1
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,403
[ALF burps]

2
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:05,904
Stomach number four?

3
00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:10,042
Three. Number four still
hasn't digested that Reebok.

4
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,846
- Hi, everyone.
- 'Hi, dad.'

5
00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:17,383
Gentlemen, start your enzymes.

6
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:18,851
I'll get dinner.

7
00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:20,486
I'll help.

8
00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:23,589
- I'm sorry I'm late.
- Don't tell me.

9
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:26,025
That new guy at work
held you up again.

10
00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:29,628
Yeah. Once that Jim
starts talking to us

11
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,196
it's just impossible
to get away.

12
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:34,500
This time I actually had
my hand on the car door

13
00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:36,668
before he got me.

14
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,237
Who is this guy?

15
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:40,506
The idiot son of the boss?

16
00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:43,709
No, he's just an idiot.

17
00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:46,912
Well, you better not
be late tomorrow night.

18
00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:48,881
Or have you forgotten
about helping me

19
00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:50,783
put up the satellite dish?

20
00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:53,218
What satellite dish?

21
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,554
Oh. I ordered a satellite dish.

22
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,523
It'll be here tomorrow.

23
00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:59,324
Will you help me put it up?

24
00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:00,859
I'll help you send it back.

25
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:02,694
Can't, I bought it during their

26
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:06,632
"Absolutely No Refunds,
What Are You, Deaf?" Sale.

27
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,368
Absolutely no refunds?

28
00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:10,736
What are you, deaf?

29
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,705
[theme music]

30
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:33,759
[music continues]

31
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,745
[music continues]

32
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:17,870
(Jim)
But how many canals are
actually being built today?

33
00:02:17,872 --> 00:02:19,671
I really like
your car, Willie.

34
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:20,706
I don't know why
people are always

35
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:22,608
bad-mouthing domestic cars.

36
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:24,276
There are more important
things than good mileage

37
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:25,611
styling and resale value.

38
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:28,814
Thank you, Jim.

39
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,216
Please. I keep asking you

40
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:32,951
call me "Jimbo".

41
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,855
N-no.

42
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:39,591
Come on. I'm the only Jim
you'll ever meet

43
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,293
who'll let you
call him "Jimbo".

44
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:42,494
Live a little, Willie.

45
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,029
I am living.

46
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:46,865
So, uh, you from
California originally?

47
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,700
I was born in Seattle.

48
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:52,471
I attended school,
graduating in 1974 from NYU.

49
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:53,872
I worked in record promotions

50
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:56,108
prior to my current job
at Social Services.

51
00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:58,911
My hobbies are saving whales
and driving my DeLorean.

52
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:03,916
- That's quite a life.
- No book offers yet. Ha ha!

53
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,287
Speaking of your DeLorean..

54
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:10,789
Um, when are you gonna
get it out of the shop?

55
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,257
I'm in no hurry.

56
00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:15,294
I'd rather they fix it
right than fast.

57
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:16,795
Fast is good, too.

58
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:20,032
Well..

59
00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:21,633
Here we are.

60
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,635
This is my apartment.

61
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:26,171
It's lovely. Goodnight.

62
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:27,606
When you said you'd
take me home tonight

63
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:30,008
I assumed...you meant
your home.

64
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:33,245
Well, why would you..

65
00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:35,847
I mean, what made
you think that?

66
00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:40,052
I just assumed you invited
me home to dinner.

67
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:41,486
Oh.

68
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,121
Oh, no, that's okay.

69
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:46,258
I'm getting pretty good
at making macaroni and cheese.

70
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,193
I'll get better when
they fix my stove.

71
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:53,465
I remember home cooked meals
with my folks..

72
00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:55,400
...when they were still alive.

73
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,069
Boy..

74
00:03:57,071 --> 00:04:00,272
You just never appreciate stuff
like that until it's gone.

75
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,709
You know, ordinarily

76
00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:07,346
I'd love to invite you, Jim-bo.

77
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:10,916
- But--
- Oh, no, I'd never impose!

78
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,252
It's against the orphans' creed.

79
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:22,794
- I don't suppose you--
- Love to.

80
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,863
Can I bring a can or something?

81
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,334
[instrumental music]

82
00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:34,706
- How's it going?
- Lousy.

83
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,441
I'm getting a lot of static

84
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:39,444
and for once, it's not
coming from Kate. Ha!

85
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,415
Ha ha!

86
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,384
It says here that,
"The satellite dish

87
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:47,085
"must be in an open area

88
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:49,488
so nothing blocks its signal."

89
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:50,989
Then there's only one solution.

90
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:53,759
I must tear down the garage.

91
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,028
Where's dad?

92
00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:57,429
He called a little while ago.

93
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,998
He's bringing Jim Hutchinson
home for dinner.

94
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,199
What?

95
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:03,635
Why didn't you tell me
this when he called?

96
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,971
I thought it would give you
less time to bellyache.

97
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:09,107
Why don't you bring
the portable TV

98
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:10,909
out to the garage with you?

99
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,477
What's the point?

100
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:15,347
The dish isn't working,
Willie promised to help me

101
00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:17,783
and now he's bringing
home strays.

102
00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:23,121
You're just lucky we're letting
you keep that satellite dish.

103
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:25,791
Don't use the words,
"lucky" and "dish"

104
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:28,160
in the same sentence
unless you mean it.

105
00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:30,529
[horn honking]

106
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:31,897
Dad's home.

107
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:34,633
- ALF?
- What?

108
00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:35,701
The garage?

109
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:37,736
Objection.

110
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,237
Overruled.

111
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:43,175
However, it was
Mark Twain's contention

112
00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:44,943
that in heaven
there is no humor

113
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,878
due to the fact that
humor comes from pain.

114
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:47,979
Since there is
no pain in heaven

115
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,448
then there must be no humor.

116
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,950
Mark Twain's real name
was Samuel Clemens.

117
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:55,954
Oh, you've stopped.

118
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:01,226
Hi, everyone. This is Jim.

119
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:03,995
- Jimbo.
- Jim-bo.

120
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:05,764
Jimbo, this is my family.

121
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,933
This is Kate and Lynn and Brian.

122
00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:09,334
- Hello.
- Hi.

123
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:10,569
Hi, Mr. Jimbo.

124
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:16,274
Uh..

125
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:22,381
We sometimes loan our cable
hook-up to the neighbors.

126
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,786
Dinner's ready.
Grab a chair.

127
00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:29,788
Thanks.

128
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:34,159
Look, uh, if I'm imposing
in the least, I'll leave.

129
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,994
I'm used to eating alone.

130
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,929
I'm an orphan.

131
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,031
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

132
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:42,334
Most people are.

133
00:06:42,336 --> 00:06:44,603
And no, you're not
imposing in the least.

134
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:48,173
Are you from around here, Jimbo?

135
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:49,708
I was born in Seattle.

136
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:53,178
I attended school,
graduating in 1974 from NYU.

137
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,513
'I worked in record promotions'

138
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:57,115
'prior to my current job
at Social Services.'

139
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:59,284
'My hobbies are saving whales..'

140
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,424
Hi, ALF.

141
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:06,591
Yeah.

142
00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:12,230
I.. I wanted to apologize
for not being to help

143
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,099
you setup the satellite dish.

144
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:18,370
You know, I never really
meant to invite Jimbo over.

145
00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:20,605
You brought home
an elephant for dinner?

146
00:07:22,176 --> 00:07:25,343
I said Jimbo...not Jumbo.

147
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:28,346
How's the dish working?

148
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,882
Better since I hauled
it up on the roof..

149
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,884
...by myself.

150
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:36,188
Never mind that I almost
threw out my back.

151
00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:39,524
Stop trying to make
me feel guilty, ALF.

152
00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:41,259
I'm not.

153
00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:43,695
By the way,
sorry about your wheelbarrow.

154
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:46,264
I landed on it
when I fell off the roof.

155
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:50,635
You're not going
to make me feel guilty.

156
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,205
I'm not trying to.

157
00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:56,174
But I'm sure the electric shock
I got when I plugged the dish in

158
00:07:56,176 --> 00:08:00,312
only took, what,
80, 90 years off my life?

159
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:03,381
Okay, I feel guilty.

160
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,618
Something I said?

161
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:12,891
Another thing
I'll bet you didn't know

162
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:16,528
Columbia, South America
is completely East of Florida.

163
00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:18,196
And the Atlantic end
of the Panama Canal

164
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,532
is West of the Pacific end.

165
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:25,036
I had no idea.

166
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,172
- Kate, did you?
- Mm-mm.

167
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:30,008
- Lynn?
- Mm-mm.

168
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,310
We had no idea.

169
00:08:35,249 --> 00:08:37,115
It's your bedtime, Lynnie.

170
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,450
Oh, thank you.

171
00:08:38,452 --> 00:08:40,552
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

172
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:44,289
Gosh! Look, Jimbo,
look how late it is.

173
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:48,560
You're right. There's a great
Senate Filibuster on C-SPAN.

174
00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:51,196
You think we can get the cable
back from your neighbors?

175
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,566
We'll see if
they're still up.

176
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:58,303
They usually go to bed
at a decent hour.

177
00:08:58,305 --> 00:08:59,604
Thanks.

178
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,043
ALF!

179
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,212
How long have you
been out here?

180
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:09,948
Long enough to hate
little Orphan Whiney

181
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:12,384
with every fiber
of my being.

182
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:16,521
It's not his fault
he's an orphan.

183
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:19,524
Wanna bet? He probably
bored his parents to death.

184
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:24,296
Honey, it is time
for him to go home.

185
00:09:24,298 --> 00:09:25,864
I'm trying, Kate.

186
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,266
The man cannot take a hint.

187
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:31,736
See if he can take
a swift kick in the butt.

188
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:34,406
Alright, he's taken advantage
of us long enough.

189
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:36,975
I'm just gonna have
to be firm with him.

190
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:39,277
Firm? Ooh!

191
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:40,545
I haven't seen you
this worked up

192
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:43,214
since the time
you were adamant.

193
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,120
Too rough?

194
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,024
This is interesting.

195
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,292
'Did you know
your satellite dish'

196
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,261
'operates at a frequency
of four gigahertz'

197
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,562
as opposed to
the infrared band

198
00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,798
which is considerably
higher on the spectrum.

199
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,868
It's very late.

200
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:05,470
I know it is.

201
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:07,172
And I'm sure
you're tired.

202
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:09,908
Well, as a matter
of fact, I am.

203
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:12,110
So, you don't have to bother
about driving me home.

204
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,212
Just give me your keys,
I'll sleep in the car.

205
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,515
We couldn't let you
do that.

206
00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:20,018
No, really,
I'll be fine.

207
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:21,753
It'll be nice and quiet
in your car.

208
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:23,221
Not like my apartment.

209
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,490
They're building that
new freeway, you know?

210
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,225
But the noise
is usually drowned out

211
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,227
by the all-night
bowling alley.

212
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,464
Well, then, of course..

213
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:35,233
You can always spend
the night here.

214
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,302
Only if I'm not imposing.

215
00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:41,072
We can put Brian
in with Lynn

216
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:43,375
and, uh, you can
have his room.

217
00:10:43,377 --> 00:10:46,311
You folks have been
so nice to me.

218
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,046
Can I level with you?

219
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:49,748
I guess.

220
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:54,319
My name is not really
Jim, it's Steve.

221
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,355
Goodnight, Steve.

222
00:10:57,357 --> 00:11:00,558
Please, call me
Steve-O-Rino.

223
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,627
Goodnight,
Steve-O-Rino.

224
00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:04,162
You know

225
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,197
I am glad you didn't ask me

226
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:08,066
why I don't go
by my real name

227
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,901
because I can't tell you.

228
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,737
I wish I could

229
00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:15,440
because it's a really
great story, but..

230
00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,108
They told me
I couldn't.

231
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:18,677
Well, I shouldn't.

232
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,712
But I could.

233
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:23,081
Since you handled
the name thing so well.

234
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,883
Okay, I'll tell you.

235
00:11:27,754 --> 00:11:29,120
How long?

236
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,722
Not long.

237
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:32,957
Have you ever heard

238
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:35,427
of the Federal Witness
Protection Program?

239
00:11:35,429 --> 00:11:37,362
Yes, they give
new identities

240
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,964
to people who have
testified in trials.

241
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,766
You're in that program?

242
00:11:41,768 --> 00:11:44,469
I can't really say.

243
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:45,770
Yes.

244
00:11:45,772 --> 00:11:47,772
I testified against
some counterfeiters.

245
00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:50,442
Nailed them good. They've been
looking for me ever since.

246
00:11:50,444 --> 00:11:52,577
Oh, where's the john?

247
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:55,847
Right this way, Jim.

248
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:59,217
Uh, Steve...O-Rino.

249
00:12:02,656 --> 00:12:06,825
You're not seriously gonna let
Scarface stay here, are you?

250
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:10,528
He's not a criminal.
He's a witness.

251
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:13,231
What if the mob
finds him here?

252
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,600
They'll blow us up
in our sedan!

253
00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:19,604
There is no mob
in this neighborhood.

254
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:21,806
And of course they
couldn't just drive

255
00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:24,876
into this neighborhood
in their sedans.

256
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:27,746
Goodnight, ALF.

257
00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,614
Wait, you can't
go to bed, Willie.

258
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,416
You have to stay awake
and protect us

259
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,552
from a sedan-related death.

260
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:37,956
If you're that concerned

261
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:41,693
why don't you stay up?

262
00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:45,663
Immediately I realize
the folly of that statement.

263
00:12:47,033 --> 00:12:48,666
Go to the garage.

264
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:51,870
And wake up with
Mr. Ed's head in my bed?

265
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:58,009
I think not.

266
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:11,055
This is the city.

267
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:13,958
Los Angeles, California.

268
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:17,695
I was working the night watch
out of the backyard.

269
00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:19,330
Today is Friday.

270
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:21,699
My name is ALF.

271
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:23,968
I carry a bat.

272
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,036
[leaves rustling]

273
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:29,941
Whoa, someone's lurking
in the bushes.

274
00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:34,145
[meowing]

275
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,414
Cat burglar.

276
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:37,816
[man screaming]

277
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:41,719
Wha.. Oh, an intruder!

278
00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:46,257
[screaming]

279
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:49,527
Oh! Oh! Ow! ALF, no!

280
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,429
ALF, what are you doing?

281
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,199
Protecting the family
from murderers!

282
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:58,336
You were the last person I
would have suspected, Willie.

283
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:01,873
[groans]
I'm not a murderer..

284
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,541
...yet!

285
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,276
Yeah, maybe
I should come back

286
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:07,045
when you're
in a better mood.

287
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,615
Get me down from here!

288
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,618
(Trevor)
'Hey, Tanner, is that you?'

289
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,724
Trevor, what I'm doing..

290
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:22,060
...is very complicated

291
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,495
and it requires
all my concentration.

292
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:27,131
So if you'd please
care to come back later

293
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:29,834
I'd be happy to answer
any questions at that time.

294
00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:31,936
Thank you,
and goodnight.

295
00:14:31,938 --> 00:14:33,071
Goodnight.

296
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:39,510
Get me down!

297
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:41,379
Okay, okay.

298
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:47,986
[Willie slamming]

299
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:50,488
[groaning]

300
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:56,194
ALF, would you come
over here for a minute?

301
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,595
Uh-uh.

302
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,297
Would you just..
Would you mind just coming..

303
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,466
Coming here just within
my reach, please?

304
00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:03,668
You appear to be
at the end of my rope.

305
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:10,141
I thought I told you
to go to bed!

306
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:13,444
Willie, one of us has to insure
domestic tranquility.

307
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:16,547
And provide for
the common defense.

308
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:20,151
Besides, you didn't
say, "Simon says".

309
00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:24,589
[snoring]

310
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:25,890
[car door closes]

311
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:29,594
What.. Oh.

312
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,896
A stranger approacheth.

313
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:35,700
Steady, ALF.

314
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:37,402
Steady.

315
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:39,570
Don't soil yourself.

316
00:15:58,425 --> 00:15:59,657
[screams]

317
00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:03,962
Behold. Excalibur.

318
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:07,065
ALF? What was that?

319
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:11,102
Willie, you're just in time.
I caught a murderer.

320
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:12,136
[Willie gasps]

321
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,208
Don't mention it.

322
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,210
He's out cold.

323
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:21,913
My guess would be that he hit
his head on your sewer pipe.

324
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:24,916
What's going on, ALF?

325
00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:27,819
Hero ALF.

326
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,888
Why is dad going
through the pockets

327
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:33,658
of man in a hole
in our backyard at night?

328
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,893
Because we have an alien.

329
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:37,161
Oh, right.

330
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:39,630
What are you looking for?

331
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:41,265
His wallet.

332
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:44,736
Okay, but we split 50/50.

333
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:49,674
I am looking
for identification!

334
00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:52,443
You're wasting your time.

335
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:55,780
No criminal's gonna
carry ID on him.

336
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,617
Unless he's an FBI agent.

337
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:02,220
ALF!

338
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,621
[gasps]

339
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,859
I disavow any knowledge
of my actions.

340
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:09,193
Bye!

341
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:14,032
Dad, do you think
he's okay?

342
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:17,568
Well, other than that
unsettling grin on his face

343
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,570
he seems to be fine.

344
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:22,573
I should tell Jimbo.

345
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,175
Come on, Lynnie.

346
00:17:28,114 --> 00:17:29,614
You have to help me!

347
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:33,084
Don't let this G-man
take me away!

348
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:35,720
What do you suggest?

349
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:39,624
Well, I can't take the rap
and you shouldn't have to.

350
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,493
How about Kate?

351
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:44,662
[sighs]
Oh, ALF.

352
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:48,232
Just thinking out loud.

353
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:50,034
How about Kate's mother?

354
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,337
Forget it.
I'm calling a doctor.

355
00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:55,606
[car door opens]
What's that?

356
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:57,141
[car door closes]

357
00:17:57,143 --> 00:18:00,144
It's, uh...it's a sedan.

358
00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:04,082
It's the mob!

359
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,249
[knock on door]

360
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,884
May I help you?

361
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:09,787
(male #1)
'FBI may we come in?'

362
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,956
Willie, don't be a hero!

363
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:14,859
Don't be a fool
with your life!

364
00:18:17,063 --> 00:18:19,063
Could I see some
identification, please?

365
00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:20,731
Yes, sir.

366
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:24,235
They've got their ID.

367
00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:25,770
Oh.

368
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:29,073
Well, I can't let you go to jail
for something I did..

369
00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:30,341
...again.

370
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,978
Which way is South America?

371
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,246
[knock on door]

372
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:36,647
<i> Adios.</i>

373
00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:41,119
We're looking
for Jim Hutchinson.

374
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:41,986
Is he here?

375
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:44,455
Yeah, he'll be out
in a second.

376
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,756
Who's this?

377
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:48,893
Oh, he's-he's one
of your men.

378
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:52,797
Willie? What's-what's going on?

379
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,133
Well, there's more FBI now.

380
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:57,869
Oh. Nice to meet you.

381
00:18:57,871 --> 00:19:00,671
Please don't take
my husband away.

382
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:04,675
Honey, iksnay
on the A-L-Jay.

383
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:07,211
This ID's a fake.

384
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:10,448
Hi, guys!

385
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:13,417
Hi, Jim. Jimbo.

386
00:19:13,419 --> 00:19:15,620
Can we talk
privately?

387
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:18,623
Hey, it's okay,
they know all about me.

388
00:19:18,625 --> 00:19:20,925
You told some more people?

389
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:23,561
Why don't you just buy
airtime on the Super Bowl?

390
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:25,263
[chuckles]

391
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:26,864
He's the funny one.

392
00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:29,033
We just found out
the Cleveland syndicate's

393
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:30,134
lookin' for you.

394
00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:32,570
This must be
the guy they sent.

395
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:33,971
They must have made up
this fake ID

396
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,806
in order to trick Jim..

397
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:38,176
Jimbo into going
with him.

398
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:42,280
Shouldn't you be arresting him
about now or something?

399
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:44,348
Yes, ma'am,
under the circumstances

400
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,717
I think it's best
we take both of them.

401
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:48,753
Fine.

402
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:52,323
Not that we haven't enjoyed
having Jimbo stay over.

403
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:53,724
Thanks.

404
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,493
For everything.

405
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:56,827
You're the first
person I ever knew

406
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,829
who overlooked
my many faults

407
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:01,365
and accepted me
for what I am.

408
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:03,067
I'm gonna miss you, Willie.

409
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:07,338
But they say friendship
is like an iceberg.

410
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:09,674
You can't tell by what's
above the surface

411
00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:11,375
just how deep it goes.

412
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:14,412
Did you know the Titanic's hull

413
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:17,682
was separated into
16 watertight compartments?

414
00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:19,684
Write him a letter.

415
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:32,430
ALF?

416
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:35,166
ALF? Where are you?

417
00:20:35,168 --> 00:20:36,734
Maybe he's
in the garage.

418
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,903
(ALF)
'Ah, oh, ow!'

419
00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:43,641
Oh, ah.

420
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,409
Stupid pipe!

421
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,379
ALF, guess what?

422
00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:52,049
For once your overreacting
actually paid off.

423
00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:55,453
That guy you caught
really was a crook!

424
00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:58,689
As it turns out,
you are a hero!

425
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:00,391
Well, that's nice.

426
00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:02,226
Really great.

427
00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:03,694
Just one question.

428
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,696
Yeah?

429
00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:07,965
Who are you people?

430
00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:17,742
For meritorious service

431
00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:20,411
above and beyond
the call of duty

432
00:21:20,413 --> 00:21:24,081
we hereby present to you
the Tanner Medal of Honor.

433
00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:25,816
(Kate)
'Hear, hear!'

434
00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:28,019
Yay, ALF!

435
00:21:28,021 --> 00:21:30,321
My hero.

436
00:21:30,323 --> 00:21:31,522
Shucks, folks.

437
00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:34,392
I'm speechless...almost.

438
00:21:35,862 --> 00:21:39,063
"One score and 12 years ago

439
00:21:39,065 --> 00:21:41,999
"My parents brought
forth a new hero

440
00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:44,435
conceived in a De Soto,
and dedicated--"

441
00:21:44,437 --> 00:21:47,938
ALF. ALF, wrap it up
or we take the medal back.

442
00:21:49,375 --> 00:21:50,808
"As God as my witness

443
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:53,444
I'll never be hungry again."
Thank you.

444
00:21:56,316 --> 00:22:01,419
And now, Kate, how about
making me a hero sandwich?

445
00:22:01,421 --> 00:22:03,487
[laughing]

446
00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:05,056
[knock on door]

447
00:22:10,530 --> 00:22:13,331
Does this belong to you?

448
00:22:13,333 --> 00:22:15,166
I believe so, yes.

449
00:22:15,168 --> 00:22:17,968
You got something I could
cut Raquel down with?

450
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:21,505
I think there's something
in the garage.

451
00:22:21,507 --> 00:22:23,207
I'll help you.

452
00:22:23,209 --> 00:22:25,309
If you don't want people taking
avocados from your tree

453
00:22:25,311 --> 00:22:27,011
just say so.

454
00:22:36,522 --> 00:22:38,356
Last trap, I promise.

455
00:22:43,629 --> 00:22:46,530
[theme music]

456
00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:09,353
[music continues]

457
00:23:10,390 --> 00:23:12,890
[laughing]