1
00:00:03,938 --> 00:00:05,270
[clearing throat]

2
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:06,605
It's a movie.

3
00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:09,108
Two words.

4
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:12,745
"The Jerk."

5
00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:18,350
- "The Birds."
- Aah!

6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,286
- You got it, Bri!
- No fair!

7
00:00:21,288 --> 00:00:23,055
You were giving him
hand signals

8
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:25,357
to help him guess.

9
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:28,160
ALF, that's how
you play charades.

10
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:31,363
Oh. Well, let me try,
let me try.

11
00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:33,465
Alright, uh..

12
00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:36,835
- It's a movie.
- Mm-hm.

13
00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:38,337
Uh.

14
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:40,406
Uh, y-you, it's about you.

15
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:42,908
"The Brother
From Another Planet?"

16
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:45,377
- "Hair."
- No, no.

17
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,679
You're all wrong.

18
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:51,083
It's, "The Man
Who Would Be King."

19
00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:53,085
- Oh, please!
- Oh, ALF.

20
00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:55,854
I know,
you're kicking yourselves

21
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:58,157
because it's so obvious.

22
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,761
[theme music]

23
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,794
[music continues]

24
00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:03,822
[instrumental music]

25
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,326
[doorbell rings]

26
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:08,927
ALF, hide in the kitchen.

27
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:11,797
You know, if you weren't always
sending me to the kitchen

28
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:14,333
I might not eat so much.

29
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:16,735
ALF, please, please.

30
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:20,472
No wonder Willie's pants
don't fit me anymore.

31
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:28,113
- Hi, Willie. Hi, Kate.
- Hi, guys.

32
00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:30,082
And other residents
of the Tanner manor.

33
00:02:30,084 --> 00:02:32,351
Hi, Trevor, Raquel.

34
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:34,319
And who might this be?

35
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:37,856
Uh, this is Jake,
my brother Cyril's kid.

36
00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:40,192
These are the Tanners.

37
00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:41,627
- How do you do?
- Well, hi, Jake.

38
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:44,029
- Hi.
- Hi, Jake.

39
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,531
Yeah.

40
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:47,666
Uh, Jake just flew in
from New York.

41
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,801
He'll be staying with us
while his father's away.

42
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:53,672
- Oh, how long will that be?
- Five years.

43
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,441
Unless he gets time off
for good behavior.

44
00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:00,145
Oh, uh, everybody sit down.

45
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:02,214
Uh, let me go get
some ice tea.

46
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:04,216
Oh, please, let me help.

47
00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:06,618
After all, I am a mother now.

48
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:09,354
That's okay.
I think, I can handle it.

49
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,623
Fine! Hog the limelight.

50
00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:14,927
A-alright, Raquel.

51
00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,897
Oh! Uh, give me just a minute.

52
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:19,998
There's uh..

53
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,534
...a big bug in there
I don't want you to see.

54
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,569
Hmm.

55
00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:28,373
ALF, ALF, you've got to
get out of here.

56
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:29,975
I know, I know.

57
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:32,411
There's a big bug in here.

58
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:35,647
There's no bug.
I just said that to fool Raquel.

59
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:38,083
You expect her
to fall for that?

60
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:41,320
- You did.
- Well, I'm naive.

61
00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:44,056
Please, ALF,
you'll have to leave.

62
00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:46,592
I just got here.

63
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:49,061
Isn't that a rattlesnake
under the sink?

64
00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:50,262
[gasps]

65
00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:51,663
I'm gone.

66
00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:59,204
You can come in, Raquel.

67
00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:01,607
[coughing]

68
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:03,809
Oh, that bug never
stood a chance.

69
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,214
What do you think of Jake?

70
00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:10,549
Well, I just met him.

71
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:12,918
He seems, um..

72
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,086
...quiet.

73
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,454
Well, Brian doesn't say much

74
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:18,357
and you don't see me
making a stink.

75
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:20,692
Raquel.

76
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:24,129
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm just so excited.

77
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:26,465
I have<i> always</i> wanted a child

78
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,233
but Trevor wanted
to go for his masters

79
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:30,435
in art history.

80
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,404
Now, that I have a child

81
00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:34,806
I'm just nervous,
I'm so nervous.

82
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:38,777
Oh, well, don't you worry.
Children can be difficult.

83
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:43,215
But at least
they don't shed in the milk.

84
00:04:43,217 --> 00:04:47,653
My, I haven't heard
that old cliche in years.

85
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:51,623
Well, if you need any advice,
Raquel, I'm right here.

86
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:55,127
Well, I do have a few questions.

87
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:03,335
"Is Jake old enough to date?
Should he get an allowance?"

88
00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:05,937
"When do I send him to bed?"

89
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:07,472
Well, Brian
is a little bit younger

90
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:08,974
but I send him to bed at 8:00.

91
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,642
So you think.

92
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,078
His light stays on till 8:30.

93
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:17,149
And Lynn's doesn't go off until
11:00 or even later.

94
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:20,886
So I've heard.

95
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,357
So, Jake,
I guess we'll be going

96
00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:26,858
to the same school.

97
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,060
Till I drop out.

98
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,696
You're dropping out?

99
00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:34,833
When I'm sixteen, in one year,
three months and eighteen days.

100
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,002
Aah, geez.

101
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,037
Boy, you're lucky.

102
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:42,874
I've got eight years
two months and four days.

103
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:45,377
Oh, is Jake helping Brian
with his math?

104
00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:47,346
Not exactly.

105
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,614
Willie, can we talk in private?

106
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:51,883
Sure, we can go
in to the laundry room?

107
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:54,219
No! Uh..

108
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,722
There's laundry in there.

109
00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:58,890
Well, the bedroom, then no one
can hear us in there.

110
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,459
Raquel can.

111
00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:11,370
Alright.
Hold still, Lucky.

112
00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:13,805
I'll be off your back
in a minute.

113
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,875
[Lucky yowls]
Whoa!

114
00:06:19,313 --> 00:06:20,812
[grunts]

115
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:24,983
The only good cat
is a stir-fried cat.

116
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:26,084
[grunts]

117
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:30,322
(Trevor)
'Ow! Right in the navel.'

118
00:06:30,324 --> 00:06:31,723
I-I'm sorry, Trevor.

119
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:35,026
You-you can't come in
just at the moment.

120
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:38,497
- ALF, hide. Get out.
- I'm not even in yet.

121
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:40,098
Trevor's waiting right outside.

122
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:44,169
First, promise me you'll build
me a room of my own.

123
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:45,904
Hide now..

124
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,139
...or else..

125
00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:51,176
Wasn't that
a Chuck Norris film?

126
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:54,780
"Gangway."

127
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:57,549
[Lucky yowls]
Oh!

128
00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,751
[Lucky yowling]

129
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:07,025
Why'd you slam
the door on me?

130
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:09,961
- Well, I, uh--
- Now, don't tell me.

131
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:12,631
Someone didn't make
his bed this morning?

132
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:15,267
Caught in the act.

133
00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:17,769
Uh, Trevor,
what did you, uh

134
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,572
what did you want
to talk about?

135
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,474
Jake.

136
00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:24,643
I don't know,
what I'm gonna do with that kid.

137
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:27,479
H-he talks back, he disobeys.

138
00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:29,314
And I think he stole
a bag of peat moss

139
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:31,483
from our living room.

140
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:34,319
Why would you have
a bag of peat moss

141
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:36,388
in your living room?

142
00:07:36,390 --> 00:07:38,723
To keep people
from stealing it.

143
00:07:38,725 --> 00:07:40,158
Well, obviously.

144
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:44,596
Uh, don't you think

145
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:47,098
you should have
a talk with Jake?

146
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:50,502
Look, Willie,
I gotta be honest.

147
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,771
I'm no good with kids.

148
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:54,906
All I ever raised was tomatoes.

149
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,576
And without my peat moss,
I can't even do that.

150
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:02,080
Well, do you want me
to try to talk to him?

151
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,983
Would you?

152
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,152
Maybe you can get
a handle on him.

153
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:08,787
He's a smart kid.

154
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:10,589
After all, he's an Ochmonek.

155
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:12,991
Say no more.

156
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,927
I just want Jake
to turn out okay.

157
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,195
He will.

158
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,798
I'm sure, he will
as long as he gets the love

159
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:23,201
and the guidance
that he needs.

160
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,537
Aw, that's pretty.

161
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:28,640
I, I just don't want Jake
to wind up in jail

162
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:29,975
like his father.

163
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:33,044
Or his brother.
Or his cousin Victor.

164
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:41,720
So, Jake, I see,
you've made a little friend.

165
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:44,756
Little friend?
She's a beanpole.

166
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:48,360
You should see me
in heels, shrimpo.

167
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:53,331
- Well, you guys having fun?
- Are you kiddin'?

168
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:56,134
Your daughter's gonna put on
heels for me in a minute.

169
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,405
Uh, Trevor, I think
we should be going now.

170
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:04,075
Yeah, we've about exhausted
the idle chit chat.

171
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:05,977
Well, Jake, uh,
why don't you come back

172
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,712
over tonight after supper.

173
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,180
You can have
some cake with us.

174
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,883
Just have Stretch
bring it over.

175
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,085
You wanna pop
out of it for me?

176
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:17,055
You wanna live long enough
to drop out of school?

177
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:21,026
- Let's go.
- Yes, goodbye, everybody.

178
00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:23,094
- So long, Jake.
- Sure, peewee.

179
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,697
Who you calling peewee?

180
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:28,600
- You.
- Just asking.

181
00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:30,001
Come on.

182
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,337
See you, Willie.

183
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:36,341
Brian.

184
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,009
Don't ever change.

185
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:42,747
Well, that Jake really
grows on you, doesn't he?

186
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,616
Not on me.

187
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:47,118
Don't you think
he's a little rude?

188
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,286
[burps]

189
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,388
Not particularly.

190
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,090
[instrumental music]

191
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,961
(ALF)
'Cake! Cake! Cake!'

192
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:59,130
Cake! Cake! Cake!

193
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:01,633
Cake! Cake! Cake!

194
00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:04,703
- Cake!
- We're saving it for Jake.

195
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:07,205
Okay.

196
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:12,477
He's not coming.
Let's eat.

197
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:13,979
He'll be here, ALF.

198
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:16,281
- He'll be here.
- Are you kidding?

199
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:20,485
The kid's probably going up
the river as we speak.

200
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:23,922
They'll put him in solitary.

201
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:26,758
Feed him bread and water.

202
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:30,228
Topped by a delicious
piece of chocolate..

203
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:33,098
...cake.

204
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:36,167
Look, Jake may have
some problems

205
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:39,170
but he's not going to be
sent to prison.

206
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:41,673
Yeah? Tell that to my cousin.

207
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:43,842
Pretty boy Shumway.

208
00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:46,811
He grew up on
the south side of Melmac.

209
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:49,080
The baddest part of the planet.

210
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,349
If he didn't like your shoes..

211
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:52,917
[imitating gunfire]

212
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,153
You mean, he'd shoot a person

213
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,855
just because
he didn't like his shoes?

214
00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:59,357
No, he'd just point
at them and go

215
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:01,760
eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh.

216
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:07,365
Mr. Ochmonek just called,
he said Jake won't come over.

217
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,367
Well, I didn't hear the phone.

218
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:12,270
Oh, oh, he just hollered
through my window.

219
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:15,340
Alright! Let's eat.

220
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,909
Would you like some cake?

221
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:21,046
Yeah!

222
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:24,282
[instrumental music]

223
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:29,788
[doorknob rattles]

224
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:52,877
[clattering]

225
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,579
[Lucky mewing]

226
00:11:55,716 --> 00:11:58,917
[ALF humming]

227
00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:06,191
¶ Billie Jean is not my lover ¶

228
00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:07,492
¶ She's just a girl ¶

229
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:11,262
¶ Who says
that I am the one yeah ¶

230
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:13,865
¶ But the kid is not my son ¶¶

231
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:15,667
Ooh! Yeah.

232
00:12:15,669 --> 00:12:18,203
[ALF humming]

233
00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:19,704
[static]

234
00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:21,439
Come in, Scotland!

235
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:22,941
Come in, Scotland!

236
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:24,542
Is this Scotland?

237
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:25,610
[static]

238
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:27,078
(male #1)
'Aye, it is.'

239
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,781
Hey, Scotty, beam me up!

240
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:31,616
[laughs]

241
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:33,585
Oh, I kill me!

242
00:12:33,587 --> 00:12:36,788
(Scotty)
'Oh, hi, Alf.
Good to hear you, lad!'

243
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:38,623
How'd you know it was me?

244
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:42,193
(Scotty)
'Because you always start
with the same corny joke.'

245
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,729
'Listen, I've just learned
a new Madonna song.

246
00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:46,131
'"Papa don't Preach!"'

247
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:49,334
[off-key bagpipe music]

248
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:53,905
Um, uh, Scotty,
uh, let me adjust

249
00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:56,307
the volume
just a little bit, okay?

250
00:12:56,309 --> 00:13:00,745
If I lose you, we'll talk
in a few days! Okay, bye!

251
00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:01,980
Ha!

252
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,982
Well, I'm hungry.

253
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,884
Maybe I'll call Turkey.

254
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:09,821
Hey!

255
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,623
[stuttering]
You...stay!

256
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,825
Drop that telescope!

257
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,226
[clangs]

258
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:17,962
On second thought...don't.

259
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,968
Get away from me.
Just<i> stay</i> away from me.

260
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,004
Wait! You can't leave.

261
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,506
They'll think
I broke the telescope.

262
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:31,176
Okay. Okay, I'll fix it.

263
00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:33,344
Just don't bite me.

264
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:34,679
Bite ya?

265
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,080
That's a good idea.

266
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:39,050
I'll bite you
if you don't fix this.

267
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:41,452
Al-alright!

268
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:44,622
Just don't tell my aunt
and uncle I was takin' it.

269
00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,090
On one condition.

270
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:47,959
You fix this telescope

271
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:51,029
and you don't tell
anyone about<i> me.</i>

272
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,797
That's two conditions.

273
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:54,032
[snarling]

274
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:57,468
Alright!
You've-you've got a deal.

275
00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,103
What are ya, anyway?

276
00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:02,340
I'm an alien.
From the planet Melmac.

277
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:06,444
I have powers
you can only dream of.

278
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:07,579
Like what?

279
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:11,149
I could watch ten hours of TV

280
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:15,286
without ever getting up
to go to the bathroom.

281
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:18,389
You are the weirdest thing
I've ever seen.

282
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:21,326
You ought to see me
with my hair wet.

283
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:24,062
Do the Tanners know about ya?

284
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:27,298
Yeah, they know all about me.

285
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,466
Well..

286
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:31,369
They don't know
that I've had liposuction.

287
00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:36,741
Where'd you learn how to fix
telescopes like that?

288
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:38,509
Caltech?

289
00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:40,678
No, m-my dad taught me.

290
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,580
We used to find
things in the trash

291
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:44,382
and then fix 'em.

292
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,751
My dad could fix anything.

293
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:48,753
Especially horse races.

294
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,723
Wild guess.

295
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:53,391
That's why he's in jail?

296
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,759
[sighs]

297
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:56,761
Yeah.

298
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:59,163
Well, uh.. I'm done.

299
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:02,000
Wow! Well, you're good!

300
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,668
And fast!

301
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:06,104
Uh, it's no big deal.

302
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,839
No big deal?

303
00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:10,708
On Melmac we only had one guy

304
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,577
who knew how to fix things.

305
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,380
They put him
on display in a zoo.

306
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:17,849
But the door
to the cage was broken

307
00:15:17,851 --> 00:15:19,350
so he walked away.

308
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,420
Uh, good story.

309
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,355
- Is it okay if I go now?
- Yeah.

310
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:26,357
Yeah, but remember our deal!

311
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:29,460
You can't tell anyone about me.

312
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:33,031
Hey, don't worry.
I live by the Ochmonek code.

313
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,632
We don't squeal..

314
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:35,700
...or tip.

315
00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:38,369
Name's ALF.

316
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:41,306
J-Jake.

317
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:44,475
- Bye.
- Bye.

318
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,386
[snarling]

319
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,158
I still got it.

320
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:03,394
[instrumental music]

321
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,666
And Magic runs down!

322
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,168
Oh, man!

323
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,236
Takes one!

324
00:16:12,238 --> 00:16:14,739
And a three, two, one!

325
00:16:15,909 --> 00:16:17,642
Jake, what are you doing?

326
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,777
That's my Aunt Ruth!

327
00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:23,514
Don't worry, I poured her
into the Dixie cup over there.

328
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,083
[laughs]

329
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:35,660
Uh, Auntie Raquel,
you should get to the bedroom.

330
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:39,297
I heard Uncle Trevor singing
"That's<i> Amore."</i>

331
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:41,032
That's strange.

332
00:16:41,034 --> 00:16:43,835
He usually
just sets the egg timer.

333
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:46,704
Trevor! Trevor, wait for me!

334
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,179
What are you doin' here?

335
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,949
I brought over few things
for you to fix.

336
00:16:57,951 --> 00:17:00,318
Here's a tape recorder.
It's got fur stuck in it.

337
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,786
I don't know
how that happened.

338
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,225
What happened to this?

339
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:09,594
I tried to puree a rock.

340
00:17:10,964 --> 00:17:12,463
It didn't work.

341
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:14,565
(Raquel)
'Jake?'

342
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,734
'Are you talking to someone?'

343
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:18,636
No, it's just the TV!

344
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:22,573
Uh, uh, Welcome
to "Monday Night Football!"

345
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:23,541
ALF! It's Saturday!

346
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,576
Uh, uh.. Live from New York!

347
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,813
- It's "Saturday--"
- Uh, I'm shuttin' it off!

348
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:30,148
Click!

349
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,818
So, uh..
Can you fix all this stuff?

350
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:38,322
Hey, my motto is if
I can't fix it, it ain't broken.

351
00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:39,624
My motto is..

352
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,659
...I broke it.

353
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:46,097
My dad's motto is
"I broke into it."

354
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,433
Ha! Ha! Hey, hey!

355
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:52,036
You're pretty funny
for a delinquent.

356
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:55,540
Ah! I love this male bonding.

357
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:59,343
What do you say we go out back
and throw a cat on the Barbie?

358
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,448
Just a thought.

359
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:07,819
[instrumental music]

360
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,356
Dad?

361
00:18:12,358 --> 00:18:13,558
Do you think
these boots would look good

362
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:14,859
with my blue jump suit?

363
00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:17,061
Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.

364
00:18:17,063 --> 00:18:19,630
I was planning to wear
that jumpsuit on my birthday.

365
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:23,768
Is it that time of year already?

366
00:18:25,038 --> 00:18:26,971
¶ Lynn wants boots
for her birthday ¶

367
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:28,873
¶ Lynn wants boots
for her birthday! ¶¶

368
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:33,611
Alf, I was trying
to be discreet.

369
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,146
Oh.

370
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:38,983
Say, Willie, wouldn't a pizza
look good on my tongue

371
00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:40,651
right about now?

372
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,120
[knock on door]

373
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:45,923
- Go!
- You can't tell me what to do.

374
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,992
Order your pizza.

375
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:49,827
Yes, sir!

376
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:53,464
(Trevor)
'Hey, Tanner, let me in,
would you? I-I lost my key!'

377
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:56,000
- I'll get it!
- He has a key?

378
00:18:58,271 --> 00:18:59,604
- Hi, Lynn.
- Hi.

379
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:02,006
Willie, is this
your tape recorder?

380
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:03,741
Well, gee, I'm not sure.

381
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:08,312
(Alf on tape recorder)
'I'm tellin' you,
my sister's so fat'

382
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:11,282
'she gets her legs waxed
at the car wash!'

383
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:13,317
'Ha! Ha!'

384
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:16,320
- He-he-he.
- Yes, uh, that's ours.

385
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:17,855
Who's the comedian?

386
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:19,290
You ever heard of..

387
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,025
...Jay Leno?

388
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,026
No.

389
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:23,594
It's Jay Leno.

390
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,132
I found this in Jake's room.

391
00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:29,534
I told you the kid
was a crook.

392
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:32,703
- I was<i> fixin'</i> it!
- He's a liar, too.

393
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:35,273
Your father
would be so ashamed.

394
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,875
It's a good thing
he's in jail.

395
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:39,277
Psst. Psst.

396
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:42,280
Jake, uh,
I don't know what to say.

397
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:43,648
- Pssst!
- W-w..

398
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,716
W-whatever made
you do such a thing?

399
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:49,987
[groans]

400
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,322
Could..

401
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:54,025
Could you excuse me,
just for a moment?

402
00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:00,464
Hey! I invented a new sport.

403
00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:02,366
Biscuit ball.

404
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:05,570
What do you want?

405
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:07,038
You're wrong about Jake.

406
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:08,973
He's a good kid.

407
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:12,143
He stole our tape recorder.

408
00:20:12,145 --> 00:20:14,011
He was fixing it.

409
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:15,746
He can fix anything.

410
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:18,482
How do you know
so much about Jake?

411
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:19,817
Has he seen you?

412
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,653
- Yeah.
- Oh.

413
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:25,556
But he won't
tell anyone, Willie.

414
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:28,826
Besides, he's a hoodlum.
Who'd believe him?

415
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,363
Well, Trevor, for one!

416
00:20:32,365 --> 00:20:35,099
No. Jake won't tell Trevor.

417
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,668
I physically intimidated him.

418
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:40,171
[scoffs]

419
00:20:40,173 --> 00:20:41,772
You?

420
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:43,074
[snarling]

421
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:46,043
Don't do that. Don't!

422
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:47,478
Oh, stop it.

423
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:51,616
What do you mean,
he can fix anything?

424
00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:53,851
- Look at the coffee maker.
- The..

425
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:55,453
[snarling]

426
00:20:57,624 --> 00:21:00,358
Well, what happened
to the Jell-O?

427
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:02,627
Jake cleaned it all out!

428
00:21:02,629 --> 00:21:06,264
So much for
my "Mr. Jell-O" machine.

429
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:07,665
You stay here.

430
00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:10,134
[snarling]

431
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:14,438
Uh, Jake.

432
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,974
Uh, looks like
I owe you an apology.

433
00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:18,409
Apology?

434
00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:20,978
That biscuit
cause brain damage?

435
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,313
Trevor..

436
00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:25,283
It seems that he really was
fixing the tape recorder.

437
00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:26,817
I just found out from--

438
00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:28,386
- Mom.
- Right.

439
00:21:29,555 --> 00:21:32,456
Bet you feel like
a real jerk, huh?

440
00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:34,325
Yeah.

441
00:21:34,327 --> 00:21:35,993
Hey, listen, kid,
I'm real sorry.

442
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:39,130
Is Aunty Raquel still gonna
send me to bed without supper?

443
00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:40,931
Ha. Of course not.

444
00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:42,933
Rats.

445
00:21:42,935 --> 00:21:45,670
You know, Trevor,
it seems this young man

446
00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:48,439
is a little Mr. Fix-It.

447
00:21:48,441 --> 00:21:50,308
Little Mr. Fix-It.

448
00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:52,109
How cute.

449
00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:53,978
You want me, don't ya?

450
00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:58,849
You know, you oughta get him
some tools of his own.

451
00:21:58,851 --> 00:22:01,285
He could fix things
around your house.

452
00:22:01,287 --> 00:22:04,488
Yeah. You think you could fix
our Christmas lights?

453
00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:06,424
They stopped blinkin' in June.

454
00:22:06,426 --> 00:22:07,625
Oh, sure.

455
00:22:07,627 --> 00:22:10,528
I could even fix
your outdoor PA system.

456
00:22:10,530 --> 00:22:13,030
Oh, please don't.

457
00:22:13,032 --> 00:22:15,099
Hey, Willie, can we borrow
some of your tools?

458
00:22:15,101 --> 00:22:17,835
Sure, they're in your garage.

459
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:20,638
Oh, yeah.
Come on, Jake. Let's go.

460
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:22,873
- Goodbye, everybody.
- Bye.

461
00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:25,943
Oh, and tell Jay Leno
I said "Hi."

462
00:22:27,380 --> 00:22:29,914
Everybody knows
this Jay Leno, except me.

463
00:22:34,354 --> 00:22:36,987
What a strange family.

464
00:22:36,989 --> 00:22:38,122
[ALF snarling]

465
00:22:41,194 --> 00:22:43,327
Which one?

466
00:22:43,329 --> 00:22:47,198
- Now what do you want?
- Nothing.

467
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:51,068
I was just doing the
Heimlich maneuver on myself.

468
00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:52,703
[gagging]

469
00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:54,905
[instrumental music]

470
00:22:56,743 --> 00:22:59,143
[instrumental music]

471
00:22:59,145 --> 00:23:00,611
Where's the..

472
00:23:02,014 --> 00:23:03,080
Ah.

473
00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:06,484
That piece doesn't fit there.

474
00:23:06,486 --> 00:23:07,818
Yes, it does.

475
00:23:10,890 --> 00:23:12,323
<i> Voila.</i>

476
00:23:12,325 --> 00:23:14,825
Now Mickey's eye
is in his nose.

477
00:23:14,827 --> 00:23:17,928
Now he can see
what he's smelling!

478
00:23:17,930 --> 00:23:19,997
Mr. Ochmonek
found his peat moss.

479
00:23:19,999 --> 00:23:24,001
It was in his dining room
behind a bag of rock salt.

480
00:23:24,003 --> 00:23:26,103
Hm. Did Jake fix
your hair dryer?

481
00:23:26,105 --> 00:23:29,673
Yeah, Mr. Ochmonek's
got him busy fixing everything.

482
00:23:29,675 --> 00:23:31,675
(Trevor on PA)
'Testing, testing!'

483
00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:34,612
[groaning]

484
00:23:36,349 --> 00:23:38,382
[echoing]
'Is this thing on?'

485
00:23:38,384 --> 00:23:40,584
[instrumental music]

486
00:23:42,121 --> 00:23:45,156
[theme music]