1
00:00:02,770 --> 00:00:04,236
Hi.
2
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:07,106
Hi, Lynnie.
How's the painting coming?
3
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,874
Be honest.
4
00:00:08,876 --> 00:00:10,843
What do you think?
5
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:15,147
Sorry, babe.
It doesn't speak to me.
6
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:16,448
Next.
7
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:18,884
I, I think it's very nice.
8
00:00:18,886 --> 00:00:21,787
It looks good enough to eat.
9
00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:24,423
So you didn't get
the conflicting disharmony
10
00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:26,792
Between man and nature?
11
00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:30,796
[chuckles]
I have to be honest, Lynne.
12
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:33,932
Uh, I'm afraid all I see
is a very happy pear.
13
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:38,003
Lynne, a word to the wise.
14
00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:39,171
Forget art.
15
00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:40,806
Stick with plan A.
16
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:43,142
Throw yourself
at the first rich man
17
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:45,444
to come along.
18
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:48,313
No. This class
means a lot to me.
19
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:51,917
It's being taught by a very
respected artist in residence.
20
00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:54,520
What, he couldn't
afford a place of his own?
21
00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:58,924
- It means that he's--
- I know what it means.
22
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:01,226
You know, I happen to
have a nodding acquaintance
23
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:02,961
with painting myself.
24
00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:05,531
I've seen you
paint yourself many times.
25
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:09,601
Go ahead, mock me.
26
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:12,504
But I was quite the artist
in my time.
27
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:15,374
I could paint
any canvas any color
28
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:17,443
For $29.95.
29
00:01:17,445 --> 00:01:20,446
No ups, no extras.
30
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,648
You know, I just had a thought.
31
00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:25,384
Perhaps if you were to
rekindle your interest in art
32
00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:28,220
it might be a less
destructive and costly way
33
00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:31,557
for you to spend
your idle hours.
34
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:35,761
You know, the ones between
waking up and falling asleep.
35
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,796
Oh, ha-ha.
36
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:40,065
Courtesy laugh.
37
00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:43,469
Willie, I accept your offer.
38
00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:46,638
So, Kate, ever done
any nude modeling?
39
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:51,543
Talk about
a conflicting disharmony
40
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,812
between man and nature.
41
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,347
Oh!
42
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:59,351
[theme music]
43
00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:29,548
[music continues]
44
00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:00,112
[Ride Of The Valkyries]
45
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,426
Oh, I'm worthless!
46
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:15,661
I'm nothing!
47
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:18,263
I'm a disappointment
to my parents.
48
00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:20,432
Willie, spit on me.
49
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,569
I just took an antihistamine.
50
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,404
Otherwise..
51
00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:28,707
What are you doing, anyway?
52
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:31,944
I'm suffering for my art.
53
00:03:31,946 --> 00:03:35,013
Is it necessary that
we all suffer along with you?
54
00:03:36,483 --> 00:03:38,817
Well, I need inspiration.
55
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:42,354
I'm thinking about
cutting something off.
56
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:45,023
May I make a suggestion?
57
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:47,492
Oh, I knew a mere
civil servant like you
58
00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:49,494
wouldn't understand.
59
00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:53,832
I, on the other hand, have to
make a statement with my life.
60
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:56,835
And you plan to do
it with peanut butter?
61
00:03:56,837 --> 00:04:00,172
Yeah. It was one of those
happy accidents.
62
00:04:00,174 --> 00:04:03,609
I've also done some
interesting things with pasta.
63
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,777
You wanna buy it?
64
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,379
$39.95.
65
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:10,282
No ups, no extras.
66
00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:13,852
I'm afraid it'd be wasted
on a mere civil servant like me.
67
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,954
Remember?
68
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,457
I like a man
who knows his place.
69
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,193
Goodnight, ALF.
70
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,663
Let's see.
71
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,999
Maybe I need to
torture myself some more.
72
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,201
But how?
73
00:04:29,203 --> 00:04:31,470
They won't let me have matches.
74
00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:36,675
Aah. Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
75
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:38,510
Ok, I'll paint! I'll paint!
76
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:41,146
Just let go!
77
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:42,481
Yeah, yeah.
78
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:43,882
Better.
79
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:47,986
[instrumental music]
80
00:04:50,224 --> 00:04:53,225
[humming]
81
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:58,797
Stop it!
82
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:01,700
I'm sorry.
83
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,935
I didn't get
any sleep last night.
84
00:05:05,039 --> 00:05:06,872
Nobody did.
85
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,307
Who would've thought
that ALF could
86
00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:11,610
whistle Wagner for eight hours?
87
00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:14,813
Especially considering
he's got no lips.
88
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,216
Good morning, Tanners!
89
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,485
Isn't it a beautiful day?
90
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:23,155
Not after what you
put us through, no.
91
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:24,890
Do you want pancakes or not?
92
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:27,526
No, thanks. I'm done suffering.
93
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:30,929
Besides, I finished my..
94
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,964
...masterpiece.
95
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,600
Masterpiece?
96
00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:37,636
Everybody, it's time
for the unveiling.
97
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:38,870
Step into the gallery.
98
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,706
Stay behind the velvet ropes.
99
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:42,341
No flash photography.
100
00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:45,143
Check your guns at the door.
101
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:46,545
Come on.
102
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,714
Let's get this over with.
103
00:05:52,619 --> 00:05:54,286
Okay, okay.
104
00:05:54,288 --> 00:05:58,123
First I'll start with
a biography of the artist.
105
00:05:58,125 --> 00:05:59,891
He was just 17.
106
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,460
You know what I mean.
107
00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:02,794
And the way he looked
108
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:05,130
is way beyond compare.
109
00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:07,799
ALF, just uncover
the damn thing.
110
00:06:09,103 --> 00:06:10,135
Fine, fine.
111
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:13,071
Americans rush,
rush, rush, rush, rush.
112
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:15,140
Huh!
113
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:16,842
Ta-da!
114
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:20,345
Looks like something
I saw at traffic school.
115
00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:25,283
Thank you, Kate.
I was worried you'd ridicule it.
116
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,886
So, Lynne, don't you think
your art teacher
117
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:30,322
would want the privilege
of seeing it?
118
00:06:30,324 --> 00:06:33,024
Hint, hint, hint.
119
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:36,128
Sorry, babe.
It doesn't speak to me.
120
00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:38,930
But your teacher's
a famous artist.
121
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:40,532
Let him judge my work.
122
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:42,367
- Nope.
- Why not?
123
00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:44,703
Because you're not in his class.
124
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:47,205
But this could be my big break!
125
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:50,842
My one-way ticket
out of here, forever.
126
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:53,145
Take the painting.
I know it's a long shot.
127
00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:54,646
Mom!
128
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:57,849
[sighs]
I can dream, can't I?
129
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:00,519
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've only got a couple of hours
130
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:04,322
to make my pear cry out
for the loss of humanity.
131
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:07,692
You know her problem?
132
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:09,594
She doesn't have
a tortured soul.
133
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:12,264
[scoffs]
She can have mine.
134
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,601
What does she mean?
What does she mean?
135
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,570
Huh?
136
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:21,773
[instrumental music]
137
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:25,911
Very good.
138
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,047
- Mr. Reuben?
- Mm-hmm.
139
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,649
Do you think
I'm making a proper use
140
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:32,317
of negative space here?
141
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:35,954
I'm trying for a primitive,
brooding sensibility.
142
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:39,024
Another art major.
Somebody call security.
143
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,327
Wally, you're doing fine.
144
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,430
A-ha, a nude.
145
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:48,033
Jeff, Jeff, Jeff,
you quiet little thing you.
146
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:50,635
I don't have to
worry about you anymore.
147
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,204
Very attractive.
148
00:07:52,206 --> 00:07:54,239
Thank you.
149
00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:57,375
Well..
150
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:59,010
You two..
151
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:01,346
Well, I like to think
I brought you lugs together.
152
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,785
Mm-hmm.
153
00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:11,423
- Hi, Lynne.
- Hi, Mr. Reuben.
154
00:08:11,425 --> 00:08:14,125
You keep a neat work area.
155
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:14,993
Thank you.
156
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,261
Do you perchance have
157
00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:17,829
anything to show me?
158
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,097
I make it a point never to
159
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:22,334
follow children or nudes.
160
00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:23,702
Oh, Lynne.
161
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,003
[sighs]
162
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,072
Let's have a look-see.
163
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,308
[gasps]
Mr. Reuben, I can explain!
164
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,410
Well, not without stretching
reality, but I can. See--
165
00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:34,446
Class, class..
166
00:08:34,448 --> 00:08:35,814
Oh, no.
167
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:38,083
I want you to see something.
168
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,624
What do you think?
169
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:48,126
- I'll tell you what you think.
- In my defense, Mr. Reuben.
170
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:50,328
I think I should tell you
this is a mistake.
171
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,998
No, no, no, Lynne.
There are no mistakes.
172
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,766
I am seeing a side of you
173
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:57,502
that I have never seen before.
174
00:08:57,504 --> 00:08:58,937
And it's brave.
175
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:02,207
Raw, but inspired.
176
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:04,409
Very good work.
177
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:06,111
Actually, uh
178
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:10,749
I was a little
more fond of, of this.
179
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:11,883
Ah.
180
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,084
(all)
Ah.
181
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:14,586
- Nah.
- Nah.
182
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:17,355
No, that we put
in a model home in the Valley.
183
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:22,694
But this? This speaks
from your soul.
184
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:25,564
Is this spinach fettuccine?
185
00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:27,198
Uh, yes.
186
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,101
Lynne, you've made
great strides here.
187
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:33,038
You have combined
the stylistic elements
188
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,740
of Pollock, Rauschenberg
189
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:36,942
Jasper Johns..
190
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:38,510
Chef Boyardee.
191
00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:39,945
[laughs]
192
00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:41,780
[class laughs]
193
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:44,516
Toadies. I love them.
194
00:09:44,518 --> 00:09:47,519
[instrumental music]
195
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,156
You are in big trouble, mister.
196
00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:53,858
You've got a lot of
explaining to do.
197
00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,160
Oh, Willie, Willie.
198
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,828
You're a constant disappointment
199
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:59,030
to Kate and me.
200
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,366
Do you know what he did?
201
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:04,269
He stuffed his painting
in my portfolio
202
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,705
thinking somehow
Mr. Reuben would critique it
203
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,073
before I could find it.
204
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:11,242
Oh, that was an
awfully stupid plan, ALF.
205
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:13,478
That's what I thought at first.
206
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,180
It worked. I knew it!
207
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:16,848
I knew watching
"The Brady Bunch"
208
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,249
wasn't a waste of time!
209
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:20,819
What did he have to say?
Huh, huh, huh?
210
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:22,554
Oh, great. The fun part.
211
00:10:22,556 --> 00:10:24,389
Now I get to tell him.
212
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,558
I knew it. He hated it.
213
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:29,060
Excuse me while I open a vein.
214
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,863
Wait, ALF,
before you make a mess
215
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:34,366
the truth is he liked it.
216
00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:36,501
He said it was brave
217
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:39,471
raw, and inspired.
218
00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:41,272
Oh, joy!
219
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:42,874
Oh, rapture!
220
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,910
My day and a half of
suffering has paid off.
221
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:49,114
You mean it's possible
222
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:53,118
that this could
truly be a work of art?
223
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,855
And so the breakdown of
human civilization begins.
224
00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:00,091
This is horrible.
225
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:02,594
Mr. Reuben thinks I have talent.
226
00:11:02,596 --> 00:11:04,062
What am I going to do?
227
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:07,098
Oh, how do you get yourself
into these things?
228
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:09,768
What you did was thoughtless
229
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:12,237
selfish, and egotistical.
230
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,941
You spend your life raising them
231
00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:19,310
and this is the thanks you get.
232
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:25,383
[Ride Of The Valkyries]
233
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:36,828
No, it's wrong.
234
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:39,064
It's all wrong!
235
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:43,234
Hey, ALF, I got
the supplies you wanted.
236
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,003
Where have you been?
237
00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:46,771
I can't work like this!
238
00:11:46,773 --> 00:11:48,173
I'm a genius.
239
00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:52,210
I don't have to stand for
this incompetence.
240
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,245
Thanks, guy.
241
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:56,347
What's going on with you?
242
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:58,783
Well, Lloyd Reuben
thinks I'm a genius.
243
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:02,787
And as a genius, I'm entitled
to throw meaningless tantrums
244
00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:04,756
from time to time.
245
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:06,991
So get used to it!
246
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:09,094
[softly]
Okay?
247
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:12,530
[chuckles]
I think I liked you better
as a constant drain.
248
00:12:14,301 --> 00:12:16,000
Hi, dad.
249
00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:19,637
ALF, where did all these
paintings come from?
250
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:22,373
I had a sudden
burst of inspiration.
251
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:25,076
I discovered Luther Vandross
252
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,779
Well, boogie down Broadway.
253
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:29,681
Where am I supposed to work?
254
00:12:29,683 --> 00:12:31,082
Will you stop it!
255
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,384
Will you all just stop it!
256
00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:38,189
Oh! Why was I cursed
with such talent?
257
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,391
[sighs]
258
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:45,563
Um, at the risk of
being yelled at
259
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:47,565
don't you think you're
overreacting just a bit?
260
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:50,401
I mean, just because he liked
your first painting--
261
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:51,870
Wake up.
262
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:54,038
Someday, with Lloyd's help
263
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,840
I'm going to be famous!
264
00:12:55,842 --> 00:12:58,276
[laughs]
265
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:02,981
Oh, I could be right up there
with Gauguin, Picasso
266
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:04,516
Red Skelton.
267
00:13:04,518 --> 00:13:07,318
We could hang together
and do lunch!
268
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,088
You know those guys
get the best tables.
269
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:12,323
I don't think
you're gonna be
270
00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:14,626
dining with Gauguin.
271
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:18,229
Maybe not at first,
but you'll see.
272
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:21,332
People will be dropping my name
at dinner parties.
273
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:24,235
And you know what comes
with that kind of fame?
274
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,905
Two weeks
in the Betty Ford Center?
275
00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:29,140
Ancillary rights
276
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,775
greeting cards
277
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:32,076
coffee mugs.
278
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:34,512
That's what art is all about!
279
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:35,713
Ask Garfield
280
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:38,483
if you can ever
get him on the phone.
281
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:41,186
As long as you're in it
for all the right reasons.
282
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:42,487
Now, if you will excuse me
283
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,290
I have my own painting
to work on.
284
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:49,894
Wait, Lynne. Don't you want
my professional opinion?
285
00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:51,296
I'd rather
poke myself in the eye
286
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,765
with a sharp stick.
287
00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:55,533
Lack of confidence.
288
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:57,569
Not a good sign.
289
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:09,214
[groans]
P.U! Stinkaroni.
290
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:11,583
Set off a smoke detector,
why don't ya?
291
00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:12,917
- Dad!
- ALF!
292
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:16,187
Lynne's been working very hard
on that painting.
293
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,256
Haven't you ever
heard the expression
294
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:20,458
"beating a dead horse"?
295
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,260
[laughs]
296
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:25,430
[instrumental music]
297
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,733
Alright, now, before we adjourn
298
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,368
who had a chance
to read the review
299
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,637
of my gallery opening downtown?
300
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:35,940
I just happen to have a copy.
301
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:37,942
Who wants to read?
302
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:39,477
Ellen.
303
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:40,712
[clears throat]
304
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:43,414
"With his current show,
Mr. Reuben has superbly shown
305
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:45,783
"the otherwise tame
Los Angeles art scene
306
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:48,820
"that neoclassicism is still
a valid and innovative form
307
00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:50,488
of two-dimensional expression."
308
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,623
Oh!
309
00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:52,757
[applause]
310
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:54,225
Well, thank you, thank you.
311
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,226
You know, if it had
come from me
312
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,594
it would have been boasting.
313
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:57,996
And, by the way, did I mention
314
00:14:57,998 --> 00:14:59,564
that if you buy anything
for $2,000 or more
315
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:02,000
you don't have to
take the final?
316
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:04,502
Alright, I'll see you
next week.
317
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:07,772
Say, Ellen, do you plan on
doing anymore posing?
318
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:15,380
Lynne, you had any
new breakthroughs this week?
319
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:18,182
Well, it may not be
as brave and raw
320
00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:19,417
as the last assignment
321
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:22,453
but it won't go stale, either.
322
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:25,223
Well.. It's, it's different.
323
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:27,158
It's just as valid.
324
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:31,029
Just as interpretive
in its own way.
325
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:33,598
You know, Lynne, once you
find your artistic voice
326
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,900
there's going to be
no shutting you up.
327
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:37,735
And that's good, right?
328
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:40,204
I think we should talk
about this over coffee.
329
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:41,539
In fact, we could
catch a gallery opening.
330
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:42,774
I hear mine's pretty good.
331
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:45,410
- In all modesty.
- So it's a date.
332
00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:47,779
In fact, there's
a great piano bar next door.
333
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:49,981
Sometimes Mel Torme
drops in and does a set.
334
00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:51,482
Uh, Mr. Reuben
335
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:53,518
I'm flattered, very, but--
336
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,053
Oh, wait a minute.
I-I'm going too fast.
337
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,254
Uh, forget the Mel thing.
338
00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:57,288
I-I forgot what age bracket
339
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,057
I was hitting on.
340
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:01,960
You neoclassicists
are all alike.
341
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:03,795
Mr. Reuben..
342
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:08,299
All that stuff you said
about brave and inspired?
343
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:13,137
Were you just saying that,
or do you really like my work?
344
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:17,475
Well...like is..
345
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,044
...is such a subjective term.
346
00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:21,612
I mean, art is art.
347
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:23,581
You know, there's no good,
there's no bad.
348
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,350
But you do have an opinion.
349
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:27,452
My opinion shouldn't matter.
350
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:30,521
- But you're the teacher.
- But I'm not a good one.
351
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:33,191
I thought you said
there was no good or bad.
352
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:35,693
You just complimented me
353
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:37,462
because you wanted to
go out with me.
354
00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:41,332
I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Let's start all over again.
355
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,868
I don't like your work.
356
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:45,503
Will you go out with me?
357
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,105
No.
358
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:49,374
You don't like me?
359
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:52,243
Like is such a subjective term.
360
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:59,283
[instrumental music]
361
00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:07,892
Hey, what's going on?
362
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:10,928
How come all your paintings
are stacked up in here?
363
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:14,499
I'm getting ready for
my first retrospective.
364
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:17,368
"ALF, The Early Weeks."
365
00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:19,637
Just get them all out of here
366
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:21,939
before they start to draw ants.
367
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:25,376
Hi, guys!
368
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,678
ALF, I have
something to tell you
369
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,581
that you might find
very interesting.
370
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:32,350
Good news?
371
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,919
It is to me. Ha!
372
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:38,856
Uh-oh. I detect
a stage-three smug alert.
373
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,693
Well, I'm trying to be
big about this
374
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:45,630
But it's just so darn hard.
375
00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:48,332
Lynne, it's not
nice to be petty.
376
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:50,568
I'm sorry, dad.
377
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:54,005
¶ Guess whose career
is in the toilet ¶
378
00:17:54,007 --> 00:17:56,674
Much better.
379
00:17:56,676 --> 00:18:00,478
Today in class, Mr. Reuben said
he liked my latest work.
380
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:04,348
Oh, finally, something
that makes sense on some level.
381
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:06,551
Wait, dad. It gets even better.
382
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,219
It turns out he only said it
383
00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:11,055
because he thought
I'd go out with him.
384
00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:13,091
So he lied to you?
385
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,826
[chuckles]
For a second there
386
00:18:14,828 --> 00:18:18,196
I was starting to
lose respect for the guy.
387
00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:20,665
So what are you going to wear?
388
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:23,668
As usual, you're not listening.
389
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:26,370
Mr. Reuben
never liked your work.
390
00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:28,906
Yours or mine.
Sinking in yet?
391
00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:33,978
So you're saying
this affects me.
392
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:36,447
Yes! I'm sorry, ALF.
393
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:37,882
But you're going to
have to forget about
394
00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:40,518
the greeting cards,
the coffee mugs
395
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,321
and the dinners with Gauguin.
396
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:44,388
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
397
00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:47,091
Lynne, we could still save this!
398
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:48,493
Go out with him!
399
00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:52,263
I'm not above
trading on your good looks.
400
00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:54,198
That is absolutely insulting.
401
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,667
Anyway, I already
transferred into another class.
402
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:59,437
Well, no! Go back! Please?
403
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:02,173
Please, please,
please, please, please?
404
00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:03,441
Well..
405
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:05,276
- Oh!
- That's it.
406
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:06,444
It's over.
407
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,546
I can't believe it.
408
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:11,215
My life no longer has meaning.
409
00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:14,685
Everything back to normal.
410
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:17,588
Well, you wanna split a soda?
411
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,223
- Okay.
- Hmm. Popcorn?
412
00:19:19,225 --> 00:19:20,324
Thanks.
413
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,527
[instrumental music]
414
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:25,062
My life is over.
415
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:28,666
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
416
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:31,035
ALF?
417
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:32,303
Yeah, what?
418
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:34,305
Can I come in?
419
00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:36,874
Suit yourself.
420
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:40,011
I noticed you didn't
come to dinner.
421
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:42,046
You okay?
422
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:45,917
Food only reminds me
of my shattered career.
423
00:19:45,919 --> 00:19:50,121
Besides...I've been
snacking off my early works.
424
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:52,657
I just wanted you to know
425
00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:54,525
that I guess I could've told you
426
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,561
in a more diplomatic way.
427
00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:58,996
It's just that
you were so obnoxious.
428
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:01,165
Yeah.
429
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:03,134
I'm going to miss those days.
430
00:20:03,136 --> 00:20:04,735
[chuckles]
They'll be back.
431
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:07,838
We're just
enjoying the breather.
432
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,808
Hey, when did you
start the fresco?
433
00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:14,412
Oh, now you're gonna tell me
you like it out of pity.
434
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:17,381
I resent that. Take it back.
435
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,617
Well, if it helps any
436
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:22,486
I really don't care for it
all that much.
437
00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:25,590
Don't patronize me.
438
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:28,526
ALF, what do you want?
439
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:30,561
Well, if you weren't
such a priss
440
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,863
I'd have a career by now!
441
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:36,534
[sighs]
Just because art doesn't
bring you money and fame
442
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:38,469
it's no reason to quit.
443
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:39,770
A lot of great artists
444
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,973
never lived to see
their own success.
445
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:45,643
Then what's the point?
446
00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:49,013
The point is,
if you like to paint, paint.
447
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,048
Oh, yeah, sure.
448
00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:53,951
What the world needs
is more mediocrity.
449
00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:57,388
Isn't first-run
syndication enough?
450
00:20:57,390 --> 00:21:00,725
Granted your art
may be mediocre..
451
00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:03,127
- Hey!
- See? You do care.
452
00:21:03,129 --> 00:21:05,196
So why don't you just
go ahead and finish it?
453
00:21:05,198 --> 00:21:06,764
You know, with no expectations
454
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:10,701
but just for the pure
pleasure of doing it.
455
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:13,704
So you're saying I should
spend hours on my back
456
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:16,974
suffering over some
cockamamie fresco
457
00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:20,745
all to gain some
inner satisfaction?
458
00:21:20,747 --> 00:21:23,080
That doesn't
sound very lucrative.
459
00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:24,248
[sighs]
460
00:21:24,250 --> 00:21:26,183
I give up. I tried.
461
00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:28,219
My conscience is clear.
462
00:21:29,689 --> 00:21:31,989
[sighs]
The pain.
463
00:21:32,925 --> 00:21:34,425
What's the use?
464
00:21:34,427 --> 00:21:36,093
Why go on?
465
00:21:36,095 --> 00:21:38,896
It's all kind of empty
without the promise of cash.
466
00:21:43,069 --> 00:21:45,536
[instrumental music]
467
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:50,841
I can't believe
those cranked out
468
00:21:50,843 --> 00:21:52,576
assembly line paintings of yours
469
00:21:52,578 --> 00:21:54,945
were the only things
that sold at our garage sale.
470
00:21:54,947 --> 00:21:58,849
Like they say, "Give the public
what they want."
471
00:21:58,851 --> 00:22:03,788
Well, they also say,
"There's one born every minute."
472
00:22:03,790 --> 00:22:07,291
And they all seem to live
on our block.
473
00:22:07,293 --> 00:22:08,559
So let's see.
474
00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:09,860
That's 13 paintings
475
00:22:09,862 --> 00:22:13,464
red-tagged to move at $19.95.
476
00:22:13,466 --> 00:22:15,533
No ups, no extras.
477
00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:18,469
That comes to roughly..
478
00:22:18,471 --> 00:22:21,372
...four million!
479
00:22:21,374 --> 00:22:27,578
Try $259.35.
480
00:22:27,580 --> 00:22:30,414
Well, I said roughly.
481
00:22:30,416 --> 00:22:33,150
Boy, you have an attitude.
482
00:22:33,152 --> 00:22:35,619
Chill out.
483
00:22:35,621 --> 00:22:38,823
[instrumental music]
484
00:22:43,463 --> 00:22:46,664
[instrumental music]
485
00:23:10,757 --> 00:23:13,924
[ALF laughing]