1
00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:04,503
There I was, on a lonely
deserted mountain road

2
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,972
in the middle of the night,
when suddenly

3
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,774
my breaks failed
on the downgrade.

4
00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:11,777
Oh, Maxine, you must have been
scared out of you wits.

5
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,479
Let's just say I was screaming

6
00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,681
my mantra at the
top of my lungs.

7
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,183
I'll bet.

8
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,519
I kept going faster and faster

9
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:23,255
when, suddenly, another
power took control

10
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,457
and-and pushed me
into the passenger seat.

11
00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:28,961
Usually, I don't let other
people drive my car.

12
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,664
And that was the first
time you met, uh--?

13
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:34,700
What did you say
your friend's name was?

14
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:37,703
Vlad. The warrior god.

15
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:41,173
[sighs]
Maxine, this is fascinating.

16
00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:44,510
But where would a
6000-year-old Mayan warrior

17
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,712
learn to down-shift a Toyota?

18
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,515
I know you're skeptical.

19
00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:51,550
But if it wasn't for Vlad..

20
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:54,420
...I wouldn't be alive
to be reunited with Neal.

21
00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:58,323
Did you say "reunited"?

22
00:00:58,325 --> 00:01:01,527
Ours has been one of the great
romances throughout history.

23
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:04,763
Didn't Neal tell you?

24
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:07,032
Well, we haven't spoken
in a couple of days.

25
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:09,735
- Would you like some more tea?
- No, thank you.

26
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,403
- Neal?
- No, thank you.

27
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,772
I think I'll get us some anyway.

28
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:15,974
- I'll give you a hand.
- Come on.

29
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:25,284
Do you like 'em?

30
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:28,487
How can I like them after what
they did to my village?

31
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:33,592
Alright, who wants to go first?

32
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,128
ALF, it's easy to criticize,
but the world

33
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,897
is made up of all kinds
of different people.

34
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:41,266
As we've seen this
evening Maxine herself

35
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:43,602
is made of seven
or eight of them.

36
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:46,205
Still, if she
marries into the family

37
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,507
do I have to hide from Vlad?

38
00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,809
Well, we'll just have to..

39
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:54,213
..meet Vlad and
make that decision then.

40
00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:55,881
Shh.

41
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:59,418
Hey, look at it this way.
You haven't lost a brother.

42
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:01,086
You've gained a god.

43
00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:04,089
[all laughing]

44
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:10,028
[theme music]

45
00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:40,058
[music continues]

46
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,821
[instrumental music]

47
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:14,626
You will all be
glad to see me burn.

48
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:16,228
But if I go through the fire.

49
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:18,330
I shall go through
it to their hearts.

50
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,898
Forever and ever.

51
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,701
And so, God be with me.

52
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,238
Not bad. Now do it again.

53
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:29,241
And this time, try
to show a little leg.

54
00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:32,945
Alf, I'm auditioning
for Joan of arc.

55
00:03:32,947 --> 00:03:34,813
I don't really think that
would be appropriate.

56
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,815
Just tell me if I've
got the lines right.

57
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,684
Okay. But I'm telling you.

58
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:39,985
It would be a lot funnier

59
00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:42,187
if you were holding
a rubber chicken.

60
00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:44,590
It's not a comedy.

61
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:47,125
Well, not the way
you're doing it.

62
00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:49,895
Hey, I've got a great idea!

63
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,964
When they strike the first torch

64
00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:54,633
grab your big toe and hop around

65
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:57,169
yelling, "Hot foot! Hot foot!"

66
00:03:58,372 --> 00:04:00,572
I'm tied to a stake!

67
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:03,675
You're tied to a piece of meat

68
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:06,178
and you don't see
the humor in that?

69
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:08,046
No.

70
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:09,681
Well, then you might
want to consider

71
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:12,484
a couple of well-placed tassels.

72
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:13,986
Thanks.

73
00:04:13,988 --> 00:04:17,055
- You've been no help at all.
- What's wrong?

74
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:18,790
He wants me to hold
a rubber chicken

75
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:21,393
and wear tassels.

76
00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:24,663
I guess he figures 'cause
he got Brian to do it once.

77
00:04:25,199 --> 00:04:26,431
[knock on door]

78
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,100
Oh. Alf.

79
00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:32,638
It's Neal.

80
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:33,772
Oh, great.

81
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,974
God's gag gift to women.

82
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:38,310
- Hey, Neal.
- Willie.

83
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:41,480
The most amazing
thing just happened.

84
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,215
- Hi, Uncle Neal.
- Hi, Neal.

85
00:04:43,217 --> 00:04:44,616
It's incredible.

86
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,351
It caught me
totally by surprise.

87
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:47,719
You won't ever guess what it is.

88
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,788
Your ex-wife's coming to town.

89
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,291
Brian, please. Go on, Neal.

90
00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:54,092
Actually, that's it.

91
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:55,794
How did you know?

92
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,996
It's his standard guess.

93
00:04:58,866 --> 00:04:59,965
Well, anyway, you'll never guess

94
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,933
why she's coming to town.

95
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:03,869
She wants you back?

96
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,906
Can you bend spoons, too?

97
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:11,943
Wha...Neal, when did
all this happen?

98
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,247
[car horn honks]

99
00:05:15,249 --> 00:05:16,682
[sighs]
That's my ride.

100
00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:18,016
Gotta go.

101
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,552
We'll see you.

102
00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:22,587
You know, Neal,
that really is amazing.

103
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:26,058
I can't believe that Margaret,
after all she's put you through

104
00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:28,093
that she would have
the nerve to call you up

105
00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:29,661
and ask you to take her back.

106
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,263
It must have felt really good

107
00:05:31,265 --> 00:05:33,365
to finally tell her off, eh?

108
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,267
Well, I...I suppose it would

109
00:05:35,269 --> 00:05:37,269
had I taken that approach.

110
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:40,639
Don't tell me you're actually

111
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:43,842
considering taking her back!

112
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,478
Willie, I don't understand
what you-what you find so wrong

113
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,846
with my wanting to
go back to someone

114
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,615
I spent ten years
of my life with!

115
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:52,384
Neal, get a clue.

116
00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:54,252
They hate her!

117
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:58,357
Willie, is that true?

118
00:05:58,359 --> 00:06:02,094
Willie...now, Margaret
does have her sweet side.

119
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,964
Oh, you're not still
buying into that

120
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:09,034
"Poor little helpless me"
act of hers, are you?

121
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:11,536
I mean, she walked out on you.

122
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,004
Neal, even if she weren't

123
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:15,807
manipulative,
domineering, selfish..

124
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,709
Honey, honey. Shh.

125
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,945
Those are his words.

126
00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:25,217
Still, Neal may not wanna
hear them again right now.

127
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,853
I think what Kate
is trying to say

128
00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:29,855
and she speaks for all of us

129
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:32,858
is you're in it so deep,
we're all giving up.

130
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:38,764
[instrumental music]

131
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:43,802
So, what shall we
watch on TV tonight?

132
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:47,739
I've narrowed it down to
"Nova: Inside the Atom".

133
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:49,408
Eh.

134
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:51,643
And-and I'm not
lobbying for this.

135
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:55,247
"My Mother the Car!" Yeah!

136
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,416
I'm not watching a show
where someone's mom

137
00:06:57,418 --> 00:07:00,218
comes back as a talking car.

138
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:03,522
What do you mean? You laugh
at "Mister Ed" every night.

139
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,090
It's entirely different.

140
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:08,393
[sighs]
It's a talking horse.

141
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:10,028
What's the difference?

142
00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:14,766
First of all,
Ed did not "come back".

143
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,869
And second,
there's no physical way

144
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,005
that a car can talk.

145
00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:22,374
Well, that's not
necessarily true.

146
00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:24,443
- If, let's say, the car--
- Honey, honey.

147
00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:26,745
Please don't let him suck
you into this conversation.

148
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:28,447
- I'm gonna win this time.
- Mm-mmm.

149
00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:29,848
Listen, a car is a machine--

150
00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:31,316
Well..

151
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:32,884
...guess what happened.

152
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,619
You didn't get the part.

153
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,388
Will you stop that!

154
00:07:36,390 --> 00:07:37,789
Tell us, honey.

155
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,058
I didn't get the part.

156
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,793
There'll be other roles.

157
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:45,363
I know. I got one.
It's one line.

158
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:48,967
I share it with six other
students. I'm a knight.

159
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,369
I don't even get to
play my own gender.

160
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:54,840
I told you you should've
shown a little leg.

161
00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:56,007
[knock on door]

162
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,943
(Neal)
'It's me, Neal.'

163
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,046
- Hi.
- Hi, everybody.

164
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:03,949
Willie, I wanna thank
you for forcing me

165
00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:07,118
to see what
a...a fool I've been.

166
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,453
What are you
talking about, Neal?

167
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:10,889
Well, I was up all night
thinking about Margaret

168
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,123
and-and you were right.

169
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:14,793
I mean, we had an
empty marriage.

170
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:17,395
She used me as her cook,
her masseur

171
00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:19,631
until just the right
credit dentist came along.

172
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:22,133
I mean, I don't know why
I didn't see through her.

173
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:24,536
You could barely see around her.

174
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,039
So, I acted on my feelings

175
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,242
and I-I did the
only thing I could.

176
00:08:30,244 --> 00:08:33,745
[gasps]
You threw her body
in the trunk of your car?!

177
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,947
It's always the quiet ones.

178
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,116
No.

179
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,384
Margaret's at the airport

180
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,152
and I told her to
take a cab here

181
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,255
because I didn't
wanna see her alone.

182
00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:44,389
What?!

183
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,557
Well I didn't think

184
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,526
Willie should reject her
for me on the phone.

185
00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:49,628
It's so impersonal.

186
00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:52,764
Neal, I hope you
understand, for your sake

187
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:55,033
why Willie can't
do this for you.

188
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,537
Oh, please,
just this once Willie.

189
00:08:58,539 --> 00:08:59,905
[chuckling]

190
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,373
Forget it.

191
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,843
Fine. I'll do it myself.

192
00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:07,746
But this is the last
favor I do for you.

193
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:10,048
Spoken like a true invertebrate.

194
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:14,419
[instrumental music]

195
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:19,324
What could be
taking her so long?

196
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:22,127
Maybe she met another
dentist on her way here

197
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:24,930
and is being worked
on as we speak.

198
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:27,365
What?

199
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,935
[doorbell rings]

200
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:33,138
Willie, at least
tell me what to do.

201
00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:35,040
Just be honest, Neal.

202
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:37,342
Tell her that you
appreciate her feelings.

203
00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:39,978
You just don't
happen to share them.

204
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,846
Yeah, and don't let the door

205
00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:44,182
hit her big butt on the way out.

206
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,084
- ALF!
- I've seen pictures.

207
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,686
I'm allowed an opinion.

208
00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:54,593
Hello, Neal.

209
00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,529
Margaret!

210
00:09:57,531 --> 00:09:58,830
You look..

211
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,332
...wonderful!

212
00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:03,001
W-wh-what'd you do to yourself?

213
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:06,471
Oh, gosh. Well, let's see, uh..

214
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:08,907
...it was a combination
of joining a gym..

215
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,942
...running three miles a day..

216
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,410
...eating only healthy foods.

217
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:14,613
But mostly it was
the extensive surgery.

218
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:20,218
Most women wouldn't
be so honest about that.

219
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,954
I think I've paid the price
for lying, don't you?

220
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,064
You look well.

221
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:34,532
So do you.

222
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:36,468
'Uh..'

223
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:40,639
So how much did you lose,
60, 80 pounds?

224
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:44,209
You always did know
the right thing to say.

225
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:50,181
I know I've hurt you.

226
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,350
And I have no right

227
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:54,552
to ask you to give
me another chance.

228
00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:00,992
But I'm asking.

229
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,662
Get your popcorn.
Get your flakes.

230
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:06,031
Get your sugar daddies.

231
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,766
Get away from the pass-through.

232
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,167
Give him a little privacy.

233
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,236
But she's got him
on the ropes, Willie.

234
00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:13,571
She's pounding his midsection.

235
00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:15,974
What's keeping him up?

236
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:18,309
Uh-oh. Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

237
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:19,778
[whispering]
What? What?

238
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:24,082
[jazz music]

239
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,585
Not since Tyson and Givens

240
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:30,388
has a man been so
outmatched in the ring.

241
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,730
[instrumental music]

242
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:41,633
We should invite
Margaret and Neal

243
00:11:41,635 --> 00:11:43,134
to go to the movies with us.

244
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,969
Huh! Only if you
take them to see

245
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:47,172
"Throw Margaret from the Train."

246
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,207
ALF, Margaret and Neal

247
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,109
have rekindled
something in each other

248
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:53,745
and no matter how
much that repels us

249
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:56,581
it looks like she's gonna
be around for a while.

250
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,750
- Willie.
- I'm sorry, Kate.

251
00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,919
I don't like her.
I didn't like her then

252
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:03,121
and I don't trust her now.

253
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,656
Oh, what the heck?

254
00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:06,558
Let's go to the movies.

255
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,660
Well, anyway,
it's not for us to judge

256
00:12:08,662 --> 00:12:10,428
what mutually
destructive qualities

257
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:12,931
two people need
to make them happy.

258
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:15,400
I think we should
just stay out of it.

259
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,001
It's too late, anyway.

260
00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:19,404
The guy's so
ripped, he's butter.

261
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,707
Just stay out of trouble.

262
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:27,345
[instrumental music]

263
00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:29,914
(Del Rubio)
'This is Joey Del Rubio'

264
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:32,383
'and I can show you how
to make a million dollars'

265
00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:33,518
'in your spare time.'

266
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,253
'I did it, and so can you.'

267
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,222
Well, do us all a favor.

268
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:40,625
Take 20 bucks out and
get your tooth cleaned.

269
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:42,393
[telephone ringing]

270
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,462
(Del Rubio)
'29.95. What's
more, you'll have...'

271
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,231
Hello.

272
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:47,932
Oh, hi, Neal.

273
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,601
What's up, dude?

274
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,836
[shower running]
Yeah, is Willie there?

275
00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:53,671
Anybody?

276
00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:57,575
Darn, we're so excited about our
news and there's nobody to tell.

277
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:59,844
Oh, then let me find someone.

278
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:04,516
[deep voice]
Hello? You're the guy
with the news, huh?

279
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:07,051
Sorry, ALF.

280
00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:09,621
Margaret and I
are getting married.

281
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:11,189
What?!

282
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:14,225
Yeah! We're driving to
Vegas to tie the knot.

283
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,393
But, Neal..

284
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:16,861
(Margaret)
'Honey?'

285
00:13:16,863 --> 00:13:18,930
Uh, listen, I gotta go.

286
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:21,666
Uh, tell everybody the
good news for me, okay? Bye.

287
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:23,001
But, Neal, wait! Don't..

288
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,169
[click, dial tone]

289
00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:25,637
...hang up.

290
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:27,205
Oh!

291
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,541
This had to happen on my watch.

292
00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:33,711
Do I sit by and do nothing

293
00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:36,581
or risk all and save
the poor schlub?

294
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,318
Well..

295
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,687
...it is Vegas.

296
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,923
And there is that
sock of quarters

297
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,658
Brian's been saving.

298
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:51,362
[instrumental music]

299
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,734
Just think, in less than an hour

300
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:59,337
we're going to be
husband and wife.

301
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:01,506
Again.

302
00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:04,475
And my sister and her four sons

303
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:06,377
could move back in with us.

304
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:08,213
She's down to 280 now

305
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,882
and she's practically
back on her feet.

306
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,884
You like sissy, don't you, Neal?

307
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,224
[gasps]
Look out!

308
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:21,426
[brakes squeal]

309
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,229
Where were you going?

310
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:27,165
I, uh...guess I was having..

311
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:30,602
...one too many
happy thoughts. Uh..

312
00:14:30,604 --> 00:14:32,403
[clears throat]

313
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:33,438
You know-you know, Margaret

314
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,874
I-I was thinking, um..

315
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:39,010
...it wouldn't be so bad if we
lived in Los Angeles, would it?

316
00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:42,580
Do you have to make an issue
out of where we're gonna live?

317
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:45,416
Well, it-it's just that I-I
like Los Angeles, and I--

318
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:49,888
Honey, let's not argue
on our wedding night.

319
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:52,891
Let's pop for the
swankiest room in town.

320
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,659
Maybe the hotel with the cowboy

321
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,861
with the arm that
goes like this...

322
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:03,568
[horn honking]

323
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,103
[gasps]

324
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:08,706
Honestly, honey, your happy
thoughts are gonna kill us.

325
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:14,279
[instrumental music]

326
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,551
You mind if I go in first?

327
00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:22,453
I'd like to freshen up for you.

328
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,656
I'm still not happy
with this face.

329
00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:35,700
You really stepped
in it this time, Neal.

330
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:38,469
Have you gone crazy?
What are you doing here?

331
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:40,538
I came to see Rickles.

332
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:42,941
I came to stop you from making

333
00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:45,610
the biggest
mistake of your life.

334
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:46,844
Again.

335
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,713
Do Willie and Kate
know you're here?

336
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:51,783
Yeah, yeah. I had a hall pass.
My dog ate it.

337
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,320
Look, ALF, I appreciate
your concern.

338
00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:58,156
But this is none
of your business.

339
00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,958
I wanna do this.

340
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,493
Well, if I were a
strict Freudian

341
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:05,763
I'd say your forays
into oncoming traffic

342
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:09,567
belay a deep
underlying scarediness.

343
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,704
You picked up on that, huh?

344
00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:15,139
What are you
thinking about, man?

345
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,407
Well..

346
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:18,142
...we were..

347
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,144
...in the throes of, well..

348
00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:21,379
...reuniting, and--

349
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:22,981
Whoa! Stop. Stop.

350
00:16:22,983 --> 00:16:24,615
Stop, stop.

351
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:27,318
Why am I doubting myself?

352
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:31,422
Could it be because your blood's
on its way back to your brain?

353
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:33,391
What am I doing?

354
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:34,859
I'm just gonna go in there

355
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:38,496
and put this happiest
day of my life behind me.

356
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,465
Oh, will you forget Margaret!

357
00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:43,601
We're in the most
exciting city in Nevada.

358
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:47,238
Donny Osmond's opening
for Morey Amsterdam.

359
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:50,341
We could go to the
Liberace museum.

360
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,543
Or look for a free breakfast.

361
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,414
[car door closes]

362
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,883
There's so much to do.

363
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,885
And me without clothes.

364
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:07,825
[indistinct wedding ceremony]

365
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,665
It's not lady Di's wedding.

366
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:18,736
But then again, she didn't
get a free pull on the slots.

367
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:23,641
I now pronounce
you man and wife.

368
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,479
Congratulations.

369
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,348
Now, here's your setup.

370
00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:31,682
The paper plates
are on the table.

371
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:33,618
So go hit the buffet.

372
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:37,088
Number 41.

373
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,456
Forty one.

374
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:39,924
(both)
Right here!

375
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,031
[clears throat]

376
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:49,133
"It always warms my
heart to see two people

377
00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:51,002
so madly in love."

378
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:55,807
Now, the basic wedding is $45.

379
00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:59,043
The videotape, the flowers, and
the rice, that's an extra 75.

380
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:03,648
We offer an Elvis witness for
$50 or the fat Elvis for 35.

381
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,317
So?

382
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:08,853
Uh...just the basic wedding.

383
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:12,590
Were those guys
ever a bad investment.

384
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:15,093
[sighs]

385
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:16,194
[organ music plays]

386
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:17,829
We are gathered here to join

387
00:18:17,831 --> 00:18:20,832
Neal Tanner
and Margaret Tanner.

388
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,969
Wh...are you two first cousins?

389
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:28,139
'Cause you're gonna have
to go to Texas for that.

390
00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:30,808
No. It's a long story.

391
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,010
With a happy ending,
right, Neal?

392
00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:37,215
Uh...I know this is
inappropriate, but, uh..

393
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:38,416
...I'll be right back.

394
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,017
Is something wrong, honey?

395
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,686
Uh, no, I'm, uh, I'm fine.

396
00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:43,955
I just, uh, need to
run to the rest room

397
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,757
and, uh, throw myself a
quick bachelor party.

398
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,462
Number 43.

399
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:52,730
Forty three.

400
00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:58,569
ALF.

401
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:00,538
Neal, you're in luck.

402
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:01,839
I found a girl for you that

403
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:04,709
has all the qualities
Margaret lacks.

404
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,911
Plus she takes Visa.

405
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:10,181
Why do you suppose that is?

406
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:11,983
Put that down.

407
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:13,351
Okay.

408
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,886
So, are you married?

409
00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:16,254
No.

410
00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:17,755
We got as far as the vows

411
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:21,893
and I realized that
I don't love her anymore.

412
00:19:21,895 --> 00:19:23,394
Yes! Yes!

413
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:24,896
Start the car!

414
00:19:24,898 --> 00:19:27,231
Hop in the backseat. I'll drive.

415
00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:31,068
This way we won't attract
attention to ourselves.

416
00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:32,770
What am I gonna do?

417
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:36,474
What-what if Margaret's
the only one who will want me?

418
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:39,677
Then...take this
sock of quarters

419
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,612
and buy a gun.

420
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,382
That's it.

421
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,783
I go-I gotta tell her.

422
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:48,052
I-I just don't know how
to break it to her. I..

423
00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:50,721
Take a deep breath.

424
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:53,224
Try to imagine life
in ten years.

425
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:56,027
Your survival instinct
should kick in after that.

426
00:19:58,097 --> 00:19:59,130
Okay.

427
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:01,766
[car door closes]

428
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:05,536
What you babes are missing.

429
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:13,911
How was the party?

430
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,980
[sighs]
Nobody came.

431
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,182
Pretty flimsy.

432
00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:20,718
Yeah.

433
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:23,788
I know.

434
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,122
What's the matter?

435
00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:27,692
You can tell me anything.
You know that.

436
00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:31,729
Margaret...I--

437
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,764
Wait, wait.
Let's get married first.

438
00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:35,099
We can talk later.

439
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:38,302
Believe me, I never
wanted to hurt you.

440
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,875
Margaret...don't
do this to yourself.

441
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:46,210
Get your own plate.

442
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:48,079
Margaret, give me this.

443
00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:51,315
You have never
forgiven me, have you?

444
00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:53,184
No, it's not that.

445
00:20:53,186 --> 00:20:55,853
It's just that..

446
00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:56,954
[sighs]

447
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:59,156
I don't love you
anymore, Margaret.

448
00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:02,226
I don't understand.

449
00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:04,562
Just three hours ago in
short, quick breaths

450
00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:06,030
you made it quite clear that--

451
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,299
I know, I know but I think
that came more out of

452
00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:10,768
who we used to be
than who we are now.

453
00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:14,405
I never should have left you.

454
00:21:14,407 --> 00:21:15,640
Maybe.

455
00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:19,877
But we're different people now.

456
00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:21,879
And hopefully we'll
come out of this

457
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:24,015
stronger and better.

458
00:21:25,718 --> 00:21:27,785
Well, I guess that's that.

459
00:21:30,223 --> 00:21:31,689
Still friends?

460
00:21:32,492 --> 00:21:34,225
Oh, of course.

461
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:44,468
Can I give you a lift back?

462
00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:45,836
Nah.

463
00:21:45,838 --> 00:21:48,506
I've got a thumb
and a pretty nice leg

464
00:21:48,508 --> 00:21:50,241
now, thanks to Dr. Marcus.

465
00:21:50,243 --> 00:21:52,043
[chuckles]

466
00:21:52,045 --> 00:21:54,245
- I'll be fine.
- I know.

467
00:21:55,948 --> 00:21:58,482
Take care of yourself, Neal.

468
00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:00,551
You, too.

469
00:22:00,553 --> 00:22:01,686
[bell dings, coins clinking]

470
00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:02,953
(ALF)
'Ha, yes!'

471
00:22:02,955 --> 00:22:05,156
'Two cherries and a watermelon!'

472
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:14,165
[instrumental music]

473
00:22:16,469 --> 00:22:18,102
Well, on behalf of all of us

474
00:22:18,104 --> 00:22:21,672
I-I really feel you
made the right decision.

475
00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:25,009
I tell you, it was a pretty
painful, lonely drive back.

476
00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:27,478
Quit complaining.

477
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,980
You slept most of the way.

478
00:22:29,982 --> 00:22:31,949
I still say you did
the right thing.

479
00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:34,552
I just expressed that, honey.

480
00:22:34,554 --> 00:22:36,320
Oh, good.

481
00:22:36,322 --> 00:22:38,089
The only thing I
question is the wisdom

482
00:22:38,091 --> 00:22:42,159
of taking ALF to
see a Las Vegas show.

483
00:22:42,161 --> 00:22:45,329
Oh. Well, Margaret did
leave her parka in the backseat

484
00:22:45,331 --> 00:22:48,399
and fortunately,
ALF looks way over 21.

485
00:22:49,268 --> 00:22:50,835
Still..

486
00:22:50,837 --> 00:22:54,271
Willie, we were at
"Nudes on Ice."

487
00:22:54,273 --> 00:22:57,842
Trust me, nobody was
looking at the audience.

488
00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:06,083
[instrumental music]

489
00:23:30,643 --> 00:23:33,177
Ha ha ha!

490
00:23:34,046 --> 00:23:37,248
[instrumental music]