1
00:00:01,902 --> 00:00:05,104
Remember, Kate,
I like my waffles crisp
2
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:07,006
yet al dente.
3
00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:08,841
Cooked to a golden amber
4
00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:14,013
and served piping hot
on a gently warmed plate.
5
00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:20,219
How does she do it?
6
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:24,223
Do you want
some maple syrup, ALF?
7
00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:27,693
On waffles? How gauche.
8
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,695
Get me the garlic salt?
9
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:34,767
Guess what?
The car won't start again.
10
00:00:34,769 --> 00:00:38,037
- You just got it fixed.
- Three times in two weeks.
11
00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:42,341
Every time they fix one thing,
something else goes wrong.
12
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:43,842
Well, I don't get it.
13
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:45,377
Why keep spending money
on something
14
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:48,747
that doesn't work and causes
nothing but aggravation?
15
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:51,216
Somehow we've gotten used to it.
16
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:52,885
[burps]
17
00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:54,286
Sort of.
18
00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:56,422
Speaking of aggravation
19
00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:58,690
we're out of garlic salt.
20
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:00,392
[knocking on door]
21
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:01,727
(Trevor)
'Hey, Tanners!'
22
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,128
'Guess who?'
23
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:04,363
Let me take a stab.
24
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:06,698
It's the wacky
next-door neighbor.
25
00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:11,303
Come on in, Trevor.
26
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:12,538
[Trevor whistling]
27
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:15,808
Hi, Willie. Hi, Kate.
Hi, kids.
28
00:01:15,810 --> 00:01:17,342
- Hi.
- Hi, Trevor.
29
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:20,079
I just stopped by to see if
you needed a ride to work again.
30
00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:23,649
Well, as a matter of fact, I do.
Uh, my car won't start again.
31
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:26,452
Ah. You should let Jake
take a look at it.
32
00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:28,287
Kid could fix anything,
has my car
33
00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:31,056
running like Florence Joyner.
34
00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:33,859
Oh, by the way,
uh, Jake will be doing
35
00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:36,261
the driving this morning.
I hope you don't mind.
36
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:37,996
I didn't know Jake could drive.
37
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:39,665
He can't.
38
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:41,100
I think I mind.
39
00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:42,901
He just got
his learner's permit.
40
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,937
I'm teachin' him.
Kid's a natural.
41
00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:48,740
Five days he's been driving,
hasn't hit a living thing.
42
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:51,944
We'll bring the car out front.
43
00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:55,447
(ALF)
'Yo, Lynn,
you could use a pedicure.'
44
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:56,648
'Ow!'
45
00:01:57,685 --> 00:02:00,686
[theme music]
46
00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:31,617
[music continues]
47
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,747
[instrumental music]
48
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:05,918
[horn honks]
Ow!
49
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,586
Horn works.
50
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:10,622
Thank you.
51
00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,224
Why don't we just
kill this thing
52
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:13,659
for the insurance money?
53
00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:16,195
We'll make it look
like an accident.
54
00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:22,134
- Oh, hello, Jake.
- Hi, Mr. Tanner. Hey, ALF.
55
00:03:22,136 --> 00:03:24,303
What brings you over,
Jake-Speare?
56
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,605
Aunt Raquel and Uncle Trevor
are showing slides
57
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:29,274
from their trip
to Carlsbad Caverns.
58
00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:31,376
All 400 of 'em.
59
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:35,314
I've seen those,
216 stalactites
60
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:37,249
184 stalagmites.
61
00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:39,017
Those are the ones.
62
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,986
Still having car trouble, huh?
63
00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,721
Yeah, but have no fear.
64
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:46,291
It's being handled
by Mr. No Good Wrench.
65
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:49,861
- You mind if I take a look?
- Be my guest.
66
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:52,431
I got a hunch
it's the distributor.
67
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:55,133
Well, that rules out
the distributor.
68
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:58,303
No, here's your problem.
It's the spark plug wire.
69
00:03:58,305 --> 00:04:00,439
I'll have it fixed in no time.
70
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:03,775
[chuckles]
Well, thanks, Jake.
71
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:06,845
- Don't be embarrassed, Willie.
- Oh, I'm not embarrassed.
72
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:09,915
- Not everybody can fix things.
- No, I'm not embarrassed.
73
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:12,084
I'm sure there are several
things you could do that Jake--
74
00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:13,986
I'm not embarrassed.
75
00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:18,423
Okay, Mr. Tanner,
start her up when I say now.
76
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,261
[car door opens]
77
00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:23,295
Okay, now.
78
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,597
[engine starts]
79
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,301
Now are you embarrassed?
80
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:34,006
Jake, what can I say?
81
00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:35,574
Thank you.
82
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:38,443
You never thank me
when I humiliate you.
83
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:43,515
You know, I can't be sure,
but it looks like
84
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:45,584
somebody cut that wire
on purpose
85
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:48,654
then just patched it together
real loose.
86
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:52,324
Has anybody been
under the hood lately?
87
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:57,596
Don't look at me.
I just honk the horn.
88
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,599
Well, I have been taking the car
89
00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:02,434
to a new mechanic lately,
but I--
90
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:05,871
There's your problem!
The guy's a crook!
91
00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:09,174
Oh, ALF, don't jump
to conclusions like--
92
00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:11,009
No, I saw it on "60 Minutes."
93
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:14,046
These mechanics fix one thing,
then they break something else
94
00:05:14,048 --> 00:05:15,714
so you keep coming back.
95
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:17,849
You know,
ALF could be right, Mr. Tanner.
96
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:22,421
I've heard of that scam, too,
on that David Horowitz show.
97
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:24,589
Well, why don't I just
give the garage a call?
98
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,525
There must be
a simple explanation
99
00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:28,327
for this broken wire.
100
00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:31,463
Yeah, you got took, conned
101
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:33,565
nicked and clipped.
102
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:36,935
You got your horn swoggled
and your flim flammed.
103
00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:43,408
Hello, Sam,
it's Willie Tanner here. Uh..
104
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:45,977
Yes, it's nice to hear
your voice again, too.
105
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,746
Uh, listen, Sam,
I wonder if you noticed
106
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:52,417
anything unusual about my car,
uh, engine wise, I mean.
107
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:55,587
Uh, like, say, uh, severed wire.
108
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,856
You crook!
This is Mike Wallace!
109
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,892
- You're under arrest!
- ALF, shh!
110
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:03,962
No, I'm not accusing you,
but it is possible, you kn--
111
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,064
Not that I'm accusing you,
mind..
112
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,899
But-but you understand..
113
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:11,169
That's not an accusation.
114
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:12,504
If memory serves
115
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:17,008
Bob Newhart is much funnier
doing his phone bit.
116
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:19,778
Well, I guess we have nothing
more to say to one another.
117
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:24,015
You know, I'm beginning to think
you may be right.
118
00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:26,418
I'm gonna call
the Better Business Bureau.
119
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:28,920
Have them throw the book
at this guy.
120
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,990
Preferably something
by James Michener.
121
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:36,495
[instrumental music]
122
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:41,800
Uh, hello,
Department of Consumer Affairs?
123
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:44,636
T-the Better Business Bureau
told me to call you.
124
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:46,505
My name is Willie Tanner,
I'm a consumer
125
00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,407
and I have a complaint.
126
00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:51,143
Yes, I'll hold.
127
00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:54,112
Have you busted that crook yet?
128
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:56,982
We don't know that
he's a crook. It's possible..
129
00:06:56,984 --> 00:07:00,919
Yes. Uh, my name
is Willie Tanner. I..
130
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,287
Yes, I'll hold.
131
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:04,523
On Melmac we had an expression.
132
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,725
There's a sucker born
every month
133
00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:09,694
except February which has 28.
134
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,564
I suppose
you'd handle this differently.
135
00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:14,733
Indubitably, Willie-nilly.
136
00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:17,335
I'd dial 1-800-CRIME-88
137
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:20,872
let the FOX Network blow this
thug right out of the water.
138
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:25,377
ALF, why must you always..
139
00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:27,646
Yes! My name is..
140
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,815
I'll hold.
141
00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:32,150
You've got him
running scared now.
142
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,521
As much as I appreciate
your counsel
143
00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:38,490
I prefer to handle this
my own way.
144
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:40,625
Thank you very much.
145
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,294
Don't you have something to do?
146
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,129
Yeah, but it can wait.
147
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,899
Hello? Hello! Now hear this.
148
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,168
I'm a consumer,
I have a complaint
149
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,904
I will not be put on hold.
150
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:55,240
Yes, thank you.
151
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,677
I'm going to call back later.
152
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:03,715
[instrumental music]
153
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:06,785
What did you get?
154
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:10,989
Fourteen, twenty five,
twenty nine.
155
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,657
What did I get?
156
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:16,094
Oil can, cabinet door
and a box.
157
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:18,196
I win.
158
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,499
- Hi, guys.
- Hey, B.
159
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:21,800
Did your dad have any luck
160
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,502
proving that mechanic
ripped him off?
161
00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:26,137
He called six people about it
so far.
162
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:29,808
The man's a tiger
when he's irked.
163
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:32,377
Do you know what I'd do
if I were him?
164
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:35,447
Rethink your fashion viewpoint?
165
00:08:35,449 --> 00:08:38,917
I'd con those conmen right back.
166
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:42,120
Well, that's not Willie's style.
You know him.
167
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:44,589
He's nice. He's polite.
168
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,324
He's a pigeon.
169
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:49,794
- We've gotta help him.
- How?
170
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:52,130
We'll need to use
your uncle's car.
171
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:54,432
What for?
172
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,701
I haven't gotten that far yet.
173
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,670
I can't drive alone.
174
00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:00,972
I've only got
a learner's permit, remember?
175
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:04,409
We'll trick Lynn
into helping us.
176
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:06,645
I-I-I don't know.
177
00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:08,480
Can I help, too?
178
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:09,548
Well, you could
stick by the phone
179
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:11,016
in case we need to check in.
180
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:14,119
- We'll give you a code name.
- Like what?
181
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:16,187
How about B?
182
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:18,156
People always call me B.
183
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:20,592
How about B-plus?
184
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:23,194
Okay, but I'm doing this
under protest.
185
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:26,898
One more thing.
This is our secret signal.
186
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,705
Use your fingers if you have to.
187
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:39,978
[instrumental music]
188
00:09:41,515 --> 00:09:43,648
So do you think I have a case?
189
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:47,519
W-well, thank you,
Mr. Assistant District Attorney.
190
00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:49,521
Okay, Howard.
191
00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:52,190
Uh, so when do you think
we'll go to court?
192
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:53,892
I see.
193
00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:54,993
Well, when do you think
194
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:58,129
we'll have
the preliminary hearing?
195
00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:03,001
I see. Then, when do you think
we can file the complaint?
196
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:06,171
I see.
197
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:08,807
When do you think
you'll be back from Aspen?
198
00:10:09,543 --> 00:10:11,576
(Willie)
Goodbye.
199
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:12,744
[knocking on door]
200
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:13,778
(Jake)
'It's me. Jake.'
201
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,647
Oh, hi, Jake. Come on in.
202
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,215
[door opening]
203
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:21,286
Oh, hi, Mrs. Tanner.
Mr. Tanner.
204
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,755
Is, uh.. Is..
205
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:26,224
Is, uh, is Lynn around?
206
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:28,994
Well, yes. She's, uh, she's,
she's in the other room. Why?
207
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:31,529
[chuckles]
No reason, yeah,
I-I just thought
208
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:32,931
since I was
in the neighborhood..
209
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:36,167
I mean, you know me.
I'm always botherin' her. Yeah.
210
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:39,738
It-it doesn't mean anything.
I'll grow out of it.
211
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:44,042
- Lynn, hi.
- Jake. Bye.
212
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,277
- Wait a second.
- Make it fast.
213
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:49,147
I've got something really
important to do in my room.
214
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:52,617
- Like what?
- Wait for tomorrow.
215
00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:55,820
- I-I got a favor to ask you.
- What?
216
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,823
I need a ride someplace
to get somethin' for somebody.
217
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,725
- It-it's real important.
- I'm sorry, Jake.
218
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:03,762
I'd like to help you, but mom's
taking the car to go shopping.
219
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:06,931
- We can take my uncle's car.
- The Duster?
220
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:09,300
It won't take long,
and it's not far.
221
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:11,236
And we can wait till it's dark,
so none of your friends
222
00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:12,937
will see you with me.
223
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:16,741
Okay, but only
under these conditions.
224
00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:18,309
Anything you want.
225
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:22,414
For a period of one month,
no innuendo.
226
00:11:22,416 --> 00:11:24,649
- No innuendo.
- 'No leering.'
227
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:25,817
No leering.
228
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:27,485
And no referring to me
229
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:30,388
as honey, doll or mama.
230
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,057
You got it, babe.
231
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:35,860
No babe.
232
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:38,763
No babe. No babe.
233
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:43,768
Don't you think you're following
a little too closely?
234
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:46,705
No. But thanks for your input.
235
00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:50,341
- Ten and two.
- Excuse me?
236
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:51,943
Your hands should be
at ten o'clock
237
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:54,079
and two o'clock on the wheel.
238
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:58,083
I'm sorry, my right hand
is running a little fast today.
239
00:11:58,085 --> 00:11:59,651
Alright.
Get in the right lane here.
240
00:11:59,653 --> 00:12:01,953
Alright.
241
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:05,557
You should always remember
to check your blind spot.
242
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,326
If you don't shut up,
I'll give you a blind spot.
243
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,662
Eyes on the road!
Eyes on the road!
244
00:12:10,664 --> 00:12:11,896
Where? Where?
245
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,431
[screaming]
246
00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:22,574
ALF, what are you doing
in this car?
247
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:25,777
Enjoying your witty repartee.
248
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:28,012
I knew
I shouldn't have agreed to this.
249
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:29,180
I wouldn't have asked you
to do this
250
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:30,815
unless it was real important.
251
00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:33,118
Whatever it is,
I don't wanna be involved.
252
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,854
I'm sorry, Lynn,
it's way too late.
253
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:37,655
You're in too deep.
254
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:40,425
You know too much.
255
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,527
What are you talking about?
256
00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:46,164
Welcome to operation Sam Scam.
257
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:52,103
[instrumental music]
258
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,874
[instrumental music]
259
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:59,844
That's the plan.
Will you help us?
260
00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:02,981
Please?
Please, please, please?
261
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:05,517
Come on, Lynn, we need somebody
who's responsible
262
00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:06,951
somebody who's reliable.
263
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:10,588
Somebody who'll suck the fun
right out of this.
264
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,891
In short, a leader.
265
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:15,393
Do it for truth, justice
266
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:18,096
and the Melmacian way.
267
00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:20,832
You mean the American way.
268
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:22,133
No, Melmacian.
269
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,836
It was the motto
of Melmac's superhero
270
00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:27,305
Supercilious!
271
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,107
Supercilious?
272
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,276
Yeah. He captured
a lot of criminals.
273
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:34,179
But he was so darned smug
about it.
274
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,881
So, you with us?
275
00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:38,583
[sighs]
276
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:42,854
ALF, it's too dangerous for you
to be out here like this.
277
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:44,689
Well, unless there was someone
who comes along
278
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:47,158
to make sure
I stay out of trouble.
279
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,428
- Know anyone like that?
- Uh..
280
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,063
I would like to see
one of these creeps
281
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:54,299
get what he deserves, just once.
282
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:56,367
Yeah? Yeah?
283
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,036
You know, I should just
turn this car around
284
00:13:58,038 --> 00:13:59,971
and drive the two of you home.
285
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:02,073
But you won't.
286
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:05,944
- But I won't.
- Yeah!
287
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,979
Sam Scam! Sam Scam!
288
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:10,048
(both)
Sam Scam! Sam Scam!
289
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:13,251
[instrumental music]
290
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:18,189
Now, you're sure your uncle's
car is in good shape?
291
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,592
I went over it myself
from top to bottom.
292
00:14:20,594 --> 00:14:22,994
- It's perfect.
- Great.
293
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,864
Okay, here's what we'll do.
ALF, you stay here.
294
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,265
Lynn and I go inside
and tell the guy
295
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:29,300
the car broke down
on the way to our honeymoon.
296
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:31,002
[sighs]
No, here's what we'll do.
297
00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:33,037
Jake, you stay out here.
Keep an eye on ALF.
298
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,073
I'll take the car inside.
299
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:36,841
Okay. I'll run the camera.
300
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:39,577
No! I'm the director.
301
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:42,380
- Then I'll be the producer.
- Oh, great.
302
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:46,751
Now I'm gonna have this money
man on my back the whole time.
303
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:49,053
Don't stifle me creatively.
304
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:54,893
[engine revving]
305
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:58,062
[car door opens]
306
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,464
[car door shuts]
307
00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:00,732
Uh, good evening.
308
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,300
- What can I do for you?
- Hello.
309
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:03,835
(Lynn)
'Are you Sam?'
310
00:15:03,837 --> 00:15:05,470
That's what they sewed
on my pocket.
311
00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:09,107
[chuckles]
My car has been giving me
problems.
312
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:11,542
My engine's been making
funny noises.
313
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:16,347
Mm. And what kind
of funny noises might those be?
314
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:19,050
You know, like,
when your earrings
315
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:21,920
fall in the garbage disposal.
316
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:25,490
Of course.
Let's have a look-see.
317
00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:26,557
[clanking]
318
00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:30,962
Or should I say, a hear-listen?
Ha-ha!
319
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:36,067
[instrumental music]
320
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:37,936
(Willie)
'Hello, Congressman Burdick?'
321
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:40,104
I have reason to believe
that I've been defrauded
322
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,940
by a car repair shop.
323
00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:43,441
Now, I've been referred to every
324
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,176
agency and bureau
in the phone book.
325
00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:47,512
I've even spoken to
the Department of Fish and Game
326
00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:49,681
because somebody thought I was
having trouble with my carp.
327
00:15:49,683 --> 00:15:51,282
[knocking on door]
328
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:54,652
- Just a moment, please.
- Hi, Willie.
329
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:56,955
I'm talking to Congressman
Burdick's office, Trevor.
330
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,790
[chuckles]
That crook?
331
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:01,159
You better watch your wallet.
332
00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:03,995
Look here,
I-I almost voted for this man.
333
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:08,166
I pay his salary,
and I-I-I want action!
334
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:10,134
And I'll hold.
335
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:12,337
Hey, Willie, have you seen Jake?
336
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:14,005
No. Why?
337
00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:15,974
Well, we come home, and no Jake.
338
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,642
Our Duster's missing, too.
339
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,510
Well, you don't think
Jake took the car?
340
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:23,848
Nah. Raquel probably left it
someplace again.
341
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,283
Well, let me know
if you see Jake, eh?
342
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:27,752
- Will do.
- Hiya, Brian.
343
00:16:28,888 --> 00:16:30,154
You're still on the phone?
344
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:32,490
I'm holding, actually. Why?
345
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:36,361
Well, if anybody calls and asks
for B-plus, that's me.
346
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:39,063
- Who calls you that?
- Jake.
347
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:41,265
Trevor was just in here
looking for Jake.
348
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,234
Do you know where he is?
349
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:46,804
If I tell you, it could mess up
Operation Sam Scam.
350
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,373
Brian..
351
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:50,908
...if there's something going on
352
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:53,277
called Operation Sam Scam
353
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:56,647
then I think you should tell me
everything you know.
354
00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:58,116
I was sworn to secrecy.
355
00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:59,884
You should definitely tell me
356
00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:01,652
everything you know.
357
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,589
Oh, okay.
358
00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:07,158
Jake and Lynn and ALF
took Mr. Ochmonek's car
359
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,626
to your repair place.
360
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,328
Why would the..
361
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:12,930
And ALF?
362
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:14,632
Yeah.
363
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:17,969
Kate, I gotta go. I'm in
a big hurry. I can't explain.
364
00:17:17,971 --> 00:17:20,071
I'll be back as soon as I can.
365
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:22,907
Say hi to ALF for me.
366
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:26,110
[instrumental music]
367
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:31,482
I'm afraid
I have unpleasant news.
368
00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:34,052
What's wrong?
369
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:37,355
Bad carburetor
and faulty distributor.
370
00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:40,091
The procedure will run you $200.
371
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,859
Two-hundred dollars?
372
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:44,295
I don't have $200!
373
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,297
Not exactly Meryl Streep
374
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:49,300
but a nice touch of hysteria,
nonetheless.
375
00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:54,272
ALF, we-we-we got a problem.
376
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:58,409
(Alf)
'Hi, Willie.'
377
00:17:59,446 --> 00:18:01,079
Willie?
378
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,881
You think this is all
my idea, right?
379
00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:06,417
It's always your idea.
380
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,252
I suppose you want details?
381
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,421
[sighs]
Lots of them.
382
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,790
The Ochmoneks' car is not broke
383
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,625
and this joker wants to fix it.
384
00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:16,861
- Capiche?
- Really?
385
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:20,231
Wait! Wait! I think
Lynn's going in for the kill.
386
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:24,001
So, you're absolutely,
positively sure
387
00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:26,137
that this engine right here
388
00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:29,207
needs $200 in repairs?
389
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,342
That's my diagnosis.
390
00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:34,979
Heard enough?
391
00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:36,380
Excuse me, will you?
392
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:39,250
I'd like to have a word
with this quack.
393
00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:42,720
Oh, wait! You forgot to tell me
which is your good side.
394
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:45,623
The one you're not on.
395
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:51,195
ALF, can I look through
the camera for a while?
396
00:18:51,197 --> 00:18:55,266
Jake, baby, you handle
marketing and distribution.
397
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:58,136
Let me lens this flick, okay?
398
00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:02,373
[hood thuds]
399
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:06,344
Tanner, if you're here
with more accusations
400
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:08,379
get off my property.
401
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:11,449
- Dad, what are you doing here?
- Dad?
402
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,386
- This is your daughter?
- Yes, it is.
403
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,054
Sam was just explaining that--
404
00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:18,289
I-I-I was just telling her
405
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:21,626
that everything
seems to be fine.
406
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:26,297
He said this car needs
$200 in repairs.
407
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:29,433
- Sam..
- I did not say that.
408
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:31,302
Are you calling my daughter
a liar?
409
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:34,238
I-I'm not calling anybody
anything.
410
00:19:35,441 --> 00:19:37,008
Why is it every time
I bring my car in here
411
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:40,545
to get something fixed, I go out
with something else broken?
412
00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:42,480
I tell you what I'm gonna do.
413
00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:45,249
You bring your car down here
first thing tomorrow
414
00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:49,687
and I'll take care
of everything for 99.95.
415
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,622
Mister, you're not gonna get
another penny out of me
416
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:53,291
and if I have anything to say
about it, you're not gonna
417
00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:54,759
make another penny
in this neighborhood.
418
00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:57,528
No, no. No, no.
I'm taking a stand.
419
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,930
This country was made great
by people
420
00:19:58,932 --> 00:20:01,566
who stood up for what
they believed in as Robert..
421
00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:04,302
If Willie starts humming "The
Battle Hymn Of The Republic"
422
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,771
I'm pulling the plug
on this production.
423
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:09,840
...I might expand on that
424
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:12,343
'"No man is an island,
entire to himself."'
425
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:16,781
[instrumental music]
426
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,916
(Willie on TV)
'...and if I might expand
on that'
427
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:21,652
"No man is an island,
entire to himself.
428
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:23,387
"Every man is a piece
of the continent
429
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,722
"a part of the main
430
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,257
"and therefore,
never send to know
431
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:27,491
"for whom the bell tolls.
432
00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:29,860
It tolls for thee!"
433
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:32,230
Give me my money back!
434
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,800
That was Willie Tanner,
a gutsy consumer
435
00:20:35,802 --> 00:20:40,238
who decided to fight back
and not let anyone rip him off.
436
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,372
And here he is.
437
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:44,575
[applauding]
438
00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:49,880
Welcome to "Fight Back,"
Willie.
439
00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:52,750
[applauds]
Way to go, Willie!
440
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,553
- You tell him, dad.
- Alright!
441
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:59,690
They left my best stuff
on the cutting room floor.
442
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:02,460
Without your videotape, the
Department of Consumer Affairs
443
00:21:02,462 --> 00:21:04,829
might have never nailed
that rip-off artist.
444
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:06,797
What would you say
to other consumers who felt
445
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:10,801
they were being ripped off
and they wanted to fight back?
446
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,503
Fight back.
447
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:15,973
Very good, Willie.
448
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:17,842
However, we at "Fight Back"
don't recommend
449
00:21:17,844 --> 00:21:20,911
that you attempt to videotape
the rip-off artist in action.
450
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:24,582
You should start by calling the
Department of Consumer Affairs
451
00:21:24,584 --> 00:21:26,350
or the District Attorney's
office.
452
00:21:26,352 --> 00:21:29,654
And when all else fails,
call on your alien.
453
00:21:30,823 --> 00:21:34,158
When we come back,
microwave milkshakes.
454
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:35,960
Have we really come to this?
455
00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:39,797
But first, a word from someone
brave enough to sponsor us.
456
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:42,400
[applause on TV]
457
00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:47,438
I guess you know
what I'm going to say.
458
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,708
You can't yell at me.
I did good.
459
00:21:50,710 --> 00:21:53,477
Well, yes, you did good.
I mean, well.
460
00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:56,414
But you shouldn't have done
what you did do.
461
00:21:56,416 --> 00:21:59,283
So you're saying
it's bad to do good?
462
00:21:59,285 --> 00:22:00,785
N-no.
463
00:22:00,787 --> 00:22:02,887
You're saying
if loving you is wrong
464
00:22:02,889 --> 00:22:05,456
I don't wanna be right?
465
00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:08,192
What we're saying is
it's wrong for you
466
00:22:08,194 --> 00:22:09,760
to put yourself in danger
467
00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:13,130
for something that I'm perfectly
capable of handling.
468
00:22:13,132 --> 00:22:15,433
We just don't want anything
to happen to you.
469
00:22:15,435 --> 00:22:18,202
- Yeah.
- Thanks, you guys.
470
00:22:18,204 --> 00:22:20,338
You, too, B-plus.
471
00:22:21,808 --> 00:22:24,709
Hey, I wonder if Horowitz
is gonna fight back
472
00:22:24,711 --> 00:22:27,478
against the guy
who sold him that suit.
473
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,681
[theme music]
474
00:22:32,418 --> 00:22:35,619
[music continues]
475
00:22:51,504 --> 00:22:54,705
[music continues]
476
00:23:00,279 --> 00:23:01,379
[burps]
477
00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:03,481
[ALF laughing]
478
00:23:03,483 --> 00:23:06,684
[instrumental music]