to the coyotes. 310 00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:46,684 ALF, you've gotta stop listening at our door. 311 00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:50,688 - You're kidding, right? - Yeah. 312 00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,390 Oh, ha, ha. 313 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:57,262 Face it, Willie. You can't keep treating me like this. 314 00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:59,731 After all, I'm a person. 315 00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:04,636 Well, technically I'm not, but I still have feelings like one. 316 00:15:04,638 --> 00:15:08,673 I'm sorry, ALF, of course you have feelings. 317 00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:11,476 But so does he. So does my brother. 318 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:14,646 So, what should I do? 319 00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:17,615 Well, I was hoping to avoid this.. 320 00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:21,986 but since it looks like it's gonna be a permanent situation 321 00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:25,456 why don't I just introduce the two of you? 322 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:26,891 Get a clue. 323 00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:29,560 I don't like him. 324 00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:31,963 Well, you don't even know him. 325 00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:33,431 And I don't like him. 326 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,667 Imagine if I met him. 327 00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:37,535 [sighs] Come on, ALF. 328 00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,738 It'd make everything a whole lot easier for everybody. 329 00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:45,076 And besides, I'm sure the two of you would get along great. 330 00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:46,511 Pass. 331 00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:48,980 Oh, you're just being childish. 332 00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:52,483 Am not, am not, am not. 333 00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:53,885 Alright. Suit yourself. 334 00:15:53,887 --> 00:15:56,220 Stick out your thumb, show some leg.. 335 00:15:56,222 --> 00:15:58,589 because that's the best I can offer. 336 00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:01,326 And frankly, I've seen your legs 337 00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:04,996 and trust me, you're not going anywhere. 338 00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:07,699 That's one man's opinion. 339 00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:11,903 Look, you can either meet him or stay hidden up here. 340 00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:14,505 It's your choice. 341 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:17,141 Alright, I'll meet him. 342 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,509 Hand me that fan, 343 00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:22,080 I wanna scrape off my feet. 344 00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:27,251 Hey, just because I don't like him doesn't mean I'm not vain. 345 00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:28,586 What? 346 00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:36,427 Maybe meeting Neal isn't such a good idea. 347 00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:37,996 It's gonna be fine. 348 00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:40,198 ALF, you two are gonna get along great. 349 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,835 He's a wonderful guy with a terrific sense of humor. 350 00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:48,072 I'm not gonna marry him, if that's what you're getting at. 351 00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:49,574 Now, when Neal gets here, 352 00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:51,609 I don't think you should be in the room. 353 00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,211 Uh, not right away, anyway. 354 00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:56,948 I'm gonna need time to prepare him for the shock.. 355 00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:59,317 Surprise.. 356 00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:02,587 Pleasure of your company. 357 00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:04,822 Why don't I just leap out of a closet at him? 358 00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:08,926 If he dies, you won't have to explain a thing. 359 00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:10,194 [doorbell dings] 360 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,462 He's here. 361 00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:13,197 Oh, my gosh. 362 00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,832 I can't go through with this. 363 00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:17,935 My heart's racing like a schoolboy. 364 00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,137 Will you relax? 365 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,538 You're just meeting my brother. 366 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,673 It's not the pope. 367 00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:24,308 I'd rather meet the pope. 368 00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:26,644 I love his hats. 369 00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:29,013 ALF, go into the kitchen and we'll call you 370 00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:30,948 when it's time to come out, okay? 371 00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:32,917 Alright, alright. 372 00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:35,987 It'll give me some time to spread butter on my feet. 373 00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:42,260 - Neal. Hi. - Hi, Kate. 374 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:43,361 Hi, everyone. 375 00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:44,395 - Neal. - Hey, Uncle Neal. 376 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,663 How's the new apartment? 377 00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:47,365 Did you get the electricity turned on okay? 378 00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:49,000 Oh, yeah, yeah. 379 00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:51,669 Looks pretty drab now that I can see everything. 380 00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,105 But hey, it's home. 381 00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:57,975 Hi, Uncle Neal. Hope you haven't had too much coffee. 382 00:17:57,977 --> 00:17:59,444 No. Why? 383 00:17:59,446 --> 00:18:01,179 Oh, you know my brother. 384 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:04,949 Always concerned for people's welfare. 385 00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:06,451 [laughing] 386 00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:10,288 So, what did you guys wanna talk to me about? 387 00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,956 Sit down, Neal. 388 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,995 There's really no easy way to say this. 389 00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:21,432 Um, there's something about our household 390 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,467 that you don't know. 391 00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:23,868 Something pretty unique. 392 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,136 Something we've kept a secret. 393 00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:28,072 It's something that you might find 394 00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:31,109 hard to accept at first. 395 00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:34,412 Is it something to do with Brian? 396 00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:37,682 I wish it was that simple. 397 00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:39,016 What do you mean? 398 00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:40,651 What does she mean? 399 00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:46,591 Uh, I don't know how to say this without sounding crazy 400 00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:48,559 so I'm just gonna come out and say it. 401 00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:53,531 Neal, we have an alien living with us. 402 00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:56,434 He's an alien from space. 403 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:59,871 We have an alien from space living with us. 404 00:18:59,873 --> 00:19:02,707 He's a part of our family now. 405 00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:05,543 That's why we thought you two should meet. 406 00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,545 You guys. 407 00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:09,747 [laughing] 408 00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:12,216 I know this is hard to accept, Neal 409 00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:13,718 but the fact is.. 410 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:17,688 we've had an alien from space living with us forever. 411 00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:22,593 I mean, for almost three years now. 412 00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:26,631 Oh, I see. Let me guess. 413 00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:28,232 He always wants to phone home, right? 414 00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:29,834 [chuckles] 415 00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:33,271 You laugh, but we did have to lock out the 9-7-6 numbers. 416 00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:36,240 Remember, honey? 417 00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:38,009 Well.. 418 00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:40,244 I guess the best thing would be to just have you meet him. 419 00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:41,913 Yeah. 420 00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:46,951 You guys are gonna carry this right to the end, aren't you? 421 00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:49,720 ALF, you can come in here now. 422 00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:59,397 ALF. 423 00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:02,567 It's so good to meet you. 424 00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:05,469 So sorry I doubted you. 425 00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:07,605 Oh, where is he? 426 00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:09,240 He must be hiding. 427 00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:10,541 He didn't wanna meet you. 428 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,476 Well, he's probably shy. 429 00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:15,379 No, he just doesn't like you. 430 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:18,716 Brian, can you go try to find him, please? 431 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,117 We're not kidding, Neal. 432 00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:21,385 This is real. 433 00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:22,420 [scoffs] 434 00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:23,788 Come on. 435 00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,790 Do you all really believe this? 436 00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:28,292 I mean, is this something you've actually seen? 437 00:20:28,294 --> 00:20:29,493 [Kate chuckles] 438 00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:33,097 In haunting clarity. 439 00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:36,567 Sorry. 440 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,336 You must be Neal. 441 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:42,039 I'm Gordon Shumway. 442 00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:44,942 Did I kill him? 443 00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:47,712 Oh, my God, you're for real. 444 00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:50,281 Yeah, yeah, let's get past this. 445 00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:54,018 I'm an alien and you're not. 446 00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,353 Wow. 447 00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:58,356 This is gonna take some time to sink in. 448 00:20:58,358 --> 00:20:59,991 Well, while you're in a daze.. 449 00:20:59,993 --> 00:21:05,029 let me show you where your brother keeps his band saw. 450 00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:09,033 I'm being insulted by an alien from space. 451 00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:12,236 Get used to it. 452 00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:15,640 Uh, can I touch you? 453 00:21:15,642 --> 00:21:19,343 Not without dinner and a show. 454 00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:21,979 I have a million questions I wanna ask you. 455 00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:24,949 I'm sure. Keep them to yourself, huh? 456 00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:26,851 Now, enough of this small talk. 457 00:21:26,853 --> 00:21:29,854 Let's get down to business. 458 00:21:29,856 --> 00:21:32,657 I understand you're quite the cook. 459 00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:36,894 Do you eat like earthlings? 460 00:21:36,896 --> 00:21:39,163 Do I eat like earthlings? 461 00:21:39,165 --> 00:21:41,432 Willie, tell him. 462 00:21:41,434 --> 00:21:43,167 He eats. 463 00:21:43,169 --> 00:21:45,903 He doesn't chew. 464 00:21:45,905 --> 00:21:48,372 I don't know what to say. 465 00:21:48,374 --> 00:21:52,643 This is the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me. 466 00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:53,744 Kate's right. 467 00:21:53,746 --> 00:21:56,213 Get a life. 468 00:21:56,215 --> 00:21:57,548 ALF. 469 00:21:57,550 --> 00:21:59,884 Well, he may as well know. 470 00:21:59,886 --> 00:22:02,253 I mean, we're all family now. 471 00:22:16,969 --> 00:22:20,671 So in other words, what you're saying is.. 472 00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:23,274 except for having eight stomachs 473 00:22:23,276 --> 00:22:26,744 you're really not special in any way. 474 00:22:26,746 --> 00:22:28,546 Oh, gee, thanks. 475 00:22:28,548 --> 00:22:32,116 Hey, are you gonna play, or are you gonna jabber on all night? 476 00:22:32,118 --> 00:22:33,684 Oh. 477 00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:36,454 Well, I thought you said this pointy guy 478 00:22:36,456 --> 00:22:38,889 could only move diagonally. 479 00:22:38,891 --> 00:22:40,424 Did I say that? 480 00:22:40,426 --> 00:22:43,961 Well, what I meant was it can only move diagonally.. 481 00:22:43,963 --> 00:22:46,931 except when the move follows the taking of an odd number 482 00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:49,333 of the opponent's men from the board. 483 00:22:50,436 --> 00:22:52,269 Oh. 484 00:22:52,271 --> 00:22:55,039 You sure you've never played this game before? 485 00:22:55,041 --> 00:22:57,608 No, this is my first time. 486 00:22:57,610 --> 00:22:59,777 Good. Let's play for money. 487 00:23:02,849 --> 00:23:05,449 Gin. You owe me 1500 bucks. 488 00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:16,093 [theme music]