1
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:10,142
Interesting concept,
the pencil.
2
00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:11,977
Where did it come from?
3
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:15,180
Well, I've-I've heard a number
of theories on that.
4
00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:17,349
How about the shortest one?
5
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,885
The stationery store.
6
00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:21,086
Thank you.
7
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:29,461
Say, that's a voter
registration application.
8
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,764
Boy, can't put one over on you.
9
00:00:33,034 --> 00:00:36,201
You can't vote, ALF.
You're not a citizen.
10
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:39,571
I'll apply for a green card.
11
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:42,041
That's only if you want a job.
12
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:44,076
Pass!
13
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:45,711
I know, I'll marry Lynn.
14
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:51,016
Become a citizen, vote,
then drop her like a hot potato!
15
00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:52,851
Sure, it'll be hard on her
at first.
16
00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:55,154
She'll cry,
drink a little too much
17
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:58,057
take up with a bongo player
named Joaquin.
18
00:00:58,059 --> 00:00:59,591
- ALF..
- You'll like Joaquin.
19
00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:02,061
He doesn't eat beets.
20
00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:06,598
Neither you nor Joaquin
may marry my daughter.
21
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,735
And you may not vote.
22
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,905
Oh, great! I have no voice
in government.
23
00:01:12,907 --> 00:01:18,177
Joaquin will get deported
and they'll make him eat beets!
24
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:20,679
How many cups of coffee
did you drink today?
25
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,081
Forty, why?
26
00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:28,754
[theme music]
27
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,720
[music continues]
28
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:30,816
[instrumental music]
29
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:35,587
Guess what we're doing tonight?
30
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:40,192
Stuffing ourselves, until we see
blue dots in front of our eyes?
31
00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:43,428
No, we're watching
the presidential debate on TV.
32
00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:46,265
- We are?
- Not me.
33
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:48,700
Oh, Lynn, you're gonna be voting
in this election.
34
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,836
It's important to know
what the issues are.
35
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:53,305
Yeah, Lynn.
Listen to your mother.
36
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:55,440
Why? You don't.
37
00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:57,943
She's not my mother.
38
00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:00,512
Mom, I'm supposed to go down
to the mall with Julie.
39
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:04,650
Lizard got a job at the new
Weiner-on-a-stick place.
40
00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:07,819
They're gonna make fun
of his hair net.
41
00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:11,356
Brian, stop listening in
on my phone calls.
42
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,592
I didn't. ALF did.
43
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,629
See, you owe Brian an apology.
44
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:20,032
Now, stop trying
to change the subject.
45
00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:23,669
You should stay home
and watch the debate.
46
00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:26,338
Since when have you been
interested in politics?
47
00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:27,973
Are you kidding?
48
00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:32,411
Back on Melmac,
I was a registered democat.
49
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:33,979
Democat?
50
00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:36,248
Yeah, we were a political party
51
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,250
and a doo-wop group.
52
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,020
- Hi.
- Hi, dad.
53
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:44,089
- Hi, dad.
- Hi, honey.
54
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:45,357
Hi, dear.
55
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:46,858
I'm sorry I'm late.
56
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:49,194
I wish you would have called.
57
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:51,363
I did call!
58
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:55,167
Oh, yeah. Willie called,
said he'd be a little late.
59
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:57,769
Thank you.
60
00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:02,341
ALF, why don't you ever
write down my messages?
61
00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:04,309
They're hardly quotable.
62
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:08,847
Well, y'all have a pleasant
evening in here.
63
00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,884
Weiner-on-a-stick.
64
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:15,320
Oh, yeah, the grand opening.
65
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,589
How did you know about that?
66
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,791
Well, that's where I ate.
67
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,660
You ate dinner?
68
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:26,598
Oh, yeah. Uh, don't worry
about fixing dinner for Willie.
69
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,101
He'll get something at the mall.
70
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,303
Thank you, again.
71
00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:33,639
Why did he stop off
at the mall?
72
00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,741
He didn't say.
73
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,476
To buy shoes.
74
00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,678
Oh, yeah. I forgot.
75
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:43,415
Hey, the debate's starting.
76
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:46,618
Good evening. Tonight,
the candidates face the issues
77
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:49,921
and me. I'm John McLaughlin.
78
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:53,625
On my right, Gill Hossenfeffer,
senator from Wyoming.
79
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,560
On my left, Nathan Peal
80
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,462
congressman from Oregon.
Let's go.
81
00:04:57,464 --> 00:05:01,900
Hey, I can see Hossenfeffer's
pale white shins.
82
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:06,338
I never realized how unappealing
the human leg can be.
83
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:09,308
Could we hold
the discussion, please?
84
00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:14,146
What's to discuss? The guy's
legs look like toothpaste.
85
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:19,851
Issue. Federal budget.
How would you balance it?
86
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,453
Your answer, senator.
87
00:05:21,455 --> 00:05:24,790
Well, we must first consider
the ramifications
88
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:27,426
of any measures taken
to restrict spending
89
00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:30,095
without disregarding
the impact of any plan
90
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:32,164
to increase revenues.
91
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:35,867
Well, if that isn't a pile
of smoked lunch meat.
92
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,303
- ALF!
- Come on!
93
00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:40,105
If you wanna balance a budget
94
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:43,742
you just spend less money
than you make.
95
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:49,214
Yikes! Talk about
toothpaste legs.
96
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:51,316
Yee!
97
00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:55,120
Turn that back up,
I wanna hear this lunch meat.
98
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:57,489
Next question,
you're in the Oval Office.
99
00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:59,324
The red phone rings.
100
00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:00,959
Soviet missiles
are heading towards
101
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:04,963
1600, Pennsylvania Avenue.
Do you push the button?
102
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,466
(ALF)
'Can I vote for the acerbic guy
in the middle?'
103
00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:09,901
Oh, well, in answer
to your question
104
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:12,404
uh, as Joe Biden once said
105
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:16,408
"We have nothing to fear
but fear itself."
106
00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:20,145
And by arming ourselves
against the impossible
107
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,748
we are preventing
the unthinkable
108
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:25,417
from becoming the inevitable.
109
00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:29,388
Double-talk.
Preventing war is easy.
110
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:32,057
Just tell the people
who are mad at each other
111
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,593
to kiss and make up.
112
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:37,462
Do you expect
Reagan and Gorbachev to kiss?
113
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:41,066
Not on the lips.
114
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:44,369
ALF, international politics
is very complex.
115
00:06:44,371 --> 00:06:46,204
The Soviets want peace
and so do we.
116
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:50,509
But we are separated by history,
ideology, economic philosophy.
117
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,744
You sound just like
those windbags.
118
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:55,213
Oh. No, I don't.
119
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:58,417
The Soviets want peace
and so do we.
120
00:06:58,419 --> 00:07:01,753
'But we're separated
by history'
121
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:05,590
ideology, economic philosophy.
122
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,092
Wow!
123
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,861
Kate, maybe you should
become President.
124
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,296
[scoffs]
125
00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:15,901
Are you decent?
126
00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:17,569
Would it matter?
127
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,604
Not to me.
128
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,039
Where's Kate?
129
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:23,241
- Oh, there you are.
- Mm.
130
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:25,310
You know with that light
behind you
131
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,978
I could see your silhouette.
132
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,647
'You look..'
133
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:31,216
- ALF!
- What?
134
00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:34,419
I was gonna say
you look like an angel.
135
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:35,487
Thank you.
136
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:37,055
A naked angel.
137
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,725
What do you want?
138
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:43,428
I keep thinking
about the debate.
139
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:48,433
I noticed those politicians
never give simple answers.
140
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:52,070
Well, that's because the issues
are so complicated.
141
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,005
Well, I think the voters
would like answers
142
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,640
they could understand.
143
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,676
Oh, like your answer
to unemployment.
144
00:07:57,678 --> 00:08:01,279
Hire the jobless
to give you piggy-back rides.
145
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,648
Hey, if I can
restore a man's dignity
146
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:07,085
by climbing on his back,
I say go for it.
147
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:11,656
ALF, you-you can't understand
our democratic process
148
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:15,494
because you're not looking
at-at the big picture.
149
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:18,964
You mean, the big picture
over the piano?
150
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:22,634
No. By big picture, I mean--
151
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:27,539
Because I can look at that
if I stand on the piano.
152
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,710
"Big picture" means..
153
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,545
- It's alright, Willie.
- It's a figure of speech.
154
00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:36,481
No, no, no, if ALF wants to look
at the big picture
155
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:41,553
over the piano, let him.
I am going to go to bed.
156
00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:43,555
Thank you, Kate.
157
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:46,791
Just don't get any fur
between the keys.
158
00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:49,628
Alright, but don't
lock your door.
159
00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:53,265
I may have some more
political questions for you.
160
00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:03,208
He took the key.
161
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:13,518
At least Mr. Ed
stayed in the barn at night.
162
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:14,653
[Willie sighs]
163
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:19,591
[dramatic music]
164
00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:25,196
Ms. Tanner, our environment
is becoming endangered
165
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:28,900
much like the liberal.
What would you do about it?
166
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,202
Saving the liberal.
167
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:33,238
I'm referring to pollution.
168
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,341
Well...my environmental plan
169
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:39,010
includes tax incentives
to the industrial sector
170
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,346
to encourage
factory modernization
171
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:42,614
as well as legislation--
172
00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:44,683
(ALF)
Ah, lunch meat!
173
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,018
ALF!
174
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,788
Candidate ALF.
175
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:52,691
Your solution to pollution?
176
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:56,261
My solution to pollution
will help your constitution.
177
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:59,631
So send a contribution,
and start the revolution.
178
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,299
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
179
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:05,136
Could we please
get serious here?
180
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:07,939
Quiet! Rap Master ALF
is on a roll.
181
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,708
Thanks, man.
182
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,676
- Weiner-on-a-stick?
- My pleasure.
183
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,046
Your answer?
184
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,648
To get rid of pollution
185
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:20,218
just tie big balloons
on all the smokestacks
186
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,387
to catch the dirty air.
187
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,155
[audience applauding]
188
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:25,624
Wait a minute.
189
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:29,394
And what would you do
when the balloons were full?
190
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:31,396
I'd rub them on a big sweater
191
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:34,165
and stick them to the ceiling
of the White House.
192
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:35,800
[audience applauding]
193
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:39,571
Finally, a candidate
as intelligent as myself.
194
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:42,674
How can you say that?
195
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:46,678
His solution is impractical
and ludicrous.
196
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,613
Sour grapes, Ms. Tanner.
197
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:51,282
You lose.
I'm voting for the ALFer.
198
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:53,652
[audience chanting]
'ALF! ALF! ALF! ALF!'
199
00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:56,521
[chanting continues]
'ALF! ALF! ALF! ALF! ALF..'
200
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,323
- ALF.
- That's my name.
201
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:01,626
Ask me again,
and I'll tell you the same.
202
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,828
- ALF?
- That's my name.
203
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,798
Ask me again,
and I'll tell you the same.
204
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,534
What are you doing in here?
205
00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:12,003
I got tired of looking
at the big picture.
206
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,271
[groans]
207
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:18,510
Oh, hey, look!
Willie's shins glow in the dark.
208
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:25,116
[instrumental music]
209
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:28,019
Was there something
you wanted?
210
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,855
- Meat.
- Meat?
211
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,891
And cheese..
212
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:36,795
...between numerous
slices of bread.
213
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:39,230
Go. Eat meat.
214
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:41,466
Well, first,
I wanna know something.
215
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:45,670
Why didn't that moderator
ask the important questions?
216
00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:46,838
Like what?
217
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:50,041
Well, like are you gonna be
a good President
218
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,710
or a bad President?
219
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,247
What kind of question is that?
220
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:58,049
Well, if he says
a bad President
221
00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,719
I'm not gonna vote for him.
222
00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:02,087
You're right, ALF.
223
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,888
Your questions
make a lot of sense.
224
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,824
You should have been
the moderator.
225
00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:08,593
- Now, goodnight.
- Goodnight.
226
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:10,829
If you need me,
I'll be at the refrigerator.
227
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:12,497
We won't need you.
228
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:16,000
(both)
I'll still be
at the refrigerator.
229
00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:17,569
[sighs]
230
00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:21,840
[instrumental music]
231
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,776
Excellent answer,
Senator Hossenfeffer.
232
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:27,278
No wonder you're so far ahead
in the polls.
233
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,715
Well, thanks. I'll see you
at the inaugural ball.
234
00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:34,385
And now, representing
the wrong point of view
235
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:36,921
your opponent.
236
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:38,757
Welcome, Ms. Tanner.
237
00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:41,893
If that is your real name.
238
00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:43,528
It is.
239
00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:46,898
Katherine Daphne
Halligan Tanner.
240
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:48,733
Question one.
241
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:52,804
Where'd you get a name
like Daphne?
242
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:55,140
Could we please talk
about the issues?
243
00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:59,544
Alright.
Question two. Unemployment.
244
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:03,648
If you're elected,
will my brother find a job?
245
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:07,752
Under my fiscal policy, I think
he stands a very good chance.
246
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:09,454
Ha, ha, ha!
247
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:12,423
Shows what you know, Daphne.
248
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,659
I don't even have a brother.
249
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:18,062
How often do you make promises
you can't keep?
250
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:19,464
Never!
251
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:22,133
But you just did.
252
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,968
- You're a liar.
- Oh.
253
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,638
Liar liar, pants on fire!
254
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,440
Would you vote for a liar?
255
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,976
(audience)
'No!'
256
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:34,779
You may step down.
257
00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:36,347
I'm not on trial.
258
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,983
Keep lying, you will be.
259
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:41,019
I'm not lying.
260
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:43,087
I'm not lying! I'm..
261
00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:45,657
[no dialog]
262
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:50,094
[instrumental music]
263
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:52,096
I'm not lying.
264
00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:54,265
I'm not lying.
265
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,868
You're certainly
not standing up.
266
00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:03,608
What are you doing?
267
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,844
Trying on cheap jewelry.
268
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,879
- And you?
- Ugh!
269
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:10,815
Having a nightmare.
270
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:13,651
Was it the one I always have
about being at work
271
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:16,855
and suddenly realizing
I'm not wearing any pants?
272
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:18,323
Then remembering
273
00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:22,627
I don't work,
and I never wear pants.
274
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:23,962
No.
275
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,630
It was the one..
276
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,198
...where I was
in a presidential debate.
277
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,533
You were the moderator
278
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:32,070
and you were asking
stupid questions.
279
00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:35,073
Was I wearing pants?
280
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:37,842
Stupid questions like that.
281
00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:39,677
Kate?
282
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:40,478
ALF?
283
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,347
Go back to sleep, Willie.
284
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,482
This doesn't concern you.
285
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,485
Okay.
286
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:51,990
I have another
stupid question, Kate.
287
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:55,727
Why do all those
candidates look alike?
288
00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,565
That's not a stupid question.
289
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,100
Sorry.
290
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:03,735
No, it's okay.
291
00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:06,704
I think one reason all
the candidates look alike
292
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,740
is that they have
image consultants.
293
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:11,542
People who advise the can..
294
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:14,879
- Why am I telling you this?
- I don't know.
295
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:17,515
I thought you were trying
to lull me to sleep.
296
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,885
Get out of here.
297
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:25,523
Boy, you're pretty cranky
at 3:14 A.M.
298
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:29,761
I hope you're
more sociable at 5:28.
299
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,100
[instrumental music]
300
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:42,040
Hi.
301
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,275
What did you think
of my debate?
302
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,277
Oh, you were great, honey.
303
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:49,113
Yeah, mom, you were terrific.
304
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:51,950
- Neat.
- Really?
305
00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:55,553
Hey, tell her the truth.
I saw the debate. You stunk.
306
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:58,790
P.U. Odor City.
Vomiting crackers.
307
00:15:58,792 --> 00:15:59,991
You shouldn't be president.
308
00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:02,894
You should be foreman
at the Skunk Works.
309
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:07,031
Thank you for your
constructive criticism.
310
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,501
We still love you, mom.
311
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:13,004
Uh, love shmuv. You need help.
312
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:13,972
My card.
313
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:18,609
"Gordon Shumway,
image consultant."
314
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,511
The ink's still wet.
315
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,580
I just got in to the biz.
316
00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:25,149
I didn't know
images needed consulting
317
00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:28,653
till I got a whiff
of Kate. Phew!
318
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:29,988
That's very flattering.
319
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:33,958
First, we need to lose
two inches off that skirt.
320
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,327
- We'll pin it up later.
- Alright.
321
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,429
Now the name, Kate Tanner.
322
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,431
It just doesn't say "Power."
323
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:43,735
It says "Wipe your feet,
I just mopped."
324
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:47,271
I don't need
an image consultant.
325
00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:51,809
Sure you do.
Ask Geraldine Ferrari.
326
00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:53,011
Ferraro.
327
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:56,047
See, she didn't have
an image consultant
328
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:58,049
now people think she's a car.
329
00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:02,987
Alright. What name
would you suggest?
330
00:17:02,989 --> 00:17:05,823
Let's see, uh, Whoopi Tanner.
331
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:09,627
No. No, uh...Indira Tanner.
332
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:11,229
No, I got it.
333
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:13,097
Mary Tyler Tanner.
334
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:17,468
Hey, no, no.
I've got a better one.
335
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:18,703
Come with me.
336
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:21,806
Come on. You're gonna love this.
337
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:26,210
Now representing,
the new and improved party
338
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,713
Ms. Sigourney Tanner.
339
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,381
[instrumental music]
340
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,083
[audience whistling]
341
00:17:32,085 --> 00:17:35,853
That's more like it.
That's more like it.
342
00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:37,855
(ALF)
That's more like it.
343
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:40,591
That's more like it.
344
00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,226
'That's more like it.'
345
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,395
Yeah, that's more like it.
346
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,730
Oh.
347
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:50,234
Not you again.
348
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,470
Would you be happier
if I was a burglar?
349
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,274
At this point, yes.
350
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:59,744
Okay. Give me your purse.
351
00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:04,248
Why are you wearing
Willie's robe?
352
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:08,853
Oh, I decided
I want to be President.
353
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:13,691
What do you think of this look
for my fireside chats?
354
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:20,565
I'll be in the kitchen
making bumper stickers.
355
00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:23,801
[instrumental music]
356
00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:28,573
¶ President president
bo-bresident ¶
357
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:30,308
¶ Banana-fana fo-fresident ¶
358
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,710
¶ Fee fi mo-mesident ¶
359
00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:34,245
¶ I'm the President ¶¶
360
00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:36,647
Yeah. Ha, ha!
361
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:40,384
Eeney, meeney
362
00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:41,819
miney..
363
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,156
"Gabon."
364
00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:48,726
(woman on speaker)
'Yes, Mr. President?'
365
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:50,895
Send a memo to Gabon.
366
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,297
Ask if they need foreign aid
367
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:56,567
or if they want Sally Struthers
to adopt some of their kids.
368
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,136
(woman on speaker)
'Oh, right away, sir.'
369
00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:00,505
'Oh, and there's a Kate Tanner
here to see you.'
370
00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:03,574
That's my Kateleh.
Send her in.
371
00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:08,412
Kate, long time no see.
372
00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:09,981
Hello, Mr. President.
373
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,415
Oh, I hope you're not too upset
374
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:15,953
that I beat you a hundred
and fifty million to one!
375
00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:20,324
By the way, that was kind of
tacky, voting for yourself.
376
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:25,029
Well, I was mad at you! You kept
waking me up all night.
377
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:28,166
You know, I thought the election
would be a lot closer.
378
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:33,704
Especially after they accused me
of eating Donna Rice's cat!
379
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,606
So, what do you think
of the office?
380
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:38,576
It's oval.
381
00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:43,014
Popcorn?
382
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,216
I popped it over
the eternal flame.
383
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:49,086
Why did you call me here?
384
00:19:50,456 --> 00:19:55,226
Because I want you
in my cabinet.
385
00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:59,197
Right between the Bengay
and the dental floss.
386
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:01,232
[laughs]
387
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:04,869
Just kidding. Just kidding.
388
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,370
I'm glad to see you haven't lost
389
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:09,006
your boyish sense of humor,
Mr. President.
390
00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:13,411
Hey, why else would
I have appointed Judge Reinhold
391
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:15,246
to the Supreme Court?
392
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:19,383
ALF, the President
has a lot of serious problems..
393
00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:21,552
[burps]
394
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,254
...to deal with.
395
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:27,358
For example, what do you plan
to do about the homeless?
396
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,627
- It's done.
- What's done?
397
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:34,198
I had houses built
for each of them.
398
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,235
Right. And what are you doing
about unemployment?
399
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:42,406
There is none.
Everybody's building houses.
400
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:45,710
And I suppose people aren't
fighting wars anymore?
401
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:47,378
Who's got time to fight?
402
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:52,016
They're all picking out
wallpaper for their new homes.
403
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:54,252
ALF, I don't think
the country's problems
404
00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:56,387
can be solved that easily.
405
00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:59,290
Sure they can. Look outside.
406
00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:05,630
[burps]
407
00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:08,733
Everybody's dancing
in the streets.
408
00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:10,701
There was plenty of room
after we swept up
409
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:12,870
the dead stock brokers.
410
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:17,174
Looks like the old ALFer
came through, huh?
411
00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:20,544
Well, I have to say,
I'm impressed.
412
00:21:20,546 --> 00:21:25,149
You've solved 200 years worth
of problems in one week.
413
00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:27,718
Actually, I took
the weekend off.
414
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,754
I went to Camp David.
415
00:21:29,756 --> 00:21:32,189
See this neat wallet I made?
416
00:21:34,093 --> 00:21:35,326
Very nice.
417
00:21:35,328 --> 00:21:37,295
[intercom buzzes]
418
00:21:37,297 --> 00:21:39,630
(woman on speaker)
'Sir, the Ayatollah
returned your call.'
419
00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:41,432
'He's sorry
about mining the gulf'
420
00:21:41,434 --> 00:21:44,835
'and he'd love to be the
White House Santa this year.'
421
00:21:44,837 --> 00:21:46,470
Thanks, Fawn.
422
00:21:48,274 --> 00:21:51,575
Well, I guess
you are a good president.
423
00:21:51,577 --> 00:21:54,345
[telephone rings]
424
00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:57,415
Don't worry,
it's the black phone.
425
00:21:59,319 --> 00:22:00,818
President here.
426
00:22:02,355 --> 00:22:04,088
Really?
427
00:22:04,090 --> 00:22:06,757
Yeah. Yeah, no problem!
428
00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:08,259
Yeah, thank you!
429
00:22:09,429 --> 00:22:12,697
Excuse me, Kate.
I'm off to South Dakota.
430
00:22:12,699 --> 00:22:16,467
I've got a rendezvous
with history.
431
00:22:16,469 --> 00:22:19,403
[patriotic music]
432
00:22:25,778 --> 00:22:28,512
What do you think, Kate?
Huh? Huh?
433
00:22:29,482 --> 00:22:34,185
I think you look silly
next to Abe Lincoln.
434
00:22:34,187 --> 00:22:37,521
And I think Valerie should
have stayed with her family.
435
00:22:37,523 --> 00:22:39,957
But hey, it's her career.
436
00:22:42,328 --> 00:22:43,961
ALF.
437
00:22:43,963 --> 00:22:46,130
What do you want now?
438
00:22:46,132 --> 00:22:47,998
I finally figured out
439
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:52,136
why your political system
is so complicated.
440
00:22:52,138 --> 00:22:55,206
That's just the way
your world works.
441
00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:59,477
I guess things were simpler
on Melmac, huh?
442
00:22:59,479 --> 00:23:03,781
Yeah. If we didn't understand
something, we broke it.
443
00:23:05,351 --> 00:23:08,152
It's too bad life here
isn't that way.
444
00:23:08,154 --> 00:23:13,591
It would be nice to have people
dancing in the streets.
445
00:23:13,593 --> 00:23:16,494
- Huh?
- ALF..
446
00:23:16,496 --> 00:23:18,562
Alf, I dreamt
you were president.
447
00:23:18,564 --> 00:23:20,931
And you were right
about everything.
448
00:23:20,933 --> 00:23:24,502
Every problem
had a simple answer.
449
00:23:24,504 --> 00:23:26,570
Sound nice.
450
00:23:26,572 --> 00:23:29,573
Yeah. It was.
451
00:23:31,511 --> 00:23:32,910
Goodnight, Kate.
452
00:23:34,013 --> 00:23:36,080
Goodnight, ALF.
453
00:23:36,082 --> 00:23:38,315
[instrumental music]
454
00:23:40,620 --> 00:23:42,420
[instrumental music]
455
00:23:45,591 --> 00:23:48,793
- Mom, have you seen my other--
- Shh!
456
00:23:48,795 --> 00:23:50,428
Sorry.
457
00:23:50,430 --> 00:23:51,962
Uh, Lynn?
458
00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:56,934
Can you get me out of here?
459
00:24:02,975 --> 00:24:06,277
[theme music]
460
00:24:30,636 --> 00:24:33,571
[ALF laughs]